Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the
right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose
Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share what
it's really like navigating your twenties. We're
two semi -lost girls figuring out careers, relationships,
wellness, purpose, and everything in between.
Each week we dive into the highs, the lows, and
the lessons of chasing your dreams, finding happiness,
and learning to embrace the uncertainty. We're
not here to pretend like we've loaded all together.
We're simply just figuring it out with you. Hello
and welcome back to the Lostish podcast. Thanks
for coming back guys. We just literally filmed
an episode just before this and we are back with
another banger about friendship breakups. Because
some know that they can be tough. They suck.
Friendship breakups hurt sometimes even more
than romantic ones. Um, and I most definitely
have experienced friendship breakups in my life
that have absolutely sucked. Yeah. Yeah. It's,
it's been a journey. Um, but it needs to be talked
about, like they're rarely discussed, but they
impact our emotional lives very much. So, and
you know what, like friends that who are no longer
in my life anymore, who were very, very close
to me at one point, I still think about them.
Like exes like you still think about them, you
know, like naturally not in the sense of like,
oh, I miss you. Like I want to be friends again,
but you just think about the experience because
it was a memory in your life. It happened in
your life. And I think I think it's time that
we talk about it. OK, well, we'll start off with
one of the biggest things. So I guess for us
it. This is gonna be more of an advice episode
cuz i guess you know third episode we also did
cover a lot about why it's so important to be
surrounded by the right people and you know make
sure your circle represents what you want out
of life and the type of people you wanna be surrounding
yourself with but i guess will also cover sort
of the difference and advice that we give between
are you calling this a friendship breakup because
you're growing apart naturally as life goes on
or is this like. Something happened I will disrespect
those sorts of things so I'll start off by talking
about more. I think you can speak more about
the actual friendship breakups but I think in
terms of I've experienced a lot of feeling like
I've outgrown a lot of friendships and feeling
bad for it and feeling like I should be stuck
back then and if I wasn't then I was doing something
wrong and you know I think a lot of people will
relate to that because. You do grow apart. You
do have different interests. You do, you know,
go ahead with your life. And I think for me,
from personal experience, I mean, long distance
friendships also made that very, very difficult.
And yeah, I guess it took me a while to figure
out that it was okay to outgrow. Friends it's
so okay it's so normal to outgrow friends to
outgrow relationships to outgrow people like
it's and it undoubtedly with its guilt and like
you know feeling like I was going to lose a big
part of myself but you know what maybe that was
just me back then and it also kind of led you
to something better like sometimes. Friendship
breakups lead you to people that you never thought
you could have met for example you and I. Um,
and yeah, you don't realize it in the moment
because obviously it sucks and it hurts in the
moment. And, and I just want to reiterate, like
friendship breakups can happen for any reason.
Like your, for you, it was more outgrowing. For
some it's betrayal or trust. For some it's a
one -sided thing where it's like, you feel like
you're putting the effort in, but the other person
is not, or there's like toxic dynamics, jealousy,
control, drama, gossip. Um, I've actually experienced
all of it. I've had friendships that I've outgrown.
I've had friendships that have ended up in absolute
betrayal. I have had friendships where it's been
a bit of a toxic dynamic. And each one kind of
hurts in different ways. I think the ones that
hurt the most is where there's betrayal involved.
And I think I really felt that within my high
school. friendships and toxic dynamics as well,
where there's jealousy and drama and control
and trying to be popular and whatnot. That's
how I felt. And I even had that happen recently
in my life where you outgrow certain people and
you realize, oh, that person wasn't actually
serving me in my life the way that I thought
that they would. And it's almost like a weight
lifted off your chest where it's like, Wow why
do i feel so much less anxious and so much less
stressed maybe it's because i don't have this
person in my life anymore. One thing that i also
have always lived by when it comes to friendships
specifically is let people do what they want
to do and then you decide if you like it and
that has been something that you know i've had
a lot of people comment on how small my friendship
circle is and my circle in general to be honest.
But it's all come down to the fact, it is 100
% better. To have a small friendship circle than
50 million people in your life that have no relevance.
Quality over quantity. 100%. And I think, yeah,
living by sort of that quote and that, yeah,
just that statement, it's helped get me through
so much hardship in terms of friendships and
accepting that some friendships just aren't meant
to be. Because, People by nature are selfish.
People only have their best interests at heart.
So when it comes to a friendship, we're talking,
you know, friendships are very important thing.
