WEBVTT

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My name is Travis and this is Bestie approved.

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I'm here with my new friend Wade Belair. Belair?

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Belair? Yes, Belair. Beautiful. My new friend

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Wade who wants to get into podcasting and kind

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of like we're gonna see where the vibe takes

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us. I think this is gonna be really cool. Wade's

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a really cool guy and I can't wait to get to

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know him a little bit better. So Wade, I'm gonna

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let you introduce yourself. Well, first of all,

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thank you. I'm also very excited and thank you

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for having me. I am Wade Belair. I live in New

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York City. I invest in startups, mostly consumer

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startups, planning on going back for my master's

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in psychology and mental health counseling out

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of passion. And I love men. Yes, yes trying to

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get it try my hand in podcasting a little I have

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done a few and Felt a twinge and I'm trying to

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follow that and lean into it and here we are

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nice. I love it What's the I guess what's the

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what podcast have you done if you don't mind

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me asking? I did. So I did one that I think I

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sent you called Wellness Cowboys, which is with

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my friend Monica Clark, who is this kind of model

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and social entity here in the city. And then

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I actually was just in Austin last week for this

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woman, Carrie's podcast, who has a podcast called

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Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, which

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is about dating narcissists. Nice. Yeah, it was

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a very... It's a very intense name like of the

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podcast and people ask me what I was coming out

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and I say it's like, wow, but it's like, she's

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actually, she's very smart, very cool. No, I'm

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sure. It's very, it's very heavy, but the conversation

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is not as, I mean, it is, but it's not as like

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serious. Like we were having fun, but we talked.

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I mean, we went for like three or four hours

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in her studio in Austin and I'm excited to see

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it. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that. Sorry,

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I'm turning on my do not disturb because I I

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did not think to myself about how many people

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text me 9 ,000 times a day and it's okay. I Know

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that's always when I'm doing this. I was on a

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call before my mom my sister Like several people

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like my sister never calls me I'd call me during

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it and I was like someone is dead, but no one

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was that it's just Christmas Christmas What's

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the last song you listen to wait The last song

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I listened to, actually I just looked when I

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saw that you had asked that. It was actually

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Lollipop by Lil Wayne. I was in the gym. I have

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a very, my playlist of like liked songs on Spotify

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that I listened to when I worked out is like

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a very scary, like how the spectrum of it, cause

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it can be like, it's usually a very, very weird,

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like off brand I know, but it's usually very,

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very like heavy metal or like heavy rap. yeah

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or it can be like my cry playlist which is like

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kings of leon and stuff and which i'll like main

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full main character and like hands on hips cry

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or it will be like something like that like throwback

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2000s late 90s like that like well i thought

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by lil wayne i love that i know it's like all

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of those things and like it's very but like when

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i put it on and people can hear it they're like

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you seem like a psychotic person like it's a

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manic playlist I don't think it's manic. I grew

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up listening to like Trina and Missy Elliott

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and like Little Kim. And I you couldn't tell

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me anything when I was in like eighth grade,

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like listening to Deep Trina. Like it's fine.

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I know. We took on different personalities and

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we were like these little white kids in middle

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school. with like you know little Nike dunks

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and like listening to those songs and I would

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like embody that I think yeah like this is me

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Lil Wayne is I can relate I can relate to all

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of his lyrics I'm the diamond princess why not

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yeah yeah nice um my last song was Good Boy by

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Z Machine he's like I'm really really into his

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stuff right now I don't know who that is it's

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uh A gay guy out of like, I think he was originally

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from like Michigan or something. And then he

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moved to Los Angeles and he like just does really

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good music. You need to look him up at ZEE machine.

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He's really good. Love him. Oh, yeah. He looks

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like he's gay from Michigan. I moved to Los Angeles.

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This is like, OK, I will. I have this now noted.

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This is a grungy vibe, but I could like this.

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I like everything. It's a little grungy, but

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some of it's also very poppy. The Good Boy song

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is very, very 2012 pop. It's very good. I like

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that. He reminds me of these gay pop... What

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I think we're not there was like a boom for a

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while like choice of on and people like that

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and then I there's been like a law like I don't

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hear I haven't heard a thing from him even on

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social media like I haven't seen really or heard

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from him or Anyone like him. I was just listening

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to him with Dua Lipa because I think he did a

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remix I think I know it like that's the only

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thing I've heard from him and probably two years

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though. Like it's okay Okay Well, yeah, I don't

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dabble in, I mean, like, same with like, even

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just like gay adjacent, like Charlie XCX. I'm

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like, I just like, I don't know, there's no reason.

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It's not because it's not because it's like,

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I'm like, I don't want to listen to gay music.

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It's more like, it just doesn't do it. It doesn't

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tickle me. Like, it doesn't do it for me. But

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I'm not against it. People will play it at like,

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you know, like when we're all together and whatnot.

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Like, I'm not like turn this off. But it's just

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like in my own time, I haven't really gotten

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into it. I should try a little more. Do you know

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what I feel like right now? God, what's the clip

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of Tyra Banks going, get the fag off my TV screen?

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I know. Whenever I say that, my friends are like,

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you're a self -loathing gay. I'm like, I'm not.

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I just don't. I get it all the time. It's fine.

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I get it all the time. My one friend was like,

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I feel like you go to rallies. Like the Methodist

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Church rallies. I because I because he think

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because I say these things where I'm like, I

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don't like it. He'll like send me a song or like

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someone's post and I'll be like, fuck them. I

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don't like that. And he's like, come on. I just

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don't. I don't know. Doesn't do it for me. But

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I'll give it a try. I'll give ZZ. I've never

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heard. So I have to give it a fair shot. Give

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him a fair shot. I think you'll like him. I will.

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Have you ever played? We're not really strangers.

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No, but I saw I let me click on it. I saw this

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link and I I like the thought of it. Let me click

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it. OK, yeah. So it's like, OK, so it's kind

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of like Cards Against Humanity. Like it's like

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a card. I like kind of like, yeah. OK, OK. I'm

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just going to pick a random one on here. And

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it's like questions for like meaningful connection.

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OK, let's do this one. I actually really like

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this one. Who inspires you and in what ways are

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you like this person? That is a hard one. Who

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inspires me? I wish I could say someone who's

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more in the public eye, but I will say, and this

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one's a bit tacky, but I do actually believe

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it is my dad because I strive to have this duality

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that he has, which is being very... like very

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direct, very strong willed, very smart and like

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very strong opinion. But then also he has like,

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he balances it very well with like open mindedness

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and like this weird, even though he's this very

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like strong, cold man, like this tenderness as

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well. I don't know. He has this like what you,

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I imagine like the perfect duality of man is

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supposed to be. And like I find myself like leaning

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one way or the other where I'm, you know, try

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to like have, it's hard to do both. It's hard

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to be both. And I wish I had more time to think.

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There's definitely like also people who are in

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the public eye that I think I'm like, this is

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like, this is who I base my life off. I also,

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there's a lot of celebrities that like I base

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like Mike, I sometimes will like influence like

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my character. I love like, there's like actor,

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you know, you watch like a show and like the

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you, your personality changes while you're in

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the midst of watching a show. Like I have that

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a lot as well, but on a deeper level of dad.

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Nice. I love that. Yeah, it's really cool. What

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about you? Um, God, it is a hard one. Um. Honestly,

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Bethany Frankel. See, that's a good one. I wish

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I had a more playful one now. No, it's like she's

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like my hero and like I remember watching her

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on uh, the real house lives in new york and Like

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watching her like literally be completely broken

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then like come from nothing and then like her

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backstory is actually really interesting because

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like she grew up on like the racetrack where

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her dad was like racing horses and it was like

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a whole thing and then she like figures out the

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skinny girl margarita and then like blows that

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up into like a hundred million dollar brand and

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then like I don't know she and I were going at

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least she was going through her divorce at the

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same time I was going through like the most horrific

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breakup and like I remember watching that and

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being like oh if she can come back from like

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what she thought was her forever I'm gonna be

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fine and like I like I Try to be like we're like

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she can be very abrasive and very aggressive.

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I think I can be too but like I think I try to

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take some of that and be like I know what I'm

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doing like I'm confident like I'm good at Everything

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that I like put my mind to so like I think in

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that way. I'm kind of like her Okay, that's a

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good answer also and she is a she actually is

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a good one. She's one of those sneaky Sleeper

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cells where it's very easy to paint her as like

00:11:09.059 --> 00:11:11.559
look at this like funny social media clown Who's

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like, you know eating chicken salad, but it's

00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:15.659
like when you really break it down. You're like

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look how smart She is when it comes to like how

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she's building out her personal brand her actual

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brand her business and then like how she plays

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the game of You know being in the public eye

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and public eye and you know an influencer politics

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like she does she is smart and clever and She

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does have a good direct like arc again. Not just

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but the parents calling my dad I heard like moral

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compass is very like true, you know, and she

00:11:42.090 --> 00:11:44.669
expands by it Like she says like she's she has

00:11:44.669 --> 00:11:47.610
this like code almost of life and like people

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and like how she like who she like it's it's

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interesting she is I also think like a sleeper

00:11:53.139 --> 00:11:55.899
cell of someone who's like very smart and very

00:11:55.899 --> 00:12:00.259
impressive. Nice. I love that. I'm also like

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I always get worried when I say that because

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like she's such like a polarizing person where

00:12:04.379 --> 00:12:08.559
like you never know what you're going to get

00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:11.440
when you say something like her. I know. But

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I also like don't I think she is like I feel

00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:15.159
like she is polarizing but like for not really

00:12:15.159 --> 00:12:16.919
like what has she really done or said that's

00:12:16.919 --> 00:12:19.299
like that. Controversial, you know, it is people

00:12:19.299 --> 00:12:22.899
who hate on her for like very like silly stuff.

00:12:23.460 --> 00:12:25.480
Yeah, it's never like she's never actually like

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I've never heard of anything like where it's

00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:29.500
like, oh my god damn, like, you know, she crossed

00:12:29.500 --> 00:12:31.879
the line. It's always like it's usually like

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she's too direct, which is a good thing. And

00:12:34.200 --> 00:12:36.139
it is going to ruffle a lot of feathers. But

00:12:36.139 --> 00:12:38.320
it's like when you call someone or something

00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:41.159
out, like there's always backlash. She's good

00:12:41.159 --> 00:12:45.559
at that. Yeah. I don't know. I if I can ever

00:12:45.559 --> 00:12:48.129
get famous for eating chicken salad. God bless.

