WEBVTT 00:00:01.129 --> 00:00:03.310 You know, you can have the strongest marriage 00:00:03.310 --> 00:00:06.190 and a genuine connection to God, and all it takes 00:00:06.190 --> 00:00:09.650 is one selfish act from your spouse or a wounding 00:00:09.650 --> 00:00:12.470 comment, and you might begin to think, who is 00:00:12.470 --> 00:00:15.250 this person? Did I make a mistake marrying them? 00:00:15.570 --> 00:00:18.030 Well, coming up on Living on the Edge, Chip begins 00:00:18.030 --> 00:00:20.870 exposing dangerous misbeliefs, like this one, 00:00:20.929 --> 00:00:23.910 as he continues his series, Uninvited Guests. 00:00:24.539 --> 00:00:26.879 Join us for the next handful of programs as he'll 00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:29.420 shed light on the harmful lies couples believe 00:00:29.420 --> 00:00:31.940 about themselves or their mate and share how 00:00:31.940 --> 00:00:35.100 to defeat them with the power of Scripture. But 00:00:35.100 --> 00:00:36.939 before he gets going, you know, a lot of what 00:00:36.939 --> 00:00:38.780 we're going to hear in the upcoming messages 00:00:38.780 --> 00:00:41.560 comes from our newest resource, Marriage That 00:00:41.560 --> 00:00:44.719 Works Truth Cards. Let me encourage you to stick 00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:47.000 around after the teaching to learn how you can 00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.820 get your hands on a set today. Well, with that, 00:00:49.820 --> 00:00:52.259 grab your Bible and notes as we join Chip for 00:00:52.259 --> 00:00:56.520 his talk. Did I marry the wrong person? If I 00:00:56.520 --> 00:01:00.640 ask you, what are the top two issues that evangelical 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:04.719 couples or families say they struggle with? What 00:01:04.719 --> 00:01:07.560 are the big family issues? Well, you could do 00:01:07.560 --> 00:01:10.079 a lot of research, but why do that when there's 00:01:10.079 --> 00:01:14.719 AI? So I asked, among evangelical couples, what 00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:17.719 does the research actually say are the biggest 00:01:17.719 --> 00:01:22.120 issues in their life? Number one came up, marriage 00:01:22.120 --> 00:01:25.140 struggles. Evangelicals report challenges in 00:01:25.140 --> 00:01:27.640 maintaining strong Christ -centered marriages 00:01:27.640 --> 00:01:31.540 amid stressors like finances, communication issues, 00:01:31.799 --> 00:01:34.980 and cultural pressures. I think we all probably 00:01:34.980 --> 00:01:37.760 can identify with that. Many seek tools to resolve 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:40.459 conflict, and they long to rekindle emotional 00:01:40.459 --> 00:01:44.819 and spiritual intimacy. The second thing AI told 00:01:44.819 --> 00:01:48.159 us was parenting in a secular culture. Raising 00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:50.400 children with Christian values in increasingly 00:01:50.400 --> 00:01:54.290 secular culture. is a common challenge. Parents 00:01:54.290 --> 00:01:56.730 express a need for resources to address topics 00:01:56.730 --> 00:02:00.250 like technology use, peer pressure and faith 00:02:00.250 --> 00:02:04.010 formation at home. So now that we have on the 00:02:04.010 --> 00:02:08.449 table that our marriages and our kids are a really 00:02:08.449 --> 00:02:11.069 big challenge for all of us, despite we know 00:02:11.069 --> 00:02:14.650 Jesus, despite we have God's word, that we actually 00:02:14.650 --> 00:02:17.490 live in a world that is bombarding us. And by 00:02:17.490 --> 00:02:20.050 the way, again, it's not new. Let's not just 00:02:20.050 --> 00:02:23.889 blame the media or blame technology or Hollywood 00:02:23.889 --> 00:02:28.110 or academia. In the garden, the lies started. 00:02:28.270 --> 00:02:31.360 About God? about our relationship with one another 00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:34.159 in marriage, about siblings, about technology 00:02:34.159 --> 00:02:36.680 in our work. And they've grown more sophisticated 00:02:36.680 --> 00:02:39.780 over the centuries. And so as promised, what 00:02:39.780 --> 00:02:43.199 I want to do is start with the lies and then 00:02:43.199 --> 00:02:46.180 get you to begin thinking about how to stop, 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:49.860 identify that lie, then renew your mind with 00:02:49.860 --> 00:02:52.240 the truth. And I will also tell you that as I 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:55.240 go through these cards, we're making these available 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:58.939 because I teach God's Word for a living. and 00:02:58.939 --> 00:03:01.500 as a calling for sure. And what I know is if 00:03:01.500 --> 00:03:05.379 I go to church and I prepare whatever it is, 00:03:05.419 --> 00:03:08.460 20 or 30, 40 hours, depending on it in the series, 00:03:08.580 --> 00:03:12.000 and I give a 45 -minute talk, and this is my 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:16.060 best stuff, and I'm prayed up, 24 hours later. 