Would you like to become a more loving person?
I don't mean just trying harder to act more loving,
but actually become from the inside out a person
that just flat out loves people better and more
deeply. Boy, if so, stick around. That's today.
Thank you for being with us for this edition
of Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. Chip
serves as our Bible teacher for this global teaching
and discipleship ministry, helping Christians
develop an authentic faith. Well, in just a minute,
Chip will dive back into our impactful series,
I Choose Love. Today, he'll unveil three essential
practices to becoming a more loving person, rooted
in the essence of love itself. But before we
begin, let me encourage you to use Chip's message
notes while you listen. They'll help you get
the most out of what you're about to hear. Download
them under the Broadcasts tab at livingontheedge
.org. App listeners, tap Fill in Notes. Well,
with that, let's join Chip for the remainder
of his talk, Love Gives, from Philippians chapter
2. How to become a more loving person. Choose
to declare war on, write the word, selfishness.
on selfishness. And as usual, when I go high
-tech here, my iPad is not working, so I think
I'll go with a little bit less technical one
that you all have. Turn to Philippians chapter
two, if you're not already there, and let me
read for you this command. Philippians chapter
two, we've looked at verses one and two. Follow
along here in chapter 2 as we read verse 3 and
4. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,
but in humility of mind consider others more
important than yourself. Verse 4, let each of
you look not only on your own interest, but also
on the interest of others. You may be looking
at this and saying, declare war? Aren't you getting
a little radical here? No, no. We're born with
this innate ability to be selfish. In fact, let
me define selfish ambition here. Four words.
I want my way. That's selfish ambition. I want
my way. You might jot down, it's a me first mentality.
I want to be first in line. I want the best spot.
I want to get on the plane first. That's one
of mine. I want to get to work first. When I
go through the buffet, I want the best piece
of meat. I want the best promotion. It's me first.
I want my needs met in this marriage. I want
my mom and dad to come through for me. I want
my professor to give me what I want when I want
it. It's a me first mentality. I want to be number
one. I'm selfish. Now, it's very unpopular to
admit that. But what is hard to see in ourselves,
isn't it easy to see in others? I mean, you get
out on the freeway, are people selfish or what?
I mean, this isn't like out there somewhere either.
Anybody here tried to get out of the parking
lot here? You know, especially 11 o 'clock service?
Now, there are some people, you know, very Christian,
wave you in. And there's some... Some of you
that are still working on it, let me put it that
way. But we're selfish. But you don't slide out
of being selfish. Even though the living spirit
of Christ lives inside of you and you're born
again and you're part of the kingdom of God,
there's this battle. Galatians talks about the
spirit wages war against the flesh. This predisposition
toward my way, my stuff, is rooted in your heart
and you'll have it until the day you die. But
the Spirit of God can give you the ability to,
in humility, look at the second half of that
text. In humility, consider others as more important
than yourself. Humility can be a very misunderstood
word. So I came across a very, very interesting
article. I think of humility as not thinking
too highly of yourself, not thinking too lowly
of yourself, but having an accurate, sober self.
assessment. As one person said, humility is not
thinking less of yourself. Humility is just thinking
less about yourself. Beating yourself up, I'm
a terrible person, that's not humility. That's
not accurate. It's just not letting you, it's
me not letting me be the thing and the person
I think about all the time. They're doing science
now on the benefits of virtues, things like forgiveness.
They've done lots of research on gratitude. You
may have read some of that. This is an article
by a professor at George Fox University. It's
called The Science of Humility. It says, researchers
have developed scales to measure intellectual
humility, relational humility, cultural humility,
and some are now working on spiritual humility
as well. As with forgiveness and gratitude, humility
fosters. This is what humility delivers. Are
you ready for this? Humility fosters physical
and mental and relational health. Humble people
are more grateful and forgiving, so they enjoy
the benefits of those virtues. They're also,
humble people are more generous and helpful to
others. Hey, this is a good one. They have better
romantic relationships. For some of you, get
humble right away, okay? They have better romantic
relationships, have less anxiety about death,
and experience less spiritual struggle. Those
parents who are concerned about your kids, people
that are humble perform better at school, show
more compassion to others, and even have better
self -esteem than less humble people. So in other
words, they're doing scientific research. And
what God has commanded, what delights our Father,
and what Christ modeled amazingly, is the genuine
humility. Not putting yourself first, but actually
considering the needs of others. It's what we
call around here, and you'll learn more about
in this series, it's the I am second mentality.
I mean, it just goes completely against everything.
I am second. As I go through the line, I am second
as I drive on the freeway. I am second when I
think about my rights in my marriage. I am second
when I think about the needs with my roommate.
