WEBVTT

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Welcome to the Pink Persuader on Mental Health,

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a podcast exploring mental health through honest

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conversations and lived insights. Hello and welcome

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to the Pink Persuader on Mental Health. This

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is episode 3 of this podcast and I am welcoming

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you all along with my very first guest of this

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podcast, my best friend of... of about 17 years

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and double amputee, mental health sufferer, Mr.

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Dennis Levy. Welcome. Hello, everyone. Thank

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you for having me, man. Thank you for letting

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me be the first guest. To be fair, to me, it

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was a really important conversation to have because

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I think you are someone that I've known to have

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mental health issues most of your life. Yeah.

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um like myself you suffer with adhd and autism

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yeah um and then obviously then to then lose

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your legs um yeah you know that just compiles

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everything cherry on the top yeah um so person

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oh yeah so obviously i know your journey but

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a lot of these people that are listening probably

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don't know your journey so can you sort of share

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with us Like your personal journey and what led

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to your amputation of both your legs. Absolutely.

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Yeah. I'm happy to kind of share it as I can

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remember it. Of course, man. There was a lot

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of trauma that day, so I can understand. Yeah,

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it was a big, big, big impact on my life, as

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you can imagine. Yeah. So basically, I used to

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work at... national grid like HQ. I was a cleaner.

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One evening I finished a shift and went to see

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some friends after work. Left there about 8 .15

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and about 8 .30 I was about half a mile away

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from home and unfortunately I got hit by a car.

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The interesting thing is I was on the pavement

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as a pedestrian. you know in a in an area where

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you know in quite a residential area and you

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know unfortunately no one saw it but yeah the

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car um kind of spun across the pavement and caught

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me between the front of the car and a wall um

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basically you know long story short it twisted

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one of my legs off and you know really kind of

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badly damaged the other one, pulled the skin,

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kind of, you know, half of them were shin bone,

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you know, down to my ankle. Yeah, and I've heard

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this. I've heard this before. I know exactly

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what's happened. You still look shocked. This

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is the thing, like, I think whenever I have conversations,

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I say that my best friend is a double amputee.

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Look, most people's mind goes straight to motorbike

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crash or something like that. Army. Yeah, or

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army. Yeah, yeah. Are you in the army? Yeah.

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No. No, no. Mum was disappointed to say no sometimes.

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I was just walking down the street in a coat.

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Absolutely nothing, nothing particularly fun

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or like... Yeah. But, so then obviously, air

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ambulance pretty much saved your life that day,

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didn't they? And the Coast Guard as well. I think

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the... I think it was the Coast Guard helicopter

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I went in, but... Right. But I think... I think

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they did try and take me in the ambulance first.

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Don't quote me on that. It was a bit funky on

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that one. They were all involved. Every emergency

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service was pretty much involved in that. You

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can think of ambulance. Ambulance turned up pretty

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quick, to be fair. I mean, not that my sense

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of time at that point was like... I was still

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conscious after the accident. So, you know, that's

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just a lot of things that I don't remember that

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I'd like to remember. But of course, all the

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stuff I do remember is kind of not necessarily

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things you want to remember. Yeah. And you then

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spent a lot of time in hospital afterwards, didn't

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you? Six weeks in hospital. Yeah. Which I think,

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in all fairness, is what happened to me. maybe

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two or three surgeries in that time. Yeah. Spent

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the first two days in a coma, like a medically

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induced coma. Yeah. And then just moved down

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to the ward and spent four weeks at Derriford,

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which I must say, the food there is bloody awful.

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We want you to get better, but eat this. It's

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basically made from cardboard. he's like bloody

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counting it or whatever he's like what's this

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yeah four weeks in Tarriford and then uh was

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it two week two two two and a bit week yeah for

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Trillis which just I think it's when you finally

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come to Trillis that's when I finally was able

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to visit you and like brought the kids as well

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yeah yeah like the kids come to see you for the

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first time and um yeah oh yeah i can imagine

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like you're their godfather and everything and

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yeah oh yeah yeah so like my young son who was

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probably about three two or three at the time

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um he was like he i he had to push you in the

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wheelchair didn't he and yeah i've still got

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a video of that and it's absolutely amazing but

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um yeah so i imagine you know i mean i i know

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but like a lot of this has given you a lot of

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trauma isn't it yeah um C2 PTSD for sure. Yeah.

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And you've actually now been diagnosed with PTSD,

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haven't you? Yes. But do you, I mean, personally,

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do you think you had PTSD beforehand or is that

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the main contributing factor to your PTSD diagnosis?

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I've been probably through some things growing

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up that maybe would warrant. Me saying yes that

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I probably did have PTSD before, although I wasn't

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suffering at a level that is comparable to now

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by any stretch. Life's been hard mentally from

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about 18 for me. My chronic depression started

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around then. And whether that's linked to pre

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-existing PTSD or whether that's just like...

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I start feeling that way. Yeah. And sometimes

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environmental too. Yeah. And as well, you are,

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yeah. Autistic and isolated. Yeah. And they want

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to be isolated, but then you don't, you like,

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you like want people here. Just sometimes it's

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just like, I want people here, but I don't want

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them to be near me. Yeah. And you just think,

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yeah, there's no way you can say that to people

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is there without being, it's that. link of having

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adhd and autism the adhd wants to be around people

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and it wants to have fun and do things with people

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and then you've got the autism that is being

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antisocial and not wanting to be around people

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at all. And I get that battle. I have that same...

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We're the same on that, aren't we? We're identical.

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Yeah. There's probably a reason we've been friends

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for 16 years and not fallen out in that 17 years.

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Oh yeah, no, because we forget each other exists

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for years at a time. Oh yeah, Dan exists. Come

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round the corner one day and you'll spit for

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the enemy. There's my best friend in nearly 20

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years. Yeah. I forgot to give him my new phone

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number. So he thought I died. Trying to phone

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you for two days. Oh, dear. So, personally, from

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your point of view, how do you think becoming

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an amputee has really affected your mental health?

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obviously there's the obvious you know dealing

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with not being able to walk properly and everything

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like that but how how has that then developed

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your like how you struggle with your mental health

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differently to how you were before it's interesting

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because there's aspects that since my amputations

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as aspects of my mental health which have skyrocketed

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you know like my resilience I think is probably

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what's grown through this. Oh, mate, you're like

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the most resilient motherfucker I know, honestly.

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I've witnessed the whole journey and the way

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you've come through it, it would have broken

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most people. I think it would have broken me.

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Maybe. But you've done absolutely amazing. It's

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hard to say, isn't it? It's hard to say, but

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I knew that from the beginning I was going to

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have to have some level of... bounce back if

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i wanted to do what i wanted to do some of it's

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a natural mindset being being adhd you know you

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know for well yourself like no for an answer

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is it's difficult a lot so it's like when doctors

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say ah you'll probably never walk again i'm like

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you know f you i'm gonna walk again please i'm

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gonna fucking it's like it's not necessarily

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like you know rebellion or anything it's just

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it's just that it's like i i i know what i'm

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capable of and what i'm not pretty well yeah

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and i think that's another way it's it's effective

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but i mean there's always a flip side of course

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and it's like i mean personal relationships are

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harder now uh like like they they did say back

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at the beginning um i had you know a few assessments

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on you know how things might be for me in the

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future and he said you know because you already

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have chronic depression there's a good chance

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it's going to get worse and worse and worse yeah

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and not stop getting worse and that's what's

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happening yeah so that is the the worst and the

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most scary part of the whole thing is that like

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i didn't at the beginning think it was going

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to get this bad because i've always been able

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to cope yeah but then it has actually got to

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a stage back back around christmas of last year

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when it's really really bad and you know thinking

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about suicide and you know having thoughts about

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driving my car off house mouth and things like

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that yeah and you know that's just to be honest

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yeah and i think we've got to be honest about

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those those times because actually it's a big

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part and um you know as one of your best friends

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i didn't you know You didn't want to talk to

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anyone about it, did you? And I think it was

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months later that you were finally talking to

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me about it. We've done a lot over the last few

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months, haven't we, to try and improve both of

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our mental healths because actually we both have

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our struggles with it and it is up and down.

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You've been through some things too recently,

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haven't you? Yeah. There's been... there's been

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a lot a display of resilience from both of us

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yeah like same view as well yeah i mean over

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the time it's been you know it's been you know

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what five was it five years ago your accident

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four four years four years ago so four years

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ago you had your accident I genuinely thought

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I'd lost my best friend the day your dad sent

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me a message to say what had happened or phone

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me I can't even remember if he phoned me or messaged

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me um no I can't I can't imagine that you know

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no imagine what I know that my parents had to

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phone a whole bunch of people yeah and I do know

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that you know quite a lot of people were upset

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but they didn't tell me how many people they

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found or who they found just that they did and

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you know people were upset but hearing about

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that is definitely yeah like genuinely at that

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time i thought i was gonna lose my best friend

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and then obviously you you got better which is

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you know and you're still here you know like

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we're still doing things together um we're being

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able to do this podcast you know which is like

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a big thing it's my my baby at the minute and

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it's great to share that with you and then obviously

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he was mustered out six weeks ago or so five

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six weeks ago i then got told that a friend of

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mine had been taken into hospital um well obviously

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you met him as well so briefly yeah and um yeah

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he's a lovely chap and unfortunately he lost

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his battle with his illness and that's been that's

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been tough on me do i mean like actually yeah

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like that's brought my my depression and anxiety

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back up a little bit and it's been a struggle

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like so you know it is one of those things and

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i think some of that is actually some of the

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trauma of like what it was like when you you

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went into hospital like that that was a bit of

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a stark reminder in a way because like i never

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thought i'd have to really deal with that again

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even think about that element yeah of of it really

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it's just you know because i i just kind of thought

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to myself you know you knew him really well yeah

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yeah better than i did and i met the fella once

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yeah he made a really lasting impression on me

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yeah for sure um so you can only imagine but

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the thing is like over the last since since it's

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passing like you have kept your head up and just

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about yeah i've um i had a lot of support from

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from from aj um Work my work mates have been

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really brilliant, you know really understanding

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So yeah, and that's always the help. Yeah and

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having man down like man down is like for me

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is It's one of those things like, you know, I've

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been able to talk about it, which is good like

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That's been really helpful But yeah, it's been

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one of those it's just We had the funeral last

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last week so it's like that's part of the the

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recovery process i think as well sometimes yeah

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it's part of healing um you know so it has been

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it's been a it's been a process but it's definitely

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getting there but um yeah it's been it's one

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of those and it's sort of like i think actually

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Doing this today with my best friend, it's one

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of those things that's a real positive for me.