00:03:16.680 --> 00:03:19.819 90 % of the people have already forgotten about 00:03:19.819 --> 00:03:24.180 70 % of what I said. 48 hours later, there's 00:03:24.180 --> 00:03:26.919 only about 10 % that can remember what we were 00:03:26.919 --> 00:03:29.620 talking about. And out of all the people that 00:03:29.620 --> 00:03:34.020 listen, there's less than 10 % that go, oh, I'm 00:03:34.020 --> 00:03:36.500 going to put that into practice. And so what 00:03:36.500 --> 00:03:39.199 I've learned is that the teaching of Jesus and 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:42.139 why he said things in such a way was he wanted 00:03:42.139 --> 00:03:45.139 people to look at, this is how life appears to 00:03:45.139 --> 00:03:48.000 be. Then he would give a parable or a teaching 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:50.759 and a story they could remember. And then there 00:03:50.759 --> 00:03:54.020 was sort of a obvious application. In fact, I 00:03:54.020 --> 00:03:56.360 would recommend a book that will really help 00:03:56.360 --> 00:03:59.699 you. It's called Every Thought Captive by a friend 00:03:59.699 --> 00:04:02.759 of mine named Kyle Eidelman. And he takes all 00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:05.039 these verses that talk about renewing your mind. 00:04:05.139 --> 00:04:07.919 And then he pairs it with the latest neuroscience 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:11.469 research about how our brains work. And so what 00:04:11.469 --> 00:04:12.949 I want to tell you is we're going to go through 00:04:12.949 --> 00:04:16.750 a process to cooperate with your brains so life 00:04:16.750 --> 00:04:20.569 change happens rather than you just hearing information. 00:04:21.350 --> 00:04:24.189 So I'm going to give you a lie, then I'll give 00:04:24.189 --> 00:04:27.050 you a truth, then I'll give you a passage, and 00:04:27.050 --> 00:04:29.870 then the way I have shared this over and over 00:04:29.870 --> 00:04:33.069 is on a set of cards I don't want you to have 00:04:33.069 --> 00:04:35.579 digitally. Are you ready? I don't want it on 00:04:35.579 --> 00:04:37.879 your phone because the moment it's on your phone, 00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:39.620 you start looking at your phone and pretty soon 00:04:39.620 --> 00:04:42.240 this pops up and that pops up and you're distracted. 00:04:42.819 --> 00:04:45.300 There's something about learning when you read 00:04:45.300 --> 00:04:48.300 something, say it out loud, your brain hears 00:04:48.300 --> 00:04:50.920 it differently. And when you can tactile actually 00:04:50.920 --> 00:04:54.259 touch something. My recommendation, and I've 00:04:54.259 --> 00:04:56.819 done this for years, to break strongholds in 00:04:56.819 --> 00:04:59.439 my life and marriage, because when you come from 00:04:59.439 --> 00:05:02.199 an alcoholic family, you believe a whole set 00:05:02.199 --> 00:05:05.240 of lies that are deeply embedded in your psyche. 00:05:05.459 --> 00:05:08.000 And so I would have to repeat those lies out 00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:11.819 loud, say stop, and then I found God's truth 00:05:11.819 --> 00:05:14.899 and said, okay, this is what's true. So you're 00:05:14.899 --> 00:05:18.259 ready to roll? Lie number one, this is about 00:05:18.259 --> 00:05:21.959 marriage. When I finally meet the right person, 00:05:23.069 --> 00:05:26.230 Everything will work out fine. My soulmate is 00:05:26.230 --> 00:05:29.029 out there. I just need to find the right person. 00:05:29.149 --> 00:05:31.730 So I need to dress the part, look the part. I 00:05:31.730 --> 00:05:33.810 need to have big muscles. I need to be bright. 00:05:33.949 --> 00:05:36.310 I need to drive a certain kind of car so people 00:05:36.310 --> 00:05:38.850 know I'm in and I'm cool. Every commercial is 00:05:38.850 --> 00:05:40.990 based on if you look like this, are you ready? 00:05:41.050 --> 00:05:43.689 If you had whiter teeth, that's how you're going 00:05:43.689 --> 00:05:47.649 to get in. And so we spend our time trying to 00:05:47.649 --> 00:05:51.410 appeal like we try to create ourselves as honey. 00:05:51.839 --> 00:05:56.000 to attract the right bees. When I just find the 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:59.800 right person, then everything's going to be all 00:05:59.800 --> 00:06:03.240 right. The fault with that lie is that you're 00:06:03.240 --> 00:06:06.519 putting your hope in a person. It's okay to have 00:06:06.519 --> 00:06:10.500 aspirations. It's okay to have desires. But when 00:06:10.500 --> 00:06:13.920 you put your hope in a person, here's what we 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:17.480 know about all people. They're like you and they're 00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:21.569 like me. And that means that As much as I try, 00:06:21.769 --> 00:06:25.529 as much as you try, we let people down. In a 00:06:25.529 --> 00:06:28.610 weak moment, you lie. At times when it comes 00:06:28.610 --> 00:06:30.470 to are you going to care about another person, 00:06:30.550 --> 00:06:34.230 even your mate or yourself, we all have to confess 00:06:34.230 --> 00:06:37.629 we choose ourselves. And so if it's all about 00:06:37.629 --> 00:06:39.730 finding the right person and you put your hope 00:06:39.730 --> 00:06:42.209 in a person, when that person starts not coming 00:06:42.209 --> 00:06:44.730 through, really negative things start happening. 