Hi, my name is Travis, and this is Bestie Approved.
I'm obviously still here without Emma, but I
do have a very, very special and exciting and,
like, just all -around cool guest host that I'm
hanging out with today. Comedian, podcast host,
and pop culture connoisseur Jalinta Greenberg
is hanging out with me today, and I'm so excited.
She's just so fucking cool, and I cannot wait
to talk to her. So, Jalinta, tell us a little
bit about yourself. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so
much for having me, Travis. What about me? I'm
a comedian. I'm a podcaster. I got my start.
In podcasting, when my friend and I started a
podcast for a podcast competition her work was
hosting, and we became finalists, and we got
to make a pilot of a show that I had a random
idea for, which is We Lived by Self -Help Books.
religiously two weeks at a time and then reported
back sort of like reality show style with like
clips from our lives. And that show ended up
doing pretty well. It was called By the Book.
It ran for years. We wrote a book about our experience.
Then we shifted the show to be a bit more of
an advice show. And then my podcast co -host
wanted to branch out and as did I. And now I
make podcasts about reality TV. i love it and
that's that's me in a nutshell and it's the coolest
thing and i want to get into the book a little
bit because as you know i bought the book i sat
down and like you're very right through it it's
a good book it's an easy read if anything it's
well so it's not too i'll get into it i will
i promise because i i uh it's not heavy though
but like there's a lot there like and i yeah
yeah Yeah. But before I get into it, we ask everyone,
what's the last song you listened to? Oh, shoot.
What is the last song I listened to? I'm like
racking my brain. I think it was Joyride by Kesha.
Shut the fuck up. Do you want to know what my
last song was? What was it? Joyride by Kesha.
No way. I swear to God. I just had like sort
of an itch for it. So I put it on the other day.
that's so funny i just got my apple music replay
and like she was my top artist for four months
in a row and i was like that that feels correct
yeah she's almost always my top artist i love
her i saw her in concert over the summer and
like jealous i never thought i'd be this person
but like she comes out and like immediately like
i'm like just screaming crying throwing up like
oh yeah and i was like i don't understand what's
happening right now i don't know it happens it
happens all the time no happens to me too i went
to yeah but how was the concert was it so good
she puts on a fucking show man like i mean up
there she's a good like showman she's a great
singer like yeah yeah and like i think she i
think she really knows where to lean into like
the fandom of like i i made it out of this like
this horrible situation and like i'm in the audience
with the lighters up and like the tears i was
like god this is this is cinema but uh it's uh
i can't i couldn't get enough of it but i want
to talk about your book for a second so you wrote
a book with your friend christian called how
to be fine and i bought it such a good book like
i and i like i actually thought when i sat down
it was gonna be like just like a silly goofy
collection of essays like making fun of self
-help books and like some of it kind of we do
a little bit but like yeah but like it was a
lot more than that and like i found a quote from
like your section from the very beginning of
it that like really resonated with me. And I'm
just going to tell you, it's okay. I'm always
two weeks behind. I'm always catching up on life.
I've always been just, I'm always just a few
beats behind all of life's prescribed normal
milestones, getting to them a bit later than
everyone else, whether it's getting comfortable,
leaving my tissues at school, having my first
kiss, falling in love, getting a real job. I'm
always running behind. And like the way that
I was like, oh, she and I are the same person.
Like I locked in immediately because like - Oh,
that's so great. I'm glad other people feel that
way too. Yeah, like, and I think no one talks
about that. So like, that was really cool. And
then your friend Kristen sounds like a perfect
angel. And like, I loved everything about the
way you described her because that's how I talk
about like Emma, my co -host and my best friend,
Jackie. So I - I'm glad that someone else has
people like that. Right, yeah. You're like adult
friends. You're the person I can go to for adult
questions. Like, how should I repaint my house?
Who's a lawyer I could call? What kind of insurance
do I need? What is insurance? Couldn't tell you.
No, but Kristen could. Kristen could. And Jackie
could. Exactly. But the cool thing I thought
about the book, you broke it up between two sections
of like more than two, but like it was the primary
two were things that worked and things that didn't.
Do you still have like one of those concepts
that you still use today? I have a few. Yeah.
I mean, I still stand by the like, if you. If
you see someone like swearing by something as
like the main cure -all or like the one thing
you'll need to focus on to get your shit together,
like you can, it's always fine if that doesn't
vibe with you and that like doesn't move you
to be your best you because those books or those
like methods are usually bullshit when it's like,
if you just wake up at this time or like if you
just meditate for this amount, like the ones
that have the like one key. if that doesn't vibe
with you that's very normal they vibe with a
select few and then it'll totally change their
lives but like if it's not vibing with you it's
fine so that's that's a key takeaway that i've
always stuck with more on the what doesn't work
side where it's like you know if if someone swears
meditation is like change their whole outlook
and it's like giving you panic attacks like then
it gives you panic attacks you're not fucked
up like it just doesn't work for you i think
that's really cool like to validate that for
other people because i think a lot of people
walk away from like i i don't i don't know like
the that uh you the one he talked about the girl
wash your face uh that the girl or the woman
that wrote that book people like take her word
to be gospel and like i look at that and i'm
like are you sure yeah why Yeah, washing your
face. I don't know. I wash my face all the time
in my life still a wreck. So yeah, like I managed
to brush my teeth and still like feel like a
fuck up. So yeah, but you did it. And that's
important. And like something that pretty much
always works where it's like to get yourself
out of a little slump or to stop like ruminating
on something like, like doing something kind
for other people or like giving a little bit
if you can, like usually does help. If you have
the resources or the energy, you know, that's
like something that, that I've found like is
generally true. Sure. So that's like some good
advice, but yeah, the good advice is pretty general
and it's like, be nice to yourself, be nice to
other people. Like those things are always usually
working. It's, and that's, I think that's the
cool thing is like, I think when you get down
into it, the self -help industry is like, it's
really holding on by a thread because. no one
has the answer and like It's all pretty general.
Like when you get down to it. Like, yeah, everything
is just a repurposing of something else. The
secret was how to win, how to win friends and
influence people was like, you know, girl, wash
your face. Like they're all the same. They're
all about like manifest a little bit and like
get up early and like regiment your morning.
And it's like, yeah, it doesn't always work.
We'll see what happens, I guess. Right. And it's
also just like. Now that we're, I feel like so
far in the future from when a lot of those books
like were huge successes, like we've also seen
the downfall of a lot of these self -proclaimed
gurus, like Rachel Hollis's life fell apart.
She and her husband had a whole empire about
like rise together and then they split up and
like. he passed away like you know and things
weren't good and it's like you know tony robbins
is a creep and like they're all we you know they're
all just sales people peddling their spiel we
love a snake oil salesman here yeah um have you
ever done the we're not really strangers game
no pick a number between 1 and 15 uh 12 okay
So the whole idea is like this, it's questions
that like you can ask to like create deeper connection.
I actually kind of like this one. What has been
your favorite age so far? Oh, shit. Um, what
has been my favorite age so far? I mean, it's
gonna sound really basic. But like, I really
liked being 21. Being able to like, go to a bar
or you know, I lived in California at the time
and like go just go to BevMo and load up on like
wholesale alcohol. Hell yeah, it was it was a
very freeing feeling to not be using a fake ID
to like get into places. And I just, I felt like,
you know, the world was mine. I had a driver's
license. license that was real and it could get
me alcohol and i kind of enjoyed like how simple
like it's a pretty simple pleasure that i was
just like thought you know i've owned the world
because fuck yeah 21 it is that's perfect legally
buy booze I love that. I should evaluate my relationship
with alcohol. No, it's not the conversation we're
going to have here today because I'll just validate
the hell out of it. I'm like, keep drinking.
