WEBVTT 00:00:01.129 --> 00:00:03.910 One of the biggest challenges parents have today 00:00:03.910 --> 00:00:07.830 is how do we raise positive kids in such a negative 00:00:07.830 --> 00:00:10.369 world? Well, today we're going to help you learn 00:00:10.369 --> 00:00:13.689 how to become an effective parent in a defective 00:00:13.689 --> 00:00:18.929 world. Stay with me. Welcome to this edition 00:00:18.929 --> 00:00:22.030 of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission 00:00:22.030 --> 00:00:24.609 of this daily program is to intentionally disciple 00:00:24.609 --> 00:00:27.250 Christians through the insightful Bible teaching 00:00:27.250 --> 00:00:29.649 of Chip Ingram. And today we're picking back 00:00:29.649 --> 00:00:32.450 up in his series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing 00:00:32.450 --> 00:00:35.869 and resisting the attacks on your family. Over 00:00:35.869 --> 00:00:38.829 the past several broadcasts, Chip shared invaluable 00:00:38.829 --> 00:00:42.450 wisdom to help strengthen marriages. If you didn't 00:00:42.450 --> 00:00:44.530 have a chance to listen to those messages, visit 00:00:44.530 --> 00:00:47.469 livingontheedge .org or wherever you listen to 00:00:47.469 --> 00:00:50.530 podcasts. For the remainder of our series, Chip 00:00:50.530 --> 00:00:53.630 will specifically focus on parenting. So whether 00:00:53.630 --> 00:00:56.390 you're just starting a family or navigating the 00:00:56.390 --> 00:00:59.030 challenging teen years, the upcoming programs 00:00:59.030 --> 00:01:01.549 are packed with practical tools and biblical 00:01:01.549 --> 00:01:04.530 guidelines for moms and dads. So let's get started. 00:01:04.730 --> 00:01:07.230 Here's Chip with his talk, How to Raise Positive 00:01:07.230 --> 00:01:11.510 Kids in a Negative World. Well, without a doubt, 00:01:11.609 --> 00:01:16.329 these are very, very difficult days to raise 00:01:16.329 --> 00:01:20.870 kids. I will never forget the phone call received 00:01:20.870 --> 00:01:25.939 a number of years ago. It was Tyler's dad. And 00:01:25.939 --> 00:01:27.739 at the other end of the phone he said, we found 00:01:27.739 --> 00:01:31.439 Tyler laying on the floor of his bedroom and 00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:36.239 he's dead. And I'd known a bit of the journey. 00:01:36.280 --> 00:01:39.120 Tyler was a really bright, likable kid. Got in 00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:43.180 with the wrong crowd. These are a mom and dad 00:01:43.180 --> 00:01:46.439 with good jobs who go to a Bible -believing church. 00:01:46.519 --> 00:01:48.980 They're seeking to raise their kids in a way 00:01:48.980 --> 00:01:51.680 that they think honors God. They figure their 00:01:51.680 --> 00:01:53.840 kids have a few ups and downs, as all kids do. 00:01:54.459 --> 00:01:57.099 Gets in with the wrong crowd, does some experimentation. 00:01:57.799 --> 00:02:01.120 They discover it. They go through rehab. They 00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:03.319 work through some things. They do family counseling. 00:02:04.420 --> 00:02:07.879 Tyler's okay. And then a moment of weakness. 00:02:09.659 --> 00:02:14.580 He has a relapse, gets some bad heroin. He's 00:02:14.580 --> 00:02:20.099 gone. I mean, that for me changed as a pastor. 00:02:20.180 --> 00:02:23.099 That really changed the dynamic of parenting. 00:02:23.300 --> 00:02:27.340 The stakes are so high. And when a lot of you 00:02:27.340 --> 00:02:29.520 grew up, you could make a few small mistakes 00:02:29.520 --> 00:02:33.120 and there were some consequences, but nothing 00:02:33.120 --> 00:02:38.120 like that. And now your kid can click on a site, 00:02:38.180 --> 00:02:42.479 make a wrong decision, be at the wrong place 00:02:42.479 --> 00:02:46.340 at the wrong time, get bullied at school. There's 00:02:46.340 --> 00:02:49.300 a world that makes it very, very difficult to 00:02:49.300 --> 00:02:53.159 be an effective parent in a very defective world. 00:02:54.599 --> 00:02:58.099 Psalm 127 says, children are a gift from the 00:02:58.099 --> 00:03:00.520 Lord. And then it goes on to say that they're 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:05.599 your great reward. My experience is the stewardship 00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:10.659 that you have of raising a child is the most 00:03:10.659 --> 00:03:15.419 sacred, important stewardship of your life. Your 00:03:15.419 --> 00:03:18.879 children will be your greatest challenge. They'll 00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:22.020 be your greatest joy. They'll be your greatest 00:03:22.020 --> 00:03:27.360 pain. And then through all the process, God's 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:30.360 desires, they're your great reward. And I think 00:03:30.360 --> 00:03:32.120 one of the things I hear from parents, especially 00:03:32.120 --> 00:03:34.300 when things get a bit hard, is, well, you know, 00:03:34.360 --> 00:03:37.219 we had these issues when I was a kid, and we 00:03:37.219 --> 00:03:39.479 unconsciously think that the world that your 00:03:39.479 --> 00:03:42.599 kid is growing up in is a lot like your world. 00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:44.439 And let me tell you, it's completely different. 00:03:45.180 --> 00:03:47.979 The shift of morality in the last 10 years alone. 