WEBVTT 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:04.240 What is the biggest source of conflict in your 00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:08.320 marriage right now? Is it kids, job, money, in 00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:12.439 -laws? How would you like to get those issues 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:16.079 resolved in a way that nobody gets hurt? How 00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:18.980 would you like to learn to fight fair in your 00:00:18.980 --> 00:00:23.239 marriage? That's today. Welcome to this edition 00:00:23.239 --> 00:00:26.589 of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Our mission 00:00:26.589 --> 00:00:29.309 is to inspire Christians to be genuine followers 00:00:29.309 --> 00:00:32.329 of Jesus and to empower them to be active disciple 00:00:32.329 --> 00:00:35.189 -makers in our world. Thanks for joining us as 00:00:35.189 --> 00:00:38.350 we continue our series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing 00:00:38.350 --> 00:00:41.570 and resisting the attacks on your family. Over 00:00:41.570 --> 00:00:43.670 the last handful of programs, Chip's highlighted 00:00:43.670 --> 00:00:46.689 skills that make marriages thrive. Forgiving 00:00:46.689 --> 00:00:49.630 one another and clear communication. In just 00:00:49.630 --> 00:00:51.770 a minute, he'll unpack the third and final one. 00:00:52.140 --> 00:00:54.320 which could be the game changer for many couples 00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:57.679 navigating conflict. Today, you'll learn why 00:00:57.679 --> 00:01:00.380 it's not really about resolving arguments, but 00:01:00.380 --> 00:01:02.659 understanding how to approach your spouse with 00:01:02.659 --> 00:01:05.620 gentleness so that everyone feels valued and 00:01:05.620 --> 00:01:08.379 heard. So with all that said, here's Chip with 00:01:08.379 --> 00:01:12.760 his talk, How to Fight Fair in Marriage. One 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:14.620 of the first things I want to say is you have 00:01:14.620 --> 00:01:18.579 to get over this naive, unbiblical notion that 00:01:18.579 --> 00:01:23.189 conflict is wrong and abnormal. Okay. There's 00:01:23.189 --> 00:01:25.510 many of you that you were brought up in households. 00:01:26.129 --> 00:01:29.250 Don't argue. Stop arguing. Don't do that. You 00:01:29.250 --> 00:01:32.790 believe, I mean, it's so subtle. Conflict is 00:01:32.790 --> 00:01:36.409 wrong. Conflict is bad. An argument, a discussion, 00:01:36.709 --> 00:01:39.689 a disagreement, having feelings that don't line 00:01:39.689 --> 00:01:41.989 up with the other person automatically you think 00:01:41.989 --> 00:01:44.890 we have this big problem. I want to tell you 00:01:44.890 --> 00:01:48.400 that conflict is normal. Conflict is biblical. 00:01:49.079 --> 00:01:53.260 Conflict is actually the key to growth. The biggest 00:01:53.260 --> 00:01:56.599 lessons I've learned in my childhood about conflict 00:01:56.599 --> 00:02:01.040 was from the Barnes boys, okay? Now, some of 00:02:01.040 --> 00:02:02.980 you can remember maybe what it was like growing 00:02:02.980 --> 00:02:06.560 up in the 60s and early 70s, and especially when 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:08.479 you lived in these sort of suburban houses that 00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:10.879 were one next to one another and everyone had 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:13.699 little chain link fences. The Barnes boys, they 00:02:13.699 --> 00:02:16.120 were twin boys and an older boy and a younger 00:02:16.120 --> 00:02:19.379 boy, and they had this real athletic dad. And 00:02:19.379 --> 00:02:22.000 in the Barnes boys' garage was a punching bag. 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:25.099 In the Barnes boys' backyard was a baseball diamond 00:02:25.099 --> 00:02:27.439 cutout. And when I got home from school, I did 00:02:27.439 --> 00:02:29.259 my homework, and then the first question, Mom, 00:02:29.400 --> 00:02:31.659 Dad, can I go to the Barnes boys? Boom. As soon 00:02:31.659 --> 00:02:33.360 as dinner was over, can I go to the Barnes boys? 00:02:33.639 --> 00:02:36.919 I loved being with the Barnes boys. And if you 00:02:36.919 --> 00:02:38.419 kind of, you know how you drive through those 00:02:38.419 --> 00:02:40.479 little cul -de -sacs? When you would see their 00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:43.729 backyard, about 95 % of the time, there were 00:02:43.729 --> 00:02:47.490 somewhere between eight to 15 boys, nine, 10, 00:02:47.610 --> 00:02:50.870 11, 12, all playing whatever. If it was football, 00:02:51.030 --> 00:02:52.770 it was football. If it was baseball season, it 00:02:52.770 --> 00:02:54.750 was baseball. We always played at the Barnes 00:02:54.750 --> 00:02:57.509 boys. Well, you can imagine if you have eight 00:02:57.509 --> 00:03:01.569 to 15 guys, there's conflict. There's arguments. 00:03:01.669 --> 00:03:03.490 It's our ball. It's your ball. You were out of 00:03:03.490 --> 00:03:05.150 bounds. No, it was a home run. No, it wasn't 00:03:05.150 --> 00:03:07.069 a home run. It was a foul ball. And when you 00:03:07.069 --> 00:03:08.909 would hear the arguing and it got real intense, 00:03:10.099 --> 00:03:13.400 Mr. Barnes was a very big man. And not only did 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:15.719 they do that outside, but in his basement, he 00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:20.199 had a weight room and he lifted weights. I never 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:21.960 did, as you can tell, but he lifted weights, 00:03:22.139 --> 00:03:24.599 okay? And he would come out like this. He had 00:03:24.599 --> 00:03:27.060 a really big chest. And in fact, I wrote down, 00:03:27.139 --> 00:03:29.219 I can still remember his questions. He would 00:03:29.219 --> 00:03:32.259 bring the two people arguing. He would say, there's 00:03:32.259 --> 00:03:34.120 no arguing out here. We don't do that. Not like 00:03:34.120 --> 00:03:37.460 this. Number two, what was the problem? And he'd 00:03:37.460 --> 00:03:39.099 look at you. And you'd have to say, what's the 00:03:39.099 --> 00:03:41.780 problem? What's the problem? And sometimes that 00:03:41.780 --> 00:03:44.099 would solve it, but not usually. He did this, 00:03:44.139 --> 00:03:46.560 I did that. He did this, I did that. Argue. Then 00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:49.099 he would say, can you two agree on this right 00:03:49.099 --> 00:03:52.139 now and play on? No, it's our ball. He said, 00:03:52.180 --> 00:03:55.340 okay, let's settle it right now. Big Mr. Barnes 00:03:55.340 --> 00:03:58.319 would go into the garage and he would come out 00:03:58.319 --> 00:04:02.900 with boxing gloves. Gospel truth. And they were, 00:04:02.979 --> 00:04:04.319 I don't know if you've ever seen the training 00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:06.849 gloves that are even way bigger. Now imagine 00:04:06.849 --> 00:04:10.169 being like 78 or 90 pounds and you put on these 00:04:10.169 --> 00:04:12.030 gloves that feel like they're five or 10 pounds. 