You're listening to Twisted Tropes. Familiar
settings. Wild new tales. Now, on with the story.
Scandals and Scavengers. A post -apocalyptic
regency romance. Episode 10. Progress and Predators.
Or Flapping These Gums. Last time on Scandals
and Scavengers, Ruby's powers have increased.
While she shared the mysteries of her father's
smoldering pillow, Mr. Roebel's indecipherable
writing, and Ruben's strange tattoo with Edgewater,
Ruby inadvertently created illusions and donned
her magical cracked porcelain mask. Putting together
some of the clues, the ladies realized that both
Desmond Gammabloom and Ruben Weller are third
sons. Salt arrived early for the seance to repair
the broken doll and quickly found himself in
over his head. After Samuel, Madame Belladonna,
and Nicodemus arrived, the seance began. Attempting
to avoid another genuine spirit encounter, Mary
and Nicodemus used as little juice as possible,
but it was to no avail. An apparition of a scarred
and damaged Ruby exited Ruby's body and rushed
at Mary, dissolving as it would have slammed
into her. Madame Belladonna pronounced Ruby haunted,
and with Nicodemus rushed from the manor as Edgewater
proclaimed that she would stay the night with
Ruby and sent for Mary to act as chaperone. Awkward!
While Edgewater kept Ruby company in another
room, Samuel asked Salt about the letter of commendation
that he found in Henry's effects. Salt confirmed
that Henry had indeed saved him from certain
death when they were in the military. Out of
breath from the run home to intercept the summons
from Edgewater, Mary arrived as herself and the
two men took their leave. Salt brought Samuel
straight to the Seltzer residence where he handed
him a sealed envelope that Henry entrusted to
him before he died. Samuel opened it to find
his marriage certificate. Thank Linda! Now we
follow our protagonists as they head to the Carnival
of Progress. Well, after a very exciting night
of seance shenanigans over at Rhinelander Hall,
we're going to fast forward a little bit to promenade
time the next day. Everyone's going to probably
need the morning hours and the calling hours
to kind of recuperate after the amount of information
that they learned, the absolutely horrifying
things that were seen. So... About the late afternoon,
it's a good time to get out, get some air, stretch
your legs, and go see the marvels that the intellectuals
in society have been working on. How are we all
going in terms of grouping up? I assume that
Mr. Salt will be accompanying his young master.
I'll be following along Mr. LeFroy, just a few
steps behind. Maybe a few more steps behind than
we're used to seeing him, giving him a little
bit more space out there. Okay, excellent. Sort
of like letting the lead run out a little bit.
He's entirely uncomfortable and very saddened
by this fact, but that is what he will be doing.
Okay, fantastic. Mary, what is your gallivanting
plan? I assume that I would have returned to
the Sparks' house in the morning, unless this
was a super extended sleepover. I think we probably
all separated. Unless I literally could not get
away physically from you guys. But yeah, I think
I will have returned to the Sparks' house and
then set back out after a few hours of sleep.
And I'm going to be promenading as Mary Smith,
but I'm going to have a bit of a scarf over my
head and kind of like semi -low -key in case
I decide to speak with people about sensitive
matters. But in particular, I may try to talk
to Lord Drake, and I may try to talk to Miss
Clarence. Or, as she is known coloquially, Edgewater!
All right. Speaking of, Edgewater, Ruby, how
are we all walking about? I suspect I would volunteer
to be the chaperone to Lord Drake and Miss Clarence.
That's very kind. He will accept that. Wow, Ruby
is the chaperone. What has happened? We're all
just chaperoning each other now at a certain
point. I don't know. She does, you do see, she
does have her flamethrower parasol back. In case
anything gets frisky. Leave room for St. Linda.
Okay, so let's see here. Let's go to Mary for
the time being. Let's start off with her. Yes,
I think if you two are promenading together in
a tasteful fashion, maybe I will be slightly
behind with Ruby. And I'll just, I think I'll
just check in and ask her, you know, Miss Rhinelander,
I know that it's been a complicated few days
for you and your family. And I would never wish
to pry or, you know, as Trudy says, you know,
I'll never flap these gums unnecessarily. She
says that all the time. She's so wise. Does she have
teeth in or out when she says that? It really
varies. Okay, you're good. You seem different.
I don't know. There's just been a lot that has
been changing, I think. And I say this with a
big smile on my face with everybody around. There's
a lot that's been changing, you know? Life is
change. you know isn't it? Yes, Edgewater told
me that the seance that happened before I got
there um was a little unnerving for you. I just
wanted to see... I have, and this is very transparent
of me, I have a bit of magic myself. Oh! Just a
scrap. Just a little itty bitty... Nothing like what
I'm sure that you can do, but if there's anything
you want to talk about in regards to that, we
all have our conflicted feelings and our secrets,
and I know that you are in a tough spot right
now, so feel free to consider me a listening
ear. Well, I appreciate that, Miss Smith. There's
a lot that's been going on, and I do believe
that I am being haunted. There it is. That is
what was told to me last night, and I don't know
what is going on, but, you know, I'm going with
it. I'm a... You know... That's all you can do,
I guess. Maybe it's time for me to bring, like,
haunted chic to this town. Yeah. So true. Yeah.
Somebody's... I gotta bring all the dolls. Someone's
gotta. All the dolls will come to the masquerade
with me. Oh. Wow. wow wow wow like like
um like metaphorically? Metaphorically right? Yeah
like like like metaphorically. Yeah. I don't... I'm
gonna be fully honest with you. I don't know if
I'm doing okay. My dad's in a coma. Yeah. I thought
he was getting better and then he was not. Yeah.
I feel like somebody might be after me and
a creepy mask smiled at me in a mirror in my
my home. Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. Yeah
so if you have any magic that could uh dispel
that that would be great otherwise I'm just trying
to make sure that these two little love herons
in front of us... Love herons? So gangly. You know
uh get... progress as I think it's about time that
maybe the spotlight shine on somebody else. Oh
you you may not know this but Miss Clarence and
I are somewhat cousin adjacent relations, sort
of. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. And if you
asked her, she would indeed say that we are friends,
which is very generous of her. Oh, that's great.
It's complicated, but I agree that she, I think
that this might be a good match for both of them.
I think so too. You know what? We should probably
go. We should just like, can we arrive to the
masquerade together? Masquerade ball together?
I just don't want to cramp their style, to be
fully honest with you. You want to co -chaperone?
Yeah, I just need a friend. Yeah, we can co -chaperone,
and then they can chaperone us, and then we can
chaperone each other. And the flasks can chaperone
us. Yeah, yeah. Great. Yeah, we can have a few.
Like, I have a lot of pockets. And actually,
I don't know if this helps, but I'm going to
scoop Gus out of my pocket. I'm going to say,
this is Gus. He is a mouse, and he doesn't do
much, but if you need a little buddy to hold
on to during the promenade. Well, thank you.
He's very cuddly. I will put Gus on my shoulder.
Don't get any ghost stuff on him, though, because
I don't think he has any magic powers. I'll move
it to my left shoulder. Let us promenade. Let
us indeed. And no, I don't think I have any magic
that can unhaunt you. Well, but I'll look around.
Well, shit. Ain't that the truth. Mary, could
you make a perception check for me? That is 16
plus 9, so 25. So as you're having this, you
know, bizarrely forthright heart to heart with
Ruby. I'm real worried about her. Possibly not
without cause. You see a figure beckoning to
you by one of the trees just slightly off the
path. Your sad boy buddy, Carlton. I'm worried
about him too. All right. Ms. Rhinelander, can you
and Gus chaperone in my absence? I have to use
the bathroom. Oh, yes. Of course. Of course,
yeah. Sure, you go use the restroom. Yeah, okay.
I'm going to slink away. I watch her walk behind
a tree, and I go... A lady never tells. As they
say in the Tenets of St. Linda, go piss girl.
So I do. So as you approach Carlton, he seems a little
agitated. Carlton, you all right? Not really.
So what happened yesterday when my dad went to
visit your Lord Sparks? Yeah, my Lord Sparks.
