Grab your Bible and grab your smokes. News and
weather, music and jokes. See on the porch in
my favorite house coat. It's the Sarah Beth Terry
Show. She's a feral Christian out in the wild.
The cigarette mom with a queen bee style. Talking
or singing about somebody you know. It's the
Sarah Beth Terry. The Sarah Beth Terry. It's
the Sarah Beth Terry Show. I'm Sarah Beth Terry
and you're not. Happy Monday to you today. It's
Monday, July the 13th, 2026. And pull up a rocker.
We've got a spell before the lightning bugs come
out. On the front porch headlines tonight, America
is still watching the Middle East. The biggest
story remains the widening conflict between the
United States and Iran. Military operations continue
today after additional American strikes. Shipping
through the Strait of Hormuz remains uncertain,
keeping energy markets nervous. And world leaders
urging restraint. My cat is walking the tightrope.
You just saw it. Now licking out of the bowl.
Excuse me, my goodness. I need a drink. Texas
and Pennsylvania. On the porch, not good to see
it. Capitol Hill begins the week morning. Senator
Lindsey Graham, who died unexpectedly from an
aortic dissection. Leaders from both political
parties offered tributes while South Carolina
prepares for the process of filling his Senate
seat. Just to catch you up, he visited a drone
factory in the Ukraine, made a big promise that
we were going to make them more lethal, made
a big promise that we were going to do the Save
America Act as soon as he got back to American
soil, and then he died. Oh, and that drone factory
is now obliterated by Russian missiles. I'm sure
those two things are unrelated, though. All right.
Large portions of the South and Midwest remain
under a dangerous heat wave. The heat just isn't
letting up. Health officials continue to encourage
folks to stay hydrated, check on elderly neighbors
and animals, and avoid strenuous afternoon work
if possible. Well, I have. I just laid down and
took a nap. I figured that was as safe as I could
be. Did I see what happened in Ireland? No, but
tell me. Former Senate leader Mitch McConnell
says he's recovering, says he's recovering, says
in an AI obvious post, says he's recovering after
a recent hospitalization involving a fall in
pneumonia and plans to return to work when the
doctors allow. Jesus is coming back to raise
you, Lazarus. I don't think that you're going
to be sitting in Senate very much longer because
three strokes and you're out. I don't want to
call bullshit on bullshit, but you can't bullshit
a bullshitter. And if you looked at the picture
of him and his wife, Oon, they don't let you
wear button -up polo shirts and jeans in the
hospital bed. Dose, that was an AI -generated
newspaper in his lap. You couldn't even read
the print and trace the baseball player on it.
It ain't played for two years. So, I do want
to say thank you to the AI chatbot that wrote
his return address because he said he would now
be doing the job that we elected him as Kentuckians
to do. Finally! He ain't done it for 50 years,
but now that we have an AI chatbot telling you
that you're probably alright and everything's
fine. Yeah, why not? Maybe the chat GP will do
his job. At least it'll listen. Alright, anyway.
In human interest, let's get on to that. The
neighbor who quietly changed a town. Let me share
a story with you. Every community has one. The
retired school teacher who still mows the church
lawn. The old farmer who plows a widow's driveway
before his own when it snows. They rarely make
national headlines, but they keep America stitched
together. One reporter recently wrote that if
you really want to know a town, don't ask who
owns the biggest house. Ask who everybody calls
when somebody's in trouble. That's probably the
richest person in your town. I went to the tractor
supply, Anna. And this is a house dress. It's
not even... I've got on flip -flops and shorts
underneath it. Like, it's not even a fancy dress.
It's just a running around dress. But thank you.
From around the farm, with all the rain that
we've had lately, here's a reminder. Fresh air
is medicine. Even if your coop isn't fancy, moving
still, humid air is one of the best defenses
against respiratory illness. So get you a fan
out there in that coop and get that air circulating
or else they're all gonna get cariza. Don't do
it. Dry bedding, fresh water, shade, and airflow.
Sometimes the old timers really did know best.
And garden gate. See, you like how I did that?
I don't call it water gate. It's garden gate.
That's what's going on in my garden. Your July
chores, if you have a garden, pinch basil often.
It makes the plant bushier. So when you start
to see those little flowers coming on top, pinch
them. And your basil will get busier. Pick cucumbers
every day. Every day that you have cucumbers,
pick cucumbers. Miss one, and it'll turn into
a baseball bat or a pickle overnight. So make
sure that you're picking it. With all this rain,
pick up your cucumbers. Water tomatoes at the
roots, not the leaves, to prevent burning and
mildew. And deadhead flowers now for another
round before August, including your roses and
your daylilies. So go ahead. There's your garden
gate for today. The good news. A wildlife rehabilitation
center released several recovered birds of prey
back into the wild this week after months of
treatment. Watching an eagle or hawk disappear
into the sky never gets old, if you ask me. But
sometimes healing takes months. But freedom is
worth waiting for. Something to learn from our
bird friends. Overheard at the feed store today.
I ain't saying my rooster's mean, but the UPS
driver asked if we could meet him at the mailbox
from now on. So there's that. Things that make
you go... What? Did you know the average lightning
bolt heats the air around it to roughly five
times hotter than the surface of the sun? That's
50 ,000 degrees Fahrenheit. 50 ,000 degrees.
50 ,000 degrees. The exact separation between
you and Elon Musk. 50 ,000 degrees. No wonder
thunder sounds like the sky is ripping apart.
Hello? On this day born unto us was Harrison
Ford in 1942. Happy birthday to the original,
the OG, the fugitive with Tommy Lee Jones that
I love so good. Happy birthday to Indiana Jones.
Hello. We won't talk about the fact that he could
have just been out of that entire first movie
and it would have ended the same. But it doesn't
matter. It doesn't matter. Happy birthday, Harrison
Ford. Happy birthday to Patrick Stewart. Patrick
Stewart, who is on Star Trek. and also on American
Dot. Happy birthday to Patrick Stewart. Also,
happy birthday to Cameron Crowe. Born in 1957.
Oh, my goodness. You're telling me what's going
on in Ireland and I missed it. Oh, my Lord, Debra.
Lots going on in Ireland. I ain't seen him this
upset since they ran out of whiskey. On this
day in history, 1787, Congress adopted the Northwest
Ordinance, laying the groundwork for how America
would expand into new states rather than into
colonies. In 1863, the New York draft riots began
during the Civil War. And also in 1973, on this
day, Alexander Butterfield revealed the existence
of President Nixon's secret White House recording
system. Speaking of Garden Gate. All right, Appalachian
saying. A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
Simple, but true. Most boats are safer in the
harbor, but that's not what boats are made for.
Just letting you know. Your scripture of the
day coming from King James, because I know that's
our OG that we like to go back to. It is of the
Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because
his compassions fail not. They are new every
morning. Great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations
3, 22 and 23, if you're reading along. porch
reflections for the night most of life isn't
lived in the headlines friends it's lived in
the little things a husband bringing home your
favorite candy a hen that finally starts laying
eggs rain on an old tin roof the neighbor waving
from the road as he drives by god has always
done his biggest work through ordinary people
faithfully doing ordinary things don't overlook
today's ordinary it may become tomorrow's treasured
memory nanny nanny Oh my goodness. So, thank
you to my mother. She surprised me and Sean with
Ella Langley tickets. So, that's really cool.
We never get to go as fans. We always have to
go as workers. Or songwriters. Or drummers. Or
managers. hair and makeup, whatever they need
us for. So to actually get to sit in the audience
is going to be a whole new experience. So I'm
super excited. Thank you, Mom, for that. She's
like, I found this. She's so cute. I got these
tickets for you. I was like, okay. So I would
love to do it. That's what we're worried about.
