Are you feeling lost? Well, you've come to the
right place. Welcome to Lostish, where we, Rose
Chachko, and Emmanuella Kathreptakis, share what
it's really like navigating your 20s. We're two
semi -lost girls figuring out careers, relationships,
wellness, purpose, and everything in between.
Each week we dive into the highs, the lows, and
the lessons of chasing your dreams, finding happiness,
and learning to embrace the uncertainty. We're
not here to pretend like we've loaded all together.
We're simply just figuring it out with you. Hi,
everyone. Hello again, beautiful people. Welcome
back to episode five of the Lostish podcast.
Your favorite time of the week. Yeah. And we're
so happy to have you back. And for those that
have stuck around, we really appreciate it. It's
probably a lot of family and friends, but that's
OK. That's OK. We do it because we love it. So
we've got some exciting episodes that we're planning
today also Don't you love the matching? We didn't
even plan this I literally realized five minutes
before we walked into the studio And this is
for those of you who are watching the video because
obviously the ones that are listening to us talk
We're actually like matching black and white
wearing matching black and white tops So today's
episode is going to be about party culture and
hookup culture. And obviously in relation to
our podcast, we wanted to sort of break it up
into two segments. I'd say one, which is more
about how to recognize whether you actually enjoy
party and hookup culture. Yeah. You know, or
if it's something that you feel like you need
to do, you know, to fit in or be cool or whether
you're trying to get over someone or, you know,
there's a lot of reasons why people hook up and,
you know, party. And the second would be more
how to navigate feeling out of place, I guess,
or like it not being your thing and how to be
okay with that. yeah so that's the things we'll
be talking about today and we've got our talking
points we do we've got our talking points in
our hands just so we don't miss anything because
we've actually got quite a few things to say
about this i think i think i just want to go
back to like What party culture and hookup culture
is like when you're in school? Because it's kind
of different like everyone's like oh my god Who
did you hook up with or which party did you go
to last week and like it kind of defines? Well,
it doesn't define obviously but it feels like
it defines Like your social status in school
or how cool you are how many guys or girls you
can get like unfortunately very unfortunately
and I feel like um it's become very glamorized
yeah and it starts and normalized very normalized
and it starts from as early as yeah back then
people getting younger and younger and getting
involved in things that we were literally playing
with crayons and dolls at the age that people
are now doing stuff intimately and going out
and doing drugs and alcohol and all this stuff
and it's actually very very damaging um yeah
completely damaging because then when you also
hit your older age like and for some people it's
like you know oh my god it's super exciting and
things like that and yeah like look it can be
super exciting can be super fun but when you're
young like your brain hasn't fully developed
yeah and you can Like God forbid can get yourself
in trouble or even have your life on the line
when it comes to You know doing illicit substances
and like alcohol involved and even like mental
health. I look definitely should not be something
that's normalized or Glamorized glamorized and
normalized. Yeah. Yeah, and it's um Like the
reason we say that is because in general, it's
a very emotionally draining and more complex
thing than what people make it seem nowadays,
which is unfortunate and a bit scary because
it shouldn't be like that. Cause you can have
two sides to it, right? Like with hookup culture,
you can have that side to it where it's like
super fun and you're in the moment and you know,
maybe drinks are flowing or whatever. And that's
great. Like that's fun. But then you've got that
other side of it, like I explained, where it
can be like, you know, numbing the pain of something
empty and confusing feelings involved. One person
not reciprocating it for the other. Obviously,
consent goes into hookup culture as well, which
is such a big thing and something that needs
to be reiterated consistently. Also, like. Another
thing that I think is important to touch on is
how much like this to not pay attention to how
much social media and what your friends are putting
out there and what celebrities are putting out
there and what all these influences are putting
out there about glamorizing these wild nights
and going out and doing all this stuff and like
putting all this on it's not always for sure
I don't want to sit there and you know say everyone
do you remember like were you ever. Like in high
school and people would post on their stories
like on snapchat and things like that of people
hooking up with each other and they'd like laugh
about it. Oh my God. It was insane. I remember
in high school, like people would like hook up
with each other at parties or start making out
and people are surrounding them and filming,
filming it and putting it on their stories. And
that was like, Oh, if you made it to someone's
stories, like, Oh, that was really cool. But
how embarrassing would that be for the person?
You'd feel humiliated. Sorry. That's not okay.
No, it's not okay. Did you not experience that?
I feel like that was a very normal thing. I've
definitely seen it. I think it was more common
here. I didn't grow up here, but it definitely
still did happen. I know what you're talking
about, but in, yeah, in Australia, I mean, it
still happens now. It's getting worse and worse
and worse. I literally saw it the other week.
