We all know one thing for sure. Our kids have
great potential. The question is, do you know
how to develop your child's full potential? If
not, stay with me. That's what we'll learn today.
Thanks for listening to this edition of Living
on the Edge with Chipping Room. We are an international
teaching and discipleship ministry that encourages
and equips Christians to live like Christians.
Well, every parent knows how challenging it is
to raise children in today's world. Our kids
are under such pressure, and parents are struggling
to keep up with the relentless demands. And on
top of all that, how can you know what you're
teaching your kids is sticking and making a difference?
Well, today, Chip dives into all of that as he
picks up in our series, Uninvited Guests. So
if you're ready, here again is Chip with the
remainder of his talk, How to Develop Your Child's
Full Potential. When you want to develop obedience,
you need to understand the age of your child
and the moral development because the goal, the
goal is they learn to obey from the heart, you,
and even more importantly then, God. Two principles
I've found sort of undergird this. One is the
principle of readiness, and the other is the
principle of responsibility. Because if you're
sitting here going, how would you really do this?
The principle of readiness is stated here, is
only teach your children what they're mentally
and emotionally capable of learning. What I mean
by that is, don't, you know, here you've got,
I see this happen all the time, you've got this
five -year -old. and they can only think in concrete
terms, and you're trying to teach them something
that's very abstract. It's much easier to see
in the physical realm. Five -year -olds, with
few exceptions, have very limited motor skills.
They're still developing. Five -year -olds, some
develop faster and are ready and able to read,
and others can't and shouldn't. But you have
been inundated in a culture that says, earlier,
earlier, earlier, the better, and if I don't
start early, they're going to miss something.
And so that's why we have many of you spending
most of your life in minivans and SUVs eating
and your entire world on weekends in youth sports.
Because someone told you that, I mean, if your
five -year -old isn't on a soccer team yet, I
mean, what's going to happen? And so then when
you go to like a soccer game of five or six or
even seven -year -olds or a baseball game, you
have all these parents screaming on the sidelines.
And then you have 21 of 22 people all clustered
kicking a ball with one kid over sitting like
this, picking dandelions. Or you have this group
is up to bat, and it's father pitcher, it's this,
and they're all, you know, eye -hand coordination
develops later. But someone saw Tiger Woods years
ago start really early and convinced all of us
that the earlier, the earlier, the earlier, the
better, the better, the better, even educationally.
All the research is this. Start them reading
at three, start them reading at four, start them
reading at five. I got news. By age nine, they're
all exactly at the same level. But do you realize
the pressure? You know what you do to young athletes
when their motor skills aren't developed? And
in all these youth sports, you tell me if this
is wrong. There's only like two or three kids
that are like the stars, right? Why? They developed
early. So a lot of kids that could end up being
great athletes or actually good academically,
their experience is, man, at five -year -old,
I'm no good. At seven -year -olds, I'm no good.
Well, that's because their motor skills don't
kick in until later. But it is out of our fear
instead of our cooperation with how God designed
our kids. And, you know, you want a great athlete?
This is all my sports psychology background.
You want a great athlete because some of you
really think that's important, which is, you
know. I mean, I played college basketball. I
coached. I'm for sports. Go in the backyard with
your five -year -old, six -year -old, seven -year
-old, eight -year -old. Kick the ball. Invite
a few friends over. Look into their eyes. Help
them learn their skills. Have him not compare
everything and think that the whole thing about
sports is, wow, I got a really cool uniform and
these $35 shoes that mom and dad got me, and
I didn't do anything. I got a little trophy.
In fact, I've got six of them now. And what I
realize is whether you're good or bad or whatever,
you always get a trophy because the world is
all about me, and I really want to be a narcissist,
so thank you for the help. And so, readiness.
We blew it. You know, just so you don't feel
so bad, our oldest, he's five minutes older than
his twin brother. And yet, I mean, this is like
the control group experimental group. Born, same
family, five minutes apart. And this one was
ready. jumped into school. I mean, their birthday
is August, you know, so, oh, kindergarten. They
just turned five. Oh, you know, we can't be behind.
You know, I got to love my kids, and so we put
them both in school. Well, one was great. The
other, my Lance, he struggled. First grade, he
struggled. By second grade, I'm hiring, I mean,
I got no money. I'm hiring a tutor to help him
read, and my wife's, and then he gets into school
later, and it's like every night in third grade.
