WEBVTT 00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:34.200 Hello and welcome back to the Pink Persuader 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:38.000 on mental health. Today, I have got someone with 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:41.119 me who I'm really glad to have on with me. I 00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:44.219 have got Darren here who is a facilitator and 00:00:44.219 --> 00:00:49.299 the event coordinator for Man Down. I want to 00:00:49.299 --> 00:00:52.619 do this episode because men's mental health gets 00:00:52.619 --> 00:00:55.200 talked about a lot and I talk a lot about men's 00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:57.280 mental health, something I'm very passionate 00:00:57.280 --> 00:01:00.789 about. Sometimes what really matters is the people 00:01:00.789 --> 00:01:04.870 who are actually creating the spaces where men 00:01:04.870 --> 00:01:12.170 can come as they are and talk honestly and realize 00:01:12.170 --> 00:01:16.969 they are not on their own. So today is going 00:01:16.969 --> 00:01:20.510 to be a proper real conversation about men's 00:01:20.510 --> 00:01:24.519 mental health, support, community. and what it 00:01:24.519 --> 00:01:27.620 means to create spaces where people feel safe 00:01:27.620 --> 00:01:31.459 enough to open up. So first of all, mate, thank 00:01:31.459 --> 00:01:34.280 you for coming on. No, thank you for having me, 00:01:34.420 --> 00:01:38.120 Pink. I'm glad you've been nagging me to do this 00:01:38.120 --> 00:01:43.450 for months. Since I said it. I think it's about 00:01:43.450 --> 00:01:47.569 a year. Well, no, I think I did the last episode 00:01:47.569 --> 00:01:51.390 in June, so it's coming up. Yeah, so yeah. It's 00:01:51.390 --> 00:01:55.090 coming up for a year. But we'll start nice and 00:01:55.090 --> 00:01:57.530 simple. So for people who might not know who 00:01:57.530 --> 00:02:00.829 you are, tell us a bit about who is Darren. Who 00:02:00.829 --> 00:02:08.460 is Darren? How long does this picture last? I 00:02:08.460 --> 00:02:14.120 mean Christmas is after protein Yeah, I'm Darren 00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:18.360 I'm a facilitator for man down and I'm also the 00:02:18.360 --> 00:02:23.520 events coordinator for the organization and We 00:02:23.520 --> 00:02:25.979 as an organization are trying to reduce the male 00:02:25.979 --> 00:02:28.139 suicide rate and the stigma about talking about 00:02:28.139 --> 00:02:34.870 suicide. Yes men age from 18 and that's what 00:02:34.870 --> 00:02:39.330 is one of my passions I'm a suicide survivor 00:02:39.330 --> 00:02:42.669 myself so I've been there yeah I know what it's 00:02:42.669 --> 00:02:49.189 like in those dark places but also as you know 00:02:49.189 --> 00:02:53.729 Dan as everybody knows I trained as a performer 00:02:58.919 --> 00:04:25.420 the the the that that the there's so many different 00:04:25.420 --> 00:04:28.000 neurodiversities and each one acts differently 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:31.160 but then there's crossovers are the same and 00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:34.759 yeah I mean you've seen one of my habits when 00:04:34.759 --> 00:04:36.680 I get excited or there's something I like I rub 00:04:36.680 --> 00:04:39.019 my hands together a lot yeah for example I'm 00:04:39.019 --> 00:04:45.660 like a kid in a candy shop yeah even now I do 00:04:45.660 --> 00:05:26.680 it like today I went out with a friend the I'm 00:05:48.810 --> 00:06:19.379 not pick up a few miles crazy, I mean that the 00:07:05.970 --> 00:07:08.829 and not being able to uh latest diagnosis of 00:07:08.829 --> 00:07:11.529 potential chronic illness with fatigue and the 00:07:11.529 --> 00:07:14.449 fibro you know it is and it is very much like 00:07:14.449 --> 00:07:16.790 there is a link between pain and your mental 00:07:16.790 --> 00:07:20.170 health like my mental health has taken a massive 00:07:20.170 --> 00:07:24.089 decline since suffering with my knee like you 00:07:24.089 --> 00:07:26.430 know and i completely understand that it's just 00:07:26.430 --> 00:07:28.910 like yeah toothache is one of the worst things 00:07:28.910 --> 00:07:33.649 oh it is and i mean this week four visits to 00:07:33.649 --> 00:08:46.360 the dentist uh the Yeah. that of our journey. 