WEBVTT 00:00:01.159 --> 00:00:04.519 There are tons of helpful books, podcasts, and 00:00:04.519 --> 00:00:07.040 resources out there to help strengthen your connection 00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:09.800 with your spouse. But what if I told you there's 00:00:09.800 --> 00:00:12.640 a single practice, one simple discipline, that 00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:16.300 can absolutely transform your marriage? Interested? 00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:19.019 Well, stay with us as we identify this habit 00:00:19.019 --> 00:00:21.219 and help make it a priority in your relationship. 00:00:21.679 --> 00:00:23.640 I'm Dave Drury, and you're listening to Living 00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:26.219 on the Edge. The mission of this daily program 00:00:26.219 --> 00:00:28.839 is to intentionally disciple Christians through 00:00:28.839 --> 00:00:30.920 the insightful Bible teaching of Chip Ingram. 00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:33.439 In this program, he'll pick up where we left 00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:36.439 off in our series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing 00:00:36.439 --> 00:00:39.700 and resisting the attacks on your family. In 00:00:39.700 --> 00:00:41.859 the first part of this new teaching, Chip exposed 00:00:41.859 --> 00:00:44.460 the harmful lies that are threatening many marriages 00:00:44.460 --> 00:00:47.020 and shared what you can do to safeguard your 00:00:47.020 --> 00:00:49.759 relationship. Today, he's pivoting to unpack 00:00:49.759 --> 00:00:52.299 the truths that are the building blocks of a 00:00:52.299 --> 00:00:54.890 God -honoring marriage. Well, Chip has a lot 00:00:54.890 --> 00:00:57.210 to get to, so grab your Bible and notes as we 00:00:57.210 --> 00:01:01.590 settle in for his insightful talk. One day, God 00:01:01.590 --> 00:01:04.670 had a great idea. And after he had made everything 00:01:04.670 --> 00:01:07.890 and made man, he said, I've got a great idea. 00:01:07.930 --> 00:01:10.689 It's not good for a human being to be alone. 00:01:11.269 --> 00:01:15.150 And so he made a sacred stewardship. He wanted 00:01:15.150 --> 00:01:19.069 us humans made in his image to get to experience 00:01:19.069 --> 00:01:21.849 in some way what the Father, the Son, and the 00:01:21.849 --> 00:01:25.930 Holy Spirit experience all the time. unity, oneness, 00:01:26.049 --> 00:01:30.250 a love for one another, no competition, a love 00:01:30.250 --> 00:01:33.530 that's pure, that's aligned. Jesus would say 00:01:33.530 --> 00:01:36.629 later that I'm the bridegroom and the church 00:01:36.629 --> 00:01:38.950 is the bride and marriage is going to be that 00:01:38.950 --> 00:01:41.890 picture. And what Satan has done is he's taken 00:01:41.890 --> 00:01:44.430 that sacred stewardship that we've been given 00:01:44.430 --> 00:01:47.609 and he wants to twist it and actually he wants 00:01:47.609 --> 00:01:50.629 to destroy it. And if he can't tear down our 00:01:50.629 --> 00:01:54.299 marriages, he tells us lies to pervert it. And 00:01:54.299 --> 00:01:56.879 the way he perverts them is trying to get marriage 00:01:56.879 --> 00:02:00.000 or even family to be something that's about us, 00:02:00.099 --> 00:02:05.379 our needs, our happiness, our fulfillment. Marriage 00:02:05.379 --> 00:02:07.540 is a good idea, but you got the wrong person. 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:09.319 You know, marriage might be really good, but 00:02:09.319 --> 00:02:12.060 this one is just too hard. That's not a normal 00:02:12.060 --> 00:02:15.020 challenge. That's a hopeless one. This person 00:02:15.020 --> 00:02:17.280 is never going to change. You know, you might 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:19.699 as well give up. And if you've done any research 00:02:19.699 --> 00:02:23.719 in the last 20, 30, even 40 years, He's winning. 00:02:24.620 --> 00:02:26.979 Marriages are falling apart. Kids are growing 00:02:26.979 --> 00:02:30.219 up without moms and dads. Families are split. 00:02:30.300 --> 00:02:33.340 It's not modern family. It's just messed up families. 00:02:33.539 --> 00:02:36.219 People aren't loved. They're not connected. They 00:02:36.219 --> 00:02:39.719 are desperate for hope. And the ripples all through 00:02:39.719 --> 00:02:43.919 culture and society produce such pain. And God 00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:46.580 wants something better. And we, his children, 00:02:46.740 --> 00:02:49.939 followers of Jesus. Saved by His grace, filled 00:02:49.939 --> 00:02:52.960 with His Spirit. He's called us to mirror in 00:02:52.960 --> 00:02:56.680 this world the kind of relationships and to enjoy 00:02:56.680 --> 00:02:59.939 those relationships. And so the first portion 00:02:59.939 --> 00:03:02.319 of our time together, we've talked about how 00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:06.719 the lies that we have believed actually destroy 00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:10.139 the ones that we love. What I want to now do 00:03:10.139 --> 00:03:13.319 is I want to give you six building blocks. Building 00:03:13.319 --> 00:03:16.659 blocks that will build up your marriage. Lies 00:03:16.659 --> 00:03:20.090 are what... tear a marriage down. Truth is what 00:03:20.090 --> 00:03:23.110 builds it up. I call them foundational truths. 