Just to refresh on some of the news that we've
already discussed, Washington spent another day
balancing military operations with diplomatic
efforts as tensions with Iran remain high. You
know what's going on over there, right? Hello,
Aaron. Good to see you. The oil markets continue
reacting to uncertainty in the Strait of Hormuz,
one of the world's busiest shipping lanes. Now,
what does this mean to you? If tankers can't
move safely, gas gets more expensive, diesel
gets more expensive, feed gets more expensive.
Groceries get more expensive. That's why folks
in West Virginia pay attention to something happening
6 ,000 miles away. Everything is connected. Lawmakers
return to debates over spending, borders, security,
and defense while beginning discussions about
filling Graham's empty seat. Whether you lean
red or blue, remember Congress works for us,
not the other way around. Everybody wants community
until somebody asks them to help stack chairs.
We've convinced ourselves that community is something
that you find. Truth is, community is something
that you build. Church potlucks, volunteer fire
departments, little league championships, neighbors
helping neighbors, those things don't happen
because everybody agrees. They happen because
enough people decide disagreement is a good enough
reason to not show up. Maybe that's what America
needs. Less scrolling and more casseroles. I
volunteer as tribute. A volunteer firefighter
in rural Kentucky spent his day off repairing
an elderly widow's porch after hearing she'd
nearly fallen through a loose board. He wouldn't
accept no money from it. He only asked that somebody
help somebody else someday. I'll preach. And
the coop check, I need you to walk out there
and smell. I know that sounds gross, but I need
you to do it for me. If you have chickens, walk
out there and smell. If your eyes water, your
birds are breathing ammonia every night and they
will get sick and they will die. Fresh bedding
and ventilation are cheaper than antibiotics.
Trust me. Trust me on that one. It is a lot less
heartache to go ahead and treat them now with
a little apple cider vinegar and a little bit
of fresh air than to try to bury them later.
Here's you some chicken facts. Hens often sing
after laying an egg. You've heard of an egg song.
Scientists think that it's partly communication.
Farmers think it's bragging. But honestly, both
can be true. I've laid an egg. I've laid an egg.
Both scientifically true and also an announcement.
So I'll let you know. Here's you something else
from the garden. Pick squash while they're still
young. Tomorrow they will be the size of Louisville
sluggers if you don't, and the rabbits and the
gophers will get to them, and then you'll end
up with nothing. Harvest your herbs before noon.
Trust me on this. You want to keep that water
content up. So harvest your herbs before noon
if you're going to use your herbs out of the
garden. Deadhead your flowers. Water deeply at
the roots. Skip watering if your rain is actually
coming this week. And weather forecasters are
wrong just often enough to keep us gardeners
humble. So just letting you know. Across Appalachia,
old general stores are quietly disappearing.
Not because folks stopped needing groceries,
but because we stopped sitting around the pickle
barrel solving the world's problems. Old stores
sold flour, but they also sold conversation.
You left no one who got married, whose cow got
out, who needed prayer, who had a new youngin',
and whether or not rain was comin'. Amazon can
deliver batteries, but it can't replace that.
In country music and forgotten facts, Loretta
Lynn wrote many of her own biggest hits. So did
Dolly Parton. So did Merle Haggard. Some of country
music's greatest voices were also some of its
greatest writers. So songs last longer when they're
lived before they're written. Remember that.
Songs last longer if they are lived before they
are written. Looking at you, Luke Bryan. All
right. America the Beautiful. A little something
for you today. Today's road trip suggestion.
Check out Seneca Rocks, West Virginia. Get there
early. Take water. Look around. Then remember.
God never accidentally made anything. Just when
you're out and about in West Virginia, take a
good look. But if you're out by exit 6 on I -64,
be aware that they are rerouting you around 60
right now because there is a pothole the size
of, well, it's not. Their bridge is gone. It's
just fell into the river. So you can't get there
from here. So if you're coming to West Virginia,
make sure they're at Canova. You want to dip
under the bridge on 60 and come back out there
in Huntington or else you're just going to be
swimming all the way to West Virginia. All right,
science without all the nonsense, here's a new
piece of the porch paper that we're going to
start working on. Why does thunder rumble? We
talked about this lightning superheats to 50
,000 degrees, and it heats the air so quickly
that it explodes outward faster than the speed
of sound. The crack is the explosion. the rumble
is the echo bouncing off hills clouds valleys
and the other like nature is louder than we give
it credit for it goes back to that if a tree
falls in the woods no one's around to hear it
doesn't actually make a noise yes it does just
letting you know also on this day in history
since we're thinking about it in 1865 the matterhorn
not the disney world ride but the actual mountain
the matterhorn was climbed for the very first
time Four climbers died during the descent when
the rope snapped. Their triumph was forever mixed
with tragedy. History often reminds us that great
achievements come with great risk. Or, you know,
if you watch Spider -Man, with great power comes
great responsibility. But just so you know, in
1865, we scaled the Matterhorn for the very first
time. And kids have been throwing up churros
at Disney World on a replica ever since. You're
right. If you're shopping this week, you need
to watch for sales on things like chicken thighs,
sweet corn, blueberries, and cannon jars as stores
clear out their summer inventory. If tomatoes
are coming in heavy, it might be a sauce or salsa
-making kind of weekend. Just make sure that
you seal them right so you don't get botulism
this winter when you go to crack one of them
open. We were talking about our verse of the
day earlier. In case you missed it and you're
just joining us. It was, it is of the Lord's
mercies that we are not consumed because of his
compassions we fail not. They are new every morning
and great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3,
22 and 23. Jeremiah didn't write those words
while life was going great. He wrote them while
looking over the ruins of Jerusalem. Just to
give you a little bit of context. The city was
burned. The temple was gone. The people were
broken. Yet somehow, he didn't say, God's mercy
used to be pretty good, didn't it? He said it
was new that morning. Faith isn't pretending
that yesterday didn't hurt friends. Faith is
believing God showed up before the sun did. Before
you rush into another day, I want you to look
around. Notice the old dog asleep there on the
porch. Wave at the mail carrier. Call your mama.
Pick the tomato that's finally ripe. Laugh with
your spouse. Read a chapter before you read the
comments. The world will hand you enough reasons
to be angry by lunchtime, but if you go looking
for one reason to be grateful before breakfast,
your day will be better for it. You'll be surprised
how often you find it. That's what we know. That's
what I know on this side of the porch today.
I've been digging into Matthew this week as far
as my Bible study goes and just realizing that
there's 14 generations between Abraham and David,
14 between David and the Babylonian exile, 14
between the exile and Jesus. Does anybody know
how many generations it's been since Jesus? I
feel like there's a pattern there. Pattern recognition
comes in handy. so in sarabeth terry news uh
i'm gung -ho on my diet it is a monday i went
to the gym today i walked a mile i did three
sets of 30 on the shoulder press i know and i
did 50 step ups i know and then i went to the
tanning bed and the red light therapy i know
and so i was sitting Let me tell you something.
I love West Virginia. I think it's beautiful.
I think the people are nice enough. And, you
know, it reminds me enough of Kentucky where
I don't get all that homesick. However, y 'all
are the non -drivenest MFers I've ever seen in
my entire life. This is what happened today.
Sitting at Planet Fitness, backed into my parking
space because my daddy didn't raise no fool.
So I'm backed in, having my cigarette after my
workout, getting my breath. I always like to
just chill for a minute before I get back on
the road. And I watched, I watched this little
tiny Mini Cooper, two parking spaces on either
side. And then this big gray Dodge Ram decided
to cut that corner too quick and took out the
whole side trying to get to that parking space.
And then to beat all, they backed up and took
out the front fender too. Then they drove off.
