What does it really mean to have peace? I mean,
is it just being calm and centered, or is it
avoiding conflict and anxiety? What if it's much
more? What if it's contentment, wholeness, satisfaction?
That's the kind of peace God wants to give you.
Today, we're going to learn, even in tough relationships,
how you can experience it. Welcome to this edition
of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. The mission
of this daily program is to intentionally disciple
Christians through the insightful Bible teaching
of Chip Ingram. And today we begin his popular
series, I Choose Peace, How to Quiet Your Heart
in the Chaos of Life. For the next handful of
programs, Chip will take us on a journey through
Philippians chapter 4, revealing God's incredible
gift of peace. Discover how we can have a biblical
response even in times of uncertainty, pain,
anxiety, and conflict. I hope you'll join us
for every message. And because this is such a
relevant topic, invite a few friends to listen,
either through the Chip Ingram app or livingontheedge
.org. With all that said, here's Chip to kick
off this series with his talk in relational conflict.
Many of you know, and some of you don't, I didn't
grow up as a follower of Christ. And I actually
went to a church that I don't think God was present
in, and people said one thing and lived another
way. So by 15 or 16, I thought, you know, I don't
know if God exists or not, but he's certainly
not here. And I didn't think I needed him anyway.
And a series of circumstances and some family
issues and dreams and crushes and the things
we go through, God brought me to the point where
I met some people whose lives were so radically
different. that God loves me and you could have
a personal relationship with the one who made
you. That Christ came and lived a perfect life
and he died in my place to break down all the
walls and all the barriers and I could have peace
with God. And it was really, really new to me.
I was very skeptical. But in 1972, as much as
I could understand, I turned from my self -will
and my sin and I asked Christ to forgive me and
come into my life. And they gave me a little
Bible that was easy to understand. And no one
told me I had to read it, but I just couldn't
put it down. And I hid it under my pillow so
my parents would not think I went to a camp and
now became a Jesus freak or flipped out. And
my desires started changing. But the most phenomenal
thing was peace. I was a very driven, overachieving,
type A, insecure maniac. That, you know, just,
you know, got to get a scholarship, got to date
the right girl, all that stuff. And it made for
a really hyped up person. And it was like, wow,
I couldn't understand it. There's no one to impress.
What other people think is, I'm sure there's
some value, but that's not really important.
I was sort of in this awe that, now the God who
made me? has forgiven me. He's taken up residence
in me. And as I would read this Bible, and it
was all new to me, and there was just a calm
and a peace when things were up and when they
were down that I could not explain. So much so
that a year later, my father, who was an alcoholic
and a Marine, I mean, he was retired, but if
you meet a real Marine, I used the word ex -Marine
once, and I was corrected quickly. And I came
home from college after one year, and he said,
what's with you? I said, what do you mean, what's
with me? You're different. I said, what do you
mean I'm different? No, you're really different.
I said, well, what's different? He says, there's
a peace in your life. And then he turned to me
and said, how do you get it? How do you get that?
And, you know, being the great theologian at
the time, I said, I have no idea. You know, some
of that stuff we heard growing up in church,
but all I can tell you is I have a personal relationship
with God and I'm reading the New Testament. He
said, where do I get one of those? Here's what
I want to tell you. The title of this series
is called I Choose Peace because peace is a gift
and it's a choice. And you can have it if you've
never had it. But here's what I can also tell
you. As a follower of Jesus, I experienced that
peace. And I've actually figured out ways to
quench it so I don't experience it. I've learned
how to worry. I've learned how to be uptight.
I've learned how to focus on the future. I've
learned to get in conflict with other Christians
and other people, including my wife, where that
peace just dissipates. And I'm guessing some
of you have had that. Excuse me, Lord, I'm checking
out of this place. I'm the only one that this,
no, I'm kidding, okay? So we're gonna learn how
to do that. So begin thinking, is there any relational
conflict in your family, one of your kids, a
roommate at work, a neighbor? Because we're gonna
talk about how you can choose peace and literally
experience restoration. With that said, you'll
notice on your notes, there's three approaches,
or what I would say, there's three sources of
peace. And I mean this by sources. When I say
what I'm going to say, don't think everything
is terrible or wrong with a couple of these things.
There's some great skills, but as a source. In
other words, one source in our day would be peace
is within you. You just need to discover it.
