Yes, you are not believing this, but I am back.
It's been a while. It has been a while. I've
gone back and forth a lot on how to do this episode.
Because I didn't want to come back with some
big polished speech. act like everything I've
got everything figured out because honestly I
haven't nowhere near life's been heavy for me
this last few months big part of that being real
has been my health as a lot of you know I've
been struggling with my knee the last few weeks
and more general ongoing pain that you know and
that chronic illness side of life where even
if you're still functioning it still wears you
down so That is where I've been mentally and
physically the last god knows how many months
since I last did this. I think that's something
people don't always see properly. They still
they see still going to work, still posting,
still trying, still showing up. But they don't
see the cost of it. They don't see what it's
like when walking hurts, when standing too long
hurts, when simple things feel harder than they
should. When your body starts deciding for you
what kind of day you're going to have, And that
gets in your head. It really does. It's not just
the physical pain, is it? It's frustration, it's
tiredness. It's feeling limited. It's feeling
like your body is arguing with life while you're
trying to live it. And I think that's been one
of the biggest things for me lately. Not just
the pain itself, but the mental side of it. The
way it chips away at you, at your mood. The way
it affects your patience. The way it can knock
your confidence a bit. The way it can make you
feel less like yourself. Especially when someone's...
used to pushing through like myself, especially,
you know, when you're used to being the strong
one, the one who keeps going, the one who gets
on with it, the one who carries on anyway. Because
when that starts getting harder, it does something
to you. You start. grieving little things, not
always in some dramatic, massive way, just quietly.
You grieve ease. You grieve freedom. You grieve
the version of yourself that didn't have to think
about every step or every walk or every outing,
every plan. in terms of how much it's going to
cost you mentally and physically and that's hard
I don't think we talk enough about the mental
health side of physical pain because chronic
pain or long -term health issues don't just sit
in your body They spill into everything else.
They affect how you think, how you feel, how
much energy you've got, how social you feel.
How hopeful you feel. How much of yourself you've
got left. Especially by the end of the day. And
I think for a while if if I'm honest um I've
been trying to keep my head above water with
it um still doing life still doing work still
being there for people still trying to be me
but the fire definitely went quieter not gone
just quieter and I think it's also worth saying
Even though I've been quiet in some ways, that
doesn't mean that nothing's been happening. Because
one of the big things that happened since this
podcast last had a proper life in it, I wrote
a book. And that still feels a bit mad to say
out loud, if I'm honest. The Sagas of the Pink
Persuader became a real thing. A real book. Something
I actually put out into the world. I'm genuinely
proud of that. Not in an arrogant way. Just in
a real way. Because it came from a real place.
It came from pain. Reflection. Healing. Struggling.
resilience hope all of it and I don't it wasn't
about trying to look impressive it wasn't it
was it was about trying to create something honest
that might help people feel seen so even while
I've been quieter the message hasn't stopped
It's just been showing up in different ways.
And I think the book is a massive part of that.
Because for me, The Pink Persuader has never
been about pretending life is easy. It's about
telling the truth and the battles and still trying
to create something meaningful from that. So,
yeah, if you didn't know before. Now you do.
There is a book and it means a lot to me. I suppose
this is the part where I should tell you where
you can buy that book if if you so wish to. If
you would like to purchase my book and read it,
then it is available through Amazon. You can
read it through Kindle Unlimited. You can buy
a paperback or you can buy a hardback all through
Amazon. The only thing I ever ask is that if
you buy my book, please make sure you review
it and you give me some real honest feedback
that I can work on because I am working on book
number two. I am not an accomplished author.
I am still learning. So your feedback is so important.
I suppose that's the part of what this return
is to bring in all those pieces back together
because I didn't want to come back pretending
everything's sorted now I didn't want to come
back with some fake and here are these five lessons
that pain has taught me kind of speech I didn't
want to package it all up neatly. Actually, I'm
still in it. I'm still figuring out. I'm still
learning how to live alongside pain without letting
it completely rob me of myself. I'm still learning
how to deal with the frustration when my body
won't do what I want it to do. I'm still learning
how not to be angry at myself for struggling
with things that used to feel a lot easier. I
think that's important to say out loud. Because
sometimes mental health doesn't take it, take
a hint. Sometimes it gets worn down slowly. And
sometimes the pain. The stress, the exhaustion,
the uncertainty can feel all too overwhelming
and wear you right down. And I know I won't be
the only one living in that sort of space. Maybe
your thing isn't knee pain. Maybe it's chronic
illness. Maybe it's. burnout, maybe it's anxiety,
maybe it's grief, maybe it's stress, maybe it's
depression. Maybe it's just a life has been quietly
battering you for longer than you've admitted.
