WEBVTT 00:00:00.720 --> 00:00:06.559 Wonderful troubles. Oh, what a week, Paris. It's 00:00:06.559 --> 00:00:09.320 nice to finally stay in one city, albeit not 00:00:09.320 --> 00:00:13.500 you, for more than 24 hours. My sore arms, from 00:00:13.500 --> 00:00:16.559 carrying a heavy tote from train to train, sorely 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.839 agree. I've been spending a lot of time with 00:00:19.839 --> 00:00:22.920 different people, too, this week. And though it 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:26.300 still sucks my energy, it's nice to finally feel 00:00:26.300 --> 00:00:29.100 unaffected by others' chaotic noises worrying 00:00:29.100 --> 00:00:31.800 about things they cannot control while being 00:00:31.800 --> 00:00:33.820 indifferent about things they should actually 00:00:33.820 --> 00:00:36.640 do something about, like all the injustice done 00:00:36.640 --> 00:00:41.500 onto others, par exemple. I remain stubborn in 00:00:41.500 --> 00:00:44.880 my trust in everything good and my capacity to 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:49.460 make the best out of any circumstances. Circumstances 00:00:49.460 --> 00:00:52.979 have helped reveal myself to me, Paris. Even 00:00:52.979 --> 00:00:56.100 the ones I put myself into. Especially the ones 00:00:56.100 --> 00:01:00.179 I put myself into. Like breaking up with a French 00:01:00.179 --> 00:01:03.079 boyfriend while clearly my British passport needs 00:01:03.079 --> 00:01:06.540 a visa to even spend more than 90 days every 00:01:06.540 --> 00:01:10.739 180 days in Paris. Never mind the stages of grief 00:01:10.739 --> 00:01:15.019 and heartbreak I've had to navigate around. But 00:01:15.019 --> 00:01:19.620 spring is here now, Paris. And though times are 00:01:19.620 --> 00:01:23.640 uncertain, it's nice to finally know oneself 00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:27.180 so well without the urge to explain it to anyone 00:01:27.180 --> 00:01:31.459 else. To be hopeful, like the mirror across this 00:01:31.459 --> 00:01:35.560 bed, and unwavering, like the reflection of the 00:01:35.560 --> 00:01:39.760 flat sheet draping on the floor. There are better 00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:42.810 analogies, I'm sure, but... this is me making 00:01:42.810 --> 00:01:45.849 the best out of my circumstances, not being able 00:01:45.849 --> 00:01:48.329 to help myself but see the beauty of where I 00:01:48.329 --> 00:01:51.430 am, not wondering where I'll next be, knowing 00:01:51.430 --> 00:01:54.909 I am always in the right place at the right time. 00:01:55.989 --> 00:01:59.829 Also, did I say flat sheet? I must be a grown 00:01:59.829 --> 00:02:03.709 -up! And did I say dripping? No, I did not say 00:02:03.709 --> 00:02:08.830 that. Don't get ideas. In the mirror, I can see 00:02:08.830 --> 00:02:12.789 my hair is growing longer, and so is my patience 00:02:12.789 --> 00:02:15.349 with our current physical separation, Paris -- 00:02:15.610 --> 00:02:18.870 two weeks already -- for I know myself and the 00:02:18.870 --> 00:02:21.490 certainty of my desire to be with you in the 00:02:21.490 --> 00:02:26.189 best possible ways. There will be no 'by any means', 00:02:26.430 --> 00:02:29.729 there will be no compromising myself, for it 00:02:29.729 --> 00:02:33.789 only feels good when my actions are aligned with 00:02:33.789 --> 00:02:36.949 my principles, even with the illusion of hardships. 00:02:38.830 --> 00:02:42.050 I want all the basic illusions about how one 00:02:42.050 --> 00:02:45.110 should live, or indeed how one should live happily 00:02:45.110 --> 00:02:48.849 in this world, to be exhausted. Like the guilt 00:02:48.849 --> 00:02:51.069 at night for not having produced anything worth 00:02:51.069 --> 00:02:53.909 selling that day. Like the tinge of self-pity 00:02:53.909 --> 00:02:56.430 for not being in a steady relationship. Like 00:02:56.430 --> 00:02:58.669 making money the goal instead of seeing it as 00:02:58.669 --> 00:03:01.349 one of the means to feel liberated. Like feeling 00:03:01.349 --> 00:03:05.110 rich only when having instead of giving. Like 00:03:05.110 --> 00:03:09.580 the joy of being exclusive or making arts inaccessible 00:03:09.580 --> 00:03:14.039 to people. Oh, what a dreamer I am, even when 00:03:14.039 --> 00:03:19.280 I'm awake. Especially when I'm awake. Someone 00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:21.819 asked me recently what a good day looks like 00:03:21.819 --> 00:03:25.419 for me. And my answer is, I don't have a typical 00:03:25.419 --> 00:03:28.800 day. I could be running around the train stations 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:32.060 with a heavy tote bag on my sore arm and I'd 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:35.319 be having a good day; I could be terribly sketching 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:38.319 a postcard in a cafe; I could be cuddling my 00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:41.639 teenage daughter and her cat; I could be sitting 00:03:41.639 --> 00:03:44.819 in a theatre being inspired, or unimpressed, by 00:03:44.819 --> 00:03:47.699 a performance; I could be walking in the rain 00:03:47.699 --> 00:03:51.599 with tears on my face; or I could be having a 00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:55.039 picnic in a park with someone having a socialist 00:03:55.039 --> 00:03:57.740 talk as a form of flirtation while sketching 00:03:57.740 --> 00:04:03.889 each other very badly. I'm rejoicing in this very 00:04:03.889 --> 00:04:08.590 hour of freedom, to breathe and to write my heart 00:04:08.590 --> 00:04:11.250 out from this warm barge on the river Thames 00:04:11.250 --> 00:04:14.389 under the Albert Bridge and to reach your ears 00:04:14.389 --> 00:04:17.189 and your heart's peripheries and make you feel 00:04:17.189 --> 00:04:21.310 less alone, maybe even less afraid, amidst the 00:04:21.310 --> 00:04:27.110 uncertainties of your life, of our life. I already 00:04:27.110 --> 00:04:30.670 said I'm a dreamer, and I know I'll rejoice in 00:04:30.670 --> 00:04:33.370 making my coffee and catching up with my chatty 00:04:33.370 --> 00:04:36.310 boat friend before deciding what wonderful troubles 00:04:36.310 --> 00:04:42.910 I'll get myself into after. londres, le 22 mars 00:04:42.910 --> 00:04:45.750 2026. je t 'embrasse !