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It's one of those days where it's like, yes,

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something good. Brings back some energy. Yeah.

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It gives you something to look forward to. I'm

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looking forward to hearing this. As I just quickly

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talk about Man Down, I started going a couple

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of months ago, was it? Yeah, yeah. Months ago,

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six weeks ago. Yeah. I've missed a few here and

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there you know just due to things and what have

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you but the sessions I've attended have certainly

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helped and it's like even if it's just even if

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it's just the fact that I got out for the evening

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with my friend like yeah there's times where

00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:55.779
that's like really really helpful yeah but just

00:15:55.779 --> 00:16:02.320
the camaraderie of the place and like you do

00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:06.389
go there expecting to feel like people was looking

00:16:06.389 --> 00:16:09.309
at you because you knew and you know like will

00:16:09.309 --> 00:16:15.710
people really listen and accept what i say yeah

00:16:15.710 --> 00:16:18.110
you know you know what i'm saying but it really

00:16:18.110 --> 00:16:20.850
is like yeah and you've got the added thing that

00:16:20.850 --> 00:16:23.610
was walking walking in somewhere on two prosthetic

00:16:23.610 --> 00:16:26.509
legs and thinking are people going to judge me

00:16:26.509 --> 00:16:30.649
for that right yeah um and yeah like i think

00:16:30.649 --> 00:16:32.759
it was one like my It was a really proud moment

00:16:32.759 --> 00:16:36.159
for me the day that you came to Man Down and

00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:40.740
you shared. And I was really proud that you did

00:16:40.740 --> 00:16:43.480
that. And I was really proud of you. It was a

00:16:43.480 --> 00:16:45.820
really proud moment that I managed to finally

00:16:45.820 --> 00:16:48.879
get you to come. Because it's been a conversation

00:16:48.879 --> 00:16:53.049
for a long time. Over a year, I think. yeah trying

00:16:53.049 --> 00:17:01.730
to get me in there i'm 13 in my head yeah that's

00:17:01.730 --> 00:17:03.289
my problem that's what we are i think sometimes

00:17:03.289 --> 00:17:05.170
we are a bit like that yeah from kevin i'm not

00:17:05.170 --> 00:17:10.670
slight but i i still do it like now and i yeah

00:17:10.670 --> 00:17:13.390
i class myself as a mental health advocate someone

00:17:13.390 --> 00:17:17.019
that understands mental health someone who advises

00:17:17.019 --> 00:17:19.980
people talks to people online yeah i'm advising

00:17:19.980 --> 00:17:23.640
i advise people through this podcast and all

00:17:23.640 --> 00:17:27.579
sorts of stuff like that and it's like still

00:17:27.579 --> 00:17:31.380
the few weeks ago i was really struggling i had

00:17:31.380 --> 00:17:35.279
a few drinks went on tick tock i was live on

00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:38.940
tick tock yeah yeah i'm fine i'm fine like holding

00:17:38.940 --> 00:17:42.640
back tears do you know what i mean and I was

00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:47.460
like, do you know what? Actually, it took AJ

00:17:47.460 --> 00:17:49.579
turning around to me and going, Dan, you're being

00:17:49.579 --> 00:17:52.460
a hypocrite doing that. Because actually, you

00:17:52.460 --> 00:17:56.579
want people to talk. You're encouraging people

00:17:56.579 --> 00:17:59.119
to talk. But actually, then you're doing the

00:17:59.119 --> 00:18:00.880
complete opposite. You're bottling it up and

00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:03.880
hiding it from everyone else. And actually...

00:18:04.329 --> 00:18:07.789
you're not fine so own it and and actually i

00:18:07.789 --> 00:18:10.250
was like yeah the pink persuader needs to right

00:18:10.250 --> 00:18:15.049
like this is your motto yeah yeah yeah it's my

00:18:15.049 --> 00:18:18.670
part of my ethos is like yeah like talking about

00:18:18.670 --> 00:18:21.150
things and sharing and being open with things

00:18:21.150 --> 00:18:24.170
it's like it's all part of what i believe is

00:18:24.170 --> 00:18:28.529
a big help with mental health and yeah i i will

00:18:28.529 --> 00:18:32.009
admit when i start struggling then i do forget

00:18:32.009 --> 00:18:35.029
that sometimes myself which is the good reminder

00:18:35.029 --> 00:18:36.890
of having mad down every two weeks because actually

00:18:36.890 --> 00:18:39.740
then it's like yeah i'm in the place where i

00:18:39.740 --> 00:18:41.940
need to talk about this but what's brilliant

00:18:41.940 --> 00:18:44.839
is that over like the last few weeks where i

00:18:44.839 --> 00:18:46.680
have been i've taken a bit of a break from social

00:18:46.680 --> 00:18:50.059
media at times i had that one life where i went

00:18:50.059 --> 00:18:53.980
a bit crazy and all my followers have been absolutely

00:18:53.980 --> 00:18:56.279
amazing like people have sent me messages going

00:18:56.279 --> 00:18:58.240
like we're behind you whether you're here or

00:18:58.240 --> 00:19:00.940
not yeah you don't need to rush back for us you

00:19:00.940 --> 00:19:03.720
know you're a great community the community is

00:19:03.720 --> 00:19:07.339
fantastic like i can't i can't fault them um

00:19:07.339 --> 00:19:10.900
like the likes of they won't mind me mentioning

00:19:10.900 --> 00:19:16.700
mel damo azaria fox um i'll try to remember everyone

00:19:16.700 --> 00:19:20.319
now i'll put myself on the spot aj's part of

00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:22.039
the community as well which is brilliant like

00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:25.910
she comes in and talks with everyone and um Keeps

00:19:25.910 --> 00:19:28.430
me in line most of the time because my ADHD brain

00:19:28.430 --> 00:19:35.150
goes off on tangents. But I've got some really

00:19:35.150 --> 00:19:39.650
awesome followers. I mean, in the time since

00:19:39.650 --> 00:19:41.470
the last podcast, I've run the Plymouth Half

00:19:41.470 --> 00:19:44.470
Marathon as well. You did, yeah. Aziria, who

00:19:44.470 --> 00:19:49.069
is one of my TikTok followers, actually travelled

00:19:49.069 --> 00:19:50.430
all the way down from Nottingham to come and

00:19:50.430 --> 00:19:53.490
support me during that. we've never met in person

00:19:53.490 --> 00:19:57.089
literally come all the way down which is absolutely

00:19:57.089 --> 00:20:02.109
awesome you know so it's been yeah it's been

00:20:02.109 --> 00:20:05.750
a hell of a journey like this last few weeks

00:20:05.750 --> 00:20:12.130
honestly but you know it's yeah it's getting

00:20:12.130 --> 00:20:16.789
there in a way I think I'm still not 100 % I

00:20:16.789 --> 00:20:19.250
know that I probably won't be 100 % for a little

00:20:19.250 --> 00:20:24.599
while but No, exactly. But I'm going to keep

00:20:24.599 --> 00:20:26.000
being the Pink Persuader because being the Pink

00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.940
Persuader helps. Do you know what I mean? It

00:20:27.940 --> 00:20:33.880
really keeps me going. I enjoy it and have a

00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:36.200
lot of fun with it and try and help people as

00:20:36.200 --> 00:20:39.359
much as I can. In that sense, it helps me. What

00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:42.319
would you be doing otherwise? I mean, just working.

00:20:43.059 --> 00:20:45.380
There's nothing wrong with that, but I know you

00:20:45.380 --> 00:20:46.819
well enough to know that you're not happy with

00:20:46.819 --> 00:20:49.829
that. Yeah. Well enough to know that you have

00:20:49.829 --> 00:20:52.329
to have something else on the go to do at least.

00:20:52.529 --> 00:20:55.130
I don't have any hobbies like that. Like TikTok

00:20:55.130 --> 00:20:57.509
and doing this podcast. These are my hobbies.

00:20:57.650 --> 00:20:59.950
Do you know what I mean? And I really enjoy that.

00:21:00.170 --> 00:21:02.549
Hobbies. Yeah. That's important. Yeah. It is

00:21:02.549 --> 00:21:04.470
important. Hobbies is important for people with

00:21:04.470 --> 00:21:07.069
depression. Yeah. Oh, 100%. You ain't got a hobby

00:21:07.069 --> 00:21:10.789
that you can crack on with. I mean, I think that

00:21:10.789 --> 00:21:14.250
applies doubly to people with autism, ADHD and

00:21:14.250 --> 00:21:18.950
both. Yeah. it's like i just go back into cameras

00:21:18.950 --> 00:21:22.250
and film cameras and things yeah i think that's

00:21:22.250 --> 00:21:24.309
important like like for you especially like you

00:21:24.309 --> 00:21:26.089
need to get out and about and do things don't

00:21:26.089 --> 00:21:29.150
you um definitely you know a big help as well

00:21:29.150 --> 00:21:32.230
yeah yeah and like obviously music's a big one

00:21:32.230 --> 00:21:35.289
for you as well isn't it like yeah um musician

00:21:35.289 --> 00:21:38.210
20 or two years or something yeah i think uh

00:21:38.210 --> 00:21:40.869
a couple decades worth of playing guitar for

00:21:40.869 --> 00:21:44.069
sure yeah yeah and you're in you know you're

00:21:44.069 --> 00:21:47.089
you're good at it and you enjoy the process don't

00:21:47.089 --> 00:21:52.509
you you know are you okay yeah i'm not i'm at

00:21:52.509 --> 00:21:54.529
a point of it where i can't say to people anymore

00:21:54.529 --> 00:21:58.940
that i'm Yeah, you can't. I'm not like Steve

00:21:58.940 --> 00:22:02.339
Vai or nothing. I can play guitar well enough

00:22:02.339 --> 00:22:06.119
to entertain myself and other people. I've been

00:22:06.119 --> 00:22:08.259
a huge fan of yours since we were at college

00:22:08.259 --> 00:22:10.200
together anyway. I did the rock and roll thing

00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:14.400
anyway. I've been in bands. I think I'll always

00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:17.119
miss that. I'll miss that. That's one aspect

00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:20.759
of my life that it took away. I think it's probably

