Alright guys, welcome back to the Pink Persuader
on mental health. And today, we're talking about
something I think a lot of people need to hear.
No, a kale smoothie won't cure your depression.
I know, sounds obvious when you say it like that.
But if you've ever struggled you've probably
heard some version of that before Drink more
water Go for a walk Just think positive And that's
what we're getting into today So wherever you
are right now, maybe you're driving to work or
driving home from work Maybe you're lying in
bed having a day where you're really struggling
Maybe you're just trying to get through the day.
Well, pull up a chair because we're going to
sit this one by the fire tonight. So let's just
say it how it is. Have you tried drinking more
water? Yes. Yes, I have. I have tried so hard
to remember to drink water. Oh dear The other
one I always get is you're drinking way too many
energy drinks. Well, damn it energy drinks help
regulate my emotions. Okay. Oh Dear I should
be sponsored by monster. I tell you Go for a
walk mate fresh air will fix it. Yeah, of course
it will Try yoga. No, thanks. I am Yeah, broken
enough as it is already Just think positive.
Yeah, let's do it Other people have it worse
and now that I think that one is an important
one to sort of say that Nobody's got it worse
when it comes to mental health because each of
our own issues affect us in our own way. So certain
people deal with certain things better than others.
Some people deal with with the other thing worse.
So someone may be grieving and they're really
struggling with that. But someone else might
take grieving and actually take it really well
in their own stride and they manage it really
well. You know, everyone is different. And we
cannot sit there and tell people that that is
how they should feel after each situation because
we all deal with it in different ways. But yeah.
On all that advice, I always sit there and I
just think, cheers, thanks. I didn't realize
my brain just needed a smoothie and a bit of
sunshine. And here's the thing. Most of the time
people mean well They're not trying to hurt you,
but when you're in it, I mean properly in it
That kind of advice doesn't feel Like it's like
like it's support It feels like you're not trying
hard enough. This should be easy to fix It's
not that serious and that's where it hits because
you're already fighting your own head and now
it feels like you've got to explain it as well
so I thought this would be a perfect point to
introduce the Top Offenders Hall of Fame for
bad advice let's have a bit of fun with this
Just be positive. Yes, because that is what we
need. We need the man that's going to come in
and he's going to yell at us to be positive and
carry on because you can do it. That's going
to make everything better, isn't it? Everything
happens for a reason. Yes. yes because life has
got me over a barrel right now and they forgot
the lubricant and the next one go to the gym
it will fix you okay so i like going to the gym
i enjoy going to the gym for my mental health
but it doesn't work for everyone yes the release
of endorphins is great but it isn't for everyone
And not everyone gets that same rush out of it.
In fact, with a lot of people it causes masses
of anxiety. And this one, this one. You just
need a routine. Now for all of my other neuro
spicy listeners out there, I'm sure you've heard
this one a lot. because we crave routine but
we just can't keep a routine and we really struggle
to keep a routine and then we beat ourselves
up because we cannot keep a routine so it actually
makes us worse and last but not by no means least
it's all in your head Well, fucking hell, really?
I thought that it was in the name, mental health,
mental, in your head. It is not just in your
head. It is your head. That is literally the
problem. If you ever sat there thinking, why
isn't this working for me? Why am I still struggling?
What is wrong with me? Let me say this properly
There is nothing wrong with you You are not broken
You're dealing with something deeper than quick
fixes And you know what I'll be honest with you
I've had moments where I've actually tried some
of this stuff like properly thought maybe this
time it will work I've gone out for the walk
tried to clear my head try to be positive try
to do the right things and yeah sometimes it
helps a little for a little bit but then you're
back in it and that's the bit people don't see
they see the moment they don't see what comes
after and that can mess with your head because
you start thinking well if this works for everyone
else why isn't it working for me and that's where
it gets dangerous because you stop blaming the
advice and start blaming yourself and bringing
this back to my own little stuff and bits and
pieces because for me it's not just mental it's
physical as well the chronic stuff my knee the
pain The days we're just moving feels like an
absolute battle. So when someone says just go
for a walk you'll feel better. It's like mate
I can barely walk some days and even if I could
that doesn't switch off what's going on inside
this thing on my head. And that's the people
the bit people don't always always get Mental
health isn't one layer and I'm gonna steal a
quote from Shrek here because you know Mental
health is like onions. It has layers I'm not
gonna do my Shrek voice on here. Just in case
DreamWorks come after me You know It's layers.
