Alright, welcome to Good News York episode 69,
which is gross because it's my sister's episode.
My sister is here, but we'll get to that. I am
Mike Brindisi. This is Good News York, sponsored
by Ads on the Go. Get ads on the go .com. Shout
out to Zach, who's in the truck driving around
with our ugly faces on it. As I said, we have
two very special guests here today. All joking
aside, it's very meaningful to have our career
paths cross each other. We have my sister Brianna
Brindisi and Natalie Detraglia. Did I say that
correctly? Detraglia? Well, strike one. I am
Italian. Strike two. This is gonna be a tough
interview. They are here from Modern Counseling
Wellness Co. Brand new, I wanna make sure I word
this right, brand new What's the word? Practice,
right? That's your brand new practice. It's a
group practice. And it's only you two at the
moment. And an intern. We have a graduate intern
that just joined us. She'll be starting in August.
That's cool. That's great. So for those of you
that listen or watch the show, you know that
I am a huge advocate for mental health. We've
had other mental health professionals on the
show. It's one of those things where personally,
like, when you... Battle mental health your entire
life or struggle with it like like I have and
many others You get to a point where when you
in least in my case where once you're on the
mend You make a vow to like you know what at
least I do Anytime someone is is struggling with
mental. I like I want if I have any sort of platform
whether it's this show whether it's a Platform
where five people pay attention to me I want
to make it my mission to to spread the word about
mental health awareness and to help people And
so many people will come to me and say, man,
you should have been a therapist. You're really
good. And I said, you know what? No, I shouldn't
have. Because my sister did. Because my sister
is. But also, that's the beauty of therapy, is
that if you do it right and you do it long enough,
you take those tools with you for the rest of
your life and you're able to help other people
with that. And... That's kind of what I wanted
to kind of segue into to start it off, which
is so many people have had this... I mean, it's
different now with social media, right? I mean,
we have a lot of transparency with many things.
But for a long time, it was like, I'm not going
to a therapy. I don't want to lay on a couch
and they have a clipboard. You know, there was
all these false, right? And then, you know, there's
also the people that think there's like a magic
bullet, like you're going to go there and then
they're going to tell you something and then
you're cured. But what I found is that, yes,
there is a lot that can be accomplished within
the actual appointment, the meeting itself. But
I found that the value comes in the tools that
you give. And if you practice that outside, that's
the goal. Am I right? Yeah, 100%. Absolutely.
It's actually a conversation that I have. Just
bring that mic a little closer to you. It's not
you. I just want to make sure. Yeah, that's perfect.
That's actually a conversation I have, the way
that I frame it. I actually got this from one
of my old coworkers. I explained to people who
have never been to therapy before that it is
very much, therapy is very much like, if you
woke up one day and you had a leaky toilet, right?
You had a leaky toilet, no tools, you lived alone,
what would you do? You would have to - Ask my
wife to fix it. No, I'm kidding. You'd have to
go to Home Depot, right? And you'd get the tools
that you needed to fix your leaky toilet. And
somebody would be standing there and go, hi,
how can I help you today? And you'd go, well,
I got a leaky toilet. And they'd go, oh, OK,
well, you're going to need this and this and
ooh, don't forget this. This is important. Do
this one. Don't skip that step. It's crucial.
They'll tell you to mow over it, but don't skip
it. It's important. When you are fixing your
toilet, there's a little ring that you need to
put, and the ring would be that. Perfect. That's
the one you don't want to forget. Right. So,
you know, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and
then you cash out, and you go home, and you take
the tools, and you fix your leaky toilet. That
sales associate doesn't go with you. Therapy's
a lot like that. That's great. We're certainly
not sales associates, but you come here, you've
identified a need for being here, and... We provide
you with the tools and the skills that we have
as clinicians and you unfortunately the burden
of Working on those things it falls on you you
take those tools that you learn in therapy and
you apply them in real life because it's not
Every day. In fact, I I find that it's it's very
few and far between where somebody's actually
in crisis while in session You're you're coming
to session to explain what's gone on in the past
couple weeks or within your life. It's very rare
that it's happening in that moment. And so you
learn the tools in therapy, and then you go home.
And in real life, when these things come about,
you then use the tools that you learned in therapy.
And you do the work yourself. Very well said.
Yeah, and that's kind of where I was going with
it was... You know, at first I didn't know what
to expect, but I guess I didn't realize that
a lot of the work was done within yourself and
practicing those things. I want to talk about
your background though. I mean, obviously I know
your background, but Natalie, kind of we'll start
with you. Tell me how this all began for you.
Like what inspired you to go into mental health?
Because I found more than any other industry.
I found that a lot of times people who get into
the mental health field have either been touched
by mental illness themselves, or maybe a family
member or friends, and then there's some that
just, that's what they've always wanted to do.
How did it start for you? So it's funny, because
we were talking about this before we came in,
but one of the things that I think is honed in
on when you're in graduate school is don't talk
about the things that you've been through. You
don't ever want a client to use that against
you in session. If you tell them you've been
through X, Y, and Z, they might come back at
a later point. And while this professor that
I had that kind of ingrained this in us was fabulous,
it's the one thing that I've never bought in
on. Because all of my success so far has been
due to the fact that people can relate and they're
not alone. So when I was, I mean, I've struggled
with anxiety, ADHD, undiagnosed ADHD my entire
life, where I've just kind of had to learn, I
think, again, growing up. It wasn't something
that was looked at as normal or something that
the average person goes through. But I remember
being a freshman in college. This is when it
really like, if I think back, yeah, there's a
lot of things, but this is kind of really when
it started. I was going through a breakup as
a freshman in college. My basketball coach was
like, you need to go talk to somebody like I
made you the appointment and I you're going right.
