WEBVTT

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Like your river. Where are you taking me, Paris?

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Where is your overflowing river carrying my overflowing

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heart to? To the ones who have been staying in

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one place. How do I explain my journey? How do

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I comfort those who have been unlucky enough

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to settle down? Or are they the lucky ones? How

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am I content with all the discontentment of others

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projected onto my life through conversations

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and through their so-called love for me? As

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your Seine isn't tidal, Paris, so steady is my

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love for you, and so navigable for different vessels

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to travel through. She keeps changing, yet she

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stays the same. Except, perhaps, in continuous

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heavy rain, where she overflows and covers her

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surroundings more than people are used to see.

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My heart is learning from her, like Siddhartha

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learning from the old ferryman's river. How could

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I be discontent with a steady stream? Your river,

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Paris, she is deep and wide enough for vessels

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to travel. My heart is deep, and more so in continuous

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heavy rain, but has it been wide enough for vessels

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to travel? And is it safe enough for one to stay,

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especially when it is overflowing? My heart is

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learning from your Seine, Paris, and it must keep

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changing yet stay the same, except perhaps in

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continuous heavy rain, which makes it seem destructive

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to those unprepared just by being itself. Like

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your river, my heart must keep changing yet stay

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the same whether vessels travel through or whether

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they stay. In the last month I have managed to

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stay with you longer than I stayed with London

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and its tidal Thames. In any case, the pier master

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at Cadogan Pier anticipates my short stay by

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greeting me with "how long are you staying for?

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two hours?" whenever he's lucky enough to bump

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into my smiley face outside the weekends. He

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may have started to think that I'm either a spy

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or super rich, one of which must be true. Unlike

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the pier master, I anticipate my long stay within

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me. I've lost her before. She was sold and offered

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at auctions by those I trusted for gains I didn't

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enjoy. Never again, Paris. I got her back and

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that's why I feel super rich even if it looks

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like I've been losing probably a lot more than

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any responsible person could fathom or handle.

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She is fully mine and it is up to me to extend

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her to anyone as I please. For love and for the

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joy of love. This very season, my self keeps

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pouring back into me and that is why my heart

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is overflowing. My heart surroundings, including

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my entire body and nervous system. not used to

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this yet, are unprepared. But things will settle,

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Paris, as my heart finds channels to flow through,

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a vast ocean to flow into, continuously, not

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to settle down. And, inevitably, everyone, including

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my body and my nervous system, will get used

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to this steady stream. About a decade ago, my

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fellow poet Rahung introduced me to our film

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crew in Paris by saying, "Dina is the kind of

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person who would live even if you threw her into

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the river Seine". It was said on the verge of me

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getting so close to grabbing myself back from

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the hands of everyone but me, to walking out

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of my imprisonments. And I failed, Paris. And I

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thought it was because I couldn't swim. I didn't

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understand what my friend meant. I didn't see

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that I wasn't supposed to swim. I was supposed

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to flow, Paris. And I have been flowing. Though

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perhaps unbeknownst to me. And now that I know,

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Paris, and now that I accept, I am openly flowing.

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Ever changing. Ever the same. Like a river. Ni

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Paris, ni londres, le premier mars de 2026. je

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t 'embrasse sans cesse !