WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799 Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:05.200 right place. Welcome to Lost-ish, where we, 00:00:05.259 --> 00:00:07.459 Rose Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, 00:00:07.679 --> 00:00:10.140 share what it's really like navigating your twenties. 00:00:10.339 --> 00:00:12.900 We're two semi -lost girls figuring out careers, 00:00:13.119 --> 00:00:15.800 relationships, wellness, purpose, and everything 00:00:15.800 --> 00:00:18.120 in between. Each week we dive into the highs, 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:20.600 the lows, and the lessons of chasing your dreams, 00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:23.019 finding happiness, and learning to embrace the 00:00:23.019 --> 00:00:25.160 uncertainty. We're not here to pretend like we've 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:27.719 loaded all together. We're simply just figuring 00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:33.200 it out with you. Yay! Welcome back everyone to 00:00:33.200 --> 00:00:36.640 the Lostage podcast. We are what episode eight? 00:00:37.020 --> 00:00:40.159 Yeah. That's crazy. That's two months in episode 00:00:40.159 --> 00:00:43.780 eight, two months in slow burn, but it's been 00:00:43.780 --> 00:00:46.579 really good. It's been really fun. And we've 00:00:46.579 --> 00:00:48.340 been getting some really lovely messages from 00:00:48.340 --> 00:00:51.340 people saying that they're listening and they're 00:00:51.340 --> 00:00:53.340 really getting a lot out of it, which is really 00:00:53.340 --> 00:00:58.399 nice. And yeah. And we're here with another episode 00:00:58.399 --> 00:01:02.060 on Well, this is a part two to the episode that 00:01:02.060 --> 00:01:04.780 came out last week where Rose talked about the 00:01:04.780 --> 00:01:06.900 beauty of being single. And we said that this 00:01:06.900 --> 00:01:10.719 week's episode was going to be more about me 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:12.760 talking about the beauty of being in the with 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:15.140 the right person in the right relationship. Yeah. 00:01:15.400 --> 00:01:17.939 So yeah, so it's basically literally the reverse 00:01:17.939 --> 00:01:20.459 of last week's episode. Rose is just going to 00:01:20.459 --> 00:01:24.079 throw me a bunch of questions that she thought 00:01:24.079 --> 00:01:28.159 would benefit you guys in relation to being in 00:01:28.159 --> 00:01:30.569 the right relationship. Yes, absolutely. And 00:01:30.569 --> 00:01:33.189 I'll answer them. Give me all the goods. Yeah, 00:01:33.609 --> 00:01:36.150 we must say Manuel's partner is really excited 00:01:36.150 --> 00:01:39.730 about this. I told him I was filming it and he 00:01:39.730 --> 00:01:44.370 was like, oh, so sweet. No, I think it's it's 00:01:44.370 --> 00:01:46.269 nice to have two opposing perspectives because 00:01:46.269 --> 00:01:49.650 obviously, like I've been in relationships before 00:01:49.650 --> 00:01:52.010 and things like that, like long term. But just 00:01:52.010 --> 00:01:54.170 like last week where I was also going on board 00:01:54.170 --> 00:01:56.590 with what you said, I think we've both experienced 00:01:56.590 --> 00:02:00.079 both. So it would be exactly. It's good. Very 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:02.739 much so to mesh them together and have two separate 00:02:02.739 --> 00:02:04.799 episodes because people are going to relate to 00:02:04.799 --> 00:02:06.359 two different people. Some people are going to 00:02:06.359 --> 00:02:08.219 relate to Emanuela. Some people are going to 00:02:08.219 --> 00:02:10.180 relate to me. Some people are not going to relate 00:02:10.180 --> 00:02:13.080 at all and that's okay. Uh, and you know what? 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:15.120 I reckon we're just going to get right into it. 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:17.379 Yep. No fluffing about cause we like to fluff 00:02:17.379 --> 00:02:21.060 a little bit. Um, okay. Emanuela, I just want 00:02:21.060 --> 00:02:23.580 to ask you, how long have you been with your 00:02:23.580 --> 00:02:28.969 partner for? Oh, um, Three and a half years almost. 00:02:29.009 --> 00:02:31.810 Yeah. Wow. That's a long time. So crazy. Cause 00:02:31.810 --> 00:02:34.430 we both got into relationships at literally the 00:02:34.430 --> 00:02:37.650 same time. Yes. And Emanuel is still going strong. 00:02:38.169 --> 00:02:41.909 I know it's a long time, but yes, going strong, 00:02:42.289 --> 00:02:45.129 going strong. Amazing. So I want to like first 00:02:45.129 --> 00:02:48.449 and foremost, Lee ask you what does being in 00:02:48.449 --> 00:02:50.949 the right relationship mean to you and how did 00:02:50.949 --> 00:02:55.490 you kind of understand? uh, to come to that definition. 00:02:55.949 --> 00:03:00.169 Well, I think for me, it's so hard to put it 00:03:00.169 --> 00:03:02.430 down to one specific definition because, you 00:03:02.430 --> 00:03:04.729 know, when people talk about, you know, loving 00:03:04.729 --> 00:03:08.129 someone and being with the right person, it's, 00:03:08.129 --> 00:03:11.310 it's such a complex thing. But I think for me, 00:03:11.449 --> 00:03:16.090 it was just realizing how connected I was to 00:03:16.090 --> 00:03:18.409 this person. that it was actually just shocking 00:03:18.409 --> 00:03:20.810 like when I met him I was like you are literally 00:03:20.810 --> 00:03:23.449 the male version of me like obviously we have 00:03:23.449 --> 00:03:26.289 our differences but it's just crazy how when 00:03:26.289 --> 00:03:30.090 you're so on the same wavelength as someone um 00:03:30.090 --> 00:03:33.889 the love