I was like, well, all right. Then I watched two
people, one from the DMV. One from the Dunham
Sports, back square into each other, crack their
taillights, and then just drive off. No names,
no numbers, no insurance exchange. Okay. The
third instance of me sitting there, not even
halfway through a Marlboro Menthol light, I saw
an old man who was struggling on the treadmill
next to me. And, you know, it's a no -judgment
zone, but I was afraid I was going to have to
give him a little bit of the mouth -to -mouth
there for a minute because he was breathing awfully
heavy. But he did make it out to his car after
his 10 -mile walk. Congratulations. And I watched
him monkeying with his keys. Went over to a car,
making with the keys, hitting the door, making
with the keys, hitting the door, making the keys,
hitting with the door. My thought was maybe his
battery in his key fob is dead. I thought that
very sincerely until I saw a big woman come running
out of the Dollar Tree and said, What are you
doing trying to get in my car? And I was like,
he went, Oh, I drove the truck today. So I watched
a hit and run, a fender bender. And almost a
grand theft auto. All in the whole... One cigarette.
That cost me. One cigarette. And then to be it
all, when I went to the tractor supply a while
ago to get feed, I watched somebody take the
whole front end out of somebody because they
ran the red light. I can understand this if you're
on Hospital Drive in Taze Valley because it's
a gravel road. It's a gravel road. If you need
to take an ambulance to get to the hospital for
life -saving treatment, you're gonna go on a
gravel... road that is neither accessible from
the interstate nor from traffic because of the
gridlock on 34. So if you're going to die soon,
don't come to Taze Valley because you'll die
before you get there because the ambulance can't
get up the gravel road. Meanwhile, we have a
$2 million Ferris wheel sitting at the Capitol
right now. Patrick Morrissey still hasn't figured
out a shirt that makes him look like he has a
neck. If you're in Putnam County, the Ferris
this week, tonight is off -key karaoke. That's
what it says in the thing. Off -key karaoke.
I don't want to hurt your feelings. All karaoke
is off -key. It's Japanese for tone deaf. I don't
understand it. Why would you pay $15 a head to
go watch somebody sing poorly when you won't
pay $10 a piece to come watch me sing on pitch?
Things that make you go, what? Speaking of shows
this weekend, if you do have a little bit of
money and a lot of bit of time, you need to get
to Hurricane on Friday night. We're going to
be there at 6 o 'clock at MRA Steakhouse. You
know it because it's on the Gravel Hospital Drive.
Just make sure you forward the oxen so you can
get across the reservoir and none of us die from
dysentery before we get there. I swear to God,
it's like the Oregon Trail here. There's not
even a road crew out there. They put up a sign
that says, Ref Road. They're aware of it. They're
just not going to do nothing about it. They would
do something about it if Scott Edwards could
have his picture in the paper, but considering
that that's the county and not the city, and
he probably doesn't have any jurisdiction because
everybody that he's hired has three or four different
jobs, and they're all double -dipping in the
city funds, he probably doesn't know who to call
to fix the road. That's okay. That's okay. Thank
God that I'm trained in field triage, that way
if my husband cuts his arm off with a chainsaw,
we can get him to Charleston, because you can't
get there from here in Taze Valley, even though
it's only eight miles away. I don't want to go
on the gravel road. I just got new tires. All
right. So, now comes to our second favorite part
of the night. Freshman night. I know you're super
excited. I'm super excited to scoot you back
a little bit so I can get my crowns out. All
right. This is the part of the night where I
try to keep up with you and figure out. There
would be no pavement in, Shawna. It just ain't
there. You turn on the hospital drive and then
you are roughing it. You are four -wheel driving.
You are Brad Paisley on his first single. You're
getting a little mud on the tires. You're not
going to get there from here. You have a better
chance calling 911 before you have getting there
because the people that are in the EMTs could
probably fix you up before they can get you across
the Oregon Trail and the Western Expansion to
get to the hospital. Which last time I went to
that hospital, they let my husband lay there
almost dying for two hours before they said,
oh, we should work on him. And then they tell
me to change my attitude or I wouldn't be welcome
back at the hospital. And I tell them they better
change the way they do business or else there
wouldn't be no damn hospital. We could just rename
Taze Valley Hospital Cerebeth's Big Damn Waiting
Room. Don't mess with a woman on menopause when
she's short on marijuana. Hello. I identify as
a threat. Anyway. Hello. Good to see you. All
right. Now, we are here. We are here. I'm the
cigarette mom. Map of the day. If you would like
to tell us where you're from, we'll mark it on
our big map. Sarah's in West Virginia already.
Got you, baby girl. I'm not gonna color that
with pink. I'm gonna get a blue. A real pretty
blue. Like the color of the West Virginia. Blue
and gold. All right. West Virginia tuning in.
All right. We got you, baby. All right. Guthrie,
Oklahoma. Hello, Rosetta. Let's get you in here
in Oklahoma. I will say, since there's no names
on these states, I am learning my geography.
Or relearning it, rather. Because out west, I
don't know a lot about what's going on. And in
New England, I don't either. But I'm working
on it. So just, you know. I didn't have to know
where I hadn't been. What's the point? All right.
Virginia. Hello, Sharon. Calling in from Virginia.
Glad to see you today. Welcome to the porch.
Pennsylvania. Hello, Missy up in Pennsylvania.
Good to see you today. Let me get you a bright
color here. Awesome. Kentucky. Hello, Miss Shirley.
How in the world are you? Let's get you some
Kentucky blue on this map, shall we? It's not
quite as blue as Kentucky, but it's brighter
than West Virginia's. But I'm trying, okay? I
only have 12 crowns, so I'm doing the best I
can. Okay. Oh, another Kentucky. Let's color
it in twice. I'm just feeling in the edges. All
right, North Carolina. Hello from North Carolina.
You know I'm going to be performing there on
the 22nd day of August in Sapphire at a place
called The Fix. So if you don't have your tickets
yet, get those now because they will sell out
because it's a limited seating event. But I'd
love to see you if you are in the Tar Heel State.
Joy said there was a road crew that paved over
the carcass of a dead deer. Was it in West Virginia?
Because I'm sure I saw that happen. Arkansas.
Let's get you in here, Arkansas. My mom and dad
just drove through Arkansas the other day. They
do love Arkansas. All right. Texas. Oh, I got
to get my big crown for Texas now. As it's such
a big state. Welcome from Texas. Glad to see
you. Glad to have you on the porch this evening.
I also want to remind you that we have quite
a few openings in September. If you want us to
come west, we'd love to come to Texas and find
us a place to play. Gives me a chance to see
my niece and nephew down there in Louisiana as
well. All right. Irvin, Kentucky. I know that
place very, very well. It's right there. It's
right there. From there. Minnesota. What do you
say, Carl? Carrie. Sorry, I thought they said
Carl. Carrie. My bad. Minnesota. My wife, I went
out for a second. I had to see what was going
on. My chickens are just having it tonight. Excuse
me. Minnesota, let me color you in. I was watching
a thing about Minnesota last night about the
Menominee Indians that were in Wisconsin and
Minnesota. It's a really cool program. I enjoyed
it. Okay. Arkansas got you, Brandy. Good to see
you on the porch. Eaton in Georgia. Hello, Teresa.
Let's color in Georgia. That ain't scarlet. That
looks more like violet red. What else? What else?
I don't work at Crayola for a reason. Okay. Ohio.
Hello, Christy. How are you? Good to see you.
Ohio in the house tonight. Cartersville, Georgia.
