Grab your Bible and grab your smokes News and
weather, music and jokes See on the porch in
my favorite house coat It's the Sarah Beth Terry
Show She's a feral Christian out in the wild
A cigarette mom with a queen bee style Talking
or singing about somebody you know It's the Sarah
Beth Terry, the Sarah Beth Terry It's the Sarah
Beth Terry Show I'm Sarah Beth Terry and you're
not Hello Good afternoon, porch people. It is
Tuesday, July the 28th, 2026. This is the news
that they should have put in the paper. So if
you've got coffee or tea or like my mother, are
you still drinking that Mountain Dew? Yes. Only
because I'm out of wine. It's not time for communion.
So, you know, pull up a chair and we'll solve
all the world's problems before the sun goes
down. I'm going to angle because mom might make
an appearance here on the Johnny Carson show.
You're like in our next guest. Oh, some fun headlines
for you this week. Lawmakers are back in Washington
with spending bills, border security, election
issues, all that good stuff. It's shaping up
to be another really loud week on Capitol Hill.
And here's something fun from Andy Beshear today.
He is demanding that Mitch McConnell do a an
address to his constituents. to prove that he
is capable of fulfilling his duty as congressman
or else immediately resign. It might be the smartest
thing Beshear has said since he's been in office.
So, I'm just saying. Things is crazy. Markets
continue to keep their eye on inflation and interest
rates. Folks are still watching grocery prices
more closely than the stock market, but honestly,
that's probably a real indicator of life. But
I know that gas today cost me $65 to fill up
an 18 -gallon tank, so that was fun. But, you
know. Fun times all around. I did buy J .D. Vance's
new book called Communion today at Walmart. It
was just released. So super excited to read that
since I enjoyed Hillbilly Elegy so much. I buy
a lot of books at Goodwill, but every now and
again I'll treat myself to something brand new.
Have you heard anything, Mom, about that book?
Uh -uh. I'm really excited about getting started
into it. Large wildfires continue burning in
several western states from here. Firefighters
are battling high temperatures, dry conditions,
and strong winds. Thousands remain under evacuation
notices in the affected areas. And now the fire
in the Grand Canyon has been upgraded to a mega
fire. Bad, bad, bad news. You're going to have
to put on your microphone so we can talk. She's
got to get the broom. She's left her microphone
on and sitting there on the table, so don't tell
them what you'll hear with us. Sorry, I was smoking,
and I'm in the rocking chair, so you never know.
You never know what's going to happen. What's
really cool, I guess, NASA continues preparing
for upcoming Artemis missions. They're aimed
at returning astronauts to the moon. Maybe for
the first time. Every time I hear about going
back to the moon, I still wonder why we can't
get decent cell service in half of Appalachia.
I'm like... If you called Nixon on a landline
with no delay, shouldn't we be able to get our
Dollar General coupons once we walk past the
big metal doors in the front? I'm just asking.
Inquiring minds want to know. In Appalachia,
county fairs are kicking off across Kentucky
and West Virginia and Tennessee and Virginia.
Sweet corn is finally coming in, and you've probably
got more tomatoes than you can count in your
garden. Farmers are watching the skies, hoping
for rain without all these damaging storms. So
we're under severe thunderstorm watch for the
rest of the evening. This morning it told me
that there was a tornado warning for seven hours.
I was like, I think somebody's drunk on the job
over there at the National Weather Service. I'd
be like, just tell them to get underground. Just
tell them it's just to hang out and kiss their
ass goodbye. I'm like, who's working at NOAA
this week? On Today in History. July the 28th
in 1868, the 14th Amendment officially became
part of the U .S. Constitution. In 1945, a U
.S. Army bomber accidentally struck the Empire
State Building in a heavy fog. In 1976, an earthquake
devastated Tangshan, China, becoming one of the
deadliest natural disasters in recorded history.
That's back in 1976. And in 2020, Hurricane Isaiah
began its path toward the United States. Of course,
we were too busy suffering from COVID to notice
that the weather had changed. Looks like that
time Ryan got that real bad case of anthrax.
No, that was Ryan. I said Ryan. You were watching
this morning. Anyway, in the Farmer's Almanac,
what to expect this week? Cucumbers are producing
faster than anybody can eat them. Granny said
she got three different deliveries of cucumbers
this week. She's going to have to make some pickles.
