WEBVTT 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:04.740 We all know one thing for sure. Our kids have 00:00:04.740 --> 00:00:08.099 great potential. The question is, do you know 00:00:08.099 --> 00:00:11.699 how to develop your child's full potential? If 00:00:11.699 --> 00:00:13.740 not, stay with me. That's what we'll learn today. 00:00:17.579 --> 00:00:20.039 Thanks for listening to this edition of Living 00:00:20.039 --> 00:00:23.300 on the Edge with Chipping Room. We are an international 00:00:23.300 --> 00:00:26.280 teaching and discipleship ministry that encourages 00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:28.679 and equips Christians to live like Christians. 00:00:29.289 --> 00:00:31.710 Well, every parent knows how challenging it is 00:00:31.710 --> 00:00:34.369 to raise children in today's world. Our kids 00:00:34.369 --> 00:00:36.929 are under such pressure, and parents are struggling 00:00:36.929 --> 00:00:39.590 to keep up with the relentless demands. And on 00:00:39.590 --> 00:00:41.929 top of all that, how can you know what you're 00:00:41.929 --> 00:00:44.490 teaching your kids is sticking and making a difference? 00:00:44.770 --> 00:00:47.310 Well, today, Chip dives into all of that as he 00:00:47.310 --> 00:00:50.469 picks up in our series, Uninvited Guests. So 00:00:50.469 --> 00:00:52.109 if you're ready, here again is Chip with the 00:00:52.109 --> 00:00:54.789 remainder of his talk, How to Develop Your Child's 00:00:54.789 --> 00:00:58.460 Full Potential. When you want to develop obedience, 00:00:58.600 --> 00:01:01.579 you need to understand the age of your child 00:01:01.579 --> 00:01:06.319 and the moral development because the goal, the 00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:10.120 goal is they learn to obey from the heart, you, 00:01:10.340 --> 00:01:15.170 and even more importantly then, God. Two principles 00:01:15.170 --> 00:01:17.709 I've found sort of undergird this. One is the 00:01:17.709 --> 00:01:19.310 principle of readiness, and the other is the 00:01:19.310 --> 00:01:21.329 principle of responsibility. Because if you're 00:01:21.329 --> 00:01:23.170 sitting here going, how would you really do this? 00:01:23.290 --> 00:01:26.010 The principle of readiness is stated here, is 00:01:26.010 --> 00:01:27.769 only teach your children what they're mentally 00:01:27.769 --> 00:01:32.629 and emotionally capable of learning. What I mean 00:01:32.629 --> 00:01:35.909 by that is, don't, you know, here you've got, 00:01:35.969 --> 00:01:38.090 I see this happen all the time, you've got this 00:01:38.090 --> 00:01:41.260 five -year -old. and they can only think in concrete 00:01:41.260 --> 00:01:43.959 terms, and you're trying to teach them something 00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:46.439 that's very abstract. It's much easier to see 00:01:46.439 --> 00:01:48.659 in the physical realm. Five -year -olds, with 00:01:48.659 --> 00:01:51.219 few exceptions, have very limited motor skills. 00:01:51.319 --> 00:01:53.480 They're still developing. Five -year -olds, some 00:01:53.480 --> 00:01:56.140 develop faster and are ready and able to read, 00:01:56.219 --> 00:01:59.379 and others can't and shouldn't. But you have 00:01:59.379 --> 00:02:01.799 been inundated in a culture that says, earlier, 00:02:01.879 --> 00:02:03.959 earlier, earlier, the better, and if I don't 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:05.239 start early, they're going to miss something. 00:02:07.049 --> 00:02:09.710 And so that's why we have many of you spending 00:02:09.710 --> 00:02:13.110 most of your life in minivans and SUVs eating 00:02:13.110 --> 00:02:16.530 and your entire world on weekends in youth sports. 00:02:17.050 --> 00:02:19.150 Because someone told you that, I mean, if your 00:02:19.150 --> 00:02:21.330 five -year -old isn't on a soccer team yet, I 00:02:21.330 --> 00:02:25.889 mean, what's going to happen? And so then when 00:02:25.889 --> 00:02:29.289 you go to like a soccer game of five or six or 00:02:29.289 --> 00:02:32.270 even seven -year -olds or a baseball game, you 00:02:32.270 --> 00:02:35.050 have all these parents screaming on the sidelines. 00:02:35.759 --> 00:02:39.139 And then you have 21 of 22 people all clustered 00:02:39.139 --> 00:02:42.419 kicking a ball with one kid over sitting like 00:02:42.419 --> 00:02:49.180 this, picking dandelions. Or you have this group 00:02:49.180 --> 00:02:52.020 is up to bat, and it's father pitcher, it's this, 00:02:52.020 --> 00:02:54.199 and they're all, you know, eye -hand coordination 00:02:54.199 --> 00:02:58.189 develops later. But someone saw Tiger Woods years 00:02:58.189 --> 00:03:01.150 ago start really early and convinced all of us 00:03:01.150 --> 00:03:02.789 that the earlier, the earlier, the earlier, the 00:03:02.789 --> 00:03:04.889 better, the better, the better, even educationally. 00:03:04.930 --> 00:03:06.870 All the research is this. Start them reading 00:03:06.870 --> 00:03:08.729 at three, start them reading at four, start them 00:03:08.729 --> 00:03:11.370 reading at five. I got news. By age nine, they're 00:03:11.370 --> 00:03:16.389 all exactly at the same level. But do you realize 00:03:16.389 --> 00:03:18.590 the pressure? You know what you do to young athletes 00:03:18.590 --> 00:03:20.669 when their motor skills aren't developed? And 00:03:20.669 --> 00:03:22.789 in all these youth sports, you tell me if this 00:03:22.789 --> 00:03:24.509 is wrong. There's only like two or three kids 00:03:24.509 --> 00:03:27.050 that are like the stars, right? Why? They developed 00:03:27.050 --> 00:03:30.150 early. So a lot of kids that could end up being 00:03:30.150 --> 00:03:32.370 great athletes or actually good academically, 00:03:32.629 --> 00:03:34.949 their experience is, man, at five -year -old, 00:03:34.969 --> 00:03:36.729 I'm no good. At seven -year -olds, I'm no good. 00:03:37.150 --> 00:03:38.689 Well, that's because their motor skills don't 00:03:38.689 --> 00:03:41.550 kick in until later. But it is out of our fear 00:03:41.550 --> 00:03:43.610 instead of our cooperation with how God designed 00:03:43.610 --> 00:03:46.909 our kids. And, you know, you want a great athlete? 