00:12:48.649 --> 00:12:50.549
I know, I know. She's got a good, she's got a

00:12:50.549 --> 00:12:55.230
good system too. Yeah. Do you want to do some

00:12:55.230 --> 00:12:58.029
rapid fire this or that before we jump into complaining

00:12:58.029 --> 00:13:03.870
and your story? Yeah. Nice. Okay. Would you rather

00:13:03.870 --> 00:13:06.730
always feel understood or always feel appreciated?

00:13:08.809 --> 00:13:12.129
Appreciate it. Okay. Would you rather be recognized

00:13:12.129 --> 00:13:16.710
for your intelligence or for your kindness? Kindness.

00:13:18.019 --> 00:13:20.539
Would you rather know when or how you're going

00:13:20.539 --> 00:13:27.879
to die? How? Okay, interesting. I know when is

00:13:27.879 --> 00:13:31.500
scary, how it leads a little still up to. Like,

00:13:31.500 --> 00:13:33.240
I don't know. Like, I don't know when this is

00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:37.440
going to happen. I don't like, I don't like,

00:13:37.519 --> 00:13:39.500
I don't like an exact date. There's because you

00:13:39.500 --> 00:13:42.659
can. I saw something about this recently where

00:13:42.659 --> 00:13:45.200
you can like, you can like, there are companies

00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:47.139
now that like want to like genome map you that

00:13:47.139 --> 00:13:50.340
can show you like, if you're going to have, like

00:13:50.340 --> 00:13:52.779
you're, if you're, if you're going to have Alzheimer's,

00:13:52.919 --> 00:13:54.679
it can tell you like definitively, like if you,

00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:56.799
this gene is going to come up in you. And it's

00:13:56.799 --> 00:13:58.419
like, I don't want to know that now. Cause like,

00:13:59.059 --> 00:14:00.799
it would be in like 30 years, no, there's no

00:14:00.799 --> 00:14:02.240
prevention. Like there's no, there's nothing

00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:04.340
you can do. So it's like, if you're going to

00:14:04.340 --> 00:14:06.419
have Alzheimer's, like you're basically just

00:14:06.419 --> 00:14:09.059
telling you and you can prepare like lifestyle

00:14:09.059 --> 00:14:11.610
wise again, like. As you have children and what

00:14:11.610 --> 00:14:13.850
not be like just so you guys know and at some

00:14:13.850 --> 00:14:17.549
point I'm gonna not you know whatever but. You

00:14:17.549 --> 00:14:19.850
can't do anything so it's like you can't do anything

00:14:19.850 --> 00:14:21.669
about it's like that says it's so sad it just

00:14:21.669 --> 00:14:24.889
it would just ruin your now ruin the whole journey

00:14:24.889 --> 00:14:27.629
up until that point. You're gonna find out anyway.

00:14:28.830 --> 00:14:31.389
It's gonna hit us it's gonna hit as hard no matter

00:14:31.389 --> 00:14:33.629
what someone told me that the other night I thought

00:14:33.629 --> 00:14:36.750
about it for a while. If you know you're gonna

00:14:36.750 --> 00:14:39.389
die or change how you live now. Which maybe it

00:14:39.389 --> 00:14:40.629
could in a good way. There's an argument for

00:14:40.629 --> 00:14:43.210
both. But like, I don't know. They tell you you're

00:14:43.210 --> 00:14:46.110
gonna, I don't know. I'd rather just know how.

00:14:46.429 --> 00:14:54.159
And I'm hoping the how is like not crazy. Interesting.

00:14:54.419 --> 00:14:58.820
Okay. Like opposite we're like, I'd want to know

00:14:58.820 --> 00:15:00.960
exactly when and like, I don't care because I

00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:02.860
don't know that I care how and like, I think,

00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:05.299
yeah, like figure out like, just how to like,

00:15:05.460 --> 00:15:07.259
you got to like, you just got to live life up

00:15:07.259 --> 00:15:09.279
until that point. And I think that's kind of

00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:11.279
a lesson of like, Oh, do that anyway, but like,

00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:14.259
I think if I knew, like, I'm gonna die, like

00:15:14.259 --> 00:15:16.179
it's because I know it's gonna be like, I'm gonna

00:15:16.179 --> 00:15:18.000
fight with someone and I'm gonna get like my

00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:22.049
head blown off or something stupid. I think also

00:15:22.049 --> 00:15:24.470
like my ego was like, if I know how I can like

00:15:24.470 --> 00:15:25.830
beat it, like, you know, if it's like you're

00:15:25.830 --> 00:15:28.889
going to get like hit by a car, like I will like

00:15:28.889 --> 00:15:31.509
always actively avoid being near traffic. You

00:15:31.509 --> 00:15:33.669
know, like I could like I could like beat it.

00:15:34.889 --> 00:15:36.769
But I was like, think that's more of like my

00:15:36.769 --> 00:15:42.649
nerd answer. OK, but yeah. Would you rather know

00:15:42.649 --> 00:15:44.370
what the happiest day of your life is going to

00:15:44.370 --> 00:15:46.070
be or the worst day of your life is going to

00:15:46.070 --> 00:15:49.100
be? I feel like I already know what my worst

00:15:49.100 --> 00:15:50.500
day of my life is going to be. So I'd rather

00:15:50.500 --> 00:15:52.720
hear happiest than I somehow look forward to.

00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:56.379
Okay. And then last one, would you rather fight

00:15:56.379 --> 00:15:59.340
a hundred duck -sized elephants or one elephant

00:15:59.340 --> 00:16:03.879
-sized duck? A hundred duck -sized elephants.

00:16:04.340 --> 00:16:08.620
Okay. I think I can handle that. Like, I don't

00:16:08.620 --> 00:16:09.899
know what I'm going to do with an elephant -sized

00:16:09.899 --> 00:16:12.820
duck. No, no, no. Yeah, I could do the former.

00:16:13.480 --> 00:16:16.429
I can handle those little guys. Yeah. What do

00:16:16.429 --> 00:16:20.990
you have to complain about right now? Well, I

00:16:20.990 --> 00:16:22.789
don't know how much you can relate to this, but

00:16:22.789 --> 00:16:24.929
it's a very like, I mean, it actually is in every

00:16:24.929 --> 00:16:30.169
city. But my big complaint in New York as of

00:16:30.169 --> 00:16:36.889
late is not just slow walkers, but it is like

00:16:36.889 --> 00:16:39.490
reckless, inconsiderate walkers who like stop

00:16:39.490 --> 00:16:41.470
in the middle, not even to do anything, like

00:16:41.470 --> 00:16:43.929
just stop and kind of like mosey. And it's like

00:16:43.929 --> 00:16:45.940
always tourists always like Italian it's always

00:16:45.940 --> 00:16:47.740
like people who are from like leisure places

00:16:47.740 --> 00:16:49.539
where you are supposed to like stop and like

00:16:49.539 --> 00:16:51.679
smell the roses and like take things in where

00:16:51.679 --> 00:16:53.639
it's like for us we're like i literally am gonna

00:16:53.639 --> 00:16:56.519
die in 20 seconds if you don't move yeah and

00:16:56.519 --> 00:16:59.700
like so i like i get i've been getting really

00:16:59.700 --> 00:17:01.159
worked up where i've started i've started to

00:17:01.159 --> 00:17:04.799
get like audible which is i'm trying to correct

00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:06.920
myself for like i'll be like come on like i'll

00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:09.039
be like how's your walking and like i then i

00:17:09.039 --> 00:17:10.680
have my airpods in i kind of forget that i'm

00:17:10.680 --> 00:17:13.799
actually like it's like intrusive thoughts oh

00:17:13.799 --> 00:17:19.150
but It's gotten bad recently. I know and here

00:17:19.150 --> 00:17:21.910
it's like especially this time of year when there

00:17:21.910 --> 00:17:25.289
are hordes of people for Christmas like you know

00:17:25.289 --> 00:17:27.950
like the tree and like New York and the Christmas

00:17:27.950 --> 00:17:32.349
time is like just such a thing and like there

00:17:32.349 --> 00:17:34.990
is an influx and you're also kind of like pissed

00:17:34.990 --> 00:17:36.829
because you're like trekking through snow and

00:17:36.829 --> 00:17:39.190
you're cold so you're like even more irritable

00:17:39.190 --> 00:17:41.329
and then like so it's just like a bad combination.

00:17:41.470 --> 00:17:44.880
I've been like I almost can. Purchase I go outside

00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:50.880
like I kept too much I've been restraining no,

00:17:50.880 --> 00:17:53.579
I'm like I was at the mall literally last week

00:17:53.579 --> 00:17:56.339
and like it's it gets there's this one mall in

00:17:56.339 --> 00:17:59.039
India on the north side where it's like it's

00:17:59.039 --> 00:18:03.940
the wealthy mall and It is just families who

00:18:03.940 --> 00:18:06.059
have never been to a mall before a day in their

00:18:06.059 --> 00:18:09.119
life and it's like I was coming out of I think

00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:10.940
it was Nordstrom's or something and like this

00:18:10.940 --> 00:18:12.779
family just stops like dead in front of me and

00:18:12.779 --> 00:18:14.480
like I just walk right into and I was like why

00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:17.099
would you stop like why why would you stop and

00:18:17.099 --> 00:18:20.140
this woman was like like just like taking a back

00:18:20.140 --> 00:18:23.119
and I was like you have to exist like within

00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:25.559
the context of other people I cannot understand

00:18:25.559 --> 00:18:27.900
like what you're like what you're talking about

00:18:27.900 --> 00:18:31.329
is infuriating to me It's the stoppers, too.

00:18:31.410 --> 00:18:33.329
And it's also the arrogance, but they're always

00:18:33.329 --> 00:18:36.690
arrogant. They always stop, and it's their spot,

00:18:36.750 --> 00:18:40.470
and they stand, and then you have just horrible

00:18:40.470 --> 00:18:45.569
thoughts. Then I fucking, I get, that's when

00:18:45.569 --> 00:18:47.049
I sort of think about things like, how are you

00:18:47.049 --> 00:18:49.490
gonna die? I was like, I'm gonna fucking, this

00:18:49.490 --> 00:18:53.750
is a moment. I have bloodlust moments, and it's

00:18:53.750 --> 00:18:55.769
just so bad, but it's actually something I'm

00:18:55.769 --> 00:18:58.500
seeing a lot more. Oh, yeah, across like TikTok

00:18:58.500 --> 00:19:00.579
and stuff where I'm seeing other people who are

00:19:00.579 --> 00:19:03.079
like So it's interesting. It's like so do you

00:19:03.079 --> 00:19:06.400
think these people? Are just so unself aware

00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:08.500
they don't like see this or like acknowledge.

