My name is Travis and this is Bestie approved.
I'm here with my new friend Wade Belair. Belair?
Belair? Yes, Belair. Beautiful. My new friend
Wade who wants to get into podcasting and kind
of like we're gonna see where the vibe takes
us. I think this is gonna be really cool. Wade's
a really cool guy and I can't wait to get to
know him a little bit better. So Wade, I'm gonna
let you introduce yourself. Well, first of all,
thank you. I'm also very excited and thank you
for having me. I am Wade Belair. I live in New
York City. I invest in startups, mostly consumer
startups, planning on going back for my master's
in psychology and mental health counseling out
of passion. And I love men. Yes, yes trying to
get it try my hand in podcasting a little I have
done a few and Felt a twinge and I'm trying to
follow that and lean into it and here we are
nice. I love it What's the I guess what's the
what podcast have you done if you don't mind
me asking? I did. So I did one that I think I
sent you called Wellness Cowboys, which is with
my friend Monica Clark, who is this kind of model
and social entity here in the city. And then
I actually was just in Austin last week for this
woman, Carrie's podcast, who has a podcast called
Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, which
is about dating narcissists. Nice. Yeah, it was
a very... It's a very intense name like of the
podcast and people ask me what I was coming out
and I say it's like, wow, but it's like, she's
actually, she's very smart, very cool. No, I'm
sure. It's very, it's very heavy, but the conversation
is not as, I mean, it is, but it's not as like
serious. Like we were having fun, but we talked.
I mean, we went for like three or four hours
in her studio in Austin and I'm excited to see
it. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that. Sorry,
I'm turning on my do not disturb because I I
did not think to myself about how many people
text me 9 ,000 times a day and it's okay. I Know
that's always when I'm doing this. I was on a
call before my mom my sister Like several people
like my sister never calls me I'd call me during
it and I was like someone is dead, but no one
was that it's just Christmas Christmas What's
the last song you listen to wait The last song
I listened to, actually I just looked when I
saw that you had asked that. It was actually
Lollipop by Lil Wayne. I was in the gym. I have
a very, my playlist of like liked songs on Spotify
that I listened to when I worked out is like
a very scary, like how the spectrum of it, cause
it can be like, it's usually a very, very weird,
like off brand I know, but it's usually very,
very like heavy metal or like heavy rap. yeah
or it can be like my cry playlist which is like
kings of leon and stuff and which i'll like main
full main character and like hands on hips cry
or it will be like something like that like throwback
2000s late 90s like that like well i thought
by lil wayne i love that i know it's like all
of those things and like it's very but like when
i put it on and people can hear it they're like
you seem like a psychotic person like it's a
manic playlist I don't think it's manic. I grew
up listening to like Trina and Missy Elliott
and like Little Kim. And I you couldn't tell
me anything when I was in like eighth grade,
like listening to Deep Trina. Like it's fine.
I know. We took on different personalities and
we were like these little white kids in middle
school. with like you know little Nike dunks
and like listening to those songs and I would
like embody that I think yeah like this is me
Lil Wayne is I can relate I can relate to all
of his lyrics I'm the diamond princess why not
yeah yeah nice um my last song was Good Boy by
Z Machine he's like I'm really really into his
stuff right now I don't know who that is it's
uh A gay guy out of like, I think he was originally
from like Michigan or something. And then he
moved to Los Angeles and he like just does really
good music. You need to look him up at ZEE machine.
He's really good. Love him. Oh, yeah. He looks
like he's gay from Michigan. I moved to Los Angeles.
This is like, OK, I will. I have this now noted.
This is a grungy vibe, but I could like this.
I like everything. It's a little grungy, but
some of it's also very poppy. The Good Boy song
is very, very 2012 pop. It's very good. I like
that. He reminds me of these gay pop... What
I think we're not there was like a boom for a
while like choice of on and people like that
and then I there's been like a law like I don't
hear I haven't heard a thing from him even on
social media like I haven't seen really or heard
from him or Anyone like him. I was just listening
to him with Dua Lipa because I think he did a
remix I think I know it like that's the only
thing I've heard from him and probably two years
though. Like it's okay Okay Well, yeah, I don't
dabble in, I mean, like, same with like, even
just like gay adjacent, like Charlie XCX. I'm
like, I just like, I don't know, there's no reason.
It's not because it's not because it's like,
I'm like, I don't want to listen to gay music.
It's more like, it just doesn't do it. It doesn't
tickle me. Like, it doesn't do it for me. But
I'm not against it. People will play it at like,
you know, like when we're all together and whatnot.
Like, I'm not like turn this off. But it's just
like in my own time, I haven't really gotten
into it. I should try a little more. Do you know
what I feel like right now? God, what's the clip
of Tyra Banks going, get the fag off my TV screen?
I know. Whenever I say that, my friends are like,
you're a self -loathing gay. I'm like, I'm not.
I just don't. I get it all the time. It's fine.
I get it all the time. My one friend was like,
I feel like you go to rallies. Like the Methodist
Church rallies. I because I because he think
because I say these things where I'm like, I
don't like it. He'll like send me a song or like
someone's post and I'll be like, fuck them. I
don't like that. And he's like, come on. I just
don't. I don't know. Doesn't do it for me. But
I'll give it a try. I'll give ZZ. I've never
heard. So I have to give it a fair shot. Give
him a fair shot. I think you'll like him. I will.
Have you ever played? We're not really strangers.