00:03:46.969 --> 00:03:48.590 This is all my sports psychology background. 00:03:48.770 --> 00:03:49.969 You want a great athlete because some of you 00:03:49.969 --> 00:03:51.349 really think that's important, which is, you 00:03:51.349 --> 00:03:53.370 know. I mean, I played college basketball. I 00:03:53.370 --> 00:03:57.120 coached. I'm for sports. Go in the backyard with 00:03:57.120 --> 00:03:58.860 your five -year -old, six -year -old, seven -year 00:03:58.860 --> 00:04:01.020 -old, eight -year -old. Kick the ball. Invite 00:04:01.020 --> 00:04:03.580 a few friends over. Look into their eyes. Help 00:04:03.580 --> 00:04:05.460 them learn their skills. Have him not compare 00:04:05.460 --> 00:04:08.300 everything and think that the whole thing about 00:04:08.300 --> 00:04:10.539 sports is, wow, I got a really cool uniform and 00:04:10.539 --> 00:04:12.740 these $35 shoes that mom and dad got me, and 00:04:12.740 --> 00:04:14.099 I didn't do anything. I got a little trophy. 00:04:14.180 --> 00:04:17.180 In fact, I've got six of them now. And what I 00:04:17.180 --> 00:04:18.920 realize is whether you're good or bad or whatever, 00:04:19.060 --> 00:04:20.879 you always get a trophy because the world is 00:04:20.879 --> 00:04:23.019 all about me, and I really want to be a narcissist, 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:29.910 so thank you for the help. And so, readiness. 00:04:31.389 --> 00:04:33.610 We blew it. You know, just so you don't feel 00:04:33.610 --> 00:04:37.689 so bad, our oldest, he's five minutes older than 00:04:37.689 --> 00:04:40.790 his twin brother. And yet, I mean, this is like 00:04:40.790 --> 00:04:43.889 the control group experimental group. Born, same 00:04:43.889 --> 00:04:46.850 family, five minutes apart. And this one was 00:04:46.850 --> 00:04:49.500 ready. jumped into school. I mean, their birthday 00:04:49.500 --> 00:04:52.220 is August, you know, so, oh, kindergarten. They 00:04:52.220 --> 00:04:54.720 just turned five. Oh, you know, we can't be behind. 00:04:54.920 --> 00:04:57.019 You know, I got to love my kids, and so we put 00:04:57.019 --> 00:05:00.279 them both in school. Well, one was great. The 00:05:00.279 --> 00:05:03.120 other, my Lance, he struggled. First grade, he 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:05.639 struggled. By second grade, I'm hiring, I mean, 00:05:05.660 --> 00:05:08.160 I got no money. I'm hiring a tutor to help him 00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:11.160 read, and my wife's, and then he gets into school 00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:13.199 later, and it's like every night in third grade. 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:18.259 Why? Because his Not very wise father pushed 00:05:18.259 --> 00:05:21.220 him too hard, too early, and then he's had zero 00:05:21.220 --> 00:05:24.439 confidence in school. Now, he happens to be the 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:26.600 one now that has more education than anybody 00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:29.480 in the family. He's a great student and had nothing 00:05:29.480 --> 00:05:32.060 to do with intelligence. It had everything to 00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:34.509 do with readiness. I can tell you the story of 00:05:34.509 --> 00:05:36.009 when I got my boys. You know, I played baseball 00:05:36.009 --> 00:05:38.009 in college. So, hey, my boys, I'm a baseball, 00:05:38.370 --> 00:05:40.990 right? They have no eye -hand coordination. They 00:05:40.990 --> 00:05:43.769 hate baseball. Why? Because their silly father 00:05:43.769 --> 00:05:45.750 wanted them to do something that he vicariously 00:05:45.750 --> 00:05:48.430 thought, I'm not going to go there. You apply, 00:05:48.649 --> 00:05:51.410 whatever. May the Lord speak to you if he shall. 00:05:52.569 --> 00:05:55.069 The second is the principle of responsibility. 00:05:55.649 --> 00:05:58.310 Never habitually do for your children what they 00:05:58.310 --> 00:06:02.800 can do for themselves. The other mindset that 00:06:02.800 --> 00:06:05.079 we've developed, and the busier you are, and 00:06:05.079 --> 00:06:08.180 especially if both of you are working, what we 00:06:08.180 --> 00:06:11.060 tend to do is we want our kids to be happy, we 00:06:11.060 --> 00:06:12.819 want them to be successful, and there's probably 00:06:12.819 --> 00:06:15.360 some various levels of guilt. And so what we 00:06:15.360 --> 00:06:18.300 do is we do everything for them. And it feels 00:06:18.300 --> 00:06:21.920 so right because we're caring for them. If you 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:25.079 want your kids to grow and learn to obey, and 00:06:25.079 --> 00:06:27.160 by the way, if you want them to have a very positive 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:30.399 self -esteem, you need to feed them responsibility 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:33.879 like vitamins. At two years old, they actually 00:06:33.879 --> 00:06:36.100 can help, or three, they help make the bed, and 00:06:36.100 --> 00:06:38.360 they do a terrible job, and it takes longer, 00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:41.879 but they'll feel like it. And then, you know, 00:06:41.879 --> 00:06:43.879 by five or six, they have a job, and they actually 00:06:43.879 --> 00:06:47.949 take out the trash, and they spill it. By seven 00:06:47.949 --> 00:06:50.129 or eight, they're on a stool and they get to 00:06:50.129 --> 00:06:52.189 help a little bit with supper and it takes longer. 