WEBVTT 00:00:02.029 --> 00:00:07.269 I don't miss Paris. I don't miss you, Paris. 00:00:08.710 --> 00:00:11.910 London's quite all right. We have similar weather 00:00:11.910 --> 00:00:15.730 some days. I don't have to meet an artist for 00:00:15.730 --> 00:00:18.550 un double espresso at a coffee table outside 00:00:18.550 --> 00:00:21.910 in the sun by some charming petit arc for breakfast 00:00:21.910 --> 00:00:24.870 after midday and discuss how I feel about life 00:00:24.870 --> 00:00:28.620 currently, today, right this second. Or mumble 00:00:28.620 --> 00:00:31.440 to a friend without shame or guilt on an impulsive 00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:33.700 short tram journey to the suburb I do not have 00:00:33.700 --> 00:00:36.560 a valid ticket for to practice my French and 00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:38.880 to check out how the art of music is taught to 00:00:38.880 --> 00:00:41.859 the general public with a subsidy there: "I'm 00:00:41.859 --> 00:00:44.880 sure I'm in the right place right now", whatever 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:49.219 that means. There are hundreds of artisanal coffee 00:00:49.219 --> 00:00:52.539 shops in all shapes and forms all around here, 00:00:52.679 --> 00:00:55.920 mostly without a seating area. We don't make 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:57.859 a lot of money in this city for a chit -chat. 00:00:58.420 --> 00:01:01.159 And I can also just make my freshly ground Sumatran 00:01:01.159 --> 00:01:03.840 coffee, supplied by your family -run company 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:06.680 in Dorset, in my Dolce & Gabbana x Bialetti 00:01:06.680 --> 00:01:09.700 moka pot, and delay spending another five quid - 00:01:09.900 --> 00:01:12.700 oh oui, we are still more cher than you whatever 00:01:12.700 --> 00:01:16.019 you dites (I'm soutenue like that) - until 00:01:16.019 --> 00:01:18.799 the next ten minutes of my practical, as opposed 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:22.879 to my theoretical, existence. I don't miss you, 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:26.459 Paris. I can walk faster than I talk and I know 00:01:26.459 --> 00:01:29.400 how to queue or use an elevator. There's a lot 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:31.739 of those here. And why would I miss going out 00:01:31.739 --> 00:01:34.579 in the evening to an artsy venue, cabaret, open 00:01:34.579 --> 00:01:37.280 mic, themed house party, mostly within walking 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:40.120 distance, performed or hosted by friends or by 00:01:40.120 --> 00:01:42.340 soon-to-become-friends-after-je-dis-bonjour. 00:01:43.060 --> 00:01:46.900 We have endless shows in the West End--yep, endless, 00:01:47.359 --> 00:01:49.879 like those invites to l'after you throw at me 00:01:50.599 --> 00:01:52.920 (I'm good at saying no to anything these days, 00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:56.719 l'after all), and costly, like the historic steps 00:01:56.719 --> 00:01:59.040 and cobblestones in Montmartre my designer shoes 00:01:59.040 --> 00:02:03.219 never get a chance to complain about. I don't 00:02:03.219 --> 00:02:05.780 have to impulsively meet up with a new friend 00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:08.939 I can instantly connect on a soul level over 00:02:08.939 --> 00:02:12.000 a walk, a thrift tour, or an apero by the 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:14.620 Louvre, or any convenient place within 15 minutes 00:02:14.620 --> 00:02:17.909 of our current location. I can make an appointment 00:02:17.909 --> 00:02:21.449 to eventually lunch or brunch with a friend about 00:02:21.449 --> 00:02:23.689 two months in advance through going back and 00:02:23.689 --> 00:02:26.550 forth quite a few times in the city and even 00:02:26.550 --> 00:02:29.430 travel for over an hour on the tube each way while 00:02:29.430 --> 00:02:34.930 I'm at it. What - what is this achy feeling inside 00:02:34.930 --> 00:02:37.550 between my chest and my belly button anyway? 00:02:37.909 --> 00:02:40.969 Too many days (two!) without going up and down 00:02:40.969 --> 00:02:44.569 the fifth floor manually? Manually? Well, there 00:02:44.569 --> 00:02:47.370 is a boy - there is a multifaceted joy 00:02:47.370 --> 00:02:50.810 up there. And sometimes it's downstairs too, 00:02:50.969 --> 00:02:54.710 on the ground, walking with me anywhere I choose 00:02:54.710 --> 00:02:58.949 to. With its light heart and vivid jokes designed 00:02:58.949 --> 00:03:02.069 solely and clumsily to make me forget about things 00:03:02.069 --> 00:03:05.930 that do not matter - money, calendar, reason. 00:03:07.050 --> 00:03:11.469 Can I forget all that? Like forgetting the feeling 00:03:11.469 --> 00:03:13.729 of not being able to dream when I'm there because 00:03:13.729 --> 00:03:17.509 I can just live every moment without even realising 00:03:17.509 --> 00:03:21.430 that I breathe - I simply breathe and live there? 00:03:22.030 --> 00:03:25.689 Well, I can dream when I'm here, about anything. 00:03:25.810 --> 00:03:29.449 I just close my eyes, regulate my breathing, 00:03:29.550 --> 00:03:35.939 sometimes put on some non-jazz music, and see 00:03:35.939 --> 00:03:38.240 what I want to achieve and I know I'll achieve 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:41.080 it. Like all the things I've achieved without 00:03:41.080 --> 00:03:45.759 you since I left you in 2019. I can at least 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:50.879 try again. Now I visited you five years later, 00:03:50.919 --> 00:03:54.680 last October, for a quiet solo birthday walk 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:57.500 down the old streets with my new self - because 00:03:57.500 --> 00:03:59.979 my daughter insisted that "I think Paris would 00:03:59.979 --> 00:04:02.750 make you feel very happy," after I told her my 00:04:02.750 --> 00:04:05.370 New York plan fell through, and even after I 00:04:05.370 --> 00:04:08.830 insisted that I was done with you - for a week, 00:04:08.870 --> 00:04:10.930 and you think you can make me forget everything 00:04:10.930 --> 00:04:17.009 I thought I wanted or was required of me? My 00:04:17.009 --> 00:04:20.910 recent monthly weekend visit since November was 00:04:20.910 --> 00:04:24.170 extended four times for free. Eurostar princess 00:04:24.170 --> 00:04:27.329 here. So that I ended up staying for two weeks. 00:04:28.529 --> 00:04:32.699 And I am now back in Wimbledon. Where I thought 00:04:32.699 --> 00:04:38.680 I belong. Steadily shaky. Stomping all over reality. 00:04:40.180 --> 00:04:43.959 Dreaming of what could be. Because I don't miss 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:46.959 you, Paris. I belong with you.