But that slow wearing down is real and it matters.
I think one of the hardest parts is that when
you're still functioning, People always assume
you're alright and sometimes you assume it about
yourself as well. You tell yourself you're fine
because technically you're still doing better
than what you used to or you're still doing what
needs to be done. You're still getting up. You're
still going out. I'm still replying to messages
sometimes. I'm still smiling. I'm still making
jokes. Oh, I'm still carrying on. But functioning
isn't the same as feeling okay. And I think a
lot of people live in that gap for a long time.
That space where outwardly you look mostly all
right, but inwardly you're tired in a way that
sleep doesn't fix. And that's a lonely place
to be sometimes because it's hard to explain.
It's hard to explain how pain can make you feel
trapped in your own body. It's hard to explain
how something like a bad knee doesn't just stay
in your knee. It gets into your confidence. It
gets into your mood. It gets into your plans.
It gets into your sense of freedom. It gets into
how much of life feels easy or enjoyable. It's
hard to explain how wearing it is having to constantly
adapt. having to think ahead, having to weigh
up whether something is worth the pain afterwards,
having to look normal while quietly doing those
calculations all the time. And I know there'll
be people listening who understand exactly that
because they've been living their own version
of it. And if that's you, then this bit is for
you. You are not weak. You are not weak for being
affected by pain. You are not lazy for being
tired. You are not failing because your body
is making life harder. You are not too much for
finding it mentally difficult as well. Because
I think a lot of us judge ourselves twice. First
we deal with the actual thing, the pain, the
illness, the exhaustion, the limitations, and
then we beat ourselves up for not handling it
better. We should be stronger. We should be more
productive. We should be more positive. We should
stop moaning. We should just get on with it.
And all that does is pile extra weight on top
of what is already heavy. I've definitely done
that. Even in the last few days, I've had moments
of being frustrated at my body and then also
frustrated at myself for being frustrated. That
is a horrible cycle because pain is tiring enough
without becoming your own enemy on top of it.
So one thing I've really been trying to learn
and I say trying because I'm not pretending I've
nailed this is to give myself a bit more grace.
Not excuses, not giving up and not wallowing,
just grace. Just a bit of honesty and fairness.
Just recognising that this is hard sometimes
and that I'm allowed to find it hard. That doesn't
make me less strong, it makes me honest. And
maybe that's one of the things I want this podcast
to be going forward. More honest. Less polished.
Less. Here's the lesson. More. This is actually
what it feels like. Because I think that's what
people connect with more. Not perfection. Not
someone pretending they've transcended every
struggle. Just truth. Just someone saying, yeah,
this has been hard. And I think there's power
in that. I think there's power in speaking from
inside the struggle. Instead of waiting until
you've perfectly finished it. because if we only
ever speak when we've got all the answers, then
a lot of the most important conversations never
happen. And I don't want this podcast to be that.
I want this to be a place where the real stuff
gets said, the messy stuff, the frustrating stuff,
the tired stuff, the stuff people often carry
quietly. I want to be the place where someone
can listen and think, thank the gods it's not
just me because that matters feeling less alone
matters especially when your head's been heavy
especially when your body's been fighting you
especially when you've started to feel a bit
disconnected from yourself and I'll be honest
there have definitely been moments lately Where
I felt a bit disconnected from myself not fully
gone not fully lost But not fully like me either
And that's hard to sit with because when you
build something around honesty and hope and resilience
There can also be this pressure to always embody
that perfectly To always be the one with the
words. To always be the one to bring hope. To
always be the one saying the strong thing. The
truth is, the pink persuader is still a person.
