WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.799 Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:05.580 right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose 00:00:05.580 --> 00:00:08.160 Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share what 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:10.900 it's really like navigating your 20s. We're two 00:00:10.900 --> 00:00:13.820 semi -lost girls figuring out careers, relationships, 00:00:14.300 --> 00:00:16.140 wellness, purpose, and everything in between. 00:00:16.199 --> 00:00:19.140 Each week we dive into the highs, the lows, and 00:00:19.140 --> 00:00:21.640 the lessons of chasing your dreams, finding happiness, 00:00:21.780 --> 00:00:23.800 and learning to embrace the uncertainty. We're 00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:25.859 not here to pretend like we've loaded all together. 00:00:26.179 --> 00:00:31.049 We're simply just figuring it out with you. Hi, 00:00:31.049 --> 00:00:33.590 everyone. Hello again, beautiful people. Welcome 00:00:33.590 --> 00:00:37.570 back to episode five of the Lostish podcast. 00:00:37.950 --> 00:00:40.070 Your favorite time of the week. Yeah. And we're 00:00:40.070 --> 00:00:42.450 so happy to have you back. And for those that 00:00:42.450 --> 00:00:44.750 have stuck around, we really appreciate it. It's 00:00:44.750 --> 00:00:47.170 probably a lot of family and friends, but that's 00:00:47.170 --> 00:00:51.239 OK. That's OK. We do it because we love it. So 00:00:51.239 --> 00:00:53.740 we've got some exciting episodes that we're planning 00:00:53.740 --> 00:00:57.820 today also Don't you love the matching? We didn't 00:00:57.820 --> 00:01:00.240 even plan this I literally realized five minutes 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:02.740 before we walked into the studio And this is 00:01:02.740 --> 00:01:04.579 for those of you who are watching the video because 00:01:04.579 --> 00:01:08.780 obviously the ones that are listening to us talk 00:01:08.780 --> 00:01:14.819 We're actually like matching black and white 00:01:14.819 --> 00:01:23.409 wearing matching black and white tops So today's 00:01:23.409 --> 00:01:27.650 episode is going to be about party culture and 00:01:27.650 --> 00:01:31.670 hookup culture. And obviously in relation to 00:01:31.670 --> 00:01:34.250 our podcast, we wanted to sort of break it up 00:01:34.250 --> 00:01:38.290 into two segments. I'd say one, which is more 00:01:38.290 --> 00:01:42.090 about how to recognize whether you actually enjoy 00:01:42.090 --> 00:01:45.329 party and hookup culture. Yeah. You know, or 00:01:45.329 --> 00:01:47.090 if it's something that you feel like you need 00:01:47.090 --> 00:01:50.790 to do, you know, to fit in or be cool or whether 00:01:50.790 --> 00:01:53.329 you're trying to get over someone or, you know, 00:01:53.390 --> 00:01:56.290 there's a lot of reasons why people hook up and, 00:01:56.290 --> 00:01:59.750 you know, party. And the second would be more 00:01:59.750 --> 00:02:04.430 how to navigate feeling out of place, I guess, 00:02:04.590 --> 00:02:07.629 or like it not being your thing and how to be 00:02:07.629 --> 00:02:11.259 okay with that. yeah so that's the things we'll 00:02:11.259 --> 00:02:13.580 be talking about today and we've got our talking 00:02:13.580 --> 00:02:15.719 points we do we've got our talking points in 00:02:15.719 --> 00:02:17.500 our hands just so we don't miss anything because 00:02:17.500 --> 00:02:20.099 we've actually got quite a few things to say 00:02:20.099 --> 00:02:23.580 about this i think i think i just want to go 00:02:23.580 --> 00:02:27.259 back to like What party culture and hookup culture 00:02:27.259 --> 00:02:30.939 is like when you're in school? Because it's kind 00:02:30.939 --> 00:02:33.400 of different like everyone's like oh my god Who 00:02:33.400 --> 00:02:35.319 did you hook up with or which party did you go 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:38.199 to last week and like it kind of defines? Well, 00:02:38.199 --> 00:02:40.439 it doesn't define obviously but it feels like 00:02:40.439 --> 00:02:43.740 it defines Like your social status in school 00:02:43.740 --> 00:02:46.360 or how cool you are how many guys or girls you 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:48.780 can get like unfortunately very unfortunately 00:02:48.780 --> 00:02:52.569 and I feel like um it's become very glamorized 00:02:52.569 --> 00:02:56.030 yeah and it starts and normalized very normalized 00:02:56.030 --> 00:02:59.330 and it starts from as early as yeah back then 00:02:59.330 --> 00:03:01.129 people getting younger and younger and getting 00:03:01.129 --> 00:03:04.069 involved in things that we were literally playing 00:03:04.069 --> 00:03:06.330 with crayons and dolls at the age that people 00:03:06.330 --> 00:03:09.830 are now doing stuff intimately and going out 00:03:09.830 --> 00:03:12.229 and doing drugs and alcohol and all this stuff 00:03:12.229 --> 00:03:16.039 and it's actually very very damaging um yeah 00:03:16.039 --> 00:03:17.819 completely damaging because then when you also 00:03:17.819 --> 00:03:20.900 hit your older age like and for some people it's 00:03:20.900 --> 00:03:23.460 like you know oh my god it's super exciting and 00:03:23.460 --> 00:03:25.319 things like that and yeah like look it can be 00:03:25.319 --> 00:03:29.780 super exciting can be super fun but when you're 00:03:29.780 --> 00:03:33.020 young like your brain hasn't fully developed 00:03:33.020 --> 00:03:38.280 yeah and you can Like God forbid can get yourself 00:03:38.280 --> 00:03:40.439 in trouble or even have your life on the line 00:03:40.439 --> 00:03:43.719 when it comes to You know doing illicit substances 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:46.740 and like alcohol involved and even like mental 00:03:46.740 --> 00:03:49.120 health. I look definitely should not be something 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:52.280 that's normalized or Glamorized glamorized and 00:03:52.280 --> 