It's exhaustion. It's overthinking. It's pressure.
It's guilt. It's trying to keep going when everything
feels heavy. So yeah, a walk might help a little
bit. Drinking some water might help a little
bit. But it's not the answer. And when people
present it like it is, That's when it becomes
really frustrating for us. But now, let's be
fair for a second. Let me play devil's advocate
because this matters. People don't say this stuff
because they don't care. They say it because
they don't know what to do. When someone you
care about is struggling you want to fix it You
want to help you want to take the pain away And
when you can't You reach for something simple
something quick something that sounds helpful
Because sitting with someone in the dark with
no solution that feels uncomfortable but here's
the truth sometimes people don't need fixing
they just need someone to sit with them and say
I see you Do you know what the worst part is?
Do you know what the absolute worst part of this
can be? It's not even just what other people
say. It's what you start saying to yourself.
You start repeating it. Come on, just get up.
I've said that one to myself a few times. Come
on, be more positive. Other people have it worse.
I've heard that one so many times like Why aren't
you getting help? Why aren't you reaching out?
Oh other people have it worse than me And now
it's not just outside voices it's in your own
head and that's heavy because We can't walk away
from that That's when it stops being advice and
starts becoming pressure So what actually helps
then because it's easy to say what doesn't For
me, it's not the big stuff. It's not some perfect
routine It's small things real things it's talking
to the right person Not someone who tries to
fix it someone who just listens It's being honest
about where I am at instead of pretending I'm
alright It's accepting that some days are just
heavy and that is it No fixing no solutions just
getting through and weirdly that takes more pressure
off than anything else now one of my followers
and friends Luna she always comes and says to
me protect your peace I thought this this is
a perfect moment to To to protect our peace here
and to give you guys some potential things that
you could say If you feel like people are giving
you advice that is unhelpful or they they're
maybe not listening to you in the way that you
you need so What do we do when people say this
stuff You protect your energy not aggressively
not showing people down Just calmly Say things
like I know you're trying to help but I don't
need solutions right now or It's a bit more complicated
than that Or maybe something like I appreciate
it But that doesn't really work for me. That
one is one I've used myself Especially when people
will often say to me Um, have you tried meditation?
Um, I have ADHD meditation does not work well
for me. Um, you could also say I'm working through
it in my own way. Or just ask them, can you listen
for a minute? Because sometimes being heard.
is more helpful than any advice and you don't
owe anyone a full explanation so before we finish
tonight I just want to leave you with something
a saga because sometimes stories land in a way
advice never does There is a man by the fire
Not loud Not broken In the way the world expects
But heavy The flames dance They do not ask him
to be better They simply burn And let him sit
Others come With answers they have never had
to live Drink more water Walk it off. Choose
happiness. They leave their words and walk away.
The man nods because it is easier. And still
the fire burns. One night someone sits beside
him. No advice. No fixing. Just presence. you
look tired he says I am he replies no solution
comes but something changes because he is no
longer alone sometimes that's where healing begins
that was the saga of the smoothie by the fire
I like to write these sagas because I find it
helps people to not feel like they are quite
so alone because their journey has been put into
a story. It has been written in a way that isn't
like advice but actually is real. This is where
I got the idea to write my first book, The Sagas
of the Pink Persuader. a collection of healing
sagas and I I've had a lot of feedback from from
people who have read the book saying about how
much it helped them to feel less alone so this
is not a plug to go and buy the book but if you
feel that you need it take take a read um you
know I would just love to get any feedback from
from those sagas and hopefully coming in the
next few weeks will be the second the second
sagas of the pink persuader which I I didn't
think I'd write one book let alone write two
and I think that sure shows the journey I've
been on in this last year you know so But guys
as we come to The end here I just want to say
if you are the person by the fire Still here
still trying You're not broken you're human and
if no one has said it today I See you and as
always guys much love and be more kind from the
pink persuader