00:04:12.129 --> 00:04:15.689 And this is what we would do. The two boys who 00:04:15.689 --> 00:04:17.430 were arguing, we get in the middle, everyone 00:04:17.430 --> 00:04:20.470 else made a circle. I mean, he could get away 00:04:20.470 --> 00:04:23.689 with this back in the 1970s. Now you probably 00:04:23.689 --> 00:04:26.209 get sued or something. So you have these heavy 00:04:26.209 --> 00:04:28.949 gloves, okay? And he'd say, okay, ready? Everyone 00:04:28.949 --> 00:04:31.540 would circle up. He says, okay, settle it. And 00:04:31.540 --> 00:04:33.079 of course you're real tough and talking, you 00:04:33.079 --> 00:04:34.980 know, and I'm, you know, move like a butterfly 00:04:34.980 --> 00:04:37.040 and like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, you know, 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:39.180 you know, you know. And after about three minutes, 00:04:39.360 --> 00:04:42.399 no one could lift their arms. I mean, we're so 00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:45.939 tired. And the worst that ever happened is I 00:04:45.939 --> 00:04:50.220 think on a great day, I got Buddy Brockman right 00:04:50.220 --> 00:04:53.100 in the nose and got a bloody nose. And on a not 00:04:53.100 --> 00:04:55.720 so good day, I got a bloody nose. But they were 00:04:55.720 --> 00:04:59.730 so big and so heavy and so soft. All your aggression 00:04:59.730 --> 00:05:03.889 got out. It got settled. It was done. And no 00:05:03.889 --> 00:05:06.790 one really got hurt. In fact, what Mr. Barnes 00:05:06.790 --> 00:05:10.970 taught us was how to resolve conflict in a way 00:05:10.970 --> 00:05:15.290 that although mildly painful, didn't do any lasting 00:05:15.290 --> 00:05:18.350 damage. On the front of your notes, here's what 00:05:18.350 --> 00:05:22.209 I've learned from the Barnes boys. One, conflict 00:05:22.209 --> 00:05:26.350 is normal. Two, conflict is an opportunity for 00:05:26.350 --> 00:05:28.980 growth. Believe it or not, The guy that gave 00:05:28.980 --> 00:05:32.519 me the bloody nose became my best friend. Isn't 00:05:32.519 --> 00:05:36.019 that interesting? Three, conflict must be diffused 00:05:36.019 --> 00:05:39.879 or it'll destroy. I mean, if 15 young guys keep 00:05:39.879 --> 00:05:42.060 going at it, pretty soon you take sides, then 00:05:42.060 --> 00:05:43.860 it escalates and something bad's gonna happen. 00:05:43.980 --> 00:05:47.439 So he diffused it. He diffused it in a way where, 00:05:47.500 --> 00:05:51.180 as you see in the next point, he used some rules 00:05:51.180 --> 00:05:56.079 so no one really got hurt. We got to take a few 00:05:56.079 --> 00:06:01.300 swings. We slugged one another, but no one really 00:06:01.300 --> 00:06:04.439 got hurt. Now, as you turn the page, I want to 00:06:04.439 --> 00:06:07.839 talk to you about God's perspective on conflict. 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:12.279 The first section of this teaching time is going 00:06:12.279 --> 00:06:14.920 to be very biblical. I want to talk about the 00:06:14.920 --> 00:06:17.920 reality that it's normal. There's people who 00:06:17.920 --> 00:06:19.680 love God with all their heart that have great 00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:22.060 conflict. I want to give you three or four areas 00:06:22.060 --> 00:06:25.040 that for sure cause conflict in relationships. 00:06:25.160 --> 00:06:28.149 God expects it to cause conflict. And then we're 00:06:28.149 --> 00:06:30.550 going to talk about the deepest source of conflict 00:06:30.550 --> 00:06:33.509 in relationships. And then I want to spend the 00:06:33.509 --> 00:06:36.550 final portion of our time walking through a little 00:06:36.550 --> 00:06:39.329 acronym that will give you literally a specific 00:06:39.329 --> 00:06:42.430 game plan to go to point A, to point B, to point 00:06:42.430 --> 00:06:44.230 C, to say, okay, we've got conflict. What do 00:06:44.230 --> 00:06:49.329 we do? How do we diffuse it? Okay? So look on 00:06:49.329 --> 00:06:51.769 your notes. Let's jump in here together. Conflict 00:06:51.769 --> 00:06:54.959 is inevitable in a fallen world. And this is 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:58.100 from the lips of Jesus, John 16, 33. I've told 00:06:58.100 --> 00:07:01.839 you these things so that you may have peace in 00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:04.560 me. In this world, you'll have trouble, but take 00:07:04.560 --> 00:07:07.730 heart, I've overcome the world. Now, does this 00:07:07.730 --> 00:07:09.790 sound like Jesus is setting up his followers 00:07:09.790 --> 00:07:12.230 and disciples for a, if you really live life 00:07:12.230 --> 00:07:14.910 right, if you really love me, if you read your 00:07:14.910 --> 00:07:16.930 Bible, if you pray, you know, if you give off 00:07:16.930 --> 00:07:18.550 the top, if you go on a short -term missions 00:07:18.550 --> 00:07:20.790 trip, if you try to be a good woman, be a good 00:07:20.790 --> 00:07:23.509 man, be a great dad, be a great mom, if you do 00:07:23.509 --> 00:07:25.189 all that, then everything's gonna be smooth. 00:07:25.750 --> 00:07:30.389 Does that sound like what he said? In the world, 00:07:30.490 --> 00:07:32.389 you know, we're good at claiming promises, aren't 00:07:32.389 --> 00:07:36.029 we? Jesus said this, I can claim this for my 00:07:36.029 --> 00:07:40.079 life. Well, here's a promise. In the world, you 00:07:40.079 --> 00:07:43.740 will have conflict, but be of good cheer. I'm 00:07:43.740 --> 00:07:45.959 going to give you peace, but it's going to be 00:07:45.959 --> 00:07:49.060 a peace that's on the inside in a fallen world. 00:07:49.300 --> 00:07:50.939 You're going to have conflict with your mate, 00:07:51.079 --> 00:07:53.480 conflict with your kids, conflict with fellow 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:56.000 workers, conflict with neighbors, conflict with 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:58.819 grown kids. You are living in a world that's 00:07:58.819 --> 00:08:02.519 sinful and fallen. And from the day you're born 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:04.639 to the day you die, there's going to be conflict. 00:08:05.730 --> 00:08:07.990 Now, if you accept that, it changes your perspective. 