Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the
right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose
Chachko and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share what
it's really like navigating your twenties. We're
two semi -lost girls figuring out careers, relationships,
wellness, purpose and everything in between.
Each week we dive into the highs, the lows and
the lessons of chasing your dreams, finding happiness
and learning to embrace the uncertainty. We're
not here to pretend like we've loaded all together.
We're simply just figuring it out. Welcome back
everyone to the Lostish podcast. Oh, we didn't
say together this time, but that's something
different. So we're, we're going to keep, we're
going to keep that. I also clicked at the beginning.
Like if you're watching this video guys, I've
clicked like in the air and I did the same thing
in our last episode because we filmed it two
minutes ago and that was really unintentional.
Sorry. I was just, I needed to say that cause
I noticed it. But we have a really interesting
episode for you guys today. It's a very, very
interesting topic and it's pretty much called
the obsession that we have with our appearance.
And we're just going to be talking about appearance
in general and how much we focus on it, especially
is women i feel like we put so much effort and
so much focus into beauty into into how we look
into how we present ourselves same with men same
with males it applies to absolutely but i think
about just your aura as well yeah the obsession
with not being liked for whatever reason not
being visually appealing the obsession of being
pretty the obsession of being hot makeup All
of that because i think. Appearance is really
damaging to a lot of people and let's talk about
it let's talk about it okay starting off. Appearance
where does it come from so essentially where
it begins i've got talking points you guys so
i'm not off track early experiences with appearance.
When did you first become aware of how you looked?
The influence of childhood, family, school. I
think the first time for me, specifically, that
I thought about my appearance was high school,
not high school, was primary school. And I remember,
yeah. I used to get bullied in primary school.
Both of our experiences were bullying. Guys,
that's so sad. It's sad, but it happens. you
know it's very very common unfortunately but
i used to get bullied because i had a lot of
hair and like when i say hair i mean hair on
my head Hairy legs, hairy arms. Are you about
to tell me we have the same exact experience?
Oh probably, because we spoke about this before.
Oh maybe we have. And I used to be called a bunch
of names and people used to be like oh my god
why do you have like so much hair like your hair
is so curly and it's crazy and it like like all
this rude stuff like things that kids would say
to you same with like hairy legs and hairy arms
and things like that and I didn't even know that
like shaving or waxing or any of that was a thing.
How sad for a little primary school kid to have
somebody say to you when you're so unaware and
something that in my family was really accepted.
I'm of Eastern European descent, I'm Ukrainian.
I have dark features I have big hair I know it's
up right now and in a lot of clips you see me
with straight hair and things but naturally I've
got very big very very curly hair very dark hair
I'm on the same wavelength and I never knew that
that was like a problem and people used to tease
me and make fun of me for that and ever since
then like I still think about it to this day
and ever since then that that's where my kind
of Obsession with with my parents has become
because i remember immediately after that i told
my mom. I said mom i need to cut my hair mom
i need to start shaving mom i need to start waxing
and i get as a little. Primary school kid yes
see how sad is that it's very sad i had a very
similar experience i've been called a gorilla
before yeah. Having a unibrow yeah my mom let
me out of the house love her but back to what
you were saying it's something that. we didn't
even see as an issue because at home you feel
so loved and protected by the people that genuinely
care about you and then you walk out to school.
This was a bit later for me, it happened in high
school, but like I found out about a group chat
where girls were sending photos of me back and
forth about my unibrow. And I was like, it's
stuff that you'd look at now that if anyone,
this is a warning, if anyone is to do that to
my future children. They will get an earful.
Absolutely. And that is something that I have
not tolerated ever. Bullying is one of the worst
possible things you can do in general. But I
think for a lot of young girls especially, I
think boys, it's like a known thing. Like I'm
not saying that boys don't experience this at
all because I used to see it happen to guys just
as much. Not just as much, but I think for girls
it impacts them more because it's like, As goals
your expectation expectation women it's an expectation
to always have you know your shit together always
appear like appear in a certain way to be beautiful
to be feminine to be this to be that all the
societal expectations right. Social media social
media let's let's stick on the societal expectations
for a sec because what i'm not saying that i
actually like. Sing you know a woman who takes
care of herself i think it's fantastic problem
is when you got. Other girls, especially, sitting
there putting you down because you've got a little
bit of extra hair on your arm. But there's a
difference. I'm gonna rebut you on that because
there's a difference between somebody that takes
care of themselves and somebody that's obsessive
over appearance. Just because you don't wax or
you don't shave or you don't this or you don't
that or you don't put eye makeup on or whatever,
doesn't mean that you don't take care of yourself.