Like you're not playing. So I went, which is
in no fault of. maybe the person that was there,
but it was terrible. Really? It was the worst
experience ever. In what way? In that I had all
this stuff that had been bottled up for, how
old was I, 18 years, and I went in and I felt
like I talked about everything in 45 minutes
and nothing was said back to me. Somebody sat,
and they just kind of looked at me. And then
the time ran out, and I still had things to say.
And it was like, OK, we'll pick this up next
time. And I remember feeling more alone and more
isolated than when I walked in in the first place.
And that kind of was what jump -started me going
into, all right, so I'm going to be a psych major
from being a psych major. Like, I want to help
people, right? I want to go into education. I
don't know if I want to go in. What do I do?
And it was a bunch of trial and error over the
course of time. I've been in private practice
before. I started in private practice. Again,
not so great experience. You know, and I circled
back around. I became a high school counselor,
which I think is one of the reasons we are as
successful as we are right now, bringing those
skills into the setting. to be able to relate
to teens and adolescents, be proactive. Career
counseling, like we don't just do traditional,
you know what I mean? We do career counseling.
We're working on, we've added play therapy. Breanna
wants to introduce her dog, Charlotte, and get
her in there and do some animal therapy, things
like that. I know these are a lot of things that
people try to talk about, but the modern counseling
piece, right? Like that name modern. Right now
everybody wants the modern new vibe whatever
but the idea is exactly like let's get away from
the pen and paper the cows I Would love to see
yeah. Yeah, I would love to see a place where
we're able to incorporate more walk -and -talk
situations How do we take the client and like
let's go walk with Charlotte like let's go walk
around You know the village of Clinton or whatever
that looks like But it started with some really
not great experiences my own personal struggles
I know I'm not alone. A handful of students,
a handful of my students being like, please be
my therapist outside of here. And that generated,
yeah, don't leave me. That generated this idea
that while I love what I am doing in the school
setting, it is, it's very limited. It is, you
know, and it's constricted to certain things
that I wanted to branch outside of that, so.
Good for you. Yeah. And so when did you open
Modern Counseling and Wellness Co.? So when I
became a high school counselor at Sequoia Valley
in, what was it, 2020, I was there for just a
little over four years. But two years in was
when I had this epiphany. I'm like the biggest
Golden Girls fan. Yeah. Love me. Let's go Blanche
and Dorothy. Yeah. I even watched, I even watched
the, there was a a spin -off of Golden Girls
called Empty Nest, where their neighbor had a
dog named Dreyfus, and they had their own show
after Golden Girls, and sometimes, which is mind
-blowing in the 80s and 90s, they would do a
crossover where, like, the Golden Girls would
come over. I mean, they do that now with Chicago
Fire, Chicago Petey. Anyway, we just went on
a Golden Girls side tangent. That's what I love.
Anyway, sorry. No, you're good. But no, I was
stressed to the max. I mean, I couldn't even
comprehend what was going on. I am in the school.
It's Christmas time. These kids go crazy at Christmas.
And I'm like, what do I do? I'm going to make
a cup of coffee, right? And so people probably
look at our logo, which is a coffee cup with
a little leaf in it. What the? You can say fuck.
Yeah, like what the fuck does a coffee cup have
to do with mental health? Right husband was like
you're not coffee shop. Why are you doing this?
But it I had this Betty white cup that I just
it was everything to me, right? And I'm like,
I'm gonna make a cup of coffee and I made this
cup of coffee I know I know I made this cup of
coffee at one o 'clock in the afternoon and I
took the first sip and I was like A feeling.
But really what it was was this idea of what
we explain and what we talk about in session
are these grounding techniques. Like, what's
your coffee cup thing? What is the thing that's
going to bring you back to baseline and make
you feel good? Oh, I love that. You know? And
so for me, it's not a cup of coffee. It is the
first sip of a cup of coffee. Yes. Like, mmm,
liquid good. But anyway, so we're kind of going
on. But yeah, it brought me to opening my independent
practice, NP Life and Career Counseling, where
my kids were like, let me come see you. I can't
do that. I see you at school. But of course,
there's going to be tons of other kids in neighboring
schools where we're at who wanted that help.
And then that led me to us having a conversation
and me saying, hey, come help me crush this.
And we're going to. We're going to open a group
practice and it's going to be great. Modern counseling
and wellness company. I love it. Just to side
note, just to give a little like backstory, Natalie
and I. That's what I was going to ask you next.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So so so go. Natalie and I
actually met when we were we both worked at the
House of Good Shepherd. In Utica, New York and
still to this day. That is probably no offense
my favorite Shout out shout out how's a good
shepherd? Family you know who you are That was
a meaningful Chapter of your life. Oh, it was
it was stressful crucial time of my hour life
Yeah, I mean a lot happened I was there for nine
years, and a lot happened in those nine years,
not only at that place, but also in our personal
lives. And that's where we actually met. And
Natalie and I vibed. I mean, we just, we clicked.
Like, it was one of those things where you just,
like, lock eyes. You're dealing with a really
tough situation. And, you know, there are certain
people that will handle a situation a certain
way, and then there's people who will handle
it a different way. And Natalie and I have always
been very in sync. Shout out NSYNC. Sorry. ADHD?
So yeah, we've always been very in tune with
how we deal with things and how we respond to
situations and how we are as clinicians. I think
we're very similar in how we... It definitely
had nothing to do with her taking a giant loogie
to the face in the middle of it. Nothing. It
had nothing to do with it. And I'm holding this.
I mean, because you were trained for this, right?
