WEBVTT 00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:33.109 I hope I don't cough. Good morning, Porch. It's 00:00:33.109 --> 00:00:38.909 day two in the EKY with the OG Mama. We haven't 00:00:38.909 --> 00:00:40.829 been up very long. Well, we haven't been functional 00:00:40.829 --> 00:00:43.710 very long. I have not been up long. You have. 00:00:43.950 --> 00:00:49.429 Oh, yes. I got up early. And then I read the 00:00:49.429 --> 00:00:54.009 Bible. Listen, all the way. Almost. Now, I got 00:00:54.009 --> 00:00:55.670 halfway through Isaiah, and I'm like, he's just 00:00:55.670 --> 00:00:59.000 real mad. He reminds me of my dad. He's just 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:01.299 like the first 39 chapters. He's like, the wrath 00:01:01.299 --> 00:01:04.120 is coming. I'm telling you, you're stupid. You're 00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:06.019 not listening. The wrath is coming. Okay, we're 00:01:06.019 --> 00:01:09.420 not on the feral Christian. You've got to hush 00:01:09.420 --> 00:01:10.599 for a minute. I'm in the middle of a sentence 00:01:10.599 --> 00:01:14.719 about this. But once I tripped over to chapter 00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:17.239 40, things start perking up. It's like Isaiah 00:01:17.239 --> 00:01:21.680 took a Prozac. See? And God said. He was pleased 00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:23.760 I was talking about it. Sunshine. No, it was 00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:27.299 because I said hush. The Lord would not shine 00:01:27.299 --> 00:01:32.420 a light on that. Is that my phone? Yeah. There's 00:01:32.420 --> 00:01:34.859 two people in there. They can't answer it. Who's 00:01:34.859 --> 00:01:37.739 calling this early in the morning? Annalene. 00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:45.939 I don't think she's up. Her life is on. It's 00:01:45.939 --> 00:01:51.200 okay to explain this. It's not like I'm going 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:54.659 to heaven. Why? Lord, I love it. Thank you. Hang 00:01:54.659 --> 00:01:59.120 on, let me get my sunglasses. Phew, 100 -year 00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:01.939 -old porch swing still hanging on. And that's 00:02:01.939 --> 00:02:06.280 the gospel truth. Hello. We'll have to tell that 00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:11.580 in a minute. So we have 100, give or take, acres. 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:15.120 But it goes from the corner of way up there at 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:18.099 the 3 ,000 marker all the way down here to the 00:02:18.099 --> 00:02:19.759 4 ,000 marker. And we basically have a mile of 00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:21.439 sand here. To the Rockaway. To the Rockaway Road. 00:02:21.439 --> 00:02:23.360 To the Cobb Ford Road. Where y 'all have dumped 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:27.400 yet another bicycle overnight. What? Did you 00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:28.939 sneak down there in the middle of the night, 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:30.680 Batman? Like, how did you know what time that 00:02:30.680 --> 00:02:33.560 they dropped this bicycle off? Do you have a 00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:37.159 flock camera? That's where they were. They're 00:02:37.159 --> 00:02:42.919 going to find out. So. Our property is at, okay, 00:02:42.979 --> 00:02:44.719 we have, there's three straight stretches on 00:02:44.719 --> 00:02:48.340 Sand Hill. That you can pass. That you can pass 00:02:48.340 --> 00:02:50.639 in. Or pop wheelies on them. Or go real, real, 00:02:50.740 --> 00:02:54.819 real fast. Or if mom was late for work. Hey, 00:02:55.939 --> 00:03:02.199 hey, why not a Judd? I'm on TV. Anyway, I'm on 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:07.039 the phone. It's scarlet. Oh, it's scarlet. Never 00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:08.919 mind. So that explains what I'm talking about 00:03:08.919 --> 00:03:12.080 here. So, there's three straight stretches. The 00:03:12.080 --> 00:03:13.620 ones at the bottom of the hill there in front 00:03:13.620 --> 00:03:15.099 of Shannon Richardson's house. You would hit 00:03:15.099 --> 00:03:17.639 that hill and just go, like, especially, you 00:03:17.639 --> 00:03:19.580 know, past Doris, is that her name, Doris Tavis' 00:03:19.620 --> 00:03:22.219 house? Mm -hmm. Yes. Okay, then the second straight 00:03:22.219 --> 00:03:24.479 stretch is right there in front of Gina Lewory's 00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:26.780 house. Mm -hmm. Mitchell Hoover's house. And 00:03:26.780 --> 00:03:28.719 Mitchell Hoover's house. The third straight stretch 00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:32.159 goes from our property all the way down to John's 00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:33.860 property, and it's one big, long straight stretch, 00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:37.680 and they flat fly down this hill. Good morning, 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:40.650 Scarlett. Hi, Scarlett Beth. So we live about 00:03:40.650 --> 00:03:45.310 every two -tenths of a mile, starting from Walnut 00:03:45.310 --> 00:03:48.409 Bend all the way down to Watermelon Ridge. So 00:03:48.409 --> 00:03:50.969 there's me, and then there's Granny, and then 00:03:50.969 --> 00:03:53.330 come two acres, and there's Mom, and go two acres, 00:03:53.430 --> 00:03:59.930 and there's Beth, and then go. And then there's 00:03:59.930 --> 00:04:02.389 John. Then there's John. And then there's John. 00:04:02.689 --> 00:04:06.370 So there's still three more grandkids that have 00:04:06.370 --> 00:04:10.139 to claim their two acres. We don't know where 00:04:10.139 --> 00:04:16.560 yet. Four. Three. Scarlett, Dylan, Taylor. There's 00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:19.839 only five grandchildren in this family. So anyway, 00:04:19.939 --> 00:04:23.560 don't you elbow me. Anyway, she knows. So anyway, 00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:26.139 has anybody paid attention here lately to the 00:04:26.139 --> 00:04:28.259 fact that they have changed the color of Cajun 00:04:28.259 --> 00:04:32.459 shrimp? Okay, listen, let me explain something 00:04:32.459 --> 00:04:35.120 to you. I've been wearing Cajun shrimp since 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:41.750 prom 1998. Yes? Joan Wise, 98. Yes. Freshman 00:04:41.750 --> 00:04:46.149 year. So for dang near 30 years, I've been wearing 00:04:46.149 --> 00:04:48.769 the same color. I know this color. I know it. 00:04:49.490 --> 00:04:53.490 It's on my toes. I even take my own nail polish 00:04:53.490 --> 00:04:56.189 to the pedicurist, and she cusses me out in Korean, 00:04:56.329 --> 00:04:57.850 and I'm like, I don't care. I don't want the 00:04:57.850 --> 00:05:01.930 bitter gel. I want this. And mine even has a 00:05:01.930 --> 00:05:04.029 bust. I dropped it once off the tour bus, and 00:05:04.029 --> 00:05:05.709 I busted the bottom of it, and it didn't break 00:05:05.709 --> 00:05:07.870 the bottle. It just chipped it, so it sits like 00:05:07.870 --> 00:05:10.389 this when you sit it down. Anyhow, nobody cares. 