WEBVTT 00:00:01.229 --> 00:00:03.690 One of the most enchanting, yet often misleading 00:00:03.690 --> 00:00:07.030 phrases in all of literature is, and they lived 00:00:07.030 --> 00:00:10.210 happily ever after. Now, it's completely natural 00:00:10.210 --> 00:00:13.269 to desire a wonderful relationship. The problem 00:00:13.269 --> 00:00:15.810 is when couples believe that marrying the right 00:00:15.810 --> 00:00:18.070 person will guarantee them a fulfilling life 00:00:18.070 --> 00:00:21.089 without any challenges. Coming up on Living on 00:00:21.089 --> 00:00:23.510 the Edge, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, confronts 00:00:23.510 --> 00:00:25.949 this common misconception about marriage and 00:00:25.949 --> 00:00:28.269 challenges us to consider what it takes to be 00:00:28.269 --> 00:00:31.710 committed to someone for life. I'm Dave Drewy. 00:00:31.750 --> 00:00:34.270 Thanks for being with us as we continue our series 00:00:34.270 --> 00:00:37.670 on invited guests. In this program, Chip continues 00:00:37.670 --> 00:00:40.909 to identify the bedrock truths of a godly marriage 00:00:40.909 --> 00:00:43.329 and what you can do to preserve these building 00:00:43.329 --> 00:00:45.869 blocks in your relationship. All right, if you 00:00:45.869 --> 00:00:48.609 have a Bible, go to James chapter 1 now as we 00:00:48.609 --> 00:00:51.869 join Chip for his talk, The Myth of Happily Ever 00:00:51.869 --> 00:00:56.149 After. Marriage is an unconditional commitment 00:00:56.149 --> 00:00:59.270 to an imperfect person. Let me say that again. 00:01:00.120 --> 00:01:03.439 Marriage is an unconditional commitment. In other 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:08.340 words, good, bad, hard, easy, great, difficult. 00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:13.819 You're committed to an imperfect person. We're 00:01:13.819 --> 00:01:16.459 all married to imperfect people. That means that 00:01:16.459 --> 00:01:21.099 wonderful, amazing, loving, over -the -top wife 00:01:21.099 --> 00:01:24.879 or husband that you have will have a few days, 00:01:24.900 --> 00:01:27.420 and hopefully it's just a few days, where they 00:01:27.420 --> 00:01:30.689 won't be so amazing. And they won't be so wonderful. 00:01:31.189 --> 00:01:34.230 In fact, they'll make mistakes that drive you 00:01:34.230 --> 00:01:37.290 crazy. It's worse than mistakes. They'll sin 00:01:37.290 --> 00:01:40.769 against you. On a bad day, their flesh will take 00:01:40.769 --> 00:01:44.510 over and they will say some things that everything 00:01:44.510 --> 00:01:47.349 in them wish they could take back, but they can't. 00:01:47.349 --> 00:01:49.829 And they'll wound you. And they'll do some things 00:01:49.829 --> 00:01:53.469 that you could never believe. As amazing and 00:01:53.469 --> 00:01:55.870 great and wonderful as they are, how could they 00:01:55.870 --> 00:01:59.319 ever do that? We can love Jesus with all of our 00:01:59.319 --> 00:02:02.200 heart, and yet there are times, there are days. 00:02:02.459 --> 00:02:06.900 I mean, read the Bible. Men and women of great 00:02:06.900 --> 00:02:10.740 faith, men who love God, women who love God, 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:15.020 there are moments, weak moments, where they do 00:02:15.020 --> 00:02:19.180 very selfish, sinful things. And so that means 00:02:19.180 --> 00:02:21.219 there's going to be challenges. That's just reality. 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:25.639 No one married a perfect person. On top of that, 00:02:26.439 --> 00:02:29.379 If you have the most wonderful, the most loving, 00:02:29.500 --> 00:02:32.639 the most committed marriage, you're on the same 00:02:32.639 --> 00:02:35.300 page. We get before God. We are in community. 00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:38.500 We are on mission. We read books about marriage. 00:02:38.620 --> 00:02:41.740 We are absolutely committed to having a great, 00:02:41.800 --> 00:02:48.000 great marriage. There's external forces. There's 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:53.159 times where a job will get lost. You'll be betrayed 00:02:53.159 --> 00:02:57.759 at work. You'll have a financial setback. You'll 00:02:57.759 --> 00:03:00.199 have a medical issue that you didn't see coming. 00:03:01.419 --> 00:03:04.039 Hurricanes happen to Christians. Drunk drivers 00:03:04.039 --> 00:03:07.939 go left of center and hit Christians. Some of 00:03:07.939 --> 00:03:10.520 you will experience great loss of someone close 00:03:10.520 --> 00:03:13.979 to you that will impact your marriage. For some, 00:03:13.979 --> 00:03:18.219 and I pray this doesn't happen to anyone, but 00:03:18.219 --> 00:03:22.819 some will lose a child. And it is the most difficult. 