That's what I call him too, honestly. He came
back and he was in a mood. There was some mood
getting thrown around. I don't know. exactly
what they were talking about. It... it seemed like
something that has history between them and you
know... I... you and I go a middle ways back... has your
dad been working on anything weird or normal
I mean they they're both you know they both kind
of are a little distant. They both kind of, they
don't talk to me a lot about, I feel like I'm
kind of there just so they have someone to pass
the title to. I don't, I don't know. But yeah,
no, he was, he was really pissed. They were,
there was some kind of argument about, and I'm
going to kind of like keep talking kind of like
wishy -washy, like. not saying anything in particular
and I think I'll try to cast detect thoughts
or actually no I think I'll just do either perception
or insight check to see if he is... why he might
be coming to me with this and if he is like... if
he's safe. If he is someone who I can talk to
honestly or not. If he's in danger. Make an insight.
That is 15. Carlton has always been an extreme
introvert. He's always been kind of a quiet kid.
It seems to be just building up and building
up. He doesn't fit with his two adopted dads.
He doesn't like the constraints of all of the
rules of the ton. And he knows he's only a catch
because he's going to inherit. And it seems like
there's an awful lot of pressure on him. And
it may be starting to crack him. Yeah. So having
one of the dads come back in a mood and possibly
having a little bit more disapproval thrown at
him than usual could be motivating this. Okay.
All right. I'll say, Carlton, you know better
than I do that the ton is not kind to heirs or
wards. You and I have, I think, more in common
than people may think. I believe that at least
one of your fathers and my benefactor go a long
ways back. Carlton, I told you I didn't want
you speaking with her. Don't try to hide in the
bushes. I wasn't. Sir. My lord. Carlton, you
are not to associate. with the likes of this one
again. Do I make myself clear? Never again. And
you will stay away from him. Yes, sir. And I'm
going to cast detect thoughts on him. Just surface
level. And as he turns and walks away, in his
head, you hear, just like her mother. I knew
it! I knew it! I don't say it out loud though.
Wow. That son of a bitch. Okay. I, I'll try to
look at Carlton when he's leaving and I'll like
make a gesture of like, don't worry. I'm not
going to try and make trouble for you, but keep
like, keep an eye out. I don't know if I can
really express that in eyeballs. There's kind
of a wallflower eye-rolling code where I would
say that there's clearly a, hey, sorry, and a,
god, this fucking guy that he communicates. Nothing
specific, but you're both kind of like, this
is ridiculous. But yeah, that's... I can do this
also during another phase action or something,
but I want to think about... Who in their social
circle is someone who would often call on either
of the fathers, on Carlton, on if there's anyone?
Ooh, not living in their house, that's information
you would not be privy to. Okay. However, during
that, well, I see you have another promenade
partner. Should I be jealous? Oh, I'm sorry.
No, I'm just, we were co-chaperoning. It's good
to see you. Good to see you too, Ms. Rhinelander.
How's your father feeling? Oh, you know, some
wild things happening over there. He's still
in a coma. Woke up for a little bit, but you
know, we're getting through it. I'm truly, truly
sorry. If there's anything I can do, please do
not hesitate to ask. I mean, if you know anybody
who's good at getting people out of comas, you
know... Something of a specific skill, but...
Yeah. I will... I know more people than you'd
think. Also, I should say this in person. I know
I sent this in the letter, but thank you for
all the gifts you've been sending me. I appreciate
it. The earrings were great, and the deck of cards
were really nice. But also... You know, I've
been kind of working through it. Are you going
to the Masquerade in a few days? I did see something
about that. I love the theme. I wouldn't miss
it for the world. Yeah, no, I'm very excited.
I think it's going to be a good time. And, you
know, Lord Drake's first ball. It's going to
be a big event. He's probably pulling out all
the stops. I would assume so. If I were in his
position, I would too. I'm sorry if this is a
little bit naive of me, but what... I'm just
like, what does your family do again? I ask the
same question more frequently than you think.
There are a lot of people in Neo Britannia. Yeah.
And there are a lot of big ideas, as you can
see, as he gestures around to the different pavilions.
But progress requires strong hands, strong backs,
to make the work of strong minds possible. My
company does labor management. We try to connect
people with meaningful work so they can earn
a day's pay and everyone can keep moving forward.
Or that's the company line that I've been told
to recite. I honestly don't care. It seems like
my family quite honestly makes some kind of a
cut off of getting poor people to do the work
for rich. I don't... I feel like there's something
not quite right there. Yeah, that sounds actually
awful, to be fully honest with you. I mean, nothing
I'm looking to really inherit into. That totally
makes sense. I appreciate all the time we've
been spending together. I just want to apologize.
There's just a lot going on in my personal life
right now, and so if I'm not fully present, it's
not because of you. It's just there seems to
be a lot going on. I wasn't going to bring anything
up because I honestly quite figured it was me
that you were having second thoughts about. Oh,
no, it's not that. It's just that there's so
much happening. Like with my dad in a coma, there's
only so much I can... Absolutely, absolutely.
And, you know, there's other stuff as well, you
know, just like... And discovering a room in
my house I didn't know was there was pretty wild.
That is a new one on me. Yeah. You got me there.
Do you like dolls? Just kidding. Just kidding.
That was a joke. Are you feeling all right, Ms.
Rhinelander? You know, I'm feeling different than
I normally do. I don't know if that's a bad thing.
A little change, a little shaking things up is
sometimes just what we need. Yeah. Kind of get
our priorities in order. I do have a question.
So you said you deal with other stuff the other
night when we were out and about in terms of
like you were getting pulled away from our time
together. Oh, there are a lot of folks in my
situation who don't necessarily want to inherit
into the family business or, you know. work for
an older sibling that, you know, we're looking
for our own sort of purpose. Right. You know,
a lot of us sort of help each other out. You
know, if somebody hears of an interesting lead
they're not interested in, then they could, you
know, throw it on to someone else who maybe suits
it a little bit better. And, you know, we back
each other up. Sort of think of it as sort of
a network of the forgotten children. All right.
That makes sense. What is your, like, passion?
What do you want in life then? I want to see
new things. I want to get out of just this little
bubble that we live in. Honestly, be somewhere
where maybe not so many people know me. I'm sure
you're probably aware by now, but I have a bit
of a history that I have made some egregious
mistakes in the past, and I would... welcome
a chance to start over. But as you know, second
chances are rare in these parts. I mean, I do
know that. Have you heard of my past two failed
engagements? That...uh... those stories had crossed my
path, but every story has two sides. So if it
wasn't a good match, it wasn't a good match.
Why should we have to compromise who we are?
For what other people think we should want. Yeah,
that makes sense. I mean, honestly, I would just
like to find someone who wants to find the excitement
in life. I mean, I'm always looking for excitement.
Who knows? Maybe your father will come around
and he'll want to go traveling. Oh. I mean, maybe
if he wakes up out of a coma he'll want to go.
Where are you expecting to go? I have no idea.
Sort of the wonderful thing of having no responsibilities.
Yeah, I guess so. No responsibilities. I wonder
what that would be like. Oh, man. I do... What
would that even be like to not have to promenade
every day? Brilliant. It would be brilliant.
I agree. I think that would be a nice change
to everything that's been going on. Not have
to have everything so structured. Yeah. A little
bit of freedom. Not have to be walking ten paces
behind your friend to make sure that some imaginary
line wasn't crossed. Well, yeah, that. But I'm
also excited for her, I will say. But I do agree
with that. To do what you want when you want
it. Without other people publicly judging you.
Oh, judge all you want in private, but, you know.
Are these other people, business associates you're
working with, do they want something similar
to that? Oh, they all have their own wants, their
own dreams. Some of them want to eke out a place
here. Some of them want to better their station.
Some of them, like me, want to just get out.
I get that. Could I meet some of them sometime?
I think that could probably be arranged. All
right. Thank you for your kindness. I appreciate
it. Anything I can do, Miss Rhinelander. I will
continue walking with him for as long as he will
walk with me and watch Edgewater and Samuel have
their conversation from ten feet behind. As you're
walking around, you're getting into the actual
pavilions proper. And there are a lot of different
families that are showing off all kinds of different
things from their firms. There is the Academy
of the Arcanum. And Alistair is doing his presentation
on alternative charging options for psymac technology.