00:05:10.490 --> 00:05:13.930 So I was at the beauty supply house yesterday 00:05:13.930 --> 00:05:18.290 with the mom using the online card. She keeps 00:05:18.290 --> 00:05:20.949 her beauty license active so that we can still 00:05:20.949 --> 00:05:25.079 get discounts on hair products. We all use each 00:05:25.079 --> 00:05:26.560 other. You want to know how I got the idea to 00:05:26.560 --> 00:05:29.759 use somebody else's girls' cash? We was talking 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:32.060 about that yesterday. We used Arlene's number 00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:34.540 at the State Beauty Supply House. I used Dad's 00:05:34.540 --> 00:05:36.279 number at the Go Time to get a dollar off cigarettes. 00:05:36.980 --> 00:05:39.639 Beth used somebody's number. We used Dylan's 00:05:39.639 --> 00:05:41.459 at Harbor Freight. We used Dylan's number at 00:05:41.459 --> 00:05:45.600 Harbor Freight. And Scarlett uses Beth at Go 00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:48.319 Time. So we are a communal, like we all have 00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:50.079 the same Netflix account, too, I'm pretty sure. 00:05:50.540 --> 00:05:52.420 We're a sharing family. We're a sharing family. 00:05:55.980 --> 00:05:57.480 I do that too. I'm like, it might be under my 00:05:57.480 --> 00:05:59.259 home number. It might be under my other cell 00:05:59.259 --> 00:06:01.180 phone number. And I'm like looking up your number 00:06:01.180 --> 00:06:02.959 and looking up mom's number. The worst one is 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:06.100 Rite Aid, Walgreens. Oh, God. Why do they give 00:06:06.100 --> 00:06:08.660 you a pad of paper with every purchase? And I 00:06:08.660 --> 00:06:11.279 thought we were supposed to be saving paper. 00:06:11.519 --> 00:06:14.060 And it's like now when you check out somewhere, 00:06:14.319 --> 00:06:18.860 they... And you're standing there like you're 00:06:18.860 --> 00:06:21.660 rolling up toilet paper from a cat going like 00:06:21.660 --> 00:06:25.240 this, and you're going... Well, by the way, we 00:06:25.240 --> 00:06:27.439 got off the set. I bought this yesterday at the 00:06:27.439 --> 00:06:31.500 beach pie house, and it is not the same color. 00:06:31.699 --> 00:06:33.699 And then we got home and went in Southern Living. 00:06:34.420 --> 00:06:37.560 Southern Living magazine said. Southerners are 00:06:37.560 --> 00:06:39.620 noticing there's something different about Cajun 00:06:39.620 --> 00:06:42.300 shrimp. And they contacted OPI, and OPI said 00:06:42.300 --> 00:06:47.680 the only thing we did was in the gel formula. 00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:52.160 Well, that's not gel. This is lacquer. Right? 00:06:52.339 --> 00:06:54.699 I don't use gel. You don't have to talk so loud. 00:06:56.300 --> 00:06:59.720 My whole life. Anyway, so, I painted my nails 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:02.300 this night, and you... Wait a minute. You're 00:07:02.300 --> 00:07:03.839 about to show your hooves. Well, that's what 00:07:03.839 --> 00:07:06.019 I have on cute underwear. So, if you can see 00:07:06.019 --> 00:07:08.540 my... Look, this is not the same colors. Them's 00:07:08.540 --> 00:07:12.660 not the same colors. OPI, this is more pink than 00:07:12.660 --> 00:07:16.500 orange. It's supposed to be more coral. Cajun 00:07:16.500 --> 00:07:22.399 shrimps. Not Cajun Flares. I'm not happy with 00:07:22.399 --> 00:07:26.399 OPI. Thank you. Somebody said it's very neon. 00:07:26.759 --> 00:07:28.300 That's what they said in the Southern Living. 00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:31.079 Doris had been wearing it for almost 30 years, 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:33.019 and she said it was more neon than Cajun. And 00:07:33.019 --> 00:07:35.399 I was like, I've lived in Louisiana. That ain't 00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:38.439 Cajun. That's Highway Safety Pink from West Virginia. 00:07:40.180 --> 00:07:41.959 Speaking of, West Virginia had tornado warnings 00:07:41.959 --> 00:07:44.589 today. I called and checked on my chickens. What 00:07:44.589 --> 00:07:47.550 did they say? Did they say they were okay? My 00:07:47.550 --> 00:07:51.250 chicken tender answered, and she said that the 00:07:51.250 --> 00:07:52.870 raccoons were real scared and ate all the cat 00:07:52.870 --> 00:07:57.170 food because they stress eat. Oh, my God. It's 00:07:57.170 --> 00:08:04.069 going to be a tornado. And eat it all. This could 00:08:04.069 --> 00:08:07.329 be it. This could be the end. And so then she's 00:08:07.329 --> 00:08:08.990 like, do I let the chickens out? I'm like, well, 00:08:09.009 --> 00:08:10.509 they're fairly waterproof, but the turkeys are 00:08:10.509 --> 00:08:12.470 stupid. The turkeys will go outside and go, is 00:08:12.470 --> 00:08:15.199 it raining? And then they'll drown. They're like, 00:08:15.240 --> 00:08:16.639 where's that water coming from? I have heard 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:18.720 Granny Hicks talk about that. I've watched it 00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:22.199 happen. I'm like, stupid. They will stand there 00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:25.920 and drown in a thunderstorm, yeah. It's the craziest 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:28.779 thing. So, as of this morning, there's a Japan 00:08:28.779 --> 00:08:30.680 quake. Did you not get the feed this morning? 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:36.000 I did. 6 .8 in Japan. It ain't rock the world 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:39.200 like that since Hiroshima. It's bad. It's bad. 00:08:39.539 --> 00:08:40.779 Okay, I'm going to tell you about the swing. 00:08:41.720 --> 00:08:45.799 Okay. This little house that we live in was my 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:48.759 granny and papa Muncie's, Perkyfoot and Desolete. 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:54.059 And when I was a little girl, now my granny died 00:08:54.059 --> 00:08:57.980 in January of 1969, so I would have been eight 00:08:57.980 --> 00:09:01.179 years old. But I can remember as a little bitty 00:09:01.179 --> 00:09:06.879 girl that this swing was here, this exact swing. 00:09:09.819 --> 00:09:12.159 I'm sorry. Every morning it's like this. I have 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:17.399 allergies. Every morning. So this is the same 00:09:17.399 --> 00:09:21.059 swing. And when my grandparents died and we moved 00:09:21.059 --> 00:09:26.059 in here, this swing was still here. We're on 00:09:26.059 --> 00:09:32.080 the TV. We remodeled in 97, and I still kept 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:34.740 the swing. And it still has the car hood springs 00:09:34.740 --> 00:09:36.360 on it. Uh -huh. So you can bounce. You can't 00:09:36.360 --> 00:09:38.740 find those anymore. You go to the junkyard, but, 00:09:38.759 --> 00:09:41.240 you know, that time that the, that one president 00:09:41.240 --> 00:09:44.419 had everybody, junk cash for clunkers. Yeah. 00:09:44.899 --> 00:09:49.340 Was that, no, that was a, no child left behind 00:09:49.340 --> 00:09:51.379 was a different, different thing. A whole different 00:09:51.379 --> 00:09:55.600 thing. Kind of the same principle. So anyway, 00:09:55.740 --> 00:09:59.960 the springs on it are car hood springs. So it's 00:09:59.960 --> 00:10:05.450 got good bounce. You can bounce. Same swing. 00:10:05.669 --> 00:10:09.990 Been here since the 30s, I think. I never could 00:10:09.990 --> 00:10:12.529 really find out what year this house was built. 