Let's face it. Our kids are in a battle. They
live in a world that's hostile, painful, difficult,
and they're challenged. And whether it's sex
or drugs or alcohol or peer pressure, they're
in a battle that they've got to win. Here's the
question. How does a mom or dad help your kids
win? That's today. Welcome to this edition of
Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We are an
international teaching and discipleship ministry
dedicated to helping Christians worldwide live
out their faith for the glory of God and the
good of all. Well, everyone's familiar with the
story of King David bringing down a giant using
only a sling and a stone. So today, Chip begins
identifying five vital lessons we need to teach
our kids, which will equip them to defeat the
giants they'll face in life. So if you're ready,
here's Chip with this important message, how
to prepare your child to win life's biggest battles.
So I talk to kids, parents, and grandparents.
They have one thing in common, fear. I mean,
think about what it's like to grow up today.
And just from the mouth of kids saying, you know,
I'm really afraid I might make some really bad
decisions or get involved in a relationship that's
going to bring destruction later. Or, you know,
I love the one perspective. I'm really afraid
that I'll live in a way that is really not following
Christ at all, and I won't even know it. That's
a pretty perceptive. way to look at life. Your
kids are in a battle. I think it's the hardest
time that I'm aware of, at least in recent history,
to raise kids. And what I want to talk about
today is how do you, as a parent or grandparent,
help your kids win life's biggest battles? I
want you to open your notes, if you will. And
as you do, this is a message that's not so much,
here's three or four little practices. I remember
reading a passage many, many years ago where
God used a teenager to turn an entire country
around. I mean, there was a lot of smart people
and powerful people, but they were paralyzed
by fear. And there's this huge giant, nine feet
tall, and there was a teenager named David, and
he kind of watched all the people that ought
to be doing something to make it happen, and
it was like, hey, I don't get this. Because he
was naive enough to realize, you know what? There
may be a really big giant, but don't these people
understand who God is? He's blaspheming the living
God. And do you remember what he did? Some of
you know the story. He went down and he got five
smooth stones and he put it in his sling. And
he just, he said, man, I'm taking him on. Not
in my power, but in God's. And God used a teenager
to slay a giant. And what I want you to know
is that if you can live your life As a parent
or grandparent, not so much focused on fear and
protection, but equipping. How do you equip your
son or daughter to slay the giants in their world?
God has been doing this for a long time. Daniel
was a teenager when he got into the most counter
-cultural, counter -Christian, anti -God environment,
and he changed the world. The same was true of
Mary, a little teenage girl when God wanted to
change the world. He chooses a 15, maybe 16 -year
-old girl and believed that there was something
in them as they trusted him to really make a
difference. Here's the question. What do they
need most? I mean, we'd think, oh, well, good
education, a good home. When they get so old
that they need this, they need that. I want to...
I want to share with you that if I could only
give my kids five things, five smooth stones
to put in the pouch of their life to slay the
giants I know that they're going to face, these
would be them. In fact, all my kids are grown.
And I would say, this is what I want them to
get. Because if these five things become their
lens, their worldview, and their core values,
I will tell you what, I don't care what happens
in the world. They will do great. Are you ready?
Stone number one, teach them to suffer well.
The myth of the world is no one should ever suffer
at any time. And the myth of parenting is how
do I protect my little boy or little girl from
ever going through difficult times? You got to
understand, they're going to go through difficult
times. What you want to do is teach them to suffer
well. Let me give you a theology of suffering,
biblical overview. Number one, life is hard,
but God is good. They need to learn that early
on. Number two, life is unjust. It's not fair,
but God is sovereign. He's in control. The Old
Testament roots is the life of Joseph. If you're
not familiar with it, this is one from the early
storybooks to when they get older to reading.
to pondering, they need to grow up with old Joseph.
He was the 17 -year -old that brothers betrayed
him, and they put him in a pit. Boy, that's not
fair. Not only they put him in a pit, but then
he got sold and became a slave. That's not fair.
