WEBVTT 00:00:01.129 --> 00:00:04.690 Whenever I teach on parenting, can you guess 00:00:04.690 --> 00:00:08.730 what topic is the most asked for? You got it, 00:00:08.810 --> 00:00:12.150 discipline. In fact, parents say, how in the 00:00:12.150 --> 00:00:14.750 world can I get my kid to mind without losing 00:00:14.750 --> 00:00:17.850 mine? And discipline is one of those tricky areas. 00:00:18.050 --> 00:00:20.570 Some people are too hard, some people are too 00:00:20.570 --> 00:00:23.789 soft. God has a plan, and I want to share it 00:00:23.789 --> 00:00:28.149 with you today. Welcome to this edition of Living 00:00:28.149 --> 00:00:30.920 on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission of 00:00:30.920 --> 00:00:33.240 this daily program is to intentionally disciple 00:00:33.240 --> 00:00:35.579 Christians through the insightful Bible teaching 00:00:35.579 --> 00:00:38.340 of Chip Engler. And as he teased, today he's 00:00:38.340 --> 00:00:40.799 tackling the critical role moms and dads play 00:00:40.799 --> 00:00:43.340 in disciplining and setting healthy boundaries 00:00:43.340 --> 00:00:45.600 for their kids. But what do you do with that 00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:48.659 strong -willed child who seems to test every 00:00:48.659 --> 00:00:51.119 limit? And how do you discipline your kids without 00:00:51.119 --> 00:00:54.049 being painted as the bad guy? Well, that's what 00:00:54.049 --> 00:00:56.250 Chip's going to unpack for us right now. So if 00:00:56.250 --> 00:00:58.350 you're ready, here's Chip with his talk, How 00:00:58.350 --> 00:01:02.030 to Discipline Your Child Effectively. You know, 00:01:02.049 --> 00:01:04.170 when you get around the table and you start talking 00:01:04.170 --> 00:01:06.170 to brothers and sisters, if you've grown up, 00:01:06.170 --> 00:01:09.290 or in my case, I have grown kids, you talk about, 00:01:09.409 --> 00:01:12.209 you know, in my case, how I discipline them. 00:01:12.950 --> 00:01:15.569 It is a lot of laughs. I mean, you really do 00:01:15.569 --> 00:01:17.689 laugh at the crazy things you did as a parent, 00:01:17.730 --> 00:01:20.349 and then you find out all the crazy things your 00:01:20.349 --> 00:01:23.329 kids did that you didn't even know about. But 00:01:23.329 --> 00:01:26.129 I will tell you, when you're in the midst of 00:01:26.129 --> 00:01:28.510 disciplining and raising your kids, it isn't 00:01:28.510 --> 00:01:32.129 funny at all. The biggest heartbreaks and the 00:01:32.129 --> 00:01:35.390 biggest heartaches I've ever had in my life was 00:01:35.390 --> 00:01:38.609 over issues with my kids and feeling like a failure 00:01:38.609 --> 00:01:41.489 or feeling like I didn't know what to do or being 00:01:41.489 --> 00:01:44.530 paralyzed by fear at some choices I saw them 00:01:44.530 --> 00:01:48.989 making. The biggest arguments I've ever had in 00:01:48.989 --> 00:01:51.189 my marriage were around how we should discipline 00:01:51.189 --> 00:01:54.549 our kids. We have one person that tends to be 00:01:54.549 --> 00:01:57.750 overly strict and one that tends to be overly 00:01:57.750 --> 00:02:02.430 passive, and meeting in the middle is hard. We're 00:02:02.430 --> 00:02:04.450 going to talk about how to effectively discipline 00:02:04.450 --> 00:02:06.790 your kids, and I'm not sure there's anything 00:02:06.790 --> 00:02:09.490 more important for the sake of your children 00:02:09.490 --> 00:02:13.389 than that. If you'll pull out your notes, I want 00:02:13.389 --> 00:02:15.430 to give you two case studies to get us going. 00:02:15.550 --> 00:02:17.650 Case study number one is called the Ruben Hill, 00:02:17.789 --> 00:02:23.159 Minnesota Report. An empirical study with thousands 00:02:23.159 --> 00:02:27.099 of teenagers over a period of time to determine 00:02:27.099 --> 00:02:31.780 what kind of parenting styles produce what kind 00:02:31.780 --> 00:02:37.020 of children. We all have a parenting style. In 00:02:37.020 --> 00:02:39.840 order to do this, they created a X and Y axis, 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:42.199 you know, horizontal axis and a vertical axis. 00:02:42.780 --> 00:02:46.819 The X axis or the horizontal axis from zero to 00:02:46.819 --> 00:02:50.819 100, zero being very low on discipline or control, 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:55.860 100 being very high on control. The Y or vertical 00:02:55.860 --> 00:02:59.580 axis, the zero at the bottom would be unloving, 00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:03.060 unaffirming, literally giving nothing to your 00:03:03.060 --> 00:03:05.960 kids. And then 100 would be maybe over the top 00:03:05.960 --> 00:03:07.639 loving. You know, this is the parent that... 00:03:08.139 --> 00:03:10.620 Kisses their children 72 times, walks out the 00:03:10.620 --> 00:03:12.240 door and goes, I knew it should have been 73 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:15.620 before they go to bed. And so what that produces 00:03:15.620 --> 00:03:19.280 is four very clear quadrants of a parenting style. 00:03:19.960 --> 00:03:23.800 And each of these quadrants produce, in general, 00:03:24.080 --> 00:03:26.860 a very predictable kind of response from kids. 00:03:27.199 --> 00:03:29.580 Quadrant number one I call the permissive parent. 00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:34.439 These are parents that are very fearful. They 00:03:34.439 --> 00:03:38.680 don't want to disappoint their kids. Parent in 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:40.419 such a way that they're so afraid they're going 00:03:40.419 --> 00:03:43.400 to maybe damage their children's psyche or they're 00:03:43.400 --> 00:03:47.960 fearful that they will be rejected. And the result 00:03:47.960 --> 00:03:51.300 is children with low self -esteem and inferiority. 00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:56.860 Parents who, for all the right motives, are very 00:03:56.860 --> 00:03:59.639 permissive, create kids that don't like themselves 00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:03.430 very well and that are very insecure. The second 00:04:03.430 --> 00:04:05.770 quadrant are those that are very low on discipline 00:04:05.770 --> 00:04:09.009 and then also low on love. This is like the worst 00:04:09.009 --> 00:04:12.689 of all cases. This is the neglectful parent. 