00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:24.950
as much as I don't want it to be maybe. so he's

00:22:24.950 --> 00:22:28.130
gone yeah it's gone in the sense that it that

00:22:28.130 --> 00:22:31.190
it was then you know i can still play music yeah

00:22:31.190 --> 00:22:32.509
you're not you you're not you're not gonna be

00:22:32.509 --> 00:22:34.849
running around the stage like a lunatic and doing

00:22:34.849 --> 00:22:38.049
like you know flinging around your neck and stuff

00:22:38.049 --> 00:22:42.329
like that yeah just the thought of doing it all

00:22:42.329 --> 00:22:44.150
from like the wheelchair and the prosthetics

00:22:44.150 --> 00:22:47.970
is not it's like daily life unfortunately these

00:22:47.970 --> 00:22:51.170
days is it's like yeah hairlessly tiring yeah

00:22:51.170 --> 00:22:55.569
wheelchair usage is about as knackering as you

00:22:55.569 --> 00:22:58.410
can imagine and prosthetics are even worse yeah

00:22:58.410 --> 00:23:01.750
i've seen the journey like i've i've been there

00:23:01.750 --> 00:23:04.970
i've watched you trying to yeah i've seen you

00:23:04.970 --> 00:23:06.609
nearly fall i've caught you when you've nearly

00:23:06.609 --> 00:23:11.170
fallen um you know we have to be fair yeah um

00:23:12.089 --> 00:23:15.769
You know, I... Bungled me into a car. Bungled

00:23:15.769 --> 00:23:17.970
you into a car, yeah. Scared the living hell

00:23:17.970 --> 00:23:21.650
out of people. What the hell are you doing, man?

00:23:21.910 --> 00:23:24.470
Yeah. Well, you told me to grab hold of a stump

00:23:24.470 --> 00:23:27.069
and shove you in. I won't repeat the words that

00:23:27.069 --> 00:23:29.210
I said because that probably would get me back.

00:23:30.349 --> 00:23:36.410
He was not offended, by the way. We deal with

00:23:36.410 --> 00:23:38.250
a lot of the trauma that we've had from that

00:23:38.250 --> 00:23:40.210
accident with humour, don't we? We do. You know,

00:23:40.289 --> 00:23:43.190
we take the piss out. of each other we probably

00:23:43.190 --> 00:23:46.829
say things that people don't think we should

00:23:46.829 --> 00:23:50.390
say oh definitely um i said i made a comment

00:23:50.390 --> 00:23:52.829
the other day actually um after you lent me the

00:23:52.829 --> 00:23:57.490
van um and i called it the the mobile that we

00:23:57.490 --> 00:24:05.150
call it And yeah, I said it in front of one of

00:24:05.150 --> 00:24:07.509
my colleagues. You can't say that. I was like,

00:24:07.549 --> 00:24:09.670
I can. It's my best friend. I was going to say,

00:24:09.750 --> 00:24:11.869
yeah. You know what I mean? I wouldn't go up

00:24:11.869 --> 00:24:14.289
to a random disabled person and talk to them

00:24:14.289 --> 00:24:17.509
the way I talk to you. No, of course not. We've

00:24:17.509 --> 00:24:21.029
built this over a friendship of 17 years. You're

00:24:21.029 --> 00:24:24.509
allowed to. I can just about say things. We've

00:24:24.509 --> 00:24:28.069
been mashing on each other. Since we were 16.

00:24:29.079 --> 00:24:31.279
for however long we've been friends yeah mashing

00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:34.140
on each other like you know in a fun loving way

00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:37.940
yeah oh 100 like it's that banter isn't it big

00:24:37.940 --> 00:24:42.619
old big old dan dan with a big old belly hey

00:24:42.619 --> 00:24:44.960
it's good he quit they bear as he stood my belly

00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:50.559
yeah hey it's bought and paid for i'm not getting

00:24:50.559 --> 00:24:55.869
rid of it yeah that's right as it is You can

00:24:55.869 --> 00:24:59.250
keep it until you pay for it. He's got a belly

00:24:59.250 --> 00:25:01.829
on finance. But this is the thing, people look

00:25:01.829 --> 00:25:03.730
at me and they judge. I think you get that as

00:25:03.730 --> 00:25:08.630
well, don't you? Oh yeah, in town. I get it because

00:25:08.630 --> 00:25:10.990
of my appearance, like coloured hair, piercings,

00:25:10.990 --> 00:25:13.210
head tattoos and stuff like that. You get it

00:25:13.210 --> 00:25:16.450
for obviously being an amputee. How does that...

00:25:17.200 --> 00:25:19.380
how does that actually feel like for you because

00:25:19.380 --> 00:25:22.440
that like i choose to be like this you know so

00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:24.859
people judging me as a bit of a like yeah okay

00:25:24.859 --> 00:25:27.759
that's fine like yeah you can rest on the law

00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:29.779
of being like well i've chosen this yeah yeah

00:25:29.779 --> 00:25:32.779
yeah but like for you you this wasn't a choice

00:25:32.779 --> 00:25:36.559
for you yeah you know like but you do get a lot

00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:40.480
of like people looking judging probably people

00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:46.529
um assume my ability levels, which I think is

00:25:46.529 --> 00:25:48.910
what upsets me the most. Yeah. I've said this

00:25:48.910 --> 00:25:52.950
from the very beginning is that, um, you know,

00:25:52.990 --> 00:25:56.329
people be like, you know, doing things that like

00:25:56.329 --> 00:26:00.369
preactively do things to try and be like, Oh,

00:26:00.410 --> 00:26:02.730
you're disabled. So you probably can't do this.

00:26:02.809 --> 00:26:05.190
And so, or, or people just want to help. And

00:26:05.190 --> 00:26:07.420
it's just like, but the thing is like, I don't

00:26:07.420 --> 00:26:09.599
necessarily really want the help. But I mean,

00:26:09.619 --> 00:26:11.640
there's a lot of disabled people. And the thing

00:26:11.640 --> 00:26:13.940
is, not problem. The thing is that there's a

00:26:13.940 --> 00:26:17.119
lot of disabled people out there who won't ask

00:26:17.119 --> 00:26:20.839
for help. Who will just kind of, you know, look

00:26:20.839 --> 00:26:23.759
around until someone offers to help. Which is

00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:29.740
fair. It's difficult and it can feel embarrassing.

00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:31.819
I think that's the thing. It can feel embarrassing

00:26:31.819 --> 00:26:36.480
to be going down the road and every other person...

00:26:36.670 --> 00:26:40.069
is looking at your legs or you being in a wheelchair

00:26:40.069 --> 00:26:44.150
and you just think like it makes you feel like

00:26:44.150 --> 00:26:48.410
a freak yeah like an outcast and it's like the

00:26:48.410 --> 00:26:50.329
thing is if i had normal legs you wouldn't even

00:26:50.329 --> 00:26:52.970
recognize my existence thing is as well i think

00:26:52.970 --> 00:26:55.390
i'd be nobody yeah i think for some reason like

00:26:55.390 --> 00:26:58.430
having no legs that makes me somebody in in people's

00:26:58.430 --> 00:27:00.269
lives and that's what's confusing about it yeah

00:27:00.269 --> 00:27:03.289
like you know people want to know me but only

00:27:03.289 --> 00:27:04.930
want to know me because they want to know about

00:27:04.930 --> 00:27:07.450
my story. Yeah. And then after that, people are

00:27:07.450 --> 00:27:10.170
like, cool, then they go. Yeah. It's like, I've

00:27:10.170 --> 00:27:13.049
actually have now stopped. replying to people

00:27:13.049 --> 00:27:16.109
in in that sense like if people and people come

00:27:16.109 --> 00:27:18.069
up to me i don't care how polite they are the

00:27:18.069 --> 00:27:20.509
answer is no you're not hearing the story i've

00:27:20.509 --> 00:27:22.730
told it enough over the last four times yeah

00:27:22.730 --> 00:27:24.529
over four sorry over the last four years i've

00:27:24.529 --> 00:27:27.369
told it enough times what you can do now to you

00:27:27.369 --> 00:27:29.130
know if someone comes up to you and goes what's

00:27:29.130 --> 00:27:31.650
your story you tell them don't listen to the

00:27:31.650 --> 00:27:39.849
pink persuader on mental health i've now got

00:27:39.849 --> 00:27:48.089
rights to the story but yeah it's tough in there

00:27:48.089 --> 00:27:51.089
like you know i mean i've helped like even when

00:27:51.089 --> 00:27:53.289
i've offered to help you you struggle to let

00:27:53.289 --> 00:27:55.309
me help don't you and i'm i'm your friend of

00:27:55.309 --> 00:27:58.789
years yeah like i mean nothing i remember the

00:27:58.789 --> 00:28:01.289
first time you came around to my house after

00:28:01.289 --> 00:28:04.529
the accident you had no prosthetics you literally

00:28:04.529 --> 00:28:07.049
just had a wheelchair that really didn't not

00:28:07.049 --> 00:28:09.329
even this one no it wasn't even light was it

00:28:09.329 --> 00:28:14.589
like and what was it you used to bum shuffle

00:28:14.589 --> 00:28:16.210
up the stairs didn't you used to lift yourself

00:28:16.210 --> 00:28:19.089
up the stairs on your oh my god hands and you

00:28:19.089 --> 00:28:21.990
know um and then you get to the top stairs i

00:28:21.990 --> 00:28:23.529
had to lift you back into the wheelchair at that

00:28:23.529 --> 00:28:27.690
point as well didn't i did like yep and i mean

00:28:27.690 --> 00:28:29.990
to be fair i'll do it again do you know what

00:28:29.990 --> 00:28:32.650
i mean i know you would like doesn't bother me

00:28:32.650 --> 00:28:36.940
at all but how did that like for you How did

00:28:36.940 --> 00:28:39.759
that feel? I don't think I've ever asked you

00:28:39.759 --> 00:28:42.119
how that felt. We've had conversations about

00:28:42.119 --> 00:28:47.640
it. I mean, in a sense, I think it's nice because

00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:52.799
there's an element of my best friend, my brother,

00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:58.000
who cares enough for me to not have... You don't

00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:00.700
feel any embarrassment about it. No. But I do.

