Do you ever feel like you just can't connect
with that special person in your life? You know
you love them and they love you, but for some
reason the relationship isn't going well? Well,
today I'll give you some insight about what might
be happening and just how to fix it. Stay with
me. Thanks for listening to this edition of Living
on the Edge with Chip Ingram. We are an international
teaching and discipleship ministry that encourages
and equips Christians to live like Christians.
And in just a minute, we'll dive into the second
half of Chip's message, What the World Needs
Now is Love, Sweet Love, from our current series,
Spiritual Simplicity. But before we get going,
let me encourage you to stick around after this
message as Chip shares some valuable advice to
help us simplify our lives and refocus on what
truly matters. You won't want to miss it. Okay,
Chip has a lot to get to, so grab your Bible
now as he begins in the book of Ephesians chapter
5. Let me give you the two major ways that God
has designed for us to experience his love. God
designed love to be birthed and modeled in our
families. Ephesians 5, 18 through chapter 6,
verse 4. I'd encourage you to follow along, and
I don't usually read a long passage, but this
one is one. You just need to lean back. And here's
what I want you to listen as I read. Notice we
said love comes from God's spirit. Notice he's
going to talk about you surrendering or allowing
the spirit to control you. And then I'm going
to show you from scripture that God has a very
clear design that where he wants us to learn
about love is in our families. He actually designed
the family system to work in such a way that
little boys and little girls would grow up feeling
loved, affirmed, cared for, not for what they
do, but for who they are. Pick it up with me
in verse 15. The apostle, after telling us all
this great stuff we have in Christ, says, be
very careful then how you live, not as unwise,
but as wise. Making the most of every opportunity
because the days are evil. Therefore, don't be
foolish, but understand what the will of the
Lord is. And he says, well, what's the will of
the Lord? Well, don't be drunk with wine, which
leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled, and
the word means controlled, with the Spirit. Well,
if you're filled with the Spirit, well, what
happens? Well, speak to one another with psalms
and hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make
music in your heart to the Lord, always giving
thanks to God the Father for everything in the
name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And then, by the
way, submit to one another out of reverence for
Christ. When you're filled with the spirit, there's
a joy in your heart. There's a melody. There's
a perspective where you realize God's in control
and he's good and you choose to give thanks.
And then he says, now I'm gonna talk about relationships
and how love works when the spirit's in control.
And he says, the baseline is no one steps up
and says, I gotta have my way on my terms. Submit
or surrender one to another. In other words,
God, you're the great choreographer and you're
gonna put relationships together. You show me
my part of the dance. You show me my role. so
that I can get and receive your love and then
give it in the way you want me to. And so then
he starts and says, okay, family relationships.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
is the head of the church, his body, of which
he is the savior. Now, as the church submits
to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands
and everything. And just before the women go,
are you kidding? He says, husbands. Love your
wives just as Christ loved the church. Well,
he died. You're starting to get the point, guys.
And gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing
her by the washing of the water with the word,
to present her to himself as a radiant church
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,
but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands
ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. After all,
no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds
and cares for it just as Christ does the church.
For we're members of his body for this reason.
A man will leave his mother and father and be
united to his wife and the two will become one
flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking
about Christ in the church. However, application,
each one of you must love his wife as himself
and the wife must respect her husband. Children,
obey your parents in the Lord for this is right.
Honor your father and mother. Respect. Don't
talk back. Listen to them. Obey them. Why? Well,
this is the first commandment with the promise
that it may go well with you and that you may
live and enjoy a long life on the earth. Fathers,
do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring
them up in the training and the instruction of
the Lord. He's going to go on and talk about
slaves and masters. But here's what he says.