just amplifies everything so I think 00:03:33.889 --> 00:03:36.189 that's how I knew that I was with the right person 00:03:36.189 --> 00:03:38.849 I never had to worry I never feel like I need 00:03:38.849 --> 00:03:41.229 to worry about anything that is so important 00:03:41.229 --> 00:03:45.050 oh my god It's just relaxing. It puts me at ease. 00:03:45.330 --> 00:03:49.189 I don't feel like I'm constantly anxious over 00:03:49.189 --> 00:03:51.490 something that Doesn't deserve being anxious 00:03:51.490 --> 00:03:54.409 over it's a part which is quite rare because 00:03:54.409 --> 00:03:57.509 a lot of people are very very anxious in their 00:03:57.509 --> 00:04:00.409 relationships and I've experienced that before 00:04:00.409 --> 00:04:02.569 yeah constant anxiety for like oh my god you 00:04:02.569 --> 00:04:05.050 know there's a like no reassurance or validation 00:04:05.050 --> 00:04:08.650 or trust issues it's not even like that bill 00:04:08.650 --> 00:04:12.069 itself the trust and the respect and the what 00:04:12.069 --> 00:04:15.259 not having to worry. Built based on action actions 00:04:15.259 --> 00:04:17.680 over what it wasn't like it we've never said 00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:21.139 to ourselves to each other sorry like i'm not 00:04:21.139 --> 00:04:23.360 gonna disrespect you i'm not it's just a given 00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:26.319 yet and once i started realizing that that's 00:04:26.319 --> 00:04:29.300 what our relationship was built off. I was like 00:04:29.300 --> 00:04:32.579 wow this is great and that's so that's so true 00:04:32.579 --> 00:04:34.399 when you say that it's actually just a given 00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:36.740 like you should never have to ask somebody to 00:04:36.740 --> 00:04:39.699 respect you know we have these conversations 00:04:39.699 --> 00:04:43.860 all the time like. We're so alike in that sense, 00:04:43.980 --> 00:04:45.720 like even though one of us is in a relationship 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:48.759 and the other is single, every time someone says 00:04:48.759 --> 00:04:50.800 something to us or we'll even say to each other 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:52.579 and we're like, no, that's a bare minimum. Bare 00:04:52.579 --> 00:04:55.240 minimum. Oh my God. Everybody will know that 00:04:55.240 --> 00:04:57.620 I say bare minimum all the time. He sent me a 00:04:57.620 --> 00:05:00.399 good morning text. Bare fricking minimum, babe. 00:05:00.899 --> 00:05:02.740 What does it mean? I was having a conversation 00:05:02.740 --> 00:05:04.740 with someone a couple months ago. I actually 00:05:04.740 --> 00:05:07.079 don't remember who it was now. But they were 00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:09.139 talking about like, oh, you know, like, it's 00:05:09.139 --> 00:05:12.279 so good that, you know, your partners and you 00:05:12.279 --> 00:05:14.540 are so loyal to each other. And I'm like, but 00:05:14.540 --> 00:05:16.819 I don't find that the be all and end all. Like, 00:05:16.819 --> 00:05:19.000 that's just a given. Don't be in a relationship 00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:20.939 if you don't want to do that, unless you've established 00:05:20.939 --> 00:05:22.860 for some reason that you want an open relationship. 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:25.740 Yeah. If you're talking about having a solid, 00:05:26.060 --> 00:05:28.759 stable, steady relationship that's healthy and 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:33.870 thriving, being loyal is the bare minimum. Absolutely 00:05:33.870 --> 00:05:36.069 that was just a little tangent we went off but 00:05:36.069 --> 00:05:38.990 yeah I think when I realized that I didn't have 00:05:38.990 --> 00:05:41.649 to worry and I was at ease and everything just 00:05:41.649 --> 00:05:44.970 felt comfortable and connected. That's my answer 00:05:44.970 --> 00:05:47.470 and you know what I actually have nothing else 00:05:47.470 --> 00:05:49.930 to add to that because that is how it should 00:05:49.930 --> 00:05:52.829 be yeah and I really am really happy for you. 00:05:54.370 --> 00:05:57.980 Going off that I guess I mean you know. you are 00:05:57.980 --> 00:06:00.040 in the right relationship with the right person 00:06:00.040 --> 00:06:03.839 for you, you know, right now. And I guess a lot 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:06.779 of people struggle in relationships to have that 00:06:06.779 --> 00:06:10.019 balance of like, you know, making time for friends, 00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:12.199 for work, for career. Like a lot of people are 00:06:12.199 --> 00:06:13.800 like, okay, I'm in the relationship, I'm gonna 00:06:13.800 --> 00:06:16.959 drop everything and just focus on that person 00:06:16.959 --> 00:06:19.139 and be with that person. I feel like you're one 00:06:19.139 --> 00:06:21.279 of those people that has found such a beautiful 00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:24.540 balance with work, with friends, with career, 00:06:24.879 --> 00:06:28.800 with travel. and like whenever I'm with you and 00:06:28.800 --> 00:06:31.240 you know it's also quite rare for people in people 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:33.420 in relationships are always messaging their boyfriends 00:06:33.420 --> 00:06:35.860 are always doing these with girlfriends and la 00:06:35.860 --> 00:06:38.439 la la and it's just like well whenever I'm with 00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:42.000 you I just feel like you're present with me and 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:45.079 you're not texting your bf 24 7 