Good evening. The dishes are done. The kids are
in the bathtub. I'm speaking from everybody else's
experience as neither of those things are happening
in my house right now. Nay. The 930 hours bonus,
friends. Today is Tuesday, July 21st, 2026. Welcome
to the porch. I don't feel good. I'm trying to
get out of it. But I still don't feel good. Feels
like I've had bad sinus drainage this week and
my stomach's just a little bit upset about it.
I think it's because the weather's been changing.
Thank you, Jen. Jen said I can tell you're losing
weight. Yes, you can. You know why? Because I'm
fat in my face. I wear them big old fat faces
like them big corn fed girls. I have jowls. I
was telling that to G the other day. I said,
you might want to get you in them vibration plates
for when you get off the road because, I mean,
you tend to puff. She goes, excuse me? And I
was like, I'm a friend. You get a little puffy
and you stay up past 11 o 'clock at night. She
goes, that's the meanest thing you've ever said
to me. I said, I assure you it is not. When I
first met her, she came up to me at a bar and
she had a hat on. And she said, I'm supposed
to meet you. This was like 15 years ago. And
I said, cool. I was drunk. That's why I don't
drink anymore. And she goes, I'm Gretchen Wilson.
I was like, no, you're not. She's not that old.
And she took her hat off, and I went, oh, you
should have been using face creams. She hated
me for a good solid three weeks, and then she
figured out that that's just the way I am. It
didn't matter who you are. She saw me say something
similar to Trent Tomlinson about his new hair
plugs. So at that point, she was like, oh, she's
just an asshole to everybody. I'm like, yeah,
I'm an equal opportunity asshole. I've been due
DEI for years. I want everybody to feel included
in this ass -whipping. Dare I leave anyone out.
All right. Here is your top 10 news stories in
the U .S. President Trump announced sweeping
new tariffs, including future tariffs on imported
generic medications and expanded tariffs on Canadian
goods. I almost said geese. We're not importing
Canadian geese. All right. It's almost a 50 %
tariff. They might as well be buying weed, recreationally,
across the state lines. That's how much tax is
on the shit from Canada right now. Okay, the
administration continues recording a record immigration
enforcement after June arrest, top 43 ,000. 43
,000. 43 ,000 arrests in the month of June. Okay.
Tom Holmes wanted to at least hire, like, I think
he said 10 ,000 more ICE agents, and they're
talking about putting a detention center down
in Gitmo. I'm like, I thought that was a detention
center. What is down there if it's not a detention
center? Like, what are we doing? Like, can't
we just get, like, another building at Gitmo?
Like, I thought that's what they already did
was detain people down there. Like, we're building
something? Anyway, I'm so confused about the
way the world works sometimes. Congress questioned
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth over the growing
cost of military operations against Iran. Well,
we ain't wanting to start a fight, but we will
finish it. I'm more excited about the fact that
they're making all the male military members
test for testosterone to make sure they have
plenty of testosterone, because you can't be
fighting battles if you're wanting to hold and
feel with them. Be like, they didn't mean to
bomb us. They're just going through a hard time.
No. Shoot first, ask questions later. That's
why you joined the US of A military. So, just
saying. Check, make sure that they're eating
enough blueberries and putting that stuff up
under their arms if they're over 40. I'm just
saying. Take them to a strip club before they
go overseas. I don't know. Get that testosterone
up. Take them to Hooters. Get them some wings
and some boobies and then put them on them. Did
you just start laughing so hard that you had
to hide your face? Girls, do something for our
country. You're wearing pantyhose and socks and
K -Switch tennis shoes. The least you can do
is just be like, good luck on your future endeavors.
Get that testosterone up. Just saying. Stop doing
that. Please stop doing that. You sound like
Dylan. Like adding just sound effects to my shit
right now. Federal officials froze over $1 billion
in Medicaid funding to California and Minnesota
during fraud investigations. A voter registration
here in New Jersey mistakenly registered thousands
of non -citizens. Did it? Did it? Did it accidentally
register thousands of non -citizens? Did it,
though? Did it? Because I have to show my ID
to buy weed, and I have to show my ID to use
my Coles cash, and I have to, now I do, because
they know that I'm using somebody else's, but
now I have to show my ID to literally buy hairspray
at Sally Hair Supply, but we don't have to show
it to vote for the people that are running shit.
Okay, Jersey. Jersey! Sneaky bastards. Okay.
A federal judge paused the proposed Paramount
Warner Brothers discovery merger. Don't make
that sound effective. Sounds like I did it. And
everybody knows I don't have gas. I'm incapable
of flatulence. It's the Southern way. So let
me ask you something. The Paramount Warner Brothers
Discovery merger, is that kind of like an Amazon,
Disney World, Apple, Coca -Cola, Pepsi merger?