00:06:53.189 --> 00:06:55.889 By eight, nine, or 10, they gather their laundry 00:06:55.889 --> 00:06:58.449 and they learn how to push this button and that 00:06:58.449 --> 00:07:02.389 button and they fold them terribly. By 12, 13, 00:07:02.610 --> 00:07:05.910 14, they pack their own lunch. By the time they're 00:07:05.910 --> 00:07:09.170 in junior high, they have their own alarm. They 00:07:09.170 --> 00:07:11.689 learn to get up on their own and there isn't 00:07:11.689 --> 00:07:13.569 this parent going, it's time to get up. It's 00:07:13.569 --> 00:07:17.379 time to get up. It's time to get up. You're gonna 00:07:17.379 --> 00:07:23.399 be late! I mean, it's like, there's part of us, 00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:25.259 if we could just step back and look at how we 00:07:25.259 --> 00:07:27.500 parent, we think, like, who's out of control 00:07:27.500 --> 00:07:33.439 here? And then I see two parents exhausted, working 00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:36.720 hard. You know, either you're picking up food 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:38.980 all the time or you decide we really want to 00:07:38.980 --> 00:07:40.839 be a kind of family. He talked about eating together. 00:07:40.939 --> 00:07:43.180 We're going to eat together. And so the mother 00:07:43.180 --> 00:07:45.139 is fixing and the father's trying to help out. 00:07:45.259 --> 00:07:47.500 And, you know, they're just exhausted and there's 00:07:47.500 --> 00:07:49.879 all this stuff to do. And one kid's playing video 00:07:49.879 --> 00:07:53.040 games and the other's surfing the net. And the 00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:54.800 other's kind of just kind of hanging out and 00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:57.139 got his feet up on the lazy boy going, hey, mom, 00:07:57.240 --> 00:08:01.740 dad, supper ready? What's wrong with this picture? 00:08:03.219 --> 00:08:06.680 See, every one of your kids ought to have a number 00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:09.500 of very clear jobs, and you give them responsibility, 00:08:09.899 --> 00:08:14.040 and here's what happens to them. They feel and 00:08:14.040 --> 00:08:17.199 grow in confidence. You know, when you tell someone, 00:08:17.259 --> 00:08:19.579 oh, no, no, don't help me put them in the dishwasher. 00:08:19.699 --> 00:08:21.480 I can do it. I can do it. You know what you say 00:08:21.480 --> 00:08:24.100 to your kid? You're not competent. You're not 00:08:24.100 --> 00:08:28.120 worthwhile. You can't make it. And so then we're 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:29.879 just completely shocked, aren't we? Aren't we 00:08:29.879 --> 00:08:35.620 just like dismayed? Wow, I've got a 17 -year 00:08:35.620 --> 00:08:37.480 -old that thinks the whole world is about them, 00:08:37.620 --> 00:08:39.399 that they should go to whatever college they 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:41.740 want to because it's about them. And, you know, 00:08:41.879 --> 00:08:44.519 we went to church. I sent them to this school. 00:08:44.980 --> 00:08:52.039 We even had some family devotions. And wow, what 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:58.720 happened? After all I did for them, well, guess 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:04.919 what? You sow and you reap. If we sow, even unintentionally 00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:07.620 with the best of motives, all the world revolves 00:09:07.620 --> 00:09:09.799 around you. You should have the best of this 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:12.259 and the best of this and never suffer. And if 00:09:12.259 --> 00:09:13.779 there's a problem with the coach, I'll stand 00:09:13.779 --> 00:09:15.659 in. If there's a problem at school, I'll go down 00:09:15.659 --> 00:09:17.159 to the school. If you have a problem with someone 00:09:17.159 --> 00:09:19.419 else, I'll step in. I'll take care of you. I'll 00:09:19.419 --> 00:09:21.600 take care of you. Guess what? You have a 17 or 00:09:21.600 --> 00:09:23.320 8 -year -old who's thinking the whole world should 00:09:23.320 --> 00:09:29.740 take care of them. Your child's two greatest 00:09:29.740 --> 00:09:33.419 needs are for significance and security. The 00:09:33.419 --> 00:09:35.500 number one responsibility they have and your 00:09:35.500 --> 00:09:37.480 number one priority is to teach them obedience. 00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:43.279 And you must understand that learning obedience 00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:47.759 is a developmental process mentally, morally, 00:09:48.019 --> 00:09:52.820 spiritually, and physically. Does that make sense? 00:09:53.720 --> 00:10:00.679 Fourth. You must commit to providing the necessary 00:10:00.679 --> 00:10:05.179 resources for your children to learn obedience. 00:10:06.100 --> 00:10:08.919 My dad came out of a generation that you put 00:10:08.919 --> 00:10:12.139 food on the table and you provide shelter. That's 00:10:12.139 --> 00:10:14.039 what you do. And when you do that, you're done. 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:18.399 But what my dad didn't know was that's not God's 00:10:18.399 --> 00:10:21.100 plan for a father. You realize so many of these 00:10:21.100 --> 00:10:24.769 verses, it starts out fathers. Fathers, don't 00:10:24.769 --> 00:10:27.289 exasperate your children, but bring them up in 00:10:27.289 --> 00:10:31.090 the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This 00:10:31.090 --> 00:10:32.830 is an article that I've kept in this folder. 