00:03:48.699 --> 00:03:51.240 The shift of disintegration in the family, the 00:03:51.240 --> 00:03:54.379 culture, the educational system, the world that 00:03:54.379 --> 00:03:56.900 they live in, the landscape underneath your kids 00:03:56.900 --> 00:04:00.319 is moving so rapidly. You really need to be on 00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:03.060 your A game and really understand God's plan 00:04:03.060 --> 00:04:05.879 and how to cooperate with it. Because your kids 00:04:05.879 --> 00:04:09.080 are living in a world that moves fast, is bombarding 00:04:09.080 --> 00:04:12.819 them, and is more evil than in the past. And 00:04:12.819 --> 00:04:14.960 so a parent's challenge is not to protect your 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:17.720 kid and create some bubble that, you know, they 00:04:17.720 --> 00:04:20.540 can never get hurt, but your challenge is to 00:04:20.540 --> 00:04:24.379 discover how to help your child navigate through 00:04:24.379 --> 00:04:28.240 this world deeply anchored in God's love, understanding 00:04:28.240 --> 00:04:31.319 his or her purpose, and becoming a change agent 00:04:31.319 --> 00:04:33.720 in the world and discovering that God really 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:36.480 wants to use them to change the world, not necessarily 00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:39.920 be protected from it. As you look at Scripture, 00:04:40.139 --> 00:04:42.339 the world may be difficult, but it's always been 00:04:42.339 --> 00:04:46.060 difficult, at times much worse. And in one of 00:04:46.060 --> 00:04:47.860 the most difficult periods of all human history, 00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:52.420 God decided that he would use a teenager to bring 00:04:52.420 --> 00:04:56.680 into this world Mary, 14, 15, maybe 16 years 00:04:56.680 --> 00:05:00.220 old. In one of the most perverted cultures, Persia, 00:05:00.259 --> 00:05:03.620 Daniel was a teenager and was at the heart of 00:05:03.620 --> 00:05:07.870 changing the future of the world. David, as a 00:05:07.870 --> 00:05:11.350 teenage boy, when all was going against Israel, 00:05:11.529 --> 00:05:15.009 tackled a giant. And I could go on and on and 00:05:15.009 --> 00:05:17.870 on. We have great hope. We have a great God. 00:05:18.110 --> 00:05:20.990 He is greater. He is stronger. He's powerful. 00:05:21.189 --> 00:05:24.649 But you and I have a job as a parent to equip 00:05:24.649 --> 00:05:29.189 our kids to be those kind of kids. And so the 00:05:29.189 --> 00:05:31.209 big question I think parents are asking, how 00:05:31.209 --> 00:05:33.529 do you raise positive kids in a negative world? 00:05:33.870 --> 00:05:37.500 I get four principles. that help you raise positive 00:05:37.500 --> 00:05:39.480 kids in a negative world. Here's what you need 00:05:39.480 --> 00:05:41.699 to understand. If I could just sort of have an 00:05:41.699 --> 00:05:44.779 overarching, let's talk about parenting. These 00:05:44.779 --> 00:05:48.060 are big, timeless principles. You apply these 00:05:48.060 --> 00:05:49.759 if you have two -year -olds. You can apply these 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:53.500 if you have 22 -year -olds. You apply them differently, 00:05:53.639 --> 00:05:59.579 by the way. Principle number one. Effective parenting 00:05:59.579 --> 00:06:02.959 begins with positive, clear -cut objectives. 00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:07.620 Positive. clear -cut objectives. In your notes, 00:06:07.620 --> 00:06:09.199 I'd like you to make a little squiggly line with 00:06:09.199 --> 00:06:11.680 an arrow and then draw a little circle with some 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:15.279 circles inside of it and make a target. See, 00:06:15.339 --> 00:06:17.620 parenting begins with having a crystal -clear 00:06:17.620 --> 00:06:19.899 target. If you don't know what you're aiming 00:06:19.899 --> 00:06:22.300 at, my father always told me, you'll hit it every 00:06:22.300 --> 00:06:25.939 time. So what's the target? What's the goal? 00:06:26.120 --> 00:06:28.699 What are you trying to do as you nurture, develop, 00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:32.100 provide boundaries? In the life of your little 00:06:32.100 --> 00:06:34.120 boy, your little girl, or not so little boy or 00:06:34.120 --> 00:06:36.079 girl, what's the target? What are you trying 00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:39.920 to accomplish? Ephesians 6, 4 gives us the answer, 00:06:39.980 --> 00:06:42.279 and I love it in the Phillips translation. Notice 00:06:42.279 --> 00:06:45.980 it says, fathers, negative command, don't overcorrect 00:06:45.980 --> 00:06:48.180 your children or make it difficult for them to 00:06:48.180 --> 00:06:51.220 obey the commandment. Positive command, bring 00:06:51.220 --> 00:06:54.120 them up with Christian teaching and Christian 00:06:54.120 --> 00:06:59.800 discipline. Notice it says, In parenting, dads, 00:06:59.959 --> 00:07:02.639 you need to have a strong, influential role. 00:07:04.120 --> 00:07:06.220 The number one correlation between about the 00:07:06.220 --> 00:07:08.279 eight or ten worst things that are happening 00:07:08.279 --> 00:07:10.899 in our culture are all related to either passive 00:07:10.899 --> 00:07:14.620 or father absent homes. I don't understand it 00:07:14.620 --> 00:07:17.040 all, but it's the way God designed it. So we 00:07:17.040 --> 00:07:19.199 as men have to understand, you