00:03:56.650 normalized. Yeah. Yeah, and it's um Like the 00:03:56.650 --> 00:03:58.590 reason we say that is because in general, it's 00:03:58.590 --> 00:04:01.009 a very emotionally draining and more complex 00:04:01.009 --> 00:04:02.949 thing than what people make it seem nowadays, 00:04:03.250 --> 00:04:06.430 which is unfortunate and a bit scary because 00:04:06.430 --> 00:04:08.430 it shouldn't be like that. Cause you can have 00:04:08.430 --> 00:04:10.710 two sides to it, right? Like with hookup culture, 00:04:10.729 --> 00:04:13.110 you can have that side to it where it's like 00:04:13.110 --> 00:04:15.949 super fun and you're in the moment and you know, 00:04:16.089 --> 00:04:19.269 maybe drinks are flowing or whatever. And that's 00:04:19.269 --> 00:04:22.329 great. Like that's fun. But then you've got that 00:04:22.329 --> 00:04:24.069 other side of it, like I explained, where it 00:04:24.069 --> 00:04:26.569 can be like, you know, numbing the pain of something 00:04:26.569 --> 00:04:30.769 empty and confusing feelings involved. One person 00:04:30.769 --> 00:04:32.910 not reciprocating it for the other. Obviously, 00:04:33.050 --> 00:04:36.930 consent goes into hookup culture as well, which 00:04:36.930 --> 00:04:39.509 is such a big thing and something that needs 00:04:39.509 --> 00:04:47.480 to be reiterated consistently. Also, like. Another 00:04:47.480 --> 00:04:49.540 thing that I think is important to touch on is 00:04:49.540 --> 00:04:52.279 how much like this to not pay attention to how 00:04:52.279 --> 00:04:54.660 much social media and what your friends are putting 00:04:54.660 --> 00:04:56.259 out there and what celebrities are putting out 00:04:56.259 --> 00:04:57.680 there and what all these influences are putting 00:04:57.680 --> 00:05:01.000 out there about glamorizing these wild nights 00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:04.720 and going out and doing all this stuff and like 00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:07.459 putting all this on it's not always for sure 00:05:07.459 --> 00:05:10.040 I don't want to sit there and you know say everyone 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:13.850 do you remember like were you ever. Like in high 00:05:13.850 --> 00:05:17.009 school and people would post on their stories 00:05:17.009 --> 00:05:20.170 like on snapchat and things like that of people 00:05:20.379 --> 00:05:22.660 hooking up with each other and they'd like laugh 00:05:22.660 --> 00:05:24.920 about it. Oh my God. It was insane. I remember 00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:27.019 in high school, like people would like hook up 00:05:27.019 --> 00:05:28.959 with each other at parties or start making out 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:32.160 and people are surrounding them and filming, 00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:35.360 filming it and putting it on their stories. And 00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:37.259 that was like, Oh, if you made it to someone's 00:05:37.259 --> 00:05:38.959 stories, like, Oh, that was really cool. But 00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:41.279 how embarrassing would that be for the person? 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:43.980 You'd feel humiliated. Sorry. That's not okay. 00:05:44.509 --> 00:05:47.310 No, it's not okay. Did you not experience that? 00:05:47.430 --> 00:05:49.310 I feel like that was a very normal thing. I've 00:05:49.310 --> 00:05:52.490 definitely seen it. I think it was more common 00:05:52.490 --> 00:05:55.029 here. I didn't grow up here, but it definitely 00:05:55.029 --> 00:05:57.269 still did happen. I know what you're talking 00:05:57.269 --> 00:06:00.790 about, but in, yeah, in Australia, I mean, it 00:06:00.790 --> 00:06:02.930 still happens now. It's getting worse and worse 00:06:02.930 --> 00:06:04.730 and worse. I literally saw it the other week. 00:06:06.209 --> 00:06:08.269 And yeah, people need to stop. I think in general, 00:06:08.490 --> 00:06:11.449 moving on to the next point, linking, you know, 00:06:11.569 --> 00:06:14.610 their people's wild nights or the fact that they're 00:06:14.610 --> 00:06:17.629 associated with this party culture with how they're 00:06:17.629 --> 00:06:19.990 validated or seen as a person and their identity 00:06:19.990 --> 00:06:22.569 overall like I don't know about you but I think 00:06:22.569 --> 00:06:25.750 we touched on this in episode before about how 00:06:25.750 --> 00:06:29.120 I was literally called pretty much boring once 00:06:29.120 --> 00:06:32.480 for not partaking in parties like someone asked 00:06:32.480 --> 00:06:34.300 me what I did for fun and I told them I wasn't 00:06:34.300 --> 00:06:36.300 much of a party person and that I you know enjoyed 00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:38.100 going to the beach and cooking and doing all 00:06:38.100 --> 00:06:40.459 that sort of stuff and they were like oh so what 00:06:40.459 --> 00:06:42.120 do you do for fun I'm like mate that is my fun 00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:45.379 yeah you know yeah um because people's people's 00:06:45.379 --> 00:06:47.100 definition of fun is so different and I feel 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:49.660 like nowadays people associate like fun with 00:06:49.660 --> 00:06:53.660 like partying, getting smashed, hooking up and 00:06:53.660 --> 00:06:56.620 that can be your version of fun. That's fine. 00:06:56.720 --> 00:07:00.720 We're not sitting here trying to trash all of 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:03.740 it. Absolutely not. To be honest, like. I love 00:07:03.740 --> 00:07:05.939 a good party. I love a good boogie. I love a 00:07:05.939 --> 00:07:08.620 good night. You know, I do. It just depends on 00:07:08.620 --> 00:07:10.980 whose eyes you're doing it for, whether you're 00:07:10.980 --> 00:07:12.860 truly enjoying it, whether you're doing it out 00:07:12.860 --> 00:07:14.819 of peer pressure, whether you're doing it to 00:07:14.819 --> 00:07:17.680 feel validated. All that stuff plays a part in 00:07:17.680 --> 00:07:20.199 it, because yes, I agree. I also like going out 00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:22.560 for a dance, having a couple drinks every so 00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:24.720 often. Friends, being in a good environment. 