WEBVTT 00:00:03.310 --> 00:00:08.189 Fading. I feel like I'm fading. Paris. So much 00:00:08.189 --> 00:00:15.550 to do. I don't want to do. And I miss you. A little. 00:00:15.550 --> 00:00:22.850 Too much. Too. I just want to be. With you. Or with 00:00:22.850 --> 00:00:27.989 the children. Right. This second. I don't want 00:00:27.989 --> 00:00:34.429 to be. On my own. Though I know. I must learn. To 00:00:34.429 --> 00:00:42.810 be. Comfortably. Again. As I have been. Trying. Since 00:00:42.810 --> 00:00:50.070 I was five. I almost lost. Everything. I recently 00:00:50.070 --> 00:00:56.429 built. Recently. And I was too hasty. To prepare 00:00:56.429 --> 00:01:01.609 myself for the worst and for the best. I had 00:01:01.609 --> 00:01:05.629 gone through all the scenarios. In my head. On 00:01:05.629 --> 00:01:09.709 my long walk. And I had come. To accept them. 00:01:10.930 --> 00:01:14.769 But little by little. And a little suddenly. 00:01:14.989 --> 00:01:23.709 Everything came back. To me. For me. As something 00:01:23.709 --> 00:01:28.170 real. Or something to believe in. Don't know for 00:01:28.170 --> 00:01:32.359 how long. But that's not unusual. And in the 00:01:32.359 --> 00:01:37.659 process. Everything. And everyone. I recently believed. 00:01:37.659 --> 00:01:44.859 And believed in. Had to be. Challenged. Forgive 00:01:44.859 --> 00:01:51.920 me. For being so vague. And hazy. I've been having 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:56.560 difficulty. Distinguishing reality. From all its 00:01:56.560 --> 00:02:02.049 opposites. My nightmares have gained. An immoderate 00:02:02.049 --> 00:02:08.590 amount. Of ammunition. My dreams have been. Fuelled. 00:02:08.590 --> 00:02:15.009 unsustainably. There is a strong pull. Toward 00:02:15.009 --> 00:02:20.389 the old. And the unknown. And it makes me feel. 00:02:20.389 --> 00:02:29.939 So unfamiliar. With where I am. A little bit lost. 00:02:30.939 --> 00:02:38.259 Wherever I am. A little. I feel like I'm fading, 00:02:38.259 --> 00:02:46.560 Paris. Gasping. For air. Gasping. For certainty. 00:02:47.620 --> 00:02:54.639 For my brave. scared. little. heart. Part of me 00:02:54.639 --> 00:02:59.770 thinks. I should have been relieved. By the so 00:02:59.770 --> 00:03:04.370 -called cancelled losses. The other part finds 00:03:04.370 --> 00:03:08.810 it tedious. Having to deal with. What I already. 00:03:08.990 --> 00:03:18.650 Albeit hastily. Let go. in my head. Again. If only. 00:03:18.650 --> 00:03:27.750 Emotions. Could be undone. It's like... you were 00:03:27.930 --> 00:03:31.289 told that someone couldn't pick you up. At your 00:03:31.289 --> 00:03:35.569 transit. And your clever little brain immediately 00:03:35.569 --> 00:03:39.990 took initiative and booked an expensive ticket. 00:03:39.990 --> 00:03:46.270 For the last train of the day. And now. That 00:03:46.270 --> 00:03:52.469 was done. You're told. They'll pick you up. Because 00:03:52.469 --> 00:03:58.259 their guest has left. Finally. Or some other 00:03:58.259 --> 00:04:03.819 silly reason. Should be good, right? Except the 00:04:03.819 --> 00:04:08.919 train ticket was expensive. Non-refundable. And 00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:12.659 non-exchangeable. And there is a possibility. 00:04:12.659 --> 00:04:18.519 The pickup you're hoping for. Might arrive. After 00:04:18.519 --> 00:04:25.220 the plan-B train. Has left. Your transit. It's 00:04:25.220 --> 00:04:30.560 like that. But it's not that. Is this the price? 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:37.399 You pay. For not choosing. To walk. In a previous 00:04:37.399 --> 00:04:42.339 scenario. Where the weather was rough. The road 00:04:42.339 --> 00:04:47.639 was dark. But the distance was short. Potentially 00:04:47.639 --> 00:04:53.879 short. And you said yes. To a fast drive. That 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:59.399 took you. to this transit. In the first place. 00:05:01.560 --> 00:05:05.439 I guess you just have to wait. A little longer. 00:05:05.439 --> 00:05:10.459 Now. Wait for everything. Wait for everyone else. 00:05:10.459 --> 00:05:15.680 To be ready. Or to leave. And there will always 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:22.459 be the next. Day. I guess. For anyone. Who can 00:05:22.459 --> 00:05:29.519 survive. The night. The wind out here is fading 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:40.360 me. I feel. A little. Uncomfortable. Paris. I hope. 00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:48.019 You don't. Feel. The same. Though I wish. You could 00:05:48.019 --> 00:05:54.639 sense it. A little. A little better. A little 00:05:54.639 --> 00:06:01.939 closer. To the source. Of the ache. Where it 00:06:01.939 --> 00:06:08.839 could be. Just you. Imagined you. And a little 00:06:08.839 --> 00:06:19.779 bit. Of me. The salvageable bit. Of her. Je vais 00:06:19.779 --> 00:06:26.699 bien. I'm going fine. The five year old. At the 00:06:26.699 --> 00:06:33.220 door. Learned. That everyone came back. in the 00:06:33.220 --> 00:06:41.860 end. In the end. A little later. Later. Than expected. 00:06:43.500 --> 00:06:48.019 "Shouldn't have cried. Too much." "Shouldn't have 00:06:48.019 --> 00:06:55.639 got exhausted." The bed was made. On the cold cement. 00:06:57.259 --> 00:07:06.360 You made it. Forgive me. For being. Incoherent. 00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:13.240 For my broken-up. Sentences. For my unbearable 00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:17.699 consistency. For my insufferable conviction. 00:07:19.779 --> 00:07:33.660 For the pain. I'm about to cause. All of it. Better still. Simply. Understand. 00:07:33.660 --> 00:07:44.180 A little. See me. A little. Here. And there. Every 00:07:44.180 --> 00:07:51.300 now. And then. With your imagined eyes. That never 00:07:51.300 --> 00:07:58.800 overlook. My mistakes. And faults. That never overlook. 00:07:59.819 --> 00:08:11.040 Your mistakes. And faults. Yet. Never. Change. Everyone. 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:21.480 Came back. In the end. To catch. The shadow. Of someone. 00:08:21.480 --> 00:08:36.980 Who used. To love. Them. Who was. Desperate. To be. Picked. Up. 00:08:38.259 --> 00:09:02.659 Don't. Pick me. Up. You are fading. Because. I am. In. The end. londres, 29th June 2025, je t'embrasse!