Do you long to be loved just for being you? Do
you long for people just to see you and know
you and really love you? Well, I got news for
you. That's true of all of us, but there's a
danger. We tend to look for love in all the wrong
places. Today, we're going to learn how to avoid
that pitfall. Stay with me. Welcome to this edition
of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission
of this daily program is to intentionally disciple
Christians through the insightful Bible teaching
of Chip Ingram. You know, I think we all know
someone who's trusted the wrong person in a relationship.
Or maybe you've experienced the pain of betrayal
yourself. Well, today Chip explores the origins
of our longing for connection and love and explains
how to steer clear of the common relational traps
that many fall into. So with that, here's Chip
with his talk, Looking for Love in All the Wrong
Places, from 1 Corinthians chapter 13. I think
there's three things that are true of every person
on this planet. Number one, we all fail. I'm
just going to, I mean, even you, you know. I
mean, you can call it mess up, blow it, miss
the mark. But I mean, every single person every
week fails. Number two. We all have legitimate
desires and needs that are God -ordained that
we pursue. I mean, legitimate desires to be significant,
to be loved, to give love, to be secure, to have
purpose, that our lives would have an impact.
We just have legitimate God -given desires and
needs that God wants us to pursue. Third fact.
In a fallen world, our failures are often an
attempt to obtain good things in a bad way. I
want you to let that one sink in. Sometimes when
we fail, we're covered with shame. And sometimes
we fail and we get down on ourselves. Or if you're
like me, you try and at least blame someone else
for a while instead of yourself. But what would
happen if you could begin to see That some of
the patterns in your life and some of the patterns
in my life, where you fail, where you mess up,
where there's breakdown of relationships, where
there's breakdown in your relationship with God,
where you feel terrible and you know you've blown
it. What if you begin to understand that you
were really looking for something good that was
a God -ordained need or desire, but you went
about finding it in the wrong way. that would
begin to give you some new light to deal with
that failure. In this book written to the Corinthians,
the Apostle Paul outlines a number of ways that
they did it and we do it as well. I highlighted
a few. We seek acceptance and belonging. That's
a good thing, right? By forming cliques and criticizing
and excluding others. And that causes division.
That's a bad thing. That happened in chapter
3. We seek connection and intimacy. Through illicit
sex, pornography, and emotional affairs that
destroy marriages and ruin families. That happens
today. That happened in chapter 5. We seek security
and significance and destroy relationships by
our greed. That happened to this group in chapter
6. We seek to protect God's holiness. Obviously
a good thing. But by misguidedly judging others'
motives and differences, resulting in disunity
and broken relationships. That's a bad thing.
That happened in chapter 8. We seek legitimate,
godly pleasures with no consideration for those
who are weaker in faith. And we allow our freedom
to destroy their relationship with Christ. That's
a bad thing. But the legitimate pleasures, God,
there's nothing wrong with those. It reminded
me of an old song. So many times our gravest
failures are attempts to look for love. in all
the wrong places. Looking for love in all the
wrong places. Is that how you like that twang?
Looking for love in so many faces and looking
for love. I'll never make it as a country singer.
You listen to the lyrics of that song. In fact,
Johnny Lee, the story of that song is very interesting.
He said it described his life. His life was totally
messed up, but his desire was for a good thing.
He really wanted to be loved and be connected
and have intimacy and life and purpose, but he
went about it in ways that destroyed his relationship
with himself. He hurt other people and certainly
violated more than a handful of God's commands.
Here's what you need to understand. When you
try to find good things in a bad way, You will
hurt other people. You will hurt yourself and
you'll miss God's best. And so we talked about
how do we learn to really love in real time?
Not a theory, not coming to church and you ought
to love more, you ought to be more kind, but
how specifically. And so the apostle Paul, right
into a group, much like I think high capacity,
high gifts, strategically located. And so what
we learned is in situation number one, how does
love respond to hurt? And in verse four, it said,
love is patient, love is kind. That was the truth.
