I'm Sarah Beth Terry, and you're not. Oh, good
evening, friends, and welcome to another fun
edition of The Cigarette Mom. It is Wednesday,
July the 15th. That is a spiderweb with a great
big damn spider on it. Oh. My. Gosh. Hang on.
Oh, you are beautiful. Oh, I can't bother you.
You're too pretty, Charlotte. I wish you could
say it's beautiful. Well, the labor be. Oh, I
reached my hand out and I was like, that is the
spiderweb. I felt like Gwen Stefani for a second.
Sorry, I can't answer the phone. I'm busy walking
into spiderwebs. That's not the words, but whatever.
Hello, welcome. It is Wednesday, July the 15th,
2026. Pull up a rocker. Tea is cold. Crickets
are singing. Welcome to the porch. Apparently,
Charlotte is taking care of the bug problem here
on the porch, so I'm not going to mess with her.
There's a stick -em -tie in my chair cushion
from where the tag came out. Hate that. All right,
your top headlines today. In the Middle East,
the United States carried out another round of
strikes against Iranian military targets overnight,
while Iran continues to threaten shipping and
regional energy infrastructure. World leaders
continue urging negotiations as fear of a wider
regional conflict remain high. I'm afraid they're
going to tell their friends. We're going to have
to tell our friends. Everybody's going to have
a fight. daylight savings time get excited the
house has approved legislation that would make
daylight savings time permanent if it ultimately
becomes law the measure now continues through
the legislative process and if you're familiar
with through branches of government then you
know what that means could you imagine it not
getting dark at four o 'clock in the afternoon
before christmas oh wouldn't that be heavenly
i'm so excited i'm so excited Junior, you need
a song by July the 19th? Shoot me a message.
I'll get started. That gives me about four days,
but I can do it. All right. In immigration, following
several deadly incidents involving immigration
enforcement, federal officials announced changes
to vehicle stop operations while broader policy
debates continue. Don't get me started. I just...
I have to show nine forms of ID to go to the
dispensary. And no one's got a problem with that.
But in order to vote, can't be showing our ID
for that. In order to live here, can't be showing
our ID for that. Anyway, in weather, the heat
wave, meteorologists continue warning that large
portions of the country remain under dangerous
heat with high overnight temperatures creating
added health risks. I blame CERN. So, you know,
there's that. There's that. So, in Appalachia
and West Virginia news, West Virginia announced
new funding aimed at strengthening the rural
health care workforce. I think they should work
on establishing a rural road to the hospital,
and then people could probably get there to work.
I'm just saying. Comcast and Appalachia Power
are once again in dispute over broadband pole
attachment fees, an issue that could affect future
internet expansion across the state. Lord, they
have to feed the squirrels and stay on top of
the hillside now. Why can't we just get Elon
down here and just end all this? Huntington Hospital
is preparing to offer an advanced liver cancer
treatment that has previously required patients
to travel out of state. So, congratulations.
You can stay right here in the state if you have
that particular diagnosis. Oh, Junie was just
letting me know that July 19th is the day that
you'll celebrate. Well, then why tell me? I wouldn't
have known any different. There's somebody still
doing fireworks in the neighborhood. Well, happy
14th of July. Whatever. All right. Good news
around America. Volunteers in several states
are helping elderly homeowners repair porches,
ramps, and roofs free of charge. So that's awesome.
Animal shelters continue reporting record adoption
rates through summer Clear the Shelters campaigns.
So. Community gardens are producing thousands
of pounds of fresh vegetables for the local food
banks. Libraries around the country are expanding
free seed exchanges for backyard gardeners, so
make sure that you check out your local library.
You might be able to find something to plant
in your yard that you've never had before. More
veterans are being paired with retired service
dogs through non -profit programs, which is awesome.
Rural churches continue opening cooling centers
during this extreme heat. High school shop classes
are building wheelchair ramps for neighbors,
which I think is the best use of their time and
effort instead of birdhouses. Children's hospitals
continue receiving thousands of handmade blankets
from quilting groups. Local beekeepers report
strong honey production after a healthy spring
bloom. And more small -town farmers markets are
accepting snack benefits, increasing access to
fresh produce for those that are on food stamps.
So, that's exciting. That's all I know. That's
what it told me. That's what it told me in human
interest today as far as Google's concerned.
I said, give me some good news. I should have
been more specific as where it was happening.
But, there you go. Chicken corner. If you're
keeping up with the chicken corner, summer heat
can reduce egg production even in healthy hands.
So, if you are not getting quite the production
that you are seeing normally this time of year,
I blame the weather. So don't go, be easy on
your chickens. It's hot for them too. Fresh water,
shade, frozen watermelon treats, frozen corn,
and good ventilation will keep your flock much
happier this week. Also, a little apple cider
vinegar in the waters will help clear up any
congestion. In chicken news, on my farm, we lost
Liberace today. Oh, I have nursed him for three
days. I knew he was getting sick. He didn't feel
good the other night. He's real, he was, he was
really timid. Was scared of his own shadow. So
I'm pretty sure he had a heart attack the other
night. And he's kind of just been real pale for
like three days. But he was still drinking. And
he was still eating today. And then I went to
check on him this afternoon. About an hour later.
And he was. He was not long for this world. So
Liberace was a bainey. A fleur de mille rooster.
With little bell bottoms. That's why I called
him Liberace. I loved him. He was a really sweet
little thing. And now he is gone to his eternal
reward. But out with the old and in with the
new. There were two babies born today. So maybe
we'll have another Liberace. I lost two of my
favorite chickens in the past month. I know.
They're chickens. But I named them. And I love
them. And I just have to let them go. So. Anyway.
In Garden Gate. Speaking of gardening. I'm going
to do something while we're talking about it.
Daylilies are really beginning to shine this
time of year. So. If you got daylilies, enjoy.
Deadheading spent blooms won't make each flower
last longer, but it helps the plant put more
energy into producing new blooms. So don't be
afraid of deadheading them flowers. They'll come
back bushier. Basil's the same way. If you start
seeing some seeds, pinch them off because they'll
send all that energy on up to the leaves. In
the bird wire today, oh my goodness, I had a
visitor this morning, a great blue heron. landed
in the big tree above my coop and scared the
turkeys and scared the heron and everybody made
noise. It was hilarious. I was like, what is
that? Its wingspan is like eight foot long. Oh,
I'm sorry, little spider. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Are you okay? Anyway, his wingspan
is this big. Leonard's fine. He was the first
to tell me that Liberace had passed. Like, literally
started squalling. He's such a good little rooster.
But there was a great blue heron in my backyard
today. Great blue herons are often spotted around
creeks and ponds here in West Virginia, especially
during the summer mornings and evenings as the
temperatures cool off. Seeing one perched high
on a tree surprises a lot of folks, but it is
perfectly normal. They often roost there between
their feedings. I see some of the comments. They
come across very quickly, so I'm looking as quickly
as I can. In country music, summer touring season
is in full swing with festivals and county fairs
packing calendars across Appalachia. That's a
lot of C words that I wrote down today. It's
one of the busiest weeks of the year for independent
artists making their rounds. I have two shows,
three podcasts this week, so yeah. Ramping up.
Here's you something that I learned today. Did
you know... that a cedar tree can naturally resist
insects and decay for decades because of oils
found inside the wood itself. Did you know this?
