There are two things, two attitudes that will
kill love. Today I'm going to share with you
what those two attitudes are, how to spot them,
and then how to keep them from ruining the love
in your life. Welcome to this edition of Living
on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Our mission is
to inspire Christians to be genuine followers
of Jesus and to empower them to be active disciple
makers in our world. Thanks for being with us
as we pick up in our series, Spiritual Simplicity,
Doing Less, Loving More. Today, Chip continues
teaching through 1 Corinthians chapter 13 and
uses another popular song from the past to reveal
specific truths from this passage. Well, he has
a lot to share today, so grab your Bible and
notes as we join Chip right now for his insightful
message. How could we do less, kind of get out
of the crazy schedules and love more? And I entitled
this one, What's Love Got to Do With It? And
I don't know about you, but that sort of brings
back a little memory. You know, kind of Tina.
It's the early 90s. I'm in my car. What's love
got to do with it? Easy, easy. I better save
my impressions for later. But that was one of
the catchiest tunes I'd ever, ever heard. And
I remember later, you know how you sing along
in the car and then you hear what you're singing?
I listened to the words, and I thought, these
may be some of the most pathetically sad words
about love I've ever heard. She came out of a
very difficult, abusive relationship, if you
know her life story. And if you have time to
actually study the words, I actually pulled them
down. And she says, basically, love is nothing
more than a secondhand emotion. It's a sweet
old -fashioned notion. In other words, it's really
not true. It's just sort of this ideal that maybe
someday, someway, but she's given up on it. And
then she says this line, who needs a heart when
a heart can be broken? And so just focus on the
physical, don't risk, don't care. The message
is get, take, exploit, because real love is either
too rare, too dangerous, too costly and although
it was in the very beginning of the 90s I could
actually listen to the lyrics of that song in
terms of philosophy Francis Schaeffer was right
if you want to know when the philosophy of a
culture has hit mainstream just listen to the
music and observe the art and the message of
this song in the 60s and 70s that same message
birthed the sexual revolution The message of
that song really epitomizes the greed of the
80s and the me -ism of the 90s. And the message
and the disappointment of that song, I think
has birthed what this new millennium generation
is saying. You know, I don't know what you all
did with your life, but I want genuine intimacy
and authentic community. And I want to do life
with people that really care, that are really
real and really deep. And here's what I can tell
you. When love is minimized, because that's what
the song is about, trivia is maximized. The important
becomes trivial. And then the trivial becomes
important. And so the way that we got where we
are. is when loving people and loving God and
really knowing what that means becomes minimized,
then possessions and power and prestige and what
people think and what you wear and what schools
your kids go to and how you're doing produces
these demands where we start living lives that
are just unprecedented in terms of demand, demand,
demand, complexity, complexity, complexity. And
so on the very front of your notes, if you have
those, I ask the question as we get started,
so what's love got to do with simplifying your
life? And the answer is everything. Because when
you maximize love, when you talk about purposefully,
specifically loving other people in intimate
and authentic ways, some of the trivial things,
all of a sudden, they lose their luster. Who
cares about this or that when love is really
happening? I gave you three reasons why. The
answer is everything. The first we covered because
anything minus love is nothing. In fact, everything
minus love. Meet some people that have spent
their life with the latter leaning on fame, money,
fortune. The only thing missing is their mate,
their kids, and any close friends. Everything
minus love is nothing. The second reason is because
it is our misbelief. about what our performance,
possessions, and provisions can deliver that
we chase bigger, better, faster, more. Bigger,
better, faster, more. That creates worlds of
complexity and worlds that have tired, overextended
people with a lifestyle that promises a lot,
delivers little, and is characterized by superficial,
shallow relationships. and achy loneliness in
your soul. The third reason that love and simplicity
go together is because you can only do less if
you purpose to love more. For me, in terms of
my study, when I prepare for this, the person
who gets spoken to first is me. And I've, like
many of you, I'm a fairly driven person. I'm
pretty goal -oriented. And I've told myself a
million times, I'm gonna slow down more, get
more margin. That doesn't last long unless you
shift the focus on, instead of I'm not going
to be doing these things, to I'm going to love
deeply. I want to love God more deeply than ever
before. I want to love my wife more deeply than
ever before. I want to love my kids, and in my
case, grandkids. I want to love my friends. When
you begin to purpose to say, I'm going to love
more and love deeper, some of the pressures I
was feeling, all of a sudden, they're not that
important anymore. Well, how do you do it? assess
what's the biggest barrier to you slowing down
and simplifying your life. What is it that really
keeps you at the pace that you're living? Second
is define what's it look like to really love
those in your world? I mean, we know God loves
the whole world. Well, you either have a roommate
or a family. You have a workplace. You have friends.