Yeah, I agree. Do you know what I mean? And it's
like for somebody to put someone else down for
their looks, is crazy to me, especially at a
young age. A rule that I was taught from a very
young age from my parents was don't ever tell
someone something that they can't change in five
seconds, because if they can't, it'll be something
that they go home and think about for the rest
of their life, for the rest of the day or for
the rest of their life. Yeah. And there are some
things that I have been told in high school or
primary school that have stuck with me to this
day, which even though I don't care about them,
They've still stuck with me. I don't give a shit
what people say anymore, but it's still stuck
with me. So if someone, if someone's got food
in their teeth, let them know. They can change
that. It might be embarrassing in the moment,
but they can change that. They're not going to
sit here and hate you for it the rest of your
life. If you go and tell someone though, that
their nose is too big. Yeah. sorry or you know
they're too short as a male for example or they're
too tall as a woman or they're too big or they're
too skinny or they're too like commenting on
any sort of appearance there. Sorry I don't know
what kind of like morals you've had instilled
in you to be able to hate on someone for something
like that I've never understood that. And the
thing is here is you never ever know. what somebody
is going through, whether it could be an eating
disorder or mental health. The amount of times
I've dealt with it myself, my best friends have
dealt with eating disorders in the past, and
they've had even positive, and I say that with
inverted comments, inverted commas, they've had
positive comments such as, oh my god, look at
those abs, or oh my god, you're so skinny, or
look at your butt, or look at your lips, or look
at this and this and this. And that person has
been struggling with an eating disorder or starving
themselves and people are fueling that you know
by commenting things like that. Why don't you
just say you look beautiful or like beautiful
smile today or whatever it may be. I'm going
to tell you a little story and I think you know
this about me. I used to have really bad anxiety
in high school and I dealt with Bullying and
I dealt with friendship problems and etc. We've
spoken about this on the pod before and As an
anxiety tool not tool, but like, you know people
bite their nails or people pick their skin or
people pick their hair I used to pick my eyebrows
And it's something that I'm still you know dealing
with but I used to pick my eyebrows in high school
You're late came you're 11. No, I started in
you 10 like for me that was kind of I don't know
my coping mechanism And I picked out pretty much
all my eyebrows and I had no pretty much no hair
left. And I used to like draw my eyebrows on
and whatever. People used to make fun of me and
also for having too much hair and then for having
no hair. Well there you go. Are you joking? But
you know what it was so like you could tell that
like my eyebrows, half of it was missing because
I used to pick it all in whatever. But little
do they know, people had no idea what I was going
through in my life. People had no idea that I
had bad anxiety. And it's like they made fun
of me and they made comments and jokes and things
like that. And you know what, in the moment I'd
kind of go along with it and be like, yeah, haha,
whatever. But that was so, so damaging to myself
as a person that I still think about that and
I'm still quite conscious. of my brows or of
things on my face or things like it is something
that is really hurt that was a really personal
to me at the time and something that I've always
been so conscious of and it's a small thing for
people but for me it's a big thing but you don't
know that I'm going through that and now like
It's become an obsession of mine to make sure
I always have amazing eyebrows because of that
experience. Yeah, still to this day, still to
this day. And this was like eight years ago.
Yeah, very sad. I mean, look, we've we've all
dealt with that stuff. I think until someone
comes to the point of acceptance or ever in that
case, like you're lucky. Like I was I would rather
someone have picked on me in high school, for
example, than someone like you, because like
I said before, I was. I learned at a very young
age and I had a very stable life in general where
I thankfully didn't have to, I didn't take that
stuff too personally. Obviously it still affects
you and it still sticks with you to an extent
but like. I've been picked out for things before.
I'm not gonna make it seem dramatic, but like
for example, people used to tell me all the time
that I've got like a manly head structure, like
I've got really defined cheekbones. Defined cheekbones?