00:10:32.950 --> 00:10:34.990 It's a little bit dated, but unfortunately, I 00:10:34.990 --> 00:10:37.070 don't think the statistics are. The title of 00:10:37.070 --> 00:10:39.269 the article, it's Fortune Magazine. It's why 00:10:39.269 --> 00:10:42.610 grade A executives get an F as parents. It says, 00:10:42.710 --> 00:10:44.549 for all their brains and competence, powerful, 00:10:44.690 --> 00:10:46.649 successful executives and professionals often 00:10:46.649 --> 00:10:49.110 have more trouble raising their kids than everyone 00:10:49.110 --> 00:10:52.190 except for the very poor. Alas, the intensity, 00:10:52.350 --> 00:10:54.690 single -mindedness that makes for corporate achievement 00:10:54.690 --> 00:10:58.809 is often the opposite qualities needed to be 00:10:58.809 --> 00:11:01.690 an effective parent. It goes on and does actual 00:11:01.690 --> 00:11:04.110 research. It says, when AT &T was in the throes 00:11:04.110 --> 00:11:06.529 of divesting all their operating managers and 00:11:06.529 --> 00:11:09.230 top executives, it discovered that their children 00:11:09.929 --> 00:11:12.350 were the greatest cause of stress among all top 00:11:12.350 --> 00:11:15.070 executives. They did research then into their 00:11:15.070 --> 00:11:18.070 insurance and found that top executives in corporate 00:11:18.070 --> 00:11:22.610 America, 30 % of their kids had psychiatric or 00:11:22.610 --> 00:11:26.049 outpatient care for depression, behavioral issues, 00:11:26.149 --> 00:11:30.909 or drug addiction. Total normal people, quote, 00:11:30.990 --> 00:11:35.470 in the company was about 15%. And all I mean 00:11:35.470 --> 00:11:38.419 is, you know what? It is really, really hard 00:11:38.419 --> 00:11:40.919 when you're a type A driven, focused person, 00:11:40.980 --> 00:11:44.720 make it happen, to raise kids where both significance 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:49.019 and security happen. But what are the resources 00:11:49.019 --> 00:11:52.860 that God says develop their heart, their character, 00:11:53.120 --> 00:11:56.539 their spiritual constitution, their integrity? 00:11:56.759 --> 00:11:59.360 Because at the end of the day, here's the challenge. 00:11:59.559 --> 00:12:03.139 Here's the challenge. The pressures that we feel 00:12:03.139 --> 00:12:08.289 is what... is my child going to do and accomplish? 00:12:09.330 --> 00:12:11.889 And what God would say is, I'll tell you what, 00:12:12.009 --> 00:12:15.529 if you would focus on who do you want your child 00:12:15.529 --> 00:12:19.909 to become, character, you get that one taken 00:12:19.909 --> 00:12:23.269 care of, that one will really do well. But you 00:12:23.269 --> 00:12:26.850 can get an A in this one, and you can get an 00:12:26.850 --> 00:12:29.950 F on this one, and you'll have decades of heartache. 00:12:30.919 --> 00:12:33.539 So he gives us the classic passage on parenting. 00:12:34.019 --> 00:12:36.399 Moses actually is interesting. He's going to 00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:39.340 write to the children of Israel, and they're 00:12:39.340 --> 00:12:41.860 going to go into the promised land. In their 00:12:41.860 --> 00:12:44.700 world, they're going public. And, I mean, prosperity 00:12:44.700 --> 00:12:47.340 is around the corner. I promised it. You're going 00:12:47.340 --> 00:12:49.019 to cross over this, and I'm going to tell your 00:12:49.019 --> 00:12:50.879 enemies you're going to defeat them. There's 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:52.419 going to be wells that you didn't dig. There's 00:12:52.419 --> 00:12:55.200 going to be vineyards. Their phrase was not going 00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:57.740 public. It was land filled with milk and honey. 00:12:57.860 --> 00:13:00.320 There's prosperity. There's wealth. I mean, it's 00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:04.919 going to be great. So, parents, since your kids 00:13:04.919 --> 00:13:07.960 are going to have a lot of prosperity, here's 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:11.159 what you need to remember. Hear, O Israel, the 00:13:11.159 --> 00:13:14.450 Lord our God. The Lord is one. If you have a 00:13:14.450 --> 00:13:16.429 pen, underline that. I'm going to have you underline 00:13:16.429 --> 00:13:18.470 just a few things because I really want you to 00:13:18.470 --> 00:13:23.450 see this is the resource toolbox that God wants 00:13:23.450 --> 00:13:26.669 you to put into the life of your kids. And you 00:13:26.669 --> 00:13:28.710 shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, 00:13:28.789 --> 00:13:30.549 with all your soul, and with all your might. 00:13:31.389 --> 00:13:36.250 Underline, shall love the Lord your God. And 00:13:36.250 --> 00:13:38.950 these words which I'm commanding you today shall 00:13:38.950 --> 00:13:43.080 be on your heart. Underline, shall be on your 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:47.100 heart. And you shall teach them diligently to 00:13:47.100 --> 00:13:49.759 your sons. Underline, teach them diligently. 00:13:50.620 --> 00:13:52.700 And you shall talk of them when you sit in your 00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:55.059 house and when you walk by the way and when you 00:13:55.059 --> 00:13:57.240 lie down and when you rise up and you shall bind 00:13:57.240 --> 00:13:59.259 them as signs on your hand and they shall be 00:13:59.259 --> 00:14:01.480 frontals on your forehead and you shall write 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:04.039 them on the doorpost of your house and on your 00:14:04.039 --> 00:14:07.539 gates. So underline the phrase, shall talk of 00:14:07.539 --> 00:14:11.250 them. Now that first phrase, Hear, O Israel, 00:14:11.370 --> 00:14:14.649 the Lord our God. The Lord is one. That is doctrinal 00:14:14.649 --> 00:14:19.230 truth. It's a polytheistic world. And he says, 00:14:19.250 --> 00:14:21.330 you're going to go into this prosperity. They're 00:14:21.330 --> 00:14:23.490 going to hear all these messages from all these 00:14:23.490 --> 00:14:25.110 different gods and all these different religions. 