No, but I saw I let me click on it. I saw this
link and I I like the thought of it. Let me click
it. OK, yeah. So it's like, OK, so it's kind
of like Cards Against Humanity. Like it's like
a card. I like kind of like, yeah. OK, OK. I'm
just going to pick a random one on here. And
it's like questions for like meaningful connection.
OK, let's do this one. I actually really like
this one. Who inspires you and in what ways are
you like this person? That is a hard one. Who
inspires me? I wish I could say someone who's
more in the public eye, but I will say, and this
one's a bit tacky, but I do actually believe
it is my dad because I strive to have this duality
that he has, which is being very... like very
direct, very strong willed, very smart and like
very strong opinion. But then also he has like,
he balances it very well with like open mindedness
and like this weird, even though he's this very
like strong, cold man, like this tenderness as
well. I don't know. He has this like what you,
I imagine like the perfect duality of man is
supposed to be. And like I find myself like leaning
one way or the other where I'm, you know, try
to like have, it's hard to do both. It's hard
to be both. And I wish I had more time to think.
There's definitely like also people who are in
the public eye that I think I'm like, this is
like, this is who I base my life off. I also,
there's a lot of celebrities that like I base
like Mike, I sometimes will like influence like
my character. I love like, there's like actor,
you know, you watch like a show and like the
you, your personality changes while you're in
the midst of watching a show. Like I have that
a lot as well, but on a deeper level of dad.
Nice. I love that. Yeah, it's really cool. What
about you? Um, God, it is a hard one. Um. Honestly,
Bethany Frankel. See, that's a good one. I wish
I had a more playful one now. No, it's like she's
like my hero and like I remember watching her
on uh, the real house lives in new york and Like
watching her like literally be completely broken
then like come from nothing and then like her
backstory is actually really interesting because
like she grew up on like the racetrack where
her dad was like racing horses and it was like
a whole thing and then she like figures out the
skinny girl margarita and then like blows that
up into like a hundred million dollar brand and
then like I don't know she and I were going at
least she was going through her divorce at the
same time I was going through like the most horrific
breakup and like I remember watching that and
being like oh if she can come back from like
what she thought was her forever I'm gonna be
fine and like I like I Try to be like we're like
she can be very abrasive and very aggressive.
I think I can be too but like I think I try to
take some of that and be like I know what I'm
doing like I'm confident like I'm good at Everything
that I like put my mind to so like I think in
that way. I'm kind of like her Okay, that's a
good answer also and she is a she actually is
a good one. She's one of those sneaky Sleeper
cells where it's very easy to paint her as like
look at this like funny social media clown Who's
like, you know eating chicken salad, but it's
like when you really break it down. You're like
look how smart She is when it comes to like how
she's building out her personal brand her actual
brand her business and then like how she plays
the game of You know being in the public eye
and public eye and you know an influencer politics
like she does she is smart and clever and She
does have a good direct like arc again. Not just
but the parents calling my dad I heard like moral
compass is very like true, you know, and she
expands by it Like she says like she's she has
this like code almost of life and like people
and like how she like who she like it's it's
interesting she is I also think like a sleeper
cell of someone who's like very smart and very
impressive. Nice. I love that. I'm also like
I always get worried when I say that because
like she's such like a polarizing person where
like you never know what you're going to get
when you say something like her. I know. But
I also like don't I think she is like I feel
like she is polarizing but like for not really
like what has she really done or said that's
like that. Controversial, you know, it is people
who hate on her for like very like silly stuff.
Yeah, it's never like she's never actually like
I've never heard of anything like where it's
like, oh my god damn, like, you know, she crossed
the line. It's always like it's usually like
she's too direct, which is a good thing. And
it is going to ruffle a lot of feathers. But
it's like when you call someone or something
out, like there's always backlash. She's good
at that. Yeah. I don't know. I if I can ever
get famous for eating chicken salad. God bless.
I know, I know. She's got a good, she's got a
good system too. Yeah. Do you want to do some
rapid fire this or that before we jump into complaining
and your story? Yeah. Nice. Okay. Would you rather
always feel understood or always feel appreciated?
Appreciate it. Okay. Would you rather be recognized
for your intelligence or for your kindness? Kindness.
Would you rather know when or how you're going
to die? How? Okay, interesting. I know when is
scary, how it leads a little still up to. Like,
I don't know. Like, I don't know when this is
going to happen. I don't like, I don't like,
I don't like an exact date. There's because you
can. I saw something about this recently where
you can like, you can like, there are companies
now that like want to like genome map you that
can show you like, if you're going to have, like
you're, if you're, if you're going to have Alzheimer's,
it can tell you like definitively, like if you,
this gene is going to come up in you. And it's
like, I don't want to know that now. Cause like,
it would be in like 30 years, no, there's no
prevention. Like there's no, there's nothing
you can do. So it's like, if you're going to
have Alzheimer's, like you're basically just
telling you and you can prepare like lifestyle
wise again, like. As you have children and what
not be like just so you guys know and at some
point I'm gonna not you know whatever but. You
can't do anything so it's like you can't do anything
about it's like that says it's so sad it just
it would just ruin your now ruin the whole journey
up until that point. You're gonna find out anyway.
It's gonna hit us it's gonna hit as hard no matter
what someone told me that the other night I thought
about it for a while. If you know you're gonna
die or change how you live now. Which maybe it
could in a good way. There's an argument for
both. But like, I don't know. They tell you you're
gonna, I don't know. I'd rather just know how.
And I'm hoping the how is like not crazy. Interesting.