But then the practice was when you're hurt or
wounded or rejected or ignored, love absorbs
the blow, remember the pillow, and returns a
hug. So let me ask you, did anybody, and I'm
speaking mostly the person who's sitting in your
seat, have an opportunity to be hurt, wounded,
rejected. Someone dissed you just a little and
you said, oh, I could diss them back or I could,
you know what? I'm going to absorb the blow.
I'm going to respond in a positive way. See,
as you begin to practice that, you know what
that's called? That's biblical love. That's loving
people the way Jesus loves people. The second
situation is how do we respond to differences?
There's all kinds of differences. Love doesn't
envy. It doesn't boast. It's not rude. It's not
self -seeking. It's not easily angered. It keeps
no record of wrongs. And so the practice is love
celebrates differences. Remember, the principle
was love refuses to compare. It refuses to compare
upward and feel. Envy, it refuses to compare
downward and be arrogant. When you begin to practice
that, you eliminate envy, you eliminate arrogance,
and you start loving people the way Jesus loves
them. The third situation is today, and we're
going to talk about how does love respond to
failure? I mean, we agreed that we all fail,
and that means that... The people closest to
you, whether it's a roommate or whether it's
a wife or a husband or a son or a daughter or
a mom or a dad or people at work or people in
a small group or people in your neighborhood,
they're going to fail. You're going to get a
lot of chance to respond to other people's failures.
And as you listen to this, know that this is
how we're to respond to other people's failures,
to be loving, to maximize love. But in the back
of your mind, I want you to remember this is
exactly how God responds to your failure. Everything
we're going to cover, this is how the heart of
the living creator of the universe responds to
your failure. Because the more you can get it
vertically, the more you'll begin to be able
to give it horizontally. And so the truth is
love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. It always protects. It always trusts.
It always hopes. It always perseveres. Summary,
love never fails. And so the practice is love
responds to failure with truth and grace. Underline
in your notes truth and underline the word grace.
Love, real love, demands truth. Love and truth
are inseparable. If there is, quote, you think
you have love, but there's no truth, it's just
mushy. sentimentalism. It's just gushy feelings.
And we have come to believe because of media
and, you know, all the books and all the romance
novels, we think love is just this ooey, gooey
feeling that we're connected. I mean, we may
be in complete denial, but I feel good about
you and you feel good about me. And so we must
be loving. No, maybe you're just on drugs. You
know, having a good feeling about another person
when there's major issues that are unaddressed,
when there's behaviors and addictions and issues
that are bringing about fallout, when you're
doing things to one another that's destroying
long -term relationship, that's not love. Having
a good feeling about someone is a nice thing.
Biblical love demands truth. It says love doesn't
rejoice or find joy. or satisfaction in evil,
things that are unrighteous, things that are
wrong, things that are the opposite of the way
God wants people to live, but it delights in
and finds great joy in the truth. Love refuses
to find joy in another's sin, misfortune, or
dysfunction, or pain. I jotted a note to myself.
We have a perverted attraction. A perverted attraction
to the misfortune, addictions, and problems of
others. I don't know. I mean, I guess it's just
being fallen. But we like to watch other people
mess up. We like to hear about how badly they
mess up. We like to watch and listen and view
people making fools of themselves and then laugh
on our couches as they do it. It's called reality
TV. I mean, think of this. We all live in this
house. She hates him. I heard you last night.
And then the camera comes. I tell you, I think
she's a, and I don't think she ever did. I'm
not going to kick out of this house, you know.
I mean, it's just like, it's not like stories
of. We would like to bring you an exciting story
of a major star who has now done amazing things
for the inner city children and those who are
helping orphans in Africa. I mean, for every
one of those, you get 100. Lindsay's in jail
again. Will she get out? Who knows? Did you see
someone? I mean, it's just a proliferation of
evil and misfortune and addiction and pain. And
very subtly, you're filling your mind with it.
And it is the culture and is the absolute opposite
of love. When I'm finding delight in things that
violate what brings health and life and restoration,
I'm setting myself up for dysfunctional, painful,
negative relationships. Love doesn't rejoice
in evil. In fact, I mean, think about this is
really fun. Do you see that movie? Yeah. Everybody
got blown up. Boom, boom, boom, bam, bam. And
did you see it? It was in slow -mo. Boom, boom,
boom. The Teflon bullet. That was a great movie.
