Hello listeners, and welcome to the inaugural
episode of Chronically Low Competence. This is
my new audio -only Let's Play podcast. I'm your
host, Dan. If you're coming here because you're
already familiar with me from the Super Switch
Club or the Pass Along podcast, welcome. Thank
you very much for your support. It really means
a lot to me. If you're here because the algorithm
somehow pushed me into your face and you were
like, hey, that seems interesting, well, an extra
special welcome to you. I really hope that you
enjoy what you hear today. Now, I thought long
and hard about what to do for the first season
of this podcast. I could have gone a familiar
route, you know, played some retro game, used
the setup and mic that I'm already comfortable
with and know how it's going to turn out. But
you saw the name of this episode, you know that's
not where we ended up. Instead, I thought it
would be a great idea to do the single most taxing
thing that I can on my laptop, which is play
a VR game, and also record it at the same time.
And also, who knows what quality the mic on the
headset is? I certainly didn't going into this.
So, yeah, a lot of really quality choices made
just right off the bat here. You're just going
to have to listen to see how it all panned out,
though. I should also mention that this is a
VR game and I am not a young man, which means
there's probably going to be some grunts and
groans and gasps. pops and creaks uh etc i apologize
in advance okay so without any further ado here
is super hot vr all right hacker voice i'm in
i am standing in a huge limitless white space
uh there is a pistol looks like it's made out
of black crystal floating in front of me so i
reach out And I take it. So now I am standing
in an industrial facility, standing on a grate
mesh floor. There's pipes and barrels. And a
man made out of red crystal is standing right
in front of me. Nothing seems to be happening,
so I think I just dome him. Time moves when you
move. So waving my hand, I can see his body fall
down into the distance. Reach out. Grab the pyramid.
Back in the white space, there's another red
dude right in front of me. I think I'd just punch
him. Punch through. Now there's two more of them.
I'm surrounded by a fence. They're both running
towards me, fists up. Looks like the one on the
left is coming in a little closer. His arm's
already up swinging, so I think we let him miss.
And then tap him in the elbow. Again in the chest.
His buddy's up close now. Backhand. And then
another hit. Down he goes. And another pyramid
appears. Says to grab it. Grab it. Last round.
I'm in a hallway. There's three of them. Directly
in front of me. All facing away. Don't see anything
nearby. Start moving my arms. Let's do a little
Bruce Lee to get him moving. My last name is
Lee. Bruce Lee. I was born in San Francisco in
1940. There's one right up close. Give him a
shot to the face. Head explodes. Next guy's coming
in. His arms coming forward. Tap to the elbow.
And then to the chest. Third guy's coming in.
Tap his hand. And he's down. And now, back in
the white space, there is a very old -looking
cell phone floating in front of me, again made
out of black crystal. Move your body. I'm now
in a hallway. There's a man, red crystal, pointing
a gun at me. I shift. He starts running forward.
Fires his gun, but I can slow time enough to
dodge it. He's still coming closer. Dodge that
one too. Still coming closer. Reach out and take
his gun. Empty your mind. Looks like that was
a failure though. Gotta do it again. Move your
bot. Duck it. Okay. Lead him over to the right.
There we go. Hit him. And he's down. Back in
the white space now there is a shuriken floating
in front of me. Grab that. We've got two guys.
Hard catch. And a wall of shuriken to my right.
They're both running at me from a distance. Let's
grab another shuriken. Third guy comes around
the corner. Throw it in the one in front of me.
He's down. Aim for the second one. Looks like
I'm going to miss that. Yep. Try again. There
we go. Got him. Now the guy in the back. See
if we can hit him at a distance. That's not going
to work right now. Nope. One more. He's coming
straight towards me. Maybe just... Straight ahead
into his face. Yeah. Gun floating in front of
me again. Looks like we've got a guy straight
ahead of me. He's got a gun. There's another
two to my right. I think we shoot the one in
front of me. Throws his gun at me. So now I've
got two. Bring one over. Second guy. Third guy.
