WEBVTT

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Alright guys, welcome back to the Pink Persuader

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on mental health. And today, we're talking about

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something I think a lot of people need to hear.

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No, a kale smoothie won't cure your depression.

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I know, sounds obvious when you say it like that.

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But if you've ever struggled you've probably

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heard some version of that before Drink more

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water Go for a walk Just think positive And that's

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what we're getting into today So wherever you

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are right now, maybe you're driving to work or

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driving home from work Maybe you're lying in

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bed having a day where you're really struggling

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Maybe you're just trying to get through the day.

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Well, pull up a chair because we're going to

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sit this one by the fire tonight. So let's just

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say it how it is. Have you tried drinking more

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water? Yes. Yes, I have. I have tried so hard

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to remember to drink water. Oh dear The other

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one I always get is you're drinking way too many

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energy drinks. Well, damn it energy drinks help

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regulate my emotions. Okay. Oh Dear I should

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be sponsored by monster. I tell you Go for a

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walk mate fresh air will fix it. Yeah, of course

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it will Try yoga. No, thanks. I am Yeah, broken

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enough as it is already Just think positive.

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Yeah, let's do it Other people have it worse

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and now that I think that one is an important

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one to sort of say that Nobody's got it worse

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when it comes to mental health because each of

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our own issues affect us in our own way. So certain

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people deal with certain things better than others.

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Some people deal with with the other thing worse.

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So someone may be grieving and they're really

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struggling with that. But someone else might

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take grieving and actually take it really well

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in their own stride and they manage it really

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well. You know, everyone is different. And we

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cannot sit there and tell people that that is

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how they should feel after each situation because

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we all deal with it in different ways. But yeah.

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On all that advice, I always sit there and I

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just think, cheers, thanks. I didn't realize

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my brain just needed a smoothie and a bit of

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sunshine. And here's the thing. Most of the time

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people mean well They're not trying to hurt you,

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but when you're in it, I mean properly in it

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That kind of advice doesn't feel Like it's like

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like it's support It feels like you're not trying

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hard enough. This should be easy to fix It's

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not that serious and that's where it hits because

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you're already fighting your own head and now

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it feels like you've got to explain it as well

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so I thought this would be a perfect point to

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introduce the Top Offenders Hall of Fame for

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bad advice let's have a bit of fun with this

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Just be positive. Yes, because that is what we

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need. We need the man that's going to come in

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and he's going to yell at us to be positive and

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carry on because you can do it. That's going

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to make everything better, isn't it? Everything

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happens for a reason. Yes. yes because life has

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got me over a barrel right now and they forgot

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the lubricant and the next one go to the gym

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it will fix you okay so i like going to the gym

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i enjoy going to the gym for my mental health

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but it doesn't work for everyone yes the release

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of endorphins is great but it isn't for everyone

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And not everyone gets that same rush out of it.

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In fact, with a lot of people it causes masses

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of anxiety. And this one, this one. You just

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need a routine. Now for all of my other neuro

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spicy listeners out there, I'm sure you've heard

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this one a lot. because we crave routine but

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we just can't keep a routine and we really struggle

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to keep a routine and then we beat ourselves

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up because we cannot keep a routine so it actually

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makes us worse and last but not by no means least

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it's all in your head Well, fucking hell, really?

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I thought that it was in the name, mental health,

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mental, in your head. It is not just in your

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head. It is your head. That is literally the

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problem. If you ever sat there thinking, why

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isn't this working for me? Why am I still struggling?

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What is wrong with me? Let me say this properly

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There is nothing wrong with you You are not broken

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You're dealing with something deeper than quick

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fixes And you know what I'll be honest with you

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I've had moments where I've actually tried some

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of this stuff like properly thought maybe this

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time it will work I've gone out for the walk

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tried to clear my head try to be positive try

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to do the right things and yeah sometimes it

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helps a little for a little bit but then you're

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back in it and that's the bit people don't see

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they see the moment they don't see what comes

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after and that can mess with your head because

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you start thinking well if this works for everyone

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else why isn't it working for me and that's where

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it gets dangerous because you stop blaming the

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advice and start blaming yourself and bringing

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this back to my own little stuff and bits and

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pieces because for me it's not just mental it's

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physical as well the chronic stuff my knee the

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pain The days we're just moving feels like an

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absolute battle. So when someone says just go

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for a walk you'll feel better. It's like mate

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I can barely walk some days and even if I could

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that doesn't switch off what's going on inside

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this thing on my head. And that's the people

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the bit people don't always always get Mental

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health isn't one layer and I'm gonna steal a

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quote from Shrek here because you know Mental

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health is like onions. It has layers I'm not

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gonna do my Shrek voice on here. Just in case

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DreamWorks come after me You know It's layers.