And yeah, people need to stop. I think in general,
moving on to the next point, linking, you know,
their people's wild nights or the fact that they're
associated with this party culture with how they're
validated or seen as a person and their identity
overall like I don't know about you but I think
we touched on this in episode before about how
I was literally called pretty much boring once
for not partaking in parties like someone asked
me what I did for fun and I told them I wasn't
much of a party person and that I you know enjoyed
going to the beach and cooking and doing all
that sort of stuff and they were like oh so what
do you do for fun I'm like mate that is my fun
yeah you know yeah um because people's people's
definition of fun is so different and I feel
like nowadays people associate like fun with
like partying, getting smashed, hooking up and
that can be your version of fun. That's fine.
We're not sitting here trying to trash all of
it. Absolutely not. To be honest, like. I love
a good party. I love a good boogie. I love a
good night. You know, I do. It just depends on
whose eyes you're doing it for, whether you're
truly enjoying it, whether you're doing it out
of peer pressure, whether you're doing it to
feel validated. All that stuff plays a part in
it, because yes, I agree. I also like going out
for a dance, having a couple drinks every so
often. Friends, being in a good environment.
Exactly. Being with people you feel comfortable
with. There's something so liberating about being
with all your mates and like dancing together.
having a glass of wine, champagne, it's so much
fun and I do love it, but there's a dark side
to it. It becomes a problem when people then
start, for example, if you have friends that...
think it's uncool if you're not drinking or forcing
the alcohol down your throat or uh you know saying
you know do it for the plot go get with that
person go sleep with them go do this go do that
sorry that's not okay no that's when it becomes
a peer pressure thing that it goes into a whole
other realm and then obviously consent becomes
involved and things like you should never ever
feel pressured to do something that you don't
want to do and a lot of the time to be honest
i've experienced that before where like you know,
you'd be out on a night out and, you know, your
mates are egging you on and they're like, oh
yeah, go get with him, go get with him. I was
like, no, I don't want to, but like, no, I'll
go get with him. And you know what, like, I'm
sure a lot of the time it's done out of like,
it's, it's harmless. It's not like when people,
when, when your mates are egging you on and they're
like, you know, it's just a bit of fun, but like
to the person involved, it might not be. a bit
of fun and it's like well no like I don't want
to partake or like if you do great go and partake.
It's about being able to set healthy boundaries
with the people that you're going out with and
with yourself and being honest with yourself
about that stuff because that's where it can
get truly dangerous and emotions can get involved
and physical you know aspects can get involved
like sorry but you should never feel pressured
to do things like drugs and stuff just because
of the people that you're around. No, absolutely
not. So it's about setting the boundaries between
yourself and also we're not sitting here trying
to say that you shouldn't be going out and having
fun. No, absolutely not. We're saying that there's
a healthy balance and healthy boundaries that
need to be set when you're doing this stuff and
it's okay if you don't enjoy it and it's okay
if you do. It's just doing it in the right way
where you don't feel like... You're doing it
because other people want you to do it or because
you want to feel socially validated Versus actually
not enjoying it or enjoying it every so often.
Yeah, like I'm one of those people that I enjoy
it every so often I'm not I'm not a big drinker
and I never have been look I do like a few glasses
of wine on a night out or some champagne like
hell. Yeah, but It's like, I just, I'm not a
big fan of that. And that's okay. Like I, you
know, I never feel forced or pressured to drink
on nights out. Like I'm, I'm very much so I can
have fun and drink and drink. No, not drink.
I can have fun without drinking. Oh yeah. That's
another thing. It's like, if yeah, that statement
will always be beyond me that I'm too sober for
this. Is that just me? Like be sober and have
fun. So true. How many times have you heard that?
So true. That statement is beyond me. It's quite
shocking. Over and over and over. Sorry if people
hate me for saying that, but it's the truth.
Yeah. If you can't have fun without being sober,
maybe you should rethink. Rethink why you're
in party culture. Exactly. Why you're drinking,
why you're doing what you're doing. Absolutely.
Oh, I'm too sober for this. I literally hear
it all the time. All the time. And it's kind
of scary how normal of a statement it's becoming
because it kind of goes into dangerous territory
of like, oh, I can't do this or I can't be here
if I'm not drunk or I can't talk to this person
if I'm not drunk. You know, people also like
going on dates and things like that, right? Like
funny story, but I went on a date with one guy
and I could tell like he was very nervous. This
was a while ago and he reeked of alcohol. Um,
and I'm like, you know, that could be for any,
any sort of reason. And never did I ever judge
that. But I wondered, I was like, like, Oh, okay.
