WEBVTT 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:03.520 We've all heard the expression, men are from 00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:06.540 Mars and women are from Venus, alluding to the 00:00:06.540 --> 00:00:09.259 fact that the sexes think, speak, and act very 00:00:09.259 --> 00:00:12.039 differently from one another. So how can husbands 00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:15.039 and wives bridge that gap to communicate effectively, 00:00:15.320 --> 00:00:18.339 understand each other's needs, and navigate challenges 00:00:18.339 --> 00:00:20.699 together? Well, that's what we're going to tackle 00:00:20.699 --> 00:00:23.059 today. Hey, everyone. I'm Dave Drewy, and you're 00:00:23.059 --> 00:00:25.579 listening to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. 00:00:26.089 --> 00:00:28.589 Our mission is to inspire Christians to be genuine 00:00:28.589 --> 00:00:31.370 followers of Jesus and to empower them to be 00:00:31.370 --> 00:00:34.350 active disciple makers in our world. And we're 00:00:34.350 --> 00:00:36.689 in the middle of our ongoing series, Uninvited 00:00:36.689 --> 00:00:39.210 Guests. And we pray everything we've studied 00:00:39.210 --> 00:00:41.909 together has enriched your marriage and motivated 00:00:41.909 --> 00:00:44.829 you to uncover the subtle lies that may be holding 00:00:44.829 --> 00:00:47.409 your relationship back. So if you want to help 00:00:47.409 --> 00:00:49.969 other marriages grow and thrive, would you take 00:00:49.969 --> 00:00:52.429 a minute after today's program and share it with 00:00:52.429 --> 00:00:55.549 someone in your life? You can do that from livingontheedge 00:00:55.549 --> 00:00:59.909 .org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Thanks 00:00:59.909 --> 00:01:01.890 for spreading the word about how God is using 00:01:01.890 --> 00:01:04.530 our ministry in your life. Well, if you're ready, 00:01:04.609 --> 00:01:07.290 here's Chip with his talk, Speaking Your Spouse's 00:01:07.290 --> 00:01:11.849 Love Language. As we close our focus on this 00:01:11.849 --> 00:01:14.709 section of the series, we've talked about lies 00:01:14.709 --> 00:01:17.230 that tear down our marriages. We've talked about 00:01:17.230 --> 00:01:19.930 these foundational truths that you can build 00:01:19.930 --> 00:01:22.170 your marriage on. And it doesn't matter what 00:01:22.170 --> 00:01:24.849 comes your way. It'll be strong and stable and 00:01:24.849 --> 00:01:29.670 grow. Today, I want to share the last two foundation 00:01:29.670 --> 00:01:33.370 stones that for me are so encouraging, so positive. 00:01:33.609 --> 00:01:37.510 So foundational truth number four is, by the 00:01:37.510 --> 00:01:39.950 way, this is for men. I will choose to love my 00:01:39.950 --> 00:01:44.250 wife today in a specific and sacrificial way. 00:01:44.859 --> 00:01:47.760 That is meaningful to her. And here's the reason. 00:01:47.879 --> 00:01:52.879 She is God's gift to me and I will cherish her 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:58.359 just as Christ loved his bride, the church. Men, 00:01:58.439 --> 00:02:01.219 think about what would it be like for your wife 00:02:01.219 --> 00:02:07.239 to feel cherished, special, valuable, more than 00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:10.860 anything else, any other human relationship that 00:02:10.860 --> 00:02:14.270 she would just feel. your words and your life 00:02:14.270 --> 00:02:16.710 and your concern and your body language and your 00:02:16.710 --> 00:02:20.530 eye contact, she would just feel cherished. As 00:02:20.530 --> 00:02:22.849 I've shared, coming out of some of our marriage 00:02:22.849 --> 00:02:25.729 counseling, I had to learn that love is a choice, 00:02:25.810 --> 00:02:28.789 okay, so I'm going to choose. And then I was 00:02:28.789 --> 00:02:31.189 loving Teresa. Actually, in the midst of our 00:02:31.189 --> 00:02:34.810 most difficult times, I just was loving her in 00:02:34.810 --> 00:02:37.849 a way that I thought would be loving. You know, 00:02:37.909 --> 00:02:40.150 the things that made me feel loving, I thought, 00:02:40.169 --> 00:02:42.759 well, I'll do that for her. I choose to love 00:02:42.759 --> 00:02:45.699 my wife. Notice the key word today. I'll choose 00:02:45.699 --> 00:02:50.479 to love my wife today in a specific and sacrificial 00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:54.080 way that's meaningful to her. I was doing a lot 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:56.080 of loving, like I came home and I gave you a 00:02:56.080 --> 00:02:58.080 kiss. I gave you a big hug. I mean, physical 00:02:58.080 --> 00:03:00.979 touch is one of my love languages. And the fact 00:03:00.979 --> 00:03:03.379 that the garbage wasn't out, that stuff was broken 00:03:03.379 --> 00:03:05.099 around the house. I mean, what's that got to 00:03:05.099 --> 00:03:09.439 do with love? Well, I learned to her, it had 00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:12.330 a lot to do with love. And always remembering 00:03:12.330 --> 00:03:16.689 this, I think sometimes we forget this. She is 00:03:16.689 --> 00:03:20.870 a gift from God. You know, Proverbs has 31 chapters. 