That's an insult? Now I'm like, thanks Queen,
but before I was like, oh. And then I used to
like pay attention, like I used to pick it out
in photos. I used to be like, oh, the way I'm
smiling defines my cheeks too much. Now people
get filler in their cheeks because of that. Another
thing, I have a gap in my tooth, which at the
beginning, now I really don't care what anyone
has to say about it, but it's one of the first
things people notice about me. Fine, no worries.
do they know that's actually what kept me in
the modeling industry so I'm not gonna sit there
and take for it you know what I mean but like
all these things you don't know why like how
someone is going to react to them is my point
so now if someone made a comment about these
things to me I would be like okay Thankfully,
I'm someone who can take it and not someone that,
you know, has a low self esteem or is going through
something that would take it in a really bad
way. But you never know who you're talking to.
So don't ever pick on something that literally
that someone can't change straight away because
it can be really damaging. And not only that,
but you will walk away feeling like a really
guilty person or feeling worse than you already
do. Because obviously, for you to be taking the
time out of your day to going in. Add to go and
pick something off someone else that has not
absolutely nothing to do with you. It's like.
Like it's clearly you're going through something
clearly clearly insecure yeah clearly it's something
how about. The thing of like to stem away from
kind of high school and like where. Obsessiveness
with appearance has stemmed from which is obviously
childhood which we just spoke about what about
the prospect of. Beauty never being enough like
it never being enough okay oh my hair is straight
okay great now i need to all but my lips are
too small or no but i'm not skinny enough or
but. The prospect of it never being. enough why
where does that come from social media beauty
products commercials you know what that is something
that i genuinely like again once you get to the
point of acceptance you realize that beauty really
shines from the inside are you really no one
is going to be friends will. Someone might be
but i'm saying in general the people that you
keep the closest to you are not going to be people
that you have in your life just because they're
pretty person they're not trust me i like they're
not it's not that's not what if that's your criteria
for keeping someone in your life. You need a
refrain that i watch this video once and i every
time i feel insecure about my parents. Or my
skin's bad or I'm struggling with weight or whatever
it may be. I always go back to this and in this
video. A person a woman was talking about appearance
and she was like. When you die. And you have
your funeral. And people are morning you friends
family loved ones close ones and they're standing
there. They're gonna remember. you as a human
being. You for who you were. They're not going
to sit there and be like, oh wow, like, Rose
had such good abs or like Rose had the biggest
lips. Wow, like so great. No, they're going to
remember who you are as a person and what kind
of mark you left on this world. A hundred percent.
And I remember that every single time I struggle
with my appearance or I have insecurities in
whatever way that Is I always like, but who am
I inherently as a human being? I'm a good person.
I know that for a fact. And I know that I make
a difference by being in this world in whatever
way that may be. Every single person in this
world has is here for a reason. Correct. Yeah.
Correct. It goes way beyond what you look like.
Way beyond. But the society conditions us to
maintain appearance, to be the certain beauty
standard that we have looked up to all our lives
in social media and magazines, in the modeling
industry, in the acting industry. You know, me
and you, modeling and acting industry, where
it is unfortunately all about appearance, even
in the acting world. The amount of times I have
been this close to getting a role. In massive
films that people watch and it's like oh hold
on hold on Hold on she's not got blue eyes or
she's skinnier or she looks too much like it's
all about looks yeah And it's very very damaging
because unfortunately it's not about talent like
I know that I know that I can act I know that
I can do this but in this industry and in the
same in your modeling industry too like it's
insane how Much criticism we get of not being
enough and obviously that's why people struggle
with their appearance because you never feel
like you're enough because you're made to feel
like you're never enough the most beautiful people
I know who are. Just gorgeous on the outside
don't know that they are that beautiful on the
outside because of basically everything I've
listed here and you know what I want to shake
them and be like dude. Yeah. You are such a beautiful
human being. And because you're so gorgeous on
the inside, that makes you hot. That makes you
beautiful. That's exactly what I was going to
say. And I've seen the complete opposite as well.
I've seen exactly what you just said. People
that are like bloody VS supermodels sitting there
saying that, you know, they're insecure about
things. And then I've seen people on the other
end that may not be considered, you know, the
most conventionally. attractive people that are
sitting there and they literally shine from within
that it makes them such a beautiful person. You
know what, I would consider myself one of those
people. I'm not by any chance saying, you know,
I'm trying to make myself sound like I'm not.
I think I'm conventionally alright. I think I'm
a pretty person. But I'm not like a Victoria's
Secret supermodel, yet I genuinely don't care
about that because I know that as a person, I'm
a beautiful person. And I think once you see
that in other people as well, It's so much more
impactful and like something to care about than
what they look like. I don't care if you're a
10 out of 10, if your heart is a one out of 10.