00:10:12.610 --> 00:10:19.009 But I think Aunt Nanny lived here. And Uncle 00:10:19.009 --> 00:10:22.429 Stone? Aunt Nanny? No, Aunt Nanny wasn't married 00:10:22.429 --> 00:10:25.009 to Uncle Stone. That was her brother. Oh, Aunt 00:10:25.009 --> 00:10:29.909 Nanny and Uncle. Oh, shoot. They was married 00:10:29.909 --> 00:10:36.820 on April 3rd. Oh, I just snotted. It's too early. 00:10:37.220 --> 00:10:42.399 Aunt Nanny and her husband. So because Grandpapa 00:10:42.399 --> 00:10:44.460 started out in the log cabin up there, where 00:10:44.460 --> 00:10:47.039 Beth lives now. One of them was Uncle Cecil. 00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:49.100 Is that what we just do, is just wait for our 00:10:49.100 --> 00:10:51.179 grandparents to go so we can take their houses? 00:10:51.659 --> 00:10:54.620 Yeah, that's basically what happened. That's 00:10:54.620 --> 00:10:56.980 how it stayed in the family farm for 17, since 00:10:56.980 --> 00:11:00.240 17, when was the Revolutionary War? I'm fine. 00:11:00.700 --> 00:11:05.919 17, when was the Revolutionary War? 1777, 76, 00:11:06.179 --> 00:11:09.100 77. It started in like early on, but I mean, 00:11:09.120 --> 00:11:10.539 we were still fighting after the declaration. 00:11:11.019 --> 00:11:14.120 We were like, we're not done yet. Like, did you 00:11:14.120 --> 00:11:16.879 know I found a silk scarf out there in the, in 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:18.740 my, you know, I've been cleaning out my storage 00:11:18.740 --> 00:11:20.840 building this week, which is like cleaning out 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:22.899 40 years of your life. And you're like, why have 00:11:22.899 --> 00:11:25.179 I kept this? But there's a big silk scarf that 00:11:25.179 --> 00:11:28.220 has a hand painted depiction of the Boston Tea 00:11:28.220 --> 00:11:32.179 Party on it. And I'm thinking. And that was when 00:11:32.179 --> 00:11:35.179 you found the Gettysburg address? The original. 00:11:35.320 --> 00:11:37.899 I bought a copy of the Gettysburg address at 00:11:37.899 --> 00:11:40.580 the Lincoln. It's like, look, Mom, this is signed 00:11:40.580 --> 00:11:42.960 by Abraham Lincoln. I bought it at the Lincoln 00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:45.580 Memorial on Senior Trip, and I thought, if I 00:11:45.580 --> 00:11:48.059 was Nicolas Cage right now, this would be a clue, 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:53.580 another clue. I haven't done the lemon juice 00:11:53.580 --> 00:12:00.610 yet, but it was parchment paper. And I paid almost 00:12:00.610 --> 00:12:04.509 $10 for it in the gift shop. Oh, shut your mouth. 00:12:04.730 --> 00:12:06.690 That's what Nicolas Cage said. You buy the copy 00:12:06.690 --> 00:12:08.389 and then you switch it out. You know, then they 00:12:08.389 --> 00:12:12.629 don't know. So it was wrapped up in that Boston 00:12:12.629 --> 00:12:15.129 Tea Party's car. Listen, I only stole one thing 00:12:15.129 --> 00:12:17.269 in my life. I don't think I can get away with 00:12:17.269 --> 00:12:22.210 that. I did. I stole it by accident. Actually, 00:12:22.250 --> 00:12:24.509 I stole two things. You stole the second one. 00:12:24.649 --> 00:12:26.330 It was a pacifier. Well, don't you accomplish 00:12:26.330 --> 00:12:30.110 me. I stole a pacifier, which means I wasn't 00:12:30.110 --> 00:12:32.009 old enough for eating it. I was 16, and I was 00:12:32.009 --> 00:12:35.009 in Rose's in Richmond, the department store. 00:12:35.250 --> 00:12:39.570 Which is where the Hobby Lobby is now. No. No. 00:12:40.590 --> 00:12:45.490 Rose's is where Ollie's is now. Where is there 00:12:45.490 --> 00:12:49.870 an Ollie's in Richmond? In the Goodwill Shopping 00:12:49.870 --> 00:12:52.710 Center. Oh, over there where the Super 1 Foods 00:12:52.710 --> 00:12:58.429 used to be. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, anyway, roses. 00:12:58.690 --> 00:13:03.649 And they had this eyeshadow. It was green. And 00:13:03.649 --> 00:13:09.049 it was round. And then the applicator had a stick 00:13:09.049 --> 00:13:13.950 that came out the end of it. So it looked like 00:13:13.950 --> 00:13:18.750 a lollipop. It was called Lollipop Colors. Well, 00:13:19.009 --> 00:13:26.259 I accidentally stole it. Oh, I should not do 00:13:26.259 --> 00:13:32.259 that. I'm going to let it shine. Anyway, I accidentally 00:13:32.259 --> 00:13:35.019 stole it. I didn't mean to. What did I have to 00:13:35.019 --> 00:13:37.879 do with that? Okay, then years later. Oh, this 00:13:37.879 --> 00:13:42.100 is a separate incident. Why do you have a repeat 00:13:42.100 --> 00:13:47.000 offender? You're a criminal. So we went in a 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.480 store. Miss Tammy, what are you doing at court? 00:13:52.639 --> 00:13:54.659 You're going to put you in jail. They're going 00:13:54.659 --> 00:13:57.519 to put you in jail. That's another story. So 00:13:57.519 --> 00:14:06.059 the second time that you stole, that you broke 00:14:06.059 --> 00:14:11.779 a 10th commandment, I was pushing you in your 00:14:11.779 --> 00:14:14.639 stroller, and I didn't have a shopping baggie. 00:14:14.700 --> 00:14:21.230 So we had purchased a few things. I did. It was 00:14:21.230 --> 00:14:24.049 hanging over, and you was throwing a fit for 00:14:24.049 --> 00:14:27.909 a Poe. Poe. Poe. Dylan's word was Poe. Mine was 00:14:27.909 --> 00:14:34.889 pass. No. Yours was Poe, too. And so I said, 00:14:34.950 --> 00:14:37.169 all right, fine. I took it off the shelf, and 00:14:37.169 --> 00:14:39.470 I stuck it in the top of the diaper bag that 00:14:39.470 --> 00:14:46.350 was hanging over the stroller. And I got home, 00:14:46.470 --> 00:14:50.860 and you ran over to that. Dapper bag and grab 00:14:50.860 --> 00:14:55.519 that. I knew exactly where you'd put it. I still 00:14:55.519 --> 00:14:57.419 have that kind of memory. I'm like, it is in 00:14:57.419 --> 00:15:00.559 my backpack, on the chair, in the kitchen, on 00:15:00.559 --> 00:15:02.899 the far side of the table. Exactly. I'm good 00:15:02.899 --> 00:15:05.460 at that. It's weird. I think that's why I'm so 00:15:05.460 --> 00:15:08.139 good at the highlights magazines. Like, I got 00:15:08.139 --> 00:15:09.419 bored in the dentist's office. They're like, 00:15:09.480 --> 00:15:11.019 this book will take you about an hour to go through. 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:13.379 And I'm like, done. Cat, hairbrush, toothbrush. 00:15:14.490 --> 00:15:17.929 Yo, yo. Next. Give me something hard like string 00:15:17.929 --> 00:15:20.970 theory, amateurs. I was just like, why? Why did 00:15:20.970 --> 00:15:23.169 they think we were all stupid? And why was all 00:15:23.169 --> 00:15:25.350 the toys in the treasure chest of Dr. Sutherland's 00:15:25.350 --> 00:15:29.070 the same? Why did you need vampire teeth if you 00:15:29.070 --> 00:15:30.990 went to the dentist? That was the dumbest thing 00:15:30.990 --> 00:15:33.009 to have in that treasure box. Spent all this 00:15:33.009 --> 00:15:35.029 time getting my teeth cleaned to put plastic 00:15:35.029 --> 00:15:36.610 back in there and try to eat a caramel apple 00:15:36.610 --> 00:15:39.909 with it. Stupid. That's why he made so much money. 