00:03:20.889 --> 00:03:24.550 And I would say in the 45, 50 years that I've 00:03:24.550 --> 00:03:28.090 walked seriously with the Lord, I've read through 00:03:28.090 --> 00:03:31.169 Proverbs, I don't know, hundreds of times. And 00:03:31.169 --> 00:03:34.530 I'm always struck where it says, wealth comes 00:03:34.530 --> 00:03:39.590 from X, Y, and Z, but a wife is a gift from God. 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:41.960 And there's another proverb that talks about 00:03:41.960 --> 00:03:45.060 she is more precious than diamonds or rubies. 00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:47.759 In other words, there's no amount of material 00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:53.520 wealth that can compare to having a wife that 00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:56.180 loves God and loves you. And so just remembering 00:03:56.180 --> 00:03:59.120 that's a gift I want to take really, really good 00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:03.759 care of. And she's not only my wife. This helps 00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:07.099 me. Maybe you don't think like this. She's my 00:04:07.099 --> 00:04:10.610 heavenly father's daughter. I need to treat her 00:04:10.610 --> 00:04:13.909 as a co -heir of the grace of Christ. She really 00:04:13.909 --> 00:04:16.970 matters to the almighty King of Kings and Lord 00:04:16.970 --> 00:04:19.810 of Lords. And so I need to steward and treat 00:04:19.810 --> 00:04:22.470 her that way. So that's sort of the motivation. 00:04:22.790 --> 00:04:25.910 Now to the real specific. There's some key words. 00:04:26.129 --> 00:04:29.089 And I want you as a man to kind of just be thinking, 00:04:29.290 --> 00:04:32.310 Lord, will you give me some creative, specific 00:04:32.310 --> 00:04:37.170 ideas that I could love my wife today? in a way 00:04:37.170 --> 00:04:39.769 that's meaningful to her. So the first one is 00:04:39.769 --> 00:04:43.069 I choose. That means you don't have to feel like 00:04:43.069 --> 00:04:44.930 it. Things aren't really going great for you 00:04:44.930 --> 00:04:47.930 all. You don't have to wait until there's a romantic 00:04:47.930 --> 00:04:51.410 moment. You're just going to say, I'm going to 00:04:51.410 --> 00:04:55.329 choose today to love my wife. Well, how? In a 00:04:55.329 --> 00:04:59.029 specific way. And as I say, in a way that's meaningful, 00:04:59.129 --> 00:05:01.290 those kind of go together. I'll give you an example. 00:05:01.529 --> 00:05:04.329 I reviewed all my notes to do this teaching. 00:05:04.750 --> 00:05:06.610 And I happened to wake up a little bit earlier 00:05:06.610 --> 00:05:09.310 than normal. And I was reviewing them all. And 00:05:09.310 --> 00:05:12.350 I had a couple hours in. And I noticed when I 00:05:12.350 --> 00:05:15.250 came into the kitchen that the little light on 00:05:15.250 --> 00:05:18.949 the dishwasher was off. And I knew when I went 00:05:18.949 --> 00:05:21.069 to bed, the little light was on. So it was working. 00:05:21.889 --> 00:05:24.509 Normally, Teresa unloads the dishwasher if she's 00:05:24.509 --> 00:05:28.069 there. But I happen to know she doesn't like 00:05:28.069 --> 00:05:30.029 to do that. For whatever reason, we all have 00:05:30.029 --> 00:05:32.449 things I don't really like to do. Unloading the 00:05:32.449 --> 00:05:35.050 dishwasher. It's something she really doesn't 00:05:35.050 --> 00:05:38.850 like to do. So about 5 .30 this morning, I was 00:05:38.850 --> 00:05:41.629 taking a break. I saw that the light was off 00:05:41.629 --> 00:05:45.730 and it wasn't a big deal. But because I'm reviewing 00:05:45.730 --> 00:05:48.769 and thinking of these things, I was prompted. 00:05:49.550 --> 00:05:52.610 I tried to be really quiet and I unloaded the 00:05:52.610 --> 00:05:54.670 dishwasher and I wiped off the top of the ones 00:05:54.670 --> 00:05:56.329 where there was water and I put everything away. 00:05:56.769 --> 00:05:59.230 I didn't say, hey, by the way, honey, I want 00:05:59.230 --> 00:06:01.589 you to know I unloaded the dishwasher. This isn't 00:06:01.589 --> 00:06:05.500 to get stroked. It was. Sometime today, my wife 00:06:05.500 --> 00:06:10.439 is going to open that up thinking, oh, brother. 