WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799 Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:05.599 right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose 00:00:05.599 --> 00:00:08.179 Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share what 00:00:08.179 --> 00:00:10.880 it's really like navigating your 20s. We're two 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:13.820 semi -lost girls figuring out careers, relationships, 00:00:14.279 --> 00:00:16.140 wellness, purpose, and everything in between. 00:00:16.179 --> 00:00:19.160 Each week we dive into the highs, the lows, and 00:00:19.160 --> 00:00:21.620 the lessons of chasing your dreams, finding happiness, 00:00:21.780 --> 00:00:23.800 and learning to embrace the uncertainty. We're 00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:25.879 not here to pretend like we've got it all together. 00:00:26.179 --> 00:00:32.219 We're simply just figuring it out. Woohoo! Welcome 00:00:32.219 --> 00:00:38.759 back. Welcome back to the Lostish podcast. Yeah. 00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:42.380 We do this every time and it's like a little 00:00:42.380 --> 00:00:45.479 bit cringe. Yeah. It's all right. We love a bit 00:00:45.479 --> 00:00:48.700 of cringe. We love a bit of cringe. Anyway, we 00:00:48.700 --> 00:00:52.259 have a fun episode today. We do. So we decided 00:00:52.259 --> 00:00:55.179 very last minute that we wanted to have a couple 00:00:55.179 --> 00:00:58.060 new segments on our podcast where sort of we 00:00:58.060 --> 00:01:02.929 do some chats specific to rose and then some 00:01:02.929 --> 00:01:08.129 specific to me and so today's one is gonna be 00:01:08.129 --> 00:01:11.349 a rose segment is your mirror segment about the 00:01:11.349 --> 00:01:14.750 being single so i see the way the segments are 00:01:14.750 --> 00:01:17.709 gonna work is i've got a bunch of questions that 00:01:17.709 --> 00:01:21.510 i'm gonna ask rose about how about the topic 00:01:21.510 --> 00:01:23.920 of. today which is the beauty of being single 00:01:23.920 --> 00:01:25.739 and she's basically just gonna have a massive 00:01:25.739 --> 00:01:28.500 rant with you guys yeah i'm gonna reveal some 00:01:28.500 --> 00:01:34.180 tea about why being single is actually bloody 00:01:34.180 --> 00:01:38.700 amazing and how happy i've been in such a long 00:01:38.700 --> 00:01:42.560 time and um i'm somebody that's actually quite 00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:45.659 a relationship person like i was in a in a pretty 00:01:45.659 --> 00:01:48.659 much a two -year relationship um that i got into 00:01:48.659 --> 00:01:51.060 and i was like Quite young i think i was like 00:01:51.060 --> 00:01:53.359 either eighteen or nineteen which is your like 00:01:53.359 --> 00:01:55.400 look some people get into relationships and like 00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:58.799 twelve or thirteen but mine happened a little 00:01:58.799 --> 00:02:02.579 bit later and. Yeah i think ever since you got 00:02:02.579 --> 00:02:04.659 out of that relationship you've been thriving 00:02:04.659 --> 00:02:09.580 and you're gonna be giving people the tea yeah 00:02:09.580 --> 00:02:12.599 so we're gonna do this in like a bit of a sort 00:02:12.599 --> 00:02:14.500 of like the get to know us episode i'm just gonna 00:02:14.500 --> 00:02:18.969 throw you questions and then. Give people what 00:02:18.969 --> 00:02:22.389 they want to hear. I also do. I wrote a few talking 00:02:22.389 --> 00:02:23.710 points as well because there are things that 00:02:23.710 --> 00:02:26.129 I do want to say that I don't want to forget. 00:02:26.129 --> 00:02:28.930 So that's why I have, for those of you who are 00:02:28.930 --> 00:02:31.750 watching on video, I've got a phone in my hand. 00:02:32.969 --> 00:02:37.310 Question number one. Yes. What would you say 00:02:37.310 --> 00:02:41.330 is the biggest thing that you've learned about 00:02:41.330 --> 00:02:46.150 yourself being single? You know what? Like this 00:02:46.150 --> 00:02:51.069 is... This is such a big one for me because I 00:02:51.069 --> 00:02:53.889 didn't think this when I was in this relationship, 00:02:53.889 --> 00:03:00.449 but it's okay to be on your own. Like you're 00:03:00.449 --> 00:03:03.270 okay. I'm okay. You've learned to like your own. 00:03:03.270 --> 00:03:06.750 I've learned to like my own company, which has 00:03:06.750 --> 00:03:09.810 taken me a while to get to that place, but I. 00:03:10.090 --> 00:03:13.909 I really do like my own company and I don't feel 00:03:13.909 --> 00:03:16.469 I used to feel the need to constantly surround 00:03:16.469 --> 00:03:19.409 myself with people constantly be with that person 00:03:19.409 --> 00:03:23.629 etc etc but now I really have my own life and 00:03:23.629 --> 00:03:26.310 I always had my own life like I'm a very independent 00:03:26.310 --> 00:03:32.050 person but. I think being but being on my own 00:03:32.050 --> 00:03:34.969 I've been single for about a year and a half 00:03:34.969 --> 00:03:39.840 to do a year and a half yeah. and it's been so 00:03:39.840 --> 00:03:42.979 formative it's been like the most formative year 00:03:42.979 --> 00:03:45.919 and a half dude