Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the
right place. Welcome to Lost-ish, where we,
Rose Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis,
share what it's really like navigating your twenties.
We're two semi -lost girls figuring out careers,
relationships, wellness, purpose, and everything
in between. Each week we dive into the highs,
the lows, and the lessons of chasing your dreams,
finding happiness, and learning to embrace the
uncertainty. We're not here to pretend like we've
loaded all together. We're simply just figuring
it out with you. Yay! Welcome back everyone to
the Lostage podcast. We are what episode eight?
Yeah. That's crazy. That's two months in episode
eight, two months in slow burn, but it's been
really good. It's been really fun. And we've
been getting some really lovely messages from
people saying that they're listening and they're
really getting a lot out of it, which is really
nice. And yeah. And we're here with another episode
on Well, this is a part two to the episode that
came out last week where Rose talked about the
beauty of being single. And we said that this
week's episode was going to be more about me
talking about the beauty of being in the with
the right person in the right relationship. Yeah.
So yeah, so it's basically literally the reverse
of last week's episode. Rose is just going to
throw me a bunch of questions that she thought
would benefit you guys in relation to being in
the right relationship. Yes, absolutely. And
I'll answer them. Give me all the goods. Yeah,
we must say Manuel's partner is really excited
about this. I told him I was filming it and he
was like, oh, so sweet. No, I think it's it's
nice to have two opposing perspectives because
obviously, like I've been in relationships before
and things like that, like long term. But just
like last week where I was also going on board
with what you said, I think we've both experienced
both. So it would be exactly. It's good. Very
much so to mesh them together and have two separate
episodes because people are going to relate to
two different people. Some people are going to
relate to Emanuela. Some people are going to
relate to me. Some people are not going to relate
at all and that's okay. Uh, and you know what?
I reckon we're just going to get right into it.
Yep. No fluffing about cause we like to fluff
a little bit. Um, okay. Emanuela, I just want
to ask you, how long have you been with your
partner for? Oh, um, Three and a half years almost.
Yeah. Wow. That's a long time. So crazy. Cause
we both got into relationships at literally the
same time. Yes. And Emanuel is still going strong.
I know it's a long time, but yes, going strong,
going strong. Amazing. So I want to like first
and foremost, Lee ask you what does being in
the right relationship mean to you and how did
you kind of understand? uh, to come to that definition.
Well, I think for me, it's so hard to put it
down to one specific definition because, you
know, when people talk about, you know, loving
someone and being with the right person, it's,
it's such a complex thing. But I think for me,
it was just realizing how connected I was to
this person. that it was actually just shocking
like when I met him I was like you are literally
the male version of me like obviously we have
our differences but it's just crazy how when
you're so on the same wavelength as someone um
the love just amplifies everything so I think
that's how I knew that I was with the right person
I never had to worry I never feel like I need
to worry about anything that is so important
oh my god It's just relaxing. It puts me at ease.
I don't feel like I'm constantly anxious over
something that Doesn't deserve being anxious
over it's a part which is quite rare because
a lot of people are very very anxious in their
relationships and I've experienced that before
yeah constant anxiety for like oh my god you
know there's a like no reassurance or validation
or trust issues it's not even like that bill
itself the trust and the respect and the what
not having to worry. Built based on action actions
over what it wasn't like it we've never said
to ourselves to each other sorry like i'm not
gonna disrespect you i'm not it's just a given
yet and once i started realizing that that's
what our relationship was built off. I was like
wow this is great and that's so that's so true
when you say that it's actually just a given
like you should never have to ask somebody to
respect you know we have these conversations
all the time like. We're so alike in that sense,
like even though one of us is in a relationship
and the other is single, every time someone says
something to us or we'll even say to each other
and we're like, no, that's a bare minimum. Bare
minimum. Oh my God. Everybody will know that
I say bare minimum all the time. He sent me a
good morning text. Bare fricking minimum, babe.
What does it mean? I was having a conversation
with someone a couple months ago. I actually
don't remember who it was now. But they were
talking about like, oh, you know, like, it's
so good that, you know, your partners and you
are so loyal to each other. And I'm like, but
I don't find that the be all and end all. Like,
that's just a given. Don't be in a relationship
if you don't want to do that, unless you've established
for some reason that you want an open relationship.