And she's going to make some squash sauce with
it. Or was that squash relish instead of zucchini
relish this year? Has she lost her mind? No,
it's really good. Is it as good as the zucchini
relish? Yeah. She better hope it is. She's only
87. She better not screw this up. This might
be the last batch we ever get. I'll make sure
it's not bad. One time, oh my goodness, I have
to tell this story because it's really funny.
And now it's become a family heirloom story.
One time, we all have Sunday dinner, and Granny
usually does like a meat and three kind of situation.
There's like ham and green beans and taters and
carrots and whatever's in the garden or whatever
she's squashed up. Well, one Sunday, she made
what we thought was cream corn. Genevieve Gould
had give her that. Genevieve Gould had give her
that. A jar of it. Homemade. Homemade. And we
were like, we all took a big bite, and we were
like. It was chow chow. Corn relish. It was just
as pickled, sir, as you could get. And she'd
heated it up. We all took a big old heaping back
thinking it was sweet. It was not. It was not.
That was like the time that Shirley put the peas
in the spinach dip. Why would you put peas in
the spinach dip? My brother has an aversion to
peas. He can smell them. He's like literally
the princess and the pea. He can smell them a
mile away. And he's like, nope, nope, not of
God. Don't eat peas. So it's really funny because.
Shirley, Mace, that's my dad. He just drives
his, we all have little farm implements. A fried
and weed eater. So we have the razor and dad
has the four -wheeler and mom has the golf cart
and granny has the golf cart. Beth has the golf
cart. I don't have a golf cart. He's broke my
golf cart. Screw. Anyway, we all just kind of.
put it around the farm and but there's not a
road to do it we just kind of drive through that
big old field between our houses and everybody
has one of these big old fields between their
houses except between me and onlings and there's
just a peony patch anyway so where were we talking
about oh somebody remind me what we was talking
about oh relish so we thought that it was okay
we got to charlie charlie made really good spinach
dip and she put it in the king swine bread you
know for christmas and we'd pinch it and stick
Well, then one year, she decided to put a big
old bag of peas in there. And Dylan loves frozen
peas. Dylan loves, I got something sticky on
my mouth, loves spinach dip, loves it so much.
And he literally got a big old scoop, and he
literally got it right here in his mouth. Who
put peas in spinach dip? I mean, just. And Shirley
said, well, they was green. I thought they'd
be all right. I was like, oh, my God. Why would
you make pea and spinach dip? Broccoli would
have been a better choice. At least it would
have been kind of like an Alfredo dip. Please
come put it on your microphone. People are asking
where you are. I'm in the yard. I know that you're
just wandering around behind me like she's loose
from an insane asylum. Get your microphone. Our
gutter, a week ago yesterday, I mean our roof,
a week ago yesterday, and shucks. They didn't
finish it up until yesterday, and then they were
supposed to do the gutters Monday, and they didn't
come Tuesday, and they were supposed to come...
Can I have a sit on that side? My mom's coming
on. Ladies and gentlemen, please make welcome
to the Sarah Beth Terry Show, my mother, Tammy
Terry. Hello. Oh. Oh, Michael said if you liked
them rims, I'll hook y 'all up because they're
pretty inexpensive. Them what? Them glasses that
you liked from Facebook today. Yeah, I know.
I just want to know how much they were. I just
want the frames. They're all less than $300.
So he said, but that's with your prescription.
So frames is cheaper. So he said y 'all can talk.
I just want frames. Well, I'll hook y 'all up.
He's a fan club president of mine from North
Carolina. I love Michael. He was in Tennessee.
We met because we had an affinity for Dolly Parton.
And then he worked for Lane Bryant in Pigeon
Forge, and then he hopped trains and did something
in North Carolina for a bit. And then he ended
up going to Ohio because he's so good at being
at the eye doctor. So they've moved him up there
to, like, the corporate office. I'm telling you,
Michael's, like, he's so good. Like, all my friends
are doing really good in eye care. Steven made,
got assistant manager of that whole brand. He
said, well, your Aunt Charlie was right. I'm
now the assistant manager of the, what she called
it, lens crafters. He is like the assistant creative,
what? Shh. It's a hummingbird. It's a hummingbird.
The assistant creative, whatever, of that entire
brand of eye design stuff. Like, it's a big deal.
And he's not sent me a pair of front frames.
