WEBVTT 00:00:00.780 --> 00:00:06.559 Wonderful troubles. Oh, what a week, Paris. It's 00:00:06.559 --> 00:00:09.320 nice to finally stay in one city, albeit not 00:00:09.320 --> 00:00:13.519 you, for more than 24 hours. My sore arms, from 00:00:13.519 --> 00:00:16.559 carrying a heavy tote from train to train, sorely 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.839 agree. I've been spending a lot of time with 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:22.920 different people too this week and, though it 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:26.300 still sucks my energy, it's nice to finally feel 00:00:26.300 --> 00:00:29.160 unaffected by others' chaotic noises worrying 00:00:29.160 --> 00:00:31.780 about things they cannot control while being 00:00:31.780 --> 00:00:33.820 indifferent about things they should actually 00:00:33.820 --> 00:00:36.640 do something about, like all the injustice done 00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:41.500 onto others, par exemple. I remain stubborn in 00:00:41.500 --> 00:00:44.880 my trust in everything good and my capacity to 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:49.460 make the best out of any circumstances. Circumstances 00:00:49.460 --> 00:00:52.979 have helped reveal myself to me, Paris. Even 00:00:52.979 --> 00:00:56.100 the ones I put myself into. Especially the ones 00:00:56.100 --> 00:01:00.179 I put myself into. Like breaking up with a French 00:01:00.179 --> 00:01:03.079 boyfriend while clearly my British passport needs 00:01:03.079 --> 00:01:06.519 a visa to even spend more than 90 days every 00:01:06.519 --> 00:01:10.739 180 days in Paris. Never mind the stages of grief 00:01:10.739 --> 00:01:15.019 and heartbreak I've had to navigate around. But 00:01:15.019 --> 00:01:19.620 spring is here now, Paris. And though times are 00:01:19.620 --> 00:01:23.640 uncertain, it's nice to finally know oneself 00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:27.180 so well without the urge to explain it to anyone 00:01:27.180 --> 00:01:31.459 else. To be hopeful, like the mirror across this 00:01:31.459 --> 00:01:35.560 bed, and unwavering, like the reflection of the 00:01:35.560 --> 00:01:39.760 flat sheet draping on the floor. There are better 00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:42.799 analogies, I'm sure, but... This is me making 00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:45.859 the best out of my circumstances, not being able 00:01:45.859 --> 00:01:48.359 to help myself but see the beauty of where I 00:01:48.359 --> 00:01:51.439 am, not wondering where I'll next be, knowing 00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:54.879 I am always in the right place at the right time. 00:01:55.980 --> 00:01:59.840 Also, did I say flat sheet? I must be a grown 00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:03.719 -up. And did I say dripping? No, I did not say 00:02:03.719 --> 00:02:08.840 that. Don't get ideas. In the mirror, I can see 00:02:08.840 --> 00:02:12.780 my hair is growing longer, and so is my patience 00:02:12.780 --> 00:02:15.340 with our current physical separation, Paris. 00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:18.879 (two weeks already!) for I know myself and the 00:02:18.879 --> 00:02:21.479 certainty of my desire to be with you in the 00:02:21.479 --> 00:02:26.159 best possible ways. There will be no 'by any means'. 00:02:26.419 --> 00:02:30.120 There will be no compromising myself for it only 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:34.099 feels good when my actions are aligned with my 00:02:34.099 --> 00:02:36.960 principles. Even with the illusion of hardships. 00:02:38.620 --> 00:02:42.060 I... want all the basic illusions about how one 00:02:42.060 --> 00:02:45.120 should live, or indeed how one should live happily 00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:48.860 in this world, to be exhausted. Like the guilt 00:02:48.860 --> 00:02:51.080 at night for not having produced anything worth 00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:53.919 selling that day. Like the tinge of self -pity 00:02:53.919 --> 00:02:56.419 for not being in a steady relationship. Like 00:02:56.419 --> 00:02:58.680 making money the goal instead of seeing it as 00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:01.360 one of the means to feel liberated. Like feeling 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:05.099 rich only when having instead of giving. Like 00:03:05.099 --> 00:03:09.599 the joy of being exclusive or making arts inaccessible 00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:14.039 to people. Oh, what a dreamer I am, even when 00:03:14.039 --> 00:03:19.259 I'm awake. Especially when I'm awake. Someone 00:03:19.259 --> 00:03:21.819 asks me recently what a good day looks like 00:03:21.819 --> 00:03:25.419 for me. And my answer is, I don't have a typical 00:03:25.419 --> 00:03:28.800 day. I could be running around the train stations 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.060 with a heavy tote bag on my sore arm and I'd 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:35.319 be having a good day. I could be terribly sketching 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:38.360 a postcard in a cafe. I could be cuddling my 00:03:38.360 --> 00:03:41.639 teenage daughter and her cat. I could be sitting 00:03:41.639 --> 00:03:44.840 in a theatre being inspired or unimpressed by 00:03:44.840 --> 00:03:47.699 a performance. I could be walking in the rain 00:03:47.699 --> 00:03:51.599 with tears on my face. Or I could be having a 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:55.000 picnic in a park with someone having a socialist 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:57.740 talk as a form of flirtation while sketching 00:03:57.740 --> 00:04:03.900 each other very badly. I'm rejoicing in this very 00:04:03.900 --> 00:04:08.599 hour of freedom, to breathe and to write my heart 00:04:08.599 --> 00:04:11.219 out from this warm barge on the river Thames 00:04:11.219 --> 00:04:14.400 under the Albert Bridge and to reach your ears 00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:17.199 and your heart's peripheries and make you feel 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:21.319 less alone, maybe even less afraid amidst the 00:04:21.319 --> 00:04:27.120 uncertainties of your life, of our life. I already 00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:30.680 said I'm a dreamer. And I know I'll rejoice in 00:04:30.680 --> 00:04:33.379 making my coffee and catching up with my chatty 00:04:33.379 --> 00:04:36.300 boat friend before deciding what wonderful troubles 00:04:36.300 --> 00:04:42.980 I'll get myself into after. londres, le 22 mars 00:04:42.980 --> 00:04:45.740 2026. je t 'embrasse!