It's inward. Key words would be meditation, relaxation.
You need to center. And that the peace is your
harmony with the cosmos, but where you need to
look for peace is within. The second source we
are told about peace is outward. Words like achieve,
conquer, control, perform. In other words, the
peace is out there. You need to accomplish this,
conquer that. You need to get into a good school,
get great grades, find the right person, get
a great job, live in a nice home, drive a nice
car, achieve certain things, have a certain amount
of money. And somehow, someday, as you do all
those things and you achieve and conquer and
perform, then your desires and your circumstances
will align, and then someday you'll have peace.
That's the Western way, the American way. The
first is more Eastern. Now, don't get me wrong.
Are there some good things we learn about maybe
breathing to take away stress or stretching?
Or is there goals that we learn from sort of
achieving and growing? But I'm talking about
the source. A movie came out and it told the
story of the richest man in the world at the
time, J. Paul Getty. And the story of the movie,
I think it's called, I didn't get to watch it,
but I read the review. It's called All the Money
in the World. And in 1973, he was the richest
person in the world. He's bringing in about,
oil business alone, 20 million a day. And the
story goes on of a man who's consumed with money.
He had five divorces, and it's interesting, near
the end of his life. I mean, if the outward could
deliver, this guy has everything. The end of
his life, they said, do you have any regrets?
He said, I have two. He was not on speaking terms
with his children. I would give all the money,
think of that, all the money away tomorrow for
one good marriage and personal peace in my heart.
You can't buy those, can you? But even as followers
of Christ, You cannot experience those. The third
is the upward. It's words like trust, depend,
abide. Words like faith and love and obey. See,
the peace of God isn't some ethereal something
that you can discover with alignment. It's not
achieving things. Peace is actually a person.
Jesus said, my peace I give to you. Not as the
world gives, but my peace I give to you. In other
words, when I turned, I didn't know this happened,
from my sin, and I invited Christ to come into
my life and forgive me, he takes up residence,
and he seals me by his Spirit, and the person
of Jesus in the person of the Holy Spirit lives
in you, and there's a control and a goodness
and a calm. In fact, the fruit of the Spirit
is love, joy. For those who don't know, love,
joy. So as I'm abiding, whether circumstances
are up or down, relationships good or bad, the
stock market goes north or south, there's a supernatural
peace, the Bible says, that transcends understanding,
that he'll keep you in perfect peace as your
mind is stayed on him because you trust him.
That's what we're talking about. When the world
or the dictionary defines peace, it's usually
the absence of things. Notice I put the definition
in your notes. It's the absence of disturbance
and hostility. It's free from internal and external
strife. In other words, we think peace is just,
it's calm. We're just kind of getting along.
There's no big thing out there where there's
no big conflict within here. The word peace and
the kind of peace we're going to learn about
and choose and enjoy is a peace that is not just
the external or just the internal. It's something
that God adds. The Hebrew word is shalom. And
we know it means peace, but the word shalom is
way, way bigger. There's four aspects of shalom.
First, it's the complete soundness or wholeness
of health. It's a peace of your mind, your body,
and your emotions. Second, it's harmony in relationships.
You have shalom in your marriage, shalom with
your neighbors. You have shalom at work. You
have shalom with the body of Christ. Third, it's
success or progress with your purpose. In other
words, there's great peace in, I was made to
do this. I'm in line with the creator of what
he made me to do, and I have ups and downs, but
I'm doing it, and there's a peace. There's people
that spend their whole life wondering, should
I be in this job? Should we really live here?
Should I do that? There's no peace. And there's
the FOMO. There's always the fear of missing
out. Maybe I should be doing this. Oh, maybe
I should be doing this. Oh, maybe I should be
doing this. And you have this acid going around.
Peace may be the greatest thing God could ever
give you, and if you're a follower, you have
it. It's a choice. In fact, the shalom is victory
over your enemies. It's that God will protect
you. Jesus' last words on the last night, he
said to his disciples, peace I leave with you,
my peace I give you. I do not give as the world
gives. And then what a great line for us, the
world where it's at. Do not let your heart be
troubled. Don't be afraid. Let not your heart
be troubled. Don't look at anybody right now.
But can I just ask you to ask yourself, is your
heart troubled? I mean, for real. Are you afraid?