like the highs and the lows and 00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:47.900 obviously heartbreak is a whole other topic that 00:03:47.900 --> 00:03:51.039 i will get into in a different episode but i've 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:55.639 learned that It's okay to be by yourself like 00:03:55.639 --> 00:03:58.599 you're not any less people who are relationships 00:03:58.599 --> 00:04:01.460 good for you but you're not lonely you're not 00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:04.539 any less than anyone you're not any less likeable 00:04:04.539 --> 00:04:09.800 less worthy I am worthy I am likable I am special 00:04:09.800 --> 00:04:13.300 and my person will come my person is out there 00:04:13.300 --> 00:04:17.649 and right now. I am so happy being by myself 00:04:17.649 --> 00:04:20.389 because I'm not by myself. I have my friends, 00:04:20.649 --> 00:04:24.389 I have my family who show me more love than I 00:04:24.389 --> 00:04:28.680 have. ever experienced in any relationship and 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:32.360 that is what love to me is. You guys have literally 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:36.160 shown me that love and soulmates exist and it 00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:38.420 doesn't always have to be romantic and you know 00:04:38.420 --> 00:04:41.540 what if I'm single for the rest of my life and 00:04:41.540 --> 00:04:43.899 I have my friends and I have my family and I 00:04:43.899 --> 00:04:46.160 have my own company you'd still be thriving I'm 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:50.560 fine like I'm fine because at the end of the 00:04:50.560 --> 00:04:54.660 day I came into this world on my own. My mother 00:04:54.660 --> 00:04:56.819 birthed me. I didn't have a boyfriend next to 00:04:56.819 --> 00:05:00.420 me when she birthed me. You know, I came into 00:05:00.420 --> 00:05:03.300 this world by myself. You all came into this 00:05:03.300 --> 00:05:04.839 world by yourself, whether you're in amazing 00:05:04.839 --> 00:05:07.339 relationships or not. And you're going to be 00:05:07.339 --> 00:05:11.279 leaving this earth by yourself. And that's what 00:05:11.279 --> 00:05:13.860 I've learned is that you need to be okay with 00:05:13.860 --> 00:05:15.899 your own company. And that was a big growth thing 00:05:15.899 --> 00:05:17.980 for me because it's taken me a while to get to 00:05:17.980 --> 00:05:21.699 that point. Wow. That was great. That was a banger 00:05:21.699 --> 00:05:25.839 and that was only question one. Okay, so how 00:05:25.839 --> 00:05:31.319 do you think that being single has changed your 00:05:31.319 --> 00:05:36.120 expectations for future relationships? Oh, wow. 00:05:37.740 --> 00:05:42.019 Well, first of all, being single allows me to 00:05:42.019 --> 00:05:46.339 date on my own terms. Like, and for future relationships, 00:05:46.379 --> 00:05:51.379 I think I actually have like, Now i have really 00:05:51.379 --> 00:05:55.860 high standards because i know my worth and i 00:05:55.860 --> 00:05:58.560 know what i can give and provide in a relationship 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:01.759 and i see how i show up for people i'm not talking 00:06:01.759 --> 00:06:05.879 myself up i'm just literally being real. And 00:06:05.879 --> 00:06:09.379 i never used to say any like things like this 00:06:09.379 --> 00:06:11.160 about myself and i've gotten to a place where 00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:13.199 i'm like you know what i can talk kindly about 00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:17.680 myself because i'm a good person and. I do show 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:20.300 up for people. And once the right relationship 00:06:20.300 --> 00:06:23.899 finds me, I can show up for that person and have 00:06:23.899 --> 00:06:27.519 that reciprocated to me. I think the one thing 00:06:27.519 --> 00:06:32.399 that I have learned is that if you want to make 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:35.779 it work, you will. Yep. And your partner and 00:06:35.779 --> 00:06:39.420 my partner is going to prioritize me. My partner 00:06:39.420 --> 00:06:41.600 is going to show up for me the way that I show 00:06:41.600 --> 00:06:45.500 up for them. You know, agreed. Put effort in. 00:06:45.769 --> 00:06:48.170 Treat me the way that i deserve to be treated 00:06:48.170 --> 00:06:50.370 but you know what that comes from you like that 00:06:50.370 --> 00:06:53.009 comes from yourself i think if you have a low 00:06:53.009 --> 00:06:55.230 self -esteem and a low self -worth and a low 00:06:55.230 --> 00:06:57.949 self -concept of yourself and you feel like i'm 00:06:57.949 --> 00:07:00.149 not worthy of love or i'm not worthy of this 00:07:00.149 --> 00:07:02.209 and that and i used to feel that way absolutely 00:07:02.209 --> 00:07:05.310 because i think in previous relationships and 00:07:05.310 --> 00:07:08.860 situations and what not i felt. I wasn't worthy 00:07:08.860 --> 00:07:11.620 because I wasn't treated like I was and the minute 00:07:11.620 --> 00:07:13.939 I started feeling like no you know what I am 00:07:13.939 --> 00:07:17.000 worthy and I am special and I deserve to be treated 00:07:17.000 --> 00:07:21.459 with freaking respect. It changes for you and 00:07:21.459 --> 00:07:23.180 you start attracting the right people in your 00:07:23.180 --> 00:07:27.220 life yeah. Answer your question yeah you have 00:07:27.220 --> 00:07:36.110 she has people flocking out her now. Okay, I 00:07:36.110 --> 00:07:39.029 have a lead off question for that. So I know 00:07:39.029 --> 00:07:43.129 a lot of people probably aren't, I know what 00:07:43.129 --> 00:07:45.509 I personally even know a lot of people that can't 00:07:45.509 --> 00:07:49.290 be alone and they're happier in a relationship 00:07:49.290 --> 00:07:52.410 even if it may not be the right one. So why do 00:07:52.410 --> 00:07:55.149 you think that people or what's your advice for 00:07:55.149 --> 00:07:58.430 people who have that mindset that being single 00:07:58.430 --> 00:08:04.600 is like a devastating or unfortunate thing? It's 00:08:04.600 --> 00:08:06.319 that's actually something that I can relate to 00:08:06.319 --> 00:08:08.699 because I think after going out of my previous 00:08:08.699 --> 00:08:11.540 relationship and when you go through heartbreak, 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:16.220 you obviously feel so awful and you feel so alone 00:08:16.220 --> 00:08:20.740 and you feel like your ego and everything about 00:08:20.740 --> 00:08:24.540 you has just been like stamped on and I felt 00:08:24.540 --> 00:08:29.180 quite worthless. I did. And I was like, no, I 00:08:29.180 --> 00:08:32.399 need, I need that person. I need someone. First 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:36.740 of all. You don't need anyone no one ever needs 00:08:36.740 --> 00:08:39.039 anyone for people that are stuck in like I need 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:41.440 someone I need someone there's actually something 00:08:41.440 --> 00:08:45.080 deeper going on there and firstly I would recommend 00:08:45.080 --> 00:08:48.159 therapy and therapy should never be frowned upon 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:51.700 it's something that I literally recommend and 00:08:51.700 --> 00:08:55.080 promote to everyone under the sun because it's 00:08:55.080 --> 00:08:58.120 absolutely saved me in really crucial situations. 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:04.399 I think you need first of all. Before any relationship 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:07.620 you need a really good base of like people in 00:09:07.620 --> 00:09:11.600 your life that you know will never leave. Like 00:09:11.600 --> 00:09:16.419 family like close friends and I think I was lucky 00:09:16.419 --> 00:09:19.500 because I had really beautiful people in my life 00:09:19.500 --> 00:09:21.879 still do the same people that have literally 00:09:21.879 --> 00:09:26.639 been through hell and back with me to have that 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:30.230 and to know okay like. I'm not ever alone. I 00:09:30.230 --> 00:09:33.110 don't ever need anyone. If something goes wrong 00:09:33.110 --> 00:09:36.309 with that person, with my partner, I have people 00:09:36.309 --> 00:09:39.610 in my life. You know, I'm not alone. You're never 00:09:39.610 --> 00:09:42.490 alone. If you're stuck in codependent cycles 00:09:42.490 --> 00:09:45.029 and things like that. And that happens very, 00:09:45.110 --> 00:09:47.750 very often. You know, I've dealt with codependency 00:09:47.750 --> 00:09:50.889 before. And that's definitely a deeper thing. 00:09:50.929 --> 00:09:52.870 I'm not a therapist. I just want to preface that 00:09:52.870 --> 00:09:56.610 I am not certified in psychology whatsoever. 00:09:57.019 --> 00:10:00.120 but I have experience with these things and I 00:10:00.120 --> 00:10:03.019 think seeking therapy to find your independence 00:10:03.019 --> 00:10:06.139 and to actually start liking your own company. 00:10:06.860 --> 00:10:09.059 I think if you're single and if you're yearning 00:10:09.059 --> 00:10:11.259 to be with someone for the sake of being someone 00:10:11.259 --> 00:10:13.659 because you feel lonely in your life and you 00:10:13.659 --> 00:10:17.080 feel like whether it's you're not good enough 00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:19.519 and you need someone to validate that for you, 00:10:19.519 --> 00:10:22.370 that's a deeper thing. You need to work on yourself 00:10:22.370 --> 00:10:24.509 first before you go into a relationship or else 00:10:24.509 --> 00:10:26.350 you're not going to bring your best foot forward 00:10:26.350 --> 00:10:29.929 in that situation and no matter what the situation 00:10:29.929 --> 00:10:32.490 is because you're not happy with yourself to 00:10:32.490 --> 00:10:35.110 begin with, you'll be going into a relationship 00:10:35.110 --> 00:10:38.590 with rose coloured glasses and you won't have 00:10:38.590 --> 00:10:42.769 those standards preset sort of thing. And can 00:10:42.769 --> 00:10:45.110 I just say sometimes you do need to go through 00:10:45.110 --> 00:10:49.159 relationships to actually learn and realise Certain 00:10:49.159 --> 00:10:52.200 things like your work i think if i didn't go 