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:26.620 The most challenging of all things for any couple 00:03:26.620 --> 00:03:30.819 to come through. I have a couple of very, very 00:03:30.819 --> 00:03:35.719 close friends who lost children in their teenage 00:03:35.719 --> 00:03:42.120 years. Very strong marriages. And it was very 00:03:42.120 --> 00:03:46.419 painful and very difficult as each dealt with 00:03:46.419 --> 00:03:49.759 it quite differently and asking for God's grace 00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:52.870 to get through it. The world we're living in 00:03:52.870 --> 00:03:54.610 now, there's a good chance that one of you will 00:03:54.610 --> 00:03:57.210 be struggling with some mental health issues, 00:03:57.509 --> 00:04:01.270 anxiety issues, panic attacks, depression. Where 00:04:01.270 --> 00:04:04.550 do we go from here? And that doesn't even account 00:04:04.550 --> 00:04:08.650 the normal things, right? Well, if the goal was 00:04:08.650 --> 00:04:11.370 to make you very discouraged and depressed and 00:04:11.370 --> 00:04:14.370 give you some really negative expectations, I 00:04:14.370 --> 00:04:17.290 probably did that. But that's not why I'm sharing 00:04:17.290 --> 00:04:22.769 these things. Remember, Lies tear down your relationship. 00:04:23.410 --> 00:04:27.470 Truth is what builds it up. Foundational truth 00:04:27.470 --> 00:04:30.350 number one is you can't live this life, I can't 00:04:30.350 --> 00:04:32.870 live this life without the supernatural power 00:04:32.870 --> 00:04:37.149 of God. And so following Jesus personally is 00:04:37.149 --> 00:04:40.910 the number one priority. Foundational truth number 00:04:40.910 --> 00:04:44.370 two is I must choose to love my mate, whether 00:04:44.370 --> 00:04:48.170 I feel like it or not. Foundational truth number 00:04:48.170 --> 00:04:51.970 three, we will have ongoing challenges with communication, 00:04:52.509 --> 00:04:56.790 sex, finances, parenting, and extended family. 00:04:57.089 --> 00:05:01.490 These issues are not deal breakers, they are 00:05:01.490 --> 00:05:05.089 heart makers as we learn to listen, understand, 00:05:05.689 --> 00:05:10.149 and follow God's path. In marriages that aren't 00:05:10.149 --> 00:05:13.899 prepared, You'll see each of these barriers as 00:05:13.899 --> 00:05:16.800 excuses and the enemy will whisper, see, this 00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:19.259 isn't the right person. Oh, this is too hard. 00:05:19.339 --> 00:05:22.939 This is too hopeless. No, it's normal. You're 00:05:22.939 --> 00:05:24.819 going to have issues with your in -laws. You're 00:05:24.819 --> 00:05:27.240 going to have issues in your sex life, your communication, 00:05:27.699 --> 00:05:32.800 your parenting. These are all normal. And there 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:35.699 are going to be some things that you can't control 00:05:35.699 --> 00:05:39.300 that will come into your sphere of influence. 00:05:40.220 --> 00:05:43.459 And if you have children into their life, that 00:05:43.459 --> 00:05:47.000 will produce incredible pressure and stress. 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:52.339 Those issues don't have to be deal breakers. 00:05:52.420 --> 00:05:57.519 They can actually become heart makers. When you 00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:00.240 go through some of the hardest times you'll ever 00:06:00.240 --> 00:06:03.740 face, And as you cling together and cling to 00:06:03.740 --> 00:06:06.480 the Lord and trust him, and it doesn't mean it 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:08.160 won't be hard. It doesn't mean you might get 00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:10.860 out of sorts with one another, but you will come 00:06:10.860 --> 00:06:14.660 through those times stronger and better. These 00:06:14.660 --> 00:06:17.720 barriers don't mean something's wrong. They mean 00:06:17.720 --> 00:06:20.699 you're living in a fallen world with an imperfect 00:06:20.699 --> 00:06:24.540 person, but with a sovereign God who loves you 00:06:24.540 --> 00:06:27.980 and is for you. and wants to give you the support 00:06:27.980 --> 00:06:30.660 and love that you need through this person called 00:06:30.660 --> 00:06:34.259 your husband or your wife. So here's the truth 00:06:34.259 --> 00:06:37.699 that I want you to get. Here's the passage. Consider 00:06:37.699 --> 00:06:40.579 it all joy when these things happen in your life. 00:06:40.920 --> 00:06:43.959 There's conflict, difficulty, medical issues, 00:06:44.180 --> 00:06:47.279 external or internal, when you're stuck in your 00:06:47.279 --> 00:06:49.839 relationship. Consider it all joy, my brethren, 00:06:50.019 --> 00:06:54.459 when you encounter various trials. knowing that 00:06:54.459 --> 00:06:56.920 the testing of your faith produces endurance. 