00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:05.450
Or I did. Now. yeah but at the time it did feel

00:29:05.450 --> 00:29:08.329
like a bit embarrassing because it's just like

00:29:08.329 --> 00:29:14.190
i'm you know being having to i'm having to have

00:29:14.190 --> 00:29:16.630
not by my choice having to have someone else

00:29:16.630 --> 00:29:19.730
handle me yeah in a way that particularly i don't

00:29:19.730 --> 00:29:23.470
want realistically do it in like in the best

00:29:23.470 --> 00:29:26.130
way either anyway but it's not like you're like

00:29:26.130 --> 00:29:30.140
uh eager to oh no freaking do it you're not like

00:29:30.140 --> 00:29:36.079
yeah so you know what i mean this is yeah it's

00:29:36.079 --> 00:29:37.740
not it's not and i don't mean it embarrassing

00:29:37.740 --> 00:29:41.339
in the sense of like you know shameful no but

00:29:41.339 --> 00:29:43.880
in the sense of like that is that is how just

00:29:43.880 --> 00:29:46.380
just the feeling that came up it's like it's

00:29:46.380 --> 00:29:48.799
not i don't know i'm connected to that feeling

00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:50.880
though if that makes sense i think that's completely

00:29:50.880 --> 00:29:53.839
valid feeling yeah a hundred percent is a valid

00:29:53.839 --> 00:29:58.339
feeling that actually you know You had to be

00:29:58.339 --> 00:30:01.539
chucked around by your best mate. Yeah. And,

00:30:01.579 --> 00:30:05.880
you know, actually, yeah. I can imagine it probably

00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:08.579
was a bit like, oh, Jesus, I just wish I could

00:30:08.579 --> 00:30:11.059
do this myself. Embarrassing might be the wrong

00:30:11.059 --> 00:30:16.799
word. Like... But then I don't want to say degrading.

00:30:17.019 --> 00:30:20.160
I think degrading is too strong of a word. Maybe

00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:22.380
dehumanising. Yeah. That's probably the best

00:30:22.380 --> 00:30:24.359
way of putting it. I didn't feel human at that

00:30:24.359 --> 00:30:28.109
point. I felt like... something else yeah you

00:30:28.109 --> 00:30:31.910
know when and especially like that hospital before

00:30:31.910 --> 00:30:35.130
like pre -prosthetics but and thing is now look

00:30:35.130 --> 00:30:37.230
i don't actually use my prosthetics a great deal

00:30:37.230 --> 00:30:39.710
anymore no because that was like the big thing

00:30:39.710 --> 00:30:41.329
as well wasn't it we were like when we first

00:30:41.329 --> 00:30:43.170
started talking like the be a wall and end always

00:30:43.170 --> 00:30:46.869
get the prosthetics and uh being able to do more

00:30:46.869 --> 00:30:50.599
but actually i think that's sort of developed

00:30:50.599 --> 00:30:54.000
over time of actually their handy aid yeah they

00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:56.279
yeah they they allow me to do things that other

00:30:56.279 --> 00:30:58.559
wheelchair users can't yeah because i can if

00:30:58.559 --> 00:31:02.859
that makes sense but i've developed a way of

00:31:02.859 --> 00:31:05.240
living from a wheelchair that works for me yeah

00:31:05.240 --> 00:31:09.400
um you know i've still got one good knee so i

00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:14.039
kind of use that um you know improved my balance

00:31:14.039 --> 00:31:17.539
quite a bit recently. Kneel up on my knee and

00:31:17.539 --> 00:31:22.160
push, you know, get up into the wheelchair. You

00:31:22.160 --> 00:31:27.299
know, I don't do things the standard disabled

00:31:27.299 --> 00:31:32.180
way. Yeah. And people be like, why do you make

00:31:32.180 --> 00:31:35.779
it hard for yourself? Well, yeah, no, it does

00:31:35.779 --> 00:31:39.140
make it hard for me. And that is correct. Yeah.

00:31:39.160 --> 00:31:42.380
Like there's an element of like. If you make

00:31:42.380 --> 00:31:47.180
things easy for me, you're essentially giving

00:31:47.180 --> 00:31:52.380
a lazy man a way to be lazier. Yeah. I don't

00:31:52.380 --> 00:31:56.339
need that. No. Quite frankly, if you leave it

00:31:56.339 --> 00:31:58.099
to me, I'll just fucking do nothing every day.

00:31:58.799 --> 00:32:02.660
So, you know, there's an element of life as well

00:32:02.660 --> 00:32:04.720
that I think you probably know a bit about as

00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:07.329
well, it's like procrastination. oh yeah that

00:32:07.329 --> 00:32:10.450
that that's um that hit myself from the freaking

00:32:10.450 --> 00:32:12.769
head of a hammer like sometimes with the amount

00:32:12.769 --> 00:32:16.190
of frustration i feel it just like i want to

00:32:16.190 --> 00:32:19.369
do this i can do it i've got i've got the finance

00:32:19.369 --> 00:32:22.049
i've got the the patience i've got the skills

00:32:22.049 --> 00:32:24.869
but whatever you just sit there and it's like

00:32:26.119 --> 00:32:28.220
There's no reason why for it, though, is there?

00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:30.920
But there's no reasoning for it, is there? I'll

00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:33.700
do it tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. You know you might

00:32:33.700 --> 00:32:36.839
as well just do it today. Yeah, I get it. It's

00:32:36.839 --> 00:32:39.660
a big thing with ADHD, though, isn't it? It's

00:32:39.660 --> 00:32:44.099
that freezing and that... What's the word I'm

00:32:44.099 --> 00:32:51.019
looking for? Oh, paralysis that you get. Where

00:32:51.019 --> 00:32:56.619
you want to be doing things. Yeah. and people

00:32:56.619 --> 00:32:58.859
i think it's a big misconception with adhd especially

00:32:58.859 --> 00:33:02.279
is that people expect us to be bouncing off the

00:33:02.279 --> 00:33:04.980
walls all the time but we're not and actually

00:33:04.980 --> 00:33:07.180
a lot of the time yes we get our hyper moments

00:33:07.180 --> 00:33:08.759
where we are like running around like absolutely

00:33:08.759 --> 00:33:11.380
lunatics but a lot of the time it's your brain

00:33:11.380 --> 00:33:14.700
that just doesn't stop yes like it's not stopping

00:33:14.700 --> 00:33:21.519
but also like outwardly people but it looks to

00:33:21.519 --> 00:33:24.680
outsiders like you have stopped yeah sometimes

00:33:24.680 --> 00:33:27.259
like you'd be you know when you say now yeah

00:33:27.259 --> 00:33:30.299
yeah and people be like you're not listening

00:33:30.299 --> 00:33:32.420
it's like well i am but i'm also listening to

00:33:32.420 --> 00:33:35.660
what's going on in my head yeah yeah like 17

00:33:35.660 --> 00:33:39.299
conversations going on in there and like it's

00:33:39.299 --> 00:33:41.359
processing that audio as well because i you know

00:33:41.359 --> 00:33:43.920
something i've literally discovered in the last

00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:46.839
few weeks is that yes i've got mild hearing loss

00:33:46.839 --> 00:33:49.519
but i've potentially got uh auditory processing

00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:53.640
disorder and i'm like okay right so basically

00:33:53.640 --> 00:33:57.579
i i can hear things sometimes but my brain just

00:33:57.579 --> 00:34:00.220
doesn't want to process that stuff and it's like

00:34:00.220 --> 00:34:03.359
apparently it's a it's a thing very common with

00:34:03.359 --> 00:34:06.460
neurodiverse people with adhd and autism and

00:34:06.460 --> 00:34:08.719
probably all sorts of the spectrum conditions

00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:11.460
that are now linked with these conditions i do

00:34:11.460 --> 00:34:14.099
do that yeah you have something similar i don't

00:34:14.099 --> 00:34:16.239
think you're maybe quite as bad as you but there's

00:34:16.239 --> 00:34:17.960
just occasions where someone will say something

00:34:17.960 --> 00:34:20.639
i'll be like what and then they'll start repeating

00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:23.460
it and i'm like oh yeah you know the answer but

00:34:23.460 --> 00:34:26.079
that that's a that's almost everyone don't do

00:34:26.079 --> 00:34:29.219
it anymore stop stop stop i already know i already

00:34:29.219 --> 00:34:31.320
know stop and then they keep on answering the

00:34:31.320 --> 00:34:35.059
question yeah yeah it's an absolute nightmare

00:34:35.059 --> 00:34:38.820
isn't it like and i think we we live in a neurotypical

00:34:38.820 --> 00:34:43.480
world yes as neurodiverse people and It's not

00:34:43.480 --> 00:34:47.699
an excuse to be a shitty person, is it? No, definitely

00:34:47.699 --> 00:34:51.920
not. And some of our things that come with ADHD

00:34:51.920 --> 00:34:55.320
and autism can come across to people as being

00:34:55.320 --> 00:35:00.300
shitty people. We are 100 % not. I know that.

00:35:00.500 --> 00:35:06.460
I can be. Oh, yeah. I think we can all be at

00:35:06.460 --> 00:35:08.500
some point in our lives. I can be unreasonable

00:35:08.500 --> 00:35:14.659
when I'm upset. I know that. Yes, ADHD or autism

00:35:14.659 --> 00:35:17.539
is the reason, but it's not an excuse, is it?

00:35:17.559 --> 00:35:19.860
No, no, no, totally. You can still put your hands

00:35:19.860 --> 00:35:21.900
up and say you were wrong. Yeah, this is it.

00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:23.579
I shouldn't have reacted like that, do you know

00:35:23.579 --> 00:35:25.480
what I mean? Yeah, totally. And we've got to

00:35:25.480 --> 00:35:27.519
try and fit ourselves into this neurotypical

00:35:27.519 --> 00:35:30.519
world. And we're both bringing up kids. I mean,

00:35:30.619 --> 00:35:34.420
I know for sure my son is going through assessment

00:35:34.420 --> 00:35:37.840
processes and stuff like that. I don't know about

00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:40.059
Fred. Do you think Fred's possibly on the spectrum

00:35:40.059 --> 00:35:44.380
and stuff like that? I would say so. I mean,

00:35:44.400 --> 00:35:47.440
I wouldn't like to say. It has been discussed

00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:55.420
in the family. He exhibits signs of it. The school

00:35:55.420 --> 00:35:59.559
and the doctors have said that basically he functions

00:35:59.559 --> 00:36:03.920
well enough that a formal assessment on the NHS

00:36:03.920 --> 00:36:10.280
would be... Yeah, no. They're basically saying...