00:04:14.229 --> 00:04:17.430 They're preoccupied with business or work or 00:04:17.430 --> 00:04:21.470 TV or social activities or church, or more often 00:04:21.470 --> 00:04:24.810 they find themselves in an addiction or in a 00:04:24.810 --> 00:04:28.689 very nasty divorce. And basically through multiple 00:04:28.689 --> 00:04:33.170 circumstances, they're very unloving. very permissive, 00:04:33.170 --> 00:04:35.990 and there's no boundaries, there's no affirmation, 00:04:36.110 --> 00:04:38.889 and most of these kids find themselves in a counseling 00:04:38.889 --> 00:04:41.529 room somewhere trying to work through the very 00:04:41.529 --> 00:04:45.050 painful issues of, I didn't matter, I wasn't 00:04:45.050 --> 00:04:48.470 loved, I was estranged. They have no relationship 00:04:48.470 --> 00:04:52.170 with their parents. They basically live a life 00:04:52.170 --> 00:04:55.170 that says, I never want to be like my parents, 00:04:55.310 --> 00:04:57.730 and how could anyone, let alone God, love me, 00:04:57.769 --> 00:05:01.000 because my parents didn't. Quadrant number three 00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:06.220 is the authoritarian parent. This is the parent 00:05:06.220 --> 00:05:09.060 that ends up with a fighting lifestyle with their 00:05:09.060 --> 00:05:11.720 child. This is sort of the Nazi parent. This 00:05:11.720 --> 00:05:14.800 is the person that is low on love but very high 00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:17.740 control. And so it's sort of like these parents, 00:05:17.939 --> 00:05:20.259 they don't just win the wars, they win every 00:05:20.259 --> 00:05:23.459 single battle. This is at the table when you 00:05:23.459 --> 00:05:25.819 mildly roll your, I saw you roll your eyes. Don't 00:05:25.819 --> 00:05:27.459 you do that. You rebellious little child. You 00:05:27.459 --> 00:05:29.100 go to your room right now. You didn't clean up 00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:31.199 your plate. And, you know, like the kids are 00:05:31.199 --> 00:05:33.959 like, I can never measure up. The bar is so high. 00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:37.480 The intensity is always up. They get the structure, 00:05:37.699 --> 00:05:39.579 but they don't feel the love, and there's not 00:05:39.579 --> 00:05:41.899 an atmosphere of you're accepted even when you 00:05:41.899 --> 00:05:47.480 blow it. These kids very predictably rebel. They 00:05:47.480 --> 00:05:49.620 sort of have this silent little meter inside 00:05:49.620 --> 00:05:53.920 that goes, I can't wait to get out of this house 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:57.199 and my super high control parents will not control 00:05:57.199 --> 00:06:01.180 me later. The fourth quadrant in the study was 00:06:01.180 --> 00:06:04.839 the authoritative parents. They had a fellowshipping 00:06:04.839 --> 00:06:08.379 style. Interestingly, they were very high in 00:06:08.379 --> 00:06:10.819 control. These were strict parents, but they 00:06:10.819 --> 00:06:13.920 were very high in love. They communicated to 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:17.100 the kids, you matter. That behavior isn't acceptable. 00:06:17.339 --> 00:06:19.600 The boundaries are clear. The rules are very 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:23.360 clear. But it was a fun, fellowshipping, encouraging, 00:06:23.879 --> 00:06:27.139 highly invested, and it produces kids with high 00:06:27.139 --> 00:06:30.660 self -image, great coping skills, and a good 00:06:30.660 --> 00:06:32.300 relationship with their parents with lots of 00:06:32.300 --> 00:06:35.519 ups and downs along the way. So if you could 00:06:35.519 --> 00:06:37.879 choose one style of parenting, which one would 00:06:37.879 --> 00:06:42.000 you like to be? Notice at the bottom, this balanced, 00:06:42.019 --> 00:06:46.519 authoritative, high love. and high on discipline, 00:06:46.779 --> 00:06:51.600 produced children with high self -esteem, excellent 00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:54.560 coping skills, and a positive relationship with 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:57.079 their parents. Some of you may have not been 00:06:57.079 --> 00:06:59.800 around for the very first message, but we said 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:02.800 that kids have two primary needs, significance 00:07:02.800 --> 00:07:06.139 and security. We said that the way they feel 00:07:06.139 --> 00:07:09.560 significant is when we love them, we affirm them, 00:07:09.720 --> 00:07:12.779 we treat them as special, we value them regardless 00:07:12.779 --> 00:07:15.500 of their behavior. We said the way they experience 00:07:15.500 --> 00:07:18.759 security is we set very clear boundaries and 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:22.319 we're consistent and enforce them. Isn't it interesting 00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:26.100 when someone does a sociological study over time 00:07:26.100 --> 00:07:28.920 with thousands of parents and teenagers, they 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:32.879 find, aha, what produces great kids with great 00:07:32.879 --> 00:07:35.439 coping skills, with high self -esteem that make 00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:38.300 their own decisions are parents that are high 00:07:38.300 --> 00:07:42.310 on love and high on discipline. Now, I'd like 00:07:42.310 --> 00:07:44.110 before we go on, because most of us would like 00:07:44.110 --> 00:07:45.709 to just sort of drift and think, well, you know, 00:07:45.730 --> 00:07:50.930 I'm pretty much a four. Right? No one wants to 00:07:50.930 --> 00:07:53.410 be neglectful. But what I'd like you to do is 00:07:53.410 --> 00:07:55.069 I'm going to guess that you have tendencies. 00:07:56.430 --> 00:08:02.709 Okay? So you're probably all fours. But what 00:08:02.709 --> 00:08:06.089 I'd like you to do is think, if you err on the 00:08:06.089 --> 00:08:08.589 side of being a little too permissive or being 00:08:08.589 --> 00:08:10.560 a little too strict, which would it be? just 00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:12.740 so that you can listen for what God may want 00:08:12.740 --> 00:08:15.160 to speak to you. Turn the page, if you will. 