It's fine. It's fine. Just whatever. Just make
a spritz and shut up. Before we dive into Reality
Roundup, do you have anything on your heart that
you want to complain about? Do I have anything
I want to complain about on my heart? Yes, this
is... mine and mine and Emma's favorite thing
to do. So I, I often tell my husband, like, I
need you to partake in my pastimes, my favorite
pastimes, which are complaining. So I, I totally
feel you right now. I have a lot of complaints
for Apple keyboards and them always typing the
wrong thing. No matter like how many times I
confirm I'm like touching the right letter on
my phone. It just like, I feel like it just makes
up a whole new word. And I fucking hate it. And
it makes me feel like I'm losing the ability
to speak or spell. And then I'm like, I don't
know. I don't know. I don't know who's fucking
up. Sometimes I'm like, am I stroking out? Or
is it just spelling? Is it just like writing
pretzel instead of people over and over? no and
it's like i also know that like i don't say duck
and like i don't know how we've gotten back to
that when i'm right right you knew how i spoke
you used to know yeah you siri used to get me
yeah um I have one thing to complain about and
it's these little goddamn smart labels that I
bought where like, I thought I was, I was going
to like, I was in an episode where I was like,
I'm going to, I'm going to Marie Kondo my entire
life. I'm going to organize everything. And it's
these like little stickers that like have a QR
code on them. Right. I was going to say they're
like scannable, right? Yeah. Yes. And like, there's
an app and it's like, you scan the QR code and
it's like, you tell it what all's in the box
that has the QR code on it. And I did exactly
what you were supposed to do with these things.
And I. put everything i organized all of it it's
the most beautiful organization system and then
i closed the boxes i closed the app and i didn't
think about it for a full year until i knew i
needed something for christmas decorations so
i pull out the app and it says you have to upgrade
to see what's in your boxes and the way took
to my email and ripped this company apart. And
it's like, it's $30 a year. So it's not that,
but it's the principle of the thing for me. It's
the like, there's a paywall to get to like your
own item information. Like that's crazy. And
the way that like, so I emailed this company
and they send me back an email saying, cause
I said on the website, it says there's not a
subscription required. And they said, well, access
to like the inventory of the boxes as a premium
feature and i was like i want you shut down this
is like that black mirror episode they put out
not too long ago with like um with rashida jones
about how like you have to keep subscribing like
keep upping your subscription to like have access
to being alive but it's like it's so true though
because it's like every time i get anything it's
like uh what toyota i think was like the most
recent one that was like if you want access to
literally listen to the radio that's not carplay
you must pay a premium and i'm like oh my god
in this economy like that's crazy that's wild
here we are um always upselling us even our labels
it's so annoying but um So this episode couldn't
have come at a more exciting time because one
Miss Jennifer Shaw is getting out of prison on
December 10th. So Christmas is coming early.
So I'm setting this to release on her release
date. And it kind of brings the whole thing full
circle. So I'm excited. Are you ready to dive
in? Yeah, I am. And I just, like, I'm curious
to hear about Jen when she gets out. Like, she
was friends with Elizabeth Holmes, and then,
like, Ghislaine Maxwell got sent to the same
place. Like, what? Well, and they, like, bullied
the shit out of Ghislaine Maxwell, I guess. Right,
yeah. Like, I know she said, like, she will not
be allowed at Shawmazing Yoga. Yes. It's like,
ugh. if it's i i get i get she did really bad
things with old people's money i get that she
ruined lives but like if her bullying galene
maxwell is her way to like make up for that i'll
take it that's fine with yeah honestly like yeah
being mean to a like horrific sex trafficker
go for it yeah and i hope that's one way to redeem
yourself yeah yeah uh but god so so uncool And
she is uncool. Like, I just want to say that,
Ghislaine Maxwell, you're not bestie approved
at all. Ew, no. But, so, this first episode,
it's a two -part episode, and this first episode
could have been entirely its own episode. I love
the bait and switch they pull with it. Yeah.
But, so, we open, and Jen's playing basketball
with her son, Omar, and, like, something that's
always bothered me about, like, like when I see
into people's families and kids call like say
yes ma 'am to their parents I don't know why
that makes me so uncomfortable but like it's
like it gives like stranger vibes or like yes
like it just it really tells me like I was told
to say this on camera too like I was told to
address you this way like we had a talk before
we filmed where I'm supposed to say that like
there's another family that I'm going to bring
up later that does this exact same thing oh good
good But then so we head over to the Wild Rose
Whitney's house and she decides that it's time
to pull their stripper pole out of the living
room. And that leads to them both getting onto
the pole. And then like that was a double swirl.
Yeah. And that was the first moment where I was
like, oh, I kind of see what Whitney sees. Like,
I get it. I always say this, that, like, there
is something, like, some little charming spark
about Justin, even though he's kind of old, like,
a little too much of a dad bod at this point.
Kind of has, like, a little piggy nose. But,
like, also there's something, like, I can tell
he's fun. He is fun, but, like, I felt the same
way about the dad bod, and then I saw him running
around without a shirt on on Instagram, and I
was like, oh, oh, there it is. There it is. But
we head over to maybe gorgeous Lisa's house,
and she tries out this, like, the meta quest
thing that Henry's playing with. Yeah, VR game.
And she says she doesn't ever work out, but,
like, she has. abs and like she's I was thinking
that I'm like her body looks insane she's in
workout clothes which apparently Mormons like
to wear because they don't have to wear their
garments under it so they like go around in workout
clothes all day I think I learned this from Secret
Lives of Mormon Wives it's sort of how you get
around like that although Lisa dresses up in
like outfits that she could never wear Lisa never
wears garments so that's the other thing too
that Emma and I got into recently where she gets
very defensive about being part of the church
but like i've never seen her in an outfit that
would support wearing the like temple garments
and i don't care like i want you to i think it's
weird for a church to tell their parishioners
like you have to wear weird underwear yeah yeah
it's just joseph smith needs to stop that's just
all right i mean he was he was crazy it's not
not ideal no but we head over to mary's closet
mary facetimes everyone except for jenny mary's
crazy closet the the level of hoarding that's
going on there i was gonna say it's like a 90s
hoarding explosion but because there's so much
space it almost looks organized or like she gets
away with it because there are just so many rooms
dedicated to her hoard well that and like it's
all like i mean it's millions of dollars worth
of clothes like it's it's all so expensive so
it's like oh it's like it's designer trash but
i'm like The level of anxiety that I would get
walking through that house, like, I wouldn't
be able to handle it. I wouldn't want to touch
anything. I wouldn't, yeah. Also, like, I have
a running theory. I would need, like, someone
more well -versed in fashion and, like, fashion
lines than when they came out. But my theory
is all of her stuff is from, like, 2008. I feel
like it's all from a certain era and a little
old. That's... That's, that's what I get from
it. I tend to agree with you on that. And like,
it's like, like when Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier
and all that was really popular, it all feels
like it's from that era. Right. I feel like she
has a lot of like the neon, like graffiti Louis
Vuitton stuff. Yes. Which by the way. Sorry,
my dog's deciding to throw a tantrum. That's
okay. He's perfect. Because she has half an hour
until her dinner, so she likes to make it everyone's
problem while she waits. Beautiful. Sorry about
that. No, you're fine. Don't ever apologize.
You may have to edit out a Yelp here or there.
We've had several episodes where you can hear
Emma's son Jack sitting next to me just talking.
The besties love it. It's okay. It's fine. Okay.
All right. There is a tantrum dog here. But Mary
FaceTimes everyone except for Jenny to invite
them to a cooking class where the dress code
is Italian street wear. And then Mary starts
doing this Italian accent and I hate when anyone
does an accent as a bit. It's so bad. It's so
bad. And then like Like, I guess she doesn't
invite Jenny because when they were all at the
tubing thing, Jenny screamed, shut the fuck up.
And that's a type of disrespect. Yeah. Yeah.
And we get a flashback to that. And we hear Mary
say to Jenny, get your language right. And I
was like, oh, oh, I remember feeling bad for
Jenny in this moment. And I shouldn't have ever
felt bad for Jenny, but there's that. Was her
deal she was a big racist? I can't remember.
Was Jenny's or Mary's? No, Jenny, but I think
I might be wrong. No, no, no, you're 100 % right.