They have a big, big effect on your mental health
and a lot of your time. So letting people act
and do what they want to do. And then me basing
how I treat that friendship and how I act around
that has been a life changer for me. I think
it just depends on the situation and the circumstance
and knowing when, when it's time to let go. Like
when it's time, and Mel Robbins says this, this
is going off of what you said. Yeah. Let them.
I'm reading her book right now. I've got it in
my bag. I love it. It's such a good book. Let
them and. If they show you their true colors
know when it's time to let go know when you're
feeling drained anxious or you can't be yourself
around this person to be honest that is a red
flag in itself where you cannot be your authentic
self because you are going to feel so beyond
drained but you know what it's actually become
normalized how much people put on a front in
front of friends. If they think they need to
make a certain impression or like same goes with
partners to that. They're not their authentic
self. And it's like, that is so sad because this
person is literally friends with you. I say in
inverted commas because of you being not who
you are. Yeah. And if you reveal to them who
you actually are and they don't like it, we'll
let them that's on them. Yeah. You know, I think
secondly as well. Efforts to communicate or setting
boundaries hasn't helped in the past. If you
have tried to communicate with that person and
it's just not budging and it's just not working
and you have told them how you feel and they've
either gaslit you or said, oh yeah, yeah, like,
yeah, I hear you, but then have completely done
the opposite actions over words, always actions
over words. Then I think it's time to consider
to let that friendship go because At the end
of the day you're just gonna build so much resentment
towards the friendship and you're gonna be flogging
a dead horse really. Yeah literally. If you feel
like this person would talk behind your back
in a room that you're not in that is a massive
massive red flag. Maybe sit back and think is
it something that I've done but if you've exhausted
all those results and you're just coming back
to the fact that this person is just the way
they are. You just have to let it be and I think.
It's not to say that people can't change people
can absolutely change and sometimes same with
relationships friendship breakups to is you can
reconnect later like you can go and grow and
the timing may not be right. But maybe in a few
years time the friendship reconnects. I've actually
had this happen in my own life where sometimes
you outgrow a person or sometimes the friendship
wasn't right at one moment or at one stage in
your life to then years and years and years later
the universe just kind of organically bringing
you back together and you reconnect and you're
better versions of yourselves and the friendship
is also better. Yeah, I think that actually happens
quite quite often and it's happened to me and
it's and it's worked same with relationships
right sometimes you outgrow sometimes you find
your way back to each other yeah that's actually
a really good point i didn't think of that because
i think for me i definitely have seen change
in people i just think i always go back to thinking
oh well they were like this before no i know
it's hard it's hard to outgrow but you know what
i wasn't perfect either no well neither like
a friendship breakup look Most of the time is
a two -sided thing like sometimes like you do
things that you don't necessarily think that
you're doing with the other person and it can
be complicated right but a lot of the time it's
a two -way street just like relationships and
if you are reconnecting later on with that person
make sure you see that growth make sure you do
set those new boundaries because there's nothing
worse than you know just being excited about
an old friendship and reconnecting with that
person and then it literally just being what
it was before and then you have to go through
that grieving process all over again, which sucks.
It really does. Healing and moving forward. How
do you do that, Emanuela? How do you heal and
move forward? Well, I think you just have to
remember that you can't control other adults.
You can't. Again, I think we're constantly going
back to this like letting people be the way they
are and just deciding if that meshes with you
and that works for a friendship. But healing
all comes down to that acceptance and also just
being okay with the, like closure doesn't have
to be, you don't have to end in agreeance. You
don't have to end with it being a terrible friendship
breakup. It can just be amicable and that's it.
Sometimes closure is just acceptance. Closure,
is it? You find closure within yourself. Like
a lot of the time there's no closure with anything
really. Like life is so, is so unexpected and
uncertain. And you have to give yourself that
closure of like, okay, it's not my time now.
It's not my time with this person. I shouldn't
have them in my life and that's okay. And I mean.
Emanuel and I are quite spiritual people so I
think the way that we kind of think about it
is is everything happens for a reason and if
they're not meant to be in my life right now
they're not meant to be in my life yeah and they
will be in my life if they're meant to be in
my life and we'll reconnect when that time comes
and you know what the reason that we're speaking
so lightheartedly about this stuff and being
like you know it's okay just acceptance is that
is because if we were to delve into the betrayal
and harsh realities that some friendships have
that is not a friend full stop. No. So if we're
talking about, you know, people doing things
behind each other's back, you know, anything,
anything, think of the worst possible things
that a friend happened, which I know happens
a lot. But I personally don't think there's any
recovering from that. Well, no, no, no, we're
talking about the type of friendship where something
happens and you don't want to lose this person
because you know, they're a good person, or you
may have just outgrown them or, or, you know,
exactly. It's not Or this person went and got
with my ex, or this person stole stuff from me.
