WEBVTT 00:00:14.700 --> 00:00:17.480 Welcome to Our Voices Our Future, the podcast 00:00:17.480 --> 00:00:20.039 where we amplify the voices driving change and 00:00:20.039 --> 00:00:22.460 equity within medicine beyond. Brought to you 00:00:22.460 --> 00:00:24.539 by the Gender Equity Task Force, a committee 00:00:24.539 --> 00:00:26.699 of the American Medical Women's Association. 00:00:27.179 --> 00:00:29.620 We're here to challenge norms, break barriers 00:00:29.620 --> 00:00:32.579 and ignite conversations that matter. I'm Rhea 00:00:32.579 --> 00:00:35.259 Manohar and any episode will bring you candid 00:00:35.259 --> 00:00:38.179 discussions with leaders, change makers and advocates 00:00:38.179 --> 00:00:41.420 working to create a more inclusive and just world. 00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:44.799 No more silence, no more waiting. It's time to 00:00:44.799 --> 00:00:48.219 get, it's time to start our voices, our future. 00:00:49.340 --> 00:00:53.799 Today, we welcome Destiny Dalyan. She is a finance. 00:00:54.609 --> 00:00:58.170 professional creator and founder of the Wealth 00:00:58.170 --> 00:01:01.390 Exchange, a platform focused on helping women 00:01:01.390 --> 00:01:04.310 build financial confidence, lifestyle clarity, 00:01:04.950 --> 00:01:07.549 and long -term wealth. She's known for blending 00:01:07.549 --> 00:01:10.390 beauty in brains and making money conversations 00:01:10.390 --> 00:01:13.090 more accessible, strategic, and culturally relevant 00:01:13.090 --> 00:01:15.750 for ambitious women. Well, thank you so much 00:01:15.750 --> 00:01:19.560 for being here today. Thank you. I'm so excited 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:22.859 to be here and I love what this podcast is doing 00:01:22.859 --> 00:01:26.560 and the impact it's making on our culture. So 00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:29.359 with that, just to kind of start us off, tell 00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:32.340 us about the wealth exchange. What sparked the 00:01:32.340 --> 00:01:34.599 idea for this platform and what's kind of your 00:01:34.599 --> 00:01:38.569 overall goal with it? Yeah, so as you mentioned, 00:01:38.810 --> 00:01:41.450 really helping women just build financial confidence, 00:01:41.709 --> 00:01:44.329 lifestyle clarity, long term wealth, right? And 00:01:44.329 --> 00:01:47.689 I think for someone which I'm sure will get into 00:01:47.689 --> 00:01:50.829 this in this podcast, becoming the first in your 00:01:50.829 --> 00:01:53.489 family or in their generations to build wealth, 00:01:53.629 --> 00:01:56.909 right? I didn't have many examples of that. I 00:01:56.909 --> 00:01:59.769 am a woman. I'm a person of color in the finance 00:01:59.769 --> 00:02:02.930 industry. And I realized I didn't see a lot of 00:02:02.930 --> 00:02:04.870 these. I didn't have these conversations that 00:02:04.870 --> 00:02:07.310 my peers are having. having, my colleagues are 00:02:07.310 --> 00:02:10.650 having. And it's so important and so critical, 00:02:10.750 --> 00:02:12.930 especially today in this economy that we are 00:02:12.930 --> 00:02:15.990 having these conversations that money feels accessible. 00:02:15.990 --> 00:02:19.590 And I felt I had a responsibility to make that 00:02:19.590 --> 00:02:23.229 table where people aren't really invited to so 00:02:23.229 --> 00:02:26.069 that people like myself or people who are in 00:02:26.069 --> 00:02:29.129 my fields have access to this information and 00:02:29.129 --> 00:02:31.349 community is everything, right? And one of the 00:02:31.349 --> 00:02:33.810 things is community as well, knowledge is a currency. 00:02:34.289 --> 00:02:36.750 And you just don't know what you don't know right 00:02:36.750 --> 00:02:40.270 and so I wanted to right now it's primarily focused 00:02:40.270 --> 00:02:42.969 on women but get women around the table where 00:02:42.969 --> 00:02:45.210 we can talk about money build that financial 00:02:45.210 --> 00:02:48.030 independence right financial independence is 00:02:48.030 --> 00:02:51.270 the foundation of your autonomy your options 00:02:51.270 --> 00:02:53.830 your choices um whether we like it or not right 00:02:53.830 --> 00:02:56.069 like we live in a capitalist society where money 00:02:56.069 --> 00:02:59.469 matters um and so I wanted to do what I could 00:02:59.469 --> 00:03:03.729 