Yeah. The sanctity of life and the value of human
life is the highest thing the scripture and the
God who created life esteems. And we trivialize
it with our thumbs. killing imaginary people
over and over and over and over again until when
real ones die, we get anesthetized to the impact.
Love rejoices in the truth. Real love's response
always has truth and grace. If it's all truth
and no grace, It's a rigid, legalistic self -righteousness.
If it's all grace and no truth, it's just mushy,
sentimental emotionalism. And so after giving
us sort of the overarching principle that love
demands truth and rejoices in truth and not evil,
then he's going to give us four specific ways
to respond to the failures of one another. He's
going to give four clear words that say, When
someone you love that lives under your roof or
is a close friend or you work with, when they
fail because they will fail, this is how you
respond if you love them. Are you ready? He's
going to talk to us about bearing all things,
believing all things, hoping all things, and
then he's going to go on and talk about how we
endure all things. Bears all things. The word
occurs four times in the New Testament. Literally
means you can jot in your notes to cover. It
means to suffer or forbear. It's to protect by
covering something, to cover something with silence.
It has the idea of keeping a confidence, to hide,
listen, to hide or conceal the errors and faults
of others. Now, this doesn't mean you bury it.
This doesn't mean you're in denial. But here's
the issue. We all long for someone to love me
enough. to cut to the core, to expose the fault,
the weakness, or the sin, and help me deal with
it and grow from it. And then after dealing with
it in truth, provide grace and allow me to grow
and help me take the next step, and then they
cover it. And they don't exploit me. And they
don't pass it on. And if you're married or you're
a parent, you don't joke about it later. It's
covered. It's gone. It's not broadcast. You bear
with them. You face it. You deal with it. You
love them. And then you cover it. You're listening
to Living on the Edge. Chip will be back in just
a minute to finish today's talk. But quickly,
this program is only possible because of the
generosity of listeners like you. Consider supporting
us today by becoming a monthly partner. Learn
more by going to livingontheedge .org. That's
livingontheedge .org. And thanks for doing whatever
God leads you to do. Let's rejoin Chip now for
the remainder of his message. Negatively, when
I delight in passing on the faults of another,
when I seek to feel important because I have
inside information or feel powerful or superior
because someone else has sinned and I love to
tell other people or just pass on a little email
that says, you know, did you, are you aware of,
often in the form of prayer request? Listen carefully.
That is not loving. Love bears all things. Jesus
pictures this very clearly. Remember the woman
caught in adultery? They're trying to trap Jesus.
And the law talks about adultery, you'd be stoned,
and it wasn't practiced very often. So they're
thinking, we're gonna get him on the hot spot.
So over here, we found this woman caught in the
very act, and they drag her out of the house,
and they plop her right in front of Jesus. Okay,
what are you gonna do with that? We caught her
in the very act of adultery. And Jesus, as they're
talking, he goes over and starts to, kind of
write in the dirt. You know, the text doesn't
say what he writes, but I think, now this is
the Chip Ingram theory, not to be confused at
all with fact. I think he wrote in the sand,
where is the man? Question mark. See, if you
were really concerned about the law, if you were
concerned about righteousness, you wouldn't have
brought one person caught in adultery. Last time
I heard, sex usually takes two. So where are
both of them? And by doing that, he exposed their
hypocrisy. And so then he says, whoever has never
sinned, tell you what, you pick up the stones
and you start. And the older people, wiser, realize
they've been exposed and they leave. And one
by one, everyone leaves. And here's a woman.
He says, does no one condemn you? No, Lord. Neither
do I. Go and sin no more. Did he act like it
wasn't an issue? Did he say the sin wasn't important?
The sin was dealt with and then he covered it.
Who in your relational world needs you to help
them deal with a failure and then cover it? Who
needs to not hear ever again in your family jokes?
or sarcasm, or little innuendos about a fault
that occurs on a regular basis. And instead,
I love you. I'm with you. Let's deal with this.
And then I'm going to cover it. I don't talk
about it to my friends. I won't bring it up to
you. I'm going to cover it. That's how you respond
in love to people's failures. The second way
you respond is believing all things. The word
believes. New Testament is 239 times. It has
the idea to believe or to entrust, to commit.