Shut up, Roxanne. I used to date the police chief's
son from Cartersville, Georgia. That was back
20 years ago. But Chief Broden was a nice dude,
man. Never pulled me over once, even though I
went through there like a bat out of hell. Welcome
from Georgia. Good to see you. Mississippi. Hello,
Randa. Always glad to have some Mississippi folk
on the porch. Glad you're here. South Dakota.
We finally got out of South Dakota. Welcome.
Welcome, South Dakota. Everybody, welcome. Dave
from South Dakota. I think he might be our first
South Dakotan to come on here and say hello.
Been to South Dakota. Went to Mount Rushmore.
Thought it was a beautiful state. Would love
to come back. Book us a gig. Okay. Southeast
Kansas. Hey, Amber. We're out in Southeast Kansas.
I was raised up in Fort Riley, Aggieville area.
That's awesome. I enjoy meeting people from other
places. Kansas. Drove through Kansas last July.
Enjoyed it very much. Cherokee, Alabama. Hello,
Teresa. How in the world are you this evening,
girl? We need to get back down to Alabama and
see you. It's been too long. We need to get us
a gig down there. Looking at you, Alabama. Aaron,
let's see, under a rock. I don't have a rock
on this man. I need a bigger hat. Nashville.
Hello, Debbie. Tuning in from Nashville. Hey,
if you're gonna be in Nashville, we're gonna
be playing in Camden, Tennessee, which is just
a little bit south of Nashville, on the 8th day
of August. So those tickets are also on my website.
So come see us. Love to have you. Tennessee.
Okay. Northern upstate New York Adirondack Mountains
area. Hello, Tammy. Glad to have you. My buddy
Robinson's from that way, too. He's from... the
north part of New York, as he says, the state,
state, not the city, city. Because you got to
be specific. New York's a lot bigger without
that little tiny island. You know, that's the
only thing that they usually think about. And
I'm like, there's more to it than that. There's
a lot more to it. People forget that part. They
just look at Manhattan and go, this is all of
New York. I'm like, that's barely New York. It's
like when they get to Louisville and they think
it's Kentucky. We're like, not really. All right,
Michigan, hello. We're a national forest in hell,
Michigan. We're glad to have you, Michael. Get
you a color out here so we can color it again.
Michigan, Michigan. I always forget to add the
Upper Peninsula to it. I know that's my own fault
because I ain't up there, but I got to remember
to color both, Sarah Beth, because there's two
parts. No one realizes there's a second part.
I mean, I'm sure the people that live there do,
but... Those rest of us are like, oh, wait. Gotta
put the other one in there. Berea, Kentucky.
Hello, Tonya. Glad to have you. War Trace, Tennessee.
Joanie, glad to see you this evening. Ronnieville,
Kentucky. Hello, Natalie. Huntington, Pennsylvania.
Sorry. Hello, Missy. Georgia. Gotcha. Tennessee.
Hello, Kim. Gotcha. Arkansas, Rita. Gotcha. Kentucky,
Delena. Gotcha. Michigan, Carrie. Gotcha. Indiana,
Deborah. We got you. We got you. Arkansas, hello.
Little Georgia, hello, Rachel. Texas, hello,
Cheryl, welcome to the porch. Pam is in Tennessee,
hello. California, hello, Lori. Let's get you
a different color. That's the first one from
that bar that way. California, California, I'm
coming home. I love Joni Mitchell. Don't you
love Joni Mitchell? Old Joni Mitchell, not new
liberal Joni Mitchell. I like the old Joni Mitchell.
She's technically now old Joni Mitchell. Old
young Joni Mitchell. Whatever. California. Hello.
Georgia. Hello, Brenda. Anita's in Arkansas.
Laurie's in SoCal. Got you, baby girl. Apache
Junction, Arizona. Hello, Vicki. Welcome to the
porch. Let's get Arizona on here. Listen, that
screwed me up so bad when we was in Las Vegas.
And they said, hey, the Grand Canyon's east here.
And I was like, hey, no, it's not. Everybody
knows it's out west. And they're like, hey, that's
east of here. I'm like, I don't think it is.
I had a really hard time with that. Turns out
they were right. But I was just like, no, everybody
knows that the Grand Canyon's out west. It threw
me out. And then my brother's like, I'm flying
to Las Vegas. Which side of the plane do I need
to sit on to see the Grand Canyon? And I was
like, oh, Lincoln. Any of them. It's the Grand
Canyon. Holler. Which holler are you from, Cindy?
I'm coloring in. Another Georgia. Good to see
you, Becca. As always, I recommend you, if you
see your state, Say hello to that person that
said your state, and then you can become friends
with them. Power of the porch. Lisa's watching
from Louisiana. Louisiana is always one of my
favorite places to go. I used to live there.
Lisa, I wanted to ask you, and I know we're on
Facebook, but my mother is coming down to visit
in DeRuiter, and she wants somebody to take her
junking or maybe to a good yard sale. And automatically,
I thought, why doesn't Lisa know my mother? So,
I'm probably going to hook you guys up. The way
that she can go junk and you can show where to
go because you know all the great places. Is
that okay? Can I get my mom her phone number?
Okay. Illinois. Illinois is in the house. I got
colored in. I do love Illinois. Land of Lincoln
and recreational marijuana. Love it. Not a big
fan of Chicago. Too windy for me. But other than
that. The rest of the state's fantastic. From
Ithacan to Cairo and in between. I love it all.
Salem included. All right. Georgia. Hello, Danielle.
Hello, Cindy in Kentucky. Hello from Illinois.
Hello, Sherry. Did you see that Patty Beth is
also in Illinois? Sherry and Patty Beth are both
in Illinois. Y 'all get to hang out. Samantha's
a mechanic. Do you know Missy? You Missy need
to meet because Missy's also in Pennsylvania.
She's in Huntington. Huntington. Huntington.
Huntington. Huntington. It has a D in it. Meet.
All right. Indiana. Hello, Deborah. Hillsborough,
Kentucky. Hello. Gotcha, Lisa. Arizona. Hello,
Sean. We got two from Arizona. Michigan. That's
two from Michigan. Georgia. Vidalia. Home of
the good onions. Glad to have you. North Dakota.
Hello, Lori. That means both Dakotas are represented.
Fantastic. Never do I have both Dakotas represented.
So excited. I just dated a guy from North Dakota.
What was his name? Enoxon was his last name.
God, that's been 20 years ago, but I did remember
he was from North Dakota. Kentucky, hello. Shauna
was in Minnesota for 25 years. Well, that's awesome.
Are you there now? Because otherwise I can't
count it. I was in Italy for two years. Can't
count it. Where your underwear falls right now.
That's where I need to know. New York. Hello,
sir. And New York. Glad to have you. Awful glad
to have you. Australia. Hello, Linda. Let's write
down Australia because we don't have it on the
map. So I'm just going to write it down. Australia.
We have a good friend named Carrie Ann in Australia.
Maybe y 'all can meet up. Who knows? Who knows?
Stranger things have happened. Duluth, Minnesota.
Hello, Jennifer. Minnesota. My friend EB's from
Minnesota. I like the way she talks. She likes
the way I talk, so we don't offend each other.
Minnesota. Alright. What else we got in here?
Hello, Liana Sue. Oklahoma says, Hi, hi, Travis.
Milton, West Virginia. Hi, Angie. Why haven't
we met in real life? I wanna go junk. You wanna
go junk? I want to go to that little Magnolia
place that's there in Milton. And I want to go
to that plus -size consignment store. And I want
to go to the Good Good Wheel. And then I want
to go out there to Kim's Greenhouse. And then
I want to go to Blanco. And then, if we have
time, I want to go out there to the flea market.
So, if you want to go, let me know. Shalisa's
in Florida. Hello. Where in Florida are you at?