00:07:25.339 --> 00:07:27.139 Exactly. Being with people you feel comfortable 00:07:27.139 --> 00:07:30.600 with. There's something so liberating about being 00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:32.560 with all your mates and like dancing together. 00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:35.740 having a glass of wine, champagne, it's so much 00:07:35.740 --> 00:07:39.899 fun and I do love it, but there's a dark side 00:07:39.899 --> 00:07:43.199 to it. It becomes a problem when people then 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:45.744 start, for example, if you have friends that... 00:07:45.740 --> 00:07:49.120 think it's uncool if you're not drinking or forcing 00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:52.319 the alcohol down your throat or uh you know saying 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:54.300 you know do it for the plot go get with that 00:07:54.300 --> 00:07:56.300 person go sleep with them go do this go do that 00:07:56.300 --> 00:07:59.120 sorry that's not okay no that's when it becomes 00:07:59.120 --> 00:08:02.160 a peer pressure thing that it goes into a whole 00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:04.259 other realm and then obviously consent becomes 00:08:04.259 --> 00:08:06.980 involved and things like you should never ever 00:08:06.980 --> 00:08:09.920 feel pressured to do something that you don't 00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:12.160 want to do and a lot of the time to be honest 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:14.680 i've experienced that before where like you know, 00:08:14.879 --> 00:08:17.600 you'd be out on a night out and, you know, your 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:19.259 mates are egging you on and they're like, oh 00:08:19.259 --> 00:08:21.240 yeah, go get with him, go get with him. I was 00:08:21.240 --> 00:08:22.939 like, no, I don't want to, but like, no, I'll 00:08:22.939 --> 00:08:24.959 go get with him. And you know what, like, I'm 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:28.240 sure a lot of the time it's done out of like, 00:08:28.339 --> 00:08:30.720 it's, it's harmless. It's not like when people, 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:32.820 when, when your mates are egging you on and they're 00:08:32.820 --> 00:08:35.779 like, you know, it's just a bit of fun, but like 00:08:35.779 --> 00:08:39.639 to the person involved, it might not be. a bit 00:08:39.639 --> 00:08:41.460 of fun and it's like well no like I don't want 00:08:41.460 --> 00:08:44.639 to partake or like if you do great go and partake. 00:08:44.659 --> 00:08:46.120 It's about being able to set healthy boundaries 00:08:46.120 --> 00:08:47.779 with the people that you're going out with and 00:08:47.779 --> 00:08:49.659 with yourself and being honest with yourself 00:08:49.659 --> 00:08:51.179 about that stuff because that's where it can 00:08:51.179 --> 00:08:53.419 get truly dangerous and emotions can get involved 00:08:53.419 --> 00:08:56.299 and physical you know aspects can get involved 00:08:56.299 --> 00:08:58.740 like sorry but you should never feel pressured 00:08:58.740 --> 00:09:01.620 to do things like drugs and stuff just because 00:09:01.620 --> 00:09:03.559 of the people that you're around. No, absolutely 00:09:03.559 --> 00:09:05.460 not. So it's about setting the boundaries between 00:09:05.460 --> 00:09:07.720 yourself and also we're not sitting here trying 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:11.100 to say that you shouldn't be going out and having 00:09:11.100 --> 00:09:12.820 fun. No, absolutely not. We're saying that there's 00:09:12.820 --> 00:09:14.899 a healthy balance and healthy boundaries that 00:09:14.899 --> 00:09:16.620 need to be set when you're doing this stuff and 00:09:16.620 --> 00:09:19.059 it's okay if you don't enjoy it and it's okay 00:09:19.059 --> 00:09:22.259 if you do. It's just doing it in the right way 00:09:22.259 --> 00:09:25.340 where you don't feel like... You're doing it 00:09:25.340 --> 00:09:27.240 because other people want you to do it or because 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:30.120 you want to feel socially validated Versus actually 00:09:30.120 --> 00:09:32.639 not enjoying it or enjoying it every so often. 00:09:32.940 --> 00:09:34.740 Yeah, like I'm one of those people that I enjoy 00:09:34.740 --> 00:09:37.440 it every so often I'm not I'm not a big drinker 00:09:37.440 --> 00:09:39.759 and I never have been look I do like a few glasses 00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:41.740 of wine on a night out or some champagne like 00:09:41.740 --> 00:09:45.409 hell. Yeah, but It's like, I just, I'm not a 00:09:45.409 --> 00:09:47.610 big fan of that. And that's okay. Like I, you 00:09:47.610 --> 00:09:50.649 know, I never feel forced or pressured to drink 00:09:50.649 --> 00:09:53.470 on nights out. Like I'm, I'm very much so I can 00:09:53.470 --> 00:09:56.870 have fun and drink and drink. No, not drink. 00:09:56.990 --> 00:09:59.389 I can have fun without drinking. Oh yeah. That's 00:09:59.389 --> 00:10:01.909 another thing. It's like, if yeah, that statement 00:10:01.909 --> 00:10:04.210 will always be beyond me that I'm too sober for 00:10:04.210 --> 00:10:07.350 this. Is that just me? Like be sober and have 00:10:07.350 --> 00:10:11.429 fun. So true. How many times have you heard that? 00:10:11.429 --> 00:10:15.450 So true. That statement is beyond me. It's quite 00:10:15.450 --> 00:10:17.470 shocking. Over and over and over. Sorry if people 00:10:17.470 --> 00:10:19.789 hate me for saying that, but it's the truth. 