00:19:08.579 --> 00:19:10.519
How are they so comfortable with it? I just don't

00:19:10.519 --> 00:19:12.960
get how there's people who are like who act like

00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:15.960
this, but I don't know that's like anything I

00:19:15.960 --> 00:19:18.059
have to think that like the problem is is like

00:19:18.059 --> 00:19:20.420
they in their minds are the only people like

00:19:20.420 --> 00:19:22.299
they are the main character in their story like

00:19:22.299 --> 00:19:24.359
it's because I think the thing for me is is like

00:19:24.359 --> 00:19:26.900
when I'm walking like it is a straight shot to

00:19:26.900 --> 00:19:28.920
wherever I'm going and like the people that were

00:19:28.920 --> 00:19:30.980
that will like just like it's just like I'm gonna

00:19:30.980 --> 00:19:33.279
go in a zigzag pattern and I'm gonna just like

00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:35.400
I'm gonna go two miles an hour and I'm gonna

00:19:35.400 --> 00:19:38.140
do my thing because like I am the only person

00:19:38.140 --> 00:19:42.099
in this space and like that is insane to me it

00:19:42.099 --> 00:19:45.069
is I actually uh Now that I think about it, I'm

00:19:45.069 --> 00:19:47.109
a little envious of them. It's kind of like when

00:19:47.109 --> 00:19:48.950
you have people you know who are kind of like

00:19:48.950 --> 00:19:50.910
golden retriever people, or the ignorance is

00:19:50.910 --> 00:19:53.910
bliss kind of mentality, where it's like people

00:19:53.910 --> 00:19:57.009
whose lives are just so nice and like rainbows,

00:19:57.029 --> 00:19:59.609
because they're just kind of not thinking deeply

00:19:59.609 --> 00:20:00.769
about anything. So they're kind of just like,

00:20:00.789 --> 00:20:02.529
ooh, they're kind of just living. And I'm jealous

00:20:02.529 --> 00:20:04.529
of that, because I'm always constantly overthinking

00:20:04.529 --> 00:20:08.250
everything, and stressed, and getting worried

00:20:08.250 --> 00:20:11.119
about things, and angry. And these people are

00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:13.319
just like going to like look at this store and

00:20:13.319 --> 00:20:16.059
I don't even think about Everyone around them.

00:20:16.059 --> 00:20:18.539
It's probably amazing. It's probably so nice.

00:20:18.539 --> 00:20:21.099
It was a girl I went to school with who she recently

00:20:21.099 --> 00:20:25.319
had like kind of a break Mentally and like in

00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:27.359
like a not actual way but like and then I've

00:20:27.359 --> 00:20:29.220
been posting just her like on the beach like

00:20:29.220 --> 00:20:32.339
so delusional like just talking about crazy crazy

00:20:32.339 --> 00:20:35.740
like spiritual Things and like I was like, I'm

00:20:35.740 --> 00:20:38.650
jealous of this girl Cause she, her life is so,

00:20:38.650 --> 00:20:40.730
she seems so content and happy and just like

00:20:40.730 --> 00:20:42.670
checked out from the real world. And that's what

00:20:42.670 --> 00:20:43.750
I feel like these people are. They're checked

00:20:43.750 --> 00:20:45.890
out from the real world. They're just like, they

00:20:45.890 --> 00:20:48.369
don't have any like concept of themselves or

00:20:48.369 --> 00:20:51.430
awareness or surrounding or anyone else, just

00:20:51.430 --> 00:20:54.710
themselves. And they're lucky. They're, they

00:20:54.710 --> 00:20:57.529
are lucky. They're so lucky, blissfully ignorant.

00:20:59.549 --> 00:21:02.730
I'm complaining today about people that like

00:21:02.809 --> 00:21:05.569
can't help but be the absolute worst people on

00:21:05.569 --> 00:21:07.750
God's green earth at the gym. Like I've said

00:21:07.750 --> 00:21:09.910
something similar to this before, but like it

00:21:09.910 --> 00:21:12.450
has gotten exponentially worse. Like in the past

00:21:12.450 --> 00:21:14.930
couple of weeks, we're like lifetime fitness

00:21:14.930 --> 00:21:17.250
where I work out. Like there is like, we have

00:21:17.250 --> 00:21:19.490
like three in Indy and then one of them is shut

00:21:19.490 --> 00:21:22.970
down for like there it's being rebuilt or something.

00:21:23.410 --> 00:21:26.759
So There's an influx of people who like at the

00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:28.980
gym will spread all of their stuff out across

00:21:28.980 --> 00:21:32.099
like the entire bench and will go into the sauna

00:21:32.099 --> 00:21:34.759
where they can't help but let people know what

00:21:34.759 --> 00:21:38.059
their political affiliations are. And it's like

00:21:38.059 --> 00:21:40.259
this whole thing of like not being able to and

00:21:40.259 --> 00:21:42.019
I think it's kind of the same idea where it's

00:21:42.019 --> 00:21:45.339
like I'm the main character. I'm I'm I'm on this

00:21:45.339 --> 00:21:47.920
bench and no one else is like in existing here

00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:49.660
at the busiest time on God's green or to the

00:21:49.660 --> 00:21:55.279
gym and that's my like personal hell. I think

00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:57.240
that I got when I get to and I think that's a

00:21:57.240 --> 00:21:59.859
whole that could be a whole like conversation

00:21:59.859 --> 00:22:02.700
in itself of just like the different types of

00:22:02.700 --> 00:22:06.500
gym people like there are a lot and there's there

00:22:06.500 --> 00:22:09.779
is like the selfish a big one is like in one

00:22:09.779 --> 00:22:11.859
shape or form like the selfish gym goer and like

00:22:11.859 --> 00:22:14.119
who like struts around and like their space like

00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:15.759
every space is just kind of like their space.

00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:18.000
I've had some recently like I go up to like a

00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:20.220
machine like and they're not near it they're

00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:21.920
like doing something else but like I'm supposed

00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:23.859
to know that they were also using this and they'll

00:22:23.859 --> 00:22:25.319
come over and instead of being like sorry I'm

00:22:25.319 --> 00:22:27.099
on this like the I've had someone recently like

00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:30.140
no no no like and I was like oh whoa whoa whoa

00:22:30.140 --> 00:22:33.700
again seeing red moment uh and like shooing me

00:22:33.700 --> 00:22:36.039
away and like no and like putting their shit

00:22:36.039 --> 00:22:38.019
everywhere and like taking over a whole I don't

00:22:38.019 --> 00:22:40.039
know it's and the sauna one is a whole that's

00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:42.220
a whole category in itself. People were just

00:22:42.220 --> 00:22:44.980
like on the blasting there's a blasting their

00:22:44.980 --> 00:22:47.039
phones on speaker it like I don't bring my phone

00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:49.779
into the song like it's my time to not have it

00:22:49.779 --> 00:22:52.920
and like just deep thought uh, and people do

00:22:52.920 --> 00:22:55.059
that people are just fucking gross in there I

00:22:55.059 --> 00:22:57.500
had some guy come in the other day who's like

00:22:57.500 --> 00:22:59.779
talking he just like he came in just no self

00:22:59.779 --> 00:23:03.480
-awareness like so Just taking up so much room

00:23:03.480 --> 00:23:05.940
like rubbing up against you when he's so sweaty

00:23:05.940 --> 00:23:08.480
and like spitting on the ground and like hacking

00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:11.440
up his and just like Being gross and it's like

00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:14.200
come on like you have to know that this is like

00:23:14.200 --> 00:23:15.779
there's there's some etiquette in here and like

00:23:15.779 --> 00:23:18.400
you can't just like come in here Ruin it ruin

00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:22.279
my my day You would like you would think but

00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:24.619
like no they don't and it kind of makes me miss

00:23:24.619 --> 00:23:27.460
like 2012 gym culture like it's problematic as

00:23:27.460 --> 00:23:31.779
some of that was like I do miss like Like that

00:23:31.779 --> 00:23:34.180
mindset that everyone seemed to be in and like

00:23:34.180 --> 00:23:36.140
I don't I don't know what changed it But like

00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:38.240
they're like I want to bring some of that back.

00:23:38.339 --> 00:23:42.130
I don't know. Yeah I agree and people are gyms

00:23:42.130 --> 00:23:45.309
have gotten a lot and you know it's almost like

00:23:45.309 --> 00:23:46.990
exhausting but I also I know you're talking about

00:23:46.990 --> 00:23:48.990
like the gym culture there's a there's a my favorite

00:23:48.990 --> 00:23:52.269
gym is this like really gritty gym down in New

00:23:52.269 --> 00:23:54.690
Jersey where like we have a beach house and I

00:23:54.690 --> 00:23:56.329
it's like it's like very it's kind of far away

00:23:56.329 --> 00:23:59.369
off the beaten path but it's like all just like

00:23:59.369 --> 00:24:02.740
meathead Like firemen and cops like for obvious

00:24:02.740 --> 00:24:07.240
reasons. I love it there. But like also It's

00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:09.220
just like it's just like so no bullshit like

00:24:09.220 --> 00:24:12.559
no one's talking no one talks like Everyone is

00:24:12.559 --> 00:24:15.279
just like in doing their own thing headphones

00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:19.319
in like locked in No lingering on phones. That's

00:24:19.319 --> 00:24:21.440
you know, taking up like machines You know people

00:24:21.440 --> 00:24:23.059
like sitting on something and it was on their

00:24:23.059 --> 00:24:24.579
phone and you're like, I want to fucking Can

00:24:24.579 --> 00:24:26.059
I please work out on this like you've been on

00:24:26.059 --> 00:24:27.619
your phone for 20 minutes? I've just seen you

00:24:27.619 --> 00:24:30.500
sitting here And then the sauna with those guys

00:24:30.500 --> 00:24:33.059
is also very fun But I'd like I'd get like I

00:24:33.059 --> 00:24:34.599
have to like lie in there about what I do for

00:24:34.599 --> 00:24:35.880
work because I like they're all just like yeah

00:24:35.880 --> 00:24:37.460
I'm a cop and I'll just kind of allude to the

00:24:37.460 --> 00:24:40.960
fact that I'm a cop maybe too They're sitting

00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:42.640
on the ground. I'll start spinning on the ground.

00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:50.000
I'm like I have to conform Okay, yeah, I want

00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:53.500
these guys to like me possibly love me I would

00:24:53.500 --> 00:24:55.839
love that love story. That sounds beautiful.