Quit putting things together sometimes. I'm just
saying. We all split off into our different camps
years ago. There's no sense to try to build another
Tower of Babel. That's all I'm saying. Okay.
House Democrats opened another inquiry related
to the Jeffrey Epstein documents. Was it why
he's in Florida and going by? South Beach Pete
or whatever it is. They hollered his face. They
hollered at him the other day and he went, you
know what that is? It's called the cocktail party
effect. If you hear your name, you're going to
look up. That's the cocktail party effect. Somebody
could be across Walmart and go, Sarah. And I
go, why would he answer to Jeffrey if that ain't
his name? Inquiring minds want to know. See,
you get it too. Stop putting soy in everything,
and then testosterone levels will be higher.
That's true, but then you're going to have a
lot of menopausal women who will fight a running
chainsaw without some soy sauce and some tofu.
You've got to quit. You've got to quit. I'm trying
to do stuff, and you're not the audio producer.
You're just a heckler in my live audience tonight.
I asked him to sit out here with me. I didn't
think he was going to participate. Stop it. Stop.
I mean, I'm going to take your phone away from
you, like a five -year -old in the back seat.
Stop it. Dog. Does anybody want a husband? Barely
used. He'll come and mow your grass. I'm just
kidding. A double? No. Okay, if you honestly
think that that man... There's three things I
know. Three things that don't hang themselves.
Christmas ornaments, air fresheners, and Jeffrey
Epstein. So, you know, like I'm just saying,
like, if you think that that mysterious footage
just disappeared, he rolled out the body bag.
Anybody see the A -Team? Hannibal took a suicide
pill, woke up in the damn crematorium, and lit
a cigar and freaked the little fella out. I watched
it. That was 15 years ago. If they put it in
the movies 15 years ago, that means they've been
doing that shit for 40 years before that. Because
that technology has to be declassified by the
United States government in order for somebody
else to use it in the medium of art. Huh! Learn
a book. I'm going to throw you another loop,
too. Charlie Clark went at his funeral. Helen
Keller flew a plane and Rosa chose a bus. Let's
go down a rabbit hole sometime. I will blow your
mind. All right, here we go. Arizona's upcoming
primaries are becoming a major test of Trump's
election strategy. Probably because Erica's from
out there. He's probably like, just run out there
real quick and tell all your constituents since
she was Miss America, Miss Arizona, just like,
statistics and a half. We have a lot of problems
with Arizona sometimes when it comes to politics
and voting. I don't know why, but that seems
to pop up on the news a lot. So, I don't know.
Canada is preparing responses to the new U .S.
tariffs after discussions between Prime Minister
Carney and President Trump. Okay. Great. Okay,
debate continues over expanded election security
legislation ahead of the 2026 midterms. Y 'all
can keep talking about it, but until somebody
does something about it, it really doesn't matter.
We have another meeting to talk about the possibility
of having a meeting to have a meeting to have
another meeting to discuss the election meetings.
And then we'll have an election. Sometimes it's
better to ask forgiveness than permission. That's
all I'm saying. In the world news, fighting between
the U .S. and Iran intensified for a tenth consecutive
night. Listen, I didn't want to get involved,
but I think that I'm going to have to. Somebody
put me on a plane over across the ocean to the
sandbox and let me talk some sense into these
heathens because all I think we need is a cheese
ball and maybe a gallon of sweet tea and just
to have a little come to Jesus. Father Abraham
had many sons, and many sons had Father Abraham.
I am one of them, and so are them. So let's just
praise the Lord, right arm. Just saying. All
right. Iran reported attacks in and around the
Strait of Hormuz, disrupting our shipments of
oil again. Oh, thwarted again. Damn it. I know.
It's just more of the same. It's literally the
same whore different race. Okay. So Yemen's Houthis
announced... Houthis? Houthis? Houthis? Houthis?
Anyway, they're in Yemen. Announced a blockade
targeting Saudi shipping routes. Really? Now
y 'all gonna start some shit? We're already by
land and by sea now? You're gonna put a troll
under a bridge? What's next? Stop it! Chinese
and Philippine personnel clashed again in the
South China Sea. Seems like they'd be more concerned
about the big earthquake that hit them today
rather than fighting against each other. Maybe
that's what caused the earthquake, because the
Lord's going, stop it! Quit it! Lebanon's president
met with President Trump to discuss regional
security. Well, he might as well. He's the only
one that hasn't yet. Afghanistan rescue crews
continue searching for flood survivors. That's
something you don't hear every day in Afghanistan,
the biggest sandbox in the world. Most people
don't understand that there's four different
climates in that one tiny country, and that's
where it's the cradle of civilization. They're
caught flooding right now. I know. I know. Do
I have COPD from smoking? No. Do you have a chip
on your shoulder from judging somebody? You see
how rude that is? You see how rude that is? Mind
your own business. Stay on your porch. UN officials
urged renewed diplomacy to prevent wider Middle
East conflict. Good. Here comes the UN with their
blue helmets telling everybody to get along.
