Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the
right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose
Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share what
it's really like navigating your 20s. We're two
semi -lost girls figuring out careers, relationships,
wellness, purpose, and everything in between.
Each week we dive into the highs, the lows, and
the lessons of chasing your dreams, finding happiness,
and learning to embrace the uncertainty. We're
not here to pretend like we've got it all together.
We're simply just figuring it out. Woohoo! Welcome
back. Welcome back to the Lostish podcast. Yeah.
We do this every time and it's like a little
bit cringe. Yeah. It's all right. We love a bit
of cringe. We love a bit of cringe. Anyway, we
have a fun episode today. We do. So we decided
very last minute that we wanted to have a couple
new segments on our podcast where sort of we
do some chats specific to rose and then some
specific to me and so today's one is gonna be
a rose segment is your mirror segment about the
being single so i see the way the segments are
gonna work is i've got a bunch of questions that
i'm gonna ask rose about how about the topic
of. today which is the beauty of being single
and she's basically just gonna have a massive
rant with you guys yeah i'm gonna reveal some
tea about why being single is actually bloody
amazing and how happy i've been in such a long
time and um i'm somebody that's actually quite
a relationship person like i was in a in a pretty
much a two -year relationship um that i got into
and i was like Quite young i think i was like
either eighteen or nineteen which is your like
look some people get into relationships and like
twelve or thirteen but mine happened a little
bit later and. Yeah i think ever since you got
out of that relationship you've been thriving
and you're gonna be giving people the tea yeah
so we're gonna do this in like a bit of a sort
of like the get to know us episode i'm just gonna
throw you questions and then. Give people what
they want to hear. I also do. I wrote a few talking
points as well because there are things that
I do want to say that I don't want to forget.
So that's why I have, for those of you who are
watching on video, I've got a phone in my hand.
Question number one. Yes. What would you say
is the biggest thing that you've learned about
yourself being single? You know what? Like this
is... This is such a big one for me because I
didn't think this when I was in this relationship,
but it's okay to be on your own. Like you're
okay. I'm okay. You've learned to like your own.
I've learned to like my own company, which has
taken me a while to get to that place, but I.
I really do like my own company and I don't feel
I used to feel the need to constantly surround
myself with people constantly be with that person
etc etc but now I really have my own life and
I always had my own life like I'm a very independent
person but. I think being but being on my own
I've been single for about a year and a half
to do a year and a half yeah. and it's been so
formative it's been like the most formative year
and a half dude like the highs and the lows and
obviously heartbreak is a whole other topic that
i will get into in a different episode but i've
learned that It's okay to be by yourself like
you're not any less people who are relationships
good for you but you're not lonely you're not
any less than anyone you're not any less likeable
less worthy I am worthy I am likable I am special
and my person will come my person is out there
and right now. I am so happy being by myself
because I'm not by myself. I have my friends,
I have my family who show me more love than I
have. ever experienced in any relationship and
that is what love to me is. You guys have literally
shown me that love and soulmates exist and it
doesn't always have to be romantic and you know
what if I'm single for the rest of my life and
I have my friends and I have my family and I
have my own company you'd still be thriving I'm
fine like I'm fine because at the end of the
day I came into this world on my own. My mother
birthed me. I didn't have a boyfriend next to
me when she birthed me. You know, I came into
this world by myself. You all came into this
world by yourself, whether you're in amazing
relationships or not. And you're going to be
leaving this earth by yourself. And that's what
I've learned is that you need to be okay with
your own company. And that was a big growth thing
for me because it's taken me a while to get to
that point. Wow. That was great. That was a banger
and that was only question one. Okay, so how
do you think that being single has changed your
expectations for future relationships? Oh, wow.
Well, first of all, being single allows me to
date on my own terms. Like, and for future relationships,
I think I actually have like, Now i have really
high standards because i know my worth and i
know what i can give and provide in a relationship
and i see how i show up for people i'm not talking
myself up i'm just literally being real. And
i never used to say any like things like this
about myself and i've gotten to a place where
i'm like you know what i can talk kindly about
myself because i'm a good person and. I do show
up for people. And once the right relationship
finds me, I can show up for that person and have
that reciprocated to me. I think the one thing
that I have learned is that if you want to make
it work, you will. Yep. And your partner and
my partner is going to prioritize me. My partner
is going to show up for me the way that I show
up for them. You know, agreed. Put effort in.