00:08:45.690 --> 00:09:45.480 that the the Who was telling me about it saying 00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:50.840 I should go along because from the outside people 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:52.779 can't really see what the person is going through 00:09:52.779 --> 00:09:56.679 in the inside. So on the outside you know I guess 00:09:56.679 --> 00:09:59.279 things perceive well he's done this is done that 00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:03.139 he goes there but my mom, everyone thinks. Job 00:10:03.139 --> 00:10:07.120 the jobs are good and but it's. That's not always 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:10.700 the case yeah so I got involved back in twenty 00:10:10.700 --> 00:10:36.899 twenty one. the the Yeah. What they're going 00:10:36.899 --> 00:10:39.580 to say if it's someone I know or they see me. 00:10:39.980 --> 00:10:41.820 Especially in my local area, do you know what 00:10:41.820 --> 00:10:44.200 I mean? You sit there and you worry about that. 00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:45.419 Yeah, especially because I'm quite well known 00:10:45.419 --> 00:10:50.360 in the area. Yeah. You know, people, what are 00:10:50.360 --> 00:10:52.100 they going to think if I'm coming in and talking 00:10:52.100 --> 00:10:54.360 about things that I haven't really spoken about 00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:59.759 to anybody? And I walked in and there was a room 00:10:59.759 --> 00:11:39.610 of about seven guys, I think, then. the the the 00:11:58.279 --> 00:12:03.240 was like, no, that's cool that you came. And 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:10.659 then I went religiously. And then I stepped up 00:12:10.659 --> 00:12:19.100 and became a co -facilitator in 2022. And then 00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:24.139 I took over the St. Austal group later that year 00:12:24.139 --> 00:12:28.919 where I became the lead with uh sent hostile 00:12:28.919 --> 00:12:33.139 yeah uh because i wanted to give back yeah yeah 00:12:33.139 --> 00:12:35.159 i think that's where i think me both being you've 00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:37.059 had similar journeys like in the way of we both 00:12:37.059 --> 00:12:39.320 found man down about a similar sort of time actually 00:12:39.320 --> 00:12:42.320 i think i was probably about a few months before 00:12:42.320 --> 00:12:46.220 you were i first started going to nuki and um 00:12:46.220 --> 00:12:48.980 yeah it wasn't too long then like a year year 00:12:48.980 --> 00:12:51.340 or so later then i stepped up and yeah i was 00:12:51.340 --> 00:12:54.120 working alongside guys to facilitate the group 00:12:54.120 --> 00:13:54.580 there um but as well the that the Where we can 00:13:54.580 --> 00:13:57.340 we get on earlier about the the amount of members 00:13:57.340 --> 00:14:02.639 we have now where it has grown yeah to the levels 00:14:02.639 --> 00:14:08.700 that it has and Then I got offered the opportunity 00:14:08.700 --> 00:14:12.700 To step up into a leadership role in the organization. 00:14:12.899 --> 00:14:16.740 Yeah and become The events coordinator. Yes, 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:20.250 I thoroughly enjoy so I go out on the road With 00:14:20.250 --> 00:14:23.850 my team which you're also yeah yeah yeah around 00:14:23.850 --> 00:14:29.490 Cornwall. Two lovely events meeting lots of people 00:14:29.490 --> 00:14:32.210 we don't follow this well we do have fun we have 00:14:32.210 --> 00:14:36.210 great loss yeah you know on the road when we're 00:14:36.210 --> 00:14:40.190 traveling setting up. We've get to watch rugby 00:14:40.190 --> 00:14:44.509 games yeah go behind the scenes for example which 00:14:44.509 --> 00:14:47.629 a lot of people don't get to see yeah of certain 00:14:47.629 --> 00:14:51.899 things. and it's nice to hear with people that 00:14:51.899 --> 00:14:57.659 are of influence, for example, say, well done, 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:03.740 you know, and to you guys as well on there, not 00:15:03.740 --> 00:15:08.720 just to the directors or the hires -ups or anything 00:15:08.720 --> 00:15:11.320 like that, but to actually the guys on the ground, 00:15:11.500 --> 00:15:47.370 which we are. You know, we go to that the this 00:15:47.370 --> 00:15:50.289 month, which is going to be good. Is that the 00:15:50.289 --> 00:15:55.629 one with We Are One? Yeah, We Are One. This is 00:15:55.629 --> 00:15:59.110 a little bit thing for all the players and the 00:15:59.110 --> 00:16:00.730 organisations just to have a bit of fun that 00:16:00.730 --> 00:16:04.070 are involved with that, with some touch rugby. 00:16:04.529 --> 00:16:06.549 There will be some professional rugby players 00:16:06.549 --> 00:16:08.429 there because there are professional rugby players 00:16:08.429 --> 00:16:13.840 paying in We Are One. and it's not just about 00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:17.639 rugby that we go to. We go to film nights, we 00:16:17.639 --> 00:16:20.720 go to talks, presentations. We went to schools 00:16:20.720 --> 00:16:23.379 as well. Me and a couple of the other guys went 00:16:23.379 --> 00:16:26.159 and did an event over at Nuki, one of the Nuki 00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:29.019 secondary schools, trying to reach the kids and 00:16:29.019 --> 00:16:33.279 stuff. I think that's an important bit. I know 00:16:33.279 --> 00:17:01.740 Ross has started working with the the Statistically, 00:17:01.820 --> 00:17:04.619 most of the traumas that we experience that affect 00:17:04.619 --> 00:17:06.559 our behaviors come from our childhood years, 00:17:06.759 --> 00:17:08.839 our inferential years, what we see, what we learn. 