I feel like I 00:06:45.079 --> 00:06:47.459 am there with you in that space in that time 00:06:47.459 --> 00:06:50.750 yeah and I want to ask you like How does being 00:06:50.750 --> 00:06:52.930 in the right relationship impact those other 00:06:52.930 --> 00:06:55.829 areas of your life like work friendship or your 00:06:55.829 --> 00:06:58.750 sense of purpose? I have a lot to say about this 00:06:58.750 --> 00:07:01.589 for me personally before I even got into a relationship 00:07:01.589 --> 00:07:05.470 I always knew that the that I would want to establish 00:07:05.470 --> 00:07:08.790 Independence by myself and be happy with myself 00:07:08.790 --> 00:07:11.910 first that when I got into the relationship everything 00:07:11.910 --> 00:07:17.100 would just flourish tenfold right so for me A 00:07:17.100 --> 00:07:18.879 lot of people ask me all the time, like, how 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:20.959 do you have time for all the stuff that you do 00:07:20.959 --> 00:07:23.740 in your life, balancing three to four different 00:07:23.740 --> 00:07:26.220 jobs here and there, being a full -time uni student, 00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:28.160 making time for my friends so they don't ever 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:31.680 feel like just a convenience, balancing a healthy, 00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:35.560 happy relationship. The time exists, right? And 00:07:35.560 --> 00:07:39.519 I don't, for me, it's very simple. If I'm, there 00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:42.279 aren't many people that I prioritize in my life, 00:07:42.399 --> 00:07:45.139 but for example, like one of my best friends 00:07:45.139 --> 00:07:47.579 like you, Or someone like my boyfriend, you are 00:07:47.579 --> 00:07:49.639 both a very large priority in my life and I don't 00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:51.860 think it should be difficult for me. If I've 00:07:51.860 --> 00:07:53.579 made plans with you, I'm not cancelling my plans 00:07:53.579 --> 00:07:55.680 with you. If I've made plans with him, I'm not 00:07:55.680 --> 00:07:58.180 cancelling my plans with him. And when I'm with 00:07:58.180 --> 00:07:59.879 him, I'm fully present. And when I'm with you, 00:07:59.959 --> 00:08:01.600 I'm fully present. I don't think that should 00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:04.600 be that difficult. I so feel that as well. Don't 00:08:04.600 --> 00:08:07.660 get me wrong. There, I know there's people that 00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:09.540 are going to be out there saying like, oh, you 00:08:09.540 --> 00:08:12.410 know, and look, if I'm with you and something 00:08:12.410 --> 00:08:15.389 happens with him, I'm not gonna, I will be there 00:08:15.389 --> 00:08:18.170 and vice versa. It's all about just being a good 00:08:18.170 --> 00:08:20.889 person, being present. It's not that difficult 00:08:20.889 --> 00:08:22.910 to be a good friend and a good partner at the 00:08:22.910 --> 00:08:25.689 same time. It's really not. But one thing I will 00:08:25.689 --> 00:08:28.209 say is you do realize when you are in the right 00:08:28.209 --> 00:08:30.790 relationship that you actually are prioritizing 00:08:30.790 --> 00:08:33.250 how many of your friends start flaking you off 00:08:33.250 --> 00:08:37.470 and start giving you, you know how much I experienced 00:08:37.470 --> 00:08:40.139 that. You're always with your boyfriend. You're 00:08:40.139 --> 00:08:42.580 always hanging all because I got it and it's 00:08:42.580 --> 00:08:44.600 not and this is coming from someone like you 00:08:44.600 --> 00:08:46.740 literally just said yourself You're so good at 00:08:46.740 --> 00:08:49.080 part and I genuinely think I am good at prioritizing 00:08:49.080 --> 00:08:51.360 my friends at the same time really our relationship 00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:54.159 But it's just funny how you get into a relationship 00:08:54.159 --> 00:08:56.139 and suddenly all these people's insecurities 00:08:56.139 --> 00:08:59.940 are coming out on to you Projecting it's a it's 00:08:59.940 --> 00:09:04.299 like pure projection of I don't associate with 00:09:04.299 --> 00:09:06.860 those people as much anymore. Yeah if at all 00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:09.580 Yeah, and sometimes it also comes from jealousy. 00:09:09.740 --> 00:09:11.519 They see that you're in a happy and healthy relationship. 00:09:11.639 --> 00:09:13.580 They wish that they had that. Yeah. And it's 00:09:13.580 --> 00:09:15.879 like, yeah, like, obviously all of us want that, 00:09:15.879 --> 00:09:18.620 but. It doesn't mean that you have to change 00:09:18.620 --> 00:09:20.399 your behavior or change the way that you act 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:23.159 with your best friend. Exactly. And I feel like 00:09:23.159 --> 00:09:27.019 I see you more than a lot of my single friends 00:09:27.019 --> 00:09:28.980 who literally live like right around the corner 00:09:28.980 --> 00:09:31.220 from me. You live an hour away from me and I 00:09:31.220 --> 00:09:33.279 see you more. The time exists. You just have 00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:35.159 to make it and prioritize it. But I think I focused 00:09:35.159 --> 00:09:37.000 a little bit too much on friendship. I'll talk 00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:40.740 about the other things as well. In terms of life 00:09:40.740 --> 00:09:44.950 in general and um work as well i felt like for 00:09:44.950 --> 00:09:48.509 me personally when i met my partner my work ethic 00:09:48.509 --> 00:09:53.789 also increased and you know as it should be i 00:09:53.789 --> 00:09:57.529 felt like i how do i i try to explain this to 00:09:57.529 --> 00:10:00.090 people sometimes where i'm like when i met my 00:10:00.090 --> 00:10:04.230 boyfriend i felt like i could still live my own 00:10:04.230 --> 00:10:06.610 life but that part of my life had been sorted 00:10:06.610 --> 00:10:09.289 out and that's not to say that it was like you 00:10:09.289 --> 00:10:11.700 know oh i've Got the right person now, so I'm 00:10:11.700 --> 00:10:13.519 just not going to put effort in. No, the efforts 00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:15.419 still very much exist. It's just not something 00:10:15.419 --> 00:10:16.960 I have to worry about anymore because I know 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:18.899 he's my person. Yeah. And it comes naturally. 