You're listening to Twisted Tropes. Familiar
settings. Wild new tales. Now, on with the story.
Scandals and Scavengers. A post -apocalyptic
Regency romance. Episode 2. Dance cards and debuts.
Or small talk and big moves. Last time on Scandals
and Scavengers, we met our protagonists as they
prepared for the first event of the season, Lady
Southmere's Garden Party. Lord Samuel Drake,
a newcomer to Neobritannia from the Wildlands,
recently lost his husband, Lord Henry Drake,
Baron of Winchester, to a tragic accident and
also inherited his title. Miss Edgewater Clarence,
daughter of Clarence Container's owner, Lord
Albion Clarence, was readying herself to once
again be the ton's etiquette inspector. Miss
Mary Smith, the unwanted ward of Lord Edison
Sparks, chatted with her only friends, the housekeeper
Trudy and a mouse, while receiving a mysterious
package with a false bottom containing Hydra
Notes, the currency of Neo -Britannia. Second
Lieutenant Immortan Salt, valet for Mr. Lefroy
Seltzer, heir to the Viscountcy of Kingston,
readied his charge for his debut. And Miss Ruby
Grace Rhinelander, heir to the earldom of Oxford,
was interrupted while expressing her frustration
with being so appealing to her single peers.
She's got that booty. By a sudden clanging sound
which left their carriage lurching through the
final stretch to the party. Not a good look for
the family of the tons transportation mogul.
And now we return to Neo -Britannia and Lady
Southmere's garden party. Alrighty, so let's
determine which of our lovely nobles, or noble
adjacents, is going to arrive first. Let's just
do a nice even d6 roll, and we will go in descending
order. All right. So let's see what we got. Bo,
where's Edgewater at? One. Fashionably late.
That's right. Ruby? One. Right behind her. Samuel?
Five. A little too eager. Mary and the Sparks?
One. Everybody decided like 20 minutes. Exactly
20 minutes. And the seltzers and salt. A two.
Okay, fantastic. All right. Samuel, you do basically
have directions because you are not familiar
with this at all. And so you ride up to the Southmere
Estate. It is a... Fairly nice building. Now,
this is sort of in the greater city of New Britannia.
So it is it has got a large sort of expansive
back garden. It looks like it's kind of like
a block of brownstones that kind of crumbled
at some point and have been made into one large
thing. And then a blasted out lot behind them
became the garden and has been walled off and
cultivated and is actually quite pretty. So you
ride Maurice. up to the front where everyone
is being admitted, and an extraordinarily nervous
-looking footman takes the reins as you dismount.
Uh, who, uh, shall I have announced, my lord?
And is there any special instructions for your,
uh, uh, steed? Thank you. Your name, I'm sorry.
Wallace. Wallace. You can announce me as Lord
Drake, Baron of Winchester. And no, Maurice,
he's perfectly trained. And I will shoot a telepathic
message to Maurice as he's accustomed to and
just basically give to him the feeling of this
man can be trusted and just follow his directions.
There is a quick cock of the eyebrow for Maurice.
And he just sort of shrugs and pads off behind
Wallace. Wallace jots that down and hands it
to another footman. And you are announced. You're
not the first person here. Statistically, some
people would roll a six. Probably not me, but
hey, whatever. We all know how badly I roll.
Or if you don't, you're going to find out soon.
I really hope so. But it is fairly lively. There
is, of course, the Lady Southmere is holding
court sort of towards the center back of the
garden. There are a number of people in conversation
with her. She would appear to be about a middle
-aged dwarf. Never, like from the scuttlebutt
you've heard, never married, but always thinking
about it. There are probably about like 20 people.
milling about, and give me a charisma saving
throw. 16 plus 3, 19. Wow! You managed to cross
the threshold exactly with your announcement,
and sort of take the perfect beat as everyone
turns to look at you. Clearly, you have made
an impression. There are a number of people who
are starting to whisper to each other. You see...
More than a few interested glances of young gentlemen
and ladies alike. You don't feel like you're
walking into hostile territory. You definitely
get the impression that you are a person of great
interest. And I think just seizing on that opportunity,
given the role, when I notice eyes do turn toward
me, polite, but a little bit of a showboaty flip
of the fur coat and a slight bow to the room.
and i'll make my way in all right fantastic now
how much do you think henry told you about the
the various people that you'd be eventually interacting
with i i think probably the uh marquises would
be like so definitely the dukes uh i would have
gotten a briefing on marquises might have been
as uh marquess i'm so sorry If it's plural, is
it Marquises? Marquises, yeah. Marquises. The
Marquises. See, I don't even know how to pronounce
the title. No one does. This might be, as much
as I know, the head of the households at this
title level, and everything below that is going
to be learning on the spot. Okay, fantastic.
So given that, you do see a couple of folks.
Obviously in attendance, you recognize the only
half -orc you'd heard of, the Duchess Eugenia
Skullcrusher. And her husband Fitzroy are there
with both of their boys in attendance. Roland
was one of the eyebrows that raised appreciatively
upon your entrance. There is also the Marquess
Maxwell Knight, Lord of Manchester. Marchioness
Southmere, as she is the host. Marchioness Wolfe.
and her wife and son Horatio. They are in attendance
already. I thought you were going to say all
of them were interested. No, no, no, no, no.
Everybody's just like, oh yeah. The party, not
for Vest. It's working. And finally, very much
catching your eye because this is something you've
never seen before. The Marcus of Salem, Raleigh
Gearbox and his wife Cerise and their two children.
They are half Warforged, basically cyborgs. but
on the janky diesel punk end of the cyborg aesthetic.
Wait, janky diesel punk is there? I love that
guy. He's setting up his band. I can't believe
they got him. Will of South America. Gotta love
the metal bands, right? All right. So that is
that. There are a handful of other folks that
are there, but no one that you recognize by sight.
I think I'll make my way through casually, picking
up any hors d 'oeuvres or whatever's left out,
and then politely kind of wait my turn to address
Lady Southmere when she's not currently busy
socializing with other folks. Okay. As you make
your approach, conversation around Lady Southmere
sort of dies, and everyone sort of turns to you,
and Lady Southmere, as the hostess, Oh, you're
the new Lord Drake. I am so sorry to hear about
the loss of your late husband. He was known by
many and loved by all who knew him. I'll politely
bow. Lady Southmere, I thank you for those condolences.
Yes, there's no doubt. He was very much loved
and he will be missed. But also, thank you for
this invitation. I must say, a beautiful residence.
And I come bearing a gift for the lands that
my late husband marshaled in. And then I will
reach into a little pouch on my belt and then
a small little plastic shopping bag wrapped around.
But even inside of that, you can see shining
out of it a small crystal glowing with a faint
blue light. A sampling of what the lands of my
people produce. That's a blue diamond. It's actually
a cymac crystal. It is something that allows
the artifice equivalent of electronics to function.
They are rechargeable arcane batteries. Naturally
occurring. a resource to be exploited. Mmm, colonialism.
Yum, yum. All right, that got weird. All right,
so... Get out of here. I won't. So the Lady Sathner,
oh, this is lovely. You seem to be acclimating
quite well, quite well. And she kind of looks
at one of the other people in attendance with
almost a look that says, Told you so. Do I recognize
this figure that she's looking at? No, it's not
anyone of that rank that you would know. You're
not sure. Wait, does that mean they're not high
enough rank? They're not high enough rank for
him to know because he was briefed on. Well,
thank you. Do make yourself at home. I have a
sampling of the... labors of my workers and what
my area brings to the greater community. But
please, please, enjoy Mingle. You are one of
us now. With your leaf. And I will bow and make
my way to Mingle. Make a perception check. Fun,
fun, fun. It's always good when they laugh. Yeah,
that took a bad bounce from a 19 to a natural
one. No! You're feeling very good about your
presentation. Your entrance was great. You nailed
it with the hostess. Very well done. And now
you're turning and you don't have a purpose.
Like a defined purpose. And there is a moment
where... Everything kind of goes. And the entire
sensory overload hits where you're like, oh,
crap. I am now way out of my element. I was prepared
for up to here. Now I've got to wing it. And
everything gets like a little fuzzy around the
edges and your hearing kind of goes a little
wibbly wobbly. So if something were happening,
you probably missed it. But it's, yeah, I'd say
it's probably fine. So making your way over to
the refreshment table, there is a spread of hors
d 'oeuvres. And wow, Ms. Worley was right. They're
always so very tiny. Everything's so very, very
tiny. And it is very much dressed up. with stuff
on them. Yeah, it's all Triscuits. It is very
much like, oh, a little bit of bread with a little
bit of canned peaches or like beef jerky or like,
you know, it's basically like somebody was tasked
with how much space can you make this charcuterie
board take up? It's not bad, but it's all just
tiny and just overly presented. because the South
mirrors sort of pioneered a lot of food preservation
techniques, there's a lot of stuff that is like
very preservative, heavy, very salted. There
is a, there, there is like a, a sort of a weird
kind of like, if you knew what sushi was, it
would look like, like sections of like a sushi
roll. And with like some kind of like dark row
on the outside that we would all recognize as
a, Twinkie rolled in chocolate sprinkles. Honestly,
I'm back on board. You said bread with canned
peaches on it, and I was out. But Twinkie with
sprinkles on it, back on board. But presented
as if... In a fancy way. And they're like, oh,
it's not just Twinkies. There are some ho -hos
and ding -dongs. Somebody clearly found a...