00:24:55.880 --> 00:24:57.460
That's a good joke. You would like this joke

00:24:57.460 --> 00:25:03.299
a lot. Okay, we will be right back with Wade's

00:25:03.299 --> 00:25:11.380
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00:26:22.430 --> 00:26:27.470
We're back with Wade I I've heard a little bit

00:26:27.470 --> 00:26:30.509
of this story, but I want Wade to kind of tell

00:26:30.509 --> 00:26:33.130
his story because it's actually it's it's it's

00:26:33.130 --> 00:26:36.109
a beautiful story in that I think a lot of people

00:26:36.109 --> 00:26:40.170
can relate to it So I want to hear your story

00:26:40.170 --> 00:26:42.950
like tell the people that you're about your journey

00:26:42.950 --> 00:26:46.309
and how you got here Yeah, I and I agree. I think

00:26:46.309 --> 00:26:49.369
that the biggest thing you know, as I've started

00:26:49.369 --> 00:26:51.150
talking about it a little more openly, and as

00:26:51.150 --> 00:26:52.549
I'm seeing, which we'll get to at the end, but

00:26:52.549 --> 00:26:56.369
I'm seeing, like, this trend of others on both

00:26:56.369 --> 00:26:58.769
sides, like, speaking of this a little more openly

00:26:58.769 --> 00:27:02.890
on, like, social media. The feedback has kind

00:27:02.890 --> 00:27:04.589
of been, like, most people, like, reaching out,

00:27:04.690 --> 00:27:06.750
being like, holy shit, like, I really have an

00:27:06.750 --> 00:27:09.910
identical story to this. But I can kind of start

00:27:09.910 --> 00:27:13.009
from, like, the origin of, you know, I had a

00:27:13.009 --> 00:27:15.490
very hard time coming to terms with the fact

00:27:15.490 --> 00:27:17.349
that I was gay and coming out of the closet.

00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:23.559
and grew up in a very like, you know, waspy,

00:27:23.880 --> 00:27:26.460
almost like TV show -esque town of like, you

00:27:26.460 --> 00:27:30.420
know, like boys are, boys are being boys and

00:27:30.420 --> 00:27:32.740
playing football on the cross and everyone's,

00:27:32.740 --> 00:27:34.619
you know, chasing girls and going to house parties.

00:27:34.660 --> 00:27:35.940
And it's like the city, you know, it's like,

00:27:35.940 --> 00:27:40.759
it's like Riverdale almost. And I had a hard

00:27:40.759 --> 00:27:43.799
time. Coming in terms that I always kind of you

00:27:43.799 --> 00:27:45.759
know, I obviously people always asked us I did

00:27:45.759 --> 00:27:48.480
you know you were gay and I always had this Obviously,

00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:51.440
you know in the back of your mind like I'm attracted

00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:54.859
to these boys, you know XYZ but like I wasn't

00:27:54.859 --> 00:27:57.140
thinking in terms of gay or straight and I think

00:27:57.140 --> 00:27:59.579
the conversation really wasn't even Probably

00:27:59.579 --> 00:28:01.240
even though I was obviously really young at the

00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:02.700
time, but like I don't think most people were

00:28:02.700 --> 00:28:08.319
talking that openly or freely about it in general,

00:28:08.359 --> 00:28:12.119
but I Then I went, so I was always dating girls

00:28:12.119 --> 00:28:15.400
through high school, college, and I was horrible.

00:28:15.579 --> 00:28:17.799
And I was, I think when you are repressing anything,

00:28:18.079 --> 00:28:20.440
you are, you have almost like cancer in your

00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:22.339
brain or something. It's like a poison and you

00:28:22.339 --> 00:28:24.259
are just a horrible person to everyone. Like

00:28:24.259 --> 00:28:26.759
I was a horrible friend. I was lying a lot to

00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:29.099
everyone. I was treating my friends horribly.

00:28:29.579 --> 00:28:32.759
I would date these girls and love bomb them and

00:28:32.759 --> 00:28:35.119
drag them through everything. And just, just

00:28:35.119 --> 00:28:37.279
to get like a validation for my ego of getting

00:28:37.279 --> 00:28:39.690
them to say they love me. And then I would. Fully

00:28:39.690 --> 00:28:43.069
discard and move on and just feed this like empty

00:28:43.069 --> 00:28:46.609
void in me always knowing like in the back my

00:28:46.609 --> 00:28:48.890
mind what I wanted and what I was you know, but

00:28:48.890 --> 00:28:52.009
I never really could put a word or a reason to

00:28:52.009 --> 00:28:54.529
anything and I had always kind of planned like

00:28:54.529 --> 00:28:56.170
I was gonna you're just gonna marry a woman one

00:28:56.170 --> 00:28:57.910
day and you'll cheat on her with men that's like

00:28:57.910 --> 00:28:59.589
maybe that's your plan of action which is like

00:28:59.589 --> 00:29:01.529
a sick thought like a 14 year old, you know to

00:29:01.529 --> 00:29:03.210
already be planning like that's how life's gonna

00:29:03.210 --> 00:29:06.839
be for you And then I came to, you know, got,

00:29:07.259 --> 00:29:08.799
I came out of, and there's, you know, there's

00:29:08.799 --> 00:29:11.660
instances of like, my, one of my best friends

00:29:11.660 --> 00:29:13.299
who I'm actually seeing tonight, I'm officiating

00:29:13.299 --> 00:29:16.460
his wedding, he's asking me tonight, but he was

00:29:16.460 --> 00:29:18.680
dating this girl and I had, this is just a good

00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:21.460
kind of insight of like what, what it feels like

00:29:21.460 --> 00:29:23.140
and what you're thinking, how your brain is working

00:29:23.140 --> 00:29:27.059
in this situation. But like I, just for like

00:29:27.059 --> 00:29:30.299
my own ego and validation, I think, then, you

00:29:30.299 --> 00:29:32.319
know, started reaching out to this girl and wanted

00:29:32.319 --> 00:29:35.319
to get her to. fall in love with me while she's

00:29:35.319 --> 00:29:38.019
dating my best friend. And she did. And he called

00:29:38.019 --> 00:29:39.880
me one day and said, he was like, what the fuck

00:29:39.880 --> 00:29:43.900
are you doing? This is not you. This is not Wade.

00:29:45.200 --> 00:29:49.019
And if you have something you want to tell us,

00:29:49.339 --> 00:29:51.319
tell us. If not, like, don't talk to me until

00:29:51.319 --> 00:29:53.940
you figure whatever's going on with you out.

00:29:54.160 --> 00:29:55.900
So he kind of knew he was alluding to it. So

00:29:55.900 --> 00:29:58.200
it's like people, you know, people kind of know

00:29:58.200 --> 00:30:00.079
what that behavior is. And it's like very ironic.

00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:02.339
It's like the guy who's chasing girls happens

00:30:02.339 --> 00:30:05.099
to always be the one who's you know the closet

00:30:05.099 --> 00:30:07.980
or gay guy. So then I came to the city and I

00:30:07.980 --> 00:30:11.619
slowly started coming out to my friends and they

00:30:11.619 --> 00:30:13.299
were amazing and like they're my best friends

00:30:13.299 --> 00:30:16.539
from growing up and they were so excited about

00:30:16.539 --> 00:30:18.640
it and I loved it and I always my biggest fear

00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:20.519
was always to be treated like differently and

00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:22.140
I didn't want to lose that we have this like

00:30:22.140 --> 00:30:26.190
very unfiltered no holds barred, like humor with

00:30:26.190 --> 00:30:27.750
each other, where we like really come at each

00:30:27.750 --> 00:30:29.069
other hard. And I was like, I want everyone to

00:30:29.069 --> 00:30:30.609
like not, now I have to feel like they have to

00:30:30.609 --> 00:30:31.950
walk around eggshells with me because I have

00:30:31.950 --> 00:30:33.549
this, you know, this thing and I don't want to

00:30:33.549 --> 00:30:35.849
feel like I'm not one of the guys. And it didn't,

00:30:35.869 --> 00:30:37.430
they immediately jumped in. They're like, hey,

00:30:37.549 --> 00:30:38.910
you little, you know, you little homo. And they

00:30:38.910 --> 00:30:40.750
were like trying to, you know, like, and asked

00:30:40.750 --> 00:30:43.309
me, they want to hear about every escapade and

00:30:43.309 --> 00:30:45.089
everything. So it was great. So I, and then once

00:30:45.089 --> 00:30:47.569
that happened, it was like my, everything changed.

00:30:47.690 --> 00:30:51.069
I was able to drop these horrible character traits

00:30:51.069 --> 00:30:54.980
and like move into life. um all right so then

00:30:54.980 --> 00:30:59.240
fast forward i then got into like a three -year

00:30:59.240 --> 00:31:03.220
relationship with um a guy who's a mutual friend

00:31:03.220 --> 00:31:09.240
of my friends and uh he also closeted gay or

00:31:09.240 --> 00:31:11.279
bisexual no one really knows only he knows the

00:31:11.279 --> 00:31:14.779
answer to that but you know in him it manifested

00:31:14.779 --> 00:31:19.099
very deeper more angry like hateful like he i

00:31:19.099 --> 00:31:22.279
think he had a Has currently have a harder time

00:31:22.279 --> 00:31:25.099
than me and I always try to like lead by example

00:31:25.099 --> 00:31:27.779
But so for these three years or three and a half

00:31:27.779 --> 00:31:31.180
years, you know, it was always had to be a secret

00:31:31.180 --> 00:31:38.539
always had to be you know, I always had to Play

00:31:38.539 --> 00:31:40.579
like just buddy when we were out with our friends

00:31:40.579 --> 00:31:43.019
which was hard for me to have these feelings

00:31:43.019 --> 00:31:45.140
and still do this and you know, we would take

00:31:45.140 --> 00:31:47.359
these pauses so that he could get in these like

00:31:47.390 --> 00:31:50.250
six month love bomb relationships with girls

00:31:50.250 --> 00:31:52.650
and move in with them and bring them around because

00:31:52.650 --> 00:31:55.289
you know He needed the ego validation hit he's

00:31:55.289 --> 00:31:59.029
older than me mind you and you know, he Would

00:31:59.029 --> 00:32:01.849
get mad at me if I would get upset or jealous

00:32:01.849 --> 00:32:04.190
or whatever, you know, even though while he's

00:32:04.190 --> 00:32:05.970
dating them He's texting me and calling me every

00:32:05.970 --> 00:32:07.950
day and I was you know my therapist and I and

00:32:07.950 --> 00:32:10.769
other people always like to do is that like I

00:32:10.769 --> 00:32:12.470
was actually maybe the first person ever he was

00:32:12.470 --> 00:32:14.289
able to like have a connection with and be honest

00:32:14.289 --> 00:32:16.049
with as well as for these girls it was like they're