do to make that more accessible have those conversations 00:03:03.729 --> 00:03:09.360 um and build community while we do that. Well, 00:03:09.360 --> 00:03:11.300 that's awesome. And it's really interesting to 00:03:11.300 --> 00:03:14.219 hear about. You kind of mentioned something around 00:03:14.219 --> 00:03:16.620 this, but when you hear the phrase becoming the 00:03:16.620 --> 00:03:19.240 first in your family to build wealth, what does 00:03:19.240 --> 00:03:22.439 that actually mean to you? Not just financially, 00:03:22.580 --> 00:03:27.960 but also emotionally? Yeah, I love this because 00:03:28.379 --> 00:03:31.300 It really isn't just income, right? It's identity 00:03:31.300 --> 00:03:34.740 evolution. And I think becoming the first requires 00:03:34.740 --> 00:03:37.159 you to take a path that you have not yet seen 00:03:37.159 --> 00:03:39.120 exemplified, right? Like as I just mentioned, 00:03:39.259 --> 00:03:42.400 and with this is going to come an identity shift, 00:03:42.699 --> 00:03:46.479 a mindset shift, a relational shift, and of course 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:48.740 the emotional weight of being the one who changes 00:03:48.740 --> 00:03:52.319 the trajectory. You are really learning a financial 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:54.659 language like myself that your environment didn't 00:03:54.659 --> 00:03:59.210 teach you. I think with that you can find yourself 00:03:59.210 --> 00:04:03.949 at the intersection of pride and it's great and 00:04:03.949 --> 00:04:06.430 you feel on top of the road yet it can be lonely 00:04:06.430 --> 00:04:11.210 at times and I think you also have to make these 00:04:11.210 --> 00:04:14.240 hard decisions that maybe others around you don't 00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:16.579 necessarily understand or agree with, right? 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:18.920 You're not just earning more, you are thinking 00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:20.779 differently than the environment that raised 00:04:20.779 --> 00:04:23.579 you. And I think this can fill a lot of times, 00:04:23.600 --> 00:04:26.540 again, the emotional weight of navigating these 00:04:26.540 --> 00:04:29.139 new rooms while honoring where you've come from. 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:33.319 And so having to claim a new identity, break 00:04:33.319 --> 00:04:35.800 barriers, mental walls, I don't think it's an 00:04:35.800 --> 00:04:38.800 easy lift. It's definitely not a small one and 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:42.329 it comes with this emotional tax, but You have 00:04:42.329 --> 00:04:45.889 to find a lot within yourself, right? And giving 00:04:45.889 --> 00:04:48.129 yourself what you might want to seek from others. 00:04:49.449 --> 00:04:52.149 And first -generational wealth is less about 00:04:52.149 --> 00:04:54.930 money, but more about permission, right? Giving 00:04:54.930 --> 00:04:58.930 yourself the permission to go and do what has 00:04:58.930 --> 00:05:03.970 not been done, right? And not feeling bound or 00:05:03.970 --> 00:05:08.149 these invisible handcuffs of what previous generations 00:05:08.149 --> 00:05:12.720 have done before you. For sure. You mentioned 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:17.639 a couple of notes of transitions or ideological 00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:20.839 shifts. Could you provide some examples of what 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:23.259 that looks like for our viewers who might be 00:05:23.259 --> 00:05:28.060 a little bit less familiar? Yeah, I think one 00:05:28.060 --> 00:05:32.699 of them is this identity shift, right, of identifying 00:05:32.699 --> 00:05:35.660 with this struggle narrative. I think a lot of 00:05:35.660 --> 00:05:38.899 times, especially as women, not even within your 00:05:38.899 --> 00:05:42.839 own family, but just culturally, we are kind 00:05:42.839 --> 00:05:46.899 of told to shrink, to play small, to not take 00:05:46.899 --> 00:05:50.680 up space. And so it's a huge shift when you have 00:05:50.680 --> 00:05:54.089 to go from, okay, I didn't grow from money or 00:05:54.089 --> 00:05:57.290 come from money. I don't really have anyone to 00:05:57.290 --> 00:06:00.730 exemplify this leadership quality that I'm trying 