That's one reason cedar porch beams cost way
more up front, but Outlast treated pine. I was
looking at pricing some cedar beams today, and
a 6x6x12 cedar beam runs anywhere between $200
and $250. So if you've got some cedar trees around
your property, cut them out, let them dry out,
and you can use that and save yourself some money.
There's my cat. So... I have two podcasts. I
have The Feral Christian and I have Cigarette
Mom, and they're on everywhere that you get podcasts.
RSS and Apple podcasts. They're good. On this
day in history, in 1410, the Battle of Grunwald,
one of medieval Europe's largest battles, was
fought. In 1799, the Rosetta Stone was discovered
in Egypt and has been plaguing first -year freshmen
ever since. Uh, in 1916, Boeing was officially
incorporated. A short five years, six years after
we flew the first plane, we were like, we're
gonna go ahead and, uh, incorporate. Uh, in 1975,
the Apollo -Soyuz test project launched the first
joint U .S.-Soviet space mission. Something about.
If you're here because you know me as the Pharaoh
Christian, here's your verse of the day. Trust
in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not
unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways
acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.
That's Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Trust God. He'll
lead the way. That's the synopsis of it. It's
National Hot Dog Day. See, I knew I got them
out of the refrigerator for a reason. I might
have to have me a hot dog. Here's a little tip,
friends. God sometimes doesn't show you the whole
road. Just enough to see the next step on the
map. Faith isn't on where the trail ends. It's
trusting the guide who already walked it. So,
there you go. Here's your front porch question
for the evening. What's one thing you've always
wanted to learn to do, but you just haven't started
learning it yet? I, for one, would like to learn
how to can. Cause I know how to can a little
bit, but not a lot. I think I can. I think I
can. I think I can. Hogies and grinders. Hogies
and grinders. Oh! Run to Earl down at the feed
store today. And I said, Earl, what's going on
with your bed? And he said, well, sir. It's never
sir. Sir, the doctor told me to watch what I
ate. And I said, how's that going? He said, well,
I've been looking at myself in the mirror while
I ate my donuts. It's going pretty good. I love
old men at farm stores. They're the best. Oh,
Lord. You know what I love about a porch, friends?
You know why I love this? I talked about this
last time on my podcast with Leah. I love a porch
because no one has to impress anybody. Like I
just rolled in from the Dollar General. I rolled
by the pickleball courts where they're apparently
having some kind of FIFA World Tournament at
the pickleball courts. There were so many people.
I was like, there's no way that we can play pickleball
with this many kids here. So I had to come on
home. Anyway, you don't have to impress anybody
on the porch. Just come as you are. The millionaire
and the mechanic. Both creak the same rocking
chair. The chickens don't care what truck you
drove up in. The dog doesn't ask who you voted
for. And the sunset charges everybody the exact
same price. Something holy about ordinary things,
as we've discussed. Sometimes I think God smiles
the biggest when we're just sitting still long
enough to notice him. So, pay attention. So,
tonight is another fun edition of Let's Color
In The Map. I'm so excited. Because we almost
got it full the other night. We almost got it
full. So, give me a second. I have to readjust.
I have to move you around. Because you can't
see the map from there. So, hang on. We have
to readjust. Put you on a different holder real
quick. Stand by. Oh, you're going to the ceiling.
Get excited. Get excited. And look, there's my
other phone holder. All right. Now, let's move
all this stuff out of the way, shall we? All
right. Now, let's get our map out here. Today
is July the 15th. Sarah Beth, you've been saying
it's the 14th for 20 minutes. Stupid. 15th. Today's
15th. Don't write no checks and take my word
for it, good Lord. I'm telling you, I'm not well.
I got too hot today, and I blame CERN again for
that. I feel like that was an unnecessary heat
wave that we've been having going on, but that's
all right. Can I please have thank you? All right.
I was looking for the rest of my comments so
I could still see them. Where's my crowns? All
right. All right, all right. Oh, Lord, we gotta
catch up. I just saw the first one sharing in
Virginia. That's where I'm picking up. Just grabbing
a color. Not brown. Why? Why was it brown? Color
in. Oh, Virginia. East Virginia, if you will.
All right, hello, Virginia. Welcome to the porch.
Okay, Oregon. Let's keep our crowns out so I
don't have to dig in Mary's rear end over here.
I'm gonna color your green. Is that all right?
I like this color green. Reminds me of springtime.
Got Oregon on the porch this evening, thank goodness.
Hello, Arkansas. Hi, Connie. I'm not gonna put
gray. Why am I picking up all the ugly colors?
That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my
life. Going there to pick out a pretty color
and I pick out a gray and a brown. What's that
about? Anyway, Arkansas in the house. Hello.
Alabama, hi, April. I was wondering if you was
on the porch tonight. What's up, girl? Alabama.
Sorry, I'm, like, fighting the stand over here.
I might have to, like, go up underneath it. All
right, moving down Georgia. Hi, Melissa. What's
going on in hot Georgia today? Anything important?
Gotta get another crown out. Let's go purple.
Why not? We've seen George on the mat. It's purple.
Alright, where else? Iowa. Hello, Mary Ellen.
How are you in Iowa tonight? What's going on
up there? Anything of note? Any word from Des
Moines? Arkansas, see ya! I say hi, Amy in Kentucky.
Let's get us another color roll in here. I use
purple. Oh, well, that's appropriate. Blue. Got
Kentucky there for you, babies. Good to see you.
Canada! Can't write it down. Ha ha. Oh, and I
also need to write the date. Today is 7 -15 -26.
I keep track so we can see how far our porch
is spreading. Missouri. Hello, KD. What's going
on in Missouri tonight? The show me state. Glad
to have you from Missouri. Oh, well, hello, gotcha.
Oh, hi. Let's get some Ohio up in here. Good
to see you here on the porch, Ohio. Good to see
Michigan. Hi, Christy. Or is that? Yeah, that's
Michigan. I look too quick. I was like, wait.
Wait a minute. Make sure I know my postal abbreviations.
Don't want anybody thinking I don't know where
I'm at, where I'm going, what I'm doing. All
right, glad to have Michigan on the porch. Hello.
Hello, Shirley in Kentucky. Got you colored in.
Hello, Jessica in Florida. Let's get Florida
in here. You know, let's go that pretty green
again. We need some more green down here by Florida.
FYI, I will be at the Destin Songwriters Festival
in October, so that announcement went out today,
so super excited. Texas is in the house. Hello,
Elizabeth. How are you tonight, darling? We always
go red with Texas. I'm gonna do pink Texas tonight.
That's just what I feel like. It's my map. Color
it whatever color I want to. Glad to have you
here from Texas on the porch. Welcome. All right.
Moving right along. Tennessee, hello, Scarlett.
How in the world are you? Why? I'm going to get
rid of that brown. It just keeps popping up.
All right. Tennessee. Hello from Mississippi.
Hello, Cynthia. How in the world have you been?
Doing all right, I hope. I need a different color.
What color do I want? I need to just pull one
out of Mary here. Hang on. There we go. Sorry.
Let's make sure I got the right color Mississippi.
All right, Mississippi's on the porch. Good to
see you. Hello, Angela in Kentucky. Happy birthday
to Carrie. Mississippi, Pennsylvania. Hello,
Shanna. Sorry, I had to have a sip of my tea.