Because we'll be down there in October for about
two weeks. So, make sure you come see us. We'll
be near Destin and Perry, Florida. Or probably
somewhere in the middle if somebody books us
in between. We are going to Florida in October.
So get on my website and get your tickets. Northwest
Florida back. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Shalisa
and Brittany, both in Florida. Talk amongst themselves.
Might become friends. Iowa. We don't ever get
to Iowa. Okay, Iowa. I'm sorry, get excited.
Get excited about the states that we have never
had before. Or don't get them often, you know.
And I was a good -sized state. That kind of leaves
you all out of stuff. It makes me upset. All
right. Hello, Sherry in Kansas. Hello, Marty's.
And, well, we already said that. Angela's in
New Mexico. That's a whole different color. Get
to color in New Mexico for maybe the first time
ever. Guys, we're almost feeling off the mat.
I'm telling you. I'm going to show you here in
a second. We've almost got the entire country
covered in Cigarette Mom porch drillers. And
it makes me so excited. Makes me so excited.
I mean, look how much of the map we're filling
in. Kansas. A lot from Georgia, Becca. So you
should start a SBT porch in Georgia. That's it.
That could be the prerequisite. Do you watch
Sarah Beth? And they'll be like, yep. We're going
to meet at the Cracker Barrel. All right. Jonesboro,
Arkansas. Hello, Glenda. You saw a picture earlier
with G -Dub. What was going on with G -Dub, Lisa?
Was I with her? Hard to tell. If Katrina's in
DeRuiter, you know how much I love DeRuiter.
You know. Have you went and checked on Dylan
and Nellie? Go check on them. Go see the babies.
Tell them I said hi. Arkansas. Hello. Dave lives
on the other side of Minnesota. Well, good. You
could just cover the whole state. Chad's in South
Dakota. Now they're South Dakota. That's exciting.
It's very, very exciting. Welcome to all the
new porch dwellers. Hello, Deb Carter. Dame,
you and Gary better be there Saturday night because
we're going to be at Bobby G's and we're playing
on the new porch. If it don't rain, just get
real excited. I love Deb and Gary. I do. Upstate
New York. Hello, Sarah and Marie. Good to see
you. Rochester. Liz. Liz and Sarah, both in New
York. Discuss. Jennifer, I wasn't Irving until
they ran me out on a reel and told me that I
would never be anything as a country music singer
or songwriter. That's funny. Oh, it cracks me
up. I wonder whether they'll ask me back. North
Carolina, hello. Amanda, are you coming to my
show in August? It's on my website. They're RSVP
now. Chattanooga, Tennessee. Hello, Leanne. Middle
Tennessee, East Nashville. Angela, we're going
to be in Middle Tennessee, West Nashville in
August, so make sure you come and see us. Donna's
just north of Wright Brothers Air Force Base
in the new Buc -ee's. Fantastic. Fantastic. I
couldn't talk for a second. Fantastic. Having
some kind of stroke. Okay. Northern Indiana.
Hello. Got you. Well, duly noted. Melissa's in
Kentucky. See, y 'all are making friends. Make
friends. Oh, so excited. Omaha, Nebraska. That's
the first Nebraska we got. Hello. Welcome, Cornhusker.
Glad to see you. Coloring you in right now. Coloring
you green because I know you don't get to see
a lot of that color. I've been through Nebraska.
I went through the National Forest of Nebraska.
It had one tree in it. I was like, this is a
joke, right? No, this is it. This is the National
Forest of Nebraska. Okay. You say so. Winchester,
Illinois, hello. Northeast Arkansas, good to
see you. Lafayette, Louisiana. Lori, my friend,
Lisa's on here from the Ritter -Leavesville area,
so Lafayette's not too off afar. Just cut across
20, and y 'all can hang out. Chad's in South
Dakota. Brenda's in Texas. Nana Jan is in Ashland,
Kentucky. They just had a hell of a party this
weekend with the Rock of Country. Barbersville,
West Virginia. Gina, that's my favorite Goodwill.
Of all the Goodwills I have found in West Virginia,
the one in Barbersville, West Virginia is my
favorite. Right there on 60 if you get between
exits 15 and 20. You can get on 60. It's right
there on the right -hand side. It's right by
Honey Baked Ham. It's one of my favorites. They
have great stuff. And they have a cute little
guy that works the front door. And he's always
so sweet. And he's legally blind. And he always
tells me what color our week is. And tells me
I have a blessed week. And I love him. I love
him. So, anyway. Jeannie, anytime you want to
go, send me a text. We'll go. Looky there. Michelle
is making friends in Arkansas. Chad's making
friends in South Dakota. Southern Illinois. I
like Southern Illinois. Salem. That little area.
I like it quite a bit. Quite a bit. We cut up
through there a lot up on 59. But anyway. Winchester,
Illinois. Do you need extra crowns? Not yet.
I got them in my Mother Mary. And then when they
run out, I get more. But a 64 -pack won't fit
in my Mother Mary. Mother Mary can only carry
24 colors at a time. It's the downfall of her
breed. South Carolina! No, I didn't say it, sir,
but now I did. We got a color yet. Not that color,
sir. What haven't we done in a minute? Blue.
Let's do blue. South Kakalake. We now have the
entire South represented. We need Missouri. Look.
Look. Look at how many people we are touching
with the porch. With the porch. I hate to say
touching people because then everybody gets all
squirrely. North Carolina, Illinois on a boat.
I'm on a boat. Burns and South Kakalaki. Hello.
I love this. I love that y 'all are making friends.
St. Albans. I was just there the other day. Y
'all have a good, good realty. It's not as good
as Barbersville, but it's still pretty good.
Missouri, Cindy, finally somebody from the show
me state. I was beginning to wonder if anybody
was going to show up from the show me state.
I was like, hmm, there's nobody here. Nobody
here from the show me state. But now you are
because Missouri loves company. I don't know.
Shut up. It was a cute pun. All right. I got
New Mexico and Australia ready. I'm paying attention.
Thank you. Pennsylvania. Michelle, have you met
Missy? She's also in Pennsylvania. Pave Paradise
and put up a parking lot. Yes, I know. Johnny
Mitchell said it first and then Uncle Cracker
did. It's still true. Don't it all seem to go?
But you don't know what you got till it's gone.
Pave Paradise and put up a parking lot. All right.
Maryland. Crab cakes and football. That's what
Maryland does. All right. Good to have you. Wisconsin!
Finally get to color it in. You know what side
I get to use on my new crowns? It's like the
first day of school. I do love Wisconsin. I like
your spotted cow and squeaky cheese. I do indeed.
Love going up there. All right. Patty Beth Morgan
is floating on the Ohio River cooking on the
barges. My goodness, what a fun job. Katrina's
in the river. I know where you are, Katrina.
I know where you live. That would be creepy if
it wasn't us. I miss Washington State. You're
right, I did. Hello, Darla, all the way from
New York. Good to see you. Let's get Washington
the state on here. Listen, I've been hearing
rumors that y 'all got some weird stuff going
up there by the mountains and the volcanoes.
Rainy ain't making all that noise. How do you
pronounce it? They said it was making the noise
just like we might have a volcano. But I don't
know. I don't know what sounds you'd even listen
to. Lisa C. Okay, I'm gonna give Mom your phone
and bring her to go check. Did I get Montana?
No, Amanda, I didn't. But I will now. Montana.
Gonna use my yellow crown because it's already
out. Did you see that dandelion is back? They
brought it back. That little girl on TikTok,
it was her favorite crown, and she made a big
deal about it, and she did a big TikTok about
it for like three years, and they finally took
it out of retirement, so congratulations. Been
a big year for dandelions. Got an Ella Langley
album, got a new color in the crown box. I mean,
just a big year for dandelions. All right, South
Carolina, hello, Helen. Welcome. Hello from New
York, Carissa. Houston, Texas, Brenda. Good to
see you. Dalton, Georgia, Becca's tuning in.