00:08:08.689 --> 00:08:10.290 Because a lot of us, you know, we spend all of 00:08:10.290 --> 00:08:13.589 our energy trying to cover up conflict, trying 00:08:13.589 --> 00:08:16.149 to push down conflict, trying to say it's not 00:08:16.149 --> 00:08:18.810 really conflict or feeling guilty about conflict. 00:08:19.949 --> 00:08:22.730 What you got to do is accept it's normal and 00:08:22.730 --> 00:08:26.069 realize there's tools and ways to grow through 00:08:26.069 --> 00:08:28.389 it. The second thing the scripture would say 00:08:28.389 --> 00:08:31.259 is the sources of conflict, conflict grows. from 00:08:31.259 --> 00:08:33.759 our differences and our selfishness. In other 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:36.960 words, not all conflict is even from sin. Now 00:08:36.960 --> 00:08:39.860 I wish, because my passion is to teach the Bible, 00:08:39.940 --> 00:08:42.379 all right? I mean, I wish that I could say, okay, 00:08:42.419 --> 00:08:44.419 now open your Bibles. Don't go there because 00:08:44.419 --> 00:08:46.039 we're going to do something else. I would say, 00:08:46.059 --> 00:08:48.500 open your Bibles to Acts 15, and I could read 00:08:48.500 --> 00:08:51.299 through that and explain the first 15 or 35 verses 00:08:51.299 --> 00:08:53.320 and say, you know what, here's the Jerusalem 00:08:53.320 --> 00:08:55.159 Council, and here's what happened, and the early 00:08:55.159 --> 00:08:57.220 church was growing, and this group thought this, 00:08:57.340 --> 00:08:58.860 and this other group thought this, and Paul went 00:08:58.860 --> 00:09:00.559 on a missionary journey, and because of that, 00:09:00.600 --> 00:09:03.320 he came back, and Judaism and Christianity were 00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:05.000 in this collision course, and I could explain 00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:07.750 it all. I can't. But what I want to do is I want 00:09:07.750 --> 00:09:09.809 to give you this summary of about three or four 00:09:09.809 --> 00:09:13.549 passages that will help you see among the most 00:09:13.549 --> 00:09:16.690 godly, committed people to God, some sources 00:09:16.690 --> 00:09:18.870 of conflict. And I've put them in your notes. 00:09:18.990 --> 00:09:21.929 Source number one is our differences. Differences 00:09:21.929 --> 00:09:25.990 in belief produce conflict. So sometimes the 00:09:25.990 --> 00:09:29.370 question is, what's true? What's right? Sometimes 00:09:29.370 --> 00:09:32.690 we disagree. Good people who love God disagree. 00:09:32.809 --> 00:09:35.029 Is this right or is this right? And some good 00:09:35.029 --> 00:09:36.970 people say, this is right. And some other good 00:09:36.970 --> 00:09:38.950 people say, no, this is right. That produces 00:09:38.950 --> 00:09:42.070 conflict. And we had that in the Jerusalem Council. 00:09:42.909 --> 00:09:45.950 The Apostle Paul was preaching that you could 00:09:45.950 --> 00:09:49.330 come directly to the Father by the work of Christ 00:09:49.330 --> 00:09:52.169 and you didn't have to go through Judaism. And 00:09:52.169 --> 00:09:55.690 the whole early church was all... Jews who came 00:09:55.690 --> 00:09:58.070 to Christ, apart from those, you know, at Pentecost, 00:09:58.129 --> 00:10:00.789 in fact, the first 20, 25 years, probably 95 00:10:00.789 --> 00:10:02.950 more percent of the church, it was all converted 00:10:02.950 --> 00:10:05.690 Jews. And so, you know, they're saying, well, 00:10:05.730 --> 00:10:07.210 wait a second, you're messing with our traditions. 00:10:07.450 --> 00:10:10.269 It's Jesus plus circumcision and plus doing this 00:10:10.269 --> 00:10:12.070 and plus keeping part of the law. And the apostle 00:10:12.070 --> 00:10:14.649 Paul said, no, no, no, no, no. And so they have 00:10:14.649 --> 00:10:17.899 this big council. And in that counsel, they resolve 00:10:17.899 --> 00:10:21.240 the conflict. And James pulls out an Old Testament 00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:24.539 passage and Paul shares an experience that affirms 00:10:24.539 --> 00:10:27.299 and Peter looks at it all. And then they come 00:10:27.299 --> 00:10:29.379 to a conclusion and they take those differences 00:10:29.379 --> 00:10:33.000 and they align them with the truth. But haven't 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:35.179 some of you met Christians that, you know, really 00:10:35.179 --> 00:10:37.240 hold a theological position that's kind of over 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:40.299 here and they're real dogmatic about it? And 00:10:40.299 --> 00:10:41.580 you know what? When you look at them, they love 00:10:41.580 --> 00:10:45.139 God. You know, they have good marriages. They're 00:10:45.139 --> 00:10:47.519 seeking to raise good kids. They serve in their 00:10:47.519 --> 00:10:49.240 church and are reaching out, and yet you meet 00:10:49.240 --> 00:10:51.059 someone else, oh, no, this is what we believe. 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:54.360 And often it's on minor issues. I'm not saying 00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:56.539 that truth isn't important. It's very important. 00:10:57.159 --> 00:10:59.659 But you need to understand that in the world 00:10:59.659 --> 00:11:02.480 that we live in, even in the church, good, godly 00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:05.399 people are going to disagree. And so what you 00:11:05.399 --> 00:11:08.539 do is you do exactly what they did at the Jerusalem 00:11:08.539 --> 00:11:11.809 Council. You go to the source of truth, you sit 00:11:11.809 --> 00:11:15.049 down together, you dialogue, you ask God to show 00:11:15.049 --> 00:11:17.149 you, and sometimes you even agree to disagree. 00:11:17.850 --> 00:11:21.009 The second source of conflict is differences 00:11:21.009 --> 00:11:23.990 in perspective. In the same chapter, Acts 15, 00:11:24.190 --> 00:11:28.190 you have two of the closest friends. It says 00:11:28.190 --> 00:11:32.370 a great schism, a great conflict, a friendship 00:11:32.370 --> 00:11:36.789 is broken in Acts 15, beginning in verse 36 to 00:11:36.789 --> 00:11:40.639 41. It's Paul and Barnabas. They're both good 00:11:40.639 --> 00:11:43.139 men. They're both godly men, but they go on a 00:11:43.139 --> 00:11:45.539 mission trip together. And you know, Paul is 00:11:45.539 --> 00:11:47.759 very task oriented. You know what? We got to 00:11:47.759 --> 00:11:49.759 get the job done. Barnabas, his name, it means 00:11:49.759 --> 00:11:51.679 son of encouragement. He cares about people. 