Treat me the way that i deserve to be treated
but you know what that comes from you like that
comes from yourself i think if you have a low
self -esteem and a low self -worth and a low
self -concept of yourself and you feel like i'm
not worthy of love or i'm not worthy of this
and that and i used to feel that way absolutely
because i think in previous relationships and
situations and what not i felt. I wasn't worthy
because I wasn't treated like I was and the minute
I started feeling like no you know what I am
worthy and I am special and I deserve to be treated
with freaking respect. It changes for you and
you start attracting the right people in your
life yeah. Answer your question yeah you have
she has people flocking out her now. Okay, I
have a lead off question for that. So I know
a lot of people probably aren't, I know what
I personally even know a lot of people that can't
be alone and they're happier in a relationship
even if it may not be the right one. So why do
you think that people or what's your advice for
people who have that mindset that being single
is like a devastating or unfortunate thing? It's
that's actually something that I can relate to
because I think after going out of my previous
relationship and when you go through heartbreak,
you obviously feel so awful and you feel so alone
and you feel like your ego and everything about
you has just been like stamped on and I felt
quite worthless. I did. And I was like, no, I
need, I need that person. I need someone. First
of all. You don't need anyone no one ever needs
anyone for people that are stuck in like I need
someone I need someone there's actually something
deeper going on there and firstly I would recommend
therapy and therapy should never be frowned upon
it's something that I literally recommend and
promote to everyone under the sun because it's
absolutely saved me in really crucial situations.
I think you need first of all. Before any relationship
you need a really good base of like people in
your life that you know will never leave. Like
family like close friends and I think I was lucky
because I had really beautiful people in my life
still do the same people that have literally
been through hell and back with me to have that
and to know okay like. I'm not ever alone. I
don't ever need anyone. If something goes wrong
with that person, with my partner, I have people
in my life. You know, I'm not alone. You're never
alone. If you're stuck in codependent cycles
and things like that. And that happens very,
very often. You know, I've dealt with codependency
before. And that's definitely a deeper thing.
I'm not a therapist. I just want to preface that
I am not certified in psychology whatsoever.
but I have experience with these things and I
think seeking therapy to find your independence
and to actually start liking your own company.
I think if you're single and if you're yearning
to be with someone for the sake of being someone
because you feel lonely in your life and you
feel like whether it's you're not good enough
and you need someone to validate that for you,
that's a deeper thing. You need to work on yourself
first before you go into a relationship or else
you're not going to bring your best foot forward
in that situation and no matter what the situation
is because you're not happy with yourself to
begin with, you'll be going into a relationship
with rose coloured glasses and you won't have
those standards preset sort of thing. And can
I just say sometimes you do need to go through
relationships to actually learn and realise Certain
things like your work i think if i didn't go
through my previous relationship i. Wouldn't
have been the person that i am today and would
have learned the things that i learned. I'm not
cheating on anyone i'm like i'm not cheating
on any partner or whatever you know that experience
was that experience but it was so formative to
actually for me to come to my senses and be like
oh my gosh like. I am worthy, I deserve to be
treated well, I provide so much in relationships
that if they don't provide that for me, I'm not
gonna go there, I'd rather be on my own. And
that's kind of where I am at, is like if you're
not serving my life and if you don't bring a
certain element or an addition to my life then
I don't. I don't want to be with you and that's
taken me a long time to get there I keep saying
that but it's so true and you need to be okay
with being on your own first. Before getting
into anything with anyone I completely agree
with you. Do you agree what do what would you
say like in those situations I definitely agree
if you're going into a relationship being. unable
to be happy on your own. It's a recipe for disaster.
You shouldn't be with anyone if you're not happy
by yourself. You're going to carry your emotional
instability and all that baggage that people
talk about. It's a real thing. And you're going
to carry all the anxieties, all the stresses,
all the past traumas that you've had, or even
the good things. Learn to be okay on your own
first. There's nothing wrong with it. I think
you're pretty much covered in any ways on your
own. completely agree with you, even as someone
who hasn't been heartbroken, which we spoke about
in our last couple episodes. But yeah, I'm so
glad that touchwood I never had to go through
something like that to realize self -worth and
all that sort of thing. But I think it's definitely
something very relatable and something people
struggle with so much nowadays. I get so upset
every time I hear friends of mine or just people
in general Rant on about how they feel like they
can't be on their own. I see it. They don't even
have to tell me, but I can just see that they're
so dependent on their person. They could be treating
them like shit and they will still go back and
go back and go back. And I'm like, it's like
a trauma bond. It's a codependency cycle. And
it's like, I actually fully get that. And it's
so hard. Like no one will ever understand if
once you're in that and like, especially when
you're so Whether it's blinded by love and that's
a huge thing being blinded by love and wearing
such Rose colored glasses where it's like you
cease the good in that person regardless of what
they do And it's it's a hard situation to be
in and it's hard cycle to break as well even
post relationship if you're in that relationship
and and you break up and you're still in that
cycle of communication or whether you're still
sleeping together or seeing each other or whatever
it may be That's still so hard because it doesn't
actually give you the time to move on or the
space to move on. I think something else, one
more thing that I'll add in, because this is
something that me and my boyfriend talk about
all the time, is that it's actually crazy how
when you take the time to put in effort for yourself,
how you just become so magnetic. And that's when
the best things happen to you, whether it be
life in general or you attracting the right people,
because the energy you reflect is the energy
you're going to get back. And me and my boyfriend
always say now, like when we both met, we were
so happy being on our own. Like we were so happy
being on our own. And that's not to say happy
to go around and do everything with everyone
else, but we were just content with ourselves
that we had no expectations going into the relationship.