Pennsylvania's on the porch. Good to see you.
South Carolina. Hi, Barbara. How are you today?
Glad to have you here. Hearts, West Virginia.
Hello, Jamie. Thanks for being on the porch tonight.
I'm gonna go green for West Virginia because
it's awful green here right now. On the porch
from Nashville. Hi, Lori. We'll be in Nashville
coming up here pretty soon. I gotta travel through
on my way to Camden, Tennessee. Oh, I'm a -lovin'
it. You wanted purple? Well, Christy, I did green.
Sherry's in Illinois. I'm sorry. You should have
said something quicker. Tuning in from Illinois
in a beautiful spring green. Welcome to the porch.
Illinois, Illinois, Kentucky, Mississippi, Kentucky,
Ohio. Wisconsin, hello! Hi, Holly. I'm so glad
that you're here. We gotta get Wisconsin colored
in. I was just talking Wisconsin the other day.
Spotted cows and squeaky cheese, two of my favorite
things up there. Every time I go, I look for
the big statue of my friend Johnny Stanton, who
was born and raised there, but they haven't put
one up yet, so, you know, just keep wishing.
Glad to have Wisconsin in the house tonight.
Thank you so much for being here. Hi, Heather
in South Carolina. Got you colored in. Arizona.
Fantastic. Fantastic! I love when we get to color
in a state out west. Cause you know I'm probably
kin to like 90 % of the people in here. I don't
hardly know nobody out there. I don't know if
I have any cousins out there. Probably. Alright.
Indiana, welcome to the porch. Glad to have you.
What color haven't we done up that way yet? We
ain't done a real pretty purple up that way yet.
Let's go darker. It's pretty purple. Alrighty.
Welcome. Hello, Carolyn and Inez. Hello, Susan
and Letcher County. Hi, Robin and Irvin. Angie's
in Ohio. Karen's in Oklahoma. I don't have to
sing it every time, sir, but you don't have to
sing it every single time. It's just the musical
theater geek in me. Oklahoma. Mammoth Cave, good
to see ya. Sweet corn is delicious in Iowa. I'm
sure it is. Send me some. Hello from Buffalo,
New York. Hello, Roseanne. What color are you
in? New York? Nope, can't go purple. Just did
purple. Got a whole different color. Good to
see New York on the porch and the little island.
Thornburg, Virginia. Hello, Nicole. Glad to see
you. Scottsdale, Arizona. Heidi. Pennsylvania,
Arizona. Sharon just pulled her back out pulling
weeds. Well, I've done that. I threw my neck
out and blow -dried my hair yesterday, so I get
it. Heather's in from South Carolina. Good to
see you. Waco, Texas. Hi, Delton. Missouri in
the house. Hi, Melissa. Greetings from Wisconsin.
Greetings back to you, Brandy. Robbins in California.
Let's get that colored in out there. All right,
there it is. Pennsylvania, hello, Stephanie.
Good to see you. Do you know the rest of our
crew in Pennsylvania? Have y 'all met each other?
Yep. Anderson West, by God, hello. Tennessee,
hi, Scarlett. Cheryl's in from Virginia, hello.
Parker, glad to have you on the Maxon. Caroline
got her ticket for Destin. Thank goodness. South
Carolina's in the house. Illinois. Illinois.
Nancy's in Alabama. South Carolina. Hello, Texas.
Indiana. I feel like William Shatner on Miss
Congeniality. Missouri. West Virginia, California,
Illinois. Indiana, Indiana. Wait, Vicki and Debbie,
y 'all need to meet. Y 'all are both in Indiana.
Michael's in Ohio. Hello, Michael. Welcome back
up this way. Glad to have you. Here from North
Carolina, finally. Julie, we got somebody from
North Carolina. I was beginning to think that
somebody forgot to put us on their feed. I'll
be back in North Carolina on the 22nd day of
August in Sapphire for a show. So those tickets
are on my website if you haven't got those yet.
Get them quick because there's only about 50
tickets for that show. Okay, we've got the South
just about covered. I went for Louisiana to show
it. California, hello Robin, I saw you. New York,
hi Sarah. Carol Polly Rogers is in West Virginia.
Oh, goodness. Y 'all got smoky air up in Wisconsin?
Thanks, Shawna. I colored it pink because I liked
that color. Melissa's up in Westchester, Pennsylvania.
Good to see you. Oh, thank you, April. Appreciate
that. Sandy's in Dunbar. Listen, I'm going to
come up there and go junk, so let me know when
you're free because we'll go together. Arizona,
Missouri, Montana. I want you to camp for Idaho,
too. Well, I'm glad you told me because I wouldn't
have counted it. Been to Montana, ain't been
to Idaho, so. Sometimes I feel like it looks
like somebody's just looking down on Idaho, just
like looking over them. That's like a little
angel face there in the corner of Montana. That's
what I always thought it looked like. Idaho.
We're starting to color in. Look at our Upper
Northwest filling out. Good with green. Nothing
from the Goodwill this week ain't bent. Emphasis
on Southern Illinois. I'm right there with you,
sis. I understand. Thank you, Parker. Thanks
for sending people to like and follow and subscribe.
That's awesome. Hello, Julie in Spruce Pine,
North Carolina. Good to see you. Alicia just
grew up in East Tennessee. Anybody got in that
area? The Smoky Mountain area. I got North Carolina.
Found you. There you are. Oklahoma, New York,
California. Oh, what? Louisiana. There you are,
Sherry. I was waiting for a Louisiana. We didn't
have one yet. And that surprised me. I'm loving
it. Kentucky, Minnesota. Now we get to color
in Minnesota. Good to see you. Welcome to the
porch. Look at us. We've got more coverage right
now than AT &T. North Carolina. Hi, Jewel. Oh,
I love that y 'all are making friends on the
porch. That's what it's about. Texas, I see ya.
How are you, Bobby? Ashley's from South Carolina
and West Virginia. Got them both colored in.
We're good. California's nice. Louisiana's here.
Minnesota. Yes, ma 'am, Amanda. You know the
rest of the words. That's awesome. Oh, I love
it. I'm just scrolling down. Oh, I love this.
Look at all of us. Salem, Virginia. Oh, Minnesota.
Planning on same fire. There's Cynthia. Hi. I
love this. Minnesota's in the house. Garfield,
Georgia. Hi, Heather. I was wondering if he was
going to be on the porch tonight. Melissa, am
I doing any shows in Pennsylvania? No, but if
you book me up there, I will. Thank you, Teresa,
for liking my song. Parker, I'm glad that you're
here from Canada, brother. Oh, and Denise is
here from Canada. Do y 'all know each other?
Y 'all should meet. Sherry's in Knoxville. Ashley's
watching from Louisville. Hello. Kansas. Hi,
Sherry. Let's get you on here. We ain't got Kansas
yet. How dare us not put... Why can't I get a
crown that's worth a shit today? Everyone I pick
up is like... Maybe they got too hot today. They're
kind of melty. Maybe I should put it more in
the shade, not on the porch, you know? Crowns
of the sun, they are made of wax. Amanda's here
from Upstate New York. West by God, Virginia.
Hi, Kate. Jason's in Eastern Canada. Another
Canadian. Love it. Hello, Brittany. Welcome back.