Like that is not friendship. We're not referring
to those types of friendships. No, because that's
like a whole other can of worms, I think. And
if that ever has happened to anyone, please don't
ever bring that person back into your life. Because
I'm telling you now, they're going to do it again.
Yeah. And it all just comes back to people are
going to do what they want to do. You just have
to set your healthy boundaries, except things
for what they are. Yeah, say things for what
they are too. Don't see it. Don't look at it
for with rose colored glasses and think, Oh,
I want to preserve this friendship because of
the nostalgia of it or past experiences or, you
know, having fun with that person. Like, like,
no, see it for what it is. See it for what has
just happened and take a, take a step back and
have a bit of an outer body experience where
pretend if your younger sibling had experienced
that and had Said to you this is what has happened
how protective you would be over them or your
child even what advice you would give them want
them to stay in this friendship out would you
say you know what maybe some of it's your fault.
Yeah please sit back and put yourself in the
other person shoes look at it from an outside
perspective. Understand it and if it's not meant
to be it's not meant to be and if it is something
that can work on it something that can get worked
on. Make sure you're expressing it, though, because
it's not your fault if you're it's sorry, it
is your fault if you're not changing your circumstances,
because otherwise you're choosing your circumstances.
So if you are sitting there talking behind someone's
back, but not telling them to their face, well,
maybe that's why nothing's changing. Exactly.
Or if you keep complaining about the friendship
and you're I'm so unhappy, I'm so unhappy, I'm
so unhappy and you're still in it and you haven't
communicated to that person. I think we're both
so good at this. Cause I'm the type of person
that I just simply do not see more than three
people because I know how a lot of people are
and I just can't be bothered for it. And you're
the type of person that will just say it how
it is. I'll say it how it is. She says it. How
is it? How it is. And it's so funny because it's
a nice little different little angles that we
come from. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm very honest and
it's taken me a while to get to this point where
I'm so honest about like if I'm being treated
like crap. You will know how I feel about that
and you will not be. Which is how it should be.
But it's hard. It's easier said than done. It
is because - Especially when it's someone that
you value. Or you have valued in the past or
used to look up to or have had made so many memories
with. It's a lot easier said than done to move
past that. But I think honestly, acceptance,
time, time heals. It really does. You know when
you're in it when you're deep in the breakup
it feels like the world is about to end and it
really is not the world is not going to end unless
the sun explodes but that's not going to be happening
anytime soon so just. Time time therapy if you
need acceptance and go and surround yourself
with the people that make you feel good and you
will know the difference if you have even one
person in your life that makes you feel good.
Spend your time with them. Yeah. Even if it's
like your mom or your dad or your brother or
your sister or your cousin, like it doesn't matter
who it is. If they make you feel good. They're
my friends too. Yeah. My family is my best friends.
I love my like literally. And my friends, my
close friends are my family. I literally you're
the same to me, you know, like you are family
to me. Yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. Well, we've said
all we can say. I think it's hard for us. It's
easy and hard for us to talk about stuff like
this because we're so like, we've got our standards
set. Yeah, very much so. It's like we're just
pumping out advice at this point rather than
being like, we went through this and we went
through this and we went through this. But you
know what? That's what it's about because we're
all about finding ourselves in our 20s and understanding
how we can become the best versions of ourselves
at this time in our lives and I think it's a
very friendships definitely has a big impact
again within your circle with how you end up
becoming as that person so it's a very important
subject to touch on. Yep absolutely. It's not
that difficult like it's everything we spoke
about in this podcast is in this podcast episode
is like a little guide. A little crash course.
To how you can filter out the people you don't
need guys. Filter those peeps out because you
are going to be a lot happier, I promise you.
Yeah, thanks for tuning in guys for a short little
episode. I think it's only been about, oh no,
it's actually been almost 20 minutes. Oh wow.
Yeah, time flies when you're having fun. But
stay tuned for the next episode and thank you
so much for listening and supporting the Lostish
podcast. We appreciate it, absolutely. Everyone
listening, everyone commenting, sharing, following,
sending us beautiful messages. It's all very...
Um, what's the word I'm looking for? Encouraging.
Encouraging. It is very, very encouraging. It
makes us love what we do. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways,
we love you. Bye.