00:06:45.230 --> 00:06:48.990 And then the question begs itself, how do you 00:06:48.990 --> 00:06:52.759 know? when it's the right person. Well, if you 00:06:52.759 --> 00:06:56.920 watch a movie, if you listen to any songs, read 00:06:56.920 --> 00:07:00.279 a occasional romance novel, if you happen to 00:07:00.279 --> 00:07:03.240 be breathing and living in America, how do we 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:05.560 know when the right person comes across our path? 00:07:05.920 --> 00:07:08.980 It's when we see them and something happens inside 00:07:08.980 --> 00:07:11.120 and there's this little fire and there's this 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:13.180 connection. We don't even have to know them, 00:07:13.180 --> 00:07:16.399 right? In other words, it's our feelings. It's 00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:19.920 our emotions. And emotions are a beautiful, wonderful, 00:07:20.100 --> 00:07:24.060 tremendous gift from God. But they're not the 00:07:24.060 --> 00:07:27.639 best way to really identify what's true, what's 00:07:27.639 --> 00:07:29.699 right, whether a person is good for you, bad 00:07:29.699 --> 00:07:32.740 for you. I'll never forget. And some of you, 00:07:32.740 --> 00:07:35.339 you can laugh at me. It's okay. But I played 00:07:35.339 --> 00:07:37.740 basketball in college, and I love playing basketball. 00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.959 And I got recruited to play on a Christian team 00:07:40.959 --> 00:07:43.240 that traveled throughout South America. And so 00:07:43.240 --> 00:07:45.839 we played in every country, had a big stadium. 00:07:45.920 --> 00:07:48.259 We share Christ at halftime and partnered with 00:07:48.259 --> 00:07:50.379 missionaries. But we got to know a lot of different 00:07:50.379 --> 00:07:53.779 people. I had very limited Spanish, but I'd memorized 00:07:53.779 --> 00:07:56.800 my testimony and the number of verses. And so 00:07:56.800 --> 00:07:58.980 we go to Ecuador, and there's this missionary 00:07:58.980 --> 00:08:02.199 girl. And we had an extra day. And I went on 00:08:02.199 --> 00:08:05.079 a picnic with a missionary girl. And I mean, 00:08:05.139 --> 00:08:07.459 it was like out of a Hallmark movie. There was 00:08:07.459 --> 00:08:10.079 water, beautiful grass, beautiful mountains. 00:08:10.319 --> 00:08:12.339 And I came back to the team and I said, I'm in 00:08:12.339 --> 00:08:15.399 love. She's the one. She's the one. And then 00:08:15.399 --> 00:08:18.420 we went to Chile. In Chile, we had a missionary 00:08:18.420 --> 00:08:21.480 and this missionary had a daughter. And she was 00:08:21.480 --> 00:08:23.939 very, very beautiful. And we had the same kind 00:08:23.939 --> 00:08:26.120 of connection. And after a couple of days, I 00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:28.639 said, oh, I thought I was in love. Now I'm really 00:08:28.639 --> 00:08:30.779 in love. I'm in love with the girl from Chile. 00:08:30.939 --> 00:08:33.019 And now I'm in love with the missionary who came 00:08:33.019 --> 00:08:35.419 from Paraguay. And the guys started getting on 00:08:35.419 --> 00:08:38.539 me. But it was the weirdest experience. I think 00:08:38.539 --> 00:08:41.399 in about seven or eight countries, I met five 00:08:41.399 --> 00:08:45.279 or six girls. At the end of 24 to 48 hours, I 00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:47.539 was absolutely convinced that they were the one. 00:08:48.580 --> 00:08:52.379 Which told me. My emotions are very, very fickle, 00:08:52.379 --> 00:08:54.840 or I'm a very empty -headed young man, all of 00:08:54.840 --> 00:08:57.600 which may be true, but it just helped me see 00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:01.840 that our emotions and our romantic notions can 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:05.620 be so powerful, they can lie to you. When I finally 00:09:05.620 --> 00:09:08.240 meet the right person, everything will work out 00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:11.899 fine. Here's the truth. Marrying the right person 00:09:11.899 --> 00:09:14.460 is crucial, but even with the greatest mate, 00:09:14.720 --> 00:09:17.700 a successful marriage requires following God's 00:09:17.700 --> 00:09:21.409 design. putting in the hard work, persevering 00:09:21.409 --> 00:09:23.649 through difficulties, and relying on the Holy 00:09:23.649 --> 00:09:27.149 Spirit. You're listening to Living on the Edge 00:09:27.149 --> 00:09:29.830 with Chip Ingram. And before he continues our 00:09:29.830 --> 00:09:32.629 new series, Uninvited Guests, I want to remind 00:09:32.629 --> 00:09:35.070 