He is focused on the idea that, well, right now,
if we're going to be trying to charge any of
these psymac crystals, it's just, you know...
We have to have somebody that has some kind of
arcane ability in and of themselves to put in
a portion of their personal power. And that only
lasts for a short amount of time. So to get any
real sustainable energy out of a psymac crystal
battery array, you've got to have a lot of dedicated
mystical manpower put into that. And it's just
not a good conversion rate. But what do we all
live under the threat of at all times? Those
darn arcane weather phenomenon. Now, if we could
figure out a way to channel and to harness the
power in like the Aurora Arcanum, for instance,
just get some of that ambient magical energy
charged into a psymac crystal, we could have effectively
free arcane energy that would not tie up mystical
man hours. The static storms. Also, we could
have collection arrays on top of buildings, not
only collecting the energy, but protecting the
building. We are making some very, very promising
inroads into making this a reality. That's basically
the thrust of his presentation. A little bit
further along, you see the Skullcrushers and
their foreman showing off the latest new bio
-arcane engineering beast of burden they've come
up with. It is a version of the irradicorn. We've
talked about irradicorns a lot, but specifically,
an irradicorn is basically a six-foot-tall
Clydesdale at the shoulder. Big, hefty, hefty
horse. And its hooves glow with green energy.
Not super prominent during the day, but at night
it's intense. And it has a singular glowing green
horn. Now, it is not a horn like a unicorn. It
is a horn like a rhinoceros. If you encounter
a wild irradicorn, you are probably in very big
trouble. These are vicious beasts. But the domesticated
irradicorns are incredibly powerful beasts of
burden. It takes them forever to get tired. They're
very durable. They're fairly fast, which makes
them great livestock to attach to carriages and
things like that. However, they are now introducing
the irridox. It is a nine-foot-tall dire oxen.
with similar glowing horns and glowing armor
plates on the shoulder as well. It can pull the
equivalent of eight irradicorns. It's slower,
but it is incredibly strong. And that is their
new introduction. So there's all kinds of stuff.
Do either of those breathe a funny color? Nope.
Okay. Does the glow of their hooves look like
the glow when Ford runs? Same color family, but
not exactly. But, you know, he's not an irradi-
corn centaur. We were so psyched. I've cracked
it wide open. I like where you're going with
that. He's using some form of magic on himself.
There is also, much to Samuel's surprise, an
entire pavilion. The Wonders of New Winchester.
Oh. And it is an extended pavilion. It's like
multiple tents put together with different plants
and fruits and animal displays and just all kinds
of wild things. Samuel's looking at this and
going, oh, this is what I grew up with. This
is home. This is pretty cool. There are a couple
of art pieces that were on loan. So it is kind
of like a get to know your new neighbors, almost.
Did I ever receive word that somebody would be
setting this up? No, no. Can I see anybody who
seems to be heading this? Oh, yeah, there is.
Is this the Carringtons? There is. No? Okay.
There is someone in robes of academia who is
sort of looking around and answering questions.
Lord Drake, hello. Good to see you. We hope it
lives up to muster here. We were hoping to surprise
you. Surprise! Do I recognize this man? No idea
who this guy is. Yes, I'm very surprised. Apologies.
You've caught me unawares. Do I know you? Oh,
terribly sorry, Lord. Professor Sprocket, I am
a cultural anthropologist. I was hoping that
we could make people more aware of all the wonderful
things that are from where you call home. Sort
of make people more excited about, you know,
new neighbors and see the wonderful things that
are part of your culture. A big smile will come
across Samuel's face. Thank you so much for this.
It took quite a bit of organization, but we spoke
with a number of the council from your home,
and they coordinated shipping things out, and
it was... It took quite a bit because a few things
got lost in translation. We all speak basically
the same language, but turns of phrase can really
get you turned around. There's a good thing I
was there to lead the communications. I'm sure
they were in great hands. Is there a bit of a
crowd gathering? Oh, this is one of the most
popular pavilions. not not only are like you
know colorful plants like odd fruits they've
never seen there are like... there are samples of the
like the cuisine which is a lot heartier than
like... then there's spice there's spice like serious
spice involved but also there are various sort
of caged animal displays and it is like a whole
bunch of people are are you know milling about.
Samuel's going to take this opportunity. Since
the display of everything is supposed to be the
main feature, I'm guessing there's not like a
stage or like a raised floor or anything like
that. No. Okay. Then he's... Miss Clarence, I
apologize for what I'm about to do. He's going
to extract himself from whatever small talk they
were having and he's going to find one of the
familiar sturdy trees that he knows are from
his land. And he's going to kind of climb up
it a little bit so that way he can be seen above
the crowd and kind of hang from it. As you approach,
you do realize that this tree did not grow here.
It has been transplanted here. So it might be
a little precarious, but he's making a show of
it. And he's going to bellow as loud as he
can. You all may have received invitations to
my ball that will be forthcoming in four days.
This is exactly what I meant by embracing the
wild. More of this to come. I hope to see you
all there. And there is a smattering of polite
applause. It's about at this time that actually
Lefroy and Fiona have sort of met up. Beadere
is keeping a little further back as well. Gotcha.
Are we both a little further back or like opposite?
Opposite a little back. I'll give her a polite
nod. She nods to you and then pulls something
out of her sleeve that is a familiar piece of
paper and tucks it back in and then just gives
you a slight eyebrow raise and a nod. He looks
a little sheepish and kind of gives a similar...
and then turns to the charges. Okay. About that
time, Zoe and Oscar also rock up. Okay. to engage
both of them in conversation. So it's like the
four of them chit -chatting? Yeah, it seems like
a very, very awkward, impromptu double date where
the partner's swapped. Okay, yeah, yeah. I was
going to say, two of them are siblings, right?
Yeah, okay, gotcha. Yeah, no, it seems like this...
Nobody has the same interpretation of what's
going on here. Oh, LeFroy is talking to Oscar
and Fiona's talking to Zoe? No, Zoe is going
hard in talking to LeFroy. LeFroy is panicking
and trying to be polite. Oscar is moving on Fiona.
Fiona is looking to Zoe and to LeFroy. It is
uncomfortable. Yeah, it's real bad. It's real
bad. And about that time, yeah, so pretty much
everybody. Mary, would you have kind of drifted
in? Oh, yeah, because you have to catch up with
her. You have to catch up with her. I'm booking
it back to Ruby. Hey, hey. And Gus. I'm done.
She rushes everywhere. Oh, hey. I was actually,
yeah. Oh, this is Lord Weller. Lord Weller. Miss
Smith. We are...we're good friends. And Lord Weller
here has been very nice and has been sending
me some gifts. Oh, that's very, very gentlemanly.
I hope that Miss Rhinelander can count me as
a good friend soon, too. Just about this time,
there is a clang and a roar. And I'm going to
need everyone to roll initiative. Oh, no! The
first time. Nat 20. That'll be, I believe, a
21 for Samuel. Okay. 20 to 15. 18. I got 18 as
well. Okay. Higher dex? 16. 16 as well. 17.
16. This time you win Salt. Salt. My list of
enemies grows. Mary 18, but slightly slower.
Okay. 17 for Edgewater. 17. Okay, great. I'm
staring into Ruben's eyes, and I got a natural
one for a six. Oh. Oh, you are dexterous. I am.
I have a 20 in dex, but I'm not paying attention.
Do you have flecks of green in your eyes? Do you
have flecks of red in your eyes? Oh, my God,
it's blood. Oh, God. A 20 dex for someone who
has to dance standing on someone's forearm. Oh,
when she can just, like, bust loose on the floor.
Yeah. You know, like ballroom waltz. It's very
bad. And it also makes sense because I wear high
heels. So, you know. Oh, yeah. All the time.
All the time. Anyway. The clang that you all
heard was a cage. breaking open as three members
of a predatory species are released into the
crowd. There is a horrible sound as the three
octaguars make their appearance. Now, an octaguar,
for everyone that is not Samuel and clearly remembers
what these are, imagine a jaguar, but out of
each leg joint, Instead of a leg, two tentacles
sprout out. Each tentacle is long, muscular,
and terminates in a suction cup -padded cat's
paw with razor -sharp claws. That's incredible.