don't do it all, 00:07:19.240 --> 00:07:22.529 but we've got to be actively involved. And then 00:07:22.529 --> 00:07:25.009 it warns us that when we get actively involved, 00:07:25.230 --> 00:07:27.410 we tend to overcorrect. We tend to come on a 00:07:27.410 --> 00:07:30.629 little too strong. Positively, it says bring 00:07:30.629 --> 00:07:33.089 them up with Christian teaching and Christian 00:07:33.089 --> 00:07:35.310 discipline. Underline bring them up and then 00:07:35.310 --> 00:07:37.829 put a box around Christian teaching and a box 00:07:37.829 --> 00:07:40.709 around Christian discipline. The word bring them 00:07:40.709 --> 00:07:44.490 up in the ancient Greek was the physical development 00:07:44.490 --> 00:07:46.930 of a child. Classical Greek literature, you would 00:07:46.930 --> 00:07:49.149 read this word. It would be the strength and 00:07:49.149 --> 00:07:51.939 the physical development of a child. In later 00:07:51.939 --> 00:07:54.019 Greek literature, it meant the total education 00:07:54.019 --> 00:07:56.959 of a child, the moral, physical, relational, 00:07:57.220 --> 00:07:59.660 spiritual development. What do you need to do 00:07:59.660 --> 00:08:01.660 to nurture or bring them up or develop them? 00:08:01.759 --> 00:08:04.000 By the time the Apostle Paul uses this word, 00:08:04.100 --> 00:08:07.079 he's basically saying, as a Christian parent, 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:11.420 your goal is to not overcorrect, but by contrast, 00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:15.720 spiritually, morally, relationally, and physically, 00:08:15.939 --> 00:08:20.740 help them become who God wants them to become. 00:08:21.360 --> 00:08:23.660 And then he says you have two tools in your toolbox. 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:26.639 You have Christian teaching and Christian discipline. 00:08:26.980 --> 00:08:29.300 We'll develop these further. Christian teaching 00:08:29.300 --> 00:08:32.580 is what you say. It's what you teach. It's what 00:08:32.580 --> 00:08:35.539 you instruct informally and formally. Christian 00:08:35.539 --> 00:08:39.519 discipline is what you do. Other than modeling 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:41.659 the life, you only do two things with your kids. 00:08:41.700 --> 00:08:43.799 You say certain things and you do certain things. 00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:47.080 And so he says that's the target. I call this 00:08:47.080 --> 00:08:50.490 the principle of focus. My biggest concern with 00:08:50.490 --> 00:08:53.029 parents, and believe me, I have four grown kids. 00:08:53.230 --> 00:08:56.190 We had many ups and downs. I came from an alcoholic 00:08:56.190 --> 00:08:58.970 home. My wife came from an alcoholic home. So 00:08:58.970 --> 00:09:01.370 all I'm going to tell you is I had no clue about 00:09:01.370 --> 00:09:05.029 how to do what I'm going to tell you. But I passionately 00:09:05.029 --> 00:09:07.909 dug in and asked God to show me. And the biggest 00:09:07.909 --> 00:09:09.990 danger I always had was parenting out of fear. 00:09:10.970 --> 00:09:13.049 I've lived in places that were really dangerous. 00:09:13.730 --> 00:09:16.669 I lived in places that I just described. My kids 00:09:16.669 --> 00:09:20.200 lived there. But God says parenting out of fear 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:22.259 doesn't work. You need to parent out of focus, 00:09:22.360 --> 00:09:25.879 a clear target. So what's the target? I'd like 00:09:25.879 --> 00:09:28.179 to challenge you to think about God's dream versus 00:09:28.179 --> 00:09:31.019 what I'd call the human dream or the American 00:09:31.019 --> 00:09:35.559 dream or our personal dream for our kids. God's 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:40.519 dream, you can write down Romans 8, 29. We often 00:09:40.519 --> 00:09:43.080 quote verse 28, especially when you're going 00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:45.100 through hard times. For we know that God works 00:09:45.100 --> 00:09:47.419 all things together for the good, for them that 00:09:47.419 --> 00:09:49.509 love him. for those that are called according 00:09:49.509 --> 00:09:52.730 to his purpose. The very next verse talks about 00:09:52.730 --> 00:09:55.909 the process that he uses, and his goal is to 00:09:55.909 --> 00:09:59.029 conform your sons and your daughters to the image 00:09:59.029 --> 00:10:01.289 of Christ. In other words, God's dream, are you 00:10:01.289 --> 00:10:03.710 ready? This is how simple. He wants your kids 00:10:03.710 --> 00:10:06.789 to be like Jesus. He wants them to be Christ 00:10:06.789 --> 00:10:09.470 -like. The Bible word that we don't use a lot, 00:10:09.590 --> 00:10:13.129 he wants them to be holy. Not holy as in weird. 00:10:13.880 --> 00:10:16.600 Not wholly as in they just don't know how to 00:10:16.600 --> 00:10:19.860 relate to people. Wholly as in set apart for 00:10:19.860 --> 00:10:24.659 him. Morally pure. Understanding his love. Counter 00:10:24.659 --> 00:10:28.879 to the culture. That is the target for your child. 