Welcome to Our Voices Our Future, the podcast
where we amplify the voices driving change and
equity within medicine beyond. Brought to you
by the Gender Equity Task Force, a committee
of the American Medical Women's Association.
We're here to challenge norms, break barriers
and ignite conversations that matter. I'm Rhea
Manohar and any episode will bring you candid
discussions with leaders, change makers and advocates
working to create a more inclusive and just world.
No more silence, no more waiting. It's time to
get, it's time to start our voices, our future.
Today, we welcome Destiny Dalyan. She is a finance.
professional creator and founder of the Wealth
Exchange, a platform focused on helping women
build financial confidence, lifestyle clarity,
and long -term wealth. She's known for blending
beauty in brains and making money conversations
more accessible, strategic, and culturally relevant
for ambitious women. Well, thank you so much
for being here today. Thank you. I'm so excited
to be here and I love what this podcast is doing
and the impact it's making on our culture. So
with that, just to kind of start us off, tell
us about the wealth exchange. What sparked the
idea for this platform and what's kind of your
overall goal with it? Yeah, so as you mentioned,
really helping women just build financial confidence,
lifestyle clarity, long term wealth, right? And
I think for someone which I'm sure will get into
this in this podcast, becoming the first in your
family or in their generations to build wealth,
right? I didn't have many examples of that. I
am a woman. I'm a person of color in the finance
industry. And I realized I didn't see a lot of
these. I didn't have these conversations that
my peers are having. having, my colleagues are
having. And it's so important and so critical,
especially today in this economy that we are
having these conversations that money feels accessible.
And I felt I had a responsibility to make that
table where people aren't really invited to so
that people like myself or people who are in
my fields have access to this information and
community is everything, right? And one of the
things is community as well, knowledge is a currency.
And you just don't know what you don't know right
and so I wanted to right now it's primarily focused
on women but get women around the table where
we can talk about money build that financial
independence right financial independence is
the foundation of your autonomy your options
your choices um whether we like it or not right
like we live in a capitalist society where money
matters um and so I wanted to do what I could
do to make that more accessible have those conversations
um and build community while we do that. Well,
that's awesome. And it's really interesting to
hear about. You kind of mentioned something around
this, but when you hear the phrase becoming the
first in your family to build wealth, what does
that actually mean to you? Not just financially,
but also emotionally? Yeah, I love this because
It really isn't just income, right? It's identity
evolution. And I think becoming the first requires
you to take a path that you have not yet seen
exemplified, right? Like as I just mentioned,
and with this is going to come an identity shift,
a mindset shift, a relational shift, and of course
the emotional weight of being the one who changes
the trajectory. You are really learning a financial
language like myself that your environment didn't
teach you. I think with that you can find yourself
at the intersection of pride and it's great and
you feel on top of the road yet it can be lonely
at times and I think you also have to make these
hard decisions that maybe others around you don't
necessarily understand or agree with, right?
You're not just earning more, you are thinking
differently than the environment that raised
you. And I think this can fill a lot of times,
again, the emotional weight of navigating these
new rooms while honoring where you've come from.
And so having to claim a new identity, break
barriers, mental walls, I don't think it's an
easy lift. It's definitely not a small one and
it comes with this emotional tax, but You have
to find a lot within yourself, right? And giving
yourself what you might want to seek from others.
And first -generational wealth is less about
money, but more about permission, right? Giving
yourself the permission to go and do what has
not been done, right? And not feeling bound or
these invisible handcuffs of what previous generations
have done before you. For sure. You mentioned
a couple of notes of transitions or ideological
shifts. Could you provide some examples of what
that looks like for our viewers who might be
a little bit less familiar? Yeah, I think one
of them is this identity shift, right, of identifying
with this struggle narrative. I think a lot of
times, especially as women, not even within your
own family, but just culturally, we are kind
of told to shrink, to play small, to not take
up space. And so it's a huge shift when you have
to go from, okay, I didn't grow from money or
come from money. I don't really have anyone to
exemplify this leadership quality that I'm trying
to step in, this wealth journey that I'm trying
to step in. How do I give myself the permission
to take up space, to be courageous, to be audacious,
to be okay to take on this? this wealth journey,
right? And that I don't have to shrink, I don't
have to limit myself to what previous generations
have done. And I think, again, the mind, I've
always said that being wealthy, being rich starts
in the mind before it comes in your bank account.
