I'm Sarah Beth Terry and you're not. Good evening
and welcome to a Tuesday night on the porch.
I know it's 940 at night and way past most of
our bedtimes, but I have had a day. I've had
a day. Today is July the 7th. I had to make sure
that that was right. Is that right? Yes. Oh my
goodness. That's a lot. That's a lot today. I
didn't realize we were already a week into this
month. Oh my goodness. It's just so much. So
how's your day been? What have y 'all been doing?
Anything crazy? Anything good? No? Everything
good? Kind of one of those things. Grab a cup
of coffee or a sweet tea. Pull up a rocker and
let's see what's happening in God's world. You
want to? On the front page tonight, USA eliminated
from the World Cup. I know. The U .S. men's national
team fell 4 -1 in Belgium at the round of 16
Monday night. Belgium now advances to face Spain,
while many fans are already turning their attention
towards building for the next World Cup cycle.
I don't care either way, but everybody seems
to be real excited about it. The quarterfinal
picture takes shape if you are keeping up with
FIFA right now. Spain, France, Morocco, and England
and Norway have already secured places in the
World Cup quarterfinals with more rounds of 16
matches scheduled later. Oh, my God. It just
keeps going. There's just so much, so much soccer.
The markets are turning your attention to earnings.
Wall Street is shifting from holiday mode into
earnings season, as we talked about yesterday.
Investors are watching corporate profits, AI
spending, and interest rate expectations for
clues about the economy's direction. So there's
that. America 250 celebrations continue across
the United States. Communities across the country
are still celebrating the anniversary of America
with festivals, concerts, museum exhibits, and
historical events. So if you have one in your
neck of the woods, go check it out. That moth
went right in my eye. Have you ever seen that
in your entire life? I've never seen a moth to
the eye. I've seen a moth to the flame. But never
a moth to the eye. Your top ten things in the
world today. Belgium advances to the World Cup
quarterfinals after defeating the United States,
which was also our number one headline. Spain
books its place in the final eight and awaits
Belgium. They're pretty good at soccer. They're
better at waffles. So let's see what happens.
NATO leaders continue discussing European defense
cooperation. Trump was in Turkey today. That's
all I know about that. Global energy markets
remain focused on oil production and prices.
The United States is now the number one exporter
of oil in the world, beating Russia. AI investment
continues accelerating worldwide. Several European
countries remain under summer heat advisories.
International shipping routes continue operating
under heightened security. Tourism across Europe
remains strong during peak vacation season. Space
companies continue expanding commercial launch
schedules, and central banks continue bouncing
inflation and economic growth. Sounds like a
whole lot more of the same. but we're here for
it. In the United States, Congress returns to
Washington after the Independence Day recess.
Maybe they'll finally get something done. Thomas
Massey did put a post up the other night, and
I don't like him at all, but when he said, three
strokes and you're out, and I was like, is that
the new rule in Congress? Because it should be.
Investors begin watching second quarter earnings
reports. If you're a Wall Street nut, if you
have money invested in things that you can't
see, this might be your time to shine. So look
forward to it. Summer travel remains near record
levels despite the gas prices and the heat. We
still have places to go and we kind of have to
go there regardless of the price and the weather.
No, no, no, no. National Parks continue reporting
strong visitor numbers because of the 250th celebration.
If you are a veteran and you can apply for the
Gold Star Card, which is free, you can visit
any of our national parks free of charge with
your DD -214. So just keep that in mind. Home
affordability remains a major concern despite
improving housing inventory. There's a lot of
houses, just nobody's buying them because we
can't afford them because the interest rate is
7%. Did I miss something? No. Alright, AI continues
to dominate corporate investment strategies.
Okay, here, let's talk about this for a second.
Because somebody got sideways with me yesterday
over AI. I'm going to say this as nicely as possible.
You're missing the point. Yes, they're geofencing.
Yes, they're flock cameras. Yes, they're putting
a tracker on every single one of us. They have
forever because we have GPS on our phones and
you use it to figure out where your other phone
is. Let's explain what AI is actually doing for
you that's good because no one seems to realize
that part of it. It's actually creating opportunities
for you to be more human. For the last 30 years,
I've heard everybody bitch about clocking in,
clocking out. I'm nothing but a robot at my job.
They could replace me at any moment. I hate my
job. I want to spend more time with my family,
my kids, my hobbies, my farm. Congratulations!
Now there is an opportunity for technology to
take over the mundane work that you hate doing
so bad. You can now invest in more human opportunities.
Take it up with a hobby. Garden. Go visit your
friends. Go out and do something. Reach out and
touch somebody. Do stuff that is intrinsically
human and not AI. And quit bitchin' about the
progress of man. If you don't like that it's
threatening your job, get better at your job.
If you don't like that it's threatening the music
industry, write better songs. If you don't like
that it's threatening the art industry, draw
better pictures. If you don't like that it's
threatening production, then you come up with
something, Henry Ford. But in the meantime, I'm
going to be growing tomatoes, smoking cigarettes,
and doing the Lord's work because, A, I can't.
Say what you want to, ride this dragon or get
burnt by it, but I'm so tired of everybody being
threatened by something they don't understand,
and you're never going to support what intimidates
you. It's a very good reason why I don't have
a lot of support in Kentucky because I intimidate
the shit out of them. That's okay. I've been
doing this since I was 16 years old. They ran
me out of town on a rail and told me I'd never
going to be a country music singer or songwriter.
And here we are 25 years later and I'm paying
my bills with the songs that other people are
singing. How's that sound? It's still good. You
feel better about it? You feel better about supporting
everybody else but your own home crowd? People
don't support what they're intimidated by. All
right. Election season begins quietly ramping
up ahead of the fall midterms, considering that
the Supreme Court has now said there is no limit
on the spending for campaigns. So look forward
to the midterms. There's no telling. It might
have commercials like the Super Bowl. I don't
even know what to expect at this point. Speaking
of politics, campaigns begin shifting. I mean,
good Lord, are we ready for it? Are you ready
for it? Because the bullshit starts. Better get
your boots and your umbrella. Executive authority
remains a major political discussion after recent
Supreme Court decisions. If it were up to me,
we would get rid of all of them and put new ones
in there because everybody seems to have got
a turncoat on us, and I think they should be
called Benedict Arnold's, but that's just me.
At some point, you have to realize that you're
there for a job. You're there to make big decisions
and not placate and patronize the American public.
That's not what you're there for. You're there
to make the big decisions that we can't trust
the regular people. If you're asking the regular
people how to make these decisions, you're not
doing your job. Mitch McConnell been brain dead
since 94, and now I think it's medically official.
I'm sorry I don't have any sympathy for it. Sometimes
bad shit happens to bad people. Moving on. Immigration
continues to be a top issue, mostly because everybody
that's here illegally is killing people that
are here legally, and then we're having a big
conflict about it. Quit bitchin' because the
coons are eatin' all your cat food when you're
leavin' the cat food out and you don't put out
a live trap. I don't know what to tell ye. This
has a simple solution, but we're too busy about
hurtin' everybody else's feelings and steppin'
on toes that we forget that we have steel -toed
boots. God! I'm so sick of this stupidity. It
is rampant. All right. Border security legislation
remains under debate. We can't figure out where
the border is or if we're going to let people
across it. This has been a problem since the
beginning. Budget negotiations continue as states
prepare for November elections. AI regulations
continue developing. Energy independence remains
a bipartisan discussion. Education remains active
in many state legislators for their policies.
And polling firms continue tracking voters' sentiment.
which is hard to do since you can't show an idea.
Nobody seems to know if you're supposed to vote
or not. So it's fine. You know, we'll figure
it out. In pop culture, new streaming releases
arrived this week, including TV series, films,
and albums. So if you're ready to binge in the
heat, get on there and check it out. Summer blockbuster
season remains strong, including that new Sheep,
maybe with Hugh Jackman, which apparently is
really, really good. And now Hail Mary is on
Amazon Prime. If you didn't get Ryan Gosling's
Saving the Universe in the theaters, it is now
available. If you are a Prime member, Paris...
Haute Couture Week starts this week. Get really
excited. You can tell that I'm going with all
the outfits that I have in my closet. They called
me first, obviously. WWE builds towards the SummerSlam.