Hi, Melissa. Watching from Oregon. So glad, Brittany,
that you're going to be down towards Destin.
Mississippi's here. Hi, Lisa. So, this is who's
watching so far this evening on the porch. Where
is Washington? Well, Washington's here on the
map, or you could be talking about D .C., which
is way up here. So, you know, which one are you
from? And I'll color it in. Jennifer, we will
pray for your aunt. Everybody pray for Jennifer
Zant. She's been in the hospital for almost a
month and her health's going downhill. Christy,
feral Christian retreat. That's awesome. We are
doing a feral Christian in the wild in Greenup,
Kentucky on August the 20th. Is there a bit?
20th. That's right. August the 20th. So you can
get tickets to that as well. Melissa's shouting
out to the show me state. Oh, and Chris, you
accepted your friend request today, so now we're
officially friends. So, see what I'm saying?
We gotta get some... We gotta go out west and
do some shows, I think. And we gotta get some
shows up in here, too. So, you know. Lucky they're
making friends on the porch. I appreciate y 'all
being here. And I love that we lift each other
up on the porch. We celebrate with each other.
We pray with each other. We cry with each other.
We bitch with each other. We smoke with each
other. It's what we do. So I'm glad to see that
you all are taking it off the porch and onto
your own porches because that's what it's about.
Oh my goodness. Sorry, that was right in your
all's ear. So this is what we have represented
on the porch tonight. Tina's in Taze Valley,
West Virginia. Me too. Tina, why ain't we met
yet? Hello. I'm just right down the road. Jen,
we're praying for you, darling. I'm gonna put
you on my prayer list this evening too when I
get to talking to God by myself. I usually walk
out in the garden and visit with him before I
go to bed. I'd love to come to Oregon, Denise.
Book me a show. Have me a private concert. Invite
20 of your closest friends and charge them 20
bucks a piece. I don't know. Have us out there.
Hello, Anna and Larry from Ohio. Happy anniversary.
Married 54 years. Melissa made her RSVP for the
Destined Songwriter special. That is awesome.
My darling husband Sean's watching. April, I'll
look for that on my friend request. Thank you
so much. I always like to have friends in Alabama.
Hi, Erica. Look at all these people we got. Look
how big my porch is. So excited. Yes, call me
tomorrow because there's been a change in the
schedule. And I think it's gonna help us both
out. Right? So excited to see you. Another Okie
on the porch. Hello, Karen. Welcome. We're so
glad to have you here. Hello from Southeast New
Mexico. Oh, and Angela was baptized tonight.
Welcome back to the family, sis. Glad you came
home. Let's color in New Mexico, shall we? Because
we don't ever get to. I like purple tonight for
some reason. Maybe it's because I looked at the
sunset. Maybe it's because I'm wearing a purple
shirt. Maybe it's because I have a Barney flashback
from when I was a kid. Hell, I don't know, but
I'm looking purple tonight. So, glad to have
you. Welcome to Mix -Up. See, you see this very
definitive line that we don't have no porches
on? What's up? We gotta get some porches. Hi,
donation. We gotta get some porches in Nevada
and Utah and... Wyoming and the Dakotas. Rhonda,
that one's only gonna be live at the shows for
the next couple weeks, and then we're gonna put
some online. I ordered a small batch to begin
with. But, thank you, Michelle. That popped up
in my memories, and I thought, I know it ain't
our anniversary, but I love him just as much
as the day I married him, and love him even more
every day, so why not share my wedding videos
for me? Hello, Tammy. Went to high school with
Tammy. Good to see you. You gonna come to one
of my shows sometime? I'm gonna be in Wolf County
next Saturday. So, come see me. Glad that you're
here. I love when we all get to get on the porch
and shout out where we're from and then y 'all
like go, hey, come play at this place or hey,
come play at this place or hey, would you come
to my pool party or my house concert or my barbecue
or my whatever. Brisk. I don't care. We'll be
there. Just holler. I'm about to be petted extras
because I dropped one of my cigarettes on the
ground and I'm picking it up through my toes.
Not the part I put in my mouth. Don't worry.
I wish you could see this. I'm so... Look, picked
it right up with my toes. Oh, I love it. Thank
you for sending an invite to Wyoming. Congratulations.
That is so cool. I've really been thinking about
getting re -baptized and I've been baptized a
lot. I was baptized also for tradition when I
was nine. I was baptized out of guilt when I
was in my 30s. And now I think I want to do it
for the real reasons, you know. I've been saved
a long time, but it's something about rededicating
your life to Christ that renews your... It's
kind of like getting a new library card. You're
like, I've been to the library before, but now
I can look at all these books and come hang out,
and it's quiet. Laura's in Arizona. Hello. Jeanette's
here from Illinois. Whether or not they say Jeanette
barely is pregnant. Like, if you ain't said nothing,
that's exactly right, Parker. You might be my
biggest fan up north. And up there in America's
top hat. If you ain't seen your state colored
in yet, then what are you waiting for? Holler.
If you ain't seen your country, be like, put
my country on there and I'll write down. Normally
we have, we have Australia in the house. I'm
so glad that y 'all spread the love and spread
the porch. And just know that you always got
a friend on the porch. I don't care what time
of day or night. The fan's usually on. There's
sweet tea in the fridge. Just don't forget to
feed the cat. And, you know, make sure you shut
up the chickens if it's dark. Chrissy said the
fire alarm went off in the church when she got
dipped. Well, there's that. I fell in the baptistry
the first time. Fell in. Slept. Splashed. They
yanked me back up. Dipped me again. Double dipped
in Jesus. Arkansas is here. Hi, Rita. Parker,
I know, right? It's like something about doing
it when you're older. It's kind of like getting
married when you're in your 40s. Like the first
time you do it because that's the next logical
step, you know? And then this time you did it
because it's a conscious decision and you decide
that you want to live that way. So, I mean, it's
the same way, I think. So, I think I'm going
to get baptized again. I might go live with it.
So, you know, y 'all, I'm transparent with y
'all. All right, I think that we have come to
a standstill on coloring. Jersey, Patricia! Put
tickets along! I was beginning to think that
you'd never show up. Got you. I'm sorry you didn't
see me color, but there you are. Colored you.
Brian, why would I eat these? I'm not in the
Marine Corps. Had I heard. Cynthia got baptized
in the river the last time. I think that I want
to be baptized in the creek or the river. I feel
like that's more on point with what I'm doing,
what I'm saying, who I am now. So pretty excited.
Okay, so we've got our mission porch. We've got
to get the west and we've got to get the New
England area. They don't seem to know too much
about the porch yet. Happy anniversary, Tammy.
It was their 43rd anniversary. Happy anniversary.
Pick up somebody's dirty underwear that long
is a miracle in any right. Oh, Janie got baptized
in the Greek and it was snowing. My goodness.
Transylvania University. Yes. Let's turn you
around. Transylvania. That's where I went to
college. It's in Lake St. Kentucky. What cat
food do I buy? Meow Mix because the raccoons
eat as much of it as the cat does. Hi, darling.
Did you see how many on the porch tonight? I
did. That's awesome. Oh, Cigarette Daddy's out
here. They always ask about you. You might as
well just pop over and say hi. Okay. This is
my husband, if you never got to see him before.
Isn't he adorable? And he's all mine. He has
to love me forever because this is so... Yeah.