What is up with that? I know. We've been friends
for 25, six years now. anyway with me also duh
i know steven sayers if you're watching this
you gotta call my mom so anyway um but it was
so funny because shirley told at church that
sarah's friend steven got made assistant manager
of their lens crafters or no sunglass hut sunglass
hut he made assistant manager at that sunglass
set and he'd only been there two weeks and i
was like that's not what not even true not even
true not even in the not even a little bit Nope.
Not it. Anyway, Lisa said she loves Miss Tammy's
hair. Who? Lisa. We're in Esther County right
now. I went and got ink for your printer. Oh,
I ordered some from Amazon. It'll be here Friday.
Well, I have to print out a screenplay because
I've been asked to star in a movie. Not star.
Appear. Have a pretty big role in a movie. So
I'm really excited about it. So it's a 125 -page
screenplay, so I have to go through it and read
my lines. And she shows up on, like, page three
at the beauty shop, so I'll have to get in there,
you know? So I'm like... Ha! Is this how Dolly
Parton felt when they asked her to be in Steel
Magnolias? She's like, I'm just country singing.
They're like, do hair. She's like, okay. No,
that's how she felt when they asked her to be
in 9 to 5. Anyway, so I also said when I text
her back, can't wait to read this, and do you
need a soundtrack for said movie? Because I would
like to throw my hat into the ring. Maybe I should
play the part in the movie, and you should write
the music. Maybe I could play the younger you.
Why is she looking at me all weird? We look alike.
Lori said she busted your movie. She took my
thunder. Anyway, holy cow, a movie. I know. I
can't say no more about it because that's all
I know. Because it's just... It's in the baby
stages. It's time to start thinking about your
fall gardens. Have you been thinking about your
fall gardens? My garden fall? Or how Dad weed
-eated your hostas. So, okay, the bird seed had
took root. And it was about corn high. So she
asked him to weed -eat it. And instead, and instead.
And in addition to. Oh, and in addition to. He
also got every single one of her hostas and her
sunflower. And now her yard looks barren. My
garden is barren. Behold the field where I harvested.
Notice the despair. I still have my colas, half
of it, but the roofers got part of it. The roofers
got the four clocks. I like to have lost my mind.
Yeah, they trampled down my four clocks and they
squished my rose bush. I may not know what a
penny is, but I know I bet you I see one. That
movie clip we watched, she said, you're squishing
my penny. She said, those are marigolds. I may
not know my flowers, but I know a bitch when
I see one. It's just been a bad day. It's not
been a bad day. It's been a wasted day. No, it's
not been wasted. That's true. We went to the
pharmacy, and I washed a load of clothes. We
did go to the pharmacy, and then me and you went
to the Dollar Tree. And I've got things to complete
my Bible book back. If you're paying attention
to the Almanac, as you should, second most favorite
book besides the Bible, your sunrise tomorrow
is going to be around 6 .30 a .m. So get up and
milk them chickens. And the sunset will hit about
quarter to nine. And a good way to decide if
you're out in the yard how much daylight that
you have left, put your hand out. And however
many hands it is, from the sun to the horizon,
that is 15 minute increments. And you are welcome.
Well, what if you've got a little bitty hand?
Doesn't matter. Still perspective. Or a great
old big hand. Still perspective. It's like 100
pounds of bowling balls or 100 pounds of feathers.
They both weigh 100 pounds. Now, that can't be
right. My hand is not the same as your daddy's
hand. But if you hold it out perspective to where
you are from the horizon to the sun, that's how
much time you've got. Stop. I'm not making this
up. Tim Farmer told me that. Oh, well, he's like
a god. I'm pretty sure he's a disciple. No, I
didn't say he was a disciple. I said he's a god.
No, we can't call him. There's only one god.
But he's like, God's like. Right hand. He's probably
like an able, able spirit. I can't believe you
snuck that in there. God's right hand. Oh! Are
you sure he's not God's left hand? So if you
don't know that story, Tim Farmer, he lost the
use of his right arm in a motorcycle accident
about 35, 40, 50 years ago now. And you better
get your facts straight. It wasn't 50 years ago.
About 40 years ago. That is not 50. I said about
40. Good Lord. Okay, the point is, is he lost
the use of his right arm. In a motorcycle accident.
In a motorcycle accident. And then he went on
to be like one of the best sportsmen in the entire
world and shot a bow and arrow with his teeth.