00:15:40.029 --> 00:15:42.629 He's like, I fixed your teeth. Here's some candy 00:15:42.629 --> 00:15:46.009 and some sugar daddies. I was like, see you next 00:15:46.009 --> 00:15:52.409 week. Oh, I'm so sorry. I keep coughing. Barely 00:15:52.409 --> 00:15:55.210 used to me. I cough all the time. Hello. But 00:15:55.210 --> 00:15:58.250 I don't smoke anymore. Thank you, Jesus. Listen, 00:15:58.250 --> 00:16:01.909 I'd love to remember what year it was I quit. 00:16:02.549 --> 00:16:05.169 It was when Dave got sick. No, it wasn't. It 00:16:05.169 --> 00:16:07.929 was when Marlboros went from $5 to $5 .25. Well, 00:16:07.990 --> 00:16:10.129 then start to Google that. When did Marlboros 00:16:10.129 --> 00:16:11.970 go from $5 to $5? I tried, and I couldn't find 00:16:11.970 --> 00:16:15.470 it. In Kentucky. See, that's the thing. You have 00:16:15.470 --> 00:16:18.149 to say, well, when in Kentucky did Marlboros 00:16:18.149 --> 00:16:20.549 go from $5 to $5. Listen, speaking of Kentucky, 00:16:20.610 --> 00:16:22.750 why do you have a craft book written by Miss 00:16:22.750 --> 00:16:26.009 America, Phyllis George, in your living room? 00:16:26.409 --> 00:16:30.690 Because my sister loved Phyllis George Brown, 00:16:30.850 --> 00:16:34.799 and she is the one that... got Kentucky artists, 00:16:35.179 --> 00:16:39.639 artisans, she went to New York and said, look, 00:16:39.980 --> 00:16:45.539 my people in Kentucky, my people in Kentucky 00:16:45.539 --> 00:16:47.700 are so talented, and y 'all need to be buying 00:16:47.700 --> 00:16:51.759 this stuff. And she is the very reason that Kentucky 00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:56.519 artisans have a platform. Have a platform. That's 00:16:56.519 --> 00:16:59.620 the truth. And Martha Lane Collins is the reason 00:16:59.620 --> 00:17:01.700 that you have a road from here to Hawkinsville. 00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:10.059 You quit 13 years ago. See, now, I Google stuff 00:17:10.059 --> 00:17:12.759 like that, and you know what comes up? California 00:17:12.759 --> 00:17:19.400 was founded in 1798. No, that's not when I wanted. 00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:25.500 So 2013 is when I quit. 13 years ago. So what's 00:17:25.500 --> 00:17:27.200 really funny is that if you... So I shouldn't 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:35.920 have any smoke left. 2014. On my birthday. It 00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:38.480 went up six cents in December, and then it went 00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:40.359 up again. So on your 13th birthday, you had to 00:17:40.359 --> 00:17:42.700 quit smoking because cigarettes went up a quarter 00:17:42.700 --> 00:17:46.539 of a pack. Your allowance was only $5 a week. 00:17:47.019 --> 00:17:49.000 I can't afford it. I can't afford it. I have 00:17:49.000 --> 00:17:52.200 to cut back. So Scarlett and Mom, speaking of 00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:54.980 smoking, this is what's so funny. I love. I could 00:17:54.980 --> 00:17:57.440 eat a cigarette right now. I love smoking so 00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:01.480 good. No, no, no. So anyway, every Sunday, my 00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:04.700 mom used to go out. on the porch, have a little 00:18:04.700 --> 00:18:10.220 talk with Jesus. And I remember every week she'd 00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:12.220 go, okay, well, now that the dinner dish is up, 00:18:12.220 --> 00:18:13.880 I'm going to go outside and SMOKE, okay, I'll 00:18:13.880 --> 00:18:16.940 be right back. And finally, one Sunday, Scarlett's 00:18:16.940 --> 00:18:20.220 like, ain't Tam. She goes, why do you go SMOKE 00:18:20.220 --> 00:18:23.509 every Sunday? And mom looked down, she goes, 00:18:23.589 --> 00:18:25.329 cut Scarlet, bet you can't D -R -I -N -K on the 00:18:25.329 --> 00:18:28.930 Lord's Day. And Scarlet went, oh. Like, no questions 00:18:28.930 --> 00:18:30.829 asked. Because she was about four or five years 00:18:30.829 --> 00:18:32.829 old. Why do you go S -M -O -K -E every Sunday? 00:18:33.369 --> 00:18:35.849 Yeah, but the thing about it was, me and Kelly 00:18:35.849 --> 00:18:39.109 used to sneak off and we'd walk to the store. 00:18:41.009 --> 00:18:42.829 You're just telling everything this week, ain't 00:18:42.829 --> 00:18:47.970 you? Me and Kelly used to sneak off and we would 00:18:47.970 --> 00:18:51.880 walk to the store. She'd look at me or I'd look 00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:55.220 at her and she'd say, you want to go SMOK? And 00:18:55.220 --> 00:18:59.200 so, you know, Beth was little. Beth was tiny, 00:18:59.480 --> 00:19:03.099 you know, because I'm 10 years older. And one 00:19:03.099 --> 00:19:06.339 day she walked in the kitchen. She went, Mom, 00:19:07.019 --> 00:19:12.539 Tam's going to smoke. I was like, I peaked your 00:19:12.539 --> 00:19:17.430 little head off. We were like 14. Well, then 00:19:17.430 --> 00:19:19.589 I screwed it up for her when I was about five 00:19:19.589 --> 00:19:21.069 years old because when Granny would come out, 00:19:21.109 --> 00:19:22.390 she'd hide her cigarettes under the edge of the 00:19:22.390 --> 00:19:26.250 couch. I never smoked in front of my parents. 00:19:26.369 --> 00:19:28.789 I don't know why. It was out of respect. They 00:19:28.789 --> 00:19:32.349 knew I smoked. It was out of fear. I was married 00:19:32.349 --> 00:19:35.109 and had kids. I mean, you know, it was just out 00:19:35.109 --> 00:19:36.930 of respect. I never smoked in front of them. 00:19:38.349 --> 00:19:40.390 She'll still come after you. She'll go out there, 00:19:40.450 --> 00:19:44.230 Tam. Yeah, but she didn't come after you. No, 00:19:44.269 --> 00:19:47.339 because I told her, just shut up. Well, anyway, 00:19:47.519 --> 00:19:49.900 I had them hid under the edge of the couch. And 00:19:49.900 --> 00:19:52.980 Sarah gets up, and ooh, she did it at a pure 00:19:52.980 --> 00:19:56.339 spite. She's always been like this. A willful 00:19:56.339 --> 00:20:00.440 child. Willful my foot. Come over and go, Mom, 00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:03.680 your cigarettes are under the couch. If you lost 00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:05.339 them, they're under the edge of the couch here. 00:20:05.420 --> 00:20:08.680 I remember Mom just went completely red. Speaking 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:11.480 of under that couch, Mom used to have a little... 00:20:12.380 --> 00:20:14.779 plastic basket it was brown it's full of cassette 00:20:14.779 --> 00:20:18.099 tapes and that was mom's tapes like that's when 00:20:18.099 --> 00:20:19.359 she listened to it she's cleaning the house on 00:20:19.359 --> 00:20:23.960 saturdays or whatever and I wasn't that sheltered. 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:26.019 I think I was just not like pleasantly naive. 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:28.140 Like when I pulled those out, I was like, I'd 00:20:28.140 --> 00:20:29.660 be very careful because these are mom's friends. 00:20:30.039 --> 00:20:31.859 So for like a long time, I thought like Bette 00:20:31.859 --> 00:20:34.859 Midler and Barbra Streisand, Jackson Brown, Dawn 00:20:34.859 --> 00:20:37.339 Johnson, Rod Stewart. I thought those were like 00:20:37.339 --> 00:20:39.240 mom's friends and she had like tapes of them. 00:20:39.319 --> 00:20:40.920 Like I thought that was. She's got on Rod Stewart. 00:20:40.940 --> 00:20:42.660 She's got on Rod Stewart. Now we got to talk 00:20:42.660 --> 00:20:44.839 about Rod Stewart in a minute. In a minute. Okay, 00:20:44.839 --> 00:20:48.079 circle back. And so when I was growing up, I 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:50.049 really thought that those were just like. And 00:20:50.049 --> 00:20:52.049 the reason my brain thought like that is because 00:20:52.049 --> 00:20:55.230 Mamaw and Papaw would record me. And so I had 00:20:55.230 --> 00:20:57.950 tapes of me singing. And I always just thought, 00:20:58.069 --> 00:21:02.430 well, everybody does that. Rob came over and 00:21:02.430 --> 00:21:05.690 he gave Mom this. And then Barbra Streisand and 00:21:05.690 --> 00:21:09.430 Don Johnson had been here with, Till I Loved 00:21:09.430 --> 00:21:12.589 You. Anyway, so when I got out in the real world, 00:21:12.650 --> 00:21:15.029 I was like, how do you have a copy of this? And 00:21:15.029 --> 00:21:16.589 they're like, these are my mom's people. I was 00:21:16.589 --> 00:21:18.069 like, these are my mom's people. And they're 00:21:18.069 --> 00:21:20.160 like. Your mom's not related to Bette Midler. 