Right? I was like, didn't she end up, like, abruptly
leaving? yes so she did a whole song and dance
with like white lives matter like that was that
was jenny yes yes yes yeah because i was like
she was sort of like edited out after a while
because she made some faux pas yeah um but anyway
so whitney doesn't answer mary's facetime for
the italian cooking day so we get a quick look
at the novel that she like texted her over the
shoulder and like it doesn't like stay long enough
to read it but like i just know mary's this person
that's constantly sending like lines and lines
and lines of text oh yeah well i'm like this
is a party invite just be like hey we're having
a cooking class dress festive here are the deets
like but it's it is it's pages pages of words
yes and then we head over to merida's house and
merida desperately needs a manicure so she invites
jenny over uh So, for the nail techs to come
over to make that happen in our living room.
And, like, the leisure of Meredith Marks' life
is just something that, like, I don't know if
I aspire to it. Because, like, I feel like I
would get so exhaustively bored. Right? Yeah.
God, I'm obsessed with her. Throws money at stuff.
Does whatever she wants. Like, oh, my nails are
bad. Let's just have people come to the house
and pamper us. and i have a lot of questions
about the amount of money like i wonder like
i know she's got like the the meredith marks
like she's the boutique and like i know she's
a jewelry designer yeah but seth worked for big
lots when they were still around so like i'm
trying to figure out like did did she i don't
think anyone knows what seth does really like
yeah yeah no clue no clue i don't know um but
then jenny walks in and meredith's dog teddy
jumps up to say hi and the reaction felt off
to me and like because i don't trust people that
don't like dogs like there's something about
it for me and i'm honestly really glad she was
fired after people found out about like that
whole white lives matter song and dance so yeah
uh and like she was on some for all of us well
the dog knew and then there she was on some anti
-vaxxer bullshit too like i like no no no if
i ever dig into like jenny i fucking hate her
i hate her but yeah anyways so um meredith tells
jenny that she planned a trip to veil for her
family and now they can't go so meredith conveniently
has this empty house it's for a cast big house
yeah and i'll never what was that song and dance
why i i i don't ever want them to stop the song
and dance i love the song and dance of like yeah
making up a reason like it's like when megan
king edmonds was like my family's in ireland
so i want to go to irish roots yeah yeah i could
go up and tap someone on the shoulder and i'll
be related to them i'm obsessed with that please
don't ever stop the weird that that we are supposed
to buy into as to why they are why they're going
and it's so it's always such a stupid reason
and they're like oh they'll buy it like yeah
and we do we do we do i'm like you know what
her family all of a sudden all couldn't go now
she has a huge house and completely disregard
the fact that when they show up it is Only marketing
for this company that owns the house. It's like
clearly a joint sponsored thing with Bravo, NBC
Universal for this house. But I'll buy it. I'll
buy it every time. And the more ridiculous the
reason, the better as far as I'm concerned. I
love it. But we head over where Heather and Ashley
are going to lunch for Heather's niece's birthday.
And then we get the obligatory jokes about Mormons
not drinking. Drinking, yeah. like the performative
like i'm glad that they've like gotten away from
that over time because i'm like god it's so annoying
just i don't care just i don't drink or don't
drink i don't care but like i don't need to joke
about it um yeah yeah i know what you mean the
uh the niece and her husband decided to leave
the mormon church because like their felt their
faith like started to fall apart and i'm glad
that they're starting to like talk about some
of this stuff because i think that mormonism
is like and it's it's not for me to decide whether
it is or not but mormonism really is looked at
very harshly and i think that people get a bad
rap like when they associate with mormonism so
like talking about like getting out and like
what that does to you i think it like gives it's
almost humanizing in a way like when it comes
to that yeah no i totally agree i was like we
understand like there is there is like you know
they are dealing with heavy shit and and like
as much as they're like we're funny girls like
you know we're sort of wholesome it's like they're
also dealing with being like shunned by the community
that raised them and yeah and like i really enjoyed
when they toasted to the outer darkness and then
heather explains like the different levels of
heaven there's like celestial where the good
mormons go then terrestrial where mormons like
lisa go that just can't quite actually do the
full lifestyle which i loved that dig i've always
said always It amazes me that like the same church
that kicked out Heather because her husband wanted
a divorce and kicked out Whitney for, you know,
falling for someone while married. Also is the
church that is like, Lisa, you're perfect. Never
change. So I like when Heather explains a little
bit as to like, no, Lisa like holds herself to
different standards than a lot of people. And
I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that when
Lisa saw that, like, John got a dish thrown at
his head. I do know that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And
I love the next level after terrestrial is telestial,
I believe. And that's where, like, murderers
go. They said, like, Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer
were examples. And, like, I don't know that I
buy any specific religion. I don't know what's
out there. I don't know. But, like. I do know
that if there's a heaven, Jeffrey Dahmer's not
there. He's not in any level of it. Yeah. right
and i know that is not going to be a level below
him i know that and then below that is the outer
darkness that's where people who have been shunned
by the church go so heather's like yeah we have
to like ask jeffrey dahmer for a seat at the
heaven table god they're so self -important with
themselves exactly and one then heather also
explains how self -righteous even she was where
she talks about like her sister who had left
the church's wedding and they were supposed to
wear like little spaghetti strap dresses that
like came up very high. Like they weren't showing
any cleavage. They were like a tube top with
a spaghetti strap. But she demanded like they
make her a bolero jacket so she could wear her
garments to the wedding. And she's like, oh yeah.
And I thought I was so, I thought I was so much
better than these sinners showing their shoulders.
If you're in a place at your sister -in -law's
wedding to go to a place of custom bolero, like
you've lost the plot. right yeah like it's it's
like this is what your religion's forcing you
to do to like feel better than other people like
it's kind of wasting your time and money probably
it is and then like but like you see her in the
picture and she's just like chest high and i'm
like god she's so happy she got her way and is
proving how superior she is yeah like and i know
like i today in 2025 i think she would be probably
one of the coolest friends to have if i would
have met her in like 2008 or whenever that was
gun to my head you couldn't make me hang out
with her i would say i would have hated the shit
out of her yes oh but now i love her who knew
you know we're watching we're watching a bad
mormon be born like before our eyes i do love
the evolution of it too i gotta tell you oh i
know but We head over with Jen and Stu where
they're going snowshoeing because Jen's therapist
says she needs to spend quality time with the
people she loves. When that means her assistant
slash business partner, Stu. There's a lot here.
Like, because it makes me wonder if they knew.
the arrest warrants were out like that's number
one for me they had where they they know something's
coming down the pike and she's because she really
is painting herself like you know i do all of
this for you for our employees like i work so
hard and don't have a relationship she works
so hard doesn't have a relationship with her
kids as much as she'd like to because she is
putting a meal on so many people's tables like
it's like the way she's like i had to do this
because i i take care of your family you know
that stew and like yeah we get the confessional
of stew is so much more than a business partner
he is he's like my best friend or whatever she
said something to that right yeah and this is
dear listener i'm gonna come back to this moment
when we recap season three when she proceeds
to say i i don't know who stew is like that man
had his own businesses like at this time he was
like her business soulmate so yes yeah and then
it's rough yeah the whole thing it reads like
sort of you know like a planned yeah self -commercial
basically and like i'm glad they put in the part
about like oh he's he's so much more than that
because i think it's It's really important to
see the inconsistencies. And then it's time for
the cooking class. So we head over to the Park
City Culinary Institute and that's getting all
set up. And the way Mary interacts with people
that are at her service, setting up anything,
is so wild to me. So awkward. And she's always
like half... she's like seems very unsure and
sort of like stilted but is always like sort
of teaching a lesson at the same time yes the
way she needs to teach like the owner of the
culinary institute where to put a glass on the
table i'm like i've i i have a friend that like
that is kind of like that where she like lays
out the silverware in the right way and i'm like
i have i don't know where any of it goes i'm
like i'm eating with my hands i'm from kentucky
who cares yeah um but then Jen rolls up with
Stu and she's on the back of a Vespa wearing
an Italian flag as a cape. And then we juxtapose
that with Meredith walking in with a leather
jacket, like cut out in the back. And like, she's
serving nothing but cut. Like I think she is
so hot and like one of the best dressers. She
looks so good. It's giving like, like mob wife
at fashion week. Like it's very good. yes and
like it's like it's so tight and i'm like everything
is just perfect and i'm like this this is what
i want like this more that was like yeah that
was like when she was on her peak blazer game
you know it was it was it was a good time for
her wardrobe it was um and then we get back into
Mary's Italian accent, and she starts to throw
around words that I think she believes in her
heart to be Italian words, but I'm on... I feel
like she's trying to say, like, tagliatelle or
something, or, like, it's bad. Oh, bolognese.