Then he got falsely accused of raping this guy's
wife. That's not fair. Then he got stuck in prison,
and he helped these two guys, and they promised
they'd help him, and they didn't, and that's
not fair. But all through those 13 chapters,
The Lord was with Joseph. The Lord was with Joseph.
The Lord was with Joseph. And Joseph had been
given a dream and a picture of what God wanted
him to do. And he didn't think that it was unusual
to go through difficult, painful times. He learned
something in each one. God's going to take the
difficulty that your kids go through, the unfairness,
the pain, the kid that gets to play that's not
as good. the one who doesn't study and does better
in grades, the people that get in a school when
they practice more and did better, the breakup
that they're going to go through the first time
a boy or girl says, I don't want to be with you
anymore. They're going to go through difficult,
painful times. What you want to do is teach him
to suffer well. And what you learn from the life
of Joseph, God is in control and he orchestrates
things. He works all things together for the
good to them that love him. And so, yes, there
was the pit. And yes, there was the prison. But
God did all that. So Joseph became the second
most powerful person in the world. And he ended
up in the palace. He ended up second to Pharaoh.
And it was that role that saved the entire nation
of Israel. And so at the end of his life, all
of his brothers, all of his sisters, everyone
is saved. They end up there, and then his brothers
were a little squirrely. That's not a biblical
term, but they were a little squirrely. And even
after the father dies, the brothers are thinking,
well, you know, Joseph has been really nice.
He said he forgave us, but now that dad's gone,
he's probably going to put it to us. And Joseph
turned to his brothers. It's the very end of
the book. It's one of my favorite verses. Chapter
50, verse 20, he looks at his brothers, and I
think his head's going, you guys still don't
get it, do you? And he says, you meant it for
evil, but God meant it for good to bring about
this present result. I think he looked at all
those families to preserve many people alive.
The New Testament talk about an example. Peter
is writing during a time of intense persecution.
People who love Jesus are getting dragged out
of their home. They're being taken into stadiums.
They're being wrapped in animal clothing and
thrown into coliseums. They're being used as
human torches and being lit for the emperor for
his cocktail parties and being burned alive.
And life's not fair and life is hard. How could
a good God let that happen? Peter would write
under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit in 1
Peter 2, verses 21 to 23, to this you were called
because Christ suffered for you, leaving you
an example that you should follow in his steps.
He committed no sin. No deceit was found in his
mouth. When they hurled insults at him, he didn't
retaliate. When he suffered, he made no threats.
Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges
justly. Your kids are called to suffer. But they're
called to suffer well, not blaming someone else,
not getting resentful, not saying life isn't
fair, not getting consumed with themselves, to
suffer well and to trust God the way Jesus did.
Because what he'll do, he'll do something in
their character and he'll use them and he's going
to prepare them for things beyond their wildest
dreams if they don't bail out of the process.
In fact, the application is help your child to
grow through suffering. Let me give you two or
three maybe practical ways to do that. One, as
they're growing up, ask them often, what are
they concerned about? What's going on? Just make
little notes for yourself. What are they concerned
about? And don't be quick when they're hurting.
Say, oh, it's going to be okay. It's going to
be all right. I'll go talk to the coach or I'll
talk to your teacher. They're bullying you. I'll
step in. I'll make everything. find out what's
going on in their heart. And that means you've
got to take some time. And they usually don't
share that kind of stuff when you say, okay,
let's have a parent meaningful conversation.
They usually do it when you're just kind of hanging
out. The second is when you find out what's going
on, what they're really concerned about, what
bugs them, go ahead and verbalize. And you know,
rather than solve everything, just say, that
didn't sound fair, does it? Boy, that must make
you feel terrible. Just affirm that it's okay
to be in life and that this is a raw deal. And
then model something. Say, why don't we, this
isn't fair. Let's talk to God. And just in your
own language, in your own heart, just share,
God, this hurts. This is difficult. Will you
help my son, help my daughter, and model for
them? A third thing that you can do, not only
ask them what's going on and pray with them,
when you're going through difficult times, I
think sometimes parents have this like, I'm a
good Christian parent. I never have problems.
I have a good attitude all the time. share when
you get a raw deal, where it's appropriate. I
mean, sit around the table and say, you know,
I can't believe it. You know, I got laid off.