00:03:23.430 --> 00:03:26.569 And as you get these in your mind and in your 00:03:26.569 --> 00:03:29.409 heart, you can have a very different marriage 00:03:29.409 --> 00:03:32.349 than most people. In fact, you can have a very 00:03:32.349 --> 00:03:35.129 different and more wonderful marriage than even 00:03:35.129 --> 00:03:38.770 most Christians. Are you ready? Foundational 00:03:38.770 --> 00:03:42.969 truth number one. In my own strength, I am incapable 00:03:42.969 --> 00:03:46.270 of being the husband or wife God calls me to 00:03:46.270 --> 00:03:49.870 be. Therefore, my first priority for a successful 00:03:49.870 --> 00:03:53.430 marriage is my own vibrant daily walk with God. 00:03:53.710 --> 00:03:57.789 By his word and his spirit in community with 00:03:57.789 --> 00:04:01.210 fellow believers, God will give me all I need 00:04:01.210 --> 00:04:05.689 to become a loving and godly husband or wife. 00:04:06.030 --> 00:04:08.469 You say, Chippewa, why is that so foundational? 00:04:09.009 --> 00:04:12.990 Until you accept everything we've talked about, 00:04:13.129 --> 00:04:17.230 you can't do it and I can't do it. in your strength, 00:04:17.290 --> 00:04:22.290 in my strength. We don't have the capacity. Think 00:04:22.290 --> 00:04:24.550 of what we've been called to do as a man. I'm 00:04:24.550 --> 00:04:28.189 supposed to not just put my wife first. I'm supposed 00:04:28.189 --> 00:04:31.069 to lay down my life physically, even die for 00:04:31.069 --> 00:04:34.250 her if necessary, and cherish her. Left to me, 00:04:34.290 --> 00:04:36.889 I want to think about Chip. Left to you, you 00:04:36.889 --> 00:04:39.189 want to think about you. Or think about this 00:04:39.189 --> 00:04:42.410 calling for women. You're actually going to trust 00:04:42.410 --> 00:04:46.500 and respect. And when push comes to shove, Honor 00:04:46.500 --> 00:04:49.420 your husband who's fallible, that makes mistakes. 00:04:49.740 --> 00:04:52.980 And you can't do that on your own. I tell this 00:04:52.980 --> 00:04:55.220 to couples all the time, especially young ones. 00:04:55.540 --> 00:04:58.399 You want to have a great marriage? I've put a 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:00.759 little triangle on a piece of paper. And then 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:03.699 at the top, I put God. And then on the bottom 00:05:03.699 --> 00:05:06.560 of one side, I put man. And then I put woman 00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:08.939 on the other side. And then I take a line with 00:05:08.939 --> 00:05:11.680 arrows at the bottom of that equilateral triangle. 00:05:12.300 --> 00:05:14.639 to each other, and I put a little circle, and 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:17.680 it's called oneness. The goal of marriage is 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:21.319 oneness, oneness of heart, oneness of mind, oneness 00:05:21.319 --> 00:05:24.240 of emotions, oneness of body, oneness of purpose, 00:05:24.379 --> 00:05:29.120 is to be known fully and yet be loved. That's 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:32.220 God's desire. Now, with that little triangle, 00:05:32.339 --> 00:05:33.819 I have them put their fingers on the bottom. 00:05:33.920 --> 00:05:37.519 I say, now, move your fingers halfway up. And 00:05:37.519 --> 00:05:39.079 I said, what's happened to your relationship 00:05:39.079 --> 00:05:41.430 with God? And they both look at each other and 00:05:41.430 --> 00:05:43.750 me. They say, well, it's a lot closer. I said, 00:05:43.790 --> 00:05:45.670 okay, move it all the way up within an eighth 00:05:45.670 --> 00:05:47.350 of an inch to the very top where it says God. 00:05:47.810 --> 00:05:49.550 I said, now what's happened to your relationship 00:05:49.550 --> 00:05:51.970 with each other? And they kind of smile. We're 00:05:51.970 --> 00:05:56.050 way closer to each other. If you want to have 00:05:56.050 --> 00:06:00.009 a great marriage, you can work hard and you can 00:06:00.009 --> 00:06:02.250 learn some hacks and some communication skills. 