00:10:29.700 --> 00:10:33.460 Now, human, and especially American culture, 00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:36.399 the target is for your child to be successful 00:10:36.399 --> 00:10:40.860 and happy. And this isn't just out there. This 00:10:40.860 --> 00:10:45.029 is us. The culture just, we are bombarded with, 00:10:45.129 --> 00:10:47.669 if you really are a good parent, you want your 00:10:47.669 --> 00:10:50.049 kids to be happy. So that's why you give them 00:10:50.049 --> 00:10:54.429 happy meals, right? And they deserve a break 00:10:54.429 --> 00:10:56.789 today. And if all their friends are getting to 00:10:56.789 --> 00:10:58.289 do something, you don't want them to be left 00:10:58.289 --> 00:11:00.769 out because they wouldn't be happy. You want 00:11:00.769 --> 00:11:03.110 them to be happy, happy, happy, happy, happy. 00:11:03.970 --> 00:11:05.570 And so you don't want to hurt their feelings 00:11:05.570 --> 00:11:07.350 and you don't want to, and you've been bought 00:11:07.350 --> 00:11:12.580 and you've been sold. A bill of goods that says 00:11:12.580 --> 00:11:18.159 good parents make your kids happy. And the way 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:20.360 you understand happiness is not just emotional 00:11:20.360 --> 00:11:22.620 happiness, but they'll be happy if they'll be 00:11:22.620 --> 00:11:25.480 successful. And so if you have a three -year 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:27.139 -old that's not in a soccer league, you need 00:11:27.139 --> 00:11:30.549 to get with the program. And, you know, they 00:11:30.549 --> 00:11:33.409 need to learn piano and guitar. And you better 00:11:33.409 --> 00:11:35.169 check out and see if ballet might be part of 00:11:35.169 --> 00:11:36.990 what they should do. And then they're on this 00:11:36.990 --> 00:11:38.389 team, and hopefully they'll make the traveling 00:11:38.389 --> 00:11:40.169 team. And by sixth grade, you need to get an 00:11:40.169 --> 00:11:42.889 SAT tutor. And they'll really be happy if they 00:11:42.889 --> 00:11:45.529 get in a really good, I mean, not just a good 00:11:45.529 --> 00:11:48.809 university, but a great university. And so if 00:11:48.809 --> 00:11:51.529 you would take all the time and energy and money 00:11:51.529 --> 00:11:54.470 that you spend helping your child be successful 00:11:54.470 --> 00:11:59.860 in athletics and in sports and in school, And 00:11:59.860 --> 00:12:01.840 all the money and time and energy you spend at 00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:04.879 their moral and spiritual development, you tell 00:12:04.879 --> 00:12:07.279 me in your own parenting journey, where does 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:10.899 the energy go? You're listening to Living on 00:12:10.899 --> 00:12:13.440 the Edge with Chip Ingram. We'll get back to 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:15.779 today's message in just a minute. But quickly, 00:12:15.899 --> 00:12:18.379 throughout this series, Chip's emphasized the 00:12:18.379 --> 00:12:21.519 fact that great marriages require a lot of work. 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:24.340 And that's where we come in. Keep listening after 00:12:24.340 --> 00:12:26.700 this message to learn more about a helpful new 00:12:26.700 --> 00:12:29.600 resource we've created that couples can use to 00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:32.399 grow and strengthen their relationship. Stick 00:12:32.399 --> 00:12:35.279 around to get all of the details. For now, here 00:12:35.279 --> 00:12:38.259 again is Chip to continue our series, Uninvited 00:12:38.259 --> 00:12:41.700 Guests. And here's what I can tell you. If your 00:12:41.700 --> 00:12:45.940 child has a passionate love for God and they 00:12:45.940 --> 00:12:49.570 become holy, and they become other -centered 00:12:49.570 --> 00:12:52.750 and kind and disciplined and non -narcissistic 00:12:52.750 --> 00:12:55.250 and care for people that other people don't care 00:12:55.250 --> 00:12:58.450 for and be other -centered and have a passion 00:12:58.450 --> 00:13:01.230 to love and walk with God, I will guarantee beyond 00:13:01.230 --> 00:13:04.029 happiness, they'll have joy and they'll have 00:13:04.029 --> 00:13:07.029 impact and they'll have purpose. But many of 00:13:07.029 --> 00:13:09.090 you could tell me the story, and I've pastored 00:13:09.090 --> 00:13:12.110 for a little over 30 years. I could read a list 00:13:12.110 --> 00:13:14.750 of who's who of kids that are extraordinarily 00:13:14.750 --> 00:13:17.830 successful from really good Christian homes that 00:13:17.830 --> 00:13:20.429 they went away to college. And you know what? 00:13:20.450 --> 00:13:22.070 They don't care about God, and they don't care 00:13:22.070 --> 00:13:24.610 about you, and they care about themselves. And 00:13:24.610 --> 00:13:27.950 you know what? In your greatest and most sincere 00:13:27.950 --> 00:13:30.090 intentions to make them happy, happy, happy, 00:13:30.190 --> 00:13:32.710 they got the weird idea that the whole world 00:13:32.710 --> 00:13:35.700 was about them. And whenever they're not happy, 00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:38.960 the life's not fair. And in their little superficial 00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:41.240 faith that they had of if God didn't make them 00:13:41.240 --> 00:13:43.059 happy and he didn't come through, well, they 00:13:43.059 --> 00:13:48.320 get mad at him. And we've got a generation of 00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:50.580 about 70 % of those coming out of our Bible teaching 00:13:50.580 --> 00:13:53.159 churches who four or five years after college 00:13:53.159 --> 00:13:54.860 don't really have anything to do with God, and 00:13:54.860 --> 00:13:59.120 we wonder why. Effective parenting begins with 00:13:59.120 --> 00:14:03.960 the crystal clear target. Your job as a parent, 00:14:04.000 --> 00:14:06.500 more than their success, more than their happiness, 00:14:06.639 --> 00:14:09.100 is to help them be holy. And that requires a 00:14:09.100 --> 00:14:11.379 lot of courage. It requires intentionality. It 00:14:11.379 --> 00:14:14.620 requires a plan. And by the way, it's not easy. 00:14:14.779 --> 00:14:17.059 And you'll not only be unpopular with unbelievers, 00:14:17.139 --> 00:14:18.779 you'll be unpopular with a lot of Christians. 