Like, you have students that are, unfortunately,
they become dangerous. You have to restrain them
so they're not hurting others. And she's trying
to do what she's got to do, and she just takes
one. And I'm like, I looked at her. Oh, no. I
just looked at her, and I like, my head snapped
back. Loogie just... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And
she looked at me gagging. And the connection
happened. So what we've learned is that a loogie
brought you two together. Yeah. But how did that
come about where you asked Brianna to be a part?
When I knew I knew I wanted to go to practice.
Right. So leaving Sequoia was. Hands down, other
than leaving is yes, but leaving sequoia was
very, very difficult for me because when I took
that job, it was like, here I am. This is what
I wanted. I'm going to be here for life. So when
I decided to take the leap for the group practice,
when you do that, it's one thing to bring on
clinicians that you can train. and mold and kind
of help them see your vision, that's great. But
you want somebody that you know, for me, I'm
not, I'm looking for that relationship thing
that we talked about. Like I need you to sit
in front of somebody and I need them to go, I
don't care about even what your, like I know
we vibe. And I knew that about her. We had, we
had just, I don't even know, we had just reconnected
over a random conversation and she was just kind
of like, hey, if you are ever looking for clinicians
to come join you, like I would be very interested.
And as soon as she said that to me, I was like,
she might just be saying that to be kind. But
in my mind, I was like, she would fucking crush
it. Like she would kill this. And I know that
because I know her personality. I'm not worried
about, you know, anything else. I'm worried about
the fact that she's going to connect with these
people. Yeah. You know, I'm excited. I'm very
excited for Modern Counseling and Wellness Co.
And I love that my sister is a part of it, obviously.
You know, there's so many. You know we were talking
before in the green room about this whole industry
and now finding the right therapist is important
and You know I've said it before it's crucial
You know and I want people that are listening
or watching to know that You know the hardest
part about going to therapy in my opinion is
the first time it's like going to the gym, right?
But you finally muster up enough confidence or
whatever to go And then you go out of face with
the, oh, well, do I have to pay out of pocket?
Will insurance accept it? So there's a hurdle.
And then you get there and sometimes you don't
vibe. Like you said, I had a same thing. I bounced
around with therapists where I am there pouring
my heart out. I am struggling and they're just
sitting there. And for some people that might
work, but for me it didn't. So now you have the
third hurdle. You finally get the courage to
get up there. You get through the health insurance
part and now you're not vibing and you're like,
well, I don't want to go through the process
of having to find somebody else. But it is so
crucial because it's not going to help you if
you are with somebody that you are not vibing
with. And, you know, what would you say to people
listening or watching? Let's say you finally
go and you're not vibing with your therapist.
Like, from a therapist's perspective, let us
know, like, you don't take it personal. And it's
crucial, correct? Oh my gosh, no, absolutely
not. This is exactly the authenticity that we're
trying to create and why we're putting this out
there is we want people to know this is who we
are. Me dropping an F -bomb, me doing whatever.
You're going to share something exciting with
me. I'm not just going to be like, oh my gosh,
that's great. I'm going to flip this goddamn
table over and we're going to celebrate. We're
going to hug. Because we are celebrating these
major progress. And that was the other thing
about bringing her in is that's what I want.
something authentic, you know, and I think it's
not about bringing in so many clients and building
this capital. It's about making a difference
in the community. And that is exactly why I could
have stayed right where I was and make it a difference
with my students. I want to make a difference
and I want that relationship to just thrive.
That is the whole purpose behind this. I mean,
if you want somebody who's like. gonna make you
laugh and maybe you're not gonna accomplish things
because you're gonna laugh all throughout session.
Brianna, she's here. My sis. If you want somebody
who's gonna sit here and tell you, what are you
doing? I'm gonna call you on your shit. You know
what I mean? You're coming here, you're investing,
I'm here for you, I'm gonna tell you what's up.
And some people don't want that, like you said.
Some people are looking for the old school, traditional,
how does that make you feel? Let's really hone
in on the cognitive behavioral practices and
do it that way. I think we're looking to do something
a little bit different and just let our personalities
mesh. I think I do, I try anyway, to do a little
bit of everything. And I want to preface this
by saying that, you know, to the people listening
that if, we know as clinicians that if the vibe
is not vibing, we don't take it personal. We
know that it doesn't mean that we're a bad clinician
and that we are the worst on the planet and we
should just, we went into the wrong field. It's
just, we are energy, and if our energies don't
match, that's okay. We don't take that personal.
You should be upfront and honest about it, like,
hey, this doesn't feel vibey, because we feel
it too, for the record. But also, don't let that
hold you back from still exploring and... trying
to find the right one. It's trial and error.
You know what I mean? It's like finding a friend.
You gotta connect, right? And you're not gonna
connect with everybody. But I can't tell you
how many times I've asked people on that intake
assessment, have you ever seen a mental health
professional before? And they'll go, ugh, I went
one time, it was horrible, and I just never went
back. Which is fine. But now 20 years have passed
and you have now more stuff added on to the stuff
you originally went for and you just never explored
it again. Like you always, always keep going
and search for that right one because mental
health and therapy is so beneficial and important
for everybody. Everybody should have therapy.
No, I 100 % agree. I've always said that this
world would be such a better place if we could.
I mean, obviously I don't want to make people
mandatory. to go to therapy, but I mean, it really
would change so much. And you know, I, go ahead.
No, I was just gonna say, it's just the way you
view it. You know what I mean? It's the way you
view, like when you think, and that's why we
try to use terms like mental wellness, right?
Mental health, everybody hears mental health,
they get scared, they get freaked out, right?