00:06:10.839 --> 00:06:14.540 And when she opens it up, it's going to be empty. 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:18.319 And you know what she's going to feel? Cherished. 00:06:19.819 --> 00:06:22.079 Because she knows that's so out of character. 00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:25.060 She's thinking, the last thing left to myself 00:06:25.060 --> 00:06:27.720 that I would ever do is even notice the dishwasher 00:06:27.720 --> 00:06:30.480 is full, let alone unload it. And here's what 00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:32.750 I want you to get. Chip, that doesn't sound like 00:06:32.750 --> 00:06:35.649 very romantic. Well, I got news. Not to me either, 00:06:35.769 --> 00:06:39.350 but to her. Her love language is acts of service. 00:06:39.810 --> 00:06:43.050 Took me five years to figure that out. But guess 00:06:43.050 --> 00:06:46.329 what? That's her love language. When we were 00:06:46.329 --> 00:06:48.250 in marriage counseling, one of the big ahas that 00:06:48.250 --> 00:06:51.810 finally came to me early, early on was I was 00:06:51.810 --> 00:06:55.790 speaking and doing acts in French and she was 00:06:55.790 --> 00:06:58.550 speaking German. We weren't connecting at all. 00:06:58.750 --> 00:07:02.620 And so what we had to learn was. Love doesn't 00:07:02.620 --> 00:07:05.379 connect into the heart of another person unless 00:07:05.379 --> 00:07:08.160 you love them in a way that makes sense to them. 00:07:08.360 --> 00:07:11.819 And the more specific, the better. And little 00:07:11.819 --> 00:07:14.980 things matter. It doesn't have to be a dozen 00:07:14.980 --> 00:07:17.800 roses. It doesn't have to be a big date. Like 00:07:17.800 --> 00:07:20.970 for me, I needed her car. It's the one that we 00:07:20.970 --> 00:07:23.389 can get the dog in the back. And we went somewhere 00:07:23.389 --> 00:07:26.610 to drop the dog off. And I looked down and she 00:07:26.610 --> 00:07:30.230 has a quarter tank of gas. In my world, you got 00:07:30.230 --> 00:07:33.370 plenty of time. In her world, a quarter tank 00:07:33.370 --> 00:07:37.709 of gas is almost empty. So what do you do? I 00:07:37.709 --> 00:07:40.670 pulled over to a gas station. I filled her car 00:07:40.670 --> 00:07:43.990 with gas. It wasn't a big deal. The next time 00:07:43.990 --> 00:07:47.069 she got in her car, it was filled with gas. And 00:07:47.069 --> 00:07:51.899 guess what I get at dinner? Chip. when did you 00:07:51.899 --> 00:07:54.980 fill my car with gas? Do you understand what 00:07:54.980 --> 00:07:57.699 she's experiencing? Now, I'm not trying to make 00:07:57.699 --> 00:08:00.740 myself some hero. You need to understand that 00:08:00.740 --> 00:08:03.459 I knocked my head against the wall and we butted 00:08:03.459 --> 00:08:05.860 heads for I don't know how many years until it 00:08:05.860 --> 00:08:08.980 was like, it's not that hard to love your wife, 00:08:09.079 --> 00:08:13.160 but you choose to, you do it in specific ways. 00:08:13.339 --> 00:08:15.980 And then I'm going to go another one. When you 00:08:15.980 --> 00:08:18.279 make a sacrifice, it really means something to 00:08:18.279 --> 00:08:21.220 your wife. And this will be such a trite illustration. 00:08:21.540 --> 00:08:23.939 If you all laugh at me out loud, I'll be deeply, 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.060 deeply offended. But since I can't hear you, 00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:30.079 I'm going to be okay. So I played basketball 00:08:30.079 --> 00:08:32.139 in college. I played overseas. I used to coach 00:08:32.139 --> 00:08:34.220 basketball. Are you ready? I love basketball. 00:08:34.860 --> 00:08:37.179 Steph Curry on my lands. Watching the Warriors. 00:08:37.500 --> 00:08:39.720 Fantastic. Unbelievable. We're in the playoffs. 00:08:40.399 --> 00:08:43.759 The Warriors are playing. And I saw her face 00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:46.059 as I walked in. And I'm looking at her body language. 00:08:46.779 --> 00:08:49.080 And this is from God. I'm prompted realizing 00:08:49.080 --> 00:08:52.379 whether the Warriors win or lose, it will really 00:08:52.379 --> 00:08:55.919 not make a difference 24 hours from now. And 00:08:55.919 --> 00:08:58.980 I turned to her. I said, you want to watch something 00:08:58.980 --> 00:09:01.919 else? Oh, no, no, honey. That's good. I know 00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:04.600 basketball. You're really into that. And you 00:09:04.600 --> 00:09:06.379 know what? If I really wanted to see it all, 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:08.460 I could record it. But you want to watch something 00:09:08.460 --> 00:09:12.679 else? Yeah. Well, why