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:21.480 It allows me to also focus on other things as 00:10:21.480 --> 00:10:25.019 well. So I never felt like my work, you know, 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:28.740 had to be subsidized because I had to spend time 00:10:28.740 --> 00:10:32.059 with him or, you know, whatever. It just works. 00:10:32.360 --> 00:10:35.220 And I also just want to add on to that, I think. 00:10:35.629 --> 00:10:38.409 And this is huge for me in a relationship as 00:10:38.409 --> 00:10:41.210 well is to motivate each other and to make each 00:10:41.210 --> 00:10:43.470 other want to be better. I feel like you and 00:10:43.470 --> 00:10:45.990 your partner have found a really beautiful balance 00:10:45.990 --> 00:10:48.870 of like motivating each other. And that's really 00:10:48.870 --> 00:10:50.730 important in a relationship because I feel like 00:10:50.730 --> 00:10:52.649 if I'm with somebody that doesn't have ambitions 00:10:52.649 --> 00:10:54.929 in life and doesn't support my own ambitions, 00:10:54.950 --> 00:10:56.909 it doesn't want to help me get to the place where 00:10:56.909 --> 00:10:59.710 I want to be. It's like, well, what's kind of 00:10:59.710 --> 00:11:01.970 really the point of that? You know, I'm not just 00:11:01.970 --> 00:11:03.830 going to sit there with you every single day 00:11:03.830 --> 00:11:05.259 and be with you for the rest of my life. life 00:11:05.259 --> 00:11:07.320 without actually having goals, without actually 00:11:07.320 --> 00:11:10.139 having dreams and aspirations. Never put those 00:11:10.139 --> 00:11:13.940 aside for your partner. I felt like I made in 00:11:13.940 --> 00:11:17.740 previous relationships, a lot of sacrifices for 00:11:17.740 --> 00:11:20.539 my partner. And as you should, you definitely 00:11:20.539 --> 00:11:23.200 need to make sacrifices and compromise for the 00:11:23.200 --> 00:11:26.340 right sort of stuff. But I feel like if it was 00:11:26.340 --> 00:11:30.029 one sided and I feel like with you. It's it's 00:11:30.029 --> 00:11:32.470 very balanced you motivate each other you uplift 00:11:32.470 --> 00:11:35.149 each other yeah he started a podcast he said 00:11:35.149 --> 00:11:37.429 babe you should start a podcast cuz you want 00:11:37.429 --> 00:11:39.870 to do it you started and you support each other 00:11:39.870 --> 00:11:41.789 through that it's really beautiful it's also 00:11:41.789 --> 00:11:45.149 really nice when. You have like you complete 00:11:45.149 --> 00:11:47.490 each other as well like with with the puzzle 00:11:47.490 --> 00:11:50.649 yeah like a puzzle like i would say for example 00:11:50.649 --> 00:11:53.470 i'm a much more patient person than he is he 00:11:53.470 --> 00:11:55.629 gets angry at all the little things something 00:11:55.629 --> 00:11:58.289 little will like. kick him off but then I calm 00:11:58.289 --> 00:12:00.710 him down or he's a lot more disciplined than 00:12:00.710 --> 00:12:03.289 I am sometimes it's it's effort both ways it's 00:12:03.289 --> 00:12:06.470 compromise it's you know understanding each other 00:12:06.470 --> 00:12:09.250 and just making it work and if it works then 00:12:09.250 --> 00:12:14.480 great communication yeah that word Communication 00:12:14.480 --> 00:12:17.399 in relationships is genuinely the be all and 00:12:17.399 --> 00:12:19.740 end all. If you cannot communicate with your 00:12:19.740 --> 00:12:23.639 partner, you actually can't be together. And 00:12:23.639 --> 00:12:26.039 if somebody doesn't want to communicate with 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:31.200 you or isn't reciprocating that communication, 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:35.759 there's literally no point. I have realized how 00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:40.019 important it is. For somebody to understand you 00:12:40.019 --> 00:12:42.600 empathy if you feel a certain way and I feel 00:12:42.600 --> 00:12:44.940 like you found that balance too and you communicate 00:12:44.940 --> 00:12:48.080 look I'm feeling this way. It took a while. Of 00:12:48.080 --> 00:12:50.480 course it takes a while but once you earn that 00:12:50.480 --> 00:12:52.899 and you start to understand each other more and 00:12:52.899 --> 00:12:55.919 how you both operate if you genuinely listen 00:12:55.919 --> 00:12:58.200 to the other person it can become so strong. 00:12:59.429 --> 00:13:01.889 Yeah. That's all I have to say about that. Yeah, 00:13:02.009 --> 00:13:03.950 dude. Communication and listen. Just listen. 00:13:04.129 --> 00:13:06.750 Just like be present, dude. Like it's, it's not 00:13:06.750 --> 00:13:09.029 that hard to be in a relationship and for your 00:13:09.029 --> 00:13:11.230 partner to say, look, I'm feeling this way because 00:13:11.230 --> 00:13:15.009 of this. Yeah. Okay. Like I hear you. Let's work 00:13:15.009 --> 00:13:17.330 through it. Exactly. Not. You guys need to be 00:13:17.330 --> 00:13:19.350 on the same team. Completely ignore it. You two 00:13:19.350 --> 00:13:22.190 against the problem, not against each other. 