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:20.199 Study number two is right from the Bible. Any 00:08:20.199 --> 00:08:24.000 time from Scripture we have God parenting us 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.600 as his spiritual children and giving us clear 00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:30.180 guidelines about what discipline is, why it matters, 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:31.959 and how to do it, we ought to pay attention. 00:08:32.500 --> 00:08:34.899 The book of Hebrews is written during a time 00:08:34.899 --> 00:08:37.409 of persecution. It's written to a mixed group 00:08:37.409 --> 00:08:40.129 of Christians and non -Christians. And under 00:08:40.129 --> 00:08:42.990 the persecution and difficulty, although they 00:08:42.990 --> 00:08:45.629 started well, were obeying God, well, right now 00:08:45.629 --> 00:08:47.629 it's getting kind of tough and they're drifting. 00:08:47.809 --> 00:08:50.389 A lot like our kids do, right? They know what's 00:08:50.389 --> 00:08:53.090 right to do, but they're not doing it. And so 00:08:53.090 --> 00:08:57.450 God brings, I call it the velvet vice of discipline. 00:08:57.669 --> 00:09:00.210 He brings consequences in their life to get their 00:09:00.210 --> 00:09:02.870 attention, to get them back on the right path 00:09:02.870 --> 00:09:05.830 for the right reason. Follow along as I read 00:09:05.830 --> 00:09:08.429 this case study. It was written in about AD 66 00:09:08.429 --> 00:09:11.450 or 70. It's written to Jewish Christians and 00:09:11.450 --> 00:09:14.450 a mixed audience. And the introduction is, in 00:09:14.450 --> 00:09:17.690 your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted 00:09:17.690 --> 00:09:21.529 to the point of shedding your blood. And have 00:09:21.529 --> 00:09:23.610 you forgotten that word of encouragement that 00:09:23.610 --> 00:09:26.230 addresses you as sons? In other words, it is 00:09:26.230 --> 00:09:28.330 difficult. You haven't been martyred yet. It's 00:09:28.330 --> 00:09:30.669 really hard. And then he's going to quote Proverbs 00:09:30.669 --> 00:09:33.789 3. My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline. 00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:37.659 And do not lose heart when he rebukes you because 00:09:37.659 --> 00:09:41.559 the Lord disciplines those he loves and he chastens 00:09:41.559 --> 00:09:46.620 everyone he accepts as a son. And now he gives 00:09:46.620 --> 00:09:49.759 the instruction. Endure hardship as discipline. 00:09:50.179 --> 00:09:52.419 God is treating you as sons. In other words, 00:09:52.419 --> 00:09:55.120 don't chafe against the difficult circumstances 00:09:55.120 --> 00:09:57.759 in your life except this is God's discipline. 00:09:57.960 --> 00:10:00.320 For what son is not disciplined by his father? 00:10:00.700 --> 00:10:03.379 If you're not disciplined and everyone who undergoes 00:10:03.379 --> 00:10:06.590 discipline, It's true. Then you're an illegitimate 00:10:06.590 --> 00:10:09.970 child and not true sons. Moreover, we've all 00:10:09.970 --> 00:10:13.070 had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected 00:10:13.070 --> 00:10:17.850 them for it. How much more should we submit to 00:10:17.850 --> 00:10:20.769 the Father of our spirits and live? And then 00:10:20.769 --> 00:10:22.590 it gives just an illustration that they would 00:10:22.590 --> 00:10:24.330 all kind of lean back and say, well, that's true. 00:10:24.470 --> 00:10:27.490 Our human fathers disciplined us for a little 00:10:27.490 --> 00:10:30.870 while as they thought best. But God disciplines 00:10:30.870 --> 00:10:35.159 us for our good. that we may share in his holiness. 00:10:35.580 --> 00:10:40.000 God disciplines us for our good that we might 00:10:40.000 --> 00:10:42.820 share in his holiness. There's a clear target 00:10:42.820 --> 00:10:45.179 on the wall. He wants to make us like his son. 00:10:45.340 --> 00:10:47.500 He wants to make us like Christ. He wants to 00:10:47.500 --> 00:10:49.879 make us whole. He wants to bring out the best 00:10:49.879 --> 00:10:53.059 in our life and through our life. And then he 00:10:53.059 --> 00:10:55.620 gives us sort of a summary axiomatic principle 00:10:55.620 --> 00:10:59.919 about discipline. No discipline seems pleasant 00:10:59.919 --> 00:11:03.730 at the time, but painful. Later on, however, 00:11:03.929 --> 00:11:07.870 it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace 00:11:07.870 --> 00:11:11.169 for those who have been trained by it. Circle 00:11:11.169 --> 00:11:15.950 the word trained. It's a process. When God is 00:11:15.950 --> 00:11:18.629 a part of disciplining your life, he uses adversity 00:11:18.629 --> 00:11:20.769 and difficulty and health issues and financial 00:11:20.769 --> 00:11:23.490 issues and circumstances and stock market drops. 00:11:25.090 --> 00:11:28.820 He uses things that you can't control. But he's 00:11:28.820 --> 00:11:31.600 your heavenly father, and he wants to use those 00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:35.559 things to discipline or align your life so that 00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:38.460 you get the very best. I'm going to ask you to 00:11:38.460 --> 00:11:40.419 do one thing on your notes, if you will, up on 00:11:40.419 --> 00:11:43.120 the top where it says, my son, do not make light 00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:46.440 of the Lord's discipline. Would you put a line 00:11:46.440 --> 00:11:48.940 right through discipline and write the word action? 00:11:49.019 --> 00:11:53.480 It's an interesting word. It's yassar. And we 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:55.740 translate the word discipline, and then he uses 00:11:55.740 --> 00:11:58.100 the same word in English, discipline and rebuke. 00:11:58.100 --> 00:12:02.379 But this word is action. God uses certain actions 00:12:02.379 --> 00:12:05.799 to bring about desired behavior. Later on, he 00:12:05.799 --> 00:12:08.019 says he rebukes you. That's a different Hebrew 00:12:08.019 --> 00:12:11.980 word. It's yacheg. And this is words. So I just 00:12:11.980 --> 00:12:15.700 want you to put action and words. Because what 00:12:15.700 --> 00:12:17.799 you're going to see is all through the Old Testament, 00:12:17.879 --> 00:12:20.019 all through the wisdom literature, here's what 00:12:20.019 --> 00:12:23.620 God's plan is. Discipline isn't like just painful 00:12:23.620 --> 00:12:26.500 things you go through. Discipline is the process. 