I don't know. The bolognese, and, like, the scusi,
and I'm like, first of all, I'm on a 560 -day
Duolingo streak with Italian. That's not a word.
What you're saying is not a word. She's making
shit up. yeah but that i feel like that's the
theme for mary honestly right yeah i feel like
i mean once i'm i'm sure you're caught up in
real time with salt lake as it's been airing
and when her church reopens she's like i didn't
have a plan i just just wing it when i preach
and i'm like that's mary that yeah yeah i'm like
of course she didn't have a plan no Where she
did have a plan, though, was with Whitney because
Whitney's riding with Heather to the lunch where
they find out that they got completely different
dress codes. And then we see the invitation that
I know she, like, made one of the people at her
church, like, put together in, like, Microsoft
Publisher. Yeah, I would say, like, not even
Canva. No. And it's, like, go to. Someone just
clip -arted or, you know, copy and pasted some
Google image search results. yeah and it's so
bad but i'm like what's worse is the outfit itself
where it's like go to go to spirit halloween
find mafia ho costumes yeah and that was so mean
like it was yeah she gave everyone like street
wear pictures of like cool chic italian people
and then gave Whitney like Halloween store mafia
dumb slut costumes and luckily Whitney wore just
sort of a nice like kind of oversized suit and
I like that she and Heather compare notes in
the car and she figures it out before it's like
sprung on her and she's like well that's not
nice like I just my heart always breaks for poor
Whitney i feel the same way because i'm like
i don't think whitney has a bad bone in her body
like even when she was doing the whole healing
journey thing like i couldn't stay mad at her
because i'm like i believe it all comes from
a very real i was gonna say she always means
well and she's always being like authentic her
authentic self and her authentic self is messy
but that's not like you know it's not messy aggressive
or like messy to with you like if she's just
messy It's messy. And then for Mary to like just
go so out of her way to be so childish and mean.
Yeah, like high school prank. Yeah. Yeah. But
then we get a cutaway to Ginny making homemade
yogurt with her little angel kids. And this is
what I was going to bring up later. They are
so sweet. They were coached to act like that.
No kid comes into a scene and goes, I would love
to make yogurt with you. Can we please? No. but
we get a confessional talking they're great kids
I don't like the mom though no I was gonna say
too bad about their mom but like they're little
sweeties they did a good scene for their mom
they did good and then we get a confessional
where jenny's talking about mary being so elegant
on the outside but being shitty on the inside
and i wanted to think about that statement as
she's rereading her january 6th and black lives
matter tweets like i really want her to like
take that in yeah yeah let's think about that
yeah kind of kind of uh applies to you too girl
yeah and then we get back to the cooking class
yeah i also i just love that like we have been
set up to think that this is the like climactic
event is like mary and whitney coming coming
to coming to a head at this class and and mary's
upset because whitney didn't answer four calls
in a row where it's like if she's still not available
if she's not available a minute ago she's still
not going to be available and she didn't return
the call and that's why oh yeah she didn't return
the call that's why she gets pranked and so like
and and we think that this is an episode title
is about like i was driving carpool and that's
whitney's excuse for why she couldn't answer
and i just love that they set us up to be like
all right this is the fight we're here for this
is this is the main event and It could have been.
That's the great thing about this show is it
really could have been. I mean, we got some great
lines from Mary that, like, I still say. Like,
I call my dog, like, little girl all the time.
We got little girl out of this. Yeah. Oh, my
God. But so they're, like, this whole lunch is
chaos. And, like, I can't imagine what it's like
to work in any of these restaurants that, like,
these things are. Like, person trying to teach
them something. Like, no. trying to teach them
something or trying to like serve them wine or
whatever the case may be but like we uh so they're
they're fighting we get the little girl moment
whitney is blasted to hell and back she is wasted
and she's like crying and like she just like
sobs yes and she's like mary i love you and like
it's come i think it's coming from a real place
but like oh yeah mary looks at whitney and goes
then act like it and i was like this is how she
talks to people at her church i know that oh
yeah yeah yeah that's i bet yeah 100 that comes
very naturally to her at this point But then
Meredith pulls Whitney aside and then we get
the whole rundown of like the insane text. And
then Meredith decides that this is the right
time to bring up the Cameron situation from the
Fresh Wolf. Yeah. And I believe they had already
talked a little bit about like because Lisa didn't
invite everyone to the Fresh Wolf event. And
like some people are upset. I don't think Mary
or Jen Shaw were invited or something. And but
then Lisa apparently invited a guy named Cameron,
who was a member of Mary's church, who says,
like, basically, be careful. Good luck dealing
with her. Right. And Meredith was unsettled.
i'll buy that because like what i have to believe
is happening and like what we're kind of getting
confirmation in real time of is like there are
talks in salt lake city about like this is a
cult like this this church where this woman married
her step -grandfather it is a cult And you hear
rumblings of that, but you're like, no, I've
met Mary. She seems wonderful. And then you can
kind of like explain it all away with like, well,
maybe she was brainwashed. Maybe this, maybe
that. She was taken away at 18 by her step grandpa
and bought a bunch of stuff, in my opinion, in
around 2008 that like one or over brainwashed
her. But like still probably taking advantage
of people. So like. 100%. But then you get like
the story from Cameron about, yeah, I mortgaged
my house and I gave them $30 ,000. Right. Like,
it's not great. None of it turns out to be great.
Cameron seems to basically says like, you know,
they suck people dry, like financially. Yeah.
And Whitney says she's friends with one of Mary's
cousins. Yes. Who he has also said, like, be
careful and just, like, never make her mad. Right.
And that's where we start to get into Mary's
church believes that she is God. Right. Right.
And then we get a cutaway to the picture of Mama
Cosby with Jesus. The Mama painting or picture
up in the church. Yeah, with Jesus. And, yeah.
That is one of my. Oh, it's such a good picture.
I want it in my house so bad. It's like they're
just chilling together and someone was like,
guys, smile. And they do. Up on a cloud. Because
you're with Jesus. Jesus Christ. But, like, that's
another one of those things where religion is
just a wild concept to me. Like, looking at that,
I'm like. People look at that and they're like,
yeah, that, that feels right. That's true. That
is true. Yeah. And like Whitney explains, like
they think she speaks directly to Jesus. Like
they say, like Jesus speaks through her. So like
they think they're talking to God. Yes. And.
they so they head back to the table where mary
has now become the victim and she's like crying
and it's the whole thing and she like looks at
meredith and she's like you didn't listen to
my side and meredith is someone i will tell you
right now that i want around when i'm in a fight
because like the calming energy that was like
i tried to talk to you you weren't interested
and that's okay god damn you're like shit that
shut me down like yeah But so then we start to
get the shots of everyone getting ready for the
trip. Meredith calls Heather while she's trying
on a candy bra. We find out. I know she's every
every shot of her throughout this episode gets
more and more absurd. um but we find out that
meredith goes to colorado early for her dad's
memorial service and this also comes up as a
plot point later but um heather's now the leader
of this road trip right but please dear listener
this is something that i'm coming back to where
like this is one where i feel really bad for
meredith but anyway right um yeah baby gorgeous
lisa is like sitting in an insane pile of clothes
and like for for a two -day trip by the way right
i'm like it's like maybe two nights like or one
i don't know yeah yeah and i'm like i don't know
who this is for like this this whole song and
dance but like she tells john it's rhetorical
when she asked for his opinion and i was like
john john understands his marriage i get that
oh yeah he might just start he might just now
be getting a little sick of it but like he does
know what the arrangement is yes he's just a
body he's he's just there to like validate her
really and then yeah and then we step into jen's
closet where sharif walks in and she's helped
her uh says helping jen pack is the worst thing
and i'm like give her 24 hours and see what you
think oh there will be worse things oh yeah it's
true We get to go to the sacred place of the
beauty lab and laser parking lot. Our promised
land. Heather is the first one on the bus because
we find out Mary's flying private to Vail because
she has a headache. Yeah, she has a headache.