Carla's in North Carolina. Hi, Carla. Are you
coming back in August to the show? I think Cindy's
coming. If I can get Jen to come up from Georgia,
we can just have a little fixed reunion. That's
about two hours from you, Samantha. Well, then
there's absolutely no reason not to see you at
the show. You've waited longer in traffic. Okay.
Helen's in Elgin, South Carolina. Omaha, Nebraska.
Hello, Lawrence. Thank you for liking my dress.
Got her at the Goodwill. Born in Taylorsville,
Illinois. Good to see you. We need to head east.
Connecticut. Connecticut. Ain't got a Connecticut
yet. That's a lot of words at one time. Connecticut.
Now you gotta remember Connecticut. It's not
Rhode Island. It's one beside it. Right under
Massachusetts. Right above New York. So there
you are. Found you. I know where you are. Hunting
done. See, Missy? I knew I had a D in it. Molly's
in South Kakalaki. Hello, Charlotte, North Carolina.
Hi, Alyssa. Hi, Chad. Patti Beth is awesome.
She's floating, floating through on a tow boat.
What a cool job. Left a good job in the city.
Sorry, couldn't help it. Working for the man
every night and day. That's what I'm going to
be singing every time I see Patti Beth pop up
on here. Sorry. It's a thing. Okay. Rockland,
Tennessee. Hello, Sherry Panther, West Virginia.
Good to see it. Heather from Ohio. Indiana's
a really long state. That's what she said. Tallahassee.
Hello, Shalisa. Evansville. Hello, Indiana. Hello,
Omaha. Let me know if the Milton Flea Market
has goats. I didn't know they had goats. But
I'll keep my eye out. That's a new thing. Wisconsin,
Tennessee. Several in the house from North Carolina
on the porch. Make sure you make friends. Anybody
in western New York, Darla, ask. Hello from Virginia.
Got you down. Thank you for being here. Inez,
Kentucky, Carolyn. Can't wait to see you on the
first day of August. Northern Missouri. Hello,
Cindy. They're all four and a half hours from
you. Well, then Becca, get me a gig near you.
Have a house concert. Have a porch party. Everybody
put 20 bucks in a hat and make a cheese ball.
I'll be there by dark. And he leads in Central
North Carolina for August. Not for August. August
is booked solid. But we can try for September.
So I'm gonna have Shawn get on there and look
at those places that she sent us. Carissa, talking
to Darla. There's our New York people. Heather
in Indiana. I'm invited to your back porch in
Fairmont or Fairmont, West Virginia. Well, send
me the details, sis. Dandridge, Tennessee. Hello,
Kristen. Glad to have you. Lawrence is in Omaha.
Michelle's in Western Oklahoma. Sarah is in Virginia.
Rita's hollering from Yaleville. She's yelling
from Yaleville. Did you get to see that my friends
Tayla and Trey, Tweety and Lynn, were in Yaleville
just the other day? I hope you got to see their
show, and if not, I hope you'll see them the
next time they come through. Camden, Tennessee
is in West Tennessee. Well, ish. We're not in
Memphis. It's between Nashville and Memphis.
So, therefore, I know where it's at. I've been
there. Hello from Calhoun, Georgia. Playing there.
South Carolina. Hello, Shannon. Oh my goodness,
today is Tammy's mother -in -law's 90th birthday.
Mazel tov, many happy returns. Hello from Central
Ohio. Clay City, Illinois is on the porch. Hey,
Tiffany. Chesapeake, Ohio. Northeast Ohio. Okay,
Christy and Stacy, have y 'all met? Do you know
each other because you're both in Ohio? Oh, I
love that. Brandi's meeting her new neighbors
on the porch for Sig and Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
Been through there, love it. Keokuk, Illinois.
Is that how you pronounce that? Love it. Massachusetts.
Hello, Holly. Hang on. We got color in the new
state. The spirit of Massachusetts is the spirit
of America. The spirit of the red water. Okay.
Oregon's here. Hello, Oregon. We were just talking
about the trail that we all took in fifth grade
to get to. Some of us made it. Some of us didn't
board the river in time. Some of us died from
dysentery. But good to know that you made it.
You are there or gone. All right. Burke Burnett,
Texas. Hello, Missouri. Southern Illinois. I
love Salem, Illinois, man. Have you ever been
up there to the Iron Saddle Rodeo Place? The
Lander's Place? It's awesome. Go watch a rodeo
there sometime. Tell Beth I sent you. Little
Callahan is in Australia. That's two of y 'all
watching. Now you have two marks. Huh. I don't
know how I got on your feet either, but I'm glad
to have you. I know it's wintertime over there.
I know it's probably early in the morning. Wait,
wait, wait. If you're in Australia, that means
it's 9 .34 in the morning. Am I right? It's Tuesday
morning in Australia. Florida, hello. Angie,
how are you, baby girl? I was just thinking about
you the other day. I found pictures of your hat.
Terry's on vacation in Topsell, North Carolina.
Oh, won't you brag? Glad you took us with you
on vacation, though. Always good to have a little
porch time when you're on the beach. Oregon is
here. Tennessee is here. Patty Beth, you can
meet so many friends. Seems like you've got a
porch dweller in every port. Crayola's got a
sale going on. Thanks, Becca. I went to Five
Below the other day, and they were not Five Below.
They were six bucks. I was like, this is a lot.
Manor, Texas, Missouri, Wilmington, Ohio is in
the house. Deborah said we have a couple of good
Goodwills, so don't threaten me with a good time.
Did I see Massachusetts? Yes, Carol, I did, and
I colored it in. I did see Northern Upstate New
York, colored it in. Yes, you can start a group
chat. We have a hive chat. Y 'all can get in
there, and we'll do that this evening. That'd
be fun. We'll get in the chat and be like, New
York, get on this thread. Missouri, get on this
thread. Wisconsin, get on this thread. Hello,
Donna. Waving at you. Sarah's on the river. Denise
is in Oregon. Chris is near Syracuse. Oh, I love
this. The power of the porch. The power of the
porch. I do have Oregon on here. I have Wichita,
Kansas. Thank you, Charlie. Yes, Rita, I saw
Oregon. Thank you so much. San Antonio, home
of the Riverwalk. Glad to have you. Elgin, South
Carolina. So excited to see you. Donna's asking
if there's any Jersey Peeps in there. Do we have
any Jersey Peeps at all? We haven't colored it
in yet. So excited. That is so fun. Joyce was
born in Washington Courthouse. I have played
many times in Circleville, which isn't too far
at the Punkin Festival, so it's good to see you.
Ding dong calling Avon, Ohio. That's awesome.
Weatherford, Texas. Good to see you. Lancaster,
Pennsylvania. Montana's there. Where am I playing
in Camden, Tennessee in August? At the Songbird
Working Man's Retreat. The campground there.
And that show's going to be on August the 8th.
And Erica Nicole's opening for me. So those tickets
are for sale on my website. So if you want one,
get one. Sally, you are stronger than I am. I
went almost nine minutes without a smoke and
I'm about to go out of my head. Hello from Lake
City, Florida. Well, hello, Teresa. Good to see
you. Hello, Donna's in Arkansas. I got Montana.
Amanda, thank you so much for being here. Tampa,
Florida. Oh, yeah, I want to go thrifting in
Florida. I mean, those Goodwills are the size
of Walmarts. If I know Arkansas. Hello, Donna.
Front porch sitting in Kentucky. Hey, Josh Michael
Bogart, if you don't follow him. Talk about a
hell of a singer and songwriter and a good artist.