00:11:51.740 --> 00:11:53.320 He wants to develop people. You know, he gives 00:11:53.320 --> 00:11:55.100 people the second chance, the third chance, the 00:11:55.100 --> 00:11:57.620 54th chance. Paul gives you the first chance, 00:11:57.679 --> 00:11:59.720 the second chance. Buddy, do something else. 00:11:59.740 --> 00:12:02.720 I got to have people can make it happen. All 00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:08.200 right? You know, Paul's high D. Barnabas is high 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:11.840 I on the scales, right? And so they go on a missionary 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:14.559 trip and John Mark comes and we don't know all 00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:16.539 the story, but at some point in time, it gets 00:12:16.539 --> 00:12:19.350 hard, it gets difficult and he flakes out. And 00:12:19.350 --> 00:12:20.710 they're getting ready to go on the next missionary 00:12:20.710 --> 00:12:23.090 trip. And you know, Barnabas, I'm reading into 00:12:23.090 --> 00:12:25.330 the text, read Acts 15. You think, boy, Chip 00:12:25.330 --> 00:12:27.389 got a lot out of this. Well, I'm kind of, you 00:12:27.389 --> 00:12:28.669 know, I'm kind of making it up a little bit, 00:12:28.669 --> 00:12:31.590 give you a feel. But basically, you know, here 00:12:31.590 --> 00:12:33.690 we're going to go again. And Barnabas goes, you 00:12:33.690 --> 00:12:36.289 know what, John Mark, he has grown so much. I've 00:12:36.289 --> 00:12:37.970 been spending time with him. He's in my Bible 00:12:37.970 --> 00:12:39.929 study with some other guys. And you know what, 00:12:40.009 --> 00:12:42.350 he had a few struggles, but I really think he's 00:12:42.350 --> 00:12:44.690 going to do a great job this time. And Paul says 00:12:44.690 --> 00:12:47.289 something like, I don't think he is. What do 00:12:47.289 --> 00:12:49.259 you mean? Because he's not going. What do you 00:12:49.259 --> 00:12:51.019 mean he's not going? I said, he's not going. 00:12:51.659 --> 00:12:53.799 Hey, you know what? I can't tolerate flakes. 00:12:54.759 --> 00:12:57.539 God gave us a mission. He had a chance. He blew 00:12:57.539 --> 00:13:00.159 it. We're going to get out and God's mission 00:13:00.159 --> 00:13:02.259 is going to be right on the bubble. And I can't 00:13:02.259 --> 00:13:03.639 look over my shoulder and wonder whether this 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:05.899 guy's going to show up or not. Oh, Paul, you 00:13:05.899 --> 00:13:07.460 don't understand. Come and get a life, man. I 00:13:07.460 --> 00:13:09.179 mean, God was gracious to you. Don't you care 00:13:09.179 --> 00:13:10.799 about people? Yeah, I care about people. And 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:12.320 I'm going to care about by the most people by 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:14.240 doing what God called me to do and not do it 00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:15.600 with a bunch of flaky people like John Mark. 00:13:15.799 --> 00:13:18.759 Boom, boom, boom. You get it? And it says a great 00:13:18.759 --> 00:13:22.720 schism arose and Paul went this way and Barnabas 00:13:22.720 --> 00:13:27.679 went this way. That can happen to people that 00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:31.860 both really love God. Are you getting to see 00:13:31.860 --> 00:13:34.220 how our differences bring about conflict? We're 00:13:34.220 --> 00:13:36.519 gonna talk about solving it in a second. But 00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:38.759 our theological differences, is there a wrong 00:13:38.759 --> 00:13:41.619 or a right? It's philosophical, isn't it? One 00:13:41.619 --> 00:13:43.419 philosophically is charged with the task. The 00:13:43.419 --> 00:13:45.340 other thinks more about relationships. In the 00:13:45.340 --> 00:13:47.879 big picture, what do we need? The task and the 00:13:47.879 --> 00:13:50.659 relationships. There's not a wrong or a right. 00:13:50.799 --> 00:13:53.580 In fact, what we find later is Barnabas gets 00:13:53.580 --> 00:13:56.500 John Mark and develops him. So near the end of 00:13:56.500 --> 00:13:59.059 Paul's ministry, Paul says, send Mark because 00:13:59.059 --> 00:14:02.720 he has my parchments and he's been very profitable. 00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:04.960 It's a good thing Barnabas didn't give up on 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:08.009 him, but it's probably a good thing Paul. didn't 00:14:08.009 --> 00:14:10.750 give in. And he was the guy that led the mission 00:14:10.750 --> 00:14:13.610 and the missionary journeys. And so differences 00:14:13.610 --> 00:14:15.970 in beliefs, differences in perspective, sometimes 00:14:15.970 --> 00:14:18.850 it's differences in style. You know, in Philippians 00:14:18.850 --> 00:14:21.409 chapter four, I love, I love that God puts these 00:14:21.409 --> 00:14:23.769 things in the Bible. You know, there's two ladies, 00:14:24.090 --> 00:14:28.029 Euodia and Syntyche. And Paul says, these are 00:14:28.029 --> 00:14:30.029 sisters in the gospel. And basically he kind 00:14:30.029 --> 00:14:31.750 of pleads with Philippian church. Can you help 00:14:31.750 --> 00:14:34.009 these ladies get it together? I love them both. 00:14:34.129 --> 00:14:37.220 They've both helped me, but there's a rub. And, 00:14:37.299 --> 00:14:39.000 you know, we don't get all the, we don't get 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:40.559 all the understanding, but, you know, maybe one 00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:42.659 was an introvert and wasn't extrovert. And one 00:14:42.659 --> 00:14:44.200 was saying, you know, we need all the napkins 00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:46.320 all laid out for that. No, we don't need napkins. 00:14:46.340 --> 00:14:48.039 Forget it. They can eat with their hands. No, 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:49.860 we got to do the, you know, and whatever it was, 00:14:50.039 --> 00:14:54.299 these two ladies went at it. They just didn't 00:14:54.299 --> 00:14:57.559 get along. And you don't get the idea that it 00:14:57.559 --> 00:14:59.000 was sin or Paul would have addressed the sin 00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:02.220 issue. And can I say something kind of out loud? 00:15:02.340 --> 00:15:04.379 I hope you won't. Have you ever been in a small 00:15:04.379 --> 00:15:07.169 group with a group of people? and just realized, 00:15:07.509 --> 00:15:10.610 you know, they're godly. You open the Bible, 00:15:10.809 --> 00:15:14.809 maybe you watch a video and people kind of talk 00:15:14.809 --> 00:15:17.929 afterwards and you just don't like being there. 