00:32:16.049 --> 00:32:18.410
not people to have they were all like trophies

00:32:18.410 --> 00:32:22.049
ego hit validation hit he's like the cliche and

00:32:22.049 --> 00:32:24.069
so kind of what i was talking about this trend

00:32:24.069 --> 00:32:27.289
of now you're seeing on instagram like all these

00:32:27.289 --> 00:32:29.029
girls going around talking about like i think

00:32:29.029 --> 00:32:31.410
you know dl men and i found out my boyfriend

00:32:31.410 --> 00:32:33.990
who i was in love with you know was dating was

00:32:33.990 --> 00:32:36.509
secretly you know hooking up with guys and xyz

00:32:36.509 --> 00:32:39.450
and it is like this guy fits the he's like the

00:32:40.049 --> 00:32:42.329
poster child for this of like he always was just

00:32:42.329 --> 00:32:45.549
like this huge womanizer like had to fucking

00:32:45.549 --> 00:32:47.789
whenever we'd be out he had to make a point in

00:32:47.789 --> 00:32:49.670
front of our friends to hook up with and chase

00:32:49.670 --> 00:32:52.690
a hundred girls and be hypersexual about it and

00:32:52.690 --> 00:32:54.269
you know whatever and then him and I would go

00:32:54.269 --> 00:32:56.670
on these long trips together and be in love and

00:32:56.670 --> 00:32:58.869
talk every day and I was emotional like basically

00:32:58.869 --> 00:33:01.930
a therapist and you know we had this great emotional

00:33:01.930 --> 00:33:03.730
connection he was my best friends like there's

00:33:03.730 --> 00:33:05.230
all this negative but there was a lot of positive

00:33:05.230 --> 00:33:08.269
like it was I got to date my best friend which

00:33:08.269 --> 00:33:11.400
was Like that's like the dream. That's like everyone's

00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:16.099
dream sure And it's very the harder thing is

00:33:16.099 --> 00:33:18.599
I think when you are in love with someone and

00:33:18.599 --> 00:33:21.619
they Love you or say they love you and I think

00:33:21.619 --> 00:33:23.619
he did love you know, you can you can feel what's

00:33:23.619 --> 00:33:27.220
real and what's not And then the reason you can't

00:33:27.220 --> 00:33:30.319
be together Isn't because of fundamental reasons

00:33:30.319 --> 00:33:31.980
like you're not attracted to each other or you

00:33:31.980 --> 00:33:34.500
fight all the time or whatever that may be but

00:33:34.500 --> 00:33:37.859
it's because of you know fear and ego and all

00:33:37.859 --> 00:33:40.039
this bullshit and masculinity and all this, you

00:33:40.039 --> 00:33:42.900
know, and, uh, and that's really hard. It's the

00:33:42.900 --> 00:33:44.599
hard pill to swallow. It's like, that's a very

00:33:44.599 --> 00:33:46.799
sad reason to not be able to be together. If

00:33:46.799 --> 00:33:48.619
it was, you know, something, again, fundamental,

00:33:48.640 --> 00:33:50.299
like you fight all the time or you're not attracted

00:33:50.299 --> 00:33:51.920
to it, that makes sense. You're able to like,

00:33:52.019 --> 00:33:54.400
be like, okay, we tried, but this doesn't work.

00:33:54.400 --> 00:33:57.160
But it's like, it does work. It did work. It's

00:33:57.160 --> 00:33:59.380
just, you won't, you know, you don't have the

00:33:59.380 --> 00:34:03.720
balls to take it to the next level. Um, and he's

00:34:03.720 --> 00:34:06.640
still on that journey where he's still I don't,

00:34:06.779 --> 00:34:09.500
I haven't spoken over a year, but from what I

00:34:09.500 --> 00:34:11.980
hear, same shit, you know, lives, moves in with

00:34:11.980 --> 00:34:14.739
these girls, doesn't blows it up internally.

00:34:14.739 --> 00:34:16.760
And then onto the next one. It's just an endless

00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:20.300
cycle. And, uh, that's his path, his journey,

00:34:20.760 --> 00:34:24.039
but yeah, but it was hard and it changed me a

00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:27.059
lot because it, I was like unrecognizable. I

00:34:27.059 --> 00:34:31.650
love love and I'm a romantic and like I Put everything

00:34:31.650 --> 00:34:34.769
into that and I was like so I was so horrible

00:34:34.769 --> 00:34:37.389
in that stage also because I was just like neglecting

00:34:37.389 --> 00:34:40.269
my friends and work and Life and my you know,

00:34:40.269 --> 00:34:42.710
my mom called me one day and was crying and she

00:34:42.710 --> 00:34:44.670
said, you know You're at dinner with your dad

00:34:44.670 --> 00:34:47.329
and I but it's not my son because I'm either

00:34:47.329 --> 00:34:51.090
sitting there stewing thinking about you know

00:34:51.090 --> 00:34:53.309
What did I do wrong? Why is he not texting me

00:34:53.309 --> 00:34:54.949
back? Why is he not talking to me? Or I'm you

00:34:54.949 --> 00:34:56.789
know, sure sitting there on my phone strategizing

00:34:56.789 --> 00:34:58.789
the next text walking on eggshells making sure

00:34:58.789 --> 00:35:01.650
I don't anger him or trigger, you know, get him

00:35:01.650 --> 00:35:04.590
mad at me. When she was like, she basically thought,

00:35:05.150 --> 00:35:07.650
she said, I lost my light and I just wasn't her

00:35:07.650 --> 00:35:09.769
son anymore. It wasn't like I was not me and

00:35:09.769 --> 00:35:13.210
my friends, I was unrecognizable physically and

00:35:13.210 --> 00:35:17.090
mentally. And then like, finally, it's one of

00:35:17.090 --> 00:35:18.389
those things that you have to go through it to

00:35:18.389 --> 00:35:20.190
kind of, to get through it. Everyone can tell

00:35:20.190 --> 00:35:21.750
you like that whole time everyone's back, you

00:35:21.750 --> 00:35:24.210
got to stop this, this is fucked up and this

00:35:24.210 --> 00:35:26.110
is not good for you and this is not good in general.

00:35:26.230 --> 00:35:29.469
And he's sick and like, I mean like, sexuality

00:35:29.469 --> 00:35:31.570
aside, he's just not a good person at his core.

00:35:32.030 --> 00:35:34.650
There is good in there and I did see the good

00:35:34.650 --> 00:35:35.769
and it's one of those things you fall in love

00:35:35.769 --> 00:35:38.289
with someone's potential where you're like, I

00:35:38.289 --> 00:35:41.050
always said the real person in there is the one

00:35:41.050 --> 00:35:43.429
who would hold my hand in my room and cry in

00:35:43.429 --> 00:35:47.510
my arms. But he's just a broken boy from a broken

00:35:47.510 --> 00:35:50.630
home. So it's not an excuse because you're going

00:35:50.630 --> 00:35:54.539
to be cruel to people. it doesn't really matter

00:35:54.539 --> 00:35:56.280
what your origin story is. Like you're still

00:35:56.280 --> 00:35:58.639
being cruel to people and you know better. He

00:35:58.639 --> 00:36:03.280
knows better. But from that, it brought me kind

00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:05.820
of here where it's like new chapter and it's

00:36:05.820 --> 00:36:08.000
officially kind of started in the past six months.

00:36:08.940 --> 00:36:11.420
And that's when I really kind of put a nail in

00:36:11.420 --> 00:36:15.420
it. And it's been interesting, but it put a perspective

00:36:15.420 --> 00:36:18.579
on me too with dating and gay dating. And also

00:36:18.579 --> 00:36:21.440
like I look back at what I was like in the closet.

00:36:21.579 --> 00:36:23.039
And I think like, holy shit, like, it's like,

00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:25.159
I can't imagine going through that at this stage

00:36:25.159 --> 00:36:27.500
of life, like other people. And then, yeah, I

00:36:27.500 --> 00:36:28.840
talked to other people who have similar things

00:36:28.840 --> 00:36:31.739
with like, everyone kind of had a closeted love.

00:36:33.500 --> 00:36:35.539
And it's torturous, and it's crazy. And then

00:36:35.539 --> 00:36:37.519
there's, and there's pernicious kind of evil

00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:39.139
ones like him who like date all these girls in

00:36:39.139 --> 00:36:41.179
the city. And I've had girlfriends who have like

00:36:41.179 --> 00:36:43.539
dated guys, and then this came out where they're

00:36:43.539 --> 00:36:45.380
like, holy shit, he was like, I found out he's

00:36:45.380 --> 00:36:47.639
fucking guys. Like, it's like, yeah, like it's.

00:36:48.230 --> 00:36:50.989
It's just bizarre, but it's it's becoming more

00:36:50.989 --> 00:36:54.090
mainstream talked about now But it definitely

00:36:54.090 --> 00:36:57.710
shaped a big part of my character. I think I'm

00:36:57.710 --> 00:37:01.010
now actually taking it as a gift. We're like

00:37:01.010 --> 00:37:04.150
Emotionally, I'm I feel so superior to how I

00:37:04.150 --> 00:37:05.730
was two years ago I think that's why I mean I've

00:37:05.730 --> 00:37:07.650
always been kind of EQ person that my friends

00:37:07.650 --> 00:37:09.929
come to for advice a lot of relationship advice

00:37:09.929 --> 00:37:12.210
Whatever, but like even in that situation. They're

00:37:12.210 --> 00:37:14.050
like you give such great advice, but like you're

00:37:14.050 --> 00:37:16.070
such a fucking hypocrite you take none of it

00:37:17.569 --> 00:37:19.730
Uh, and then I think now it's even like, I'm

00:37:19.730 --> 00:37:21.809
now better at doing that because I can have so

00:37:21.809 --> 00:37:23.730
much to base it. I have so much to pull from.

