WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799 Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:05.559 right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose 00:00:05.559 --> 00:00:07.980 Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share 00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:10.160 what it's really like navigating your twenties. 00:00:10.339 --> 00:00:12.900 We're two semi -lost girls figuring out careers, 00:00:13.320 --> 00:00:15.800 relationships, wellness, purpose, and everything 00:00:15.800 --> 00:00:18.120 in between. Each week we dive into the highs, 00:00:18.260 --> 00:00:20.579 the lows, and the lessons of chasing your dreams, 00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:23.019 finding happiness, and learning to embrace the 00:00:23.019 --> 00:00:25.160 uncertainty. We're not here to pretend like we've 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:27.719 loaded all together. We're simply just figuring 00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:35.159 it out with you. Hello everyone! Welcome back 00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:40.920 to the Lost -ish Podcast! We have another amazing 00:00:40.920 --> 00:00:43.640 episode for y 'all. Oh my god, I can't believe 00:00:43.640 --> 00:00:47.439 it. Guys, it's been a rough one today. It's been 00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.820 a rough one today. It's been a really interesting 00:00:50.820 --> 00:00:56.240 day. I've had some stuff come up at work. I just 00:00:56.240 --> 00:00:59.399 had her fuming. I was crying in the car to Alex 00:00:59.399 --> 00:01:01.920 Warren's new album. Yeah, I'm fuming because 00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:06.739 people are just ridiculously so unfair. But that 00:01:06.739 --> 00:01:09.920 is for me to deal with. Welcome to life. Welcome 00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:14.140 to life. But we have an exciting topic for you 00:01:14.140 --> 00:01:17.760 guys and we are going to be talking about pretty 00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:21.260 much outgrowing A life you thought you wanted. 00:01:21.260 --> 00:01:25.239 A life that you thought you wanted. And it's 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:27.719 gonna be a nice little cute candid conversation. 00:01:28.260 --> 00:01:30.799 And something that I think happens to a lot of 00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:33.340 people. Everyone. Everyone. Everyone at some 00:01:33.340 --> 00:01:36.540 point goes, oh my god I don't think I want this 00:01:36.540 --> 00:01:39.099 anymore or I don't think I want to do this. Or 00:01:39.099 --> 00:01:42.709 even just like. Not even intentionally knowing 00:01:42.709 --> 00:01:45.370 that but just being like oh my gosh like my life 00:01:45.370 --> 00:01:47.269 now is so different to what I thought it would 00:01:47.269 --> 00:01:49.689 be 10 years ago. And our goals and our dreams 00:01:49.689 --> 00:01:52.709 they become so intertwined with our identity 00:01:52.709 --> 00:01:54.890 like a lot of the time you know people like I 00:01:54.890 --> 00:01:57.430 want to become this or I want to do this or I 00:01:57.430 --> 00:01:59.709 want to be an actor or I want to be a model or 00:01:59.709 --> 00:02:03.250 whatever or I am this. It classifies a lot of 00:02:03.250 --> 00:02:07.049 people. Sometimes people feel a certain pressure 00:02:07.049 --> 00:02:10.210 to have achieved that thing by a certain time 00:02:10.210 --> 00:02:13.930 but then they grow and they realize maybe it's 00:02:13.930 --> 00:02:16.689 not what i want to do maybe there is something 00:02:16.689 --> 00:02:19.689 else and maybe i haven't discovered that but 00:02:19.689 --> 00:02:22.710 that's okay like. It's it's something that a 00:02:22.710 --> 00:02:25.930 lot of people face and something that I myself 00:02:25.930 --> 00:02:29.949 have gone through and I think everybody is questions 00:02:29.949 --> 00:02:32.810 they kind of has an identity crisis or a career 00:02:32.810 --> 00:02:35.789 crisis or a people crisis just like you outgrow 00:02:35.789 --> 00:02:40.210 people you outgrow careers and experiences and 00:02:40.210 --> 00:02:44.669 life and life absolutely where do we start maybe 00:02:44.669 --> 00:02:46.889 let's touch on like where did you think you were 00:02:46.889 --> 00:02:49.789 going to be. Five to ten years ago because I 00:02:49.789 --> 00:02:52.689 know personally my life has changed drastically 00:02:52.689 --> 00:02:55.490 and I think that that's a topic that I like a 00:02:55.490 --> 00:02:57.750 conversation I have with so many people all the 00:02:57.750 --> 00:03:01.810 time but like for example me five years ago like 00:03:01.810 --> 00:03:05.729 I Wouldn't say my basic morals and like dreams 00:03:05.729 --> 00:03:08.729 have changed too much But it's happened in so 00:03:08.729 --> 00:03:11.310 much of a different way than I expected like 00:03:11.310 --> 00:03:14.270 I genuinely thought I was going to be you know 00:03:14.439 --> 00:03:18.819 Traveling full time and doing nutrition nutrition 00:03:18.819 --> 00:03:20.780 and dietetics guys that was my biggest dream 00:03:20.780 --> 00:03:24.400 for such a long time and then the dream. Pretty 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:27.680 much came to fruition and I turned it down like 00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:31.199 where that came from I don't know my friend group 00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:33.699 and friends in general in a completely different 00:03:33.699 --> 00:03:37.000 position than what they were. Five five even 00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:38.840 five years ago I was gonna say ten but even five 00:03:38.840 --> 00:03:42.860 years ago. And yet even my beliefs and morals 00:03:42.860 --> 00:03:47.080 have changed. It's just crazy how much your life 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:50.860 changes. So like, give me a couple things. So 00:03:50.860 --> 00:03:52.979 like I spoke about traveling, nutrition, modeling, 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:56.800 all of that. What about you? For me, it's very 00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:01.159 similar. My dream, like, obviously, like my goal 00:04:01.159 --> 00:04:04.360 and my dream is to be an actor and to be a successful 00:04:04.360 --> 00:04:07.569 actor. And it's something that I knew. That i 00:04:07.569 --> 00:04:09.770 wanted to be from a very young age ever since 00:04:09.770 --> 00:04:12.370 i stepped on a stage i've always wanted to do 00:04:12.370 --> 00:04:18.310 it and will do it until i die. But like you said 00:04:18.310 --> 00:04:24.129 for me it's more so how. I came to that realization 00:04:24.129 --> 00:04:27.509 and how i achieved what i've achieved in my life 00:04:27.509 --> 00:04:30.290 which i had no idea this is the way that it was 00:04:30.290 --> 00:04:33.589 gonna happen people my whole friendship circle 00:04:33.589 --> 00:04:36.399 when i was back in high school. I thought I was 00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:39.720 gonna have that same group like it was very much 00:04:39.720 --> 00:04:43.259 so like in that sort of bubble and it couldn't 00:04:43.259 --> 00:04:45.259 be beyond different I don't talk to a single 00:04:45.259 --> 00:04:48.100 person from high school I have a total