And where I'm a drummer, I don't... I really
kind of hate rings on my fingers. Like, if we're
going out somewhere, I'll put on jewelry, right?
Puts on his jewelry. Couple rings, bracelets.
I have some watches, but I don't like wearing
rings. So, we just did that. So, he's the king
of hearts, and I'm the queen. Because I'm the
king of her heart. He is. And I'm his queen bee.
Right. I'm everybody's queen bee, but I'm mostly
his. Hi, babe. Hi. We were all talking about,
uh, I want to get baptized again. And a lot of
my... See y 'all later. A lot of my followers
do, too. Yeah. So, I think that I might do that
live with them one day. Cool. And rededicate
mine. I think that's awesome. Randy said, hi,
Cigarette Daddy. Mm -hmm. Should we do it like
the old South? Diddy? D -E -D -D -Y? Diddy? Ask
them about my hair. Okay. Come back over. We
have to take a poll. Well, they just saw me.
No. Come back over. Pull up a picture of what
it was that you did. Okay. and then we'll do
it we're we're having a poll okay i i like sean's
hair short but he likes it long and the one of
us at the beach i'm i'm i'm getting it so this
was us when we first started dating this was
like two days into our relationship you see his
hair you see his hair do you see it we're not
gonna i know i look good but look at his hair
so now that's what it was three years ago okay
now this was you're not gonna come back over
that's not the accurate depiction your hair's
no ponytail on that so now um it's this so should
we continue to let it grow it's getting pretty
long and it's um it's hot yeah it's hot so or
should he cut it We're gonna ask the fan club.
Okay. We'll let you all decide. That's your cigarette,
not my bed. Like tonight, because I am roasting.
Heller. Heller. So, we're picking, okay, long
or short. So, leave it in the comments, because
tomorrow we're gonna go live with either you
trimming it or cutting it, because it still needs
to be shaped regardless, because you're kind
of looking like... brad pitt when he got real
wild in legends of the fall before he found jesus
i was thinking um what's the the guy's name off
scooby -doo the tall blonde guy shaggy doesn't
it kind of like that's not what i'm going for
but i'm saying yeah it looks shaggy everybody's
like cut it cut it cut it cut it short definitely
cut it you know that your hair would make beautiful
uh accruedments to Bird's Nest. What'd I say?
Wasn't that? Oh my goodness. Short. Everybody's
saying short. Cut for summer and then go back
out for fall. Have you listened to Redneck Shit
yet? By Gretchen Wilson because I was one of
the writers on it. She put a video out today
about And my hair was in beer cutters. And I
had on that damn fur coat. I'm so glad she did
that video in April. Because I'd have died. Brian
said you look like Shaggy from Scooby -Doo. And
he acts like him too. It's a joke. It's a joke.
Don't get your knickers in a twist. I said knickers.
It's underwear. I just realized that word is.
Probably not the best to say on a Facebook Live.
With a hard K. With a hard K. Nickers. I'm going
to hell. Military man, go short, Carolyn said.
Diggins said short. Holly, I'm sorry. I forgot
your name was Holly, not Diggins. Short, short,
short. Give him the number six on the buzzer,
Parker said. That's coming from Canada. That's
coming from up top. See, that's what I was thinking.
That's coming from the top. So, like, okay, if
they go to my Facebook page and look at my profile
picture, that's kind of what I'm thinking the
length. Tanya said we have to see you in beer
colors before you cut it, though. I mean, we
don't drink. We don't drink. You could get you
some of them. Get some V8 cans. You don't drink
V8 either. Don't lie. Get them monster cans.
There you go. Big bouncy girls. With a hard case.
Oh my gosh. Carrie Ann said it's been a repeat
since it was released. Carrie Ann's here. Australia's
in the house. See, I told you. If we stuck around
long enough, we'd have Australia. You and Parker
have that in common is that the same person's
on your money. Isn't it? Isn't Queen Elizabeth
on their money? Every time I get a quarter from
one of them and it's got her on it. Not anymore.
Well, not anymore, but I mean, we still have
Sacagawea dollars and she ain't on them no more
either. Listen, you need to do a tour down under
with Kenny since we got some... You need to do
a tour down under. Offsies in the house. I've
been on that tour. You ain't been on it lately.
We've done a little renovating. Anyway. If you
donate it, cut it so they can make a wig out
of it. That's awesome. Hi, Paula. I know you're
my biggest fan, but thanks. We're not going to
auction off your hair. That's creepy as shit.
Donate it to Locks Live to make a wig. Not donate
it to somebody to buy your hair. Creeper puts
the lotion in the basket. I've never had long
hair. They're dying right now. Short. I think
this is a great idea. All right. Well, listen,
I'm not going to let just anybody touch this.
We got to call Amber. This wig I've been working
on for like two years. So give me like a few
days and I'll come back on and show you all the
results. Grow 12 inches and have them donate
to cancer patients. You are talking about hair,
right? Already 12 inches. Wait, are we still
talking about hair? We should be. Do pigtails.
Oh, absolutely. I'm doing pigtails in your hair.
We're going to do all kinds of hair designs before
Sean cuts it. I'll hot roll it one day. I'll
do like a whole Vivian Kay tight roll and tease.
Like you're going to church on Sunday. Well,
he went inside on that one. I don't think he
wants me to tight roll his hair. Hi, Paula. Yeah,
you have a bed at work. Well, tell him to say,
screw y 'all. Everybody said hi to me. Carrie
Ann, is it still cold down there? It's hot up
here. But different styles of currency. So, see,
I wasn't wrong. Her picture's on it. Just different
denominations. See? I love that. Hi, Leah. I
was just talking about you. In the best of ways.
I wasn't talking bad about you at all. He did
the man bun. He's too... Fair complected to pull
off the ponytail. Is that the nice way? Is that
the diplomatic way to say that? Is that the politically
correct way to say don't do that? Joe Dirt mullet.
When he cut it, he has to have a mullet for like
at least an hour. Anyway. Undercut. Yeah, but
then he starts to look like he might serve for
a living. So, you know. I really want to make
a wig for my... my turkey. And you'll see why
soon. I forgot to look for that at the DG order.
I was going to get a baby doll. Meh. You'll see.
You'll see. It's fine. Telling you I have grand
like a possum and shit all day long and I don't
even know why. I'm just happy. French braid cornrows
and an 80s tease. At the same time, because I'm
thinking I could do like cornrows into a French
braid and then like French twist it over here
with like a Cyndi Lauper. Maybe we could put
some color in it. I mean, since he's gonna cut
it. Thank you, Brian Wayne. Well, I am down.
If anybody's keeping count, in the last 11 days,
I have lost... 10 .4 pounds. Woo. But that's
10 pounds, and that's a whole bag of feed that
I was carrying around these knees and on this
ass. So, there you go. No man been right, Katie.
10 degrees Celsius. Yeah, I was like, what is
that in American temperature? Because, you know,
we don't do that. We're bad at it. I'm in West,
by God, Virginia. That's not where I'm from.
I'm from Kentucky, from there. But then I married
my drummer, and he moved me to the mountains
of West Virginia. Julie! Alright. Well, thanks
for the heads up. Anyway. That's what I'm looking
at. So, we're just sitting on the porch. We went
over today's events. Poor Liberace has died.