That's like a hall monitor in the middle of a
high school fight. You're not going to do nothing
but get your ass whooped. Anyway, the Black Sea
attacks are raising concerns over global grain
exports. Can everybody just get along? Can everybody
just get along? I know, and some people can't
keep their opinions to themselves, and that's
why we make examples of them on the porch. If
you don't like what I'm doing, scroll on. If
you don't like the way that I'm smoking my cigarette
that doesn't affect you, that I bought myself
with my own hard -earned cash, scroll on. If
you have something to say about my health, my
well -being, scroll on. Unless you feed me, fuck
me, or fund me, I ain't concerned. Business and
economy tonight. Pharmaceutical companies are
evaluating the impact of proposed U .S. drug
tariffs. All right, more of the same, sounds
like. Oil prices remain elevated as Middle East
conflict threatens shipping lanes. Hasbro shares
received a boost from continued success of Magic
the Gathering, and I'll get really excited about
that. OECD reported global supply chain trade
reached record highs despite reshoring efforts
and Fairlife temporary halted operations following
a ransomware attack. You're going to have a hard
time with your milk. If you drink Fairlife, if
they had a ransomware attack, Coca -Cola, it's
going to take a couple days to get it straightened
out. The London Stock Exchange continues exploring
a 24 -hour trading route. That seems, I don't
like that at all. I don't like going 24 hours.
Listen, you've got to rest. Even the Lord took
a rest. Tabitha, that's right. Clean the porch.
I love you guys so much. I don't even have to
chase off the raccoons and possums. Y 'all just
do it. All right. Moving on, biotech acquisitions
remain strong under looser regulatory conditions.
Basically saying nothing in the financial times.
Canada weighs economic responses to new U .S.
tariffs. I don't know what to tell you, Canada.
I mean, maybe you shouldn't pick to fight with
us. Brent crude remains above recent averages
due to conflict concerns, and global manufacturing
continues adapting to geopolitical tensions.
Basically, everybody's gone freaking nuts, and
we're trying to figure out how to still get our
goods and services from Amazon and Shell. If
y 'all get along, we can get our shit quicker.
If you can't get along, it's going to take longer
to get stuff. I'm just saying. All right. In
science and technology, for those of us that
keep up with it, scientists renewed debate over
whether NASA's Viking mission may have overlooked
evidence of life on Mars. I think that we should
be more concerned if there's life in Washington
because so far they all seem dead from the waist
up. So can we focus on finding intelligent life
in the places that we already inhabit rather
than a place that we're never going to be? Can
we all agree on that? Let's find intelligent
life here, and then we'll go other places. Does
that sound like a plan? Can we get NASA on board?
Noble laureates called for stronger global safeguards
on artificial intelligence. Great. If y 'all
spend as much time working on your craft and
working on your art and working on the things
that make you intrinsically human rather than
fight the things that aren't, you probably get
more done. That's an old restaurant trick. You
can either bitch about who's not closing and
not cutting lemons and not rolling silverware,
or you can just roll silverware and cut lemons
and just go home. Too many chiefs not near enough
Indians. Okay, China tightened export controls
involving advanced AI technology, and research
continues studying climate impacts on global
infrastructure. Oh, I wonder what that means.
That means it's been really hot and then really
cold and then really hot and really cold and
then we turned off CERN and then we started making
clouds and then we started controlling the weather
and then all the earthquakes started going off
and then a volcano went off and then we just
had nothing but flooding and fires all over the
United States for no apparent reason. And we've
been under three heat zones since the first of
December? Huh. Yeah. That's probably right. Okay,
researchers are checking into AI regulation.
It's remaining an international policy topic.
Elon warned us about this. It's here. You can
either coexist with it or you can pull the plug.
That's what people aren't understanding. Pull
the plug. Cut off the power source. If you cut
the head off that snake, it won't bite you no
more. There's a solution. Defense technology
spending remains a congressional focus because
we're fighting everybody that's big enough to
step up to the plate right now. Probably going
to need a little more money for it, just in my...
civilian opinion maritime surveillance technology
is expanding amid regional conflicts i'm not
worried about maritime surveillance as much as
i am about the flock cameras in putnam county
that the sheriff keeps lying about lying about
they're not on period period period oh bobby
oh bobby listen bobby they are on i know that
because i've seen them on. I've seen the infrared
flash. I have seen them accept power from somewhere.