00:13:22.190 --> 00:13:24.929 Correct. Always. Yes. You're a team. Yes. You 00:13:24.929 --> 00:13:30.460 are a team. Yes. Okay, next thing. What are some 00:13:30.460 --> 00:13:32.759 subtle but powerful signs that a relationship 00:13:32.759 --> 00:13:35.519 is right that people often overlook? I feel like 00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:39.379 we've kind of stated the obvious, but some more 00:13:39.379 --> 00:13:43.159 subtle things that you're like, okay, this is 00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:45.340 important that you found in your own experience. 00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:47.440 This is something that I say to you all the time. 00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:53.299 Comfort over fireworks is not a bad thing. For 00:13:53.299 --> 00:13:57.759 me, there were undoubtedly like there was always, 00:13:57.759 --> 00:14:01.000 you know, attraction and all of that stuff there. 00:14:01.559 --> 00:14:04.360 But some people actually nowadays get turned 00:14:04.360 --> 00:14:07.460 off at the idea of comfort and like, oh, well, 00:14:07.519 --> 00:14:11.740 there's no spark. How many times have I said 00:14:11.740 --> 00:14:14.620 that to you? You have. And I'm throwing a subtle 00:14:14.620 --> 00:14:16.639 dig at you here. And a lot of other people that 00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:20.100 I know will relate to this because The person 00:14:20.100 --> 00:14:22.220 that feels at home to you think about it this 00:14:22.220 --> 00:14:25.399 is someone that okay i know a lot of people nowadays 00:14:25.399 --> 00:14:28.559 don't date to marry or don't date for long term 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:32.879 which is very sad however. In a situation where 00:14:32.879 --> 00:14:34.480 you know you want to be with this person long 00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:36.779 term you don't constantly want to be in a state 00:14:36.779 --> 00:14:39.600 of stress and anxiety and sparks and fireworks 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:42.559 and all the sparks actually. equals anxiety. 00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:44.259 My therapist actually said this to me. She was 00:14:44.259 --> 00:14:46.919 like, when you feel that spark in those butterflies 00:14:46.919 --> 00:14:48.759 and you like, you can't even breathe it in your 00:14:48.759 --> 00:14:52.360 chest and like. That is triggering your attachment 00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:55.399 style and attachment styles will be a whole other 00:14:55.399 --> 00:14:57.580 episode. That is triggering your attachment, 00:14:57.779 --> 00:15:00.600 your insecurities, your trauma subconsciously 00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:02.639 without you even thinking and you're confusing 00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:06.259 that feeling with excitement and sparks and sexual 00:15:06.259 --> 00:15:09.440 tension and whatever it is. Which exists if it's 00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:11.580 the right person that exists naturally, but I 00:15:11.580 --> 00:15:15.559 think too often people push. you know these contenders 00:15:15.559 --> 00:15:18.379 aside because they're like this it's too comfortable 00:15:18.379 --> 00:15:21.519 he's too nice he's you know there's no excitement 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.440 there and it's like well don't you want that 00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:26.259 yeah that that should be i think that's a big 00:15:26.259 --> 00:15:28.220 sign that you found someone that's right for 00:15:28.220 --> 00:15:30.299 you when it just feels like comfort and home 00:15:30.299 --> 00:15:33.860 um what else would i say i don't know i like 00:15:33.860 --> 00:15:37.179 the feeling of not the feeling sorry the saying 00:15:37.179 --> 00:15:41.620 don't find your firework find your fireplace 00:15:41.620 --> 00:15:45.500 yeah because a fireplace is really comforting. 00:15:45.539 --> 00:15:49.299 It's warm. It's safe. Obviously not when, you 00:15:49.299 --> 00:15:53.679 know, you have a fire, but like the firework 00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:59.460 is the thing that you don't want. Yeah. Find 00:15:59.460 --> 00:16:01.740 your fireplace, not your firework. Or what did 00:16:01.740 --> 00:16:04.159 I say? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I said. Yes, correct. 00:16:04.600 --> 00:16:08.460 Yeah. And I think, I mean, yeah, I'm trying to 00:16:08.460 --> 00:16:10.860 think of what else I would say. I guess like, 00:16:11.610 --> 00:16:15.970 Yeah just like notice that you're being like 00:16:15.970 --> 00:16:17.990 noticing that you're becoming a better version 00:16:17.990 --> 00:16:20.590 of yourself if you feel like your weaknesses 00:16:20.590 --> 00:16:23.789 are being amplified over your strengths that's 00:16:23.789 --> 00:16:27.230 a problem because everyone no one's perfect everyone 00:16:27.230 --> 00:16:31.850 has their you know bad habits and bad sides but. 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.779 The person that is right for you will only amplify 00:16:35.779 --> 00:16:38.879 your strengths and calm down your weaknesses 00:16:38.879 --> 00:16:42.460 and that goes on to my next question is when 00:16:42.460 --> 00:16:45.220 you have those hard times in relationships cuz 00:16:45.220 --> 00:16:48.120 no relationship is ever smooth sailing you do 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:50.639 go through like. Troubles you do go through a 00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:54.080 lot of things and emotions and disagreements 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:56.879 and yeah sometimes people even break up and get 00:16:56.879 --> 00:16:59.919 back together like sometimes that's what it requires. 