The late author and Christian psychologist James
Dobson once wrote, Our society can be no more
stable than the foundation of individual family
units upon which it rests. Our government, our
institutions, our schools, indeed our way of
life, are dependent on healthy marriages and
loyalty to the vulnerable little children around
our feet. But with that in mind, it's clear why
we've seen a shocking rise in divorce, sexual
sin, rebellion, and discord within our homes.
Satan wants nothing more than to destroy your
marriage and sever the connection to your kids
by any means necessary. I'm Dave Drew, and today
on Living on the Edge, we'll begin Chip's newest
series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing and resisting
the attacks on your family. Over the next month,
Chip identifies the prominent misbeliefs, conflicts,
and challenges that threaten to derail your relationship
with your spouse and your kids. Stay with us
as he provides powerful insights from Scripture
to help couples strengthen their marriage and
empower them to be the parents their kids need
them to be. And let me tell you, this is a series
every husband, wife, father, and mother needs
to hear. So let me strongly encourage you to
invite a few married friends to listen to, either
through livingontheedge .org or wherever you
listen to podcasts. Okay, with that set up, here's
Chip to kick off this new series with his message,
The Fight for a Godly Family. I remember sitting
in a group in an office. It was fairly late at
night. There was about seven or eight of us.
We're all very, very close. These are men super
committed to Christ. And we begin to share about
our families and our journeys. Some were younger.
Some were older. Some had adult children. Some
of us have grandchildren. And we begin to just
share the challenges and the pain and the difficulties
and the issues that were happening with some
of our adult children or grandchildren. And that
struck a chord because these are people that
are in God's Word on a regular basis. These are
people that are committed to doing life God's
way. And all of us know the culture has been
hostile to a godly family. And I begin to ponder
this level of pain, this level of frustration,
these issues and these families. Lord, what's
going on here? But family's big right now. And
in the last six or seven months, I've had experiences
with people that I'm very, very close to who
has a son or daughter that I know who has grown
up in a very solid Christian home. And it's been
everything from mom and dad, I think I'm gay,
to mom and dad, I think I'm a girl, but I'm in
a boy's body, to mom and dad, I don't think I
believe in God at all anymore. And then we have
a conversation with parents feeling overwhelmingly
guilty. What did we do wrong? Or what's happened?
And how could this happen? And where did it start?
I want to talk to you about family. And I'm not
Jim Daly. Focus on the family. I'm not James
Dobson. I'm not a psychologist. I'm a pastor.
I've been a pastor for over 40 years now. I've
got four grown kids. I've got 12 grandkids. And
I've seen the whole gamut. Here's what I have
to tell you. I believe we need to address the
family in a new way. I think we've got to address
the issues that are happening in a more dynamic
way, in a way that I haven't personally in the
past. with real focus. Well, Chip, you know,
you've got a series on marriage that works and
you teach Ephesians 5 about the family and men
and women. And you have a series called Effective
Parenting. And you have another series on experiencing
God's dream for your marriage and all those skills
about communication, resolving conflict. And
if you want some good teaching from us at Living
on the Edge, by God's grace has helped a lot
of people. But there's something amiss. that
the heart behind the kind of things that we see,
these symptoms, these struggles, I think something
has happened that we haven't recognized. We haven't
recognized that we're in a battle. And so often,
you know, sometimes I teach something and I've
actually said the words, but the light didn't
come on for me. You do a series on marriage.
You do a series on children. Then you do a series
on work and relationships. And you know what
I've heard myself say is, now you need to understand
that all those relationships happen in the context
of spiritual warfare. I've said that out loud
before. But it's just been recently I realized,
oh my, that's where the real battle is. And so
it doesn't surprise me when the Apostle Paul
talks about, if any man is in Christ, if any
woman is in Christ, you're a new creation. The
old things pass away. Behold, all things become
new. You're born again. You're born from above.
You've turned from darkness. You're in a relationship
with God through Christ. And then walk in a manner
worthy. The verse here is Ephesians 4. Walk means
to live out day by day. Walk in a manner worthy
of your calling. And then in verse 17, he says,
now walk no longer like your former manner of
life. We want to go back to the way we used to
live. And so he says, instead, you need to cut
off the old. You renew your mind. You put on
the new. And then he's going to give them practical
ways to go into training to do that. And then
chapter five, he says, not only walk worthy of
your calling and don't walk in the old ways,
walk in love, just as Christ also walked in love.
And then he'll later on say, walk as children
of the light. In other words, you live in such
a way where your life, your relationships, your
family is exposing and spreading and making real
what's true. And then finally, verse 15, be very
careful how you walk or you live, not as unwise,
but as wise. And then he says, making the most
of the opportunity. Why? The days are evil. And
if Paul thought the days were evil, then think
about what he might say now. The days are evil.