00:17:08.900 --> 00:17:12.000 Adverse childhood experiences. And the amount 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:14.279 it actually affects you. Doing the job that I 00:17:14.279 --> 00:17:16.880 do, I've learned so much about that. And you 00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:19.019 can sort of, you do, you see it. And when you 00:17:19.019 --> 00:17:21.700 talk to guys, especially when they are a bit 00:17:21.700 --> 00:17:23.059 older, you talk to them about their childhood, 00:17:23.259 --> 00:17:24.720 you find out what's gone on in their childhood, 00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:26.799 you will always find there is a little bit of 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:32.119 something that's gone on that's maybe just the 00:17:32.119 --> 00:18:00.049 the Yeah, 28. That was when I first started talking 00:18:00.049 --> 00:18:03.210 about my mental health. Like, all right, yes, 00:18:03.309 --> 00:18:06.049 now, at 34, you cannot shut me up about mental 00:18:06.049 --> 00:18:08.490 health, and I will scream it from the rooftop 00:18:08.490 --> 00:18:13.230 to break the stigma and to find advocacy for 00:18:13.230 --> 00:18:17.309 people. But, yeah, in six years, I mean, it shouldn't 00:18:17.309 --> 00:18:19.470 have taken me to get to 28 to start talking about 00:18:19.470 --> 00:18:22.769 my mental health. No, no, I was 41, so you've 00:18:22.769 --> 00:19:01.420 got to think. Yeah. I was... this is it the the 00:19:50.059 --> 00:20:21.269 my nor diversity either and someone who gets 00:20:21.269 --> 00:20:23.289 us a little bit or understands us a little bit 00:20:23.289 --> 00:20:30.690 more than normal. We live in a neurotypical world 00:20:30.690 --> 00:20:35.109 and a lot of this world is extremely neurotypical, 00:20:35.349 --> 00:20:38.630 even still schools to this day. It's hard for 00:20:38.630 --> 00:20:41.250 us sometimes to conform to normal behaviors because 00:20:41.250 --> 00:20:45.569 to us normal is who we are. What is normal at 00:20:45.569 --> 00:20:50.650 the end of the day? pink haired viking yeah to 00:20:50.650 --> 00:20:54.470 me that's normal that's my normal you know so 00:20:54.470 --> 00:20:57.230 actually why would i want to be anything else 00:20:57.230 --> 00:21:01.029 yeah i mean exactly and it's like what is normal 00:21:01.029 --> 00:21:07.349 for me a mid -40s looking well mid -40s uh brad 00:21:07.349 --> 00:21:11.569 pit cross sloth looking guy uh from from the 00:21:11.569 --> 00:21:13.190 goonies who's a bit weird he sometimes makes 00:21:13.190 --> 00:21:16.589 some strange noises or makes up weird songs or 00:21:18.389 --> 00:21:48.039 the the That's what I got into at school because 00:21:48.039 --> 00:21:52.299 that was an escape for me at school, an escape 00:21:52.299 --> 00:21:57.920 from my life because I could be someone different 00:21:57.920 --> 00:22:02.680 for a couple of hours on stage and take it out 00:22:02.680 --> 00:22:04.759 of myself and become a different person. Like 00:22:04.759 --> 00:22:07.259 a professional mask in a way. Well, that's what 00:22:07.259 --> 00:22:11.039 I am. I am a trained mask wearer. When you go 00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:13.380 to drama school, you are trained in the art of 00:22:13.380 --> 00:22:17.220 mask. with Greek theater, a lot used to wear 00:22:17.220 --> 00:22:19.839 masks. That's where the term comes from, masking. 00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:28.519 So, you know, I would wear a mask as a performer. 00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:31.660 I could be things that I'm not and do things 00:22:31.660 --> 00:22:36.019 and play leads. You know, I was told things that 00:22:36.019 --> 00:22:44.380 I didn't believe in myself at drama school. the 00:22:44.380 --> 00:23:14.369 the Just paid me a compliment on my profile as 00:23:14.369 --> 00:23:20.470 in my side profile or my facial profile And you 00:23:20.470 --> 00:23:23.109 know, it's quite strange being told that because 00:23:23.109 --> 00:23:28.470 I Was attacked when I was younger Okay, and I 00:23:28.470 --> 00:23:32.150 had my nose Badly broken. So my nose is I think 00:23:32.150 --> 00:23:35.029 it's broken about five times. So I became very 00:23:35.029 --> 00:23:41.009 insecure about the way I look. Yeah that the 00:24:07.829 --> 00:25:59.380 that the the the the the the the the and that 00:25:59.380 --> 00:27:05.460 when