I really don't. Don't even come near me because
that makes you so beyond ugly. There have been
people in my life that I used to like look at
and be like, Oh my goodness, you are the most
beautiful. aesthetically human being I'm so attracted
to you, then I get to know them and I get fully
in doubt. I'm fully like, oh my god, now I cannot
view you in any other way. You are the ugliest
person because you're just a shit person. Because
your heart is just not there. Yeah. You could
be conventionally attractive, but like you said,
if your heart's a one out of 10, You're not gonna
get far in life at all not even by looks looks
can only get you so far You know what is why
a lot of people say you know initially even with
relationships that the first thing is attraction
and then personality is what makes you stay because
it's important guys It's so much more important
if you want to prioritize and obsess about your
appearance in one way Obsess about your way the
way that you're appearing to other people from
a personality standpoint Think about the ways
that you can appear in the best light to other
people have the best impact on other people just
literally shine from within. That is like my
biggest goal in life. You know, I had someone
of my friends at work the other day literally
say to me, I don't know what it is, but I'm just
constantly drawn to you. And it was the cutest
thing I have heard in a while. I started blushing.
I was like, what? I was like, thank you so much.
Because like, that is probably one of the best
compliments I've ever received ever. Because
being a magnetic person is to me, And I'm sure
a lot of people listening to this that have gone
through similar things or like come to a point
where they're accepting that, you know, physical
appearance is not the be all and end all. It's
like the best thing ever to hear something like
that. Absolutely. Yeah, it's it's so rewarding
and so much more valuable than so much more.
I had a similar experience where I remember I
was actually going through a break my breakup
at the time and. I was really, really sad and
I felt really insecure. I felt really like, honestly,
like my ego just like plummeted and my self -love
and everything. I was just not in a good place.
And I woke up one morning and I was like, you
know what? I'm actually going to, I'm going to
have a good day today. I'm going to get ready
for the day. I'm going to say some affirmations.
Affirmations personally helped me, you know,
when I repeat them constantly, they kind of get
stuck in my head and I'm like, okay. you know,
I am a good person. I am beautiful inside and
out, you know, I radiate a good energy, whatever
it might be. I was walking to work and this random
woman just stopped, like a group of women, and
they were like older women, like they weren't
having a flirt or anything, but like they stopped
me on the street and they were like, sorry, we
just wanted to stop you and say there is something
about you and you radiate a lot of beauty. And
I was just like, I think I started cheering up
because I was having such a shit week or such
a shit month up until that day and that changed
everything for me and I didn't even feel like,
I didn't look my best, I didn't get ready in
any particular way, it was just another casual
day at work, put my hair up in a bun. But you
felt different. But I felt different. And you
projected different. I felt and they felt that
very energetically but but you know what I felt
that too when I in myself am accepting and feel
like you know what I'm gonna put my best foot
forward today people flock at you like fully
flock at you I'm not just talking about like
a like guys from a physical standpoint I'm talking
about like Your energy experience is not even
people like you start attracting so much into
your life little things but if you're aware of
it you're like. This happened and this happened
and this interaction happened. Like it is insane
once you actually take a step back from your
appearance and think to yourself who am I inherently
as a human being what qualities do I adopt and
you radiate that. And that makes you 10 times
more hotter. And you know what, we do need to
touch on this as well, is that like me and Rose,
for example, are very comfortable around each
other. I know Rose even said to me one of the,
and this was another thing that made me so happy,
is like she was like, I've never felt like I
can fully be myself around pretty much any of
my friends until I met you. That's the only kind
of friend I want to be. I don't want someone
to, you know, hang out with me because I've had
situations like this before where I've gone out
with friends and I felt like I had to go out
with them wearing makeup or I had to go. and
refrain from a joke that they wouldn't find funny
or whatever. We're both sitting here with no
makeup. I'm in my work clothes. I look like a
librarian. You're wearing my sweater. You're
Beth. We've become so comfortable and I think
we've gotten to a good place. We're in the sense
of I think we understand. We still both struggle
with the parents. I know that I do a lot. Everyone
does. You know, 10 out of 10 every single day.