But, in true Cerebritary fashion, I took some
of my favorite feathers from him and I washed
them today. Now they just came out of the dryer.
You put them in a pillowcase. But he was so pretty.
He was such a pretty rooster. So I've decided...
Oh gosh, beautiful rooster. So I'm gonna make
one of those Chris Stapleton crowns for my hat
out of Liberace's feathers. So he'll always be
with me. Thank you, Carrie Ann. I don't know
what that is in metric. Does it more? Have I
lost more in metric? Just tell me. Have I lost
more if it's metric? What would that be? How
many kilograms have I lost? Christy, that's awesome.
That's awesome. I am proud of you. I started...
Funny enough, I'll go ahead and be honest with
you. And I never do this, so this will be the
only time I ever say it. I was weighing in at
the same as the celebration. And that's all I'll
say. So now, I took it back ten and a half years.
trying to get all the way back to uh when disco
was in style you know i'm saying like i'm just
keep keep taking her back taking her back so
i have a medical condition called tma which is
called too much ass problem is is that i have
150 pound knees and i have a 225 pound ass and
well i'm on the way to a 225 pound ass and they're
starting to buckle under the weight so i have
to really uh I won't have to really buckle down.
But today I didn't go to the gym and put my crowns
away because my mom taught me better than that.
Crown holder. So I've been going to the gym and
today I didn't because I hauled four 50 -pound
bags of lime out to the coop. three 40 -pound
bags of pellets out to the coop, one 50 -pound
bag of coffee grounds out to the coop, six, no,
Sarah don't lie, four bags of 50 -pound feet.
So I figured, and then I cleaned out my kiddie
pool and took 60 buckets, tripped over, tripped
over a nail that was stuck in a board underneath
a piece of patch of grass, and I had a croc blowout.
Oh, and then I fell down in the ground, and I
don't know if I passed out or had heat exhaustion,
but I came to it about 20 minutes later. But
looky there. I had a croc blowout. Now I gotta
get new crocs. Damn it. Anyway. So that's what's
going on. 2 .2 pounds is one kilogram. So no,
I need to stay with pounds because I'm losing
more pounds. I lose more weight with pounds.
So. I have cut back quite a bit on my sody pups
and my snacks. I think I'm just making more conscious
decisions. I thought if I'm going to get healthy
spiritually and mentally and emotionally, I probably
should do it physically too. So, you know. Burden
of hands worth the penny earned. I've lost 4
.8 kilograms. That doesn't sound near as impressive.
I'm going to say pounds. Yay! Leah, we did CultureCast
last night. We taped it, and it's going to come
out in a couple weeks. So, if you don't follow
that yet, then follow her. That way that you're
aware of our episode. Because it was awesome.
And we could have talked for, like, another four
or five hours. Because we were just getting warmed
up. And she was like, well, it was good to see
us. Like, are we done? I was still going. I was
still talking. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding,
Leah Hill. She is so much fun. We've never met
in real life. I don't even know if she's got
legs. I've only seen her from up here. But she's
a pretty thing. I probably tried to feed her
cheese or lard when she got here, though, because
she's a little skinny. It's just what we do in
the South. That's how we say we love you. We
feed you. It might be hormonal. It might be cougar
puberty. It might be the fact that some little
trolloping, toe -timing, divorced her husband
is here on H1B, even though she's from Egypt,
keeps sending naked pictures to my husband on
Instagram. I just don't want him looking at that,
and I figure one of them might as well look at
what he's got. And I look better than that, because
I tell you, when that woman dies, she's gonna
be nothing but lips and tits sticking out of
the dirt. She's made of plastic. She's like a
Lego. Wish I could remember her real name. I'd
tag her in the video. I'll see her at the gym.
Saw her the other day at the gym, and she got
real scared. And I was like, yeah, run. Why can't
I run into his ex -wife? I always run into people
that mess with me. These hands are buy one, get
one. Uber beats. Hi, Amanda. Chris's wife has
lost 70 pounds. Good Lord, that's two of the
three Dixie chicks. Sarah, you're trying to do
better. Okay. So I have to go to the thrift store
and get new clothes. You're gonna buy another
10 pounds. I figure at 20 pounds, I'll reward
myself with a little good wheel trip, and I'll
get two or three dresses that we can wear on
stage and jack up and sew and add shit to. I'm
on stage too much to wear the same stuff twice,
or unless I really love it, because every now
and again, I'll love an outfit enough that can
justify the price by how many times I wear it.
Like, if it's like a $60 dress, then I'll wear
it like, if I wear it 10 times, it's $6 a wear,
and that's really not that bad. You know, like,
you have to, like, it's girl math. It's very
much like chicken math. You know, it costs the
same to feed six chickens as it does to feed
ten chickens, so you might as well get twenty.
Still not able to name. Her who shall not be
named? All I can say is we just hate that she's
from Texas. And that's what she said about W.
That's like, shut up. If you're in another country,
smile and play nice. The Lord said, love your
neighbor. He didn't say nothing about liking
them. Read. Amanda's lost 135 pounds. Well, you
win. You lost all the Backstreet Boys. Congratulations.
Quit playing games with my heart. This spider
is just, oh, you got you something to eat. Well,
good job, Charlotte. She's wrapping him up like
a present. So. Courtney started at 229 at 145.
Listen, that's what we're doing. That's what
we're doing. We're all holding each other accountable.
We're reading our Bibles. We're praying. We're
giving up the white flour and sugar. We're trying
to walk around the neighborhood at least 20 minutes
after supper. Let's go play pickleball with them
youngins down there at the park. Why not? I find
that if you have somebody to answer to... usually
a little more accountable. And if you don't feel
like you need to answer to anybody, then make
a friend and have a little battle buddy and be
like, hey, come knock this cookie dough out of
my hand because I'm eating it raw, right out
of the wrapper, right over the sink. That's what
we're here for. Parker, that's Fetty. It's always
me. I'll either pray for you or I'll pray that
you find a good dentist. Like I told y 'all,
I'll lay hands on you in prayer or in self -defense.
It's really up to your attitude. I will have
it come to Jesus either way. Vicki, we're glad
that you stopped by the porch. Wish you could
stay longer. Here's your hat. What are you yoking
about, Brian Wayne Perry? So my goal is to get
down to my fighting weight that I was when I
graduated high school. But I can guarantee you
that these will still be here. They're just getting
flatter. It's like my hair on a hot day. I'm
like, perk up, girls. We got things to do. They
used to be right up in my face, couldn't even
lay on my back without suffocating. And now I'm
like, well, get out from under there. We got
to quit. We should have a night where we say
how much we've all lost. What if we had, like,
a combined, like, we're gonna try to lose a thousand
pounds on the porch? Wouldn't that be fun? Cynthia
and I are just quoting my own songs to me. I
know what you're doing. I know what you're doing,
though. I just love you. Julie, I think you're
going the wrong way. We're trying to go the other
way. It's like that time in the office and they
all got on the scale and they're like, oh, you
didn't lose none. You gained six pounds. They're
like, what? Kelly and I are the only ones that
have passed out or nearly passed out from this
time. Angela, it's all about portion control.
You're right. Push -ups. Lord. Are you talking
about brawls or exercises? Because no. On both.