00:06:02.670 --> 00:06:05.269 You can learn to put up with some stuff. And 00:06:05.269 --> 00:06:07.290 I'm not saying you can't have a marriage that 00:06:07.290 --> 00:06:10.230 doesn't work. But if you want to have a rich, 00:06:10.269 --> 00:06:14.430 deep, intimate, other -centered, loving, Holy 00:06:14.430 --> 00:06:17.290 Spirit gushing through your marriage, the number 00:06:17.290 --> 00:06:20.170 one priority is walking with God. In fact, I'm 00:06:20.170 --> 00:06:23.449 commanded by God to literally nurture and cherish 00:06:23.449 --> 00:06:27.029 my wife to help her become like Jesus. And that's 00:06:27.029 --> 00:06:29.850 her desire for me. And when you're married to 00:06:29.850 --> 00:06:32.560 someone who... thinks more like Jesus, who loves 00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:34.680 more like Jesus, who forgives more like Jesus, 00:06:34.839 --> 00:06:37.079 who's kind more like Jesus, who forgives like 00:06:37.079 --> 00:06:39.420 Jesus, I got news for you. That relationship 00:06:39.420 --> 00:06:42.259 is going to go in some really good places. But 00:06:42.259 --> 00:06:47.000 we don't have that ability on our own. A great 00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:50.040 marriage just isn't about trying hard. God has 00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:53.339 to do something in you. Listen to this key passage, 00:06:53.579 --> 00:06:59.139 2 Peter 1, verses 3 and 4. His divine power. 00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:03.819 has given us everything we need for a godly life. 00:07:03.939 --> 00:07:08.399 Think of that. God has given us his divine power. 00:07:08.680 --> 00:07:11.319 If you know Jesus personally, if you've turned 00:07:11.319 --> 00:07:13.980 from your sin, received him by faith, by his 00:07:13.980 --> 00:07:17.180 divine power, we have been given everything we 00:07:17.180 --> 00:07:20.579 need for a godly life. Well, how? Through our 00:07:20.579 --> 00:07:23.980 knowledge of him, speaking of Jesus, who called 00:07:23.980 --> 00:07:27.399 us by his own glory and goodness. So in other 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:30.329 words, The more you get to know God the Father, 00:07:30.430 --> 00:07:32.410 God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, that's 00:07:32.410 --> 00:07:34.829 how you get power. And then he's going to give 00:07:34.829 --> 00:07:37.149 you the specifics of, well, how does that power 00:07:37.149 --> 00:07:40.269 work and how do you access it, if you will. Through 00:07:40.269 --> 00:07:44.050 these, God's goodness and glory, he has given 00:07:44.050 --> 00:07:48.850 us very great and precious promises. Why? So 00:07:48.850 --> 00:07:52.209 that through them, these promises, you may participate 00:07:52.209 --> 00:07:55.879 in the divine nature. having escaped the corruption 00:07:55.879 --> 00:07:59.480 that is in the world caused by evil desires or 00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:03.939 lust. So everything you need to be a man of God, 00:08:04.019 --> 00:08:06.480 a woman of God, who's an other -centered, filled 00:08:06.480 --> 00:08:09.899 with God's Spirit, power to live this life, you 00:08:09.899 --> 00:08:13.560 have it in you. Paul would say in Galatians 2 00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:16.540 .20, I've been crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, 00:08:16.680 --> 00:08:19.500 I live that Christ lives within me. And this 00:08:19.500 --> 00:08:22.379 life that I now live, I live by faith in the 00:08:22.379 --> 00:08:25.139 Son of God who loved me and gave himself for 00:08:25.139 --> 00:08:29.660 me. You know, a lot of people are in a car together, 00:08:29.699 --> 00:08:32.659 and let's make the car the marriage, and they 00:08:32.659 --> 00:08:35.519 can't figure out why it won't run well, but there's 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:38.700 no gas. Can you imagine sitting in a car and 00:08:38.700 --> 00:08:40.860 arguing about how come we're not going anywhere? 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:43.519 This is really making me crazy. There's no gas 00:08:43.519 --> 00:08:47.320 in the car. God has given us everything we need 00:08:47.320 --> 00:08:51.179 to be godly, but we have to access it. We access 00:08:51.179 --> 00:08:53.659 it when we take God's word. You'll know the truth. 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:55.860 The truth will set you free. Man won't live by 00:08:55.860 --> 00:08:57.759 bread alone, but every word that proceeds out 00:08:57.759 --> 00:08:59.740 of the mouth of God. Until now, you've asked 00:08:59.740 --> 00:09:02.679 nothing in my name, Jesus said. Ask and you'll 00:09:02.679 --> 00:09:05.120 receive that your joy might be made full. If 00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:07.080 you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:10.240 whatever you wish. You have to abide in the vine. 00:09:10.399 --> 00:09:13.320 You have to be connected to the power of God 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:15.879 and the Holy Spirit. And there's three ways that 00:09:15.879 --> 00:09:18.740 we do that. At Living on the Edge, we use a little 00:09:18.740 --> 00:09:23.759 acronym called BIO, bio. It's first coming before 00:09:23.759 --> 00:09:26.980 God daily. And it might be 15 or 20 minutes. 