And if you stand right underneath these flock
cameras, it says, do you want to join this Wi
-Fi network? Thought they wouldn't know. Bobby.
Seems like we're going to need a change of command
in Putnam County soon. Liar, liar, pantalones
en fuego. lie lie pants on thigh so in health
news proposed drug terrorist dominated health
care policy discussions we got the drugs we need
the drugs they have the drugs they're going to
send us the drugs we're going to charge them
more to send them over here everybody understanding
all right the u .n data reported a global hunger
declined again though progress remains uneven
we're feeding more people we just got to get
more food to them seems like Heat continues affecting
outdoor workers and athletes worldwide as we're
under a heat dome and then rain and then more
of a storm and then more heat dome. Stay cool.
Stay hydrated. Let's see. Healthcare funding
debates continue in Washington as we try to figure
out where to send the money to since everywhere
that we've been sending it to has defrauded the
government by billions of dollars. Seems like
we should ask for ID for that too. Hmm. Anyway.
A literary prize was awarded to a food delivery
driver this week for poetry. Goes to show that
you never know who's dashing. A viral photo of
Lionel Messi holding baby Laminia Mile will become
a rare trading card. I don't know what that means,
but congratulations. Summer movie attendance
remains strong and music festivals continue to
adapt to heat concerns. The sports collectibles
market remains hot and major studios continue
restructuring efforts after the mergers in Hollywood.
In sports, Joey Logano captured his first NASCAR
Cup victory of the season, so congratulations
to Joey. The Boston Red Sox extended their winning
streak to 14 games. Yankees defeated the Pirates
after benches briefly cleared, and Tigers remain
focused on keeping ace Tariq Skubal. Tops announced
his special Messi -Yamal trading card. Heat continues
impacting outdoor sporting events worldwide.
The World Cup organizers contend planning around
climate concerns and athlete safety measures
remain a major focus. Amid extreme hot temperatures.
Because of that reason, indoor competitions are
gaining popularity. Summer sports calendars are
increasing, being adjusted because of the heat.
So you might be playing a little longer. Just
stay out of the heat this week. So, just letting
you know. Alright, here's some porch talk that's
a little fun. A teenager bought a jacket at Goodwill
for $3 and sold it later for $89 ,000. Wouldn't
you love to run into that deal at Goodwill? I
mean, come on now. The world's tallest nutcracker
was debuted in Minnesota this week. Russian prison
guards reportedly caught a cat being used as
a drug mule. Dogs will tell you where the drugs
are. The cats apparently will deliver it. There
you know. Sorry, we had to have a tea break.
A Powerball -style lottery system is coming to
the United Kingdom, so you can also join in the
fun of all of us spending our hard -earned cash
on Wednesdays and Saturdays for a chance of getting
struck by lightning. A mystery confession solved
a decades -old murder case, according to Newsroom
this afternoon, and a United flight diverted
to an Air Force base under unusual circumstances
earlier today. The Acropolis briefly evacuated
tourists after a frightening incident earlier,
and one cruise ship is making headlines after
repeated mysterious illnesses. Fashion critics
say fashion slop is becoming the newest internet
buzzword. I've been calling it fashion slop forever.
Don't wear that. Just because they have it on
your side doesn't mean you should have bought
it. Just saying. It's the things that I think
about. Oh my goodness. It is so hot today. And
then it got real rainy. So. Just to see if there's
anything else that we didn't talk about that
doesn't matter. But anyway. We have 10 babies
in the chicken coop in case anybody wanted to
know. Tonight isn't about rushing. It's about
landing. The world's been awful loud today. Between
notifications and bills and politics and bad
news and weather and opinions from people who
couldn't pick you out of a lineup. This porch
has always been a place where we can remember
who we are. Take a breath. You made it through
another Tuesday. And that's what counts. All
the rest of the news will still be there tomorrow.
Here is what matters tonight. Someone welcomed
a new baby into the world today. Someone got
to ring the bell after finishing a cancer treatment
today. A farmer somewhere finally got the rain
he's been praying for for weeks. A little kid
caught their very first fish today. Someone decided
not to give up today. I think that's worth celebrating.
Those stories usually don't make the evening
news, but they're happening every single day.
God is still moving in quiet places, you know.
From around the farm, in case you want to know,
I've been taking notes this afternoon. By this
hour, the chickens have finally settled down.