Didn't want to get up in time to meet them at
the van, so she's flying private. Yeah, and Meredith's
already there, so Heather's in charge of this
bus ride now. Yes. The Wild Rose shows up with
a Shotski lover. Of course. Anti -vaxxer Jenny
rolls up on the bus later. And then Jen shows
up in her braids. She looks so good. She looks
incredible. And that's the thing. It's always
a dichotomy with Jen where I'm like... God, she's
so fabulous. Why is she such a monster? God,
she's so beautiful. Why is she such a monster?
She walks in and I'm like, oh, so striking. The
star is in the van. But also it's like, Jesus,
girl, what are you doing? Yes. And then her phone
rings. Right. It's pretty immediate. Yes, it
is. Seconds after she sits down and she turns
around, she looks at Whitney when she realizes
what's going on on the other end of the phone.
She hears like two sentences. Yeah. Yeah. And
she tells Whitney to turn off her mic. And you
see her outside. You see her talking. And, like,
I am so desperate. Like, you pled guilty. We
all know what happened. I am desperate to know
what happened on that phone call. Like, that's
all. That's my only piece I don't know. Yeah.
I feel like we hear her say something, like,
at the house. Like, she's clearly getting tipped
off. She goes, I need to go back to the house.
Like, I can verbatim, I can recite what she said.
yeah and i i just i want to know what was said
and then i like but what makes me even more uncomfortable
and like gives me a lot more pause is heather
comes out and she's like hey i'm so excited and
then because that's the first time she's seeing
heather and she goes i have bad news sharice
in the hospital he has internal bleeding i have
to go and i'm like it was so quick and it just
came right out. I was like, was this always her
get out? I'm going to say this. Like, how does
she just like come up with it on the fly? Yeah.
It's like in a split second, you just hear her
be like, I have to go Sharif. So like he was,
I don't know what's going on. He was like going
for like a quick thing and now he's bleeding.
I have to go. Yeah. It was so, and it just came
out so easy. And I'm like, okay and then so she
goes and tells the rest of the girls like hey
i'm going and that she leaves and like everyone
in the moment is like i think a little bit in
shock because they're like oh what's going on
and they're like trying to figure out like do
you want us to wait for you and she's like i
might come back i'm not sure right because in
her mind this is something that could like we
can we can figure it out i can get out of this
And then the poor producer comes on the bus and
she's like, are you guys serious about not going?
And Ginny's like, let's just go. I hate Ginny.
They end up talking themselves into saying, they're
like, you know, she would want us to go. She'd
want us to have fun. Like, we should go. And
like, while they're talking about this, you can
see in the window behind them, there's like people
in vests. or uniforms of some sort and you're
like wait what am i seeing and you hear the producer
go you guys there's there's cops and they have
the handcuffs out something's going on like this
cop opens the door and like this is how i know
like beyond the shout of a doubt this but this
moment was like real real is like right you see
the reactions where they're like what's What's
going on? And, like, Whitney's already, like,
is this a joke? Like, I love that Whitney's already
kind of expecting strippers at this point. Yes.
And then Heather, bless her heart, is like, I
can figure this out. Starts saying, I don't know
why the po -po's here. Just gets out of the bus
and calls them the po -po to their face. And
I'm like, Heather. What's the po -po doing here?
And you're like, no, this is real. They have
like NYPD on their back. For some reason, New
York is in Utah. HSI, what does that stand for?
Homeland Security. Yeah. And so that's all happening.
And we get the to be continued. god this is gold
probably the wildest to be continued on in housewives
history yes 100 i can't think of one more shocking
and it's like even even you know when it first
aired like we knew it was coming like there had
been talk about they were they had cameras up
when she got arrested and it's like but seeing
it pan out it is just so wild every time was
behind the scenes that no one was supposed to
see where they're like getting set up and everything
i'm like oh this oh i i love this yeah when they
when they're like when they make it clear like
we're letting you in on this it's it's so satisfying
good okay so then next episode we pick up where
we left off at beauty lab and laser truly a sacred
place where heather's texting jen saying the
cops are looking for you they said they need
to talk to you And I love that they go through
this like, are they trying to help her or get
her? Like, maybe they want to help her. That
was a wild thing to me. I'm like, Homeland Security
does not show up to help anyone. The feds aren't
here to help. Yeah, we've learned that. But then
Lisa immediately is sobbing on the phone with
JB's husband boss. She's like, the SWAT team
showed up. The police showed up. Yeah. Like,
that reaction, I have a lot of questions about.
This time around, I was really trying to pay
attention to her. And, like, Lisa gets kind of
cut off. Like, they're talking about, like, why
were the cops there? And then Lisa says, I think
it's way more. And then they get cut off because
then they realize Jen left her bag of snacks
in the fucking van. And they're like, oh, wait,
are those Mint Milanos? And then, like, Lisa
lets the conversation get steered that way. And
I'm like, was she going to say, like, what does
she know? No, because she has unhinged ADHD.
Like, that's the problem with Lisa Barlow. I
know. And then she's like, oh, Mint Milanos.
I love junk food. That's my brand. I would have
that. Yeah. I would eat that. I love that. Oh,
God. But then Heather keeps talking about how,
like, the cops just needed to make sure she was
okay. And I think she's being so serious and
honest in saying that she thinks that. And I'm
like, are you okay? I think that's when we start
to see, like, I guess the sort of Mormon naivete
they're raised with, where she's, like, still
trying to see the bright side or, like, assume
the best in her friend, where it's like, girl,
like, you can't Pollyanna this situation into
being... cool no no um then meredith shows up
at this this house and she looks so kind in her
blazer dress like this like tight like i've never
seen her she's like peak meredith yeah yes um
like she was only more meredith when she had
that blazer bathing suit that she wore yes yes
um Then we meet Crystal, the experienced curator
who's wearing a fun hat. And like, I know beyond
a shadow of a doubt, she woke up that morning
and she put that hat on and said, I'm going to
be a star today. I'm going to be the runaway
hit from this episode, giving a tour of this
rental house. God, I love Crystal, the experienced
curator. Yeah. So they do like a, you know. sponsored
content ad for the for the house they're staying
in and like the company that manages it and this
this woman walking around going there there's
really not a house like a single family home
like this in dale and i'm like yeah yes there
is i mean it looks like the one next to it looks
very similar and they're all like big sort of
flashy houses in a ski rich ski town right yes
i'm like it's a ski resort town like the village
is nothing but mcmansions like don't do that
It's okay. Don't lie to us, girl. Yeah. I think
she's lying to herself more than anything, but
that's okay. Right, true. We cut back to the
trip. Heather checks to see if Janice texted
her back, and it would appear that everyone has
accepted what happened, except for Heather, who's,
like, waiting to, like... And, like, they're
on some level, I can respect, like, wanting everything
to be okay. But at the same time, I'm like, are
you okay? Right. Like, this is the same girl
that's going to, like, cover for Jen when she
gets her black eye. Like, where it's like, you're
putting too much faith in this person. Like,
what are we doing? Yes. And then Lisa goes on
to say she didn't believe Jen from the jump because
no one acts like that. And she says that she's
pretty pragmatic. And I don't know that Lisa
Marlowe understands what that word means. That's
true. That's the last word I would use to describe
Lisa Barlow. And then Lisa gets back on the phone
with JV husband boss and says, and this is where
I did the same thing you did where I paid really
close attention after some recent stuff has come
out. But she's like, Tony K and Ryan, two of
the six lawyers, told her not to talk to any
law enforcement without them there. And then
she covers her mouth and does the, I think Meredith
might know something. And I'm like, is she just
trying to throw us off her scent? Because she
seems to know the most about this. Or like, I
don't know. I don't know. Right. And the women
start speculating about Jen's lifestyle and the
cash flow and like what the businesses actually
are. and like Lisa has been like she's always
been ambiguous and Whitney's like I've always
wondered and Whitney all of a sudden turns into
our like you know Nancy Drainer yeah where she's
and she's like teaching us how lead nurturing
works and like selling leads and she's you know
she Whitney has basically said I always wonder
how she had the amount of money she did she was
doing like legal lead generation because it's
not like that lucrative no it's Not at all. But
like the funniest thing in this moment was Whitney
going, how does she get her money? Like I thought
everything that comes out of her mouth is like,
it's comedy gold to me. She's so sweet. I love
her so much. Oh, but so then the bus makes a
stop and Whitney and Heather are on the bus talking
about how Lisa's acting. And the way Heather
was so quick to say, if she knows something,
that means she's implicated. Like everyone knows
there's something shady going on. like right
everyone knows it yeah they're not saying it
like yeah i want them to dig into this like in
this like i feel like someday something's gonna
come out about all of it but like like did someone
on the cast talk to the feds because like lisa
keeps saying like someone tip them off someone
tip them off and that get that makes whitney
and heather be like did she tip them off why
does she keep saying that like right or like
well and then like how did they know yeah How
did they know to find her there? Like, did someone
on production, like, say something? And it's
like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
But I'm desperate to know. Like, this is like,
I love The Housewives more than anything. But
what I love more is, like, the messy, like, it's
like, I want to know who turned Teresa and Jo
in. I want to dig into that. Because they say
they all know. Right, yeah. And, like, people,
like, friendships have, like, been built and
fallen on this supposed information that, like,
we just will never know. Yeah. Well, and, like,
Jersey's a whole other beast, but, like, the
fact that Caroline Manzo can be like, yeah, I
was in the room when it happened, and I'm like,
tell me everything! I know, I know. Caroline,
she shocks me. there's well there's a lot there
to be shocked about but like that's neither here
nor there so we're back on the bus yeah um lisa
goes today's a lot like and then whitney sees
the news oh i love whitney oh my gosh oh my gosh
oh my gosh oh my gosh so i love that she says
gosh the whole time she's just a little sweetie
I do, too. Like, that's like, I specifically
was like, oh, she says gosh. She's still not
taking the Lord's name in vain. Yep, she was
raised good Mormon girl. Yeah. And then we get
the headline. Yeah, Real Housewives star. Go
ahead. You go for it. Okay. Real Housewives star
charged in massive fraud money laundering scheme.