totally 00:04:48.100 --> 00:04:53.040 different group of friends family like it has 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:56.079 all changed so much for me even like relationship 00:04:56.079 --> 00:05:00.620 wise like I am a lot more open and I'm a lot 00:05:00.620 --> 00:05:04.250 more Comfortable in my skin than I was a long 00:05:04.250 --> 00:05:07.689 time ago and I And I always I honestly thought 00:05:07.689 --> 00:05:09.930 I was like never gonna be in a relationship because 00:05:09.930 --> 00:05:12.589 it kind of never Happened for me, but then it 00:05:12.589 --> 00:05:15.250 happened and I was like, oh my gosh crazy It's 00:05:15.250 --> 00:05:17.750 crazy and it's something so simple but something 00:05:17.750 --> 00:05:19.430 that I think a lot of people can relate to where 00:05:19.430 --> 00:05:23.110 it's like it changes your whole your whole kind 00:05:23.110 --> 00:05:28.399 of I don't know experience in life and I am Living 00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:31.180 my dream you know but it's it's inconsistent 00:05:31.180 --> 00:05:34.160 and the way that I got there and the people that 00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:38.699 I have in my life are so different to what I 00:05:38.699 --> 00:05:41.160 could have ever imagined. You know that's so 00:05:41.160 --> 00:05:43.000 funny you say that because I'll bring up a little 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:45.060 thing that I actually do every single year I 00:05:45.060 --> 00:05:46.959 don't know if I've told you this or not but I 00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:49.600 in twenty sixteen I started this like I have 00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:53.680 like this diary journal thing and every single 00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:56.819 year I don't even plan when I do it. I wake up 00:05:56.819 --> 00:05:59.540 one day and I'm like, today is the day. And I 00:05:59.540 --> 00:06:01.360 literally open this book. It's been the same 00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:05.740 book for the past 10 years. Wow. And I literally 00:06:05.740 --> 00:06:08.660 write in it everything that has happened in my 00:06:08.660 --> 00:06:13.100 life in that past year. Yeah. And the other the 00:06:13.100 --> 00:06:14.879 last time I did it, because usually I would just 00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:16.319 wake up and I'll be like, oh, well, today is 00:06:16.319 --> 00:06:17.779 the day and I'll start writing and writing and 00:06:17.779 --> 00:06:20.399 writing and writing. That's actually such a good 00:06:20.399 --> 00:06:22.959 thing to do, guys, writing down at the end of 00:06:22.959 --> 00:06:25.100 kind of that year of all the major events that 00:06:25.100 --> 00:06:27.420 have happened. I think this is something I'll 00:06:27.420 --> 00:06:29.180 finish up with this, but I think this is something 00:06:29.180 --> 00:06:32.980 I've done constantly. I love tracking these like 00:06:32.980 --> 00:06:35.920 core memories like I don't know who I tell everyone 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:39.250 to do this. But I did this thing, I started I 00:06:39.250 --> 00:06:40.889 think when I was in like grade three or something, 00:06:40.910 --> 00:06:43.370 I was very young. I went and bought a book, like 00:06:43.370 --> 00:06:46.610 a really cheap book, and I made it my like classmates 00:06:46.610 --> 00:06:49.350 book. And every single year, classmates and teachers, 00:06:49.629 --> 00:06:52.050 every single year that I finished school, I went 00:06:52.050 --> 00:06:54.290 and I got every single one of my classmates that 00:06:54.290 --> 00:06:56.529 year to write me a message in the book. Almost 00:06:56.529 --> 00:06:59.730 as if like you're signing your like grade 12 00:06:59.730 --> 00:07:02.370 shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. School year, sorry. 00:07:03.159 --> 00:07:05.879 um but i did it in a book and my teachers did 00:07:05.879 --> 00:07:07.800 the same and i carried it all the way through 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:11.180 to year 12 and then at the same time obviously 00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:15.060 i wasn't in third grade in 2016 but around the 00:07:15.060 --> 00:07:17.740 same time i started the journal as well and last 00:07:17.740 --> 00:07:21.040 year i actually as when i finished writing that 00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:24.480 entry i went back and i read all of my other 00:07:24.480 --> 00:07:28.149 ones and i just remember thinking like Holy, 00:07:28.529 --> 00:07:31.870 the amount of things that have changed just in 00:07:31.870 --> 00:07:33.990 this past year alone. I remember there was one 00:07:33.990 --> 00:07:36.490 entry, it might have been like 2023 or something, 00:07:36.550 --> 00:07:40.870 and I was like, okay, this year I got into university 00:07:40.870 --> 00:07:43.449 and started university. I got my driver's license. 00:07:44.850 --> 00:07:47.170 I went overseas for the first time on my own 00:07:47.170 --> 00:07:50.389 for six weeks. I'm in a relationship now with 00:07:50.389 --> 00:07:54.310 someone new. i like it was crazy and i remember 00:07:54.310 --> 00:07:56.129 looking back and being like if you had asked 00:07:56.129 --> 00:07:58.089 me if i thought all this stuff would happen when 00:07:58.089 --> 00:08:00.589 i had written it down and i just remember having 00:08:00.589 --> 00:08:03.310 this one thought being like i can't wait to read 00:08:03.310 --> 00:08:05.389 through the rest of the pages yeah like in the 00:08:05.389 --> 00:08:07.129 future because this year looks so different to 00:08:07.129 --> 00:08:11.750 next year it is that is epic no seriously if 00:08:11.750 --> 00:08:13.949 you're not already doing this do it and i recommend 00:08:13.949 --> 00:08:15.449 it to every single person that's doing it and 00:08:15.449 --> 00:08:17.470 even if it's like if you forget one year who 00:08:17.470 --> 00:08:19.730 cares jot down what happened the following year 00:08:19.730 --> 00:08:22.759 yeah it's so nice And I also have a memory box 00:08:22.759 --> 00:08:25.779 guys. I have a box of like all the, which I'm 00:08:25.779 --> 00:08:28.660 getting roses. I started doing it to a box of 00:08:28.660 --> 00:08:31.519 like all the little memories from when I was. 00:08:31.740 --> 00:08:34.080 Young up until now like I'm talking guys. I've 00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:36.179 got some wild things in there. I've got like 00:08:36.179 --> 00:08:42.399 my first tooth. I've got my belly button. My 00:08:42.399 --> 00:08:48.320 mom. The umbilical cord when you cut like yeah, 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:50.279 some of it is like, you know, stranger things 00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:52.600 to happen. It is really cute. Like, you know, 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:55.139 the first letter that my mom like wrote a book 00:08:55.139 --> 00:08:57.799 for me the whole from the day I was born every 00:08:57.799 --> 00:08:59.799 day. She wrote in a diary for me until I turned 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:02.070 one and I've kept that in my mind. It's beautiful. 