00:06:00.730 --> 00:06:02.649 to step in, this wealth journey that I'm trying 00:06:02.649 --> 00:06:06.610 to step in. How do I give myself the permission 00:06:06.610 --> 00:06:10.550 to take up space, to be courageous, to be audacious, 00:06:10.810 --> 00:06:14.649 to be okay to take on this? this wealth journey, 00:06:14.649 --> 00:06:17.050 right? And that I don't have to shrink, I don't 00:06:17.050 --> 00:06:20.790 have to limit myself to what previous generations 00:06:20.790 --> 00:06:25.029 have done. And I think, again, the mind, I've 00:06:25.029 --> 00:06:28.449 always said that being wealthy, being rich starts 00:06:28.449 --> 00:06:30.529 in the mind before it comes in your bank account. 00:06:30.610 --> 00:06:34.569 And your mind is so important in redefining your 00:06:34.569 --> 00:06:37.550 relationship with money. And again, when you've 00:06:37.550 --> 00:06:40.689 come from you know, either not having a lot of 00:06:40.689 --> 00:06:43.629 money or a struggle narrative, a lot of times 00:06:43.629 --> 00:06:46.550 you'll carry that, you know, maybe you are scarce 00:06:46.550 --> 00:06:48.970 in your decisions, you don't take a lot of risk, 00:06:49.110 --> 00:06:53.310 you're very you shrink when it comes to making 00:06:53.310 --> 00:06:56.730 big financial decisions. And so we see that a 00:06:56.730 --> 00:06:58.850 lot, right? Where your mind can kind of hold 00:06:58.850 --> 00:07:02.370 you back. And it really requires you to have 00:07:02.370 --> 00:07:06.410 this identity shift. And I think that's one of 00:07:06.410 --> 00:07:11.170 many shifts and mindset changes that you have 00:07:11.170 --> 00:07:14.870 to adopt when taking on this journey. Thanks 00:07:14.870 --> 00:07:17.129 so much, Chief, for kind of breaking that down 00:07:17.129 --> 00:07:22.790 for us. Kind of along the same lines, many ambitious 00:07:22.790 --> 00:07:25.810 women feel guilt around earning more than their 00:07:25.810 --> 00:07:28.589 families ever had. In your work, where does that 00:07:28.589 --> 00:07:31.610 guilt come from, and how can you help women understand 00:07:31.610 --> 00:07:34.029 it without letting it control their decisions? 00:07:35.930 --> 00:07:38.850 That's a good question. I think, piggyback of 00:07:38.850 --> 00:07:42.290 what I just said, a lot of this guilt stems from 00:07:42.290 --> 00:07:45.689 this loyalty to family narratives about struggle, 00:07:46.250 --> 00:07:49.350 this fear of appearing different or too successful. 00:07:49.689 --> 00:07:53.430 And within families, we have seen this culture 00:07:53.430 --> 00:07:56.170 where women need to be the caretakers, they need 00:07:56.170 --> 00:07:59.829 to shrink, they need to play small, and a lot 00:07:59.829 --> 00:08:02.910 of times abandon themselves for the greater good, 00:08:03.129 --> 00:08:05.810 right? At least that's what we tell ourselves, 00:08:05.970 --> 00:08:10.579 right? And that there's somehow this badge of 00:08:10.579 --> 00:08:12.639 honor that comes, you know, with this extreme 00:08:12.639 --> 00:08:15.100 humility and not taking up too much space, playing 00:08:15.100 --> 00:08:20.100 your role. And when you have been raised in this 00:08:20.100 --> 00:08:22.779 environment and have identified with this struggle, 00:08:22.920 --> 00:08:25.540 you find yourself dealing with this weird emotional 00:08:25.540 --> 00:08:28.139 internal conflict, right? Do I need to bind to 00:08:28.139 --> 00:08:31.259 the struggle story forever? Am I wrong for choosing 00:08:31.259 --> 00:08:35.970 me, for choosing a different path? And I always 00:08:35.970 --> 00:08:38.269 say these emotions that come up, especially on 00:08:38.269 --> 00:08:42.460 your wealth journey, they are not decision makers, 00:08:42.519 --> 00:08:45.360 but rather they are information, right? They 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:48.639 are signaling to you where there might be holes 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:51.639 in your relationship with money, in your mindset, 00:08:51.879 --> 00:08:55.539 in your journey, but it is not for you to succumb 00:08:55.539 --> 00:08:58.059 to that feeling, to obey that feeling, but rather, 00:08:58.259 --> 00:09:01.220 again, just a signal of information, right? That 00:09:01.220 --> 00:09:05.340 maybe this is an area that I could work on. And 00:09:05.340 --> 00:09:08.220 I think this guilt usually comes from