you that all of our efforts to strengthen couples 00:09:35.070 --> 00:09:37.850 and parents are only possible because of listeners 00:09:37.850 --> 00:09:40.919 like you. In fact, let me encourage you to keep 00:09:40.919 --> 00:09:43.399 listening after today's message as Chip shares 00:09:43.399 --> 00:09:46.259 more of his heart for preserving the family and 00:09:46.259 --> 00:09:48.840 why now is a great time to partner with us in 00:09:48.840 --> 00:09:51.960 this work. Be sure to stick around. But for now, 00:09:51.980 --> 00:09:55.860 let's rejoin Chip for the rest of his talk. Marrying 00:09:55.860 --> 00:09:58.980 the right person is crucial. The right person 00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:02.340 begins with someone that is a follower of Jesus 00:10:02.340 --> 00:10:06.340 that you're equally yoked with. Just last week, 00:10:06.340 --> 00:10:09.259 I spent some time with a lady who was doing some 00:10:09.259 --> 00:10:12.159 rehab and physical therapy, and I've gotten to 00:10:12.159 --> 00:10:14.159 know her over the years, and she mentioned to 00:10:14.159 --> 00:10:18.799 me, she said, it's been 25, 26 years, and my 00:10:18.799 --> 00:10:21.500 husband's a great guy. And after all these years, 00:10:21.620 --> 00:10:23.399 and our kids are growing, and one more to go 00:10:23.399 --> 00:10:26.299 out of the house, I realized I didn't know when 00:10:26.299 --> 00:10:28.840 I was young what my parents and everyone said, 00:10:28.940 --> 00:10:32.419 don't be unequally yoked. I understand that now. 00:10:34.200 --> 00:10:37.200 He's never come to Christ. He's a good guy. I'm 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:39.840 committed to him. I love him. But there's whole 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:43.879 aspects of my life that I can't share. And so 00:10:43.879 --> 00:10:45.360 I want to tell you, you need to marry the right 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:48.460 person, a fellow believer. In fact, not just 00:10:48.460 --> 00:10:50.200 a believer, but a fellow believer with the same 00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:53.539 vision that's committed to Christ. And then you 00:10:53.539 --> 00:10:56.039 need to follow God's design. He has a plan for 00:10:56.039 --> 00:10:58.379 you as a man and you as a woman. You need to 00:10:58.379 --> 00:11:00.860 do the hard work. You don't just learn to communicate. 00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:03.039 You have to spend some time, read some books. 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:06.080 You have to work at it. And finally, you have 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.879 to persevere. Difficulties are normal. They're 00:11:09.879 --> 00:11:13.820 coming. It's hard. It's challenging. Over the 00:11:13.820 --> 00:11:16.200 years, I've counseled hundreds of couples. And 00:11:16.200 --> 00:11:18.740 what I can tell you is those who hit some hard 00:11:18.740 --> 00:11:21.639 times and think, oh, it's all over, make huge 00:11:21.639 --> 00:11:24.220 mistakes. And those who hit really hard times 00:11:24.220 --> 00:11:27.879 and realize, this is so hard, but I made a commitment. 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:31.100 And they come through it. And so you persevere. 00:11:31.629 --> 00:11:34.370 And as you rely on the Holy Spirit, as you realize, 00:11:34.509 --> 00:11:37.090 God, I can't do this. I can't love him right 00:11:37.090 --> 00:11:39.070 now. I can't love her right now. I need your 00:11:39.070 --> 00:11:42.669 help. He will answer. And then notice the passage 00:11:42.669 --> 00:11:51.830 I've given you here is Hebrews 10, 36. Are you 00:11:51.830 --> 00:11:54.549 ready? One of the greatest things you can ever 00:11:54.549 --> 00:11:58.409 have in your marriage mindset is not when I finally 00:11:58.409 --> 00:12:01.720 find the right person. but perseverance, endurance, 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:06.019 saying, we're going to make this work. There's 00:12:06.019 --> 00:12:09.340 no plan B. Now, don't get me wrong. There's times 00:12:09.340 --> 00:12:12.580 where there's abuse or there's multiple infidelities. 00:12:12.740 --> 00:12:15.980 There are issues where you need to pause and 00:12:15.980 --> 00:12:18.519 get some good help and counseling. And is this 00:12:18.519 --> 00:12:21.059 the right relationship because of devastating, 00:12:21.220 --> 00:12:23.899 difficult things that your partner may do? But 00:12:23.899 --> 00:12:27.299 for most all of us, persevering through the challenges, 00:12:27.500 --> 00:12:31.350 difficulties, are normal. Some of you are saying, 00:12:31.409 --> 00:12:32.830 well, Chip, why are you telling me this? I've 00:12:32.830 --> 00:12:35.450 been married for 10 years, 11 years. When a hard 00:12:35.450 --> 00:12:38.230 time comes and it's difficult, I cannot tell 00:12:38.230 --> 00:12:41.190 you how many people have sat across from me and 00:12:41.190 --> 00:12:43.429 leaned forward and said, you know, we've been 00:12:43.429 --> 00:12:46.350 married three years and I just realized they're 00:12:46.350 --> 00:12:48.929 just not the right person now. We've grown apart. 