00:14:22.200 --> 00:14:25.740 But there's a great reward, an amazing reward. 00:14:27.480 --> 00:14:29.559 Second principle, effective parenting demands 00:14:29.559 --> 00:14:33.460 that we practice what we preach, that we practice 00:14:33.460 --> 00:14:36.620 what we preach. The Apostle Paul is writing to 00:14:36.620 --> 00:14:38.379 a church that's near and dear to him. They're 00:14:38.379 --> 00:14:40.779 Corinthians, but they are a group that's kind 00:14:40.779 --> 00:14:42.840 of hard. They have a lot of struggles. They have 00:14:42.840 --> 00:14:44.460 a lot of dysfunctions. They got a lot of baggage. 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:48.379 and they have a lot of sort of super apostles 00:14:48.379 --> 00:14:50.840 that are coming in and coming out and telling, 00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:52.379 you ought to live this way, you ought to live 00:14:52.379 --> 00:14:54.720 that way. And so he writes a very personal letter 00:14:54.720 --> 00:14:57.639 to them talking about, look, I'm your spiritual 00:14:57.639 --> 00:14:59.419 father, okay? There's a lot of people that will 00:14:59.419 --> 00:15:02.000 tell you stuff. I'm your spiritual father, and 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:04.559 in the midst of all this confusion, I want you 00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:06.980 to listen to me very, very carefully. And so 00:15:06.980 --> 00:15:09.159 he writes as a father to spiritual children, 00:15:09.259 --> 00:15:11.220 and I think there's a great application for us 00:15:11.220 --> 00:15:15.090 as parents. It's 1 Corinthians 4, 14 to 16. He 00:15:15.090 --> 00:15:18.950 says, I am not writing this to shame you, but 00:15:18.950 --> 00:15:20.909 to warn you as my dear children. In other words, 00:15:20.909 --> 00:15:22.809 this is from a warm heart. He's not down on them. 00:15:23.210 --> 00:15:25.710 Even though you have 10 ,000 guardians in Christ, 00:15:25.970 --> 00:15:29.909 you do not have many fathers. For in Christ Jesus, 00:15:30.090 --> 00:15:33.929 I became your father through the gospel. In other 00:15:33.929 --> 00:15:36.710 words, I care for you more than anyone else. 00:15:36.850 --> 00:15:39.590 I was the conduit of God's grace that brought 00:15:39.590 --> 00:15:41.950 spiritual birth. Now here's the application. 00:15:43.750 --> 00:15:49.169 Therefore, I urge you to imitate me. And if you 00:15:49.169 --> 00:15:51.389 would just put a little word, write the word 00:15:51.389 --> 00:15:55.970 mimic, M -I -C above it. And you now know one 00:15:55.970 --> 00:15:59.750 Greek word. That's the word, mimic, imitate. 00:16:00.970 --> 00:16:02.769 He's saying, I want you to pray the way you saw 00:16:02.769 --> 00:16:05.009 me pray. I want you to work the way you saw me 00:16:05.009 --> 00:16:06.610 work. I want you to forgive people the way you 00:16:06.610 --> 00:16:08.649 saw me forgive people. I want you to passionately 00:16:08.649 --> 00:16:10.529 follow Christ the way you saw me do it. I want 00:16:10.529 --> 00:16:12.129 you to use your money and your time and your 00:16:12.129 --> 00:16:14.970 energy the way, just mimic me. Follow me as I 00:16:14.970 --> 00:16:18.990 follow Christ. See, you can't impart what you 00:16:18.990 --> 00:16:24.230 don't possess. The most important principle of 00:16:24.230 --> 00:16:27.529 all parenting. You can almost mess up in every 00:16:27.529 --> 00:16:30.830 area, but if you are what you want your kids 00:16:30.830 --> 00:16:33.870 to become, here's the deal. They're going to 00:16:33.870 --> 00:16:38.529 be, for better or worse, a lot like you. Jesus 00:16:38.529 --> 00:16:42.190 stated it in Luke 640. A student, when he's fully 00:16:42.190 --> 00:16:48.090 trained, will be just like his teacher. Here's 00:16:48.090 --> 00:16:49.629 what you need to get, and for some of you, this 00:16:49.629 --> 00:16:54.509 will be really, really helpful. Our junior high, 00:16:54.730 --> 00:16:57.909 our children's ministry, a Christian school that 00:16:57.909 --> 00:17:01.009 you may send your kid to, a mentoring group, 00:17:01.269 --> 00:17:06.089 a small group, a Christian coach. What I want 00:17:06.089 --> 00:17:08.410 you to know is all those people are wonderful, 00:17:08.609 --> 00:17:12.589 tiny, little helpers. But the teacher of your 00:17:12.589 --> 00:17:19.619 child is you. The person that God will hold responsible 00:17:19.619 --> 00:17:23.059 for what did your child learn and what they receive 00:17:23.059 --> 00:17:26.200 is not the church, not a Bible study leader, 00:17:26.339 --> 00:17:29.900 not a school. It's you. And here's the research. 