I had the fucking chills. Yeah, they're all shocked.
Lisa immediately starts crying for Stu. And she's
like, I feel so bad. I feel so bad for him. And
I feel so bad for their families. And Lisa's
always like a robot crying. I honestly feel so
bad. I feel, I honestly feel so bad. I'm like,
who are you trying to prove it to? It's okay.
It's okay. We believe you. Yes, I feel bad for
them too. And then Heather. heather's like moved
like so deeply and then we get a shot over to
jenny who's literally drinking a beer and going
yeah i don't have the tax i don't know yeah yeah
and like they they are all just like on their
phones and like they all are like weeping this
is like a scene out of like checkoff or something
all this like just the mood shifts instantly
they're all weeping and sobbing with like open
bags of cheetos next to them And they're reading
aloud to each other. Like, she and Stuart charged
with money laundering and fraud. Like, they're
in custody. And then Lisa's like, should we go
back? Should we turn around? And Whitney's smiling
ear to ear and goes, babe, she's in custody.
She's been arrested. This is the best day of
Whitney's life. Yeah. And then Whitney is later,
she's cradling Lisa and Heather under both her
arms on either side. They're on her bosom crying.
And I'm like, Whitney is thriving with this news.
Whitney is in her element. And then we get a
cutaway of... I think she tells Lisa, I just
thought she had a sugar daddy or something. And
then we immediately get the confessional of going,
I had a sugar daddy. And I'm like, fuck yeah,
Whitney. Fuck yeah. Yeah, I love Whitney. Yeah,
you're such a sugar daddy. God, it's so good.
And then they're like reading through the article
and Lisa's like up to 30 years. And Heather,
like that was the break. She goes up to 30 years.
It's a real crime, guys. Like it bad. And she's,
like, unwell. And, like, she's, like, she's in
a place of, like, hood up and, like, laying on
Whitney's lap. And, like, she's, like, not okay.
And, like, I know there's a lot of room for criticism
of, like, the toxicity of Heather and Jen's relationship.
But, like, I truly believe this reaction is coming
from a place of, like... caring deeply about
jen and not wanting anything bad to happen to
her and like she doesn't know how to reconcile
this yeah no she's having a real hard time yeah
yes and then we get a clip of the ring doorbell
footage with omar coming out with his hands up
and like i remember seeing this and being upset
about it i didn't think i'd be triggered by it
again but i was like i felt bad for those kids
because like i can't remember yeah And, like,
I don't think we ever found out what happened
directly involving Omar. And, like, because there
was a cousin in the house, too. Right. I, like,
I want someone, I hope someone, like, showed
up, like, Jen's mom or someone that was, like,
I'm going to take the kids. They don't need to
be involved in this. Because, like, that was
really upsetting to me. No. And it's just so
scary. Like, especially, I think that was still,
like. kind of early COVID days or like not too
far into it. And like, we've just had these black
lives matter protesters and, or protests. And
we see these like young black boys being like
run out of their house with men with like machine
guns or with like men with like rifles and their
hands above their head. And it's just so, your
heart just breaks for these poor. like kids who
have no idea what their that their mom is buying
fucking leads leads of vulnerable people and
tricking them into like buying a product that
doesn't exist like i feel yeah they don't deserve
that and you have to put yourself in the mindset
of like what like first of all cops show up at
your house that's jarring to begin with and then
it's like what are you talking about my mom like
what do you say and then it's like i don't i
can't think of any other instance where you have
someone that has done a crime and then the family
is taken out like like i just i the whole thing
felt off to me and i didn't like it right at
all like i felt bad for those kids but yeah then
production shows up at the house and like i can't
imagine what that chaos was like because like
you see like the cops pulling up and like you
see the cop cars and then like yeah all these
like trucks in the driveway and yeah and i'm
like and like the the producer's like hey what's
going on like yeah like okay and then like i
i make a tv show here like can you tell me what's
happening yeah and then the cops like you can
talk to mr shot like yeah so yeah um we're back
on the bus lisa decides to facetime meredith
and right right Back to this lifestyle of Meredith
where she's hanging up clothes in this closet,
making herself a home. She's an absolute queen.
And, like, she answers the FaceTime. And Lisa
just goes, it's bad, Meredith. It's really bad.
And Meredith is like, what's bad, Lisa? This
house is amazing. I love it. Yeah. That was more
Lisa. But, like, you're going to love this house.
It's so great. And then this is brand new information.
To Meredith like with what's going on and I just
want to take a second here. You're telling me
like you expect me to believe that This production
was going on and no one from the bus or from
back in salt lake city called like holy shit
there's a swat team at our at our site what what's
up with you like keep an eye out in denver they
might be up there in a minute yeah like yeah
heads up yeah i'm sure there was communication
and then like but whatever we're expected to
believe that meredith didn't know god bless okay
yeah and meredith but even though it's completely
new information meredith's like okay Yeah. Uh
-huh. Yeah. She's always seemed a little sus.
She did fraud. I'll buy it. Unphased. Yeah. And
then we get the confessional where she goes,
yeah, to find out someone in your friend group
is being arrested by federal agents in the beauty
lab and laser parking lot. That's shocking. And
just smiles. Yeah. She's so. So. Meredith has
always been like a riddle to me. She's my queen.
I don't need her to be anything other than exactly
who she is. Right. She doesn't give much. Except
like subtle hints and clues. Almost. To figure
her out. But then. she she laughs and she and
then she goes while everything else is falling
apart around us we do have a beautiful house
here but i love you and just like gets off the
phone see you later i'm gonna enjoy the house
well and then they like go back to the bus and
lisa says that she thinks meredith knows what
what she's letting on and i wholeheartedly believe
lisa knew something in this moment and she was
like saying that to throw everyone off of her
trail because i'm like yeah i kind of wonder
yeah but then they get the news that jen was
let out like while she's waiting for trial and
uh they start getting into the concept of wait
hang on i skipped a stop in my notes okay so
they like they find out she's released and then
They start getting into the concept of like money
and like what's going on. And Whitney explains
that you can dump cash into a startup for five
years and claim losses up to a million dollars.