I met him in a bar in Ashland when he was there
for a family reunion. I was there for a gig.
And when he put out his left hand and shook mine,
I was like, holy crap, you're Tim Farmer. There
was a holy trifecta on Sundays. Jesus, Dale Earnhardt,
and Tim Farmer. That's what I heard. And all
God's people said, amen, boogity, boogity, boogity.
And I'll see you in the in the woods or in the
water. And that was what Tim Farmer said to sign
up. So anyway, he was the host of Kentucky Field
for many a year. And then he had his own thing
and still does. But he officiated mine and Sean's
wedding. And that was when Sean had his motorcycle
rigged and also had lost the use of his right
arm at the time. So Tim actually was going to
start out the wedding with who gave the right
arm to be here today. And I was like, don't start
with that. Don't say that. And he was like, I
thought it was funny. I was like, it's not that
bad. They are just so sweet. Oh, when he comes
to hear me play and he likes the song, he'll
go, Nicky. And she'll clap his hand. Because
he only has the use of one. Hey, maybe for Christmas
we could get him one of them little clappers.
You know, like he used to do at ball games. He's
fair game. Don't you come after me. Because I
read his biography. And when he first lost the
use of his arm and had to find little odd jobs,
it turns out that he worked for his uncle who's
a contractor. And he hung wallpaper. So Tim was
literally a one -armed paper hanger for a short
time of his life. And I said, no more can you
give me any shit for giving you shit. Because
I told him, I said, I'm not going to hunt with
you no more. He said, why? I said, Tim, not every
deer you see is this big. And he was like, that
one day he came over with that big keg of whiskey
and two shot glasses. He said, I brought you
a drink. I said, well, don't be an asshole. Pour
me some. He goes. And that one I called Nicky.
And he said, why'd you call my wife? I said,
I'm sorry, Tam, I thought maybe you had your
handful. I love them. I love them so much. I
have made several of his dishes, you know, his
recipes, because I have his cookbook. She gave
him most of the recipe. I did. I did. She made
him write that in the cookbook when he inscribed
it. Thank you for all your recipes. Thank you
for all your help. She has had the same oven
since 1981. It's been turned on 12 times. And
once I think it's because the cast iron revved
up against it. I don't even think it would help
me out. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. But, I mean, his recipes
are really good. Really, really good. He's not
like one of those guys. You should look at Tim
Farmer's Country Kitchen. It is phenomenal. And
I've been a guest on there several times because
we're best friends. Well, I wouldn't say best.
We're closer than y 'all are. Dad's been to his
house. Remember that time I surprised Dad and
just took him with me? Dad was like, we're at
Tim Farmer's house right now. I was like, you've
got to be cool. You're embarrassing me right
now. Would you, before you light that, please
get me something to drink because I am spitting
cotton. Please, I love you. My husband is so
good to me, even though he wore a Trophy Husband
T -shirt and swimming trunks to the Walmart.
It was an old -fashioned choice. I wondered why
he had lime green shirt. Because he put all his
shit in the dryer. Washer. Washer and everything
went amok. And he washed it with nothing but
biz. See, I use washer sheets. I use Earthbreeze,
which is made in Kentucky. Well, he didn't know.
So he got the biz out and used biz just to wash
his... clothes with so I had to wash them again
because they weren't clean because biz is an
additive you know I know it's not a detergent
would you quit what is that I don't nothing there's
nothing there honest there is no there's not
you remember when you were going through the
thing and you said you had that little spiky
hair that would that's what it is I'm sorry.
The perimenopause. It's the perimenopause spiky
hair, the cougar puberty. And it just hurts.
It feels like I've got a finger in my lip. Well,
quit. I think that was it. Don't touch it. Oh,
that was it. Oh, he was an angry elf. Oh, he
was. I saw him. He was white. It was a hair,
and it was poking me. Nope, didn't get it off.
Go in there and get the tweezers and quit. I
don't want to. hello oh caroline says she uses
earth breeze too yeah i love it and that way
you don't have you know you're saving the world
with all the plastic and you know detergent is
mostly water anyway and it's so foolish and you
can order direct from the company we are not
getting paid for this endorsement no we should
We're going to tag you in the reel there. Send
money. Why do you always say that? I just put
a roof and half of guttering on. You know, speaking
of send money. And I still got to buy shutters.