00:10:19.809 --> 00:10:23.230 Yeah. If you can't have fun without being sober, 00:10:23.850 --> 00:10:27.009 maybe you should rethink. Rethink why you're 00:10:27.009 --> 00:10:29.090 in party culture. Exactly. Why you're drinking, 00:10:29.330 --> 00:10:31.970 why you're doing what you're doing. Absolutely. 00:10:32.169 --> 00:10:34.610 Oh, I'm too sober for this. I literally hear 00:10:34.610 --> 00:10:38.610 it all the time. All the time. And it's kind 00:10:38.610 --> 00:10:41.590 of scary how normal of a statement it's becoming 00:10:41.590 --> 00:10:43.669 because it kind of goes into dangerous territory 00:10:43.669 --> 00:10:45.590 of like, oh, I can't do this or I can't be here 00:10:45.590 --> 00:10:47.330 if I'm not drunk or I can't talk to this person 00:10:47.330 --> 00:10:49.889 if I'm not drunk. You know, people also like 00:10:49.889 --> 00:10:52.669 going on dates and things like that, right? Like 00:10:52.669 --> 00:10:56.110 funny story, but I went on a date with one guy 00:10:56.110 --> 00:11:01.870 and I could tell like he was very nervous. This 00:11:01.870 --> 00:11:06.750 was a while ago and he reeked of alcohol. Um, 00:11:07.049 --> 00:11:09.309 and I'm like, you know, that could be for any, 00:11:09.389 --> 00:11:11.830 any sort of reason. And never did I ever judge 00:11:11.830 --> 00:11:14.889 that. But I wondered, I was like, like, Oh, okay. 00:11:15.029 --> 00:11:18.610 Like, did this person have a drink to, you know, 00:11:18.809 --> 00:11:21.110 calm the nerves or whatever. And that person 00:11:21.110 --> 00:11:22.490 actually said to me, and I was pretty shocked. 00:11:22.509 --> 00:11:24.470 He was like, Oh, I couldn't go on this date sober 00:11:24.470 --> 00:11:28.009 because I was way too nervous and I literally 00:11:28.009 --> 00:11:31.769 couldn't have like, I was like, You couldn't 00:11:31.769 --> 00:11:34.629 have gone on this date sober. So like, how are 00:11:34.629 --> 00:11:37.190 you supposed to get to know me when like, are 00:11:37.190 --> 00:11:38.889 you constantly going to be under the influence? 00:11:38.950 --> 00:11:40.610 Like it kind of freaked me out a little bit. 00:11:40.669 --> 00:11:43.029 I was like, cause I was obviously nervous. Like 00:11:43.029 --> 00:11:46.350 first dates are so scary, but. See, this is what 00:11:46.350 --> 00:11:48.710 we mean about it becoming so normalized and not 00:11:48.710 --> 00:11:51.730 being okay. Like bless, poor guy was nervous. 00:11:51.990 --> 00:11:54.330 But at the same time, like, is that not a little 00:11:54.330 --> 00:11:57.370 bit sad? I know. I don't know. I think this is 00:11:57.370 --> 00:12:00.250 a touchy subject of an episode for a lot of people. 00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:05.100 um but it's the sorry it's the truth and it's 00:12:05.100 --> 00:12:09.940 it's it's our view and like you know it's like 00:12:09.940 --> 00:12:12.120 again reiterating a no way shape or form are 00:12:12.120 --> 00:12:14.860 we saying oh it's bad because we've taken you 00:12:14.860 --> 00:12:16.879 know we like we like a good party we like a good 00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:19.179 dance we like a good drink but it's it's something 00:12:19.179 --> 00:12:24.200 that yeah can go into a bit of uh dangerous waters 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:29.200 and i think in saying that Hookup culture these 00:12:29.200 --> 00:12:32.600 days. I think one of the things that I'm very 00:12:32.600 --> 00:12:37.279 much so Concerned about is the fact that hooking 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:40.440 up with people is so normal Right having a one 00:12:40.440 --> 00:12:42.460 -night stand or sleeping with them or hooking 00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:45.039 up and then never speaking to them again And 00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:48.299 then like completely ghosting them ghosting and 00:12:48.299 --> 00:12:53.159 also like oh I just I was gonna say something 00:12:53.159 --> 00:12:56.049 else. Okay, maybe I won't say that But I just 00:12:56.049 --> 00:12:59.549 think it's beyond me and emotions like you don't 00:12:59.549 --> 00:13:02.610 know how to form genuine connections anymore. 00:13:02.649 --> 00:13:04.789 People don't form genuine connections anymore 00:13:04.789 --> 00:13:07.269 because it's all about like, oh, yes, slept with 00:13:07.269 --> 00:13:09.230 him that night, slept with her that night. Oh, 00:13:09.289 --> 00:13:11.429 yeah, got with him. It's all right. Like, sorry, 00:13:11.590 --> 00:13:13.549 guys, I hate to break it to you, but that was 00:13:13.549 --> 00:13:15.250 never meant to be something that should have 00:13:15.250 --> 00:13:20.470 been that normalized. Sorry, it's the truth. 00:13:20.710 --> 00:13:22.330 Actually, what I was going to say based on your 00:13:22.330 --> 00:13:25.480 point was. I actually find it so shocking how 00:13:25.480 --> 00:13:28.620 nowadays doing something that's literally the 00:13:28.620 --> 00:13:30.559 most intimate form of human connection you can 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:34.500 have with someone is seen as less intimate, sorry, 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:37.559 yes, less intimate than saying I love you or 00:13:37.559 --> 00:13:40.340 than asking someone to be your girlfriend or 00:13:40.340 --> 00:13:43.580 boyfriend. We don't discriminate. But isn't that 00:13:43.580 --> 00:13:46.740 shocking to you? Like people go ahead and, you 00:13:46.740 --> 00:13:48.559 know, one night stand this, one night stand that, 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:51.600 whatever, hook up with this person. go out with 00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:53.580 this person blah blah blah and then one person 00:13:53.580 --> 00:13:56.460 saying I love you is too intimate oh my god but 00:13:56.460 --> 00:13:59.200 then one person feels a certain way towards the 00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:01.240 