If you want to see the SummerSlam, then make
sure that you're tuning in to the WWE, which
used to be called the WWF, but the World Wildlife
Federation had a problem with Stone Cold Steve
Austin, so we changed the acronym. So it's okay.
Festival Sweet Season is in full swing. If you're
in Kentucky, you're going to see the same 12
people for the next six weeks. So get real excited
about it because they never like change. It's
fine. If you don't catch them at 1, they'll be
at 1 the next weekend. You'll get to see them
sometime before August. If you're going anywhere
else in the world, everybody else who plays outside
of Kentucky is playing at different festivals
and fairs and venues. So just to let you know.
All right, social media continues buzzing after
the 4th of July celebrations. Miranda Lambert
sang in St. Louis, Emily Ann Roberts sang in
Nashville, and Gretchen was supposed to sing
in Washington, but was in a tent for six hours
because of a lightning delay. You know they made
her sit in that tent and didn't even give her
a funnel cake. I tell you what's the truth. I
don't know what this world's coming to. New albums
are dropping Friday on New Music Friday, so if
you're keeping an eye out for those, get excited.
Fans anticipate the College Football 27 later
this week. If you're watching college football,
then you know what that means. Television networks
unveiled their fall previews, and now Gilmore
Girls is available on Prime, so get real excited.
Concert attendance remains exceptionally strong
nationwide despite blue dot fever and the price
of gas. That doesn't mean anything in pop culture.
In weather, dangerous heat continues across the
southwest. Appalachia remains in pattern of afternoon
thunderstorms. Humidity stays high throughout
the southeast. Flash flooding remains possible
where storms repeatedly develop. Western wildlife
continues. Our wildfire conditions remain elevated
to be continued. Hurricane season remains relatively
quiet considering what's going on. There was
a super typhoon out in the Pacific. We'll check
in with that later. Farmers continue monitoring
the rainfall. UV levels remain very, very high
with this heat wave. Summer travel is favorable
in much of the Midwest, and cooler air is expected
in parts of the Northeast later this week, so
look forward to that. There's that. In sports...
In case you watch them, because I don't. World
Cup round of 16 continues today. As we have said
three times already, they're really pushing it
down my throat with the headlines this morning.
Quarterfinal matchups are nearly set. The MLB
reaches the heart of the regular season. Thank
goodness we're still watching baseball. NFL training
camps are only weeks away, friends. NASCAR prepares
for another race weekend. Wimbledon continues
on. College football media days are approaching.
WNBA is still playing ball, in case you missed
it. And Olympic hopefuls continue international
competition. And if you are part of a travel
ball team, you're going to be playing from now
until September. So go ahead and get your cooler
ready. All right. And Appalachia, the top 10.
Summer tourism is remaining strong. Bluegrass
festivals continue across the mountains. Farmer's
markets are thriving. County fairs are opening,
including Putnam County, next weekend. Appalachian
Trail traffic remains heavy despite the virus
outbreak. And local produce is reaching peak
season. Communities continue to celebrate the
America's 250th anniversary. And mountain streams
remain popular for anglers. And we're in the
peak of whitewater raft season. at New River
Gorge in West Virginia. So, did you catch all
that? Because I ain't gonna say it again. Just
letting you know. Country music. Let's see, what's
new in country music? Ella Langley is still dominating
the radio. Jelly Roast still under investigation.
Laney Wilson continues headlining major festivals.
Cody Johnson remains a favorite. Independent
artists continue growing online audience. And
Nashville remains packed with tourist and bachelorette
parties. Did anybody see anything? Awards season
conversations are already beginning, and the
Grand Ole Opry remains one of country music's
busiest stages, despite the fact that it's on
sale. Turns out everything has a price. On day
three of my glow -up, I am down 6 .2 pounds.
I went to the gym today. I walked 1 .34 miles.
I read 26 pages of my book, and I did the first
12 minutes in the Total Body Enhancement Red
Light Therapy thing at Planet Fitness, and it
shook my ass like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the
piano. Took me about five minutes figuring out
how to walk again. But you're keeping up. I was
supposed to hit 100 grams of protein today, but
I only had 26. In the farm report, there's a
chicken temp. If temperatures climb into the
upper 80s or 90s, collect eggs before mid -afternoon.
Eggs left too long in nesting boxes can lose
quality quickly in the summer heat and start
incubating. So make sure that you're out there
getting them eggs early. As soon as you hear
the egg call, get out there and pick it up. What's
Jelly under investigation for? I don't know.
Check out Nicole Arbor. She's got a whole list
of receipts. All right. Garden report. Your tomatoes,
peppers, and squash should really begin taking
off if the rabbits haven't eaten them all like
they have mine by now. Check underneath tomato
leaves for hornworms after you water in the evening.
They're easier to spot at dusk than at midday.
Your Bible verse of the day comes from Proverbs,
chapter 16, verse 3, which says, Commit your
work to the Lord and your plans will be established.
Clue him in. He'll help you out. I told my tomatoes
today they need to hurry on up. They reminded
me that they are not microwave vegetables. I
don't like attitude from my produce. Porridge
wisdom today. You can't plant corn on Monday
and complain Tuesday that nothing's growing.
We talked about this yesterday. Life works the
same way. Keep watering, keep praying, and keep
showing up. You'll eventually see a harvest.
Farmer's rule, the fence you fix today is the
cow you don't have to chase down the street tomorrow.
Something to remember. Your feral Christian thought,
God is far more interested in your faithfulness
than in your speed. Nobody gets extra credit
for sprinting past his voice. This is a marathon,
friends. Tie your shoes. The porch saying of
the day, a peaceful porch is usually built one
board, one prayer, and one hard day's work at
a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. Keep that
in mind. On this day in history, July the 7th
in 1456, the retrial of Joan of Arc overturns
her original conviction. In 1898, the United
States formally annexes the Hawaiian Islands.
Aloha. In 1930, construction begins on the Hoover
Dam. On July 7th, 1947, reports of the Roswell
incident began making national headlines as we
first started lying about UFOs. In 1981, President
Ronald Reagan nominates Sandra Day O 'Connor
to the Supreme Court. We all know how that turned
out. And in 2005, coordinated terrorist bombing
struck London's public transit system on this
day. So, something to think about. At least our
days better than theirs was. So, history can
only repeat itself so many times without it not
being history's fault. Keep that in mind. Learn
your lessons. The closing thought for tonight's
Cigarette Mom, this mountain doesn't get climbed
because somebody felt motivated every morning.
It gets climbed because they laced up their boots
again. And today, that's enough. So I'm glad
that you're here for it. I'm glad that you're
hanging out with us. If you're new to the porch,
then welcome. If you're a repeat offender, then
welcome back. We have shows coming up in the
next... eight weeks that are all listed on SarahBethTerry
.com including a couple of podcast guest appearances
with some friends of ours in Bali and New Zealand.
So we're super excited to be on the CultureCast
podcast with Leah Steele and also on the Faith
on the Fringe podcast coming up next week. So
look forward to those announcements and tune
in if you can because it's going to be awesome.
Super excited to meet other feral Christians
around the world. Turns out this porch is a lot
bigger than I thought it was. So. My ass is still
medium rare, so I don't know whether or not I
should get in the tanning bed tomorrow. But I
really need to if I'm going to keep up this coloring
before I have my shows next weekend. Friday night,
we are in Hurricane West Virginia on the 17th.
That's next weekend, not this weekend, so look
forward to that. The 17th, we're in Hurricane
West Virginia at MRA Steakhouse. On the 18th,
we are at Bobby G's in Huntington, West Virginia.
On the 25th, we are at the 145 Roadhouse in Camden,
Kentucky. August 1st, we're in the Appalachian
Artist Festival in Inez, Kentucky. Then on the
8th, we are in Camden, Tennessee for the... Songbird
Retreat, Working Man's Retreat concert. Erica
Nicole's opening for me, so if you've got your
tickets, get them. On the 15th, we have a private
party in Van Leer. The 22nd, we are in Sapphire,
North Carolina. Those tickets are still on sale.