love, but 00:09:08.220 --> 00:09:10.960 it shouldn't dictate your financial strategy, 00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:13.879 right? And so how do we turn that guilt into 00:09:13.879 --> 00:09:17.379 acknowledgement rather than taking on responsibility 00:09:17.379 --> 00:09:20.139 that is not yours to carry? This can happen a 00:09:20.139 --> 00:09:22.960 lot when lifestyle upgrades begin, you can see 00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:26.580 a lot of guilt show up there too. But it's saying, 00:09:27.220 --> 00:09:29.960 okay, here's a root issue with my relationship 00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:33.570 with money, myself. my family that I need to 00:09:33.570 --> 00:09:38.070 address, but again, not find defeat in, right? 00:09:38.289 --> 00:09:42.850 Not let myself succumb to. And I think one of 00:09:42.850 --> 00:09:45.370 the things for ambitious women to understand 00:09:45.370 --> 00:09:48.429 is, unfortunately, this is the journey, right? 00:09:48.590 --> 00:09:53.250 This is the cost of becoming the first to do 00:09:54.500 --> 00:09:57.299 the first in your family, right, to build wealth. 00:09:58.100 --> 00:10:00.139 And so understanding that you are going to have 00:10:00.139 --> 00:10:03.120 to dig deeper than your finances. You are going 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:07.080 to have to get at your identity, emotions, habits, 00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:10.000 and face these uncomfortable truths and conversations, 00:10:11.980 --> 00:10:14.840 but outgrowing your family's financial history 00:10:14.840 --> 00:10:17.620 doesn't mean outgrowing your values, right? You 00:10:17.620 --> 00:10:20.879 can honor where you've come from without recreating 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:24.919 its limitations. Definitely. You've talked a 00:10:24.919 --> 00:10:29.899 lot about generational change in wealth, but 00:10:29.899 --> 00:10:32.879 one of the things we've noticed is also change 00:10:32.879 --> 00:10:40.480 in financial decision -making when other lifestyle 00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:44.759 changes happen, such as new relationships and 00:10:44.759 --> 00:10:47.860 marriages. Do you see any difference in that 00:10:47.860 --> 00:10:53.549 process? Yeah. to understand you correctly. So 00:10:53.549 --> 00:10:57.590 when going into relationships, how do you define 00:10:57.590 --> 00:11:00.389 money and think about money in terms of your 00:11:00.389 --> 00:11:06.970 dating, your... Yeah, of course. I think, at 00:11:06.970 --> 00:11:09.970 least from my perspective, one of the best things 00:11:09.970 --> 00:11:12.519 I... a woman can do for herself in dating, which 00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:15.120 is, you know, of course, so timely, right? Valentine's 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:17.620 weekend is coming up. So we give these conversations 00:11:17.620 --> 00:11:21.620 a lot of thought. I think we are at a time in 00:11:21.620 --> 00:11:23.820 this economy and this culture, right, where women, 00:11:23.820 --> 00:11:27.240 again, are starting to adopt more financial independence. 00:11:28.750 --> 00:11:31.669 I always say relying on anyone, whether that 00:11:31.669 --> 00:11:35.149 be a man, family members, that's not a business 00:11:35.149 --> 00:11:37.990 plan. And you should always look within yourself 00:11:37.990 --> 00:11:41.110 to create financial independence, because that 00:11:41.110 --> 00:11:45.250 creates healthier dating options. You just have 00:11:45.250 --> 00:11:48.049 a healthier relationship with everyone else when 00:11:48.049 --> 00:11:50.610 you can depend on yourself for the basics, right, 00:11:50.649 --> 00:11:53.210 to carry yourself that you know that you can 00:11:53.210 --> 00:11:55.490 survive whether you're not looking at someone 00:11:55.490 --> 00:12:00.019 for your next meal. Right. And so I think it's 00:12:00.019 --> 00:12:03.620 so important to have financial independence and 00:12:03.620 --> 00:12:07.299 financial clarity when going into these new relationships 00:12:07.299 --> 00:12:09.379 or getting married. I think it's even more important. 