00:06:57.519 --> 00:07:00.439 And let endurance have its perfect result so 00:07:00.439 --> 00:07:02.779 that you may be perfect and complete, lacking 00:07:02.779 --> 00:07:07.100 in nothing. And then it has this caveat. But 00:07:07.100 --> 00:07:11.459 if any of you lacks wisdom, in other words, I 00:07:11.459 --> 00:07:13.639 don't know what to do with this problem in our 00:07:13.639 --> 00:07:16.180 sex life. I don't know what to do with this issue 00:07:16.180 --> 00:07:19.319 with your in -laws. I don't know what to do because 00:07:19.930 --> 00:07:22.350 We don't have the money to address this issue, 00:07:22.410 --> 00:07:25.209 and you've got cancer. I don't know what to do 00:07:25.209 --> 00:07:28.829 because I lost my job. Should we relocate? I 00:07:28.829 --> 00:07:30.829 don't know what to do about one of our children, 00:07:30.949 --> 00:07:34.730 right? Are you getting the idea? If any of you 00:07:34.730 --> 00:07:38.290 lack wisdom, let him ask of God, and then notice, 00:07:38.370 --> 00:07:42.529 who gives to all men generously and without reproach. 00:07:42.529 --> 00:07:45.509 Without reproach means sometimes. Are you ready? 00:07:46.050 --> 00:07:49.819 Sometimes you have a problem. But that problem 00:07:49.819 --> 00:07:52.019 isn't because someone out there did something 00:07:52.019 --> 00:07:55.439 to you. That problem isn't because of even your 00:07:55.439 --> 00:07:59.160 mate. That problem is because of you. You made 00:07:59.160 --> 00:08:02.319 a mistake or you sinned. You did something that 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:05.279 was really, really unwise. And now you have the 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:08.579 consequences. And when we experience that, our 00:08:08.579 --> 00:08:11.000 emotions and our mind says, I can't come to God. 00:08:11.379 --> 00:08:14.120 God's not going to help me. And this passage 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:17.800 says, When you're in a difficult, challenging, 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:21.939 painful time, even if it was your fault, you 00:08:21.939 --> 00:08:25.899 come to your heavenly father and he's generous. 00:08:26.139 --> 00:08:29.600 It's an amazing New Testament word. He's generous. 00:08:29.740 --> 00:08:33.220 He's lavish with his mercy. He wants to forgive. 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:36.500 He wants to help. He wants to give grace. You 00:08:36.500 --> 00:08:39.179 won't get a God whose arms are crossed. See, 00:08:39.220 --> 00:08:40.740 I told you not to do that and you did it anyway. 00:08:41.370 --> 00:08:44.509 You'll come to a God when you genuinely, I need 00:08:44.509 --> 00:08:47.509 your help. Show me what to do. And notice the 00:08:47.509 --> 00:08:50.669 promise. When you come to your heavenly father, 00:08:51.129 --> 00:08:55.370 he'll give you wisdom. The passage goes on, but 00:08:55.370 --> 00:08:58.009 let him ask in faith without any doubting. Because 00:08:58.009 --> 00:09:00.690 the one who doubts is like a person who's tossed 00:09:00.690 --> 00:09:03.649 by every wind or on the waves of the sea. Let 00:09:03.649 --> 00:09:05.950 not that person expect to receive anything from 00:09:05.950 --> 00:09:09.169 the Lord. And the issue there is. You can't come 00:09:09.169 --> 00:09:11.629 to God and say, I really want your counsel. I 00:09:11.629 --> 00:09:14.230 really want to know what we should do about this 00:09:14.230 --> 00:09:16.509 issue in our marriage or this external trial. 00:09:16.750 --> 00:09:18.730 And I'm going to take it under consideration, 00:09:18.750 --> 00:09:22.009 whatever you tell me, God. God says, no, no wisdom, 00:09:22.110 --> 00:09:25.970 sorry. But when you come to God, you say, Lord, 00:09:26.029 --> 00:09:31.669 I don't know what to do. I lost my job. My husband's 00:09:31.669 --> 00:09:34.909 got cancer. One of my kids needs special treatment 00:09:34.909 --> 00:09:37.509 and we don't have the money. You're going to 00:09:37.509 --> 00:09:39.889 have times where it's difficult, where it's challenging, 00:09:40.090 --> 00:09:42.789 where you don't know what to do. I know for me, 00:09:42.809 --> 00:09:45.049 I've shared this a number of times, but I was 00:09:45.049 --> 00:09:47.009 praying about a huge struggle in our marriage 00:09:47.009 --> 00:09:49.590 and we couldn't fix it. And the Lord whispered, 00:09:49.610 --> 00:09:53.889 go to counseling. And it was, what? That's for 00:09:53.889 --> 00:09:56.029 losers. That's for people who can't fix themselves. 00:09:56.669 --> 00:09:59.389 And the Holy Spirit said, no, that's for people 00:09:59.389 --> 00:10:01.850 that are humble, people that recognize they need 00:10:01.850 --> 00:10:05.429 help. And I pushed against it. And then finally 00:10:05.429 --> 00:10:08.059 I realized, You know what? That's just my pride. 