other person they're like oh I'm catching feelings 00:14:01.240 --> 00:14:04.059 and then that's and then then you're in then 00:14:04.059 --> 00:14:06.659 you're in a bit of shit yeah because the other 00:14:06.659 --> 00:14:08.899 person's probably gonna retract exactly and then 00:14:08.899 --> 00:14:11.259 they're like oh well that person just used me 00:14:11.259 --> 00:14:13.840 to sleep with me well it's that that's hookup 00:14:13.840 --> 00:14:16.639 culture like a lot of the time look if both parties 00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:19.460 I have like Literally happens all the time and 00:14:19.460 --> 00:14:22.059 you know nothing against it both if both parties 00:14:22.059 --> 00:14:24.000 are like I want to sleep like let's just sleep 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:27.720 together and They're cool with it not going anywhere 00:14:27.720 --> 00:14:29.799 or very on the same page or whether it's a friends 00:14:29.799 --> 00:14:32.259 with benefits like whatever like that's fine 00:14:32.259 --> 00:14:36.259 if both parties are Consensual towards it not 00:14:36.259 --> 00:14:41.000 going further Okay, but again, I also think that 00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:42.460 goes into dangerous territory because someone 00:14:42.460 --> 00:14:45.700 will always end up Falling not always you don't 00:14:45.700 --> 00:14:49.179 reckon not always No, I don't know. Not always. 00:14:49.399 --> 00:14:52.899 No, like you do have people that are like, yeah, 00:14:52.899 --> 00:14:54.539 I mean, I've kind of experienced it where you're, 00:14:54.720 --> 00:14:57.100 you're just like on the same page of like, oh, 00:14:57.100 --> 00:15:00.379 okay. You know, it's just a bit of fun and it's 00:15:00.379 --> 00:15:01.799 just whatever you want it to be. Look, I think 00:15:01.799 --> 00:15:03.259 there's definitely people that are going to agree 00:15:03.259 --> 00:15:06.519 with you. Yeah. Yeah. I could name you heaps, 00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:09.580 but like it's not, it's not for everyone. And, 00:15:09.580 --> 00:15:13.120 um, I mean, personally, I like, not that I struggled 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:16.679 with hookup culture, but I think I, I thought 00:15:16.679 --> 00:15:19.340 back in school, I was like, Oh, this is what 00:15:19.340 --> 00:15:22.440 being cool is like, you know, getting with people 00:15:22.440 --> 00:15:24.679 and how many people you've gotten with or slept 00:15:24.679 --> 00:15:26.559 with or whatever. But oh my God, it's literally 00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:29.080 a load of bollocks. Like it's, it's literally 00:15:29.080 --> 00:15:32.519 rubbish. It is, it is because now, oh my God, 00:15:32.580 --> 00:15:34.600 people are yearning for human connection. There's 00:15:34.600 --> 00:15:37.240 not enough of that. Not enough of beautiful, 00:15:37.580 --> 00:15:41.360 solid, stable relationships. Cheating's normalized, 00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:43.419 going to hook up with this one and the next one. 00:15:43.419 --> 00:15:47.299 And then your bloody mom's dog. Like it's not 00:15:47.299 --> 00:15:51.139 genuinely like it's, it's a bit sad. People don't 00:15:51.139 --> 00:15:53.419 know how to make space for intentional relationships 00:15:53.419 --> 00:15:55.679 anymore. Whether that be platonic, romantic, 00:15:55.940 --> 00:15:59.679 whatever. It's just, that's taking over. It's 00:15:59.679 --> 00:16:02.659 being glamorized and taken over and it needs 00:16:02.659 --> 00:16:07.080 to stop. Like that's just my opinion. But yeah, 00:16:07.240 --> 00:16:10.340 it's like, it's getting to a point where, yeah, 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:13.279 people, it's just. too, too normal and not how 00:16:13.279 --> 00:16:14.980 it was ever supposed to be. That's not how we 00:16:14.980 --> 00:16:16.539 were created. That's not what we're supposed 00:16:16.539 --> 00:16:19.639 to be doing. There's a reason why we have feelings, 00:16:20.120 --> 00:16:23.639 emotions, why we do what we do. And all of that 00:16:23.639 --> 00:16:26.740 is just ruining every single bit of human connection 00:16:26.740 --> 00:16:29.440 that we can possibly ever create. And it's really, 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:32.639 really, really dangerous. And he like, this is 00:16:32.639 --> 00:16:34.990 a bit obvious, but. Human connection is such 00:16:34.990 --> 00:16:37.409 a beautiful thing when you feel connected to 00:16:37.409 --> 00:16:40.149 another person It is there's like no feeling 00:16:40.149 --> 00:16:41.990 like it that could be in a friendship way that 00:16:41.990 --> 00:16:45.230 could be in a romantic way and like both of us 00:16:45.230 --> 00:16:47.610 have felt both of those things and it's it's 00:16:47.610 --> 00:16:52.070 really really beautiful and I kind of know for 00:16:52.070 --> 00:16:56.769 myself if if I just kept going and you know was 00:16:56.769 --> 00:16:59.730 getting with everyone in the you know bloody 00:16:59.730 --> 00:17:03.870 neighbor like I just I don't think I would really 00:17:03.870 --> 00:17:06.470 believe in human connection because you know 00:17:06.470 --> 00:17:08.849 what it's really sad because I've had conversations 00:17:08.849 --> 00:17:10.630 with people where they're like oh you know how 00:17:10.630 --> 00:17:13.500 many times have you heard all stuff men. like 00:17:13.500 --> 00:17:15.559 men are terrible or how many times have you heard 00:17:15.559 --> 00:17:18.720 all girls the same? Like you hear this stuff 00:17:18.720 --> 00:17:21.140 on a daily basis and it's like well no maybe 00:17:21.140 --> 00:17:24.400 you've just started partaking in the wrong behaviors 00:17:24.400 --> 00:17:27.420 and looking in the wrong places and hanging out 00:17:27.420 --> 00:17:29.400 with the wrong people that that's what you think 00:17:29.400 --> 00:17:31.500 because beautiful relationships do exist beautiful 00:17:31.500 --> 00:17:34.480 people do exist. Emanuela is a perfect example 00:17:34.480 --> 00:17:38.000 of that. What? Beautiful relationships exist 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:40.579 and beautiful people. Yeah, beautiful relationship. 