I am second when we're trying to divide something
and see who gets the bigger piece. The article
goes on and says that humility, this is very
important, does not require self -loathing. or
self -belittling, but it calls for us to dial
back our normal tendency, are you ready for this,
to overestimate our abilities and behaviors.
Now, I never do that, and you never do that,
but there's some people out there that overestimate
their abilities and their behaviors, and you
know I'm teasing. I love it. He goes, there's
three characteristics of people that are genuinely
humble. Number one, they have a reasonably accurate
view of themselves. Neither too high or neither
too low. Pretty biblical. Number two is they
care more deeply or have a concern and notice
other people. And then number three is humble
people are teachable. So genuine humility is
rooted in some characteristics, and according
to the scientific study, which actually is...
pretty biblical, whether they know it or not,
is that they have a pretty accurate view of themselves.
In other words, I'm not the center of the world.
Are you ready? I'm not the smartest person in
the room. My opinions aren't always the best.
My perspective of what we ought to do or my decision
isn't necessarily better than others. But it
doesn't mean that I don't have good thoughts
and my decisions and my perspective can be very
valid. So they don't think too high. They don't
think too low. The second one is they really
consider the thoughts, the interests, and the
feelings of others. Humble people are sensitive.
Humble people notice the person that when everyone
gets out and walks out of here, humble people
see the people that no one said hi to. Humble
people notice the needs of other people. Genuinely
humble people, I'm always amazed that, you know,
maybe I'll have a passing conversation with someone
and like a week later, two weeks later, like
get a note or get something in the mail. I was
meeting with someone a long time ago and they
watched me fiddle with trying to recharge. You
know, you got all these rechargers and all this
different stuff. Out of the blue, a week later,
I get a package. There's no name. There's no
note. There's no anything. I don't know what
it is. I open the package, and it's one of these
bars that has one, two, three, four, five, where
you can hook in your phone, everything else with
a plug, and you plug the thing in. I use it every
day. Humility. Someone didn't say a word, saw
I had a need, and addressed the need. And third,
and I think this is big, they're teachable. They
realize that they're on the journey too. How
humble are you? For some of your personalities,
I just want to say, please, please don't go to,
oh, I came to church today. I'm a terrible person.
Everything he's talking about, that's me. I'm
an arrogant, terrible person. You know what?
Guess where your focus is at this moment? It's
on you. At the heart of not being humble, is
not thinking lowly of yourself, belittling yourself,
condemning yourself. In fact, the second way
to become more loving is attack the root of the
problem. And then I want you to write in the
word pride. Attack the root of the problem. You're
listening to Living on the Edge. We'll return
you to Chip's message in just a minute. But first,
let me tell you, God is doing incredible work
through this ministry all around the world. And
if you'd like to join us, consider partnering
with us during our mid -year match. Every gift
we receive until midnight on June 30th will be
doubled dollar for dollar. Join us today by going
to livingontheedge .org or call 888 -333 -6003.
We appreciate your generosity. Well, with that,
here again is Chip. If you will, right underneath
where you see verse 3, circle the world empty
conceit. Do nothing from selfish ambition or
empty conceit. Selfish ambition, selfishness
is what we do. The root of the problem is why
we do it. That's empty conceit. Or I love, write
this word down. I love this phrase. It's an old,
old, old version of King James. Vain glory, empty
glory. You say, well, what's vain glory? What's
empty conceit? Well, a good street name is pride,
but that's sort of, it's kind of a big word.
Let me give you some very specific pictures of
empty conceit. Empty conceit is I'm better. I'm
more important. I'm superior. I'm more intelligent.
My time matters more than yours. My life matters
more than you. I have greater value. I have greater
worth. Now, you may not say that outside in your
head, but our behavior, our behavior just screams
vain glory. I like the way I said that, glory,
right? It's this, I'm the center of the world,
and I can clothe it with all kind of Bible verses,
and I can actually, in a Christian way, do image
management to try and project I'm humble, which
is the empty conceit. The idea is I want everyone
to have this amazing opinion of me that I either
want for myself, Or I actually think I have.
I made a list because this got very convicting
and I thought, oh boy. I made a list of some
ways that when this happens in me, okay? This
isn't you, this is me. When these things happen
in me, what I know is vain glory, empty conceit,
pride is raising its ugly head. And then I'm
gonna talk to you about how to go into training.
And did you notice the violent words I've used?
Declare war. Attack. In other words, you've got
to get to the root of the problem. This isn't
about... I think I'm going to try and be more
loving and I'll tell someone I forgive. This
is heart stuff, root stuff. This is stuff that's
so deeply in your psyche and in your soul and
mind that you have to declare war. I refuse in
light of what God's done for me to be a selfish
person. I'm going to attack the root problem.
And the root problem is in my thinking. I become
the center of things even subtly because in my
thinking, I think I'm better or I want to project
that I'm better. In my thinking, my time and
my money and what I do is more important. It's
lethal. It destroys relationships. It's unloving.