00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:32.640 My background was in all the social sciences, 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:35.819 and one of the great heroes of research was a 00:17:35.819 --> 00:17:39.180 guy named Albert Bandura. And all of his work 00:17:39.180 --> 00:17:42.549 was in the area of what he called modeling. The 00:17:42.549 --> 00:17:46.430 number one and most powerful socialization of 00:17:46.430 --> 00:17:50.890 a child is modeling. And that's psychology speak 00:17:50.890 --> 00:17:54.529 for you talk like your mom and dad, you eat like 00:17:54.529 --> 00:17:57.109 your mom and dad, your values are like your mom 00:17:57.109 --> 00:17:58.849 and dad, you'll be prejudiced like your mom and 00:17:58.849 --> 00:18:00.529 dad, you'll be passionate about like your mom 00:18:00.529 --> 00:18:04.309 and dad. Your kids in your home, the environment 00:18:04.309 --> 00:18:07.009 of your home and your life is the most powerful 00:18:07.009 --> 00:18:10.250 thing. Your kids, even in their teen years, even 00:18:10.250 --> 00:18:13.500 in their young adulthood, You are the most powerful 00:18:13.500 --> 00:18:17.259 influencer. You have to be what you want them 00:18:17.259 --> 00:18:20.119 to become. If you don't get anything out of this 00:18:20.119 --> 00:18:24.799 whole series, see, when I do that, I start thinking 00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:29.220 to myself, oh my, that's scary. I mean, isn't 00:18:29.220 --> 00:18:31.519 it? I mean, if you play it out, would I want 00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:34.460 my kids to forgive people? the way I don't forgive 00:18:34.460 --> 00:18:37.160 people, what I want my kids to drive a car the 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:40.059 way I drive my car, what I want my kids to have 00:18:40.059 --> 00:18:42.259 those white lies on the phone, like tell them 00:18:42.259 --> 00:18:44.220 I'm not here the way I have white lies on the 00:18:44.220 --> 00:18:47.759 phone, what I want my kids to handle their priorities 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:49.599 and money the way I handle my priorities and 00:18:49.599 --> 00:18:54.960 money. Here's the deal. They will. I came across 00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:57.640 an ancient quote. It's anonymous. It says, let 00:18:57.640 --> 00:19:00.400 every father remember that one day his son will 00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:06.869 follow his example instead of his advice. Right? 00:19:06.869 --> 00:19:10.250 So the principle of modeling, more really is 00:19:10.250 --> 00:19:13.150 caught than taught. And so one of the things 00:19:13.150 --> 00:19:15.529 that has motivated me as a parent, and I didn't 00:19:15.529 --> 00:19:18.230 know what I was doing, but I got motivated. I 00:19:18.230 --> 00:19:21.029 had these mental pictures, and this is a different 00:19:21.029 --> 00:19:23.289 picture where I lined all my kids up on the couch 00:19:23.289 --> 00:19:26.230 when they were small. And I basically heard myself 00:19:26.230 --> 00:19:29.150 say, okay, I want you to drive exactly the way 00:19:29.150 --> 00:19:31.849 you see me drive. I want you to spend time with 00:19:31.849 --> 00:19:34.109 God and pray the way you see me spend time with 00:19:34.109 --> 00:19:37.549 God. I want you to deal when people say bad things 00:19:37.549 --> 00:19:39.849 about you. I want you to, are you ready? I want 00:19:39.849 --> 00:19:42.630 you to respond the way you see me respond. And 00:19:42.630 --> 00:19:44.349 all of a sudden, I just went through those areas, 00:19:44.390 --> 00:19:46.509 and it was the greatest motivation to walk with 00:19:46.509 --> 00:19:50.170 God and be a man of God. And by the way, just 00:19:50.170 --> 00:19:52.849 before you get into... Oh, I've got to be perfect. 00:19:52.950 --> 00:19:54.630 And if I'm not perfect, my kids are going to 00:19:54.630 --> 00:19:56.750 turn out. Believe me, you're not perfect. They 00:19:56.750 --> 00:19:59.269 already know that. You know what they need to 00:19:59.269 --> 00:20:01.289 learn? They need to learn how to be authentic 00:20:01.289 --> 00:20:03.910 and loving. And you know how they learn that? 00:20:04.309 --> 00:20:06.670 Is when you're driving in a way that you realize, 00:20:06.829 --> 00:20:09.730 oh my. When stuff comes out of your mouth that 00:20:09.730 --> 00:20:11.430 you go, oh, that is not what I want to come out 00:20:11.430 --> 00:20:15.049 of their mouth. You know what you do? You own 00:20:15.049 --> 00:20:19.140 it. And I cannot tell you how many times, even 00:20:19.140 --> 00:20:20.680 when they were small, I'd have to get down on 00:20:20.680 --> 00:20:23.299 one knee and, you know, look one of my kids in 00:20:23.299 --> 00:20:27.319 the eye and say, what you did was wrong. And 00:20:27.319 --> 00:20:31.140 I love you, but I can't accept that behavior. 00:20:31.500 --> 00:20:35.759 We don't do that here. But I love you. But how 00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:39.200 daddy corrected you, the way his voice got loud, 00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:43.380 and the anger that you could feel, I was wrong. 00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:48.299 Will you forgive me? See, you know how your kids 00:20:48.299 --> 00:20:50.619 learn to walk with God? It's not that you have 00:20:50.619 --> 00:20:54.000 it all together. They see where you make great 00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:56.940 progress and they see how you deal with it when 00:20:56.940 --> 00:21:00.319 you fail so they understand how to receive forgiveness 00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:02.920 and to own their stuff when they fail because 00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:07.119 they will. there's a target that has to be crystal 00:21:07.119 --> 00:21:10.039 clear. I want my kids to be holy like Christ. 