00:37:24.190 --> 00:37:26.210
Um, like I've seen kind of the rock bottom, the

00:37:26.210 --> 00:37:28.989
worst of it and like the manipulation and the

00:37:28.989 --> 00:37:32.530
gas lighting and all the buzzwords, but yeah,

00:37:32.610 --> 00:37:34.789
uh, and it was tough and it was really hard and

00:37:34.789 --> 00:37:36.389
I had a really hard time with it. And I only

00:37:36.389 --> 00:37:40.269
now feel kind of grounded in it, uh, and like

00:37:40.269 --> 00:37:42.739
stronger from it. but it takes a minute I mean

00:37:42.739 --> 00:37:44.800
that's oh I'm sure yeah that's four it's four

00:37:44.800 --> 00:37:46.460
years of my life now if we're talking about the

00:37:46.460 --> 00:37:49.300
whole kind of cycle to where I am now it's about

00:37:49.300 --> 00:37:51.619
that and it's a lot that's a lot of time yeah

00:37:51.619 --> 00:37:54.760
so I guess what's the most valuable lesson you

00:37:54.760 --> 00:37:59.619
learn from the worst of it I think I mean in

00:37:59.619 --> 00:38:01.599
most I think there's I mean there's a lot I mean

00:38:01.599 --> 00:38:05.219
I think a big one which is the theme afterwards

00:38:05.219 --> 00:38:07.719
and when I look back what I kick myself for is

00:38:07.719 --> 00:38:10.500
like You have like if you don't have it like

00:38:10.500 --> 00:38:13.280
you have to have self -respect like I look back

00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:14.719
at that and you know, it's also when you see

00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:16.559
one of your friends who's like so desperately

00:38:16.559 --> 00:38:19.199
chasing someone and that person keeps rejecting

00:38:19.199 --> 00:38:21.059
them or doing whatever hurting them and then

00:38:21.059 --> 00:38:22.659
they keep coming back and you're just like it's

00:38:22.659 --> 00:38:24.800
pathetic and then you see yourself do it in hindsight

00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:28.280
like I was so pathetic like you do have to look

00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:30.239
through like a third like a lens also listen

00:38:30.239 --> 00:38:32.380
to your friends when they when they advise you

00:38:32.380 --> 00:38:34.119
because like that it is so important there to

00:38:34.119 --> 00:38:35.960
like third party perspective of people who like

00:38:35.960 --> 00:38:39.010
try you trust who love you like you can nip these

00:38:39.010 --> 00:38:40.730
things in the butter so much earlier. Because

00:38:40.730 --> 00:38:45.409
love is addicting. We all want love. We all want

00:38:45.409 --> 00:38:54.230
love. We all want love. We all want this story.

00:38:54.969 --> 00:38:57.980
And then lust is a dangerous drug too. like if

00:38:57.980 --> 00:39:01.139
you really when I always if I lost after someone

00:39:01.139 --> 00:39:03.000
strong enough like I can get so delusional that

00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:05.679
I let them get away with anything free pass or

00:39:05.679 --> 00:39:07.119
anything it's been a big thing with my therapist

00:39:07.119 --> 00:39:10.659
has talked about it was just like I him and I

00:39:10.659 --> 00:39:13.079
had the love and I and it filled like this like

00:39:13.079 --> 00:39:15.159
fantasy of like I have this love with this guy

00:39:15.159 --> 00:39:17.019
but like then there's these few pieces that are

00:39:17.019 --> 00:39:18.739
big pieces but I was minimized and I'm being

00:39:18.739 --> 00:39:20.179
like yeah well you know because he always said

00:39:20.179 --> 00:39:22.000
like in a few years I'll come out I was like

00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:23.960
in a few years I'll come out and maybe I can

00:39:24.139 --> 00:39:26.480
maybe if I'm good enough now, I can expedite

00:39:26.480 --> 00:39:28.119
that process. I was like, Oh, he's my little

00:39:28.119 --> 00:39:30.840
hope. Right. But the, but the lust part is nothing

00:39:30.840 --> 00:39:33.739
to gloss over. And I say this to my girls all

00:39:33.739 --> 00:39:36.219
the time. He's so fucking hot. Like when they

00:39:36.219 --> 00:39:37.659
are, you know, obsessed with a guy and it's like,

00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:42.199
you overlook a lot. Um, and it's crazy. I mean,

00:39:42.199 --> 00:39:44.159
it is crazy. It is. And there's a whole theory

00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:46.539
of like men, you can get a control of like your

00:39:46.539 --> 00:39:49.619
lessons and like sex drive, like you master life.

00:39:49.699 --> 00:39:51.639
Cause it's like, it can steer you in so many

00:39:51.639 --> 00:39:57.829
ways and skew your vision. And then I think my

00:39:57.829 --> 00:40:03.190
other one is never chase, never chase. Like I

00:40:03.190 --> 00:40:04.789
just think chase, it's just like you can't, it's

00:40:04.789 --> 00:40:07.050
always a bad sign. If you have to chase, it's

00:40:07.050 --> 00:40:10.070
already not it. It's not meant for you. What's

00:40:10.070 --> 00:40:13.710
meant for you will come to you. And also self

00:40:13.710 --> 00:40:16.289
-love and comfortable being alone. Like people,

00:40:16.409 --> 00:40:19.989
I have friends who can't be alone. you know any

00:40:19.989 --> 00:40:22.050
aspect but they just can't you can't sit alone

00:40:22.050 --> 00:40:25.030
with your thoughts yourself and That is a form

00:40:25.030 --> 00:40:27.369
of not loving yourself. And I think that's a

00:40:27.369 --> 00:40:29.489
big thing I'm so comfortable just like I can

00:40:29.489 --> 00:40:31.829
go like being alone Like I don't need to always

00:40:31.829 --> 00:40:33.809
fill the void of and that's what he would do

00:40:33.809 --> 00:40:35.630
like, you know It's like don't be like the other

00:40:35.630 --> 00:40:38.030
person like he you know couldn't be alone So

00:40:38.030 --> 00:40:39.610
he does have to fill the void by dating another

00:40:39.610 --> 00:40:41.230
person and dating another person and dating another

00:40:41.230 --> 00:40:43.909
person just to have something all the time But

00:40:43.909 --> 00:40:47.050
like if you can't be alone, like that's sad like

00:40:47.050 --> 00:40:50.920
you're doomed Sure. So it's a lot of takeaways.

00:40:51.280 --> 00:40:54.000
But it's perfect. There are a lot of lessons.

00:40:55.059 --> 00:40:57.500
So let's say you met a wizard who could like

00:40:57.500 --> 00:41:00.420
send you back to do it all over again. Like what's

00:41:00.420 --> 00:41:03.260
the first thing you would do differently if anything?

00:41:04.440 --> 00:41:05.760
I think the first thing I would do differently

00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:11.019
is you bury the whole time I buried what I was

00:41:11.019 --> 00:41:13.099
thinking and what I really wanted and my needs

00:41:13.099 --> 00:41:15.769
and I prioritize just like Making it last another

00:41:15.769 --> 00:41:17.429
day and making it last another day and like hope

00:41:17.429 --> 00:41:19.630
hope hope you hold on to hope and you keep Kicking

00:41:19.630 --> 00:41:22.010
it down that you keep just being like I don't

00:41:22.010 --> 00:41:25.110
want to anger this person or or ruin this now

00:41:25.110 --> 00:41:27.210
So I'm not gonna speak how I feel or say what

00:41:27.210 --> 00:41:29.210
I feel and it's like you just have to communicate

00:41:29.210 --> 00:41:31.409
Communication and like full transparency right

00:41:31.409 --> 00:41:33.989
out the gate is so key, you know Bethany Frankel's

00:41:33.989 --> 00:41:35.670
new dating app shoot the whole thing is supposed

00:41:35.670 --> 00:41:38.489
to be direct like you can communicate immediately

00:41:38.489 --> 00:41:42.369
and if I early days in that We're really just

00:41:42.369 --> 00:41:44.070
sat him down and we're like, what are the hot

00:41:44.070 --> 00:41:47.139
like? Was a just like, so you love me and, you

00:41:47.139 --> 00:41:48.539
know, even if the answer was yes. And I said,

00:41:48.780 --> 00:41:51.380
what are the odds really that you are going to

00:41:51.380 --> 00:41:53.440
come out, that you can come out and we can date,

00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:56.360
you know, in the next whatever time frame. And

00:41:56.360 --> 00:41:58.820
if we just like had that conversation, you know,

00:41:58.920 --> 00:42:01.539
early on, instead of me just like rolling with

00:42:01.539 --> 00:42:03.739
it and letting him get away with anything and

00:42:03.739 --> 00:42:06.039
making excuses all the time, like we could have

00:42:06.039 --> 00:42:07.739
saved each other. I guess we could have saved

00:42:07.739 --> 00:42:09.719
each other a lot of fucking heartache and time.

00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:12.820
I could have saved myself a lot. But again, it's

00:42:12.820 --> 00:42:16.039
like, would I People always say if you go back

00:42:16.039 --> 00:42:19.860
and have it never prevent it from ever happening.

00:42:19.860 --> 00:42:21.840
It's like, I don't know. Cause it's like all

00:42:21.840 --> 00:42:25.340
this I came, it did create a lot for me and create

00:42:25.340 --> 00:42:27.199
a lot of opportunity for me in terms of just

00:42:27.199 --> 00:42:30.579
like physically and mentally. I got so much healthier

00:42:30.579 --> 00:42:33.119
after going through this. It's almost like, like,

00:42:33.239 --> 00:42:34.719
uh, what's whatever that is called. Like when

00:42:34.719 --> 00:42:36.320
you're like scared, like you have a fear of something

00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:38.099
like flying or spiders and then they like expose

00:42:38.099 --> 00:42:40.619
you to it. And then like you come out of therapy.

00:42:41.039 --> 00:42:43.079
Yeah. Yeah. That's just, you should know that.

00:42:43.190 --> 00:42:46.969
I'm going to school. But it's like that kind

00:42:46.969 --> 00:42:48.789
of where it's like, because I wouldn't know any

00:42:48.789 --> 00:42:50.010
of this now. I'm like, I probably wouldn't if

00:42:50.010 --> 00:42:52.510
I didn't if it wasn't him, I would chase, you

00:42:52.510 --> 00:42:57.530
know, we're chased or made excuses for or like

00:42:57.530 --> 00:43:00.110
done this similar kind of deal with countless

00:43:00.110 --> 00:43:02.090
other people in that four year window, you know,

00:43:02.090 --> 00:43:03.829
because I would have never learned now I've learned.