00:10:52.200 --> 00:10:55.740 through my previous relationship i. Wouldn't 00:10:55.740 --> 00:10:58.919 have been the person that i am today and would 00:10:58.919 --> 00:11:01.700 have learned the things that i learned. I'm not 00:11:01.700 --> 00:11:04.700 cheating on anyone i'm like i'm not cheating 00:11:04.700 --> 00:11:07.399 on any partner or whatever you know that experience 00:11:07.399 --> 00:11:11.820 was that experience but it was so formative to 00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:14.240 actually for me to come to my senses and be like 00:11:14.240 --> 00:11:18.850 oh my gosh like. I am worthy, I deserve to be 00:11:18.850 --> 00:11:22.870 treated well, I provide so much in relationships 00:11:22.870 --> 00:11:26.509 that if they don't provide that for me, I'm not 00:11:26.509 --> 00:11:30.009 gonna go there, I'd rather be on my own. And 00:11:30.009 --> 00:11:32.129 that's kind of where I am at, is like if you're 00:11:32.129 --> 00:11:35.370 not serving my life and if you don't bring a 00:11:35.370 --> 00:11:38.809 certain element or an addition to my life then 00:11:38.809 --> 00:11:42.000 I don't. I don't want to be with you and that's 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:44.139 taken me a long time to get there I keep saying 00:11:44.139 --> 00:11:49.379 that but it's so true and you need to be okay 00:11:49.379 --> 00:11:52.799 with being on your own first. Before getting 00:11:52.799 --> 00:11:55.820 into anything with anyone I completely agree 00:11:55.820 --> 00:11:59.000 with you. Do you agree what do what would you 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:02.080 say like in those situations I definitely agree 00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:07.159 if you're going into a relationship being. unable 00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:10.580 to be happy on your own. It's a recipe for disaster. 00:12:10.980 --> 00:12:13.659 You shouldn't be with anyone if you're not happy 00:12:13.659 --> 00:12:14.440 by yourself. You're going to carry your emotional 00:12:14.440 --> 00:12:18.320 instability and all that baggage that people 00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:20.840 talk about. It's a real thing. And you're going 00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:23.620 to carry all the anxieties, all the stresses, 00:12:23.940 --> 00:12:27.620 all the past traumas that you've had, or even 00:12:27.620 --> 00:12:31.840 the good things. Learn to be okay on your own 00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:33.340 first. There's nothing wrong with it. I think 00:12:33.340 --> 00:12:35.100 you're pretty much covered in any ways on your 00:12:35.100 --> 00:12:37.789 own. completely agree with you, even as someone 00:12:37.789 --> 00:12:41.470 who hasn't been heartbroken, which we spoke about 00:12:41.470 --> 00:12:46.370 in our last couple episodes. But yeah, I'm so 00:12:46.370 --> 00:12:48.909 glad that touchwood I never had to go through 00:12:48.909 --> 00:12:52.090 something like that to realize self -worth and 00:12:52.090 --> 00:12:53.549 all that sort of thing. But I think it's definitely 00:12:53.549 --> 00:12:55.289 something very relatable and something people 00:12:55.289 --> 00:12:59.529 struggle with so much nowadays. I get so upset 00:12:59.529 --> 00:13:02.649 every time I hear friends of mine or just people 00:13:02.649 --> 00:13:06.279 in general Rant on about how they feel like they 00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:09.679 can't be on their own. I see it. They don't even 00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:11.860 have to tell me, but I can just see that they're 00:13:11.860 --> 00:13:13.860 so dependent on their person. They could be treating 00:13:13.860 --> 00:13:17.059 them like shit and they will still go back and 00:13:17.059 --> 00:13:19.580 go back and go back. And I'm like, it's like 00:13:19.580 --> 00:13:22.360 a trauma bond. It's a codependency cycle. And 00:13:22.360 --> 00:13:24.580 it's like, I actually fully get that. And it's 00:13:24.580 --> 00:13:26.679 so hard. Like no one will ever understand if 00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:29.019 once you're in that and like, especially when 00:13:29.019 --> 00:13:33.440 you're so Whether it's blinded by love and that's 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:36.059 a huge thing being blinded by love and wearing 00:13:36.059 --> 00:13:40.000 such Rose colored glasses where it's like you 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:42.480 cease the good in that person regardless of what 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:45.940 they do And it's it's a hard situation to be 00:13:45.940 --> 00:13:48.539 in and it's hard cycle to break as well even 00:13:48.539 --> 00:13:51.720 post relationship if you're in that relationship 00:13:51.720 --> 00:13:54.340 and and you break up and you're still in that 00:13:54.340 --> 00:13:56.360 cycle of communication or whether you're still 00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:58.700 sleeping together or seeing each other or whatever 00:13:58.700 --> 00:14:02.389 it may be That's still so hard because it doesn't 00:14:02.389 --> 00:14:05.049 actually give you the time to move on or the 00:14:05.049 --> 00:14:08.460 space to move on. I think something else, one 00:14:08.460 --> 00:14:10.200 more thing that I'll add in, because this is 00:14:10.200 --> 00:14:11.659 something that me and my boyfriend talk about 00:14:11.659 --> 00:14:15.159 all the time, is that it's actually crazy how 00:14:15.159 --> 00:14:18.700 when you take the time to put in effort for yourself, 00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:22.779 how you just become so magnetic. And that's when 00:14:22.779 --> 00:14:25.480 the best things happen to you, whether it be 00:14:25.480 --> 00:14:28.500 life in general or you attracting the right people, 00:14:28.700 --> 00:14:31.220 because the energy you reflect is the energy 00:14:31.220 --> 00:14:33.610 you're going to get back. And me and my boyfriend 00:14:33.610 --> 00:14:36.690 always say now, like when we both met, we were 00:14:36.690 --> 00:14:40.330 so happy being on our own. Like we were so happy 00:14:40.330 --> 00:14:42.769 being on our own. And that's not to say happy 00:14:42.769 --> 00:14:45.110 to go around and do everything with everyone 00:14:45.110 --> 00:14:47.350 else, but we were just content with ourselves 00:14:47.350 --> 00:14:50.110 that we had no expectations going into the relationship. 00:14:50.129 --> 00:14:52.669 And I think that's what's made it so strong now. 00:14:53.129 --> 00:14:56.669 So it's a real thing. Take care of yourself first 00:14:56.669 --> 00:15:00.350 before... And and there is nothing wrong with 00:15:00.350 --> 00:15:03.169 being single like honestly i can take it from 00:15:03.169 --> 00:15:08.090 me with that was that we were so happy on our 00:15:08.090 --> 00:15:10.389 own that you made the relationship so much better 00:15:10.389 --> 00:15:13.049 down the line so take the effort and take the 00:15:13.049 --> 00:15:16.820 time that you're single as a great thing. To 00:15:16.820 --> 00:15:19.419 work on yourself, work on yourself and love yourself 00:15:19.419 --> 00:15:21.960 as well. And that can come in many forms. And 00:15:21.960 --> 00:15:24.480 somebody says to me, oh, like, oh, you need to 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:26.899 love yourself. It's like, OK, great. But what 00:15:26.899 --> 00:15:30.100 does that actually mean? That means to me, this 00:15:30.100 --> 00:15:33.259 is what it means. It means prioritizing myself, 00:15:33.259 --> 00:15:36.259 having time for my friends and family, doing 00:15:36.259 --> 00:15:39.500 things that I want to do, not having the pressure 00:15:39.500 --> 00:15:43.019 of having to not so much care for someone else, 00:15:43.100 --> 00:15:46.049 but prioritize someone else, because It gives 00:15:46.049 --> 00:15:48.649 you so much time to actually be your own best 00:15:48.649 --> 00:15:52.429 friend. And like to me, I know I can rely on 00:15:52.429 --> 00:15:55.210 myself. Like it sounds so odd, but I know that 00:15:55.210 --> 00:15:58.830 I can rely on myself. I show up for myself. Yeah. 00:15:58.830 --> 00:16:01.330 And it's still a very much so work in progress 00:16:01.330 --> 00:16:05.070 for me, but. And it will be sorry for the rest 00:16:05.070 --> 00:16:07.769 of my life. Like it's, it's a constant work in 00:16:07.769 --> 00:16:11.250 progress. And in my next relationship, I'll still 00:16:11.250 --> 00:16:14.250 be working on that still, you know, have your. 00:16:15.830 --> 00:16:18.549 Independence and not not so much independence 00:16:18.549 --> 00:16:21.769 but be able to be okay on your own even when 00:16:21.769 --> 00:16:25.470 throughout the relationship because there's going 00:16:25.470 --> 00:16:27.909 to be hard times is going to be great times but 00:16:27.909 --> 00:16:30.990 being able to be comfortable in your own skin 00:16:30.990 --> 00:16:33.350 when you're with someone else that's how you 00:16:33.350 --> 00:16:36.250 thrive if one person is like that and the other 00:16:36.250 --> 00:16:39.500 person is mentally distraught. Or, you know, 00:16:39.620 --> 00:16:41.679 was unhappy going to the relationship. It's never 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:44.100 going to work out. So I think independence is 00:16:44.100 --> 00:16:46.139 important when you're single, but also when you're 00:16:46.139 --> 00:16:49.000 in a relationship. I highly recommend reading 00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:53.220 the book. Yeah, sorry. Just before you ask the 00:16:53.220 --> 00:16:58.139 Dolly Alderton book. Oh, my God. The Dolly Alderton 00:16:58.139 --> 00:16:59.779 book that I literally read, I was literally going 00:16:59.779 --> 00:17:01.639 to say 10 things I hate about you, but that's 00:17:01.639 --> 00:17:03.139 not it. Let me quickly. Is that the one I bought 00:17:03.139 --> 00:17:09.059 you? No no my friend nisha gave it to me everything 00:17:09.059 --> 00:17:12.019 i know about love is called everything i know 00:17:12.019 --> 00:17:14.400 about love and it took me a while to get into 00:17:14.400 --> 00:17:17.400 it. And she gave it to me when i went through 00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:20.240 my break up and she was like read this and i 00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:23.400 read this and everything in that book literally 00:17:23.400 --> 00:17:29.519 says. How you have so much love in your life 00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:33.490 through friendship. Through family through self 00:17:33.490 --> 00:17:37.650 love through experience and it's about perspective 00:17:37.650 --> 00:17:39.369 it's about perspective it's the way that you 00:17:39.369 --> 00:17:41.390 do it if you're doing it like i'm single like 00:17:41.390 --> 00:17:43.309 no one loves me like i'm lonely i don't have 00:17:43.309 --> 00:17:45.420 a partner all my friends have boyfriend. That 00:17:45.420 --> 00:17:47.940 was my question that leads to the next question. 