00:09:02.210 --> 00:09:04.950 It's just so nice to see how you grow over time. 00:09:05.350 --> 00:09:07.210 And I know we're talking about outgrowing your 00:09:07.210 --> 00:09:09.210 life, but sometimes it's nice to see where you 00:09:09.210 --> 00:09:12.269 are now to where you were. Absolutely. It's so 00:09:12.269 --> 00:09:14.970 that's one of my favorite things. Honestly, memories 00:09:14.970 --> 00:09:17.110 and experiences are something that I will always 00:09:17.110 --> 00:09:20.049 prioritize over anything else in my life. I think 00:09:20.049 --> 00:09:22.409 I think going off that it's it's interesting 00:09:22.409 --> 00:09:27.940 because society romanticizes like Sticking to 00:09:27.940 --> 00:09:32.000 that one dream and the group of people that you've 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:34.840 been friends with your whole life and the career 00:09:34.840 --> 00:09:36.419 that you've always wanted to do. Like society 00:09:36.419 --> 00:09:38.639 romanticizes that, you know, you hear it all 00:09:38.639 --> 00:09:40.840 the time. Sticking with a plan A. Sticking with 00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:43.539 plan A, sticking with what's comfortable, the 00:09:43.539 --> 00:09:45.679 fear of disappointing others, being like, oh 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:48.519 but you know, everyone in my family is a doctor, 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:54.399 I have to become a doctor too. It's so like common 00:09:54.399 --> 00:09:58.429 that that - I just banged the microphone. It's 00:09:58.429 --> 00:10:02.710 so common that that happens and I think having 00:10:02.710 --> 00:10:06.230 journals and even looking back at photos and 00:10:06.230 --> 00:10:08.470 things like that of like who you were back then 00:10:08.470 --> 00:10:11.830 and who you are now. And I think people change. 00:10:12.289 --> 00:10:15.789 People change. Life changes. You are growing 00:10:15.789 --> 00:10:20.620 every single day. And if your dream What's to 00:10:20.620 --> 00:10:23.740 become an actor like mine is and you wanted to 00:10:23.740 --> 00:10:27.120 become an actor for. Literally since you were 00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:29.259 three years old right and you are now twenty 00:10:29.259 --> 00:10:32.240 three and if that changes for you and you think 00:10:32.240 --> 00:10:36.440 to yourself like. Maybe i don't want to do this 00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:38.840 anymore maybe it doesn't bring me as much joy 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:42.299 as it used to so interesting because i've spoken 00:10:42.299 --> 00:10:45.259 about this before i graduated from nida which 00:10:45.259 --> 00:10:50.090 is a. a drama school and um it's very hard to 00:10:50.090 --> 00:10:53.389 get into and a lot of people try and try and 00:10:53.389 --> 00:10:59.210 try years and years on end and my class I had 00:10:59.210 --> 00:11:01.850 some incredibly like talent very very talented 00:11:01.850 --> 00:11:04.830 people in my class and I did that for a year 00:11:04.830 --> 00:11:09.529 I have a diploma in stage and screen acting and 00:11:09.529 --> 00:11:13.110 half of the people in my class who have spent 00:11:13.110 --> 00:11:16.620 probably years trying to get into You know I 00:11:16.620 --> 00:11:20.080 don't that course don't act anymore and they 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:24.299 found. Other passions in life one of my best 00:11:24.299 --> 00:11:28.179 friends and he will know who it is is now a musical 00:11:28.179 --> 00:11:31.320 writer and never in a million years did he think 00:11:31.320 --> 00:11:33.960 and he said like he said this to me the other 00:11:33.960 --> 00:11:36.980 day he was like Rose I'm having an identity crisis 00:11:36.980 --> 00:11:39.779 all my life I've wanted to become an actor it's 00:11:39.779 --> 00:11:43.059 been my dream I went tonight or I did training 00:11:43.059 --> 00:11:48.220 la la la. Writing really fulfills me and directing 00:11:48.220 --> 00:11:51.980 really fulfills me and he's now written and directed 00:11:51.980 --> 00:11:55.580 an award -winning musical that has become so 00:11:55.580 --> 00:11:59.440 successful I think it has like 20k on Instagram 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:02.980 like their musical page and it is crazy because 00:12:02.980 --> 00:12:05.539 This person was literally like Rose. I'm having 00:12:05.539 --> 00:12:08.500 an identity crisis Like I wanted to become an 00:12:08.500 --> 00:12:12.100 actor all my life. Why like do I even enjoy this 00:12:12.100 --> 00:12:15.950 and I said look You are so successful in what 00:12:15.950 --> 00:12:18.669 you do and you can always go back to acting if 00:12:18.669 --> 00:12:21.129 you wanted to you're still in the creative field 00:12:21.129 --> 00:12:25.529 There's no like single single step road. Yeah, 00:12:25.690 --> 00:12:29.990 but It's weird because like obviously we're in 00:12:29.990 --> 00:12:32.470 two different positions is I've wanted to act 00:12:32.470 --> 00:12:35.629 all my life same as this person. And I'm still 00:12:35.629 --> 00:12:38.850 kind of trying to fulfill that dream. But this 00:12:38.850 --> 00:12:41.570 person has chosen a different path, but also 00:12:41.570 --> 00:12:43.690 realize that something that this is something 00:12:43.690 --> 00:12:46.789 that really fulfills them. Yeah. And it's different. 00:12:47.090 --> 00:12:49.889 You know what, I think that like clings nicely 00:12:49.889 --> 00:12:51.909 to the next point I was going to make. But a 00:12:51.909 --> 00:12:54.559 lot of people actually, which I'll speak about 00:12:54.559 --> 00:12:57.019 my personal experience in this as well but a 00:12:57.019 --> 00:12:59.220 lot of people actually face guilt with stuff 00:12:59.220 --> 00:13:01.559 like that as well and feeling like they they're 00:13:01.559 --> 00:13:04.100 not allowed to switch the road that they wanted 00:13:04.100 --> 00:13:06.860 to go on initially because because of various 00:13:06.860 --> 00:13:09.379 factors not only like they disappoint themselves 00:13:09.379 --> 00:13:12.340 but it's like disappointing others too and I 00:13:12.340 --> 00:13:14.620 had that I've experienced that exact feeling 00:13:14.620 --> 00:13:18.580 multiple times in my life me like you know not 00:13:18.580 --> 00:13:21.879 choosing to do nutrition. Study nutrition was 00:13:21.879 --> 00:13:25.120 probably the first major one because I was like 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:28.519 But why don't I want to do this? Like I've literally 00:13:28.519 --> 00:13:31.740 Everyone I guarantee you every single person 00:13:31.740 --> 00:13:33.100 in my high school right now because that's how 00:13:33.100 --> 00:13:35.600 much I used to talk about it If they found out 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:38.059 what I was studying would be like what the nutrition 00:13:38.059 --> 00:13:40.220 girl is doing media and coms like there's no 00:13:40.220 --> 00:13:42.779 way because I used to talk about it that much 00:13:42.779 --> 00:13:45.019 that it almost became a part of me it was like 00:13:45.019 --> 00:13:47.580 well I am going to be a nutritionist because 00:13:47.580 --> 00:13:49.480 that is what I want to do it's what I've cared 00:13:49.480 --> 00:13:54.620 about since I was 13 years old. Yeah so and then 00:13:54.620 --> 00:13:57.659 I literally woke up one day and I and I remember 00:13:57.659 --> 00:14:00.379 getting the text message to