00:10:08.460 --> 00:10:11.559 So I just want to encourage you. If you're willing 00:10:11.559 --> 00:10:14.860 to say, Lord, whatever you show me, I'll do it. 00:10:15.139 --> 00:10:18.840 His promise in this passage, he'll give you wisdom. 00:10:19.419 --> 00:10:22.200 Now notice, these are normal things that are 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:25.240 going to happen, right? Some that are very predictable 00:10:25.240 --> 00:10:28.600 in every marriage. Some that are external. Some 00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:31.440 of you have some extra baggage. Teresa and I 00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:34.490 both came from alcoholic families. Wow, that's 00:10:34.490 --> 00:10:37.250 like putting steroids in this whole mix. But 00:10:37.250 --> 00:10:41.269 the command, how do you handle it? Consider it 00:10:41.269 --> 00:10:43.870 all joy. The word consider, it's an accounting 00:10:43.870 --> 00:10:46.909 term. This isn't like, oh great, we're going 00:10:46.909 --> 00:10:49.190 through cancer together. Or, oh great, one of 00:10:49.190 --> 00:10:52.210 our kids is really sick. Or, oh great, we can't 00:10:52.210 --> 00:10:54.149 sort of figure out this area of our marriage. 00:10:54.210 --> 00:10:57.710 No, this is a reality. It's very challenging. 00:10:57.929 --> 00:11:01.809 It's very painful. We hurt. And we're going to 00:11:01.809 --> 00:11:04.809 take this reality and it's an accounting term. 00:11:04.850 --> 00:11:06.889 It'd be like a ledger where you're listing all 00:11:06.889 --> 00:11:08.669 the different things. You know, these are my 00:11:08.669 --> 00:11:11.269 assets. These are my liabilities. And then you 00:11:11.269 --> 00:11:14.269 look at them and you examine them. Consider it 00:11:14.269 --> 00:11:17.350 all literally unmitigated. The word is or pure 00:11:17.350 --> 00:11:20.850 joy. Well, how could you ever do that? The next 00:11:20.850 --> 00:11:24.029 line, when you encounter various trials, not 00:11:24.029 --> 00:11:27.190 if. When you encounter, and this word for various 00:11:27.190 --> 00:11:30.169 trials is when external trials, when stuff comes 00:11:30.169 --> 00:11:32.769 into your world that you didn't plan. Remember 00:11:32.769 --> 00:11:35.230 the story of the Good Samaritan? It's when he 00:11:35.230 --> 00:11:37.590 was surrounded by robbers. This is this word. 00:11:37.909 --> 00:11:40.769 So stuff comes in your life. You can't control 00:11:40.769 --> 00:11:42.929 the economy. You can't control a flood. You can't 00:11:42.929 --> 00:11:45.149 control a hurricane. Where I live, you can't 00:11:45.149 --> 00:11:48.330 control earthquakes. Those things happen in our 00:11:48.330 --> 00:11:51.450 world and they impact us and they impact our 00:11:51.450 --> 00:11:54.960 marriages. How do you respond? How do you go 00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:57.340 through, Teresa and I went through cancer. It 00:11:57.340 --> 00:11:59.259 was a heart maker. It wasn't a deal breaker. 00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:04.860 Was it scary? Did we cry out to God together? 00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:08.000 Did I pray like never before? You bet I did. 00:12:08.039 --> 00:12:10.700 Why? Because I was desperate and I loved my wife 00:12:10.700 --> 00:12:13.019 and I didn't want to lose her. I know he's good. 00:12:13.120 --> 00:12:15.539 I know he cares about me, but did I get before 00:12:15.539 --> 00:12:17.840 him and fast and pray and say, Lord, would you 00:12:17.840 --> 00:12:21.100 please grant us more years? And in my particular 00:12:21.100 --> 00:12:24.570 case, the answer was yes. And some of my closest 00:12:24.570 --> 00:12:27.730 friends, the answer was, I'm bringing my son, 00:12:27.850 --> 00:12:30.009 I'm bringing my daughter home. I will give you 00:12:30.009 --> 00:12:33.480 the grace to get through this. You're listening 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:36.460 to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and he'll 00:12:36.460 --> 00:12:38.600 be right back to finish today's message. But 00:12:38.600 --> 00:12:41.360 first, if this new series from Chip has inspired 00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:44.159 you, consider joining the Living on the Edge 00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:46.980 team. In fact, let me encourage you to stick 00:12:46.980 --> 00:12:49.519 around after the teaching to hear about a special 00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:52.519 gift we have for those who become monthly partners. 