Reprise. Bonjour Paris. Today, I feel free. I
have been walking with myself for the last few
days and today, I walk like someone in love.
Little dances that I predicted last week have
been translated into something more profound
and more aligned with who I am, that is tears
of joy. For the past few days, I have been walking
with myself and trying to soothe her. But I know
now, she doesn't need soothing. She is always
there. She is everything that I have become.
And I just need to go where she is and walk with
her. With myself. Always. Focused. Deliberate.
Until it becomes automatic and still, I will
focus on deliberately walking with her, wearing
the same fabulous designer vibes on the same
ground or water--I'm living on a boat in Chelsea
for Charlie's sake. Who's Charlie? If I tripped
Paris, I want you to know that it wasn't the
kir royal, nor it was the old-fashioned. It
wasn't the cobblestone streets where my Parisian
home belongs. It was me, straying from her, from
our common ground, from everything that I want.
It was me being distracted by things I don't
want and trying so hard to turn them into everything
that I want. Today, I understand why it didn't
take long to feel this way again--free, in love
clear. If anything, it should have been instantaneous
once I reached her within. It's reaching her that
I, perhaps, was out of practice at. Only slightly,
fortunately. Now bring in the morning coffee! With
soy milk if you have, otherwise un double espresso ca marche merveilleusement!
I have been running every single day come rain
or shine for the last two days, and it's been
sunny every day, even exceeding my goals of five
minutes each time, woo -hoo, I have finally finished
translating all the poems in my old book published
over 20 years ago for bilingual re-publication,
and I realised that I had written down this path
with self a long time ago, yet I can only understand
it now. And I want you, Paris. I want her and
I want you too. And I know I can have tout! You
are part of what she's become: parisian partout.
I came back to you after years, over a year ago,
Paris. Just before I turned 40. I came back to
you with myself. I called it 'walking down the
old path with my new self'. I had left behind
everything and everyone that had pulled me away
from her over the years and I was so sure of
myself I wasn't looking for anything or anyone
else. I was free. Approaching 40 and it was the
first time that I felt that my life belonged
to me and me only. That my life was in my hands.
No. Closer. Closer than my neck veins, my life
was within me. I was in love with myself, with
all that I had become. I'm grateful to have been
exposed to things I don't want, that I felt a
strong push toward everything that I want, Paris.
That journey showed a further path that was still
in the dark before. A broader landscape that
I couldn't see this clearly before. A new vantage
point. That journey is done. And what a beautiful
one it was. Merci! Today, I feel free. I have
changed the logo for Imagined Paris and Imagined
Paris Podcast using an image of me in Paris from
October last year. with a cigarette in hand for
a cinematic effect, taken by an Indonesian friend
with my daughter's vintage digital camera for
an untouched effect. And this is me, succeeding
in making this, instead of a bi-weekly, a weekly
podcast. I am in love. And this time, it is unconditionally.
Let's try again, shall we? Qu'est-ce que ca veut dire?
C 'est une reprise. Je suis toujours là. Le 14
décembre 2025. Je t 'embrasse.