00:14:25.529 --> 00:14:28.149 First thing you teach him, the Lord our God is 00:14:28.149 --> 00:14:31.090 one. There's only one God. It's Yahweh. He's 00:14:31.090 --> 00:14:36.289 the creator. So parents. You have a responsibility 00:14:36.289 --> 00:14:38.950 to resource your children so they know clear 00:14:38.950 --> 00:14:43.250 doctrinal truth. At various ages, your kids early 00:14:43.250 --> 00:14:45.889 on should know God is the creator. God loves 00:14:45.889 --> 00:14:49.250 me. God is a triunity as they get older. One 00:14:49.250 --> 00:14:52.470 essence in three persons. God forgives sins on 00:14:52.470 --> 00:14:55.009 the cross. Jesus is fully God and fully man. 00:14:55.210 --> 00:14:58.450 He was born of a virgin. Jesus is coming back. 00:14:59.629 --> 00:15:04.289 They need to know the Bible is God's word. doctrinal 00:15:04.289 --> 00:15:08.309 truth. You're listening to Living on the Edge 00:15:08.309 --> 00:15:11.210 with Chip Ingram, and we'll get you back to today's 00:15:11.210 --> 00:15:13.710 message in just a minute. But quickly, it should 00:15:13.710 --> 00:15:15.970 be clear from this new series how passionate 00:15:15.970 --> 00:15:18.970 we are about encouraging husbands and wives and 00:15:18.970 --> 00:15:21.309 empowering them to be God -honoring parents. 00:15:22.039 --> 00:15:24.559 And that's why we've also created a new engaging 00:15:24.559 --> 00:15:28.019 tool that couples can rely on every day to strengthen 00:15:28.019 --> 00:15:30.799 their relationship. Stick around after the teaching 00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:32.980 to learn how to get your hands on this resource. 00:15:33.299 --> 00:15:37.179 But for now, here again is Chip. The second phrase 00:15:37.179 --> 00:15:41.220 there is personal devotion. You shall love the 00:15:41.220 --> 00:15:43.019 Lord your God with all your heart, with all your 00:15:43.019 --> 00:15:46.679 soul, with all your might. More really is caught 00:15:46.679 --> 00:15:49.240 than taught. You can send them to the best schools. 00:15:49.759 --> 00:15:52.139 You can come here. You can send them to Sunday 00:15:52.139 --> 00:15:55.639 school. All of that will be for naught if they 00:15:55.639 --> 00:15:59.600 don't catch from you a passion for Jesus. Not 00:15:59.600 --> 00:16:03.139 what you say, how you live. They walk in the 00:16:03.139 --> 00:16:04.600 bedroom and they catch you on your knees praying. 00:16:05.139 --> 00:16:07.580 You got a big decision and you bring the family 00:16:07.580 --> 00:16:10.480 together and you pray. They're you. You're in 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:14.139 God's word. Big decisions about life and work 00:16:14.139 --> 00:16:15.940 and priorities and what matters and what are 00:16:15.940 --> 00:16:17.179 we going to do and what are we not going to do. 00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:23.730 Your love for God will be caught by them. All 00:16:23.730 --> 00:16:25.629 the research tells us that kids, after they get 00:16:25.629 --> 00:16:27.929 out of high school, three things cause kids to 00:16:27.929 --> 00:16:30.129 walk with God in the future. Number one, most 00:16:30.129 --> 00:16:32.110 importantly, it's really modeled by mom and dad 00:16:32.110 --> 00:16:34.649 in a real way in the home. Number two, they develop 00:16:34.649 --> 00:16:37.570 over time their own personal time with God. It's 00:16:37.570 --> 00:16:39.389 not your faith, it's theirs. And number three, 00:16:39.429 --> 00:16:41.389 they're missional. They get out and serve and 00:16:41.389 --> 00:16:43.629 help people on mission projects, both locally 00:16:43.629 --> 00:16:45.909 and around, and they realize the world's bigger 00:16:45.909 --> 00:16:48.610 than them and God uses them. You want your kids 00:16:48.610 --> 00:16:50.809 four years after high school to walk with God? 00:16:50.970 --> 00:16:53.409 Those three things are the key. and this is a 00:16:53.409 --> 00:16:59.610 big one third they need biblical knowledge notice 00:16:59.610 --> 00:17:02.669 the phrase here he says it'll be on your heart 00:17:02.669 --> 00:17:05.869 and you shall teach them diligently i remember 00:17:05.869 --> 00:17:10.069 when i was 18 and i was brand new and you know 00:17:10.069 --> 00:17:11.930 i didn't know who matthew mark luke and john 00:17:11.930 --> 00:17:14.289 were i was better with you know paul ringo and 00:17:14.289 --> 00:17:17.089 john and george and you know and you know i knew 00:17:17.089 --> 00:17:19.049 them i can't even get the beatles names right 00:17:19.049 --> 00:17:22.079 let alone the gospel names right And then it 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:24.480 was like people were, oh, turn to 1 Thessalonians. 00:17:24.720 --> 00:17:27.059 I'd look there and Philippians something. Where's 00:17:27.059 --> 00:17:28.680 that? I mean, I didn't know. I didn't have a 00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:34.299 clue. But you have to be a parent. When there's 00:17:34.299 --> 00:17:36.660 an issue about temptation, you can turn to this 00:17:36.660 --> 00:17:39.160 passage and say, this is the thesis of the book 00:17:39.160 --> 00:17:42.339 of Romans. What God is speaking to in the book 00:17:42.339 --> 00:17:44.319 of Matthew is to the Jews, and this is the gospel. 00:17:44.519 --> 00:17:46.480 And Mark is written to the Romans, and Luke is 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:49.000 written to a Greek world. And John... It's a 00:17:49.000 --> 00:17:51.079 gospel that talks about what it means to believe. 00:17:51.240 --> 00:17:53.680 And Galatians is about freedom. And you have 00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:56.519 to, just like many of you have gotten jobs, right? 00:17:57.160 --> 00:17:59.920 And the first job they say, hey, look, you know, 00:18:00.019 --> 00:18:01.559 I know you've got some good background and you're 00:18:01.559 --> 00:18:03.819 kind of smart. You need to learn this software 00:18:03.819 --> 00:18:05.619 and this operating system. And in six months, 00:18:05.680 --> 00:18:09.180 you can't work here. What did you do? What did 00:18:09.180 --> 00:18:12.960 you do? You learned it. Or you're on a job site 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:15.079 and someone says, hey, you know, you're a worker 00:18:15.079 --> 00:18:16.799 like this, but I want to make you a foreman. 