00:12:52.860 --> 00:12:55.460 You're not going to want to miss out. But until 00:12:55.460 --> 00:12:59.159 then, here again is Chip. So he says, consider 00:12:59.159 --> 00:13:02.679 it all joy when you encounter, not if. various 00:13:02.679 --> 00:13:05.620 kinds of trials. And that's the first command. 00:13:05.799 --> 00:13:07.679 And that's, again, a choice. That's not emotion. 00:13:08.240 --> 00:13:12.200 I'm going to look at this very difficult situation, 00:13:12.580 --> 00:13:16.139 whether it's internal or external. And I'm going 00:13:16.139 --> 00:13:19.960 to examine it knowing that the testing of my 00:13:19.960 --> 00:13:24.190 faith, that's what this is. Am I going to trust 00:13:24.190 --> 00:13:26.330 that God is sovereign? Am I going to trust that 00:13:26.330 --> 00:13:28.269 he's good? Am I going to trust that he's going 00:13:28.269 --> 00:13:30.289 to get me through this? Am I going to trust that 00:13:30.289 --> 00:13:33.049 he'll use it for my good somehow, someway? Which 00:13:33.049 --> 00:13:35.950 is the whole message of the last third of the 00:13:35.950 --> 00:13:39.149 book of Genesis. The whole story of Joseph has 00:13:39.149 --> 00:13:43.389 one point. What does a good God do in a fallen 00:13:43.389 --> 00:13:46.809 world when people experience extreme injustice? 00:13:47.570 --> 00:13:50.549 And whether it's being sold into slavery by his 00:13:50.549 --> 00:13:53.480 brother, by being falsely accused by Potiphar's 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:57.200 wife, being forgotten in prison. Each and every 00:13:57.200 --> 00:14:00.120 time the text says, and the Lord was with Joseph. 00:14:00.379 --> 00:14:04.139 And what God did is he built capacity in this 00:14:04.139 --> 00:14:06.720 man through all those difficulties that gave 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:10.220 him the wisdom and the resilience to be a man 00:14:10.220 --> 00:14:12.899 he would greatly use as the second most powerful 00:14:12.899 --> 00:14:15.860 person in the world. I don't know God's plans 00:14:15.860 --> 00:14:18.139 for my life. You don't know God's plans for your 00:14:18.139 --> 00:14:20.000 life or for your wife or your husband or your 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:23.179 kids. But it's in these challenges, in these 00:14:23.179 --> 00:14:26.419 painful, difficult times, that's how God works. 00:14:26.779 --> 00:14:29.320 But it's out of his goodness and his kindness. 00:14:29.460 --> 00:14:32.220 It's not about punishment. He loves us and he 00:14:32.220 --> 00:14:35.259 cares for us. And so he says, if you will endure, 00:14:35.559 --> 00:14:38.120 if you won't bail out, if you won't blame your 00:14:38.120 --> 00:14:41.600 mate, the Lord can use this. And I just want 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:43.340 you to know that's got to be one of your building 00:14:43.340 --> 00:14:46.070 blocks. Because this isn't about if it's going 00:14:46.070 --> 00:14:49.029 to happen. Some of you are laughing, thinking, 00:14:49.090 --> 00:14:51.190 we've already been through a lot of hard times. 00:14:51.629 --> 00:14:55.350 And others, it's a little new. But when you build 00:14:55.350 --> 00:14:57.309 this into, this is how I think about marriage. 00:14:57.929 --> 00:15:00.450 This is going to be a part of the foundational 00:15:00.450 --> 00:15:03.350 building blocks. We will go through difficult 00:15:03.350 --> 00:15:06.570 times, choosing to count it all joy, knowing 00:15:06.570 --> 00:15:08.789 that through that process, we will become more 00:15:08.789 --> 00:15:12.580 like Jesus. And that somehow, someway, that God 00:15:12.580 --> 00:15:15.519 in his love and sovereignty, we may not be able 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:17.200 to see it now, we may not be able to see it for 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:20.940 quite a while, but a good God will even use the 00:15:20.940 --> 00:15:24.240 evil aimed at us, the betrayal aimed at us, the 00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:27.100 injustice aimed at us, and he'll flip it and 00:15:27.100 --> 00:15:29.919 turn it for our good. And I'm finding myself 00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:32.879 saying this a lot more these days than I even 00:15:32.879 --> 00:15:36.200 did five or ten years ago, but one of the great 00:15:36.200 --> 00:15:41.200 beauties of entering my seventh decade is my 00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:43.639 rear view mirror is way bigger than most of yours. 