don't we show something 00:09:12.679 --> 00:09:16.419 that we both like? We watched it. We talked afterwards, 00:09:16.679 --> 00:09:20.039 went to bed. I think that the last three minutes 00:09:20.039 --> 00:09:22.080 of the game was on. I checked it out. I come 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:24.600 to bed 10 minutes later. Did they win or lose? 00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:28.659 You know, and I realized, who cares? I had a 00:09:28.659 --> 00:09:30.620 moment with my wife. Again, you know what she 00:09:30.620 --> 00:09:33.759 experienced? The fact that I would think it's 00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:35.860 a sacrifice to not watch a basketball game and 00:09:35.860 --> 00:09:38.679 watch something else maybe tells me a lot more 00:09:38.679 --> 00:09:40.679 about our culture and our world. But let me tell 00:09:40.679 --> 00:09:44.340 you this. It communicated something to her. Men. 00:09:45.019 --> 00:09:48.320 How will you choose to love your wife today in 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:52.120 a specific way, in a meaningful way? In other 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:55.259 words, it will be like, oh, this is her love 00:09:55.259 --> 00:09:58.220 language. Maybe it's an act of service. Maybe 00:09:58.220 --> 00:10:02.019 it's quality time. Maybe it's a gift. Maybe it's 00:10:02.019 --> 00:10:04.480 physical touch. Maybe it's some non -sexual hugging. 00:10:04.820 --> 00:10:09.679 What do you do that makes her experience in her 00:10:09.679 --> 00:10:13.820 heart that she's cherished and loved? That's 00:10:13.820 --> 00:10:16.899 what you do. The passage is one that most of 00:10:16.899 --> 00:10:19.419 you know. It's at the heart for every husband. 00:10:19.539 --> 00:10:23.100 It's Ephesians 5, 28 and 29. In the same way, 00:10:23.100 --> 00:10:27.500 husbands, just as Jesus loved the church, husbands 00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:30.759 ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 00:10:31.059 --> 00:10:34.539 He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, 00:10:34.600 --> 00:10:37.779 no one ever hated his own body, but they feed 00:10:37.779 --> 00:10:40.759 and care for their body just as Christ does the 00:10:40.759 --> 00:10:44.629 church. You're listening to Living on the Edge 00:10:44.629 --> 00:10:47.470 with Chip Ingram. We'll get back to today's message 00:10:47.470 --> 00:10:49.870 in just a minute. But quickly, throughout this 00:10:49.870 --> 00:10:52.470 series, Chip's emphasized the fact that great 00:10:52.470 --> 00:10:55.909 marriages require a lot of work. And that's where 00:10:55.909 --> 00:10:58.269 we come in. Keep listening after this message 00:10:58.269 --> 00:11:00.850 to learn more about a helpful new resource we've 00:11:00.850 --> 00:11:03.929 created that couples can use to grow and strengthen 00:11:03.929 --> 00:11:06.690 their relationship. Stick around to get all of 00:11:06.690 --> 00:11:09.789 the details. For now, here again is Chip to continue 00:11:09.789 --> 00:11:14.429 our series, Uninvited Guests. See, we talk about 00:11:14.429 --> 00:11:17.870 two become one flesh, and we sort of have this 00:11:17.870 --> 00:11:21.789 mystical, oh, I guess that's a metaphor. I don't 00:11:21.789 --> 00:11:25.009 think that's how God looks at it. I think he 00:11:25.009 --> 00:11:27.269 believes that there's a oneness that really occurs, 00:11:27.529 --> 00:11:30.950 and that when you love your wife in a very real 00:11:30.950 --> 00:11:34.909 sense, you are loving yourself. And now one of 00:11:34.909 --> 00:11:36.970 the dangers here, men, I'm going to just shoot 00:11:36.970 --> 00:11:40.149 it straight. You can't give to get, right? Well, 00:11:40.250 --> 00:11:43.169 let's see. The way I want to be loved is X, Y, 00:11:43.169 --> 00:11:45.710 and Z. And so the way I'm going to get what I 00:11:45.710 --> 00:11:47.850 really want is I'm going to learn her love language 00:11:47.850 --> 00:11:50.090 and I'm going to do that and then sort of go, 00:11:50.149 --> 00:11:53.409 okay, she's going to love me that way now. That's 00:11:53.409 --> 00:11:56.129 not scriptural. And by the way, God doesn't do 00:11:56.129 --> 00:12:01.149 that. God blesses a cheerful giver. There is 00:12:01.149 --> 00:12:04.990 a kingdom principle. That when from the right 00:12:04.990 --> 00:12:08.570 heart you are generous and you give, when you 00:12:08.570 --> 00:12:11.509 expect nothing in return, this is not a transaction. 