00:09:27.019 --> 00:09:30.159 It might be a half hour, but it's like my relationship 00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:33.799 with God is more important than anything on my 00:09:33.799 --> 00:09:36.620 phone. Any work that I have, it's more important 00:09:36.620 --> 00:09:39.200 than any relationship. And so I'm going to make 00:09:39.200 --> 00:09:41.220 that a priority. It's the first thing I do every 00:09:41.220 --> 00:09:43.139 morning. I'm not saying you have to do it the 00:09:43.139 --> 00:09:45.919 first thing, but all the research says if you 00:09:45.919 --> 00:09:47.600 want to do it consistently, that's probably the 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:50.460 best way. And if you read scripture, when anybody 00:09:50.460 --> 00:09:53.340 had to make a big decision, a great while before 00:09:53.340 --> 00:09:56.480 dawn, Jesus rose. Abraham was going to offer 00:09:56.480 --> 00:09:58.879 his son. It says he got up at a great early morning 00:09:58.879 --> 00:10:01.980 hour, saddled a donkey and put some wood on it. 00:10:02.039 --> 00:10:04.679 And he and Isaac went. over and over and over. 00:10:05.179 --> 00:10:07.720 You want your marriage to change, you have to 00:10:07.720 --> 00:10:10.600 change. You don't have the power to change, but 00:10:10.600 --> 00:10:14.600 God can change you. You're listening to Living 00:10:14.600 --> 00:10:17.399 on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and we'll get you 00:10:17.399 --> 00:10:19.960 back to today's message in just a minute. But 00:10:19.960 --> 00:10:22.120 quickly, it should be clear from this new series 00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:24.539 how passionate we are about encouraging husbands 00:10:24.539 --> 00:10:27.919 and wives and empowering them to be God -honoring 00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:30.799 parents. And that's why we've also created a 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:33.860 new engaging tool that couples can rely on every 00:10:33.860 --> 00:10:36.860 day to strengthen their relationship. Stick around 00:10:36.860 --> 00:10:39.179 after the teaching to learn how to get your hands 00:10:39.179 --> 00:10:42.000 on this resource. But for now, here again is 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:45.500 Chip. So the bee is coming before God and getting 00:10:45.500 --> 00:10:48.480 to his word some regular systematic time with 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:51.120 him each and every day. Second is as you read 00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:53.120 his word, you'll discover that you don't have 00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:57.230 the power by yourself to obey it. All these verses, 00:10:57.330 --> 00:11:00.110 15 different times, it's love one another, honor 00:11:00.110 --> 00:11:03.389 one another, encourage one another. No one can 00:11:03.389 --> 00:11:05.649 live the Christian life alone. It's about in 00:11:05.649 --> 00:11:08.570 community. You need support. You need love. You 00:11:08.570 --> 00:11:10.669 need encouragement. You need mentorship. You 00:11:10.669 --> 00:11:13.429 need accountability. You're going to fail. You're 00:11:13.429 --> 00:11:15.330 going to mess up. You have to process. You have 00:11:15.330 --> 00:11:17.889 to work through your emotions. You have to work 00:11:17.889 --> 00:11:20.490 through forgiving and loving and learning. And 00:11:20.490 --> 00:11:23.169 then the O is being on mission. And that's not 00:11:23.169 --> 00:11:26.309 like getting a job at church. On mission is you 00:11:26.309 --> 00:11:29.250 wake up and realize I'm a servant of the living 00:11:29.250 --> 00:11:32.350 God. And it starts in my house. I wake up this 00:11:32.350 --> 00:11:35.070 morning. What are the needs, right? When someone 00:11:35.070 --> 00:11:37.330 serves you really well at a restaurant, your 00:11:37.330 --> 00:11:39.429 water's low. They fill out your water. Oh, excuse 00:11:39.429 --> 00:11:41.169 me. Would you like some more of that? They are 00:11:41.169 --> 00:11:44.370 sensitive. They observe. And so you wake up and 00:11:44.370 --> 00:11:46.330 you realize I'm going to serve my wife. Or if 00:11:46.330 --> 00:11:48.549 I have kids, I'm going to serve my kids. I'm 00:11:48.549 --> 00:11:51.210 going to set an example. And then you do that 00:11:51.210 --> 00:11:52.990 in your life at work. And you do that in the 00:11:52.990 --> 00:11:56.340 body of Christ. Before God, in community, on 00:11:56.340 --> 00:12:00.679 mission, as you do that and as you grow and become 00:12:00.679 --> 00:12:05.000 like Christ, you will be absolutely shocked. 