Doomsday Prepper stash. Yeah, that shit lasts
forever. Lady Southmere is a wonderful hostess.
That's awful. This is making me so happy. Anyway,
you get a small plate. There's also a punch.
It looks like a juice of some sort, but a little
bit more watery. I don't know if you want to
try it. It might be tequila, not water. You don't
know. You know, as they do. And yeah, I'll take
a little sip. There are slices of a large fruit
floating in it. And you're taking a look at it.
And like, if this is the same fruit, the peel
kind of gradients from like green to like a very
yellowy orange back to green and the actual like
pulp of the fruit. is an aggressive neon green.
Sounds rad. Yeah, and the liquid itself is like
a yellowy green. Take a sip. Try to hide the
cough. Yeah, it's a lot. Your mouth is like,
oh, no. And also maybe not right after the like
heavily preserved like cheese whiz. Yeah. That
doesn't blend. And then I try to hide the flavor
with Twinkie dipped in sprinkles. It's just way
too sweet. Yeah. Your mouth is fighting a losing
battle right now. So round about then the seltzers
roll up and Ford comes to a halt. And just about
then he kind of goes. And there's like a little
of like a lightly. glowing green mist out of
his mouth and he comes to rest and you help the
uh kind of give an extra step for them to come
down so that he doesn't have to lower the carriage
in front of everyone excellent this is kind of
like a rehearsed thing you you are very good
at this all right so how would you like uh how
are you going to be guiding lefroy or are you
going to let him take point no i'll walk the
family to the to the front door i'll say hello
wallace good to see you And then Aslan was like,
all right, do you need anything else before I
let you go? And looked to the whole family. Wait,
so you're... I have to go... I'm going to be
doing this on my own? I'll be inside, but you
must enter on your own, little lord. Don't worry,
you've got this. I've got this. Okay. And I give
a little straightening of his collar. I cinch
up the top hat a little bit more. His ears are
doing that thing where they don't go into the
hat. They kind of bend down under the brim. And
they're halfling ears, so they're prodigious.
Not so much pointy, but just they're very exaggerated.
And then, yeah, I'll just watch them enter. And
then I suppose make my way to servant's entrance
or a help's entrance if there's another way for
me to. There is sort of like a perimeter you
can kind of like watch from. So the lady Pilar
Seltzer and her husband Pierre are announced
and introducing young Mr. Lefroy Seltzer. And
he walks in and very proudly. Puts down the walking
stick and, like, strikes a pose. And there is,
like, a little, like, not laughter, but there's
kind of, like, a, huh. Like, a few, like, little.
Can I give a scan to see if anyone, particularly,
like, the children, the people participating
in the mart, if anyone reacts particularly positively?
Yeah, give me a, throw me an insight. 14. 14.
The thing is, there are a good amount of people
here, but there is at least one person who has
a warm reaction to Lefroy's honestly slightly
outlandish entrance. He has a lot to take in
with this look. It is young Svirfneblin Lady
Fiona Blightwind. She's not lady yet. She's Miss
Fiona Blightwind. But that warm reception is
cut. Short as someone steps in front of her.
A severely dressed tiefling who makes pointed
eye contact with you. Does he smile? She doesn't
smile. She is rumored to never smile. Ms. Sweetly
puts a hand on her charge's shoulder and leans
down and whispers something. looking at you.
And then just stands and retreats just a step
and a half behind her. And Fiona sort of shakes
her head a little and blushes and casts her eyes
down, but does take a quick look back to Lefroy.
You're not sure what was said, but you're getting
the vibe that maybe some cold water was thrown
on that. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yes, yes, be
a dear sweetly. Your... Opposite in every way.
Opposite and equal, it is rumored. Yes. Fiona
is valid. Yes. This is Fiona's first year at
the Mart as well? Yes. She has just made her
debut. You probably missed her by maybe 15 minutes.
Be a Deer is as protective of Fiona as you are
of Lefroy. Cool. And has a reputation for being
unforgiving. She is a tall, thin, tiefling, light
lavender skin. short stubby horns with tiny little
brass caps. Cool. And her hair is pulled back
into the... heightest French braid you have ever
seen, and it trails all the way down her back
and ends in a spike. You don't need plastic surgery
if you can pull the braid back that tight. Literally,
like, she probably can't smile because literally
it would stay there. It is severe. But, yeah,
so she looks at you, and there is no warmth there.
I think once she kind of turns away, seeing how
put together she is, out of out of eyesight,
he takes one of his gloves off, spits into his
hand quickly and runs it through his quickly
to try to slick it just a little bit and then
puts his glove back on and readjusts himself.
Excellent. Fantastic. So the B's reputation for
severity, that's with others or with Fiona as
well? With others. Okay, yeah, yeah. And, you
know, if you wanted to get more specifics about
that, you could ask around. But she's almost
as feared as you are. Cool. So LeFroy is kind
of like walking down, and he's like basically
trailing his parents for the time being. He's
not really striking out on his own right now.
But, you know, we'll see. We'll see. Am I able
to, so I'm on a perimeter? Am I able to kind
of enter the garden? You can enter, but it is
a, you know, you stay hanging back. You don't
enter into conversation unless you are summoned,
but you can stay near your charge. Gotcha. Also
to make sure they don't wander off unchaperoned.
At any point do I wind up near, and would I recognize
Samuel? Oh. yes you have heard you don't recognize
samuel because you've never met but you did hear
about your old friend getting married okay then
if at any point in following you know two and
two and two you know he's showed up as bright
blue dragonborn in the military regalia well
bright blue dragonborn carrying his ceremonial
saber and also with his last name you're like
You're not a Rhodes Scholar, but you can put
that together. Yeah. If I make if at any point
I wind up near Samuel and it wouldn't cause too
much or wouldn't have to cross too many conversations,
I would go up and introduce myself. That can
easily be done, especially because you guys are
here relatively relatively. Well, actually, no,
you're a two. So you've got a lot of people around
here, but you can you can make your way around.
Nobody is really starting conversation with Samuel.
You're being observed. Gotcha. Then I'll make
my way over and introduce myself and kind of
come up. I'll give in recognition or, you know,
kind of see the reeling. I'll give the traditional
military greeting. I will tuck my hand or my
head into my right elbow and extend my left arm.
Yeah. Oh, boy. As is proper. Oh, my God. You
must be the new Lord Drake. Yes, I am. Sorry,
first, please, I don't hold any military rank.
That was my late husband. I do appreciate the
gesture. Of course, I just came to pass on my
condolences. Captain Drake was a friend of mine,
and I was very sorry to hear of his passing.
Oh, well, thank you for your condolences, and
my condolences to you as well. Thank you. Your
name, I'm sorry? I'm Immortan Salt. I'm here
with the, and he kind of looks around and gestures
towards, with the Seltzer family. Yes, I just
saw their introduction. With, in... I'm the valet
for the young Lord Lefroy. strapping young man.
He certainly is. Perhaps, well, not really having
any conversation now. Would you care to join
me? Of course, and happy to be on hand. I know
these things can be quite intimidating, so if
there's ever a name or anything you need, be
certain to call on me. You are a lifesaver. And
if I caught you in time, I would avoid the punch.
No, you're far too late for that. But I appreciate
the gesture. It was all the same. I think just
general small talk, but mostly just my husband
didn't have a lot of time to tell me about all
of his past. So I would really appreciate if
we just talked about what was he like in his
younger days when you knew him and things like
that. I think I'll kind of give some standout
stories of Henry Ganey's younger days when I
first met him and just kind of rise a few of
his particularly gallant adventures and try to
talk up the man as much as I can. And I'll match
you the same, and I'll talk about how the first
time I met him was on the battlefield, and then
during negotiations, and both the striking figure
on and off the battlefield. And just, I think,
catch myself a little bit where I'm getting a
little too caught up in the memory of it, and
kind of remember my place. I think if I kind
of clock that, I'll reach over and grab us two
cups of the punch, and at that, offer a toast
to the late Captain Drake. You're not going to
make me drink that, are you? I think it's only
proper. Welcome to New Cortana. Cheers. Is this
alcoholic punch? No, it's not. It is the horrible
demon bastard offspring of lemonade. Are there
boozy drinks here? No, this is a garden party.