And your mind is so important in redefining your
relationship with money. And again, when you've
come from you know, either not having a lot of
money or a struggle narrative, a lot of times
you'll carry that, you know, maybe you are scarce
in your decisions, you don't take a lot of risk,
you're very you shrink when it comes to making
big financial decisions. And so we see that a
lot, right? Where your mind can kind of hold
you back. And it really requires you to have
this identity shift. And I think that's one of
many shifts and mindset changes that you have
to adopt when taking on this journey. Thanks
so much, Chief, for kind of breaking that down
for us. Kind of along the same lines, many ambitious
women feel guilt around earning more than their
families ever had. In your work, where does that
guilt come from, and how can you help women understand
it without letting it control their decisions?
That's a good question. I think, piggyback of
what I just said, a lot of this guilt stems from
this loyalty to family narratives about struggle,
this fear of appearing different or too successful.
And within families, we have seen this culture
where women need to be the caretakers, they need
to shrink, they need to play small, and a lot
of times abandon themselves for the greater good,
right? At least that's what we tell ourselves,
right? And that there's somehow this badge of
honor that comes, you know, with this extreme
humility and not taking up too much space, playing
your role. And when you have been raised in this
environment and have identified with this struggle,
you find yourself dealing with this weird emotional
internal conflict, right? Do I need to bind to
the struggle story forever? Am I wrong for choosing
me, for choosing a different path? And I always
say these emotions that come up, especially on
your wealth journey, they are not decision makers,
but rather they are information, right? They
are signaling to you where there might be holes
in your relationship with money, in your mindset,
in your journey, but it is not for you to succumb
to that feeling, to obey that feeling, but rather,
again, just a signal of information, right? That
maybe this is an area that I could work on. And
I think this guilt usually comes from love, but
it shouldn't dictate your financial strategy,
right? And so how do we turn that guilt into
acknowledgement rather than taking on responsibility
that is not yours to carry? This can happen a
lot when lifestyle upgrades begin, you can see
a lot of guilt show up there too. But it's saying,
okay, here's a root issue with my relationship
with money, myself. my family that I need to
address, but again, not find defeat in, right?
Not let myself succumb to. And I think one of
the things for ambitious women to understand
is, unfortunately, this is the journey, right?
This is the cost of becoming the first to do
the first in your family, right, to build wealth.
And so understanding that you are going to have
to dig deeper than your finances. You are going
to have to get at your identity, emotions, habits,
and face these uncomfortable truths and conversations,
but outgrowing your family's financial history
doesn't mean outgrowing your values, right? You
can honor where you've come from without recreating
its limitations. Definitely. You've talked a
lot about generational change in wealth, but
one of the things we've noticed is also change
in financial decision -making when other lifestyle
changes happen, such as new relationships and
marriages. Do you see any difference in that
process? Yeah. to understand you correctly. So
when going into relationships, how do you define
money and think about money in terms of your
dating, your... Yeah, of course. I think, at
least from my perspective, one of the best things
I... a woman can do for herself in dating, which
is, you know, of course, so timely, right? Valentine's
weekend is coming up. So we give these conversations
a lot of thought. I think we are at a time in
this economy and this culture, right, where women,
again, are starting to adopt more financial independence.
I always say relying on anyone, whether that
be a man, family members, that's not a business
plan. And you should always look within yourself
to create financial independence, because that
creates healthier dating options. You just have
a healthier relationship with everyone else when
you can depend on yourself for the basics, right,
to carry yourself that you know that you can
survive whether you're not looking at someone
for your next meal. Right. And so I think it's
so important to have financial independence and
financial clarity when going into these new relationships
or getting married. I think it's even more important.