You have people here. You're probably in a small
group. So what's it look like specifically to
love the people that are closest to you? And
then third, we talk about develop specific baby
steps of love and action that break old habit
patterns. How you live, how I live. I mean, you
didn't get there overnight. And us saying let's
love more and do less is not going to cut it.
We've got to look at specific action steps of
action that will allow the transformation of
your heart and then your relationships that get
translated into your schedule. And so the question
I want to ask and answer today is how do we then
maximize love so love becomes what's important
and some of those trivial, they don't feel trivial,
but those trivial, less important things diminish
in their priority and demand on your life. And
since you have opened your notes, I will catch
up because you've hit the answer. I believe the
key is learning to love in real time. So this
is not a motivational talk that, you know, you
should love more, you know, platitudes or try
harder or get you emotionally in a pitch. I want
to love more. Well, that lasts about 30 seconds
to 30 hours, depending on your personality. The
key to transformation is in real time, in how
you live with the people you're closest to. A
real time issue is how do you respond to those
who hurt you? And the truth is, we learned, 1
Corinthians 13, love is patient, love is kind.
The practice is, someone has hurt you. They've
ignored you. They've rejected you. They made
you feel bad. You can either withdraw or pay
them back. Or remember the pillow? You can absorb
the blow by the grace of God and return a hug.
That's the practice. Today, we're going to talk
about a second real life. kind of learning to
love in real time. And in real time, we're going
to look now at how does love respond to differences?
We have different personalities. We have different
backgrounds. We have different gifts. Those of
you that are in a significant relationship or
married, it was your differences that drew you
together. And if you've been married much time
at all, it is your differences that make you
crazy, right? Or even with friends, you know,
you become good friends with someone and you
really like it because they're different than
you. And then you start hanging out with them.
And those differences are like, man, would you
lighten up? You're kind of making me crazy. Well,
the church in Corinth had a lot of differences.
And the apostle Paul is going to address this
issue of differences. In fact, the truth is love
does not envy. It does not boast. It is not rude.
It is not self -seeking. It is not easily angered.
It keeps no records of wrong. That's 1 Corinthians
13, four and five. Now make sure you get the
core of it. Pull out your pencil, underline the
word envy, underline the word boast, rude, not
self -seeking, easily angered, keeps no record
of wrongs. This is how love responds to differences.
And you would find that far from a beautiful
poem that Paul is writing, is that he's actually
giving correctives to how this church was treating
one another. And so it says, love doesn't envy.
Well, they were envying in chapter 3, and he
addresses it. It says, love doesn't boast. He
actually says, why are you boasting in chapter
4? In chapter 11, they were rude in the way they
took the Lord's Supper. In chapter six, they
were self -seeking. They were actually going
to court and suing one another. And then when
you get all that conflict, guess what? They're
easily angry at one another and they're holding
on and they're bitter and resentful. And so Paul's
saying, that's not how love responds to differences.
So in chapter 12, what he actually did, if you
have your Bible, open it up. First Corinthians
chapter 12, he's expressed to them how love actually
works. He says, the way love works is love. Love
celebrates our differences. Love looks at different
people and realizes it's kind of like the little
pieces of a puzzle is that every one of them
is important and they're different colors and
they're different shapes, but love celebrates
differences and love refuses to compare. And
so he gives the analogy of the human body. And
so he writes, the body, this is. Chapter 12,
verse 12, the body is a unit. Get the idea of
oneness or wholeness. Though it's made up of
many parts, and though all the parts are many,
they form one body. So there's differences, diversity,
and there's unity. Now, he applies it. So it
is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one
spirit in one body, whether Jews or Greeks or
slave or free, and we're all given the one spirit
to drink. Now, when we read slave or free, Jew
or Greek, we think, I mean, These are people
that didn't get along at all before they came
to Christ. He's saying you are very, very, very
different, but now you're a part of something
that's bigger and more important in your new
relationship. You're a part of the body of Christ,
the church. Now the body is not made up of one
part, but many. And then he gives a hypothetical
situation. He's using the human body to make
his point about love doesn't compare. He says,
if the foot should say, because I'm not a hand,
I do not belong to the body, it would not for
that reason cease to be a part of the body. And
if the ear should say, because I'm not an eye,
I don't belong to the body, it would not for
that reason cease to be a part of the body. And
then he goes on to say, if the whole body were
an eye, where would the sense of hearing be?