God wants us to walk. He wants our relationships
to work. So it starts with what? Don't be drunk
with wine, but instead be filled or controlled
by God's spirit. Let your relationship with God,
with Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit,
be the central, most important thing. Let that
focus your mind around the truth and how to live.
And then it goes right from there to what? This
is how marriage works. Men, love your wives the
way Jesus loved the church. Ladies. respond to
your husbands the way the church responds to
Christ. And then children, obey your parents.
This is a blessing. This will help you. And then
finally we get what? Spiritual warfare. So we
put on the belt of truth. In other words, there's
lies about our relationship with God. There's
lies that were given in our marriage or our parenting
or in our work. And then the breastplate of righteousness
is living a righteous life. Satan wants to condemn
us. He wants to condemn that we're not living
up to and God's down on us. And the shield of
faith, we need to have God's word and be able
to speak God's word in a way in the midst of
our marriages and our home life and identify
the truth and the lies. And having our feet shod
with the gospel is about being grounded and being
stable in the midst of a world where there's
doubts bombarding us. This passage on spiritual
warfare is geared around identifying the lies
in every aspect of a family. And then helping
you in your relationship with God, and if you're
married, in your singleness, those that have
children, how to do that in a way where you identify
the lie, cast it behind you, renew your mind,
understand God's truth, abide in that truth,
and what did Jesus promise? You shall know the
truth, and the truth will set you free. I had
a very unusual experience in the last year. I
was asked at the local church that I go to, hey,
could you help out with the young marrieds? And
maybe they could go through your book, and whenever
you're in town, you could teach the class. And
so we did that in the fall, we did it in the
spring. And there's all these young couples,
50, 40 young couples, and all kind of backgrounds,
some brand new Christians, some from Christian
homes. And I got to sit down around the table.
We would teach and have time around the table.
And I would hear what's really going on. And
some had brand new little babies, others some
older kids. Some had been married before. And
so we went through and I taught. And we got near
the end. And the way the book was divided was
some of the chapters were very, very short. And
we were trying to do a chapter each week. And
it just felt a bit redundant. And so I remember
saying, The thing that has helped me the most
and helped Teresa the most to break strongholds
and cycles in our lives because we came from
alcoholic homes and we had big struggles in our
marriages, we developed these truth cards. And
on one side of the cards, we would write the
lies that we believed and we would learn that
lots of other people believed. And then we put
a stop sign, then we would flip it over, and
then we would tell the truth. I remember at one
point in time, we would sit down on the couch
every morning for a couple years and review these
cards and renew our minds. And little by little
by little, we got God's view. We were learning
to recognize lies. And so I took those truth
cards. I made them available to the class. The
atmosphere changed overnight. They were open
before, but when I would read a lie, it was like.
Oh, my. And then I would give them the truth,
and then I gave them a passage to hang on to.
And so here's what this whole series is about.
If you're the kind of person that you would say
in your heart of hearts, I really want a great
family, you're going to have to fight for it.
You're going to have to fight like never before.
I shared those stories at the beginning because
those people are in God's Word every day, in
community, on mission, living for Christ, and
yet, In the midst of all of that, they're having
issues in their family. They never dreamed would
be a part of their world and their situation.
You can be a good Christian, go to church two
or three times a month, read the Bible some,
be that nice person, encouraging person, a good,
nice neighbor. But if you don't identify these
lies and understand where they come from and
what they do, your family will be destroyed because
I'm watching it happen over and over again. These
lies and false promises make it impossible for
a person called to singleness to have a rich
life knowing they're called by God to live in
union with them or to have a deep, rich marriage
with ups and downs, but with real connection,
real community, real love, and real sacrifice.
And these lies make it impossible for children
to grow up in a safe, stable, supportive environment
where they feel valued, encouraged, supported,
where they discover their unique design. And
even more importantly, discover the God who made
them and come to a vibrant, living relationship
with Jesus Christ. These lies are all through
the media. academia. They come from novels. They
come from music. They come from movies. They
are bombarding us, even coming inside the church.
Good lies like your kids need a great education.
Your kids should be active in play sport. Your
kids should really be successful because that
will help them be happy. There's half -truths
in all those things. But we have kids and we
have parents and we have families that love Jesus
with all their heart that have made education
or playing on a sports team, or success, or money,
or pleasure, a higher goal and an idol that has
undermined the real relationship. We have to
come to grips with the reality if 30 % of our
own children in evangelical churches don't want
to follow Jesus, something is fundamentally wrong.