00:17:48.180 --> 00:17:50.859 My next question is how do you, because I think 00:17:50.859 --> 00:17:53.119 this is something that you'd be a great person 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:55.500 to speak on it about, but how do you feel? Obviously 00:17:55.500 --> 00:17:57.680 there's a massive societal pressure for people 00:17:57.680 --> 00:18:00.319 nowadays. Like I know you have said to me before, 00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:02.000 like, Oh my God, I feel like all my friends are 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:04.579 in relationships. Like, and not necessarily a 00:18:04.579 --> 00:18:09.420 bad thing. It's just how it is nowadays for us, 00:18:09.420 --> 00:18:13.140 for you. How do you deal with the societal pressure 00:18:13.140 --> 00:18:15.079 of feeling like you need to be in the relationship 00:18:15.079 --> 00:18:21.240 but also even just like your parents? When I 00:18:21.240 --> 00:18:24.259 say your parents, I mean your parents wanting 00:18:24.259 --> 00:18:26.180 you to be in a relationship. To find someone. 00:18:26.359 --> 00:18:28.880 Wanting you to find someone, yeah. It's hard. 00:18:29.539 --> 00:18:32.680 I'm gonna be real with you, it's hard. There 00:18:32.680 --> 00:18:35.890 are times where I'm like... There are times where 00:18:35.890 --> 00:18:37.750 I see my friends in relationships and I'm like, 00:18:37.789 --> 00:18:39.589 oh my god, I'm so glad I'm not in that. Like 00:18:39.589 --> 00:18:41.930 I'm so glad I'm not having to deal with like 00:18:41.930 --> 00:18:46.009 boy drama and like texting 24 seven and like 00:18:46.009 --> 00:18:48.269 just being constantly distracted by having a 00:18:48.269 --> 00:18:50.710 partner. But then there's another side of things 00:18:50.710 --> 00:18:52.990 where I see really beautiful, healthy relationships. 00:18:53.009 --> 00:18:55.910 And I'm like, that is gorgeous. That is exactly 00:18:55.910 --> 00:19:01.400 what I want. You know, that's I don't want Relationship 00:19:01.400 --> 00:19:04.160 that causes me drama. I want peace. I want stability. 00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.519 I want kindness. I want a fireplace I want it 00:19:06.519 --> 00:19:10.380 to be really warm and safe It's hard to navigate 00:19:10.380 --> 00:19:12.700 because to be honest right now all of my friends 00:19:12.700 --> 00:19:14.640 are in relationships I'm probably one of the 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:20.039 only single people in my kind of circle And I 00:19:20.039 --> 00:19:22.819 think that comes with honestly having friends 00:19:22.819 --> 00:19:26.680 that aren't shove it in your face 24 -7. Oh if 00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:30.900 I have if and I like I'm very straight up like 00:19:30.900 --> 00:19:33.259 if i if my friends if i'm out to do with dinner 00:19:33.259 --> 00:19:35.299 with my friends and then texting their boyfriends 00:19:35.299 --> 00:19:37.279 and they're talking about their boyfriends twenty 00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:41.000 four seven i literally will say stop because 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.940 you're here with me. Be that guys she actually 00:19:44.940 --> 00:19:48.880 doesn't love that about you that's the thing 00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:51.000 that's what i would say actually for advice if 00:19:51.000 --> 00:19:53.460 you're in my position and all your mates are 00:19:53.460 --> 00:19:56.519 in relationships and you feel a bit shitty when 00:19:56.519 --> 00:20:01.640 you're around that. Reframed that and think Okay, 00:20:01.980 --> 00:20:06.920 how can I how can I tell my friends? How I feel 00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:09.619 because that's important and for them not to 00:20:09.619 --> 00:20:12.940 so much I Don't know shove it in shove it in 00:20:12.940 --> 00:20:15.799 your face. Does that make sense? Yeah, I think 00:20:15.799 --> 00:20:17.759 a good friend wouldn't do that a good friend 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:20.980 wouldn't do that But sometimes not to shove in 00:20:20.980 --> 00:20:23.900 your face. No like no, but some people think 00:20:23.900 --> 00:20:28.789 it I know I know I know From my perspective, 00:20:28.809 --> 00:20:30.829 there should be nothing to shove in your face. 00:20:30.910 --> 00:20:32.250 What are you shoving in your face? It's none 00:20:32.250 --> 00:20:35.910 of