Done. Easy enough. Hands up. There's three of
them. One's very close. Let's hit him in the
dome. Looks like the other guy on the stairs
is going to get to me first. Let's tap him in
the hand and the shoulder. Another guy coming
in. Done. Easy. Your flight is cancelled, it
says. I'm in an airport. I have a guy with a
gun directly in front of me. Two more. One to
the left, one to the right, running towards me.
Got a bottle, two bottles, and an ashtray here.
Dodge the bullet. Throw the bottle. Got the guy
in front of me with the bottle. Looks like I
lost the gun, though. Aim for his buddy over
here to the left. And looks like I got him. Ashtray
to the right. That's going to miss, but we've
got another one. Wait for him to come around
the corner. Looks like this is the only one left.
Ha! Missed. I guess we're going to do this the
old -fashioned way. Come on, buddy. Bop. And
we're done. Concrete security. I'm right behind
a console. There's two running towards me and
a third with a gun in the back. He just fired
it. Dodge the bullet. Throw this... Calculator
at the closer guy. He's done. Oh, another bullet.
Third bullet, but I now throw this cup at him.
Looks like I missed. Can I grab this bullet?
Nope, but I missed. This guy's tough. Do you
have more rounds? Yep. Take his gun. And we got
it. Easy enough. Time to pay. Guy reaching for
the gun directly in front of me. Got it. Looks
like I need to try again. Give it a try and I'm
back to that first scenario where I picked up
the gun. Guy directly in front of me. Let's shoot
him. Grab his gun. Number two. And number three.
Done. Hands up. We're on the stairs again. Two
in front of me. One to the right. Front of me
is down. Get in position. Tap the second guy.
Twice. Third guy is coming in. Give him a double
hit and we're good. Your flight is cancelled.
We're back to this one. Bottle. Bottle. There
we go. Dodge the bullet. Throw the bottle. Second
bottle over to the right. This time I got the
gun. Bottle to the right. Or bottle to the left
actually. Shoot to the right. Camera to the left.
I missed the first time. That's still missed.
But we've got a gun. Takes care of that. Concrete
security. Okay, cup to the right. Block a bullet
with a calculator. Ashtray to the right. Block
another bullet. Dodge the third. Got a calculator.
Aim carefully. Throw. Advance time, and boom,
got it. Time to pay. Got the guy directly in
front of me with the gun. There's a guy to my
left running for a gun. Let's take him. There's
a third who just fired. Let's dodge that. Aim
for him. Nope, missed. Another shot. Missed again.
Dodging his bullets. Third shot. Come on. No,
looks like I'm still going to miss. Can I? Yep,
I can grab another gun. Fire that. Got him. And
there we go. So, hopefully that wasn't too confusing
of a cold open for you folks. I'm playing Superhot
VR, as you could probably tell from it saying
Superhot over and over. For those who maybe haven't
played this game, it's sort of a first -person
shooter puzzle game. The gimmick is time only
moves when you move, and so you can move slowly
to advance time and dodge things like bullets,
or quickly, such as firing a gun, in order to
actually take out your opponents. The goal, of
course, is to take out all the guys around you.
That was essentially the tutorial that I just
finished. So now I'm in the menu, which Superhot
VR does something that a lot of the early wave
of VR games did, which is it has a skeuomorphic
menu space that you stand in instead of like
a screen that floats in front of you that you
just point at. Instead, I am in an actual room.
It looks like a closet, but there's like one,
two, three, four, five, six, seven. old looking
computers and a bunch of keyboards, four monitors.
They all show a floppy disk on them being inserted
into a disk drive. And there's a floppy disk
labeled Super Hot Disk B here in front of me,
which I can pick up. And this is essentially
the menu. Like in order to play the game, I pick
up a disk and I put it in the disk drive like
that. And it loads. And then there's a VR headset
floating above me that just turned on. So I can
grab that, lower it onto my head, and we're back
in the white space. That's essentially the game.
It's a series of levels where I defeat each of
the guys who come around. We're going to see
how far we can get and how well it goes. Right
now I've got the gun floating in front of me
again. Let's grab it. Break in is the name of
this stage. There's a guy directly in front of
me. I don't want to waste this gun, so tap, tap.