00:12:09.379 --> 00:12:13.720 Right. Because you never want to give over your 00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:16.039 give away your power. Right. You want to remain 00:12:16.039 --> 00:12:18.659 autonomous even in these relationships. And I 00:12:18.659 --> 00:12:21.019 think that's becoming very evident for women 00:12:21.019 --> 00:12:24.620 nowadays is to know how powerful it is to have 00:12:24.620 --> 00:12:27.200 financial independence because money, again, 00:12:27.600 --> 00:12:30.919 is a controller of so many resources and tools 00:12:30.919 --> 00:12:33.480 in this world. And so you never want to fully 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:36.779 give that power away. And in thinking that, I 00:12:36.779 --> 00:12:39.340 think there was generations before us where it 00:12:39.340 --> 00:12:42.399 was very much the male was the provider, women 00:12:42.399 --> 00:12:44.659 stayed at home, they didn't have jobs, they didn't 00:12:44.659 --> 00:12:49.500 have income. Quite frankly, with that, you don't 00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:51.399 have as many options, right? It's harder for 00:12:51.399 --> 00:12:53.519 you to leave relationships. It's harder for you 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:55.879 to pivot, you know, when a life crisis happens. 00:12:55.980 --> 00:12:58.200 And now, in today, I think women, we're starting 00:12:58.200 --> 00:13:00.399 to set up shop differently, right? How can I 00:13:00.399 --> 00:13:02.460 still go into these next chapters of my life, 00:13:02.460 --> 00:13:06.700 marriage, dating, but still keep myself, keep 00:13:06.700 --> 00:13:11.460 my autonomy, keep my options, which, again, is 00:13:11.460 --> 00:13:15.700 just beneficial for everyone involved. Thank 00:13:15.700 --> 00:13:19.039 you. So you started touching on this a little 00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:22.220 bit about having boundaries, particularly in 00:13:22.220 --> 00:13:25.759 money conversations. How can women tell the difference 00:13:25.759 --> 00:13:28.940 between being generous and financially overextending 00:13:28.940 --> 00:13:36.500 themselves out of obligation? This one's big 00:13:36.500 --> 00:13:41.039 for women, this distinction. And I always say 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:44.700 it's more about the posture of what you do from 00:13:44.700 --> 00:13:48.240 rather than what you are necessarily doing. Generosity 00:13:48.240 --> 00:13:52.460 is going to feel expansive, while obligation 00:13:52.460 --> 00:13:56.090 can tend to feel, I would say, heavy. You know, 00:13:56.309 --> 00:13:58.889 and I think as you go on this financial growth 00:13:58.889 --> 00:14:01.970 journey, it's very important to outline and to 00:14:01.970 --> 00:14:04.070 be clear about what your short and long term 00:14:04.070 --> 00:14:07.289 goals are. Right. That way you can always check 00:14:07.289 --> 00:14:10.830 if does this support a line or conflict with 00:14:10.830 --> 00:14:14.009 my goals. And we all know saying you can't pour 00:14:14.009 --> 00:14:16.330 from an empty cup and the same applies here. 00:14:16.570 --> 00:14:19.269 Right. Sustainable giving requires self stability 00:14:19.269 --> 00:14:24.559 first. And sometimes we'll see this. Is this 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:27.299 another struggle story women have to unlearn 00:14:27.299 --> 00:14:30.299 that not everything and everyone is their burden 00:14:30.299 --> 00:14:34.019 to carry or to save? And again, when we talked 00:14:34.019 --> 00:14:36.659 about those mental barriers and those mental 00:14:36.659 --> 00:14:38.840 shifts that you have to overcome, this is huge, 00:14:39.139 --> 00:14:41.659 right? Relieving yourself of the responsibility 00:14:41.659 --> 00:14:45.779 to save everyone, right? And you have to kindly 00:14:45.779 --> 00:14:48.980 ask yourself, is this... generosity or is this 00:14:48.980 --> 00:14:51.539 self abandonment? And depending on your background, 00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:54.559 it's very hard for some people to know the difference 00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:57.580 because self abandonment for so many years in 00:14:57.580 --> 00:15:00.600 so many families, it seems normal, right? I am 00:15:00.600 --> 00:15:04.039 doing what looks good. I am doing the people 00:15:04.039 --> 00:15:08.320 pleasing method. And this is why financial clarity 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:11.399 