Yeah. If you're talking about having a solid,
stable, steady relationship that's healthy and
thriving, being loyal is the bare minimum. Absolutely
that was just a little tangent we went off but
yeah I think when I realized that I didn't have
to worry and I was at ease and everything just
felt comfortable and connected. That's my answer
and you know what I actually have nothing else
to add to that because that is how it should
be yeah and I really am really happy for you.
Going off that I guess I mean you know. you are
in the right relationship with the right person
for you, you know, right now. And I guess a lot
of people struggle in relationships to have that
balance of like, you know, making time for friends,
for work, for career. Like a lot of people are
like, okay, I'm in the relationship, I'm gonna
drop everything and just focus on that person
and be with that person. I feel like you're one
of those people that has found such a beautiful
balance with work, with friends, with career,
with travel. and like whenever I'm with you and
you know it's also quite rare for people in people
in relationships are always messaging their boyfriends
are always doing these with girlfriends and la
la la and it's just like well whenever I'm with
you I just feel like you're present with me and
you're not texting your bf 24 7 I feel like I
am there with you in that space in that time
yeah and I want to ask you like How does being
in the right relationship impact those other
areas of your life like work friendship or your
sense of purpose? I have a lot to say about this
for me personally before I even got into a relationship
I always knew that the that I would want to establish
Independence by myself and be happy with myself
first that when I got into the relationship everything
would just flourish tenfold right so for me A
lot of people ask me all the time, like, how
do you have time for all the stuff that you do
in your life, balancing three to four different
jobs here and there, being a full -time uni student,
making time for my friends so they don't ever
feel like just a convenience, balancing a healthy,
happy relationship. The time exists, right? And
I don't, for me, it's very simple. If I'm, there
aren't many people that I prioritize in my life,
but for example, like one of my best friends
like you, Or someone like my boyfriend, you are
both a very large priority in my life and I don't
think it should be difficult for me. If I've
made plans with you, I'm not cancelling my plans
with you. If I've made plans with him, I'm not
cancelling my plans with him. And when I'm with
him, I'm fully present. And when I'm with you,
I'm fully present. I don't think that should
be that difficult. I so feel that as well. Don't
get me wrong. There, I know there's people that
are going to be out there saying like, oh, you
know, and look, if I'm with you and something
happens with him, I'm not gonna, I will be there
and vice versa. It's all about just being a good
person, being present. It's not that difficult
to be a good friend and a good partner at the
same time. It's really not. But one thing I will
say is you do realize when you are in the right
relationship that you actually are prioritizing
how many of your friends start flaking you off
and start giving you, you know how much I experienced
that. You're always with your boyfriend. You're
always hanging all because I got it and it's
not and this is coming from someone like you
literally just said yourself You're so good at
part and I genuinely think I am good at prioritizing
my friends at the same time really our relationship
But it's just funny how you get into a relationship
and suddenly all these people's insecurities
are coming out on to you Projecting it's a it's
like pure projection of I don't associate with
those people as much anymore. Yeah if at all
Yeah, and sometimes it also comes from jealousy.
They see that you're in a happy and healthy relationship.
They wish that they had that. Yeah. And it's
like, yeah, like, obviously all of us want that,
but. It doesn't mean that you have to change
your behavior or change the way that you act
with your best friend. Exactly. And I feel like
I see you more than a lot of my single friends
who literally live like right around the corner
from me. You live an hour away from me and I
see you more. The time exists. You just have
to make it and prioritize it. But I think I focused
a little bit too much on friendship. I'll talk
about the other things as well. In terms of life
in general and um work as well i felt like for
me personally when i met my partner my work ethic
also increased and you know as it should be i
felt like i how do i i try to explain this to
people sometimes where i'm like when i met my
boyfriend i felt like i could still live my own
life but that part of my life had been sorted
out and that's not to say that it was like you
know oh i've Got the right person now, so I'm
just not going to put effort in. No, the efforts
still very much exist. It's just not something
I have to worry about anymore because I know
he's my person. Yeah. And it comes naturally.
It allows me to also focus on other things as
well. So I never felt like my work, you know,
had to be subsidized because I had to spend time
with him or, you know, whatever. It just works.