say congratulations 00:14:00.379 --> 00:14:02.440 you've made it into nutrition and dietetics and 00:14:02.440 --> 00:14:07.379 I looked at it and I went. I was like, I don't 00:14:07.379 --> 00:14:10.639 know if that's for me. And I felt so guilty saying 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:12.620 that because I'm like, but now I've let down 00:14:12.620 --> 00:14:14.340 everyone because everyone knows that that's what 00:14:14.340 --> 00:14:15.960 I want to do. And that's what I've wanted to 00:14:15.960 --> 00:14:18.679 do. Why am I feeling like this? And the same 00:14:18.679 --> 00:14:21.159 goes with modeling. And the reason I say that 00:14:21.159 --> 00:14:24.440 is even though I will say it over and over again, 00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:26.320 it is something I love so much and something 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:29.899 that I would literally do for free. So many people 00:14:29.899 --> 00:14:32.120 still ask me to this day, inclusive of you, of 00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:34.700 why I'm not getting back into it, or why I haven't 00:14:34.700 --> 00:14:37.679 been getting back into it so much. I think I've 00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:40.039 reached the point where before I was doing it, 00:14:40.500 --> 00:14:43.600 not in a bad way, but I don't know if that fulfills 00:14:43.600 --> 00:14:47.059 me as much as other things do anymore. And as 00:14:47.059 --> 00:14:49.340 much as I loved it, and I would take any other 00:14:49.340 --> 00:14:52.139 opportunity now, and I'm sure I would love it 00:14:52.139 --> 00:14:56.509 just as much in the act, but at the moment, I 00:14:56.509 --> 00:14:58.289 genuinely am not pursuing, not because I don't 00:14:58.289 --> 00:15:00.110 think I can, but because I just don't think it 00:15:00.110 --> 00:15:05.250 fulfills me as much. On that, on that, let's 00:15:05.250 --> 00:15:09.129 talk about external validation versus internal 00:15:09.129 --> 00:15:11.990 fulfillment. Because you literally just said, 00:15:12.330 --> 00:15:14.289 look, I don't know if that fulfills me anymore. 00:15:14.289 --> 00:15:16.429 And that's me being completely honest. I know 00:15:16.429 --> 00:15:18.490 some people might think, oh, you know, she tried 00:15:18.490 --> 00:15:20.409 so many times and blah, blah, and I genuinely 00:15:20.409 --> 00:15:23.429 did. And I've been successful to a degree and 00:15:23.429 --> 00:15:25.370 I genuinely think that I could have done it. 00:15:25.629 --> 00:15:28.169 And so many people are now, you know, at me. 00:15:28.289 --> 00:15:29.690 Why aren't you still modeling? Why aren't you 00:15:29.690 --> 00:15:31.509 changing your agent? Why aren't you doing this? 00:15:31.690 --> 00:15:34.889 Why aren't you for me? That's me. No, not just 00:15:34.889 --> 00:15:37.049 Rose. It's literally everyone inclusive of you, 00:15:37.070 --> 00:15:39.309 but everyone. And all the time, my answer pretty 00:15:39.309 --> 00:15:41.610 much remains the same to them. It's like, oh, 00:15:41.610 --> 00:15:44.289 you know, I'm busy on this and that. But deep 00:15:44.289 --> 00:15:46.210 down, I'm like, I'm trying to figure out if that's 00:15:46.210 --> 00:15:48.809 what I actually love and want to do and prioritize 00:15:48.809 --> 00:15:52.169 so much of my time in. And I know great things 00:15:52.169 --> 00:15:56.019 will like come eventually, like There's always 00:15:56.019 --> 00:15:58.720 chances to do photo shoots and stuff like that. 00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:00.399 But you can always go back to it. This is a thing. 00:16:00.679 --> 00:16:04.399 Nothing is ever infinitely done. I've tried it 00:16:04.399 --> 00:16:07.820 and I loved it and now there's so many more things 00:16:07.820 --> 00:16:12.200 that bring me so much more happiness than that. 00:16:12.259 --> 00:16:14.139 And that's not a bad thing. I'm not portraying 00:16:14.139 --> 00:16:16.860 modeling as being a bad thing nor acting nor 00:16:16.860 --> 00:16:19.529 cooking nor being an engineer. there's no right 00:16:19.529 --> 00:16:22.409 or wrong answer yeah but to me it just yeah it 00:16:22.409 --> 00:16:24.149 just doesn't bring me as much fulfillment anymore 00:16:24.149 --> 00:16:27.070 and yes i have also felt guilty with that when 00:16:27.070 --> 00:16:29.389 people around me like but you're so good at it 00:16:29.389 --> 00:16:32.929 why don't you just do it and i'm like guys but 00:16:32.929 --> 00:16:36.090 that's exactly what it is it's is it external 00:16:36.090 --> 00:16:39.210 validation that you know if you do something 00:16:39.210 --> 00:16:41.929 or if you stick by doing something or being in 00:16:41.929 --> 00:16:43.509 the wrong relationship on the right relationship 00:16:43.509 --> 00:16:47.860 whatever. Is it external validation that is making 00:16:47.860 --> 00:16:51.159 you stay in this certain thing that's not fulfilling 00:16:51.159 --> 00:16:55.299 for you? Ask yourself that question. Is this 00:16:55.299 --> 00:16:58.200 fulfilling me? Is this serving me? Am I happy 00:16:58.200 --> 00:17:01.779 doing this? And if it's other people's praise 00:17:01.779 --> 00:17:06.519 towards you that is making you. Happy then that's 00:17:06.519 --> 00:17:08.660 not happiness. That's external validation and 00:17:08.660 --> 00:17:11.259 it's fueling that insecurity of your external 00:17:11.259 --> 00:17:13.319 validation And you know what? I think I'm pretty 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:16.579 lucky because I Learned pretty early on that. 00:17:16.579 --> 00:17:19.579 It was it's my life. I'm in control of my life 00:17:19.579 --> 00:17:22.140 No one else can tell me what to do with my life. 00:17:22.140 --> 00:17:25.259 I'm a very open -minded person though I'm I'd 00:17:25.259 --> 00:17:27.940 like to think I've never been rude to anybody 00:17:27.940 --> 00:17:31.420 Intentionally or like I will listen to everyone's 00:17:31.420 --> 00:17:35.569 opinion. I love everyone but honestly I got pretty 00:17:35.569 --> 00:17:38.769 early on that no one's gonna tell me what to 00:17:38.769 --> 00:17:42.049 do with my life. So I never took the external, 00:17:42.450 --> 00:17:45.049 I never felt the need for an external validation, 00:17:45.049 --> 00:17:47.450 but it was more an internal battle for me. Cause 00:17:47.450 --> 00:17:49.329 it was like, I felt like I was letting myself 00:17:49.329 --> 00:17:51.230 down more than anything. Cause I'm like, I wanted 00:17:51.230 --> 00:17:54.289 this for so long. But people feel the pressure, 00:17:54.470 --> 00:17:57.890 people feel pressure to stick, to live up to 00:17:57.890 --> 00:18:01.109 that. It's almost like - You're being held accountable. 