And this is a fun tax strategy that I've seen
several times during my time working in finance.
Really? Oh, yeah. People love to claim a loss
like when they have a ton of money. But I know
this is something Whitney and Justin did because
you don't just know about this. So I'm like,
Whitney knows about this because she's done it,
right? 100%. 100%. Yeah, she's like, you can
claim a loss for like five years. So you can
just pour whatever money you want in and claim
its capital. And like, you're good to go. And
the five years is an interesting number that
she threw out there. Because I'm like, oh, you
know about where they start to track it, where
they start auditing. That's interesting to me.
Anyway, then Jenny's going, well, that's capital.
That's capital. And I was like, shut up. i hate
you shut up stop talking you don't get to be
part of this no one cares oh god and then uh
we get back to the house mary shows up to the
house and like watching mary do literally anything
is is just it's like watching it's like watching
a scene unfold that i i never know what's gonna
happen and she's so funny to me she's like watching
a bird learn how to fly like every scene or you're
like i'm worried has she done this before interacted
in this way or had a conversation like is she
okay is she gonna break her wing like she gets
there and meredith's just luxuriating in the
bath and i'm like god yeah and like this is the
this is like the tub scene where she like starts
to be like part of my brand is always tubs and
like it never stops like it's she's just in the
tub like for four hours she's in the bath no
and she really makes a choice to stay and and
mary sweet mary loves her etiquette and she's
like i think it's proper etiquette to meet people
dressed like maybe maybe we don't dive too deep
into what's proper mary but yeah yeah um but
then they start to like unpack everything and
mary's speechless and she goes i had no idea
and then meredith basically goes you didn't like
right let's go we're all gonna play dumb here
yeah and then i know at this time and like i
think they get into it later in the season but
they start there's a lot of speculation that
mary was somehow involved in like being the rat
and like what i do know about mary to be the
truth is that she's the last person that wants
cops like asking questions or like poking around
yeah i was gonna say mary's not gonna rat like
i i trust mary to like stay quiet yeah like i
trust like as far as like not that she's in the
mafia but like i trust mary the same way i would
trust someone in the mafia with my life i'm like
she's a locked box once you give her information
and tell her not to share it like yeah right
um and then i just realized i like missed a spot
while i was shaving and like this is like i see
it like oh i didn't really notice oh no it's
okay it's cool like this is like my first time
doing videos so anyone that sees it i'll be like
i didn't know it's fine it's all good it's cool
i'll just like turn this way um and then what
happens next so all the women they also established
i like that they're they're realizing like this
must have been a longer term investigation if
like the fbi was there like this wasn't a like
like on a whim whatever it's like this has been
like a year in the making or something or more
and it's It's funny because I remember like Mary
saying something like the FBI doesn't show up
unless there's facts. And I'm like, well, I'm
glad she didn't say that. Well, Kash Patel was
in charge of it. Oh, yeah, exactly. And I do
like that throughout this scene, Meredith's bubbles
are going away and she's just sinking lower and
lower into the tub, like sort of covering herself
more and more. I'm like, it was a cute idea at
first, huh, Meredith? And then they're like,
well, I'm going to go get changed. I'm going
to go get dressed. Like, you go get your room,
Mary. And like, I'll get dressed for when the
other ladies come. But instead of getting dressed,
they cut to Meredith pouring more bubbles into
the bath and refilling it. Where I'm like, oh,
she wants to be in the tub for their arrival,
too. This is like a stunt that she thinks is
adorable or something. Let me explain something
to you in no uncertain terms. If I show up, I
want Meredith in a bathtub. That's what I want.
Like that's, I need that. Right. She was like,
I liked this entrance. Let's do it again. I loved
her commitment to the bed. So then of course
the ladies come and also find her in the tub,
just like with Mary. God, I love it. And I mean,
she was in there for hours and. It never got
old. You know she was a little prune, but she
didn't care because she is now being in a tub
as part of her brand. Everyone knows baths are
my thing. Well, now we do. Now you can't give
her a room without a fucking tub in it. No. So
we get clips of everyone calling their respective
husbands and we find out. John Barlow tries to
reach out to Sharif and never heard anything
back. And I'm like, obviously, obviously you
never heard anything back, but he's either internally
bleeding or dealing with his wife being in custody.
Yeah. And like, I don't know what John would
have texted him to be like, Hey, heard your,
heard your bleeding. Also the cops are looking
for your wife. Yeah. Maybe we. let them deal
with that and then we like circle back i don't
know um so crystal and her hat are getting the
dining room ready for the ladies love her so
much and then we like mary comes up and like
sees that jenny's there and she goes i forgot
jenny was even going to be here and she hates
her so much she hates her so much the language
she used that she like told mary what to do like
no she did not like her god and like i hate that
i also hate jenny because like mary hates jenny
for very different reasons mary hates jenny because
because because of the accent and because of
like because she swore and like got some attention
when she first got there like yeah but um i also
feel like the food on salt lake city looks so
good like every time They always look like they
have, like, good American food. Like, you know,
American fusion. Like, it always looks good.
It's the same thing on Secret Lives of Mormon
Wives. Like, I think that, like, Utah is just,
like, a food destination in my mind at this point
because it all looks so good. No, it does all
look good. You're right. Yeah. And, like, now
I want dirty sodas and I've never had one. Like,
what's happening? Oh, they opened Swigs in Indy.
I feel like they have one here in New York, too.
And I've been like, I should go. Go. I'm telling
you right now, go. It will change your life.
Yeah, I'm curious. I'm very curious. So they're
all sitting down. Mary says that Jen's arrest
makes her feel a lot of emotion and that she
doesn't celebrate people's pain. And if you sat
me down in front of Mary and you... like you're
you're gonna tell me right now that like she's
not thinking this is what you get for the grandpa
fucker comment like that there's no way yeah
that's true totally totally yeah and then meredith
like it's it's quiet for a second meredith goes
so what's everyone thinking and heather goes
this is the moment i've been waiting for and
i was like heather is me and i am heather i know
that's what he heather really is our audience
proxy when she's like finally we're getting into
it Oh, God. And then we find out that, like,
Jen was running from the cops and got pulled
over and arrested on the side of the road. And
they start unpacking a lot of their feelings
about the charges. So, like, we know she got
arrested. That's, like, one thing. And then we
go one level deeper, and it's like, what was
she doing? She was arrested for, like, taking
advantage of, like, old and vulnerable people.
And then we start. being like ew that's gross
like yes which is valid it's valid and fair that
like we feel that's gross like there's there's
nothing else to say about yeah yeah mary feels
betrayed like i don't blame her yeah this woman
acted like she was a legitimate business woman
right but then meredith goes into pasture mode
and says i feel like she's reaping i believe
that or i believe what a man soweth that he shall
reap and i was like oh that's like the church
i grew up in like that oh yeah yeah not good
but but like she's not wrong and um then she
starts to say like i she never saw anything good
in jen she was scared of her because she knew
what she was capable of and i i i don't know
i'm like i don't know i i i see her point and
i agree i also just i don't know i just want
it to not be true about i about her i want it
to not be true but like at the same time i wonder
if everyone was it like actually in such a state
of shock because they were like we know something
shady is going on here we know like it's probably
a situation i don't think anyone could have ever
imagined it was as bad as it like ended up being
yeah it was bad yeah um but then we get the story
about jen and the shawshad going into merida's
boutique and Monica Garcia was there and oh my
gosh I forgot Monica was part of that yeah yes
but yeah and Meredith's like you know I have
had an issue with her before that was like weirded
out by And yeah, she like said she missed a bunch
of calls from Jen when she was in New York. And
like Jen wanted to get into Meredith's store.
So Meredith had them like open it up for her.
And then she checks in with her staff afterwards.