And then that takes us up to Labor Day. So, if
you want to come see me, do it. Spray tan? Hell
no. I'm smoking two packs at a time. I'm not
really worried about UV, but thank you so much
for your concern. It's too splotchy on me, and
everybody knows fat looks better tanned. I enjoyed
my 15 minutes of laying there peacefully and
quietly while listening to the music of my choice
without my husband, my dogs, my cats, or my chickens
getting in my way. You do you, baby. So, I have
cried today. I have not been in a good mood today.
Poor little Sean. All I wanted was barbecue ribs.
And I didn't have an appetite for nothing today.
Nothing. I ate a thing of yogurt and I ate a
veggie tray. And I say veggie tray. It's not
one of those big ones you take to the church
potluck. I mean one of those little tiny ones
that you put in your kid's lunchbox. I had a
little tiny veggie tray. I drank four bottles
of water. I took a nap. I drank two slits of
an L8. And I ordered a half of a salad and went
out to eat. We couldn't find anywhere that had
good barbecue ribs. So if you know some place
that has good barbecue ribs in the Tate's Valley
region, then let me know in the next three days
because I want some. I've got a craving for them.
So. That's what I know. Oh, people are asking
me about customized songs. Yes, I am still taking
orders for custom and tailored songs. If you
want me to write a song for you, specifically
for you or someone that you love, please reach
out on the website and hit the Book Me tab. You
can put all the stuff that you need me to write
that song about, and we'll talk back and forth
about it, and I will get that to you within about
96 hours. It usually don't take me very much
to do custom songs if I know the story. I just
have to make it rhyme and put it to music. So,
that's what I know about that. We're in a different
angle tonight. I'm sitting at my breakfast table
here on the porch. And in case anybody's keeping
up with my porch glow up, no one knows how unorganized
I am. But now, I feel like I'm starting to get
my shit together. One page at a time. So, we
are on day three of my porch glow up, which means
that I am 6 .2 pounds down. I'll take it. I know
it's probably water weight, but it is good encouragement.
Hello, Peggy C. I was having a bad day. And poor
Sean. I think I made him almost have a panic
attack. Because when I get upset, I don't want
to do nothing. I just want to go to bed and cry.
And I think I might be a little bit hungry. But
I've also drank enough water today and ate enough
protein that I probably just need to drink more
water. I'm trying. Okay? And my hair ain't doing
a flipping thing. I had it curly and it was cute.
Now it's just not doing nothing. It's just getting
fuzzier as the night goes on. Freaks, you have
to be in a tanning bed because you watch Final
Destination too many times. Just kidding. Some
people get claustrophobic in a tanning bed. I
do not. I am more pissed off about my back touching
a cold tanning bed. I'm like, used to when I
used to live in my house, I used to call Tammy
down at the shop and I'd say, turn on that tanning
bed for about 10 minutes. I'm gonna walk down
there and tan it. And then it was warm by the
time I got into it and I didn't have to worry
about laying down on a cold tanning bed. I don't
know why I'm such a pussy about that stuff. Cold
water, cold tanning beds, laying down on something
cold, I'm like... Can't say much, though. My
papa would go to Florida every single year, stand
ankle -deep in the ocean, and shake like a leaf
because he was scared to death of water. I don't
know why he kept taking people to Florida. Maybe
because Mom liked it. I don't know. He was a
good dad. So... Stephanie, I will check. I will
check the email right now, and if not, then we'll
text each other and figure it out. Sometimes
my... Email does weird things and sends it to
places that I can't find it. I don't know. My
update on my phone the other day has screwed
everything up. I gotta quit putting it on the
automatic update because I don't know what's
going on. And then once I get to where I need
to be and I'm like, where's that email? You can't
find it from here. So, you know. I'm trying to
change my frame of mind and also work on my...
my spiritual health and my mental health while
I'm working on my physical health because they
do go hand in hand. You can't look good and have
a bad attitude. You can't have a good attitude
and a big ass. I'm trying to even it out. And
I'm praying that the Lord keeps me on the path
that I need to be on instead of absolutely breaking
red on somebody who looks me cross -eyed. Did
you know that yesterday at the Walmart when I
was there to get protein and cottage cheese,
there was everybody who's ever been on a rascal
on a rascal. I was in the vitamin aisle looking
for magnesium. That's all I was looking for,
just a little magnesium, and they put it in a
different place, so I was looking. Well, I had
my little cart, had a little blue T -shirt, little
black yoga pants. This woman and one of them
little rascals that they have at Walmart come
rolling up to me, and she goes, where's the bio
-freeze? I said, I don't know. Probably around
here somewhere. We're in the pharmacy, I would
say. It's probably not hard to find. Probably
sitting right by the Bengay. She goes, well,
where's that at? I said, I don't know. She goes,
why do you even work here? And I was like, I
don't. I just have on a blue t -shirt that says
Bob Evans. Don't work here. You'd think I would,
considering I have to check myself out, stalk
my own shit, pave my own way, pluck my own chickens.
But no, I don't work here. So then I was down
an aisle in the grocery side, and another man
and a rascal. plenty of room in the aisle for
both of us to get by i scooted way over against
the bread and he said anytime you're ready and
i was like four he goes well you're in my way
i was like well by all means get all 18 wheels
in there cletus i didn't know that i was blocking
the road then i go back to the dairy section
to get me uh you know they sell cottage cheese
and a little like yogurt packs now so you don't
have to have the whole table cottage cheese if
you just feel like a little cottage cheese you
could just have some And this woman ran right
up on me on her rascal, and I was like, you've
got to be kidding me today. Everybody needs a
driver's license before they get on these damn
things, because I'm going to end up with no toes.
I'm going to hobble back to the car. So I'm standing
there, and I spit my stuff in my cart, and some
woman went, why are you getting that? I went,
what? She goes, why are you getting self -serve
size cottage cheese when it's cheaper by the
tub? I said, oh, I'm getting it because it's
none of your fucking business. Can I help you?
God, I've never seen the stupidity like I have
at the Hurricane Walmart. And I swore I'd never
go back again, but that was the only place I
had my protein, because GNC was closed. So, you
know, you do what you have to do in a small town.
But at the same time, I'm like, why is everybody...
And then it dawned on me as I was walking out
the door, why is everybody here on Rascals? And
I thought, oh, Sarah, it's the first of the month
that everybody got their check. That's why they're
at Walmart. Stupid. We had a holiday this weekend.
Everybody's benefits, Medicaid, Medicare. Social
Security got pushed off a couple days, I forgot.
And then after I checked myself out, under the
scrutiny of three people that could have rented
a cashier's stand, but instead stood there with
their finger up there, and I was going, Hey,
did you ring that up? Yes, I had the little gun.
It beeped. So then I get all the way to the door,
and someone goes, I'm gonna need your receipt.
And I was like, No. Not today. So I just kept
going and she chased me all the way out in the
parking lot. She said, what if you're stealing
them Gatorades? I said, I'm already in the parking
lot, Brenda. What the hell are you going to do
about it? Call the popo. God. If I was stealing
a big screen TV, I could walk out there without
you looking at me twice. But now because I've
got Gatorades and milk out of the bag, now you
have to question me like the Spanish Inquisition.
I don't have enough estrogen to deal with this.
I don't have enough marijuana to deal with this.
I don't have enough patience to deal with this.
And then I have to think to myself, if you put
my week on mute, could you still tell that I
was following Jesus? Because right now, I think
by the look on my face, you probably think that
I was the devil. So I have to work on that because
I got that active bitch face. But I'm telling
you what's the damn truth. I've never seen the
lack of can't -do -nothing -for -themselves.
This person was driving around in a rascal all
damn day, and then I watched her get up on her
tippy -toes and get a thing of Pop -Tarts off
the top shelf. That's like, Helen, don't think
you need to be on that rascal. Think you need
to be walking off some of them calories. It's
like my ex -mother -in -law. Weighed every bit
of 600 pounds, you tell her to haul ass and take
her three trips, and she'd go, it's glandular.
I'm like, no, it's you eating a gallon of ice
cream at the dinner table for breakfast, Linda.
It's just glandular. Okay. Bless it. So that's
the kind of day that I've had, considering that
everything was stacked against me, including
the planets were in alignment. And, you know,
there was probably another full moon because
now we have two of them. And, you know, Mercury's
in retrograde and whatever. You can make all
the excuses that you want. Sometimes people are
just stupid and they get in your way. And that's
a chance to either practice patience or practice
your really swift rebuttals. that will just lacerate
them. Like my mother always said, the definition
of tact is telling somebody to go straight to
hell and then look forward to the trip. Speaking
of Leo, I was just talking about you, sister.