And I think that's what's made it so strong now.
So it's a real thing. Take care of yourself first
before... And and there is nothing wrong with
being single like honestly i can take it from
me with that was that we were so happy on our
own that you made the relationship so much better
down the line so take the effort and take the
time that you're single as a great thing. To
work on yourself, work on yourself and love yourself
as well. And that can come in many forms. And
somebody says to me, oh, like, oh, you need to
love yourself. It's like, OK, great. But what
does that actually mean? That means to me, this
is what it means. It means prioritizing myself,
having time for my friends and family, doing
things that I want to do, not having the pressure
of having to not so much care for someone else,
but prioritize someone else, because It gives
you so much time to actually be your own best
friend. And like to me, I know I can rely on
myself. Like it sounds so odd, but I know that
I can rely on myself. I show up for myself. Yeah.
And it's still a very much so work in progress
for me, but. And it will be sorry for the rest
of my life. Like it's, it's a constant work in
progress. And in my next relationship, I'll still
be working on that still, you know, have your.
Independence and not not so much independence
but be able to be okay on your own even when
throughout the relationship because there's going
to be hard times is going to be great times but
being able to be comfortable in your own skin
when you're with someone else that's how you
thrive if one person is like that and the other
person is mentally distraught. Or, you know,
was unhappy going to the relationship. It's never
going to work out. So I think independence is
important when you're single, but also when you're
in a relationship. I highly recommend reading
the book. Yeah, sorry. Just before you ask the
Dolly Alderton book. Oh, my God. The Dolly Alderton
book that I literally read, I was literally going
to say 10 things I hate about you, but that's
not it. Let me quickly. Is that the one I bought
you? No no my friend nisha gave it to me everything
i know about love is called everything i know
about love and it took me a while to get into
it. And she gave it to me when i went through
my break up and she was like read this and i
read this and everything in that book literally
says. How you have so much love in your life
through friendship. Through family through self
love through experience and it's about perspective
it's about perspective it's the way that you
do it if you're doing it like i'm single like
no one loves me like i'm lonely i don't have
a partner all my friends have boyfriend. That
was my question that leads to the next question.
My next question is how do you, because I think
this is something that you'd be a great person
to speak on it about, but how do you feel? Obviously
there's a massive societal pressure for people
nowadays. Like I know you have said to me before,
like, Oh my God, I feel like all my friends are
in relationships. Like, and not necessarily a
bad thing. It's just how it is nowadays for us,
for you. How do you deal with the societal pressure
of feeling like you need to be in the relationship
but also even just like your parents? When I
say your parents, I mean your parents wanting
you to be in a relationship. To find someone.
Wanting you to find someone, yeah. It's hard.
I'm gonna be real with you, it's hard. There
are times where I'm like... There are times where
I see my friends in relationships and I'm like,
oh my god, I'm so glad I'm not in that. Like
I'm so glad I'm not having to deal with like
boy drama and like texting 24 seven and like
just being constantly distracted by having a
partner. But then there's another side of things
where I see really beautiful, healthy relationships.
And I'm like, that is gorgeous. That is exactly
what I want. You know, that's I don't want Relationship
that causes me drama. I want peace. I want stability.
I want kindness. I want a fireplace I want it
to be really warm and safe It's hard to navigate
because to be honest right now all of my friends
are in relationships I'm probably one of the
only single people in my kind of circle And I
think that comes with honestly having friends
that aren't shove it in your face 24 -7. Oh if
I have if and I like I'm very straight up like
if i if my friends if i'm out to do with dinner
with my friends and then texting their boyfriends
and they're talking about their boyfriends twenty
four seven i literally will say stop because
you're here with me. Be that guys she actually
doesn't love that about you that's the thing
that's what i would say actually for advice if
you're in my position and all your mates are
in relationships and you feel a bit shitty when
you're around that. Reframed that and think Okay,
how can I how can I tell my friends? How I feel
because that's important and for them not to
so much I Don't know shove it in shove it in
your face. Does that make sense? Yeah, I think
a good friend wouldn't do that a good friend
wouldn't do that But sometimes not to shove in
your face. No like no, but some people think
it I know I know I know From my perspective,
there should be nothing to shove in your face.