Like think these - Yeah. clinical terms. Health
is kind of a... It's scary. Health, doctor, medicine,
et cetera, right? So like when we say things
like mental wellness, and this is why we're incorporating
the wellness piece, we have some big plans, we
have some big things coming. I won't share too
much, but incorporating the wellness piece, it's
like, what do you do with a kid who cannot go
sit in an office space and talk, but they have
ADHD? You know what you do? You hand them a set
of drums, a drumstick. Hell yes. And like you
teach them those skills that way. So we have
some wellness stuff coming. It's going to be
very exciting, but kind of going back to what
you were saying about making sure you're connecting
with the right connection. This is the other
thing. Again, I think that people go into the
practice idea with this, like, let's build some
capital, let's boost this, let's be big, whatever.
If you come and it's not the right vibe, we're
not just sending you off. Like, we're going to
connect you with another clinician. Like, that's
part of what we're doing is building relationships
with other therapists. There is not, like, there's
a shortage of therapists. You know what I mean?
There's no competition in getting clients. We're
going to connect you with someone who does meet
your vibe. I demand not enough of us to go around.
No, and that's wonderful. I mean, that just shows
the kind of... professionals you are, and that's
the way it should be. One good thing I can say
about going through the, talking about how daunting
the process of finally going to therapy and finding
the right therapist, it is a little bit easier
now because I know there's psychology today and
there's all these websites out there. Do you
find that the majority of those are reputable
for those listening? I think that it's just dependent,
it's again, it's how you're gonna try and sell
yourself to your client, but it's... This is
so beneficial, right? Like, they get to see us
and our real selves here, now, in time. I think
there is a lot of things that can be... I had
a great conversation, actually, with another
guy from home that I did a different podcast
with, who was just kind of like nip things in
the butt right away so that they know who you're
aligning with. And that's something, like, Psychology
Today, for example, doesn't necessarily do. Do
you take, like, our specific insurance? There's
a difference between Excellus, Blue Cross, Blue
Shield, and Medicaid. Yes, 100%. You know what
I mean? Not right now. That's just not something
where we're invested in yet. So alleviating those
things right up front is helpful. She does not
have late afternoon availability right now. She
has a couple slots, like two slots left. But
that's for something like morning. So how do
you get rid? That's not something those sites
and things do. That's a good point. So we try
to, right now, while we're fine tooth combing
all of the parts of becoming a new business.
That's awesome. We're trying to work that out.
I mean, they are all verified. Correct. Yeah.
Whatever. Yeah. I got you. The other part, kind
of the advanced stage of finding your therapist
these days is now you're seeing terms like EMDR
therapy and craniosacral therapy. You and I have
talked about all this stuff. For those listening
who aren't familiar, and please correct me if
I'm wrong, when I started going to therapy about
15 years ago or so, maybe even more, It was mostly
CBT, which is cognitive behavioral therapy, which
is kind of, to sum it up would be, they're gonna
listen to you, but they're gonna give you techniques
on how to train your brain to get out of these
negative thought patterns. And it's very helpful,
but I found it gets to a point where, well, I
know, and I have those tools, but I'm still struggling.
Now you're seeing out there in addition to actual
DNA testing which we can go down that road in
a second There is EMDR. Like I just said, there's
there's all these different techniques first
I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you think
of those techniques And then how do you guys
stay up on that kind of those kind of new trends?
And do you have to get certified for some or
all? Great question. So something like EMDR.
I want to do that. Yeah. But here's an interesting
tip. And this is actually something I work into
a lot of my sessions, specifically with people
who have trauma. The idea of EMDR is you're really
helping people look to resolve some in -depth
trauma. And how that's done is by using bilateral
eye movement. That's the whole point. When you're
doing something like walking, you are stimulating
bilateral eye movements. Really? Yes. So doing
something like a walk and talk session where
you can take a client and you can walk and you
want to explore those traumatic incidences or
talk about things that are really hard to talk
about sitting still here, like I'm nervous, I'm
twitching. When you get up and you are stimulating
both hemispheres of the brain, the logic, the
emotion, they're coming together. So by incorporating
walking, you're going to come up probably, you're
going to feel a little better talking about it.
You're going to come up with a more rational
solution. See that, you always hear like if you're
feeling depressed, like one of the baseline like
stage one things you can do is go for a walk
and you used to roll your eyes. Right. But then
it does help and you're like, oh, it's exercise,
the endorphins. I didn't know that part of it.
So that's, you just brought up a great point.
When I talk to people about this, that's exactly
it. And again, going back to the school piece.
So when we, we would do that with students, go
take a walk. They don't understand why taking
a walk is so important. Go take a walk, it's
more. Think about what just happened. How could
you have done things differently? How can you
portray yourself differently when you come back
into the classroom? If they have a task, if they
have something to think about while they're walking,
they're stimulating bilateral eye movement, they're
gonna come up with a more logical solution on
how to perform or maybe do better. Maybe, not
always. Right. You know. There's meaning behind
it that doesn't get talked about enough. That
was our motto with Charlotte. We had the sign
that was, stay calm, take Charlotte for a walk
or something like that. It goes back to the CBT.
When I first started therapy, I didn't even understand
the concept of, so I talk to somebody and it's
going to make me feel better? That's not, but
it does. Just talking about it. But again, there's
so many more things. With EMDR, I've seen videos.
That's where they like... They say you talk about
the trauma, and then they move their finger in
certain patterns, and they make them follow with
their eyes. And I know it sounds like pseudoscience.
It's not. Is it pseudoscience, or is it science?
I mean, I don't know. But either way, it works.
And it's unbelievable. And there are so many
other things out there, the craniosacral therapy.
So how do you guys stay up on that stuff? And
are these things that you need to be certified
in? EMDR, yes, 100%. Something like EMDR you
need specific training for, which is, again,
why being able to offer something like going
for a walk and explaining why it helps alleviates,
there's a cost associated with becoming trained
in all these services. There's a platform that
we, as clinicians, can use to become certified.