Do you find yourself watching the news or hearing
information or worried about your job or convinced
in your mind you're never going to get married
or convinced that the marriage you have is never
going to be any good or right? You understand
you can live your whole life with a supernatural
peace as a follower of Christ available and not
choose it. And so we're going to go through the
five things that rob us of our peace. In Philippians
chapter 4, and the first one is conflict in a
relationship. There's a question on the bottom
of the page. See, this could end up a seminar.
And you could be, oh, this is really interesting
information, and I took Psych 201, and there's
a lot of principles here, and oh, this is really
good. No, no, no, this isn't a seminar. Here's
the deal. Who in your relational network are
you at odds with? If you had to come up with
a person, a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister,
one of your kids, a roommate, a neighbor, a fellow
worker, if there's someone that you could just
whisper, oh God, because some of them, they're
so in the past and we push it down. You know,
it's a brother -in -law, it's an ex -mate, there's
issues. And what happens is you don't deal with
poison and hostility and lack of relationship
health. Bad stuff happens to your stomach and
your migraines and your soul. And we're going
to walk through a process that the Bible will
give about how to get peace when you have relational
conflict. So I want you to think about who would
you really like to have peace with? Who would
you like to say, as far as it depends on you,
I'm not saying that there's reconciliation and
everything's going to be wonderful, but as far
as it depends on you, who? Because I want you
to listen through the lens of that person. Now,
for some of you, it's your mate and they're not
here. And your first thought is, well, I wish
they were here because he really needs to hear
this or she really needs to hear this. Because
like me, 95 % of all my relational problems are
someone else's fault. Right? Honest, it's how
we think. So many of our relationships, if my
supervisor, if my boss, if one of my kids, if
my mom, if my dad, you know, if she or he would
just straighten up and get with the program,
we'd have a great relationship. I'm kind of the
person on the right, and they're totally messed
up. Now, we never say it quite like that. We
just feel it, and we have emotions and anger
and resentment. You're listening to Living on
the Edge. And you'll be back to continue our
series, I Choose Peace, in just a minute. But
let me quickly tell you that we are more than
a broadcast ministry. We're supporting pastors
globally, developing helpful resources, and sharing
the gospel with this next generation. So if you'd
like to join us in these efforts, become a monthly
partner by going to livingontheedge .org. Thanks
for your support. Well, here again is Chip. What
you have in Philippians chapter 4 in the context
is this. There's a man in prison named the Apostle
Paul. There's a church that he loves deeply.
He's been in prison there. A church grew. There's
a deep connection. God did amazing things. And
now there's some struggles in the church. Some
people at the end of chapter three are kind of
drifting away from the Lord. There's some conflict
we're going to find with people within the church.
And I mean, he loves them. I mean, he so loves
them and he wanted to remind them there's hope
and there's persecution even in the midst of
this world. And he reminded at the end of chapter
three that, you know what? Jesus really is coming
back. There is a heaven that's real. There's
a reality that the only sure hope in the world
that we live in is laying hold of. Our citizenship
really is in heaven. But we're to live out this
life dramatically different on earth. And so
he talked about that, and now he's going to say,
it's more than just your individual life kind
of walking faithfully with God. He says there's
a relationship problem. There's relational conflict,
and he's going to address it. In verse 1, what
I want you to listen for is his heart. Ask yourself,
is he mad? Is he angry? Is this God saying, get
with the program? Verse 1, therefore, my brothers
in whom I love. And I long for my joy and my
crown. That is how you should stand firm in the
Lord, dear friends. Would you circle the word
in your notes? Love, long for, joy, crown. And
would you put a box around stand firm? He's saying,
we have this hope. We have this peace. God so
loves us. He wants us to walk this out together.
So I love you and I care for you. And what I'm
about to say, I'm not down on anyone. But when
you don't experience corporately or individually
the peace that God has already granted, it breaks
my heart as sort of the spirit. And it says the
way you stand firm is you know where you're going
and you have this hope. And now he's going to
have a request or literally a plea of two ladies
that are not getting along. I plead with you,
Euodia, and I plead with you, Syntyche, to agree
with each other in the Lord. Circle the word
to agree. It's a very interesting Greek word.
It means to be of the same mind, to think the
same thoughts. What we know we're going to learn
is both these are really good women. This isn't
a good person and a bad person. That's what we
know from this context. It's not a moral issue.