It is going to be... For now, especially because
there are people just coming out, it is mostly
just the punch. Lovely. And now, the Festival
of Ones arrive. Hooray! Woo! Here we go. All
right, so I'm going to say that we're going to
have the Sparks arrive first. All right. Because
they were coming from relatively close by and
did not have carriage trouble. Nope. Excuse you.
The Sparks are announced. Introducing Viscount
Edison, Viscount Fairfield, Lord Edison Sparks,
and the Lady Marguerite, and Mr. Sparks, Miss
Sparks, and Miss Maddie, as well as Miss Mary
Smith. You are and also. Yeah, I am used to being
and also I it's like a toss up. I think sometimes,
especially at more informal parties, I'm usually
not introduced. People know who I am because
I'm with the Sparks, but it kind of helps maintain
because I do look sort of like I could be related
to them. But it's a way of reminding everyone
that I'm not I'm not exactly in the family. Yeah.
And the thing is, most of the people who have
been introduced, and this is something that Samuel
would notice having gotten there fairly early,
the families are introduced, any of the young
folks who are making their debut are introduced,
and then the families proceed down the stairs
and into the party. In this instance, the family
proceeds down the stairs before the introduction
of Mary is even complete and just sort of go
on without her. Yeah, I don't pause. I don't
wait for it either. I just keep going. Yeah.
I go straight for the punch. And it's not even
alcoholic! Oh my god. That's sad. Very sad. There's
a bit of a cluster around the punch bowl. I'll
go for the punch because I need something to
hold on to for the party. And I'll help myself
to a small glass and kind of... I'll take a look
around. I'll see... If I know anyone who's here
yet, not that I'm really trying to chit -chat,
but I'm going to do kind of like a circuit around
that perimeter of the party. Yeah, I mean, there
are a lot of familiar faces. You don't see your
quasi -cousin. Thank God. She's not here yet.
And yeah, it's only missing a few of the regulars.
Is there anything, anyone particularly you'd
want to look for or you're just kind of moving
to the periphery and lurking? Well, I think I
would be curious about Samuel and seeing that
there's a new person here, knowing also that
he's from an area that we're presumably we source
are the family sources, their material. from
uh it is going to be a a new uh a new possible
source yes oh a new possible source well it did
just get annexed like six months ago okay so
they're they're kind of working on on the deals
so i think i'm just curious about anyone new
anyone kind of who similarly to samuel is kind
of represents people from outside of our usual
circuit of society okay so you've got samuel
talking with you've probably seen uh mr salt
at a number of functions. So you have a lord
talking with effectively staff right now at a
social function in front of the punch bowl. Good
time as any. So I'm going to pour my punch really
slowly. So I was actually going to ask Evan.
I think just given the nature of that introduction,
I don't know if our eyes would meet. My eyes
would be on Mary Smith, and I would be asking
Mr. Salt, if you wouldn't mind, to kind of explain
what that situation is, given I have a thing
for looking out for the outsiders. I think, yeah,
as Mary walks over to punch one lean over, that's
Mary Smith, ward of the Sparks family, elder
to their children, but I don't know if you caught
the introduction, not necessarily the warmest
household, although I'm sure the Lady Sparks
will tell you exactly what that situation is
and what it means to her. And he kind of leans
away. Just like a little like... I don't know
if I'm close enough to... I'm very good at eavesdropping
on people, so I feel like I probably hear that
explanation of my family dynamic. You probably
catch just about the... And I'm sure she'll tell
you. Yeah, I'm going to probably make eye contact
with you and then just like... full pivot and
just walk away from the punch bowl again well
just to make it even more awkward as you make
eye contact whether it be the social norm or
not he will give you a bow and then you just
pivot and walk away you just yep i'll pivot back
because i realized that he just bowed to me and
i'm like oh shit okay pivot back again i curtsy
and then i just kind of sidle sideways away I'm
like, oh, fuck, this is going badly already.
Because my goal in these is really to be in the
background. I'm not trying to be in the mix.
And that I just got clocked by someone who everyone's
watching has made me very nervous right away.
Yeah, actually, could all three of you make perception
checks? It's another natural one for my perception.
19. 17. Again, you're hitting the, you know,
everything's phasing out and it's just, well,
what's going? I thought I was doing a good thing.
Why is she being weird? And you're so focused
on what is going on with this interaction that
you are laser focused on this. Mary, you notice
that you're. I don't know what the opposite of
ward is. Your benefactor is currently making
a beeline towards the new Lord Drake. And, like,
he was already moving, but now he's moving quickly.
Oh, boy. Okay. Hey, Morton, you definitely see
that there are more than a few people watching
this and sort of... I think recognizing the attention,
he will quite loudly look to the new lord dragon
and go, if there's anything else I can help you
with, sir, I was happy to. You can find me wherever
and skedaddle out of there. Samuel even more
confused. The one nice guy just left me. As I
walk away, I try to whisper very carefully, you're
doing great. Gosh. Is this how your ward feels?
Immortan Salt, the hype man of hype man. Okay,
so that woof, woof, woof. Yeah, I'm going to
try to position myself somewhere. I'll try to
use my outside looking in talent that I have
in order to read lips so that I can, from a distance,
if Samuel and my benefactor are talking, I can
try to. glean what they're saying fantastic uh
so you're you're gonna sort of beat feet to the
perimeter as well yeah far enough away but close
enough that i can still maintain like a line
of sight okay now uh are you more concerned about
what samuel is saying or are you more concerned
about what your benefactor is saying because
seeing both ends of the conversation is going
to be tricky sure um i think that i'm gonna have
a good idea of what my benefactor might say or
not say So I think I'll try to watch Samuel.
Good to know. We're going to cut back there in
a second. Presenting the Lord Albion Clarence,
Mr. Clarence, Miss Clarence, and Mr. Alistair.
And the Clarences are introduced. Edgewater will
very regally descend the staircase into the garden.
Okay. And she will look around. And notice Mary
Smith. Oh, God. Across the room. Oh, my God.
I didn't have time to hide because of that awful,
just punch bowl interaction. Yeah, usually you,
you know, do the Homer Simpson back into the
hedge move. That's what I'm trying to do. This
is unfortunately not working out for me. See
me, like, standing. One third of me is behind
a vase. But I, you can see me very easily. So
Edgewater will approach Mary and say, Oh, good
afternoon, Miss Smith. It's wonderful to see
you again. My cousin's ward, of course. Many
times we've met. I must warn you that hiding
behind a vase definitely labels you as a wallflower.
people will not approach you if you're looking
for dances can I see your dance card no I haven't
gotten it yet do we do we pick those up at the
front or I actually am full of punch I can't
run quite yet Oh, boy. I didn't bring a coat.
And that must be why. Oh, that's why. Of course.
Of course. Come with me. I'll show you how to
get your dance card. Yes, of course. I swear
to God. And she will lead Mary Smith to the ballots
at the top of the stairs. We'll go right back
up the stairs. So we just came down to get her
dance card. Oh, well, you were going to see something.
Edgewater. I will destroy her. Okay, I'm going
to ask for insight checks from both Mary and
Edgewater as you are walking back through the
party up to the stairs. 16? 27, bitch. Yeah.
Yeah. Damn. I got eyes everywhere. It's fair.
Yeah, Mary's got an unpleasant energy. As unpleasant
as Edgewater is. She's got nothing on me. I mean,
so pleasant. Okay, so I would say what Edgewater
notices is people seem to be, sort of as you're
passing, seem to be like, conversations seem
to be starting. Just, you know, like people seem
to be like just turning into conversation. Of
course. That's because there's no alcohol at
this party. Don't remind me. I don't need to
count anyone's drinks. It's so freeing. I start
rummaging in one of my pockets because I'm pretty
sure I put a flask in one of them. What Mary
notices is Mary is not the only person who may
see Edgewater coming and be like, oh, God. And
people are doing the... Oh, God, please talk
to me. I don't want to talk to her. Can I make
desperate eye contact with somebody? Oh, no.
They are avoiding it. God damn it. It is the...
You're it. It is the, I'm real sorry you're in
the whirlpool. You aren't pulling me in. Because,
yeah, she's a lot. Yeah, yeah. Okay. But yeah,
you get your dance cards. Oh, great. And that
is all said. Can't wait to fill this up. All
right. That's very good. But what you must remember
is that one person can only put their name on
twice. No more than twice. That would be quite
improper. Thank God you told me because I'm sure
otherwise. Yeah. Someone would have been on here
five times. Can you imagine? No. No. I wouldn't
either. Yeah. Okay. Do you need to sit down?