Our Bali sister is on the porch early this morning.
It's like 10 a .m. where you are. Lord, it's
almost lunch. I'm so excited to be on your podcast
next week. I was just talking about it. And so
as soon as you get those advertisements done,
I will share them with all my people on the porch
so that they can tune in too. Super excited about
it. And then when we finally get together and
we'll get her on the porch for Feral Christian
slash Cigarette Mom. You don't have to smoke
to be on Cigarette Mom. You just have to not
bitch because I am. Because it's my porch. I
won't smoke on your porch if you don't want me
to. That's just manners. So, Sean Durland is
in there vacuuming and working on clips. Bless
its heart. I have not been easy to live with
today or any other day, honestly. But today was
worse. Rick said, is she like this in real life?
Yeah. It's worse in real life because I'm mobile.
I'm taking this show on the road. Hey, girl.
Hey. Hello, Brandy. Hello. Is it C? They forced.
Not they forced. They forced. That's one of them
King James words. They, thou, this, those, us.
Are you sure you want me on your podcast, Leah?
Because I'm like this all the time. And this
is me without caffeine, sugar, or marijuana today.
This is just raw dogging it. Would have been
better if I had some barbecue ribs. She said
she'd smoke a cigarette with me on the porch.
Hell, yes, she will. I even roll you around if
you want to. I'll make you a cheese ball. Praise
the Lord and pass the ammunition. And don't steal
my lighter. Gone. I told you about that, right?
Went all the way to the Charlie Kirk funeral
in Arizona on September 21st. All the way there.
Before I left, I took my dogs to my mom and dad's
in Irving, Kentucky. Bye. Love you. Mean it.
Send you pictures. Cut. All the way to Arizona.
Passed through Chicago. No phone calls. Passed
through Phoenix. No phone calls. Soon as I get
to the funeral, my dad texts me and says, Did
you steal my damn ladder? Sean went. I was like,
not. How was your trip? Or did y 'all make it?
Or how's the way? Where's my ladder? That's my
dad. That's how he shows love. It's like Dolly
Parton always says, the best way to forget about
your problems is to listen to somebody else's
for a while, so I'm doing what I can. I don't
really have big problems other than the fact
that I'm... I'm hungry. I'm angry. I'm fat. I'm
tired. I'm old. I'm underpaid. Overworked. Other
than that, things are peachy. Just had a downpour
in East Tennessee. Well, brag a little bit, why
don't you? And if you're in East Tennessee, there's
no reason why you can't come to Western North
Carolina for my show on August 22nd. So, Mr.
Forrest, get on my website and... Buy some tickets.
Bring a date. Miranda said, I won't steal your
lot. I'll bring another. I'm gonna hold you to
that. You don't smoke in your car if someone
doesn't. You understand some ass has to smoke
with you for you to smoke? Because that just
creates that when you roll the windows down.
It's my car. If you don't want to smoke, hang
your head out the window. I don't know, date.
Anyway. So, that's what I've been thinking about
today. Just trying to get my head in the game.
We're still here for it. It's a Tuesday. We're
here. We're here for it. And we're on the porch.
The power of the porch is very powerful. And
it's like I was telling Leah the other day. She
was like, what time do you go live? I was like,
whenever I feel like it. I like to make sure
that there's always somebody on the porch. And
she goes, well, we're in Bali. We've got a friend
in New Zealand. And all of us are on different
time zones. I said, this is perfect. There's
always somebody on the porch. So if I'm asleep,
that means that she's up because it's 12 hours
away from us. And I told her, I said, do not
tell me what happens. I know you're 12 hours
ahead, but I won't be surprised. Unless it's
something bad, then just call me and say, run!
I'd like to roll back to my age. Lord, I'm staring
43 in the barrel and I feel like I'm 95. My granny
is 87 years old and has more energy than I do.
But then again, she's not premenopausal. It's
going to be in Sapphire, North Carolina, the
22nd day of August. Right across the mountain
from you. And those tickets are on my website
right now. It's a very limited seating venue.
So if you ain't got tickets, get them quick because
they'll go. Juan, is that how you say your name?
Of course. I'd love to share stories in herb.
Tell me when and where. You can book me for a
private party and we'll just do this. Somebody
asked me if I did private porch sessions. I was
like, sure. If you want me to sit on the porch
with you and visit, I can do that too. There's
always somebody on the porch. Rick, do you remember
the days when our parents used to send us to
the store with a note so we could get them their
cigarettes? Please give Sarah two packs of Marlboro
Mentholots. And I could keep the change. And
normally I could go in there with a $10 bill,
get two packs of cigarettes, a six pack of L
.A. and two candy bars, and still have two or
three dollars to put in my piggy bank. But no
more. Not unless you're smoking cowboy cuts and
eating that cheap old cow tail stuff. It's not
candy. It's glue. Why is it that all old people
have the red? No, it's not red. It's orange and
black peanut butter hard as rocks candy from
the big lot somewhere in some kind of crystal
candy dish in their house along with probably
two or three drops of Werther's Original and
a peppermint that's got fuzz on it. Is that like
the starter pack for grandma's candy dish? Does
she not know where the candy aisle is at the
Walmart? Because I walk through it every single
time and get me a Hershey bar because I eat one
square at a time before I go to bed and that
makes me feel better about myself. Just saying.
I'm telling you, friends. Oh, thank you for loving
me in North Carolina. Premenopause is not fun.
I'm telling you, Jacqueline, I'm going to call
it cougar puberty, and I'm taking questions about
that. I'm growing hair in weird places. I'm hot
all the time, and I have humidities. I don't
know why it's not called cougar puberty. Hello?
Floana's in Southeast Texas. Are you down there
by the carcinogenic coast? Carcinogenic coast.
Can't talk. Houston. Kima. Galveston. Where you
at in Southeast Texas? Because my sister -in
-law's also from the Southeast. She's from Shepard.
Represent. Hey, from Australia. What's going
on, Megs? Hey, listen, you need to meet Carrie
Ann, who's also in Australia. I know it's a big
country, but stranger things have happened. Megs
always says better late than never. I always
say better late than pregnant, but that's just
me. I dropped my damn lighter, and now I gotta
pick it up with my toes. Thank goodness that
I am pettidextrous. Do you like that word? I'm
pettidextrous, which means I can do shit with
my feet. I'm also aquadextrous. You know what
aquadextrous means? No, it does not mean that
you can ride underwater. It means that you can
turn off the faucet with your toe while you're
laying in the bathtub. Aquadextrous. That's some
nasty candy. Rachel has status. I understand
that completely. What's up with my grandmother
always buying them stupid Palmer chocolate bunnies
every year? I'm like, do you not know where the
Cadbury eggs are? I can show you where to buy
them. I just want one of them. I don't even need
all this stuff. I just want one Cadbury egg.
No. Some nasty peanut butter Palmer eggs. That
ain't candy. That's crap that they scrape off
the floor at real candy factories and they put
tinfoil on it and make it look like a rabbit.
Tana thought that menopause was going to kill
you. Well, it's either going to kill me or my
husband. Those things could go hand in hand.
Kimberly just turned 61 last month. Oh, she's
been following us for a few years. You do remember
Gus Gus the squirrel. That's back before I had
the first breakdown when I was still married
to my first husband living in Munfordville and
had a mohawk and a squirrel. My, how things have
changed in just a short amount of time. If you
can't look at where I was five years ago, ten
years ago, twelve years ago, six months ago and
go, she's different. I'm doing the best I can.
Sometimes it's leaps and bounds. Sometimes it's
baby sticks. All progress is progress. Betty
Gale is north of Beaumont. Well, good to see
you. I used to go to Viter to the Walmart because
they had better stuff than the one in Derrida,
Louisiana. So, I know exactly where you are.
Why can't I scoot up? Hello in Monticello, Kentucky.
One of my favorite places to drive through on
my way to the 127 yard sale. I always stop by
that. One little story. I don't know how to say
that. My buddy Brian Denny was from myself. Anyway.