This is so unfair. I was one of the early employees.
So and so didn't. And process with them. Let
them see you. And then you go to Joseph's life
and you open the Bible and say, and let them
see your emotions. I don't like this. This isn't
fair. But I'm going to trust you, God. You begin
to lay a foundation for him. My one son is a
musician. And as he was growing up, there was
a young man in our church in Santa Cruz that
was a prodigy. He was an amazing drummer, a guitar
player. He said, oh, the piano, it looks like
just guitar strings, but they're like this. And
three weeks later, he could play the piano. Someone
came and did a concert and had a little mandolin.
He goes, that looks kind of cool. Three weeks
later, he was playing it. It was unbelievable.
He wrote songs, had like this voice that was
just like perfect pitch. And he hung out at my
house. Those of you that have had kids with bands,
like, you know, like the drums are in the garage,
then the pianos, then the wires. And there's
always people at your house all the time that
eat all your food. And you think, well, you know,
it's better than them being someplace else, right?
And John was super skinny, super, super skinny.
And we didn't know why, because I didn't know
why, because he ate so much of my food. And all
the time. And one day I found out why, because
his parents called. And he said, we're at Dominican
Hospital. We'd real like you to stop by. John's
got cancer. Two weeks later, we found out it
was a very rapidly growing type of cancer. Two
years later, when he was emaciated and looked
like he'd been through a Nazi concentration camp,
just skin and bones, they put a hospital bed
in the lower part of his basement. And our worship
pastor with a guitar, his mom and dad. His fiance
was over here, Jason and I were here, and one
other friend, and we sang worship songs, and
we prayed because he had just a day, maybe, to
live, and he died. And when we walked out of
there knowing that he had hours or maybe a day,
and he did die, I sat in the car with my son,
and it was dead quiet. And he turned to me and
said, Dad, John's got more musical ability in
his little finger than I have in my whole body.
How could God let him die and me live? And I
will tell you, in those moments, parents, you
better have done your homework and taught your
child to suffer well. And I didn't have a little
verse to say, oh, it's going to be okay, Jason,
and God's going to work it out somehow, some
way. Son, it's a fallen world. Life is hard,
but God is good. I don't understand. And I'm
angry and I'm hurt too. All I know is that John's
25 years old and sometimes God's entire agenda
can be fulfilled in 25 years. Sometimes it's
58 years. Sometimes it's 95 years. That this
isn't all there is. This is painful and this
hurts. And we cried together in the car. And
I watched my son suffer through it well. And
he didn't blame God. He didn't turn away from
God. He didn't get resentful. He didn't blame
other people. Some of the deepest things that
will happen in the character of your children
will be in their suffering. Don't try and fix
everything. Help them understand it is a fallen
world. Life is going to be hard. Life is going
to be unfair. But Jesus is enough in the midst
of it. Suffering is normal, if you didn't get
that as the major life message. Suffering is
normal. The second smooth stone to put into their
pouch is teach them to work unto the Lord. You
understand that if you eliminate the time that
you sleep, the time that you brush your teeth,
the time that you eat a little bit of food, the
time that you do basic necessities, you and your
children will spend somewhere between 60 to 80
of your waking hours working. So, I mean, that's
going to be a lot of their life, right? So don't
you think you ought to teach them so? How do
you think about work? A theology of work. Work
is a calling, not a job. The word vocation, we
used to use, what's your vocation? The Latin.
Meaning of vocation is a calling. He doesn't
call people into just full -time ministry. He
calls people to be software developers. He calls
people to be stay -at -home moms. He calls people
to be construction workers. He calls people to
be athletes. He calls people to be musicians.
There is a calling. Your son or your daughter
has a DNA like no one else's in almost 7 billion
people. That DNA makes them good at certain things,
not good at certain things. It gives them passions,
directions, personality. You need to help them
discover, so what's God's call on their life?