And it has antennae coming out over its little
cat eyes. There are cat eyes, and then there are
also some little compound eyes that ring it.
Oh, no. The stuff of nightmares. Samuel, you
know that they are very dangerous animals. Samuel,
under his breath, just goes, deadly as they are
beautiful. As he's doing a chin-up on his tree.
But Samuel, having grown up with this peril,
snaps into action almost immediately. Speaking
of snapping, fortuitous, day two of that. This
branch I'm hanging on, could I try to rip off
one of them? You can make a strength check. Twisted
20. Oh, twist that sucker right off. All right.
How far is the closest of these? They have burst
and fanned out. So the closest one is probably
about 20 feet from you. Okay. They're going to
start moving. ripping into the crowd soon. Excellent.
uh he's gonna dash forward in action brandishing
the branch and then he's just gonna lay into
the closest one uh with uh a smack. An action
surge smack. Okay. He knows how deadly these things
are and they need to be put down quickly. Okay
swing away my man swing away. First one is going
to be uh 25 to hit. Oh my good golly, yes. And thanks
to me being an adaptive fighter, sorry, I would
have been two-handing this branch. I'm proficient
with any improvised weapon, and I get to roll
a D8 for this. Nice. That's 12 points of damage.
Whoa. Wow. Oh, okay. The fleeing crowd all stops
for a second, turns and gawks, and then continues
to flee. And here comes the action surge. Hell
yeah. I think nobody's really seen this side
of him. Lucas might have seen it when I blew
up a chair my first day here. But there's like
a comfort in this. This is what he knows. He's
been pretending to be somebody else for the longest
time. That's a perfect time for a net 20. Oh,
man. And Edgewater faints. Edgewater might have
to make a con check shortly. So six doubled would
be 12 plus my four modifier. That's 16 points
of damage. Damn. Okay, so before they've even,
like, they just got out of the cage and one of
them is already 28 points down. Oh, wow. Okay.
And then if it's not down down, I would like
to use my tavern brawler feat since I made an
attack with an improvised weapon. Actually, I
think it was an adaptive fighter thing. Bonus
action, I'm going to grapple it so it can't run
after other people. Okay. All right. Fucking
hell. Let's make a... Oh, boy. Okay, you're looking
at an 18. 13 plus 7, a twisted 20. Oh, man! Okay,
so you actually slap it in the head twice, double
-handing it with a branch, and then bring the
branch up around its neck with one hand, and
then grab it with the other, so you have it in
sort of a leveraged side headlock with your branch
weapon. Okay, well, he's not going to move. He's
the next one to move, but he's not going to be
able to actually take a move. So he gets two
attacks with his tentacles, but you have rung
his bell so hard that he misses. Just misses.
Unless you have a negative to your AC. No? Surprisingly,
no. Okay, cool. Salt. I think first thing, because
they're inside the pavilion, right? Yes. Okay.
He's going to look at LeFroy. He's just going
to tuck his chin down and kind of give him a
sign, like, get out of there. Right. And then
kind of give a little nudge of, like, maybe take
Fiona with you. Like, get them out of there.
Okay. And then he's going to rush in for the
closest. Next closest octaguar. Okay, so that's
probably about 40 feet. That's my speed. Oh.
I'm a monk. Oh, that's right. You're quick. Yeah.
Fantastic. All right, cool. He's wiry. Yeah.
You know a wiry guy. All right, so yeah, you
can close with this octaguar. Yeah, he's going
to run in, and then as he gets close, do like
a jumping Superman punch and attack this thing.
All right, fantastic. 14? 14 will hit. Sweet.
Yes. That's an unarmed strike. Just four. And
then as a bonus action, I'm going to... because
I don't know what these things are, I don't really
know what their deal is, I'm going to burn a
key point and use patient defense and take the
dodge action. Nice. Probably not a terrible idea.
Mary! Okay. My spells, yes. Are you going to
hurt their feelings? Detect thoughts. How are
they feeling right now? I think... so how close
am I relatively? You're probably, if you wanted
to try to get to the one that Samuel is wrestling,
it's probably about 40 feet. You're probably
about 50 feet to the one Salt just slapped and
probably about 60 feet from the other one because
they just sort of fanned. Okay. I think, I don't
know if this is like an area effect exactly,
but I'm going to cast.. either on the one that
you just hit or the last one... I'm going to cast
Sleep on it, which I believe is a range of 90
feet. Fantastic. So that's a 20 -foot area, and
it's going to put out everything. Yeah, I'm going
to try to not make these guys fall asleep. Okay,
so you're going to try to angle it so it's the
only thing in the area? Yeah. I don't know. I
don't care. If there's other people... behind it...
They'll be fine. They'll fall asleep. I'm not
trying to... How high level are you casting this
at? And that's going to determine how many d8
you roll to... I think just first level. Okay,
so I think that's 5d8. How much do I remember
of the rules off the bat for a spell I have never
cast? 26. Unfortunately, these are fairly tough,
so you don't have enough to put it down. But
five innocent bystanders.... Whoops. Luckily, you
do know that octoguar do not eat carrion, so
anything that is inert is not a viable meal.
Good, good, good. Okay, so no harm done. That's
fine. They're now safe. There are a couple of
promenaders who are attendees that are taking
a quick nap. Well, they swooned from the fright.
Yeah. Which is very normal. The sight of Sam.
Yeah. Oh, my. All those muscles. Okay, so can
I, I don't know if I have this in my action economy
exactly, but can I do like a perception check
towards the cages? See how they got out. I can
also wait till my next turn. Yes, you'll be making it
at disadvantage just because you're kind of far
away, but you can definitely give it a shot with
a bonus action. I think that I have advantage,
so I guess I would roll it straight. You would.
Yeah. Wow, I love that. Twisted 20? Oh, shit.
The cage has not been compromised. It didn't
break. The banging was the door slamming open.
Okay. And the latch is entirely intact. Oh, so
someone - The bolt has been thrown. Magically
opened it somehow. Or opened it and ran, maybe?
Yeah. So, I mean, that's that. Edgewater. All
right. She sees Samuel holding one of these -
crazy creatures. She's pretty close to him, right?
Yeah, she was right... Exactly. So she's going
to get into a stance... The thing with the
arm behind the head that fencers do.
And she whips out a chain that has a short sword
welded to the end of it, swings it around her
head once, and flips it at the creature. Don't
roll that one. Oh, God. Such a high -risk weapon.
14, that hits, right? Yeah, 14 will hit. Okay.
And that's an eight on the die, so that's 12
points of damage. Damn, okay. Okay, this thing
is definitely bloodied. Like, definitely bloodied.
That's it for my turn. Cool, fencing lessons
paying off. All right, the octaguar that is next
to Salt is going to take his first attack of
two, and... I'm just going to say that I rolled
a nat 20, but because patient defense was active,
the one is going to be active. Oh, man. You old
wiry bastard. Okay. That is a nine plus six.
That's a 15. Just hits. All right. So it's not
terrible. It's not bad. It's like six points
of damage. Okay. Six points of slashing. Okay,
and the last octaguar is going to close to the
Hensons, LeFroy, and Fiona. Oscar sweeps one
of his big hobgoblin arms and pushes Fiona
behind him. And the octaguar goes up to him and
then recoils. That's all it's going to do for
the time being. But why? And Ruby. I see that
that thing just hit Mr. Salt, and I don't like
it. And I have never been in a fight before in
my life. So this is quite terrifying. I drop
my parasol, and in my shadow, you see that there
is a smile in my shadow. And I'm going to use
synapse lapse on the creature, on the octaguar
that is near. So I need him to make an intelligence
saving throw of 16. Oh, sure. I do like that
Ruby said, I've never been in a fight before.