I came in from being at the the the the 00:27:05.460 --> 00:27:57.180 the the and it was learning how to deal with 00:27:57.180 --> 00:28:01.099 that side of things as well as everything else 00:28:01.099 --> 00:28:03.359 that's going on. The danger of anger issues is 00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:06.180 obviously then you lose your temper, you can 00:28:06.180 --> 00:28:09.119 get arrested, things like that. It's not actually 00:28:09.119 --> 00:28:11.599 because of who you are as a person because you 00:28:11.599 --> 00:28:14.519 are a genuinely lovely guy, but just because 00:28:14.519 --> 00:28:16.660 you have anger issues doesn't mean you're not. 00:28:16.660 --> 00:28:20.059 Then that anger issue can then cause an issue 00:28:20.059 --> 00:29:31.180 for the rest of your life if... the the the the 00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:49.119 or doesn't know what man down is listening to 00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:52.240 the first time listening to this episode. And 00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:53.700 they missed the episode where I explained what 00:29:53.700 --> 00:29:58.140 man down is. And the only way I can describe 00:29:58.140 --> 00:30:00.400 it is it's a group of friends getting together. 00:30:00.880 --> 00:30:04.599 It's not clinical. We do have a laugh as well 00:30:04.599 --> 00:30:08.319 as talking about the dark subject. I mean, we 00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:10.920 often take the piss out of you, don't we? Quite 00:30:10.920 --> 00:30:14.359 often. Yeah. I mean, we use that as a humor point. 00:30:14.839 --> 00:30:21.529 Quite often. But if you guys are having a laugh 00:30:21.529 --> 00:30:25.529 at me or whatever, it's taking you out of that 00:30:25.529 --> 00:30:27.990 headspace for a second, where it's potentially 00:30:27.990 --> 00:30:31.529 making a slight difference. The only time I ever 00:30:31.529 --> 00:30:33.730 step in or anything if I think it's going too 00:30:33.730 --> 00:30:35.690 far. Oh, of course. And that's the same with 00:30:35.690 --> 00:30:39.140 anybody. If anything is going too far. then it 00:30:39.140 --> 00:30:41.740 has to stop. Yeah, of course. Yeah, and everyone's 00:30:41.740 --> 00:30:43.359 got to be comfortable. Yeah. Do you know what 00:30:43.359 --> 00:30:45.799 I mean? We're here to make people feel safe. 00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:48.440 Yeah. And people don't want to come to a meeting 00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:51.059 where they're going to feel unsafe or bullied 00:30:51.059 --> 00:30:56.539 or judged for any reason. Yeah, no. This is it. 00:30:56.799 --> 00:30:59.539 And this is where the whole... Yeah, everyone's 00:30:59.539 --> 00:31:02.400 welcome. Do you know what I mean? Every man is 00:31:02.400 --> 00:31:06.279 welcome at a man down, whether they are 18 to 00:31:06.279 --> 00:31:10.910 80. you know, whether you are gay, straight, 00:31:11.289 --> 00:31:14.029 homosexual, do you know what I mean? And to be 00:31:14.029 --> 00:31:16.170 fair, I think we've had all sorts of different 00:31:16.170 --> 00:31:19.410 men walk in the door. And I think everyone's 00:31:19.410 --> 00:31:21.930 always, yeah, I can speak definitely for our 00:31:21.930 --> 00:31:24.930 group is where they've always felt welcome. Yeah, 00:31:24.930 --> 00:31:27.329 and that's the thing, you know, is giving them 00:31:27.329 --> 00:31:29.750 that welcome space as soon as they arrive. Yeah. 00:31:30.529 --> 00:31:32.630 You know, as you know, with the meetings in St. 00:31:33.089 --> 00:32:02.599 Austell, they're made welcome. yeah, everyone's 00:32:02.599 --> 00:32:05.759 gonna be sad or everyone's gonna be crying and 00:32:05.759 --> 00:32:08.599 maybe they're not ready for that but actually 00:32:08.599 --> 00:32:10.640 then when they get in there and they sit and 00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:15.039 they see the likes of myself and you having a 00:32:15.039 --> 00:32:19.279 laugh and a joke and some of the other guys that 00:32:19.279 --> 00:32:22.400 are in good spaces or actually even sometimes 00:32:22.400 --> 00:32:23.920 when they're in bad spaces they'll make a joke 00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:27.220 to keep themselves going but even the ones that 00:32:27.220 --> 00:32:28.660 potentially are going through things themselves 00:32:28.660 --> 00:32:43.809 you will see as the meeting progresses that they 00:32:50.380 --> 00:32:53.039 but I still think that there are guys out there 00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:55.619 that still struggle to open up though it is a 00:32:55.619 --> 00:32:57.900 real struggle unfortunately you know that's a 00:32:57.900 --> 00:33:00.279 generational thing and that will carry on throughout 00:33:00.279 --> 