Okay. Like opposite we're like, I'd want to know
exactly when and like, I don't care because I
don't know that I care how and like, I think,
yeah, like figure out like, just how to like,
you got to like, you just got to live life up
until that point. And I think that's kind of
a lesson of like, Oh, do that anyway, but like,
I think if I knew, like, I'm gonna die, like
it's because I know it's gonna be like, I'm gonna
fight with someone and I'm gonna get like my
head blown off or something stupid. I think also
like my ego was like, if I know how I can like
beat it, like, you know, if it's like you're
going to get like hit by a car, like I will like
always actively avoid being near traffic. You
know, like I could like I could like beat it.
But I was like, think that's more of like my
nerd answer. OK, but yeah. Would you rather know
what the happiest day of your life is going to
be or the worst day of your life is going to
be? I feel like I already know what my worst
day of my life is going to be. So I'd rather
hear happiest than I somehow look forward to.
Okay. And then last one, would you rather fight
a hundred duck -sized elephants or one elephant
-sized duck? A hundred duck -sized elephants.
Okay. I think I can handle that. Like, I don't
know what I'm going to do with an elephant -sized
duck. No, no, no. Yeah, I could do the former.
I can handle those little guys. Yeah. What do
you have to complain about right now? Well, I
don't know how much you can relate to this, but
it's a very like, I mean, it actually is in every
city. But my big complaint in New York as of
late is not just slow walkers, but it is like
reckless, inconsiderate walkers who like stop
in the middle, not even to do anything, like
just stop and kind of like mosey. And it's like
always tourists always like Italian it's always
like people who are from like leisure places
where you are supposed to like stop and like
smell the roses and like take things in where
it's like for us we're like i literally am gonna
die in 20 seconds if you don't move yeah and
like so i like i get i've been getting really
worked up where i've started i've started to
get like audible which is i'm trying to correct
myself for like i'll be like come on like i'll
be like how's your walking and like i then i
have my airpods in i kind of forget that i'm
actually like it's like intrusive thoughts oh
but It's gotten bad recently. I know and here
it's like especially this time of year when there
are hordes of people for Christmas like you know
like the tree and like New York and the Christmas
time is like just such a thing and like there
is an influx and you're also kind of like pissed
because you're like trekking through snow and
you're cold so you're like even more irritable
and then like so it's just like a bad combination.
I've been like I almost can. Purchase I go outside
like I kept too much I've been restraining no,
I'm like I was at the mall literally last week
and like it's it gets there's this one mall in
India on the north side where it's like it's
the wealthy mall and It is just families who
have never been to a mall before a day in their
life and it's like I was coming out of I think
it was Nordstrom's or something and like this
family just stops like dead in front of me and
like I just walk right into and I was like why
would you stop like why why would you stop and
this woman was like like just like taking a back
and I was like you have to exist like within
the context of other people I cannot understand
like what you're like what you're talking about
is infuriating to me It's the stoppers, too.
And it's also the arrogance, but they're always
arrogant. They always stop, and it's their spot,
and they stand, and then you have just horrible
thoughts. Then I fucking, I get, that's when
I sort of think about things like, how are you
gonna die? I was like, I'm gonna fucking, this
is a moment. I have bloodlust moments, and it's
just so bad, but it's actually something I'm
seeing a lot more. Oh, yeah, across like TikTok
and stuff where I'm seeing other people who are
like So it's interesting. It's like so do you
think these people? Are just so unself aware
they don't like see this or like acknowledge.
How are they so comfortable with it? I just don't
get how there's people who are like who act like
this, but I don't know that's like anything I
have to think that like the problem is is like
they in their minds are the only people like
they are the main character in their story like
it's because I think the thing for me is is like
when I'm walking like it is a straight shot to
wherever I'm going and like the people that were
that will like just like it's just like I'm gonna
go in a zigzag pattern and I'm gonna just like
I'm gonna go two miles an hour and I'm gonna
do my thing because like I am the only person
in this space and like that is insane to me it
is I actually uh Now that I think about it, I'm
a little envious of them. It's kind of like when
you have people you know who are kind of like
golden retriever people, or the ignorance is
bliss kind of mentality, where it's like people
whose lives are just so nice and like rainbows,
because they're just kind of not thinking deeply
about anything. So they're kind of just like,
ooh, they're kind of just living. And I'm jealous
of that, because I'm always constantly overthinking
everything, and stressed, and getting worried
about things, and angry. And these people are
just like going to like look at this store and
I don't even think about Everyone around them.
It's probably amazing. It's probably so nice.
It was a girl I went to school with who she recently
had like kind of a break Mentally and like in
like a not actual way but like and then I've
been posting just her like on the beach like
so delusional like just talking about crazy crazy
like spiritual Things and like I was like, I'm
jealous of this girl Cause she, her life is so,
she seems so content and happy and just like
checked out from the real world. And that's what
I feel like these people are. They're checked
out from the real world. They're just like, they
don't have any like concept of themselves or
awareness or surrounding or anyone else, just
themselves. And they're lucky. They're, they
are lucky. They're so lucky, blissfully ignorant.
I'm complaining today about people that like
can't help but be the absolute worst people on
God's green earth at the gym. Like I've said
something similar to this before, but like it
has gotten exponentially worse. Like in the past
couple of weeks, we're like lifetime fitness
where I work out. Like there is like, we have
like three in Indy and then one of them is shut
down for like there it's being rebuilt or something.