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:22.480 I'm like, I'm telling you, they're friends. I 00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:25.460 have this tape. And I really thought that for 00:21:25.460 --> 00:21:27.559 like a great part of my childhood. But now that 00:21:27.559 --> 00:21:29.799 I'm older, like that's my favorite memories is 00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:31.420 like I would sneak out the Bette Midler tape 00:21:31.420 --> 00:21:33.819 and I'd listen to it and I'd put it back. And 00:21:33.819 --> 00:21:36.880 I'd sneak out the single, the single cassette 00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:39.940 of Till I Loved You by Barbra Streisand and Don 00:21:39.940 --> 00:21:42.059 Johnson. And I didn't really like Barbra Streisand. 00:21:42.180 --> 00:21:45.000 I just liked Don Johnson. Oh, her voice is like 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:49.740 butter. I'm telling you. I loved Miami Vice. 00:21:52.220 --> 00:21:57.700 Them driving that car. How did they solve that 00:21:57.700 --> 00:22:00.299 many crimes in those kind of leisure suits? You 00:22:00.299 --> 00:22:02.180 know, they interviewed Don Johnson once and he 00:22:02.180 --> 00:22:06.900 said, who, who thought that we could wear a linen 00:22:06.900 --> 00:22:11.500 suit? And wicker shoes. And wicker shoes and 00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:16.140 chase cops in Miami, Florida. He said, we like 00:22:16.140 --> 00:22:19.299 to have smothers. You know what started the trend 00:22:19.299 --> 00:22:23.720 of the rolled up? He got hot. He got hot and 00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:26.259 his jacket was too long and they didn't have 00:22:26.259 --> 00:22:28.099 enough money in the budget to have it altered, 00:22:28.220 --> 00:22:31.039 so he just rolled it up. And it became, like, 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:34.180 the trend. And the pop collars. The pop collar 00:22:34.180 --> 00:22:36.460 was an accident, too. They got ready on it between 00:22:36.460 --> 00:22:38.299 scenes. Well, now that kind of came out in the 00:22:38.299 --> 00:22:41.220 50s. No, I'm talking about the other dude that 00:22:41.220 --> 00:22:43.500 was with Don Johnson. Oh, I know. He got ready 00:22:43.500 --> 00:22:45.819 really quick one day, and his collar on his little 00:22:45.819 --> 00:22:48.380 Lacoste shirt just stuck up. Well, by the next 00:22:48.380 --> 00:22:52.220 week, it was on people. And they were like, we're 00:22:52.220 --> 00:22:54.079 not setting a trend. I can't remember. He was 00:22:54.079 --> 00:22:56.750 so cute. He had the best little hair. Anyway, 00:22:56.789 --> 00:22:58.450 anybody know who played with Don Johnson in Miami 00:22:58.450 --> 00:23:03.470 Vice in the 80s? The black guy. The black guy 00:23:03.470 --> 00:23:06.069 that rode with the white guy. I'm allowed to 00:23:06.069 --> 00:23:10.170 say that. I didn't say the little colored boy 00:23:10.170 --> 00:23:15.650 like my mama would have said. What? Mom. Yesterday 00:23:15.650 --> 00:23:18.130 she said that big Indian that was on that commercial. 00:23:18.210 --> 00:23:21.950 That's like. Well, he was. He was an Indian. 00:23:22.190 --> 00:23:24.569 Well, no, then I found out later he wasn't. He 00:23:24.569 --> 00:23:27.930 was Cajun. Someone wants to know who that black 00:23:27.930 --> 00:23:32.089 boy was. That black boy that was so cute. God, 00:23:32.210 --> 00:23:34.970 he was pretty. Me and Sean figured out yesterday 00:23:34.970 --> 00:23:37.109 that we're the last generation to have racist 00:23:37.109 --> 00:23:41.289 parents. Listen, we need to address the Rod Stewart 00:23:41.289 --> 00:23:45.220 issue, okay? Now. For those of you who don't 00:23:45.220 --> 00:23:46.720 know me. Philip Michael Thomas. That was his. 00:23:46.759 --> 00:23:48.420 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Oh, 00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:50.640 God. Thank you, Donata. I would have left my 00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:52.940 husband for him. He would have left you for Marky 00:23:52.940 --> 00:23:56.619 Post. Still would. Oh, yeah, of course. But now 00:23:56.619 --> 00:24:00.839 it's Jennifer Aniston. That's his freebie. And 00:24:00.839 --> 00:24:03.319 anyway, let me tell you all the story about Rod 00:24:03.319 --> 00:24:09.150 Stewart. Once upon a time in Irvin. I was like 00:24:09.150 --> 00:24:11.630 14, and I went out with this guy, and he was 00:24:11.630 --> 00:24:15.309 crazy about Rod Stewart. So, I mean, I remember 00:24:15.309 --> 00:24:21.089 exactly where we were. We were in front of Ronnie 00:24:21.089 --> 00:24:23.809 Gradyberger's dad's gas station and the twin 00:24:23.809 --> 00:24:26.490 that was across from one another. We were driving 00:24:26.490 --> 00:24:28.410 up through there, and the guy that I was in the 00:24:28.410 --> 00:24:34.549 truck with said, Do you like Rod Stewart? And 00:24:34.549 --> 00:24:37.730 me? Being so naive and so stupid. He said, no, 00:24:37.750 --> 00:24:41.069 but if you'll hum a few more. I said, you know, 00:24:41.250 --> 00:24:46.990 I don't really know him, but I've heard of him. 00:24:47.069 --> 00:24:48.690 And that leaves us two with brother -in -law. 00:24:49.329 --> 00:24:54.670 I was so embarrassed. And he looked at me and 00:24:54.670 --> 00:24:59.569 said, he's a singer. Thanks, Tom. I didn't need 00:24:59.569 --> 00:25:06.059 that shoe anyway. He said, he's a singer. So 00:25:06.059 --> 00:25:09.480 then I immediately cooked. And it was my goal 00:25:09.480 --> 00:25:13.460 in life to discover who Rod Stewart was. And 00:25:13.460 --> 00:25:15.200 then become obsessed with him. And then I became 00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:17.400 obsessed with him. And I've been to, like, I 00:25:17.400 --> 00:25:19.940 don't know, nine of his concerts. And, like, 00:25:19.980 --> 00:25:22.559 my sister, when you're surprised me, for my 30th 00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:26.880 birthday, with, like, front row seats. In Reparina. 00:25:27.160 --> 00:25:28.880 In Reparina. That was the white and pink and 00:25:28.880 --> 00:25:32.240 gray show. Oh, my God. It was wonderful. That 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:33.839 was the only time I ever wanted to take my bra 00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:37.880 off and throw it on stage. But anyway, so then, 00:25:37.880 --> 00:25:39.420 you know, he's old. The other times we're just 00:25:39.420 --> 00:25:42.039 forced to do it. The other times it was my opinion. 