00:12:11.950 --> 00:12:16.529 This is, I care for you. I want to cherish you. 00:12:17.210 --> 00:12:20.450 And you make sacrifice. And you love another, 00:12:20.669 --> 00:12:24.909 especially your mate. The Lord will honor that. 00:12:25.769 --> 00:12:28.210 I missed a game and I have a deep connection 00:12:28.210 --> 00:12:32.059 with my wife. I go to bed greatly at peace. We 00:12:32.059 --> 00:12:33.779 have that sense that we're really connected. 00:12:33.899 --> 00:12:37.919 We're really one. That's the byproduct of foundational 00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:42.019 marriage truth number four. I will choose to 00:12:42.019 --> 00:12:44.899 love my wife in a specific and sacrificial way 00:12:44.899 --> 00:12:48.279 that is meaningful to her. She is God's gift 00:12:48.279 --> 00:12:51.820 to me, and I will cherish her as Christ loves 00:12:51.820 --> 00:12:55.879 his bride, the church. When you wake up every 00:12:55.879 --> 00:12:58.120 day trying to figure a way to love your mate 00:12:58.120 --> 00:13:01.440 in a specific, meaningful, sacrificial way, I'm 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:04.360 just telling you, the dynamic of the whole relationship 00:13:04.360 --> 00:13:07.580 can turn around and happen really pretty quickly. 00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:12.200 Foundational truth number five is for women. 00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:15.899 I will choose to encourage and respect my husband 00:13:15.899 --> 00:13:20.340 in a specific and sacrificial way that is meaningful 00:13:20.340 --> 00:13:24.580 to him. Are you ready, ladies? He is God's gift 00:13:24.580 --> 00:13:28.860 to me and I will build him up with my words and 00:13:28.860 --> 00:13:33.500 actions for the glory of Christ. So key word 00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:36.000 here, not to be too redundant, but I don't want 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:40.980 to miss anything, is choose today. Choose. Yeah, 00:13:41.059 --> 00:13:42.860 well, he wasn't very nice and we had a fight 00:13:42.860 --> 00:13:45.500 last night and he's not stepping up as a man. 00:13:45.580 --> 00:13:48.679 I don't want to hear it. Choose today to love 00:13:48.679 --> 00:13:51.629 him. Jesus loves you. When you don't deserve 00:13:51.629 --> 00:13:55.070 it, today, you're going to be an agent of the 00:13:55.070 --> 00:13:58.250 living God. Choose, whether you feel like it 00:13:58.250 --> 00:14:01.789 or not, to give him encouragement and respect. 00:14:02.990 --> 00:14:09.230 He desperately longs for respect. Words of affirmation 00:14:09.230 --> 00:14:12.750 that say, you measure up. I haven't told you 00:14:12.750 --> 00:14:15.730 lately, you're a good dad. I haven't told you 00:14:15.730 --> 00:14:18.269 lately, you get up and... You go to work. Thank 00:14:18.269 --> 00:14:20.789 you. You're a good listener. When we both come 00:14:20.789 --> 00:14:23.509 home from work and you jump in and help me cook. 00:14:23.990 --> 00:14:26.809 Now, I don't do that because I can't cook. But 00:14:26.809 --> 00:14:29.370 I mean, I've got a couple of my sons that that's 00:14:29.370 --> 00:14:31.649 just part of their deal. The love language to 00:14:31.649 --> 00:14:34.529 their wife is, yeah, I help in the kitchen. But 00:14:34.529 --> 00:14:38.809 ask yourself, listening, making love with your 00:14:38.809 --> 00:14:41.850 husband, letting him know that you value him, 00:14:42.009 --> 00:14:45.190 that you care for him, asking him questions. 00:14:45.879 --> 00:14:48.500 He just desperately needs encouragement. How 00:14:48.500 --> 00:14:52.019 did it go today? And okay, the fact that he doesn't 00:14:52.019 --> 00:14:53.840 or is not very good at communicating what's going 00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:58.080 on inside doesn't mean you can't get there. Probe 00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:03.320 with some questions. Be gentle. Affirm him. What's 00:15:03.320 --> 00:15:05.840 really bothering you? What one thing could I 00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:09.419 pray for you? What's his love language? And then 00:15:09.419 --> 00:15:12.240 just like I asked them in, discover what his 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:16.090 love language is. Is it a gift? Is it quality 00:15:16.090 --> 00:15:19.210 time? What we've learned, at least in our marriage, 00:15:19.309 --> 00:15:22.090 is let's find a love language that's true of 00:15:22.090 --> 00:15:25.049 both of us. And number two for both of us is 00:15:25.049 --> 00:15:28.529 quality time. Some of you think that most of 00:15:28.529 --> 00:15:30.590 my life, other than preaching and teaching God's 00:15:30.590 --> 00:15:34.009 Word or maybe traveling a little bit, basically 00:15:34.009 --> 00:15:37.389 all I do is drink coffee. And there may be some 00:15:37.389 --> 00:15:40.980 truth to that, but when I was a kid, part of 00:15:40.980 --> 00:15:44.259 the dynamic of our home. We weren't born again, 00:15:44.379 --> 00:15:47.500 Bible reading Christians. We were social Christians, 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:50.639 but I will tell you, we ate breakfast together. 