Like, did this person have a drink to, you know,
calm the nerves or whatever. And that person
actually said to me, and I was pretty shocked.
He was like, Oh, I couldn't go on this date sober
because I was way too nervous and I literally
couldn't have like, I was like, You couldn't
have gone on this date sober. So like, how are
you supposed to get to know me when like, are
you constantly going to be under the influence?
Like it kind of freaked me out a little bit.
I was like, cause I was obviously nervous. Like
first dates are so scary, but. See, this is what
we mean about it becoming so normalized and not
being okay. Like bless, poor guy was nervous.
But at the same time, like, is that not a little
bit sad? I know. I don't know. I think this is
a touchy subject of an episode for a lot of people.
um but it's the sorry it's the truth and it's
it's it's our view and like you know it's like
again reiterating a no way shape or form are
we saying oh it's bad because we've taken you
know we like we like a good party we like a good
dance we like a good drink but it's it's something
that yeah can go into a bit of uh dangerous waters
and i think in saying that Hookup culture these
days. I think one of the things that I'm very
much so Concerned about is the fact that hooking
up with people is so normal Right having a one
-night stand or sleeping with them or hooking
up and then never speaking to them again And
then like completely ghosting them ghosting and
also like oh I just I was gonna say something
else. Okay, maybe I won't say that But I just
think it's beyond me and emotions like you don't
know how to form genuine connections anymore.
People don't form genuine connections anymore
because it's all about like, oh, yes, slept with
him that night, slept with her that night. Oh,
yeah, got with him. It's all right. Like, sorry,
guys, I hate to break it to you, but that was
never meant to be something that should have
been that normalized. Sorry, it's the truth.
Actually, what I was going to say based on your
point was. I actually find it so shocking how
nowadays doing something that's literally the
most intimate form of human connection you can
have with someone is seen as less intimate, sorry,
yes, less intimate than saying I love you or
than asking someone to be your girlfriend or
boyfriend. We don't discriminate. But isn't that
shocking to you? Like people go ahead and, you
know, one night stand this, one night stand that,
whatever, hook up with this person. go out with
this person blah blah blah and then one person
saying I love you is too intimate oh my god but
then one person feels a certain way towards the
other person they're like oh I'm catching feelings
and then that's and then then you're in then
you're in a bit of shit yeah because the other
person's probably gonna retract exactly and then
they're like oh well that person just used me
to sleep with me well it's that that's hookup
culture like a lot of the time look if both parties
I have like Literally happens all the time and
you know nothing against it both if both parties
are like I want to sleep like let's just sleep
together and They're cool with it not going anywhere
or very on the same page or whether it's a friends
with benefits like whatever like that's fine
if both parties are Consensual towards it not
going further Okay, but again, I also think that
goes into dangerous territory because someone
will always end up Falling not always you don't
reckon not always No, I don't know. Not always.
No, like you do have people that are like, yeah,
I mean, I've kind of experienced it where you're,
you're just like on the same page of like, oh,
okay. You know, it's just a bit of fun and it's
just whatever you want it to be. Look, I think
there's definitely people that are going to agree
with you. Yeah. Yeah. I could name you heaps,
but like it's not, it's not for everyone. And,
um, I mean, personally, I like, not that I struggled
with hookup culture, but I think I, I thought
back in school, I was like, Oh, this is what
being cool is like, you know, getting with people
and how many people you've gotten with or slept
with or whatever. But oh my God, it's literally
a load of bollocks. Like it's, it's literally
rubbish. It is, it is because now, oh my God,
people are yearning for human connection. There's
not enough of that. Not enough of beautiful,
solid, stable relationships. Cheating's normalized,
going to hook up with this one and the next one.