00:12:05.740 --> 00:12:09.820 You won't even see it. You'll be calmer. You'll 00:12:09.820 --> 00:12:12.200 be more loving. You'll forgive more quickly. 00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:16.519 You see, there's nothing that will make you a 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:20.220 better marriage partner than being a better follower 00:12:20.220 --> 00:12:23.759 of Jesus. In your own strength, you can't do 00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:26.740 it. But God has given you and he's giving me 00:12:26.740 --> 00:12:30.159 everything we need to be the kind of man and 00:12:30.159 --> 00:12:33.100 the kind of woman that shows up, that fulfills 00:12:33.100 --> 00:12:35.440 every command about being a man or a woman in 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:38.600 Scripture. And when you do, the favor of God, 00:12:38.740 --> 00:12:42.480 the blessing of God, the joy of God, it'll fill 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:45.500 your life. It's like he puts wind in your sails 00:12:45.500 --> 00:12:48.539 and wind in your relationship. And similar to 00:12:48.539 --> 00:12:52.000 it is foundational truth number two. This is 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:54.799 a part of a big reminder about love, right? At 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:56.899 the end of the day, I want my wife to love me, 00:12:56.940 --> 00:13:00.600 right? I want to love God. I want people to love 00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:03.820 me. I want to love people. And the challenge 00:13:03.820 --> 00:13:07.179 with this is that over time, love gets translated 00:13:07.179 --> 00:13:10.899 into how I feel rather than what I actually do. 00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:17.059 The truth is this. I will choose to love my mate 00:13:17.059 --> 00:13:20.639 by God's power and grace in all circumstances. 00:13:21.970 --> 00:13:24.250 Love is giving another person what they need 00:13:24.250 --> 00:13:27.750 the most when they deserve it the least at great 00:13:27.750 --> 00:13:31.649 personal cost. Now, once you get your cards where 00:13:31.649 --> 00:13:33.830 the word choose is, I'm going to encourage you 00:13:33.830 --> 00:13:37.690 to underline that. I will choose to love my mate 00:13:37.690 --> 00:13:42.269 by God's power and grace. See, we have been brainwashed 00:13:42.269 --> 00:13:45.169 to believe. that you can't do things until you 00:13:45.169 --> 00:13:47.590 feel like it, until there's a moment of inspiration, 00:13:47.870 --> 00:13:51.070 until there's gushing emotions. In fact, the 00:13:51.070 --> 00:13:54.710 most loving thing Jesus ever did for all of us, 00:13:54.769 --> 00:13:58.250 are you ready? He didn't feel like it. Well, 00:13:58.269 --> 00:14:00.850 Chip, where do you get that? Well, just read 00:14:00.850 --> 00:14:02.769 toward the end of the book of John or any of 00:14:02.769 --> 00:14:06.009 the gospels where he's in the garden and he's 00:14:06.009 --> 00:14:07.850 wrestling with whether he's going to go to the 00:14:07.850 --> 00:14:11.000 cross, right? He knows he is going to take on 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:13.379 the sins of all mankind. He knows the Father 00:14:13.379 --> 00:14:15.500 is going to turn away because he's absolutely 00:14:15.500 --> 00:14:18.679 holy. And in this one moment, there's going to 00:14:18.679 --> 00:14:21.960 be separation between the Godhead. And he knows 00:14:21.960 --> 00:14:25.019 that he's going to be whipped. He knows all things 00:14:25.019 --> 00:14:28.220 he's going to go through. He didn't feel like 00:14:28.220 --> 00:14:32.320 going to the cross. He chose to go to the cross. 00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:36.639 God demonstrated his love for us in that while 00:14:36.639 --> 00:14:39.059 we were yet sinners. Christ died in our place. 00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:43.620 So the great act of love is he chooses to go 00:14:43.620 --> 00:14:47.299 to the cross. You may never love your mate more 00:14:47.299 --> 00:14:50.360 than when everything in you is, I don't want 00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:53.600 to help her. I don't want to forgive him. I don't 00:14:53.600 --> 00:14:56.059 want to be nice right now. And especially after 00:14:56.059 --> 00:14:58.679 what he did or after what she did and how I feel 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:01.100 right now. And you know what you do? You say, 00:15:01.159 --> 00:15:04.440 I choose to love my mate because love is not 00:15:04.440 --> 00:15:08.159 a feeling. And here's how it works. I don't understand 00:15:08.159 --> 00:15:12.419 it all. But the moment you make a choice and 00:15:12.419 --> 00:15:16.440 say, you know, I was very hurt by what you said. 