00:18:01.170 --> 00:18:03.630 You're being held accountable and like also, 00:18:04.589 --> 00:18:07.730 Sometimes when it's like a childhood dream or 00:18:07.730 --> 00:18:11.710 a childhood attachment to something like that 00:18:11.710 --> 00:18:13.890 as a kid you look at it and you're like this 00:18:13.890 --> 00:18:16.829 is what I want like this is everything and I 00:18:16.829 --> 00:18:19.049 want to grow up and be this and be with that 00:18:19.049 --> 00:18:22.390 person and la la la it's really hard to let that 00:18:22.390 --> 00:18:25.410 go and I want to talk about that is like how 00:18:25.410 --> 00:18:29.579 do we let. How do how do you go from this for 00:18:29.579 --> 00:18:31.779 me right i would feel like i would be having 00:18:31.779 --> 00:18:34.440 an identity crisis if i got to the point and 00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:36.059 i was like i don't think i want to be an actor 00:18:36.059 --> 00:18:39.099 anymore. Like what would i like you would be 00:18:39.099 --> 00:18:41.460 shocked because that's been a dream of mine probably 00:18:41.460 --> 00:18:43.920 since i was in the womb yeah it's honestly it's 00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:46.400 like letting down the four year old self because 00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:49.000 that's what it feels like you're letting down 00:18:49.000 --> 00:18:51.119 that you feel like you're letting down that in 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:54.460 a child when really. You're just growing and 00:18:54.460 --> 00:18:57.640 you're just changing and that's okay and that's 00:18:57.640 --> 00:19:01.880 okay if even if i did decide that maybe acting 00:19:01.880 --> 00:19:04.160 wasn't for me in the future than that is what 00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.839 it is and i can always go back to it if i wanted 00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:09.480 sometimes what happens is you decide or something 00:19:09.480 --> 00:19:12.079 isn't for me you try other things you try other 00:19:12.079 --> 00:19:14.700 things you try other things and it doesn't fulfill 00:19:14.700 --> 00:19:17.940 you and then you go back to what you knew at 00:19:17.940 --> 00:19:20.440 that time fulfilled you and things change like 00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:23.809 nothing is ever set. in stone. And that's kind 00:19:23.809 --> 00:19:27.789 of what we're trying to get at is just allow 00:19:27.789 --> 00:19:32.009 yourself to unfold the way that you're unfolding. 00:19:32.490 --> 00:19:35.089 Allow yourself to try other things. And we're 00:19:35.089 --> 00:19:37.630 not just talking career wise feel guilty about 00:19:37.630 --> 00:19:40.549 it. Absolutely. The guilt, the guilt is that 00:19:40.549 --> 00:19:44.990 as well. And it's also external influences. Because 00:19:44.990 --> 00:19:47.029 it's like when you have people like family and 00:19:47.029 --> 00:19:49.150 friends and because I remember like the person 00:19:49.150 --> 00:19:51.579 that I spoke about, I'm not going to say his 00:19:51.579 --> 00:19:54.720 name, but about the whole musical, then becoming 00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:57.019 a writer after drama school and things like that. 00:19:57.299 --> 00:20:00.359 That person, including me, I was like, no, but 00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:03.119 you have to continue acting. You're an actor. 00:20:03.299 --> 00:20:05.640 You are so talented and you are so amazing and 00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:07.079 you're prodding and you're prodding and you're 00:20:07.079 --> 00:20:09.359 prodding because you may believe in somebody, 00:20:09.539 --> 00:20:13.180 but it doesn't fulfill that person anymore. And 00:20:13.180 --> 00:20:16.079 that will just put pressure on that person to 00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:20.150 be like, okay, like I'll do it. Okay. When they 00:20:20.150 --> 00:20:22.569 actually don't want to do it. Yeah, I actually 00:20:22.569 --> 00:20:25.289 find it really exciting knowing that like the 00:20:25.289 --> 00:20:28.029 person I am today might not be. Like the exact 00:20:28.029 --> 00:20:30.069 same person's I will be in five to ten years 00:20:30.069 --> 00:20:34.430 or even tomorrow. You might literally like you 00:20:34.430 --> 00:20:36.910 might wake up and have an epiphany about your 00:20:36.910 --> 00:20:40.009 life and be like quite a few times oh my gosh 00:20:40.009 --> 00:20:43.349 what am i doing i don't want to do this why am 00:20:43.349 --> 00:20:46.390 i doing it working in retail that's me i'm like 00:20:46.390 --> 00:20:49.230 i need to stop immediately and i'm like why am 00:20:49.230 --> 00:20:51.309 i still working in retail anyway that's a whole 00:20:51.309 --> 00:20:53.170 other can of worms that's a whole other third 00:20:53.170 --> 00:20:58.710 world story yes but. It doesn't matter it could 00:20:58.710 --> 00:21:00.609 be five seconds from now it could be five minutes 00:21:00.609 --> 00:21:02.930 from now could be five years from now it doesn't 00:21:02.930 --> 00:21:06.849 matter when that time happens because it happens 00:21:06.849 --> 00:21:11.349 for everybody no one. For me in my industry no 00:21:11.349 --> 00:21:14.990 one acts until the ninety five years old unfortunately 00:21:14.990 --> 00:21:17.650 as much as you as much as you love it. Everybody 00:21:17.650 --> 00:21:21.049 stops and retires at some point. Everybody changes 00:21:21.049 --> 00:21:22.869 their minds about things. You change your mind 00:21:22.869 --> 00:21:25.970 about people. You change your mind about careers. 00:21:26.269 --> 00:21:28.650 You change your mind about hobbies and things 00:21:28.650 --> 00:21:31.390 that you like. You know, one minute I want this, 00:21:31.430 --> 00:21:34.549 the next minute I want that. Like it's, you're 00:21:34.549 --> 00:21:37.569 a human being. You're going to want different 00:21:37.569 --> 00:21:40.809 things at different stages in your life. And 00:21:40.809 --> 00:21:44.549 it's important to understand that once you've 00:21:44.549 --> 00:21:47.670 attached yourself to something, that is bound 00:21:47.670 --> 00:21:50.329 to change. And look, I want to add another piece 00:21:50.329 --> 00:21:53.589 of advice that I read once, but if you're one 00:21:53.589 --> 00:21:55.509 of those people that feels like they are going 00:21:55.509 --> 00:21:57.450 through that sort of identity crisis, don't know 00:21:57.450 --> 00:21:58.849 what they want to do with their lives, don't 00:21:58.849 --> 00:22:00.609 know how they're feeling, all of this stuff, 00:22:01.569 --> 00:22:06.130 I would suggest block out all external influences, 00:22:06.329 --> 00:22:09.430 sit back and genuinely write and think about 00:22:09.430 --> 00:22:12.369 your thoughts. And I was told, and I've done 00:22:12.369 --> 00:22:14.190 this with a lot of things that I'm struggling 00:22:14.190 --> 00:22:17.799 to figure out in my life, I always just keep 00:22:17.799 --> 00:22:21.119 asking myself why why am I doing this because 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:24.220 blah blah blah blah blah. Okay and why that because 00:22:24.220 --> 00:22:26.400 blah blah blah blah blah and continue with the 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:28.500 wise the wise the wise and then you'll eventually 00:22:28.500 --> 00:22:32.359 get to the deep rooted issue of why. It does 00:22:32.359 --> 00:22:34.960 or does not fulfill you or you are or are not 00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:37.680 the way that you are or your interests or your 00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:41.400 beliefs or whatever it may be I just think that's 00:22:41.400 --> 00:22:44.400 a really good idea I agree but you know what 00:22:44.400 --> 00:22:48.420 at the end of the day. It's a feeling like it 00:22:48.420 --> 00:22:51.500 is a feeling that you have when you feel like 00:22:51.500 --> 00:22:54.660 you're you're unfulfilled and like in whatever 00:22:54.660 --> 00:22:57.740 way that might be that might feel