00:21:10.259 --> 00:21:13.420 My energy, my plan, my intentionality. I mean, 00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:15.259 some of you have plans for their academics, don't 00:21:15.259 --> 00:21:17.039 you? I mean, if their sophomore year, we haven't 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:18.859 visited any colleges yet, or you want them to 00:21:18.859 --> 00:21:20.680 be a good athlete, my lens, you know, we don't 00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:22.279 have a personal coach yet and a strength trainer 00:21:22.279 --> 00:21:24.559 and nutrition drinks and lifting weights and, 00:21:24.579 --> 00:21:26.480 right? And because they got to make the traveling 00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:29.799 team, they got to have a scholarship. I mean, 00:21:29.819 --> 00:21:31.980 you have a plan, and many of you, your whole 00:21:31.980 --> 00:21:34.779 life revolves around either academics or sports 00:21:34.779 --> 00:21:38.880 or music. Well, if all you want to do is produce 00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:42.259 athletes or musicians, great, or people that 00:21:42.259 --> 00:21:45.140 get in good schools. But what does it profit 00:21:45.140 --> 00:21:48.880 a child if he gains the whole world and forfeits 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:55.619 his or her soul? They become successful spiritual 00:21:55.619 --> 00:21:58.680 washouts with parents whose hearts are broken, 00:21:58.819 --> 00:22:01.440 who don't have relationship, who question and 00:22:01.440 --> 00:22:04.859 wonder what in the world went wrong. Principle 00:22:04.859 --> 00:22:08.440 number three, the target is clear, the teacher 00:22:08.440 --> 00:22:12.000 is you, but all learning happens in an environment. 00:22:12.220 --> 00:22:14.700 Principle number three is effective parents build 00:22:14.700 --> 00:22:18.099 relationships that bond. You want to have super 00:22:18.099 --> 00:22:20.839 glue between your heart and the heart of your 00:22:20.839 --> 00:22:24.210 child. You're going to go through difficult times. 00:22:24.410 --> 00:22:26.490 The world is going to bombard them. They're going 00:22:26.490 --> 00:22:28.190 to have peer influence. There's going to be all 00:22:28.190 --> 00:22:30.309 kind of technology. They're going to be bullied. 00:22:30.410 --> 00:22:32.210 They're going to be afraid. They're going to 00:22:32.210 --> 00:22:33.650 have different personalities. You're going to 00:22:33.650 --> 00:22:35.410 have one that's compliant, and you can sort of 00:22:35.410 --> 00:22:37.130 look at them like that, and they say, oh, yes, 00:22:37.210 --> 00:22:38.730 whatever you say, mom or dad. And you're going 00:22:38.730 --> 00:22:40.970 to have one that it doesn't matter what you say. 00:22:41.029 --> 00:22:43.349 You ground them for 35 years, whatever you tell 00:22:43.349 --> 00:22:44.369 them. And they just look at you, is that all 00:22:44.369 --> 00:22:47.849 you got? And you're going to have difficulty. 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:51.579 So what you want to do is you want to build, 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:54.019 and by the way, it's never, ever, ever, ever 00:22:54.019 --> 00:22:56.700 too late, but it's most, most, most effective 00:22:56.700 --> 00:22:59.059 when you start as early as possible. You want 00:22:59.059 --> 00:23:01.460 to build relationships with your kids that bond 00:23:01.460 --> 00:23:04.220 your heart to their heart because what you want 00:23:04.220 --> 00:23:06.640 them to do is not want to disappoint you because 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:10.099 they know you love them and they love you instead 00:23:10.099 --> 00:23:12.819 of some set of rigid rules and performance orientation 00:23:12.819 --> 00:23:17.720 that they need to measure up. The Apostle Paul 00:23:17.720 --> 00:23:19.779 gives us a picture of these kind of relationships 00:23:19.779 --> 00:23:22.559 as he talks to a church and literally from Scripture 00:23:22.559 --> 00:23:24.900 tells us this is how mothers love and this is 00:23:24.900 --> 00:23:28.059 how fathers love. 1 Thessalonians 2, he says, 00:23:28.140 --> 00:23:30.660 but we were gentle among you, how? Like a mother, 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:33.740 circle the word mother, caring for her little 00:23:33.740 --> 00:23:36.039 children. He says, this is how we treated you. 00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:38.819 We loved you so much that we're delighted to 00:23:38.819 --> 00:23:41.720 share with you not only the gospel of God, I 00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:44.539 mean, not just the content, not the truth, but 00:23:44.539 --> 00:23:48.369 our own lives as well. Why? Because you had become 00:23:48.369 --> 00:23:51.670 so dear to us. Would you underline the word gentle, 00:23:51.849 --> 00:23:57.430 caring, loved, share, dear to us? He's saying, 00:23:57.490 --> 00:24:01.049 we loved you. And this is how a child needs a 00:24:01.049 --> 