We have not done a show together yet, and I'm
looking at you, Josh. What's up with that? Darla's
in Clymer. So, you know, if you're looking for
her, there she is. Fredericksburg, Virginia.
Thank you, Jennifer, for sending our love to
New Mexico and getting them to watch. Do I have
any shows in Kansas City? Not yet, but get me
one, Cindy, and we'd love to come. Linda's on
the porch in Louisville. Hello, Louisville. Good
to see you. Back porch. Every day is 420. I'm
excited. Lisa will have to meet up. In Pittsville,
Virginia. Hello. How much does it cost to subscribe?
I think it's like three bucks. Like less than
a cup of coffee. And every single dime that you
spend on subscriptions and things like that,
buying merch, literally goes to buying feed for
all of those chickens out there in the backyard.
So, because of viewers like you, I can eat farm
fresh eggs and piss off my husband every day.
Thank you. Carol's neighbor turned 100. Happy
birthday, Oeda Cyrus. 100 years. Imagine being
born in 1926. My goodness. Charlotte's from Northwest
Tennessee, but was born and raised in Ashland,
Kentucky. Don't say that too loud. Columbia,
Mississippi. Good to see you. Carolyn, we'd be
glad to. We're going to pray for Ethan Owen.
We're going to do that right now. Lord, please
be with our friend Ethan Owen as you put your
healing hand on him in this tragedy. Lord, just
bring the people of the porch together to hear
our cry. Lord, you said we're two or more gathered
there, so shall you be. And we're asking for
healing and for comfort for Ethan and to put
your hand upon him and his family. And just,
Lord, you take care of him. We know that you
know the need and we know that you've got this
under control. And, Lord, we trust your ultimate
plan. Just put your hand on that family, Lord.
In Jesus' name I pray. All right, if I'm going
to pray for somebody, I'm going to do it right
then or else I forget. Caroline's House is for
sale in Pensacola, Florida. Send us the info.
Hell, somebody might want it. Garfield, Georgia.
Welcome back. Kentucky Landis here. Savannah.
I just wrote a book. Sarah just read a book called
The Savannah Purchase by Jane Aiken Hodges, which
is a turn -of -the -century novel about Savannah.
But you talk about cool. I love literature about
Savannah. I've never been there. I read Midnight
in the Garden of Good and Evil four times, and
I just read The Savannah Purchase. Can I come?
Will you give me a show? West Monroe, Louisiana.
Dana, better late than pregnant. We're glad that
you're here. Hello, Louise. Welcome from Georgia.
I got Montana. Thank you so much, Amanda. Did
I see D .C.? No, I did not. Somebody tuning in
from the nation's capital, and I didn't even
get to color it in. Uh, I have to color a different
color. This is a little bitty blue dot right
there beside Maryland. Okay, found it. Got it.
Good. Check out Boots in the Bend, and we can
hit a good wheel. Okay, Deb. I'm on it. Hello
from Decatur, Texas. Good to see you, Tiffany.
Welcome. I didn't have a jersey, Donna. Thank
you so much. Now we do. Now we have a new jersey.
We came back in Delaware. How's Leonard? Leonard's
great. He's not liking all the new babies hollering
at him all the time because he's just a hair
bigger than they are, so I think he's getting
a little threatened. But... Tennessee, hello,
Krista. Greenup, Kentucky show. I'm telling you,
Krista. Oh, Krista, thank you, by the way. Krista
sent me the cutest little things for my porch
the other day. I got one that says, there's always
time to sit on the porch, and I got a garden
sign that says, into the garden I go to lose
my mind and find myself. I appreciate those very
much. I haven't had a chance to send you a thank
you card yet, but in front of God and everybody
here on the porch. Thank you. That was a really
awesome thing to get the other day for fan mail,
and I was having a really bad day, and you made
it better, so thank you so, so much. And I'm
glad that you're excited about the Green Up show,
because I'm really excited about it, too. Michigan!
Hello, Dorothy. Bill's here late from Ohio. Well,
barely to Nugley. Middle Tennessee is here. South
Mississippi is here. From my little river town
in Dayton, Kentucky. Hello, hello, Sharon. Glad
to have you. Port Sanilac, Michigan. Hello. Petty
Beth doesn't have a porch on the boat, but you
got a deck, right? Wherever you can go and enjoy
a little fresh air, it's fine with us. Even if
you have to crack a window and spray yourself
down with Lysol, we don't judge. We do a little
bit, but not a lot, you know. Thank you for praying
for Ethan. Y 'all are awesome. Thank you all
for... For being part of it. Amanda's husband
is finally home from the hospital after two and
a half weeks from heart failure. My goodness.
So happy that he's home and on the mend. Praise
God. We love praise reports as well. Sykes, Louisiana.
Hello, Margaret. Okay, if anybody's looking for
a house in Pensacola, 8113 Monticello Drive in
Pensacola, Florida is priced to sell at $225
,000. How many beds and baths you got, Carolyn?
Are you sitting on any acreage? Because I know
they're going to ask. Sharon's in Alexandria.
I want to come back. I haven't been to Alexandria
in so long. Oh, I love it. I love traveling through
there. I love the history. I love going and seeing
everything. So, get me a gig, Sharon. Hello.
Clover, South Cackalackaloo. Good to see you.
Are you from California? Are you talking to me?
No. I'm from Kentucky. I know that the accent
probably gave it away. It would seem I am from
Los Angeles. Los Angeles. But I'm from Kentucky.
Checking in from South Texas. Lord, I bet it's
hot down there. Do you remember the name of Blanco
before it was Blanco? Was it West Virginia Glass
or something? I don't remember. I don't know.
I wasn't here then. I'm just learning about them.
I've got some pieces. I've been to the factory
a couple times, but I need to look that up. Southeastern
Oklahoma. Hello, Debbie Lynn. Hello, Sue Ann
in Pennsylvania. You need to meet me. She's also
in Pennsylvania. David's in Bowling Green, Kentucky.
Hello. Carolyn, thanks for saying. Carter, come
say hi from Delaware. I love that, that y 'all
call people in other states. Butler, Pennsylvania.
Oh, wow. Haven't heard that name in a while.
Looky here. Look, look, look. You see the problem
with this map? We are not getting to this bunch.
We are not getting to this bunch of people. There's
this bunch of people out here in Colorado and
Utah and Wyoming and Nevada and Idaho. They don't
know about Sir Beth Terry. What are we doing?
What are we doing? Oh, Carolina has three beds,
two baths, and a third of an acre lot. Priced
to sell $225 ,000. Get on in there and check
it out. Oh, well, thanks, Anita. Debra, thank
you for telling me about Boots and the Band.
I thought that you were just making up some kind
of cool club I wanted to be a part of. Hello
from Minnesota. Do I come north? Yes. Find me
a show. We will hit the road. We have a map and
a car to get us there. Thanks, Sharon. Oh, and
my husband just put the link to my... Tour dates.
So, there it is. New Brunswick, Canada. Get to
pick Canada on here. Oh, Canada. Can I just say
something about y 'all? And I mean it with all
the love in my heart. Them all -dressed potato
chips are for real. They are for real. They're
my favorites. And I tell you what else I like.
That poutine stuff. Why did no one tell us that
that was an option to have french fries and egg
and gravy at the same time? Y 'all been hiding
shit from us up there in Canada. Y 'all need
to start telling some secrets. I know that we
took Shania Twain and Ryan Reynolds from you,
but you should forgive us for that because we've
taken up curling and we really like your target
chicks. I'm just saying. We're glad to have you,
Eric. Melissa, where do you live? And you should
copy that exact comment and send it to your state
legislature or send it to your representative
so that way that they know that there's people
in their state that need it for things other
than eating Cheetos and watching adults swim.