This is Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram,
and Chip will be back to finish today's message
in just a minute. But let me first gently ask
you, is your marriage in trouble right now? Do
you and your mate need a practical biblical tool
to revive and transform your relationship? Well,
we've developed a brand new resource designed
to do just that. So stick around after the teaching
to hear about this practical way we are encouraging
couples. Until then, here again is Chip to continue
our series, Uninvited Guests. I don't mean this
as some indictment on those of you that are walking
closely with God, but kids are saying, I grew
up in a home where Christianity was not much
more than a moral code. It wasn't much more than
we should be nice people. And yes, my parents
sent me to the youth group and I even went to
a Christian school, but there wasn't life. There
wasn't vitality. There wasn't risk. There wasn't
life change. I didn't see God's power. I didn't
see this reality of Jesus. And when I went away
to school or to trade school or got out on my
own, That Jesus that is sort of nice and this
moral code, as people are living completely different
lives, and they ask me all kind of questions
that I would begin to ask myself, is this true?
And my experience began to say, it's not. You
see, there are lies that have undermined our
culture. our families. What I would like to do
in our time together is rather than give you
a good teaching on marriage, rather than say,
here's seven principles for parenting, here's
some great things you can have, I'd like to start
with the lies and help you identify them and
then talk about the truth and how to put that
truth into practice. And here's what I want you
to know. This isn't new, right? This isn't new
at all. And God is able and ready to break the
strongholds that produce division, divorce, and
kids without hope. You know, when you pastor
as long as I have, I've been on the other side
of that counseling desk and heard story after
story. Stories of infidelity. Stories of I just
fell out of love. Stories like we grew apart.
Stories like, we did the very best for our kids
and I don't understand it. They don't even believe
in God anymore. We can't even have a conversation.
All we do is argue about politics. I've been
on the other side of that and I'm watching what
it does to families. We need a different approach.
We need to understand that there is something
very, very sacred to God. And it's the most fundamental
unit of every society, every culture, every community.
As someone wisely said, as the family goes, so
goes the nation. Transformation in the families
today need to start, I think, with a surgical
knife of truth that cut through the lies of the
culture. Help us identify some of these things
that some of us, are you ready? You are actually
doing things with the most sincere intentions,
thinking you are really helping your kids. You
want your kids to get ahead. You want your kids
to prosper. And the very thing that you're doing
for your kids is destroying their relationship
with God and their family. Let that sink in.
See, the most dangerous lies are the ones that
you believe to the point where you think it's
good. Just because I have good intentions, just
because I have good motives, it doesn't mean
that the outcomes won't be just as devastating.
I want to help you to uncover the things that
you actually believe that are false, that are
undermining that which you hold dear. And by
the way, I'm with you in this. I've believed
plenty of lies. I've pushed in early years my
kids way too hard thinking that They've got to
be disciplined to be successful and they need
to learn this and learn that. So this isn't about
I've got it together and I want to tell you this
is how to do it. You're talking to someone that's
got 40 years as a pastor and kids that are grown
and some grandkids that are grown and is on the
journey with you. Our families are in trouble.
When some of my closest, most godly friends are
having struggles and seeing things happen in
their family, I think it's time to stop and say,
God, I really want to have a great family. And
I'm willing to pay the price. I'm willing to
listen. I'm willing to learn. I'm willing to
swim upstream. I'm willing to do whatever God
wants me to do because here's the deal. I'm old
enough now to realize the people that are happiest,
the people who have a real sense of reward, it's
not how big a house they had, not whether they
went public, not whether they got famous. Every
family relationship flows out of your relationship
with God. It's the people that have deep, deep
relationships, that have adult kids that want
to be around them, that see a lineage of people
that are walking and growing and people of integrity,
and they're at peace with themselves. Every family
has issues. I mean, pull back the curtain to
my life, your life, anyone that... maybe a spiritual
leader, a pastor, someone you admire, you pull
back the curtain. I'm just going to tell you,
they've got issues just like you and just like
me. I'm not talking about developing some cookie
cutter, perfect families. We're talking about
real, authentic love. where it covers a multitude
of sins, where we look back on our pain and how
we persevere and how we recognize what we have
done wrong, apologize to one another, forgive
one another, and experience the mercy and the
grace and the love of God. I'm not sure there's
anything that is a greater testimony to the world,
right? Jesus said, let your light so shine before
men that they may see your good works and glorify
your Father who is in heaven. I think the greatest
good works we could ever have in the world that
we're living in. is people that have been married
five years and they're deeply in love. 25 years
deeply in love. 45 years and deeply in love.
17 years, lost a child, weathered through it,
deeply in love. 22 years, empty nest, and they
realize they need to reconnect and they persevere
and they're deeply in love. Kids that grow up
and don't have it all together but honor their
parents, want to walk with God, have a sense
of responsibility and clear calling, purpose
in life and meaning. You talk about good works.
Few things will be more important to show the
world the love of Christ. than marriages that
reflect Jesus and his church. This is not new.