00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:13.400
he's not he's not autistic enough yeah but he's

00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:16.280
not near a divergent yeah yeah because because

00:36:16.280 --> 00:36:18.559
they have to yeah and i understand that they

00:36:18.559 --> 00:36:20.420
have to put levels on it because quite frankly

00:36:20.420 --> 00:36:24.079
like they can't treat everyone they have to they

00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:27.199
have to make rules again yeah yeah no absolutely

00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:30.760
not but my my point to that is more the fact

00:36:30.760 --> 00:36:33.739
of actually we're teaching young kids that actually

00:36:33.739 --> 00:36:39.000
yeah okay is perfectly normal for you as a neurodiverse

00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:44.199
person to feel this way yeah but as well it's

00:36:44.199 --> 00:36:47.960
not an excuse for you to like hit people or do

00:36:47.960 --> 00:36:51.079
nasty things do i mean we've got to now try yeah

00:36:51.079 --> 00:36:52.559
because we were never understood like that as

00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:57.300
kids were we you know it was like yeah you know

00:36:57.300 --> 00:37:00.139
you would it was never like gentle parenting

00:37:00.139 --> 00:37:02.400
of that age was it like i mean gentle parenting

00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:04.219
just wasn't a thing just wasn't didn't exist

00:37:04.219 --> 00:37:09.260
yeah it was tough tough yeah and as well like

00:37:09.260 --> 00:37:13.519
we we grew up in relatively you know i mean contextually

00:37:13.519 --> 00:37:16.239
poor areas yeah or a poor area of the country

00:37:16.239 --> 00:37:18.199
really yeah because all the corn was relatively

00:37:18.199 --> 00:37:21.599
poor yeah yeah comparison to to some other parts

00:37:21.599 --> 00:37:25.719
of the country right you know i mean i must say

00:37:25.719 --> 00:37:29.039
i grew up quite poor in all fairness yeah yeah

00:37:29.039 --> 00:37:32.260
you know just that's the way it was and yeah

00:37:32.260 --> 00:37:35.980
you know that's stressful too yeah and and this

00:37:35.980 --> 00:37:39.139
is the thing it's like now we're learning from

00:37:39.139 --> 00:37:42.360
that yeah and i and the thing is like people

00:37:42.360 --> 00:37:43.940
might listen to this and go oh you blame your

00:37:43.940 --> 00:37:45.679
parents where you brought up but actually it's

00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:47.440
not their fault because it they they would they

00:37:47.440 --> 00:37:50.880
learn from their parents who actually even harder

00:37:50.880 --> 00:37:53.079
nobody knows that's the thing and that's the

00:37:53.079 --> 00:37:55.039
thing well yeah you know my grandparents were

00:37:55.039 --> 00:37:59.019
pretty hard on my parents I know yeah so actually

00:37:59.019 --> 00:38:02.480
it had to be with each generation is learning

00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:04.159
from each other do you know what I mean there's

00:38:04.159 --> 00:38:06.300
still aspects of like my parents parenting that

00:38:06.300 --> 00:38:09.559
I use do you know what I mean um you know and

00:38:09.559 --> 00:38:11.320
there's the aspects of the gentle therapeutic

00:38:11.320 --> 00:38:13.440
parenting that I've learned being a support worker

00:38:13.440 --> 00:38:16.539
with children as a mixture you know I'm not saying

00:38:16.539 --> 00:38:19.280
I'm perfect do you know what i mean i still lose

00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:21.619
my lose my every now and then do you know what

00:38:21.619 --> 00:38:24.619
i mean but yeah with your kids what parent doesn't

00:38:24.619 --> 00:38:30.360
even five and seven yeah so it's it's like they're

00:38:30.360 --> 00:38:32.820
at that age where you're gonna you oh yeah and

00:38:32.820 --> 00:38:36.420
you have to to and i mean at least one of them

00:38:36.420 --> 00:38:39.760
was near a divergent mary i would like to say

00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:43.960
but no yeah you know is this that adds to it

00:38:43.960 --> 00:38:45.820
but then as well here's the thing that I just

00:38:45.820 --> 00:38:48.000
wanted to go back quickly talking about Fred

00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:52.500
and me and Sid and Mary and us is that I do think

00:38:52.500 --> 00:38:56.480
though that like us knowing that we have ADHD

00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:04.559
autism allows us to become better parents to

00:39:04.559 --> 00:39:08.619
children that are neurodivergent because like

00:39:08.619 --> 00:39:13.030
I you know this doesn't apply to every neurodivergent

00:39:13.030 --> 00:39:17.269
person but I learned over the course of my life

00:39:17.269 --> 00:39:19.210
I've done things wrong because I thought they

00:39:19.210 --> 00:39:21.429
were right but then when I've learned that they're

00:39:21.429 --> 00:39:23.949
wrong I put myself right and kept myself there

00:39:23.949 --> 00:39:29.090
as much as possible yeah and so yeah I think

00:39:29.090 --> 00:39:31.730
that being an autistic parent to an autistic

00:39:31.730 --> 00:39:35.570
child is probably best you know because at the

00:39:35.570 --> 00:39:37.800
end of the day there's no pill there's no i mean

00:39:37.800 --> 00:39:40.679
you you know if you adhd you might be able to

00:39:40.679 --> 00:39:46.139
get dextro amphetamine yeah basically but yeah

00:39:46.139 --> 00:39:48.860
but even then that's that's like not a it's not

00:39:48.860 --> 00:39:53.170
a one -size -fits -all solution no There's this

00:39:53.170 --> 00:39:55.289
guide to children, your autistic children in

00:39:55.289 --> 00:39:57.489
an autistic way through a world that, like you

00:39:57.489 --> 00:40:00.050
say, isn't for autistic people. But quite frankly,

00:40:00.210 --> 00:40:02.849
this world isn't set up for anybody who's disabled

00:40:02.849 --> 00:40:09.570
because we're a minority. And it's unfair, but

00:40:09.570 --> 00:40:18.170
I think maybe my view on it is maybe quite stoic

00:40:18.170 --> 00:40:23.329
or conservative. like the hand I have isn't fair

00:40:23.329 --> 00:40:26.789
the amount of help that I don't get isn't fair

00:40:26.789 --> 00:40:32.469
but that's what it is yeah unfortunately yeah

00:40:32.469 --> 00:40:35.409
and and and you know get to that glass ceiling

00:40:35.409 --> 00:40:38.030
yeah and stay under it if your glass ceiling

00:40:38.030 --> 00:40:40.630
won't let you through but get up to it a fucking

00:40:40.630 --> 00:40:43.429
stay though yeah enjoy enjoy what you can yeah

00:40:43.429 --> 00:40:46.409
because and this is it that thing that you don't

00:40:46.409 --> 00:40:49.849
have everything is accepting that and as well

00:40:49.849 --> 00:40:52.349
here's here's an interesting concept that i've

00:40:52.349 --> 00:40:54.530
been talking about in therapy right is is like

00:40:54.530 --> 00:40:58.309
accepting that you might not ever accept yeah

00:40:58.309 --> 00:41:01.769
and think about that yeah because that's that's

00:41:01.769 --> 00:41:05.309
a thing you can accept that you might not ever

00:41:05.309 --> 00:41:08.190
accept something I'm not saying that's easy or

00:41:08.190 --> 00:41:12.309
achievable in a lifetime it's a concept that

00:41:12.309 --> 00:41:15.829
you can think of and work around it's a good

00:41:15.829 --> 00:41:19.590
way to frame things and framing things you can

00:41:19.590 --> 00:41:22.789
take a set of information about your life and

00:41:22.789 --> 00:41:25.690
say let's look at it this way let's look at it

00:41:25.690 --> 00:41:28.139
in a different way Yeah. Purpose things. And

00:41:28.139 --> 00:41:30.199
this is the thing. You've got to look at these

00:41:30.199 --> 00:41:32.079
things in a certain way, haven't you? Especially

00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:33.300
when you're struggling with your mental health.

00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:35.599
It's really hard to look at things objectively.

00:41:36.059 --> 00:41:39.440
Yeah. Very. But obviously it sounds like therapy

00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:41.960
has been a good thing for you as well. Some people

00:41:41.960 --> 00:41:43.599
don't like therapy. Some people don't get on

00:41:43.599 --> 00:41:45.980
with therapy. But I think it's been a really

00:41:45.980 --> 00:41:47.739
helpful thing for you. Right therapist. Yeah.

00:41:47.739 --> 00:41:53.760
Has unlocked, you know, after the accident, I

00:41:53.760 --> 00:41:56.769
got paid out. yeah from from the driver's insurance

00:41:56.769 --> 00:42:00.210
and um you know one of the first things i did

00:42:00.210 --> 00:42:03.150
was was you know um used the case management

00:42:03.150 --> 00:42:07.949
company to find me you know a reputable therapist

00:42:07.949 --> 00:42:12.610
who they thought i'd get along with um he's called

00:42:12.610 --> 00:42:16.590
tim salzman and yeah he's he's i've been working

00:42:16.590 --> 00:42:20.760
with him for about nearly two years now wow that's

00:42:20.760 --> 00:42:23.500
a long time and you must build up a hell of a

00:42:23.500 --> 00:42:25.260
relationship in that time as well absolutely

00:42:25.260 --> 00:42:27.400
you know and that's important he's one of the

00:42:27.400 --> 00:42:29.840
very few people in this actually he is the only

00:42:29.840 --> 00:42:32.739
person on this planet who understands me yeah

00:42:32.739 --> 00:42:36.599
in my entirety yeah to the to with the information

00:42:36.599 --> 00:42:38.760
i've given him yeah that makes sense yeah he

00:42:38.760 --> 00:42:41.840
knows a lot more about me than anybody but because

00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:49.969
like you know it's um uh impartial yeah you know