It's not a doctrinal issue. But we have two powerhouse
people in this local church who've been greatly
used of God, and something's happened that they
are not getting along. And when key people in
a small group, key people in a house called a
mom or a dad, two roommates, whatever it is,
when you don't get along with someone, what's
it do? It affects other people. So he has a plea
in verse three. He says, yes, and I ask you,
loyal yoke fellow, help these women. Would you
circle the word help? Sometimes in relational
conflict, no matter what you do, it doesn't get
better. You need help. And then who are these
women? These women who have contended at my side
in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement
and the rest of my fellow workers, and whose
names are in the book of life. We learn two things
about these women. One, they've contended. I
mean, he's saying, I mean, my right hand, my
left hand, these are women that prayed and fasted
and gave, and we were in the midst of persecution,
and that little church got birthed, and man,
I love them both, and they're great people. There's
no bad person here. In fact, I'm absolutely certain
their names are written in the book of life.
So, but they can't get along. The phrase here,
loyal yoke fellow is actually a proper name,
susages. But since no one can pronounce it, including
me, many translators take the meaning of the
name, which is a loyal yoke fellow. And the word
literally means someone that, you know, can take
like two oxen and have them. be in harmony, and
walk together. And what he's saying is, hey,
we've got a problem. We've got a problem in our
small group. We've got a problem in our church.
We've got a problem in our family. These people
are at each other. They have resentment. They
have hurt. It's affecting the church. I'm asking
someone competent, can you sit down with them,
probably someone with a gift of exhortation and
a wise counselor, and can you help them? And
then in verse four, he gives a command concerning
the relational focus. Because when there's conflict,
what do you do? Who do you think about all the
time? You think about this person, right? You're
driving in your car and you have anger fantasies.
You know, she did that. She did that. You replay
it in your mind. She said that. He did that.
I can't believe that. You know, he thinks as
a supervisor, he couldn't code worth a, you know,
and then he said that about me. That's unbelievable.
And, you know, what's she thinking? I mean. Her
in -laws, every time they come, she's depressed
for three weeks afterwards. It's not a good idea.
You know, gosh, yeah, right, okay, I bring up
one more time, we don't have sex as often as
I would like, and, you know, she blows up, and
have I hit enough people yet? Is this real stuff?
This is real stuff. It's how life works. And
so what you do is you get fixated. And you might
have 90 % of your relationship with this person
is good. But man, once you get fixated on this,
then you know what? They go from being a disagreement
to a bad person. You demonize them. You know
that supervisor? I remember 10 years ago, he
made another mistake. I think this whole company
is in trouble because of that guy. And he's my
boss, right? She said that. You know, she grew
up that way. I remember too. And all of a sudden,
You take all the dots of your relational hurt
and you rearrange them and they're the bad person
and you're like me. It's 5 % our fault, 95 %
their fault. And then you harden your heart.
And so here's the command. It's a command, by
the way. Rejoice in the Lord. And again, I'll
say rejoice. You know what he's saying? Get vertical.
Get off of them and the problem. He's saying
this one, not only to the two ladies, but to
the whole church. Because when there's a fight,
what do we do? I'm on Euodia's side. I'm on Synecdoche's
side. In a family, even the kids. Mom, dad, mom.
Gosh, well, I guess, you know, right? In a small
group at work. Because the one thing we don't
do is we often don't obey scripture and we have
a problem with the person. What we do is we find
two or three people that usually agree with us.
And just go to a coffee shop sometime and act
like you have earphones on. And just listen to
everybody. Just listen to everybody. It's really
fun, to tell you the truth. And 80 % of the conversations,
well, I don't know what he's thinking. You know,
he plays golf three times a week, and he expects
me to take care of the kid, and blah, blah, blah.
Well, my roommate, you know what? You know, the
refrigerator, this is my side, and this is her
side, and I paid for everything, and this is
what she did. And, you know, my supervisor, I
think he's on drugs, you know. Right? People
are talking about someone else. And what's it
do? Gasoline on the fire. This is Living on the
Edge with Chip Ingram, and you've been listening
to part one of Chip's message in relational conflict
from our series, I Choose Peace. Chip will be
back shortly to share some helpful application
for us to think about. What's weighing on your
mind right now? Financial uncertainty? A tense
relationship? Or is it just the grind of everyday
life? Whatever it is that's robbing you of your
peace, let me tell you there's an antidote. Through
this practical study in Philippians chapter 4,
Chip will teach us how to access the peace of
God, which can restore, calm, and encourage your
soul, no matter what may be happening around
you. You're not going to want to miss a single
program of this series. Well, Chip's joined me
in studio now. And Chip, today you began the
final leg of your study through the book of Philippians,
focusing in on chapter four. So take a minute,
if you would, and share why this teaching is
so relevant and really needed right now. Well,
Dave, it almost goes without saying, you think
of what's happening culturally in America, and
whether that's racial issues or political issues.