Hello from the show me stage. Hello. Emma Joyce
is having her last blunt of the, I hope of the
night and not of your life because there's a
better way to do that. You should be watching
Cartoon Network and eating Cheetos if this is
your last one ever. Go out with a bang, you know.
New subscriber from North Carolina. Hello, Valerie.
Welcome to the porch. We're glad to have you.
That's all you want, Stephanie, is Cadbury eggs.
Guess what? They sell them on Amazon year -round.
I know that because I bought 24 of them for myself
for Christmas and put them in my stocking. Don't
get me started. Being an adult means you can
do whatever you want to, and nobody realizes
that kind of freedom. If I want a Cadbury egg
in July, guess what? Amazon. I can get them.
It's not a big deal. How long have you had the
porch Facebook? I have always sat on my porch
and bitched as long as there's been a Facebook.
As far as cigarette mom, we've been doing it
about 18 months. Been a little more organized
with it. Now we're doing the website and the
RSS and the podcast and whatnot. But I've always
sat on the porch and told everybody what I think.
Now I just have a bigger audience. Funny how
that works. Pat's in from South Carolina. Hello.
Heather's watching from Garfield, Georgia. Good
to see you. Hello, Texas. Glad you're here. We
need to get out our map and start coloring in
again. We ain't done that in a couple weeks.
I know where Biter is. Can you stand it? They
still have that good Italian restaurant there
too. I used to go there all the time. Northeast
Florida. Get real excited. We're going to be
in Perry, Florida in October. So if you get to
come to that show, then let us know. Central
Pennsylvania. Missy, you know that you can still
have me for a concert. It wouldn't cost you that
much to just call me. Caramel eggs. I don't know
about all that brandy. I like the original. It's
like L8s. Quit putting shit in it. I get people
like the caramel. I don't like the Halloween
ones. That's weird. You know, every now and again,
I'll get the little baby ones if I just want
like a taste of a cat for you. You live in Shepherd?
That's where my sister -in -law's from. Jason,
I know exactly where you are. We played there
at the 4 -H fair one year. We need to do another
map. If Sean was watching right now, which maybe
he is, maybe I could text him. Maybe I could
just print it out myself. Hang on. Can we do
this while we're here? It'd be awesome if we
could do this at the same time. Because I do
have new crayons. Don't get me started. I've
got a whole box of crayons. Print. Oh, you can?
Well, hot dad burn. I know you could do that
from my phone. I'm telling you I'm learning something
new every day. It's exciting. It's super exciting.
Yes. That's what I want. Got it. Let's do it.
I figured might as well. We're here for it. I
said print. Didn't I say print? Oh, no. Printer
selected. See, I didn't know you had it. I thought
we only had one printer. I'm too far from the
printer. Hang on. Let me ask Sean if he'll send
this out real quick. Print this out for me real
quick. That's all we have. Now I have to tell
him I've texted him. Hang on. Sean, darling.
That picture I just sent you, would you print
that out for me and bring it to me? Thank you.
See? Now time to check his phone. And we'll get
some app. Start writing where people are from.
Roll call. You can buy Cadbury eggs on Amazon.
Trust me, I've done it a couple of times. Don't
ask me how I know. You live two hours away from
Hershey, brag a little bit. Do they have a chocolate
fountain? I want to get in it. Florence, Alabama.
Been there plenty of times. Played in Sheffield
quite a bit and had a publishing deal down in
the shelves with a group for a while. So, I love
that area of Alabama. Melissa's like, Sean Courtney,
bring SBTM out. Doing it. He's printed out. You
have to wait. He's not going to draw a map of
all 50 states. He has to print it out so I can
color it. Hello? Hello? I need a new book. Hang
on. So we can keep track of everybody's phone.
I like to write them. Otherwise, you know. What
good is it going to do us? We don't know where
everybody's at. He's bringing it to me, though,
so we'll just visit in the meantime. So, anybody
have anything cool to report for a Tuesday other
than it was hot and just a Tuesday? You're telling
me all these places and I don't have the... Might
start writing this stuff down. He's bringing
it. It just takes a second. That's what we do.
So, I have started a new skincare regimen with
all the shit that I found on the Dollar Tree
that was a TikTok hack. So, I have noticed that
this is not as fat and I'm not getting that puffy
right here. Maybe it's because I'm not doing
as much slop and I'm drinking more water. But
anyway, my face is skinnier than it was day before
yesterday, so I'm tickled with it. Could be worse.
Could always be worse. Brandy's opening a bakery.
Where at? We'll all come. Hi from Kansas. Hello,
Sherry. You're all going to have to say these
again once we get them out because I ain't writing
none of this down just yet. She grabs down the
porch till we get a mat. We'll see when old Magellan
comes out with one. Where you at, my man? How
far am I away from the Memphis area? About eight
and a half, nine hours. Give or take. Ashley
got all of her debt paid off today. Mazel Tov.
Congratulations, and God bless you. That's an
awesome feeling. Bowling Green, Kentucky. Hey,
listen here. I like Bowling Green very, very
well. Good to see you. Bridge City, Texas. Dalton,
Georgia, but not from there, okay? That's like
me. I'm in Hurricane West Virginia area, and
I'm not from here at all. I'm not even here most
of the time. I'm just here long enough to do
porch stuff, and then I'm back on the road. Let's
see. The big boy train came through your town
today. That is awesome, Loretta. Congratulations.
Betty was late for work. Well, they can't eat
you. And if you're going to be a little bit late,
might as well be a lot late. No sense rushing.
Fairfield Bay, Arkansas. Hello. That's where
the bakery's going to be in Arkansas. So let's
get there. Congratulations. Thank you, Judy,
for saying that I was looking pretty. Because
I sure don't feel it today. But I sure appreciate
you saying that. Krista is getting sober, so
fighting the temptation. Listen, I am praying
for you on that, Krista. It's not easy. Me and
my husband got sober two years ago, last January.
Now, we quit drinking for good. Now, I say we
just drink for evil. Just kidding. We're high
and dry. So, we quit drinking the alcohol last
January. Celtic salt is great for hydration.
Good to know, Karen. Thank you for the tip. Judy,
it ain't too awful far. If I'm already headed
up that way for another show, then we can stop
by and visit. Or you need to move. Whatever.
Come east. Stephanie's got time to wait. Where's
my map? Got Columbus. Is this the Indies? No.
I'm gonna say it's the Indies. It's not. Jackson,
Michigan. Where's that at on the hand? I know
all about the palm. I know all about the mitten.
My roommate was from Grand Rapids. I had to learn
it. Missouri. I keep watching the door like he's
going to pop through it with a mat. Where you
at with my mat? I'm awful demanding. I should
probably work on that. Tomorrow, maybe. Thank
you, Tanya. I'm thinking about seriously taking
the turkey to go get a blizzard at Air Queen
this week, but I haven't decided yet. Hello.
Thank you for saying I look amazing. Carolyn,
if you're in Inez, Kentucky, then I expect to
see you at the Appalachian Artists Festival when
I'm there on August the 1st and headlining it
at 8 p .m. So make sure that you're there. Prayers
for Shauna's daughter. Oh my God, she had a seizure
during an interview. Well, that's one way to,
you know, get out of the interview, I guess.
Hi, darling. I just called you Magellan. I said
when Magellan comes out here with my new map.
We have a map! Ah! And now we can color it in.
Let me get my crayons because they do better
than my highlighters. It's okay. It is now 1023.
How far do I travel to perform? As far as you
want me to go. I can't get no further without
coming back. That's how the world works. It's
right. Okay. Michigan, Russell. First one in.
Let's get to Michigan. I'm coloring it in. Hang
on. We got Michigan. All right. We got the map.
I have to go back and look. The Idaho Potato
Tour is in Butler, Pennsylvania. Why is that
a thing? Peggy Sue was from Hurricane West Virginia.
Now she lives in South Carolina. We're going
to color it in. Do a little Gamecock red on there
for you. How about that? Let's have Kakalaki
in the house. All right. Got it. Got the map.
You have to get him a blizzard. I know. You used
to live in Zigzag, Oregon. That's fantastic.
Bakersfield, California. Miranda, welcome to
the show. Let's color you in. I'm coloring California
blue because it is. Because that's the way things
are. All right. We got California on the map.