I think perhaps I might need to. Do you want
the rest of this punch? It's foul and I don't
want it anymore. Absolutely. There you go. There
she is. There she is. Okay. There she is. And
introducing the Earl of Oxford, Lord Richard
Gregory Rhinelander and Ms. Rhinelander. Oh,
Ruby. And she twirls at the top of the stairs.
And she hits the button in her parasol. Oh, hell
yeah. Pop. And opens. And she does a princess
wave at the top of the stairs. Oh, no. Oh, wow.
And she bows. Thank you, everyone. Thank you.
And I'm going to look around and see who has
eyes on me. Because I'm sure a lot of people
do. I do. Oh, hey, Edgewater. Hi, Ruby. Hey,
girl. I'm going to take this opportunity to skedaddle.
Make a stealth check. Okay. Ten. What is Edgewater's
passive perception? Twelve. You see her trying
to skedaddle. Oh, man. Have you met Ruby, my
best friend? Oh, I'm so sorry. Miss Rhinelander.
Oh, slip up. Whoops. Whoopsie. Uh -oh. Uh -oh.
I think you drank that punch too fast. Yeah.
I think you might be right. Thank you so much,
Miss Smith. You're so welcome. I have to go.
Yep. I'll be back. Okay. I will wait. Here. Bye.
I walk over as I see Edgewater running away.
Oh, is Edgewater okay? I think so, yeah. She's
good. All right. Yep. Hi there. I don't think
I've had the pleasure. Oh, yeah. Have we met?
I don't think so because Ruby is a lot and requires
a lot of Edgewater's energy. Yeah. And so...
The two of you probably haven't had a whole lot
of time to interact. Yes. I will curtsy and say
Mary Smith, ward of the Sparks family. And I
will put my hand out and I will go toss toss
with my hair. And I got Miss Ruby Ryan. I'll
kiss her hand, I guess. Thank you. I don't normally
do that, but OK. So how do you know Edgewater?
We are. uh her family is cousins with the adoptive
uh siblings oh i love it i i also have to say
i love the uh the vibe you've got going on here
with your outfit it's really thank you it's really
given um like uh yeah like you're you're trying
to be like a potato or something yeah i really
appreciate that you're like going down to your
roots yeah yes it's very rooty yeah um Thank
you so much. You're welcome. I love it. It's
imported. From where? Around. I'll look over
at Samuel and I'll be like, the Wildlands? It's
exotic? Oh, I love it. God, this party is going
so badly for me. Don't worry. I got you. I reach
into my purse and I pull out. a flask that i
filled up with liquor at the bar last night thank
you and i will slip it and i'll say here's a
little gift you i i i'm back i'm back on board
here okay absolutely um so what you know are
you excited for this season are you know are
you i don't know i saw quite a few eyes on you
oh my god thank you i i just You know, I hope
St. Linda has her eyes on me and is going to
help find me. Is going to help find me. You
know, I've been blessed and I've been engaged
twice before. That is so many blessings. So many
blessings. But, you know, I'm going to find a
true love match this time around. I mean, proposed
to. proposed to twice before yeah proposed to
twice before not yes oh so you weren't you didn't
say yes to those no sorry oh okay okay yeah that's
not that's yeah okay well yeah that's well you
truly a blessing from saint linda to be so beloved
by the ton thank you it was very nice you know
uh meeting you i i need to go uh say hello i
think one of my one one of the people who proposed
to me is here, so I should probably go and pay
my respects to their family. That's honestly
brutal and I love it. Great. I will see you around
because you're very interesting. Thank you. Yeah,
I'll see you around. I love it. Okay. I love
it. All right. Bye. I start to make my way into
the party. Just to clarify, you... Did you spike
her punch or did you give her the flask? I gave
her the flask. Okay. Good to know. I'll add it
to the flask I already have in my pocket. Pretty
soon you're going to be a lumpy mobile wet bar.
Two drinks. All right. Cool. This is fantastic.
All right. So now we're going to bounce back.
What's going on with Edgewater? What just happened
there? A faux pas. I made a faux pas. Edgewater.
It's all right. Everyone makes mistakes. That's
why you're here, after all. You can fix this.
Yes, yes, of course I can. Of course. It's all
right. Ruby is my friend, so of course I would
call her Ruby and not Miss Rhinelander. It was
a small mistake to call her Ruby in front of
Miss Smith. But it's fine because she's simply
a ward, not a titled person. And it will be an
easy mistake to smooth over. No one will have
noticed. It's fine. Deep breath. And out. And
back to the party. With that quasi -affirmation.
The whole time, is she like... Gollum and Smeagoling.
Yes, definitely. Mr. Salt. Yes. I would love
you to make a perception check for me. That is
a dirty 20. A twisted 20. A twisted 20. Terminology.
Fantastic. So you do manage to clock, even with
the increasing number of people here, you do
manage to clock the bobbing of a little top hat.
Just a little top hat bobbing through the crowd.
Approaching one Miss Edgewater Clarence. Oh,
okay. He seems to have a mission. This is what
was said that he was going to do. So he is now...
I didn't clock any of the Smeagol into that.
No, no, no. Okay. There was enough... That would
be a faux pas. Yeah, absolutely. It was more
of an eternal... I'm getting myself back together.
All right, fantastic. Good, good, good, good.
You wouldn't compound the error. Gotcha. I will
move. Are they? Okay, I guess there's like a
spread out. There's drinks. There's tables. Is
there like a dance floor? Is there a part of
this party that they're here? There is an area
where people are dancing. There is a very light
sort of quartet playing. Gotcha. Can I maybe
shuffle towards the like sticking to the perimeter,
kind of shuffle towards the back of the stage
or like up kind of towards the side of the stage
and see if I can catch one of the musicians attentions
and request a song that I have taught Lefroy
how to dance to a song that he knows. Absolutely.
Absolutely. Make a persuasion check. Sweet. 21.
Fantastic. Okay. So the quartet, in fact, does
shift over, and they start a lovely synthesizer,
kettle drum, ukulele, and upright bass. An electric
ukulele? Well, of course. Yeah, okay. Electric
ukulele and stand -up bass rendition of a song
you've coached LeFroy in dancing to. Gotcha.
I think I try to position myself where I can
see him and kind of start like... half doing
the steps. Oh my god, you're going to first grade
recital mom? Oh god, I'm like mouthing the words.
The ultimate dance mom. I love it. One, two,
three, four, one. Yeah, I'm counting the bob
of the top hat to see if he's keeping time.
So, there is a little...ahem Oh, oh, oh. Mr. LeFroy.
Yes, Miss Clarence, I would... Be honored if
I may have this next dance with you. Oh, of course.
Could you first sign my dance card? Absolutely.
And he has like the most ridiculously ornate
signature. Oh, that's quite lovely. Thank you.
I have been practicing. How old is this person?
He's like 18, but he has like been so sheltered.
Yeah. Incredible. She'll head out onto the dance
floor. Yeah, so we have an eladron and a halfling
dancing. And he is... Is he standing on her feet?
Yeah. It's all he knows because he's been practicing
with you. He doesn't even wait to be asked. He's
just like, this is how we do it. I have taught
him to lead from that position. Which is wild.
I can't imagine that Edgewater is not the one
leading in this situation. It is awkward. It
is awkward. That's so surprising. I do apologize,
Miss Clarence. Yes, typically one does not have
their hand that low, Mr. LeFroy. Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. And his hands just shoot straight up.
It is an awkward dance. It's not terrible. He
didn't go sub -10 on his performance, but it
wasn't great. It wasn't great. So, uh, Miss,
Miss Edwater, my, uh, I, I must say that my father
and I were, uh, discussing things yesterday,
and, uh, I, I, we, I wanted to say how much we
admire your cans. Oh. Oh, my God. Uh. Mr. LeFroy,
I think. Societal manners require that I slap
you across the face right now. Is this a good
time for that? I am sorry. Am I not supposed to discuss
business things? Oh, of course. We are in the
container business. Cans. Oh, dear. Okay. Yes.
Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Miss Clarence.
If I gave offense, I did not mean to. Nope. Nope,
of course not. That was perfectly fine. Oh, dear.
Okay. No, that was perfectly fine. The dance
mercifully ends. Thank goodness. I mean, have
a good evening, Mr. Lefroy. You as well. It
was a pleasure. Ruby? Oh. And from the sidelines,
you see two thumbs up to his face like, yes,
good job. Oh, I will. I'm nearby. And I will
say, oh, look at you, Edgewater, getting asked
to dance just as the party's getting started.
I'm so proud of you. Ruby, he asked about my cans.
Yeah, and your dad's. I mean, he of course meant,
yes, the business. Right. But I was at first very shocked,
of course. Why were you shocked? What do you
mean? Cans, like breasts. Oh. Oh, oh, all right.