is so important in these conversations, because 00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:14.340 you want to always make sure you are giving intentionally, 00:15:14.799 --> 00:15:19.980 not reactively, not impulsively. And just remember 00:15:19.980 --> 00:15:22.480 that boundaries don't make you less giving, but 00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:24.379 they make your giving sustainable. And in the 00:15:24.379 --> 00:15:26.539 long run, you're actually doing what's best for 00:15:26.539 --> 00:15:30.240 you and those around you, even if in today, they 00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:33.639 don't really necessarily agree. Definitely. And 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:36.129 that's something that we talk about. in various 00:15:36.129 --> 00:15:40.490 realms on the gender equity task force that women, 00:15:40.769 --> 00:15:44.029 particularly women in medicine, as many of us 00:15:44.029 --> 00:15:48.889 are, are constantly overextending in various 00:15:48.889 --> 00:15:54.029 ways. And that makes it really hard to be able 00:15:54.029 --> 00:15:56.909 to do the things that you need to do when you're 00:15:56.909 --> 00:15:59.549 constantly giving all of your time and energy 00:15:59.549 --> 00:16:04.940 and even financially to other spaces. Yeah, no, 00:16:04.940 --> 00:16:08.700 definitely. And then you're, you wonder why you 00:16:08.700 --> 00:16:11.600 see similar patterns generation after generation, 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:14.940 because you then are caught on this hamster wheel 00:16:14.940 --> 00:16:17.259 of doing what's always been done and you never 00:16:17.259 --> 00:16:19.899 have a chance to break away. You never have a 00:16:19.899 --> 00:16:22.360 chance to kind of pursue the self to pursue your 00:16:22.360 --> 00:16:24.259 own wealth journey to pursue your own dreams 00:16:24.259 --> 00:16:28.299 and ambition. And again, that's, it's a hard 00:16:28.299 --> 00:16:30.440 hooker to be and it's really hard to get out 00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:34.789 of that mindset of not being understood, like 00:16:34.789 --> 00:16:37.250 being okay with not being understood, being okay 00:16:37.250 --> 00:16:39.889 with not being a people pleaser, being okay with 00:16:39.889 --> 00:16:42.830 kind of prioritizing yourself and others might 00:16:42.830 --> 00:16:47.789 paint it selfish or, you know, they might not 00:16:47.789 --> 00:16:51.009 really agree, but real people who support you 00:16:51.009 --> 00:16:53.009 and love you in the long run, they're going to 00:16:53.009 --> 00:16:54.690 understand, right? Even if they don't understand 00:16:54.690 --> 00:16:57.389 it today, it's to free yourself again from that 00:16:57.389 --> 00:17:00.860 invisible handcuffs of that. you have to live 00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:03.519 in that cycle forever and that that's your responsibility. 00:17:04.980 --> 00:17:07.920 For sure. Do you have any strategies that you'd 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:11.579 recommend for women who are entering this space 00:17:11.579 --> 00:17:15.319 who want to shift their mindset but don't necessarily 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:23.460 know how to just yet? I think I think for me 00:17:23.460 --> 00:17:26.339 personally, right, even just using myself as 00:17:26.339 --> 00:17:28.680 an example and in some of the conversations that 00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:31.839 we have at work, but I think a lot of people 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:35.180 try to go from zero to 100, and that is always 00:17:35.180 --> 00:17:38.160 the hardest. And with anything, right, like riding 00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:40.519 a bike, you start with the training wheels. And 00:17:40.519 --> 00:17:44.140 if it seems overwhelming to make these drastic 00:17:44.140 --> 00:17:47.559 financial decisions or to, let's say you are 00:17:47.559 --> 00:17:49.759 the breadwinner of the family and you need to 00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:52.319 make a hard decision to cut everyone off, right, 00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:54.559 these are realistic conversations that people 00:17:54.559 --> 00:17:56.779 have, right, is how do I adjust my boundaries? 