We're going in. Oregon. I see you. I see you,
Parnell. Let me get you on here. Let me get you
on here. In Oregon. You can color so much quicker
the crowns than you can with markers. You really
can. I am not from West Virginia. I'm from Kentucky.
Tennessee, Junie, I see ya. I'm gonna color you
orange because that's what color Tennessee is.
When you have your own map, you can color it
whatever color you want to, but I'm gonna color
you orange. Okay. Waldo, Ohio, what's up, Shanna?
Good to see you. Welcome to the porch. We ain't
used green yet. Let's use some green. We used
the dark green for Michigan, but let's use the
grass green for Ohio because that's... Got grass
that's recreational. Tennessee. Now we can add
another mark to Tennessee. Glad to have you.
Ohio. That's two of you from Ohio. Good to see
you. Shanna's here from Pennsylvania. Going to
Pennsylvania. What was that on? The office. Sometimes
I just have musical Tourette's. Alright. Pennsylvania's
colored in. Kentucky. Hello, Amy. Let's get you
a good Kentucky blue because it is Kentucky after
all. That ain't look like blue at all, but it
is. All right. That looks more purple, but you
do you, Crayola. You know your colors a bit.
All right. Hello from Luray, Virginia. Hello,
Nell. Let's color you in. First Virginia color
that we got today. I am so excited about this.
All right, Missouri. Melissa, I see you, baby.
The show me state is now represented. Got you
colored in. I got you outlined. Now I'm coloring
you in. Quick lap. Chop, chop, blow it in. Okay.
Kansas. Hello, Debbie. I used to live in Fort
Riley, Kansas for a little bit. Glad to have
you on board. Sorry, I had a bug on my face.
It was on my nerves. Kansas, looking at you.
All right. Columbia, North Carolina. Hello, Debbie.
Let's get you colored in. North Carolina. Glad
to have it. Mississippi, hello. Becky, how are
you in Mississippi this evening? Everything doing
well down there? In the land of magnolias and
mystery. Glad to see you. Hearts, West Virginia.
Pamela, good to see you in Kentucky. I got you
marked down. Hello, Janie. Let's color in West
Virginia. You think I do it for myself, but I
don't count myself when I'm watching TV, you
know. Seems rude. All right. Hillary is high
and high from Spokane, Washington. Good to see
you. Now we get to color you in. So excited.
Tell you what, we're feeling like this met pretty
hardcore tonight. We might be able to fill out
all 50 states and a couple of countries. If you're
watching from somewhere else, we'll add you to
the map. Hello, Jason from Kentucky. Another
mark for Kentucky. Taylorsville. Hello, Kentucky.
Morrisville, North Carolina. Hello, Valerie.
Got another buddy in North Carolina there. Dalton,
Georgia. Hello, Becca. Let's get Georgia colored
in. Hot Georgia. All right. Mississippi. Got
you, baby. Alabama. Hello, April. I was wondering
if you was on here tonight. I was like, where's
April? She's usually hollering from Alabama by
now. And she was. We found her. None of them
are blue. Only a few. Don't forget Alabama bread.
I got you. It's purple. South, South Texas. Like
Mexico, Texas or Gulf of America, Texas. Like
how South Texas are you? But we're coloring the
end. Texas is a big state. I don't need a big
crown. Hang on. We're doing it as fast as we
can. Texas. There we go. Color the end. Kentucky
blue. Got you, baby. Missouri's in there. Got
you. Oklahoma. Hello, Karen. Let's go ahead and
color in some Oklahoma. Oklahoma about lost my
damn crown. Sarah, you break your crowns, you
can't get no new ones now. You're gonna have
to use what you got. Okie from Muskogee. There
we go. I found you. Ohio. Hello, Carrie. Georgia.
Hello, Trish. Got you. Mississippi. Cynthia,
we got you. Hello, Lori. Also in Georgia. Jennifer's
in Kentucky. Betty's in North Dakota. Excuse
me. Got you. North Dakota. Oh, I'm sorry, Chris.
I see you now. I'm sorry. Got you in Virginia.
Put a little slash mark. I see you. Texas. Got
you. South Carolina. Hello, Connie. Cynthia in
Mississippi. Hoopston, Illinois. Hello. Is that
Tisha or Thisha? I like that. I had a teacher
named Shackelford, so I'll be able to remember
that forever. Illinois, the land of Lincoln and
recreational weed, so we like them. Come on in.
All right. Colored you a beautiful apricot. I
thought that looked apricot. I liked it. Maryland's
not for crabs. So is Powell County, Kentucky,
but probably a different kind. Sarah. Shouldn't
say stuff like that. Who said that? Let's color
in Maryland. Got it. Tana's in Texas. Hello.
Karen's over in Oklahoma. Got you, baby. Hillary,
you're in Washington. Got you, baby. Hello from
Kentucky. Donna, hello from Kentucky. Lynn, are
y 'all friends? Y 'all should be. Stephanie in
Pennsylvania. Nice to see you. Welcome to the
porch. Cynthia's down in Mississippi. Tana's
in Texas. Jessica is down in Florida. The first
one we got for our Florida color here. Let's
see. I'm gonna go with a real bright green. Seems
to be a fun color for this time of summer. It's
the color of sweet potato, Ivy. It's the color
of Florida. Cynthia's in Mississippi and Becky's
in Mississippi. Do y 'all know each other yet?
Can you meet? Start you on porch. Do y 'all listen
to Saturday Night Live music? Come on over. Eureka
Springs, Arkansas. Finally get to kill her in
Arkansas. Glad for it. Glad you're here. Nanny,
nanny. Tannis and Texas got you, baby. Kimberly's
and Georgia got you. Arizona's represented. Hello,
Shawna. Let's get some more Arizona over here.
Let's do yellow. It's a yellow kind of state.
Sun's shining. Been there. Every time I've been
there, the sun's been shining. Johnson City,
Tennessee. Hello, Paula. You're so close to Sapphire.
I hope to see you at the show there in August,
so make sure you get on there and get some tickets.
Burleson, Texas. Hello, Tanya. Cynthia's down
in Mississippi. Use crimson for North Alabama.
Well, if I had crimson, but it's only a 24 -pack
of crowns. I have to get a bigger pack of crowns.
Indianapolis, Indiana. Glad to have you on the
porch this evening. Let's color you in. Glad
to have you. Welcome from Indiana. Stephanie's
in Pennsylvania. Hello. Quitman, Texas. Hello,
Kimberly. Good to see you. Thomasville, Georgia.
Good to see you, Trish. We got you in Georgia.
Inez, Kentucky. Hello, Jennifer. I was just talking
about you. Texas, Tennessee, Texas, Kentucky,
Southeast Texas, Louisiana. I ain't got Louisiana
yet. Now we do. Louisiana. Leaving Louisiana
in the broad daylight. Alabama, North Carolina.
Hello, Cynthia. Glad to have you on the porch
this evening. Mexico. Good Lord. I have to write
Mexico. Mexico. Nice. Ohio. Super excited to
see you. Oh, you're in Australia. Hello, Linda.
Do you know Carrie Ann, who's also in Australia?
If you don't, y 'all need to be friends. I found
an almanac the other day. Not an almanac. A world
book from 1935 that said Australasia. And I was
like, what country is that? Don't like that.
Ocala, Florida. Hello, Colton. Glad to have you.
I love Ocala, man. I want to go back to Silver
Springs. I ain't been to Silver Springs in forever.
Hold up the map. That's what we got so far. We're
getting there. The South is covered. Now we're
waiting for the rest of the world to catch up.
Florida, we got you. Alabama, we got you. I saw
you, Lynn, in Kentucky. Got you, baby. April.
Yes, you do. I have a P .O. box that gets fan
mail all the time. So, send it to me. Hello,
Jackie in Kentucky. Hello, Robbins in Indiana.
Angela's in Ohio. Kimberly's watching from Texas.
Sarah from Oklahoma. Rachel. Rochelle. Sorry,
Rachel. I said Rachel. Rochelle. Rochelle is
in Oklahoma. And I think you need to head to
the SBT fan club. There's a lot of Okies on here
tonight. Texas, where y 'all at? Y 'all need
to form an SBT fan club. Jennifer's in Virginia.