00:15:50.820 --> 00:15:53.860 We ate dinner together. And when we got done, 00:15:53.960 --> 00:15:56.000 you pushed the plate to the middle. People didn't 00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.559 get up and run around and you'd get a cup of 00:15:58.559 --> 00:16:00.519 coffee. Even at three, I didn't like milk. If 00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:02.259 I drank half milk, they'd put coffee in there 00:16:02.259 --> 00:16:06.679 and we would talk and we would share. And something 00:16:06.679 --> 00:16:09.500 happened in my psyche that a cup of coffee and 00:16:09.500 --> 00:16:12.919 a deep conversation go together. I bet a thousand 00:16:12.919 --> 00:16:15.419 plus times when I felt like we're not really 00:16:15.419 --> 00:16:17.159 connected, I'll turn to Teresa and say, hey, 00:16:17.200 --> 00:16:20.240 you want to go get a cup of coffee? And I think 00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:22.440 what she knows is you want to have a good talk 00:16:22.440 --> 00:16:24.639 and get out of wherever we are. And sometimes 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:26.779 she's more practical. You think we could just 00:16:26.779 --> 00:16:28.840 make it here and go out on the porch? Yeah, that 00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:33.279 would work as well. But ladies, love them in 00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:36.919 a way that's specific. and meaningful to him. 00:16:38.379 --> 00:16:42.159 Communicate, I want to be around you. I love 00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:45.419 you. I'm for you. Thank you for coming through 00:16:45.419 --> 00:16:50.419 for me. The passage is Proverbs 31, 10 to 12, 00:16:50.500 --> 00:16:54.460 a noble wife or a wife of noble character who 00:16:54.460 --> 00:16:57.759 can find. She is worth far more than rubies. 00:16:57.980 --> 00:17:02.159 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks 00:17:02.159 --> 00:17:06.039 nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, 00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:10.940 all the days of her life. Many, many, many years 00:17:10.940 --> 00:17:14.619 ago, I remember we were talking about this passage. 00:17:15.859 --> 00:17:19.059 And Teresa, just in passing, said, Chip, do you 00:17:19.059 --> 00:17:23.299 know one thing I pray every single day of my 00:17:23.299 --> 00:17:26.619 life? And this is my heart before the Lord. I 00:17:26.619 --> 00:17:31.279 pray that I would do you good and not harm all. 00:17:31.799 --> 00:17:35.380 the days of my life. And I think God's answering 00:17:35.380 --> 00:17:38.420 that prayer. I feel that. I get to experience 00:17:38.420 --> 00:17:41.279 that. And so ladies, let me encourage you that 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:46.539 your husband is in desperate need of feeling 00:17:46.539 --> 00:17:49.900 loved. And for some, it might be, hey, here's 00:17:49.900 --> 00:17:52.640 tickets to a great ball game. Or I know you and 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:55.119 one of the guys love to do this. And so I just 00:17:55.119 --> 00:17:56.720 want to let you know that I'm going to go do 00:17:56.720 --> 00:17:59.640 this with the girls. Have fun. Go play golf. 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:05.319 I don't know what it is. but you do. If you each 00:18:05.319 --> 00:18:09.099 and every day, and I'm speaking to both of you, 00:18:09.140 --> 00:18:15.319 if each and every day I will choose to love my 00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:20.279 husband or my wife in a specific, meaningful, 00:18:20.579 --> 00:18:24.079 sacrificial way, and then you did something, 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:26.480 doesn't have to be big, and you did something 00:18:26.480 --> 00:18:30.519 every single day, I am telling you, It's like 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:33.059 putting money in a bank. It's like putting emotional 00:18:33.059 --> 00:18:35.619 money in a bank. It's like putting spiritual 00:18:35.619 --> 00:18:39.039 money in a bank. It's like communicating God's 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:41.839 favor, God's love. And guess what love does? 00:18:42.839 --> 00:18:48.240 It covers a multitude of sins. You're gonna make 00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:50.680 mistakes. I'm