00:15:44.100 --> 00:15:47.519 I can now look back at the biggest, hardest, 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:50.320 most difficult, this isn't fair type experiences 00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:53.639 that I've had and God's kindness and sovereignty, 00:15:53.860 --> 00:15:58.139 faithfulness and love for me turns so many of 00:15:58.139 --> 00:16:02.940 those into things that I think I beg God to take 00:16:02.940 --> 00:16:05.480 that away. I beg God to get out of that as soon 00:16:05.480 --> 00:16:08.500 as possible. And I was wondering if he even cared 00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:12.399 about me. And now where I am today, what's happened 00:16:12.399 --> 00:16:15.000 today, who I'm with today, and how God is working 00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:17.080 today, none of that could have happened unless 00:16:17.080 --> 00:16:20.419 that occurred. So I just want to encourage you. 00:16:20.639 --> 00:16:24.480 You can trust him. And the next building block 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:27.659 is, I'm going to go from number three to number 00:16:27.659 --> 00:16:31.200 six because they really go together. Foundational 00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:33.960 truth number six, I will not consider divorce 00:16:33.960 --> 00:16:37.120 as an option and I will never threaten my spouse 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:40.220 with divorce. I have made a holy and binding 00:16:40.220 --> 00:16:43.519 covenant before God to let nothing undermine 00:16:43.519 --> 00:16:48.159 our lifelong commitment. And the reason I wanted 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:50.799 to share this one next to the one about challenges, 00:16:50.940 --> 00:16:53.659 because it's during these kind of challenges 00:16:53.659 --> 00:16:57.539 that the enemy whispers or some well -intended 00:16:57.539 --> 00:17:01.440 friends kind of whisper. You just can't keep 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:04.460 living that way. That's so unfair. That's so 00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:07.519 difficult. He'll never change. She'll never change. 00:17:07.859 --> 00:17:10.660 Or private thoughts will whisper like, you'll 00:17:10.660 --> 00:17:13.960 just sit alone sometimes at a stoplight and you 00:17:13.960 --> 00:17:16.000 get a beep, beep, beep because you were lost 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:18.559 in space. It's been green for a couple seconds. 00:17:19.180 --> 00:17:21.859 And where your mind went was, I just can't take 00:17:21.859 --> 00:17:24.720 this anymore. Right? I just can't take this anymore. 00:17:25.859 --> 00:17:29.059 She. is never going to change, or he is never 00:17:29.059 --> 00:17:33.619 going to change. This is a lifeless marriage. 00:17:34.380 --> 00:17:37.819 I just can't perceive. I can't emotionally think 00:17:37.819 --> 00:17:42.019 about living like this the rest of my life. Anything, 00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:46.319 anything is better than this. Yeah, it'll be 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:48.420 hard. Kids are resilient. They'll all bounce 00:17:48.420 --> 00:17:52.019 back. This won't have big impact on them. Lie, 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:57.220 lie, lie, lie, lie. Now, There are some very 00:17:57.220 --> 00:18:03.200 unique cases when divorce may be something to 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:06.779 consider. When you or your children are not safe, 00:18:06.940 --> 00:18:11.480 when you're married to someone who is unfaithful 00:18:11.480 --> 00:18:13.920 sexually on a regular basis and won't change. 00:18:15.140 --> 00:18:19.180 I've got a situation I'm aware of where the man 00:18:19.180 --> 00:18:21.900 just simply won't work and lays it all on his 00:18:21.900 --> 00:18:27.329 wife. that's a moment where I may not have biblical 00:18:27.329 --> 00:18:30.369 grounds, but I need to get some help and go to 00:18:30.369 --> 00:18:33.390 my church, talk to my pastor, and begin a game 00:18:33.390 --> 00:18:36.430 plan that puts the responsibility back in that 00:18:36.430 --> 00:18:38.890 person's court. So I'm not saying there aren't 00:18:38.890 --> 00:18:42.049 exceptions, but what I am saying is that by and 00:18:42.049 --> 00:18:44.950 large, we in the church, we don't take this seriously. 00:18:45.529 --> 00:18:48.690 Listen to the words of Jesus, Matthew 19, six 00:18:48.690 --> 00:18:51.230 through nine. So they are no longer two, but 00:18:51.230 --> 00:18:54.049 one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, 00:18:54.170 --> 00:18:57.829 let no one separate. Why then, they asked, did 00:18:57.829 --> 00:19:00.509 Moses commend that a man leave his wife and give 00:19:00.509 --> 00:19:02.470 her a certificate of divorce and send her away? 00:19:03.289 --> 00:19:07.470 Jesus replied, Moses permitted you to divorce 00:19:07.470 --> 00:19:12.150 your wives because your hearts were hard. But 00:19:12.150 --> 00:19:14.490 it was not that way from the beginning. I tell 00:19:14.490 --> 00:19:17.549 you that anyone, listen carefully, who divorces 00:19:17.549 --> 00:19:21.650 his wife except for sexual immorality. and marries 00:19:21.650 --> 00:19:24.950 another, commits adultery. That word for sexual 00:19:24.950 --> 00:19:27.089 immorality is the most general word in scripture. 