00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:30.379 by which God uses actions or consequences along 00:12:30.379 --> 00:12:33.399 with very specific words and instructions to 00:12:33.399 --> 00:12:37.559 bring about the very best. This is Living on 00:12:37.559 --> 00:12:39.980 the Edge with Chip Ingram, and Chip will be back 00:12:39.980 --> 00:12:42.639 to finish today's message in just a minute. But 00:12:42.639 --> 00:12:45.039 let me first gently ask you, is your marriage 00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:47.740 in trouble right now? Do you and your mate need 00:12:47.740 --> 00:12:50.820 a practical biblical tool to revive and transform 00:12:50.820 --> 00:12:53.779 your relationship? Well, we've developed a brand 00:12:53.779 --> 00:12:56.860 new resource designed to do just that. So stick 00:12:56.860 --> 00:12:58.899 around after the teaching to hear about this 00:12:58.899 --> 00:13:02.179 practical way we are encouraging couples. Until 00:13:02.179 --> 00:13:04.419 then, here again is Chip to continue our series, 00:13:04.580 --> 00:13:08.120 Uninvited Guests. Now I want to spend most of 00:13:08.120 --> 00:13:10.659 our time in the practical side of this. And so 00:13:10.659 --> 00:13:14.059 let me just walk through what I think is a summary 00:13:14.059 --> 00:13:16.519 of this passage and then the points of the passage 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:19.940 so we can get to, okay, how do we practice it? 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:22.379 Because I think discipline for many, it's like 00:13:22.379 --> 00:13:26.129 a dirty word. It's like... or we have a picture 00:13:26.129 --> 00:13:28.750 of someone doing terrible things to little people 00:13:28.750 --> 00:13:31.809 to make them obey. This is the biblical view 00:13:31.809 --> 00:13:34.809 of discipline. It's teaching obedience to God 00:13:34.809 --> 00:13:39.049 and his word. How? Through consistent consequences, 00:13:39.210 --> 00:13:43.909 actions, and clear instructions, words, in an 00:13:43.909 --> 00:13:47.210 atmosphere of love. Okay, you look at it. I'm 00:13:47.210 --> 00:13:49.009 gonna read it again. I want you to get, this 00:13:49.009 --> 00:13:51.409 is discipline. Regardless of what your parents 00:13:51.409 --> 00:13:53.889 did, regardless of what the media says, regardless 00:13:53.889 --> 00:13:56.190 of what you've heard, whatever emotional baggage, 00:13:56.470 --> 00:14:01.289 discipline is teaching obedience to God. Why? 00:14:01.429 --> 00:14:04.389 In his word, so your kids get the very best. 00:14:05.009 --> 00:14:08.590 How do you do it? Through consistent actions, 00:14:08.730 --> 00:14:13.190 through clear instruction in an atmosphere of 00:14:13.190 --> 00:14:16.570 love. And so, well, why? The necessity of discipline 00:14:16.570 --> 00:14:21.179 is to deter destruction. Undisciplined children, 00:14:21.600 --> 00:14:25.580 undisciplined children of God, they destroy themselves. 00:14:27.419 --> 00:14:31.580 I mean, we watch kids. We incarcerate more children 00:14:31.580 --> 00:14:34.220 in this country than any country in the world. 00:14:34.919 --> 00:14:38.279 We have more people in prisons than any place 00:14:38.279 --> 00:14:41.779 in the world. We have a culture in America that 00:14:41.779 --> 00:14:44.299 is very undisciplined, that doesn't respect authority. 00:14:46.029 --> 00:14:48.529 And you know what? If you don't discipline your 00:14:48.529 --> 00:14:53.429 kids, just lock on. Someone will someday. Right? 00:14:53.909 --> 00:14:55.929 How many of our kids have, you know, they were 00:14:55.929 --> 00:14:57.610 really struggling, and they went into the military, 00:14:57.789 --> 00:15:00.669 and what happened? Structure, discipline, expectations, 00:15:00.950 --> 00:15:03.269 and they hated it. Like, I've never had anyone 00:15:03.269 --> 00:15:06.710 go, boot camp. Man, I went into the Marines. 00:15:06.830 --> 00:15:13.509 Boot camp was awesome. What did I tell you? I 00:15:13.509 --> 00:15:15.929 hated it. And then what do they tell you? I'm 00:15:15.929 --> 00:15:19.230 a man. I own my own responsibility. I get up 00:15:19.230 --> 00:15:22.350 on time. I clean my own boots. I watch my brother. 00:15:22.450 --> 00:15:24.610 He's got my back. I got his back. We're a team. 00:15:25.230 --> 00:15:31.990 This isn't about me, right? Sometimes it's not 00:15:31.990 --> 00:15:34.230 the military. Sometimes it's the juvenile hall. 00:15:35.710 --> 00:15:39.129 Later, it's a prison. And you know, the recidivism, 00:15:39.129 --> 00:15:41.110 the reason why so many people, after they're 00:15:41.110 --> 00:15:42.990 in prison, They've never learned discipline. 00:15:43.190 --> 00:15:45.389 It provides structure. I've had a lot of inmates 00:15:45.389 --> 00:15:47.850 tell me, I'm scared to death. I almost don't 00:15:47.850 --> 00:15:49.929 want to come out because I know how to live here. 00:15:50.070 --> 00:15:52.309 You eat at this time. You do this. There's structure. 00:15:52.490 --> 00:15:54.730 There's consequences. When I get out, I don't 00:15:54.730 --> 00:15:56.850 know how to do that. And I just find myself with 00:15:56.850 --> 00:15:59.009 the wrong people doing the same thing, repeating 00:15:59.009 --> 00:16:01.629 the same behavior. About 70 % or more of all 00:16:01.629 --> 00:16:03.289 people that come out of prison go right back. 00:16:04.889 --> 00:16:08.649 So we're talking about a pretty serious topic. 00:16:08.809 --> 00:16:11.889 You want your kids. to have self -discipline, 00:16:11.889 --> 00:16:15.690 to learn to say no to short -term attraction 00:16:15.690 --> 00:16:18.529 and endure short -term pain to get long -term 00:16:18.529 --> 00:16:22.549 gain. Secondly, the means of discipline are actions 00:16:22.549 --> 00:16:25.389 and words. So all we're going to learn about 00:16:25.389 --> 00:16:27.850 is for your kids as a parent or grandparent, 00:16:27.929 --> 00:16:31.450 what actions or consequences and what words do 00:16:31.450 --> 00:16:33.990 you use to align them to keep them on the right 00:16:33.990 --> 00:16:37.860 path? Third, the motive of discipline is not 00:16:37.860 --> 00:16:40.240 to punish or make them feel bad. It's to express 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:44.279 love. What's the whole passage? Endure hardship. 