feel like you're 00:22:57.740 --> 00:23:00.960 a bit stuck or you're stagnant or things aren't 00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:04.500 happening you know a million times have I been 00:23:04.500 --> 00:23:07.740 like oh my god like acting like it's so hard 00:23:07.740 --> 00:23:09.839 or you know I'm not getting auditions or I'm 00:23:09.839 --> 00:23:11.519 not getting this role and I was so close here 00:23:11.519 --> 00:23:13.339 and I didn't get it rejection rejection rejection 00:23:13.339 --> 00:23:14.920 my mind's like oh maybe I should do something 00:23:14.920 --> 00:23:18.440 else. But then I go to the core and I'm like, 00:23:18.740 --> 00:23:22.720 but when I do it, it fulfills me so much and 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:27.819 that one yes is so worth the a million no's that 00:23:27.819 --> 00:23:30.640 I get as an actor. See, but you have managed 00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:32.839 to come down to that deep rooted feeling. It's 00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:36.440 a deep rooted. Yes, I do love this. Yes, I am 00:23:36.440 --> 00:23:38.940 doing it for myself and for other people. For 00:23:38.940 --> 00:23:40.920 the people that don't know what they're doing, 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:45.009 it's more about getting down to that. core of 00:23:45.009 --> 00:23:49.349 why you're doing what you're doing and not having 00:23:49.349 --> 00:23:51.769 to feel guilty about it. What about for somebody 00:23:51.769 --> 00:23:54.230 that literally doesn't know their passion, doesn't 00:23:54.230 --> 00:23:55.950 know their hobbies, doesn't know if they're in 00:23:55.950 --> 00:23:58.710 the right place at the right time? How do you 00:23:58.710 --> 00:24:02.470 distinguish fulfillment and external validation? 00:24:02.869 --> 00:24:05.349 Look, there's always going to be something that 00:24:05.349 --> 00:24:08.500 makes someone feel good. always it doesn't matter 00:24:08.500 --> 00:24:11.180 if it's as simple as helping people as helping 00:24:11.180 --> 00:24:14.779 people as being able to move your body as staying 00:24:14.779 --> 00:24:19.000 in bed all day as getting up and you know chasing 00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:23.019 your dream whatever it may be yeah there's always 00:24:23.019 --> 00:24:26.220 something that will make you feel unless you're 00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:32.019 I don't know zero emotion Which is what a sociopath 00:24:32.019 --> 00:24:37.259 a narcissist? I guarantee you have felt love 00:24:37.259 --> 00:24:40.519 or like excitement or happiness at some doing 00:24:40.519 --> 00:24:42.799 something even if it's like hanging out with 00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:45.339 your friends Okay, hanging out with your friends. 00:24:45.339 --> 00:24:48.059 Great. You like being around people that make 00:24:48.059 --> 00:24:51.650 you feel good Mm -hmm and guys don't do that 00:24:51.650 --> 00:24:53.910 I'm sure what I'm what we're saying because I'm 00:24:53.910 --> 00:24:55.930 not telling you that if the only thing you find 00:24:55.930 --> 00:24:57.569 Passion in is hanging out with your friends. 00:24:57.890 --> 00:25:00.130 Just no, but it's just a little example No one 00:25:00.130 --> 00:25:03.089 has a million perfect days the person that may 00:25:03.089 --> 00:25:05.190 seem the happiest to you might wake up one day 00:25:05.190 --> 00:25:09.049 and feel like absolute shit yeah, and That's 00:25:09.049 --> 00:25:12.630 not the worst thing ever guys. We're human. That's 00:25:12.630 --> 00:25:15.890 how we operate There's been days I would consider 00:25:15.890 --> 00:25:18.470 myself a very happy person. Touch wood, I've 00:25:18.470 --> 00:25:20.809 touched on this before, but like I've never experienced 00:25:20.809 --> 00:25:23.309 a mental health issue like other people have. 00:25:23.349 --> 00:25:26.329 Of course I felt sad. Of course I felt, you know, 00:25:26.470 --> 00:25:30.009 quote unquote, a state of depression. Anxiety. 00:25:30.309 --> 00:25:32.769 Anxious at some point. I felt all of those things, 00:25:32.890 --> 00:25:35.150 but I haven't, I've been lucky enough to not 00:25:35.150 --> 00:25:37.430 have experienced it the way, for example, that 00:25:37.430 --> 00:25:39.589 you and my mother have. Yeah. Because I've seen 00:25:39.589 --> 00:25:44.160 it and it's not good. I don't know where I was 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:47.160 going with this. But pretty much, oh yeah, no 00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:50.779 one has every single, no one wakes up every single 00:25:50.779 --> 00:25:54.079 day and has a great day every single day. And 00:25:54.079 --> 00:25:57.640 you, like, sometimes you're gonna feel flat. 00:25:57.960 --> 00:26:01.259 At the moment. I feel flat. I feel quite flat 00:26:01.259 --> 00:26:03.279 in life. I'm going to be fully honest with you. 00:26:03.660 --> 00:26:07.059 You know, auditions are quiet. It's raining outside. 00:26:07.579 --> 00:26:10.240 I'm constantly working a job that I, you know, 00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:12.099 not necessarily don't want to be working, but 00:26:12.099 --> 00:26:16.000 like working a job that doesn't fulfill me entirely. 00:26:16.839 --> 00:26:19.819 You know, a lot of my friends are away and I'm, 00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:23.740 you know, whatever it is. And it's like, I feel 00:26:23.740 --> 00:26:27.740 a bit flat. I feel kind of shit right now. I've 00:26:27.740 --> 00:26:30.400 got stuff happening with family and whatnot and 00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:34.279 health related issues. And it's just like, that's 00:26:34.279 --> 00:26:36.759 okay, because that's going to happen. And it's 00:26:36.759 --> 00:26:39.200 not one particular reason of why I'm feeling 00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:42.640 flat. And I'm, I'm as mental health as it gets. 00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:45.940 I have gone through Everything that you can possibly 00:26:45.940 --> 00:26:48.440 imagine mental health wise and that's where Emanuella 00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:50.720 and I actually compliment each other because 00:26:50.720 --> 00:26:54.579 Emanuella. I'm a listener is a listener she has 00:26:54.579 --> 00:26:56.900 a little bit more stability in her and she comes 00:26:56.900 --> 00:26:59.900 from a more of a rational point of view and I've 00:26:59.900 --> 00:27:02.460 got my anxious overthinking catastrophic mind 00:27:02.460 --> 00:27:04.799 where I'm you know quite emotional and things 00:27:04.799 --> 00:27:06.880 like that which I actually think is a really 00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:11.390 beautiful thing and I use. You know what i've 00:27:11.390 --> 00:27:13.509 gone through with my mental health i wouldn't 00:27:13.509 --> 00:27:15.569 wish it upon anyone but how much have i grown 00:27:15.569 --> 00:27:19.490 from that and i've become a person that i wasn't. 00:27:19.789 --> 00:27:22.690 What five years ago or two years ago or two months 00:27:22.690 --> 00:27:27.269 ago i am changing all the time because my past 00:27:27.269 --> 00:27:31.190 experiences form the way that i am and it's a 00:27:31.190 --> 00:27:34.029 really really beautiful thing for