00:25:44.660 --> 00:25:47.380 But, you know, he's getting up in years. He's 00:25:47.380 --> 00:25:51.240 80 or 84 -something. His wife is staying the 00:25:51.240 --> 00:25:54.180 same age. I don't understand it. She's in a club. 00:25:55.759 --> 00:26:00.500 Anyway, Rod Stewart has went over there and run 00:26:00.500 --> 00:26:03.339 his mouth. To Big Ear Prince Charles. To Big 00:26:03.339 --> 00:26:07.009 Ear Charles. In England. You can't tell somebody 00:26:07.009 --> 00:26:09.890 with that big of ears gossip. Well, he ran his 00:26:09.890 --> 00:26:12.029 mouth about President Trump. Now, I'm going to 00:26:12.029 --> 00:26:13.769 tell you something. I don't care who you are. 00:26:13.970 --> 00:26:16.910 You don't go to another country. Well, but actually, 00:26:16.970 --> 00:26:19.690 he's... He went to his own country and talked 00:26:19.690 --> 00:26:23.309 shit about our country. Yeah. I don't like that. 00:26:23.890 --> 00:26:29.190 He made most of his money in our country. I mean, 00:26:29.329 --> 00:26:31.670 and then he's getting ready to go on tour in 00:26:31.670 --> 00:26:34.940 the United States. farewell tour well you know 00:26:34.940 --> 00:26:38.200 i'm i'm serious when he's when he smarted off 00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:44.920 to the charles about trump i just almost went 00:26:44.920 --> 00:26:48.519 in there and got out my 748 albums of rod stewart 00:26:48.519 --> 00:26:51.099 and used them as frisbees well let me just tell 00:26:51.099 --> 00:26:52.680 you that don't do nothing to hurt him you've 00:26:52.680 --> 00:26:54.599 already spent the money on that it's the principle 00:26:54.599 --> 00:26:57.200 i don't know just stop buying more don't stop 00:26:57.200 --> 00:27:00.470 stop consuming more I mean, I even have the books 00:27:00.470 --> 00:27:02.390 about Rod Stewart. I don't even want them in 00:27:02.390 --> 00:27:03.430 my house. And I bought them for you. I bought 00:27:03.430 --> 00:27:04.990 them for you. I don't even want them in my house. 00:27:05.130 --> 00:27:08.190 He pulled a Dixie chick, pretty much. Well, only 00:27:08.190 --> 00:27:12.410 they were from here. But... Well, I just... Your 00:27:12.410 --> 00:27:14.450 mama was a Rod groupie. Listen, I was almost 00:27:14.450 --> 00:27:17.670 named Tyanna Stewart. And Dad said I wasn't allowed 00:27:17.670 --> 00:27:20.329 to be named after a gay British pop star. It's 00:27:20.329 --> 00:27:21.869 true. It's true. And then they was going to call 00:27:21.869 --> 00:27:23.369 me Mary Lewis, and then Dad was afraid they'd 00:27:23.369 --> 00:27:24.910 call me Mary Terry. So when I came out, they 00:27:24.910 --> 00:27:26.769 named me Sarah Beth, and I'm still Sarah Terry. 00:27:28.299 --> 00:27:29.880 Sarah Beth Terry Courtney, which is like the 00:27:29.880 --> 00:27:32.279 longest John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith name ever. 00:27:32.440 --> 00:27:34.220 Well, it's like Magnolia Dorothy Marie Terry. 00:27:35.160 --> 00:27:37.059 Nola Dot. That's what I call her. That's my niece. 00:27:37.759 --> 00:27:39.200 Oh my gosh, I have to tell you a funny story. 00:27:39.339 --> 00:27:40.940 Okay, so Mom and Dad got a new roof this week. 00:27:42.040 --> 00:27:44.359 Finally. It's beautiful. Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful. 00:27:44.680 --> 00:27:46.740 Y 'all drive by. Drive by and be. Send money. 00:27:46.859 --> 00:27:49.700 Send money because we have to recoup. So anyway, 00:27:49.859 --> 00:27:52.740 and they hand sheared it. And my papa would have 00:27:52.740 --> 00:27:54.200 been super impressed with that because he used 00:27:54.200 --> 00:27:56.119 to. He would have. He'd been like, how you doing 00:27:56.119 --> 00:27:59.980 that? Where you boys from? Anyway, so. And they'd 00:27:59.980 --> 00:28:06.480 be going, huh? Okay. Anyway, so they spoke Spanish. 00:28:07.599 --> 00:28:11.900 I did not. And I speak un poquito Espanol because 00:28:11.900 --> 00:28:15.779 I took it in high school. Maggie. I don't know. 00:28:15.900 --> 00:28:20.359 I don't know. Okay. Thank you, Dad. So Daddy 00:28:20.359 --> 00:28:21.759 goes, get out of here and translate. And I was 00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:24.759 like, I don't. He was asking us a question. I've 00:28:24.759 --> 00:28:26.359 taken Italian since I've taken Spanish. Like, 00:28:26.460 --> 00:28:30.799 this is how fluent I am. So. I had to go out 00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:32.880 and basically say, you know, how much plywood 00:28:32.880 --> 00:28:34.799 did you buy? How much is left? I said, thank 00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:36.519 you for taking care of my parents. I called my 00:28:36.519 --> 00:28:38.079 mom and I saw it was a whole thing. So anyway, 00:28:38.180 --> 00:28:41.839 so I was calling my brother who is actually more 00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:44.940 fluent in Spanish than I am, which is none. So 00:28:44.940 --> 00:28:47.940 he's like moderately proficiently fluent. And 00:28:47.940 --> 00:28:49.880 I called Dylan. I said, so I had to play translator 00:28:49.880 --> 00:28:51.220 and I was telling him and Dylan's just cracking 00:28:51.220 --> 00:28:52.680 up. Well, in the middle of our conversation, 00:28:52.839 --> 00:28:55.039 my five -year -old nephew pops up and goes, Queenie, 00:28:55.039 --> 00:29:00.670 I can speak Spanish. Who knows? Dos, tres, cuartos, 00:29:00.769 --> 00:29:08.609 cincos, tacos, nachos, ochos. Dylan's just like. 00:29:11.329 --> 00:29:13.710 I just sit there and he's like, I can speak. 00:29:13.829 --> 00:29:17.670 You tell Papa I speak Spanish. He's four. I was 00:29:17.670 --> 00:29:20.349 like, you do. You do a good job. He'll tell you. 00:29:20.630 --> 00:29:23.509 I'll be five in August. August 13th. Because 00:29:23.509 --> 00:29:25.109 we have the same birthday. Me and Maverick have 00:29:25.109 --> 00:29:26.839 the same birthday. So I said, you're going to 00:29:26.839 --> 00:29:28.980 be five, which means I'm going to be 43. He goes, 00:29:29.059 --> 00:29:32.859 because you're 42 now. And he said, when I'm 00:29:32.859 --> 00:29:35.779 eight, my sis will be five. Dylan said, that's 00:29:35.779 --> 00:29:40.660 right. He goes, I know. It's like Dylan at that 00:29:40.660 --> 00:29:42.839 age. He goes, hey, Dad, you remember that story? 00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:46.619 Tell that story. I couldn't go on a field trip 00:29:46.619 --> 00:29:48.740 with Dylan. Was it kindergarten or first grade? 00:29:48.980 --> 00:29:50.819 It's first grade, wasn't it? Elizabeth Hughes. 00:29:52.200 --> 00:29:54.279 It wasn't Elizabeth Hughes. His name was Rene 00:29:54.279 --> 00:29:56.079 Wainscott. You were Elizabeth Hughes. I was E. 00:29:56.079 --> 00:29:58.359 Hughes. But anyway. He was in love with Rene. 00:29:58.380 --> 00:30:00.299 Oh, my God. Oh, I know. He was so mad when she 00:30:00.299 --> 00:30:04.339 got married. He was six. So anyway, they went 00:30:04.339 --> 00:30:06.759 to the planetarium on a field trip, and I couldn't 00:30:06.759 --> 00:30:10.220 go because I worked. And Corky was on second 00:30:10.220 --> 00:30:12.539 shift, so Corky could go. And they went to the 00:30:12.539 --> 00:30:14.980 planetarium, and you know how they're all sitting 00:30:14.980 --> 00:30:16.980 there in the dark, and they're just showing the 00:30:16.980 --> 00:30:20.000 stars, and Dylan's dead. You see that right there? 