WEBVTT 00:00:00.940 --> 00:00:05.679 I have nothing, Paris. I have nothing to say 00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:11.220 to you. Nothing so personal anyway. In case you 00:00:11.220 --> 00:00:15.259 can't stomach it. In case I can't stomach it. 00:00:17.059 --> 00:00:19.600 700 words might be stretching it for nothing, 00:00:20.620 --> 00:00:24.719 or nothing so personal, even if I had been drinking, 00:00:24.899 --> 00:00:29.219 or if I was as in despair as yesterday, but the 00:00:29.219 --> 00:00:35.159 show must go on. Yes, the show: that I am glamorously 00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:37.479 and nonchalantly hopping on and off the train 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:40.460 between London and Paris (alphabetically ordered, 00:00:40.659 --> 00:00:44.140 not by priority) after lounging exclusively with 00:00:44.140 --> 00:00:46.979 my carte blanche pass, nurturing the part of 00:00:46.979 --> 00:00:49.979 me that I dislike the most - the self-loving 00:00:49.979 --> 00:00:52.979 part; having a lot of meaningful interactions 00:00:52.979 --> 00:00:55.840 with wonderful friends old and new, who allow 00:00:55.840 --> 00:00:58.299 me free and discounted access to shows and the 00:00:58.299 --> 00:01:01.649 Louvre; spending a decent amount of quality time 00:01:01.649 --> 00:01:05.189 with a Parisian beau (definitely new) who's granted 00:01:05.189 --> 00:01:07.609 me an annual pass to the Palais Grand et Petit, 00:01:07.650 --> 00:01:11.250 plus an unlimited access to his wardrobe and 00:01:11.250 --> 00:01:15.409 soul, hopefully indefinitely, and writing a supposedly- 00:01:15.409 --> 00:01:19.469 poetic and somewhat-witty memoir in the form 00:01:19.469 --> 00:01:22.689 of love letters, or just letters, in between. 00:01:24.139 --> 00:01:26.519 Ignore the hours where doubts and frustrations 00:01:26.519 --> 00:01:30.700 infect my mind and turn into muscle pain (I travel 00:01:30.700 --> 00:01:33.620 light, I swear; I no longer pack a Persian rug 00:01:33.819 --> 00:01:36.719 (witty, haha) or three different candles and three 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:39.640 different toiletry bags; I have myself to feel 00:01:39.640 --> 00:01:42.819 at home wherever I go now (witty again), along 00:01:42.819 --> 00:01:46.120 with La Mer essentials, a few outfit choices 00:01:46.120 --> 00:01:49.359 and at least four - favorite number - pairs of shoes. 00:01:50.760 --> 00:01:54.879 Ignore the tears. silent or not so silent, that 00:01:54.879 --> 00:01:57.079 most definitely come from places other than you, 00:01:57.140 --> 00:02:00.079 that come with me as a package whenever I set 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:05.319 foot, or land my noisy bisous, on you. Ignore my 00:02:05.319 --> 00:02:07.980 ignorance about where you're at in the minutes 00:02:07.980 --> 00:02:11.439 where I feel like I don't have you - please don't 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:14.580 say on the other side of my feelings, feelings 00:02:14.580 --> 00:02:17.830 are all I cling to at this moment, along with 00:02:17.830 --> 00:02:20.550 a couple of business ideas, none of which can 00:02:20.550 --> 00:02:23.729 currently satisfy my sense of grandeur or my 00:02:23.729 --> 00:02:32.969 extreme self-destruction. Tsk, lighten up now! 00:02:32.969 --> 00:02:36.789 Exactement. I have nothing to say. Nothing light 00:02:36.789 --> 00:02:41.360 anyway. And we're only halfway. How can I be 00:02:41.360 --> 00:02:43.500 light pretending I am somewhat reasonable and 00:02:43.500 --> 00:02:45.840 responsible enough to maintain half of my life 00:02:45.840 --> 00:02:48.759 away from you while knowing that I am so close 00:02:48.759 --> 00:02:51.199 to dropping everything I've known and built here 00:02:51.199 --> 00:02:54.180 for the sake of being with you fully, but that 00:02:54.180 --> 00:02:56.560 wouldn't be reasonable or responsible - would 00:02:56.560 --> 00:03:00.800 it? Do you even want to be with me fully, knowing 00:03:00.800 --> 00:03:04.099 how unlight I can be? Or am I only this heavy 00:03:04.099 --> 00:03:07.840 because I'm not there with you fully? Either 00:03:07.840 --> 00:03:10.919 way. How can I even breathe regularly knowing 00:03:10.919 --> 00:03:14.939 that my lung and my heart belong to your bohemian 00:03:14.939 --> 00:03:19.979 air? I'm not. You of all people know that I am 00:03:19.979 --> 00:03:23.199 a people pleaser. And you know I do it with pleasure. 00:03:24.020 --> 00:03:27.060 And I still want to please London, and I want 00:03:27.060 --> 00:03:28.860 to please you by maintaining your connection 00:03:28.860 --> 00:03:33.039 with it. But how to chill wherever I am is an 00:03:33.039 --> 00:03:37.020 art I haven't mastered yet. Wait, is that the 00:03:37.020 --> 00:03:40.710 goal? Is it so bad to feel so deeply - about you 00:03:40.710 --> 00:03:44.030 or otherwise, wherever I am? I'm not sure sometimes, 00:03:44.250 --> 00:03:46.930 and I can't help my faux-Parisian self at all 00:03:46.930 --> 00:03:49.710 times. Does it only hurt because I'm fighting 00:03:49.710 --> 00:03:52.860 it? The pain caused by my inability to see where 00:03:52.860 --> 00:03:55.280 I'm heading apart from you; by my expecting to 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:57.340 hold your hand while walking my own imagined 00:03:57.340 --> 00:04:00.199 funambule; by my failure to recognise that you 00:04:00.199 --> 00:04:03.460 have always been there for me through this exhaustingly 00:04:03.460 --> 00:04:06.400 winding road through my past, driven by my straight 00:04:06.400 --> 00:04:09.740 longing for an uncertain future (or the other 00:04:09.740 --> 00:04:12.500 way around - don't get confused), letting me walk 00:04:12.500 --> 00:04:17.220 or crawl at my own pace. Jacques Brel's Quand on n'a 00:04:17.220 --> 00:04:20.360 que l'amour is playing on repeat, in your voice, 00:04:20.620 --> 00:04:24.319 in my head, and I'm trying to live in the moment 00:04:24.319 --> 00:04:27.839 while forcing my destiny at every crossroads, 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:32.000 like the song suggests - my destiny to be with 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:37.980 you. I still have nothing, Paris, to offer you 00:04:37.980 --> 00:04:42.920 and to take me to you, but love - this intense, 00:04:43.079 --> 00:04:48.319 outrageous and extreme love. Whenever you'll 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:51.029 have me. Whenever I'm ready. ce n'est pas paris le 19 avril 2025 je t'embrasse!