And so when these things happen in my life, what
I know is pride. Defensiveness. Someone makes
a comment to me immediately. It could be my wife.
It can be in a meeting. It could be one of my
kids. It can be someone I don't know very much.
They say something. We're talking about something.
And I hear myself. I'm defensive. Well, why?
Because I've got to guard. I've got to prove.
I've got to protect. Whatever they've said, that
sort of hit a button inside. Second, making excuses.
It's my pride. I didn't do it wrong. I didn't
mess up. It was them. It was late. It was the
traffic. If they would have done this on time,
I would have had it on time. It's you name it.
In fact, related to that one is when I hear myself
blaming other people, I know that's pride. In
other words, don't look at me and think it's
my fault. See, humility, you know what humility
does? And it actually gains. It actually gains.
the credibility of people. When you actually
make a mistake, when you're actually late, when
you really blow it, when you don't come through,
it's amazing what happens when you say, you know,
hey, I hope you all will, I just apologize. That
was a deadline. I didn't hit it. I could give
you a number of reasons. None of them really
measure up other than I didn't use my time wisely.
I went down some bad paths in terms of how to
solve this problem. I'd like to ask you guys
to forgive me. You know what normally happens?
Everyone in the room knows they do that too.
But so often we blame, we make excuses. In my
marriage for many years, I remember my wife saying
this. She said it in the presence of a counselor,
so it was very unpleasant. Chip, you always have
to have the last word. Does that ring a bell?
You always have to have the last word. And I
had to go into training to realize why. Because
down deep, I've got to be right. I've got to
declare. And it was all about these insecurities
and this pride. I remember evaluating things,
and especially some of you that are... in business
or if you have some leadership or strategic views
of things, and the challenge is if you're really
pretty good at it. I remember a number of years
ago, it was probably a decade ago, I would hope
it'd be a little bit more, but honestly, probably
about a decade ago, when I realized, when I evaluated
things, I had this subtle view that when I looked
at all the pieces and I aligned all the pieces,
that my view was the truth. My view. In other
words, I've looked at this, I've looked at this,
I've prayed about it, I've got it all together.
My view of this situation is the truth. And boy,
did I find out either I didn't read the pieces
right or I didn't have all the pieces. And I
had a couple of experiences where I was so wrong.
And now when I have a conversation where I have
to confront someone and it's really difficult
and it's really tender, I try to always preface
it with something like this. Now, I want you
to know that I need to... I need to say a couple
things that will be hard to hear, but here's
what you need to hear first. This is my perspective,
not to be confused with the truth. I don't know
the reality, but what I want you to know and
what I'm responsible, this is my perspective,
and I'd like you to take this perspective, and
would you weigh this before God to see what truth
is in it? Do you see the difference? My list
is actually longer. Well, here's one. I was perpetually
late for almost everything for years. You know,
the guy that's dashing onto the plane in the
old years before, you know, there was all that
security or the person who's rushing in and running
out of the parking lot and coming in two minutes
late or five minutes late. I was late, late,
late, late, late. And I tried hard and it really
bugged my wife. And then I had a breakthrough.
My problem was not being late. My problem wasn't
self -will. My problem wasn't discipline. My
problem was grandiosity. And when I saw that
it was so ugly, I changed. Some of you are saying,
so what exactly is grandiosity? Grandiosity is
thinking whatever you're doing is so important.
And if I can say this kindly, we come here on
a weekend. to adore and give our very best to
the creator of the universe and the savior that
died upon a cross to pay for our sin and rose
from the dead and has given us eternal life.
The grandiosity to come in 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes
late. The grandiosity of during a song or during
this time when I'm teaching the very word of
God, you checking your email and having your
phone open is arrogance. It's just arrogance.
And, you know, please, you know, I always hear
pastors say, I don't want you to feel guilty.
Actually, I want you to feel guilty. If you're
guilty, guilt's a really good thing. If there's
genuine sorrow, you repent and you realize, oh,
I never thought of it that way. I'm not saying
you thought of it intentionally. I'm just telling
you what it is. If this was a U2 concert, this
place would be packed two hours and people would
rush to get in. When you buy tickets to a movie,
you don't go a half hour late. See, we have a
consumer mindset. There is a grandiosity and
an arrogance. And it needs to be changed. And
so notice point number three is choose to practice
humility daily by putting others' needs and interests
ahead of your own. Don't consider just your own
interests, although the passage is clear, take
them into account, but consider the interests
of others as more important than your own. Where
are we going to go to eat? Where would you like
to go to eat? Maybe this person has to get to
work. It's as important or more important than
you. What would happen? What would happen? If
we declared war on selfishness, if we said, I'm
going to attack the root of this problem, which
is really my own pride, this empty conceit, this
vainglory, and then this week I'm going to go
into training. And I'm going to choose very specifically
in little, little things that will grow into
bigger and bigger things. I'm going to choose
in my money to be generous. I'm going to choose
in my time to be generous. And we'll talk about
exactly how very specifically to put that in
practice. Ask yourself, where does my money go?