00:33:06.259 the dawn of time because it isn't something that's 00:33:06.259 --> 00:33:09.380 just happened or new mental health has been around 00:33:09.380 --> 00:33:18.980 since man and women were created it is improving 00:33:19.819 --> 00:34:47.110 there is so much more the the now we you are 00:34:47.110 --> 00:34:51.650 a man that's aging up and you feel that you need 00:34:51.650 --> 00:34:54.530 to talk or you need support or you need help. 00:34:55.150 --> 00:34:58.090 There's meetings across the whole of the UK. 00:34:58.409 --> 00:35:03.869 There's 46 locations at the moment and you've 00:35:03.869 --> 00:35:06.590 just got to go. So take that risk and check out 00:35:06.590 --> 00:35:10.329 the website www .mandown .org. See where your 00:35:10.329 --> 00:35:12.929 nearest meeting is. Don't be afraid to walk through 00:35:12.929 --> 00:35:40.170 that door because the And that was it. That is 00:35:40.170 --> 00:35:42.110 the one time I've ever seen you do it. That's 00:35:42.110 --> 00:35:44.650 my neurodiverse brain flipping in. I don't like 00:35:44.650 --> 00:35:48.030 to be touched. No, I've got to do the hugs. If 00:35:48.030 --> 00:35:50.469 anyone needs a hug at group, it's me that's got 00:35:50.469 --> 00:35:53.130 to do the hugs. Yeah, I feel sorry for them. 00:35:54.750 --> 00:35:56.750 I give good hugs. I don't know what you're on 00:35:56.750 --> 00:35:59.610 about. I don't know. I don't want to find out. 00:36:01.269 --> 00:36:03.010 But I mean, you had the most infectious laugh. 00:36:10.969 --> 00:38:23.519 that the the the the the that the the the and 00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:27.920 it is, we rely on donations, like a lot of organizations, 00:38:28.480 --> 00:38:32.059 without the kindness of people, the support of 00:38:32.059 --> 00:38:35.340 people with doing events, whether it's running 00:38:35.340 --> 00:38:40.820 from John O 'Gropes to Land's End, which someone's 00:38:40.820 --> 00:38:43.000 doing at the moment, they're on their way down 00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:47.719 now, finishing on Saturday, whether it's playing 00:38:47.719 --> 00:38:58.190 rugby, whether it's running 27 miles, the the 00:39:19.230 --> 00:39:22.710 a lot of fundraising for running the Plymouth 00:39:22.710 --> 00:39:25.409 Half Marathon. I think I raised about £1 ,700. 00:39:26.389 --> 00:39:30.949 I got a letter from the directors and they explained 00:39:30.949 --> 00:39:32.789 that actually that amount of money was enough 00:39:32.789 --> 00:39:37.210 to keep a group going for a year. When you think 00:39:37.210 --> 00:39:40.429 about it in that respect and you think about, 00:39:40.570 --> 00:39:44.570 what did you say, 46 groups? 46, yeah. So you 00:39:44.570 --> 00:40:17.269 think how much money that takes to keep the I 00:40:17.269 --> 00:40:24.170 think is very good is that we make sure people 00:40:24.170 --> 00:40:29.550 know us and they see the brand. We've got quite 00:40:29.550 --> 00:40:39.289 a great logo that stands out. People see it now 00:40:39.289 --> 00:40:44.070 and you know the facts that we do sell merchandise 00:40:44.070 --> 00:40:46.269 which always goes back into the organization. 00:40:46.889 --> 00:41:47.519 that the Yeah. the organizing that you do to 00:41:47.519 --> 00:41:51.800 get these events going. So not just to help the 00:41:51.800 --> 00:41:55.460 reach, to reach people, but to help keep them 00:41:55.460 --> 00:41:58.599 going. There's a lot of work behind the scenes, 00:41:59.179 --> 00:42:04.860 you know, all the volunteers, you know, put in 00:42:04.860 --> 00:42:10.679 time and hours and everything. And for me, it's 00:42:10.679 --> 00:42:14.119 like a full -time job on top of my full -time 00:42:14.119 --> 00:42:17.679 job. Yeah. But I enjoy it. It's given me a purpose. 00:42:17.820 --> 00:42:21.360 It's given me a reason. I love being on the road. 00:42:21.579 --> 00:42:25.239 Yeah. I love going out and meeting people. There 00:42:25.239 --> 00:42:29.059 is, I think, a joy of talking to people out in 00:42:29.059 --> 00:42:31.820 the community, I think, when we go to events 00:42:31.820 --> 00:42:34.320 and, you know, getting to chat to someone and 00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:36.920 making, especially when that person can come 00:42:36.920 --> 00:42:41.349 up to you and be like, oh, you know. maybe they've 00:42:41.349 --> 00:42:43.210 had an experience from Man Down or it's their 00:42:43.210 --> 00:42:45.269 first time reaching out to someone and they've 00:42:45.269 --> 00:42:46.989 come to you and they've decided to come and reach 00:42:46.989 --> 00:42:49.570 out to you because you are there. There's something 00:42:49.570 --> 00:42:52.150 special about that. There is and you know when 00:42:52.150 --> 00:42:54.110 we're at the events we often get people come 00:42:54.110 --> 00:42:55.710 up and share