The spirit of God contains the love of God. The
spirit of God comes into a human heart. He's
going to say there can either be resistance or
you can surrender and say, I want to do life
your way. And here's God's plan. It's really
very simple. A tiny little baby gets born. And
a mother says, I want to nurture and love this
baby. And a father says, fantastic. And the mother
says, I think this baby will learn how to love
if I love my husband the way God says. And I
really have to trust him. And so I'm going to
respect my husband and I'm going to encourage
him. I'm going to affirm him. I'm going to realize
he does have a pretty fragile ego. And I'm going
to, when I have to challenge him, I'm going to
do it in some ways that he understands. I'm going
to ask some probing questions. I'm going to take
strong stands on things. But I'm going to let
him know I'm behind him 100%. And as that happens,
a man feels loved and empowered. And as he does,
he says, he experiences God's love through his
wife. He says, you know something? I'm going
to step out and I'm going to lead this family
emotionally, spiritually, financially. And tell
you what, I'm going to give my life for this
woman. I'm going to figure out what makes her
feel loved. And I'm going to do what the scripture
says. I want to be a living representation of
Christ. And I want to love her in such a way.
And then she loves me in such a way. And these
little kids look up and see this mom and dad
loving each other. And they create this secure
environment. that's not performance -oriented,
and they have their ups and downs, and when they
blow it, they forgive one another, and they're
committed to one another, and then kids grow
up, and they begin to obey and realize, you know
what, I don't like these boundaries. I don't
like it when my dad says no, when my mom follows
through, and when they're both on the same page.
But wow, I guess my life isn't going down the
tube like a lot of my friends, and my parents
are staying together. Boy, that feels kind of
good. And I guess if I can't obey my mom and
dad now who I can see, I'll never obey a God
that I can't see. And then they grow up and become
adults. And because of those kind of things,
they have a good self -image. And they learn
to trust God. And they become adults. And they
actually kind of come back to your house. And
it's full circle. And your kids, adult kids,
love you. And you watch them start to raise their
kids. And there's this dynamic called the family
where Jesus has clothes on. called moms and dads
and kids. And it's imperfect, but it's a design
that God has put into place. And when families
follow this design, kids grow up strong, healthy,
clear, great self -esteem, people of integrity.
Husbands feel supported and empowered. Wives
feel loved and cherished. And when those kind
of families, very far from perfect, but very
different from the world, tell you what, people
around go, man, what do you all have? Where did
you learn that? Because see, a lot of them are
out looking for position or fame or sex or success
or appearance or possessions. And they're getting
all the pseudo loves. And every time keeps coming
back empty. And when you're really loved, You
have the freedom to be you. Just you. And the
most attractive person on the face of the earth
is when you are really you. Loved by God, free
not to impress anyone, free to be you, free to
accept you, and free to love others. And so that's
design number one. It's an amazing design. I
put a little chart there. You know, the Holy
Spirit. Then you have this relationship, husband
to wife, wife to husband, parents to children,
then children to parents. And it's this vicious
cycle of love. It's God's design. Now, here's
what I know. By personal experience, unfortunately.
Most families, non -Christian families or Christian
families, at least in the last 40 to 50 years,
have not followed this design very well. All
right? So my dad was an alcoholic. He's a good
guy. He was just an alcoholic. Teresa's dad was
an alcoholic. He's a good guy too. He's just
an alcoholic. I never heard my dad ever say to
me verbally, I love you until he was probably
late 50s after he'd been a Christian four or
five years. I don't think I saw my mom and dad
kiss like two times growing up. I didn't see
this nurturing. So as I grew up, what was I doing?
I'm looking for love in all the wrong places,
just like most of us. Now here's what's amazing.
Catch this. Because, you know, some of your body
language, when I went through the family of design,
if I could read your thoughts, it would be, I
sure wish I could have got that, but I didn't.
That was part of you. The other part was, I know
I'm supposed to be doing that kind of model,
and yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, I'm not. And you're
thinking, where am I going to go with this? The
wonderful thing about God, He's a God of grace.
And that means second, third, and 34th chances.