And I also just want to add on to that, I think.
And this is huge for me in a relationship as
well is to motivate each other and to make each
other want to be better. I feel like you and
your partner have found a really beautiful balance
of like motivating each other. And that's really
important in a relationship because I feel like
if I'm with somebody that doesn't have ambitions
in life and doesn't support my own ambitions,
it doesn't want to help me get to the place where
I want to be. It's like, well, what's kind of
really the point of that? You know, I'm not just
going to sit there with you every single day
and be with you for the rest of my life. life
without actually having goals, without actually
having dreams and aspirations. Never put those
aside for your partner. I felt like I made in
previous relationships, a lot of sacrifices for
my partner. And as you should, you definitely
need to make sacrifices and compromise for the
right sort of stuff. But I feel like if it was
one sided and I feel like with you. It's it's
very balanced you motivate each other you uplift
each other yeah he started a podcast he said
babe you should start a podcast cuz you want
to do it you started and you support each other
through that it's really beautiful it's also
really nice when. You have like you complete
each other as well like with with the puzzle
yeah like a puzzle like i would say for example
i'm a much more patient person than he is he
gets angry at all the little things something
little will like. kick him off but then I calm
him down or he's a lot more disciplined than
I am sometimes it's it's effort both ways it's
compromise it's you know understanding each other
and just making it work and if it works then
great communication yeah that word Communication
in relationships is genuinely the be all and
end all. If you cannot communicate with your
partner, you actually can't be together. And
if somebody doesn't want to communicate with
you or isn't reciprocating that communication,
there's literally no point. I have realized how
important it is. For somebody to understand you
empathy if you feel a certain way and I feel
like you found that balance too and you communicate
look I'm feeling this way. It took a while. Of
course it takes a while but once you earn that
and you start to understand each other more and
how you both operate if you genuinely listen
to the other person it can become so strong.
Yeah. That's all I have to say about that. Yeah,
dude. Communication and listen. Just listen.
Just like be present, dude. Like it's, it's not
that hard to be in a relationship and for your
partner to say, look, I'm feeling this way because
of this. Yeah. Okay. Like I hear you. Let's work
through it. Exactly. Not. You guys need to be
on the same team. Completely ignore it. You two
against the problem, not against each other.
Correct. Always. Yes. You're a team. Yes. You
are a team. Yes. Okay, next thing. What are some
subtle but powerful signs that a relationship
is right that people often overlook? I feel like
we've kind of stated the obvious, but some more
subtle things that you're like, okay, this is
important that you found in your own experience.
This is something that I say to you all the time.
Comfort over fireworks is not a bad thing. For
me, there were undoubtedly like there was always,
you know, attraction and all of that stuff there.
But some people actually nowadays get turned
off at the idea of comfort and like, oh, well,
there's no spark. How many times have I said
that to you? You have. And I'm throwing a subtle
dig at you here. And a lot of other people that
I know will relate to this because The person
that feels at home to you think about it this
is someone that okay i know a lot of people nowadays
don't date to marry or don't date for long term
which is very sad however. In a situation where
you know you want to be with this person long
term you don't constantly want to be in a state
of stress and anxiety and sparks and fireworks
and all the sparks actually. equals anxiety.
My therapist actually said this to me. She was
like, when you feel that spark in those butterflies
and you like, you can't even breathe it in your
chest and like. That is triggering your attachment
style and attachment styles will be a whole other
episode. That is triggering your attachment,
your insecurities, your trauma subconsciously
without you even thinking and you're confusing
that feeling with excitement and sparks and sexual
tension and whatever it is. Which exists if it's
the right person that exists naturally, but I
think too often people push. you know these contenders
aside because they're like this it's too comfortable
he's too nice he's you know there's no excitement
there and it's like well don't you want that
yeah that that should be i think that's a big
sign that you found someone that's right for
you when it just feels like comfort and home
um what else would i say i don't know i like
the feeling of not the feeling sorry the saying
don't find your firework find your fireplace
yeah because a fireplace is really comforting.
It's warm. It's safe. Obviously not when, you
know, you have a fire, but like the firework
is the thing that you don't want. Yeah. Find
your fireplace, not your firework. Or what did
I say? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I said. Yes, correct.