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:18.860 And I want you to know I forgive you. And I mean 00:15:18.860 --> 00:15:22.820 it. When despite what they've done, you go and 00:15:22.820 --> 00:15:25.559 make a cup of coffee and bring it into the other 00:15:25.559 --> 00:15:29.139 room and you set it down and there's been a problem. 00:15:29.220 --> 00:15:32.480 And in your mind, it's about 90 % his or 90 % 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:36.129 hers and about 10 % you. And you say, Why don't 00:15:36.129 --> 00:15:38.549 we sit down and talk for a few minutes? I think 00:15:38.549 --> 00:15:40.529 we're out of sorts with one another, and I really 00:15:40.529 --> 00:15:43.809 love you. Because everything in you was, it was 00:15:43.809 --> 00:15:46.210 his fault, or it was her fault. When they come 00:15:46.210 --> 00:15:47.830 and apologize, then we'll get this thing right. 00:15:49.049 --> 00:15:52.809 Love is giving another person what they need 00:15:52.809 --> 00:15:56.389 the most. Forgiveness, kindness, understanding, 00:15:56.750 --> 00:16:00.649 patience, when they deserve it the least, at 00:16:00.649 --> 00:16:05.759 great personal cost. The passage that I read 00:16:05.759 --> 00:16:08.220 that is challenging and encouraging all at the 00:16:08.220 --> 00:16:11.460 same time is 1 Corinthians 13. This was never 00:16:11.460 --> 00:16:14.240 meant just to be on a plaque somewhere or to 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:17.980 be read at a wedding. When I read this, it says, 00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:21.019 hey Chip, you know this gift, this stewardship, 00:16:21.179 --> 00:16:24.940 this woman, Teresa, I have given to you that 00:16:24.940 --> 00:16:27.019 is more precious than rubies and diamonds and 00:16:27.019 --> 00:16:29.320 other than your salvation, it's the greatest 00:16:29.320 --> 00:16:32.320 gift I'm ever going to give you. Jesus said, 00:16:32.340 --> 00:16:35.389 if you love me, obey my commands. Well, what's 00:16:35.389 --> 00:16:41.090 love? Love is patient. Love is kind. It doesn't 00:16:41.090 --> 00:16:47.129 envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It 00:16:47.129 --> 00:16:51.370 doesn't dishonor others. Oh, this is hard, especially 00:16:51.370 --> 00:16:55.090 in my marriage. It is not self -seeking. It is 00:16:55.090 --> 00:16:58.750 not easily angered. You might want to circle 00:16:58.750 --> 00:17:02.370 this on your card. It keeps no record of wrongs. 00:17:03.629 --> 00:17:08.230 Love does not delight in evil. It rejoices with 00:17:08.230 --> 00:17:14.509 the truth. It always protects. It always trusts. 00:17:15.690 --> 00:17:23.490 It always hopes. It always perseveres. Love never 00:17:23.490 --> 00:17:30.190 fails. And here's what I love. You can say to 00:17:30.190 --> 00:17:33.180 me, my mate doesn't even want to try. That's 00:17:33.180 --> 00:17:37.460 okay. I mean, I wish he or she would. But guess 00:17:37.460 --> 00:17:41.160 what? You can say, the number one thing I can 00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.319 do to have a great marriage is to come before 00:17:43.319 --> 00:17:45.960 God daily. I probably need to get in a men's 00:17:45.960 --> 00:17:48.599 group or I need to get in a women's group. I'm 00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:50.200 going to do life in community. I'm not going 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:52.180 to go alone anymore. I'm not going to sit around 00:17:52.180 --> 00:17:54.839 with my friends at coffee shops or on the phone 00:17:54.839 --> 00:17:57.220 or Zooming and talking about, he did that again, 00:17:57.400 --> 00:17:59.900 he did that again. You will find a group of friends 00:17:59.900 --> 00:18:01.880 that will tell you, you shouldn't put up with 00:18:01.880 --> 00:18:04.319 that. I didn't. I got my old man out of here. 00:18:04.420 --> 00:18:06.519 And you know what? This single life is great 00:18:06.519 --> 00:18:09.220 again. The enemy will bring all kind of people 00:18:09.220 --> 00:18:11.680 into your life to tell you things. Here's an 00:18:11.680 --> 00:18:14.119 easy exit. Don't worry about that. Don't put 00:18:14.119 --> 00:18:18.380 up with that anymore. And God is saying, Draw 00:18:18.380 --> 00:18:22.500 near to me and I'll draw near to you. Don't focus 00:18:22.500 --> 00:18:26.980 on what he or she is or is not doing. You cleanse 00:18:26.980 --> 00:18:30.839 your hands. You purify your hearts. You come 00:18:30.839 --> 00:18:33.680 to me. You humble yourself. You come with a broken 00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:36.640 heart and you read my word and you cry out to 00:18:36.640 --> 00:18:39.519 me and you ask me, what do you want to do in 00:18:39.519 --> 00:18:43.890 me? And God will show up. He's longing. The Lord 00:18:43.890 --> 00:18:46.630 is near to the brokenhearted. He saves those 00:18:46.630 --> 00:18:49.650 who are crushed in spirit. He's just longing 00:18:49.650 --> 00:18:52.210 for ordinary people that are broken and hurting 00:18:52.210 --> 00:18:55.670 and mad and at times betrayed and in messes and 00:18:55.670 --> 00:19:01.589 just to say, oh God, help. Now you're in a position 00:19:01.589 --> 00:19:06.849 to receive grace. And then as you do, you choose 00:19:06.849 --> 00:19:11.420 to love your mate. Do they deserve it? Of course 00:19:11.420 --> 00:19:15.400 not. But by the way, neither do you. But you 00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:18.880 choose. Someone has to take the first step. Someone 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:21.819 has to break the cycle. We can't just keep waiting 00:19:21.819 --> 00:19:24.339 for when they do that, then I'll do this. Well, 00:19:24.380 --> 00:19:26.660 if they forgive me, then I'll forgive them. This 00:19:26.660 --> 00:19:29.759 is not a transaction. You didn't stand before 00:19:29.759 --> 00:19:33.059 God and say, we now make this contract. And this 00:19:33.059 --> 00:19:35.640 contract before God and these witnesses is if 00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:37.299 they live up to every part of their contract, 00:19:37.440 --> 00:19:39.259 then I'll live up to mine. But if they don't, 00:19:39.259 --> 00:19:41.180 I won't. That's how a lot of people are living. 00:19:41.420 --> 00:19:43.380 And that's how a lot of you Christians are living. 00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:48.779 Stop it. Did you hear me right? Stop it. You 00:19:48.779 --> 00:19:51.500 made a covenant. The word comes from the word 00:19:51.500 --> 00:19:55.779 to cut or to bleed. You came before God and you 00:19:55.779 --> 00:19:59.279 made an oath before the living God and he's for 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:01.779 you. And your marriage isn't just about you. 00:20:01.859 --> 00:20:04.980 You have a testimony and people are watching. 00:20:05.420 --> 00:20:07.539 And it's not just, oh, we didn't get divorced. 00:20:07.940 --> 00:20:10.759 Do you have the kind of marriage that your kids 00:20:10.759 --> 00:20:14.640 growing up in your house would say, wow, my parents 00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:16.460 didn't have it all together, but boy, they loved 00:20:16.460 --> 00:20:18.200 each other. Oh, I remember they went through 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:20.519 a real rough patch, but something happened and 00:20:20.519 --> 00:20:22.980 my dad started living differently and he treated 00:20:22.980 --> 00:20:25.900 my mom in such a very, very different way. I 00:20:25.900 --> 00:20:27.880 saw my mom after all that she'd been through 00:20:27.880 --> 00:20:29.900 and they went through a really, really, really 00:20:29.900 --> 00:20:32.279 rough time, but God got a hold of their life. 00:20:32.920 --> 00:20:35.480 Marriage is good. It's possible. I want that 00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:38.299 for me someday. You know what the research is 00:20:38.299 --> 00:20:40.740 telling us about why people are marrying later? 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:43.299 With men, most don't get married now until about 00:20:43.299 --> 00:20:47.130 age 30 or 32. Women, it used to be about 20 or 00:20:47.130 --> 00:20:50.569 21, 22. It's zoomed up all the way to about 28. 00:20:51.089 --> 00:20:53.990 They're afraid to get married. And many of the 00:20:53.990 --> 00:20:56.329 reasons that our young people don't walk with 00:20:56.329 --> 00:20:59.250 God is they have seen it didn't seem to work 00:20:59.250 --> 00:21:02.829 for my mom and dad. Sending kids to Sunday school 00:21:02.829 --> 00:21:05.930 or youth group or a Christian college is no substitute 00:21:05.930 --> 00:21:09.710 for the living, abiding power of Jesus working 00:21:09.710 --> 00:21:12.329 in you and through you. And here's the deal. 00:21:12.470 --> 00:21:17.369 It is never too late. Foundation number one, 00:21:18.009 --> 00:21:21.470 seek first God and his kingdom. Foundation number 00:21:21.470 --> 00:21:25.250 two, choose to love whether you feel like it 00:21:25.250 --> 00:21:29.490 or not. And I will guarantee by what scripture 00:21:29.490 --> 00:21:32.589 teaches and who Jesus is, that you will never, 00:21:32.630 --> 00:21:36.809 ever regret doing those two things, no matter 00:21:36.809 --> 00:21:43.069 what happens. You're listening to Living on the 00:21:43.069 --> 00:21:46.029 Edge with Chip Ingram. And the message you just 00:21:46.029 --> 00:21:48.890 heard, putting God first in your marriage, is 00:21:48.890 --> 00:21:51.789 from our series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing 00:21:51.789 --> 00:21:55.130 and resisting the attacks on your family. Does 00:21:55.130 --> 00:21:57.230 your marriage feel stagnant or disconnected? 