gonna make mistakes. Everyone makes 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:54.799 mistakes. You're gonna sin. I'm gonna sin. You're 00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:56.380 gonna do things that you're really sorry for. 00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:03.049 Love is powerful. Love never fails. Love is a 00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:07.490 verb. Love is action. Love is choosing, especially 00:19:07.490 --> 00:19:10.910 when we don't feel like it, to do for another 00:19:10.910 --> 00:19:15.990 person what they need the most, when they deserve 00:19:15.990 --> 00:19:21.230 it the least, at great personal cost. When we 00:19:21.230 --> 00:19:25.369 give love away, when we do things that are sacrificial 00:19:25.369 --> 00:19:30.329 and they cost us time, And it cost us money. 00:19:31.230 --> 00:19:34.609 And at times, maybe it cost us reputation. And 00:19:34.609 --> 00:19:36.829 when we give up some things that we really want 00:19:36.829 --> 00:19:41.049 to serve and really care for someone else, especially 00:19:41.049 --> 00:19:44.970 in our homes, you know what your kids see? They 00:19:44.970 --> 00:19:49.309 see love. They see Jesus manifested. You know 00:19:49.309 --> 00:19:52.670 what gets birthed inside your kids' hearts? Someday, 00:19:52.690 --> 00:19:58.440 someway, I would love to have a marriage. like 00:19:58.440 --> 00:20:03.579 my mom and dad's. See, the Great Commission, 00:20:03.839 --> 00:20:07.799 making disciples of every nation, it has to start 00:20:07.799 --> 00:20:12.519 under our own roofs. And I understand. Believe 00:20:12.519 --> 00:20:15.200 me, I know there's a lot of people that you have 00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:17.519 tears right now thinking, I wish I'd heard this 00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:20.160 five years ago, or I'm lonely and it's difficult 00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:21.920 right now. We're going to talk about some of 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:25.059 those other special times. But I'm talking to 00:20:25.059 --> 00:20:27.670 people that are married right now. And I want 00:20:27.670 --> 00:20:31.029 to talk especially to those of you that haven't 00:20:31.029 --> 00:20:34.849 even said anything. But those little lies are 00:20:34.849 --> 00:20:37.930 creeping into your brain and some other people 00:20:37.930 --> 00:20:40.990 are looking kind of good and you're kind of bored. 00:20:41.369 --> 00:20:44.289 And it's not really bad, but it's not overly 00:20:44.289 --> 00:20:46.970 fulfilling. And you're filling your mind with 00:20:46.970 --> 00:20:50.529 enough. TV and Netflix and junk that makes it 00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:53.529 look like all the fun and all the joy is all 00:20:53.529 --> 00:20:56.289 the hot stuff That's out there somewhere and 00:20:56.289 --> 00:21:00.440 it is a lie from the pit of hell And you need 00:21:00.440 --> 00:21:03.220 to get a hold of your mind and you need to look 00:21:03.220 --> 00:21:05.819 at what you already have and you need to believe 00:21:05.819 --> 00:21:09.019 what's going to last forever and be the man in 00:21:09.019 --> 00:21:11.940 your home that God is calling you to be and be 00:21:11.940 --> 00:21:14.500 the woman in your home that God is calling you 00:21:14.500 --> 00:21:17.819 to be. And just realize it's going to take a 00:21:17.819 --> 00:21:19.880 lot of hard work and you're going to have to 00:21:19.880 --> 00:21:23.500 fight for your marriage. And when you do as you 00:21:23.500 --> 00:21:26.569 do. You'll make it through all kind of difficult, 00:21:26.730 --> 00:21:30.289 challenging, painful, hard things. And you will 00:21:30.289 --> 00:21:32.869 draw closer and closer and closer and you will 00:21:32.869 --> 00:21:35.769 get to know God in ways that you never dreamed. 00:21:36.009 --> 00:21:39.869 That kind of a marriage is like light spreading 00:21:39.869 --> 00:21:42.569 out in your neighborhood, in your workplace, 00:21:42.890 --> 00:21:46.769 in your church, in your community. And you just 00:21:46.769 --> 00:21:49.410 might find people saying, could you help me understand 00:21:49.410 --> 00:21:53.880 where you two get this hope that's in you? You've 00:21:53.880 --> 00:21:57.519 got this vibe for one another. You got this connection 00:21:57.519 --> 00:22:00.380 with one another. You got this something that 00:22:00.380 --> 00:22:03.420 I'm desperate for with one another. Where and 00:22:03.420 --> 00:22:07.940 how do you get that? And I don't want to be trite, 00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:13.680 but the answer is Jesus. It's Jesus having the 