00:17:40.579 --> 00:17:42.380 I love the relationship. I mean, I'm honestly 00:17:42.380 --> 00:17:45.759 very, very happy and it's unfortunate that like 00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:48.599 when people say those statements to me, I don't 00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:51.359 know whether I should just like. Stop like I'm 00:17:51.359 --> 00:17:53.619 if I hear someone say to me are all men are the 00:17:53.619 --> 00:17:56.180 same are stuff men blah blah blah You know, whatever 00:17:56.180 --> 00:17:58.480 sometimes in my head I'm like, maybe I should 00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:00.220 like not say anything because it's gonna be like 00:18:00.220 --> 00:18:01.740 I'm talking to a brick wall Or maybe I should 00:18:01.740 --> 00:18:03.339 sit there and be a little bit encouraging and 00:18:03.339 --> 00:18:06.079 be like, well, no it does Why do you feel that 00:18:06.079 --> 00:18:08.700 way? Like you know, yeah, because if don't get 00:18:08.700 --> 00:18:11.940 me wrong I know people girls and boys that have 00:18:11.940 --> 00:18:14.680 both been in terrible situations and wronged 00:18:14.680 --> 00:18:17.299 by each other That I understand why people have 00:18:17.299 --> 00:18:19.730 the bitterness that they do. Yeah But at the 00:18:19.730 --> 00:18:23.190 same time, it's like you should never lose hope 00:18:23.190 --> 00:18:26.410 over that or use that as an excuse to turn around 00:18:26.410 --> 00:18:29.869 and go and be feral. Yeah. And I know some people 00:18:29.869 --> 00:18:31.970 are really going to hate me for saying that, 00:18:33.009 --> 00:18:36.150 but like, yeah. It's that whole thing about what 00:18:36.150 --> 00:18:39.569 like numbing a wound. It's like, well, how do 00:18:39.569 --> 00:18:42.309 you think if you're, for example, breakups, right? 00:18:42.390 --> 00:18:46.170 It's so normal. And I say that in inverted commas 00:18:46.170 --> 00:18:49.009 that after you go through a breakup, obviously 00:18:49.009 --> 00:18:51.470 it's a really, really hard time. It's one of 00:18:51.470 --> 00:18:54.049 the hardest things I think anyone could ever 00:18:54.049 --> 00:18:58.250 go through in their life. And then, you know, 00:18:58.950 --> 00:19:01.390 the casual thing would be to go out and like 00:19:01.390 --> 00:19:03.730 get with people and to kind of try and forget 00:19:03.730 --> 00:19:06.329 about that person that you were with and hook 00:19:06.329 --> 00:19:09.289 up and numb that wound deep inside. But you know 00:19:09.289 --> 00:19:12.829 what? It actually just prolongs the process because 00:19:13.490 --> 00:19:15.390 I feel like a lot of us have had that experience 00:19:15.390 --> 00:19:16.910 of like, Oh, we're trying to get over someone. 00:19:16.950 --> 00:19:18.869 Oh, okay. I'm going to go and try and get with 00:19:18.869 --> 00:19:21.109 this person or that person or, you know, slide 00:19:21.109 --> 00:19:23.210 into this one's DMS or get with this one at a 00:19:23.210 --> 00:19:25.849 party. But it's like, well, you just, you're 00:19:25.849 --> 00:19:28.799 just. prolonging the healing process. And you're 00:19:28.799 --> 00:19:31.000 most likely going to end up just feeling guilty 00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:33.900 and empty. Yeah. Afterwards, which is. Rebound. 00:19:34.220 --> 00:19:36.019 Yeah. No, seriously. Well, you're trying to feel 00:19:36.019 --> 00:19:38.500 that, feel that hole, feel that void in your, 00:19:38.740 --> 00:19:41.440 in your body where it's like, okay, well, I want 00:19:41.440 --> 00:19:44.059 to, I want to replicate what I had before. Yeah. 00:19:44.059 --> 00:19:45.700 But it's like, you can't replicate what you had 00:19:45.700 --> 00:19:47.859 before by going out and getting with everyone 00:19:47.859 --> 00:19:49.880 under the sun at the club. Correct. Also, you're 00:19:49.880 --> 00:19:52.299 not going to attract the necessarily the right 00:19:52.299 --> 00:19:54.019 type of people. Exactly. If you want to meet 00:19:54.019 --> 00:19:56.200 someone and form a genuine connection. have said 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:59.460 it better myself. I don't know. Look, I actually 00:19:59.460 --> 00:20:02.920 know people that have, who are in beautiful relationships 00:20:02.920 --> 00:20:04.920 who've met at nightclubs, but like it's, that's 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:06.940 very rare to be honest. Like I don't think you're 00:20:06.940 --> 00:20:09.099 going to attract the right type of person. If 00:20:09.099 --> 00:20:11.779 you're out getting a nightclub and you know, 00:20:11.859 --> 00:20:13.940 seeing that person get with five bloody chicks 00:20:13.940 --> 00:20:16.099 and you're like, Oh yeah, that's my guy. Like 00:20:16.099 --> 00:20:19.720 obviously not. Um, so if you are definitely, 00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:22.059 if you are trying to form a genuine connection, 00:20:22.200 --> 00:20:26.130 like branch out. branch out girl because there 00:20:26.130 --> 00:20:29.829 are many of other places that you can form a 00:20:29.829 --> 00:20:33.250 genuine connection. And I think other than talk, 00:20:33.289 --> 00:20:36.029 let's go back to talking about the party culture 00:20:36.029 --> 00:20:39.369 aspect of it now. So what advice would we give 00:20:39.369 --> 00:20:42.049 to people who feel like it's just not for them 00:20:42.049 --> 00:20:45.470 who aren't fitting in or who feel like they're 00:20:45.470 --> 00:20:47.789 enjoying it in the moment, like it's a very momentary 00:20:47.789 --> 00:20:50.089 thing. And then afterwards, they're just feeling 00:20:50.089 --> 00:20:54.039 empty and confused. because i would say again 