anyone else's business, but yours. And don't 00:20:35.910 --> 00:20:37.829 go out of your way to make someone else feel 00:20:37.829 --> 00:20:40.250 shitty for absolutely no reason. And I want you 00:20:40.250 --> 00:20:42.789 to remember, easier said than done, being single 00:20:42.789 --> 00:20:45.960 is beautiful. Being single is beautiful, you're 00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:48.480 in a relationship with yourself, like you do 00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:50.960 not have to worry about anybody else and it gives 00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:52.980 you the breathing space to work on the things 00:20:52.980 --> 00:20:55.079 that you want to work on, to pursue the things 00:20:55.079 --> 00:20:57.740 that you want to pursue. Right now I'm in career 00:20:57.740 --> 00:21:02.039 mode, like I am in creative career mode, I am 00:21:02.039 --> 00:21:06.180 friend mode, I am family mode, like that is what 00:21:06.180 --> 00:21:08.940 is fulfilling my life right now and I have the 00:21:08.940 --> 00:21:11.519 space to do that. which is really, really beautiful. 00:21:11.660 --> 00:21:13.420 Not saying that you don't have the space to do 00:21:13.420 --> 00:21:15.720 that when you're in a relationship, but. No, 00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:17.319 but I'm very proud of you because I remember 00:21:17.319 --> 00:21:20.019 you telling me, you know, a couple of years ago, 00:21:20.539 --> 00:21:23.779 like as bad as it sounds, like the person I was 00:21:23.779 --> 00:21:26.059 with, I would have put anything aside for them, 00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:29.440 which now you know your worth and you know that 00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:32.119 that's not what you would do now. And people 00:21:32.119 --> 00:21:36.000 have, you know, you prioritize your time. Yeah. 00:21:36.579 --> 00:21:39.140 accordingly and i think what that comes down 00:21:39.140 --> 00:21:41.519 to is not even just you being a good person but 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:45.460 it's the fact that you've recognized your worth 00:21:45.460 --> 00:21:49.819 and you've recognized exactly what it is. Yeah 00:21:49.819 --> 00:21:52.160 i feel like i'm rambling but you kind of covered 00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:54.500 it i'm just touching on your point but it's more 00:21:54.500 --> 00:21:58.420 your it's rewired you yeah getting out of that 00:21:58.420 --> 00:22:01.859 relationship and now you know how to. Yep, this 00:22:01.859 --> 00:22:05.839 is also years of therapy guys like and I'm still 00:22:05.839 --> 00:22:07.660 in like I will be in therapy probably for the 00:22:07.660 --> 00:22:10.579 rest of my life but like there a lot of therapy 00:22:10.579 --> 00:22:13.039 a lot of deep work a lot of working on yourself 00:22:13.039 --> 00:22:16.200 a lot of meditation and breathing and we want 00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:18.460 you to take these episodes as therapy sessions 00:22:18.460 --> 00:22:20.839 yeah please yeah although we're not therapists 00:22:20.839 --> 00:22:24.559 but we have experience and I just I'm really 00:22:24.559 --> 00:22:27.660 I'm really passionate about this which is so 00:22:27.660 --> 00:22:31.430 weird I'm passionate about being single and Look, 00:22:31.769 --> 00:22:33.529 I really do look forward to when I meet the right 00:22:33.529 --> 00:22:38.089 person. I really do. But I also, I'm not in no 00:22:38.089 --> 00:22:42.289 rush. Like, I'm with me, I'm with you, I'm with 00:22:42.289 --> 00:22:46.069 my friends. I'm not single. I have people. You 00:22:46.069 --> 00:22:50.670 have people. And if you don't, that's okay. You 00:22:50.670 --> 00:22:53.390 can find your people and it will take time it's 00:22:53.390 --> 00:22:55.650 about being in the kind of the right place at 00:22:55.650 --> 00:22:58.150 the right time and it'll happen organically and 00:22:58.150 --> 00:23:00.029 also that'll just give you more of an opportunity 00:23:00.029 --> 00:23:05.349 to build on yourself and. Value yourself and 00:23:05.349 --> 00:23:08.930 your self worth and the one thing i also learned 00:23:08.930 --> 00:23:12.029 sorry guys is to. When you're in a relationship 00:23:12.029 --> 00:23:14.569 oh my god never ever neglect the people in your 00:23:14.569 --> 00:23:16.990 outside world because if that relationship doesn't 00:23:16.990 --> 00:23:19.190 work out you will literally have no one to go 00:23:19.190 --> 00:23:22.529 to that's not to say don't put in don't prioritize 00:23:22.529 --> 00:23:25.990 a relationship however that's what i was saying 00:23:25.990 --> 00:23:28.130 about people not knowing how to act when they're 00:23:28.130 --> 00:23:33.180 in a relationship. Just. Be a good person, don't 00:23:33.180 --> 00:23:35.299 automatically think that everyone else in your 00:23:35.299 --> 00:23:37.599 life becomes completely irrelevant, even if that's 00:23:37.599 --> 00:23:39.900 just family, because I know people like that. 00:23:39.900 --> 00:23:42.279 People get into relationships and suddenly they're 00:23:42.279 --> 00:23:44.640 spending 24 -7 at their house, forget about their 00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:48.359 family, friends, plans are ditched left, right 00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:50.319 and center because they're with their partners 00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:52.690 and it's like... becomes your whole world, you're 00:23:52.690 --> 00:23:54.690 so encompassed by it. And that can be dangerous 00:23:54.690 --> 00:23:56.710 for your mental health as well. Yeah, totally. 