Why? Because his Not very wise father pushed
him too hard, too early, and then he's had zero
confidence in school. Now, he happens to be the
one now that has more education than anybody
in the family. He's a great student and had nothing
to do with intelligence. It had everything to
do with readiness. I can tell you the story of
when I got my boys. You know, I played baseball
in college. So, hey, my boys, I'm a baseball,
right? They have no eye -hand coordination. They
hate baseball. Why? Because their silly father
wanted them to do something that he vicariously
thought, I'm not going to go there. You apply,
whatever. May the Lord speak to you if he shall.
The second is the principle of responsibility.
Never habitually do for your children what they
can do for themselves. The other mindset that
we've developed, and the busier you are, and
especially if both of you are working, what we
tend to do is we want our kids to be happy, we
want them to be successful, and there's probably
some various levels of guilt. And so what we
do is we do everything for them. And it feels
so right because we're caring for them. If you
want your kids to grow and learn to obey, and
by the way, if you want them to have a very positive
self -esteem, you need to feed them responsibility
like vitamins. At two years old, they actually
can help, or three, they help make the bed, and
they do a terrible job, and it takes longer,
but they'll feel like it. And then, you know,
by five or six, they have a job, and they actually
take out the trash, and they spill it. By seven
or eight, they're on a stool and they get to
help a little bit with supper and it takes longer.
By eight, nine, or 10, they gather their laundry
and they learn how to push this button and that
button and they fold them terribly. By 12, 13,
14, they pack their own lunch. By the time they're
in junior high, they have their own alarm. They
learn to get up on their own and there isn't
this parent going, it's time to get up. It's
time to get up. It's time to get up. You're gonna
be late! I mean, it's like, there's part of us,
if we could just step back and look at how we
parent, we think, like, who's out of control
here? And then I see two parents exhausted, working
hard. You know, either you're picking up food
all the time or you decide we really want to
be a kind of family. He talked about eating together.
We're going to eat together. And so the mother
is fixing and the father's trying to help out.
And, you know, they're just exhausted and there's
all this stuff to do. And one kid's playing video
games and the other's surfing the net. And the
other's kind of just kind of hanging out and
got his feet up on the lazy boy going, hey, mom,
dad, supper ready? What's wrong with this picture?
See, every one of your kids ought to have a number
of very clear jobs, and you give them responsibility,
and here's what happens to them. They feel and
grow in confidence. You know, when you tell someone,
oh, no, no, don't help me put them in the dishwasher.
I can do it. I can do it. You know what you say
to your kid? You're not competent. You're not
worthwhile. You can't make it. And so then we're
just completely shocked, aren't we? Aren't we
just like dismayed? Wow, I've got a 17 -year
-old that thinks the whole world is about them,
that they should go to whatever college they
want to because it's about them. And, you know,
we went to church. I sent them to this school.
We even had some family devotions. And wow, what
happened? After all I did for them, well, guess
what? You sow and you reap. If we sow, even unintentionally
with the best of motives, all the world revolves
around you. You should have the best of this
and the best of this and never suffer. And if
there's a problem with the coach, I'll stand
in. If there's a problem at school, I'll go down
to the school. If you have a problem with someone
else, I'll step in. I'll take care of you. I'll
take care of you. Guess what? You have a 17 or
8 -year -old who's thinking the whole world should
take care of them. Your child's two greatest
needs are for significance and security. The
number one responsibility they have and your
number one priority is to teach them obedience.
And you must understand that learning obedience
is a developmental process mentally, morally,
spiritually, and physically. Does that make sense?
Fourth. You must commit to providing the necessary
resources for your children to learn obedience.
My dad came out of a generation that you put
food on the table and you provide shelter. That's
what you do. And when you do that, you're done.
But what my dad didn't know was that's not God's
plan for a father. You realize so many of these
verses, it starts out fathers. Fathers, don't
exasperate your children, but bring them up in
the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This
is an article that I've kept in this folder.