00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:56.240 similar to what we spoke about in our last friendship 00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:00.470 episode i think being aware um and knowing what 00:21:00.470 --> 00:21:02.630 the reason is that you're going out and doing 00:21:02.630 --> 00:21:05.210 this stuff and you know so again some people 00:21:05.210 --> 00:21:08.009 genuinely enjoy going out some people want to 00:21:08.009 --> 00:21:10.130 live their 20s that way and explore and have 00:21:10.130 --> 00:21:12.690 fun and go out and do this and do that and sometimes 00:21:12.690 --> 00:21:14.710 it doesn't even mean getting involved in bad 00:21:14.710 --> 00:21:16.910 things it could just be someone that enjoys going 00:21:16.910 --> 00:21:19.150 out for a boogie and you know yeah couple drinks 00:21:19.150 --> 00:21:21.509 and that could be their weekly routine absolutely 00:21:21.509 --> 00:21:24.049 but i think becoming aware of why you're doing 00:21:24.049 --> 00:21:26.609 it are you doing it to feel validated are you 00:21:26.609 --> 00:21:28.829 doing it because you're bored Are you doing it 00:21:28.829 --> 00:21:31.150 because you're peer pressured? All of these things 00:21:31.150 --> 00:21:32.390 may... Are you doing it because you're trying 00:21:32.390 --> 00:21:35.470 to numb something and to avoid that can't really 00:21:35.470 --> 00:21:38.529 be filled by hooking up with others? Would you 00:21:38.529 --> 00:21:42.059 rather be elsewhere and you're not? Like exactly 00:21:42.059 --> 00:21:44.619 so all of those things that we saw asking yourself 00:21:44.619 --> 00:21:46.500 those questions is actually a really good way 00:21:46.500 --> 00:21:50.599 of of identifying yeah why why do you want to 00:21:50.599 --> 00:21:52.640 go and go out and do these things that's not 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.680 saying you're not allowed to go out if if you 00:21:54.680 --> 00:21:56.500 need to be validated because look we all love 00:21:56.500 --> 00:21:58.579 a bit of validation we all love a bit of attention 00:21:58.579 --> 00:22:02.680 course we do we're human all humans do. But if 00:22:02.680 --> 00:22:04.619 you're not in the right head space to go out 00:22:04.619 --> 00:22:07.279 and do those things and you're doing it for an 00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:11.910 external reason. I'm just saying don't do it 00:22:11.910 --> 00:22:14.430 because you're saving yourself and your mental 00:22:14.430 --> 00:22:18.109 health and the repercussions of what could happen 00:22:18.109 --> 00:22:22.289 and I've experienced it like it's not fun when 00:22:22.289 --> 00:22:24.950 you're doing it for the sake of just doing it 00:22:24.950 --> 00:22:27.990 and not actually wanting to do it. Yeah and I 00:22:27.990 --> 00:22:31.309 think it also we should talk about that it's 00:22:31.309 --> 00:22:36.900 okay to outgrow that. outgrow the partying outgrow 00:22:36.900 --> 00:22:39.200 what you used to do in high school or what you're 00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:41.980 doing in your early twenties or you know it's 00:22:41.980 --> 00:22:44.319 and you know what actually i'll touch on something 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:46.640 that i think a lot of people might relate to 00:22:46.640 --> 00:22:49.859 especially um people that are in like long stable 00:22:49.859 --> 00:22:52.220 relationships i personally have never experienced 00:22:52.220 --> 00:22:54.779 but i know people that have that like they're 00:22:54.779 --> 00:22:58.019 in their relationship bubble or their little 00:22:58.279 --> 00:23:00.779 Um, yeah, I'd say, I'd say it was mostly experienced 00:23:00.779 --> 00:23:03.220 by people in relationships, but feeling like 00:23:03.220 --> 00:23:06.000 they're friends that are out and single and having 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:09.440 all this fun and they're feeling different or 00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:14.259 shielded by that guys don't ever like there's 00:23:14.259 --> 00:23:16.420 beauty in both. There is beauty in being out 00:23:16.420 --> 00:23:18.440 and being single and there is beauty in being 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:20.759 in the right relationship and not partaking in 00:23:20.759 --> 00:23:23.039 that stuff at the same time. Like people should 00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:27.039 never feel pressured or you know feeling like 00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:29.079 yeah i wish i was single and going out and doing 00:23:29.079 --> 00:23:30.720 this and doing that if you're feeling that i 00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:32.720 hate to break it to you you're in the wrong relationship 00:23:32.720 --> 00:23:34.359 yeah get out of that relationship if you want 00:23:34.359 --> 00:23:36.380 to be single but you know what sometimes people 00:23:36.380 --> 00:23:38.259 do realize like oh i'm not i'm not ready to be 00:23:38.259 --> 00:23:39.900 in a relationship look if you're not ready to 00:23:39.900 --> 00:23:41.500 be in a relationship why are you in one in the 00:23:41.500 --> 00:23:44.680 first place the people people figure it out which 00:23:44.680 --> 00:23:47.099 is a bit ironic when they're in the relationship 00:23:47.099 --> 00:23:48.799 once they've formed an intimate connection with 00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:50.240 someone they're like oh actually i want to go 00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:54.740 be single dude i i'm not going to disclose anyone 00:23:54.740 --> 00:23:57.259 here, but I, you know, I know someone who's very 00:23:57.259 --> 00:23:59.220 close to me who was in like a five and a half, 00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:03.500 six year relationship. Um, uh, and I, I used 00:24:03.500 --> 00:24:05.779 to look up to, I used to look up to them as a 00:24:05.779 --> 00:24:07.440 kid. Like I used