I don't hear no more peeps or gobbles from the
coop. That's funny, ain't it? The birds that
spend all day fussing over every single thing
usually just take their heads under a wing and
trust tomorrow will come anyway. There might
be a sermon in that. I'm not sure. In my porch
blow -up report, I haven't lost another pound
on the scale, but apparently I'm losing my jaws
in this turkey neck, so I'm just going to take
a small victory. I did go get on that shake plate
today at the Planet Fitness, and it shook my
brains out. It's helping with my cellulite. I
swear it is. I can't throw away tomorrow because
of today. I learned that. One meal doesn't ruin
a diet. One missed walk does not erase weeks
of effort. One bad day does not define your story.
Progress, friends, isn't built by perfection.
It's built by coming back. It's built by faithfulness.
There's that word again. Again and again and
again. It's the definition of faithfulness. For
your feral Christian corner this evening, it
is enough. One of my favorite moments in scripture
is when Elijah finally admitted that he was exhausted.
He had stood against hundreds of prophets. He
had watched fire literally fall from heaven above.
He had seen miracle after miracle after miracle.
And then he sat under a juniper tree and said,
Lord, I'm done. I'm tired. God didn't start with
a lecture for Elijah. Remember that. He didn't
say you need to pray harder. He didn't say you
need to have more faith. He let Elijah sleep.
And then he fed him. And then he let him sleep
again. Only after he rested did God speak. Sometimes
the most spiritual thing that you can do is just
eat supper, drink some water, turn off your phone,
and go to bed. The scripture involved with that
is from 1 Kings 19, verse 7 in the King James
Bible. Arise and eat, because the journey is
too great for thee. God ministers to whole people,
body, mind, and spirit. Can I tell you something
that I've learned or been learning this week?
Not every battle deserves your energy. Some arguments
don't need winning. Some comments don't deserve
answering, Sarah Beth. Some people are committed
to misunderstanding you. That's all their job
is. It's just to not get you. And that's between
them and God. You've got to protect your peace.
Jesus didn't chase every critic, and neither
should you. So there's just a little bit of information
for you. And Appalachian wisdom for this evening.
My grandpa would have probably said, and I always
called him Pat, Pat would have said, don't borrow
tomorrow's trouble. If anything is, Jesus said
the same thing. Take therefore no thought for
the morrow, sufficient unto the day is the evil
thereof. Meaning that, let tomorrow take care
of itself. You've got enough stuff to worry about
today. Turns out mountain wisdom and kingdom
wisdom often meet on the same front porch. So
you know. I haven't felt good today. I tried
to. Sean went and got his hair cut. It's short
now. Sean Courtney, are you watching right now?
You need to come show my people your haircut.
He went short. I know. I'm going to tell him
to come show people their haircut. He's probably
in there on the phone. Come show them your haircut.
So we did that. And I went to the tanning bed.
And the... shake plate thing the total bob the
thing and then we took off to charleston and
he got his hair cut and i ministered to a young
man that was down on his luck and gave him a
ride and visited for a minute and then we went
to show carnival and i got my flip -flops on
sale for half price i know i know it was a good
day then we rushed home we got home just in time
for the storm of the century to break and all
it did was make my garden wet and freak out my
chickens if we didn't get, thank goodness, the
weather that everybody else did. But Manfredville
got slammed pretty hard. Garrison got slammed
pretty hard. Kanawha got slammed pretty hard.
This is a rough storm that's blown through the
region the past day, so keep a weather eye out.
We ain't out of it yet. Yeah, Shannon, he cut
his hair. I know. I'm glad. It's not going to
be as hot for him. Thank you, Becky, for letting
my part in the Gretchen video. She told me to
come as myself, so I did. I even borrowed that
chicken. That wasn't even my chicken. I acquired
a chicken. I was telling them to come out here.
He's just not got it yet. I'm like, now? I was
like, just come on out. They don't care. They
just want your hair. So, in case you didn't know,
we are into the dog days of summer. Old timers
call this the dog days of summer. The stretch
between early July and mid -August when the heat
settles in so heavy that you feel like you're
wearing your clothes instead of you. It's just,
oh my gosh, it's like, it's terrible. They'll
tell you things like, if the dew's still on the
grass, leave the hay where it lays. If the Katie
did start singing before dark, folks figured
tomorrow would be another scorcher. This is also
canning season. Keep that in mind. Kitchen windows
stayed fogged up from pressure canners. Green
beans snapped into enamel bowls while stories
got longer with every handful. Tomatoes became
salsa sauce in enough jars to get a family through
the winter without botulism. There wasn't much
wasted here in Appalachia. If you had extra,
you shared with it. You gave it to your neighbor.
