I'm looking at you. I'm looking at you, Paris.
I've been walking with you through your jazz
nights and my solitary sleeps, your red sky and
your wet streets, and I've been running in the
dark every single morning except for today. Today
I went running around nine, for I came back from
a DJ set full of gen-Z's in Pigalle to my wonderfully
understanding hosts just before four. I'm looking
at you, Paris. Last Sunday I decided I wanted
you and myself too, and the consulate returned
my British passport two days after my document
submission, in time for my filming schedule in
Paris, which has to be done before Christmas,
with my first French long-stay visa on it. I'm
slightly sorry I had to test everyone like that,
but I'm guessing you wanted me too-- me and myself,
who I cannot lose over anything? I'm looking at
you, are we still seeing each other eye to eye?
Can you see that I have grown? I know now that
I'm not lost, that I have never been lost. I am
one who doesn't stop seeking--seeking my growth,
my expansion; I am one who doesn't stop becoming,
and what a heck of a person have I become! I'm
looking at you--have you grown with me, Paris?
Is that you allowing me to relax about not knowing
what I'm going to do or even where I'm going
to live come the new year? I'm here right now
and I'm practicing my art. I'm writing and I'm
acting again. I'm acting in Paris again. My daughter
can hardly cope with how cool her ibu is. Well,
maybe she can, but I still 'eat'. I'm looking at
you, Paris, and I'm satisfied with you the way
you are now, even though my seeking nature cannot
help but imagine a certain version of you in
my vision from where I am looking at you now.
I've been asked what happens when I'm finally
one with Paris. First of all, I've always been
one with Paris. I am Parisian partout. Secondly,
there will always be imagined Paris. For there
will never be a finished version of you. For
there will never be a finished version of me.
For as long as I live. I'm looking at you, Paris.
My pains have brought me to you. All the heartbreaks,
all the betrayals, all the deceptions, all the
losses, my childhood sufferings that have fuelled
my poetry and my immense love for this world
have brought me face to face with you. Now as
equals. Now two free entities who love themselves
and want to be with each other because they accept
each other's values and inspire growth in one
another. I'm looking at you, Paris. I'm surrounded
by music and by artists, whether here or in London,
where I'm going back to tonight. I expect it
will be the same wherever I go now. I'm surrounded
by the sure knowledge about myself. I'm looking
at you looking back at me, and I'm loving what
I see. Paris. Le 21 décembre 2025. Je t 'embrasse.