That should take care of him. Yep. Moving on.
I've got two Uzis in front of me. I see four
guys. Two to my right, two to my left. One coming
down the stairs with a gun. Let's aim for him.
And these two on the left first. Pop. Pop. Pop.
Pop. Oh. There we go. Got him. It was a little
tricky. I had to dodge those bullets. Three in
front of me. One with a gun. Two with a gun.
One in the back left, one to the far right. Guy
directly in front of me is very close. Close
enough I can take his gun. Maybe throw this cup
at him. Ooh, there's a secret guy behind him.
Four guys, actually. Gonna raise a cup to block
that bullet. Take out this close guy. Ooh, that
hidden guy had an Uzi. Fired him and duck. Oh,
there's an Uzi down here under the desk. Let's
take care of that. And they're down. All right.
Emergency exit. I'm in a bicycle shop. There's
a gun immediately to my left. I see three guys.
One. Four guys. One with an Uzi. One with a handgun.
Let's take Uzi first. And handgun next. His gun's
coming towards me in the air. Oh, one of the
guys in the back pulled a gun as well. Him. Grab
the fallen gun. And the last guy. Super. Done.
Easy enough. Back to the white space. I guess
I finished that segment. No problem. Grab the
gun again. Guy with an Uzi directly in front
of me. Hallway downstairs. Looks like we're in
an Asian part of town. I see a Chinese dragon
in the background of the sculpture. Let's shoot
this guy in front of me. Grab his Uzi. Guy comes
around the corner. Two guys. Let's take the one
with the gun first. And the one on the left.
Got them both. Advance time. Get into position.
I can see throwing stars at the other end of
the stage. I'm going to throw these guns over
there. Nope. Broke one of them. Wow. Looks like
that's not going to make it. But I was right.
I just appeared in that area that I just saw.
I can see my gun falling. So I had the right
instinct. I see two guys, both with Uzis. Three
guys running towards me, directly in front of
me. Grab a handgun. Grab a ninja star. I think
handgun for the far away guy. Pop. And the other
guy to the left. Pop. Oh, missed. Take another
shot. And another. And one more at the guy on
the stairs. Oh. Guess I ran out. Shit. Oh, there's
an Uzi here. I'll just lean around the corner
and pop a pop. Got one. Still got my throwing
star. Let's huck that out. Missed with that.
Try again. And again. Nope. Alright, well, let's
just do the Uzi then. Get him out from behind
this piece. He's got like a pot in front of me
that's blocking him. Oh, here he comes. Done.
Surrounded. I've got two throwing stars falling
in front of me. I'm on a bridge. I see four guys.
Two to my left, two to my right. Two of them
have knives. Let's throwing star the knife guys.
That'll get me their knives. And then I can cut
the one on the right and the one on the left.
Pretty good. Just throw these knives up just
in case. Nope, not in the same spot. Guy in front
of me trying to punch. Looks like there's an
Uzi here. Let's grab that. And a throwing star
just to be safe. I see three more coming to my
left. Two of them have guns. Let's take one.
Nope. Missed. And again. There we go. Uzi's out.
Let's do a throwing star at this one. I can block
the bullets with a gun. That's helpful. Throwing
star. Ooh, that guy's got a shotgun. Throwing
star. Ah! Shotgun move really fast. You got me.
Back to the void. Back to the handgun. Alright,
guy directly in front of me. Back in the alleyway
at the top of the stairs. Let's shoot him. Uzi
drops. Grab it. Guy on the left. Guy on the right.
There we go. Alright. Back to that area with
pots and the three guys. Let's go. Handgun and
Uzi. Bring them around. And fire. Got both of
them. That was perfect. Third guy to my right.