No, no, no, that's not the proper response. It's
oh. Oh, all right. I'll practice that for next
time. But I'm just very proud of you now. What
we can do is go and get you to dance with some
other folks maybe as well. I don't have anyone
on my dance card as of yet. I don't know what
it is, Edgewater. Just like I talk and I see
these people and just none of them. Gets me going
in a way, like, I want to look at somebody and
I want to say, be able to say immediately, like,
that's the love of my life. Oh, of course. That's
what we all want, Ruby. How are you going to
find him? I don't know. Or her? I don't know.
I just want something different. I don't, I don't
know. Something that is like, I don't know, I
look at them and I'm like, wow, a love at first
sight, you know? But maybe that just doesn't
exist. I think they're out there. Well, are you
going to marry... Perhaps they're from the wild
lands. Oh, maybe. Are you going to marry LeFroy?
LeFroy? He asked about my cans. All right. All
right. Well, is there... Do you know anybody?
I'm here. I understand the family of the folks
that I was engaged to, Clarence Gearbox. That
was awkward. I know they're here. I should probably
talk to them at some point, but... Has anybody
else piqued your interest? Oh, yes. Well, I mean,
on normal occasions, several of the people would
have piqued my interest because they've gone
to the punch bowl more than twice. But as this
is an afternoon party, it's fine because the
drinks are non -alcoholic. Oh, joy. Oh, all right.
I'm going to look around, and I'm just going
to see if anybody is standing out to me. Can
I look around and see if there's anybody that
I don't know? Clearly, there is a new blue dragonborn
that no one has met. Currently, however, engaged
in conversation with the Viscount Sparks. Oh,
sure. Do you want me to introduce you? I mean,
I can certainly, I mean, because my uncle and
everything. Oh, yeah, sure. I don't know. Maybe.
It's nice to meet new people, I guess. Yeah,
sure. Let's do it. Yeah. All right. Uncle! All
right. I am going to rewind a little bit so we
can have the conversation that was about to happen
before that whole hijack occurred. I could have
been eavesdropping on. Uh, uh, yes, uh, uh, Lord,
Lord Drake, uh, uh, good, good to see you again,
uh, uh. Viscount Sparks, we've been in discussion
about exporting some of the psymac crystals. My
firm does quite a bit of work with them, and
so I wanted to make sure that we could get negotiations
open for bulk rates and whatnot, and get some
cash flowing into the new annexed lands. So,
yes, I do apologize for my ward. She is awkward
and, quite honestly, a bit of a wet blanket at
these sort of things. but one must do one's best
to try to expand her range of prospects. I do
hope she did not give offense. So because I saw
their introduction, I do know his title. So I
will, I think he was about to give a much more
formal bow to someone he knows is of a higher
stature. But then like, as that's continuing,
he just like, gives him a very curt, like just
the head bow. Lord Sparks. No, your ward was
very pleasant, in fact. In fact, I'll be looking
to have another conversation with her this evening.
Really, you shouldn't worry so much after her.
Trust me, there is no worry. Oh my god! I think
he can't help it. A little bit of the wildlands
comes out and the snort and a little bit of blue
thunderous flame just comes out of the snout.
Sorry, allergies. Yes, well, it's sort of the
season for them. Not used to the climate here.
Yes, well, I can imagine there are many things
that are so much new and different for you. How
are you getting on in settling in? Very well.
Thank you. But you did not come here for a small
talk. You wanted to talk business. Well, I just
wanted to open the channels. We shouldn't talk
business at a party. That's terribly gauche.
But I will call on you at some point so we can
discuss things in a more formal fashion. I look
forward to it and the potential for business
opportunities with such an esteemed family as
yours. Thank you. Do enjoy. We'll get back to
the business of mingling. I guess that's the
only business we can engage in here. Uncle! Ah,
yes, Edgewater, how are you this fine afternoon?
I'm quite well, thank you so much. It seems you
are talking to a new gentleman here at the party.
Yes, Lord Drake, may I present my niece, Miss
Edgewater Clarence. And her friend? Oh, Miss
Reinhardt. Rhinelander. That is quite the separation
in your garment. It was a bit of a distraction.
Oh, I didn't even notice. Oh, no. I didn't either.
Well, it's very good to meet you. I probably
have some safety pins on me somewhere. Miss Clarence,
Miss Rhinelander. It's very nice to meet you,
Lord Drake. um if you're holding out the hand
that um he will like think about it and he's
like yeah i think i'm supposed to do this will
take it and then give it a small just not a kiss
literally just like a touch. It is a challenge
as you are a fairly tall dragonborn and she
a little halfling. Yeah, my hand's all the
way up. You're like, it is a deep bend. Saber
just pointing towards the sky. So how are you
finding the party? Is this your first one? Yes,
at least, how should I say, in this environment.
Oh, well, are you enjoying it? yes um enjoyment
comes in many forms i do agree with that. Has
anybody placed their name on your dance card
yet Oh, you will have to forgive me if I forget
my etiquette. I believe I should be the one seeking
to place on others. Oh, don't worry. In this
court, anyone, it doesn't matter your gender
or none of that. Anyone can put their name on
your dance card as long as it's only two times
or less. Two times or fewer. Just remember that.
It's great to hear you're not as stuck-I'm glad
to see there's such progressive thoughts here.
Thank you. May I place my name on your card?
I would be honored. I sign it, and it's a little
bit too big for the lines. It bleeds over a little
bit. Thank you. Ah, yes, well, I am clearly not
needed here anymore, so I will... I'll come with
you, Uncle. All right, fantastic. So, until later,
Lord Drake. And he is going to wander away looking
for Mary. Oh, God. God, where would I be? I've
had upwards of three interactions already at
this party, which is too many for me. Far too
many. So I'm trying to really full wallflower
just like outskirts, like whatever kind of like
hangout spot where people who no one wants to
dance with are kind of like congregating, you
know, like real like. Right there between the
peony and the lily. Right there in that flower
arrangement. Do you see her? Wherever all the
flowers that you cut for funerals are. If you
were actively trying to avoid notice, then that
would probably call for a stealth roll. That's
a nat 20. Plus 8. I'm a ghost, baby. You do a
very good job finding a place that is not...
hiding necessarily but you are obscured by the
dance floor from like most of the high traffic
areas um oh dear that wasn't her that was lord
ashland hey sorry i don't look like that guy
at all um yeah i'm gonna need perception checks
from Samuel from Edgewater and from Immortan.
All right, Samuel. Eight. Edgewater. Nineteen.
Immortan. Eleven. Eleven. All right. So we'll
deal with the successful one. Edgewater, you
notice a few things. One, Alistair has found
himself a comfortable chair to sit with Lemonade
and his book. Of course. He has sort of removed
himself. As the youngest with the fewest prospects,
he doesn't feel like he really needs to try that
hard. And he doesn't want to try that hard. Gladstone,
however, is on the dance floor. And he seems
to have actually remembered some of your lessons.
He is doing a... I'm not going to say good, but
I will say proficient job in dancing with Nigella
Razorstorm. Nigella is the first daughter of
Yvonne Razorstorm, the Earl of Monroe. Nigella
is a strikingly beautiful drow woman and seems
to be actually very much enjoying her time with
Gladstone. Oh, I'm so proud of him. The song
comes to an end, and he bows properly. She gives
a sort of sweeping curtsy, and they part ways.
Well done, Gladstone! She says quietly off to
the side. He kind of shuffles off to the punch
bowl and is looking around. Seems to be looking
for you, but like... Oh, I'll go to Gladstone.
Well done! Wonderful dance. I didn't squish her
toes this time. Ah, brilliant. So all that practicing
seems to be working out. It paid off, yes, of
course. She's a very nice young lady. Yes, she
is. I've met her once before at one of the gatherings
last year. I'll take your word for it, it didn't
come up. I wonder why not. You know, we were
talking about, like, you know, what our families
did and, like, what kind of things we're interested
in. Of course. And she's, like, mighty pleasant
to talk to. What's she interested in? Well, her
family has a vineyard, and they're into, like,
making wines and stuff. And she's a big reader
of, like. Oh, very good. Yeah, and she paints.
Yeah. And she paints very prim, proper things.
I didn't ask about the subject because I didn't
want to start talking and showing the fact that
I don't know that much about painting. Yeah, of course.
That's smart. Yeah, it seems like we like some
of the same music and some of the same foods.
Wow. She was mighty agreeable. Gladstone, I'm
so excited for you. But I took your advice. We
only had two dances. Good, very good. But I think
I might try to look for on the Promenade tomorrow night. Excellent.
This is exactly how you caught a prospective
partner. I'm so proud of you, Gladstone. Golly,
I'm courting. Golly, I'm courting. Good for him.