It's costly, but we can become certified. In
anything. You basically pick what, it's got a
whole. hundred pages of different webinars and
tracer and live trainings And you can choose
whichever you want and whatever but it but it
can be very costly Can you is that a weird strategy?
Could you ever? Build your practice around like
oh, I want a therapist that does EMDR. I want
a therapist that does it Can you do it that way
or is that not? So it's very funny that you say
that because again, I think that sometimes the
strategy for private practice is bring people
in, fill their caseload. I want people to perfect
a craft, right? I won't touch EMDR. It's just
not something that I want to work with. She wants
to potentially explore something like that. The
graduate intern that's coming on is going to
have a specialty specifically in play therapy.
And we've had a conversation about, do you want
to explore other areas? No. She wants to stay
in play. And the benefit of that is like, while
I will always encourage people to branch out
and do different things, when you perfect a craft,
you're going to make a bigger difference, right?
I am pushing her a little bit. I am encouraging
her to do some things that she hasn't necessarily
touched, but she's phenomenal. And she knows
that. I know that. Right. And so like, I think
that when you encourage somebody to do something
that they're really good at, they're going to
they're going to perform. So I would like to
see, you know, when we bring people on, for them
to have an interest specifically in what they're
working in. I would never ask her to do something
that she's just not comfortable doing. She's
not gonna do her best work in that setting. So
well said. Have you noticed, either of you or
both of you, because of the rise with social
media and mental health awareness, and there's
a lot of it, which is great, do you find more
men are coming to therapy and getting help. Less
men, the same. Did you notice any sort of, because
I'm hoping, I'm feeling like there's a trend
where men are starting to do that. We've had
some guests on. We've talked about that. Some
men that have admitted that, yeah, that's something
that they've never done and they're starting
to. Yeah, I mean, I... Because there's a stigma.
There's 100 % a stigma. 100%. My current caseload,
I would say I have more women than I do men,
but I do have some men on my caseload. I would
say probably my last job, I had a lot more men
than I have now. And there is a huge stigma,
and it's wild to me that that's even still a
thing. Like, it's so... Archaic I know it's archaic.
I know Okay, you know like we all have a brain
we all have experiences that we yeah have gone
through we've all do deal with day -to -day stress
and and Like it's just like work. Just work through
your shit I yeah, I use what what who we are
or what gender you are like just work through
your shit I used to have a joke in my set a couple
years ago basically the joke was like It's 2025
now. Like, if you don't have anxiety and depression,
like, you need to get that checked out. Like,
it's weirder if you don't. Yeah, there's definitely
more of us. Those people. God bless you. I just
want to choke them. When someone's like, I'm
so sorry you go through anxiety. Like, I just,
I never have. And I want to be like, what do
you mean? How do you do that? I call bullshit.
Yeah, I call bullshit. Yeah, I mean, it's important.
I mean, men, it's kind of this extra burden that
we've had is that, you know, you're weak and...
But as I said, I see that kind of fading out,
so I was just, I was curious. And I wanna say,
for the record, I feel like some of the most,
we all have really powerful, powerful sessions,
that aha moment where it clicks. I have aha moment
written down, so I was gonna ask you if you had
one. And I've had my most like... like you have
grown so much. Like this has been, like we feel
the success too. We know when it's successful.
We know when you're really investing. And I have
to say for the record that a lot of, most of
the men that I've seen have been those sessions
where I'm like, wow, look at now. Like let's
work back on what. what life looked like when
you came here versus life now. Look at all the
changes that you made, the growth. I have grown
men that tell me that they do yoga every single
morning before they, you know, get their day
started and that was life changing for them.
You know what I mean? And it is because it works.
It's science. Yeah. So it's, you know, if you
and it doesn't matter what gender you are, if
you invest, you will have success. It will be
effective. Nothing else. It's at least a place
to go to get it from here and out into the world
and and because when we You know, I explained
emotions like like a beach ball Okay, if you
had it if I took you into the middle of a lake
with a with an inflated beach ball and you would
push me off Yeah, but if I told you to hold that
beach ball underwater that inflated beach ball,
you'd only be able to hold it for so long before
either A, it's gonna pop up and snap you in the
chin, or you're gonna drown because you can't
keep yourself afloat and the beach ball down
when it's fully inflated. Emotions are very much
like that. If you push your emotions down and
you suppress everything, it's only sustainable
for so long before it explodes. So the only successful
way to do that is to open that cap and to slowly
deflate the air a little at a time. You won't
have to work so hard to keep that thing underwater.
That's what emotions are like. And that's what
therapy is a place to do that, to deflate that
air. Mic drop. Don't drop the mic though. That
no. And, you know, I have a similar one of my
aha moments early on in therapy was along those
same lines where my therapist said, Imagine you're
a barrel and Your emotions are the water and
you wake up and your barrel is up here It's going
to take that much water for it to all spill over
So that's why when you see these fucking psychos
on social media like having a road rage It's
not about the stop sign. It's not about the lane
change It's because they woke up and their barrel
was to the brim and that was the thing and that's
what I try to say When people are like, well,
therapy is not going to help me. I'm like, you
don't understand. It is a butterfly effect. It
is a trickle effect. But within that, there are
ways. CBT is part of it. Just talking about it
helps. Maybe you have to heal your inner child.
I mean, there's so many. I love it. Yeah, I love
the inner child work. But there's so many. It's
not just like go to therapy and talk. There are
so many nuances. Like we said, the inner child
stuff. There's the childhood trauma. There could
be attachment issues, anger issues. The only
way to figure it out is to go. Now, before we
go, I want a couple more things. There's a movement
on social media calling let them or something
like that, where basically it's like you let
things happen. And I... Okay, okay. So I heard
about it, and my first... And I could be wrong.