And we're not all dodging the draft because it's
50 years past Vietnam. All right. Oh, well, hello,
Anita. I know my mat needs to go further north.
I need a world map. You're up here in the smile.
Here's it there. Canada. America's top hat. Hello,
Pennsylvania friends. Hello, Indiana, Nebraska,
Rock Castle, Kentucky. Cynthia's like, I'm trying
to get my friends from Colorado. Oh, and Billy
is too. Like, if you're in Colorado, get the
hell on the porch. Girl, you have to travel to
the USA to get Humpty Dumpty Audrey's chips.
They're the best. Are they not? They're the best.
I love those. If you've not tried Lay's Audrey's
potato chips, get them. They're my favorite.
Hello from New Mexico. Mayor Robert. Are you
the mayor of someplace in New Mexico? Can I get
a key to the city? Can I be in the parade? Can
I be a grand marshal of somebody's parade? Just
one time. Just one time to be like in the grand
marshal of the, you know, footstool New Mexico
parade is. Country singers. Oh, I could throw
candy at children. It'd be great. Okay. Hello
from northern Minnesota. Your aunt was watching
from Oklahoma. Tell her I said thanks, Amy. I
love it. There is Louisiana on my map. There
it is. Lisa was the first one to pop in. And
then Katrina. So, you got friends in Louisiana.
Say hello. Van Leer. Susie, I will be in Van
Leer. Well, I'll be in Inez, which is not too
far from Van Leer. So come and see us on August
1st. Oh, Rita, can you use some prayers? I was
diagnosed with mediastinum. My goodness. Alright,
well. Alright, Porch, you know what we say. We
get a prayer request, we're going to do it right
then. Lord, we come to you again here on the
Porch of Sigmund to lift up our friend, Rita.
We know that she's worried about her new diagnosis.
Lord, we know that you have your hand on her.
We know that you've got... all the plan in the
world for her lord and that you have a divine
mission that we don't yet see lord just give
her comfort give her healing give her peace give
her the the comfort of the porch the comfort
of your love and and let her know that she is
surrounded by by people that are lifting her
up lord that are taking care of our own that
are reaching out and loving each other Lord,
just show us how to light the way for other people
and bless our friend Rita and just put your healing
hand on her. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. All
right, moving on. Rita, we always pray when we
say we're going to. Hello from Edmondson County.
Hello, Stacey. Good to see you. You're temporarily
in Georgia but from Arizona. Well, if you're
temporarily in Georgia... I need you to go down
to the speedway and I need you to ask for a guy
named Buck. Tell him that you want a half a pound
of a hamburger meat. He'll know what you mean.
He'll know what you mean. Then you gotta meet
him out back by the dumpster. Bring cash. I'm
just kidding. That's a joke. Okay, I'm on the
map. Come out and be a Grand Marshal in New Mexico.
Please send me the information, Robert. I would
love that. Let me do a concert in New Mexico.
That'd be so fun. Alabama. No, this isn't the
replay. You're right here in the middle of it,
Melissa. Good to see you. Have I compared the
other maps to tonight's map? Yeah, we keep filling
up. The northeast and the west is not doing too
hot with SBT, but I think that's because of my
accent. So, this is where we are on the map.
If we know anybody in Alaska, Hawaii, Colorado,
Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, Idaho, Maine, Vermont,
New Hampshire, or Delaware. Glory, I'll look
forward to that message. So, The porch is very
big. Screenshot. Screenshot. Screenshot and flip
it. Do we know anybody in the states that we
haven't colored in? Do you know anybody in those
states? Bring them to the porch. Look at that,
babe. That's like the most we filled in ever.
We have decided that we need to go tour in this
area because they don't know what's out there.
Maybe if I could plant a flag on Devil's Tower.
Connecticut! Shut up. So excited. Got you. Got
you. Connecticut. Connecticut. Got you. Maine!
We got a Maine. See? I was gonna put the map
away and pick up the guitar, but then y 'all
were like, wait! There's more. It's like Billy
Mays. But wait a minute! I hear Bill. Bill's
like, color in Maine. Color in Maine. I got you.
I got you. Crown does sound like crown. It is
a very Mormon area out west. They might not like
me out there. Then again, they might. I don't
know. See? Now New England's catching up. Chris
is currently in Utah. Well, what took you so
long to say something, Chris? Lord. Here we've
been fessing about Utah. There was somebody here
that... Just give me grief. And the cheese stands
alone for Utah all by itself. New Mexico is recreational.
You ask me to be a grand marshal of a parade
and get me a show and you tell me there's weed?
I'm on the way. I know how to get to New Mexico.
You just get on 40. Just keep going. Until it
runs out. New Mexico. Oh my goodness. Two from
Maine on here now and they're sending an invite
to the Alaskan Avenger. Are you telling me that
we might have somebody that's not in the continental
United States right now? That would be really
awesome. Rita sharing with her friends in Nevada.
Nevada, Nevada. I say Nevada. You say Nevada.
I say Nevada. Let's call the whole thing off.
Who's in Pikes Peak? Joyce. Hello from upstate
New York. Oswego. Hello, Allison. Got some people
here from the Adirondacks. Converse. Talk amongst
thyselves. Bonnie's in Kansas. Hello. I love
this. We are so close to filling out the map.
See, the out west, we're going to have to go
out there and we're going to have to Jehovah's
Witness it a little bit. We're going to have
to go door to door and meet people and be like,
do you have a minute or two to talk about Sarah
Beth's music? Have you heard the good news about
Sarah Beth's music? Can we leave you some literature
about Sarah Beth's music? Just saying, they're
doing it door to door at a time. Them little
Mormons got bicycles. They're mobile. What if
we just gave them a stack full of Cigarette Mom
stickers and be like, while you're out? Just
saying. It could work. The West has amazing weed.
Well, that's what they keep saying. But the East
is doing alright, too. Thank you, by the way,
to the person that has not revealed themselves.
My goodness. That sent me a big bottle of Willie's
Reserve. Willie's Reserve? We got it in the mail.
And it was incredible. So thank you. There you
go. Well, that's what I know from this side of
the mountain this evening, friends. That's the
updates. That's the weather. That's the Bible
verse. And that's the new songs. We talked about
everything we could. We colored in the map. And
I told you about the new shows that are coming
up this weekend. Friday at Hurricane at Emma
Ray Steakhouse. That show starts at 6 o 'clock.
And then Saturday night, we are in Huntington,
West Virginia at Bobby G's there in the Central
City area. And that show starts at 8. So, if
you haven't RSVP'd or got your tickets yet, then
go ahead and get online and get that taken care
of. We're also going to be in Camden, Kentucky
the 25th, which is not this weekend, but next
weekend. And then we're going to be in Inez,
Kentucky for the Appalachian Artist Festival
on the 1st. We're going to be in Camden, Tennessee
on August the 8th with Erica Nicole opening.
We're going to be back in Van Leer for a private
party on the 15th. We're going to be in South
Fire, North Carolina on the 22nd day of August.
And then that's all I have until, I think, the
first weekend of October. So, if you want us,
call us. We'll come to you. You're seeing about
what we do. I sit, find me a place to play, smoke,
and sleep. I'm there. So, all right, friends,
keep your Bibles up and your powder dry and your
head on a swivel because people are acting crazy
this day and age. Be nice to old people's animals
and children. And if you can't love your neighbor,
please give it to God because he loves you and
I do too. And I will see you tomorrow here on
the porch on another episode of Cigarette Mom.
And in the meantime, until then, remember, I'm
Sarah Beth Terry and you're not. Good night.