00:19:27.170 --> 00:19:31.130 It's pornea. We got our word pornography. It's 00:19:31.130 --> 00:19:34.549 a violation of the holy covenant. We have some 00:19:34.549 --> 00:19:37.529 good material and others do about certain unique 00:19:37.529 --> 00:19:40.509 conditions when divorce is a biblical possibility. 00:19:41.109 --> 00:19:44.309 I obviously believe there's some biblical grounds 00:19:44.309 --> 00:19:47.130 for divorce or I would have not married a woman 00:19:47.130 --> 00:19:50.099 who was abandoned as an unbeliever. And on the 00:19:50.099 --> 00:19:53.279 grounds of adultery, got a divorce. What I'm 00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:56.700 saying in the contemporary church today, we act 00:19:56.700 --> 00:19:59.680 as though this verse is not there. And if we're 00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:02.960 unhappy or things don't really work out, we divorce 00:20:02.960 --> 00:20:05.599 casually. We used to go to this church. Now we 00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:07.880 just go to another church in town and we think 00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:10.700 everything's okay. I've got news for you. There 00:20:10.700 --> 00:20:15.259 are consequences when you disobey God. And they're 00:20:15.259 --> 00:20:18.859 big consequences. And so if you're one of those 00:20:18.859 --> 00:20:21.339 people listening to me and thinking, oh, wow, 00:20:21.559 --> 00:20:25.039 I didn't have biblical grounds. It wasn't immorality. 00:20:25.220 --> 00:20:28.339 I was very unhappy. I got a divorce. That was 00:20:28.339 --> 00:20:30.599 two years ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, 00:20:30.660 --> 00:20:33.619 and now I've remarried. Well, what do I do? Repent. 00:20:34.660 --> 00:20:37.519 Now, the Bible is clear. Don't go divorce this 00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:39.420 wife and try and make it back to the other one. 00:20:39.640 --> 00:20:43.359 Tell God, I blew it. Will you forgive me? It 00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:47.730 was a sin. And for some of you, I just want to 00:20:47.730 --> 00:20:53.430 encourage you, you were the victim. Someone ran 00:20:53.430 --> 00:20:56.230 off with someone else. You were the victim that 00:20:56.230 --> 00:20:58.890 they got into pornography or got involved in 00:20:58.890 --> 00:21:01.369 some perverted things. And you feel like maybe 00:21:01.369 --> 00:21:04.849 there's no hope. In those cases, God wants you 00:21:04.849 --> 00:21:07.529 to know there's hope. First and foremost, he 00:21:07.529 --> 00:21:11.210 will be there for you. If you find yourself being 00:21:11.210 --> 00:21:14.269 abandoned by someone or someone has left you, 00:21:14.650 --> 00:21:18.390 Can you just not, for at least a year or 18 months, 00:21:18.630 --> 00:21:22.450 get involved in any other relationship? You are 00:21:22.450 --> 00:21:25.490 so vulnerable, and what I can guarantee is you 00:21:25.490 --> 00:21:27.529 will get in a relationship that will bring more 00:21:27.529 --> 00:21:29.829 and more pain, and you'll be tempted to cross 00:21:29.829 --> 00:21:35.269 some boundaries. Refuse as a married couple to 00:21:35.269 --> 00:21:39.009 entertain divorce as an option. God hates it. 00:21:39.289 --> 00:21:42.190 you need to learn to hate it. And if it becomes 00:21:42.190 --> 00:21:45.730 an option, you will not endure. You won't consider 00:21:45.730 --> 00:21:48.769 it all joy and you'll find yourself going down 00:21:48.769 --> 00:21:52.509 a path and all the research says your kids won't 00:21:52.509 --> 00:21:55.849 just bounce back. It will follow them all the 00:21:55.849 --> 00:21:59.329 way into adulthood. We have glossed over things 00:21:59.329 --> 00:22:02.089 because we don't want to face the hard truth 00:22:02.089 --> 00:22:05.289 that when you violate God's command of the most 00:22:05.289 --> 00:22:08.130 precious vow you've ever made and the sacred 00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:11.779 trust, of a wife or a husband and children, when 00:22:11.779 --> 00:22:14.519 you mess around with that, you bring destruction 00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:18.099 in your life. There's always forgiveness with 00:22:18.099 --> 00:22:21.740 repentance, and God's kindness and love is always 00:22:21.740 --> 00:22:25.240 available, but it almost always comes with consequences. 