He's got a purpose for their life. All work is
sacred. It's not white collar and blue collar
or manual and head work. All work is sacred to
God because he's made all people to do all work,
and all work matters. It's holy. Third is our
work is to flow from God's unique design and
purpose for our lives. I mean, doesn't it make
sense that if they're very analytical, and they
love mathematics and physics comes easy, that
like being an engineer might be a really cool
thing? Or if they're very relational and they
love English and they're great with words, that
maybe it's going to be talking with someone?
And does it make sense that if they happen to
have a personality that might be a little bit
more reserved and they're a deep thinker and
they're a little bit artistic, that maybe a sales
job isn't really what they ought to do? See,
God wants you to understand that The tools that
he's put in the heart of your child is exactly
the preparation because he wants to use them.
They're special. Theology of work means that
you work for an audience of one. This is hard.
You don't work to impress your mom and dad. You
don't work for the boss. You don't work for the
manager. You don't work so you can make X amount
of dollars. You work because you say, my life
is a living sacrifice. And when I come into a
room like this, I'm just reminded of who God
is. When I give the first portion of my time,
the first portion of my money, the first portion
of my energy and my dreams, I'm saying, God,
I want to live my life before you. And then when
I show up, I'm a full -time Christian worker
developing software or changing diapers or hitting
a ball or catching a ball or coaching a team
or writing blueprints or developing the cure
for cancer. I live for an audience of one. I'm
made in the image of God. The old theologians
would say, doing life before the face of God.
That's how you want your kids to learn to work.
You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip
Ingram, and he'll be right back to finish today's
message. But first, if this new series from Chip
has inspired you, consider joining the Living
on the Edge team. In fact, let me encourage you
to stick around after the teaching to hear about
a special gift we have for those who become monthly
partners. You're not going to want to miss out.
But until then, here again is Chip. The Old Testament
roots are Genesis 2 .15, and I put that verse
in there because work occurs, and the assignment
to work is before there's sin. The myth of our
day is that work is a necessary evil to make
money so you can raise your standard of living.
So get through. You got to work. Kind of get
it done because life is really about Friday because
Friday starts the weekend, and the weekends are
about me. and fun and pleasure and just what
I want to do. So work is like a pain in the rear
that I guess if you have to do it. So here's
the deal. We have 70 % of Americans surveyed
don't like their job. You want your kid, that's
60 some percent, maybe 70 % of their waking hours,
you live in a world where I guess I got to do
this to make money in order to, God says, what
a silly, silly way to live. I want you to discern,
this is what I made you to do, and I want you
to love it. I want you to discover not, you aren't
what you do, you should do what you are. And
there's a world of difference. Berklee had their
graduation, and of all people, they had Jimmy
Page, electric guitar player, supposed to be
one of the best ever, ever. Some of you have
never heard from him, others it brings back lots
of memories. Easy, easy. And here's what he said
to the graduates. He said, here's what I've learned.
I learned to do what I really love. And when
you do what you really love, it's not like working.
But what really matters in life is doing what
you really love, but doing it in a way to serve
other people. Now, I'm not sure how some of his
songs served other people, but you can go from
there, right? Amazing. That's what you want for
your kids. So application is the New Testament,
Colossians 3 .23. What's he say? Do your work
heartily unto the Lord. Do it before God. Do
your work not unto men, but unto God, where your
kids realize, whatever I do, I mean, whether
it's I'm a small kid making my bed, whether my
parents say clean out the garage, where I'm doing
my homework, or whether I'm at college, whether
I'm on a construction site, You want to teach
them a work ethic that they work hard, they work
well, they do it with a great attitude. And when
you do, you'll help them be successful in whatever
they do. But more than that, they'll learn that
work is a gift from God. Help your child discover
God's calling for his or her life so they can
impact their world and beyond. A couple of specific
ways that might help, especially when they're
young, start early. or begin now and give them
weekly chores. Give them, I mean, give them things
to do. And whether that's making their bed, taking
out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, you
know, doing some stuff in the yard. Just, if
you have to make up chores, but give your kids
work to do and teach them how to do it with a
good attitude. The second thing is become a student
of your child. What are they good at? I mean,
literally, you ought to just study your child.