Speaking of money, today is Sally Strother's
birthday. Well, sorry I missed the party. And
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' birthday is today.
I'm not even Catholic. But we are for her for
that. I did love her. Here, come here. Here,
come here. She had a mosquito on her neck. Like
that time I smacked you in the mouth with my
hairbrush. No, I didn't have a mosquito. I just
had a smart mouth. Still does. It's intelligent.
And she had the worst habit. She'd mouth off,
and I'd turn around. And, of course, all you
had to do was look at her cross -eyed, and her
nose would bleed. And she learned. If I got ready
to slap her mouth for sassing, she'd duck her
head. So see, I'd just catch the end of that
nose, and her nose would pour the blood. She'd
go, I'm going to call Child Protective Services.
I said the number, 723 -7653. Go ahead and call
them. Give them a reason to come. I'll be waiting
at the door with your suitcase. And now they
miss me so much. Huh? I said, y 'all miss me
so much now when I don't come home. Hey, 11 blessings
from the east end of Long Island. Lit and ready
to listen. Well, welcome to the porch. You know,
I never have been up that way. I ain't neither.
We should go. Yeah. I mean, it is far. I'd have
to fly because I've got to where I hate to drive.
I don't even like to ride. Oh, my goodness. I
get those little hairs. My fiance pulls them
out when I'm not paying attention. Stephanie.
You better start paying attention. Maybe we need
to teach you how to play some grip ball. Maybe
you just hit him when he ain't paying no attention.
Damn, Mama, Kaylana said. Kaylana. See, I'm sounding
like my mother. Who? Who is that? Who is that?
Oh, hi, Vicki Boland. She said, miss seeing you
guys. I miss the lake. I miss the big talk. Back
in the big days, the good days of the big top.
I missed playing that one game. Screw Your Neighbor?
No. The little card game. Keno. Keno. I missed
that. That was fun. I miss your Granny Dot. I
do, but Lord, she's incarnate. Yeah, I'm telling
you. I've never seen... Okay, so that would be
Magnolia's Great Grandmother. She, and of course,
she's named after her. And boy, howdy. She can
cross them arms across her chest and drop that
head and look at you. She looked just like granddaughter.
I've never seen an 84 -year -old in a two -year
-old's body. Like, she's like, I'm like, damn.
Like, granny was about four foot nothing. But
she took no shit from nobody. And, like. My,
okay, big old taught me how to, like, set the
table and press the linens and get the lines
in the carpet. And you only use, trust me, hairspray.
And we only use Kirby vacuums. And we only use
Lipton tea bags. Like, there's rules, you know.
But Granny Dot gave us a $100 scratch off for
Christmas every year and a holiday Barbie. And
one year I won $85. And I think I was about eight
years old. And I went down to Aunt Betty's store
and I spent every. single bit of it on sixlets
and Archie comic books. Sure did. And she taught
me how to fish and how to smoke. And you probably
didn't know that, but Granny Dot taught me how
to smoke. She said, if you're going to do it,
quit looking so stupid. I was like, okay. So
that's the difference in one Granny and the other.
And she taught you how to play cards. She taught
me how to play cards. Oh, my character is literally
Jeannie's house on a Friday night. Is it not?
Jeannie had surgery, did I tell you? No. Yeah.
She had the bad gallbladder. Bless it. Well,
we all knew it was something. She has four kidneys,
so we knew it wasn't that. She's supposed to
be a twin. She can metabolize me a lot before
it hits her liver. I swear to God she can. Then
she'll look at my window and she'll go, Babe!
Bring me another beer. And I love that sound.
No, that's what I was talking about. My character
is based on Jeannie and Wendell's house and Betty
stopping by and Jackie stopping by and all of
them smoking them cigarettes and I'm not ashing
for like seven whole inches. And I was like,
there's just a haze, a fog. And we're sitting
at one table and everybody's around the kitchen
table. Wendell's in there and everybody's hollering
and laughing and cutting up. And it smells like
green beans and bacon grease and palm oils. And
like, I love, that's what my character is based
on is that. And then Barbara stopped by. Barbara
Honig. She stopped by. That little dog, Baxter.
God, I loved that. I loved her so much. I thought
she was part of our kin. She wasn't. I didn't
send her a card. My ex -husband called that dog
Baxter for a good weekend. And she said, hey,
it's Baxter. Oh, she hated my ex -husband. So
did Granny, to be fair. Granny was like, I don't.