00:15:18.190 --> 00:15:20.950 And then you felt guilty. You know, like maybe 00:15:20.950 --> 00:15:22.490 it's a bunch of people that all they do is talk 00:15:22.490 --> 00:15:24.129 about sports and you don't really like sports 00:15:24.129 --> 00:15:26.409 or maybe you're like me and you get with a group 00:15:26.409 --> 00:15:28.590 of people and, you know, all they talk about 00:15:28.590 --> 00:15:33.009 is software, hardware, booting up and, you know, 00:15:33.009 --> 00:15:34.490 and I don't know what they're talking about. 00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:37.940 Or maybe they're from a part of the country and 00:15:37.940 --> 00:15:40.340 their interests are over here and they just sort 00:15:40.340 --> 00:15:42.080 of relate in a way that they all grew up with 00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:43.580 and you always feel like on your outside looking 00:15:43.580 --> 00:15:46.059 in. And you go to that small group and you feel 00:15:46.059 --> 00:15:47.779 bad and you feel guilty because you think, I 00:15:47.779 --> 00:15:50.080 don't connect. I don't like it. I don't have 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:52.320 chemistry. I don't get along. You know what I 00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:53.799 think you ought to do? Find another small group. 00:15:54.879 --> 00:15:57.600 God made us different people with different personalities 00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:00.519 and different backgrounds. You can love everyone 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:02.440 and be committed to them. That doesn't mean you 00:16:02.440 --> 00:16:05.320 have chemistry with everybody. And here's a couple 00:16:05.320 --> 00:16:08.320 ladies that need to learn to get along, but probably 00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:09.620 they shouldn't be in a small group together. 00:16:10.679 --> 00:16:12.639 There's probably some people that would say, 00:16:12.679 --> 00:16:14.559 you know what, I just like the way Euodia does 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:16.440 it. And others, you know, Syntyche, she's my 00:16:16.440 --> 00:16:19.460 kind of gal. Do you see what I'm trying to get 00:16:19.460 --> 00:16:23.279 at? There are theological differences, there 00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:25.120 are philosophical differences, and there are 00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:27.460 personality differences that are going to bring 00:16:27.460 --> 00:16:30.179 conflict in your world. And in a fallen world, 00:16:30.259 --> 00:16:33.539 Jesus promised on top of that, Just sin in itself 00:16:33.539 --> 00:16:36.340 is going to bring about conflict. And so all 00:16:36.340 --> 00:16:39.500 I want you to hear is this. The conflict in your 00:16:39.500 --> 00:16:42.759 marriage and the conflict in your family is normal. 00:16:43.340 --> 00:16:46.639 Quit trying to act like it's going to go away 00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:49.600 and think that when it's smooth, life is right. 00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:53.820 And secondly, quit thinking that somehow you've 00:16:53.820 --> 00:16:56.019 done something wrong or there's a bad person 00:16:56.019 --> 00:16:58.220 in the room when there's some conflict. It might 00:16:58.220 --> 00:17:00.480 be, in fact, a great opportunity for growth. 00:17:01.960 --> 00:17:04.819 You're listening to Living on the Edge with Chip 00:17:04.819 --> 00:17:07.299 Ingram. And we'll get you back to today's message 00:17:07.299 --> 00:17:09.960 in just a minute. But quickly, it should be clear 00:17:09.960 --> 00:17:12.500 from this new series how passionate we are about 00:17:12.500 --> 00:17:15.180 encouraging husbands and wives and empowering 00:17:15.180 --> 00:17:18.119 them to be God -honoring parents. And that's 00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:21.180 why we've also created a new engaging tool that 00:17:21.180 --> 00:17:24.059 couples can rely on every day to strengthen their 00:17:24.059 --> 00:17:26.579 relationship. Stick around after the teaching 00:17:26.579 --> 00:17:28.759 to learn how to get your hands on this resource. 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:32.829 But for now, here again is Chip. The fourth reason 00:17:32.829 --> 00:17:34.589 we learn from Scripture where there's conflict 00:17:34.589 --> 00:17:37.529 is probably the one that we can deal with, and 00:17:37.529 --> 00:17:40.109 this is called selfish desires produce conflict. 00:17:40.829 --> 00:17:44.789 This is the old my way versus her way, right? 00:17:46.210 --> 00:17:50.029 James touches on it in James 4, 1 to 3. He raises 00:17:50.029 --> 00:17:52.549 the question, what causes fights and quarrels 00:17:52.549 --> 00:17:54.869 among you? Rhetorical question. Then he answers 00:17:54.869 --> 00:17:57.289 it. Well, don't they come from your desires that 00:17:57.289 --> 00:17:59.250 battle within you? Circle the word desires in 00:17:59.250 --> 00:18:02.049 your notes. It's the idea of lust. And it's used 00:18:02.049 --> 00:18:04.670 in this context as a powerful passion to get 00:18:04.670 --> 00:18:07.369 your way. Doesn't it come from that deep down 00:18:07.369 --> 00:18:10.069 inside that it needs to be my way? This is how 00:18:10.069 --> 00:18:11.930 we should spend the money. This is what we should 00:18:11.930 --> 00:18:13.549 do with the kids. This is what we should do on 00:18:13.549 --> 00:18:17.650 vacation. And then he goes on to say, you want 00:18:17.650 --> 00:18:20.769 something, but you don't get it. So you have 00:18:20.769 --> 00:18:22.630 a block goal, frustrated. That ever happened 00:18:22.630 --> 00:18:25.500 to you, your marriage? Has to us, hasn't it? 00:18:26.299 --> 00:18:28.759 And then he goes, you kill and you covet, but 00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:30.259 you cannot have what you want. In other words, 00:18:30.279 --> 00:18:32.400 you don't get what you want. And so you go to 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:38.440 extremes. You murder with your words. You covet, 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:42.220 you lust for, you're envious. You have internal 00:18:42.220 --> 00:18:44.720 struggles. You quarrel and you fight. You don't 00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:47.240 have it because you don't ask God. So he says, 00:18:47.319 --> 00:18:49.160 some of the things that God wants to solve, you 00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:50.660 don't have it because you don't ask. And then 00:18:50.660 --> 00:18:53.799 he expands it. He says, when you ask, You do 00:18:53.799 --> 00:18:55.819 not receive because you ask with wrong motives 00:18:55.819 --> 00:18:59.500 that you may spend it on what you get for your 00:18:59.500 --> 00:19:01.359 pleasure. Circle the word pleasure. It's the 00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:04.640 