to be like, that is what I want. 00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:08.880 I always thought they were so beautiful that 00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:10.720 they were going to get married and have kids 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:14.119 and you know, et cetera, et cetera. And then 00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:19.779 my heart. And then, um, All of a sudden out of 00:24:19.779 --> 00:24:22.460 nowhere, they moved in together after almost 00:24:22.460 --> 00:24:25.259 six years of being together. Lived together for 00:24:25.259 --> 00:24:27.279 a while. There was no issues. Everything was 00:24:27.279 --> 00:24:29.200 fine. They had no issues in the relationship, 00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:32.180 really. And then the guy just turned around and 00:24:32.180 --> 00:24:33.500 was like, actually, like, I've been with you 00:24:33.500 --> 00:24:35.839 for almost six years. I kind of want to be single. 00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:38.279 Was this a high school situation? High school 00:24:38.279 --> 00:24:40.880 sweethearts. Yeah. Wanted to be, wanted to be 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:43.700 single, but then got into another relationship 00:24:43.700 --> 00:24:46.910 like a week later. It's like, I want to be single. 00:24:47.269 --> 00:24:50.069 Like, okay. Well, what do you mean you want to 00:24:50.069 --> 00:24:52.450 be single? People are using that as an excuse. 00:24:53.210 --> 00:24:55.230 And I know that kind of doesn't, it's stemming 00:24:55.230 --> 00:24:57.670 away from party and hookup culture but like people 00:24:57.670 --> 00:25:01.890 want, people say that to partake in that. It's 00:25:01.890 --> 00:25:04.009 a good example of how it's become normalized 00:25:04.009 --> 00:25:06.630 and how people are leaving something good for 00:25:06.630 --> 00:25:08.569 something they think is better just to fill a 00:25:08.569 --> 00:25:10.109 void. Correct. They always think the grass is 00:25:10.109 --> 00:25:12.950 greener. When you're single you think, oh I need 00:25:12.950 --> 00:25:16.190 to be in a relationship because you know everyone's 00:25:16.190 --> 00:25:17.910 got a man or everyone's got a girlfriend and 00:25:17.910 --> 00:25:20.490 I don't. And then the people that are in relationships 00:25:20.490 --> 00:25:22.869 nowadays, those in the wrong relationship. So 00:25:22.869 --> 00:25:25.130 like, oh, well, I want to be single like all 00:25:25.130 --> 00:25:27.289 my friends are having fun getting with this one 00:25:27.289 --> 00:25:30.990 and the other. But it's it's not like it's it's 00:25:30.990 --> 00:25:34.509 not as simple as you think it is. It's a very, 00:25:34.589 --> 00:25:38.579 very complex. It is emotionally draining. thing 00:25:38.579 --> 00:25:41.880 to do but also can be fun and also can be awesome 00:25:41.880 --> 00:25:45.019 and amazing guys i'm sorry if you want to do 00:25:45.019 --> 00:25:47.799 it exactly it just depends like go out have a 00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:50.619 little party have a little celebration doesn't 00:25:50.619 --> 00:25:52.940 have to be little can be you can go off your 00:25:52.940 --> 00:25:56.980 chops we're just not condoning doing it out of 00:25:56.980 --> 00:26:01.279 pressure yeah no doing it to fill voids or anything 00:26:01.279 --> 00:26:04.900 like that or to fit in or to fit in feel socially 00:26:04.900 --> 00:26:07.279 validated all of that sort of stuff and it's 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:10.480 okay to not enjoy it as well it's okay to not 00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:13.180 want to do it you're not any less cool if you 00:26:13.180 --> 00:26:17.180 don't want to do it it's okay to not drink it's 00:26:17.180 --> 00:26:19.920 okay to not go out and want to get with every 00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:22.740 single person under the sun you're not any less 00:26:22.740 --> 00:26:26.809 cool trust me take it from us yeah yeah multiple 00:26:26.809 --> 00:26:29.710 examples of it in our lives and it's yeah it 00:26:29.710 --> 00:26:32.910 definitely shouldn't be something that's um glamorized 00:26:32.910 --> 00:26:35.150 in a situation where you don't want it to be 00:26:35.150 --> 00:26:38.430 the case yeah absolutely and i think Think we're 00:26:38.430 --> 00:26:40.130 gonna wrap it up there. I think we've yeah on 00:26:40.130 --> 00:26:43.289 everything. We've yapped a lot about it and Sometimes 00:26:43.289 --> 00:26:46.049 you'll find also sorry to interrupt but sometimes 00:26:46.049 --> 00:26:48.869 You'll find that we kind of go around in circles 00:26:48.869 --> 00:26:51.410 a bit we do get to a certain point So I'm proud 00:26:51.410 --> 00:26:54.710 of us. I'm proud of us Wrapped up where I think 00:26:54.710 --> 00:26:56.730 we wrapped up where we wanted to wrap it. Yeah, 00:26:56.730 --> 00:26:59.769 obviously this can be a much more in -depth Discussion 00:26:59.769 --> 00:27:02.349 we can go off in little branches on this subject 00:27:02.349 --> 00:27:05.250 and I'm sure we will obviously we're gonna have 00:27:05.250 --> 00:27:08.250 a lot more segments about you know relationship 00:27:08.250 --> 00:27:11.569 advice and yeah heartbreak single and going through 00:27:11.569 --> 00:27:13.690 heartbreak and all that sort of stuff yeah and 00:27:13.690 --> 00:27:15.829 obviously we can go into party culture a little 00:27:15.829 --> 00:27:18.170 bit more if it's something that people are being 00:27:18.170 --> 00:27:21.230 interested in yeah um but it's a very relatable 00:27:21.230 --> 00:27:25.509 topic yeah at this time it is something that 00:27:25.509 --> 00:27:27.730 i think deserves to be spoken about absolutely 00:27:27.730 --> 00:27:31.769 so we'll wrap up the episode there absolutely 00:27:31.769 --> 00:27:36.750 stay tuned and And we appreciate you listening 00:27:36.750 --> 00:27:38.390 to... As always.