And so what you're going to find is that when
we fail to follow God's design or when others
fail to follow God's design and we reap the negative
consequences, he'll actually take our deepest
pains, our dysfunctions, and our hurts if we
bring them to him. And he'll actually use that.
as an opportunity to express his love in the
midst of our pain. Notice the next point. It
says we often experience love most deeply when
we need it most desperately. Romans 5, three
through five. It starts out literally. Verse
one says, thanks be to God. We have peace through
our Lord Jesus Christ and we exalt or we rejoice.
in this brand new salvation that God's given
us. And it's exciting. And he says, it's in this
grace in which we stand. And then in verse three,
he says, but not only this, but we also rejoice
or exalt in our tribulation or our problems or
our difficulties. And then he says, why? Because
tribulation or difficulties produce perseverance
and perseverance produces character and character
produces hope. And hope never disappoints because
the Holy Spirit pours out the love of God. And
what he's saying is when difficult, painful things
come and you will turn to God. And sometimes,
you know what perseverance means? Just endure.
This is a hard marriage. I endure. This is a
tough situation. I endure. You know what? I'm
not getting any better physically. I endure.
My parents are going through a rough time. I
endure. But I'm turning to God in my endurance.
As you endure, what happens is something happens
inside. Your character changes as you trust him.
And as your character changes, you begin to see
there is hope. God can change me and he can change
things. And the hope... is received when the
spirit of God through the word of God in the
context of community pours out into your being
and you actually can come out of very dysfunctional
families and painful issues and experience God's
love and say there's hope. That's the girl that
I met. Girl that I met not only had a difficult,
painful, really negative childhood. She looked
for love in all the wrong places and got married
early. And then she had a husband who abandoned
her. sleeping with someone else for a couple
years and she didn't know it. Then she gets pregnant
with these twin boys and he leaves and never
to be heard of again. I met her two and a half
years later. It was in that pain that Teresa,
out of dysfunctional family and being abandoned
by a man who was selling drugs. turned to God
and she persevered. And that persevering and
she would pray at night and sing at night and
cry out to God and she didn't have any money.
And in that persevering, it built some character.
And I got to see the character of this godly
woman and that produced hope. And I met her about
two and a half years later where it was like
a piece of coal turned into a diamond. And I
saw a heart for God and a love for God and someone
who understood the amazing forgiveness of God
and it attracted me. And I just came on the other
end of it. I hadn't been through difficult, painful
times. I just was empty in success. I was on
the performance trap. So I didn't understand
God's love. Affirmation felt like love, so perform,
perform, perform. Get A's, score points, get
pretty girlfriends. I'm loved, right? No, you're
empty. You just appear plastic and like you have
things that everyone told you would fill the
hole and it never did. And it was out of that
that I persevered, that built character, that
I came to Christ and then said, you know something?
Adulation and affirmation and false intimacy
and position, they're empty. And it's hard because
I can see those things and I can't see God's
love. Where are you at today? Would you like
to really experience God's love? I'll tell you,
there's very clear steps to experiencing God's
love. I put them in your notes. They're very,
very clear. They're very, very clean. Step one
is you need to step down. You have to surrender.
You know, you can live life on your agenda or
God's agenda, but a certain day at a certain
time, even as a Christian, you got to say, God,
from this day on, I'm going to do it your way.
I know I'll mess up. I know it'll be hard, but
whatever your word says, I'm doing life your
way. I desperately need you. Some of us get there
because the pain is so great there's no place
else to go. You're listening to Living on the
Edge. Before we hear the rest of Chip's message,
let me remind you that we are a listener -supported
ministry. Your regular gifts help us create programs
like this one, develop new resources, and encourage
pastors globally. Prayerfully consider becoming
a monthly partner today. Then go to livingontheedge
.org to give a gift. Thanks so much for your
support. Well, here again is Chip. Second is
you got to step away. You know, you walk in darkness.