So There's an influx of people who like at the
gym will spread all of their stuff out across
like the entire bench and will go into the sauna
where they can't help but let people know what
their political affiliations are. And it's like
this whole thing of like not being able to and
I think it's kind of the same idea where it's
like I'm the main character. I'm I'm I'm on this
bench and no one else is like in existing here
at the busiest time on God's green or to the
gym and that's my like personal hell. I think
that I got when I get to and I think that's a
whole that could be a whole like conversation
in itself of just like the different types of
gym people like there are a lot and there's there
is like the selfish a big one is like in one
shape or form like the selfish gym goer and like
who like struts around and like their space like
every space is just kind of like their space.
I've had some recently like I go up to like a
machine like and they're not near it they're
like doing something else but like I'm supposed
to know that they were also using this and they'll
come over and instead of being like sorry I'm
on this like the I've had someone recently like
no no no like and I was like oh whoa whoa whoa
again seeing red moment uh and like shooing me
away and like no and like putting their shit
everywhere and like taking over a whole I don't
know it's and the sauna one is a whole that's
a whole category in itself. People were just
like on the blasting there's a blasting their
phones on speaker it like I don't bring my phone
into the song like it's my time to not have it
and like just deep thought uh, and people do
that people are just fucking gross in there I
had some guy come in the other day who's like
talking he just like he came in just no self
-awareness like so Just taking up so much room
like rubbing up against you when he's so sweaty
and like spitting on the ground and like hacking
up his and just like Being gross and it's like
come on like you have to know that this is like
there's there's some etiquette in here and like
you can't just like come in here Ruin it ruin
my my day You would like you would think but
like no they don't and it kind of makes me miss
like 2012 gym culture like it's problematic as
some of that was like I do miss like Like that
mindset that everyone seemed to be in and like
I don't I don't know what changed it But like
they're like I want to bring some of that back.
I don't know. Yeah I agree and people are gyms
have gotten a lot and you know it's almost like
exhausting but I also I know you're talking about
like the gym culture there's a there's a my favorite
gym is this like really gritty gym down in New
Jersey where like we have a beach house and I
it's like it's like very it's kind of far away
off the beaten path but it's like all just like
meathead Like firemen and cops like for obvious
reasons. I love it there. But like also It's
just like it's just like so no bullshit like
no one's talking no one talks like Everyone is
just like in doing their own thing headphones
in like locked in No lingering on phones. That's
you know, taking up like machines You know people
like sitting on something and it was on their
phone and you're like, I want to fucking Can
I please work out on this like you've been on
your phone for 20 minutes? I've just seen you
sitting here And then the sauna with those guys
is also very fun But I'd like I'd get like I
have to like lie in there about what I do for
work because I like they're all just like yeah
I'm a cop and I'll just kind of allude to the
fact that I'm a cop maybe too They're sitting
on the ground. I'll start spinning on the ground.
I'm like I have to conform Okay, yeah, I want
these guys to like me possibly love me I would
love that love story. That sounds beautiful.
That's a good joke. You would like this joke
a lot. Okay, we will be right back with Wade's
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We're back with Wade I I've heard a little bit
of this story, but I want Wade to kind of tell
his story because it's actually it's it's it's
a beautiful story in that I think a lot of people
can relate to it So I want to hear your story
like tell the people that you're about your journey
and how you got here Yeah, I and I agree. I think
that the biggest thing you know, as I've started
talking about it a little more openly, and as
I'm seeing, which we'll get to at the end, but
I'm seeing, like, this trend of others on both
sides, like, speaking of this a little more openly
on, like, social media. The feedback has kind
of been, like, most people, like, reaching out,
being like, holy shit, like, I really have an
identical story to this. But I can kind of start
from, like, the origin of, you know, I had a
very hard time coming to terms with the fact
that I was gay and coming out of the closet.
and grew up in a very like, you know, waspy,
almost like TV show -esque town of like, you
know, like boys are, boys are being boys and
playing football on the cross and everyone's,
you know, chasing girls and going to house parties.
And it's like the city, you know, it's like,
it's like Riverdale almost. And I had a hard
time. Coming in terms that I always kind of you
know, I obviously people always asked us I did
you know you were gay and I always had this Obviously,
you know in the back of your mind like I'm attracted
to these boys, you know XYZ but like I wasn't
thinking in terms of gay or straight and I think
the conversation really wasn't even Probably
even though I was obviously really young at the
time, but like I don't think most people were
talking that openly or freely about it in general,
but I Then I went, so I was always dating girls
through high school, college, and I was horrible.
And I was, I think when you are repressing anything,
you are, you have almost like cancer in your
brain or something. It's like a poison and you
are just a horrible person to everyone. Like
I was a horrible friend. I was lying a lot to
everyone. I was treating my friends horribly.
I would date these girls and love bomb them and
drag them through everything. And just, just
to get like a validation for my ego of getting
them to say they love me. And then I would. Fully
discard and move on and just feed this like empty
void in me always knowing like in the back my
mind what I wanted and what I was you know, but
I never really could put a word or a reason to
anything and I had always kind of planned like
I was gonna you're just gonna marry a woman one
day and you'll cheat on her with men that's like
maybe that's your plan of action which is like
a sick thought like a 14 year old, you know to
already be planning like that's how life's gonna
be for you And then I came to, you know, got,
I came out of, and there's, you know, there's
instances of like, my, one of my best friends
who I'm actually seeing tonight, I'm officiating
his wedding, he's asking me tonight, but he was
dating this girl and I had, this is just a good
kind of insight of like what, what it feels like
and what you're thinking, how your brain is working
in this situation. But like I, just for like
my own ego and validation, I think, then, you
know, started reaching out to this girl and wanted
to get her to. fall in love with me while she's
dating my best friend. And she did. And he called
me one day and said, he was like, what the fuck
are you doing? This is not you. This is not Wade.