00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:24.400 That little group of stars. And Corky said, yes. 00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:29.559 He goes, that's Orion's belt. Corky said, I was 00:30:29.559 --> 00:30:34.259 so impressed. My son knows Orion's belt in the 00:30:34.259 --> 00:30:38.259 galaxy. That's great. He goes, really? He went, 00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:43.920 could be. Maybe. Just making that stuff up. Oh, 00:30:43.920 --> 00:30:50.259 la, la, la. Oh, gosh. Oh. If God had given me 00:30:50.259 --> 00:30:54.059 as much money as he gave me snot, we would be 00:30:54.059 --> 00:30:56.700 rolling in dough. I'd be blowing my nose with 00:30:56.700 --> 00:30:59.140 $100 bills. Yeah, I'd be blowing my nose with 00:30:59.140 --> 00:31:03.980 $100 bills. I hate this. I know. Listen, did 00:31:03.980 --> 00:31:06.339 you tell them? Did you show them your banana 00:31:06.339 --> 00:31:09.500 clip? I found a banana clip in my storage unit. 00:31:09.859 --> 00:31:13.119 Look how feisty she looks today. I'm bringing 00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:17.700 it back. It looks good. It does. See, it does. 00:31:17.700 --> 00:31:19.619 I make 80s hair look good. I've always made 80s 00:31:19.619 --> 00:31:23.019 hair look good. I, on the other hand, did not. 00:31:23.200 --> 00:31:27.900 Oh, God. She had that curly hair and me standing 00:31:27.900 --> 00:31:31.799 there every morning, her going, ow. Ow. I was 00:31:31.799 --> 00:31:35.980 some kind of. OCD? No. I mean, you gave me a 00:31:35.980 --> 00:31:38.140 facelift in the third grade. I was like, this 00:31:38.140 --> 00:31:40.119 is too tough. My mother was a hairdresser. What 00:31:40.119 --> 00:31:41.779 did you expect? I called it the worst headaches. 00:31:42.019 --> 00:31:45.400 And I was like, can you see the board? And I'm 00:31:45.400 --> 00:31:50.119 like, no. I can't. Somebody come take these. 00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:53.720 Oh, I got so mad. You know them things with the... 00:31:55.259 --> 00:31:57.700 The hair things with the balls on the end that 00:31:57.700 --> 00:31:59.599 were so shh. Oh, I hate that. And you didn't 00:31:59.599 --> 00:32:01.700 even wrap them. You just went around it and clipped 00:32:01.700 --> 00:32:03.740 them little balls. Well, I couldn't figure that 00:32:03.740 --> 00:32:06.759 out. So I had worn one in my hair in kindergarten, 00:32:07.019 --> 00:32:10.220 and I had worked it from being a ponytail all 00:32:10.220 --> 00:32:14.240 the way down to right here, and then I gave up 00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:16.720 and just yanked it out. Yeah, you still got a 00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:18.920 bald spot. I still have a bald spot, and that's 00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:21.519 where my hair parts. That's the truth. They were 00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:23.180 rough on my hair when I was growing up. You remember 00:32:23.180 --> 00:32:25.440 when I dyed my hair? High school and granny made 00:32:25.440 --> 00:32:30.480 me scrub it with Tide. Listen, we did that with 00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:34.000 Aunt Jackie's hair in Kansas. Well, you knew 00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:36.339 there was in trouble when there was no 1 -800 00:32:36.339 --> 00:32:39.240 number on the box. The only woman that can move 00:32:39.240 --> 00:32:40.900 to New Mexico and come back with a Minnesota 00:32:40.900 --> 00:32:43.759 accent. Yeah. I'm like, you're in the wrong state 00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:46.619 for that. Because Aunt Jackie, they lived in 00:32:46.619 --> 00:32:50.099 Albuquerque. Albuquerque. And they came over. 00:32:50.829 --> 00:32:53.970 And they invested us in Manhattan, Kansas, because 00:32:53.970 --> 00:32:58.869 we were in the Army. And Jackie came over. Where 00:32:58.869 --> 00:33:01.809 were the kids? The kids didn't come. Kids were 00:33:01.809 --> 00:33:05.170 up by then. Uh -uh. I don't know. Maybe they 00:33:05.170 --> 00:33:08.769 was with Betty. I don't know. But Jackie came 00:33:08.769 --> 00:33:10.609 by herself because she wanted me to color her 00:33:10.609 --> 00:33:14.170 hair. And I said, Jackie, just because my mom's 00:33:14.170 --> 00:33:16.890 a hairdresser doesn't mean that I know anything 00:33:16.890 --> 00:33:20.720 about hair. She goes, oh yeah you can do it it's 00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:25.779 no problem so she sits down on my now we've just 00:33:25.779 --> 00:33:27.920 been married not we've not even been married 00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:32.240 three months she sits down on my brand new comforter 00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:35.619 on my bed with that color on her hair and it 00:33:35.619 --> 00:33:39.339 dripped and took the cup the bleach took the 00:33:39.339 --> 00:33:41.440 color out of my new bedspread i like to have 00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:44.279 lost my mind well then her hair came out the 00:33:44.279 --> 00:33:48.339 color of that koozie i mean it was green and 00:33:48.720 --> 00:33:53.240 I looked at her and I said, I told you. She said, 00:33:53.339 --> 00:33:56.720 well, I knew we were in trouble when there wasn't 00:33:56.720 --> 00:34:00.480 an 800 number on that box. I was like, now what 00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:02.819 am I going to do? So, of course, you know, back 00:34:02.819 --> 00:34:04.680 then there were no cell phones. This was in 81. 00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:08.440 And I called mother in the middle of the week, 00:34:08.460 --> 00:34:11.980 which, you know, that was forbidden. $10 a minute. 00:34:13.610 --> 00:34:15.730 The phone bill for her calling about Thanksgiving 00:34:15.730 --> 00:34:17.590 was more than the grocery bill for her cooking 00:34:17.590 --> 00:34:21.050 Thanksgiving that year. It was. So anyway, I 00:34:21.050 --> 00:34:25.090 called mom. Time difference. What do I do? Dad's 00:34:25.090 --> 00:34:29.050 already in bed. It's after 9 o 'clock. Mom, I've 00:34:29.050 --> 00:34:31.150 colored Aunt Jackie's hair and it's turned green. 00:34:31.289 --> 00:34:35.190 Mother said, oh, Lord, have you got any tide? 00:34:35.650 --> 00:34:38.469 I said, we don't need to do her laundry. I've 00:34:38.469 --> 00:34:41.469 been doing her hair. And she said, no, you have 00:34:41.469 --> 00:34:44.179 to wash your hair with tide. It will take the 00:34:44.179 --> 00:34:48.360 color out. And I went, are you sure? Oh, that's 00:34:48.360 --> 00:34:51.699 a bumblebee. No, it's not. It's a carpenter bee. 00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:55.579 Go ahead. Anyway, so we washed her hair and tied, 00:34:55.860 --> 00:34:59.059 scalded her scalp. Oh, it will flatten, scald 00:34:59.059 --> 00:35:01.579 your scalp. But it did take the color out of 00:35:01.579 --> 00:35:04.019 it. It did. Yeah, I took mine out. I dyed it 00:35:04.019 --> 00:35:06.239 real dark. I thought I would be really gothic 00:35:06.239 --> 00:35:08.179 one year, and I dyed it real dark brown. Not 00:35:08.179 --> 00:35:10.800 black, real dark brown. And Granny literally 00:35:10.800 --> 00:35:14.219 poured the blue tide in the orange bottle over 00:35:14.219 --> 00:35:19.039 my head. You going to get a pop? I think he said 00:35:19.039 --> 00:35:23.179 no. He said he might. I just make stuff up. I 00:35:23.179 --> 00:35:26.380 can't hear. Do you want to go with him? I said 00:35:26.380 --> 00:35:30.860 I make stuff up because I can't hear. I just 00:35:30.860 --> 00:35:35.400 make up their answers. I think he said yes. I'm 00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:37.639 going to the antique store to spend $5 ,000. 00:35:39.480 --> 00:35:42.340 Mom taught me the best advice for marriage ever, 00:35:42.420 --> 00:35:44.380 and I'm going to share it with you. Oh, God. 00:35:45.139 --> 00:35:48.119 Never give an open -ended question. You give 00:35:48.119 --> 00:35:50.360 a yes or no question. We're going out to eat. 00:35:50.639 --> 00:35:52.480 It's always multiple choice, right? You never 00:35:52.480 --> 00:35:54.079 give yes or no. It's always multiple choice. 