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:47.960 God is treating you as sons. If he doesn't discipline 00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:49.740 you, you're illegitimate and you're not even 00:16:49.740 --> 00:16:55.620 loved. I did one of my theses and for some graduate 00:16:55.620 --> 00:16:57.860 work I did and I had to do all these studies 00:16:57.860 --> 00:16:59.720 and I was just shocked because a lot of them 00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:02.360 came out of, you know, interviews with juvenile 00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:04.740 delinquents. And in all the studies, these are 00:17:04.740 --> 00:17:07.000 juvenile delinquents. These are people that are 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:09.519 incarcerated, and they'd ask on survey after 00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:12.599 survey, how did you know your parents loved you 00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:15.099 or didn't love you? And among the top two responses 00:17:15.099 --> 00:17:17.980 among juvenile delinquents were, when my parents 00:17:17.980 --> 00:17:20.579 disciplined me, I knew they loved me. And you 00:17:20.579 --> 00:17:21.720 know what? When they didn't, they didn't give 00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:24.099 a rip. They didn't care. Now, your kids are never 00:17:24.099 --> 00:17:28.259 going to tell you that, by the way. Their kids 00:17:28.259 --> 00:17:29.940 are going to buck you. Why can't I do that? I 00:17:29.940 --> 00:17:32.390 want to do everything I want. But they desperately 00:17:32.390 --> 00:17:35.150 long in their soul for that security, that consistency. 00:17:35.849 --> 00:17:38.410 But so it's to express love. The goal of discipline 00:17:38.410 --> 00:17:41.569 is to teach obedience. It's not just to make 00:17:41.569 --> 00:17:43.730 them a happy camper. You want them to learn to 00:17:43.730 --> 00:17:47.490 obey, to submit. And by the way, the whole idea 00:17:47.490 --> 00:17:50.150 of submission is usually if you want to do it, 00:17:50.170 --> 00:17:53.230 it's not submitting. It's learning to do what 00:17:53.230 --> 00:17:56.509 you really don't want to do by faith, thinking 00:17:56.509 --> 00:17:59.109 this is really better for me. And don't they 00:17:59.109 --> 00:18:02.710 learn that in sports? You know what? It's August 00:18:02.710 --> 00:18:05.529 and we're going to do two -a -days. Coach, I 00:18:05.529 --> 00:18:08.029 love to run line drills. I love doing two -a 00:18:08.029 --> 00:18:09.809 -days. We're going to bust it, bust it, bust 00:18:09.809 --> 00:18:11.930 it. Why? Because they're learning to endure the 00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:14.390 pain now so for the fourth quarter later. Or, 00:18:14.410 --> 00:18:16.190 you know, they go and they want to be a musician 00:18:16.190 --> 00:18:18.349 and they want to play like this and the piano 00:18:18.349 --> 00:18:20.750 teacher goes, do the scales. I know how to do 00:18:20.750 --> 00:18:23.609 scales. I want to get to the fun. If you don't 00:18:23.609 --> 00:18:26.069 discipline yourself and do scales so you can 00:18:26.069 --> 00:18:27.390 do it backwards and forwards, you can never, 00:18:27.390 --> 00:18:31.779 right? Short -term pain, going into training 00:18:31.779 --> 00:18:36.240 so that something happens a bit later. It's for 00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:39.380 the good, for the higher good. The result of 00:18:39.380 --> 00:18:41.920 discipline is, you can fill this one in, can't 00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:45.680 you? Short -term pain that produces long -term 00:18:45.680 --> 00:18:48.400 gain. I want to give you a physical picture of 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:50.599 this, and then I want you to think with me because 00:18:50.599 --> 00:18:53.839 this is hard, okay? Can we just go into this 00:18:53.839 --> 00:18:57.200 like this is really, really hard. When you make 00:18:57.200 --> 00:19:00.210 your kids, through words and consequences, do 00:19:00.210 --> 00:19:02.690 what they don't want to do. When they're real 00:19:02.690 --> 00:19:06.109 little, they do things like this. And I don't 00:19:06.109 --> 00:19:07.549 know about you, when my kids did that to me, 00:19:07.589 --> 00:19:10.930 I felt like a terrible parent. When they get 00:19:10.930 --> 00:19:14.730 older, they do this. When they get a little bit 00:19:14.730 --> 00:19:16.970 older, they slam the door. You don't love me. 00:19:17.009 --> 00:19:20.269 Why don't you trust me? And everything in you 00:19:20.269 --> 00:19:22.609 wants to give them what they want instead of 00:19:22.609 --> 00:19:25.329 what they need because it brings initial peace 00:19:25.329 --> 00:19:28.700 for the moment. So most of us are willing to 00:19:28.700 --> 00:19:31.940 trade short -term peace for long -term pain. 00:19:33.019 --> 00:19:37.539 But what a parent does and what God does is he 00:19:37.539 --> 00:19:40.160 teaches us to endure short -term pain to get 00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:42.460 long -term gain. Now, you're going to have to 00:19:42.460 --> 00:19:44.440 do this in their social relationships. You're 00:19:44.440 --> 00:19:45.779 going to have to do this in what they watch. 00:19:46.220 --> 00:19:47.640 You're going to have to do this with their friendships. 00:19:47.960 --> 00:19:49.220 You're going to have to do it in their spiritual 00:19:49.220 --> 00:19:50.980 development. You have to do it in their physical 00:19:50.980 --> 00:19:53.259 development. But it's kind of hard to see, so 00:19:53.259 --> 00:19:55.579 I'm going to give you a picture just in the very 00:19:55.579 --> 00:19:58.660 simple physical realm so you can say, oh, I get 00:19:58.660 --> 00:20:01.680 it. It makes sense. And then I'll have a little 00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:05.359 application for you. My dad was a really good 00:20:05.359 --> 00:20:08.299 athlete, and so part of learning every sport 00:20:08.299 --> 00:20:10.980 was sort of what he taught me. When something 00:20:10.980 --> 00:20:13.480 broke, he picked up the phone. Is there a repairman? 