00:12:49.250 --> 00:12:52.710 Things have really changed. And so the belief 00:12:52.710 --> 00:12:56.450 system that someone out there is going to make 00:12:56.450 --> 00:13:00.240 it better is a lie. In fact, there's a research 00:13:00.240 --> 00:13:04.039 group. It's the University of Virginia and Rutgers 00:13:04.039 --> 00:13:06.019 University. They have a thing called the National 00:13:06.019 --> 00:13:09.620 Marriage Project. They have the top 10 myths 00:13:09.620 --> 00:13:12.360 of divorce and the top 10 myths of marriage. 00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:15.559 And one of these myths is because people learn 00:13:15.559 --> 00:13:17.759 from their bad experiences, second marriages 00:13:17.759 --> 00:13:20.539 tend to be more successful than first ones. Here's 00:13:20.539 --> 00:13:23.299 the truth. Although many people who divorce have 00:13:23.299 --> 00:13:26.740 successful subsequent marriages. The divorce 00:13:26.740 --> 00:13:30.240 rate of remarriage is in fact higher than first 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:33.399 marriages. The person we bring to the second 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:35.879 marriage is the same person that wasn't working 00:13:35.879 --> 00:13:38.460 the first marriage. We always have to start with 00:13:38.460 --> 00:13:41.960 who we are. What does God want us to do? Don't 00:13:41.960 --> 00:13:45.220 believe the lie that if just that right person 00:13:45.220 --> 00:13:47.840 comes into your life, everything's going to be 00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:52.559 okay. Lie number two. Here's the misbelief. When 00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:55.519 I experience disappointment, annoyance, and anger 00:13:55.519 --> 00:13:58.500 toward my spouse, that means I'm falling out 00:13:58.500 --> 00:14:01.559 of love and I may have married the wrong person. 00:14:02.059 --> 00:14:04.200 That sounds a little crazy, right? You're just 00:14:04.200 --> 00:14:07.539 annoyed, angry, and then all of a sudden you 00:14:07.539 --> 00:14:10.720 realize, maybe this isn't the right person. For 00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:12.620 some of you, that sounds crazy. For some of you, 00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:16.009 that's real right now. I will never forget. And 00:14:16.009 --> 00:14:18.409 again, I use myself as a personal illustration 00:14:18.409 --> 00:14:20.970 just because some of you think I probably have 00:14:20.970 --> 00:14:23.570 never had these problems. I've been married six 00:14:23.570 --> 00:14:26.710 days. Teresa and I kind of went away on our honeymoon. 00:14:27.129 --> 00:14:28.929 Many of you know a little bit of our background. 00:14:29.149 --> 00:14:31.710 She had been abandoned and I met her two and 00:14:31.710 --> 00:14:33.289 a half years later. She had these two little 00:14:33.289 --> 00:14:35.809 kids and she'd become a Christian. And two years 00:14:35.809 --> 00:14:38.549 later, we fall in love. I get to adopt those 00:14:38.549 --> 00:14:41.750 children. And so we're married six days. And 00:14:41.750 --> 00:14:45.509 we come back home and it's all new. I'm an immediate 00:14:45.509 --> 00:14:48.750 dad. I'm learning how to try to be a good husband. 00:14:48.950 --> 00:14:51.950 We dated for a full year and were friends a full 00:14:51.950 --> 00:14:55.269 year before that. We, by God's grace, were pure 00:14:55.269 --> 00:14:57.610 in our relationship. We did relationships the 00:14:57.610 --> 00:15:00.029 way we believe the scripture teaches. And so 00:15:00.029 --> 00:15:02.789 I thought, this is going to be great. And I can't 00:15:02.789 --> 00:15:05.409 even remember what all the issues were, but it 00:15:05.409 --> 00:15:08.169 was something about a picture over the mantle. 00:15:08.409 --> 00:15:11.679 And all I can tell you is, I got mad. I mean, 00:15:11.700 --> 00:15:14.000 I got really mad. And then I heard a tone of 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:17.220 voice come out of her mouth toward me that was 00:15:17.220 --> 00:15:19.639 different than I've ever, ever heard. And then 00:15:19.639 --> 00:15:22.639 I heard a tone of voice come out of me that I 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:24.679 don't think she had ever heard. We're having 00:15:24.679 --> 00:15:28.159 like our very first argument about some stupid 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:32.519 picture. But I remember the feeling of, I don't 00:15:32.519 --> 00:15:34.740 know, words I have for it was like a dart, like, 00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:39.200 oh. Who is that person? I mean, I was so idealistic. 