Quick, let me get rid of my flamethrower. It's
a parasol. That is 10 on the die, so it's an
eight. Amazing. For a hot second, you watch the
octaguar. If it had subtitles, it'd be like,
wait, what was I doing? And it is stunned for
the next turn. Yeah. It's just like, how did
I get here? There is confusion. Why did I come
into this room? And I'll take, I'm going to step
back 25 feet. I'm sorry. You're going to be like,
ah! It's time for me to run. I mean, it's not
a terrible idea because I don't think you have
a lot of hit points. I'm fine. Yeah, I've heard
you say that before, though. So we're back up
to Lord Samuel. Excellent. As part of my unarmed
fighting, I get to immediately deal 1d4 to anything
that I have grappled at the start of my turn.
Cool. So I'll just give this guy a little punch
before I continue whaling on him with the branch.
You broke your die. He's so strong. Wow. I'm
going to say that's max damage. If you broke
the die, that's got to be max damage. He's so
beefy. Edgewater, are you okay? Someone catch
her. Look out for the whip sword or whatever.
I'm assuming it doesn't say in the rules, but
I'm assuming it's just flat. I don't add a modifier
to that since it's like a free action thing.
Yeah. Yeah. So it was three. So three points
of... Well, it's max damage. Okay, if you want
to do that, then four. You broke a die, man.
It's max damage. Okay. Can I grab a hammer before
my next turn? And then I will take a swing at
it with my action. 15 on the die plus 7 is like
22. Yeah. 5 plus 4 is 9 points of damage. Oh,
this thing is looking terrible. And then, Evan,
now that I'm a little bit closer in the fray,
I think you said the furthest one now would only
be like 10 feet by their spread pattern. Would
I have seen that one freeze? You'd be 20 feet
away. I apologize. Would I have seen that one
freeze across the way on its way to attack someone?
Yeah. Yeah. I'm proficient in animal handling.
Could I make an animal handling check? Absolutely. You could make that
as a reaction. Trying to understand why. Having
especially familiarity with these things. Keep
it in the tray there. 19. No. Respect the tray.
Oh, my God. You're choosing not to. Clearly don't.
Clearly not a ranged fighter. It's all melee
all the time. 17 total. All right. What I'm going
to say is these things do not take training.
This is not a trained response. It is reacting
to something. There are things that the octaguar
hunts and there are things that hunt the octaguar.
It sounded so profound in my head. You get to
choose which one you are. That's going to be
our headband. And there are certain natural markers
that let the octaguar know that danger is near.
And it's reacting like it is sensing something.
Excellent. I think I get it. You don't get to
look at it for a very long time, though, because
it is hit by a charging braided tiefling. Hell
yeah. Oh, yeah. Out of the corner of your eye,
as you deftly sidestep the attack, you see Beadere
drop into a sort of a wide crouch. And then point
at the octaguar that is in front of her charge,
draw her thumb across her throat and charge.
Hell yeah. Like a spittle just like flying from
her lips. And she lays into this thing. No nuance.
No technique. Pure anger. Cool. And just punches.
Does Salt need a second? Yeah. She's not counting
on this thing being quite so rubbery and flexible,
and it kind of sees her coming and does a cartoon,
oh, no, and brings its legs together and gets
taller, and she barrels beneath. So she stunningly misses
that one. It was going to look so cool, but now.
You actually have one up on her. Yeah, I was
going to say, not the situation I want her to
screw up in, but it feels really nice to catch
her with her fucking ass in her hands for the
first time. Okay, the wildly wounded octoguar
is going to take two swings on Samuel, who has,
like, between Samuel and Edgewater, have wrecked
it. 17 and a 23. Oh, yeah. All right, so you're
going to take, the first one is eight points
of slashing, and the next one is five points
of slashing. Got it. Salt. This thing's still
stunned? Until the end of Ruby's next turn. Cool.
So that's advantage on attacks? Yep. Sweet. Then
he's going to try to punch this thing. Yeah.
Lowest is a 19. Oh, definitely. And then I'll
burn a ki point and flurry of blows. So two more
attacks. I went with the lowest. Didn't you have
advantage? You went with the lowest? Yeah, it
was 10 and a 15. He's just saying, there's no
way I miss. That's an 18 for the first one, and
an eight for the second one. Eight total? Yeah,
eight total. Okay, but that is still two strong
hits. Three, that's nine damage. Okay, he's not
looking quite so bad, but he is still just like,
why am I here? Why does my face hurt? I say,
I think especially now that he's seen B make
her way over to the charges. A lot of this is
just keeping this one over here. And so just
kind of, yeah, peppers him with a few punches.
That octaguar is now going to target Beadere.
Oh, no, wait, we're not there yet. Sorry, I was
applying damage. Mary. So you said that it reacted
fearfully to Oscar. He was a hobgoblin. Yeah.
I don't know if this is how this works, but can
I do a silent image of, not necessarily him,
but of a hobgoblin kind of in front of the young
people, the young charges who are trying to get
away. Remind me where the octocats are. So basically
you've got one over here that Samuel has put
in a headlock and punched and then it suddenly
got whip-sworded in the face and is just having
a day. I think that's fine. You've got one in
the middle that... Doesn't seem to remember what
it was doing, except now it's getting punched
in the face. And then you've got one that is
over here that has backed off of Oscar and is
being attacked by Beadere. And so Lefroy and
Fiona are over by this one. You're kind of over
here. Behind Oscar. Yeah. Okay. So I'll try to
place the image next to Salt to try to give him
some sort of advantage with the one that he's
fighting. Okay. So I conjure. I kind of try to
be subtle. Sneaky about it. I go sideways. I
go profile. That'll do it. Thank God it's a side
scroller and they can only see from the side.
And I'll cast a basically Oscar, but big eyelashes
and long hair. It's a girl hobgoblin. A Bugs
Bunny Oscar. Yeah, exactly. To try and freak
it out and protect Salt somewhat. All right,
cool. We get around to him and he comes out of
his stun. We'll see how that works. And the next
time I'll use all of my combat spells. Yeah.
Speaking of combat spells, Edgewater. Edgewater
is completely, she is in the fencing moment.
So she is really calm and just whipping that
chain around. So she's going to throw it again.
Just whipping it, whipping it good. Whipping
it, whipping it good. Is that what they call
it nowadays? 18 on the die. Oh, yeah, that hits.
That's only seven points of damage. Oh, it is
on its last legs. Yeah, okay. Action surge. Fighters.
That's a 19 on the die again. Oh, fuck, yeah.
Ten points of damage. No, eight points of damage.
It is so beautiful, so majestic, but it falls
to humanity. Edgewater, with a blinding flurry
of whip sword blows ends this octaguar, somehow
avoiding you in the process, which, you know,
hey, bonus. So hot. So hot. All right, that is
one down. Salt. Oh, wait, no, God, sorry. I keep
looking at the octaguar I'm applying damage to
and then just going to the next person in line.
Oh, it's the octaguar who is facing you, who
is now like, oh, my face. He's still stunned.
Yeah, he's stunned until the end of Ruby's turn,
which her being at the end of the initiative
kind of sucks. Good stuff. The other octoguar
is going to... Fiona and LeFroy make a run for
it because that's what they've been told to do
by their handlers. Oh, I hope that doesn't trigger
that octoguar's chase reflexes. He is actually
going to chase after them and ignore Oscar entirely.
Yeah, that's what I thought. Oh, God. So he is
going to... Should have put the girl one over
there. He is going to make... Two attacks. Oh,
no. That's a six and a 14. So one will definitely
miss. And one will hit Fiona. Or it would. If.
Be still my goddamn heart. Lefroy didn't throw
himself in front of it. I'm devastated but I'm
so proud. He better not die. D6 plus four slashing
damage. Oh, my God. On a halfling. Oh, no. Come on,
buddy. five he's still up. He shoves Fiona out
of the way like into a shrub and gets knocked
and kind of rolls and then gets up and he's bleeding
from his back and he just reaches back and looks
at the blood on his hand looks over to Mr. Salt
just shaking. Oh, my God. And then looks at the
octaguar. He's a freak. Licks the blood. All
right. This is it. Go time. Yes! And he shakily
puts up his little fist. Oh, my God. And is just
like, this is what he's supposed to do. Oh, my
God. That precious little guy. Very small man
against a very uninjured octaguar. My boy. Ruby.
yeah um what I'm gonna do is... how far away am
I from that octoguar? I ran back 25 feet the last
turn am I within... am I within 60 feet? No, you're
not. Can I run forward a little bit, seeing that
happen? You can run forward 25 feet. I'm going
to run forward again 25 feet, and I am doing
this. I am screaming in terror, but for some
reason my body is carrying me forward, and I'm
going to cast Dissonant Whispers at that octaguar
at second level. So I need you to make a wisdom
saving throw. And Ruby is just screaming at the
top of her lungs. Wisdom saving throw, you say?