00:43:03.849 --> 00:43:05.590
So now when I go on date, when I talk to people,

00:43:05.630 --> 00:43:07.610
I can kind of see these flags or indicators,

00:43:08.429 --> 00:43:10.809
or at least just the sheer fact that I'll never

00:43:10.809 --> 00:43:13.440
get. strung along again, I stopped making excuses

00:43:13.440 --> 00:43:16.820
and I stopped accepting bare minimum. So it's

00:43:16.820 --> 00:43:18.539
an important experience. It's important to go

00:43:18.539 --> 00:43:22.659
through these things. Early days, my mom even

00:43:22.659 --> 00:43:24.659
said like she was, it was interesting, I'd never

00:43:24.659 --> 00:43:27.360
listened to her during this process, which obviously

00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:30.159
classic life. Mom knows best she tells you and

00:43:30.159 --> 00:43:33.039
you're like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But early

00:43:33.039 --> 00:43:34.739
days, like she was like, I remember earlier,

00:43:34.739 --> 00:43:36.699
she was like his kids are gonna is gonna she

00:43:36.699 --> 00:43:38.500
I remember she took up, he came over to meet

00:43:38.500 --> 00:43:42.940
my parents as like a friend. And he was like,

00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:44.679
asked my mama, can you take a picture of us,

00:43:44.880 --> 00:43:46.840
like me and him on the couch? And like he's asking,

00:43:46.860 --> 00:43:48.480
and she did. And right after she took the, he

00:43:48.480 --> 00:43:50.280
had his arm around me and was like smiling and

00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:51.840
doing all this. And she afterwards, I remember

00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:54.099
she just went, oh God. She went, oh boy. And

00:43:54.099 --> 00:43:55.760
I like, she kind of sidebar me. And she was just

00:43:55.760 --> 00:43:58.280
like, this one, she was like, this is going to

00:43:58.280 --> 00:44:00.739
be, this is, she was like, this one's going to

00:44:00.739 --> 00:44:03.360
push you, take you to your limits. And like,

00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:05.360
and she was like, and like literally that was,

00:44:05.460 --> 00:44:07.619
that's month one of four year journey. So like

00:44:07.619 --> 00:44:12.179
she was. She was right. And then she, you know,

00:44:12.320 --> 00:44:14.719
she then towards the end was like, when someone

00:44:14.719 --> 00:44:16.239
was like, what do you like, what do you how do

00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:18.059
you feel about it? Like, we're all openly talking

00:44:18.059 --> 00:44:19.800
about around a counter. And it's like, well,

00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:22.260
Wade's doing and Wade's relationship with his

00:44:22.260 --> 00:44:27.099
with this man. And she was like, I think everyone's,

00:44:27.099 --> 00:44:29.380
you know, for like, one of their strong loves

00:44:29.380 --> 00:44:31.940
has to be a big heartbreak. So like, she was

00:44:31.940 --> 00:44:33.559
like, this is good. Like, she was like, I've

00:44:33.559 --> 00:44:35.840
told him he knows he's smart. He's a smart boy.

00:44:35.920 --> 00:44:38.059
Like, but he's choosing this because it's like

00:44:38.059 --> 00:44:41.800
you can't also can't uh deny your how much you

00:44:41.800 --> 00:44:43.780
played a part like i willingly participate i

00:44:43.780 --> 00:44:45.519
wasn't i have a gun to my head so it's like i

00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:48.000
chose that and i knew deep down better i obviously

00:44:48.000 --> 00:44:53.059
knew better but did it anyway nice um if you

00:44:53.059 --> 00:44:55.320
could say anything to the guy that you used to

00:44:55.320 --> 00:45:01.039
be what would it be have some self -respect,

00:45:01.199 --> 00:45:08.400
you pussy. That's the biggest haunt for me. I'm

00:45:08.400 --> 00:45:10.500
like, it's so pathetic. You're such a doormat.

00:45:11.260 --> 00:45:13.539
And I was such a fucking doormat to this one.

00:45:13.639 --> 00:45:15.719
I let him get away with anything and everything.

00:45:16.500 --> 00:45:20.960
And my business partner sat me down and said,

00:45:21.139 --> 00:45:23.840
he was like, He was like, he was like, it's crazy.

00:45:23.860 --> 00:45:25.699
He was like in all areas of life that I've known

00:45:25.699 --> 00:45:27.940
you and seen you operate in and work and meeting

00:45:27.940 --> 00:45:31.179
that you never let anyone disrespect you in any

00:45:31.179 --> 00:45:35.019
way. And then he was like, this is the greatest

00:45:35.019 --> 00:45:36.679
form of disrespect. And you're just letting this

00:45:36.679 --> 00:45:39.239
person fucking get away with it. And it was right.

00:45:39.619 --> 00:45:43.559
And it was true. So it's that it's have some

00:45:43.559 --> 00:45:47.139
self -respect you. Nice. Yeah. Have some self

00:45:47.139 --> 00:45:51.699
-respect you pussy. Yeah. Oh, come on. At least

00:45:51.699 --> 00:45:54.940
I'm like the cops that you work out with. I know.

00:45:55.119 --> 00:45:57.719
They're rubbing off. They do rub off on me. I

00:45:57.719 --> 00:46:02.619
kind of am that. But in a weird way, I love.

00:46:03.179 --> 00:46:06.500
that kind of communication style. I do too. There's

00:46:06.500 --> 00:46:08.659
something about it where it's like that old Italian,

00:46:09.119 --> 00:46:11.659
like it's very New Jersey. Yeah, it is. It's

00:46:11.659 --> 00:46:14.579
like very in me and like I and I pull it a lot

00:46:14.579 --> 00:46:16.039
and people like it's weird that you were this

00:46:16.039 --> 00:46:18.079
like gay man or like, you know, like I'll be

00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:20.480
like wearing leather pants. I'm like, you know,

00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:22.619
and then I'm like, you fucking pussy. Like, you

00:46:22.619 --> 00:46:25.300
know, it's it's I can't. I don't know. It is.

00:46:25.340 --> 00:46:28.579
It's good. That's direct, direct for sure. Um,

00:46:29.059 --> 00:46:30.760
so you talked a little bit about like the next

00:46:30.760 --> 00:46:32.820
chapter and you alluded to that like what is

00:46:32.820 --> 00:46:35.699
the next chapter? What comes next? the next chapter

00:46:35.699 --> 00:46:40.679
is I'm I am trying to lean into like Open to

00:46:40.679 --> 00:46:43.199
all and the unknown and and it's I think it's

00:46:43.199 --> 00:46:46.639
just like the first time that I have Kind of

00:46:46.639 --> 00:46:49.159
and again, I'm a bit I kept got in this journey

00:46:49.159 --> 00:46:51.579
I've gotten a bit more woo -woo in terms of like

00:46:51.579 --> 00:46:54.179
reference when I refer to like universe and universal

00:46:54.179 --> 00:46:57.150
size, but I do think like once you stop putting

00:46:57.150 --> 00:46:59.130
all your energy into something, especially something

00:46:59.130 --> 00:47:02.590
that's not good for you, like you just like allow

00:47:02.590 --> 00:47:04.469
all these other doors to open. And I've been

00:47:04.469 --> 00:47:06.590
seeing it in the past few months in terms of

00:47:06.590 --> 00:47:09.570
just dating life, of like me not pursuing anything

00:47:09.570 --> 00:47:12.489
and work life and just opportunities and experiences

00:47:12.489 --> 00:47:14.969
that have just kind of come naturally just because

00:47:14.969 --> 00:47:16.750
I'm kind of leading now with like focusing on

00:47:16.750 --> 00:47:19.010
myself and I'm leading with like kind of being

00:47:19.010 --> 00:47:21.329
gentle and kind and just that's kind of my motto

00:47:21.329 --> 00:47:25.940
and how I'm moving forward. And this is one of

00:47:25.940 --> 00:47:27.780
them. Like I said, like I went on a podcast and

00:47:27.780 --> 00:47:29.280
I talked about this, I talked about everything,

00:47:29.360 --> 00:47:30.960
I talked about my life, just talked about, and

00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:32.980
then other things. Like, you know, we talked

00:47:32.980 --> 00:47:35.239
about topics in general, like, you know, slow

00:47:35.239 --> 00:47:37.420
walkers and people at the gym who are fucking

00:47:37.420 --> 00:47:41.599
annoying. But, and I just, again, walked away

00:47:41.599 --> 00:47:44.619
from it and felt good and really enjoyed it and

00:47:44.619 --> 00:47:47.619
felt a little fulfilled. And if my kind of mindset

00:47:47.619 --> 00:47:49.739
now is if anything feels fulfilling or good,

00:47:50.519 --> 00:47:53.619
like lean into it and go towards it and don't.

00:47:54.449 --> 00:47:56.510
stuff anything down anymore and make or press

00:47:56.510 --> 00:48:02.050
anything. So this is part of it. So we're doing

00:48:02.050 --> 00:48:05.429
it now. I love that. I love that. That's awesome.

00:48:07.070 --> 00:48:09.150
So you mentioned this when we talked and you

00:48:09.150 --> 00:48:12.510
kind of alluded to it a little bit earlier. You

00:48:12.510 --> 00:48:16.329
have become the resident dating advice, subject

00:48:16.329 --> 00:48:18.570
matter expert for your group of friends. And

00:48:18.570 --> 00:48:22.610
I'm just going to ask you. What advice would

00:48:22.610 --> 00:48:24.750
you give to a guy who like honestly is not dated

00:48:24.750 --> 00:48:27.489
in like 10 years and he's like ready to like

00:48:27.489 --> 00:48:29.710
maybe put himself out there again and like isn't

00:48:29.710 --> 00:48:36.489
sure where to start? Yeah, that's yeah Which

00:48:36.489 --> 00:48:39.769
is and I tell I say a lot of like my girlfriend

00:48:39.769 --> 00:48:43.190
and guy friends who are single or like re single

00:48:43.190 --> 00:48:46.530
You know dated had a long relationship stop And

00:48:46.530 --> 00:48:47.730
you know, and there's a reason people sometimes

00:48:47.730 --> 00:48:50.500
don't break up end of relationship that they

00:48:50.500 --> 00:48:51.780
know they're unhappy and it's because they're

00:48:51.780 --> 00:48:53.719
scared of being single again and going back out

00:48:53.719 --> 00:48:56.360
there and having to start over and everyone's

00:48:56.360 --> 00:48:57.519
scared of that because it's just like a lot and

00:48:57.519 --> 00:48:59.500
it takes a lot out of you in all regards and

00:48:59.500 --> 00:49:05.079
I think my advice is always a that time and age

00:49:05.079 --> 00:49:07.260
are meaningless like in terms of dating like

00:49:07.260 --> 00:49:10.360
people put way too much weight into like you

00:49:10.360 --> 00:49:13.239
know I need to be seriously dating somebody by

00:49:13.239 --> 00:49:15.440
x you know 35 whatever the age is everyone's

00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:17.599
got a different age in their head and they put

00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:19.619
so much weight into it and it's just so irrelevant

00:49:19.619 --> 00:49:23.739
and so not true and it's it's stress that you've

00:49:23.739 --> 00:49:25.320
created on yourself and no one else is that you

00:49:25.320 --> 00:49:27.519
know and it's and it's just not real and I think

00:49:27.519 --> 00:49:31.059
if you are getting back in the game it's just

00:49:31.059 --> 00:49:34.760
you just need to be not stressed about it and

00:49:34.760 --> 00:49:37.440
not have a goal like I think I don't like this

00:49:37.440 --> 00:49:40.079
like I need to date to marry it's like just date

00:49:40.079 --> 00:49:43.679
like just date and see and you have and accept

00:49:43.679 --> 00:49:45.400
that you have no control over what's going to

00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:47.480
happen and like control you can control like

00:49:47.480 --> 00:49:49.119
if somebody you know you you go on a date with

00:49:49.119 --> 00:49:52.199
somebody and you out you a not into it like don't

00:49:52.199 --> 00:49:54.739
force it walk away or b you see things that remind

00:49:54.739 --> 00:49:57.280
you or you know are not healthy things that are

00:49:57.280 --> 00:49:59.619
not going to be good for you or just not compatible

00:49:59.619 --> 00:50:03.079
like walk away and don't just like get into something

00:50:03.079 --> 00:50:04.480
just for the sake of getting into something because

00:50:04.480 --> 00:50:06.440
it feels good and because you don't want to be

00:50:06.440 --> 00:50:07.920
alone because you're scared of being alone so

00:50:07.920 --> 00:50:09.260
again i think like the biggest thing is like

00:50:09.260 --> 00:50:11.559
that and that most people are doing this right

00:50:11.559 --> 00:50:14.099
now like It feels like not everyone is single

00:50:14.099 --> 00:50:17.639
and dating, but like most people are having the

00:50:17.639 --> 00:50:20.820
same fears, scrambling, dating. The people who

00:50:20.820 --> 00:50:22.760
aren't are just louder on social media. Like

00:50:22.760 --> 00:50:24.820
your friends who are married just post more than

00:50:24.820 --> 00:50:26.679
your friends who are single in terms of like

00:50:26.679 --> 00:50:28.920
their life. And you're like, oh shit, everyone,

00:50:29.039 --> 00:50:30.980
like my friends who like everyone's getting married.