It's a little bit dated, but unfortunately, I
don't think the statistics are. The title of
the article, it's Fortune Magazine. It's why
grade A executives get an F as parents. It says,
for all their brains and competence, powerful,
successful executives and professionals often
have more trouble raising their kids than everyone
except for the very poor. Alas, the intensity,
single -mindedness that makes for corporate achievement
is often the opposite qualities needed to be
an effective parent. It goes on and does actual
research. It says, when AT &T was in the throes
of divesting all their operating managers and
top executives, it discovered that their children
were the greatest cause of stress among all top
executives. They did research then into their
insurance and found that top executives in corporate
America, 30 % of their kids had psychiatric or
outpatient care for depression, behavioral issues,
or drug addiction. Total normal people, quote,
in the company was about 15%. And all I mean
is, you know what? It is really, really hard
when you're a type A driven, focused person,
make it happen, to raise kids where both significance
and security happen. But what are the resources
that God says develop their heart, their character,
their spiritual constitution, their integrity?
Because at the end of the day, here's the challenge.
Here's the challenge. The pressures that we feel
is what... is my child going to do and accomplish?
And what God would say is, I'll tell you what,
if you would focus on who do you want your child
to become, character, you get that one taken
care of, that one will really do well. But you
can get an A in this one, and you can get an
F on this one, and you'll have decades of heartache.
So he gives us the classic passage on parenting.
Moses actually is interesting. He's going to
write to the children of Israel, and they're
going to go into the promised land. In their
world, they're going public. And, I mean, prosperity
is around the corner. I promised it. You're going
to cross over this, and I'm going to tell your
enemies you're going to defeat them. There's
going to be wells that you didn't dig. There's
going to be vineyards. Their phrase was not going
public. It was land filled with milk and honey.
There's prosperity. There's wealth. I mean, it's
going to be great. So, parents, since your kids
are going to have a lot of prosperity, here's
what you need to remember. Hear, O Israel, the
Lord our God. The Lord is one. If you have a
pen, underline that. I'm going to have you underline
just a few things because I really want you to
see this is the resource toolbox that God wants
you to put into the life of your kids. And you
shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
with all your soul, and with all your might.
Underline, shall love the Lord your God. And
these words which I'm commanding you today shall
be on your heart. Underline, shall be on your
heart. And you shall teach them diligently to
your sons. Underline, teach them diligently.
And you shall talk of them when you sit in your
house and when you walk by the way and when you
lie down and when you rise up and you shall bind
them as signs on your hand and they shall be
frontals on your forehead and you shall write
them on the doorpost of your house and on your
gates. So underline the phrase, shall talk of
them. Now that first phrase, Hear, O Israel,
the Lord our God. The Lord is one. That is doctrinal
truth. It's a polytheistic world. And he says,
you're going to go into this prosperity. They're
going to hear all these messages from all these
different gods and all these different religions.
First thing you teach him, the Lord our God is
one. There's only one God. It's Yahweh. He's
the creator. So parents. You have a responsibility
to resource your children so they know clear
doctrinal truth. At various ages, your kids early
on should know God is the creator. God loves
me. God is a triunity as they get older. One
essence in three persons. God forgives sins on
the cross. Jesus is fully God and fully man.
He was born of a virgin. Jesus is coming back.
They need to know the Bible is God's word. doctrinal
truth. You're listening to Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram, and we'll get you back to today's
message in just a minute. But quickly, it should
be clear from this new series how passionate
we are about encouraging husbands and wives and
empowering them to be God -honoring parents.
And that's why we've also created a new engaging
tool that couples can rely on every day to strengthen
their relationship. Stick around after the teaching
to learn how to get your hands on this resource.
But for now, here again is Chip. The second phrase
there is personal devotion. You shall love the
Lord your God with all your heart, with all your
soul, with all your might. More really is caught
than taught. You can send them to the best schools.
You can come here. You can send them to Sunday
school. All of that will be for naught if they
don't catch from you a passion for Jesus. Not
what you say, how you live. They walk in the
bedroom and they catch you on your knees praying.
You got a big decision and you bring the family
together and you pray. They're you. You're in
God's word. Big decisions about life and work
and priorities and what matters and what are
we going to do and what are we not going to do.