Yeah. And I think, I mean, yeah, I'm trying to
think of what else I would say. I guess like,
Yeah just like notice that you're being like
noticing that you're becoming a better version
of yourself if you feel like your weaknesses
are being amplified over your strengths that's
a problem because everyone no one's perfect everyone
has their you know bad habits and bad sides but.
The person that is right for you will only amplify
your strengths and calm down your weaknesses
and that goes on to my next question is when
you have those hard times in relationships cuz
no relationship is ever smooth sailing you do
go through like. Troubles you do go through a
lot of things and emotions and disagreements
and yeah sometimes people even break up and get
back together like sometimes that's what it requires.
But I want to ask you like, how do you navigate
those hard times or have navigated those hard
times in the past to get back to a place where
you continue along with your partner? I have
a couple rules with this stuff. So first of all,
I'll just reiterate what I said not too long
ago, where you have to remember that it's you
two against the problem, not against each other.
That is such a big thing that I remind myself
all the time. I think another thing that I would
say in terms of problem solving is I never want
to make decisions or talk about things when we're
heated. It's let the nerves calm down. Like there's
actually scientific, like your stress response
is triggered in your amygdala in the back of
your brain. So if you're stressed and making
decisions, you're literally in fight or flight
mode. Yes. So you're not thinking rationally.
You're not thinking rationally. You're thinking
purely emotionally. The logic is out the window.
So i always try to bring myself which i can do
pretty quickly now bring myself back to you know
bass bass line and then i'll have a discussion
now. Same thing applies for you know if i will
never go to bed angry. as well. And don't get
me wrong, this is something that we specifically
had to work on because, you know, we both had
we again, we both weren't perfect. And I think
I was very especially at the beginning, we've
gotten 100 times better now. But especially at
the beginning, which I think a lot of people
will relate to is, you know, the issues can be
you can get one person might be agitated so quickly.
And for example, he was the type of person that
if he got angry at something, he would shut off.
And I was the type of person that I was used
to you know having people come to me and be like
what did i do wrong what did i do wrong which
he was not that type of person so we have to
learn that about each other but i think the one
rule that i had sort of classified very early
on that i was like i do not you know how i feel
about this i'm never gonna go to bed angry i
will never i don't think that's right if you
guys are living together is not that we do but
if you guys are living together i don't think
you should ever you know going sleep in a separate
room just because you're. pissed off. You sort
it out because all it's going to do is make you
go to bed in a bad headspace, wake up in a bad
headspace. Build resentment. Build resentment
and contempt along the way. And that's just stuff
that you don't want in a relationship. But also
just like, yeah, just establish that stuff early
on because it's it actually like that's, for
example, a weakness that could be amplified if
you know that you know your plan is the type
of person that doesn't like going to bed. angry
or you know they'll go home and cry about it
and you don't want that we'll sit through talk
about it even though you might not be like have
it all comes back to listening communication
on the line. Like this is a lot of the times
I don't understand how like you know a lot of
the times the woman is is you know has that more
emotional side to her not saying all and the
and the males a little bit more on the avoidance
side and can compartmentalize things where there's
like us as females. um have that sort of instinct
to sort it out there and then and like move past
it because we hold these things so tightly to
our chest not saying that men don't but like
i from my own personal experiences in in relationships
with men that's how i felt i felt like i've always
kind of been that person to go to bed upset or
you know um be really emotional about certain
things and the other person Didn't want to sort
it out in that moment and I understand that like
I understand not wanting to sort it out there
and then which is fine which is okay considering
whichever type of circumstance it is but at least
give me the comfort of hey babe we're gonna sort
it out. I'm just hated in that moment. I think
let's just sleep on it. We're here, we're a team,
and we'll just sort it out tomorrow. Which is
exactly. Communicate that. We've done that before.
I think one more thing that I'll just say again
from my own personal experience, but also something
that I just think is so, so, so important. In
the three years that I've been in this relationship,
more even, we don't argue a lot, but the few
times that we have, Not once do we use disrespectful
language, call each other names. I think all
of that stuff. Oh, that's just like verbal abuse.
But you know what? So many, I know so many people.