What are you shoving in your face? It's none
of anyone else's business, but yours. And don't
go out of your way to make someone else feel
shitty for absolutely no reason. And I want you
to remember, easier said than done, being single
is beautiful. Being single is beautiful, you're
in a relationship with yourself, like you do
not have to worry about anybody else and it gives
you the breathing space to work on the things
that you want to work on, to pursue the things
that you want to pursue. Right now I'm in career
mode, like I am in creative career mode, I am
friend mode, I am family mode, like that is what
is fulfilling my life right now and I have the
space to do that. which is really, really beautiful.
Not saying that you don't have the space to do
that when you're in a relationship, but. No,
but I'm very proud of you because I remember
you telling me, you know, a couple of years ago,
like as bad as it sounds, like the person I was
with, I would have put anything aside for them,
which now you know your worth and you know that
that's not what you would do now. And people
have, you know, you prioritize your time. Yeah.
accordingly and i think what that comes down
to is not even just you being a good person but
it's the fact that you've recognized your worth
and you've recognized exactly what it is. Yeah
i feel like i'm rambling but you kind of covered
it i'm just touching on your point but it's more
your it's rewired you yeah getting out of that
relationship and now you know how to. Yep, this
is also years of therapy guys like and I'm still
in like I will be in therapy probably for the
rest of my life but like there a lot of therapy
a lot of deep work a lot of working on yourself
a lot of meditation and breathing and we want
you to take these episodes as therapy sessions
yeah please yeah although we're not therapists
but we have experience and I just I'm really
I'm really passionate about this which is so
weird I'm passionate about being single and Look,
I really do look forward to when I meet the right
person. I really do. But I also, I'm not in no
rush. Like, I'm with me, I'm with you, I'm with
my friends. I'm not single. I have people. You
have people. And if you don't, that's okay. You
can find your people and it will take time it's
about being in the kind of the right place at
the right time and it'll happen organically and
also that'll just give you more of an opportunity
to build on yourself and. Value yourself and
your self worth and the one thing i also learned
sorry guys is to. When you're in a relationship
oh my god never ever neglect the people in your
outside world because if that relationship doesn't
work out you will literally have no one to go
to that's not to say don't put in don't prioritize
a relationship however that's what i was saying
about people not knowing how to act when they're
in a relationship. Just. Be a good person, don't
automatically think that everyone else in your
life becomes completely irrelevant, even if that's
just family, because I know people like that.
People get into relationships and suddenly they're
spending 24 -7 at their house, forget about their
family, friends, plans are ditched left, right
and center because they're with their partners
and it's like... becomes your whole world, you're
so encompassed by it. And that can be dangerous
for your mental health as well. Yeah, totally.
When you become, it leads onto codependency.
Codependency. It's like a tie, it's hard. Yeah.
And then it will make it all the, or what you
were saying is that in a situation where, you
know, this is what I'm saying about me being
so proud of you is because when you got out of
it, it took you that extra time. Whereas if you
went into the relationship without that codependency
mindset, that's what would have saved you in
the long run. Absolutely. And we all will get
there in the end and it's a constant work in
progress. I'm a constant work in progress. By
no means do I have my single life figured out.
I have times where I'm like, oh my God, like
I just want, but like welcome to Lostish. Welcome
to Lostish. Like we're feeling like a bit lost
and like, well, I don't know, you know, but right
here, right now, single rose. is happy and happy
and I kind of right now wouldn't have it any
other way and if you're not an addition to my
life I don't want you in it. No but we honestly
hope you loved this segment I don't have any
more questions for you Rose but this will be
happening a lot more because I think we each
have our own this is why we're so powerful together
is because we each have our own experiences and
I think doing segments on our own will allow
people to get to know us individually a little
bit better but also like i. Think that you are
much stronger contestant to talk about stuff
like this for example next week rosa gonna ask
me the same question similar questions but about
the beauty of being in the right relationship
yes so we'll have little segments like that here
and there and we hope you guys enjoy them and
if you have any ideas. feel free and reach out
anything you guys would like absolutely like
dm us on instagram we have listeners all over
the world guys we do we have listeners in kenya
and in japan in japan and in Ukraine. I've got
family in Ukraine. We know for a fact we don't
know anyone in and we're getting listeners guys.
Yeah, it's really exciting. It's really special
and we just want to thank you guys for supporting
us. We've literally started this podcast from
scratch. Like we literally have no following,
no influencer in us. We just hit our month a
couple days ago. We did hit our month. But yeah,
it's just very exciting for us and even though
it's like A smaller project for now, we're hoping
it'll have a big impact. Yeah, absolutely. Thank
you for asking me and thank you for getting vulnerable
with me. That's okay. We're all about opening
up here and I also... like this is another opportunity
for you guys to get to know us and as we said
in this episode you got to know me and in the
next one you'll get to know Emanuella but thank
you guys so much for listening to the Lostish
podcast reach out if you have any questions and
we'll see you in the next one see you