Yeah. 16? So what do you think about my dice?
Yeah. Our second nat one from the villains. Oh,
yeah. I like that. So this octaguar is going to
take 4D6 psychic damage and then needs to use
its reaction to run as far away from me as possible,
which I'm hoping looks like Lefroy is making...
is scaring the octaguar away because I'm screaming.
Six. 12 points of psychic damage. Okay. Incredible.
Interesting. And it does sort of just start to
bolt off into the distance. Awesome. Yes. Oh,
my God. I'm so scared. Nice. Ruby's screaming.
Has no idea what's going on. Maybe has a little
bit of a smile on her face. I don't know. No,
stop it. Yikes. I'm done. All right. We're back
up to the top with Sam. Gotcha. Yeah, I know
I've seen it run away. I think Samuel's so confused
by... it's weird. Like nothing it's doing is making
sense from what he's used to. How far away is
that one now from me? Okay, it had to use its
reaction to move its speed. So that was like
70. Okay, I'll look over at Salt. I feel pretty
confident he can handle that. And I'm just going
to movement dash and get in front of Lefroy.
Give him the, like, you did good, but this is
mine now, and I will stand now in front of Lefroy.
And I'll be smacking the branch on the floor,
like, trying to draw its attention with motion.
I'm just like, I'm your target if it comes back.
Okay. And it only had to spend its reaction.
It can return next round, right? It can, yeah.
Beadere is going to dust herself off, look
at you with a... we're not talking about this,
and is going to dash after it. And with her movement
and where she's coming from, she's going to be
able to get like five feet ahead of you. So there's
like another five feet to the octaguar. All right,
Salt, you're up. Cool. I think he was ready to
bolt out of there, but he sees Samuel and
Beadere. So I think he's going to try to just work
the one he's on and kind of take it out. I think
he is going to try to like... step around to the
side and kind of work it towards everybody so
he still has eyes on what's going on with Lefroy
and Fiona. And I'm going to attack it. That's
an 11. Ooh, that's not going to hit. Gotcha.
And do I need to have hit to use Flurry of Blows?
Nope. Or just make the attack? Nope, but you
also, just because you're a monk, you get to
make a bonus action unarmed attack. That would
be instead of Flurry of Blows, right? Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to burn my... I'll just do the one
extra attack. Yeah, I'll save my last ki points
just in case. So I'll make a second unarmed attack.
That's a 19. Oh, that's definitely going to hit.
Seven damage. Okay. Kind of step to the side,
hook it in the jaw, and try to start working
it towards everyone else. Yeah, it's really weird
because you've got one of the bodyguards who
is frothing at the mouth, and then the goliath
being like... No, no, it's a sweet science. Fist-
i-cuffs. I think he kind of steps in front of,
he doesn't think that it's Oscar, but it's so
like, he's not really looking at what's next to him.
He's like, excuse me, sir. Okay. I think I've
really turned the tide. Yeah, you have, definitely.
You're doing great. Speaking of, Mary. Thank
you. Hi. So is Sam within 30 feet of me? No,
he has run off. Who's within 30 feet of me? You
could probably get either Salt or Ruby. Ruby.
Or Edgewater. She hasn't gone and chased the
thing yet. I have a name. The octaguar,
Not Samuel, whose name it took me a second to
remember. That guy, that beefy guy over there.
I'm going to run up to Edgewater, clasp her on
the shoulders and say, we are cousin/friend,
adjacent, truly. Okay. You are crazy with this
whip sword and I love it. And I'm going to use
my sorcery points to regain a second level spell
slot and cast enhance ability. Oh. Which ability
are you enhancing? Whichever one you want, girl.
Yeah, which ones can I do? Dex would be the best.
Yeah. Dex? Yeah, it's all I cast, Dex. Say, keep
your center of gravity low and go crazy, okay?
Rules, propriety, get out of there. All right.
Dex, that's all we're doing. I've got this. You've
got this. I've got this. You've got to go crazy
on it, okay? I will. Full juice. Full juice.
Don't remember I said that. I slip into the shadows.
I don't understand. Regency romance. Full of
characters like Mary Smith. Absolutely. Okay,
so with this newly enhanced dexterity, Edgewater,
how are you feeling? What are you doing? Who
is close to me now? Am I closer to Salt or to
Samuel? Yes, you'd be closer to Salt. Samuel's
got this, so I'm going to run to help Salt. And
am I close enough to close? I have 30 feet. Yes.
Okay. And I'll just swing my whip sword. This
is not good. That's 10. No, you check swing because
there's a... dim -looking hobgoblin gentleman
just sort of standing there. Or actually, dim
-looking hobgoblin individual with fantastic
eyelashes and long hair. Really, really lush
eyelashes. Wow. I see this kid not react to a
flying sword come through and I was like, what
is his deal, man? What's wrong with you? All
right, that... He's helping. That... Octoguar
is going to use one attack on you and one attack
on the Dim Hobgoblin. Cool. You for a 15. Hits.
I assume that the Octoguars don't count as a
civilian? No. Okay, yes. So that's going to be
seven points of slashing, and the Dim Hobgoblin
automatically gets hit, but it just goes right
through. Whoa. It doesn't seem to be reacting
to the Dim Hobgoblin other than wasting an attack
on it and just being like... You know what? I'll
take it. Hey, that was good. That's great. The
other one is going to now turn around and go
after the more obvious threats of Beadere and
Samuel. Attack on Beadere. Ooh, yeah, that's
going to hit. And attack on Samuel. That's 19.
Yeah, that'll definitely hit. All right, so you're
taking five points of slashing. Beadere is taking...
Ten points of slashing reduced to five. Yes,
girl. She's hot. She is very hot. And bothered.
Good. And Ruby. I am going to see Edgewater running
towards the octaguar with Mr. Salt, and I'm going
to scream, Edgewater, what are you doing? Stop!
And I'm going to hold out my hand, and I'm going
to cast Eldritch Blast. And a flurry of phantom
fans erupt from Ruby's hand spinning like force
blades. And that's an 18 to hit. Ooh, that'll
hit. Oh, that is nine points of force damage.
Yes! Cool. Okay, yeah. So, yeah, these things
are very beefy. The first one went down hard
because two fighters decided to open up a huge
can of whoop-ass on it. What? Speaking of, Samuel,
how you doing? Oh, great. It's my turn? Yeah. With
Beadere right there, is there a way I can maneuver
where we'd be flanking this octaguar? Yeah,
I would say make either an athletics or an acrobatics
because you're going to have to do some sort
of fancy footwork. Cool. Athletics, 16. Yeah,
you basically vault a small shrub and kind of
tuck and roll, and now you're behind it. Okay,
excellent. And then I'll take a swing at it with
advantage. 26. Oh, got you. All right. 11 points
of bludgeoning damage. Yep. And then I attacked
with improvised weapon. Bonus action to grapple
it. Oh, no. Nice. It ain't moving. Hopefully.
Bad kitty. 24. Yeah, it's a nine. So, no. You
basically, like, grab the back four legs in,
like, a modified, like, full Nelson. You're like,
no, no. So it's, like, desperately trying to
paw with its front legs, which gives Beadere advantage.
She's going to swing for the fences. Fuck. Yes.
Oh, no. Oh, Beadere. Beadere. Oh, no. Oh,
kiddo. Unleash the rage. Yeah. Ooh, that is 16
points of bludgeoning. Nice. 18 points of bludgeoning.