Just do a little handgun. Well, couldn't quite
get around the geometry of the pipes. Let's wait
for him to get a little closer. Come a little
closer. There he is. Pop. Done. Let's see. I
think I appeared on the bridge last time. Let's
see if I can get these guns over there. And these
throwing stars, too. Pop. All right. We got two
throwing stars coming this way. I'm on the bridge
again. Four guys. Two on the left, two on the
right. Let's grab my throwing stars. Ha! The
throwing stars I threw last round killed the
two on the right for me. So we can focus entirely
on the left. Throw. Throw. Grab a knife. I don't
know. Where did I appear next last time? I think
maybe up there? I can see a balcony with a bunch
of throwing stars. Let's throw this knife up
there as well. Grab it. Was I right? I do see
the knife, but I didn't throw it far enough.
Guy in front of me. Pop. Give him the old double
hand Bruce Lee punch. Grab the Uzis. Looks like
there's a third Uzi. That'll be helpful. Bring
him around. Let's aim for this guy. Okay, got
one. He's fired at me, so I gotta lean a little.
Two. Three. Oh, shotgun guy. Looks like he got
a shot off, but I can dodge it. And now we've
got just the last one in the back with the pistol.
Spray. And there he goes. Ha ha. That's right.
Super hot. Oh. All right. Back in the white void.
Guy directly in front of me. I guess I'll just
put fists through his face. Bye bye. I am in.
Some kind of... Oh yeah, I'm in a helicopter.
I can see the shadow of the blades moving. Punch
that guy out of the helicopter. Looking down
at some boxes with pistols on them. Let's grab
the pyramid. Yep, down at the boxes with pistols.
I see one, two guys coming. Grab a pistol. Grab
a pistol. Bring it around. One on the right's
got a gun himself, so let's handle him. Whoa!
Like water. Yep, that was fast. He shot me straight
in the head. All right, we're back around. Kill
the guy in the helicopter. Teleport down. Let's
grab a different gun. A little bit closer. Bring
it around. Since he's already fired, I can get
out of the line of fire and pop. Got him. Guy
on the left grabbed a gun, but he's not going
to last. I thought he wasn't going to last long
enough to fire it. I was wrong. So let's block
his bullet. Bring both guns to bear. Pop. Oh.
I guess if you fire two guns too close together,
they hit each other. So we'll use one to block
his bullets. And one. Oh my god. Alright, one's
empty. Let's try the other one. Straight in the
head. Oh. Guy just appeared in the helicopter.
He wasn't there before. Let's drop these guns.
Reach over for this one. And grab this one out
of the air. He just fired at me. Aim and tap.
Ah, damn it. Shotgun blast got me from that guy
in the helicopter. So. Now you put water into
a cup. It becomes the cup. Back around. We're
in the helicopter. Kill the guy there. Grab the
pyramid. Pistol on the right. Two guys coming.
One on the right already has a gun. Let's take
him. And the one on the left who's trying to
get a gun. Let's take him. Oh, he juked me. But
I know where he's going. Oh, well. Shit. There
we go. Buddy up in the helicopter has appeared.
Just fired. Shit. Okay. That means I can't fire
because then... His shots. He's firing a shotgun,
so I don't think I'm going to be able to dodge
it. Let's advance time slowly. I think I can
block. Yeah, only one of these is going to hit
me. Let's block that and then fire. I think I
missed with that one. Duck a little. Block. And
fire. And... That time his spray didn't get near
me, so I'm just going to fire again. Oh, well,
that gun was used up, but I got him. Tricky one.
It's really cool watching the helicopter blades
move faster and slower as I move. That's so cool.
Grab the pyramid. Make them pay. I'm standing
in what looks like the lobby. I can see the helicopter
to the right, so we're now inside the building
we were just outside of. I've got two guns in
front of me. And a third to the right. I see
two guys coming. One to my right with an Uzi.
One to my left coming down the stairs. Oh! And
a guy on the balcony to my right that I did not
notice who just shot at me. Let's handle him
and the one on the right first. Or, yeah, one
on the right down here first. Pop. Dodge his
bullet. Guy on the left. Oh, blocked his bullet
even. Guy on the left. I don't know which of
those is going to hit him. He's got an Uzi, so
he's coming. Got him. That was a good shot. Throw
him up in the air just in case. Grab. Let loose.