If your neighbor's garden did better than yours,
you got a sack of corn on your porch with no
note attached to it at all. That's just how mountain
people say I love you. We just take them beans
and take them food and take them eggs and be
like, here, I had more than I needed. A newspaper
in Kansas recently shared a story about an 87
-year -old man who still mows the lawn of several
widows in his town every week, and he has for
years. Isn't that fun? Still does it. When someone
asked him why he still did it, he just shrugged
and said, somebody mowed my mama's yard when
my daddy died and I'm just paying back a debt
I'll never be able to prepay. Isn't that something?
The world likes to keep score, don't it? Grace
doesn't. Maybe that's what heaven looks like
sometimes. Not grand gestures, just ordinary
people quietly carrying on for one another, you
know? So if you're wondering tonight whether
those small acts of kindness matter, they do.
They always have. So, one more porch thought
for you. If you drove past an old farmhouse tonight,
chances are you'd still find a porch light going.
Not because anybody's expecting company, because
somewhere deep in our bones, we still believe
someone might need to know that there's a way
home. That's our job as Christians, too, not
to drag people home. Just to leave the light
on. So, that's what I know. We're tossing around
some ideas first. Somebody said let's do a Sarah
Beth Terry convention. I got a lot of comments
about it. Matter of fact, a lot of messages.
It's like, let's have a weekend. Let's go junk.
We're putting something together. There'll be
an opportunity coming up soon where you can come
to the I'm Sarah Beth Terry and you're not weekend.
One day I'll be Cigarette Mom. One day I'll be
Fair Christian. We'll junk. We'll yard sale.
We'll eat. We'll visit. If that sounds like something
that you'd be interested in, then let me know,
and we'll start planning it. Someone with cucumbers
on their porch today? I'm so jealous. My cucumbers
ain't done nothing. Nothing. So, I've had such
fun, bitchy comments on my Bible study stuff.
That's what's so funny. People said that my lantern
was shady. Well, it might be smoked up, but it
ain't shady. If you would worry about your relationship
with God as much as you worry about my relationship
with God, we wouldn't be having this discussion,
now would we? If you were as concerned about
getting yourself right with Jesus instead of
making sure that I am, you see the irony in that?
You see the log in your own eye while you're
picking out the sawdust in mine. Do you see it?
Do you see it? I just want to make sure. Blows
my mind sometimes. I'm like, you've got to be
kidding me. Smith says she'll travel. Heather
said yes, it's every other weekend. I just, I
think that'd be fun. Like, maybe have a swap
meet. Like, you bring a truckload of stuff that
you want to put in here. We'll just have the
old community yard sale. We'll go swap shop.
And then we can just go junk together and then
maybe eat some lunch and then maybe I'll do a
concert that night. And the next day we all get
up and have feral Christian Bible study and have
dinner on the ground so everybody can go home.
What do you think? Does that sound fun? I think
it'll be a fun weekend. I can't get over what's
trending this week. I haven't heard them talk
about the Red Sox winning streak since I was
in college. So that's pretty cool. The rare soccer
card, I guess. The $3 thrift store jacket that
got almost $90 ,000 online. I mean, what look
is that? So. Remember, even though it's not going
to be as hot this week, to make sure that your
animals have water and shade. Just makes you
worry. Been a long day. Between ripping and running
and weather prepping and getting some new tennis
shoes and Bible study planning and house projects.
Thinking about tomorrow. Tomorrow looks like
a good day to get outside and enjoy my walk and
soak up a little sunshine, I think. That's what
I'm going to do. I think we'll get up pretty
early and go just... The other day I got 8 ,000
steps in before lunchtime. I know. I know. But
if you are trying to keep up with us and come
see us in real life, on Saturday we'll be at
the 145 Roadhouse in Campton, Kentucky in the
Red River Gorge. So make sure you come and see
us. It's pretty exciting. Then on August the
1st, we're going to be in Inez, Kentucky at the
Appalachian Artist Festival. I'm the headliner
that evening at 8 p .m. There's music all day,
but I'm at 8, so if you want to come. And then
we're in Camden, Tennessee on August the 8th.
The 15th, we're back in Van Leer for a private
party. The 22nd, we're in Sapphire, North Carolina.
I don't have anything for Labor Day just yet.
Then we're in Richmond, Kentucky the second week
of September. We're in Hurricane, West Virginia
the third week of September. Fourth week of September,
I think I have a week off. And then going into
October, we get ready to go to Florida, to Perry,
Florida for that show on the 17th. Anyway, but
if you would be interested in doing a Cerebratory
Weekend, let me know because I think that'd be
fun. We should do it later in the fall. One,
because we can wear our fur coats. And two, because
it's the fall. And we're all going through our
stuff in the summer and be like, I don't need
to put this, I need to get rid of this before
I put my Christmas tree up. Okay, let's do that.