And if you have something you want to tell us,
tell us. If not, like, don't talk to me until
you figure whatever's going on with you out.
So he kind of knew he was alluding to it. So
it's like people, you know, people kind of know
what that behavior is. And it's like very ironic.
It's like the guy who's chasing girls happens
to always be the one who's you know the closet
or gay guy. So then I came to the city and I
slowly started coming out to my friends and they
were amazing and like they're my best friends
from growing up and they were so excited about
it and I loved it and I always my biggest fear
was always to be treated like differently and
I didn't want to lose that we have this like
very unfiltered no holds barred, like humor with
each other, where we like really come at each
other hard. And I was like, I want everyone to
like not, now I have to feel like they have to
walk around eggshells with me because I have
this, you know, this thing and I don't want to
feel like I'm not one of the guys. And it didn't,
they immediately jumped in. They're like, hey,
you little, you know, you little homo. And they
were like trying to, you know, like, and asked
me, they want to hear about every escapade and
everything. So it was great. So I, and then once
that happened, it was like my, everything changed.
I was able to drop these horrible character traits
and like move into life. um all right so then
fast forward i then got into like a three -year
relationship with um a guy who's a mutual friend
of my friends and uh he also closeted gay or
bisexual no one really knows only he knows the
answer to that but you know in him it manifested
very deeper more angry like hateful like he i
think he had a Has currently have a harder time
than me and I always try to like lead by example
But so for these three years or three and a half
years, you know, it was always had to be a secret
always had to be you know, I always had to Play
like just buddy when we were out with our friends
which was hard for me to have these feelings
and still do this and you know, we would take
these pauses so that he could get in these like
six month love bomb relationships with girls
and move in with them and bring them around because
you know He needed the ego validation hit he's
older than me mind you and you know, he Would
get mad at me if I would get upset or jealous
or whatever, you know, even though while he's
dating them He's texting me and calling me every
day and I was you know my therapist and I and
other people always like to do is that like I
was actually maybe the first person ever he was
able to like have a connection with and be honest
with as well as for these girls it was like they're
not people to have they were all like trophies
ego hit validation hit he's like the cliche and
so kind of what i was talking about this trend
of now you're seeing on instagram like all these
girls going around talking about like i think
you know dl men and i found out my boyfriend
who i was in love with you know was dating was
secretly you know hooking up with guys and xyz
and it is like this guy fits the he's like the
poster child for this of like he always was just
like this huge womanizer like had to fucking
whenever we'd be out he had to make a point in
front of our friends to hook up with and chase
a hundred girls and be hypersexual about it and
you know whatever and then him and I would go
on these long trips together and be in love and
talk every day and I was emotional like basically
a therapist and you know we had this great emotional
connection he was my best friends like there's
all this negative but there was a lot of positive
like it was I got to date my best friend which
was Like that's like the dream. That's like everyone's
dream sure And it's very the harder thing is
I think when you are in love with someone and
they Love you or say they love you and I think
he did love you know, you can you can feel what's
real and what's not And then the reason you can't
be together Isn't because of fundamental reasons
like you're not attracted to each other or you
fight all the time or whatever that may be but
it's because of you know fear and ego and all
this bullshit and masculinity and all this, you
know, and, uh, and that's really hard. It's the
hard pill to swallow. It's like, that's a very
sad reason to not be able to be together. If
it was, you know, something, again, fundamental,
like you fight all the time or you're not attracted
to it, that makes sense. You're able to like,
be like, okay, we tried, but this doesn't work.
But it's like, it does work. It did work. It's
just, you won't, you know, you don't have the
balls to take it to the next level. Um, and he's
still on that journey where he's still I don't,
I haven't spoken over a year, but from what I
hear, same shit, you know, lives, moves in with
these girls, doesn't blows it up internally.
And then onto the next one. It's just an endless
cycle. And, uh, that's his path, his journey,
but yeah, but it was hard and it changed me a
lot because it, I was like unrecognizable. I
love love and I'm a romantic and like I Put everything
into that and I was like so I was so horrible
in that stage also because I was just like neglecting
my friends and work and Life and my you know,
my mom called me one day and was crying and she
said, you know You're at dinner with your dad
and I but it's not my son because I'm either
sitting there stewing thinking about you know
What did I do wrong? Why is he not texting me
back? Why is he not talking to me? Or I'm you
know, sure sitting there on my phone strategizing
the next text walking on eggshells making sure
I don't anger him or trigger, you know, get him
mad at me. When she was like, she basically thought,
she said, I lost my light and I just wasn't her
son anymore. It wasn't like I was not me and
my friends, I was unrecognizable physically and
mentally. And then like, finally, it's one of
those things that you have to go through it to
kind of, to get through it. Everyone can tell
you like that whole time everyone's back, you
got to stop this, this is fucked up and this
is not good for you and this is not good in general.
And he's sick and like, I mean like, sexuality
aside, he's just not a good person at his core.
There is good in there and I did see the good
and it's one of those things you fall in love
with someone's potential where you're like, I
always said the real person in there is the one
who would hold my hand in my room and cry in
my arms. But he's just a broken boy from a broken
home. So it's not an excuse because you're going
to be cruel to people. it doesn't really matter
what your origin story is. Like you're still
being cruel to people and you know better. He
knows better. But from that, it brought me kind
of here where it's like new chapter and it's
officially kind of started in the past six months.