Here it has the idea of to credit or have confidence
in another person. It's not naive. It's not that
you believe or you're gullible in whatever someone
says. Oh, I believe, you know, whatever you say.
I mean, you lied 44 times, but I believe anyway.
No, no, no, no. This is a belief that is discerning,
insightful. But it's not suspicious and judgmental,
and it doesn't assume the worst. The picture
for me that what this means is when you hear
something about someone or you observe a circumstance,
and maybe the circumstances kind of look a little
negative, but you don't know for sure, you believe
or assume the best. you in your mind make a willful
choice and you see this circumstance or you hear
this about a person and you say, that sure doesn't
seem to be the kind of person I know, but someone
said he or she did this or he or she was with
someone or he... Then what you do is you step
back and love says, I'm going to create in my
mind's eye the best explanation for this that
puts this person in a positive light because
I don't know all the issues. I was in a pretty
important meeting. and a person was supposed
to be there that works with me. And so everyone
was around the table, and the agenda was starting,
and someone said, where's so -and -so? I said,
well, I don't know. Well, is he supposed to be
here? Well, yeah. And, you know, so you know
where your mind can go. Well, gosh, I mean, is
he blowing off this meeting? Is he late? You
know, all the... And I remember just having this
passage in my mind, and I remember just willfully
going, you know what? The character of this man
I know is... He had a flat tire. Maybe his wife
is sick. Maybe one of his kids have an issue.
Maybe God showed him something that is way more
important than this meeting, and he's doing that
and obeying God instead of being here. You see
it? You create a scenario that puts them in the
best light. And what happens, especially if you're
a parent or if you've got a roommate, once they
do this once and they do it twice and they do
it three times, when they do anything near that,
what do you start believing? He'll never change.
She's doing the same old thing. Oh man, I can't
believe it. Instead of, wait a second. Don't
assume the worst. Love believes the best. And
then you check it out and you deal with it. The
practice is everyone needs someone who will believe
in them. Everyone needs someone who says, you
know, that fault, that sin, that weakness, that
circumstance, it can't define you. You're God's
child. You're valued. You're loved. You're gifted.
And I believe, okay, you really messed up, all
right? We understand that. But I believe in you.
Snapshot from Jesus' life. It's in the hot part
of the day. It's the part when everyone's taking
a little siesta. The righteous women have come
out early in the cool of the day, but it's John
chapter four. And here's a woman in the hot part
of the day getting water. And it's because she's
an immoral woman and she's rejected by society.
And she's been looking for love in all the wrong
places. And Jesus is there and he asked for a
drink and she can't believe that a Jew would
ask a woman or a Jew would ask someone from her
Samaritan background. And they get into this
conversation. And so Jesus loving people always
his truth and Grace. And so he says, so where's
your husband? And she goes, well, I don't have
a husband, which was honest because she's living
with this guy. She's had five husbands. And Jesus
informs her that he knows that. And she goes,
well, you must be a prophet. And they get into
this conversation about life and the meaning,
and how do you satisfy your soul? She was desperately
trying to satisfy her soul, and man after man
after man, and illicit sex wasn't delivering.
And Jesus knew that. She was trying to get a
good thing in a bad way, and he wanted to give
her life. And so we talked about a heavenly father
that pursues people, even immoral people, even
failure people, even people that have done really
big and bad things over a long period of time.
And she discovers someone cares and believes
in her. And here's a woman that didn't want to
be seen. And she ends up going back into the
town saying, hey, someone who knows everything
about me, I think he's the Messiah. And she leads
an entire town and hundreds of people come to
Christ because someone believed that her past
could not mark her future forever. This is Living
on the Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been
listening to part one of Chip's message, Looking
for Love in All the Wrong Places, from our series,
Spiritual Simplicity. Chip will be back shortly
to share some helpful application for us to think
about. Have you ever felt like there's never
enough time in the day for yourself, the people
you love, even God? If you can relate, don't
miss this series. Chip's going to challenge the
unrealistic standards and expectations we all
feel pressured by. Join us as we learn how to
break free from this demanding cycle and discover
the simpler, more fulfilling life God has in
store for us. I hope you'll be with us for every
part of this study. Well, Chip, I know you've
got a powerful application to share, but before
we get there, you know, it's been a while since
you've explained why we ask our listeners to
support Living on the Edge financially. Could
you take a minute and talk about that? Well,
first of all, ministry is always an issue of
the heart. And Jesus says that wherever our treasure
is, that is where our heart will be. The Bible
also commands us. to be generous and open and
free. And everything that I have, everyone listening
to my voice right now, everything they have,
God has entrusted that to them. The second is
the Bible's really clear not only that we should
be generous, but where we should be generous.