Yeah. Rage damage. Dope. Given the type of barbarian
she is, it did more. Cool. Yay. Oh, is that, does
she like call out? Yeah. Yeah. She's got a called
shot. That one. So cool. What a woman. Yeah,
she's real grumpy right now. Mr. Salt. I'm going
to keep chipping away at this one, especially
now that we've got some backup here. And Edgewater
fights at a bit of a range, right? You're not
like up on, oh, okay. I'm up in, right? You've
got reach, so you can do. Oh, I do have reach?
Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Okay. So far enough
that we couldn't flank with our position. No,
she can fight within five. No, sorry, that we
couldn't flank because she's further away. Yeah.
Okay, cool. Then I'll just take a couple swings.
That is a 15. That'll hit. And then I'll use
flurry of blows this time. That's a 20, twisted
20. Grand. And last one's just a 10. Okay, two
hits. That's eight damage. Okay. Oh, sorry, 10
damage. Hey, this one's starting to look real
rough. Starting? No, no, it is in bad shape.
Cool. He kind of looks over to see, make sure
that, see if he, he has made sure he has line
of sight on the other fight. He's kind of hoping
that they don't have great line of sight on him
because he's becoming aware that Beadere is
putting hers down much quicker than he is. He's
like, everyone, he's like, God. Damn it. She
hits like a truck though. Geez. Yeah. Mary. You
guys ready? I don't think so. Are you ready for
this? We're not. Are you ready for this heat?
No. So I feel like my talents are not at their
best on a battlefield. One might think. So I
would like to cast invisibility on myself. I
want to do some snooping. Nice. All right. I
want to see. Not just who's up in the mix, but
in particular, I want to maybe see if the Sparks
Pavilion or if there's anything because they
were... he was really stressed about getting stuff
ready in time. If there's anyone lurking about
near the cage or if that... if that pavilion is
nearby, then I'll check it. But if not, then
I'll just check kind of the perimeter of the
fight and who else might be kind of watching.
All right. Make an investigation. Check. How
did we do? Well, I got a one. I have expertise
in several things. So it would be a seven. And
I'm also invisible. Yeah, unfortunately. No one
saw that mistake. So I cast invisibility on myself
and I just kind of stand there like, what the
fuck is going on? There is an awful lot of, there's
just too much happening right now. Truly a lot
of commotion. Yeah, it is absolute bedlam. But
I look over at that hobgoblin that I created
with beautiful lashes and I think I've really
helped my acquaintances in this entanglement.
I feel good about myself. We move on. Edgewater.
Edgewater is going to start spinning the chain
in front of her. Then she's going to run at the
octaguar, jump on its back... I assume that's a
dex check, right? Some sort of acrobatics/dex
check? I think so. Yes, one might logically assume
that. Okay. So I have advantage then from enhanced
ability. Okay, so the 19 plus, I think it's just
two. Yeah, 21. Okay. To get onto its back, to
stand onto its back. And I want to whip it so
that it's slicing through its neck. in front
of me like a helicopter blade sideways and so
that it's slicing through the top of its neck.
Okay, cool. Roll an attack. 15. That'll hit.
Six points of damage. Not enough. No, it was
enough. I don't believe that nonsense worked.
Hell yeah. That's what you do with a chainsword.
Yeah. Obviously. Nonsense. Utter nonsense. I'm
courting her. Utter nonsense. Okay. Well, it
was his turn next. Oh, man. Now he can't do anything.
All right. So the other octaguar is going to
use a special attack on Beadere. Oh. And instead
of using its tentacles, it is going to spit.
Oh, it missed. It spits a glob of inky mucus,
and it goes long, and it does not, in fact, blind
Beadere. That would have just made her even madder.
That would have been cool, but it didn't work.
Ruby? Ruby has no idea what's going on. This
is complete madness. She is going to scream again,
and you all see her shadow, like the smile, the
mouth drops down a little bit, and there is a
scream, and there is the sound of what sounds
like breaking glass as she casts shatter just
so it hits the octaguar, the one surviving octaguar.
So it's a radius, so it will hit behind, and
it has to make a... Constitution saving throw,
16. Okay, so you've got Beadere in front
of it, and you've got Samuel behind it grappling
it. Oh, real. How exactly is that going to work?
That's a great question. I'm going to be honest,
friends. I don't know. I'm just going to... Can
I roll a d20 to see which one of them I hit?
Because I'm going to hit one of them. I'm casting
shatter. Nice. Is that okay? We're going to say...
Would Ruby have the wherewithal to see who...
looks less injured at this moment? Honestly,
the way Ruby has described her actions right
now, she's barely aware she's casting. So that's
a six. Okay. So you're going to roll and tell
me if you're even or odd, and if you're even,
you take it. Okay. Six. I'm sorry, my friend.
Make a constitution save. Honestly, quick question.
Is Shatter Thunder damage? It is... Yeah, hey, guess
what? Sapphire Dragonborns are resistant. Oh,
hell yeah! Perfect. Probably the best way this
could have worked out. And what kind of saving
throw, I'm sorry? Dex? Con. Oh, I'm proficient.
Not one. You got a lot going on over there. Yeah.
I'm kind of busy. So that's eight points of thunder
damage. Or four. All right, so really...
Oh, can I use a reaction? Sure. Can I Silvery Barbs
to Lord Drake? To try and save. To re-roll.
I need to go back and double check. I think somebody
has to succeed on a roll to trigger Silvery Barbs.
It has to be against an enemy and then you change
that advantage to a friend. Nice thought, though.
If I could help, I would. Good looking out. So,
Samuel, you just got rattled slightly. God, this
thing's acting so strange. I don't know what
attack that was just now. D4 because I have it
in my grapple. Punch in the face for three damage.
Abdomen. Oh, yeah. They got so many appendages
going on. They must have another face. It's not
that kind of stream. Oh, no. The actual swing
is only an 11. Oh, that's going to miss. Yeah.
Can I assess how injured Beadere is looking at the
opposite end of this thing? Oh, she looks actually
pretty okay. Okay, then I'll just continue to
maintain my grapple. I mean, she's taking a little
damage, but she's a professional bodyguard. Yeah.
Cool. They take a little damage. That's my turn.
Okay. Beadere here is going to lay into... Oh,
I'm so sorry. We're flanking. I had advantage.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 22 to hit. That will hit.
Ten points of bludgeoning damage. That's changing
some numbers right now. And flanking with advantage.
Beadere is going to go ham. Oh, boy. Beadere.
Beadere. With advantage. Beadere. Oh. Salt
feels better. Oh, man. She really peaks and valleys.
Yeah, she either hits like a truck or just could
not hit the broadside of a barn. And that brings
us around to, actually, there is going to be
one more attack that is going to be kind of an
every other turn. Please tell me it's Lefroy.
It's Lefroy. Lefroy hits for four damage. He
has, no, he doesn't kill him. He doesn't kill
him. He brings him real... he actually has assessed
the situation, looks down, picks up a stone,
and then wings it. With just like absolute precision,
catches it right in the eye. My David. And he's
reaching down, picking up another stone, and
checking it for heft. Awesome. Oh, yeah. And
that is Salt. Am I close enough to close on
that one? 40 feet? Yes. Cool. Yeah, I'm going
to run in and lay in two hits with this. Two
attacks on it. And you would be flanking with...
Oh, sweet. With Lefroy? No. Oh. That would be
beautiful. That would be hilarious. No, you'd
be flanking with Samuel. With Sam. Cool. All
right. So for the first attack, that's a 22.
That'll hit. 22. And then for the bonus unarmed
attack, that's an 18. Both of them hit. So I
think he runs over and kind of slides under the
missing braid of Beadere and slides in with
the punch underneath. Oh, yeah. For 2d6 plus
6. That's 16 damage. Nice. And it is gone. Yeah.
Yes. That was perfect. All right. Cool. So that
closes that up. Beadere kind of... Well, I
might have to rethink some things. I think we
all... Yeah, he kind of looks around and goes,
I think we all did all right there. Yes. I will
say, Mr. Lefroy, fine shot. Fine shot. Miss Fiona,
I do believe it's time for us to get back home.