He said, you're supposed to be nice to your grandkids.
She said, you ain't my grandkid. And I was like,
oh, damn, Dot. Like, sick them. Language. That's
what she said. I was quoting. I didn't say the
other thing she said. Please don't ever repeat
that in public. Oh, my Lord. When Mom smoked,
she smoked Marlboro Light 100s. Yes. Who, me?
Yes. No, just Marlboro 100s in the gold pack.
That's Marlboro Light 100s. No, they weren't
light. It was Marlboro 100s. Period. There was
no Marlboro Light 100 to it. Well, now it's the
Marlboro Light 100s. And the Ultralights and
the Silver Pack. Dad smoked the same ones Sean
does, the Marlboro Ultralight Short Pack. I smoked
Marlboro Menthol Lights because when I started
bartending in Nashville at 21 years old, and
it was cheaper to smoke than eat, I noticed that
on smoke breaks, people would be like, hey, can
I bum smoke? And I would run through a pack of
Marlboro Lights like that. And then I switched
to menthols. And they're like, can I bum a smoke?
I'm like, yeah, they're menthols. They're like,
nah. That pack would last all week. So that's
when I started smoking menthols. So now if I
smoke anything else, it tastes like cardboard.
I have to have an Altoid in my mouth if I run
out of cigarettes. I like putting Altoid in my
mouth and smoking cigarettes. I'm like, it's
not the same. So anyway, Samantha said, she's
right. They're just Marlboro 100s. She said,
she's right. Well, listen, I made a boy cry at
the Sheetz. Not the Sheetz. It was the BP in
Lloyd one day. And that ain't even there no more.
They bulldozed it and put it up Clark's Pumping
Shop. Whatever it's called. Whatever. So I went
in there that day. And at the time, I was trying
to switch off Marlboros. And I was doing American
Spirits. And I said, I'll take a pack of American
Spirit greens. And he went. And he just walked
off. And I was like. was it was it something
i said on that commercial from 1970 so the assistant
manager walks up she said it's his second day
and we found out a while ago he is colorblind
and i was like and you put him in a cigarette
he just turned around just like nope i don't
have no idea and american spirits is the worst
because there's like 75 colors and it's like
a creola box of cigarettes and he's just like
Nope, can't do it. I dated a colorblind dude
once, and Mom made me break up with him. She
said, I do not want a grandchild that would not
a rainbow if it bit him in the ass. And I was
like, sorry, Nick, we've got to break up because
you're colorblind. You don't even see how pretty
my eyes are. He married a cerebeth. That's funny.
So did David Doggett. He married a cerebeth.
He did. It's not a lie. I was just saying people
that I had dated also married to Sarah Beth.
I just think that's funny. Happy Tuesday. Bless.
Cynthia said bless it. They're all just crazy
as hell. Why are you looking at me all squared?
You used all the swear words in the dictionary.
I haven't, though. I assure you. Well, so mom's
going to have to do it. Are you handing me my
pointer? So listen, I found this at the Dollar
Tree today, and I think I'm going to use it to
make points from now on. And you're just being
weird. It's coming in at a weirdly slow increment.
Like that hamburger helper. I want to be like,
let me tell you something about you that you
don't know. I don't even have to use my real
finger. I want to be in traffic and be like.
That's the wrong finger I want to hold up in
traffic. Mom should get one of these. We could
use it at church. We could use it for a yard
sale. We could say I'm a stupid. Yesterday you
called me a butthole. Today you called me stupid.
I don't think I like being a guest on your show.
Most people don't. I'm just kidding. I think
I like... The other guy better. What's his name?
I like the other guy better. The other one. The
guy that's on there now. What's his name? Jimmy
Fallon. I like him. I had no idea where that
conversation was going. That plane was just not
landing in the terminal. I thought it would just
ride over it. Red Lick Road in the house. I fell
overnight. Welcome. Welcome to the porch. Do
you know it's organically or social medially?
Does that work? Huh? I'm sorry, I was facing
out because there's a cardinal. Is it a male
or a female? It's a male. You can tell it's a
male. Would you put the finger down? By its brightly
colored plumage, women, female cardinals, are
often muted and very brown. Those are facts.