00:17:01.049 --> 00:17:03.470 But I want to ask you like, how do you navigate 00:17:03.470 --> 00:17:06.670 those hard times or have navigated those hard 00:17:06.670 --> 00:17:09.450 times in the past to get back to a place where 00:17:09.450 --> 00:17:12.190 you continue along with your partner? I have 00:17:12.190 --> 00:17:15.150 a couple rules with this stuff. So first of all, 00:17:15.150 --> 00:17:17.730 I'll just reiterate what I said not too long 00:17:17.730 --> 00:17:20.069 ago, where you have to remember that it's you 00:17:20.069 --> 00:17:22.730 two against the problem, not against each other. 00:17:23.009 --> 00:17:25.490 That is such a big thing that I remind myself 00:17:25.490 --> 00:17:29.750 all the time. I think another thing that I would 00:17:29.750 --> 00:17:32.990 say in terms of problem solving is I never want 00:17:32.990 --> 00:17:36.730 to make decisions or talk about things when we're 00:17:36.730 --> 00:17:40.170 heated. It's let the nerves calm down. Like there's 00:17:40.170 --> 00:17:42.670 actually scientific, like your stress response 00:17:42.670 --> 00:17:44.430 is triggered in your amygdala in the back of 00:17:44.430 --> 00:17:46.009 your brain. So if you're stressed and making 00:17:46.009 --> 00:17:47.849 decisions, you're literally in fight or flight 00:17:47.849 --> 00:17:50.529 mode. Yes. So you're not thinking rationally. 00:17:50.529 --> 00:17:51.849 You're not thinking rationally. You're thinking 00:17:51.849 --> 00:17:54.269 purely emotionally. The logic is out the window. 00:17:54.700 --> 00:17:57.839 So i always try to bring myself which i can do 00:17:57.839 --> 00:18:00.880 pretty quickly now bring myself back to you know 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:04.380 bass bass line and then i'll have a discussion 00:18:04.380 --> 00:18:08.980 now. Same thing applies for you know if i will 00:18:08.980 --> 00:18:13.180 never go to bed angry. as well. And don't get 00:18:13.180 --> 00:18:15.140 me wrong, this is something that we specifically 00:18:15.140 --> 00:18:18.140 had to work on because, you know, we both had 00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:20.440 we again, we both weren't perfect. And I think 00:18:20.440 --> 00:18:22.839 I was very especially at the beginning, we've 00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:25.259 gotten 100 times better now. But especially at 00:18:25.259 --> 00:18:26.619 the beginning, which I think a lot of people 00:18:26.619 --> 00:18:30.059 will relate to is, you know, the issues can be 00:18:30.059 --> 00:18:32.900 you can get one person might be agitated so quickly. 00:18:32.900 --> 00:18:34.640 And for example, he was the type of person that 00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:36.740 if he got angry at something, he would shut off. 00:18:36.819 --> 00:18:39.619 And I was the type of person that I was used 00:18:39.619 --> 00:18:42.400 to you know having people come to me and be like 00:18:42.400 --> 00:18:44.859 what did i do wrong what did i do wrong which 00:18:44.859 --> 00:18:46.759 he was not that type of person so we have to 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:49.259 learn that about each other but i think the one 00:18:49.259 --> 00:18:52.039 rule that i had sort of classified very early 00:18:52.039 --> 00:18:54.940 on that i was like i do not you know how i feel 00:18:54.940 --> 00:18:57.839 about this i'm never gonna go to bed angry i 00:18:57.839 --> 00:18:59.799 will never i don't think that's right if you 00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:01.900 guys are living together is not that we do but 00:19:01.900 --> 00:19:03.599 if you guys are living together i don't think 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:06.180 you should ever you know going sleep in a separate 00:19:06.180 --> 00:19:09.380 room just because you're. pissed off. You sort 00:19:09.380 --> 00:19:11.720 it out because all it's going to do is make you 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:13.839 go to bed in a bad headspace, wake up in a bad 00:19:13.839 --> 00:19:16.480 headspace. Build resentment. Build resentment 00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:18.740 and contempt along the way. And that's just stuff 00:19:18.740 --> 00:19:22.579 that you don't want in a relationship. But also 00:19:22.579 --> 00:19:25.920 just like, yeah, just establish that stuff early 00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:28.660 on because it's it actually like that's, for 00:19:28.660 --> 00:19:30.559 example, a weakness that could be amplified if 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:32.160 you know that you know your plan is the type 00:19:32.160 --> 00:19:35.609 of person that doesn't like going to bed. angry 00:19:35.609 --> 00:19:38.089 or you know they'll go home and cry about it 00:19:38.089 --> 00:19:40.490 and you don't want that we'll sit through talk 00:19:40.490 --> 00:19:42.069 about it even though you might not be like have 00:19:42.069 --> 00:19:44.170 it all comes back to listening communication 00:19:44.170 --> 00:19:48.089 on the line. Like this is a lot of the times 00:19:48.089 --> 00:19:51.470 I don't understand how like you know a lot of 00:19:51.470 --> 00:19:54.690 the times the woman is is you know has that more 00:19:54.690 --> 00:19:58.410 emotional side to her not saying all and the 00:19:58.410 --> 00:20:00.450 and the males a little bit more on the avoidance 00:20:00.450 --> 00:20:02.730 side