everyone even 00:27:34.029 --> 00:27:37.359 you who hasn't you know necessarily like. been 00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:39.900 hospitalized for her mental health before. No 00:27:39.900 --> 00:27:42.660 I'm a very pretty boring person if I'm being 00:27:42.660 --> 00:27:45.380 quite frank like I my life is pretty mundane 00:27:45.380 --> 00:27:48.140 on a day to day but you know one thing that I 00:27:48.140 --> 00:27:51.480 do every single day is before I go to bed I will 00:27:51.480 --> 00:27:54.220 sit there and recite every single thing that 00:27:54.220 --> 00:27:56.960 day specifically that day that I'm grateful for 00:27:56.960 --> 00:27:59.339 I'm not talking you know I do the normal like 00:27:59.339 --> 00:28:01.599 roof over my head clothes I wear food I eat all 00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:04.200 of that but I'm talking about if I got to have 00:28:04.200 --> 00:28:06.019 a conversation with a stranger that day that 00:28:06.019 --> 00:28:09.359 for filled me, that will be in my gratitude at 00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:13.079 the end of the night. If I got to, you know, 00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:14.980 finally buy something that's been on my mind 00:28:14.980 --> 00:28:16.819 for ages, that will be on my gratitude at the 00:28:16.819 --> 00:28:19.480 end of the night. If I finally got to accept 00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:21.660 something that I haven't accepted or get over 00:28:21.660 --> 00:28:23.420 something that's been bothering me for the past 00:28:23.420 --> 00:28:26.279 two years, I will be grateful for that that day, 00:28:27.059 --> 00:28:29.779 whatever it may be. And that has helped me so 00:28:29.779 --> 00:28:33.339 much, except the person that I am now, and also 00:28:33.339 --> 00:28:36.779 be grateful for the person I was as well, since 00:28:36.779 --> 00:28:40.400 we're on the topic of outgrowing. But yeah, like, 00:28:40.500 --> 00:28:43.339 honestly, you'll realize, you don't have to take 00:28:43.339 --> 00:28:46.640 my advice, but you'll realize that someone who 00:28:46.640 --> 00:28:49.039 is grateful for the little things that they have 00:28:49.039 --> 00:28:51.200 in their life is always going to be happier. 00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:55.140 I never, for example, you know, had a massive 00:28:55.579 --> 00:29:00.380 party phase I never you know went out and I've 00:29:00.380 --> 00:29:03.779 never really met you know anyone crazy that's 00:29:03.779 --> 00:29:07.359 had some massive impact on my life or you know 00:29:07.359 --> 00:29:09.559 like whatever it may be my point is my life is 00:29:09.559 --> 00:29:12.960 pretty mundane and even in that I've still managed 00:29:12.960 --> 00:29:16.940 to find freedom find love find happiness find 00:29:16.940 --> 00:29:20.500 gratitude find all of that stuff genuinely genuinely 00:29:20.500 --> 00:29:25.589 that like now nothing really bothers me and Even 00:29:25.589 --> 00:29:28.049 like things that I used to in terms of growing 00:29:28.049 --> 00:29:30.809 things that I used to take so much more seriously 00:29:30.809 --> 00:29:33.529 before if I had a confrontation with someone 00:29:33.529 --> 00:29:36.589 before someone disagreed with me before someone 00:29:36.589 --> 00:29:38.250 you know said that they didn't want to be my 00:29:38.250 --> 00:29:40.289 friends me before best believe I would be the 00:29:40.289 --> 00:29:43.650 girl that would you know take it to heart. Be 00:29:43.650 --> 00:29:47.910 sensitive oh I'm so sensitive. Now I'm not saying 00:29:47.910 --> 00:29:50.369 I'm fully there yet because I still get agitated 00:29:50.369 --> 00:29:53.799 at things but now I'm a lot more. open -minded 00:29:53.799 --> 00:29:55.859 and not more level -headed and a lot more accepting 00:29:55.859 --> 00:29:58.279 and I'm just like, yeah, that's them and I'm 00:29:58.279 --> 00:30:01.000 me whatever Yeah, like I genuinely am like say 00:30:01.000 --> 00:30:03.079 that's great. Like that's great. I'm a little 00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:07.059 different is like I'm quite sensitive I've grown 00:30:07.059 --> 00:30:10.319 so much. Oh my gosh with my sensitivity now honestly 00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:12.700 by being in this acting industry and facing the 00:30:12.700 --> 00:30:15.519 relationships that I faced in the past I feel 00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:18.759 like I'm invincible, but I'm obviously not I'm 00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:23.170 a human but see I'm quite sensitive I feel emotions 00:30:23.170 --> 00:30:27.950 so deeply. I take things, certain things to heart 00:30:27.950 --> 00:30:32.750 and things bother me, but not as much as they 00:30:32.750 --> 00:30:36.089 used to because obviously I've grown and I understand 00:30:36.089 --> 00:30:40.750 that a lot of things are people's insecurities 00:30:40.750 --> 00:30:46.390 or projection on others. And I think What kind 00:30:46.390 --> 00:30:49.390 of a yin and yang when it comes to that sort 00:30:49.390 --> 00:30:54.150 of thing and to relate that to outgrowing is 00:30:54.150 --> 00:30:57.910 like. Sometimes there are things that you don't 00:30:57.910 --> 00:31:00.690 outgrow I think I will always have sensitivity 00:31:00.690 --> 00:31:05.319 I think I will always. feel emotions very deeply. 00:31:05.339 --> 00:31:07.740 I think that that won't change because it's inherent 00:31:07.740 --> 00:31:11.200 to who I am and I have the beautiful capacity 00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:13.359 to feel those emotions. That's why I'm an actor 00:31:13.359 --> 00:31:17.019 because I want to portray emotions and I want 00:31:17.019 --> 00:31:20.759 to connect with people and I want to show people 00:31:20.759 --> 00:31:24.440 that it's okay to feel and if you're somebody 00:31:24.440 --> 00:31:28.859 that isn't emotional like you, that's okay. Like 00:31:28.859 --> 00:31:31.019 we're different in that sense. I can say I'm 00:31:31.019 --> 00:31:33.440 not emotional, guys. I'm not heartless, but no, 00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:34.839 I get what you're saying. But that's not what 00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:37.740 emotional means. I'm logical. You take things 00:31:37.740 --> 00:31:40.920 with more of a logical standpoint. I'll take 00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:43.240 things for what they are. I can be objective. 