And that's when I really kind of put a nail in
it. And it's been interesting, but it put a perspective
on me too with dating and gay dating. And also
like I look back at what I was like in the closet.
And I think like, holy shit, like, it's like,
I can't imagine going through that at this stage
of life, like other people. And then, yeah, I
talked to other people who have similar things
with like, everyone kind of had a closeted love.
And it's torturous, and it's crazy. And then
there's, and there's pernicious kind of evil
ones like him who like date all these girls in
the city. And I've had girlfriends who have like
dated guys, and then this came out where they're
like, holy shit, he was like, I found out he's
fucking guys. Like, it's like, yeah, like it's.
It's just bizarre, but it's it's becoming more
mainstream talked about now But it definitely
shaped a big part of my character. I think I'm
now actually taking it as a gift. We're like
Emotionally, I'm I feel so superior to how I
was two years ago I think that's why I mean I've
always been kind of EQ person that my friends
come to for advice a lot of relationship advice
Whatever, but like even in that situation. They're
like you give such great advice, but like you're
such a fucking hypocrite you take none of it
Uh, and then I think now it's even like, I'm
now better at doing that because I can have so
much to base it. I have so much to pull from.
Um, like I've seen kind of the rock bottom, the
worst of it and like the manipulation and the
gas lighting and all the buzzwords, but yeah,
uh, and it was tough and it was really hard and
I had a really hard time with it. And I only
now feel kind of grounded in it, uh, and like
stronger from it. but it takes a minute I mean
that's oh I'm sure yeah that's four it's four
years of my life now if we're talking about the
whole kind of cycle to where I am now it's about
that and it's a lot that's a lot of time yeah
so I guess what's the most valuable lesson you
learn from the worst of it I think I mean in
most I think there's I mean there's a lot I mean
I think a big one which is the theme afterwards
and when I look back what I kick myself for is
like You have like if you don't have it like
you have to have self -respect like I look back
at that and you know, it's also when you see
one of your friends who's like so desperately
chasing someone and that person keeps rejecting
them or doing whatever hurting them and then
they keep coming back and you're just like it's
pathetic and then you see yourself do it in hindsight
like I was so pathetic like you do have to look
through like a third like a lens also listen
to your friends when they when they advise you
because like that it is so important there to
like third party perspective of people who like
try you trust who love you like you can nip these
things in the butter so much earlier. Because
love is addicting. We all want love. We all want
love. We all want love. We all want this story.
And then lust is a dangerous drug too. like if
you really when I always if I lost after someone
strong enough like I can get so delusional that
I let them get away with anything free pass or
anything it's been a big thing with my therapist
has talked about it was just like I him and I
had the love and I and it filled like this like
fantasy of like I have this love with this guy
but like then there's these few pieces that are
big pieces but I was minimized and I'm being
like yeah well you know because he always said
like in a few years I'll come out I was like
in a few years I'll come out and maybe I can
maybe if I'm good enough now, I can expedite
that process. I was like, Oh, he's my little
hope. Right. But the, but the lust part is nothing
to gloss over. And I say this to my girls all
the time. He's so fucking hot. Like when they
are, you know, obsessed with a guy and it's like,
you overlook a lot. Um, and it's crazy. I mean,
it is crazy. It is. And there's a whole theory
of like men, you can get a control of like your
lessons and like sex drive, like you master life.
Cause it's like, it can steer you in so many
ways and skew your vision. And then I think my
other one is never chase, never chase. Like I
just think chase, it's just like you can't, it's
always a bad sign. If you have to chase, it's
already not it. It's not meant for you. What's
meant for you will come to you. And also self
-love and comfortable being alone. Like people,
I have friends who can't be alone. you know any
aspect but they just can't you can't sit alone
with your thoughts yourself and That is a form
of not loving yourself. And I think that's a
big thing I'm so comfortable just like I can
go like being alone Like I don't need to always
fill the void of and that's what he would do
like, you know It's like don't be like the other
person like he you know couldn't be alone So
he does have to fill the void by dating another
person and dating another person and dating another
person just to have something all the time But
like if you can't be alone, like that's sad like
you're doomed Sure. So it's a lot of takeaways.
But it's perfect. There are a lot of lessons.
So let's say you met a wizard who could like
send you back to do it all over again. Like what's
the first thing you would do differently if anything?
I think the first thing I would do differently
is you bury the whole time I buried what I was
thinking and what I really wanted and my needs
and I prioritize just like Making it last another
day and making it last another day and like hope
hope hope you hold on to hope and you keep Kicking
it down that you keep just being like I don't
want to anger this person or or ruin this now
So I'm not gonna speak how I feel or say what
I feel and it's like you just have to communicate
Communication and like full transparency right
out the gate is so key, you know Bethany Frankel's
new dating app shoot the whole thing is supposed
to be direct like you can communicate immediately
and if I early days in that We're really just
sat him down and we're like, what are the hot
like? Was a just like, so you love me and, you
know, even if the answer was yes. And I said,
what are the odds really that you are going to
come out, that you can come out and we can date,
you know, in the next whatever time frame. And
if we just like had that conversation, you know,
early on, instead of me just like rolling with
it and letting him get away with anything and
making excuses all the time, like we could have
saved each other. I guess we could have saved
each other a lot of fucking heartache and time.
I could have saved myself a lot. But again, it's
like, would I People always say if you go back
and have it never prevent it from ever happening.