00:20:13.680 --> 00:20:16.480 Because that was his idea of anything. He couldn't 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:19.299 fix anything. And that genetic gift was passed 00:20:19.299 --> 00:20:23.940 on to me. My dad could shoot a basketball. He 00:20:23.940 --> 00:20:25.799 was on a football scholarship. He won the state 00:20:25.799 --> 00:20:27.759 of Virginia in Golden Gloves. He was just an 00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:30.220 amazing athlete, and so I learned all this kind 00:20:30.220 --> 00:20:32.420 of stuff, and then I became a Christian, and 00:20:32.420 --> 00:20:34.859 I had this amazing opportunity to marry this 00:20:34.859 --> 00:20:37.420 great woman, and I got to adopt these two little 00:20:37.420 --> 00:20:40.059 boys, and I had no idea how to be a good dad, 00:20:40.200 --> 00:20:42.119 and I was so conscious about being a good dad, 00:20:42.220 --> 00:20:44.460 and we had devotional times, and I'm reading 00:20:44.460 --> 00:20:47.539 them Bible stories, and then I've got about six, 00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:50.240 seven, eight, nine, 10, 11 years under my belt, 00:20:51.000 --> 00:20:53.180 They're in sixth grade, and these two older boys 00:20:53.180 --> 00:20:55.420 are ready to go into junior high. And I felt 00:20:55.420 --> 00:20:57.119 like, you know, I'm struggling, but I'm trying 00:20:57.119 --> 00:20:59.980 to be a good dad. And so we were down on the 00:20:59.980 --> 00:21:02.319 floor or something. I said, hey, guys. Hey, Jason, 00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:04.279 Eric, how you doing? How many push -ups can you 00:21:04.279 --> 00:21:06.740 do? And Jason was sort of that little sort of 00:21:06.740 --> 00:21:09.140 chubby season that you have sometimes at about 00:21:09.140 --> 00:21:13.920 12 years old, and he could do one. And Eric was 00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:18.220 thinner, quite thinner. He could do three. And 00:21:18.220 --> 00:21:20.890 I thought. Remember, guys, any of you remember 00:21:20.890 --> 00:21:23.049 what junior high was like? Remember what junior 00:21:23.049 --> 00:21:25.049 high locker rooms were like? Remember your first 00:21:25.049 --> 00:21:27.069 shower in junior high? Remember when you did 00:21:27.069 --> 00:21:29.730 sports in junior high? And all of a sudden, this 00:21:29.730 --> 00:21:32.390 picture was, I'm the worst father in the whole 00:21:32.390 --> 00:21:34.329 world. They're going to go to junior high. They're 00:21:34.329 --> 00:21:35.869 going to get killed. I mean, they're going to 00:21:35.869 --> 00:21:40.809 get massacred. Man, I've been so concerned about 00:21:40.809 --> 00:21:42.589 their spiritual development, their relational 00:21:42.589 --> 00:21:45.609 development. I mean, I've been asleep on the 00:21:45.609 --> 00:21:49.150 job. So being the loving, kind, zealous father 00:21:49.150 --> 00:21:52.029 who always has a great process, who brings things 00:21:52.029 --> 00:21:56.509 into being, it's all a lie. I said to them, guys, 00:21:56.630 --> 00:21:58.670 tomorrow morning, we've got to dress this, 6 00:21:58.670 --> 00:22:01.430 a .m. Dad, what are you, kidding me? Yeah, we'll 00:22:01.430 --> 00:22:04.049 do push -ups and sit -ups every morning for the 00:22:04.049 --> 00:22:06.730 next three months. I mean, they didn't more than 00:22:06.730 --> 00:22:08.950 roll their eyes. Are you kidding me? I mean, 00:22:08.970 --> 00:22:11.150 dad, give me a break. No, no. And, you know, 00:22:11.230 --> 00:22:14.329 this was not like, hey, here's an idea. What 00:22:14.329 --> 00:22:18.180 do you think, guys? I'll see you at 6 a .m. Set 00:22:18.180 --> 00:22:21.279 your alarms. Oh, Dad. So they get up, you know, 00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:23.599 and okay, here we go. Come on, guys. Let's go. 00:22:23.660 --> 00:22:24.980 Let's go. Jason, come on. Come on, let's go. 00:22:25.160 --> 00:22:28.299 Come on, come on. Okay, look, son. And so, you 00:22:28.299 --> 00:22:30.140 know, like after a week, you know, he's up to 00:22:30.140 --> 00:22:32.980 three and he's up to five. And three weeks later, 00:22:33.059 --> 00:22:35.819 he's got 20 and the other's got 10. Two months 00:22:35.819 --> 00:22:38.900 later, they're ripping off 40 and 50. Three months 00:22:38.900 --> 00:22:41.819 later, they're watching their bodies change. 00:22:42.939 --> 00:22:45.019 Four months later, they are at a garage sale, 00:22:45.099 --> 00:22:48.240 find a bar and a bench press. Five months later, 00:22:48.380 --> 00:22:51.359 they're in the garage pumping iron. They look 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:53.440 like different boys, and they walk into junior 00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:55.779 high as men prepared for what they're going to 00:22:55.779 --> 00:22:58.759 have to face. Now, here's what you need to know. 00:23:00.819 --> 00:23:04.920 Their dad's a jerk. I mean, you know, sometimes 00:23:04.920 --> 00:23:07.180 they whisper, he's a jerk, he's a jerk. Eric, 00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:09.440 can you believe this man? I mean, it was a very 00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:13.839 loud whisper, to which they got. Sorry, Dad. 00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:19.380 I was a complete jerk. Every morning, hold their 00:23:19.380 --> 00:23:21.240 feet, push up, push up, then sit up, sit up. 00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:26.920 And I did them with them. Let me ask you a question. 00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:32.819 You willing to be a jerk? My one son, who was 00:23:32.819 --> 00:23:35.539 a little chibi one, he really struggled in a 00:23:35.539 --> 00:23:39.819 lot of areas, but that became his outlet. I remember 00:23:39.819 --> 00:23:42.319 later when he got older, He said, Dad, do you 00:23:42.319 --> 00:23:45.140 want to go lift with me? And I said, sure. He 00:23:45.140 --> 00:23:48.079 was bench -passionate, like 280, 300. And then, 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:49.660 it's your turn, Dad. And they take off all the 00:23:49.660 --> 00:23:53.160 weights. Here, I'll help you, you know. And he 00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:55.079 ended up with a broken hand. I think he won the 00:23:55.079 --> 00:23:57.819 CCL in wrestling. And it was where all these 00:23:57.819 --> 00:24:00.180 deep issues and issues in his heart, he was trying 00:24:00.180 --> 00:24:05.319 to figure out, listen carefully. you need to 00:24:05.319 --> 00:24:07.859 be willing to be a jerk and say, you can't date 00:24:07.859 --> 00:24:10.759 that boy. You can't date that girl. You can't 00:24:10.759 --> 00:24:13.700 go to that movie. I love you too much. No, we're 00:24:13.700 --> 00:24:15.400 not going