You know, what are they good at? How do they
process information? What's their personality,
extrovert or introvert? Are they good with their
hands? Are they mechanically minded? Do they
have people skills? Do they tend to like sports?
You want to be a student of your child, and then
you want to provide opportunities for them to
develop. And your goal isn't how they reflect
on you. All your kids don't need to go to college.
All your kids don't need to have great SAT scores.
What you want to do is figure out what did God
make them to do and how do I coach and cooperate
with them to do what God made them to do? Because
you know what? They'll have a life of joy. They'll
have a life of impact. And they won't be one
of those 70 % of the people going. You know,
I did this, my parents wanted to do this, I felt
all this pressure, and now I make a lot of money
doing it, and that's really good, I guess, except
now I can't do anything else because I've got
a lifestyle that requires this much money, so
now I'm sentenced to a life of doing what I'm
not made to do, and I don't really like to do
it, and I'm fulfilling everyone's expectations,
so I'm just going to wait until my midlife crisis,
then I'm going to blow all this off. Message,
you were created to work. You want your kids,
isn't that a different message than it's a necessary
evil? You were created to work. Stone number
three, teach them to manage their lives wisely.
Key word is manage. We're going to talk about
a theology of stewardship. You know what a steward
is? A steward is a manager. The myth of our day
is that it's mine. I made it. I got it. I'll
decide what to do with it. God says, no, no,
you don't understand. Here's a theology of stewardship.
God owns everything. Psalm 50 says, the earth
is mine, says the Lord, and everything in it.
God has entrusted things, time, talent, and treasure.
And then he appointed us and our children to
manage them for him. I try to help my kids think
about what are you going to do with the time
God gave you? What are you going to do with the
talent God gave you? What are you going to do
with the money that God gave you? What are you
going to do with the brains God gave you? What
are you going to do with the educational opportunity
that God gave you? It's a stewardship. It's not
yours to blow off or decide I'm going to do this
or do that. God, what do you want me to do? God
expects a positive return on his investments.
He's placed very special, unique abilities in
your kids. For some of them, he'd give them A
lot of leadership. For some, it's brains. Others,
athletic, artistic. For some, it's money. He
expects a positive return. And he will hold them
accountable. And I believe he'll hold us accountable
as parents. Did you teach him to be managers?
Or did out of the pressure of wanting them to
be happy all the time, you gave them everything
and taught them to be little narcissists? And
then when the world doesn't go their way, they
get really mad. And then you can't figure out
why they don't walk with God and don't care much
about you because they think the world revolves
around them. And the word they get early on,
right, when they're even small, like two -year
-old, that's mine. That's mine. That's mine.
And then they get older, it's mine. And then
they get even older and it's mine. You want to
break that early. It's God's. How are you using
it? It'll completely change their perspective.
The Old Testament roots are Genesis chapter 1.
Before sin enters the world, God says, I created
all that there is. Good, good, good, good, good,
good. And then I created you very good. Now,
are you ready for this? Here's the earth. Be
co -creator with me. I want you to manage it
for me. Animals, manage it. Fish of the sea,
management. The future, manage it. The garden,
management. Use your creativity. Explore, build.
Christians should be the greatest environmentalists
on the face of the earth. He said, steward the
earth. Steward your gifts. Steward your money.
The application from Matthew chapter 25 is the
parable of the talents. That's one worth really
going over with your kids. Jesus is talking about
how the kingdom works, and he says a king was
going to go away for a long period of time, and
he gave to his servants one five talents, one
two talents, one one talent, according to their
ability. In other words, if this person had a
lot of ability, he's going to give them more,
a little bit less ability, give them a little
bit less. And the way he evaluated them wasn't
on the end result. It is, what did you do with
what I gave you? Two of them doubled them, and
he said, Well done, good and faithful servants.
Enter the joy of your master. One of them squandered
theirs because they were afraid. They buried
it. And they get a sharp, sharp rebuke. You want
your son or your daughter to realize God's given
you some talents. He's going to hold you responsible.