It's like, I don't know. Cause it's like all
this I came, it did create a lot for me and create
a lot of opportunity for me in terms of just
like physically and mentally. I got so much healthier
after going through this. It's almost like, like,
uh, what's whatever that is called. Like when
you're like scared, like you have a fear of something
like flying or spiders and then they like expose
you to it. And then like you come out of therapy.
Yeah. Yeah. That's just, you should know that.
I'm going to school. But it's like that kind
of where it's like, because I wouldn't know any
of this now. I'm like, I probably wouldn't if
I didn't if it wasn't him, I would chase, you
know, we're chased or made excuses for or like
done this similar kind of deal with countless
other people in that four year window, you know,
because I would have never learned now I've learned.
So now when I go on date, when I talk to people,
I can kind of see these flags or indicators,
or at least just the sheer fact that I'll never
get. strung along again, I stopped making excuses
and I stopped accepting bare minimum. So it's
an important experience. It's important to go
through these things. Early days, my mom even
said like she was, it was interesting, I'd never
listened to her during this process, which obviously
classic life. Mom knows best she tells you and
you're like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But early
days, like she was like, I remember earlier,
she was like his kids are gonna is gonna she
I remember she took up, he came over to meet
my parents as like a friend. And he was like,
asked my mama, can you take a picture of us,
like me and him on the couch? And like he's asking,
and she did. And right after she took the, he
had his arm around me and was like smiling and
doing all this. And she afterwards, I remember
she just went, oh God. She went, oh boy. And
I like, she kind of sidebar me. And she was just
like, this one, she was like, this is going to
be, this is, she was like, this one's going to
push you, take you to your limits. And like,
and she was like, and like literally that was,
that's month one of four year journey. So like
she was. She was right. And then she, you know,
she then towards the end was like, when someone
was like, what do you like, what do you how do
you feel about it? Like, we're all openly talking
about around a counter. And it's like, well,
Wade's doing and Wade's relationship with his
with this man. And she was like, I think everyone's,
you know, for like, one of their strong loves
has to be a big heartbreak. So like, she was
like, this is good. Like, she was like, I've
told him he knows he's smart. He's a smart boy.
Like, but he's choosing this because it's like
you can't also can't uh deny your how much you
played a part like i willingly participate i
wasn't i have a gun to my head so it's like i
chose that and i knew deep down better i obviously
knew better but did it anyway nice um if you
could say anything to the guy that you used to
be what would it be have some self -respect,
you pussy. That's the biggest haunt for me. I'm
like, it's so pathetic. You're such a doormat.
And I was such a fucking doormat to this one.
I let him get away with anything and everything.
And my business partner sat me down and said,
he was like, He was like, he was like, it's crazy.
He was like in all areas of life that I've known
you and seen you operate in and work and meeting
that you never let anyone disrespect you in any
way. And then he was like, this is the greatest
form of disrespect. And you're just letting this
person fucking get away with it. And it was right.
And it was true. So it's that it's have some
self -respect you. Nice. Yeah. Have some self
-respect you pussy. Yeah. Oh, come on. At least
I'm like the cops that you work out with. I know.
They're rubbing off. They do rub off on me. I
kind of am that. But in a weird way, I love.
that kind of communication style. I do too. There's
something about it where it's like that old Italian,
like it's very New Jersey. Yeah, it is. It's
like very in me and like I and I pull it a lot
and people like it's weird that you were this
like gay man or like, you know, like I'll be
like wearing leather pants. I'm like, you know,
and then I'm like, you fucking pussy. Like, you
know, it's it's I can't. I don't know. It is.
It's good. That's direct, direct for sure. Um,
so you talked a little bit about like the next
chapter and you alluded to that like what is
the next chapter? What comes next? the next chapter
is I'm I am trying to lean into like Open to
all and the unknown and and it's I think it's
just like the first time that I have Kind of
and again, I'm a bit I kept got in this journey
I've gotten a bit more woo -woo in terms of like
reference when I refer to like universe and universal
size, but I do think like once you stop putting
all your energy into something, especially something
that's not good for you, like you just like allow
all these other doors to open. And I've been
seeing it in the past few months in terms of
just dating life, of like me not pursuing anything
and work life and just opportunities and experiences
that have just kind of come naturally just because
I'm kind of leading now with like focusing on
myself and I'm leading with like kind of being
gentle and kind and just that's kind of my motto
and how I'm moving forward. And this is one of
them. Like I said, like I went on a podcast and
I talked about this, I talked about everything,
I talked about my life, just talked about, and
then other things. Like, you know, we talked
about topics in general, like, you know, slow
walkers and people at the gym who are fucking
annoying. But, and I just, again, walked away
from it and felt good and really enjoyed it and
felt a little fulfilled. And if my kind of mindset
now is if anything feels fulfilling or good,
like lean into it and go towards it and don't.
stuff anything down anymore and make or press
anything. So this is part of it. So we're doing
it now. I love that. I love that. That's awesome.