My first reaction was, OK, I kind of like that
lazy feel like, yeah, just let it be. But then
that kind of contradicts the setting boundaries
and just, I don't know. I don't know how I feel.
What are your thoughts on this, let them? Do
you know what I'm talking about? No, absolutely.
I mean, first of all, right, so the idea of boundaries,
they're needed everywhere. Definitely incorporate
them at all points in time I think the idea of
let them is setting boundaries with yourself
and understanding like I can't let this affect
my peace My thing is How is that different than?
minding your fucking I mean Yeah, that's what
it sounds like seriousness like focus stay in
your lane. What are you doing? Like let's let's
grind Let's be good for ourselves like you're
doing this for you. You're not doing this for
anybody else Can you explain what is let them
I didn't explain it. Well, what is let them explain
it better than I did it's essentially like, you
know if if You know you have a group of friends
that decided to go to dinner and excluded you
Instead of getting upset about it and internalizing
that let them right if if you know somebody makes
you the villain of their story if if if they
you know, splatter your name all over the walls
and just let them. Let them think what they want,
let them feel what they want, let them do what
they want. Don't allow anybody to have your piece.
Power over you. Right, don't give them that power.
Which, for the record, I 100 % agree with. I
absolutely disagree at all. My reaction is because
I... It's because when she moved in, the day
she moved in, she like... put her book up on
the stand, and I was like, take that fuck off.
No. No, I'm not worried. Because I see where
you're coming from, and I agree. But I'm actually
asking. I'm not pushing back. I'm asking. Because
one of the things you taught me is you're not
right. What was it? It's not up to you to care
what people. Think of other people's opinions
of you are is none of your fucking business,
right? It's none of your business. It's none
of my business What you think of me what he thinks
of me what she thinks of me. It's none of my
business I don't want to know because yeah it
has the power to probably impact me in a negative
way if your opinion is negative, but like It's
none of my business because here's the the cold
hard facts is that it's just an opinion just
because that's somebody's perception of you,
just because that's somebody's opinion of you,
doesn't mean that it's real. We get offended
and our piece is disrupted when we internalize
what we think other people think of us. But really,
that's just a reflection of what you think about
yourself. And so stop worrying about what other
people think, because it doesn't matter. That's
their opinion. They're entitled to their opinion.
I don't have to be liked 100 % of the time. I
know that's not possible. I know that's not possible.
That's not my goal. My goal is to live my life,
be at peace. I just want peace. Yeah, for sure.
And so it's just a matter of literally just mine.
It's none of anybody's. But this framework that's
existed for how long, like, you know what I mean?
So I think that's when we chuckle and we laugh.
It's just kind of like, from a therapist's perspective,
right? This idea of let them. It's this big selling
thing right now where people are grabbing onto
it and we're over here going, We do this every
day. Yeah. So would that fall under let them?
You know what I mean? That theory of what you
were just talking about? That's what that is.
That's what it is. But it's taking a framework
that's already existed. And spinning it. That's
where the rub is. And it's like, you know what
I mean? Yeah. Well, that's phenomenal. I got
to get you out of here. I know I've been keeping
you guys forever. At Modern Counseling and Wellness
Co., which is in New Hartford, New York, a brand
new practice. You guys are looking for a new
clinician, which we'll talk about in a second,
but I'll put you on the spot a little bit. What
is it that separates you from others? Because
everybody has something to give in this industry,
but what will people get if they come to see
you and work with you guys? Because this is kind
of like, you know what, folks? We talk about
having to go and Google and try to go to psychology
today and find out if you vibe. Here's your you
can see here if you vibe with these two lovely
women that I'm lucky to have on the show. This
is the chance to kind of vet that. What what
are people going to get if they come and work
with you? Number one thing that we are trying
to drive is relationship. We talked about this
at the beginning of the podcast relationship.
Anybody that wants to come and be a part of this
team, which we are very excited about. has to
have the ability to form that relationship, have
it be unique, have it be fun, and to yourself,
very authentic, but perspective and peace. Like,
that's what we're trying to give to people, right?
Like, a different perspective on this as a whole,
and ultimately, there's a difference between
being happy and feeling peace, right? Like, happiness
is a feeling, and peace is a state of mind. We
want you to get... Straight wisdom. Yeah. That
was awesome. Happiness should never be the goal.
Nobody is... It's unrealistic. It is so unreal
that you're setting yourself up for failure.
I've never heard it. I've never heard it that
way. That's why people, for the record, those
of you who don't have anxiety, and someone's
going through anxiety, I was in a band for a
long time, and we were on the road once, and
my bass player and I suffered from anxiety, depression,
everything else. And we would have these moments,
and our guitar player, nicest guy in the world,
didn't mean any harm, he just didn't understand,
and he'd go... I don't know guys, just stop worrying.
And we were like, I'll fucking kill you. That's
all we want is to stop worrying. All we want
is peace. But I've never heard it framed that
way. You're right. I always talk about, I just
want to be happy. I just want to feel peace.
The goal should be to find peace, but to be able
to experience the happy moments. And also, for
the record, you're never going to not feel the
emotion, anger, or sadness when a situation happens
that would produce that outcome for you, you
know what I mean? Like, you're gonna feel angry,
you're gonna feel sad at times when difficult
things happen. The goal should be to find peace,
to be able to experience the happy moments, but
also, I would go on to say embrace the hardships,
embrace the bad, because that's an opportunity
for growth. You can't grow, you know, if there's
no challenge, right, if you're not faced with
a challenge, you're gonna stay stagnant, you're
gonna have no room to grow. That boxes you in,
that keeps you in one place. I don't know about
you, but I don't want to be in one place for
the rest of my life. I want to grow every day.