I personally believe that your first commitment
is to your local church. But then there's that
opportunity to give over and above that first
portion and to express love because God says
wherever you're spiritually ministered unto.
In fact, the Apostle Paul Paul would say to a
group of Christians, I ministered spiritually
to you. And he actually went so far to say is
you have a financial obligation to minister back
to me. And in his situation, it wasn't like for
airtime. I guess it was maybe donkey time or,
you know, I need some new parchments or I need
your financial resources to get on that ship
to go from Corinth to Ephesus. And it's just
the same here. You know, if you get ministered
unto, one of the ways that you not only say thank
you, but then you generously pass it on to others.
is to support that ministry that's ministering
to you. So that's kind of biblically why we do
it. And, you know, there's just the reality of
need, and it's a partnership and a team. And
people are generous. I mean, I'm thrilled. I'm
very excited about how they do give. And so I
want to say, if you haven't, you can get in on
this. And if you have, thank you very much. Thanks,
Chip. If partnering with Living on the Edge is
an idea that makes sense to you, we'd love to
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.org or call us at 888 -333 -6003. That's 888
-333 -6003 or go to livingontheedge .org. App
listeners, tap donate. Well, with that, here
again is Chip. As we close today's program, let's
talk about those final two points. You know,
Paul says, inspired by the Holy Spirit, love
bears all things and it believes all things.
And to bear all things, literally we said, it
means to cover, not to bury, not to deny. Not
to enable, but it means you really cover it.
Love covers a multitude of sins. And I think
what gets difficult here is when am I covering
and saying, I forgive. I'm not going to hold
this against a person. I'm going to really release
them from maybe the pain or the wound that they've
inflicted on me or someone else. And when is
it just sort of this pseudo mercy where you don't
really want to deal with it? And so you keep
enabling and enabling and enabling and you don't
confront. And I just want to make sure as we
talk about covering or this bearing the burden
that covers sin, that it's not enabling. It's
not just denying that it's really there and pretending.
And so I want you to think right now is who is
someone who's blown it? that God is speaking
to you about covering it. And part of covering
it is you don't share it with someone else. You
know, the opposite of covering is exposing. And
so often when we've been hurt, there's a side
conversation or we share the experience and we
always share the experience or we tend to, like
we're the victim and they're the bad person.
They did all these things. And we're sort of
asking, will you help me? Because I'm struggling.
But we phrase it and say it often in ways that
really puts the other person in a bad light.
And there's such disunity in the body of Christ.
And there's so many small groups and ministries
and churches where it's just a lack of love.
And love... bears all things. I think the second
part ties into it. Believing all things means
that you don't judge their motives. And so, you
know, when someone has hurt you or you have an
opinion you've created about someone, it is so
easy to think that you know why they did what
they did. And I just want to remind you today
that what did we learn? What would be the best
possible solution that you could make up in your
mind for someone's behavior that wouldn't judge
their motives? So love. bears all things. It
believes all things. That is a powerful, powerful
way to help the people that you love. Good challenge.
Hey, as we close, are you looking to get even
more plugged in with Living on the Edge and our
resources? Then let me encourage you to check
out the Chip Ingram app. You can listen to our
most recent series, sign up for daily discipleship,
and more. We want to help you grow in your walk
with Jesus, and the Chip Ingram app is a great
way to immerse yourself in godly, enriching content.
Well, be sure to join us next time as Chip continues
his series, Spiritual Simplicity. Until then,
I'm Dave Drewy saying thanks for listening to
this edition of Living on the Edge.