and can compartmentalize things where there's 00:20:02.730 --> 00:20:07.289 like us as females. um have that sort of instinct 00:20:07.289 --> 00:20:11.750 to sort it out there and then and like move past 00:20:11.750 --> 00:20:14.650 it because we hold these things so tightly to 00:20:14.650 --> 00:20:18.250 our chest not saying that men don't but like 00:20:18.250 --> 00:20:21.509 i from my own personal experiences in in relationships 00:20:21.509 --> 00:20:24.930 with men that's how i felt i felt like i've always 00:20:24.930 --> 00:20:28.450 kind of been that person to go to bed upset or 00:20:28.450 --> 00:20:31.549 you know um be really emotional about certain 00:20:31.549 --> 00:20:34.339 things and the other person Didn't want to sort 00:20:34.339 --> 00:20:37.400 it out in that moment and I understand that like 00:20:37.400 --> 00:20:39.539 I understand not wanting to sort it out there 00:20:39.539 --> 00:20:42.880 and then which is fine which is okay considering 00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:47.920 whichever type of circumstance it is but at least 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:51.700 give me the comfort of hey babe we're gonna sort 00:20:51.700 --> 00:20:55.130 it out. I'm just hated in that moment. I think 00:20:55.130 --> 00:20:57.410 let's just sleep on it. We're here, we're a team, 00:20:57.450 --> 00:20:59.170 and we'll just sort it out tomorrow. Which is 00:20:59.170 --> 00:21:01.569 exactly. Communicate that. We've done that before. 00:21:02.289 --> 00:21:05.789 I think one more thing that I'll just say again 00:21:05.789 --> 00:21:08.529 from my own personal experience, but also something 00:21:08.529 --> 00:21:11.390 that I just think is so, so, so important. In 00:21:11.390 --> 00:21:14.549 the three years that I've been in this relationship, 00:21:14.650 --> 00:21:19.730 more even, we don't argue a lot, but the few 00:21:19.730 --> 00:21:23.819 times that we have, Not once do we use disrespectful 00:21:23.819 --> 00:21:27.420 language, call each other names. I think all 00:21:27.420 --> 00:21:28.500 of that stuff. Oh, that's just like verbal abuse. 00:21:28.519 --> 00:21:31.380 But you know what? So many, I know so many people. 00:21:31.380 --> 00:21:35.079 Yeah. Our age, parents age, grandparents age. 00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:36.859 It's sad. Okay, I guess when you're 30 years 00:21:36.859 --> 00:21:40.299 in married, still, like still. 30, probably like 00:21:40.299 --> 00:21:43.859 slightly 50. But. At this age when you're looking 00:21:43.859 --> 00:21:46.039 for your person don't put up with stuff like 00:21:46.039 --> 00:21:48.559 that. Like that is the absolute bare minimum 00:21:48.559 --> 00:21:51.920 disrespect. Not once. And you know what, that 00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:54.940 is something that I know a lot of people have 00:21:54.940 --> 00:21:57.839 dealt with before, but you should never put up 00:21:57.839 --> 00:22:00.440 with that. Like it just comes back down to respect. 00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:02.539 Once you've lost respect in a relationship, you've 00:22:02.539 --> 00:22:05.119 lost everything. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Respect 00:22:05.119 --> 00:22:07.640 and trust. If you can't trust the person, good 00:22:07.640 --> 00:22:09.299 luck trying to be with them because it's just 00:22:09.299 --> 00:22:12.920 not, it's just not going to happen. Um, okay, 00:22:13.059 --> 00:22:17.440 moving on. Hmm. I'm going to skip to the last 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:20.240 question because we have been going for about 00:22:20.240 --> 00:22:26.400 20 ish minutes. Um, but what is one myth about 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:29.400 love or relationships that the right relationship 00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:34.720 in your life has completely shattered? That love 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:39.259 is enough. And I'll explain what I mean by that. 00:22:39.259 --> 00:22:42.519 Oh, please go ahead. I used to always be that 00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:44.839 type of person that was like, oh, love can conquer 00:22:44.839 --> 00:22:47.880 all, love can do this, love can do that. When 00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:50.539 I've been with the right person, I've realised 00:22:50.539 --> 00:22:53.720 that being in love does not constitute being 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:57.519 with the right person. Love on its own is not 00:22:57.519 --> 00:23:02.000 enough. So for me, I knew that when I got out 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.599 of my last relationship, and wanted to find, 00:23:04.920 --> 00:23:06.579 not wanted to find, not that I was out searching, 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:09.220 but I always knew that my future partner had 00:23:09.220 --> 00:23:12.700 to be someone where the basis was not love, the 00:23:12.700 --> 00:23:15.519 basis was connectedness. The basis was someone 00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:21.539 who our values and our morals aligned, our outlook 00:23:21.539 --> 00:23:25.559 on life, our outlook on family, our outlook on 00:23:25.559 --> 00:23:28.099 spontaneity, what we wanted to do with ourselves. 