00:15:39.259 --> 00:15:41.419 God, we did things your way, and she loves you, 00:15:41.500 --> 00:15:43.639 and I love you, and we want to spend our life 00:15:43.639 --> 00:15:45.820 serving you. And I mean, I've been married six 00:15:45.820 --> 00:15:48.980 days, and literally, I got so angry, and I was 00:15:48.980 --> 00:15:51.820 so hurt. And not knowing what to do, I just walked 00:15:51.820 --> 00:15:53.700 out the door, and I'm sure I slammed it, and 00:15:53.700 --> 00:15:55.860 she could probably tell you a more vivid story. 00:15:56.100 --> 00:15:58.639 And I got my little Volkswagen bug, and I went 00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:01.019 some back roads, and I'm driving the mountains. 00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:02.860 And literally, this is my conversation. I still 00:16:02.860 --> 00:16:06.139 remember. God. How could I have done this? I've 00:16:06.139 --> 00:16:08.879 married the wrong person. I've married the wrong 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:11.740 person. I thought Teresa was the right one. I've 00:16:11.740 --> 00:16:14.039 married the wrong person. And so I drove around 00:16:14.039 --> 00:16:17.120 for about an hour and a half thinking these thoughts 00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:19.879 and then realizing, you know, sort of coming 00:16:19.879 --> 00:16:22.620 back down to earth, realizing I had a lot of 00:16:22.620 --> 00:16:27.299 emotion, a lot of hurt, and I needed to go back 00:16:27.299 --> 00:16:32.600 and apologize for how I behaved. But I realized 00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:36.850 that lie, that when there's anger, annoyance, 00:16:36.870 --> 00:16:39.870 or you're challenged in the relationship, you 00:16:39.870 --> 00:16:42.429 can bolt to, I married the wrong person. I remember 00:16:42.429 --> 00:16:45.850 a young man came to me, and sincere as he could 00:16:45.850 --> 00:16:47.629 be, didn't know a whole lot about the Bible, 00:16:47.730 --> 00:16:50.610 and he said, Chip, I need your help to discover 00:16:50.610 --> 00:16:52.929 God's will. And I said, well, I'll be whatever 00:16:52.929 --> 00:16:55.210 help I can. I said, well, what is it? He goes, 00:16:55.250 --> 00:16:56.970 well, I've been married three years, and I discovered 00:16:56.970 --> 00:16:58.909 recently that I married the wrong person, so 00:16:58.909 --> 00:17:01.049 I need to figure out. What's the Bible say? How 00:17:01.049 --> 00:17:03.370 do I get rid of the person I have? Because I 00:17:03.370 --> 00:17:06.150 think I found the new right person. I said, well, 00:17:06.269 --> 00:17:08.210 the Bible's pretty clear on this one. And, you 00:17:08.210 --> 00:17:10.609 know, we talked about all the kind of issues. 00:17:10.730 --> 00:17:14.170 And he said, but no, I married the wrong person. 00:17:14.809 --> 00:17:17.750 And I remember telling him, when you said I do, 00:17:17.910 --> 00:17:21.309 even if you had some misgivings, that person 00:17:21.309 --> 00:17:23.890 became the right person. And God will give you 00:17:23.890 --> 00:17:25.769 the grace to be the man that you need to be. 00:17:26.009 --> 00:17:28.519 You're having some struggles right now. But these 00:17:28.519 --> 00:17:30.880 struggles are normal. It doesn't mean you married 00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:33.960 the wrong person. In fact, the truth of this 00:17:33.960 --> 00:17:37.940 card is conflict and negative emotions are not 00:17:37.940 --> 00:17:41.019 only normal, they're essential to learning to 00:17:41.019 --> 00:17:43.799 communicate and forgive each other in the process 00:17:43.799 --> 00:17:47.640 of becoming one. The Bible talks about iron sharpening 00:17:47.640 --> 00:17:51.319 iron. The way you get closer is not because everything 00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:54.180 is going great every moment of the day. The way 00:17:54.180 --> 00:17:56.420 you get closer and the way you get sanctified, 00:17:56.460 --> 00:17:59.039 if you will, we become more and more like Jesus 00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:01.720 in our relationships, especially in our marriage 00:18:01.720 --> 00:18:04.799 relationship, is when we do make mistakes, when 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:07.900 we are angry, when we do get hurt, when we begin 00:18:07.900 --> 00:18:10.319 to extend forgiveness and receive forgiveness, 00:18:10.460 --> 00:18:12.519 work through the issue and get what's behind 00:18:12.519 --> 00:18:16.279 it, there's sparks. But as you get closer and 00:18:16.279 --> 00:18:19.220 you work through conflict and you learn to own 00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:21.660 your side of it, And you learn to forgive the 00:18:21.660 --> 00:18:24.259 other person. And you learn to treat the other 00:18:24.259 --> 00:18:27.579 person the way Jesus has treated you. That's 00:18:27.579 --> 00:18:30.259 how intimacy is built. That's how growth is built. 