Here's another animal fact. Most coyotes are
illiterate. Except that one. Yep, on the Looney
Tunes, Wile E. He can read. And he ordered, you
know, Acme was the prelude to Amazon. It was
the series catalog. It really was. Wile never
thought about that. Yeah. He could order anything
from Acme and he'd be there like... There, right
then. Like Wile E. Coyote was like the first
prime member. Yeah. At me prime. And that roadrunner,
they don't get that big. I think it was part
ostrich. I'm telling you. Why did he only go,
meep, meep? Why did he not have no speaking terms?
And Wiley never say much, but there was also
a wham. I worried about his mental health after
that TBI that he had in that fourth or fifth
episode. Are you kidding me? That's what it is.
I thought that my rocker was off. I thought I
was off my rocker. She was just banging me with
a swing. I was trying to pay her back for smacking
my neck. You had a skater bot. Anyway. Well,
listen, I hate to leave good company, but you're
going to have to hang up. They're asking questions.
Like what's for supper, I bet. We have plenty
of everything left over. We got that sausage
and cabbage stuff. We have, do you have any pizza
left? We got pizza from the little snaithers.
I think we got plenty. If Jesus was here, this
would make do for another two weeks. Don't you
be looking at me like that. What? He split them
loaves right up. May even have leftovers. Read
your Bible. Anyway. Oh, your mama looks good.
What part of Kentucky? Eastern Kentucky. Esther
County. She can't say Eastern. Yes, I can. No,
you can't. Uh -huh. See, she says Eastern. I
said Eastern. See? Eastern. I'm not saying Eastern.
Yes, you are. I'm saying Eastern. See? Eastern.
I might go to Eastern Kentucky University when
I grow up. No, you're not. You can't say it.
You don't need it. That's why we don't have it.
You can't say it. You can't go there. That's
why I went to Transylvania. Because we could
say that. I could say that one. Also, the only
reason I went there is because I thought Mom
would see the tuition and be like, go on to Nashville,
Sarah. No, it did not happen to. I had went there
for GSA and was familiar with the campus, and
I don't like change. I'm a very big fan of homeostasis.
So I was threatened by anything larger than the
three city blocks that Transylvania stood on.
And I already knew where the dorms and the cafeteria
and the classrooms were, and I thought, this
will do, pig. And then I went. Yay me. Fantastic.
They started using the bat for our mascot now,
even though we got in trouble for that when we
was in college. Remember that me and Matt Roth
threw up the Transylvania University vampires?
Nothing was no funnier. We were the pioneers.
Now they're the vampires. Nothing was no funnier
than we had went over to your dorm. Me and your
daddy. Freshman. And it was in January or February?
When is Martin Luther King? January. And we got
in the elevator and I thought, this is the first
college west of that Alleghenies. Founded in
1780. And supposed to be, you know, you're supposed
to be pretty daggum smart to go to college. Especially
that one. And the doors opened on the elevator.
And it said, don't forget the feed -em march.
The Martin Luther King feed -em march. F -E -E
-D -O -M. Talk about feed -em. Mom's like, what
is this? I was like, I don't know. I don't know.
I said, golly, where's the feed -em march going
to take place at? Probably down there on that
boulevard named after him. I bet that they didn't.
It was just hilarious. I was like, you misspelled
that word? That word. Never, ever forget. Feed
them. Feed them. It's about the brothers, Mark
and Luther King. One was a preacher and one was
a doctor. I was like, that's not, nope. Not even
it. That's not close at all. Not even close.
Somebody said, I want to be like Beth Ditton
when I grow up. Well, do it. Andrea said, we're
very blessed. If you have a message for Tammy,
the phone lines is open. Junie said, how funny,
beautiful lady. Who? June. She ordered a hat.
She lives down near Memphis. Sunshine said she
loves your cup colors. What you looking at, cross
-eyed? Oh, he's taking off. All right, anyway.
You'll see me Saturday. That means you're coming
to the Appalachian Arts Festival in Inez, Kentucky.
Where is it, Inez? Inez. Inez and you don't.
Hey, isn't that where your daddy wrecked his
motorcycle? Is it in Lee County? Nope. That's
Bateville. I know it's Bateville, but isn't there
a little community up there called Inez? No.
No, it was called Ida Mae. Ida Mae. Inez is down
off 23. Okay, Christopher Columbus. Do you turn
right at the foot of the mountain or left? When
you get to the end of the parkway, take a left
and go north, and it's about another 20 miles
up. It's really pretty. You know road numbers?