And they're like, yeah, she like bought a few
hundred bucks worth of stuff. But also this green
clutch that one of her friends picked up is missing
now. And it seems as though one of Jen's Shaw
squad stole a purse. right and then like i also
love the cutaway where uh i think it was lisa
was like what which clutch hang on which clutch
and like they have like a whole like it was like
the snake skin green little snake skin i had
that but i have so many questions about that
very specific moment where it's like i and i
never i don't think we ever get confirmation
to this but i i it was the same build as the
guy that was like helping her uh get ready in
her closet marula or marillo yeah yeah i'm pretty
sure it was him but like i have a lot of questions
about like okay so you bought hundreds of dollars
worth of stuff what why was the bag taken like
was it actually an accident like i i just have
a lot of questions about that yeah and like meredith
basically seems to let her off the hook and be
like did you borrow a bag too and then the guy
brings it back the next day right and it's like
so it what was this was this just a rogue guy
who like likes to shoplift like maybe and like
because that is a thing like kleptomania is the
real things i i don't know but then we find out
that jen's red flagged in the system at louis
vuitton because she pays in cash and i asked
one of my friends that works at louis vuitton
if this is a real thing and she was like it is
so rare that we have to do it but there are like
very specific cases in which it happens so like
I was like, oh, I thought Meredith was just talking
out of her ass, but that's wild. If you make
a lot of big purchases in all cash, people do
get a little suspicious. Well, it's the big cash
purchases and then it's returning them. That's
the big red flag. Very interesting. Yeah. Yes.
And then Lisa says that being red flagged at
Louis Vuitton would be far worse than the Fed
showing up at her door. Please, girl. No, it
would not. Okay, Lisa. Let's be real. I'm like,
this thing that you need to do, like, okay, whatever
you say. Yeah, just like, just eating Wendy's
and shopping at Louis Vuitton, damn it. Anyway.
Yeah. you know what like i'm not gonna attack
baby gorgeous right now but like yes that's her
entire shtick is the is the windies and then
like having money like right yeah i'm like having
a perfect family that she doesn't really share
yeah it's i find her boring i'm not a baby gorgeous
stan the way some people are the way i like i
go back and forth so hard with her because i'm
like she's entertaining but i don't love her
yeah yeah she's hysterically entertaining but
i'm like there are times where i'm like why are
you like this like you need to be talked to yeah
anyway yeah i don't know man um well and then
heather says she has a story about jen being
sketchy that the uber story yes where Where she's
like, I, she was at my place and I got her an
Uber home and I went to check to see if she made
it home. And she like stopped the ride and got
out at like an intersection, like a few blocks
away or something after like five minutes. I
have a lot of questions about this. And then
Lisa wanted to know about it. Cause she was like,
well, I wanted to know what, what day? Cause
I want to, I want to ask someone if she was with
them. And I'm like, does Lisa think that Jen
Shaw was with like the guy she was rumored to
like? give give head for jazz tickets for or
something or like they have like a shared sugar
daddy like I want to know why Lisa wanted to
know what night what makes me even more angry
because Lisa does this on a very consistent basis
where it's I'm gonna let you know that I might
know something and then I'm not yeah and then
back off too much so furious yeah oh it's so
annoying but I also why didn't Jen use her own
uber app like that's something that like i've
no one has ever been able to explain is like
was she really drunk was that like i don't that's
the only time someone's like gotten an uber for
me like that like but like you would think if
she was that wasted like i i would think heather
would be like just spend the night here babe
like yeah who knows that story feels off to me
Right. It's just it's just that's where it left
me with like more questions than I think had
their thought that we would have. I think the
whole this whole scenario leaves me with so many
unanswered questions that like even after the
trial, even after all of it, because like we
never really got a trial. We had like all the
pretrial hearings because like she was going
to she was pleading innocent until the last minute
and then finally struck a deal and pled guilty.
Yes. It's like and I. I'm like we never got to
uncover anything because what I'm assuming happened
and I think they say this like right after the
trial like or after the guilty plea is there
had like when they were going through the pre
-trial motions they had to have seen something
that was like there had to have been evidence
that was so damning that yeah that they're like
you can't you can't play your way out you can't
say you didn't know about this or say you didn't
do it like yeah right But that's the end of that
episode. And God, like, this is like, I know
people like think that housewives is trash and
like, in a lot of ways, they're probably right.
But like, God, this is what, this is what I live
for. And it's just like peak mellow drama. Like
it's, it's. It's like it's no different from
like I say, it's like very this one reads like
very Chekhov to me, where it's like these sort
of tortured souls and all these secrets being
exposed through like legal action that no one
wants to. confront and it's like it's a lot like
it's firing on all cylinders and like we were
satisfied with just a fight between Heather and
Whitney I mean and we were satisfied with just
a fight between Mary and Whitney and first and
we thought like you can go little girl was like
great and then we didn't know this was like right
around the corner just Like, and again, we love
the moments that are like, they're so real that
like there were obviously this wasn't scripted
or like nothing was fake about like producers
being surprised by this and, and just everyone.
I mean, even Jen being surprised by it. Like,
it's just so satisfying. I do like Jen being
surprised by it. Like, I think the one thing
like I've always asked myself is like. did she
actually believe either a she was going to get
away with it or b what she was doing was not
like one of those two things has to be true right
yeah and i want to know which one it was because
like either one of them you're just like you're
not smart or you were a sociopath like my yeah
my i tend to lean towards sociopath and i wonder
i was like i feel like i wonder if she had it
set up in her mind like in a way that like stew
would take the fall for everything illegal That's
what I wonder. I'm not sure. Do you know that
he still has not been sentenced? Really? No.
The way that I have done deep dives on this,
because I'm like, I want to know everything.
Because you know I'm applying to law school.
I did not follow what happened. I just sort of
assumed he had the same fate as Jen. No. Like...
Did he turn on her? He must have. They start
being represented together. I don't think they
were ever represented together from the beginning,
but I do know that almost immediately when the
trial started, they had zero contact after that.
It was their legal team speaking to each other.
Stu was the last one to turn on Jen. I think
that... like i that might be like his saving
grace is like i'm i'm gonna get out of this like
yeah save himself which sucks but like because
because if you read like a lot of the court transcripts
every single one of them knew what was going
on every single one of them were putting people
yeah yeah but like i'm just like stew is not
innocent so like he's not innocent but he wasn't
like the mastermind or he was only a partial
mastermind like right i mean if he's if he's
not if he's not equally as guilty as jen like
he's still guilty like i don't care like yeah
he was her like number two guy right but yeah
that's that's that dear listener what a wild
ride i always ask people this like if you had
to be friends with any of the women from the
show who would it be oh i mean i feel like i
would have the most fun bantering with heather
but like my heart just says whitney I agree.
I was like, I know she'd let me get on the pole
and be real fun and sweet, like teaching me how
to do it. And she just seems like such a fun
time who always wants to see the best in people.
Like, I love it. And like, I love that she's
so like, she's so sweet and innocent, but she's
also like a dirty girl. Like she's just like,
like she's like. I would get along with her so
well. I'm so glad you said that because I completely
agree. Yeah. I love her. I just want to, like,
hang out in a hot tub with her and, like, dish.
And just, like, tell her all my secrets. Totally.
But this has been really cool. Thank you so much
for coming on. Like, I have been looking forward
to this. There's an open door for you anytime
you want to come back. I have not shut up to
a single person. sure but like this is this has
been so great and you're so fun you're so cool
plug whatever you want tell the people where
they can find you oh my gosh um you can listen
to my show hot masterpiece theater where we unpack
uh our favorite scenes from reality tv and talk
about why they're actually high art and why you're
not trash for liking trash tv because because
it's great and so yeah so i talk to fun people
i break down like different archetypes that we
see in reality tv and it's a good time so check
us out at hot masterpiece pod on instagram and
like wherever you listen to podcasts oh yeah
i'll put it all in the show notes um also everyone
needs to go buy a copy of your book it is that's
so sweet i'm so like i i'm not like i want to
start a book club just to revolve around that
book it's such a good book But thank you so much
for being here, Jalinta. You've been an absolute
treasure and a gem. And I can't wait to do this
again. Oh, my gosh.