WEBVTT 00:00:01.480 --> 00:00:10.160 Quiet joy. It's quiet Paris. The rain is dancing 00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:14.060 lightly on the pier and on the deck and I feel 00:00:14.060 --> 00:00:18.500 as light. Ben, it's just getting heavier all 00:00:18.500 --> 00:00:26.940 of a sudden. Now it's tiptoeing again. Getting 00:00:26.940 --> 00:00:36.299 heavy again. Back to its lightness. You get the 00:00:36.299 --> 00:00:42.119 idea. Yet, all the same, it feels quiet in my 00:00:42.119 --> 00:00:46.740 world. First night sleeping on my neighbour's 00:00:46.740 --> 00:00:49.560 boat was a quiet success (chatty owner is still 00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:52.859 in India, that's why), except for when the record 00:00:52.859 --> 00:00:55.659 player decided to play my Bach vinyl on its own, 00:00:56.200 --> 00:00:59.399 ten minutes after Brandenburg Concerto No. 1 00:00:59.399 --> 00:01:02.460 in F Major, which was the last song on side 1, 00:01:02.810 --> 00:01:06.370 ended. For two seconds only, and only twice, 00:01:06.870 --> 00:01:09.469 while I was on a call with my crazy and talented 00:01:09.469 --> 00:01:13.530 classical improviser pianist friend Julien, quietly 00:01:13.530 --> 00:01:16.170 talking about fugue, which I'm quietly learning 00:01:16.170 --> 00:01:19.769 about, about his mahjong winning, and a few projects... 00:01:20.150 --> 00:01:24.370 Shh. Quiet. Before the posh spirit says hello 00:01:24.370 --> 00:01:30.250 again. Once again, I've made a new space into 00:01:30.250 --> 00:01:34.150 a home. With my personal belongings and arrangement. 00:01:34.829 --> 00:01:37.870 With minor leaks water supply and thermostat 00:01:37.870 --> 00:01:43.629 misbehaviour dealt with, quietly. I'm smiling Paris. 00:01:44.510 --> 00:01:48.530 That last sentence made me smile. The lemongrass 00:01:48.530 --> 00:01:51.370 scent coming out of the humidifier makes me smile. 00:01:52.370 --> 00:01:55.409 My feet are starting to feel chilly while I'm 00:01:55.409 --> 00:01:57.810 sitting on a chair cross -legged in front of 00:01:57.810 --> 00:02:00.659 a large freestanding mirror, thoroughly cleaned, 00:02:00.819 --> 00:02:04.159 with my computer on my lap, hence it's called a 00:02:04.159 --> 00:02:08.419 laptop, and I'm smiling because I have my oil 00:02:08.419 --> 00:02:11.199 -filled radiator in this room ready to be turned 00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:17.740 on, quietly. My adaptability, that helps me feel 00:02:17.740 --> 00:02:23.080 at home in a new space, makes me smile. I'm smiling 00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:26.250 at my... quietly sore legs from running three 00:02:26.250 --> 00:02:28.469 kilometers every single morning for the last 00:02:28.469 --> 00:02:31.629 five days. You'll understand that this is an 00:02:31.629 --> 00:02:33.969 achievement when I tell you that my set goal 00:02:33.969 --> 00:02:37.110 after starting about six weeks ago is still just 00:02:37.110 --> 00:02:40.770 five minutes. So that I am always sure I'll reach 00:02:40.770 --> 00:02:43.210 that goal when I step outside in my cute running 00:02:43.210 --> 00:02:46.590 gear. Well, the running gear is okay, but I'm 00:02:46.590 --> 00:02:50.150 cute. So that I get to hype myself up after five 00:02:50.150 --> 00:02:54.419 minutes. And that... almost always boosts my 00:02:54.419 --> 00:02:58.840 mood and motivates me to run longer. There are 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:01.680 days that I only run for five minutes, but they 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:04.840 are rare and they still make me feel great. It 00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:08.159 reinforces my belief that I can handle anything. 00:03:08.939 --> 00:03:14.099 All that bliss ahead of me. I haven't always 00:03:14.099 --> 00:03:17.120 been running first thing in the morning, after 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:20.060 the meditation, sometimes it's in the afternoon 00:03:20.060 --> 00:03:23.580 or in the evening, and I've been chill about 00:03:23.580 --> 00:03:28.680 it. My flexibility makes me smile. The meditation 00:03:28.680 --> 00:03:32.560 is getting quieter, without music, and longer, 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:36.919 closer to an hour again, and that makes me ache. 00:03:37.099 --> 00:03:40.479 Sorry, I meant smile, and slightly hornier than 00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:44.699 usual, actually, imagine that, shh...breathe... 00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:54.819 Writing is going well. Excuse me, writing is 00:03:54.819 --> 00:03:58.199 getting quietly exciting now as I have set a 00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:01.240 stage for scenes and conversations that quietly 00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:04.860 come to me as I calm my libido down. I mean, 00:04:04.900 --> 00:04:09.280 as I go about my day. Same, same. Sexual energy 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:12.439 and creative energy is one and the same. Right? 00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:16.220 Doesn't matter. Something is quietly flourishing 00:04:16.220 --> 00:04:21.790 inside of me and it is joyful. It is joyful when 00:04:21.790 --> 00:04:25.350 I'm cooking. It is joyful when I'm being spoiled 00:04:25.350 --> 00:04:29.089 by a restaurant. It is joyful when I'm making 00:04:29.089 --> 00:04:32.870 my own coffee. It is joyful when I pay just under 00:04:32.870 --> 00:04:36.990 five quid for a flat white. It is joyful when 00:04:36.990 --> 00:04:40.649 I'm running. It is joyful when I'm sitting still. 00:04:41.769 --> 00:04:45.829 It is joyful when I'm with my daughter or with 00:04:45.829 --> 00:04:49.189 my son who just quietly turned 21 this week. 00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:52.220 And it is joyful when I'm alone with myself. 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:57.720 It is joyful when someone says I look beautiful. 00:04:58.939 --> 00:05:01.879 It is joyful when someone takes their time to 00:05:01.879 --> 00:05:06.379 reply to my text. It is joyful when it's sunny. 00:05:07.339 --> 00:05:11.939 And it is even more joyful when it's raining. 00:05:12.579 --> 00:05:20.019 I'm rare, I know. Quietly, Paris, everything 00:05:20.019 --> 00:05:25.259 that I want is gaining momentum. Joyfully, Paris, 00:05:25.519 --> 00:05:29.779 I know that everything that I am is gaining momentum. 00:05:31.259 --> 00:05:36.220 Like clouds, as beautiful as ones I saw above 00:05:36.220 --> 00:05:40.259 Van Gogh's grave in Auvers -sur -Oise, gathering 00:05:40.259 --> 00:05:46.100 and getting thicker. When it rains, it pours 00:05:46.100 --> 00:05:53.860 well. or it drizzles like English rain, quietly, 00:05:54.079 --> 00:06:03.420 persistently, joyfully. Either way, Paris, I'm 00:06:03.420 --> 00:06:10.779 already wet. London, January 25, 1926.