00:18:30.460 --> 00:18:33.259 And the key verse here is be kind and compassionate 00:18:33.259 --> 00:18:36.859 to one another, forgiving each other just as 00:18:36.859 --> 00:18:41.799 God in Christ has forgiven you. So let me ask 00:18:41.799 --> 00:18:45.099 you, what annoys you most about your mate right 00:18:45.099 --> 00:18:48.470 now? In weak moments, what makes you think? I 00:18:48.470 --> 00:18:50.670 mean, it just flashes through your mind. Or for 00:18:50.670 --> 00:18:53.509 some of you, maybe right now you're in a crisis 00:18:53.509 --> 00:18:56.150 and you're thinking, I think I did marry the 00:18:56.150 --> 00:18:58.849 wrong person. The fact of the matter is you just 00:18:58.849 --> 00:19:01.269 have some conflict and some challenges and some 00:19:01.269 --> 00:19:04.710 difficulties. In my particular case, we had so 00:19:04.710 --> 00:19:07.250 much baggage, we realized that we needed outside 00:19:07.250 --> 00:19:10.509 help. She loved God. I love God. It was very 00:19:10.509 --> 00:19:13.450 embarrassing back then, but we found a very good 00:19:13.450 --> 00:19:16.809 biblical counselor. We unpack our baggage. We 00:19:16.809 --> 00:19:18.990 learn how to communicate. We've read a lot of 00:19:18.990 --> 00:19:22.109 books together. We set aside times to go on a 00:19:22.109 --> 00:19:25.829 date. We had to literally go into training to 00:19:25.829 --> 00:19:28.869 figure out, I knew I loved God. I knew she loved 00:19:28.869 --> 00:19:33.109 God. But we made each other crazy. And can I 00:19:33.109 --> 00:19:36.670 say something to you? I got 46 years under my 00:19:36.670 --> 00:19:40.609 belt. And the richness and the beauty and the 00:19:40.609 --> 00:19:44.069 connection and the joy. We've been through cancer 00:19:44.069 --> 00:19:46.650 together. We've been through the ups and downs 00:19:46.650 --> 00:19:50.470 of kids together. We've shared amazing rewards 00:19:50.470 --> 00:19:53.390 and seen God work in us and through us in ministry 00:19:53.390 --> 00:19:57.009 together. We've struggled like crazy at times. 00:19:57.430 --> 00:20:00.970 But I've got a really long rearview mirror. If 00:20:00.970 --> 00:20:03.789 we would have bailed out, if we would have said, 00:20:03.809 --> 00:20:05.650 oh, you must not be the right person because 00:20:05.650 --> 00:20:11.359 this is so hard, I would have missed. the best 00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:15.119 things life has to offer. A church that I had 00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:17.500 the privilege of pastoring, living on the edge, 00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:21.000 none of that would have happened if I came to 00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:24.200 the conclusion prematurely, oh, I married the 00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:29.079 wrong person. Can I challenge you? You got to 00:20:29.079 --> 00:20:31.640 fight for your marriage. You got to quit asking, 00:20:31.740 --> 00:20:35.000 is everything going my way? Is this easy? Everything 00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:38.380 great. Everything valuable, everything important, 00:20:38.599 --> 00:20:41.380 everything godly is you're swimming upstream 00:20:41.380 --> 00:20:44.579 in a world and a culture. And even in the church 00:20:44.579 --> 00:20:46.859 that tells you, oh, it's really hard. You don't 00:20:46.859 --> 00:20:50.640 fit. You've grown apart. That is a lie from the 00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:54.839 pit of hell. Refuse to believe it. Work through 00:20:54.839 --> 00:20:59.000 whatever you need to work through. Don't buy 00:20:59.000 --> 00:21:02.539 lie number one. If I just meet the right person 00:21:02.539 --> 00:21:04.500 or if the right person would come into my life. 00:21:04.910 --> 00:21:08.150 everything would be okay. The truth of the matter 00:21:08.150 --> 00:21:10.230 is that you have to persevere through difficulty. 00:21:10.529 --> 00:21:13.609 The second lie is that when things are difficult 00:21:13.609 --> 00:21:15.750 and painful and you experience disappointment 00:21:15.750 --> 00:21:19.490 and annoyance and you feel like I'm falling out 00:21:19.490 --> 00:21:24.190 of love, no, you persevere. You be kind to one 00:21:24.190 --> 00:21:27.269 another. You forgive each other. You walk through 00:21:27.269 --> 00:21:30.970 the process and you let God work in you and then 00:21:30.970 --> 00:21:34.269 you let him work through you. I have I've had 00:21:34.269 --> 00:21:36.569 so many couples that I've had the privilege of 00:21:36.569 --> 00:21:39.430 counseling over the years that have had problems 00:21:39.430 --> 00:21:43.109 and challenges. I remember a couple, they got 00:21:43.109 --> 00:21:45.569 a divorce, and then there was genuine repentance. 00:21:45.630 --> 00:21:48.230 And I'll never forget this guy coming back to 00:21:48.230 --> 00:21:51.089 know the Lord. And so much so he realized that 00:21:51.089 --> 00:21:53.490 he'd really destroyed some relationship with 00:21:53.490 --> 00:21:55.930 his children. And he would sneak in the very 00:21:55.930 --> 00:21:58.009 back of the church so his wife and kids wouldn't 00:21:58.009 --> 00:22:00.480 see him. And he would begin to walk with God 00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:03.019 again and little by little prove that he could 00:22:03.019 --> 00:22:05.940 be trustworthy. And I had the privilege a couple 00:22:05.940 --> 00:22:09.900 of years later of remarrying them. If Jesus can 00:22:09.900 --> 00:22:13.519 raise people from the dead, he can resurrect 00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:16.460 your relationship. He can resurrect your marriage. 