Loving toward God and others or me? Where does
my time go? Toward God and others or me? Where
does my energy go? Father, I pray now as there
are many, many, many relationships that are fractured
and it will require only one person to admit
at the heart of it, regardless of the other person,
that pride and selfishness and arrogance is at
the core and a repentance before you and then
the next steps. of asking forgiveness and restitution
and even reconciliation in some cases where it's
possible. So Lord, would you bring to mind in
this room the people that need to get a call,
a lunch, a coffee, a text, a letter, a note of
apology so that we could love others the way
you've loved us. Before we do anything else in
this broadcast, I want to pause. I just prayed,
and now I want to talk to you very honestly and
sincerely about your life. You know, the fact
of the matter is, is that you need to ask and
I need to ask, so where does your money go? And
what actions really indicate that you love God
and you love other people? I mean, where does
your time go? And this is not about me in any
way seeking to poke around or make you feel guilty.
This is about you and me as brother and sisters
in Christ coming before the throne of God and
saying, love isn't just a feeling. Love chooses
to serve. It chooses to give. It chooses to get
out of our comfort zone. It's the platinum rule.
Love says, this is what God has done in us. And
something inside of us, the spirit of a living
God, compels us to release our time and our money
and our energy to meet the needs of other people.
And so I'd like you, you know, if you're driving,
don't do this. But if you're not driving, would
you just open your palms upward and say, Lord,
it's your money. It's your time. It's your gifts.
It's your talents. Would you bring to my mind
just today, who could I extend money and time
and energy and love to? And Lord, would you help
me see first and foremost? Under the roof where
I live, my roommate or my husband, my wife, my
kids, would you help me to be an other -centered
follower of Jesus? And then watch how the Spirit
of God will work in you and through you. Great
word, Chip. Well, if you've been inspired to
deepen your relationship with God, we'd love
to support you. Go to truespiritualityonline
.org and check out our resources. You can order
Chip's popular book, True Spirituality, get the
small group, or watch countless helpful videos.
All these tools were designed to show you the
clear path to becoming a genuine follower of
Christ. So check them out today. That website
again is truespiritualityonline .org. Well, before
we go, Chip's still with me in studio to pass
along a really encouraging testimony. Thanks
so much, Dave. I'd like to share a story of a
fellow pastor in India. His name is Pastor Mustafa.
And I have to say it is the... absolute saddest
story I think I've ever heard. He lives in a
very rural area. He has the disability of one
leg, so he walks with a limp and a cane. He has
a family and a couple kids. And he went through,
I mean, a dark, dark, dark time. He came to the
point where he was so desperate, the persecution
was so bad, that he and his wife and his kids
literally were planning and making a pact that
said, we're going to do a mass suicide. I mean,
that sounds terrible, but I can tell you I've
pastored for 40 years some of the most godly
people I've ever met. If things get so bad and
they lose perspective, you can do things that
you think would be unimaginable. In the midst
of that time, a fellow pastor said, you need
to read this and come to this event. It's called
The Art of Survival. He went to that, and God
spoke to him. He said, I'm going to consider
it all joy. I'm going to— hang on to God's wisdom,
and I refused to give up, and God infused him,
and as a result, he shared that with his church,
and the ripples go on and on and on. When you
support Living on the Edge, and when you pray,
you're helping us help under -resourced pastors,
often in rural areas, all throughout India, Nepal,
places in China, Africa, Latin America. We have
teams in these places around the world, and pastors
like Mustafa, unfortunately, are not the exception.
Pastors are hurting. God is allowing us at Living
on the Edge to stand in the gap, to meet them
where they're at, and see God give them life.
Here's my question. Would you join us? Incredible
story, Chip. So if God is nudging you to encourage
and support pastors with us, now's a great time
to become a financial partner. From now until
June 30th, every gift we receive will be matched
dollar for dollar. So to be part of our mid -year
match, call us at 888 -333 -6003 or go to Living
on the Edge. That's livingontheedge .org or call
888 -333 -6003. App listeners, tap donate. As
we close, you know a great way to get plugged
in with our resources here at Living on the Edge
is through the Chip Ingram app. You can listen
to past series, sign up for daily discipleship
and more. Let us help you experience God in a
new personal way starting today with the Chip
Ingram app. For Chip and the entire team here,
this is Dave Drewy, thanking you for listening
to this edition of Living on the Edge, and I
hope you'll join us again next time.