I only know one road number. 75. That's why she's
not going to see us, because you can't get to
West Virginia on 75. Nope. She don't know how
to get there. She's like, can't do it. Nope.
Sending love from Tennessee. Hi, Kim. Oh, Becky
said she used to have your hair, and she misses
it. Now she's grown it out. My mom is from McHenry
County. Where's that at? Is that in eastern Kentucky?
Listen, there's 120 counties, and I only know
about 15 or 20 of them because I've not been
to all of them. That's what we should do, Sean.
We should visit every single county in Kentucky.
And you can buy a map, and you can take a highlighter,
and then you can, okay, we've just passed through
Clark County, and we've just passed through Montgomery.
And we just passed through Bath and Elliott.
And Hearts Bible and Tire. And Franklin. We passed
a place called Hearts Bible and Tire right outside.
I know you took a picture and sent it to me.
It's so funny. It's like patching the, what do
we say, getting you there? We came up with like
10 or 15 different mottos. Sean's doing something
totally different right now. Hello from Indiana.
Hello from Kentucky. Charmaine said we make her
heart happy from Belleville, Ontario, Canada.
Hey! I've never been to Canada. I haven't either.
I'd like to go. Well, I've never been to Canada.
But I've been to Oklahoma. Me and Dad rewrote
that song four or five times on the way to Louisiana
once. McHenry, Kentucky. Somerset, Kentucky.
Hello. Hello from Shelbyville. Hey, West Liberty.
We played there, what was it, two years ago?
Yes. We played for... The Sorghum Festival. No,
that was the year before. We opened for Plush
at that big concert. I marched in the Sorghum
Festival. Yeah, sure did. Marched in the Sorghum
Festival parade. Are we related to a family named
Whaley? Not that I know of. What does your mama's
tattoo say? Faith. Faith. She's such a bad mamma
jamma. When she came to Nashville and she saw
my tattoo, she said, I want to meet the person
that did this to you. And I was like, cool. So
I took her to my tattoo artist, and then she
went home with a tattoo. But that's the one on
my ankle. That's the feather pin. Do you remember
we went through the store and found a Little
Mermaid coloring book because we got the pen
that Ursula used for Ariel's son, and that's
her tattoo. Because it was the only feather pen
we could find. And I was with you when you got
your first tattoo, and I was with Ed when he
got his first tattoo. I paid for his first tattoo.
That was the bone collector one, wasn't it? And
I got the red, white, and blue star on my leg.
Then Dylan had done got the scorpion when he
was in college, but me and him went together
when he got his second tattoo and his Third or
fourth we me and Dylan got a couple tattoos together
at this point. I don't know if you knew that
or not He got the I got the long with the Queen
and he got the March to my own drum and we got
this together when he came to Nashville and We
went to three different Chinese restaurants to
make sure it didn't say duck sauce It says same
blood, means family. See, why didn't you just
put that in there in English? Why'd you have
to have it daggum Chinese? Because we thought
it was a really great idea. Well, it was not.
At the time. I mean, it was like 20 years, 16,
15, 20 years ago. I have heartburn. It's a long
time. You have heartburn? I'm sorry. Lori Louise
says hello. Amy's in Bonneville. Hello. Big Coast
Slurry Spill. Martin County INS. Carolyn, we
will see you Saturday at the big festival. Tanisha's
watching us from down in Columbus, Georgia area.
Oh, yay. You ever heard of Need More West Virginia?
No, I don't think I have. Let's go get some ink.
I don't mean to be rude and keep checking my
phone, but I was supposed to have gotten an email
from my eye doctor today because my mother has
to renew her driver's license this week, and
because she's old as dirt, she has to have an
eye exam paper. Well, I could swear I got...
Oh, here she comes. I could swear I gave it to
her, and she can't find it, so I... Called them
and said, will you send me another one? Email
it to me, please, because today's Tuesday, and
I haven't received it yet. Okay, so we have to
conclude because we definitely don't want her
on here. Listen, we've got to get, but listen,
remember, keep your Bibles open and pat it down
your head on a swivel. We've got to visit with
the O. And we will talk to you later on. Love
you. Mean it. And remember, I'm Sarah Beth Terry.
You're not. Bye.