00:21:57.589 --> 00:22:00.009 Or maybe your relationship is teetering on the 00:22:00.009 --> 00:22:02.829 brink of divorce. If you and your spouse are 00:22:02.829 --> 00:22:05.650 desperate for a spark or some much -needed hope, 00:22:05.829 --> 00:22:08.890 join us for the next handful of programs. Chip 00:22:08.890 --> 00:22:10.970 walks through the foundational building blocks 00:22:10.970 --> 00:22:13.950 of a vibrant, God -honoring marriage. Discover 00:22:13.950 --> 00:22:16.690 how these profound truths from Scripture can 00:22:16.690 --> 00:22:18.930 strengthen your connection to your spouse and 00:22:18.930 --> 00:22:21.130 deepen your relationship with your Heavenly Father. 00:22:21.529 --> 00:22:23.589 So if you've missed any part of this meaningful 00:22:23.589 --> 00:22:27.549 teaching, catch up at livingontheedge .org or 00:22:27.549 --> 00:22:30.970 wherever you listen to podcasts. Well, I'm joined 00:22:30.970 --> 00:22:33.329 in studio now by Chip. And Chip, you know, back 00:22:33.329 --> 00:22:35.690 in your basketball playing days, you dedicated 00:22:35.690 --> 00:22:38.750 a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to earn a college 00:22:38.750 --> 00:22:41.569 scholarship. You couldn't just say you wanted 00:22:41.569 --> 00:22:44.269 to be better. You had to work at it. And that 00:22:44.269 --> 00:22:46.269 same principle applies to our marriages too, 00:22:46.369 --> 00:22:49.329 right? Dave, you're spot on with that analogy. 00:22:49.609 --> 00:22:51.589 And even my own marriage, there's been times 00:22:51.589 --> 00:22:54.569 where we weren't working very hard on our relationship. 00:22:55.069 --> 00:22:58.009 Work is busy, and then pretty soon the kids have 00:22:58.009 --> 00:23:01.160 all these activities. And you talk about better 00:23:01.160 --> 00:23:04.160 communication and resolving conflict and putting 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:06.539 each other first, and all that begins to fade 00:23:06.539 --> 00:23:10.839 away. What I realized was I needed a tool. I 00:23:10.839 --> 00:23:12.440 mean, when I wanted to be a better basketball 00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:15.220 player, I had dribbling drills. I had passing 00:23:15.220 --> 00:23:18.319 drills. I had very specific things that I did 00:23:18.319 --> 00:23:21.220 each and every day for hours with that clear 00:23:21.220 --> 00:23:24.000 -cut goal in mind. And what we've developed at 00:23:24.000 --> 00:23:26.900 Living on the Edge is a practical tool. It's 00:23:26.900 --> 00:23:29.259 called The Marriage That Works Truth Cards to 00:23:29.259 --> 00:23:32.900 help regular couples begin to work at their marriage 00:23:32.900 --> 00:23:36.180 as they take those cards and review a few each 00:23:36.180 --> 00:23:38.880 and every day. And as you do that, what I can 00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:41.180 tell you, because I've done this with literally 00:23:41.180 --> 00:23:45.039 hundreds and hundreds of couples, your mind changes 00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:48.339 about your marriage. Your desires change. A great 00:23:48.339 --> 00:23:51.180 marriage is possible for all of us as we follow 00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:53.599 God's design. And that's the goal of these cards. 00:23:53.819 --> 00:23:57.259 We want to help couples really go to work in 00:23:57.259 --> 00:24:00.000 a good way to have a deep and great marriage 00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:03.259 that will disciple them and their children. So, 00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:05.119 Dave, take a minute now, if you will, and share 00:24:05.119 --> 00:24:07.819 with people how they can get these cards. Sure, 00:24:07.819 --> 00:24:09.960 Chip. It's actually really simple. Throughout 00:24:09.960 --> 00:24:12.599 this entire series, for anyone who chooses to 00:24:12.599 --> 00:24:14.960 become a monthly partner with Living on the Edge, 00:24:15.059 --> 00:24:17.400 we'll send you these new Marriage That Works 00:24:17.400 --> 00:24:20.900 truth cards as our way of saying thanks. So please 00:24:20.900 --> 00:24:23.309 pray about supporting us. Your gifts have an 00:24:23.309 --> 00:24:25.710 eternal impact as we fight for marriages and 00:24:25.710 --> 00:24:28.430 families everywhere. To learn how to become a 00:24:28.430 --> 00:24:31.930 monthly partner, visit livingontheedge .org or 00:24:31.930 --> 00:24:39.289 call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888 -333 -6003 00:24:39.289 --> 00:24:43.849 or go to livingontheedge .org. App listeners, 00:24:43.970 --> 00:24:46.980 tap donate. For Chip and the entire team here, 00:24:47.079 --> 00:24:49.140 this is Dave Drewy, thanking you for listening 00:24:49.140 --> 00:24:51.779 to this edition of Living on the Edge, and I 00:24:51.779 --> 00:24:53.380 hope you'll join us again next time.