I think that sounds like a good plan. Amy's coming
to the concert on Saturday. And there will be
t -shirts available, so get really excited. Got
new merch. Gonna go order some more tomorrow
for the shows in August. I know. So excited.
When are we having a weekend? I don't know. I
just wanted to see what y 'all thought about
it first. And then we'll start planning it. Hang
on. Let me get him. Sean, darling. Everybody's
wanting to see your haircut. Can you make an
appearance? He didn't have his phone. It's out
here on the porch. I've been texting him this
whole time, and his phone's sitting here on the
porch. So before we part ways for the evening,
I do want you to see my husband's new haircut.
Looks great. I would love to come to Beckley,
too, Jennifer. Book me a gig. Do you have any
shows towards Pittsburgh? Not yet, Carrie, but
find me a place to play. A place to sing? Sleep
and smoke. I'm on the way. Crazy. Too many festivals
involved. That's why I'm not having a festival.
I just want to have a weekend where we can all
just go, hand me a cigarette and hand me a piece
of that cheese ball. Yes, Perry, Florida, October
17th, Trish. They want to see your new haircut.
Don't, no, you have to come over here. We can't
leave. Oh, okay. Ah! It's all gone. Mm -hmm.
It's all gone. So. No, you just live like that.
You have to give them more than that. Oh, well,
I didn't know you were feeding the dogs. My bad.
If you don't feed the dogs at a certain time,
then they go nuts. I think it'd be so much fun
to see everybody in fur coats and house coats
and hats and house shoes and come as I am in
the Gretchen Wilson video. Just come on. I was
supposed to go to the Destin Songwriters Festival,
but they have decided to... To renege on their
contract with me. So, I'm not going to travel
that far for no money. I can't. I can't afford
it. Wish I could. That's almost 18 hours one
way for me. I can't afford that for the price
that they gave me. So, anyway, that's Sean's
haircut. It's all gone. I'm so excited. That's
what I know. Been really working today. Just...
I know. Sometimes I just kind of get tired. But
it's okay. I think I just need more carbs. I've
been doing nothing but protein and fiber, so
I just need to get me some more carbs. I know
he looks like 10 years younger now. They're going
to think I'm his mom. Every time. But he looks
very handsome. He's always been the best looking
man I've ever seen, but I like his hair short.
So now it's off here to figure out if I'm going
to eat anything before I go to bed or if I'm
just going to crawl in the bathtub and read my
Bible and then crawl under the covers. I'm about
halfway through Hebrews right now. Tomorrow night
is our Bible study instead of being on Thursday.
So we will be on this porch at 7 p .m. Eastern
time for the Bible study. So make sure you join
us. Tell a friend. And share that post on my
page that tells it's tomorrow night instead of
Thursday. Carol, go do your good. We're going
to look for one. Aaron, that was the same problem
Sean had. I was like, we're going to have to
do something about this. He's getting too hot.
So. Last cigarette, and then I'm going to get
off here. Excuse me. Brandon sent me information
about it. That's what's going on my neck of the
woods this weekend. We're headed to Campton,
Kentucky, and then I got to head to Nashville
for a couple days to work on some song rights
and then go get my guitar because Mary Jane's
finally ready. And then we come back and get
ready for a week in Inez, and then we go back
to Tennessee. So praying for Janie's husband
who is at St. Mary's. Pray for your hubby. Thank
you, Jen. Welcome to the porch. Glad you're here
for it. What you see is what you get. April,
you'll have to watch the replay. We just went
over the news and talked about the day. Nothing
major. You know, just visit on the porch. So,
that's what I know. I need to tomorrow get up
and go to the tractor supply and get some more
chicken feed. And I got to go to the post office.
And I got to go on my walk tomorrow. I just don't
feel very good, Heather. This weather has just
made my sinuses just real wonky. And I've just
felt like I've been kind of in a daze all day.
It's just my sinuses are so full because of the
weather that I'm just like. But Sean's like,
you can go live. And I was like, I wouldn't because
I don't feel good. But I've always been honest
with you. And I'd rather talk to y 'all. So.
Your man got a cut from a very flirty lady. If
you can't call 911 with 10 stab wounds, maybe
flirt with your own husband. That's all I'm saying.
It's hard to do hair with no hands. I'll cut
them off at the wrist. When am I in Nashville?
I'm swinging through on the 28th. I have a ride
that day. I don't know if I'm going to do anything
that evening or if we're going to head on home.