00:24:02.990 mother's love. There's a tenderness. There's 00:24:02.990 --> 00:24:05.049 a nurturing. There's a commitment. There's a 00:24:05.049 --> 00:24:08.109 pouring out your life that builds relationships 00:24:08.109 --> 00:24:14.640 that bond. This is Living on the Edge with Chip 00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:16.559 Ingram, and you've been listening to part one 00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:18.920 of Chip's message, How to Raise Positive Kids 00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:21.960 in a Negative World, from our series, Uninvited 00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:24.640 Guests. Chip will be back shortly to share some 00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:27.799 helpful application for us to think about. We've 00:24:27.799 --> 00:24:30.299 all heard it said that raising kids isn't for 00:24:30.299 --> 00:24:33.000 the faint of heart. Every parent can attest that 00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:35.440 it can be deeply encouraging and life -giving 00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:38.319 one moment and want to pull out your hair frustrating 00:24:38.319 --> 00:24:41.690 the next. And those emotional ups and downs don't 00:24:41.690 --> 00:24:43.910 include the external challenges and pressures 00:24:43.910 --> 00:24:47.390 that kids, moms, and dads face every day. So 00:24:47.390 --> 00:24:49.250 over the next handful of messages, Chip will 00:24:49.250 --> 00:24:51.630 highlight biblical principles to help navigate 00:24:51.630 --> 00:24:54.450 the complexities of raising kids in today's world. 00:24:54.789 --> 00:24:57.569 Don't miss the insightful wisdom from God's Word, 00:24:57.789 --> 00:25:00.569 along with practical advice from a seasoned dad 00:25:00.569 --> 00:25:03.789 to guide you along your parenting journey. If 00:25:03.789 --> 00:25:05.970 you've missed any part of this series, catch 00:25:05.970 --> 00:25:10.079 up at livingontheedge .org. or wherever you listen 00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:13.160 to podcasts. Well, our Bible teacher Chip Ingram 00:25:13.160 --> 00:25:15.140 is here in studio to share something with all 00:25:15.140 --> 00:25:18.140 of you. Thanks, Dave. Have you ever tossed a 00:25:18.140 --> 00:25:20.920 rock in a pond and watched the ripples travel 00:25:20.920 --> 00:25:23.920 across the water? Well, the same principle applies 00:25:23.920 --> 00:25:27.759 to committing to be a God -honoring family. When 00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:30.279 a couple loves God and are loyal to one another, 00:25:30.519 --> 00:25:34.220 you have the ability to create a godly home and 00:25:34.220 --> 00:25:37.579 raise godly kids and grandkids. And it ripples 00:25:37.579 --> 00:25:40.740 for generation after generation. Strengthening 00:25:40.740 --> 00:25:43.839 families is our passion. And I want you to know 00:25:43.839 --> 00:25:46.519 you are playing a vital role in making that happen 00:25:46.519 --> 00:25:49.380 at Living on the Edge. When you support us financially, 00:25:49.720 --> 00:25:53.440 you're investing in our work to establish a legacy 00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:56.920 of Christ -centered families. You know, we can 00:25:56.920 --> 00:25:59.220 blame lots of other people and we can talk about 00:25:59.220 --> 00:26:02.220 the media or education. I've got news for you. 00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:05.900 The research is crystal clear. It begins with 00:26:05.900 --> 00:26:09.460 the family. Your support financially at Living 00:26:09.460 --> 00:26:12.940 on the Edge will help us build families that 00:26:12.940 --> 00:26:15.799 raise kids and grandkids that walk with God. 00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:19.200 And right now during this series, those of you 00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:21.880 who choose to become monthly partners will receive 00:26:21.880 --> 00:26:24.559 the Marriage That Works truth cards as our way 00:26:24.559 --> 00:26:27.069 of saying thanks. Pray about partnering with 00:26:27.069 --> 00:26:30.029 us and then follow God's lead. Great challenge, 00:26:30.150 --> 00:26:32.369 Chip. And please know how much we appreciate 00:26:32.369 --> 00:26:35.430 your sacrifice. Your regular support allows us 00:26:35.430 --> 00:26:38.670 to plan our next steps as a ministry and be ready 00:26:38.670 --> 00:26:41.329 to walk through doors that God opens for us. 00:26:41.609 --> 00:26:44.490 And as Chip said during this entire series, if 00:26:44.490 --> 00:26:47.049 you become a monthly financial partner of Living 00:26:47.049 --> 00:26:49.430 on the Edge, we'll send you our newest resource, 00:26:49.710 --> 00:26:52.549 The Marriage That Works Truth Cards, as our thank 00:26:52.549 --> 00:26:56.029 you. Learn more by going to livingontheedge .org 00:26:56.029 --> 00:27:01.849 or by calling 888 -333 -6003. Again, that's 888 00:27:01.849 --> 00:27:08.849 -333 -6003 or visit livingontheedge .org. App 00:27:08.849 --> 00:27:11.369 listeners, tap Donate. Well, coming up on the 00:27:11.369 --> 00:27:13.789 next edition of Living on the Edge, we'll continue 00:27:13.789 --> 00:27:16.789 Chip's series, Uninvited Guests. So I hope you'll 00:27:16.789 --> 00:27:19.710 join us. But until then, I'm Dave Drewy. Thanks 00:27:19.710 --> 00:27:20.150 for listening.