So you mentioned this when we talked and you
kind of alluded to it a little bit earlier. You
have become the resident dating advice, subject
matter expert for your group of friends. And
I'm just going to ask you. What advice would
you give to a guy who like honestly is not dated
in like 10 years and he's like ready to like
maybe put himself out there again and like isn't
sure where to start? Yeah, that's yeah Which
is and I tell I say a lot of like my girlfriend
and guy friends who are single or like re single
You know dated had a long relationship stop And
you know, and there's a reason people sometimes
don't break up end of relationship that they
know they're unhappy and it's because they're
scared of being single again and going back out
there and having to start over and everyone's
scared of that because it's just like a lot and
it takes a lot out of you in all regards and
I think my advice is always a that time and age
are meaningless like in terms of dating like
people put way too much weight into like you
know I need to be seriously dating somebody by
x you know 35 whatever the age is everyone's
got a different age in their head and they put
so much weight into it and it's just so irrelevant
and so not true and it's it's stress that you've
created on yourself and no one else is that you
know and it's and it's just not real and I think
if you are getting back in the game it's just
you just need to be not stressed about it and
not have a goal like I think I don't like this
like I need to date to marry it's like just date
like just date and see and you have and accept
that you have no control over what's going to
happen and like control you can control like
if somebody you know you you go on a date with
somebody and you out you a not into it like don't
force it walk away or b you see things that remind
you or you know are not healthy things that are
not going to be good for you or just not compatible
like walk away and don't just like get into something
just for the sake of getting into something because
it feels good and because you don't want to be
alone because you're scared of being alone so
again i think like the biggest thing is like
that and that most people are doing this right
now like It feels like not everyone is single
and dating, but like most people are having the
same fears, scrambling, dating. The people who
aren't are just louder on social media. Like
your friends who are married just post more than
your friends who are single in terms of like
their life. And you're like, oh shit, everyone,
like my friends who like everyone's getting married.
I'm like, not really. Like it's like, you know,
like 10 of our 30 friends are getting married,
but like that's the minority, but it just feels
like, holy shit, it's overwhelming. And there
is no, there is no magic clock in the sky that
has like a timeline that you have to stick to
and there is no you know people date to their
30s and 40s and 50s and people date and break
up after seven year relationships people get
divorced like there's obviously you don't want
divorce but like but you just don't know and
you do it it's just it's not that serious that's
kind of how i've started to look at it and it's
not so systematic i'm like i don't like the apps
either and i tell people like i i think the apps
are useful in some regard because like if you're
in a city and like there's someone that maybe
your circles would have like not ever overlapped
with but they are somebody that like does have
mutuals or like you should theoretically know
you know maybe they went to a similar school
as you or like from a place and it's like you
guys wouldn't you know you are maybe a good match
but like maybe just whatever forever social reasons
and you're just not going to be in the same room
most likely like it's good it's like good you
do get to meet the odd person you're like shit
like we should have met organically but we luckily
we had this app And it's also just good to get
like exercise and repetition and like go on a
date here and there you know It's a bad date
bad dates are good. I think It's like it's just
it's just data, but it's also I think Not good
to get in that mindset of like dating systematically
and being like I'm gonna use the apps I'm gonna
go on two dates a week and if I don't go on this
many dates a week I feel counterproductive and
I'm worsening my odds of finding someone because
then you're just looking for like a candidate
You're not looking for like love or like a partner,
like a real partner, like a soul partner. In
that regard, you're looking for a business partner.
You're looking for a candidate. He's got a good
job. He's from a good family, went to a good
school, as if those should be your priority.
And then you're like, we get along good enough.
And he's funny enough. And we have enough fun.
But that's not a love. That's not what we want.
That's not love. That's just finding something
that fits, that works. So it's like, I think
yes, I get not loving the apps, but I think if
you approach the apps in a less systematic way
and kind of just casual and not so serious and
look, but you don't have to like look every day
and you think of it as like, if I don't do the
apps and schedule dates, like I'm falling behind.
Um, and just remembering that there's no, there
is no timeline or plan. Like it's just, you're
going to just. got to just write it out and see.
You hear a lot of stories all the time of people
falling in love, and it's like, there's every
shape possible. And it's rarely like, I went
on seven hinge dates a week, every week, and
then I found Jeff. And if that is what you want,
you can do that. But it's just like, that's not
what I think is true and genuine. And just putting
yourself out there, go focus on yourself, go
with your friends. I've met and I told you the
doors have been opening. I've just been going
out like now and like reaching out to new friends
and old friends and trying to like foster new
relationships that are friend relationships and
like make fine meaning there and like love there.
And then we go to these, you know, we go to some
event or some party or some, just some restaurant
or some bar. And then like I bump into some random
person and we start talking and I'm like, we
go on a date and I kind of like each other. And
it's like, all right, well, this is like, this
could happen over and over in different ways
with different people. It is, you just have to
kind of open yourself up to it. Nice. And lean
in. And just like remember, it's not that serious.
Don't get stressed. That's good advice. I like
that. Thank you. That was a lot. Tell the people
where they can find you. Tell the besties where
you're at, where they can find you, where they
can find you. Really just primarily Instagram.
My Instagram is at George W. Belair. But yeah,
and then hopefully on more podcasts soon. Do
you want to come back on here? I'd love to come
back on here. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, the the barrier
to entry is like I'm gonna make you watch an
episode of the Real Housewives and we're gonna
talk about it. We're gonna I'm fine with that.
Actually. I like I do I'm open to that. I've
been trying to I've been trying to like get into
things that I've been missing because I'm having
some FOMO on those type of things where I'm like,
there's no reason I shouldn't Be up -to -date
and like know about that because I do but I do
I enjoy that and I'll watch like I'd like to
watch the older stuff of Bethany Frankel Okay,
now that I like her now, like I'd like to see
what she was like because I never knew her in
that in that context And I I think I'll use that
to like figure out which Well, friends from Indy
to Manhattan to wherever you are. We love you.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for being
here. Share us with your messiest friend. Rate
and review us and we'll see you soon. See you
soon. Thank you so much. Thank you.