His heart is for you to have great joy with him
in them, but you need to use them well. Here's
the application. Help your child become faithful
in the little things. Faithful in the little
things. Now, I'm going pretty fast, and you're
writing pretty fast. And Luke 16 .10 says that
he was faithful in a very little thing, will
be faithful also in much. And he was unrighteous
in a very little thing, will be unrighteous also
in much. And I would encourage you as parents,
that's a real principle. It's a financial passage
in terms of the context, but it's not just talking
about finances. You want your kids to be faithful
in little things, how they clean their room.
You want them to be faithful in their words and
their attitudes because if they're not faithful
in little things, they're not going to be faithful
in big things. And I'm not talking about over
-scrutiny and being legalistic, but you really
want them, help them to be faithful. And the
little thing in this context, you know what it
is? It's money. The reason Jesus talks so much
about money is because it's the cleanest, clearest,
most visible, tangible thing where you can figure
out how you're a steward or not. And what he's
saying is, if you can't learn to manage money
well, I'm not going to trust true riches. I mean,
if God gives you X amount of money and you can't
even handle money, why in the world would I...
Entrust spiritual things or an important relationship
or a job with more responsibilities. I mean,
the training wheels of stewardship are money.
You can see it. It comes in. It goes out. You're
giving them out. You're accountable. If you can't
handle money, what Jesus teaches, there's no
way you're going to handle your life. This is
Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've
been listening to part one of Chip's message,
How to Prepare Your Kids to Win Life's Biggest
Battles, from our series, Uninvited Guests. Chip
will be back shortly to share some helpful application
for us to think about. We've all heard it said
that raising kids isn't for the faint of heart.
Every parent can attest that it can be deeply
encouraging and life -giving one moment and want
to pull out your hair frustrating the next. And
those emotional ups and downs don't include the
external challenges and pressures that kids,
moms, and dads face every day. So over the next
handful of messages, Chip will highlight biblical
principles to help navigate the complexities
of raising kids in today's world. Don't miss
the insightful wisdom from God's Word, along
with practical advice from a seasoned dad to
guide you along your parenting journey. If you've
missed any part of this series, catch up at livingontheedge
.org. or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well,
Chip's here in studio with me now. And Chip,
as you sifted through all the research about
marriage and parenting for this series, there
was one misbelief that came up a lot. With all
of this conflict in our marriage, it's better
for our kids if we just get divorced. Dave, that
is one of the most believed myths about marriage.
That old school thinking of we're staying together
just for the kids is actually true. If there's
challenges, struggle, argument, kids will make
it through. They're very resilient. Now, here's
the problem. People don't want to stay together.
When it gets really hard, how do you resolve
conflict? How do you learn to communicate? There
are so many good Christians who are living like
roommates now. Their marriage isn't fulfilling.
They want to stay together for their kids, but
they can't imagine living the way they are forever
and ever and ever. And so they feel hopeless.
Here's what I want to say. You can work this
out, and we have a tool to help you. Marriage
That Works Truth Cards is a beginning step to
resolve some big pains in your marriage and create
an environment that your kids can thrive in.
We really want to help you learn to communicate,
to resolve conflict. That begins with eliminating
or addressing lies that you believe. And then
you have to have some foundational truths. And
if you'll review a few of these every single
day for 30 days, 60 days, your thinking will
change, your words will change, and your marriage
will change. Don't throw away a good marriage
or even a problem marriage because of your present
struggles. If you think that there's an easy
divorce and it doesn't impact your kids, you're
completely wrong. The impact goes on for decades.
Let's stay together. Let's obey God's commands,
and we want to help you. So, Dave, take a minute
and share with people how they can get these
cards. Sure, Chip. It's actually really simple.
Throughout this entire series, for anyone who
chooses to become a monthly partner with Living
on the Edge, we'll send you these new Marriage
That Works truth cards as our way of saying thanks.
So please pray about supporting us. Your gifts
have an eternal impact as we fight for marriages
and families everywhere. To learn how to become
a monthly partner, visit livingontheedge .org
or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333
-6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App listeners,
tap donate. Listen in next time as Chip picks
up in his series, Uninvited Guests. Until then,
this is Dave Drewy saying thanks for joining
us for this edition of Living on the Edge.