You know, for me, it was hanging out in bars
and doing stuff that I knew was wrong and getting
caught up in all my stuff. I had to step away
from the world's values. I had to be separate
from the world's values. And I had to say, you
know what? This is really different and really
hard, but I'm going to do life your way. And
I got to start hanging around some people that
do life your way. You step away. And then you
have to step in. You can't be sort of this. you
know, Lone Ranger Christian out there, you got
to get with a group of people that are on the
same page that are moving and you say, you know
what, little by little, I'm going to let you
in on who I am, but I'm going to hang with you
all. That's, I mean, the reason that we're so
adamant about small groups is life change happens
in authentic community. Jesus lives inside of
you if you're a Christian, and he lives inside
of other people, and it is impossible to live
and experience his love apart from deep, authentic
connection and vulnerability with other people.
Is it risky? Yes. The option, though, of not
being loved is the only alternative. And so at
some point you step down, then you step away,
then you step in, and then when you're in that
community, at some point in time you get to step
up. And you got to step up and quit playing it
safe and saying, this is my sober self -assessment.
I'm good at this. I struggle with this. I want
to be God's man or God's woman. And I want you
all to help me. And I'm going to let you see
the parts of me that are not very pleasant. Everyone
has them. Because you never feel loved until
you meet some people that see your not so pretty
stuff. And they look right at you and go, yeah,
I've seen that. I still like you. In fact, I
love you. I mean, I've seen that for years. I've
got it. You've got it. Do you know how freeing
it is? I mean, help me with this, but is there
anybody here who's perfect? Just go ahead and
raise that hand. Do I see those hands? I mean,
we intellectually say that. So why would I be
threatened at a certain point to say, you know
something? A guy last night, I was so proud of
him. But you know what he said? He goes, I got
to step in. I got to step up. Yeah, I'm a part
of the church and I'm growing. I'm making progress.
It's great. But he was saying, I need to go to
the next level and I need to get real at a level
where I really put my past behind me. And then
what you do is you step out. You step out and
you get your focus off of you and you say, I
bet there's someone hurting a little bit more
than me. I bet there's someone a little poorer
than me. I bet there's someone whose marriage
is even more messed up than mine. I bet there's
someone whose addiction is even deeper than mine.
And you just start to give your life away with
your time and your energy and your money. And
Jesus promised, give and it will be given unto
you a good measure, pressed down, shaken together,
running over, back into your lap. And all I can
tell you is, you want to experience the infinite,
unconditional. powerful, life transforming love
of God. You step down, you step away, you step
in, you step up, and then you step out. If you
want to be loved, here's what it's going to take.
Every person in the world is stepping on something.
You know, we talk about the ladder of success,
the ladder of appearance, and some people really
work, and I'm going to be the super perfect mom,
and other people is, you know, I'm going to keep
pumping those weights so I look, and the girls
are like me, and, you know, some people are trying
to afford liposuction, and other people, you
know, we all got it, right? But every one of
us are stepping on certain things we think if
we can just get this, we'll be loved. And at
some point in time, you know something? You step
down from that and you surrender to God. And
you say, you know what? You may give me a parent.
You may give me some money here and there. But
I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going
to step down and surrender to you. Lock, stock,
and barrel. Many of you, that's the step you
need to take today. Second, then, you know, you're
kind of in there. You need to step away and step
into the light. You got to step away from the
people, step away from the environments, step
away from the media that keeps giving you the
messages that there's some step there that will
make you a somebody. And you step away and step
into the light and you start walking in holiness.
And boy, that's a big one. And you know, by the
way, it's not always drugs or alcohol. You can
be addicted to shopping. You can be addicted
to people's approval. You can be addicted to
all kinds of stuff. You can be addicted to ESPN.
You can be addicted to fantasy football. You
can be addicted to just trivia. Where in the
world is your life going? Do you want to be loved?
And then third, you got to step in. And you got
to get with a group of people and you got to
say, you know something? You know, I'm going
to play it safe at first because I don't know
you people. And I know you're Christians, but
you know, Christians are flaky people like everyone
else. And so I'm going to figure out who's going
to not share what I share with other people.