If the whole body were an ear, where would the
sense of smell be? He's saying we need every
part of the body. But in fact, God has arranged
the parts in the body, every one of them, just
as he wanted them to be. If they were all one
part, where would the body be? As it is, there
are many parts, but one body. You might underline
that little phrase in your Bible, just as he
wanted them to be. Until you understand that
you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that
you're unique, that your physical body, how you
process information, your spiritual gifts, your
weaknesses, your strength, and the sovereignty
of God, even the kind of experiences up and down
you've been through, you bring something unique
that no one else does. And if you compare or
copy or be like someone else, we lose you. And
we need you. You're listening to Living on the
Edge, and Chip will be back to continue our series,
Spiritual Simplicity, in just a minute. But let
me quickly tell you, we are more than a broadcast
ministry. We're passionate about supporting pastors
globally, developing helpful resources, and sharing
the gospel with this next generation. So if you'd
like to partner with us in these areas, go to
livingontheedge .org. We'll hear again as Chip.
He goes on to say, verse 21, the eye cannot say
to the hand, I don't need you. And the head cannot
say to the feet, I don't need you. On the contrary,
those parts of the body that seem to be weaker
are indispensable. And the parts that we think
are less honorable, we treat with special favor.
And the parts that are unpresentable are treated
with special modesty, while our presentable parts
have no special treatment. Now here's the application.
But God has combined the members of the body
and has given greater honor to the parts that
lacked it, so there would be no division in the
body, but that its parts should have equal concern
for each other. Key application. He says, God
has done this in a way so that there's no division
and we would have equal concern for one another.
This church was very... To say it was cliquish
is an understatement. This church was backbiting,
gossiping, arguing. And here's the thing. The
problem doesn't just rest with the Corinthian
church in the first century. Every church, every
family, every organization, if you compare instead
of celebrate differences, it always produces
bad, bad things. In fact, it kills love. We take
differences and instead of saying we're different,
we look at differences and we say people that
are different, some of them we think, well, they're
better than us and we envy them. And some people
are different. We think, well, they're less than
us. And so we're arrogant toward them. And the
apostle Paul is going to say that these are the
issues he wanted to address and that the Corinthian
church had two unloving responses when it came
to differences. The first is envy. And the second
is arrogance. Those two issues, I want you to
kind of see them as a singular coin. And the
coin is in your relationships, in my relationships,
in the Corinthian relationships, the question
is, how do you respond to differences? And some
people respond by comparing and the outcome is
envy. Other people respond and compare in a different
way and the outcome is arrogance. And if you
look at those words we read, he says, love isn't
envious, love isn't boastful or arrogant. Every
other little phrase after that is the fruit of
either being envious or arrogant. Here's what
I want you, I mean, this is what we're going
after. This is the jugular. You want to become
more loving in real time. Here's the issue. Comparison
always leads to carnality. The moment you compare
your hair with another person, your car with
another person, your gifts with another person,
your singleness with a person, your marriage
with another person, how God is using or not
using you, how much money you have, where you
live, what you drive, the moment you ever compare
yourself with another person, it always produces
carnality. And if you're wondering what carnality
is, it's just sin. You're not loving. Because
the moment you compare, there's only two directions
to go. You start comparing and you go, hmm, I
think that person's up here and I'm here. That's
a lot nicer car. They have more visible gifts.
I'm single and they're married and I wish I was
married. Or it goes the other way. You know what?
That person's not very important. That's an old
dumpy thing. I wonder why they act like that.
I wonder why they dress like that. And you know
what? You don't verbalize it, but you feel superior.
You feel better than. And when you envy people,
you don't treat them in loving ways. Or if you
think you're better than them, you don't treat
them in loving ways. And so here's what I want
you to see. We are gonna go to war on the issue
of comparison. And comparison, as one guy said,
I love it. Comparison is like a mafia boss. Mafia
bosses, they don't ever commit murders. They
have hit men. They never get their hands dirty.
And so what happens is comparison is really what
we want to go after, but there's two hitmen.