Mr. Salt? Miss Sweetly? Mr. Lefroy. Come along.
And she just sort of straightens herself up and
flips her battle braid around behind her. He
pulls back to get out of the way of it as it
whips around. And retrieves Fiona from the shrubbery.
And she turns around and gives a very nervous
little wave to Lefroy. And he waves back and
is like, oh. As he lifts his arm, there's a little
extra trickle down his back. And he's like, oh,
Mr. Thalt, it's really thtings. Come with me this
way, my boy. I'll see to it. Oh, oh, this is
not. Being heroic is not really as much fun as
it looks like in the story. It's fun later. Don't
worry. Oh, I don't. Can I skip this part later?
I don't like this. You're going to be okay, my
little lord. And I kind of usher him away. Oh,
don't pat on the back. My deepest apologies.
We kind of walk off and I'll have my healer's
kit and I'll just start like wiping down, like
disinfecting the wound. Oh, that's soothing,
actually. That's actually pretty nice. We're
going to have to tell mother and father about
this, aren't we? Absolutely. Maybe when I got
slapped across the back, maybe we leave that
part out. I think we can find a proper way to
tell your parents of your heroics without necessarily
getting either of us into too much trouble with
them. I will leave that to you, Mr. Salt. You
are more experienced in this sort of thing. Don't
worry about it. And I am so proud of you, my
little lord. Go get 'em! We fist bump, and as
we do, we both pull our hands back and shake
it from all the cuts and bruises. It is just
adorably dysfunctional. Okay, that is pretty
much going to bring the excitement. of the Carnival
of Progress to close. Is there anything anyone
wants to do sort of closing out the night before
we wrap the session and move to the next day?
I think Ruby's just in complete shock and is
running around going, Edgewater, you were great!
Edgewater would run over to Ruby and say, are
you all right? Yeah, I didn't know I could do
that. I knew I had magic, but I guess it was
more destructive than I thought. It was very
impressive how you used it, but I... Sort of
got the impression that you weren't really using
it. Yeah, I guess that. Were you okay inside
of there? Sorry, they were just scary. It was
a new experience. New experiences are fine, right?
Scary? Of course, new experiences are wonderful,
but... Was it just shooting out of you? Like,
accidentally? Or... No, I guess I had an intention
behind it. I knew I wanted to get the Octaguars
away and I wanted to kill them because they
were hurting my friends. Great. But. We should
maybe practice this a little. I will practice
it. We can do this. Great. Also. Yes. Does Lord
Drake know how good you are with a whip? What
do you mean? We can talk more about this later.
Samuel, how much damage did you take in this
last fight? I definitely got bloodied. Okay,
so if you need the numbers, I'm at 24 HP out
of 46. Okay. Salt, you took? I took 16 points
of damage. Okay. 16 out of 15. Nothing. Edgewater,
fine. Fine. Ruby, fine. Okay. So, Lord Samuel,
are you going to rejoin your promenade companion?
I think he's still kind of in survival mode and
still really shaken by what happened with Oscar.
And I think he's going more, again, back into
like old habits. And he's more like trying to
go into survival mode. He's like actual like
tracking and things like that. Not normal behavior.
Predators. Pheromones. Urine. And like thinking
of things like that would have...caused it to
interact strangely. And he would want to go investigate
the cages because they're not smart enough to
manipulate things. And while sharp claws, not
exactly the beefiest things that could just open
up a steel cage. All right. So as you're walking
back, make a perception check. Four. I am going
to say you do. Oh, hold on. Survival. Are you
proficient in survival? Yes. We're going to make
that a survival check instead. Sorry. Should
I keep the roll or re -roll? Re -roll it. I forgot
there were more applicable skills to what I was
asking for. Not much better, unfortunately. It's
only an eight. Okay. You definitely catch a scent
that you can't identify, that you haven't smelled
in a while. But exactly what it is, you're a
little fuzzy on. Yeah. Okay. As fuzzy as Dragonborn
can be. And then after failing to find anything,
of course, he's going to check back on Miss Clarence
and Miss Rhinelander, who was given quite the scare.
Looking over, does she look injured at all? There's
a lot of screaming. Oh, no, there's not a single
bit of damage. Lord Drake. He is Van Art clothing
ripped. Yes. Wow. Just like one shoulder and
pec completely exposed. Is Edgewater like soaked
in blood from the family? Probably, yeah. I can
imagine, yeah. Miss Rhinelander, no harm came
to you, I hope. Oh, no, I'm fine. Actually, you
know, now that I think about it, that was quite
exhilarating, actually. I've never been in a
fight before, so, you know. I hope you never
have to get used to it. Same here. I'm going
to take... Five steps back that way. You two
should talk. One, two, three, four, five. I turn
around to my side so I can keep one eye on to
watch because I'm curious. Lord Drake, do you
need help stitching any of that back together?
The clothing or my scales? Yes. I didn't realize
you were so trained. Oh, I'm not. Maybe you shouldn't
have me do it. Never mind. Really not. I still
appreciate the company. Yes. Oh, I'm happy to
be there. Um, have you seen Miss Smith? No, I'm
hoping... I'm hoping she fled with the rest.
I hope so, too, but she was there during the
fight. She ran up to me and said something about
juice, and then... I felt much more invigorated.
Does she have any unique gifts? Oh, that's a
good question. I hadn't thought of that, but
perhaps she does. Maybe from six months ago.
Probably from six months ago. Did I hear six
months ago? Something to think about. I'll be
going back to my manor and getting some rest.
You don't need to... I would love the walking
companion, but... I would love to accompany you.
I mean, if I could find Miss Smith, then we would
have a proper chaperone, but perhaps Lucas would
be happy to be a chaperone while I... Yes, and
with all due respect, maybe Miss Worley might
be able to accompany you for a bath. Oh. I don't
think I've ever had blood on me before. Perhaps
I should just go straight home. Whatever pleases
my lady. But also, bathing in your house. Oh
my god, I said that aloud. I have to go. Goodbye.
It was good to see you. Ruby, let's go. Alright.
Alright, and as a... parting note as you uh head
out to your respective homes to uh you know clean
up some wounds Edgewater as you're uh as you're
heading away you spot just out in a slight... you
know bunch of trees just slightly off the beaten
path... Horatio and Elena together speaking... well
well well... but Then you see Nigella just close
enough to be chaperoned. Oh, that's fine. All
right. And as you're walking by, she looks at
you and nods knowingly and looks back at them.
Good job. And she smiles at you. Insight check.
Might not be a bad time. 14 minus something,
I'm sure, yes. 13. You seem to have found someone
who really understands the rules. That's so good.
I'm so glad that my brother is marrying her.
Sweet little wave. She waves right back at you.
Excellent. Am I close enough in my invisibility
lurking behind to catch this and do my own insight
check? She's always following her best friend.
Because we're so close. Jesus Christ. That's
an 11. There are two of them. I hate all these
people. My God. Going home. All right. And with
that, I think we're going to close the day. And
we will pick up tomorrow as preparations are
being made for the masquerade party. That is
all for tonight and the octaguar jamboree. Oh,
man. All right. Thanks for listening, and we'll
catch everyone next time. Bye. What does Connor
Carson have to do with Mary's mother? Are Salt
and Beadere starting to come to some sort
of an understanding? Will the debacle with the
octaguars dampen enthusiasm for Samuel's upcoming
wild-themed ball? Will Ruby recover from her
recent haunting and settle into using her powers?
Will Edgewater and Nigella become sisters-in
-law, best friends, or something else? Who let
the octaguars out? Who, who, who? Who knows what
will happen on the next episode of Scandals and
Scavengers? Thank you for listening to Scandals
and Scavengers, a Post-Apocalyptic Regency Romance
with Daniel Began as Ruby Grace Rhinelander,
MattstheLast as Lord Samuel Drake, Johnny McElearney
as Second Lieutenant Immortan Salt, Emily Carmen
Welden as Mary Smith, Bo Powell as Edgewater
Clarence, and Evan Kelly as the Game Master.
Produced by Evan Kelly, Trope Warden, Bo Powell.
Hey, this is Daniel. Thanks for listening. If
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