exact same word as lust above. They just translated 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:08.299 two different words. It's this selfish, I want 00:19:08.299 --> 00:19:12.680 my way attitude. And I would suggest that in 00:19:12.680 --> 00:19:14.079 your marriages, you're gonna have philosophical, 00:19:14.500 --> 00:19:16.960 occasional theological differences. You're gonna 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:19.380 have personality differences. But the one thing 00:19:19.380 --> 00:19:21.670 that you're gonna have as long. as you're on 00:19:21.670 --> 00:19:24.309 this planet, in this body, is you're going to 00:19:24.309 --> 00:19:27.450 have selfish desires and you're going to want 00:19:27.450 --> 00:19:30.069 your way and your mate's going to want her way 00:19:30.069 --> 00:19:32.329 and you better figure out how to deal with that 00:19:32.329 --> 00:19:35.289 conflict. And part of it is just plain old, I 00:19:35.289 --> 00:19:37.470 mean, can I say this like really out loud right 00:19:37.470 --> 00:19:40.839 here in the 21st century? It's called sin. It's 00:19:40.839 --> 00:19:43.039 just sin. I mean, it's just like, I've missed 00:19:43.039 --> 00:19:46.279 the mark. As much as I can appear righteous, 00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:49.480 loving, kind, sophisticated, there's times where 00:19:49.480 --> 00:19:52.480 when Teresa and I have something, I want my way. 00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:55.480 Now I've learned to couch that, even put a verse 00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:58.339 around it, act sophisticated, make her feel guilty 00:19:58.339 --> 00:20:02.640 to think that her way's wrong. But conflict is 00:20:02.640 --> 00:20:04.940 an opportunity to grow. Open your Bibles now, 00:20:05.039 --> 00:20:08.759 Philippians chapter two. This is the same letter 00:20:08.759 --> 00:20:11.140 written to the two ladies that are having some 00:20:11.140 --> 00:20:14.819 struggles. Conflict provides specific opportunities 00:20:14.819 --> 00:20:17.720 to grow. And every time you overcome some conflict, 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:21.450 some good things happen. Paul begins in chapter 00:20:21.450 --> 00:20:25.890 two, verses one and two with a, it sounds like 00:20:25.890 --> 00:20:28.569 a rhetorical question, but grammatically you 00:20:28.569 --> 00:20:30.809 could translate instead of if, grammatically 00:20:30.809 --> 00:20:33.210 he's really saying, since this is true, since 00:20:33.210 --> 00:20:35.730 this is true, since this is true. He's not saying, 00:20:35.750 --> 00:20:37.670 well, if this would ever be true someday, some 00:20:37.670 --> 00:20:41.220 way. It's a, what's called a. a class condition 00:20:41.220 --> 00:20:43.980 in Greek that has the idea of certainty. He says, 00:20:44.059 --> 00:20:46.099 if therefore, or since there's any encouragement 00:20:46.099 --> 00:20:48.799 in Christ, if there's any consolation of love, 00:20:48.940 --> 00:20:51.759 if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection 00:20:51.759 --> 00:20:54.460 and compassion. And the answer to all those are 00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:57.900 yes, yes, yes, yes. You're in Christ. Is there 00:20:57.900 --> 00:21:00.500 encouragement in Christ? Yes. Is there consolation 00:21:00.500 --> 00:21:02.680 in love? Yes. Is there fellowship in the spirit? 00:21:02.900 --> 00:21:05.559 You're both believers, right? Yes. Is there genuine 00:21:05.559 --> 00:21:07.799 love and affection? Then notice what he says, 00:21:07.900 --> 00:21:12.440 verse two. Then make my joy complete. How? By 00:21:12.440 --> 00:21:16.339 being of the same mind, maintaining the same 00:21:16.339 --> 00:21:20.579 love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:23.400 I would challenge you to look at that verse and 00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:25.720 ask yourself just a quick Bible study question. 00:21:26.099 --> 00:21:29.460 How many of those lines in verse two have to 00:21:29.460 --> 00:21:34.559 do with unity? Same, one, unity. You get the 00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:37.799 idea? He's saying, if you have this resource 00:21:37.799 --> 00:21:40.420 of what God has done for you, if he's been loving, 00:21:40.539 --> 00:21:42.500 if the spirit lives in both of you, you have 00:21:42.500 --> 00:21:45.200 koinonia fellowship before God, then make my 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:47.660 joy complete. He's saying, work out relationships 00:21:47.660 --> 00:21:50.680 in such a way we have the same mind, the same 00:21:50.680 --> 00:21:53.579 purpose, one heart. What he's saying is, resolve 00:21:53.579 --> 00:21:56.140 the conflict out of the resources in Christ. 00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:58.799 And then in verses three and four, he's gonna 00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:00.940 tell you how. And it's a command. This is not 00:22:00.940 --> 00:22:03.019 like an option for a better marriage. This is 00:22:03.019 --> 00:22:05.240 a command for how to do relationships in general, 00:22:05.299 --> 00:22:07.740 but especially how to apply it in your own home. 00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:11.779 Do nothing, do a few things, do sort of, no. 00:22:11.920 --> 00:22:14.960 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:18.500 but with humility of mind, let each of you regard 00:22:18.500 --> 00:22:22.059 one another as more important than himself. That 00:22:22.059 --> 00:22:25.640 is the key to great relationships. At the heart 00:22:25.640 --> 00:22:29.140 of the James passage about those lustful pleasures, 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:32.740 you know what's behind that? Ego. It's just pride. 00:22:33.500 --> 00:22:35.460 I mean, our biggest conflicts in our marriage 00:22:35.460 --> 00:22:38.940 have been a Chip Ingram problem. Ego, I want 00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:42.319 my way on my terms. Teresa, I want you to fulfill 00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:44.319 my needs. Teresa, I want you to take care of 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:49.119 that. Teresa, make my life work out. And the 00:22:49.119 --> 00:22:52.430 solution... is to do nothing from selfishness 00:22:52.430 --> 00:22:54.910 or empty conceit. But notice that phrase, with 00:22:54.910 --> 00:22:57.930 humility of mind. Humility of mind is saying 00:22:57.930 --> 00:23:01.450 the other person's needs, I don't, by the way, 00:23:01.529 --> 00:23:03.869 I don't, doesn't mean I feel like it. The other 00:23:03.869 --> 00:23:07.829 person's needs, I choose to put ahead of my own. 00:23:07.970 --> 00:23:10.309 In fact, the most loving time is when you don't 00:23:10.309 --> 00:23:12.369 feel like it. Jesus didn't feel like going to 00:23:12.369 --> 00:23:15.910 the cross, did he? But you glad he went? I am. 00:23:17.859 --> 00:23:19.859 Love doesn't have a whole lot to do with whether 00:23:19.859 --> 00:23:22.960 you feel like it. With humility of mind, consider. 