And then your bloody mom's dog. Like it's not
genuinely like it's, it's a bit sad. People don't
know how to make space for intentional relationships
anymore. Whether that be platonic, romantic,
whatever. It's just, that's taking over. It's
being glamorized and taken over and it needs
to stop. Like that's just my opinion. But yeah,
it's like, it's getting to a point where, yeah,
people, it's just. too, too normal and not how
it was ever supposed to be. That's not how we
were created. That's not what we're supposed
to be doing. There's a reason why we have feelings,
emotions, why we do what we do. And all of that
is just ruining every single bit of human connection
that we can possibly ever create. And it's really,
really, really dangerous. And he like, this is
a bit obvious, but. Human connection is such
a beautiful thing when you feel connected to
another person It is there's like no feeling
like it that could be in a friendship way that
could be in a romantic way and like both of us
have felt both of those things and it's it's
really really beautiful and I kind of know for
myself if if I just kept going and you know was
getting with everyone in the you know bloody
neighbor like I just I don't think I would really
believe in human connection because you know
what it's really sad because I've had conversations
with people where they're like oh you know how
many times have you heard all stuff men. like
men are terrible or how many times have you heard
all girls the same? Like you hear this stuff
on a daily basis and it's like well no maybe
you've just started partaking in the wrong behaviors
and looking in the wrong places and hanging out
with the wrong people that that's what you think
because beautiful relationships do exist beautiful
people do exist. Emanuela is a perfect example
of that. What? Beautiful relationships exist
and beautiful people. Yeah, beautiful relationship.
I love the relationship. I mean, I'm honestly
very, very happy and it's unfortunate that like
when people say those statements to me, I don't
know whether I should just like. Stop like I'm
if I hear someone say to me are all men are the
same are stuff men blah blah blah You know, whatever
sometimes in my head I'm like, maybe I should
like not say anything because it's gonna be like
I'm talking to a brick wall Or maybe I should
sit there and be a little bit encouraging and
be like, well, no it does Why do you feel that
way? Like you know, yeah, because if don't get
me wrong I know people girls and boys that have
both been in terrible situations and wronged
by each other That I understand why people have
the bitterness that they do. Yeah But at the
same time, it's like you should never lose hope
over that or use that as an excuse to turn around
and go and be feral. Yeah. And I know some people
are really going to hate me for saying that,
but like, yeah. It's that whole thing about what
like numbing a wound. It's like, well, how do
you think if you're, for example, breakups, right?
It's so normal. And I say that in inverted commas
that after you go through a breakup, obviously
it's a really, really hard time. It's one of
the hardest things I think anyone could ever
go through in their life. And then, you know,
the casual thing would be to go out and like
get with people and to kind of try and forget
about that person that you were with and hook
up and numb that wound deep inside. But you know
what? It actually just prolongs the process because
I feel like a lot of us have had that experience
of like, Oh, we're trying to get over someone.
Oh, okay. I'm going to go and try and get with
this person or that person or, you know, slide
into this one's DMS or get with this one at a
party. But it's like, well, you just, you're
just. prolonging the healing process. And you're
most likely going to end up just feeling guilty
and empty. Yeah. Afterwards, which is. Rebound.
Yeah. No, seriously. Well, you're trying to feel
that, feel that hole, feel that void in your,
in your body where it's like, okay, well, I want
to, I want to replicate what I had before. Yeah.
But it's like, you can't replicate what you had
before by going out and getting with everyone
under the sun at the club. Correct. Also, you're
not going to attract the necessarily the right
type of people. Exactly. If you want to meet
someone and form a genuine connection. have said
it better myself. I don't know. Look, I actually
know people that have, who are in beautiful relationships
who've met at nightclubs, but like it's, that's
very rare to be honest. Like I don't think you're
going to attract the right type of person. If
you're out getting a nightclub and you know,
seeing that person get with five bloody chicks
and you're like, Oh yeah, that's my guy. Like
obviously not. Um, so if you are definitely,
if you are trying to form a genuine connection,
like branch out. branch out girl because there
are many of other places that you can form a
genuine connection. And I think other than talk,
let's go back to talking about the party culture
aspect of it now. So what advice would we give
to people who feel like it's just not for them
who aren't fitting in or who feel like they're
enjoying it in the moment, like it's a very momentary
thing. And then afterwards, they're just feeling
empty and confused. because i would say again
similar to what we spoke about in our last friendship
episode i think being aware um and knowing what
the reason is that you're going out and doing
this stuff and you know so again some people
genuinely enjoy going out some people want to
live their 20s that way and explore and have
fun and go out and do this and do that and sometimes
it doesn't even mean getting involved in bad
things it could just be someone that enjoys going
out for a boogie and you know yeah couple drinks
and that could be their weekly routine absolutely
but i think becoming aware of why you're doing
it are you doing it to feel validated are you
doing it because you're bored Are you doing it
because you're peer pressured? All of these things
may... Are you doing it because you're trying
to numb something and to avoid that can't really