Some of you know the Bible pretty well, and others
you'll need to go to Genesis chapter 3 and maybe
the first few chapters you may want to read it.
But think about a perfect environment, a loving
God who's created the first human beings. The
one test is don't eat from that tree. And then
the enemy comes, and where does he start? With
a lie. The lie is what? If you eat this, you
won't die. Well, it had half -truth. You won't
physically die, but you'll be separated from
God. He cast doubt on God's character. God doesn't
have your best in mind. If you do life God's
way, you're going to miss out. That was the message.
And so there's disobedience. And then after the
disobedience, not only is there a break of relationship
with God, then we have our very first parents
blaming and naming. It was her fault. No, it
was his fault. No, it's your fault, God. You're
the one that made this place. And then pretty
soon there's not just division, but then there's
hostility and there's envy. And so we have the
first murder. Satan lies about a relationship
with God, produces animosity in the relationship,
then has siblings who literally one kills the
other, and then creates a world of violence and
death. So much so that by Genesis chapter 9,
God says, the violence is so great, I've had
enough, and we have the flood. And then we have
this new generation and God's promise in the
sky. And then this tower gets built and the enemy
takes technology and the amazing dignity and
beauty of mankind. And they build a tower to
make our name great into the heavens. And God
frustrates their languages. Here's all I want
you to know. The enemy had a lie about. God.
He had a lie about marriage. He gave a lie about
children. He gave a lie about what makes communities
work. And he gave a lie about the work of our
hands in technology. And it's been going on ever
since. We're going to spend the next month identifying
some lies in our marriages, in our parenting,
and in the culture around us to live in the power
of the Holy Spirit that we can have the kind
of families that we long for. and that Jesus
wants us to have for his glory and to show the
world around us that there is hope because they
are hurting. And he's the answer. He says, you're
my method. Are you ready? I hope you join me
for the whole series. This is Living on the Edge
with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening to
Chip's message, The Fight for a Godly Family,
from our series, Uninvited Guests, recognizing
and resisting the attacks on your family. Picture
this. You're at a lively party or a delightful
family reunion when out of nowhere an uninvited
person barges in, creating chaos and dysfunction,
spoiling the celebration for everyone. In the
upcoming programs, Chip reveals how we've allowed
dangerous misbeliefs and ideologies to trespass
into our homes. Learn how, since the Garden of
Eden, these intruders have fueled conflict in
marriages, damaged relationships, and undermined
the very foundation of the family. Join Chip
as he exposes the biggest lies couples have believed
and challenges us to renew our minds with the
life -giving truth of God's Word. You won't want
to miss a single message. Well, Chip's here in
studio with me now. And Chip, as you sifted through
all the research about marriage and parenting
for this series, there was one myth that came
up a lot. With all of this conflict in our marriage,
it's better for our kids if we just get divorced.
Dave, that is one of the most believed myths
about marriage. That old school thinking of we're
staying together just for the kids is actually
true. If there's challenges, struggle, argument,
kids will make it through. They're very resilient.
Now, here's the problem. People don't want to
stay together. When it gets really hard, how
do you resolve conflict? How do you learn to
communicate? There are so many good Christians
who are living like roommates now. Their marriage
isn't fulfilling. They want to stay together
for their kids, but they can't imagine living
the way they are forever and ever and ever, and
so they feel hopeless. Here's what I want to
say. You can work this out, and we have a tool
to help you. Marriage That Works Truth Cards
is a beginning step. to resolve some big pains
in your marriage and create an environment that
your kids can thrive in. We really want to help
you learn to communicate, to resolve conflict.
That begins with eliminating or addressing lies
that you believe. And then you have to have some
foundational truths. And if you'll review a few
of these every single day for 30 days, 60 days,
your thinking will change, your words will change,
and your marriage will change. Throw away a good
marriage or even a problem marriage because of
your present struggles. If you think that there's
an easy divorce and it doesn't impact your kids,
you're completely wrong. The impact goes on for
decades. Let's stay together. Let's obey God's
commands, and we want to help you. So, Dave,
take a minute and share with people how they
can get these cards. Sure, Chip. It's actually
really simple. Throughout this entire series,
for anyone who chooses to become a monthly partner
with Living on the Edge, we'll send you these
new Marriage That Works Truth Cards as our way
of saying thanks. So please pray about supporting
us. Your gifts have an eternal impact as we fight
for marriages and families everywhere. To learn
how to become a monthly partner, visit livingontheedge
.org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888
-333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App
listeners, tap donate. We'll join us next time
as Chip continues his newest series, Uninvited
Guests, recognizing and resisting the attacks
on your family. Until then, I'm Dave Drury, thanking
you for listening to this edition of Living on
the Edge.