00:22:13.680 --> 00:22:16.220 freedom to live his life inside of you with full 00:22:16.220 --> 00:22:20.039 control. So your mate gets loved the way Jesus 00:22:20.039 --> 00:22:23.500 wants to love him. And it's you connecting with 00:22:23.500 --> 00:22:26.700 him and letting him love you to such a degree 00:22:26.700 --> 00:22:31.799 that you actually have something to give. Lord, 00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:35.839 we pray that you would fill us with a deep sense 00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:39.619 of your love so that we might love our mates 00:22:39.619 --> 00:22:46.019 today specifically, meaningfully, sacrificially 00:22:46.019 --> 00:22:51.359 in ways like never before for their good. and 00:22:51.359 --> 00:22:55.299 for your glory. We pray this in Jesus' name. 00:22:56.299 --> 00:23:02.880 Amen. You're listening to Living on the Edge 00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:05.960 with Chip Ingram. And the message you just heard, 00:23:06.140 --> 00:23:09.539 the 50 -50 lie, is from our series, Uninvited 00:23:09.539 --> 00:23:12.460 Guests, recognizing and resisting the attacks 00:23:12.460 --> 00:23:15.039 on your family. Well, Chip's joined me in studio 00:23:15.039 --> 00:23:17.630 now to share something with all of you. Thanks, 00:23:17.650 --> 00:23:21.029 Dave. Each and every day, we get letters and 00:23:21.029 --> 00:23:23.410 emails. It's like, Chip, here's my situation. 00:23:23.670 --> 00:23:26.170 What should I do? I want your counsel. I want 00:23:26.170 --> 00:23:28.910 your advice. And part of that is because I think 00:23:28.910 --> 00:23:31.509 we've shared pretty openly. Early in our marriage, 00:23:31.630 --> 00:23:33.630 Teresa and I really struggled. We weren't Christians 00:23:33.630 --> 00:23:36.410 until we were adults. And then when we got married, 00:23:36.490 --> 00:23:38.990 coming from alcoholic homes, we had to really 00:23:38.990 --> 00:23:41.829 work and we really had to learn. And so if I 00:23:41.829 --> 00:23:44.329 have anything to say that might help your marriage, 00:23:44.809 --> 00:23:47.130 I wrote a book called Marriage That Works, and 00:23:47.130 --> 00:23:49.670 then I took the best things out of that book 00:23:49.670 --> 00:23:53.170 and put it in some cards with a game plan that 00:23:53.170 --> 00:23:56.450 helps ordinary people begin to think about lies 00:23:56.450 --> 00:23:59.309 they're believing and foundational truths they 00:23:59.309 --> 00:24:01.710 need to believe and how to get that in their 00:24:01.710 --> 00:24:04.630 mind, then their heart, and into their actions. 00:24:04.990 --> 00:24:07.710 And so if you would like some counsel from me, 00:24:08.130 --> 00:24:11.430 Marriage That Works truth cards are what we want 00:24:11.430 --> 00:24:13.670 to put in people's hands to give them a shorter, 00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:17.799 powerful, specific way to grow in their marriage, 00:24:17.960 --> 00:24:20.259 whether it's kind of in the pits and you need 00:24:20.259 --> 00:24:22.500 to get out, or whether it's pretty good and you 00:24:22.500 --> 00:24:24.559 want it to be great, or whether it's really good 00:24:24.559 --> 00:24:26.880 and you want to keep it that way. So, Dave, take 00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:28.740 a minute now, if you will, and share with people 00:24:28.740 --> 00:24:31.599 how they can get these cards. Sure, Chip. It's 00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:33.680 actually really simple. Throughout this entire 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:36.400 series, for anyone who chooses to become a monthly 00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:38.960 partner with Living on the Edge, we'll send you 00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:41.819 these new Marriage That Works truth cards as 00:24:41.819 --> 00:24:44.480 our way of saying thanks. So please pray about 00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:47.130 supporting us. Your gifts have an eternal impact 00:24:47.130 --> 00:24:49.670 as we fight for marriages and families everywhere. 00:24:50.069 --> 00:24:52.630 To learn how to become a monthly partner, visit 00:24:52.630 --> 00:24:58.630 livingontheedge .org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. 00:24:58.809 --> 00:25:04.490 That's 888 -333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge 00:25:04.490 --> 00:25:08.759 .org. App listeners, tap donate. Well, from all 00:25:08.759 --> 00:25:10.700 of us here, I'm Dave Drewy, thanking you for 00:25:10.700 --> 00:25:13.000 listening to this edition of Living on the Edge, 00:25:13.079 --> 00:25:15.380 and I hope you'll join us again next time.