00:18:16.839 --> 00:18:19.019 You've got to learn how to read blueprints. Or 00:18:19.019 --> 00:18:20.839 you get to do this the rest of your life. What 00:18:20.839 --> 00:18:24.220 did you do? You learned it. Your number one assignment 00:18:24.220 --> 00:18:28.819 is your kids. But you've got to know God's word 00:18:28.819 --> 00:18:31.839 so you can pass it on. And then there's systematic 00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:36.750 instruction. I mean. You need to meet regularly 00:18:36.750 --> 00:18:39.009 as they get older. Now, this isn't like, okay, 00:18:39.089 --> 00:18:40.690 get that three -year -old down. Okay, I'm going 00:18:40.690 --> 00:18:42.230 to read the Bible for two hours. Shut up, kid. 00:18:42.410 --> 00:18:46.609 That is not how you do it. Short, brief, simple 00:18:46.609 --> 00:18:50.210 stories. More complex. They read it on their 00:18:50.210 --> 00:18:52.309 own. You sit around the table at dinner and you 00:18:52.309 --> 00:18:54.609 talk about it. You give them assignments. They 00:18:54.609 --> 00:18:57.170 read books on their own. I actually bribed my 00:18:57.170 --> 00:19:00.769 kids to read good books. And I didn't feel guilty 00:19:00.769 --> 00:19:04.650 about it. Because when my... My sophomore read 00:19:04.650 --> 00:19:06.630 Mere Christianity, and he came home and told 00:19:06.630 --> 00:19:09.509 me six months later that he's debating with the 00:19:09.509 --> 00:19:12.029 chemistry teacher about the origins of life. 00:19:12.130 --> 00:19:13.849 I thought, I think this is exactly what I want. 00:19:14.789 --> 00:19:17.869 But you have to give them instruction. You have 00:19:17.869 --> 00:19:20.250 to have a game plan. And then finally, there's 00:19:20.250 --> 00:19:22.250 the informal times. You talk of them when? Well, 00:19:22.250 --> 00:19:23.849 when you sit down, and when you rise up, when 00:19:23.849 --> 00:19:26.079 you walk by the way. That doesn't sound like 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:27.980 a compartmentalized life, does it? It doesn't 00:19:27.980 --> 00:19:30.440 sound like, okay, we went to church. You went 00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:32.200 to Sunday school. We read the Bible a little 00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:34.000 bit. Now, let's just live like everyone else. 00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:38.220 This is, no, no, no, no, no. This is teachable 00:19:38.220 --> 00:19:40.720 moments. And you just fought with your brother 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:42.880 and your sister, or we just broken our arm, and 00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:45.119 now we're in the ICU, and there's someone who's 00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:47.519 dying on the other side of it. Every moment of 00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:50.019 every day. And then notice what it says. Your 00:19:50.019 --> 00:19:53.910 hands. It influences your work. The frontals, 00:19:53.930 --> 00:19:56.109 it influences your thinking. The doorpost, anything 00:19:56.109 --> 00:19:58.509 that comes in. Everything and everything that 00:19:58.509 --> 00:20:00.230 would come into your house through your doorpost, 00:20:00.509 --> 00:20:03.769 whether it's virtual or people, who do you let 00:20:03.769 --> 00:20:06.930 in and why? And the gates, how do you handle 00:20:06.930 --> 00:20:10.789 living out in the world? And so you have doctrinal 00:20:10.789 --> 00:20:13.009 truth, personal devotion, biblical knowledge, 00:20:13.150 --> 00:20:16.029 systematic instruction, and teachable moments. 00:20:17.319 --> 00:20:19.279 And I will tell you, here's a little word picture 00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:22.319 that's been very helpful for me. Imagine that, 00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:24.339 okay, you know, for some of you, they're older, 00:20:24.500 --> 00:20:28.460 but imagine life is a car and your son or daughter 00:20:28.460 --> 00:20:32.759 or all of them get in the car with you. And there's 00:20:32.759 --> 00:20:34.859 a safety manual, rules for the road, and that's 00:20:34.859 --> 00:20:37.599 God's word. And you drive and they're just in 00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:39.519 the car. And they just watch you drive as you 00:20:39.519 --> 00:20:41.720 follow God's word. And then there's a roadmap 00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:43.779 that gives direction and guidance. And when they're 00:20:43.779 --> 00:20:46.289 early, that's you. Later, they get it from God's 00:20:46.289 --> 00:20:48.549 word and the Holy Spirit living in them. And 00:20:48.549 --> 00:20:50.410 you're kind of driving, but remember when they're 00:20:50.410 --> 00:20:52.230 real small and you put them on their lap and 00:20:52.230 --> 00:20:54.509 sort of they get the feel of it with you? Because 00:20:54.509 --> 00:20:58.569 you want them to learn. Finally, there's seatbelts 00:20:58.569 --> 00:21:01.509 and protection. And so he drives and you ride, 00:21:01.609 --> 00:21:03.789 or she drives and you ride. But actually, this 00:21:03.789 --> 00:21:06.990 is a very scary time in all parenting. And you 00:21:06.990 --> 00:21:09.730 talk and you encourage, you correct, you affirm, 00:21:09.970 --> 00:21:12.970 and you even let them hit a few guardrails. No 00:21:12.970 --> 00:21:15.740 head -on collisions. But you see what you're 00:21:15.740 --> 00:21:18.279 doing is it's like the responsibility. It's like 00:21:18.279 --> 00:21:20.779 a kite. You let out more and more string and 00:21:20.779 --> 00:21:23.140 you know, at first, you know, and then you have 00:21:23.140 --> 00:21:25.279 to pull back on it. And some have a long tail 00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:27.140 and some have a short tail and some are box kites 00:21:27.140 --> 00:21:28.660 and all your kids are different and they do it 00:21:28.660 --> 00:21:30.400 at different times. There is no formula, but 00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:32.680 you keep giving more responsibility consequences. 