Colton's down in Florida. Good to see you. Teresa's
also in Lake City, Florida. That's too Florida.
Teresa, do you know Colton? Y 'all should meet.
Jackie's in Indiana. Beverly's in Louisiana.
West Virginia. Why am I coming? Hello, Ava. You're
not too far from here. Ocala, Florida. Kentucky,
Alabama. Welcome to the porch, Valerie. April's
been here for a while. I wonder where y 'all
was. Colorado, where is my crown? Didn't have
a Colorado. Now do. Now we're finally coloring
in the West. Look at us. Look at us go. Colton,
yes, your comments get seen. I've responded to
you like four times now. Rose is in Indianapolis.
Claudine is in Ohio. Got your babies. Missouri.
Or misery. You know, they say that Missouri does
love company Angie. I'm so glad that you're here,
Betty. Thank you so much. I don't know, Jason
and April. I'm in the Mountain State and she's
in the Sunshine State. It's hard to keep up with
each other. Especially when we're on the road
all the time. Carney, Oklahoma. Hello, Christina.
Glad to have you. Cheryl's here from Ohio. Perry's
in Jasper, Georgia. Hello, Amy Beth, West Virginia.
Elizabethtown, Kentucky. Listen, if you go to
the Kroger, my friend Hunter's now the perm.
No, that's not Elizabethtown. That's in Hopkinsville.
Just kidding. He got transferred. But still proud
of him. He's now the main manager of the Kroger.
Christina and Karen are making friends in Oklahoma.
Fantastic. Jeanette's in Paris, Illinois. Got
you, baby. North Georgia and West Virginia. Got
us. Got us. Love it. Irvin, Kentucky. Glad to
see home folk on here. Hello from Indiana. Born
in Delaware. I ain't got a Delaware yet. Now
hang on. Gotta get me a little tiny crown for
a little tiny state. Nope. Can't use that color
because it's the same color I used earlier. Delaware.
Got you. Cindy's watching from Northern Missouri.
Thank you for joining us. Matthew's in Southeast
Kentucky. Represent. Good to see you. See. I'm
from Kentucky. South Carolina, Clemson. Oh, don't
say that too loud. Don't say that to some of
my people. They're awful big Gamecock fans. But
we won't hold it against you because I'm a Kentucky
Wildcats fan. So, glad to have you. All right.
So, now we're looking to fill in Iowa, Idaho,
Montana, Utah, New Mexico, Wyoming, Nebraska,
South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, New York.
Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Jersey, Massachusetts,
Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine, Nevada, Utah,
Alaska, and Hawaii. So if we don't have anybody
from there, that's the only one that we got left.
Rhonda, please go say hi to Hunter. When you
see Hunter, say, I am Sarah Beth Terry's friend
and I'm on the porch. She'll be like, girl, I
love Hunter. We've been friends for a long time.
Now we're starting to catch on and make the power
of the porch a real thing. So if you are watching
and you see your estate pop up from somebody
else, comment. Tell them where you're at. Make
friends. Please make friends. Teresa, we got
you. Missouri, fantastic. Lots of Missouri on
the porch tonight. Heather, I'm glad that you're
here too. And if you put that I'm your favorite
on your follow thing, it'll let you know every
time I'm live. Or you can subscribe. I think
it's like three bucks a month, which is less
than a cup of coffee. Montana! Amanda, thanks
for showing up. We didn't have nobody from Montana
yet. Now we can color in that big damn state
at the top by Canada. I've been to Montana. I've
been to eastern Montana, which is not the same
as western Montana. It looks a whole lot like
Ohio, but I said it big time. Would like to come
back. All right, Montana. Glad to have you. Hello
from Oklahoma. Glad to see you, Clara. Montana
is here. Thank goodness. You see, we got this
swatch where Sarah Beth Terry is not penetrating.
We need to penetrate this area with SPT. See,
Teresa and Melissa are making real -life friends
in Missouri. There's a power in the porch. I'm
telling you. Make friends. There's always somebody
on the porch. All right, we've got 1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10, right there. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Teddy bears had their
picnic. 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22,
23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. 32 states represented
so far. So, loving it. Loving our porch picnic.
Look at the cigarette. Look at the cigarette,
Mom. We are so feeling in the map. So excited.
Mississippi is hanging out on the porch and getting
to know each other. See, this is the power of
the porch. This is why I do cigarette bombs.
You can make friends in real life and maybe do
this in real life and go to somebody else's porch
or have them do your porch and y 'all can listen
to Sarah Beth Terry and hang out. Anybody from
the PD of South Carolina? Mom's on here. Some
South Kakalaki folks. Minnesota, I did not call
her. Hello, Tanya. Thanks for reminding me. Sometimes
I miss them. Sometimes I miss them. I have to
get on there and check again. So I'm glad that
y 'all keep an eye on the porch for me because
people comment quicker than I can keep up sometimes.
So thanks for having my back. Caught me live,
man. Thanks for having me. We're coloring in
more. Looky here. We're getting there. We just
need to... Do we know anybody in this area? Do
we have anybody in this swatch of SBT followers?
We're gonna do like the Jehovah's Witness and
just go door -to -door and be like, do you have
a minute or two? Talk to Sarah Beth Terry. Do
you have a mirror or two to hear the good news
about Saturday? Can I leave you some literature
about Saturday? Laura is watching from Illinois.
Glad to have you, sister. Welcome to the porch.
Always glad to have people on the porch from
different places. Oregon, glad to have you. You're
the second person from Oregon here tonight. Glad
to have you, Lori. Thank you for being here.
You're back out in the back. You're only like
an hour and a half from Sapphire. If you're not
at that show, I'm going to be so hurt. I'm going
to cry. There we go, Peggy Sue and Molly's hooking
up in South Carolina. This is why I love the
porch. Don Rose is in Sullivan, Illinois. Got
you another hash mark. Thank you for being in
Illinois and being on the porch this evening.
Still working on Wisconsin, Nevada, and Nebraska.
Thank you, Shauna. She's on it tonight. She's
like, I know people. Let's make some phone calls.
That's what I'm saying. You know anybody in those
states, just tag them real quick and be like,
get over here to the porch. We're missing Idaho,
Nevada, Utah. Wyoming, New Mexico, South Dakota,
Nebraska, Iowa, Wisconsin. I have to say it like
that. New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New
Jersey, Rhode Island, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont,
and I think that Alaska and Hawaii. I have Ken
Oliver too. I wish I could text him and be like,
tune in so I can color you in on the map. Amanda,
are you originally from Idaho? I don't know.
Should we count it? That's up to the porch. If
you think that she can claim dual citizenship,
then we will. We'll color in Idaho. Tell us about
taters or something. Prove it. Ha ha. You know
what? You're nice enough to be like, I was born
there, and you're still watching, so there's
a little bit of Idaho watching, so I'm gonna
color it in. Not with that color, because that's
not the right color. I thought it was when I
picked it up. All right, we're getting there.
Just so you know, none of these sites have names
on them, so I have to remember. I have to remember
all my fifth grade geography lessons, especially
when I get up here in New England because it
gets confusing. I am from here. I have lived
here. I have lived here. I have lived here. And
I have lived way over across the pond in Italy.
Dual citizenship. Okay, Miranda says it counts.
So, welcome, Idaho. Utah, Idaho. I'd love to
see Vermont in the fall, too. I'd love to meet
somebody from Vermont that likes my music. It's
a very small state. Just wanting to know. Marge
is watching from Ohio. Thank you, darling. Got
another slash mark for you. We got a lot of people
in Ohio. If you see somebody else from Ohio,
then make some friends. So what I'm trying to
encourage is that y 'all get together in real
life and this is what it's about. Talk to each
other. Love each other. Do things that AI can't
do. Like fix a cheese ball. Or speak tea. Say
a prayer. Hold a hand. Send a casserole. Amanda
lived there for 32 years before moving to Montana.
I think that counts. So I colored in both. Born
in Boise. Welcome. How fun is this? Just so much
going on. There's just so much going on. Where's
my grain? Is it rolled off the porch? Where'd
it go? Where did you go? I'm coloring on my legs
blue in case I accidentally color them with a
state color. I don't want to do that. So, you
know, I'm planning ahead. Alright. Because if
I don't color in my legs, then I will absolutely
color them in a state. So, I don't want to do
that. I don't want to look like an idiot. So,
coloring our legs that way that we don't accidentally
color them in for a sight. Montana is beautiful.