00:17:58.220 --> 00:18:03.220 I think it's starting off small. I have this 00:18:03.220 --> 00:18:07.279 funny exercise of learning how to say no and 00:18:07.279 --> 00:18:09.960 get as many noses as you can, right? But being 00:18:09.960 --> 00:18:13.039 more comfortable with telling people no, and 00:18:13.039 --> 00:18:15.440 you can start to ingrain that in your day to 00:18:15.440 --> 00:18:17.420 day. And it doesn't necessarily have to be with 00:18:17.420 --> 00:18:21.779 this directly first, but practicing. not giving 00:18:21.779 --> 00:18:24.539 up yourself right and that could even be and 00:18:24.539 --> 00:18:27.839 you think it's silly but in small moments of 00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:30.279 you know someone asked you for a favor right 00:18:30.279 --> 00:18:33.690 instead of immediately agreeing to it. Let me 00:18:33.690 --> 00:18:35.990 take that away and I'll come back to you, right? 00:18:36.049 --> 00:18:39.890 Giving yourself permission to take this task, 00:18:40.150 --> 00:18:43.009 this responsibility, think on it from a clear 00:18:43.009 --> 00:18:45.390 standpoint before you obligate or commit yourself 00:18:45.390 --> 00:18:48.450 to anything, right? And again, this doesn't have 00:18:48.450 --> 00:18:50.869 to show up in your money journey, but a lot of 00:18:50.869 --> 00:18:52.769 times how we do one thing is how we do a lot 00:18:52.769 --> 00:18:56.839 of things. if you can practice boundaries in 00:18:56.839 --> 00:19:00.440 other ways, saying no, slowing down your commitments 00:19:00.440 --> 00:19:03.420 and learning how to just generally prioritize 00:19:03.420 --> 00:19:06.200 yourself in life, it starts to become a little 00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:10.960 easier, right? When now we're having these financial 00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:13.880 boundaries in place or learning how to shift 00:19:13.880 --> 00:19:16.460 my mind, I've already kind of started to practice 00:19:16.460 --> 00:19:18.779 that muscle. That way, when it comes to these 00:19:18.779 --> 00:19:21.750 money conversations, I've had some practice, 00:19:21.910 --> 00:19:25.190 right? I've gotten some reps in. And I think 00:19:25.190 --> 00:19:28.450 is a great way, right? I think another way to 00:19:28.450 --> 00:19:32.410 is really practicing or taking a look at your 00:19:32.410 --> 00:19:34.650 own relationship with yourself, right? And just 00:19:34.650 --> 00:19:37.609 taking some time to reflect on how you were raised. 00:19:37.630 --> 00:19:40.609 I know we are talking a lot about these generational 00:19:40.609 --> 00:19:43.369 differences, but a lot of times people don't 00:19:43.369 --> 00:19:46.950 understand why they are or why the decisions 00:19:46.950 --> 00:19:48.930 that they make because they don't understand 00:19:48.930 --> 00:19:51.230 their background and how the relationship with 00:19:51.230 --> 00:19:54.769 money has impacted them today, right? So in wanting 00:19:54.769 --> 00:19:56.930 to make this mindset shift, you need to understand 00:19:56.930 --> 00:19:59.410 where does it stem from? Am I scared to take 00:19:59.410 --> 00:20:02.720 a leap? Am I Do I have a scarcity mindset because 00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:06.359 I was raised with nothing? And now I have implemented 00:20:06.359 --> 00:20:08.779 that in my day to day. So understanding the root 00:20:08.779 --> 00:20:11.000 and the why, right? Like keep asking yourself 00:20:11.000 --> 00:20:15.359 why. Why do I think this way? Okay, so it's because 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:17.200 I have a scarcity mindset. Okay, why do I have 00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:20.099 a scarcity mindset? Oh, because we didn't have 00:20:20.099 --> 00:20:22.819 much money growing up. Okay, well, and just kind 00:20:22.819 --> 00:20:26.619 of digging deep is going to help you reveal, 00:20:28.140 --> 00:20:31.329 to identify, in which way you're navigating life, 00:20:31.369 --> 00:20:33.670 which will then be able to help you navigate 00:20:33.670 --> 00:20:39.109 that shift, right? For sure. What would you say 00:20:39.109 --> 00:20:41.450 to the women listening who feel proud of their 00:20:41.450 --> 00:20:44.470 ambition but still conflicted about what her 00:20:44.470 --> 00:20:50.140 success might change in her life? I would say 00:20:50.140 --> 00:20:52.900 look, you are allowed to be proud and uncertain 00:20:52.900 --> 00:20:56.559 at the same time. That is what growth feels like. 00:20:57.319 --> 00:20:59.460 And again, when I was mentioning earlier, a lot 00:20:59.460 --> 00:21:04.319 of these emotions that come up we think are a 00:21:04.319 --> 00:21:07.299 signal of what to do rather than taking it in 00:21:07.299 --> 00:21:11.200 as information. Just because it feels uncomfortable 00:21:11.200 --> 00:21:13.880 doesn't mean you're on the wrong path and conflict 00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:17.980 is oftentimes a sign of expansion. I think the 00:21:17.980 --> 00:21:21.380 key though is still holding gratitude. Gratitude 00:21:21.380 --> 00:21:24.339 is so important that we do everything from that 00:21:24.339 --> 00:21:29.779 place that way. you can still ground yourself, 00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:32.299 right? It's not to get too lost in your ambitions 00:21:32.299 --> 00:21:36.019 or the money of it all that you lose grounding. 00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:38.859 But I think you can hold both gratitude and ambition 00:21:38.859 --> 00:21:43.420 and still withhold those key values. But I always 00:21:43.420 --> 00:21:46.299 say growth will often feel lonely before it feels 00:21:46.299 --> 00:21:48.980 empowering. And that's just a hard pill to swallow. 00:21:50.210 --> 00:21:53.369 becoming this woman requires you to release these 00:21:53.369 --> 00:21:56.910 old expectations. And one of my favorite quotes 00:21:56.910 --> 00:21:59.869 is Marianne Williamson. And she has the line 00:21:59.869 --> 00:22:01.890 in there. And she says, oftentimes it is our 00:22:01.890 --> 00:22:03.990 light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 00:22:04.849 --> 00:22:07.589 And this is exactly what this question is getting 00:22:07.589 --> 00:22:12.250 at, right? Is where it can feel, you can be scared 00:22:12.250 --> 00:22:14.630 of that success. You can be scared of that person 00:22:14.630 --> 00:22:18.259 that you have to become because the dark who 00:22:18.259 --> 00:22:20.579 you've always been, it's familiar, it's safe, 00:22:21.019 --> 00:22:24.640 you know, it feels comforting. But it doesn't 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:26.740 mean that your ambition is pulling you away from 00:22:26.740 --> 00:22:30.259 people. It doesn't mean that you are, you know, 00:22:30.359 --> 00:22:34.140 that conflict feeling is bad, but rather Your 00:22:34.140 --> 00:22:36.359 ambition is pulling you towards your potential 00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:39.700 and to pursue your best self. And this version 00:22:39.700 --> 00:22:42.440 of you that you're becoming doesn't erase where 00:22:42.440 --> 00:22:44.900 you started, but it actually honors it. And I 00:22:44.900 --> 00:22:47.500 think that's a way to change the perspective, 00:22:47.500 --> 00:22:51.339 right? Is I'm actually honoring where I've come 00:22:51.339 --> 00:22:54.500 and who I've been by choosing to be courageous 00:22:54.500 --> 00:22:57.440 and pursuing my best self, right? With what I've 00:22:57.440 --> 00:23:01.180 been given in this world to make the best out 00:23:01.180 --> 00:23:04.910 of what I've been dealt. I love that little shift 00:23:04.910 --> 00:23:08.720 that you left us with. So with that... This has 00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:11.380 been such a lovely conversation, and that's a 00:23:11.380 --> 00:23:14.079 wrap on this episode of Our Voices, Our Future. 00:23:14.539 --> 00:23:17.460 We hope today's conversation inspired you, challenged 00:23:17.460 --> 00:23:19.579 you, and reminded you of the power of raising 00:23:19.579 --> 00:23:22.099 your voice. The fight for equity doesn't stop 00:23:22.099 --> 00:23:24.700 here. Join us in the movement. Subscribe wherever 00:23:24.700 --> 00:23:27.000 you get your podcasts, and if you loved this 00:23:27.000 --> 00:23:29.200 episode, share it with someone who needs to hear 00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:32.880 it. Until next time, stay bold, stay vocal, and 00:23:32.880 --> 00:23:36.160 keep the conversation going. This is Our Voices, 00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:36.859 Our Future.