This is a push -up brawl. This is as pushed up
as they get. If I go any higher, it's gonna hurt
my ribcage and I'm gonna feel great. What were
you fighting? The temptations. The devil. I wasn't
fighting. I just usually had to be back up for
my friends who drank underage and then I had
to go pick them up at disreputable bars in Richmond,
Kentucky and then I'd be like, please don't make
me fight her. I know I got 100 pounds on them,
but please don't make me fight her. I'm tall.
And I don't take no shit. Don't start no shit
or be no shit. Rule number one. Do you just show
up at a pickleball court? I don't ask nobody
nothing. I mean, I just showed up and was like,
children, disperse. The queen is here. Move.
So they scooted over a court and let us have
one. And it was nice because I whooped my husband's
ass three out of four times. Turns out I have
really good hand -eye coordination. Who would
have thought with me playing guitar and singing
at the same time? You will have armpit boobs.
We're not going to talk about the tan line that
is forming right now. I'm going to have to get
in a stand -up bed tomorrow and just act like
I'm at the YMCA for like 12 minutes and get rid
of these and the ones under my rear end that
actually look like a copper -toned baby. And
to be honest, I'm kind of fat, so I'm pretty
sure that there's some zebra stripes back here
on the back, too. I don't know. That's why I
don't have a tramp stamp. Can't see it. If I
can't see it, I don't want that tattoo. What
if they put something stupid back there like
dolphins kissing over a rainbow or something?
You know? I want that. Anyway, my start date
was July 4th, because that was 40 days to my
43rd birthday, which is, coincidentally, in 28
days, that's all the shopping days you have left,
so. The next thing is to lose 60 to get her hip
fixed. I'm guaranteeing if you lose 60, you'll
probably be better off than when you started.
See? We all have a goal. But, Brand, this is
Kashyyyk. without having the big lunch lady straps,
but it holds them up and it keeps the back fat
off. I got it at Lane Bryant. They usually run
about 60, 70 bucks, but if you catch a doorbuster
on a holiday, you can get it for like 35. I can't
do them Coles brand. I can't do Victoria's Secret
because they ain't got nothing that big. Maybe
I can buy two of them and sew them together.
I don't know. But I like Kashyyyk. I used to
like Fredericks of Hollywood until they went
belly up. But they had to go bestie girls because
those were mostly used in pornographic film.
We should do a workout together. I walk. I walk
around my neighborhood as hard as I can for about
40 minutes. Sometimes it's a mile and a half.
Sometimes it's three miles. Depends on what playlist
I'm on and how high that hill is by the time
that I get there and how hot it is. And then
I'll lift some feed, and if I ain't done near
enough of that stuff, then I'll do some step
-ups here on the porch, and if I ain't done near
enough of that stuff, I'll go out there and work
with the chickens for a while and pull weeds,
and that gets you bending over and stretching
and doing whatnot. But I'll tell you what's in
my TikTok cart right now. I don't know whether
or not I should purchase it. That arm thing that
gets rid of the bingo wings that goes round and
round and round and round and round and round.
I wonder if I should get that, because it's on
a flash deal right now for like $20. But also,
I'm wondering if I should get them resistance
bands and do them lay -down crunches like them
women's doing in bed. I'm like, I could do a
lot more exercise if I didn't have to get out
of bed, I'm sure. You'd think. Anyway. My husband's
laughing in the living room. Well, good deal,
Amanda. That's me, Denise. I'm a double D. I
was an H at one point. I didn't know they made
bras that big. And I was like, are you serious?
I used to just wear it like a yarmulke, but that
one covered my whole face. So, Pilates. I keep,
every time I say that, I have to be like, are
you saying pirates? No, you're saying Pilates.
Pirates? Our Pilates. Our Pilates, like, this
is my leg. Wall presses. The best wall press
I can do is when I have to squeeze by Sean in
the hallway because I got a basket full of laundry.
Does that count? I think it counts. Walking Tai
Chi. I do that every day when I walk out to the
chicken coop because there's spider webs. And
I get out there and everybody was kung fu fighting.
Those chicks were fast as... What? It's my porch.
You chase around a four -year -old and a six
-year -old. Yes, that counts. Put your Fitbit
on one of them and then you can just sit down.
Oh my God. My friend Rachel used to do that.
My friend in Nashville. She had to get in like
20 ,000 steps a day for her trainer. And she
was just like so tired when she got home from
work. And she was a little bit lazy. So she put
it on the dog's tail. That worked until she had
70 ,000 steps one day. And the trainer was like,
I don't think you're wearing this. And she was
like, uh. Maybe not. Mary Ellen started Pilates
at the age of 63. I want to start being a pirate
at the age of 63. I think. Think I'm a commandeer
ship. Start drinking rum on the rig. Yeah, that's
what I'm gonna do. That's gonna be my retirement
plan. I'm just gonna rob English trading vessels
as they sail towards Tortuga. That's my retirement
plan. Yeah, I'll have to learn how to swim a
little better, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm
not gonna have to walk the plank if I'm the captain.
That's stupid. Alright, anyway. That's stupid.
God, Sarah, go eat. I might be delirious because
I ain't ate nothing because I ain't got no appetite.
I got too hot. I just wanted to drink. I just
wanted to drink. It's drying out. I was watching
a show earlier. He said, I care about hydration.
I drink eight glasses of eight ounce waters a
day. He said, you don't care about hydration.
You care about being thirsty. He's like, you
don't give a damn about being healthy. You don't
give a damn about being thirsty. Smoking your
nightcap. That's what we're doing. Cruise ship
takeover. Listen. I'm the captain now. I put
my tear on. Just whirr, whirr. Just all through
the ocean. Just tell them icebergs to get out
of my way, you know. I'm just saying. Goals.
You get it. Tanisha, you get it. So if anybody
wants to get me anything for my birthday, which
I know you do because you didn't ask. Just a
joke. But if you do, just to feel a little move
in your spirit to send me something for my birthday,
I am saving up to get my other guitar fixed.
And I'm also saving up to... finish up my backyard,
get the chicken coop all squared away for fall.
So, it's not like I get to enjoy the money. I
just use it for more stuff that's supposed to
make me money. But, anyway. So, we have decided
that we're going to start working out together,
and we're all going to go get baptized again.
We're all going to read our Bibles. We're going
to be in Colossians tomorrow night, so if you're
going to be on the porch with us, go ahead and
read ahead. It's only four chapters. You can
read it in like 15 minutes. Just give it a little
look -see when you're on the toilet or whatnot,
you know? So... Could we just make a boat that's...
Maybe we should just take a pontoon cruise, because
that pontoon's basically a porch on the water.
Like, we don't need no staterooms or nothing.
We just need a great big porch. Mine is August
the 13th. Yes, it is. I'll be 43. Ugh. Oh, I'm
getting old. Doesn't it seem like everybody else's
parents had their shit together in their 40s
like Barry and me did? or do or actively am.
Seems like my mom was like, only 15 more years
to retirement. And I'm like, retirement? I'm
feeling like Merle Haggard in Die Right in a
Song. Nikki, do you need anything from the dispensary?
Yeah. I would like some RSO and some high octane,
probably 50 or better 80s. And, you know, if
you're getting flour, I like it over smalls.
I only like popcorn less than baseball. But I
had smoked seeds and stems when it got real bad
between paydays. My address is on my website.