Right. Because you never want to give over your
give away your power. Right. You want to remain
autonomous even in these relationships. And I
think that's becoming very evident for women
nowadays is to know how powerful it is to have
financial independence because money, again,
is a controller of so many resources and tools
in this world. And so you never want to fully
give that power away. And in thinking that, I
think there was generations before us where it
was very much the male was the provider, women
stayed at home, they didn't have jobs, they didn't
have income. Quite frankly, with that, you don't
have as many options, right? It's harder for
you to leave relationships. It's harder for you
to pivot, you know, when a life crisis happens.
And now, in today, I think women, we're starting
to set up shop differently, right? How can I
still go into these next chapters of my life,
marriage, dating, but still keep myself, keep
my autonomy, keep my options, which, again, is
just beneficial for everyone involved. Thank
you. So you started touching on this a little
bit about having boundaries, particularly in
money conversations. How can women tell the difference
between being generous and financially overextending
themselves out of obligation? This one's big
for women, this distinction. And I always say
it's more about the posture of what you do from
rather than what you are necessarily doing. Generosity
is going to feel expansive, while obligation
can tend to feel, I would say, heavy. You know,
and I think as you go on this financial growth
journey, it's very important to outline and to
be clear about what your short and long term
goals are. Right. That way you can always check
if does this support a line or conflict with
my goals. And we all know saying you can't pour
from an empty cup and the same applies here.
Right. Sustainable giving requires self stability
first. And sometimes we'll see this. Is this
another struggle story women have to unlearn
that not everything and everyone is their burden
to carry or to save? And again, when we talked
about those mental barriers and those mental
shifts that you have to overcome, this is huge,
right? Relieving yourself of the responsibility
to save everyone, right? And you have to kindly
ask yourself, is this... generosity or is this
self abandonment? And depending on your background,
it's very hard for some people to know the difference
because self abandonment for so many years in
so many families, it seems normal, right? I am
doing what looks good. I am doing the people
pleasing method. And this is why financial clarity
is so important in these conversations, because
you want to always make sure you are giving intentionally,
not reactively, not impulsively. And just remember
that boundaries don't make you less giving, but
they make your giving sustainable. And in the
long run, you're actually doing what's best for
you and those around you, even if in today, they
don't really necessarily agree. Definitely. And
that's something that we talk about. in various
realms on the gender equity task force that women,
particularly women in medicine, as many of us
are, are constantly overextending in various
ways. And that makes it really hard to be able
to do the things that you need to do when you're
constantly giving all of your time and energy
and even financially to other spaces. Yeah, no,
definitely. And then you're, you wonder why you
see similar patterns generation after generation,
because you then are caught on this hamster wheel
of doing what's always been done and you never
have a chance to break away. You never have a
chance to kind of pursue the self to pursue your
own wealth journey to pursue your own dreams
and ambition. And again, that's, it's a hard
hooker to be and it's really hard to get out
of that mindset of not being understood, like
being okay with not being understood, being okay
with not being a people pleaser, being okay with
kind of prioritizing yourself and others might
paint it selfish or, you know, they might not
really agree, but real people who support you
and love you in the long run, they're going to
understand, right? Even if they don't understand
it today, it's to free yourself again from that
invisible handcuffs of that. you have to live
in that cycle forever and that that's your responsibility.
For sure. Do you have any strategies that you'd
recommend for women who are entering this space
who want to shift their mindset but don't necessarily
know how to just yet? I think I think for me
personally, right, even just using myself as
an example and in some of the conversations that
we have at work, but I think a lot of people
try to go from zero to 100, and that is always
the hardest. And with anything, right, like riding
a bike, you start with the training wheels. And
if it seems overwhelming to make these drastic
financial decisions or to, let's say you are
the breadwinner of the family and you need to
make a hard decision to cut everyone off, right,
these are realistic conversations that people
have, right, is how do I adjust my boundaries?