You know, this is jolly idiot. He's the only
one here who deserves love. It's true. It's true.
You've lost track of LeFroy. He's tiny. Yeah,
he's tiny. And it is very, like, you know, even
with the hat, like, and people dancing, not great.
Yeah, again, there's just a lot happening here.
Just a lot happening. So Samuel is a little overtaxed.
Where is Ruby heading? I guess this is a question.
When I put my name on somebody's dance card,
does it happen right then or is it like a scheduled
time? You can have the next dance if you're the
top of the list or sequential dances. Subsequent.
That's the correct word. If, was I the first name
on your card? You were. Alright, then I think
I would still be with Samuel if that's alright.
Doing a dance. Well, that also explains why he
flubbed his perception check. Yeah, so I think
we're dancing. I suspect you have to pick me
up. I don't think I stand on your feet. I think
I put my hands up and I put my hands go in and
out making fists like I'm asking for uppies.
That's very romantic. So, quick question. Strength
-wise, how is Samuel looking? 18. Pretty strong.
And I will need a performance check from Samuel
because really you're doing the work. Can I see
them dancing? Oh, yes, because Samuel is fairly
tall and Ruby is attention -getting. 17. You
have practiced this. It is actually weirdly a
little easier than when you... used to dance
with Henry. You would trade off who led, but
you're not fighting against, like, you don't
have to match anyone else's movements. You literally
pick Ruby up and instead of putting your hand
on her waist, you create a bench with your arm
and hold your arm out rigid, fist down so you
are being a gentleman, and then proceed to waltz
her around. and you have the time to talk. So,
tell me, how did you get here? I've noticed that
this is your first party, your first time here,
so I'm just wondering what brings you... I was
going to say that's quite the loaded question.
Do you mean... What means of transportation did
they take here? I mean, I guess, I don't know
if you know, but my daddy is like the transportation
mogul around here. He kind of makes all the carriages
and all that stuff. Ah, yes. My driver, Roy,
he talks quite highly of the carriages your family
produces. Oh, well, thank you. We are pretty
well known around here, I will say. I've never
heard of you, so I'm just curious. Like, what's
your story? Well, I'm actually from a recently
annexed part of the Wildlands. Oh, all right.
Not too recently, but widowed. My former husband,
Henry, was the commanding officer of the Excursion
Force. Passed away tragically just about six
months ago. I'm so sorry. Did you say six months
ago? Yes. You are not going to believe this.
But six months ago, my magic powers woke up in
me. I'm sorry, you're going to have to explain
that. I'm not... magic powers? Well, yeah, you know
how some people are just magically gifted. About
six months ago, probably to the day of your husband
passing, maybe. I don't know. I'm making that
up. My magic powers. I just woke up one day and
was able to reach out and grab something from
across the room. Congratulations on the development.
That's quite recent. How are you adjusting? Oh,
I think I'm adjusting fine. And I'm going to
go and I'm going to cast Mage Hand towards the
closest table of the punch. And what you're going
to see is a porcelain doll hand extend out of
my hand and go and grab it and come and bring
it over to me. Luckily, it doesn't, like, leave
a tentacle, like, with a hand on the end, but,
like, it literally just appears out and, like,
just drifts away from her hand, grabs it, and
brings it right back, and then merges back with
her hand, and she's got the... Care for a sip?
Oh, my God. How did you make that dirty? Oh,
I didn't mean to. Ruby, Mary's not knowledgeable
about this. Mary's watching from across the room,
gobsmacked, just like... What the fuck is with
this halfling lady? Since you've done me the
honor of having this dance, I would... Oh, too
late. I was going to warn you about that punch.
Oh, is it bad? To my palate. I suppose you're
more used to it. I don't know. Maybe. I could
probably use some booze. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I
offend? No, I'm just... This is very different
than what I was coached on to expect. I know.
I'm a little different. As you can see, I'm a
lot different. Ooh. Ooh. Well, you know, I think
that is what well... Just to warn you, it might
fuel some rumors that we're dancing together.
You tell that after you sign my dance code? I'm
sorry. You didn't know. I should, there might
be some drama just because I have been engaged
twice before. So I just, I'm going to lead with
that. I did, they didn't break it off with me.
I broke it off with them. So you're good. Just
so you know, it's not like I'm the problem. I
take a long sip from the juice. I'm going to.
Oh, look, the song is ending, I think. Thank
you so much for this dance. I'll put you down
gently. Will give you a bow. The dance was a
pleasure, Miss Rhinelander. Curtsy. And I turn around
and I go and find my ex -fiance's family. Just
imagining that whole conversation. Plus you're
just sitting on his forearm chatting while he
dances for both of you. Incredible. I'm sorry.
Ruby's turning out to be a little bit of a worse
person than I realized. It's so crazy that your
husband tragically died. I have magic. Yeah.
At the same time. Do you want to see? We have
so much in common. Oh, my God. Well, while all
of that is happening, we're going to slink on
over to the wallflower corner. Yes. There is
a heavy sigh from beside Mary. Oh, God. Yeah,
this is another one of those things, huh? I look
over. You see Carlton. Carlton is an adopted
cousin from the other side of the family. Oh,
okay. So he is... So from Edgewaters. Family?
No, from the other side, from Marguerite's side.
Marguerite's side. Yes. Marguerite, her brother,
Connor, married, yes. Well, it was Connor Clayton.
It was Connor Clayton and Marguerite Clayton,
and so Marguerite's first son was named Clayton.
So the Earl of Ashland, Carson Carson, and his
husband, Connor Clayton, who is now Connor Carson,
and their son adopted Carlton Carson. Yeah, we'll
get that. I'm following. Yeah. Mary also is like,
oh, God, I can never remember this kid's name.
Yeah. No. C. Hey, C. Big C. Hey, M. I don't know
why. I have two flasks. Do you want one? I mean,
if dad's... I swear to God, if you tell anyone.
No, I'm not going to tell anyone. If dad's caught
me with that, it would be real trouble. They
keep pushing me to try to find someone and it
sucks. Yeah. This is... Why is this so dumb?
I feel like these rules don't make any sense.
Have you talked to Edgewater about that? Because
she could probably explain it to you. They are
literally pushing me towards her. She's single.
And so are you. Carlson, I swear to God. I'll
dropkick you, I swear to God. I'm just trying
to point out that that in and of itself is not
a uniquely qualifying characteristic. Fair enough,
fair enough. Sorry, I'm just in a mood today.
Today? Yeah, I had to talk to like four people.
You got off light. Lord Sparks is on one today.
Yeah, Uncle Edison is, he can get pretty wound
up. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. So what's going on with
you and your family? What's the usual? Oh, they're
just pushing. They think, oh, you know, I've
been out for three years. I should, you know,
settle down and find someone. I don't know. It's
just everyone's just a lot. Like, have you met
Edgewater's friend a lot? I just met her. And
I think she might be the most interesting person
at this party and not in a way where I really
understand or feel comfortable with it. There's
a lot going on there. Carlton. I shove the flask
back in my pocket. And you see Carlton just like
his posture just tenses and he winces. Yes, father.
And his father, not the noble, but Connor, Marguerite's
brother, comes up. We've been looking all over
for you. We have another very suitable match
that I would love you to meet. And, ah, you.
My lord? Carlton, come on. I thought we had discussed
this. Dad, we were just... I am not in the mood.
Come on. We have introductions to make. I make
a very sad curtsy. I'm already slinking backwards.
I'm abandoning this poor kid to his fate so fast.
You are lumpily throwing him under the bus? Yeah,
yeah. I try to make eye contact with him once
his dad turns around and be like, sorry. Sorry.
Dad is staring at you. Just. And as you make
your lumpy curtsy to extricate yourself, he just
is like, and turns with a swish of coattails
and tugs Carlton away. Bye. Make an insight check.
All right, 21. Ooh. There is a vitriol that your
status does not deserve. Is that a new reaction
from him, or does it feel different than normal?
He has always been very, very openly hostile
to you. Okay. You're not sure what the cause
is, but he clearly does not like you. does not
like the fact that you're in his sister's home
he doesn't like you so that is okay but yeah
it is um it is having a bit of a flare up right
now um um okay and they are the ashland yes carson
carson carson is the earl of ashland okay But
this is Connor Carson. Yes, this is Connor Carson,
nay, Connor Clayton. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm tracking
all of that and the difference between them.