be filled by hooking up with others? Would you
rather be elsewhere and you're not? Like exactly
so all of those things that we saw asking yourself
those questions is actually a really good way
of of identifying yeah why why do you want to
go and go out and do these things that's not
saying you're not allowed to go out if if you
need to be validated because look we all love
a bit of validation we all love a bit of attention
course we do we're human all humans do. But if
you're not in the right head space to go out
and do those things and you're doing it for an
external reason. I'm just saying don't do it
because you're saving yourself and your mental
health and the repercussions of what could happen
and I've experienced it like it's not fun when
you're doing it for the sake of just doing it
and not actually wanting to do it. Yeah and I
think it also we should talk about that it's
okay to outgrow that. outgrow the partying outgrow
what you used to do in high school or what you're
doing in your early twenties or you know it's
and you know what actually i'll touch on something
that i think a lot of people might relate to
especially um people that are in like long stable
relationships i personally have never experienced
but i know people that have that like they're
in their relationship bubble or their little
Um, yeah, I'd say, I'd say it was mostly experienced
by people in relationships, but feeling like
they're friends that are out and single and having
all this fun and they're feeling different or
shielded by that guys don't ever like there's
beauty in both. There is beauty in being out
and being single and there is beauty in being
in the right relationship and not partaking in
that stuff at the same time. Like people should
never feel pressured or you know feeling like
yeah i wish i was single and going out and doing
this and doing that if you're feeling that i
hate to break it to you you're in the wrong relationship
yeah get out of that relationship if you want
to be single but you know what sometimes people
do realize like oh i'm not i'm not ready to be
in a relationship look if you're not ready to
be in a relationship why are you in one in the
first place the people people figure it out which
is a bit ironic when they're in the relationship
once they've formed an intimate connection with
someone they're like oh actually i want to go
be single dude i i'm not going to disclose anyone
here, but I, you know, I know someone who's very
close to me who was in like a five and a half,
six year relationship. Um, uh, and I, I used
to look up to, I used to look up to them as a
kid. Like I used to be like, that is what I want.
I always thought they were so beautiful that
they were going to get married and have kids
and you know, et cetera, et cetera. And then
my heart. And then, um, All of a sudden out of
nowhere, they moved in together after almost
six years of being together. Lived together for
a while. There was no issues. Everything was
fine. They had no issues in the relationship,
really. And then the guy just turned around and
was like, actually, like, I've been with you
for almost six years. I kind of want to be single.
Was this a high school situation? High school
sweethearts. Yeah. Wanted to be, wanted to be
single, but then got into another relationship
like a week later. It's like, I want to be single.
Like, okay. Well, what do you mean you want to
be single? People are using that as an excuse.
And I know that kind of doesn't, it's stemming
away from party and hookup culture but like people
want, people say that to partake in that. It's
a good example of how it's become normalized
and how people are leaving something good for
something they think is better just to fill a
void. Correct. They always think the grass is
greener. When you're single you think, oh I need
to be in a relationship because you know everyone's
got a man or everyone's got a girlfriend and
I don't. And then the people that are in relationships
nowadays, those in the wrong relationship. So
like, oh, well, I want to be single like all
my friends are having fun getting with this one
and the other. But it's it's not like it's it's
not as simple as you think it is. It's a very,
very complex. It is emotionally draining. thing
to do but also can be fun and also can be awesome
and amazing guys i'm sorry if you want to do
it exactly it just depends like go out have a
little party have a little celebration doesn't
have to be little can be you can go off your
chops we're just not condoning doing it out of
pressure yeah no doing it to fill voids or anything
like that or to fit in or to fit in feel socially
validated all of that sort of stuff and it's
okay to not enjoy it as well it's okay to not
want to do it you're not any less cool if you
don't want to do it it's okay to not drink it's
okay to not go out and want to get with every
single person under the sun you're not any less
cool trust me take it from us yeah yeah multiple
examples of it in our lives and it's yeah it
definitely shouldn't be something that's um glamorized
in a situation where you don't want it to be
the case yeah absolutely and i think Think we're
gonna wrap it up there. I think we've yeah on
everything. We've yapped a lot about it and Sometimes
you'll find also sorry to interrupt but sometimes
You'll find that we kind of go around in circles
a bit we do get to a certain point So I'm proud
of us. I'm proud of us Wrapped up where I think
we wrapped up where we wanted to wrap it. Yeah,
obviously this can be a much more in -depth Discussion
we can go off in little branches on this subject
and I'm sure we will obviously we're gonna have
a lot more segments about you know relationship
advice and yeah heartbreak single and going through
heartbreak and all that sort of stuff yeah and
obviously we can go into party culture a little
bit more if it's something that people are being
interested in yeah um but it's a very relatable
topic yeah at this time it is something that
i think deserves to be spoken about absolutely
so we'll wrap up the episode there absolutely
stay tuned and And we appreciate you listening
to... As always.