with us because they need someone 00:42:55.710 --> 00:43:01.849 to talk to. Yeah. And it's about listening because 00:43:01.849 --> 00:43:04.269 the most important thing is listening. Active 00:43:04.269 --> 00:43:07.429 listening. It's not hearing, it's listening and 00:43:07.429 --> 00:43:12.349 actively listening. and processing and taking 00:43:12.349 --> 00:43:17.389 that in. And for us as facilitators and everything, 00:43:18.230 --> 00:43:20.289 we've got to remember to give ourselves some 00:43:20.289 --> 00:43:24.650 time, me time, because when people are offloading, 00:43:24.829 --> 00:43:28.429 we will soak in some of that. Yeah, there are 00:43:28.429 --> 00:43:31.349 times I can think of times I've left the group 00:43:31.349 --> 00:43:34.300 and gone. Jesus that was heavy. Yeah, I mean 00:43:34.300 --> 00:43:36.719 you have to take that time to process and because 00:43:36.719 --> 00:43:41.019 we often deal with some serious Serious issues. 00:43:41.039 --> 00:43:45.960 Yeah that we have to hear. Yeah And it's it's 00:43:45.960 --> 00:43:51.199 like, okay, I need to go home chill for me the 00:43:51.199 --> 00:44:27.880 way I relax is I've being neurodiverse the Yeah, 00:44:28.059 --> 00:44:31.019 man down team versus was it? Well, they're the 00:44:31.019 --> 00:44:33.699 site team here. Where was it? My caravan is so 00:44:33.699 --> 00:44:36.199 we've got a group of friends. So we enjoy quizzes. 00:44:36.260 --> 00:44:39.719 Yeah, like, you know, I enjoy quizzes. I genuinely 00:44:39.719 --> 00:44:42.400 I don't often take part in our local one here, 00:44:42.400 --> 00:44:45.320 but I do quite sit here and I sit and sort of 00:44:45.320 --> 00:44:47.079 sit there and normally by the end when they read 00:44:47.079 --> 00:44:48.860 out the answer, like, maybe I should have taken 00:44:48.860 --> 00:44:51.880 part. And the thing is, you're most probably 00:44:51.880 --> 00:44:54.260 going to be like a quiz master or something, 00:44:54.260 --> 00:45:00.030 but it's I've gone off the subject then and I've 00:45:00.030 --> 00:45:01.949 completely forgotten what we were talking about 00:45:01.949 --> 00:45:08.710 I like to relax when I get home so I will put 00:45:08.710 --> 00:45:13.809 on a movie yeah have some quiet time I don't 00:45:13.809 --> 00:45:17.110 want to really talk when I get home I just want 00:45:17.110 --> 00:45:21.989 to yeah sometimes it's that silent process and 00:45:21.989 --> 00:45:26.030 if I've had this is gonna sound really sad and 00:45:26.030 --> 00:46:20.619 cheesy the the the I've gone got back into gaming 00:46:20.619 --> 00:46:22.880 a bit recently as well like I'll sit and I'll 00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:25.960 play something that's just you know a bit maybe 00:46:25.960 --> 00:46:28.260 like Minecraft or something like that. It's simple 00:46:28.260 --> 00:46:30.039 that I can just concentrate on. I can see you 00:46:30.039 --> 00:46:32.420 in Minecraft playing Jack Black's character. 00:46:33.539 --> 00:46:38.480 Was it Steve? Yeah. Steve? Yeah. As some of my 00:46:38.480 --> 00:46:41.059 followers know from TikTok I have sang the the 00:46:41.059 --> 00:46:43.739 lava chicken song on TikTok and yeah. I think 00:46:43.739 --> 00:46:45.579 you were hoping I was gonna say Jason Momoa. 00:46:45.800 --> 00:46:50.480 No, no, I'll never be Jason Momoa. Dude's a legend. 00:46:51.360 --> 00:46:54.659 And you're about a foot shorter. Yeah, I'm more 00:46:54.659 --> 00:46:57.960 Jack Black's build. And not Samoan? No, yeah, 00:46:57.960 --> 00:47:01.820 I'm not Samoan. Definitely not, no. Well, Jason 00:47:01.820 --> 00:47:05.719 Momoa's from Hawaii, I think, but with Samoan 00:47:05.719 --> 00:47:08.699 descent. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to ask this 00:47:08.699 --> 00:47:11.719 now, because normally, whenever we talk actors, 00:47:12.159 --> 00:47:13.239 you sit there and go, yeah, I've worked with 00:47:13.239 --> 00:47:30.179 them. Who worked with Jason Momoa? that's cool 00:48:15.659 --> 00:48:18.840 I think because he doesn't look that tall he 00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:21.539 doesn't one film he doesn't especially like if 00:48:21.539 --> 00:48:25.179 you've seen him in point break or yeah in speed 00:48:25.179 --> 00:48:27.719 where he's a bit more muscular than his earlier 00:48:27.719 --> 00:48:30.219 ones like bill and ted and things like that and 00:48:30.219 --> 00:48:33.119 he's put on a bit of muscle yeah uh he doesn't 00:48:33.119 --> 00:48:37.820 look that tall but when i met him you know he's 00:48:37.820 --> 00:48:41.980 about six two six three so he's a tall guy yeah 00:48:41.980 --> 00:48:49.210 uh and he was just genuinely really nice the 00:49:16.429 --> 00:51:10.800 the that the that the that the if you are a Doctor 00:51:10.800 --> 00:51:12.780 Who fan or anything like that, if you're listening 00:51:12.780 --> 00:51:16.380 to this or Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah. Karen 00:51:16.380 --> 00:51:21.179 is absolutely lovely and beautiful. I got to 00:51:21.179 --> 00:51:26.599 work with her on a project for the BBC. And it's 00:51:26.599 --> 00:51:28.280 when she was starting to form a name. She was 00:51:28.280 --> 00:51:31.519 still in Doctor Who at that point. Yeah. And 00:51:31.519 --> 00:51:52.500 before she got Nebula. But absolutely that was 00:52:00.280 --> 00:52:02.860 That was great. I mean what could be here talking 00:52:02.860 --> 00:52:05.659 all day? I was about to say after time like I'm 00:52:05.659 --> 00:52:07.960 just saying I know we could we could sit and 00:52:07.960 --> 00:52:10.099 talk like this all day Yeah, well the favorite 00:52:10.099 --> 00:52:14.059 person though. There is one more story the favorite 00:52:14.059 --> 00:52:18.940 You know, I'm a Superman fan. Yeah, so I I love 00:52:18.940 --> 00:52:21.800 Superman Favorite movie growing up the Christopher 00:52:21.800 --> 00:52:28.139 Eve. Yeah Superman I Was doing my first paid 00:52:28.139 --> 00:53:27.710 job in the West End that that that the that's 00:53:27.710 --> 00:53:30.389 cool. He goes, I know someone in that. And I 00:53:30.389 --> 00:53:36.449 was like, oh, okay. Nice. And in Superman 1 and 00:53:36.449 --> 00:53:39.610 2, you remember you've got General Zod, Ursula 00:53:39.610 --> 00:53:44.210 and Non. And it was Ursula he knew. Sarah Douglas. 00:53:47.030 --> 00:53:52.210 And one night he said, there's someone in the 00:53:52.210 --> 00:53:53.869 audience for me. I was like, well, that's quite 00:53:53.869 --> 00:53:56.630 strange because I recently just lost my father. 00:54:05.409 --> 00:56:55.809 the the the the that the that the you think the 00:56:55.809 --> 00:57:16.599 the I'm hurting. And it's much better than the 00:57:16.599 --> 00:57:20.659 alternative, isn't it? It is. And people say, 00:57:20.980 --> 00:57:26.760 no one will miss me if I'm not here or life will 00:57:26.760 --> 00:57:29.219 be much easier if I wasn't on the planet. No, 00:57:29.300 --> 00:57:32.480 it wouldn't. Life would be harder without you 00:57:32.480 --> 00:57:35.860 here. The impact will have a knock -on effect 00:57:35.860 --> 00:57:40.179 of that. The world's a better place because you're 00:57:40.179 --> 00:57:43.880 here. And I think that's true because actually, 00:57:43.980 --> 00:57:46.360 You never know. If you walk through the world, 00:57:46.719 --> 00:57:49.679 there's always someone that notices you. No matter 00:57:49.679 --> 00:57:51.800 what, you've touched someone's life. At some 00:57:51.800 --> 00:57:54.000 point in your days, you've touched someone's 00:57:54.000 --> 00:58:00.199 life. Exactly. When you came in dressed like 00:58:00.199 --> 00:58:02.400 Billy Connelly in Eddie Hall's Love Child in 00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:04.219 the meeting and you're cute and everything like 00:58:04.219 --> 00:58:06.320 that, that touched me. That made my day. That 00:58:06.320 --> 00:58:08.820 made me smile because you were like, I don't 00:58:08.820 --> 00:58:11.039 care what people think about me or what I look 00:58:11.039 --> 00:58:14.090 like or whatever. yeah i'm me and this is my 00:58:14.090 --> 00:58:16.650 personality and i'll dress the way i want to 00:58:16.650 --> 00:58:21.210 dress and this is me so yeah and that's part 00:58:21.210 --> 00:58:25.949 of being that's the confidence i've gained being 00:58:25.949 --> 00:58:29.469 i think more recently being the pink persuader 00:58:29.469 --> 00:58:34.170 like doing what i do with social media and the 00:58:34.170 --> 00:58:36.550 podcast and now the books and everything that 00:58:36.550 --> 00:58:39.630 that confidence has grown from that because actually 00:58:39.630 --> 00:58:43.210 it's a case of do you know what I've done this 00:58:43.210 --> 00:58:45.989 yeah you know there is nothing anyone can say 00:58:45.989 --> 00:58:49.289 to me that's gonna go make me feel bad about 00:58:49.289 --> 00:58:52.369 the fact that I like to wear a kilt that you 00:58:52.369 --> 00:58:54.570 know all right I do not wear it traditionally 00:58:54.570 --> 00:58:59.250 because yeah I'm not very good at sitting in 00:58:59.250 --> 00:59:01.809 a way that people would not see something they 00:59:01.809 --> 00:59:04.469 don't want to see yeah yeah that's true I'm glad 00:59:04.469 --> 00:59:44.780 you wear underwear the that that that is without 00:59:44.780 --> 01:00:08.250 doubt if it wasn't for those two what's your 01:00:08.250 --> 01:00:10.449 tick tocks and some of the people who follow 01:00:10.449 --> 01:00:12.670 you interact with your stuff you make a difference 01:00:12.670 --> 01:00:17.449 in your making an impact on those people. And 01:00:17.449 --> 01:00:19.530 you know helping their lives and you don't like 01:00:19.530 --> 01:00:23.650 