to play three different sports and 00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:17.619 have our whole family in a minivan every night 00:24:17.619 --> 00:24:20.500 because everyone else gets to. No, this is what 00:24:20.500 --> 00:24:22.660 we're going to do. Yes. Tell you what, we're 00:24:22.660 --> 00:24:24.480 going to sit around the table, and you can roll 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:25.960 your eyes as much as you want, but we're going 00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:27.819 to eat together, and I want to hear what's going 00:24:27.819 --> 00:24:29.859 on. You don't have to have your heart in it, 00:24:29.900 --> 00:24:31.319 but we're going to join hands, and we're going 00:24:31.319 --> 00:24:34.259 to pray for one another, and you cause them to 00:24:34.259 --> 00:24:38.799 have some short -term pain because you're the 00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:41.779 parent. And what you know is it doesn't matter 00:24:41.779 --> 00:24:44.220 whether they like you or slam the door or roll 00:24:44.220 --> 00:24:47.240 their eyes today, but you want them 10 years 00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:50.980 later looking back and saying, thanks, Mom. Thanks, 00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:55.829 Dad. That's why we have coaches. They help us 00:24:55.829 --> 00:24:58.089 do things we would never do on our own because 00:24:58.089 --> 00:25:01.369 they care and want to develop the best. We have 00:25:01.369 --> 00:25:03.750 developed a society that you want to be your 00:25:03.750 --> 00:25:05.990 kid's little buddy and you never want to feel 00:25:05.990 --> 00:25:09.390 rejected. And it's all about keeping the peace 00:25:09.390 --> 00:25:13.069 instead of making peace. They have plenty of 00:25:13.069 --> 00:25:16.069 friends and plenty of buddies. Be willing to 00:25:16.069 --> 00:25:19.410 be a jerk for a season if need be. To give them 00:25:19.410 --> 00:25:22.759 what they need. instead of what they want. Make 00:25:22.759 --> 00:25:25.680 sense? Now the question is, how do we do that? 00:25:25.940 --> 00:25:28.240 And as we do that, there's one theological issue 00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:30.599 I've got to share with you. It's the difference 00:25:30.599 --> 00:25:34.480 between punishment and discipline. And this is, 00:25:34.519 --> 00:25:37.059 I'll make this brief, but it's very, very critical. 00:25:37.099 --> 00:25:39.079 You know, the difference between punishment and 00:25:39.079 --> 00:25:42.119 discipline. Punishment's focus is to inflict 00:25:42.119 --> 00:25:45.200 the penalty for an offense. Punishment is this 00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:48.140 past misdeed is the focus. The attitude from 00:25:48.140 --> 00:25:51.269 the parent is often hostility, frustration. And 00:25:51.269 --> 00:25:54.849 the result is fear and guilt. And so they took 00:25:54.849 --> 00:25:57.049 the car when you said not to and they got a little 00:25:57.049 --> 00:25:59.670 bump in it or they went behind your back. How 00:25:59.670 --> 00:26:01.710 many times have I told you to do that? What's 00:26:01.710 --> 00:26:03.789 wrong with you? You loser. You didn't do your 00:26:03.789 --> 00:26:05.250 homework. This is what's going to happen, right? 00:26:08.049 --> 00:26:11.569 Excuse the outburst, but that's not new to a 00:26:11.569 --> 00:26:15.609 lot of you. It got all built up. You're going 00:26:15.609 --> 00:26:18.720 to make them pay? You won't accept that. Often 00:26:18.720 --> 00:26:20.400 you've let it build up for a long time and you 00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:23.359 have these explosions. For many of you, I mean, 00:26:23.380 --> 00:26:27.680 bedtime constantly, homework constantly, fighting 00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:29.880 with one another constantly. It's chaos in your 00:26:29.880 --> 00:26:33.539 house. And then pretty soon, then you lay down 00:26:33.539 --> 00:26:37.299 the law, then you feel guilty as a parent. Discipline, 00:26:37.299 --> 00:26:40.900 by contrast, is training for correction for maturity. 00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:44.500 That's the purpose. The focus is future correct 00:26:44.500 --> 00:26:47.400 acts. And the attitude is love and concern on 00:26:47.400 --> 00:26:50.160 the part of a parent. And the result for your 00:26:50.160 --> 00:26:54.500 child is security. See, you know, often we say, 00:26:54.539 --> 00:26:57.559 go to your room. If you are angry, you never 00:26:57.559 --> 00:27:00.619 discipline out of anger. You have to go to your 00:27:00.619 --> 00:27:03.470 room first. And you may need to sit on the bed 00:27:03.470 --> 00:27:06.650 and have your time out to say, God, I am so livid. 00:27:06.670 --> 00:27:08.769 It doesn't mean you have emotions. It doesn't 00:27:08.769 --> 00:27:11.369 mean you don't share them. I am so livid. I mean, 00:27:11.430 --> 00:27:13.829 this is metaphorical, of course. I want to wring 00:27:13.829 --> 00:27:15.309 their neck. I can't believe you did that. They 00:27:15.309 --> 00:27:16.930 violated my trust. They did this. They did this. 00:27:17.269 --> 00:27:21.730 Okay. And then here's where you go. And Father, 00:27:21.849 --> 00:27:26.849 I understand that God, the second person of the 00:27:26.849 --> 00:27:30.289 Trinity, took on human flesh in the form of a 00:27:30.289 --> 00:27:34.339 baby by a virgin. and lived a perfect life. And 00:27:34.339 --> 00:27:36.440 then you laid your life out on the cross and 00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:39.039 you became our sin offering. Our propitiation 00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:42.180 is the word. And all the sins of all people were 00:27:42.180 --> 00:27:45.880 placed on the son and he absorbed them. And your 00:27:45.880 --> 00:27:49.339 just anger and punishment and wrath because you 00:27:49.339 --> 00:27:52.579 hate sin was poured on Christ. And that's why 00:27:52.579 --> 00:27:54.980 he said, my God, my God, why have you forsaken 00:27:54.980 --> 00:27:57.819 him? Our sins and the judgment of God was put 00:27:57.819 --> 00:28:00.960 on Jesus. And then. In that payment, he died, 00:28:01.079 --> 00:28:04.319 rose the third day, for 40 days walked upon the 00:28:04.319 --> 00:28:07.799 earth, 500 eyewitnesses. He's sitting at the 00:28:07.799 --> 00:28:11.500 right hand. God never punishes his children. 