I'm a different person today than I was yesterday.
Yes. And so on. You know what I mean? And those
moments of hardship and heartache and financial
ruin, that is an opportunity. That's the universe
going, hey. You need some movement here. Get
out of this. Yes, and I'm so glad you said that
because before therapy, I used to come home to
visit and, you know, back in the day you go out,
like maybe night before Thanksgiving, right?
And you go out and you see all your friends from
high school and they say, dude, Mikey, you haven't
changed a bit. And I was like, fuck yeah, I haven't
changed a bit. Now I look at it different. I'm
like, I haven't forgotten anybody. I'm that same
person. But I am a completely different person
than I was then. So my advice, and I'm not clinical
or whatever, I'm not official, but I would say
embrace it that you are not the same person.
If you are the same person, and again, I don't
mean like you're not funny anymore or you're
not nice anymore, I'm talking about like if you
are just still the same person with the same
patterns, then that's a negative thing. I want
to grow every single day and be a better husband,
father, brother, person. And it's so important.
And you guys are the ones that are facilitating
that and allowing that. One last thing, and then
we'll do the plugs. I thought of this as you
guys were talking. I don't know if this is a
good idea or not. You guys are the professionals.
In my experience, though, I have some medication
that I'm on. Nothing crazy. But I started working
with an ADHD specialist who is working with side
-by -side with a doctor at Cornell and They are
doing cutting -edge testing where I've done DNA
testing hair testing urine stomach and One of
the tests not only told me what kind of mental
health meds work for me but what ones don't and
what ones won't hurt me, but you're just not
gonna get the benefits. And I'm not even saying
like an SSRI. I'm saying they're like Zoloft
Good, like by brand name. So there are a lot
of tests out there. So part one of that is, what
do you guys think about all the new testing and
stuff like that? Have you had experience with
it? And part B is, I've always said, I don't
think primary doctors should be able to prescribe
medicine. Because in my experience when I went
to a primary doctor the first time and said I
need help They genuinely he was on his laptop.
I'm over here. He's not even looking at me and
he goes uh I wrote you want Prozac or you think
you want? Lexapro and I remember my jaw because
he couldn't see me. I was just like he's asking
me what I don't fucking know and You guys both
know that the side effects that can happen if
it's the wrong one What are your thoughts on
on both of those when I was at the house of Good
Shepherd? I remember there was a couple month
period where I was like I can lift up right here
on my hair pull like my scalp and like feel just
That's not right something's wrong there's going
on And so I go I go to my primary or whoever
it was at the time and I had explained this I
was like, I really am feeling this pressure my
head and He did a couple of things, asked me
a couple of questions, and he was like, you're
experiencing tension headaches. Like, you know,
I'm going to prescribe you a blah, blah, blah.
It's an antidepressant. Had I not, why do I need
that? I'm going to go to Rite Aid and get a fucking
box of Excedrin tension headache medicine and
relieve the issue. I don't need an antidepressant.
And like, had I not been in the field that I
was in, I probably would have picked that up.
I probably would have started taking an antidepressant
that I didn't need. Who knows if I don't have
an addiction problem or something of that nature,
where that's going to lead to X, Y, and Z. And
that's obviously something we experience. So
it's like, should a primary care physician be
able to prescribe? I won't speak to that because
I'm not a primary care physician, but I can say
that. there needs to be a more in -depth process
for receiving the medication. That's what I meant.
If anyone and I doubt doctors listen to this
show, but if you do, I'm not shitting on primary
doctors. I was just going to say. I don't think
it's that. Primary doctors are obviously absolutely
capable of prescribing meds. But the way I explain
it, when I have a client that comes to me and
asks me about... my take on medication, and what
should I take? Or I immediately say, well, first
of all, I don't prescribe. But secondly, if you
are interested in the idea of medication management,
I would strongly encourage you to see a psychiatrist.
That's right. The way I explain that is that
if you walked out of your front step and broke
your ankle, you missed a step and broke your
ankle, what would you do? you'd go to the hospital
and you'd see a doctor who'd get you an x -ray.
He'd read the x -ray and he'd go, you broke your
ankle. And then he would probably give you some
pain medicine, rapid, some ice, and he would
discharge you and say, OK, I made you an appointment.
He'd refer you to an orthopedic doctor because
that's their scope. Doctors have a very general,
they can deal with all areas. Correct. They can
address all areas. Excuse me. But there are certain
specialties. Psychiatry is a specialty. Their
scope is the brain. Their scope is mental health,
the side effects, the genetics, the medication
piece of it. So if you're ever considering medication,
again, primary doctors are fully capable. It's
obviously a more accessible, easy way to get
in, get it quick. But psychiatry is their scope.
And there should be a more extensive. process
because of what you're describing. That's exactly
where I was. Yeah, you know, but so something
we do like when someone says that to us, you
know, we have we make sure we have the conversation
with them that if if somebody needs some additional
information from us, we'd be more than happy
to, you know, write something up or whatever.
But to just give a different perspective of what
they've been going through, what could potentially
benefit them, what is their past experience?
I mean, it yeah, it just needs to be more in
depth, I think. Yeah. And you you guys basically
worded it Way better than I did. And that's what
I meant, which is, do I think primary doctors
should be stripped of? No. I love my primary
doctor. Shout out at Guthrie. Dr. Melissa O 'Banion,
I love you. She's amazing. So in depth. And by
the way, same thing, you should vibe with your
primary doctor. That's another thing. But my
point was, and I probably would trust my primary
with mental health because I know the way. Well,
and that's the thing, relationship. That's right.