Your love for God will be caught by them. All
the research tells us that kids, after they get
out of high school, three things cause kids to
walk with God in the future. Number one, most
importantly, it's really modeled by mom and dad
in a real way in the home. Number two, they develop
over time their own personal time with God. It's
not your faith, it's theirs. And number three,
they're missional. They get out and serve and
help people on mission projects, both locally
and around, and they realize the world's bigger
than them and God uses them. You want your kids
four years after high school to walk with God?
Those three things are the key. and this is a
big one third they need biblical knowledge notice
the phrase here he says it'll be on your heart
and you shall teach them diligently i remember
when i was 18 and i was brand new and you know
i didn't know who matthew mark luke and john
were i was better with you know paul ringo and
john and george and you know and you know i knew
them i can't even get the beatles names right
let alone the gospel names right And then it
was like people were, oh, turn to 1 Thessalonians.
I'd look there and Philippians something. Where's
that? I mean, I didn't know. I didn't have a
clue. But you have to be a parent. When there's
an issue about temptation, you can turn to this
passage and say, this is the thesis of the book
of Romans. What God is speaking to in the book
of Matthew is to the Jews, and this is the gospel.
And Mark is written to the Romans, and Luke is
written to a Greek world. And John... It's a
gospel that talks about what it means to believe.
And Galatians is about freedom. And you have
to, just like many of you have gotten jobs, right?
And the first job they say, hey, look, you know,
I know you've got some good background and you're
kind of smart. You need to learn this software
and this operating system. And in six months,
you can't work here. What did you do? What did
you do? You learned it. Or you're on a job site
and someone says, hey, you know, you're a worker
like this, but I want to make you a foreman.
You've got to learn how to read blueprints. Or
you get to do this the rest of your life. What
did you do? You learned it. Your number one assignment
is your kids. But you've got to know God's word
so you can pass it on. And then there's systematic
instruction. I mean. You need to meet regularly
as they get older. Now, this isn't like, okay,
get that three -year -old down. Okay, I'm going
to read the Bible for two hours. Shut up, kid.
That is not how you do it. Short, brief, simple
stories. More complex. They read it on their
own. You sit around the table at dinner and you
talk about it. You give them assignments. They
read books on their own. I actually bribed my
kids to read good books. And I didn't feel guilty
about it. Because when my... My sophomore read
Mere Christianity, and he came home and told
me six months later that he's debating with the
chemistry teacher about the origins of life.
I thought, I think this is exactly what I want.
But you have to give them instruction. You have
to have a game plan. And then finally, there's
the informal times. You talk of them when? Well,
when you sit down, and when you rise up, when
you walk by the way. That doesn't sound like
a compartmentalized life, does it? It doesn't
sound like, okay, we went to church. You went
to Sunday school. We read the Bible a little
bit. Now, let's just live like everyone else.
This is, no, no, no, no, no. This is teachable
moments. And you just fought with your brother
and your sister, or we just broken our arm, and
now we're in the ICU, and there's someone who's
dying on the other side of it. Every moment of
every day. And then notice what it says. Your
hands. It influences your work. The frontals,
it influences your thinking. The doorpost, anything
that comes in. Everything and everything that
would come into your house through your doorpost,
whether it's virtual or people, who do you let
in and why? And the gates, how do you handle
living out in the world? And so you have doctrinal
truth, personal devotion, biblical knowledge,
systematic instruction, and teachable moments.
And I will tell you, here's a little word picture
that's been very helpful for me. Imagine that,
okay, you know, for some of you, they're older,
but imagine life is a car and your son or daughter
or all of them get in the car with you. And there's
a safety manual, rules for the road, and that's
God's word. And you drive and they're just in
the car. And they just watch you drive as you
follow God's word. And then there's a roadmap
that gives direction and guidance. And when they're
early, that's you. Later, they get it from God's
word and the Holy Spirit living in them. And
you're kind of driving, but remember when they're
real small and you put them on their lap and
sort of they get the feel of it with you? Because
you want them to learn. Finally, there's seatbelts
and protection. And so he drives and you ride,
or she drives and you ride. But actually, this
is a very scary time in all parenting. And you
talk and you encourage, you correct, you affirm,
and you even let them hit a few guardrails. No
head -on collisions. But you see what you're
doing is it's like the responsibility. It's like
a kite. You let out more and more string and
you know, at first, you know, and then you have
to pull back on it. And some have a long tail
and some have a short tail and some are box kites
and all your kids are different and they do it
at different times. There is no formula, but
you keep giving more responsibility consequences.