I'm still a person. People get tired. People
get worn down. people struggle people go quiet
sometimes that doesn't mean the message was fake
it just means I'm human too and sometimes people
think that as a mental health advocate you are
somehow healed and things don't get to you anymore,
but I think this return means more because of
that. Because I am human. Because I'm not coming
back as some untouched version of myself I am
coming back with pain with frustration with tiredness
with lessons I really didn't ask for and What
I'm with a bit more understanding of how much
silent battles can take out of a person So if
you've been feeling a bit quiet in yourself recently
If you've been feeling a bit worn down. If life's
been heavier than people realize. If your body,
your brain or both have been making things harder.
I just want to say this. You do not have to wait
until you are fully fixed to still matter. You
don't have to be thriving all the time. still
be worthy. You do not have to hide your struggle
just because other people can't see it properly
and you do not have to earn rest by completely
breaking first because I think a lot of us wait
until we're absolutely on our arse before we
admit that we need help. And then we're not just
tired. We're wrecked. So many people end up wrecked.
So maybe part of the strength is catching it
sooner. Maybe part of the strength is being more
honest. about what we are about what things are
costing us maybe part of strength is adapting
without shame it's trying to learn that I think
I'll probably keep learning that for a while
but I'd rather learn about it honestly than fake
my way through it. And that's what this episode
really is. It's not a grand comeback speech.
It's not me saying I'm all better and now I've
returned to triumph from the mountain with wisdom
and polished answers. It's me saying life has
been hard. Pain has affected me more mentally
than Probably than I probably ever admitted.
The fire went quiet for a while. But never actually
died. And if I'm honest, I think that. Probably.
Is true for a lot of people listening as well.
Sometimes your fire doesn't go out. Sometimes
it just gets buried. Buried under pressure, under
pain, buried under stress, disappointment, responsibilities
and the effort of just trying to keep going.
But buried isn't dead And think that's what I'm
holding on to at this minute Even when I felt
lower Even when I felt more limited even when
I felt frustrated and tired and not quite myself
There's still something in me that wants to keep
showing up There's still something in me that
wants to speak honestly because Still nothing
in There's something in me that wants to turn
struggles into something useful Still something
in me that wants to connect and That matters
so yeah, this is the return Not clean, not perfect,
not polished, but real. And I would rather build
from real than fake perfect. Every single time.
So going forward, that's what I want more of.
Real conversations, real mental health talk,
real lived experiences. The kind of stuff that
doesn't always fit neatly into a caption or a
quick video. The kind of stuff that gives people
room to breathe. There'll be episodes about pain,
about burnout, about men's mental health, about
identity. Feeling lost in yourself and trying
to stay kind. When life's grinding you down.
About real I resilience but not the fake shiny
version the real one the one that sometimes looks
like Just getting through the day and that's
And that's where if that's where you are Right
now then I want you to know That counts it all
counts getting through the day counts Still being
here counts still trying counts still caring
counts Even if you're limping a bit even if you're
slower than you want to be, even if your head
has been noisy, even if your body's been fighting,
even if you're not the version of yourself, you
wish you were right now. You still count. I think
that's where I'll leave this for today. Not with
the perfect answer, just with honesty. Things
have been hard. Pain has been hard. The mental
side of it has been hard. But I'm here. I'm still
here. And I want to keep building from that.
So if you're listening, thank you. Thank you
for staying. Thank you for coming. And thank
you. for giving this space your time and now
before i go i want to finish this the only way
that feels right the fire went quiet beneath
the ache beneath the weight beneath the frustration
of a body that would not move as freely as it
once did The path grew heavier, each step became
a battle, and even the strongest warrior can
feel worn down when the fight follows him into
his own bones. But a quieter fire is still a
fire, and ember beneath ash still holds heat.
And though the shield grew heavier and the body
protested, the mind grew tired from carrying
more than the most could see. Still, the flame
remained. Not roaring, not raging, but waiting.
Waiting for breath, waiting for truth. Waiting
for the moment. its keeper would speak again.
And now he does. Not untouched, not unscarred,
but honest. Still speaking, still standing, still
choosing, even through pain. To turn struggle
into something that might light the way for someone
else one day. This is the pink persuader on mental
health and the fire is back. Much love and be
more kind.