I think it's starting off small. I have this
funny exercise of learning how to say no and
get as many noses as you can, right? But being
more comfortable with telling people no, and
you can start to ingrain that in your day to
day. And it doesn't necessarily have to be with
this directly first, but practicing. not giving
up yourself right and that could even be and
you think it's silly but in small moments of
you know someone asked you for a favor right
instead of immediately agreeing to it. Let me
take that away and I'll come back to you, right?
Giving yourself permission to take this task,
this responsibility, think on it from a clear
standpoint before you obligate or commit yourself
to anything, right? And again, this doesn't have
to show up in your money journey, but a lot of
times how we do one thing is how we do a lot
of things. if you can practice boundaries in
other ways, saying no, slowing down your commitments
and learning how to just generally prioritize
yourself in life, it starts to become a little
easier, right? When now we're having these financial
boundaries in place or learning how to shift
my mind, I've already kind of started to practice
that muscle. That way, when it comes to these
money conversations, I've had some practice,
right? I've gotten some reps in. And I think
is a great way, right? I think another way to
is really practicing or taking a look at your
own relationship with yourself, right? And just
taking some time to reflect on how you were raised.
I know we are talking a lot about these generational
differences, but a lot of times people don't
understand why they are or why the decisions
that they make because they don't understand
their background and how the relationship with
money has impacted them today, right? So in wanting
to make this mindset shift, you need to understand
where does it stem from? Am I scared to take
a leap? Am I Do I have a scarcity mindset because
I was raised with nothing? And now I have implemented
that in my day to day. So understanding the root
and the why, right? Like keep asking yourself
why. Why do I think this way? Okay, so it's because
I have a scarcity mindset. Okay, why do I have
a scarcity mindset? Oh, because we didn't have
much money growing up. Okay, well, and just kind
of digging deep is going to help you reveal,
to identify, in which way you're navigating life,
which will then be able to help you navigate
that shift, right? For sure. What would you say
to the women listening who feel proud of their
ambition but still conflicted about what her
success might change in her life? I would say
look, you are allowed to be proud and uncertain
at the same time. That is what growth feels like.
And again, when I was mentioning earlier, a lot
of these emotions that come up we think are a
signal of what to do rather than taking it in
as information. Just because it feels uncomfortable
doesn't mean you're on the wrong path and conflict
is oftentimes a sign of expansion. I think the
key though is still holding gratitude. Gratitude
is so important that we do everything from that
place that way. you can still ground yourself,
right? It's not to get too lost in your ambitions
or the money of it all that you lose grounding.
But I think you can hold both gratitude and ambition
and still withhold those key values. But I always
say growth will often feel lonely before it feels
empowering. And that's just a hard pill to swallow.
becoming this woman requires you to release these
old expectations. And one of my favorite quotes
is Marianne Williamson. And she has the line
in there. And she says, oftentimes it is our
light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
And this is exactly what this question is getting
at, right? Is where it can feel, you can be scared
of that success. You can be scared of that person
that you have to become because the dark who
you've always been, it's familiar, it's safe,
you know, it feels comforting. But it doesn't
mean that your ambition is pulling you away from
people. It doesn't mean that you are, you know,
that conflict feeling is bad, but rather Your
ambition is pulling you towards your potential
and to pursue your best self. And this version
of you that you're becoming doesn't erase where
you started, but it actually honors it. And I
think that's a way to change the perspective,
right? Is I'm actually honoring where I've come
and who I've been by choosing to be courageous
and pursuing my best self, right? With what I've
been given in this world to make the best out
of what I've been dealt. I love that little shift
that you left us with. So with that... This has
been such a lovely conversation, and that's a
wrap on this episode of Our Voices, Our Future.
We hope today's conversation inspired you, challenged
you, and reminded you of the power of raising
your voice. The fight for equity doesn't stop
here. Join us in the movement. Subscribe wherever
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it. Until next time, stay bold, stay vocal, and
keep the conversation going. This is Our Voices,
Our Future.