It's P .O. Box 428, Hurricane West, Virginia,
25526. And I check it every time I breeze through
town. I'll take a dispenser for your birthday.
Don't you threaten me with a good time. Junia
66. Don't look it. Carrie Ann, we've got to get
you a Bible. Listen, Carrie Ann, just right now
while you're thinking of it, shoot me a message.
Like right here where it says send message. Shoot
me a message. Send me your address because I
need to send you a shirt and I need to send you
a Bible. Let me know what kind you want, though,
because I've got some donations the other day.
I've got a couple of NIVs in and I've got a King
James and I've got a Living Bible, which is pretty
cool, and an Extreme Teen Bible. I haven't got
into that yet. I did get the Illustrated Bible,
and I'm telling you something. There's something
about seeing the pictures along with them words
that makes you remember stuff. It's like a graphic
novel of the Bible, and it's fantastic. April
will be 39 next week. Congratulations. Jenny
needs RSO. We will post the P .O. Box. August,
baby. I believed in any of that crap, but I am
a die -in -the -wool Leo, apparently. I like
the spotlight. I don't like to share. I want
everybody to look at me and pay attention to
me and tell me that I'm pretty. I don't need
to be loved. It's not like an incessant need.
I like to be loved. I want to be loved. But do
I need to be loved? It's not like my need to
be praised. My strongest love language is to
be like, Sarah, you're pretty and you're doing
just fine. Take a break and smoke a cigarette.
My love language is Elijah. Have a stack. Have
a nap. Report back. Terry Clark Parsons will
be 74 next week. Congratulations. Carrie just
bought her first Bible. Yes, you did. What kind
did you get? Did you get King James? Did you
get NIV? Did you get New King James? Did you
get Christian American Standard? What's the three
letters on the spine? Because that's G -O -D.
Where do you find the NIV Bible? I got this one
at the Goodwill. Believe it or not, it was the
same one that my mother had when I was growing
up, so that's why I keep it on the porch with
me. Carrie Ann, I got you covered, baby. Happy
belated birthday to Rita. She turned 65 a month
ago today. Oh, Carol's birthday's in August.
We're in Colossians tomorrow night. But I'm telling
you, I have been busy. Like, I want you to look.
Hang on. Let me get my, let me get my, look.
I've been really busy. Like, it's like so full
of, it's all pink. It's all pinked up. I highlight
things so I can remember it. Like, it's just
somewhere. Anyway, but tomorrow night we're in
Colossians. Yes. Talking about Colossi. The itty
-bitty town of town that started a church. 43
this year yourself, Amanda, because we're both
83 babies. My favorite. I love that. So anyway,
that's the Bible I have. I got it on Amazon.
It was like $25, but it has been the easiest
one for me to read and actively read and not
get, I don't want to say bored, discouraged.
Because there's already names in there that's
hard for us to pronounce. And they start in with
those these, thys, thous, those, them. And I'm
like, alright. So sometimes it's easier to hear
it the way that you talk. I feel like there should
be an Appalachian Bible. Be like, don't kill.
Don't cheat on your wife or husband. Don't be
jealous. Don't be worshiping nobody but God.
You know what? Be nice to your mom and dad. That's
it. Alright, friends. It's coming across the
11 o 'clock hour, which means... The news will
be coming on. We need to get our clothes laid
out for school tomorrow. And not school, for
work tomorrow. We're still in summertime. What
highlighters are Bible page friendly? In any
Bible bookstore or online, Christy, I like to
get the wax highlighters. Or you can use crayon.
But they have wax highlighters. You can usually
find them at Walmart too, but I'll wear mine
off of the Bible bookstore website. Make them
a little six -pack, usually four or six -pack.
And that way it doesn't bleed through the onion
skin. Stephanie's 84, baby. That's an 84. Are
you in 84 or you're 84? Go either way. So, that's
all I know from this side of the porch. Oh, Charlotte's
got her such a big meal tonight. Good job, baby
girl. I'm gonna leave her be. She's attached
to my chair and my cowboy hat, and she's just
hanging in the balance. I'm just gonna leave
her alone. So. Anyway, as always, friends, I
don't claim to know all the answers. I know some
things about something. I know enough to be dangerous,
but I also know what I don't know, you know?
So, I feel like we're gonna get there together.
If you want to come along. We sit on this porch.
It's my porch. It's not a set. This is my real
life porch. My garden's over the hill. My chicken
chapel's over there. So, you know, we sit here.
We talk. We visit. We pray. We bitch. We smoke.
I'm not perfect. Don't claim to be. But I do
want you to see the person that is making me
more like him every day. So, if you remember
me, great. And I'll see you on the road, and
I'll see you in the backyard, and I'll see you
on the porch. If you don't, you're like, who
is that girl that's talking about Jesus? That's
the whole point. We're talking about Jesus. Stephanie,
that's a really good point, and I'm glad you
brought it up. If you have an Ollie's, Ollie's
is the best place to find Bibles at a really
good price. So, before you go spend 60 bucks
at Books and Million or Barnes and Noble, swing
on down to Ollie's. Also stop by the Goodwill,
because there's a... Usually a plethora. I let
my hair dry natural. Oh, I'll tell you this before
I get off here. Have you seen that Eskin? Eskin?
Eskin. That's what it's called. Eskin Shireheads.
Have you seen them on your TikTok here lately?
They're not endorsing me. They don't even know
I got one. But I've been bitching because my
face and my neck have been breaking out. And
I'm using all the good skin stuff. And my hair
was so just brittle. So, he bought me that new...
Uh, askin' hand shower hit? Yup. That was like
getting an electric toothbrush for the first
time. I'm telling you, they send you this thing
of like shower discs that are eucalyptus and
mint, and it's aromatherapy. You throw them down
in the shower while you're in there, and it's
the water pressure's incredible, and it filters
out all the bad crap. So, you know, it gets rid
of the chlorine. It gets rid of the toxins. It
gets rid of all this. It's basically like having
a Brita filter for your shower head. But they
said after two weeks, it's supposed to make my
hair and my skin so much better. But I can go
ahead and tell you this. If I let it dry naturally,
it's normally I look like I'm coming off the
mountain and carrying the stone tablets. Tonight,
it's actually kind of got some control to it,
and I don't know if that's just because of the
shower head or what, but look into it, because
apparently they're on sale right now. So there
you go. But tomorrow night, we'll be here on
the porch at 7 o 'clock Eastern Standard Time,
and we'll be going into Colossians. It's going
to be a, not a long one, but, I mean, I'm trying
to be a little more thorough in my explanations,
and I'm studying a lot more to get prepared for
them. So, I try to share with you what I have
learned, and that way that you can find them.
So, but if you want to be here, 7 o 'clock, bring
your Bible, bring your smokes, bring your questions,
and come as you are. I'll meet you here in a
second. But, in the meantime, friends. That's
all I know from this side of the mountain. Keep
your Bibles open, your powder dry, and your head
on a swivel because people are acting crazy.
Be nice to old people, animals, and children.
Make sure to check in on them this week during
that heat wave and that everybody's got shade
and water and, you know, something cool. So,
try to love your neighbor and if you can't, give
it to God because He loves you and I do too.
And in the meantime, I will see you tomorrow
night right here on this porch with your Bible.
And remember, friends, I'm Sarah Beth Terry and
you're not.