00:42:49.969 --> 00:42:53.650
he's not there necessarily like do or say anything

00:42:53.650 --> 00:42:58.829
but just to kind of you know yeah guide and going

00:42:58.829 --> 00:43:01.849
through the process of of it i think it it varies

00:43:01.849 --> 00:43:04.230
from person to person it's like i know my mind

00:43:04.230 --> 00:43:09.869
really well yeah i read to be self -aware so

00:43:09.869 --> 00:43:15.590
for me like therapy it was about expressing myself

00:43:16.929 --> 00:43:20.570
And knowing that I can just do that. Yeah. And,

00:43:20.630 --> 00:43:23.309
and, you know, I can't affect any relationship

00:43:23.309 --> 00:43:29.969
negatively or positively. Um, I think that that's

00:43:29.969 --> 00:43:32.530
because you can, in therapy, you can get upset,

00:43:32.630 --> 00:43:36.190
you can get angry, you can get, you can cry,

00:43:36.409 --> 00:43:39.550
you can laugh, you can be happy, still in your

00:43:39.550 --> 00:43:42.130
therapy. yeah you don't have to show up any any

00:43:42.130 --> 00:43:45.510
given way or use it in any any particular way

00:43:45.510 --> 00:43:47.489
and think there's there's a stigma around therapy

00:43:47.489 --> 00:43:51.530
yeah is that like you know of course when people

00:43:51.530 --> 00:43:54.630
and here here's the biggest thing isn't it it's

00:43:54.630 --> 00:43:56.389
like the mental health services in this country

00:43:56.389 --> 00:44:00.630
basically have made it so people are scared of

00:44:00.630 --> 00:44:03.030
therapy yeah there's a therapy that we get for

00:44:03.030 --> 00:44:07.039
free in this country is let's be honest useless

00:44:07.039 --> 00:44:09.980
to most people yeah because it's it's it's it's

00:44:09.980 --> 00:44:12.559
it's cook it is it is the shape of a jigsaw piece

00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:15.719
yeah yeah yeah but but everybody else is you

00:44:15.719 --> 00:44:17.679
know you've got a square jigsaw piece but some

00:44:17.679 --> 00:44:19.900
people might be circled yeah people might be

00:44:19.900 --> 00:44:23.199
dodecahedron yeah you know what i'm saying but

00:44:23.199 --> 00:44:27.000
but and that's what that's the benefits of private

00:44:27.000 --> 00:44:30.380
therapy that shit that shit is expensive yeah

00:44:30.380 --> 00:44:32.909
and you know it's not available to everyone is

00:44:32.909 --> 00:44:35.650
it i mean no it's that's the problem i have with

00:44:35.650 --> 00:44:39.090
it it's awesome that you've that you've got that

00:44:39.090 --> 00:44:41.010
i mean like someone like myself i'm so lucky

00:44:41.010 --> 00:44:46.349
like um i can't afford private therapy uh i've

00:44:46.349 --> 00:44:49.690
had talking therapies through the nhs right and

00:44:49.690 --> 00:44:52.889
both times i've had it you didn't find it no

00:44:52.889 --> 00:44:55.050
hopefully i didn't find it helpful at all then

00:44:55.050 --> 00:44:57.250
that's the thing it's like two sessions yeah

00:44:57.250 --> 00:45:00.300
what's the point yeah and i say that you know,

00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:03.199
the greatest respect still for the NHS. Yeah,

00:45:03.900 --> 00:45:05.800
we are lucky to have it. We're not slating them.

00:45:06.539 --> 00:45:09.519
But at the same time, like government budgets

00:45:09.519 --> 00:45:12.320
obviously need to be changed because two sessions

00:45:12.320 --> 00:45:15.119
isn't enough. Considering I've had, I mean, yeah,

00:45:15.199 --> 00:45:17.639
I have complex problems, fine, but I've had two

00:45:17.639 --> 00:45:19.780
years of therapy and I wouldn't even say that

00:45:19.780 --> 00:45:23.800
I've made, broken off the tip of the iceberg.

00:45:24.119 --> 00:45:27.500
Yeah. and this is the thing it's like the titanic

00:45:27.500 --> 00:45:35.880
today yeah and that's what we know well this

00:45:35.880 --> 00:45:41.420
is the thing i mean i i like to think of myself

00:45:41.420 --> 00:45:43.820
as pretty much pretty self -aware most of the

00:45:43.820 --> 00:45:47.940
time um i have my moments when i'm not um but

00:45:47.940 --> 00:45:52.139
like i do wonder sometimes how much is in there

00:45:52.139 --> 00:45:55.269
do you know what i mean like But I think I deal

00:45:55.269 --> 00:45:59.070
with things better than I ever used to. Definitely.

00:45:59.469 --> 00:46:02.750
I know that for sure. I mean, the amount of times

00:46:02.750 --> 00:46:05.690
I used to drink my way through depression and

00:46:05.690 --> 00:46:10.190
it would be like the answer was at the bottom

00:46:10.190 --> 00:46:12.750
of the bottle. I've seen mistakes. I've seen,

00:46:12.750 --> 00:46:16.409
like, back around the time when Tane played at

00:46:16.409 --> 00:46:18.289
the Dragon a few times. Yeah, yeah. That was,

00:46:18.289 --> 00:46:20.050
like, going towards the end of your marriage

00:46:20.050 --> 00:46:22.969
was... that was i was worried about you then

00:46:22.969 --> 00:46:26.010
yeah i was keeping the night and yeah it was

00:46:26.010 --> 00:46:29.489
like i mean i had my own because i think i might

00:46:29.489 --> 00:46:31.349
have been going through divorce pretty much or

00:46:31.349 --> 00:46:34.150
like separation just that just before before

00:46:34.150 --> 00:46:37.210
it wasn't yeah yeah yeah so it's like what 20

00:46:37.210 --> 00:46:41.230
21 i was like yes three years later yeah i don't

00:46:41.230 --> 00:46:43.849
know i was already out with it yeah yeah but

00:46:43.849 --> 00:46:47.369
it's still like that was something as well wasn't

00:46:47.369 --> 00:46:50.460
it yeah like that that's a big life event yeah

00:46:50.460 --> 00:46:57.380
and i'll tell you what um i think it's one of

00:46:57.380 --> 00:47:01.000
those things sometimes actually when yeah and

00:47:01.000 --> 00:47:02.559
a lot of people don't get this when they come

00:47:02.559 --> 00:47:06.940
out of their marriages and stuff um i've seen

00:47:06.940 --> 00:47:10.059
so much of it like a lot of hatred and right

00:47:10.059 --> 00:47:12.800
yeah um i know me and my ex -wife we've had our

00:47:12.800 --> 00:47:16.030
issues But I think the main one was I had kicked

00:47:16.030 --> 00:47:19.309
our asses. I was like, you need to get on for

00:47:19.309 --> 00:47:21.710
the sake of the kids. And we did. And do you

00:47:21.710 --> 00:47:24.449
know what? He was right. And do you know what?

00:47:24.909 --> 00:47:29.170
We both make a real effort now to to get on,

00:47:29.190 --> 00:47:32.469
like to be friendly and work together because

00:47:32.469 --> 00:47:34.150
actually at the end of the day, we're both parents.

00:47:34.349 --> 00:47:36.929
You know, we want to do what's best for our kids.

00:47:37.329 --> 00:47:40.489
So actually and that and that is my. That would

00:47:40.489 --> 00:47:43.909
be my advice to anyone. I know some marriages

00:47:43.909 --> 00:47:50.170
end really messy. But always just do what's best.

00:47:50.289 --> 00:47:53.469
Do as much as you can to be the best people for

00:47:53.469 --> 00:47:57.329
your kids. Even if it's not all the time, don't

00:47:57.329 --> 00:48:04.269
show them. But I think as a big thing for the

00:48:04.269 --> 00:48:11.250
journey that I've seen of... like just my experience

00:48:11.250 --> 00:48:16.690
as well like um it's not good for your mental

00:48:16.690 --> 00:48:20.070
health when you are fighting like cat and dog

00:48:20.070 --> 00:48:24.650
like it made me feel awful yeah um and since

00:48:24.650 --> 00:48:30.730
yeah and since we've now been grown up about

00:48:30.730 --> 00:48:32.550
you know we've grown up about things you know

00:48:32.550 --> 00:48:34.989
we we get on and actually yeah we get we like

00:48:34.989 --> 00:48:38.010
we get on to like a friend's level in a way um

00:48:38.969 --> 00:48:41.269
yeah we can go out and do things you know as

00:48:41.269 --> 00:48:43.829
a family yeah when it's the kids birthdays we

00:48:43.829 --> 00:48:46.650
can do parties together you know we can go for

00:48:46.650 --> 00:48:48.710
a day out together do you know what i mean and

00:48:48.710 --> 00:48:52.010
that's not you know like the first couple times

00:48:52.010 --> 00:48:55.469
it wasn't easy but how much did the kids love

00:48:55.469 --> 00:48:57.909
it they loved it a lot it's it's all for the

00:48:57.909 --> 00:49:00.670
kids yeah it's all for and even if even if that's

00:49:00.670 --> 00:49:03.769
always what it is yeah like that's that's just

00:49:03.769 --> 00:49:08.940
important and i i think i have a similar relationship

00:49:08.940 --> 00:49:13.739
with my ex -wife in that you know we don't we

00:49:13.739 --> 00:49:17.519
we haven't ever had a fight since you know since

00:49:17.519 --> 00:49:20.300
our separation yeah and we both said that we

00:49:20.300 --> 00:49:23.000
both said that we're not interested in using

00:49:23.000 --> 00:49:26.239
kids as leverage yeah you know it's leverage

00:49:26.239 --> 00:49:29.260
because it's just not i mean quite frankly like

00:49:29.260 --> 00:49:34.000
i i i you know i i love the boy more than love

00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:36.710
anything so yeah you know using them as a pawn

00:49:36.710 --> 00:49:40.429
in a game of chess and too old for that you know

00:49:40.429 --> 00:49:43.630
personally like i feel personally like i'm too

00:49:43.630 --> 00:49:46.510
mature to bother with that stuff yeah you know

00:49:46.510 --> 00:49:51.829
i don't i don't i don't try not to you know unfortunately

00:49:51.829 --> 00:49:54.489
it does happen it does happen a lot you know

00:49:54.489 --> 00:49:59.969
lots of cases of it but you know i think from

00:49:59.969 --> 00:50:02.389
a personal standpoint if you can ever do the

00:50:02.389 --> 00:50:06.139
best to get on then i've learned that lesson

00:50:06.139 --> 00:50:08.360
after the fact don't get me wrong like you know

00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:12.340
as i've said it took a kick up the back side

00:50:12.340 --> 00:50:17.400
first um but you know actually it works and this

00:50:17.400 --> 00:50:20.679
is where i think things i think just genuinely

00:50:20.679 --> 00:50:25.639
like as people like we we need to be better do

00:50:25.639 --> 00:50:28.500
you know what i mean um and i'm not saying that

00:50:28.500 --> 00:50:30.900
from a man's point of view or a woman's point

00:50:30.900 --> 00:50:33.539
of view people just need to be better Do you

00:50:33.539 --> 00:50:35.139
know what I mean? Well, yeah, I agree. I agree.