And little by little by little, I'm going to
But I'm going to do life with you all. I'm going
to make it a priority. I mean, some of you make
it a priority to work out. Some of you figure
out how to work 70 hours a week. I mean, you
make a priority. You do what matters to you.
So you decide what matters to you. You want to
experience love, you step down. You step away,
then you step in. And then someplace in the stepping
in, you take a step of vulnerability and you
say, you know something? I know I've presented
this side and I've showed a little bit of me,
but I want you to know, you know, I got some
things I'm not proud of. I'll tell you what,
you will experience the love of God like never
before. And then you step out and you get on
your little spiritual bicycle and you say, you
know what? I got to get going. I got to get focused
on helping some other people. Here's my question.
What step do you need to take? God loves you.
The Lord, your God, is with you. He is mighty
to deliver. He takes great delight in you. He
will quiet you with his love. He'll rejoice over
you with singing. But there's a condition. And
the condition is you need to figure out whether
it's a ladder issue. A stepping away and into
the light issue. A stepping in issue. Stepping
up. And then, you know, it's a by faith. You
say, God, I'm afraid. Everything I've ever done.
In fact, in scripture, every time I find anybody
that's doing anything significant, either an
angel or someone comes and says, do not be afraid.
Do not be afraid. Why? Because they're afraid.
Well, that would mean people would know this.
Yep, they would. But think of how much energy
you use hiding it. How much energy do we use
pretending? Where do you find love? Source of
love is God. It comes through his spirit. You
need to walk in his spirit. How do you get it?
The ideal is that it's in this family system.
And for those of us with families, let's ask
God to help us create those kind of families
of Ephesians 5 and 6. And then no matter where
you're at in your pain, sometimes we get love
most deeply when we realize we're really desperate.
And we say, okay, I'm willing. Final question.
How do you give it away? How do you give it away?
The R12 application is serving and love. Everybody
makes decisions, and all those decisions make
you. Make a decision today. Second thing is I
thought of something real, real practical, and
it's really brief, but I thought of the Gospels,
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and the most loving
person in the world was Jesus, right? Most loving
person. So what did he do? And I literally, I
mentally went through Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
I just went through the life of Christ. I thought,
what did he do? Are you ready for this? This
is how Jesus loved people. He did it by talking
with them. He did it by walking with them. He
did it by eating with them. He did it by praying
with them. He did this to his. He did this with
his friends. He actually did these things with
his enemies. He did it by playing with them.
I'll tell you, I think Jesus was a very fun guy
to be around, holy for sure. But I mean, a lot
of us, we don't get some of those jokes. That
day he said, hey, Pete, John, come here. You
know what? I mean, he was real. He was loving.
I think they played together. He suffered with
them. When things got hard, I mean, they went
through it together. And then he did two things,
both with his family, his friends. And his enemies.
He taught them. And he forgave them. Now, you
know what? I don't know about you, but that list
is not rocket science. If you're leaving here,
now what should I do to become a more loving
person with my family? Oh, with my friends. With
my small group. Even at work. Yeah. Or even with
my enemies. Here's a novel idea. Talk with them.
Eat with them. Hey, you want to go for a walk?
Pray with them. Play with them. If you're in
the role, teach them. And if they've hurt you,
forgive them. Let me just ask you, in your family,
are you doing that? Or are you too busy? You're
too busy to eat together? Jesus wasn't too busy
to do that. Too busy to talk together? Too busy
to take a walk? Too busy to have some fun? And
so are you ready? Now we're back to the very
first page, aren't we? Why are you too busy?
And what I'll tell you, if you're honest, go
to that front page and see how many of the things
in the right -hand column that I listed are about
all the demands you feel that you got to do.