So it says here that they have an architectural
firm. Yes. What kind of buildings? Do they make
buildings here in the city? Basically what their
firm, and they don't really do. They backed it
and they get all the profits, but they don't
do the actual work. They're landlords. It's not
so much they're landlords, but they are the owners
of the architectural firm. So you contract with
the firm and then they get money because you
contracted with the firm. So what their firm
specializes in is restoring and retrofitting
various pre -tearing buildings that are still
in suitable condition. to be converted into useful
business centers or homes aka the affle house
that would be the affle house the affle house
yes so that sort of thing so a project like converting
a block of brownstones into one you know large
functional mansion and then you know clearing
a lot that is something that would be in their
in their purview okay Oh, so for outside looking
in, I can choose one person of interest. Previously,
I had tried to read lips for my conversation.
I ended up not doing that. Can I pick Connor
as my person of interest and follow him for the
rest of the party? Absolutely. Excellent. Cool.
All righty. I'm going to need another perception
check from Samuel and Immortan. 14. All right.
Seven. Still a little shaken from that dance.
Yeah, honestly, after that dance. He's just kind
of staring at the dance card and just like, there's
going to be rumors. What the fuck just happened?
Yeah, so, Immortan. Yes. You notice a punch -sipping,
somewhat downtrodden -looking Liferoy. Oh. I
will. make my way over standing on the backside
of the table, like opposite the rest of the party,
between the table and the wall, and just kind
of make my way near towards him. He clocks you
very easily. Does he have a favorite food on
the buffet table? Oh, absolutely. Then on the
way down, I'll scoop one of those chocolate -wrapped
Twinkies, and as I come up, I will just kind
of slide it across the table and let him approach
as he sees fit. He comes over. Thank you, Mr.
Thalt. I want to keep your energy up for the
rest of the evening, young man. How do people
do thith all the time? Thith is hard. You're doing
such a good job. Oh, I don't think tho. I saw
you dancing. Yeah, that ended weird. I think
I screwed up. I think I wasn't supposed to talk
about business while dancing. But I wasn't really
talking about busineth. I was just saying that
we thought that they did good work. But it wath
bad. Oh, boy. It's okay. It's a learning experience.
And then, big old idiot. What happened, little
lord? stands up a little taller i was i was just
trying to get on miss Fiona's dance card and
big old jerk Oscar was talking with her and like
then her her you like got in the way and was
like uh she is she is currently occupied so try
back later I am just frustrated, but I am a strong
and independent young gentleman, and I shall
persevere. That's right, young sir. And when
we need to try back later, we try back later.
Absolutely. Can I straighten out his collar a
little bit? Do I know who this Oscar guy is?
What's his deal? What's the deal with Oscar?
Oscar. Oscar is the youngest son of the Baron
of Plymouth, Lady Ernestine Henson. He they're
a family of hobgoblins. Oh, cool. Sort of unique
in that. Not not a lot of folks like that around
in the in the nobility. They actually do a lot
of like the public. They kind of like manage
the public works. That's what they're they're
firm. They obviously they don't do it. But he
has two older sisters. They're all slightly of
different hue. OK. Evan Kelly. I don't I don't
I don't know what you're talking about. What?
Ernestine Henson and her husband Bertrand? Bert
and Ernie. Alma, Zoe, and Oscar? I don't know.
Yes, Oscar is a green hue. What would you say
his temperament is? Surly. One would say he's
surly. I mean, that's going a bit far. I'll kind
of look. Is the song that's currently playing,
is it like ending? Yes. Okay. In that case, I'm
going to kind of look over to the band, see what's
going down. And yeah, I'll give him a little
pep talk and say, I think it's time to get back
up on that horse and not the one waiting for
us in the lock. We don't ride Mr. Ford. We had
a conversation about that. I'll give him a pat
on the back and say, have at it. And I am going
to try to clock where Miss Sweetly is. Oh, she's
hanging back right behind Miss Fiona. And yeah,
Oscar is taking up quite a bit of time talking
with her. I would like to... Did you say there
was... I vaguely remember. Did you say there
was like whipped cheese, like canned cheese?
Oh yeah, there is. I would like to grab a little
bit of that. Is there anything else that has
any kind of low viscosity, easy spillage type
food on the table? Oh, absolutely. There are
little fruit cocktails in that horrifying syrup
water, whatever that is. Yeah, there's a lot
of that. I'm going to grab a few of those and
put it onto a medium -sized tray, and then I'm
going to try to walk across the room as if I'm
bringing it to a table, and I would like to attempt
to spill it on Beadere Sweetly. Oh, hell yeah.
I love this. Oh, damn. Okay. Just draw her attention
for a little bit. Okay. Cool. I also believe
I'm quite a bit taller than she is. Yeah, as
a tiefling, she stands about 5 '8". Okay. So
you're like... It won't be a full dump, but I
think there's good coverage there. Oh, yeah,
you're going to catch her. There's a pratfall,
yeah. Yeah, it's going to be bad. Okay, so I'll
let you choose. You can do performance or deception.
Ooh, okay. Whichever you like. They're the same.
Okay, I will make it a... I'll do a performance.
All right. 14. All right. Weirdly working on
your side for this is the fact that you are quite
a tall drink of water, and it is crowded, and
you are lanky. So you do manage to bedeck Miss
Sweetly in easy cheese and fruit cocktail. So
good. I can imagine it mixing and just automatically
curdling. Oh, God. Not good. As soon as there's
coverage, I get up and immediately start saying,
Oh, Miss Sweetly, oh my god, I am so, so sorry.
Let's get you cleaned up. Let's wash. I believe
the washroom's this way. What can I do? What
can I do to help? First off, you can get your
hands off me. Hands fly up. You know, Mr. Salt,
one would think that one of your reputation would
be a little less prone to such buffoonish antics.
But this is unseemly to be seen behind my young
miss, so I will take care of it. My sincerest
apologies, Miss Sweetly. Oh, yes, I'm sure. I'm
fucking positive. Yes, I love her. He gathers
up what he's dropped, and he looks at, I guess
it's Oscar, Fiona, and Lefroy says, you kids
have fun, and runs off the dance floor. You feel
her staring at you. She moves with an alacrity
that you would not have imagined. She is not
going to take any more time than absolutely necessary.
So LeFroy is going to make his move. Oh, hell
yeah. Come on. Oh, Lefroy. Oh, fuck, LeFroy.
Yeah. Can he have advantage? Yeah, you know what?
Yeah, he does not have to get through the barrier
of Sweetly. Wow! Hell yeah! That's a nat 20,
baby! Apparently, LeFroy has game. Yeah, he does.
So LeFroy, as soon as the clatter occurs and
Oscar looks... LeFroy sweeps in using the halfling
I can be in your space ability. And he's like,
ah, Miss Fiona, let's get away from all of this
ruckus. I seem to have some space on my dance
card if I may be so bold as to inquire if you
would enjoy a dance. And she sort of blushes
and signs the card and they move on to the floor.
And Oscar looks back and is like, meh, hey, no.
Incredible. With them off dancing, I assume having
covered a bit of my... I don't think I got out
of that one scot -free. I'll go to... Not with
a 14, my man. The same sink that Sweetly is
washing herself or cleaning herself off in and
just kind of just regular. You have to admit
they look like they're having fun. You bastard.
Are they going to make out right now? So not
only did you get me out of the way, but you left
your ward and my ward. Unchaperoned. Oh, oh,
oh. They're in the middle of the dance floor.
There's nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry
about. Nothing but a good time. What would you
know about that old man? We're like in the downstairs,
right? Yeah, you're in basically the servants...
You're still outside, but you're like around
behind a corner. What would you know about that
old man? He'll kind of wipe the last of it. Oh,
just a bit. We've both lived a life. And then
walks away. I'm so hot. Obsessed. You couldn't
keep up with half of mine. Oh, my God. As soon
as he spits in his hair, he wipes his hair back
again. She hauls ass past you. Actually, make
a, I will say, perception or insight. The same
for me. Okay. I'm just trying to clock your character
sheet really quickly. I'm going to say you can
use intelligence as your bonus instead of wisdom
for this one. Oh, cool. It doesn't matter which
one. I get different information. Okay. 16. You
hadn't spent a lot of time close to Beadere before,
but there are a few things you do notice as you
watch her pass you. Her skirt is not a singular
entity. It is like a... two wrapped pieces of
fabric. It is full length, but you feel like
if action were required, she would have enough
freedom of movement to be able to do whatever
was necessary. Action, whatever is necessary.
Keep up. Also, the very severe braid. It is long
enough and the end of it is heavy enough and
closed that you're pretty sure if something went
down, that would become a functional weapon.
You clock her as a potential threat. could be
physically dangerous if provoked. So hot. Absolutely.
Not that you'd ever provoke her. Right, right,
right. But, yeah. Yeah, that information clocks
and no sense of, I shouldn't have done that,
crosses his mind. There's no connection between
those two ideas. No rumor. The afternoon is wearing
on into the evening. The sun has gone down. The
Aurora Arcanum is out tonight. There is sort
of a Northern Lights -esque sort of just ripple
of magic that goes through the air some evenings.