00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:38.679
It's a motto that we... Was it Frank Tonin? Yeah.

00:50:39.420 --> 00:50:44.699
Yeah. Yeah. Was it Frank? No. I don't think it

00:50:44.699 --> 00:50:46.840
was Frank. Yeah, he did write a song, Get Better.

00:50:46.940 --> 00:50:49.019
That was a really cool song. I love that. I'm

00:50:49.019 --> 00:50:51.960
thinking of something else. Turning into me nanny.

00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:55.659
Joey Swole. Oh, that's it. Joey Swole. Joey Swole.

00:50:55.760 --> 00:50:58.639
Do better. Yeah, just do better. And I'll tell

00:50:58.639 --> 00:51:01.880
you what, it's true, though. Especially in the

00:51:01.880 --> 00:51:06.750
gym as well. oh god gym gym etiquette and like

00:51:06.750 --> 00:51:08.949
being a good person at the gym just seems to

00:51:08.949 --> 00:51:13.070
be like a real hard thing for people even though

00:51:13.070 --> 00:51:16.429
you spray down the bench no sweat patch where

00:51:16.429 --> 00:51:19.210
they've been laying around oh yeah i was laid

00:51:19.210 --> 00:51:22.510
out anyway well i'm gonna shower afterwards you

00:51:22.510 --> 00:51:41.530
can't kill me this is the thing isn't it like

00:51:41.530 --> 00:51:46.510
you you've come through a situation that probably

00:51:46.510 --> 00:51:48.429
could you know probably should have killed you

00:51:48.920 --> 00:51:52.619
uh yeah i i would imagine right it would have

00:51:52.619 --> 00:51:55.940
killed like 99 of people yeah and in all fairness

00:51:55.940 --> 00:51:59.280
like it probably came about as close as you would

00:51:59.280 --> 00:52:01.980
like to killing me and it did and probably at

00:52:01.980 --> 00:52:04.519
that time just survived but you weren't like

00:52:04.519 --> 00:52:06.920
you were probably at that sort of stage in your

00:52:06.920 --> 00:52:10.440
life where you probably and please correct me

00:52:10.440 --> 00:52:13.519
if i'm wrong you weren't suicidal but if someone

00:52:13.519 --> 00:52:15.619
had gone to you yeah you're gonna die tomorrow

00:52:15.619 --> 00:52:18.699
you'd be like yeah you're exactly right i'm still

00:52:18.699 --> 00:52:20.920
like that person like to tell you the truth yeah

00:52:20.920 --> 00:52:23.340
if someone was to say are you a good darling

00:52:23.340 --> 00:52:25.219
within a couple months time i'd probably just

00:52:25.219 --> 00:52:27.980
be like cool all right and i know that's horrible

00:52:27.980 --> 00:52:30.780
i know yeah that's not right and and and the

00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:33.300
point i'm gonna make is like is like that's the

00:52:33.300 --> 00:52:35.920
way i know that i'm feeling yeah i don't i know

00:52:35.920 --> 00:52:39.440
but i also know that it's not actually reality

00:52:39.440 --> 00:52:43.139
yeah like my brain's just like my brain my brain

00:52:43.139 --> 00:52:45.440
has problems and it's saying that yeah yeah of

00:52:45.440 --> 00:52:48.329
course of course I want to live. I've got friends,

00:52:48.530 --> 00:52:53.130
I've got family who will be devastated if I left

00:52:53.130 --> 00:52:56.989
this astral plane. Also, I believe that I have

00:52:56.989 --> 00:53:00.050
no control over that, as evidenced by my accident.

00:53:00.769 --> 00:53:03.929
Because quite frankly, if I was going to die

00:53:03.929 --> 00:53:06.409
that night, if that was my designated day to

00:53:06.409 --> 00:53:09.329
die, then I would have died. That's just, I have

00:53:09.329 --> 00:53:11.739
funny... i had a i had a funny relationship with

00:53:11.739 --> 00:53:14.519
death before the accident anyways yeah i've always

00:53:14.519 --> 00:53:17.539
relatively been not been scared of dying as much

00:53:17.539 --> 00:53:20.219
as just been like rather not yeah yeah up until

00:53:20.219 --> 00:53:23.039
recent recent years you know i've just been like

00:53:23.039 --> 00:53:25.139
rather not die yeah it would be inconvenient

00:53:25.139 --> 00:53:28.139
for my family and maybe for me as a spirit and

00:53:28.139 --> 00:53:30.519
you know otherwise this is the thing i mean it

00:53:30.519 --> 00:53:32.679
comes to us all we all die we're all born and

00:53:32.679 --> 00:53:34.159
we'll die but i think what you've said there

00:53:34.679 --> 00:53:36.599
perfectly emulates what i would say as well it's

00:53:36.599 --> 00:53:38.539
like i'll be more worried about like the people

00:53:38.539 --> 00:53:40.440
i've left behind oh i'm sorry do you know what

00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:44.039
i mean i'm not worried about myself like i believe

00:53:44.039 --> 00:53:46.440
the spirit carries on after this like yeah and

00:53:46.440 --> 00:53:48.039
does other things so yeah you know personally

00:53:48.039 --> 00:53:51.239
for me i'm i'm happy yeah it's it's the thought

00:53:51.239 --> 00:53:54.920
of like your kids yeah your partner like yeah

00:53:57.000 --> 00:53:59.500
No, I couldn't imagine not being here for my

00:53:59.500 --> 00:54:01.980
kids anymore. And that's normally one of the

00:54:01.980 --> 00:54:04.800
things that keeps me out of that suicidal thoughts

00:54:04.800 --> 00:54:11.099
thing. Don't be wrong. I've had those. I've been

00:54:11.099 --> 00:54:13.599
kicked up the ass. I've talked about it, I think,

00:54:13.599 --> 00:54:16.079
in episode one of the podcast. My sister kicked

00:54:16.079 --> 00:54:19.340
me up the ass a couple of times to really get

00:54:19.340 --> 00:54:21.380
me out of those situations where I've been like,

00:54:21.480 --> 00:54:25.440
I just want to go. And sometimes when you're

00:54:25.440 --> 00:54:27.320
in that situation, you don't think about the

00:54:27.320 --> 00:54:29.920
effect on everyone else. But that's the thing.

00:54:29.940 --> 00:54:32.739
I don't try and guilt myself, but it's like the

00:54:32.739 --> 00:54:37.460
kids, you want to be around for the kids. I do

00:54:37.460 --> 00:54:42.699
the same with self harm as well. I don't want

00:54:42.699 --> 00:54:45.199
my kids to see that. I don't want the kids to

00:54:45.199 --> 00:54:48.039
see that I've cut myself or I've done things

00:54:48.039 --> 00:54:53.780
to hurt myself. And I like to think that I can

00:54:53.780 --> 00:54:57.480
be an example to people that, yeah, have been

00:54:57.480 --> 00:55:00.360
through it. And, you know, I'm nowhere near had

00:55:00.360 --> 00:55:02.559
like the worst experiences for self -harm, like

00:55:02.559 --> 00:55:05.440
some people have. But I am currently, I mean,

00:55:05.480 --> 00:55:10.360
as we talk, 11 months clean, like, and that's

00:55:10.360 --> 00:55:12.119
a big thing, right? Do you know what I mean?

00:55:12.219 --> 00:55:18.280
Yeah. And I will be 12 months clean next month.

00:55:18.719 --> 00:55:20.539
Do you know what I mean? Excellent. One year.

00:55:20.840 --> 00:55:26.070
Yeah. like one year huge milestone um and and

00:55:26.070 --> 00:55:28.989
but do you know what like in the last six weeks

00:55:28.989 --> 00:55:30.889
i've had those thoughts of self -harm do you

00:55:30.889 --> 00:55:33.829
know i'm not rightly so like i mean in a sense

00:55:33.829 --> 00:55:37.230
yeah yeah um i'm not gonna lie about that and

00:55:37.230 --> 00:55:40.269
that's been tough that's been really hard yeah

00:55:40.269 --> 00:55:42.730
um but one of the things is like i sit there

00:55:42.730 --> 00:55:44.610
and tell myself like you know i don't want to

00:55:44.610 --> 00:55:46.389
disappoint people i don't want to i don't want

00:55:46.389 --> 00:55:49.570
my kids to see this and part of that is like

00:55:50.039 --> 00:55:57.059
my experiences. I think I'm an example these

00:55:57.059 --> 00:56:06.039
days to people around me. And actually, I want

00:56:06.039 --> 00:56:08.719
to be better. I want to be better. It's for me.

00:56:08.739 --> 00:56:13.170
I want to be that example. I think there's you

00:56:13.170 --> 00:56:15.809
are and you know you've got a community of people

00:56:15.809 --> 00:56:17.789
that we said we mentioned earlier you know that

00:56:17.789 --> 00:56:20.849
look up to you yeah as you do that which is important

00:56:20.849 --> 00:56:24.409
and I think the thing is like there are other

00:56:24.409 --> 00:56:27.110
people on TikTok who are mental health advocates

00:56:27.110 --> 00:56:31.989
but you know and I don't know any names so I'm

00:56:31.989 --> 00:56:34.190
not going to be like yeah yeah that person but

00:56:34.190 --> 00:56:36.800
there's somewhere I'm just a bit like just seems

00:56:36.800 --> 00:56:38.280
like you're doing that because you want the attention

00:56:38.280 --> 00:56:41.579
of like being being a mental health advocate

00:56:41.579 --> 00:56:44.599
you know and i'm using inverted commas but like

00:56:44.599 --> 00:56:47.260
there are people on the flip side who you can

00:56:47.260 --> 00:56:49.639
tell are real genuine it's like you're not doing

00:56:49.639 --> 00:56:51.480
it because because you particularly want the

00:56:51.480 --> 00:56:54.139
respect but yeah but because it's an important

00:56:54.139 --> 00:56:57.619
thing to you yeah this is the thing i'll quite

00:56:57.619 --> 00:56:59.739
often say like i don't think the pink persuader

00:56:59.739 --> 00:57:02.039
of mental health is going to be a big podcast

00:57:02.039 --> 00:57:04.579
in the world but if it reaches the right people

00:57:05.739 --> 00:57:08.000
It reaches that person that's struggling at that

00:57:08.000 --> 00:57:10.519
time and it makes someone feel better. That's

00:57:10.519 --> 00:57:12.500
what matters to me. Do you know what I mean?

