WEBVTT 00:00:05.900 --> 00:00:10.480 I'm still here, Paris. In wet London, imagining 00:00:10.480 --> 00:00:13.800 it'd be a different weather. Or at least a different 00:00:13.800 --> 00:00:21.179 wetness over there. What does it matter? Does 00:00:21.179 --> 00:00:25.899 the weather out there really matter? Well, only 00:00:25.899 --> 00:00:28.100 to the extent of how it affects the weather within 00:00:28.100 --> 00:00:32.179 me, I suppose. And I can get it under control 00:00:32.179 --> 00:00:37.060 when I'm not distracted. I've been distracted, 00:00:37.340 --> 00:00:42.039 Paris. By your beautiful buildings. By the good 00:00:42.039 --> 00:00:44.560 pastry that even someone who always prefers rice 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:47.740 over bread like me craves in the morning. By 00:00:47.740 --> 00:00:51.740 your arts. No arguments about that. By the people 00:00:51.740 --> 00:00:57.899 around me there. By Johnny. They all make me 00:00:57.899 --> 00:01:03.219 dream. Dream of you. Dream of being with you. 00:01:04.439 --> 00:01:07.879 I've dreamt so hard that it seems like I'd do 00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:12.719 whatever it takes to make it happen. But I won't. 00:01:14.359 --> 00:01:17.099 The weather within me has been messy and my body 00:01:17.099 --> 00:01:19.760 has been trying to tell me something isn't right. 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:24.200 The long-stay visa appointment is in three days, 00:01:24.620 --> 00:01:28.489 could it be that I just got cold feet? After 00:01:28.489 --> 00:01:30.810 all this hard work by myself, getting all the 00:01:30.810 --> 00:01:33.250 documents ready, the invitation letter printed 00:01:33.250 --> 00:01:35.689 and signed, albeit a few minutes before I left 00:01:35.689 --> 00:01:38.670 you yesterday, as if I needed another sign, and 00:01:38.670 --> 00:01:40.950 suddenly I just want to back off my Paris dream 00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:45.230 like a scared little kid? Don't worry, I investigated 00:01:45.230 --> 00:01:50.489 that for you. The answer is no. I am being brave, 00:01:50.629 --> 00:01:53.930 and I am taking full responsibility of our life 00:01:53.930 --> 00:01:57.629 together, Paris. Or at least of my own life. 00:01:58.430 --> 00:02:01.650 In fact, this visa business has nothing to do 00:02:01.650 --> 00:02:04.250 with you and me. I still have my British passport 00:02:04.250 --> 00:02:07.150 to go in and out of you for 90 days every 180 00:02:07.150 --> 00:02:10.430 days without a visa. I just have to bloody count. 00:02:12.530 --> 00:02:16.189 I'm just not ready to use a means that doesn't 00:02:16.189 --> 00:02:20.120 belong to me. Sure, anyone could offer you a 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:23.039 ride and you could pretend to agree with the 00:02:23.039 --> 00:02:25.139 driver, whatever they say, until you get to your 00:02:25.139 --> 00:02:29.360 destination. But a relationship isn't a ride. 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:37.479 And it isn't a ride I need. I can walk. At least 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:40.159 walking with myself, I know for sure I will always 00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:46.400 be in alignment. Broken I may be inside, but 00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:48.659 the truth and values holding all these pieces 00:02:48.659 --> 00:02:55.319 together will be intact. Broken but intact, I 00:02:55.319 --> 00:02:58.840 imagine myself walking along the Seine or some 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:02.860 unknown stream somewhere with a full-bodied 00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:05.919 smile from my heart to my face and perhaps a 00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:10.099 little dance every now and then too. Like someone 00:03:10.099 --> 00:03:16.419 in love. Like someone free. For I'll be one with 00:03:16.419 --> 00:03:23.419 clarity. No means, no dream is worth losing myself, 00:03:23.620 --> 00:03:29.939 Paris. Not even you. It would have been counter-productive 00:03:29.939 --> 00:03:32.580 to drop my values to be in a place that helped 00:03:32.580 --> 00:03:37.120 me forge these values many years ago, to drop 00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:42.169 myself to find myself. I'm sorry it's taken 00:03:42.169 --> 00:03:44.629 me so long to firmly decide when I already knew 00:03:44.629 --> 00:03:47.990 something was not right. I wanted to observe. 00:03:48.469 --> 00:03:51.849 I wanted to be sure. I didn't want to be quick 00:03:51.849 --> 00:03:57.509 to judge. And I've been distracted, Paris, by 00:03:57.509 --> 00:04:02.289 your beautiful facade, by your lights, by the 00:04:02.289 --> 00:04:09.400 weather outside. And I'm not dropping you. It's 00:04:09.400 --> 00:04:13.439 just time for me to look inside. As Jung said, 00:04:13.719 --> 00:04:19.480 "one who looks outside dreams, one who looks inside 00:04:19.480 --> 00:04:26.019 awakens". It is time for me to awaken and walk 00:04:26.019 --> 00:04:31.480 with my eyes open. Walk with your eyes open. Si jamais, t'as ton coeur. 00:04:38.829 --> 00:04:44.410 Le 7 décembre 2025. Je t 'embrasse fort.