00:50:31.079 --> 00:50:33.719
I'm like, not really. Like it's like, you know,

00:50:33.719 --> 00:50:35.760
like 10 of our 30 friends are getting married,

00:50:35.780 --> 00:50:37.659
but like that's the minority, but it just feels

00:50:37.659 --> 00:50:40.599
like, holy shit, it's overwhelming. And there

00:50:40.599 --> 00:50:43.449
is no, there is no magic clock in the sky that

00:50:43.449 --> 00:50:45.369
has like a timeline that you have to stick to

00:50:45.369 --> 00:50:47.489
and there is no you know people date to their

00:50:47.489 --> 00:50:50.170
30s and 40s and 50s and people date and break

00:50:50.170 --> 00:50:52.429
up after seven year relationships people get

00:50:52.429 --> 00:50:54.349
divorced like there's obviously you don't want

00:50:54.349 --> 00:50:56.409
divorce but like but you just don't know and

00:50:56.409 --> 00:50:59.469
you do it it's just it's not that serious that's

00:50:59.469 --> 00:51:01.070
kind of how i've started to look at it and it's

00:51:01.070 --> 00:51:03.670
not so systematic i'm like i don't like the apps

00:51:03.670 --> 00:51:06.570
either and i tell people like i i think the apps

00:51:06.570 --> 00:51:08.989
are useful in some regard because like if you're

00:51:08.989 --> 00:51:11.420
in a city and like there's someone that maybe

00:51:11.420 --> 00:51:14.739
your circles would have like not ever overlapped

00:51:14.739 --> 00:51:16.340
with but they are somebody that like does have

00:51:16.340 --> 00:51:18.519
mutuals or like you should theoretically know

00:51:18.519 --> 00:51:19.820
you know maybe they went to a similar school

00:51:19.820 --> 00:51:22.059
as you or like from a place and it's like you

00:51:22.059 --> 00:51:24.920
guys wouldn't you know you are maybe a good match

00:51:24.920 --> 00:51:28.179
but like maybe just whatever forever social reasons

00:51:28.179 --> 00:51:29.860
and you're just not going to be in the same room

00:51:29.860 --> 00:51:32.739
most likely like it's good it's like good you

00:51:32.739 --> 00:51:34.380
do get to meet the odd person you're like shit

00:51:34.380 --> 00:51:37.039
like we should have met organically but we luckily

00:51:37.039 --> 00:51:39.889
we had this app And it's also just good to get

00:51:39.889 --> 00:51:42.329
like exercise and repetition and like go on a

00:51:42.329 --> 00:51:43.670
date here and there you know It's a bad date

00:51:43.670 --> 00:51:46.469
bad dates are good. I think It's like it's just

00:51:46.469 --> 00:51:50.670
it's just data, but it's also I think Not good

00:51:50.670 --> 00:51:53.869
to get in that mindset of like dating systematically

00:51:53.869 --> 00:51:56.269
and being like I'm gonna use the apps I'm gonna

00:51:56.269 --> 00:51:59.349
go on two dates a week and if I don't go on this

00:51:59.349 --> 00:52:01.849
many dates a week I feel counterproductive and

00:52:01.849 --> 00:52:03.869
I'm worsening my odds of finding someone because

00:52:03.869 --> 00:52:05.190
then you're just looking for like a candidate

00:52:05.190 --> 00:52:07.559
You're not looking for like love or like a partner,

00:52:07.920 --> 00:52:10.619
like a real partner, like a soul partner. In

00:52:10.619 --> 00:52:12.619
that regard, you're looking for a business partner.

00:52:12.719 --> 00:52:15.340
You're looking for a candidate. He's got a good

00:52:15.340 --> 00:52:18.699
job. He's from a good family, went to a good

00:52:18.699 --> 00:52:21.380
school, as if those should be your priority.

00:52:21.840 --> 00:52:24.099
And then you're like, we get along good enough.

00:52:24.219 --> 00:52:27.380
And he's funny enough. And we have enough fun.

00:52:27.679 --> 00:52:30.780
But that's not a love. That's not what we want.

00:52:31.280 --> 00:52:34.559
That's not love. That's just finding something

00:52:34.559 --> 00:52:37.679
that fits, that works. So it's like, I think

00:52:37.679 --> 00:52:40.460
yes, I get not loving the apps, but I think if

00:52:40.460 --> 00:52:43.059
you approach the apps in a less systematic way

00:52:43.059 --> 00:52:45.480
and kind of just casual and not so serious and

00:52:45.480 --> 00:52:47.880
look, but you don't have to like look every day

00:52:47.880 --> 00:52:50.780
and you think of it as like, if I don't do the

00:52:50.780 --> 00:52:54.380
apps and schedule dates, like I'm falling behind.

00:52:54.780 --> 00:52:58.820
Um, and just remembering that there's no, there

00:52:58.820 --> 00:53:01.119
is no timeline or plan. Like it's just, you're

00:53:01.119 --> 00:53:03.619
going to just. got to just write it out and see.

00:53:03.780 --> 00:53:05.480
You hear a lot of stories all the time of people

00:53:05.480 --> 00:53:09.039
falling in love, and it's like, there's every

00:53:09.039 --> 00:53:12.900
shape possible. And it's rarely like, I went

00:53:12.900 --> 00:53:15.639
on seven hinge dates a week, every week, and

00:53:15.639 --> 00:53:19.860
then I found Jeff. And if that is what you want,

00:53:19.940 --> 00:53:23.880
you can do that. But it's just like, that's not

00:53:23.880 --> 00:53:28.519
what I think is true and genuine. And just putting

00:53:28.519 --> 00:53:30.199
yourself out there, go focus on yourself, go

00:53:30.199 --> 00:53:33.059
with your friends. I've met and I told you the

00:53:33.059 --> 00:53:34.699
doors have been opening. I've just been going

00:53:34.699 --> 00:53:38.559
out like now and like reaching out to new friends

00:53:38.559 --> 00:53:40.539
and old friends and trying to like foster new

00:53:40.539 --> 00:53:42.800
relationships that are friend relationships and

00:53:42.800 --> 00:53:44.920
like make fine meaning there and like love there.

00:53:44.940 --> 00:53:47.579
And then we go to these, you know, we go to some

00:53:47.579 --> 00:53:49.579
event or some party or some, just some restaurant

00:53:49.579 --> 00:53:52.079
or some bar. And then like I bump into some random

00:53:52.079 --> 00:53:53.539
person and we start talking and I'm like, we

00:53:53.539 --> 00:53:55.219
go on a date and I kind of like each other. And

00:53:55.219 --> 00:53:57.139
it's like, all right, well, this is like, this

00:53:57.139 --> 00:53:59.679
could happen over and over in different ways

00:53:59.679 --> 00:54:02.420
with different people. It is, you just have to

00:54:02.420 --> 00:54:06.280
kind of open yourself up to it. Nice. And lean

00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:09.360
in. And just like remember, it's not that serious.

00:54:09.579 --> 00:54:12.039
Don't get stressed. That's good advice. I like

00:54:12.039 --> 00:54:19.179
that. Thank you. That was a lot. Tell the people

00:54:19.179 --> 00:54:20.900
where they can find you. Tell the besties where

00:54:20.900 --> 00:54:22.340
you're at, where they can find you, where they

00:54:22.340 --> 00:54:26.480
can find you. Really just primarily Instagram.

00:54:26.639 --> 00:54:31.380
My Instagram is at George W. Belair. But yeah,

00:54:31.380 --> 00:54:34.940
and then hopefully on more podcasts soon. Do

00:54:34.940 --> 00:54:37.400
you want to come back on here? I'd love to come

00:54:37.400 --> 00:54:40.619
back on here. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, the the barrier

00:54:40.619 --> 00:54:42.880
to entry is like I'm gonna make you watch an

00:54:42.880 --> 00:54:44.619
episode of the Real Housewives and we're gonna

00:54:44.619 --> 00:54:48.099
talk about it. We're gonna I'm fine with that.

00:54:48.119 --> 00:54:50.400
Actually. I like I do I'm open to that. I've

00:54:50.400 --> 00:54:53.579
been trying to I've been trying to like get into

00:54:53.579 --> 00:54:54.920
things that I've been missing because I'm having

00:54:54.920 --> 00:54:56.460
some FOMO on those type of things where I'm like,

00:54:56.500 --> 00:54:59.110
there's no reason I shouldn't Be up -to -date

00:54:59.110 --> 00:55:01.070
and like know about that because I do but I do

00:55:01.070 --> 00:55:03.530
I enjoy that and I'll watch like I'd like to

00:55:03.530 --> 00:55:06.329
watch the older stuff of Bethany Frankel Okay,

00:55:06.789 --> 00:55:08.690
now that I like her now, like I'd like to see

00:55:08.690 --> 00:55:10.250
what she was like because I never knew her in

00:55:10.250 --> 00:55:15.690
that in that context And I I think I'll use that

00:55:15.690 --> 00:55:24.400
to like figure out which Well, friends from Indy

00:55:24.400 --> 00:55:27.860
to Manhattan to wherever you are. We love you.

00:55:27.900 --> 00:55:29.239
Thank you for listening. Thank you for being

00:55:29.239 --> 00:55:31.820
here. Share us with your messiest friend. Rate

00:55:31.820 --> 00:55:34.980
and review us and we'll see you soon. See you

00:55:34.980 --> 00:55:36.760
soon. Thank you so much. Thank you.