00:22:17.079 --> 00:22:24.640 Don't buy the lies. Do it God's way. You're listening 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:27.740 to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And the 00:22:27.740 --> 00:22:30.240 message you just heard, Did I Marry the Wrong 00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:33.319 Person?, is from our series, Uninvited Guests, 00:22:33.500 --> 00:22:36.279 Recognizing and Resisting the Attacks on Your 00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:38.940 Family. Well, Chip's back in the studio with 00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:41.200 me now. And Chip, you shared with me recently 00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:44.079 that an elder at your church came to you looking 00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:46.880 for advice about an issue that many in the congregation 00:22:46.880 --> 00:22:49.519 were struggling with. In fact, it's an issue 00:22:49.519 --> 00:22:51.579 that countless people across the country are 00:22:51.579 --> 00:22:55.220 dealing with too. Absolutely, Dave. It wasn't 00:22:55.220 --> 00:22:57.180 something new, but it is something heartbreaking. 00:22:57.359 --> 00:23:00.059 He was talking to me about, and he didn't share 00:23:00.059 --> 00:23:02.559 any names or anything. He said, you would be 00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:04.660 shocked at the people that are having marriage 00:23:04.660 --> 00:23:06.900 problems in our church. I mean, it's a healthy 00:23:06.900 --> 00:23:09.779 church. It teaches God's word. And yet in the 00:23:09.779 --> 00:23:12.740 midst of a healthy, healthy church environment, 00:23:13.079 --> 00:23:17.299 little by little lies have undermined their marriages 00:23:17.299 --> 00:23:20.789 and it's pulling them apart. People facing the 00:23:20.789 --> 00:23:23.829 emptiness or having a little struggle or getting 00:23:23.829 --> 00:23:26.710 pulled into porn or something happened in their 00:23:26.710 --> 00:23:29.849 marriage. This isn't about people out there. 00:23:30.089 --> 00:23:33.490 These are leaders in the church. There's never 00:23:33.490 --> 00:23:36.450 been a greater need for clear biblical guidance 00:23:36.450 --> 00:23:39.750 on the subject of marriage. And not only guidance, 00:23:39.869 --> 00:23:43.609 but some tools to help ordinary people learn 00:23:43.609 --> 00:23:46.250 to communicate, learn to resolve conflict, and 00:23:46.250 --> 00:23:49.490 have some tools to work at building a great marriage, 00:23:49.529 --> 00:23:51.750 whether it's good and needs to get better or 00:23:51.750 --> 00:23:54.349 whether it's in trouble. And you really need 00:23:54.349 --> 00:23:57.390 an anchor to help your marriage become what you 00:23:57.390 --> 00:24:01.630 know God wants it to become when you give financially 00:24:01.630 --> 00:24:04.500 to Living on the Edge. And when you also pray, 00:24:04.740 --> 00:24:08.339 you're a part of strengthening and healing marriages 00:24:08.339 --> 00:24:11.839 and helping marriage partners become better parents. 00:24:12.119 --> 00:24:15.700 Because great marriages are the key to kids who 00:24:15.700 --> 00:24:18.779 walk with God. Would you pray about becoming 00:24:18.779 --> 00:24:21.420 a financial partner with Living on the Edge? 00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:24.440 We need your help. Marriages are in trouble. 00:24:24.839 --> 00:24:27.720 Christian families are hurting. And we want to 00:24:27.720 --> 00:24:30.059 make a difference. And we need your partnership 00:24:30.059 --> 00:24:34.130 to do it. Thanks so much. Great challenge, Chip. 00:24:34.269 --> 00:24:37.009 And please know how much we appreciate your sacrifice. 00:24:37.369 --> 00:24:40.210 Your regular support allows us to plan our next 00:24:40.210 --> 00:24:43.269 steps as a ministry and be ready to walk through 00:24:43.269 --> 00:24:46.450 doors that God opens for us. And as Chip said 00:24:46.450 --> 00:24:49.250 during this entire series, if you become a monthly 00:24:49.250 --> 00:24:51.990 financial partner of Living on the Edge, we'll 00:24:51.990 --> 00:24:54.430 send you our newest resource, the Marriage That 00:24:54.430 --> 00:24:57.609 Works Truth Cards, as our thank you. Learn more 00:24:57.609 --> 00:25:00.829 by going to livingontheedge .org or by calling 00:25:00.829 --> 00:25:08.309 888 -333 -6003. Again, that's 888 -333 -6003 00:25:08.309 --> 00:25:12.970 or visit livingontheedge .org. App listeners, 00:25:13.109 --> 00:25:16.670 tap donate. For Chip and the entire team, this 00:25:16.670 --> 00:25:19.049 is Dave Drewy thanking you for listening to this 00:25:19.049 --> 00:25:21.670 edition of Living on the Edge, and I hope you'll 00:25:21.670 --> 00:25:22.910 join us again next time.