One is envy, and the other is arrogance. Envy
compares upward and produces jealousy, anger,
resentment, and bitterness. In the text here,
this is the foot says to the hand. The foot says
to the hand, I mean, you know, the foot says
to the hand, this isn't fair. I don't like what
you've got. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm down here
on the ground and there's dust and my feet are
dirty. And then later people put socks on me.
People can't even see me. And then you have to
wear these shoes and they kind of hurt my feet.
And look at you, your hands. They put rings on
yours. You paint your nails. I mean, your hands
do surgery. Your hands play instrument. You're
important and I'm a nobody. You see, envy always
compares upward, and then it produces jealousy
and anger and resentment. The word here in Hebrew
means something that has connotations of something
that's red hot. It's this emotion that when you
begin to envy someone, something burns inside.
It goes something like this. You're single and
you have a desire to be married and you're now
with your third roommate and your first two roommates
came home after a date and they said something
like, I've got some exciting news. I'm engaged.
And your response is, oh, that's wonderful on
the outside. And on the inside, there's this
burning, I can't get it. I mean, I'll tell you
what, I've been doing it God's way. I'm sexually
pure. I'm trying really hard. I go to church.
She's a once a month. God, what's the deal? How
come she's, right? Or you're in a Bible study
and people don't know it, but you know, they
ask often, you've been married six, seven years.
You don't have any kids. Oh, well, we're just
kind of, and you've spent all kinds of money
and you can't have children. And then you're
in one of these Bible studies and you know, this
group says, well, you know, we were thinking
about having kids, but it's been nine months,
11 months, and we still can't. And then they
come to a Bible study or a life group and go,
we're pregnant. And like everyone else, you go,
oh, that's wonderful. And your insides go. God,
I mean, we spent thousands of dollars. We've
done this, this. You know, why do they get that?
See, by definition, envy is you looking at what
someone else has or what someone else is, and
you think if you had it or were it, then you
would matter. Then your soul, then your heart,
then your life would be complete. And underneath
of it, it's not fair, God. If you really loved
me, I wouldn't be single. If you really loved
me, we would have kids. If you really loved me,
I'd be the top salesperson. If you really loved
me, after I gave all that money, how could you
let this happen when the recession hit? And so
rooted in a belief system that God isn't really
good, you compare upward and you envy. And the
envious person has some feelings and attitudes
that go something like this. I don't belong.
You don't need me. The feelings move on to a
pattern inside the heart. And inside the heart,
it's like, well, I feel less than them. You both
went to school together. You both had careers
together. Seems like their career is here and
yours is there. And when you're with them, and
you used to be great friends, but they talk about
this world that you feel like, why don't I have
that? And now, You feel less than, and then the
second step is you don't want to be around them.
Because we don't like to be around people who
make us feel less than. And then after we move
from feelings of less than to not being around
them, then we resent them. Subtle little, you
know, my sister and her husband, how come they
got the new car? You know, that guy, that woman,
that person at work. And by the way, these aren't
things we usually, they're so delicate and often
when you look at them and get them out, they're
pretty ugly. These are not like prayer requests.
Could you help me? When's the last time someone
said, excuse me, I have a prayer request. I'm
a very envious person. Do you think you could
help me with my jealousy? I've not heard a lot
of those prayer requests. The word literally
means in Greek to eagerly desire. And often the
way we try and solve this is very unhealthy.
I guess I shouldn't want to be married. Why do
I have the desire? I shouldn't feel that way.
And you just beat yourself up. That doesn't work.
The word means to eagerly desire. In chapter
12, verse 31, it's used positively. In chapter
14, verse 1, it's used positively. In chapter
14, verse 39, the exact same word. Eagerly desire.
Here's the deal. It can either mean to be jealous
or it can mean to be zealous. And the only issue
is the focus of your want. He says, I want you
to eagerly desire spiritual gifts. I want you
to eagerly desire to prophesy or use your gifts
to honor and build up people. So here's what
I want you to get on envy. It's this thing called
this eager desire for something. And let's say
that you have an eager desire. You have a desire
in your heart for a bigger home. And your motivation
is you have the gift of hospitality. And you're
not comparing with other people. But if you had
more room, you could serve and love more people.
That's called zealous desire to honor God. But
let's say you have a desire for a bigger house.