00:57:13.360 --> 00:57:16.820
Am I going to become a world famous influencer

00:57:16.820 --> 00:57:21.179
on TikTok? No, probably not. But that doesn't

00:57:21.179 --> 00:57:24.440
bother me. That really doesn't bother me. I'm

00:57:24.440 --> 00:57:28.820
in it to do what I do and help people. The only

00:57:28.820 --> 00:57:31.380
thing that pushing my profile out there does

00:57:31.380 --> 00:57:36.150
for me... this is why I do continue to push it

00:57:36.150 --> 00:57:39.889
because I use it to to fundraise and raise awareness

00:57:39.889 --> 00:57:43.130
that's the only reason I push and try and publicize

00:57:43.130 --> 00:57:47.150
my profile is for the awareness and the financial

00:57:47.150 --> 00:57:52.010
gain it can give to the charities I support yeah

00:57:52.010 --> 00:57:59.409
I mean in a few months for the half -marathon

00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:03.079
I use TikTok a lot for raising money for that.

00:58:03.619 --> 00:58:12.780
Raised £1 ,600. £1 ,600. And that's crazy. Did

00:58:12.780 --> 00:58:14.639
that all go to Man Down? That all went to Man

00:58:14.639 --> 00:58:16.619
Down. Every single bit. That's massive as well,

00:58:16.659 --> 00:58:19.460
isn't it? Because it's not like you pay anything

00:58:19.460 --> 00:58:22.000
to go to them sessions. No, no, no. It's all

00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:25.039
free. All the guys are volunteers. Literally

00:58:25.039 --> 00:58:28.030
the money. any money that was raised for man

00:58:28.030 --> 00:58:31.929
down goes into funding more meetings you know

00:58:31.929 --> 00:58:35.489
yeah um and funding awareness basically do i

00:58:35.489 --> 00:58:39.690
mean and um hopefully i'm gonna be talking to

00:58:39.690 --> 00:58:43.070
a few more guys from man down uh who actually

00:58:43.070 --> 00:58:45.670
volunteers i've had some volunteers to come in

00:58:45.670 --> 00:58:48.989
ideal um which will be awesome so i don't know

00:58:48.989 --> 00:58:52.239
when that's going to be yet but um But so far,

00:58:52.280 --> 00:58:54.159
we have done the longest episode of the Pink

00:58:54.159 --> 00:58:56.500
Persuader on Mental Health. I knew this would

00:58:56.500 --> 00:58:58.960
probably happen. That's the time. So we've been

00:58:58.960 --> 00:59:01.719
chatting for 58 minutes. I mean, I could probably

00:59:01.719 --> 00:59:03.880
go for another two. I'll tell you what, honestly.

00:59:04.659 --> 00:59:06.940
And I'll tell you what, mate. I think, actually,

00:59:07.139 --> 00:59:11.440
I would love to have you back. Just this open

00:59:11.440 --> 00:59:19.739
chat. It has been awesome. To be able to sit

00:59:19.739 --> 00:59:21.900
and speak so candidly with a best friend is awesome.

00:59:22.239 --> 00:59:26.179
We've got that kind of relationship. But before

00:59:26.179 --> 00:59:30.059
we sign off for this, what would be your message

00:59:30.059 --> 00:59:33.199
to someone out there that's maybe struggling?

00:59:40.320 --> 00:59:44.699
Probably just say, remember what I said. You

00:59:44.699 --> 00:59:48.269
can... you can reframe things you can look at

00:59:48.269 --> 00:59:52.469
things differently you can is and the thing is

00:59:52.469 --> 00:59:55.969
it's not that that's easy but you've got to remember

00:59:55.969 --> 00:59:58.210
that that everything's doable if you can think

00:59:58.210 --> 01:00:00.590
it yeah like if you can think of a way to do

01:00:00.590 --> 01:00:02.769
it you can think of ways to be happier than you

01:00:02.769 --> 01:00:07.309
can be it's just you know a lot of it just i

01:00:07.309 --> 01:00:11.550
think just comes down to remembering that A lot

01:00:11.550 --> 01:00:14.130
of it's in your head. I know that sounds really,

01:00:14.269 --> 01:00:17.630
like, ugh, coarse. Yeah, yeah. But it's like

01:00:17.630 --> 01:00:22.630
I said, I know that not wanting to be here is

01:00:22.630 --> 01:00:25.869
how I feel. Not actually what I want. Yeah. And

01:00:25.869 --> 01:00:28.329
sometimes being able to decipher between those

01:00:28.329 --> 01:00:32.590
things can help. So, yeah. If anyone's struggling,

01:00:32.789 --> 01:00:35.469
reach out to your best friend. Reach out to your

01:00:35.469 --> 01:00:37.710
brother. reach out to your mum, reach out to

01:00:37.710 --> 01:00:41.329
whoever's there. Samaritans. Samaritans is always

01:00:41.329 --> 01:00:46.429
a good one. I mean, anything you can do to avoid

01:00:46.429 --> 01:00:53.969
feeling alone, sad, you know, all those things.

01:00:54.789 --> 01:00:57.829
There's always options in other people, even

01:00:57.829 --> 01:01:00.889
if you don't feel like it. You can always explain

01:01:00.889 --> 01:01:03.650
to someone else. and sometimes it's not even

01:01:03.650 --> 01:01:05.670
explaining it's just having someone else there

01:01:05.670 --> 01:01:10.050
isn't it like say yeah that's shit yeah you know

01:01:10.050 --> 01:01:11.809
that and if you know someone who can do that

01:01:11.809 --> 01:01:15.250
for you yeah then you know leading on them is

01:01:15.250 --> 01:01:17.630
probably my best advice yeah but like i said

01:01:17.630 --> 01:01:20.449
if there's there's anyone out there who you can

01:01:20.449 --> 01:01:23.730
kind of like think oh yeah reframe how i'm feeling

01:01:23.730 --> 01:01:26.809
then i think that's the best thing yeah brilliant

01:01:26.809 --> 01:01:29.530
thanks dan and i think like your your aspects

01:01:29.530 --> 01:01:31.260
of this have been brilliant. This one wants to

01:01:31.260 --> 01:01:34.139
talk to somebody. Yeah, my idea is to talk to

01:01:34.139 --> 01:01:35.860
different people like because actually, I don't

01:01:35.860 --> 01:01:37.059
know everything about mental health. I don't

01:01:37.059 --> 01:01:39.239
always like to be an amputee. You know, I mean,

01:01:39.239 --> 01:01:42.619
it's hopefully we're gonna be able to talk to

01:01:42.619 --> 01:01:44.980
a lot of different people and carry on this podcast

01:01:44.980 --> 01:01:47.599
and help a lot of people. That's the that's the

01:01:47.599 --> 01:01:49.760
whole aim of the game on what to grow. Yeah,

01:01:49.920 --> 01:01:53.639
I really hope it will. And I hope it will. I

01:01:53.639 --> 01:01:55.880
did did a thing on TikTok the other day, I was

01:01:55.880 --> 01:01:58.940
like, I posted a video like this is an open message

01:01:58.940 --> 01:02:02.510
to Jared Reddick. I would love the pink sweater.

01:02:02.829 --> 01:02:05.010
I'm going to try and keep posting a few videos,

01:02:05.050 --> 01:02:07.489
see if I can get a response at least. Please

01:02:07.489 --> 01:02:20.690
let me record it here. Yeah. It would probably

01:02:20.690 --> 01:02:23.050
have to be like a Zoom thing, but that would

01:02:23.050 --> 01:02:27.670
make my day. I would be there. Do you want me?

01:02:27.769 --> 01:02:30.150
That's me. reaching the pinnacle of where i want

01:02:30.150 --> 01:02:40.690
to go but no for the time being uh you know having

01:02:40.690 --> 01:02:44.130
my friends and fellow mental health sufferers

01:02:44.130 --> 01:02:48.099
come and do this podcast with me that's that's

01:02:48.099 --> 01:02:50.920
enough do i mean like i thoroughly enjoy this

01:02:50.920 --> 01:02:53.539
we've we've done an hour of recording and this

01:02:53.539 --> 01:02:55.840
it's just been us like this this is not going

01:02:55.840 --> 01:02:57.940
to be edited at all this is just conversation

01:02:57.940 --> 01:03:02.000
between friends of and going to be listened to

01:03:02.000 --> 01:03:04.780
by other people do i mean like there is going

01:03:04.780 --> 01:03:06.219
to be background noise there's going to be things

01:03:06.219 --> 01:03:07.599
that yeah there's gonna be laughs there's gonna

01:03:07.599 --> 01:03:08.900
be times we talk over each other because we've

01:03:08.900 --> 01:03:13.610
got adhd and we talk over each other But I'll

01:03:13.610 --> 01:03:15.250
tell you what I haven't done this time. What's

01:03:15.250 --> 01:03:18.170
that? I haven't messed up my words. Like, normally,

01:03:18.329 --> 01:03:20.829
in both episodes, say, for the podcast, there's

01:03:20.829 --> 01:03:23.150
a moment where I've messed up my words. But I

01:03:23.150 --> 01:03:25.130
leave it in there because, actually, it happens

01:03:25.130 --> 01:03:26.710
all the time. It happens when I'm talking most

01:03:26.710 --> 01:03:28.449
of the time. Pretty sure I did it at some point.

01:03:28.650 --> 01:03:30.750
Yeah. During this episode. It's fine. Yeah. I

01:03:30.750 --> 01:03:33.849
do it all the time. Well, this is it. And I think

01:03:33.849 --> 01:03:36.329
the most important thing is this is natural conversation.

01:03:36.670 --> 01:03:39.050
Yeah. And this is what I think is the most helpful

01:03:39.050 --> 01:03:43.619
real thing. But, Den, thank you so much for joining

01:03:43.619 --> 01:03:46.559
me. Thank you for having me. It's really been

01:03:46.559 --> 01:03:50.440
great to do this. And as always, guys, I want

01:03:50.440 --> 01:03:53.960
to say much love and be more kind. And also,

01:03:54.019 --> 01:03:55.800
stay pink and stay positive.