00:22:26.059 --> 00:22:28.500 And so let me encourage those of you that are 00:22:28.500 --> 00:22:31.900 married, would you covenant with God in your 00:22:31.900 --> 00:22:35.519 mate? Never use this word. Never threaten with 00:22:35.519 --> 00:22:38.420 this word. Never consider this word. I actually 00:22:38.420 --> 00:22:41.720 have a friend, true story. Shortly after he got 00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:44.279 married, he took real thin knives and he got 00:22:44.279 --> 00:22:47.160 a dictionary out. And he and his wife opened 00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:49.839 up a dictionary and they actually cut the word 00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:52.579 divorce out. So it's not in their dictionary. 00:22:52.779 --> 00:22:56.279 And they said, we will never use this word in 00:22:56.279 --> 00:22:58.839 a conversation with one another. That's kind 00:22:58.839 --> 00:23:01.299 of symbolic, but that's how drastic you need 00:23:01.299 --> 00:23:07.910 to be. This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram, 00:23:07.970 --> 00:23:09.849 and you've been listening to Chip's message, 00:23:09.990 --> 00:23:13.170 The Myth of Happily Ever After, from our series, 00:23:13.349 --> 00:23:16.869 Uninvited Guests, recognizing and resisting the 00:23:16.869 --> 00:23:19.789 attacks on your family. Well, before we go any 00:23:19.789 --> 00:23:22.170 further, our Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is with 00:23:22.170 --> 00:23:24.509 us to share a quick word with all of you. Chip? 00:23:25.049 --> 00:23:28.109 Thanks, Dave. Over the years, I've counseled 00:23:28.109 --> 00:23:30.670 hundreds of couples, and I've heard one thing 00:23:30.670 --> 00:23:34.069 over and over. We've just fallen out of love. 00:23:34.250 --> 00:23:37.230 Now we just have disagreements and disappointments, 00:23:37.230 --> 00:23:39.950 and we annoy one another. We're Christians. We 00:23:39.950 --> 00:23:42.190 know God's plan, but we just can't make it work. 00:23:42.859 --> 00:23:45.059 And what I can tell you is that there's lies 00:23:45.059 --> 00:23:48.180 that couples are believing that lead to divorce 00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:51.359 that literally crush their kids and bring about 00:23:51.359 --> 00:23:54.079 regret and heartache at levels that they can't 00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:56.440 imagine. And if I would have believed those things, 00:23:56.519 --> 00:23:58.779 Teresa and I would not be married today. But 00:23:58.779 --> 00:24:01.299 thankfully, it was the truth that we got from 00:24:01.299 --> 00:24:03.900 a marriage counselor. When we felt like we were 00:24:03.900 --> 00:24:06.440 falling out of love, when we couldn't make things 00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:10.019 work, we got the truth in our mind to begin to 00:24:10.019 --> 00:24:12.019 work through the tough areas of our marriage. 00:24:12.140 --> 00:24:15.380 And now, decades later, we've created Marriage 00:24:15.380 --> 00:24:18.900 That Works truth cards to give you what God used 00:24:18.900 --> 00:24:21.180 to transform our marriage. And I'll tell you 00:24:21.180 --> 00:24:23.819 what, if you'll review a few of these every single 00:24:23.819 --> 00:24:27.539 day for 30 days, 60 days, your thinking will 00:24:27.539 --> 00:24:30.339 change, you'll be glad you did, and your kids 00:24:30.339 --> 00:24:33.019 will be glad you did. So, Dave, take a minute 00:24:33.019 --> 00:24:35.240 now and share with people how they can get these 00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:37.799 cards. Sure, Chip. It's actually really simple. 00:24:38.200 --> 00:24:40.539 Throughout this entire series, for anyone who 00:24:40.539 --> 00:24:42.819 chooses to become a monthly partner with Living 00:24:42.819 --> 00:24:45.319 on the Edge, we'll send you these new Marriage 00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:48.319 That Works Truth Cards as our way of saying thanks. 00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:51.480 So please pray about supporting us. Your gifts 00:24:51.480 --> 00:24:53.859 have an eternal impact as we fight for marriages 00:24:53.859 --> 00:24:56.740 and families everywhere. To learn how to become 00:24:56.740 --> 00:24:59.859 a monthly partner, visit livingontheedge .org 00:24:59.859 --> 00:25:06.160 or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:12.359 -6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App listeners, 00:25:12.500 --> 00:25:15.400 tap donate. Join us next time as Chip continues 00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:18.660 his series, Uninvited Guests. Until then, I'm 00:25:18.660 --> 00:25:20.700 Dave Drewy, thanking you for listening to this 00:25:20.700 --> 00:25:22.559 edition of Living on the Edge.