Right. If you just think of the financial pressure
that people are living in and all the changes
that have occurred, if there is one thing I think
people are desperate for is peace. Peace in their
heart, peace in their marriage, peace at work,
peace in the government. And we try lots of things
when we don't have peace to either medicate it
or avoid it or do something to bring us some
level of calm. And this series is going to talk
about four or five specific things that challenge
our peace. Things like relationships, difficult
circumstances, worry, etc. I am so excited that
we can open God's Word and know this is how you
choose peace. Jesus said, my peace I give to
you. It's a gift. It's something that we can
choose. It's something that we can access regardless
of the circumstance, the relationship, or the
problems in your life. I think this is a series
that's really going to help you. That's right,
Chip. And to help all of you get the most out
of this teaching, download Chip's message notes.
They include his outline, the scripture he references,
and key fill -ins to help you remember what you
hear. Get them by going to the broadcasts tab
at livingontheedge .org, app listeners tab, fill
in notes. We'll hear again as Chip to share a
few final thoughts. As we close today's program,
I can't help but believe that many of you have
had a person come to your mind. You know, I've
talked about relational conflict. And, you know,
for some of you, it's your marriage. For some,
it's a roommate. For others, it's one of your
kids or especially maybe one of your grown kids.
For other people, it's like, gosh, that person
at work or, you know, if you've been next to
this neighbor or your person in the apartment
complex, there's so many opportunities that even
as I brought up all these issues about relational
conflict that can pop into your mind. And then
there's one that I think really gets us as Christians.
It's that person in your Bible study or the person
you see at church or even one of those Sunday
school classes, and you feel so bad and so guilty
about it, and it just makes you so frustrated
because... Christians are supposed to get along.
I mean, you have this unconscious belief or expectation
that they're a Christian. Why don't they act
like one? And then you feel guilty about some
of the thoughts and feelings and attitudes and
bitterness and resentment. And I think this passage
is really helpful. Because what if? Now, don't
get me wrong. There's Christians that do really
mean bad, terrible things. I'm with you. I am
one of those Christians that I actually have
done some of those things on bad days when Chip
is in control instead of the Holy Spirit. But
all conflict isn't because someone's bad. I love
this passage where the Apostle Paul introduces
these two women. He describes them both really
as women who love God, serving the church, really
care. And yet they have bad chemistry. They have
bad personalities. They look at things differently.
I'm mindful of that passage where the Apostle
Paul and Barnabas have such a sharp conflict
that they have to part ways. And as you read
it carefully, I don't think there's a bad or
wrong person. Paul's thinking of his responsibility,
the big picture, the mission. Barnabas is gifted
differently. He's thinking about the concerns
for an individual. John Mark, someone needs to
help him. Both those things are true. Here's
what I want to tell you. What if instead of blaming
this person, having resentment, you had some
specific ways, a very specific game plan to bring
about resolution to this conflict? Part of it
might be something that happens in you. Part
of it might be something that you could think
a bit differently. And part of it could be what
you actually do with this other person. In our
next broadcast, I'm going to give you five specific
ways to resolve conflict. They're biblical, they're
effective, and they actually work. Until then,
I want you to just pray for that person. I want
you to pray that God will bless him, God will
encourage him, and I want you to pray, God, if
there's anything that you want to show me, show
me. And as you own your stuff, I guarantee God's
going to work. That's a great challenge, Chip.
Thanks. Or call us at 888 -333 -6003. Again,
that's 888 -333 -6003. Or visit livingontheedge
.org. App listeners, tap Donate. And let me thank
you in advance for doing whatever the Lord leads
you to do. Well, join us next time as Chip continues
his series, I Choose Peace. Until then, I'm Dave
Drewy, thanking you for listening to this edition
of Living on the Edge.