00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:26.259 And that word consider means reckon, think, ponder, 00:23:26.339 --> 00:23:28.940 evaluate. The other person is more important 00:23:28.940 --> 00:23:31.579 than yourself. Look at verse four. Do not merely 00:23:31.579 --> 00:23:34.140 look out for your own personal interests. That, 00:23:34.140 --> 00:23:36.779 by the way, that phrase is the key to most marital 00:23:36.779 --> 00:23:40.779 conflict. In my marriage, I mean, I can fake 00:23:40.779 --> 00:23:44.779 it and I can position it, but most of us want 00:23:44.779 --> 00:23:47.890 our own personal interests. And to break that, 00:23:47.970 --> 00:23:50.470 don't look out for your own personal interests, 00:23:50.569 --> 00:23:53.250 but also for the interests of others. And then 00:23:53.250 --> 00:23:55.470 in verse five, he begins to give us the how -to. 00:23:56.109 --> 00:24:00.289 Have this attitude in yourselves. Attitude, attitude, 00:24:00.670 --> 00:24:04.490 attitude. Have this attitude in yourselves that 00:24:04.490 --> 00:24:21.599 was in Christ Jesus. See, genuine humility isn't 00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:23.859 a feeling about, I think this way about the other 00:24:23.859 --> 00:24:27.460 person. Genuine humility is an attitude of, I'm 00:24:27.460 --> 00:24:30.660 here to serve you. I want to help your life become 00:24:30.660 --> 00:24:32.680 what God wants it to be. I want to serve you. 00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:36.410 I want to help you. I want to come up first of 00:24:36.410 --> 00:24:38.349 all in the day and think, what are the issues 00:24:38.349 --> 00:24:40.190 that you're struggling with? How do I meet your 00:24:40.190 --> 00:24:43.230 needs? Instead of saying, well, how do I meet 00:24:43.230 --> 00:24:47.289 my needs and where are you missing it? Because 00:24:47.289 --> 00:24:49.890 most of us, when it comes to conflict, we go 00:24:49.890 --> 00:24:52.849 internal very quickly. And I just come up with 00:24:52.849 --> 00:24:54.589 all the reasons why Teresa ought to be doing 00:24:54.589 --> 00:24:56.049 things different and if she would, everything 00:24:56.049 --> 00:25:00.049 would be okay, right? Notice the conflict is 00:25:00.049 --> 00:25:03.009 an opportunity for growth in Christ. Not out 00:25:03.009 --> 00:25:05.769 of your own flesh, but in Christ, differences 00:25:05.769 --> 00:25:08.809 complement instead of compete. You realize, hey, 00:25:08.869 --> 00:25:10.950 she does look at it different or he does look 00:25:10.950 --> 00:25:13.349 at it different because it's not my way or her 00:25:13.349 --> 00:25:16.529 way, it's our way. We're one flesh. Notice in 00:25:16.529 --> 00:25:19.069 Christ, selfishness is transformed to servanthood. 00:25:19.900 --> 00:25:22.359 To become a servant of your mate is a powerful, 00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:25.380 powerful. Remember the very first thing when 00:25:25.380 --> 00:25:27.900 we made the equilateral triangle? And I said, 00:25:27.920 --> 00:25:30.740 your barrier with God and walking with God is 00:25:30.740 --> 00:25:32.079 the most important thing you can ever do in your 00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:34.259 marriage. You know why? Because you can't be 00:25:34.259 --> 00:25:36.119 a servant to your mate without the supernatural 00:25:36.119 --> 00:25:38.559 power of God's spirit living in me through the 00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:40.759 power of his word and his spirit and being in 00:25:40.759 --> 00:25:43.019 community with people to be a giver instead of 00:25:43.019 --> 00:25:46.380 a taker. I can't do that. It's impossible. And 00:25:46.380 --> 00:25:48.920 so it really becomes a spiritual issue. And then 00:25:48.920 --> 00:25:53.019 finally, in Christ, we can fight fair and safely. 00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:55.940 Those principles, you know, be honest, speak 00:25:55.940 --> 00:25:59.180 the truth in love, be diligent, you know, be 00:25:59.180 --> 00:26:02.799 positive. We can learn to fight fair and lovingly. 00:26:06.180 --> 00:26:08.960 This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, 00:26:08.980 --> 00:26:11.079 and you've been listening to part one of Chip's 00:26:11.079 --> 00:26:13.869 message, Conflict Resolution. How to Fight Fair 00:26:13.869 --> 00:26:16.789 in Marriage, from our series, Uninvited Guests, 00:26:16.970 --> 00:26:19.690 recognizing and resisting the attacks on your 00:26:19.690 --> 00:26:22.390 family. Chip will be back shortly to share some 00:26:22.390 --> 00:26:25.269 helpful application for us to think about. Many 00:26:25.269 --> 00:26:28.130 philosophers have likened marriage to an exciting 00:26:28.130 --> 00:26:31.049 adventure, which is true. So how can you and 00:26:31.049 --> 00:26:33.210 your spouse make the most of your journey together? 00:26:33.569 --> 00:26:36.150 For the next couple of programs, Chip will highlight 00:26:36.150 --> 00:26:39.109 two vital skills couples need to learn that'll 00:26:39.109 --> 00:26:41.960 transform their relationship. When you learn 00:26:41.960 --> 00:26:44.440 to communicate more clearly and effectively resolve 00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:47.240 conflict, your connection to your mate will flourish 00:26:47.240 --> 00:26:50.220 and also serve as a powerful model for your kids 00:26:50.220 --> 00:26:53.240 to look up to. So whether you're a newlywed or 00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:55.839 have been together for decades, CHIPS Insights 00:26:55.839 --> 00:26:59.170 are sure to empower and encourage you. Chip's 00:26:59.170 --> 00:27:01.490 here in studio with me now. And Chip, as you 00:27:01.490 --> 00:27:03.710 sifted through all the research about marriage 00:27:03.710 --> 00:27:06.309 and parenting for this series, there was one 00:27:06.309 --> 00:27:09.190 myth that came up a lot. With all of this conflict 00:27:09.190 --> 00:27:11.690 in our marriage, it's better for our kids if 00:27:11.690 --> 00:27:15.170 we just get divorced. Dave, that is one of the 00:27:15.170 --> 00:27:18.670 most believed myths about marriage. That old 00:27:18.670 --> 00:27:21.190 school thinking of we're staying together just 00:27:21.190 --> 00:27:25.410 for the kids is actually true. If there's challenges, 00:27:25.609 --> 00:27:29.089 struggle, argument, kids will make it through. 