I enjoyed it very much. You can see forever.
We are getting so close to filling out this map.
So excited. Well, if you want an ASB t -shirt
to wear to Kroger, then get on SaturdayByTerry
.com because we have all kinds of merchandise
and you can get it within three or four days.
So, just get on there and pick something up.
I know. I need to get under here and do my pitted
extra stuff. Where is my green crayon? I don't
even see it. Did it roll under something? Oh,
found it. It's under the box. What just happened
to my bangs? Okay, Wendy said we got Alaska covered.
Well, let me get my... Since I got the green
crayon out, that's probably the only time you
ever see green up there. I would color it white,
but that seems useless. Okay. Alaska. Officially
on the map. Glad to have you. Tanya has family
in Hawaii. If they're SBT fans, then that counts.
Once they become SBT fans, we'll absolutely color
in Hawaii. We're kind of cheating at this point
with where we were born. But we're getting there.
The map keeps getting more and more colored in
every time that we get together, and that's very
exciting. Power of the porch. So, found it. Nice.
Amanda's husband has been in the hospital since
Thursday before last. Good Lord. Everybody say
a prayer for Amanda's husband. So, we pray on
the porch too. Good Lord, Amanda. That's a whole
mess of stuff. Praying for him. Hope it gets
better soon. Praying for you too because you're
going to have to be his nurse. That's hard. So.
Anyway. Not anyway on the prayer request. On
anyway I was reading the rest of the comments.
I don't want you to think that I'm heartless.
I'm really not. I just get ADD sometimes. So.
Thank you for joining us for the cigarette month
tonight. I'm so glad that we've got more of the
map. I'm going to put the date on it. Today is
July 7th. 2026. Fantastic. Amen, Betty. Thank
you. The power of the porch. We are superheroes.
We're holding the world together with bobby pins,
marbles, and duct tape. We love Jesus. We're
just an outdoor cat about it. Because I feel
like he would sit on the porch with us until
the wee hours of the morning and laugh and cut
up with us and read the Bible and eat. I just
feel like he'd be one of us. He didn't really
hang out with a lot of the up and ups, you know?
Like, he kind of hung out with our people. And
I think that's what my big mission is with the
porch, with the feral Christian, with the cigarette
mom, is that I don't care in the end of the day
if you remember me at all. Like, it doesn't matter.
I know that I'll be forgotten about five minutes
after I die anyway. However, things I said, things
that I wrote, things that I sang, people I brought
together, those are the things that I want to
matter. I want you to get in your Bible and be
like, does it say that? Check. Bring me wrong.
I want you to follow Jesus as close as you follow
some of these online influencers. I want you
to be like, yeah, it's great that I have 360
,000 followers. You want to know how many Jesus
has? Way more. If he'd had Facebook, he would
have totally beat my algorithm by now. So, that's
my whole point. Sometimes we talk about chickens.
Sometimes we talk about husbands. Sometimes we
talk about husbands that act like chickens and
chickens that act like husbands. Sometimes we
talk about the garden. We smoke cigarettes. We
lift each other up in prayer. We ask about how
your day went and how your kids are doing, how
your mom and them. That's what we do. That's
who we are. So, welcome. Can I do a lesson on
to have it in the Bible sometime? I'd love to.
I'm going to do some studying on that. Thank
you so much. So, I don't claim to know all the
answers. I just claim to have a big enough mouth
and a big enough porch where people probably
get together and discuss. If you build it, they
will come. Jesus is on the porch. He's sitting
right behind me. He's right there. Jesus, come
in here and look at people. Here. Jesus. Jesus.
What are those type of vapes called? This is
called a timeless vape. It's about 86%. It has
CBD, THC, and CBG in it. I like it. And there's
a nice little button on the bottom. I like that
it looks like a lighter and don't get crap in
the mouthpiece. Because you don't know how many
times I've had to suck out a piece of fuzz from
this pond in my purse. So, here on the bottom,
you can preheat it. My coil's heating up. Amen,
Tonya. If you're tuning in for the Bible study
on Thursday night at 7 p .m. right here on the
porch, right here on this page, we will be going
through the book of Ephesians. So, get excited
about it. I've read it three times this week.
It's not a long book. Like I said yesterday,
it's more of a pamphlet. It's more like a pamphlet,
epistle pamphlet. Hello, Narita. Good to see
you. Glad that you're finally here. I was wondering
about you. We done called everybody that we knew
and asked where you was. Where's she at? She's
supposed to be here by now. I'm just kidding.
I'm glad you're here. So. My philodendron's not
looking too hot. I think I need to take him back
inside. And my pineapple sage is just not doing
well. I think it just finally might be having
its moment. That's how I got the hiccups. But
tomorrow my plants have changed. Excuse me. I
was supposed to be in the studio all day working
on the next album. But there was a medical emergency
where me and my producer have to reschedule next
week, which is fine. That gives me another week
to work on my songs. But I did pick 13 that are
going to be on the next project so far, if you've
not went and drove down the rabbit hole on those.
What I'm cutting next is going to be Honky Tonk
Him, Teleco, All of the Kentucky, Starting Now,
Woodwork, Firewatch, Better Leave Town, Real
Will, Wooden Strings, Dammit Dixie, Stone, Nobody,
and Up the Holler. So if you know those songs,
I'm excited to tell you that they're coming out
on the next album. If you don't know those songs,
get on YouTube or my Facebook and go down the
rabbit hole because it's the only place you can
go. Or come to one of my shows. You get to hear
them real live. Yeah, the plants are struggling
right now because it's really, really hot. Surely
you're right. This has been a fun night. I'm
glad the way I got to sit together. Maybe just
sitting at the porch at the kitchen table is
a different thing. It's a whole different vibe.
It's a whole different view. So. I might do different
videos from different perspectives on the porch.
You can see the chair I normally sit in over
here by Jesus. And then, you know. But now I'm
sitting over here. So. Whatever. In the meantime,
I'm going to get in there and fix me something
to eat because it's only 11 o 'clock and I bet
that I could eat something else before I went
to bed. Now that I finally got a little bit of
an appetite. I haven't had an appetite for anything
all day. It's been too hot and my head's been
hurting. Poor Molly. Your cilantro just shriveled
up and disappeared. Girl, don't get me started
on my squash and zucchini. The rabbits have done
ate it and I'm so upset about it. So I'm going
to have to go to the farmer's market this week
and get zucchini so I can make zucchini relish
and zucchini bread. Sarah's watching while she's
at work. Just don't get caught. I don't want
to get you in trouble. I don't want to get Sarah
in trouble for watching Facebook at work. I'm
just giving you shit. I hope that you're having
a good night. Alright, friends. Well, that's
all I know from my side of the mountain. We've
colored in the map. And, uh, Martha, you sound
like a country song and we need to be better
friends. You kind of sound like my Aunt Connie,
actually. That's fantastic. So, I'm tickled that
you're here. If you want to come to a show, find
out where I'm going to be on my website. If you
haven't got merchandise yet, that's also on there
at the same time. So, you can get your t -shirt
and come to a show. If you haven't seen a place
near you that we're playing, then reach out and
say, hey, I want you to come play here. And we'll
make it happen. So, in the meantime, if you see
somebody from your state or in your neck of the
woods, reach out and make friends. Go sit on
the porch together. Go have lunch at the Cracker
Barrel. Go have a drink at the Wendy's. I don't
know. Have fun. Get to know each other. Do things
that are intrinsically human. That's the only
way that we beat the robots. So, I love you guys
so much. Keep your Bibles open and your pad or
dryer on your head on a swivel because people
are acting crazy this day and age. Be nice to
old people, animals, and children. Remember to
check them in the heat. Give them water twice
a day. Not just old people and children, but
animals as well. Shade. Frequent breaks. It's
hot outside. Love your neighbor. If you can't
give it to God, He loves you and I do too. And
there's nothing that you can do about it. Until
the meantime. Until we see each other again.
Remember friends. I'm Sarah Beth Terry. And you're
not. Good night.