But my point with with that was it obviously
comes with finding people and surrounding yourself
with people that will make you be able to feel
like the best version of yourself. If you. Feel
like you're this radiant bubble, but then around
you, you've got a bunch of miserable people or
people that, you know, inherently always make
comments about people's appearance or constantly
talk about, you know, whatever badly about themselves,
like whatever it may be. Get those people out.
Surrounding yourself with people that have a
really low. self -esteem or low confidence can
actually be quite detrimental to you and not
saying that those people are bad people who shouldn't
surround yourself with them because sometimes
that's what's going to happen in life like you're
never going to have people in your life that
are always happy about themselves and la la la
but it can be quite draining but if that's what
they're like as a generic overall person we're
not everyone has a bad day today when we saw
each other we were like i was crying the other
was infuriating yeah that's not to say that you
don't have bad days or bad weeks or bad months.
But if that's what you're like in general, if
all you do is talk about other people, if all
you do is talk about yourself in such a bad light,
then that's going to project and you don't want
to be around people like that because that will
set you 10 steps back in becoming that person.
And maybe if you have people like that in your
life, you can help them too. You know, because
I don't want to see somebody talk so awfully
about themselves constantly. Yep. I tell my friends
all the time, like freaking beautiful. Shut up.
Like, yeah, but you know what? Sometimes that
just comes with being that role model for them.
For example, I don't feel I don't feel like I
ever came into your life and intentionally said
to you like. here I am this is what you need
to do I was just myself and then you felt like
you could be yourself and sometimes it's just
like being that role model for someone or being
the person that you want to attract as well in
your life is enough sometimes so once you build
up that light as long as you don't have the people
around you that are crushing that for you You
might be someone that's just struggling with
something, but just be yourself and be kind and
and They'll get there in the end. Yes, be kind
to yourself and others and just Every time it
is free and every time You think about your appearance
or it makes you or it destroys you because unfortunately
does destroy us Sometimes when we overthink ourselves
and the way that we look in the way that we present
ourselves to the world go back to who you are
inherently and if there are things that you're
like you physically want to change about yourself
think about why you want to do that is it for
yourself is it gonna make you happy or is it
gonna make other people happy are you doing it
for the world are you like okay conventionally
like I should my lips are so small or like I
need to lose weight or I need to put on weight
or whatever whatever it is or I need to act a
certain way because that's how society wants
me to be or that's how my friends are or that's
how this person is that's being totally inauthentic
to yourself. So go back to your core. Oh no,
I was just going to say, I think that exact sentence
is what I've used as the basis of my morals and
my life to be accepting of the physical things.
For example, for me, my gap tooth, I never thought
was a big deal. It has not bothered me once.
How many times have I considered getting braces?
Endless. When I really come back to it though,
I'm like, but it's not really bothering me. I'm
fine. I'm fine either way. I really don't care.
It distinguishes you from other people. So I'm
also like, hold on a second. I don't need to
go and spend 10 grand right now to make other
people happy if it doesn't bother me. But if
it did bother me, I would go and do it. No problem.
But coming to that distinction of, hold on, it's
not bothering me, I'm doing it for other people,
big, big thing to note as well. You've got to
completely separate that, and I think that's
what I was trying to say before. Yeah. Totally.
Not only physically, like personality -wise.
Personality -wise, yes. But I think, yeah, this
is an episode that we feel very, very passionate
about, specifically as women, but it's very much
so, yeah. Just going back to the core of who
you are as a human being and what you want to
be remembered as. Not be remembered for your
pretty face or your pretty body or your pretty
feet. Be remembered for being a good person,
for being a good friend, a good parent, for being
passionate, for being loyal. All of the above.
We've yapped way too much and I think it's time
to wrap it up. We hope this felt like the 14th
therapy session. Yes, we hope you got something
out of it. And like we said in the previous episode,
if this has impacted you in any way or if any
episode has impacted you in any way, please,
please reach out. and let us know. We love to
hear from everyone. We save every single message.
We screenshot them all and we reply to everything.
We've got a hundred bloody followers on like
who are we? Do you know what I mean? Like we
reply to everyone and we are so grateful that
we have listeners and that we have people that
we can, you know, make a difference to and we're
just going to continue because we love what we
do and stay tuned. All right, that's it. I think
this episode we just weren't meant to say it
together at all. No. Anyways, we love you, share,
listen, like, listen, whatever you want to do.
Message us, message me, message Emanuella. Anyway,
goodbye.