compliments I hate so so I'm not gonna compliment 01:00:23.650 --> 01:00:27.349 you guys otherwise this will have a load of expletives 01:00:27.349 --> 01:00:29.110 in it and you won't ever be able to publish it 01:00:29.110 --> 01:01:02.980 on site I always. Will say that the. the No, 01:01:02.980 --> 01:01:05.139 this is a natural conversation Darren everything 01:01:05.139 --> 01:01:09.219 stays in. Okay, this is full This goes out like 01:01:09.219 --> 01:01:12.500 that. Okay, so um, but so I've been doing recently 01:01:12.500 --> 01:01:14.079 especially since I've been writing the sagas 01:01:14.079 --> 01:01:16.800 and stuff like that is At the end of each episode 01:01:16.800 --> 01:01:19.880 now. I'm doing a saw I've written I'm writing 01:01:19.880 --> 01:01:22.300 I've got dressed up as a Viking. You don't have 01:01:22.300 --> 01:01:26.000 to dress up. You can just You can listen to one 01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:28.639 of my sagas that I have written specifically 01:01:28.639 --> 01:01:35.400 for this episode um so these these are just read 01:01:35.400 --> 01:01:37.480 out on here these are not in my book yeah this 01:01:37.480 --> 01:01:39.960 is brand new this is brand new exclusive yeah 01:01:39.960 --> 01:01:42.719 yeah yeah so everyone that is listening to this 01:01:42.719 --> 01:01:44.579 you're hearing this because we're pre -recording 01:01:44.579 --> 01:01:47.920 this you're the first person to hear this so 01:01:47.920 --> 01:01:52.940 so it's the saga of the fire that was shed there 01:01:52.940 --> 01:01:56.320 was once a man who walked through the dark with 01:01:56.320 --> 01:02:00.139 a torch clenched tight in his hand he held it 01:02:00.139 --> 01:02:03.739 close because he thought that it was that was 01:02:03.739 --> 01:02:08.900 what strength was carry your own flame say you're 01:02:08.900 --> 01:02:14.440 fine keep moving do not let anyone see you struggle 01:02:14.440 --> 01:02:20.139 against the wind and while and for a while that 01:02:20.139 --> 01:02:24.300 torch was enough to keep him going but the road 01:02:24.300 --> 01:02:27.780 grew longer the night grew colder and there came 01:02:27.780 --> 01:02:31.659 a point as there does for so many where the flame 01:02:31.659 --> 01:02:36.460 began to shake. Not because he was weak. Not 01:02:36.460 --> 01:02:39.619 because he had failed. But because no one was 01:02:39.619 --> 01:02:44.500 meant to walk every dark road alone. Then, in 01:02:44.500 --> 01:02:49.619 the distance, he saw something unexpected. Not 01:02:49.619 --> 01:02:53.599 a hero on a hill. Not a man shouting orders. 01:02:54.739 --> 01:03:00.000 Just a fire. A shared one. And around it stood 01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:04.360 other men. Not perfect men. Not fearless men. 01:03:05.360 --> 01:03:09.860 Just honest ones. Men who knew what it was to 01:03:09.860 --> 01:03:14.079 be tired. Men who knew what it was to carry too 01:03:14.079 --> 01:03:19.360 much in silence. Men who had learnt that sometimes 01:03:19.360 --> 01:03:23.199 the bravest thing a person can do is step closer 01:03:23.199 --> 01:03:29.110 and say, I'm not all right. and something changed 01:03:29.110 --> 01:03:33.329 there. Because when one man shares his flame, 01:03:34.150 --> 01:03:38.909 another does not become smaller. The fire becomes 01:03:38.909 --> 01:03:44.750 stronger. That was once one torch in the dark 01:03:44.750 --> 01:03:50.030 became warmth, light, laughter, truth, and the 01:03:50.030 --> 01:03:53.269 kind of strength that does not come from pretending. 01:03:54.550 --> 01:04:00.239 It comes from being seen. So if you are out there 01:04:00.239 --> 01:04:02.739 tonight carrying your own torch with shaking 01:04:02.739 --> 01:04:06.119 hands thinking you have to keep walking alone, 01:04:07.079 --> 01:04:10.500 hear this. You were never meant to do it all 01:04:10.500 --> 01:04:14.300 by yourself. There is no shame in stepping towards 01:04:14.300 --> 01:04:17.559 the fire. There is no weakness in being honest 01:04:17.559 --> 01:04:21.860 and there is still warmth waiting for you. Much 01:04:21.860 --> 01:05:25.559 love and be more kind. the the the viewers listeners 01:05:25.559 --> 01:05:28.880 yeah listeners i'm not even being filmed i know 01:05:28.880 --> 01:05:33.320 no this is it um but guys thank you thank you 01:05:33.320 --> 01:05:36.199 so much for listening as always uh thank you 01:05:36.199 --> 01:05:39.760 for your support um this has been the pink persuader 01:05:39.760 --> 01:05:42.340 on mental health thank you darren you're welcome 01:05:42.340 --> 01:05:45.360 for coming on uh look after yourselves look after 01:05:45.360 --> 01:05:48.880 each other and as always much love and be more 01:05:48.880 --> 01:06:02.840 kind You don't have to walk alone We'll be here 01:06:02.840 --> 01:06:10.079 another day Until you're ready to come home