And it happens to be going on tonight. And it's
actually a particularly strong occurrence because
you can see it in the sort of dusk twilight.
And usually it's only visible when you get later
and later into the evening towards like the midnight
1 a .m. It's usually the culmination to a...
like an evening ball uh if you know uh a if a
proposal happens under the aurora arcanum it's
supposedly you know fortuitous it's a it's a
big superstition but you know people enjoy it
we have gotten you know kind of close to the
end of of the evening ruby um where would you
be taking a rest oh oh oh no we have to we have
to recti- we have to we have to get through your
um really well thought out interaction with the,
oh boy, with the Gearboxes. Yeah, I think I would
just go up to them and I would curtsy and I would
say, good evening, Lord Gearbox. It's very good
to see you. I hope that you are having a great
evening. I have heard, and I'm going to try to
say this very loudly, and I'm going to say, with
all of them, I'm going to say, I heard Cornelius
had a great night tonight and I'm very pleased
to see him out and about with everyone. And I
look forward to seeing what comes this season
for him. Now, here's a question. Did at any point
in the evening you watch? No. Going in blind.
Lord Gearbox looks like he's about to say something
and Cornelius steps up. father i think it is
better if i speak with miss ruby this would be
a matter that does not need to be public if that
is what you want son ah miss ruby yes i am only
here as a formality i am not looking to engage
any other affections i am still adjusting to
the refusal of my proposal I understand your
perspective on the matter and I respect it. However,
I do ask that you respect my perspective and
allow me the time to adequately process my interpretation
of the events. I understand. Apologies. And I
will curtsy. None required. I bear you no ill
will. I understand that in the long run, it would
have been an untenable match. All right. I think
that hits Ruby a little harder than she thought
it would. And I will just, I'm going to turn
and I'm going to go and find somewhere. I think
I'm going to take a rest somewhere on the side
of the room. I'm going to find a seat and just
sit down. Okay. There's a little. As that happens,
because, you know, they are. It was not a hush
hush kind of situation. So you're taking a rest,
and there is a... I'm trying to find the correct
word. There is just a UGHHH and a thump as someone
sits down next to you. Do I recognize him? He's
a Viscount, or a Viscount rank, so I would say
probably. This is Ruben Weller. He is the youngest
son of the Viscount of Clayton, Clementine Weller,
and her wife, Nora. Sorry, Ruben and Ruby? There
are only so many letters in the world and so
many ways to put them together. He's a human.
I'll just make a quick perception check. You'd
have advantage on this because it is kind of
in your world. okay um perception um 19 minus
3 16 okay he has a uh a top coat that looks like
it was stitched together of heavy raincoats if
he had a cravat he's lost it his shirt is undone
a few more buttons then is absolutely decorous
and then there is the fact that he is he's looking
a touch tussled and he sits down and offers you
a a glass of lemonade or the lemonade The punch.
Yeah. Seriously. These things. Am I right? No.
Exhausting. Thank you for the punch. I appreciate
it. I mean, do you actually enjoy this? I don't
know. Sometimes I think I hope to, but I get
here and I'm just exhausted by the end of the
night, to be fully honest with you. It takes
a lot out of me. You've got to put a little bit
back in. And how do you suggest I do that? Want
to see a trick? Sure. He puts his hand over your
glass, and you see his other hand start to pump,
and you hear... Nope, nope, nope. Let me know
if you need that any stronger. Oh, and I'm going
to take a little whiff, and does it smell? A
little alcoholic. Oh, it smells a lot alcoholic.
Lovely. I'm going to take a big swig of it. Someone
who is less uptight. Thank the Lord. He puts
his hand over his and is like. Maybe we can get
through this. I think we might. Sorry. Where
are my manners? Ruben Weller. Ruby Grace
Rhinelander. Oh, I've heard. I've heard. You make
quite a splash. Quite the entrance. Well, thank
you. I try. I certainly try. And you succeed.
Thank you. I appreciate it. Is this your first
time out in... I took a little bit of a break.
I had to clean up a few affairs. I mean, not
that... Well, sort of. But I'm getting a second
chance. Oh, all right. So to speak. I'm getting
a third chance. Here's to as many chances as
it needs. Yeah, cheers. Oh, Lord. God, I wish
there was a card game here. I know. I wish there
was something. Do you play cards? More than my
dear mothers would appreciate. Oh, I also play
cards. I also love a good dice game, actually.
Oh. Huh. I... It would be impolite of me to bring
up certain things, but I know a couple folks
have some standing games. Well, you know, I would
appreciate maybe an invite to one of those games.
That sounds quite fun to me. We could always
use a breath of fresh air. And you, I believe,
Miss Reinhardt, would be a welcome breath of
fresh air. Well, thank you. Appreciate it. This
is a nice surprise. At least one nice surprise
can come out of a very dull evening. Seriously.
Although, I must say, that took more backbone
than I think anybody in this place has got. Going
up to your... That looked like it was rough.
It was. I guess I kind of deserved it. I don't
know. I guess... Hey, hey, you know what? Things
happen. If you can't be okay with things happening,
eh, life's hard. Cheers to that. All right. Well,
I better get going before one of my dear mothers
catches me over here or there will be hell to
pay. But it was great meeting you. And you'll
definitely be hearing from me. I like that. And,
you know, sometimes hell ain't so bad. Without
context, how can you tell what heaven is? What?
This man is toxic. Yes. And he raises a little.
Cheers. Cheers. Throws it back and, oh, can I
take that for you? Yes, please. And takes it
and he's off. She is a little flush and a little
caught off guard and I think accidentally hits
her flamethrower parasol and pops up. I'll just
sit there and I'll catch my breath for a moment
after that interaction. Oh dear. Oh no. Okay,
cool. Actually, I need you to make an insight
check. All right. Post, like after your parasol
goes off. How effectively can Ruby spot red flags?
Natural. That's a natural 20. Oh, thank God.
So good. Okay, so you get the weirdest sensation
for a second. It feels like you're using your
magic, but you're not. You know there's a particular
kind of light tingling in your shoulder when
you manifest your hand, and it's there, but you're...
You're not consciously doing anything, and you
don't see your hand. So, I don't know. You feel
tingly. Oh. All right. I like feeling tingly.
I think to myself, I don't say it out loud. All
right. And I just continue on and try to process
that. Okay. People start sort of meandering out
as it gets later and later. Oh, can I, keeping
an eye on, what's his name? Oh, Connor. I don't
necessarily need to like follow him for a long
time, but like maybe as the evening's wrapping
up and people are having their kind of like end
of the evening coat check kind of conversations.
Perception with advantage on him. Nice. Yeah.
Get this guy. I don't know why he hates me so
much, but now I hate him. 23. Confidently. Connor
and Edison are having words. Oh, of course they
are. Okay, great. All right, I'm going to, yeah,
I'm going to kind of pad over to, it's like shadowy
at this point. The lights are kind of going.
My fishnet layer, lumpy shape doesn't look very
gown -like really. So I'm just kind of like off
in the corner, slightly behind. You have an indistinct
silhouette. Yes, yes. I'm going to try and, Listen
to what they're talking about. You can't quite
get close enough to listen, but you can see Connor's
side of the conversation. I know that you did
what you had to do, but I'm telling you, stop
bringing her around. I could have taken care
of it. You know exactly. what i mean i still
could just don't get careless again and that's
his side of the conversation okay i'm gonna to
you know take note of that and um i think i have
in my in my pockets a small like little Like
a lady's sketch pad or something. And I'm sure
I have my own code or whatever, shorthand or
whatever. And I'm going to write his name and
what I heard of the conversation to look into
later. Excellent. All right. Carriages are being
summoned. And as people are filing out, there
is a crash. As Lord Richard collapses. And with
that, we close our evening here and we hope to
see everybody or I hope you're all listening
next time. What has happened to Lord Richard?
Will Lefroy's chances with Fiona suffer for Salt's
shenanigans? What did Mary do to earn Connor
Carson's ire? Will Edgewater ever recover from
the comment about her cans? Will Samuel still
be interested in a business deal with Edison
Sparks after seeing his treatment of Mary? What
juicy gossip will we hear next time on Scandals
and Scavengers? Thank you for listening to Scandals
and Scavengers, a post -apocalyptic Regency romance
with Daniel Began as Ruby Grace Rhinelander,
MattstheLast as Lord Samuel Drake, Johnny McElearney
as Second Lieutenant Immortan Salt, Emily Carmen
Weldon as Mary Smith, Bo Powell as Edgewater
Clarence, and Evan Kelly as the Game Master.
Produced by Evan Kelly, Trope Warden, Bo Powell.
Hey, this is Daniel. Thanks for listening. If
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