And the desire for a bigger house is everyone
you know is getting bigger houses. And you are
sick and tired of inviting them into your condo
or your smaller house. And down deep, you feel
like you will demonstrate that you have arrived
when you have a bigger house. That's called envy
or jealousy. If the desire is to try and matter
more, jealousy. If the desire is, God, I want
this to minister more deeply, it's zealous, God
-honoring desire. You need to redirect your desires,
not try to kill them. There's nothing wrong with
the desire if you're single to be married. There's
nothing wrong with the desire if you don't have
kids and want to have kids. There's nothing wrong
with the desire to be up on the sales force to
earn a better living. There's nothing wrong with
it. Those are honest desires. But the moment
you compare, you stop loving. You stop loving.
This would be the time in my notes where I should
write down, Chip, pregnant pause. Give them time
to think about the specific person that they
envy. Have you got it? Him, her, fellow worker,
someone in the church. Sometimes it happens inside
families. This is Living on the Edge with Chip
Ingram, and you've been listening to Part 1 of
Chip's message, What's Love Got to Do With It?
from our series, Spiritual Simplicity. Chip will
be back shortly to share some helpful application
for us to think about. Have you ever felt like
there's never enough time in the day for yourself,
the people you love, even God? If you can relate,
don't miss this series. Chip's going to challenge
the unrealistic standards and expectations we
all feel pressured by. Join us as we learn how
to break free from this demanding cycle and discover
the simpler, more fulfilling life God has in
store for us. I hope you'll be with us for every
part of this study. Well, before we go any further,
Chip's in studio now to share a quick word with
all of you. Chip? Thanks so much, Dave. Just
before I come back and talk about some application
for you in today's program, I just want to pause
and thank those of you... who are our monthly
partners. You know, there's a significant group
of people that each and every month... All various
sizes give monthly to Living on the Edge. And
it is such a joy to know that there's stability
and income that we know that's coming in that
allows us to plan in really significant ways.
And if you're one of those, I just want to say
praise God and thank you very much. It's an indication
of your heart. It means that you're aligning
with our mission. And I pray that God richly
blesses you. Thanks, Chip. Well, if you're already
a financial partner, thank you. With your help,
Living on the Edge is ministering to more people
than ever. But if you're benefiting from Chip's
teaching and haven't yet taken that step, now
would be a great time to join the team. To send
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livingontheedge .org or call 888 -333 -6003.
That's 888 -333 -6003 or visit livingontheedge
.org. App listeners, tap Donate. And thanks for
giving whatever the Lord leads you to give. We'll
hear again as Chip. As we close today's program,
and since this issue of comparison is so deeply
rooted in your psyche and mine, let me do just
a little review. Kind of lean back a little bit
and listen. When love is minimized, the trivial
becomes maximized. When you start obsessing about
trivial stuff, you can know that love is being
minimized. The second thing is our misbeliefs
about possessions and about power and prestige,
they fuel our propensity to compare. That idea
that, you know, if we have and can attain and
perform and those external things are gonna make
us a somebody, I mean, that's like pouring gasoline
on the fire in your soul of comparing with other
people, and it always turns out negative. The
third is, remember, comparison always leads to
carnality. I mean, no matter which direction
you go, you compare, oh, they're better than
me, I'm a nobody, or I'm better than them. I
mean, it's either envy or arrogance. And we're
going to talk about the latter in our next broadcast.
But just ask yourself, when and how and with
whom do I compare? And then finally, you know,
God, what do you want me to do? What can I do
this day to stop the comparing? And here's one
little tip I'll give you until our next broadcast.
When you start to compare, instead stop. Thank
God for that person and the way he made them
or what he gave them. And thank God for you and
the way he made you and what he gave you. You
do not know what is all going on in that person's
life. You know, they may have a nice car and
a beautiful this or a great that. You do not
know what's going on. Just thank God that he
was generous and kind with them. And then thank
God for what he's given you and who you are.
It's a choice. You cannot envy. and compare when
you're thanking God for who you are and what
he's already done for you. It'll realign and
recalibrate your soul. Do it today. Thanks, Chip.
And before we go, the points he just reviewed
come right from his message notes, a great resource
to help you get the most out of every program.
You'll get Chip's outline, the scripture he references,
and lots of fill -ins to help you remember what
you hear. So before you listen again, let me
encourage you to download Chip's message notes
at livingontheedge .org under the broadcasts
tab. App listeners, just tap fill in notes. We'll
listen to next time as Chip picks up in his series.
Spiritual Simplicity. Until then, this is Dave
Drewy saying thanks for joining us for this edition
of Living on the Edge.