00:23:56.890 --> 00:23:59.589 When you become, it leads onto codependency. 00:23:59.589 --> 00:24:02.349 Codependency. It's like a tie, it's hard. Yeah. 00:24:02.349 --> 00:24:05.069 And then it will make it all the, or what you 00:24:05.069 --> 00:24:07.369 were saying is that in a situation where, you 00:24:07.369 --> 00:24:08.710 know, this is what I'm saying about me being 00:24:08.710 --> 00:24:10.869 so proud of you is because when you got out of 00:24:10.869 --> 00:24:13.509 it, it took you that extra time. Whereas if you 00:24:13.509 --> 00:24:17.170 went into the relationship without that codependency 00:24:17.170 --> 00:24:19.589 mindset, that's what would have saved you in 00:24:19.589 --> 00:24:24.940 the long run. Absolutely. And we all will get 00:24:24.940 --> 00:24:27.279 there in the end and it's a constant work in 00:24:27.279 --> 00:24:29.420 progress. I'm a constant work in progress. By 00:24:29.420 --> 00:24:32.460 no means do I have my single life figured out. 00:24:32.539 --> 00:24:34.700 I have times where I'm like, oh my God, like 00:24:34.700 --> 00:24:37.279 I just want, but like welcome to Lostish. Welcome 00:24:37.279 --> 00:24:39.660 to Lostish. Like we're feeling like a bit lost 00:24:39.660 --> 00:24:43.240 and like, well, I don't know, you know, but right 00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:48.150 here, right now, single rose. is happy and happy 00:24:48.150 --> 00:24:50.829 and I kind of right now wouldn't have it any 00:24:50.829 --> 00:24:54.009 other way and if you're not an addition to my 00:24:54.009 --> 00:24:59.869 life I don't want you in it. No but we honestly 00:24:59.869 --> 00:25:02.170 hope you loved this segment I don't have any 00:25:02.170 --> 00:25:04.769 more questions for you Rose but this will be 00:25:04.769 --> 00:25:09.190 happening a lot more because I think we each 00:25:09.190 --> 00:25:11.529 have our own this is why we're so powerful together 00:25:11.529 --> 00:25:15.109 is because we each have our own experiences and 00:25:15.709 --> 00:25:18.289 I think doing segments on our own will allow 00:25:18.289 --> 00:25:20.150 people to get to know us individually a little 00:25:20.150 --> 00:25:24.289 bit better but also like i. Think that you are 00:25:24.289 --> 00:25:26.049 much stronger contestant to talk about stuff 00:25:26.049 --> 00:25:28.450 like this for example next week rosa gonna ask 00:25:28.450 --> 00:25:30.609 me the same question similar questions but about 00:25:30.609 --> 00:25:32.329 the beauty of being in the right relationship 00:25:32.329 --> 00:25:35.849 yes so we'll have little segments like that here 00:25:35.849 --> 00:25:37.569 and there and we hope you guys enjoy them and 00:25:37.569 --> 00:25:40.130 if you have any ideas. feel free and reach out 00:25:40.130 --> 00:25:42.089 anything you guys would like absolutely like 00:25:42.089 --> 00:25:45.589 dm us on instagram we have listeners all over 00:25:45.589 --> 00:25:49.130 the world guys we do we have listeners in kenya 00:25:49.130 --> 00:25:53.680 and in japan in japan and in Ukraine. I've got 00:25:53.680 --> 00:25:57.279 family in Ukraine. We know for a fact we don't 00:25:57.279 --> 00:25:59.779 know anyone in and we're getting listeners guys. 00:25:59.920 --> 00:26:01.980 Yeah, it's really exciting. It's really special 00:26:01.980 --> 00:26:04.200 and we just want to thank you guys for supporting 00:26:04.200 --> 00:26:06.339 us. We've literally started this podcast from 00:26:06.339 --> 00:26:09.440 scratch. Like we literally have no following, 00:26:09.640 --> 00:26:12.859 no influencer in us. We just hit our month a 00:26:12.859 --> 00:26:16.039 couple days ago. We did hit our month. But yeah, 00:26:16.039 --> 00:26:18.000 it's just very exciting for us and even though 00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:21.720 it's like A smaller project for now, we're hoping 00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:26.000 it'll have a big impact. Yeah, absolutely. Thank 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:28.579 you for asking me and thank you for getting vulnerable 00:26:28.579 --> 00:26:31.200 with me. That's okay. We're all about opening 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:36.609 up here and I also... like this is another opportunity 00:26:36.609 --> 00:26:39.670 for you guys to get to know us and as we said 00:26:39.670 --> 00:26:41.609 in this episode you got to know me and in the 00:26:41.609 --> 00:26:45.650 next one you'll get to know Emanuella but thank 00:26:45.650 --> 00:26:47.509 you guys so much for listening to the Lostish 00:26:47.509 --> 00:26:51.730 podcast reach out if you have any questions and 00:26:51.730 --> 00:26:53.990 we'll see you in the next one see you