00:28:11.700 --> 00:28:15.960 God never punishes you. He disciplines you. God's 00:28:15.960 --> 00:28:19.200 never mad at you. All of his anger for all time 00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:23.420 and all people was placed on Christ. And so when 00:28:23.420 --> 00:28:25.579 you do things that you know are wrong and you 00:28:25.579 --> 00:28:28.539 feel guilty and you hurt people, God's motive 00:28:28.539 --> 00:28:31.279 and purpose is to realign your life to give you 00:28:31.279 --> 00:28:34.039 the best. His motive and purpose is to care for 00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:36.920 you. His heart is to express his love. Now, those 00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:38.940 consequences may be severe when you're really 00:28:38.940 --> 00:28:42.240 disobedient, and it may look like the same thing. 00:28:42.259 --> 00:28:44.319 Punishment could be, but the heart and the purpose 00:28:44.319 --> 00:28:49.740 is different. Do you get that? This is Living 00:28:49.740 --> 00:28:52.259 on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been 00:28:52.259 --> 00:28:54.259 listening to part one of Chip's message, How 00:28:54.259 --> 00:28:56.460 to Discipline Your Child Effectively, from our 00:28:56.460 --> 00:28:59.960 series, Uninvited Guests. Chip will be back shortly 00:28:59.960 --> 00:29:02.400 to share some helpful application for us to think 00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:05.700 about. We've all heard it said that raising kids 00:29:05.700 --> 00:29:08.420 isn't for the faint of heart. Every parent can 00:29:08.420 --> 00:29:10.880 attest that it can be deeply encouraging and 00:29:10.880 --> 00:29:13.420 life -giving one moment and want to pull out 00:29:13.420 --> 00:29:16.430 your hair frustrating the next. And those emotional 00:29:16.430 --> 00:29:19.170 ups and downs don't include the external challenges 00:29:19.170 --> 00:29:22.109 and pressures that kids, moms, and dads face 00:29:22.109 --> 00:29:24.750 every day. So over the next handful of messages, 00:29:24.970 --> 00:29:27.250 Chip will highlight biblical principles to help 00:29:27.250 --> 00:29:29.789 navigate the complexities of raising kids in 00:29:29.789 --> 00:29:32.609 today's world. Don't miss the insightful wisdom 00:29:32.609 --> 00:29:35.349 from God's Word, along with practical advice 00:29:35.349 --> 00:29:38.529 from a seasoned dad to guide you along your parenting 00:29:38.529 --> 00:29:41.650 journey. If you've missed any part of this series, 00:29:41.809 --> 00:29:45.660 catch up at livingontheedge .org. or wherever 00:29:45.660 --> 00:29:48.680 you listen to podcasts. Well, our Bible teacher, 00:29:48.779 --> 00:29:51.099 Chip Ingram, is with me now. And Chip, throughout 00:29:51.099 --> 00:29:53.359 this series, you've highlighted a new resource 00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:56.339 we've created for couples. Can you tell us a 00:29:56.339 --> 00:29:59.259 bit more about it? Be glad to, Dave. We're calling 00:29:59.259 --> 00:30:02.720 them Marriage That Works Truth Cards. And there's 00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:05.279 two things that these cards do. They provide 00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:08.180 foundational truths about marriage, and they 00:30:08.180 --> 00:30:11.339 expose the prominent lies that almost every couple 00:30:11.339 --> 00:30:14.329 believes. Let me give you an example. When I 00:30:14.329 --> 00:30:16.670 finally meet the right person, everything will 00:30:16.670 --> 00:30:19.029 be fine. Well, then on that card, there has a 00:30:19.029 --> 00:30:21.430 stop sign, and then you flip it over, and it 00:30:21.430 --> 00:30:24.269 says marrying the right person is crucial. But 00:30:24.269 --> 00:30:26.650 even with the greatest mate, a successful marriage 00:30:26.650 --> 00:30:29.470 requires following God's design, putting in the 00:30:29.470 --> 00:30:32.269 hard work, and persevering through difficulties 00:30:32.269 --> 00:30:35.650 and relying on the Holy Spirit's power. And here's 00:30:35.650 --> 00:30:38.230 what I want you to get. When marriages get tough, 00:30:38.349 --> 00:30:41.220 when you hit a rough patch, and we all do, that 00:30:41.220 --> 00:30:43.740 lie creeps in. Maybe I married the wrong person. 00:30:43.819 --> 00:30:46.279 If I could just find the right person, and it's 00:30:46.279 --> 00:30:48.720 easy to get out of this relationship and find 00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:52.299 someone else. We want to help couples focus in 00:30:52.299 --> 00:30:55.700 on the truth that will build the kind of marriages 00:30:55.700 --> 00:30:59.119 that cause families to thrive. So if you would 00:30:59.119 --> 00:31:01.319 like to strengthen your marriage, let me encourage 00:31:01.319 --> 00:31:03.859 you, get these cards. Dave, could you take a 00:31:03.859 --> 00:31:05.740 minute and help people understand exactly how 00:31:05.740 --> 00:31:08.039 to get these? Sure, Chip. It's actually really 00:31:08.039 --> 00:31:10.839 simple. Throughout this entire series, for anyone 00:31:10.839 --> 00:31:13.160 who chooses to become a monthly partner with 00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:15.400 Living on the Edge, we'll send you these new 00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.339 Marriage That Works truth cards as our way of 00:31:18.339 --> 00:31:20.859 saying thanks. So please pray about supporting 00:31:20.859 --> 00:31:23.880 us. Your gifts have an eternal impact as we fight 00:31:23.880 --> 00:31:26.799 for marriages and families everywhere. To learn 00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:29.680 how to become a monthly partner, visit livingontheedge 00:31:29.680 --> 00:31:35.960 .org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:42.599 -333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App 00:31:42.599 --> 00:31:45.480 listeners, tap donate. Be sure to join us next 00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:48.039 time as Chip picks up in his series, Uninvited 00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:51.000 Guests. Until then, I'm Dave Drewy saying thanks 00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:53.359 for listening to this edition of Living on the 00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:53.720 Edge.