And then we are going to be coming through the
7th and 8th of August on our way to Camden. Tennessee.
And the Bible study is tomorrow night at 7. You'll
have to watch the replay. I get it. Thursday
night I've got meetings and I didn't want to
miss my Bible study with y 'all so we're going
to do it on a different day. Yes, Carrie Ann,
we will absolutely include our internationals.
That'd be so fun. We'll just put up like a monitor
and be like, tune in. Live. All day long. Elizabeth,
we'll be praying for you. You'll get through
it. God's got it. just if you're praying for
me just pray that i just feel better my energy
is just thwarted just zapped and i was probably
just perimenopause or maybe it's pms maybe it's
both i don't know but i just feel just blah hey
praise report from mary campbell on god healed
her brother from stage four colon and liver cancer
great God bless that child. Oh, that's so exciting.
Praise report. Thank you, Lord. That's good news.
I love that we pray for each other, that we talk
to each other, that we chat to each other. That's
what it's for. That's what the porch is. So,
who knows? Sometimes I go live at 2 in the morning
with some fried green tomatoes. Sometimes I go
live at 6 in the morning when I go on my walk.
Sometimes I go live at 10 o 'clock at night and
talk about the news. I ain't taking my magnesium,
Valerie. Thank you for telling me that because
I've been taking it every single day. I appreciate
that. But taking my B12 and my D3 and my magnesium
and my multivitamin and my biotin and my collagen
and my fiber. I'm even taking Metamucil gummies.
Which is only 5 grams of fiber when you need
at least 30. Might have to eat a whole box of
shredded wheat. Which, did you know there's enough
naturally occurring LSD and a box of shredded
wheat that you can get a buzz? You'll shit your
bed before that. You might get a little buzz.
Well, hello. Christian. From a feral Christian
pastor. I love that. There's a lot of us. I was
in the house. Hey, Mary Ellen. That moth ran
right to my mouth. So, Melissa praying for you.
She needs peace. Rita's going to carpool from
Arkansas. Jane's going to be 44 next week. I
know, sister. I'm looking 43 down the barrel
and I'm like, I don't like this. And did you
know that if you have ADD that you go through
menopause quicker? Why? Well, not quicker, but
sooner. I'm like, why? Why? But why? So. So remember
to pray for each other. If you watch the replay
and you see a prayer request go up, just say
a couple for who needs one. You know. The Lord's
a great multitasker. He's an omni -tasker. He
can literally do everything at once. Hey, there's
going to be 41 on Sunday. Happy birthday. Carrie
Ann said, once you finish cougar puberty, you
enter many paws and can get more animals. Oh,
my husband will be so excited. I want an emu,
but I don't have the land for it. The hot flashes.
Jen, let me tell you something. There's something
at the Dollar Tree right now. It's called 1 -2
Menopause. It's in a little purple and white
bottle. And it's got one step, two steps. And
one's a cream and one's a spray. And it's got
like tea tree oil in it. And if I have a hot
flash, I spray that on my feet and on the back
of my neck. And I'm like, it's the best money
I've ever spent for five quarters. So check out
your Dollar Tree. You might find some too. Aaron,
that's true. And I don't know why everybody is
so crazy about Cap 'n Crunch. It tears the roof
of my mouth all to pieces. Might as well be eating
a razor blade. All right, friends, well, I'm
going to go into the studio soon to put out some
new music. I'm working on a new project. I'm
working on a new book. I'm working on a new cookbook.
I'm working on a new festival that we're putting
together. There's a lot coming up. So if anybody
wants to be boots on the ground and help us spread
the SBT word and be fan club presidents or, you
know, send out mailers or, you know, recruit,
invite your friends, we'd love to have you. This
is a group effort. so happy birthday to april
gonna be 39 on friday robin you had two emo show
up but that would just make my whole life if
that happened me only had to change clothes listen
there's a reason why granny lived in them house
dresses i'm telling you get you some of them
cheap oh walmart pearl snap dusters you'll thank
me later So that's all I know from my side of
the porch. Just think whatever you're doing,
do it with gusto. Remember to keep your Bibles
up and pat it down your head. Don't sweep because
people are acting crazy. Be nice to other people,
animals, and children. And try to love your neighbor
if you can't give it to God because he loves
you and I do too. And we'll both see you right
here on the porch tomorrow until we see each
other again. Remember, friends, that I love you.
I'm glad that you're here. Share me with your
friends. Book me in your neck of the woods. Holler.
I'm not that hard to get a hold of. But in the
meantime, remember, I'm Sarah Beth Terry. You're
not