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It's exhaustion. It's overthinking. It's pressure.

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It's guilt. It's trying to keep going when everything

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feels heavy. So yeah, a walk might help a little

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bit. Drinking some water might help a little

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bit. But it's not the answer. And when people

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present it like it is, That's when it becomes

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really frustrating for us. But now, let's be

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fair for a second. Let me play devil's advocate

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because this matters. People don't say this stuff

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because they don't care. They say it because

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they don't know what to do. When someone you

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care about is struggling you want to fix it You

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want to help you want to take the pain away And

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when you can't You reach for something simple

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something quick something that sounds helpful

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Because sitting with someone in the dark with

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no solution that feels uncomfortable but here's

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the truth sometimes people don't need fixing

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they just need someone to sit with them and say

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I see you Do you know what the worst part is?

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Do you know what the absolute worst part of this

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can be? It's not even just what other people

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say. It's what you start saying to yourself.

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You start repeating it. Come on, just get up.

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I've said that one to myself a few times. Come

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on, be more positive. Other people have it worse.

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I've heard that one so many times like Why aren't

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you getting help? Why aren't you reaching out?

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Oh other people have it worse than me And now

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it's not just outside voices it's in your own

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head and that's heavy because We can't walk away

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from that That's when it stops being advice and

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starts becoming pressure So what actually helps

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then because it's easy to say what doesn't For

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me, it's not the big stuff. It's not some perfect

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routine It's small things real things it's talking

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to the right person Not someone who tries to

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fix it someone who just listens It's being honest

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about where I am at instead of pretending I'm

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alright It's accepting that some days are just

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heavy and that is it No fixing no solutions just

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getting through and weirdly that takes more pressure

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off than anything else now one of my followers

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and friends Luna she always comes and says to

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me protect your peace I thought this this is

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a perfect moment to To to protect our peace here

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and to give you guys some potential things that

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you could say If you feel like people are giving

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you advice that is unhelpful or they they're

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maybe not listening to you in the way that you

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you need so What do we do when people say this

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stuff You protect your energy not aggressively

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not showing people down Just calmly Say things

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like I know you're trying to help but I don't

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need solutions right now or It's a bit more complicated

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than that Or maybe something like I appreciate

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it But that doesn't really work for me. That

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one is one I've used myself Especially when people

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will often say to me Um, have you tried meditation?

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Um, I have ADHD meditation does not work well

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for me. Um, you could also say I'm working through

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it in my own way. Or just ask them, can you listen

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for a minute? Because sometimes being heard.

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is more helpful than any advice and you don't

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owe anyone a full explanation so before we finish

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tonight I just want to leave you with something

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a saga because sometimes stories land in a way

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advice never does There is a man by the fire

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Not loud Not broken In the way the world expects

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But heavy The flames dance They do not ask him

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to be better They simply burn And let him sit

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Others come With answers they have never had

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to live Drink more water Walk it off. Choose

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happiness. They leave their words and walk away.

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The man nods because it is easier. And still

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the fire burns. One night someone sits beside

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him. No advice. No fixing. Just presence. you

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look tired he says I am he replies no solution

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comes but something changes because he is no

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longer alone sometimes that's where healing begins

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that was the saga of the smoothie by the fire

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I like to write these sagas because I find it

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helps people to not feel like they are quite

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so alone because their journey has been put into

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a story. It has been written in a way that isn't

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like advice but actually is real. This is where

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I got the idea to write my first book, The Sagas

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of the Pink Persuader. a collection of healing

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sagas and I I've had a lot of feedback from from

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people who have read the book saying about how

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much it helped them to feel less alone so this

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is not a plug to go and buy the book but if you

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feel that you need it take take a read um you

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know I would just love to get any feedback from

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from those sagas and hopefully coming in the

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next few weeks will be the second the second

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sagas of the pink persuader which I I didn't

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think I'd write one book let alone write two

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and I think that sure shows the journey I've

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been on in this last year you know so But guys

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as we come to The end here I just want to say

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if you are the person by the fire Still here

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still trying You're not broken you're human and

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if no one has said it today I See you and as

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always guys much love and be more kind from the

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pink persuader