00:21:32.980 --> 00:21:35.160 You have to jerk a little bit. And the goal is. 00:21:36.299 --> 00:21:39.460 You give them the keys, they drive the car, and 00:21:39.460 --> 00:21:42.319 they drive the car with Jesus in the car, not 00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:45.039 you. And they live the kind of life that's pleasing 00:21:45.039 --> 00:21:48.200 to God because they learned obedience when they're 00:21:48.200 --> 00:21:50.859 ready. They learned responsibility. They understood 00:21:50.859 --> 00:21:53.220 loving God isn't just an emotional experience, 00:21:53.339 --> 00:21:55.859 but he who has my commands and keeps them, he 00:21:55.859 --> 00:21:58.960 it is that loves me, according to Jesus. And 00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:01.759 then the huge reward is then my father and I 00:22:01.759 --> 00:22:05.920 will love them. and disclose ourselves to them. 00:22:06.819 --> 00:22:09.119 Obedience is that channel, not only of blessing, 00:22:09.319 --> 00:22:11.960 but it's the agent or means of where people have 00:22:11.960 --> 00:22:15.359 heart relationship with God. Finally, how do 00:22:15.359 --> 00:22:16.759 you know when you've done your job? How do you 00:22:16.759 --> 00:22:19.559 know whether it's really going well or, wow, 00:22:19.599 --> 00:22:21.839 we have blown it and need to do some repair? 00:22:22.660 --> 00:22:24.740 I'm going to suggest that number five, obedience 00:22:24.740 --> 00:22:27.779 is achieved when your child has transferred his 00:22:27.779 --> 00:22:31.160 or her primary love, submission, and dependency 00:22:31.160 --> 00:22:35.500 from you. to Jesus Christ. I hear parents sometimes, 00:22:35.619 --> 00:22:37.559 and I used to say, I want my kids to be independent. 00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:39.839 I don't want my kids to be independent. Some 00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:41.500 of us that didn't grow up as Christians, I know 00:22:41.500 --> 00:22:43.519 what it's like to be independent, right? I know 00:22:43.519 --> 00:22:45.779 what it's like. Hey, God, I'll do my own thing 00:22:45.779 --> 00:22:51.019 my own way. Forget you. That was not good for 00:22:51.019 --> 00:22:53.480 me, and that's not good for anyone. What you 00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:55.819 want is your kids to say, yeah, I respect you, 00:22:55.900 --> 00:22:58.299 Mom and Dad, and I'm living under your authority, 00:22:58.359 --> 00:23:00.079 and I know you have best, and you love me, and 00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:01.859 you set boundaries, and it's for me, and I get 00:23:01.859 --> 00:23:05.900 it. Thanks, Mom and Dad. I'm now focusing on 00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:10.660 the Lord. And by the way, you know this happens 00:23:10.660 --> 00:23:12.839 not because you say, well, we brought him to 00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:15.559 church. This doesn't happen because they went 00:23:15.559 --> 00:23:17.079 to this school, maybe even a Christian school. 00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:20.519 The test is not, oh, they're doing well academically, 00:23:20.779 --> 00:23:23.180 and the test is not, they didn't give us a bit 00:23:23.180 --> 00:23:24.680 of problem while they were here before they went 00:23:24.680 --> 00:23:28.160 away to school. Here's the test. Here's how you 00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:31.160 know. Three indicators. Number one, three characteristics 00:23:31.160 --> 00:23:33.940 of righteous children. They make wise decisions. 00:23:35.900 --> 00:23:39.799 Philippians 1 says that when we understand and 00:23:39.799 --> 00:23:43.119 can discern between right and wrong, They're 00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:47.259 making at 16, 17, 18, 20 wise decisions about 00:23:47.259 --> 00:23:50.480 what's righteous and what's not. That's maturity. 00:23:50.579 --> 00:23:54.079 Second, they keep their commitments. Proverbs 00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:56.640 20 verse 6 says, many a person or a man will 00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.779 proclaim his own faithfulness, but a faithful 00:23:58.779 --> 00:24:02.720 person who can find. You raise kids who they 00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:04.799 say, I will be there at such and such a time, 00:24:04.859 --> 00:24:08.519 or I will do this, or let's meet here, or I will 00:24:08.519 --> 00:24:11.299 turn this in. They keep their commitments. They're 00:24:11.299 --> 00:24:14.460 people of integrity. I'll tell you what, they're 00:24:14.460 --> 00:24:15.799 going to have a great job. If they did nothing 00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:17.000 else but that, they're going to end up with a 00:24:17.000 --> 00:24:19.259 great job, right? Those of you that are supervisors 00:24:19.259 --> 00:24:21.660 and employees and business owners and CEOs and 00:24:21.660 --> 00:24:23.980 COOs and all the rest, if you can find people 00:24:23.980 --> 00:24:26.099 that just keep their word, you're ready to roll. 00:24:27.180 --> 00:24:29.460 And third, and maybe most importantly, they genuinely 00:24:29.460 --> 00:24:35.339 care for others. They're outward focused. When 00:24:35.339 --> 00:24:37.420 Jesus talked about what a real friend was, greater 00:24:37.420 --> 00:24:40.359 love has no one than this, that one lay down 00:24:40.359 --> 00:24:45.380 their life for a friend. And I can tell you what 00:24:45.380 --> 00:24:48.200 it looks like and what it feels like when you 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:52.140 make really big mistakes. And I can also tell 00:24:52.140 --> 00:24:54.000 you that when you, regardless of where you're 00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:57.140 at, stop and say, in spite of all our mistakes, 00:24:57.480 --> 00:25:01.220 this is God's game plan to develop their full 00:25:01.220 --> 00:25:04.099 potential. that in the sovereignty and the grace 00:25:04.099 --> 00:25:06.079 of God, when you see them to begin to live like 