00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:46.829 I take things... By emotion and it's like or 00:31:46.829 --> 00:31:49.170 how i'm feeling in that moment like if i feel 00:31:49.170 --> 00:31:52.829 confronted or if i feel vulnerable like you will 00:31:52.829 --> 00:31:55.569 see that through me but as you'll be like actually 00:31:55.569 --> 00:31:58.230 no no no like this is the situation before i 00:31:58.230 --> 00:32:00.930 come to a correct yeah i don't jump to conclusions 00:32:00.930 --> 00:32:04.420 today right i had a bad day at work today. And 00:32:04.420 --> 00:32:06.599 i came to manuel and i was really frustrated 00:32:06.599 --> 00:32:09.240 and i was really really angry she got in my car 00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:11.700 furious i got in her car manuel i was like listening 00:32:11.700 --> 00:32:14.900 to alex warren crying in the car because alex 00:32:14.900 --> 00:32:18.059 warren is a great emotional singer about relationships 00:32:18.059 --> 00:32:20.980 and heartache and what not. And i get in the 00:32:20.980 --> 00:32:27.140 car and like i'm so this i'm so and i was very 00:32:27.140 --> 00:32:29.400 very like emotional because of what had happened 00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:33.609 to me at my job. I told her what happened and 00:32:33.609 --> 00:32:36.170 you pretty much like laid it out for me and you're 00:32:36.170 --> 00:32:39.210 like, dude, in the span of things, it's not a 00:32:39.210 --> 00:32:42.589 big deal. This is a casual job that you work 00:32:42.589 --> 00:32:45.849 at. These people are not your, et cetera, et 00:32:45.849 --> 00:32:48.609 cetera, et cetera. And I was like, wow. My immediate 00:32:48.609 --> 00:32:52.779 reaction was like. It's like, like, why are you 00:32:52.779 --> 00:32:54.700 taking this so to heart? And I'm like, no, but 00:32:54.700 --> 00:32:56.559 this person affected me and this person said 00:32:56.559 --> 00:32:59.359 this and that. And the first thing I did say 00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:03.339 is I understand it because when someone disappoints 00:33:03.339 --> 00:33:06.599 you, a lot of people take things as personal 00:33:06.599 --> 00:33:08.359 attacks. And I think that's one thing that I've 00:33:08.359 --> 00:33:11.900 learned to do as I've outgrown my old life is. 00:33:12.029 --> 00:33:14.170 I've learned to take things for what they are 00:33:14.170 --> 00:33:17.009 not for what I thought they would be or expectations. 00:33:17.349 --> 00:33:19.410 Letting go of expectations is one of the biggest 00:33:19.410 --> 00:33:21.950 things that has helped me grow as a person and 00:33:21.950 --> 00:33:25.430 just be quote unquote happy all the time as much 00:33:25.430 --> 00:33:28.630 as I can. But with stuff like that, I'm like, 00:33:28.750 --> 00:33:32.089 and I do this with anyone, just I see Rose too 00:33:32.089 --> 00:33:34.789 often. But like when she got into my car raging, 00:33:34.829 --> 00:33:37.250 I was like, all right, what happened? Talk to 00:33:37.250 --> 00:33:39.960 me, blah, blah, blah. Alright, with the information 00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:41.900 you've given me, this and this and this and this 00:33:41.900 --> 00:33:45.980 is the fact. It's not that serious. It's a fact, 00:33:46.039 --> 00:33:49.460 not a feeling. Literally. It's like, what is 00:33:49.460 --> 00:33:52.700 known to be true here? Do these people hate you? 00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:58.559 No. Are these people working casually? No. Are 00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:00.619 they working casually? Yes. Are they doing this? 00:34:00.619 --> 00:34:03.500 Exactly. Okay, so the general consensus is that 00:34:03.500 --> 00:34:06.730 it's not a big deal. Correct. And... Honestly 00:34:06.730 --> 00:34:08.690 i've calmed down a little bit but i was really 00:34:08.690 --> 00:34:17.610 infuriated with what happened before. Moral of 00:34:17.610 --> 00:34:19.530 the story is there's no one size fits all guys 00:34:19.530 --> 00:34:22.849 and. You don't need to feel guilty for outgrowing 00:34:22.849 --> 00:34:24.530 the life that you thought you wanted. That's 00:34:24.530 --> 00:34:26.710 the whole, that's the whole of this episode. 00:34:26.710 --> 00:34:28.750 It's also the whole purpose of being a human. 00:34:28.750 --> 00:34:30.989 Yeah. Outgrowing things in your life. You're 00:34:30.989 --> 00:34:32.929 never going to stick with the same people, the 00:34:32.929 --> 00:34:36.289 same experiences, the exact same reality for 00:34:36.289 --> 00:34:39.389 your whole life. Things are going to change. 00:34:39.530 --> 00:34:41.889 And the reason I say that is even as someone 00:34:41.889 --> 00:34:45.550 who I would say I haven't changed as an overall 00:34:45.550 --> 00:34:48.710 person, like my deep down, like who I would consider 00:34:48.710 --> 00:34:54.090 myself. But you as a person has absolutely changed. 00:34:54.269 --> 00:34:57.429 But my last 10 years, I have seen drastic change 00:34:57.429 --> 00:35:00.429 every single year. And that is why I believe 00:35:00.429 --> 00:35:02.929 that every single person will outgrow a life 00:35:02.929 --> 00:35:06.690 that they thought they wanted or that lived once 00:35:06.690 --> 00:35:09.030 upon a time. And it's okay to do that. It's not 00:35:09.030 --> 00:35:11.400 the end of the world. It sounded just then when 00:35:11.400 --> 00:35:13.559 you said, I believe, it sounded like you were 00:35:13.559 --> 00:35:17.320 doing debating. I believe public speaking. I 00:35:17.320 --> 00:35:19.599 love good debate. That is one thing you need 00:35:19.599 --> 00:35:21.719 to know about me is I love good debate. And you 00:35:21.719 --> 00:35:24.000 know what? She's good at them. Thank you. We 00:35:24.000 --> 00:35:27.579 debate a lot. We do debate a lot. Those 1am conversations 00:35:27.579 --> 00:35:31.539 in bed debating about religion and everything. 00:35:32.349 --> 00:35:35.050 yeah no it's it's fun anyway i think we're gonna 00:35:35.050 --> 00:35:36.849 wrap it up there because we've rambled a lot 00:35:36.849 --> 00:35:38.849 and i think you get what we're trying to say 00:35:38.849 --> 00:35:41.869 yeah and please honestly like if you're feeling 00:35:41.869 --> 00:35:44.849 stuck or if you're feeling like you're outgrowing 00:35:44.849 --> 00:35:48.929 a person a life a career a moment reach out let's 00:35:48.929 --> 00:35:51.710 have a chat because i'm with you emmanuel is 00:35:51.710 --> 00:35:55.070 with you and we've had that before and people 00:35:55.070 --> 00:36:00.920 reaching out change my perspective on this or 00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:03.019 I just went like you got a beautiful message 00:36:03.019 --> 00:36:04.760 the other day of someone that was going through 00:36:04.760 --> 00:36:07.460 a massive friendship break up and was like I 00:36:07.460 --> 00:36:12.960 really needed to hear this like I didn't either 00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:15.019 but that person got something out of it shout 00:36:15.019 --> 00:36:16.679 out to that person if you're listening to this 00:36:16.679 --> 00:36:21.500 episode but it really really makes our day so 00:36:21.500 --> 00:36:23.880 please reach out even if it's even if like you 00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:25.920 listen to an episode you may not have gotten 00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:27.760 something out of it but even if you like like 00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:30.530 it like Tell us like be like hey it's great episode 00:36:30.530 --> 00:36:34.349 because it just kind of shows us that we're making 00:36:34.349 --> 00:36:37.730 an impact and I think that's the whole point 00:36:37.730 --> 00:36:40.489 of us doing it. The Lostish Podcast is because 00:36:40.489 --> 00:36:44.510 we want to make an impact. And yeah. Wrap it 00:36:44.510 --> 00:36:46.530 up there so we don't ramble anymore. Wrap it 00:36:46.530 --> 00:36:49.869 up there, kitties. Listen again. Yes. Well, we 00:36:49.869 --> 00:36:53.550 hope you liked this episode and stay tuned for 00:36:53.550 --> 00:36:59.210 the next episode of The Lostish Podcast. Oh, 00:36:59.250 --> 00:37:01.150 we need to stop doing these, Gans. Oh my god.