You have to jerk a little bit. And the goal is.
You give them the keys, they drive the car, and
they drive the car with Jesus in the car, not
you. And they live the kind of life that's pleasing
to God because they learned obedience when they're
ready. They learned responsibility. They understood
loving God isn't just an emotional experience,
but he who has my commands and keeps them, he
it is that loves me, according to Jesus. And
then the huge reward is then my father and I
will love them. and disclose ourselves to them.
Obedience is that channel, not only of blessing,
but it's the agent or means of where people have
heart relationship with God. Finally, how do
you know when you've done your job? How do you
know whether it's really going well or, wow,
we have blown it and need to do some repair?
I'm going to suggest that number five, obedience
is achieved when your child has transferred his
or her primary love, submission, and dependency
from you. to Jesus Christ. I hear parents sometimes,
and I used to say, I want my kids to be independent.
I don't want my kids to be independent. Some
of us that didn't grow up as Christians, I know
what it's like to be independent, right? I know
what it's like. Hey, God, I'll do my own thing
my own way. Forget you. That was not good for
me, and that's not good for anyone. What you
want is your kids to say, yeah, I respect you,
Mom and Dad, and I'm living under your authority,
and I know you have best, and you love me, and
you set boundaries, and it's for me, and I get
it. Thanks, Mom and Dad. I'm now focusing on
the Lord. And by the way, you know this happens
not because you say, well, we brought him to
church. This doesn't happen because they went
to this school, maybe even a Christian school.
The test is not, oh, they're doing well academically,
and the test is not, they didn't give us a bit
of problem while they were here before they went
away to school. Here's the test. Here's how you
know. Three indicators. Number one, three characteristics
of righteous children. They make wise decisions.
Philippians 1 says that when we understand and
can discern between right and wrong, They're
making at 16, 17, 18, 20 wise decisions about
what's righteous and what's not. That's maturity.
Second, they keep their commitments. Proverbs
20 verse 6 says, many a person or a man will
proclaim his own faithfulness, but a faithful
person who can find. You raise kids who they
say, I will be there at such and such a time,
or I will do this, or let's meet here, or I will
turn this in. They keep their commitments. They're
people of integrity. I'll tell you what, they're
going to have a great job. If they did nothing
else but that, they're going to end up with a
great job, right? Those of you that are supervisors
and employees and business owners and CEOs and
COOs and all the rest, if you can find people
that just keep their word, you're ready to roll.
And third, and maybe most importantly, they genuinely
care for others. They're outward focused. When
Jesus talked about what a real friend was, greater
love has no one than this, that one lay down
their life for a friend. And I can tell you what
it looks like and what it feels like when you
make really big mistakes. And I can also tell
you that when you, regardless of where you're
at, stop and say, in spite of all our mistakes,
this is God's game plan to develop their full
potential. that in the sovereignty and the grace
of God, when you see them to begin to live like
that, I don't know what your dreams were for
your kids. I don't know what you hoped they would
do or what they would accomplish. But I can tell
you this, both from scripture and personal experience,
grown kids that love God, the choose mates that
love God, that still want to be around you and
have relationship with you is worth more doctorates,
more money, more jobs. and more success than
you could get in a million lifetimes. You're
listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
and the message you just heard, how to develop
your child's full potential, is from our series,
Uninvited Guests. Chip will join us in studio
to share some insights from today's talk in just
a minute. We've all heard it said that raising
kids isn't for the faint of heart. Every parent
can attest that it can be deeply encouraging
and life -giving one moment and want to pull
out your hair frustrating the next. And those
emotional ups and downs don't include the external
challenges and pressures that kids, moms, and
dads face every day. So over the next handful
of messages, Chip will highlight biblical principles
to help navigate the complexities of raising
kids in today's world. Don't miss the insightful
wisdom from God's Word, along with practical
advice from a seasoned dad to guide you along
your parenting journey. If you've missed any
part of this series, catch up at livingontheedge
.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well,
before we go any further, Chip's here in studio
with a quick word. Thanks, Dave. In the midst
of this series, there's something I want to share
with you. Do you know that less than 5 % of all
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Now, we always talk about doing that first and
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Great challenge, Chip. And please know how much
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