00:27:29.170 --> 00:27:31.750 They're very resilient. Now, here's the problem. 00:27:31.910 --> 00:27:34.690 People don't want to stay together. When it gets 00:27:34.690 --> 00:27:37.710 really hard, how do you resolve conflict? How 00:27:37.710 --> 00:27:40.849 do you learn to communicate? There are so many 00:27:40.849 --> 00:27:43.910 good Christians who are living like roommates 00:27:43.910 --> 00:27:46.769 now. Their marriage isn't fulfilling. They want 00:27:46.769 --> 00:27:49.769 to stay together for their kids, but they can't 00:27:49.769 --> 00:27:52.549 imagine living the way they are forever and ever 00:27:52.549 --> 00:27:55.430 and ever. And so they feel hopeless. Here's what 00:27:55.430 --> 00:27:58.650 I want to say. You can work this out, and we 00:27:58.650 --> 00:28:01.450 have a tool to help you. Marriage That Works 00:28:01.450 --> 00:28:05.400 Truth Cards is a beginning step. to resolve some 00:28:05.400 --> 00:28:08.660 big pains in your marriage and create an environment 00:28:08.660 --> 00:28:12.259 that your kids can thrive in. We really want 00:28:12.259 --> 00:28:14.559 to help you learn to communicate, to resolve 00:28:14.559 --> 00:28:17.859 conflict. That begins with eliminating or addressing 00:28:17.859 --> 00:28:20.400 lies that you believe. And then you have to have 00:28:20.400 --> 00:28:23.000 some foundational truths. And if you'll review 00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:25.779 a few of these every single day for 30 days, 00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:29.140 60 days, your thinking will change, your words 00:28:29.140 --> 00:28:32.319 will change, and your marriage will change. throw 00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:35.759 away a good marriage or even a problem marriage 00:28:35.759 --> 00:28:39.019 because of your present struggles. If you think 00:28:39.019 --> 00:28:41.779 that there's an easy divorce and it doesn't impact 00:28:41.779 --> 00:28:45.160 your kids, you're completely wrong. The impact 00:28:45.160 --> 00:28:48.700 goes on for decades. Let's stay together. Let's 00:28:48.700 --> 00:28:51.099 obey God's commands, and we want to help you. 00:28:51.240 --> 00:28:53.160 So, Dave, take a minute and share with people 00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:56.000 how they can get these cards. Sure, Chip. It's 00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:58.079 actually really simple. Throughout this entire 00:28:58.079 --> 00:29:00.799 series, for anyone who chooses to become a monthly 00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:03.380 partner with Living on the Edge, we'll send you 00:29:03.380 --> 00:29:06.220 these new Marriage That Works Truth Cards as 00:29:06.220 --> 00:29:08.880 our way of saying thanks. So please pray about 00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:11.549 supporting us. Your gifts have an eternal impact 00:29:11.549 --> 00:29:14.069 as we fight for marriages and families everywhere. 00:29:14.470 --> 00:29:17.049 To learn how to become a monthly partner, visit 00:29:17.049 --> 00:29:23.029 livingontheedge .org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. 00:29:23.250 --> 00:29:28.890 That's 888 -333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge 00:29:28.890 --> 00:29:33.589 .org. App listeners, tap donate. With that, here 00:29:33.589 --> 00:29:37.309 again is Chip. As we close today's program, conflict 00:29:37.309 --> 00:29:41.660 is normal. conflict is an opportunity for growth. 00:29:42.579 --> 00:29:46.000 Conflict must be diffused or it will destroy. 00:29:46.619 --> 00:29:50.779 Healthy conflict demands rules so no one gets 00:29:50.779 --> 00:29:53.920 hurt. And guess what? Conflict is inevitable 00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:58.680 in a fallen world. And, you know, I just, there 00:29:58.680 --> 00:30:02.299 is this. invisible, unwritten expectation that 00:30:02.299 --> 00:30:05.240 I just want to scream that you think and I think, 00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:07.539 because I do, that if we really love each other 00:30:07.539 --> 00:30:10.240 and if we both really love God, everything's 00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:14.660 going to be great. Wrong. It's going to be hard 00:30:14.660 --> 00:30:18.599 in a fallen world. But there's many couples that 00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:20.859 real intimacy, you know, the scripture says, 00:30:20.940 --> 00:30:25.279 as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. 00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:28.259 You know, I want you to visualize, if you will, 00:30:28.400 --> 00:30:30.819 your fingers being spread apart and then just 00:30:30.819 --> 00:30:32.859 connecting the fingertips, interlocking them. 00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:34.400 Okay, that's what I'm doing right now in the 00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:38.579 studio. Intimacy is pushing those fingers toward 00:30:38.579 --> 00:30:41.420 one another. You're actually invading your mate's 00:30:41.420 --> 00:30:43.960 territory. When you invade your mate's territory, 00:30:44.220 --> 00:30:45.799 there's going to be sparks. There's going to 00:30:45.799 --> 00:30:48.619 be conflict. And you know what I see? I see couples 00:30:48.619 --> 00:30:52.299 who say, we've never had an argument. In 41 years, 00:30:52.500 --> 00:30:54.779 we've never had an argument. And you know what 00:30:54.779 --> 00:30:56.900 I'm going to say? And you know what? You're pretty 00:30:56.900 --> 00:30:59.180 superficial and you don't have very much deep 00:30:59.180 --> 00:31:03.359 anything. It takes sparks. It takes conflict 00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:07.339 that produce growth. In our next broadcast, I 00:31:07.339 --> 00:31:10.440 will give you the rules, very specific rules 00:31:10.440 --> 00:31:13.680 about. How to fight fair. You don't have to keep 00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:16.019 fighting over the same old stuff and having the 00:31:16.019 --> 00:31:18.740 same old defense mechanisms and playing the same 00:31:18.740 --> 00:31:22.019 old games. Conflict can become your friend instead 00:31:22.019 --> 00:31:24.740 of your enemy. Great encouragement for couples 00:31:24.740 --> 00:31:27.339 to think about, Chip. Thanks. Hey, join us next 00:31:27.339 --> 00:31:30.400 time as Chip continues our newest series, Uninvited 00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:33.579 Guests. Until then, I'm Dave Drury saying thanks 00:31:33.579 --> 00:31:35.960 for listening to this edition of Living on the 00:31:35.960 --> 00:31:36.299 Edge.