And at the heart of it is what you desperately
need is to be loved. And you think, and I believe,
and we've been brainwashed to believe. that we
can find it in those things. But you're smart
people. If you could find it in those things,
you'd found it by now. My recommendation? Take
a big step. You're listening to Living on the
Edge with Chip Ingram and the message you just
heard. What the world needs now is love, sweet
love, is from our series, Spiritual Simplicity.
chip will join us in studio to share some insights
from today's talk in just a minute have you ever
felt like there's never enough time in the day
for yourself the people you love even god if
you can relate don't miss this series chip's
going to challenge the unrealistic standards
and expectations we all feel pressured by join
us as we learn how to break free from this demanding
cycle and discover the simpler more fulfilling
life god has in store for us I hope you'll be
with us for every part of this study. Well, our
Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, is with me now. And
Chip, you know, we receive a ton of emails and
calls all the time about how series like this
one are changing people's lives. So take a minute,
if you would, and explain the ways teaching God's
Word through this broadcast fits into the mission
of this ministry. Sure, Dave. At Living on the
Edge, we do three things for three groups for
one purpose. One, we teach God's Word to as many
people as possible through radio, small group
resources, online tools like our app, and in
partnerships internationally all around the world.
Second, we train Christians to go deeper with
teaching resources and small group studies. And
three, we develop tools for leaders, for pastors
and business leaders to help them impact their
worlds and beyond. We do all these things for
one purpose, to help Christians live. like Christians.
Now, here's my question. If you were impacted
today by the ministry of Living on the Edge,
would you be willing to partner with us? We can't
do this without the support of partners like
you. And as you do, we will change lives. We
will spread God's truth around the world, and
we will help Christians live like Christians.
Here's my question. Would you join us? Thanks,
Chip. If Living on the Edge is ministering to
you, and you've not yet partnered with us financially,
would you prayerfully consider doing that today?
It takes a team to do what God's called us to
do. So we invite you to join us as we encourage
Christians everywhere to live like Christians.
Send in your gift or learn how to become a monthly
partner by going to livingontheedge .org or by
calling 888 -333 -6003. Again, that's 888 -333
-6003 or visit livingontheedge .org. As we finish
this message on what the world needs now is love,
sweet love. Let me ask you a question. In what
ways is your life too busy because you're settling
for pseudo love instead of real love? You know,
I talked about that. I mean, in what ways? is
just the pace of your life, the number of things
you're doing, the superficiality of blowing and
going the way you are. What has to happen so
that you actually love people deeply, authentically?
I mean, where do you need to slow up? What do
you need to stop? You got it? And then now what
I want to do is I want to give you some very
specific ways, because for many of you, many
of you, the answer to that question is, it's
my family or my close friends. You know, I don't
know how many times I talk to people and they
have, quote, close friends. And I mean, all you
do is text each other. I mean, I got news for
you. A text is not a hug. You have to do what
Jesus did. The way you communicate love. I zoomed
through these, but it was like an epiphany for
me. He talked with people. He walked with people
unhurriedly. He ate with them. That was a very
big one. He prayed with them. He played with
them. I'm convinced that. You know, they had
some time skipping stones and having fun. He
suffered with them, but that meant he was with
them and he was in the trenches with them and
he taught them. There were teachable moments
and then formal teaching. And then in the midst
of all their hurts and ups and downs because
they're people, he forgave them. You know, maybe
you ought to just go to the internet, pull down
these teaching notes or get the MP3 and say,
you know, with my family or with one or two close
friends. This week, I'm going to plan in my schedule
when I'm going to walk, talk, eat, play, and
pray with them and see if a connection in your
heart doesn't get deeper and better and those
people feel really loved. Well, thanks, Chip.
Well, if you'd like to get plugged in with any
of the resources Chip just mentioned, go to livingontheedge
.org. Download Chip's message notes, catch up
on any part of this series, and more. We want
to help you grow in your walk with Jesus, so
visit livingontheedge .org today. For Chip and
the entire team here, this is Dave Drewy thanking
you for listening to this edition of Living on
the Edge, and I hope you'll join us again next
time.