00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:09.000 that, I don't know what your dreams were for 00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:10.880 your kids. I don't know what you hoped they would 00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:13.940 do or what they would accomplish. But I can tell 00:25:13.940 --> 00:25:16.660 you this, both from scripture and personal experience, 00:25:17.319 --> 00:25:20.880 grown kids that love God, the choose mates that 00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:24.460 love God, that still want to be around you and 00:25:24.460 --> 00:25:28.319 have relationship with you is worth more doctorates, 00:25:28.420 --> 00:25:33.569 more money, more jobs. and more success than 00:25:33.569 --> 00:25:39.470 you could get in a million lifetimes. You're 00:25:39.470 --> 00:25:42.190 listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, 00:25:42.210 --> 00:25:44.809 and the message you just heard, how to develop 00:25:44.809 --> 00:25:47.490 your child's full potential, is from our series, 00:25:47.650 --> 00:25:50.589 Uninvited Guests. Chip will join us in studio 00:25:50.589 --> 00:25:53.289 to share some insights from today's talk in just 00:25:53.289 --> 00:25:56.220 a minute. We've all heard it said that raising 00:25:56.220 --> 00:25:59.119 kids isn't for the faint of heart. Every parent 00:25:59.119 --> 00:26:01.339 can attest that it can be deeply encouraging 00:26:01.339 --> 00:26:04.160 and life -giving one moment and want to pull 00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:06.960 out your hair frustrating the next. And those 00:26:06.960 --> 00:26:09.519 emotional ups and downs don't include the external 00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:12.539 challenges and pressures that kids, moms, and 00:26:12.539 --> 00:26:15.220 dads face every day. So over the next handful 00:26:15.220 --> 00:26:17.539 of messages, Chip will highlight biblical principles 00:26:17.539 --> 00:26:19.980 to help navigate the complexities of raising 00:26:19.980 --> 00:26:23.099 kids in today's world. Don't miss the insightful 00:26:23.099 --> 00:26:25.720 wisdom from God's Word, along with practical 00:26:25.720 --> 00:26:28.759 advice from a seasoned dad to guide you along 00:26:28.759 --> 00:26:31.480 your parenting journey. If you've missed any 00:26:31.480 --> 00:26:34.480 part of this series, catch up at livingontheedge 00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:38.960 .org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Well, 00:26:38.980 --> 00:26:41.079 before we go any further, Chip's here in studio 00:26:41.079 --> 00:26:44.200 with a quick word. Thanks, Dave. In the midst 00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:46.359 of this series, there's something I want to share 00:26:46.359 --> 00:26:50.519 with you. Do you know that less than 5 % of all 00:26:50.519 --> 00:26:53.000 the income that we receive at Living on the Edge 00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:55.960 comes from resource sales. In other words, we 00:26:55.960 --> 00:26:58.779 literally give a lot of it away. Secondly, you 00:26:58.779 --> 00:27:02.059 may not know it, but unlike public TV or public 00:27:02.059 --> 00:27:05.099 radio where sponsors and commercials pay for 00:27:05.099 --> 00:27:07.759 the airtime, in the Christian world, we pay for 00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:10.759 the airtime. And we have millions of people listen 00:27:10.759 --> 00:27:13.759 to this broadcast each and every day, and there's 00:27:13.759 --> 00:27:16.779 probably less than 1 % that become Living on 00:27:16.779 --> 00:27:19.710 the Edge financial partners. The Bible is really 00:27:19.710 --> 00:27:22.329 clear that where we're receiving spiritual nourishment 00:27:22.329 --> 00:27:25.329 and are being fed spiritually, the Apostle Paul 00:27:25.329 --> 00:27:28.529 says they're a corresponding financial commitment 00:27:28.529 --> 00:27:31.029 to help those who are feeding you spiritually. 00:27:31.329 --> 00:27:33.609 Now, we always talk about doing that first and 00:27:33.609 --> 00:27:36.390 foremost at your local church. But I would like 00:27:36.390 --> 00:27:39.730 to ask you, has Living on the Edge ministered 00:27:39.730 --> 00:27:42.329 to you? Do you catch the program a couple times 00:27:42.329 --> 00:27:45.509 a week? Have you used daily discipleship, small 00:27:45.509 --> 00:27:49.099 group content? If so, would you say, Lord, then 00:27:49.099 --> 00:27:52.819 I should be a part of helping them fulfill their 00:27:52.819 --> 00:27:56.500 calling to disciple God's people, to train pastors, 00:27:56.680 --> 00:27:59.700 and to reach the next generation. Please go online 00:27:59.700 --> 00:28:03.220 today and make a gift, and let's partner together. 00:28:03.519 --> 00:28:06.240 Great challenge, Chip. And please know how much 00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:09.130 we appreciate your sacrifice. Your regular support 00:28:09.130 --> 00:28:12.069 allows us to plan our next steps as a ministry 00:28:12.069 --> 00:28:15.210 and be ready to walk through doors that God opens 00:28:15.210 --> 00:28:18.589 for us. And as Chip said during this entire series, 00:28:18.750 --> 00:28:21.349 if you become a monthly financial partner of 00:28:21.349 --> 00:28:23.410 Living on the Edge, we'll send you our newest 00:28:23.410 --> 00:28:26.329 resource, The Marriage That Works Truth Cards, 00:28:26.369 --> 00:28:29.869 as our thank you. Learn more by going to livingontheedge 00:28:29.869 --> 00:28:35.950 .org or by calling 888 -333 -6003. Again, that's 00:28:35.950 --> 00:28:41.089 888 -333 -6003. 6003 or visit livingontheedge 00:28:41.089 --> 00:28:45.690 .org. App listeners, tap donate. For Chip and 00:28:45.690 --> 00:28:48.049 the entire team, this is Dave Drewy thanking 00:28:48.049 --> 00:28:50.309 you for listening to this edition of Living on 00:28:50.309 --> 00:28:52.789 the Edge, and I hope you'll join us again next 00:28:52.789 --> 00:28:53.109 time.