00:35:54.480 --> 00:35:56.300 That's what you told me. Not, do you want to 00:35:56.300 --> 00:35:59.480 go out to eat? No. We're going out to eat. Do 00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:00.860 you want to go to the Wigwam or Burger Barn? 00:36:01.980 --> 00:36:05.460 Burger Barn. See, then it's their choice. You 00:36:05.460 --> 00:36:07.239 just narrow the options. That way they feel like 00:36:07.239 --> 00:36:11.039 they're in charge. Never a yes or no. Always 00:36:11.039 --> 00:36:15.780 a multiple choice. Scarlett, however, is like, 00:36:15.860 --> 00:36:18.639 we're doing this. Listen, this is the most nonchalant. 00:36:18.679 --> 00:36:20.860 She lives up to every ounce of her name. Her 00:36:20.860 --> 00:36:24.480 name is Scarlett O 'Hare. And didn't understand 00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:26.260 what that meant until she was a little older. 00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:29.940 I went with her 10 years ago when she got her 00:36:29.940 --> 00:36:32.000 permit, and we were driving through town because 00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:33.239 you have to have a grown -up in the car, and 00:36:33.239 --> 00:36:35.780 I was the closest thing. So she had to go pick 00:36:35.780 --> 00:36:37.420 up something at the pharmacy. I don't even remember 00:36:37.420 --> 00:36:39.079 what it was. We're going through the drive -thru. 00:36:39.159 --> 00:36:40.699 I thought you were going through McDonald's. 00:36:40.699 --> 00:36:42.559 No, we were going through. We're getting mom's 00:36:42.559 --> 00:36:46.119 medicine, pharmacy. I've always told it was McDonald's. 00:36:46.119 --> 00:36:49.179 Well, you're telling it wrong. So we get in the 00:36:49.179 --> 00:36:50.780 drive -thru, and the girl apparently recognized 00:36:50.780 --> 00:36:52.679 Scarlett that was running the window. We're not 00:36:52.679 --> 00:36:55.599 supposed to swing. It's my porch. No, but it 00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:59.860 makes us sick. Oh, anyway. She goes, well, Scarlett, 00:36:59.880 --> 00:37:01.440 here you go. She goes, have a great weekend. 00:37:01.579 --> 00:37:04.340 And Scarlett goes, and the window just goes. 00:37:05.779 --> 00:37:07.599 And I said, Scarlett, you could have said you 00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:09.679 too. She said, I don't know her. I don't know 00:37:09.679 --> 00:37:11.159 if I want her to have a good weekend or not. 00:37:11.480 --> 00:37:15.500 And I was like, that was, no, John was in the 00:37:15.500 --> 00:37:17.659 McDonald's drive -thru. Okay. We were on our 00:37:17.659 --> 00:37:20.579 way to VBS, and he was four, three or four, he 00:37:20.579 --> 00:37:24.619 was in the car seat. And, of course, McDonald's 00:37:24.619 --> 00:37:25.980 food's never ready when you order it, so we had 00:37:25.980 --> 00:37:28.960 to pull up. And my buddy, Matthew, brought out 00:37:28.960 --> 00:37:31.480 our food. And his nickname says Matt, or his 00:37:31.480 --> 00:37:34.000 name tag. And John's in the back seat, and I 00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:39.480 can hear him. i'll be right back well remember 00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:45.820 your mic's on are you going to the bathroom bad 00:37:45.820 --> 00:37:52.280 so they brought us our food and we pull out and 00:37:52.280 --> 00:37:55.599 john goes what a dumb name and i said what he 00:37:55.599 --> 00:37:58.900 goes matata he's been sitting there the whole 00:37:58.900 --> 00:38:01.079 time sounding out the nickname do you want to 00:38:01.079 --> 00:38:07.690 come sit with me on the swing for a minute Oh, 00:38:07.710 --> 00:38:09.489 she doesn't want to be on the camera. Scarlett's 00:38:09.489 --> 00:38:12.190 like, no, I don't want to be on camera. But that's 00:38:12.190 --> 00:38:15.630 where we all are, like, dotted. She's going to 00:38:15.630 --> 00:38:16.969 move closer. She just doesn't want to be on camera. 00:38:17.070 --> 00:38:21.530 So we can still talk. I'm putting this microphone 00:38:21.530 --> 00:38:23.949 by you so you can be heard when you answer questions. 00:38:24.170 --> 00:38:26.110 And then Mom can put it back on. She almost walked 00:38:26.110 --> 00:38:30.750 to the bathroom. That would have been bad. It 00:38:30.750 --> 00:38:34.579 just cracks me up. So, mom and I never hardly... 00:38:34.579 --> 00:38:36.440 Okay, so here's a question for the people that 00:38:36.440 --> 00:38:40.679 are watching. If mom were to do her own front 00:38:40.679 --> 00:38:44.579 porch thing, not cigarette mom, now she'd be 00:38:44.579 --> 00:38:47.500 front porch ponderings again, would y 'all watch 00:38:47.500 --> 00:38:50.440 her? She's wanting to know. She's like, I want 00:38:50.440 --> 00:38:51.880 to take him junking, and I want to, like, take 00:38:51.880 --> 00:38:54.500 him into the attic and, like, purge stuff. And 00:38:54.500 --> 00:38:57.880 I was like, I'll ask him. So, if you want Mama 00:38:57.880 --> 00:39:00.699 Tammy to do Tammy's front porch ponderings, then... 00:39:01.279 --> 00:39:03.300 make a comment or something because she's wanting 00:39:03.300 --> 00:39:06.239 to start her own channel. I'm like, no, I've 00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:08.780 created a monster. She said, Sean said I'm not 00:39:08.780 --> 00:39:11.099 allowed to swing. I was like, you can't sit and 00:39:11.099 --> 00:39:14.659 swing and not swing. But I'm on TV, so he's like, 00:39:14.719 --> 00:39:16.780 don't do that. I'm like, man, he's in the bed, 00:39:16.840 --> 00:39:24.099 so. He has no say. Jessica Dennis Mullins, you 00:39:24.099 --> 00:39:26.099 better get up here. Do you have to work today? 00:39:27.079 --> 00:39:29.340 Scarlett's here. Mom's here. I'm here. Aunt Lane 00:39:29.340 --> 00:39:30.900 will come out. We've got tea. She just made a 00:39:30.900 --> 00:39:33.199 pitcher last night. You could be up here by like 00:39:33.199 --> 00:39:35.739 quarter till ten if you left right now. If you 00:39:35.739 --> 00:39:36.860 go through town and if you feel like getting 00:39:36.860 --> 00:39:38.519 me a pack of cigarettes, then let me know. I'll 00:39:38.519 --> 00:39:41.840 pay you back when you get here. Now I'll have 00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:43.199 Dad and Mom pick me up a pack when they go to 00:39:43.199 --> 00:39:46.159 town for a pop. That's what Mom and Dad do. They 00:39:46.159 --> 00:39:48.219 get up every day and they go to town for a pop. 00:39:49.019 --> 00:39:50.900 And me and Sean made fun of that for a long time 00:39:50.900 --> 00:39:52.960 until we realized that's a lot of fun. Because 00:39:52.960 --> 00:39:54.219 you go sit on the hill and have breakfast and 00:39:54.219 --> 00:39:55.639 watch people have fender benders down in front 00:39:55.639 --> 00:39:58.139 of McDonald's because they're stupid. It's the 00:39:58.139 --> 00:39:59.260 best entertainment that you can have in a little 00:39:59.260 --> 00:40:01.960 town. So now in West Virginia, me and Sean will 00:40:01.960 --> 00:40:03.639 get up. And we usually about once every day or 00:40:03.639 --> 00:40:05.260 so, we'll go to Sheetz. And he gets a Monster. 00:40:05.460 --> 00:40:08.460 And I get usually a Propel. And we'll get a pack 00:40:08.460 --> 00:40:09.820 of cigarettes. And he's like, your mom and dad 00:40:09.820 --> 00:40:11.139 go to town every single day. And I'm like.