So now I am at that balcony where that guy shot
at me from before. I got four, five, six Uzis.
Four guys coming, all with Uzis. One of those.
Yep, just started firing. Let's grab an Uzi.
Let's crouch. And let's do just a little spray.
Got him in the head. Another spray here. Got
another one. Third spray. Ah! You put water into
a bottle, it becomes the bottle. His shot hit
me. Damn. Back to the helicopter. Pop. Kick this
guy out. Grab the pyramid. Gun to my right. Shoot
this guy on the right. Shoot this guy on the
left. And up to the helicopter. And let's just
let time advance a little bit. Reel forward.
Duck his shots. And he's down. Now that you know
the trick, it's a lot easier. Grab the pyramid.
Make them pay. Alright. Gun to my right. And
my left. First the balcony guy. And the one on
the right, just like last time. I think one of
those is going to miss. Do another shot. Oh,
no, I guess I did get him. Ah, but he got me.
You put in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. All
right, helicopter. Bop. Grab the pyramid. Gun.
Right. Left. Oh. Left. And helicopter. Ducked
shots. And let's do one more just for good measure.
Got him. Grab pyramid. Alright, make them pay
again. Two handguns. One to the right. Hop. One
to... That was the balcony, actually. One to
the right. That should get him. And then over
here on the left on the stairs, let's just do...
Uh, there. God, I keep hitting my own bullets.
Another round. I think that'll get him. Let's
just real time forward. Yep, got him. All right.
And now, wait a minute. Pistol. Where's the balcony
that I appeared on? Oh, it's actually directly
in front of me. It's the one that guy ran down
from. If I can throw this gun. Nope. I threw
that gun straight into the ceiling. Let's try
this one. Alright. Drop the pyramid. Let loose.
Gun's floating in the air, but it's not going
to help me. It's too far away. Alright. Uzi.
Spray. Duck. Spray. And third spray. Oop, nope.
Oop, they're firing at me. Let me drop this Uzi.
Duck. Grab two more. Let them advance their bullets
a little bit. Let's block what they're firing.
It's so cool blocking the bullets. And then...
Ba -da -da. Ooh. Nope. Ba -da -da. Man, I am
having a lot of trouble with this one. Okay,
got one on the left. Let's just block this and
throw that. Ah! Shot me again. Now water can
flow or it can crash. Helicopter guy. Bop. And
reel forward. Pyramid. Gun to the right. Bring
it up. And pop. And pop. There we go. And on
top. Pop. Be water, my friend. I got careless.
I got cocky. All right. Helicopter. Bop. Pyramid.
Grab. Pistol to the right. Bring it up. Shoot
right. Shoot left. Shoot helicopter. And he's
down. Pyramid. Make them pay. Alright. Pistol.
Pistol. Balcony. And then to my right. And then
to my left. Pop. And pop. I missed this guy on
the right, actually, somehow, so let's do that
again. I think that'll work. Yep, got him. Okay.
Let me think about this. There was a guy behind
this pillar in front of me. Let's throw a gun
over there. And grab. Well, I guess there wasn't
a guy there. Alright. Oh, no, there was. I think
I killed one with it. Yeah, alright, cool. Oh,
he didn't die, actually. Alright, spray. Spray.
Spray. Okay, that's three. Give me another Uzi.
Use this as a shield. Block. Spray. Got him!
Haha! Success, finally. Grab the pyramid. Wait
for it. Okay, now I'm outside on a balcony facing
the helicopter. I have no... I have no weaponry.
Oh, the helicopter's coming towards me. Oh. Oh.
Uh. Uh. It's... Oh! Pyramid appeared. What's
going to happen? I guess you're just going to
have to listen to the next episode to find out.
Until then, please rate and review this podcast
anywhere you can. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube,
etc. It really does make a big difference and
I would really appreciate it. You can also find
me on Blue Sky YouTube and you can email me as
well. You can check the episode description for
the relevant details for all of that. Thank you
very much for listening to the episode and I
hope that you'll tune in for the next one as
well. All type of knowledge ultimately means
self -knowledge.