Yeah. Our age, parents age, grandparents age.
It's sad. Okay, I guess when you're 30 years
in married, still, like still. 30, probably like
slightly 50. But. At this age when you're looking
for your person don't put up with stuff like
that. Like that is the absolute bare minimum
disrespect. Not once. And you know what, that
is something that I know a lot of people have
dealt with before, but you should never put up
with that. Like it just comes back down to respect.
Once you've lost respect in a relationship, you've
lost everything. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Respect
and trust. If you can't trust the person, good
luck trying to be with them because it's just
not, it's just not going to happen. Um, okay,
moving on. Hmm. I'm going to skip to the last
question because we have been going for about
20 ish minutes. Um, but what is one myth about
love or relationships that the right relationship
in your life has completely shattered? That love
is enough. And I'll explain what I mean by that.
Oh, please go ahead. I used to always be that
type of person that was like, oh, love can conquer
all, love can do this, love can do that. When
I've been with the right person, I've realised
that being in love does not constitute being
with the right person. Love on its own is not
enough. So for me, I knew that when I got out
of my last relationship, and wanted to find,
not wanted to find, not that I was out searching,
but I always knew that my future partner had
to be someone where the basis was not love, the
basis was connectedness. The basis was someone
who our values and our morals aligned, our outlook
on life, our outlook on family, our outlook on
spontaneity, what we wanted to do with ourselves.
And obviously basic values like respect and how
we treated each other and all of that and then
the love would amplify it. And for me and i think
a lot of people like think that love is. The
be all and end all well if we love each other
then we'll make it work well no you can love
someone and then not love you back. And you can
also love someone and then they go cheat on you
exactly sleep with other people genuinely still
love you apparently so i've heard stories so
i think love on its own means. You're with the
right person it's also compatibility yes that's
compatible yeah it's just not gonna work yeah
and you're gonna be unhappy whether you kind
of realize that or not yeah. And i don't want
this to make it sound like all you know i loved
i you know i'm with this person because i'm only
compatible with them and the love i don't think
it sounds like no i've never been more in love
but. That's come because I established what I
wanted first and when you both have when you're
both on the same wavelength and have that same
outlook on pretty much anything. The love just
makes it makes the relationship flourish and
you know you can ask someone you know why do
you love this person and you'll start listing
things but you can't ask someone why do you connect
with this person like you just oh my god that's
actually so true though. like a lot of people
think like what do you love thing it's not a
thing it should be it's an overarching feeling
yes yes yes and it's like you you get so many
questions about like oh why do you love this
person or what do you love about yourself and
you'll start listing i love this and i love this
and i love this well how about you try and find
those this things first and then the love will
just come. Yeah. Yeah. Cause if the person is
a good person at the end of the day, and if everything
else aligns, the love will absolutely come. Exactly.
That's a really beautiful point to end on girl.
That's gorgeous. I think both of these episodes
have been bangers. I honestly think so too guys.
And wow, what a way to get to know both of us
as well. Yeah, you can let us know. Let us know
if you relate. Any of this yes and if you want
us to talk about more stuff about dating more
stuff about relationships because boy we have
stories we've got experience as well. Yes we
are young but you know being young doesn't mean
you don't have life experience and i think a
lot of people and we're here to figure it out
along the way don't forget that's the correct
premise of our podcast correct whole premise
of our podcast we're feeling lost but we're figuring
it out oh yeah and even you like. You're in a
great relationship, you're in a healthy relationship,
but you're still figuring it out. Oh yeah, every
other aspect, but that's what I mean, like that
aspect of my life is sorted, but everything else
I'm working on. Yeah, but I'm saying even in
your relationship, you're figuring out things
every day, new things every single day. Correct,
building, getting stronger every single day.
I honestly don't think I've been in a stronger
place in my relationship than I have been to
this day, today. That's really, really amazing.
Love that she does love him guys. I do I actually
do I think he's a he's a good man Anyway, that
is, because we're coming to the end of our episode,
we're almost here half an hour and we've got
to film another one right after this. So stay
tuned for new episodes of... Stay tuned and we
love you all. And what was it before we do? I
was just going to say stay tuned for Lostish.
For another episode of... The Lostish Podcast.
Bye!