That's what you're talking about. That's right.
If you don't have a relationship. Right. That's
important. But I just. Relationship with your
doctor. But I just mean for those that are just
kind of going in blind, don't, you know, depending
on your relationship with your doctor, you know,
you make that choice. But I always think. that
it should become common practice for, as you
said, to include a mental... Like, you know what?
I'm going to refer you to a mental health specialist
to prescribe that for you. I think the word psychiatrist
is scary to people. It is. It goes back to, like,
why you use wellness. People immediately go,
psychiatrist. That means I'm crazy. Or they're
going to lock me up in a padded room and... No,
it's a 15 -minute appointment. They ask what
your symptoms are and... Especially... Background
information and decide which one is best for
you and especially for someone like me Hypochondriac
any of those white coat terms are very triggered.
All right before we go This I wanted to do this
Briana So my sister Likes to scare me she always
has and You know here we are talking about why
I have fucking anxiety I'm like a skittish, I'm
a skittish chihuahua. Now everybody here around
the office knows, like, they'll just come in
and be like, hey, Mike, can you copy? And I'm
like. And they're like, I just need you to fucking
copy this. But anyway, my sister likes to scare
me. So with the rise of social media, she got
a tick tock. I just had a stroke. She got a tick
tock account and about five. I do. Five years
ago, she. Anytime she comes to the house or I
go to the house for family holiday gatherings,
she scares the shit out of me and records it.
And she does it all weekend long or however long
I'm there. She created these compilations and
put them on social media. And I bust my ass on
this show every day. I've played all over the
country in a band. I am probably most famous
for being scared on social media. And you're,
I think one of the compilations got like 500
,000 views. Million I I went viral twice. We've
been trying to go viral for I don't know how
long So I wanted to pull up I'm gonna let Danny
choose how many or which one but I wanted us
to watch One of these compilations so you guys
can all see Why I need mental health help and
It's exposure. That's exactly what it is. I didn't
realize it I say the f -word a lot when I get
scared when I get scared I swear and You might
have to change the input on the on the iPad I
had to do that the other day. I don't know why
the fuck it Does that but yeah, I mean you could
even without the sound. Oh this one. I had a
giant bottle of vodka But uh and the even funnier
part is Earlier when I went to Oh my favorite
one I was a skinhead apparently Right there I
was peeing I actually Go to another one day.
We didn't get the full. Oh Wow, I didn't get
the full. How do you do and I scream? Which that's
the other thing that's why I do it because here's
the thing that that is Mind -blowing to me is
that you would think that over time You just
almost expect no no That scream is why I do it
because I cannot understand how That sound comes
out of a grown man. Yeah, well and that's also
in what sucks about getting scared other than
getting scared is I'm like That's what I fucking
like if I was in public and a crisis went on
and I'm with my kids if I'm with my children
No, dad's good. You know, we're on maybe we're
going to a Yankee game We're getting on the subway
and some guy pulls out a gun. I'm gonna go And
my kids are gonna go dad. Yeah, you're what?
I will I will well anyway Natalie How do I say
the last? Detralia. Detralia. Rihanna Brindisi,
my sister. Modern Counseling and Wellness Company
in New Hartford, New York, www .moderncounselingco
.com. Tell us what you're looking for, other
than, obviously, if you're looking for mental
health help, please go to them. On your side
of things, are you looking for more? Always.
Yeah, we always we always want to continue to
help serve the community. But I think commitment
is the number one thing. Like people have to
know, you know, if you're not there, that's OK.
That's OK. And we'll also tell you that, you
know, we'll also tell you if we feel like you're
not there yet. But the commitment to this process,
it is long term, regardless of what people tell
you. You're not going to come in. This is not
about us fixing you. We don't fix you. We give
you the tools. And if you're committed to using
those tools outside and you're committed to yourself.
you are going to see, whether it's small or whether
it's large, you're going to see bouts of progress.
And are you guys looking for other therapists
to join your practice? Yeah, definitely. I think
we have some big expansion plans coming. Right
now, we're kind of just doing it little by little.
We don't want to bite off more than we can chew.
But yeah, there will be an official, I think,
LinkedIn posting. Again, we don't want any...
Informal applications coming through we want
to make sure again that it's a right fit the
relationship the authenticity Keep the the website
up to date. Yeah, and yeah modern counseling
co .com If you're looking for help, please go
to them as you can see they're amazing But also
if you are a therapist or I don't know what the
psychologist whatever if you're in the mental
health field They are looking for people to join
the practice, so get a hold of them. Any other
way you want them to get ahold of you? A phone
number? Website's perfect. It's got everything
there. Natalie, my sister, Briana, I love you.
I'm proud of you. Modern Counseling and Wellness
Co. Check them out and just go get it. Even if
you're not completely struggling, you don't have
to wait until you're completely struggling. Go.
You know, one of the biggest mistakes I ever
made was stopping going to therapy because guess
what? Life still goes on and more problems come.
You don't graduate. I'm not saying you have to
be in. You don't have to be in. You don't have
to be in therapy your whole life. I want to be
and I need to be. Some people can stop, but don't
don't think that you have to graduate. Sometimes
it's a lifelong commitment, but that's all up
to the individual person. Anyway, it is Good
News York sponsored by ads on the go. Get ads
on the go dot com. Mike Perdisi out. Matt is
on vacation. I think he's up at Enchanted Forest
bottling his own water at the water slides. I
don't know what the fuck he's doing. But he will
be back next week, and I'll be back tomorrow.
I might be flying solo. I forget if we have a
guest or not. But thank you for tuning in to
Good News York. We'll see you tomorrow.