00:23:29.110 --> 00:23:32.269 And obviously basic values like respect and how 00:23:32.269 --> 00:23:34.390 we treated each other and all of that and then 00:23:34.390 --> 00:23:37.829 the love would amplify it. And for me and i think 00:23:37.829 --> 00:23:42.180 a lot of people like think that love is. The 00:23:42.180 --> 00:23:43.980 be all and end all well if we love each other 00:23:43.980 --> 00:23:46.039 then we'll make it work well no you can love 00:23:46.039 --> 00:23:48.720 someone and then not love you back. And you can 00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:51.420 also love someone and then they go cheat on you 00:23:51.420 --> 00:23:54.700 exactly sleep with other people genuinely still 00:23:54.700 --> 00:23:58.460 love you apparently so i've heard stories so 00:23:58.460 --> 00:24:02.460 i think love on its own means. You're with the 00:24:02.460 --> 00:24:07.079 right person it's also compatibility yes that's 00:24:07.079 --> 00:24:10.619 compatible yeah it's just not gonna work yeah 00:24:10.619 --> 00:24:12.759 and you're gonna be unhappy whether you kind 00:24:12.759 --> 00:24:16.759 of realize that or not yeah. And i don't want 00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:19.500 this to make it sound like all you know i loved 00:24:19.500 --> 00:24:22.099 i you know i'm with this person because i'm only 00:24:22.099 --> 00:24:24.619 compatible with them and the love i don't think 00:24:24.619 --> 00:24:27.660 it sounds like no i've never been more in love 00:24:27.660 --> 00:24:31.480 but. That's come because I established what I 00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:34.740 wanted first and when you both have when you're 00:24:34.740 --> 00:24:36.640 both on the same wavelength and have that same 00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:40.960 outlook on pretty much anything. The love just 00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:43.539 makes it makes the relationship flourish and 00:24:43.539 --> 00:24:46.480 you know you can ask someone you know why do 00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:48.380 you love this person and you'll start listing 00:24:48.380 --> 00:24:50.960 things but you can't ask someone why do you connect 00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:55.059 with this person like you just oh my god that's 00:24:55.059 --> 00:24:58.670 actually so true though. like a lot of people 00:24:58.670 --> 00:25:01.670 think like what do you love thing it's not a 00:25:01.670 --> 00:25:05.970 thing it should be it's an overarching feeling 00:25:05.970 --> 00:25:09.349 yes yes yes and it's like you you get so many 00:25:09.349 --> 00:25:10.970 questions about like oh why do you love this 00:25:10.970 --> 00:25:13.190 person or what do you love about yourself and 00:25:13.190 --> 00:25:15.109 you'll start listing i love this and i love this 00:25:15.109 --> 00:25:16.970 and i love this well how about you try and find 00:25:16.970 --> 00:25:20.880 those this things first and then the love will 00:25:20.880 --> 00:25:24.039 just come. Yeah. Yeah. Cause if the person is 00:25:24.039 --> 00:25:27.480 a good person at the end of the day, and if everything 00:25:27.480 --> 00:25:31.819 else aligns, the love will absolutely come. Exactly. 00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:35.500 That's a really beautiful point to end on girl. 00:25:36.359 --> 00:25:38.559 That's gorgeous. I think both of these episodes 00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:41.460 have been bangers. I honestly think so too guys. 00:25:41.539 --> 00:25:43.599 And wow, what a way to get to know both of us 00:25:43.599 --> 00:25:46.180 as well. Yeah, you can let us know. Let us know 00:25:46.180 --> 00:25:49.710 if you relate. Any of this yes and if you want 00:25:49.710 --> 00:25:53.069 us to talk about more stuff about dating more 00:25:53.069 --> 00:25:55.130 stuff about relationships because boy we have 00:25:55.130 --> 00:25:59.029 stories we've got experience as well. Yes we 00:25:59.029 --> 00:26:01.549 are young but you know being young doesn't mean 00:26:01.549 --> 00:26:03.710 you don't have life experience and i think a 00:26:03.710 --> 00:26:05.369 lot of people and we're here to figure it out 00:26:05.369 --> 00:26:07.109 along the way don't forget that's the correct 00:26:07.109 --> 00:26:09.450 premise of our podcast correct whole premise 00:26:09.450 --> 00:26:13.470 of our podcast we're feeling lost but we're figuring 00:26:13.470 --> 00:26:17.990 it out oh yeah and even you like. You're in a 00:26:17.990 --> 00:26:19.450 great relationship, you're in a healthy relationship, 00:26:19.490 --> 00:26:21.029 but you're still figuring it out. Oh yeah, every 00:26:21.029 --> 00:26:22.869 other aspect, but that's what I mean, like that 00:26:22.869 --> 00:26:24.670 aspect of my life is sorted, but everything else 00:26:24.670 --> 00:26:27.829 I'm working on. Yeah, but I'm saying even in 00:26:27.829 --> 00:26:31.009 your relationship, you're figuring out things 00:26:31.009 --> 00:26:33.750 every day, new things every single day. Correct, 00:26:34.150 --> 00:26:36.029 building, getting stronger every single day. 00:26:36.130 --> 00:26:37.690 I honestly don't think I've been in a stronger 00:26:37.690 --> 00:26:40.210 place in my relationship than I have been to 00:26:40.210 --> 00:26:42.730 this day, today. That's really, really amazing. 00:26:44.059 --> 00:26:49.660 Love that she does love him guys. I do I actually 00:26:49.660 --> 00:26:54.019 do I think he's a he's a good man Anyway, that 00:26:54.019 --> 00:26:56.140 is, because we're coming to the end of our episode, 00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:57.799 we're almost here half an hour and we've got 00:26:57.799 --> 00:27:01.420 to film another one right after this. So stay 00:27:01.420 --> 00:27:05.400 tuned for new episodes of... Stay tuned and we 00:27:05.400 --> 00:27:08.660 love you all. And what was it before we do? I 00:27:08.660 --> 00:27:10.740 was just going to say stay tuned for Lostish. 00:27:10.740 --> 00:27:14.759 For another episode of... The Lostish Podcast. 00:27:16.420 --> 00:27:16.819 Bye!