[Bright staccato synth music.] [ADAM] Hello, my name is Adam Grant Warren. I'm a playwright, an actor, and the Co-Artistic director of Realwheels Theatre. [NATASHA] And I'm Natasha Nadir. I'm a director, a dramaturg, and a playwright. [ADAM] For those of you who are new to RealWheels, we're a disability-led company based in Vancouver, Canada. Our work in theatre and performance creation explores the fullness and complexity of disability experience, identity, and community. [NATASHA] It's been our absolute pleasure to spend the last 10 weeks from September to December of 2024 with an incredible group of 10 emerging playwrights who identify with disability. Each week, we dug into ideas of character, story structure, and even creative process to bring excerpts of some really exciting plays in progress from the minds of these writers to your ears. [ADAM] Our Playwriting Circles have been around for a while, but this year we thought we tried something new. For the first time in our history, we're sharing this work in podcast form, featuring original music and sound design by the award-winning duo, Finka Wood. [NATASHA] With one excerpt per episode, you'll also hear the playwrights in conversation with us. We'll talk a little bit about what drew them to write their play and why the work feels important to them. [NATASHA] Without further ado, [ADAM] Welcome to Waveforms. [Music fades out.] [ADAM] This week, I am in the studio, I'm physically in the same room with playwright Frankie McGee to talk about their play, my body remembers. I find it interesting that there are three characters in this show, but they're all essentially kind of different— I wanted to say the word versions, it's not that they're versions. I feel like they're aspects of you? And you know, you could have chosen, I guess, any number of voices for yourself at various times. What is it about these three that really spoke to you? [FRANKIE] Mm-hmm. So I mostly am a spoken word poet. So it started, like when I first started working on the project, it was just six very long poems. And then I tried lifting different voices out of it. And then when I returned to working on it a few years later, this spring, I tried to define the characters a little bit more because they felt a bit amorphous. So this play features three versions of myself. One is Carolyn, who's sort of a 12-year-old me, who's sort of playful and thoughtful and confident and silly. And then there's Frankie, who's me as an adult, sort of relatively present day. And then there's Francis, who is a version of me as an ancestor, who's like, yeah, visiting from the afterlife, I guess. [ADAM] So we're going to hear several different excerpts of your work. So what can you tell us, Frankie, about this first short piece we're about to hear? [FRANKIE] Mm-hmm. So this is kind of jumping over to Frankie, which is the me somewhat in the present in the throes of this health crisis. It's just a part of, like, this conversation with my cousin talking about, just kind of venting about my first visit to the emergency room. And, like, having, having space to sort of debrief. Because I think that's often needed when navigating medical system and trying to get your needs met. [Phone buzzes.] [FRANKIE] Hey, Junie. Thanks for calling. Yeah, I'm back from the ER now. I don't know. I'm pretty sure it's a kidney stone, because I know I've got stones on that side. But then when they saw me, I think they thought, I don't know what they thought. Anyway, they didn't do any scans. They did blood work, a urine sample. They did a pelvic exam, which I was a bit confused about. Couldn't get the IV in. But then I was also puking. Yeah, I know. I waited longer than I should have. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Frankie picks up the apple from the table and slices a few slices into a glass container. [FRANKIE] Oh, I'm just making a snack. I should have gone sooner. I just didn't want to face the whole, you know, yeah. But oh my God, the nurse kept trying to do the IV after I started puking. Finally, between hurls, I was able to be like, "I need a minute!" So then they let me finish before they tried again. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Frankie gets distracted and puts down the apple and knife. [FRANKIE] Worst pain of my life for sure, and that's saying something. Before they got the IV in me, she was trying, and I was trying to explain, which was already hard because I was in so much pain. But I said, "They told me..." and then she cut me off and said, "Oh, Dr. Google?" And I said, "No, my urologist told me I have stones on the left side." Like, fuck! I know. I'm too tired to be mad about it right now. I feel like I've had doctors and nurses dismiss me since I was a kid. It's pretty routine at this point. It's been really nice getting those songs, though. That's been really comforting. Oh, it's okay you didn't send one. I've got a few now. Yeah, it was sweet. My sisters were asking what they could do from so far away. And I was like, "Oh, singing. That would be nice." [ADAM] So what about this second excerpt? [FRANKIE] Yeah, I feel like this next bit gives the little flavor of Carolyn, the child, sort of 12-year-old character, and I wanted to include this piece in particular, just because I like the way that Carolyn brings in some of the bigger themes of the show. And also just like, you get to hear her in her, like, playful kid nature and also thoughtful, reflective space. Yeah. [Creek ambiance.] [CAROLYN] Hey, Junie. Your dad and my dad really like to talk about the ancestors, don't they? Yeah, and all their sisters, too. I feel like they've got certain people in our family, like people they knew or know of, in mind when they go on about the ancestors. And that's pretty neat to think about, because I don't think about them all that often. But, like, what about people we don't know of? Not just family, but, like, what if there's dead people up there watching over us who, like, want good stuff for us or something? Right? I really wonder. Yeah. Like, do they know what's going on with us? Are they watching us sit in the dirt and eat clover? Maybe they're making sure that, like, we don't die right now or something. I mean, yeah, you never know what's going on up there. Oh, yeah, I did want to tell you. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Carolyn drops the clover stem on the ground and shifts positions, still sitting on the ground and lays her fanny pack on her lap. [CAROLYN] Okay, so you know about all that kidney stuff I got? I got to take meds for my blood pressure because of kidney damage. So, yeah, I went to one of my appointments with my mom at Sick Kids, and I had the rudest nurse. They have to take my blood pressure while I'm lying down. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Carolyn lies down on the ground as though she's at the nephrology clinic, with her fanny pack under her head like a pillow. [CAROLYN] Something about ruling out this thing that makes your blood pressure worse when you're lying down or whatever? So this lady is taking my blood pressure and talking to my mom like, I'm not even there. Rudeness number one. And then she's talking about how stress and anxiety can make your blood pressure worse. And she's like, [CAROLYN & NURSE] "But of course, Carolyn is an anxious child already." [CAROLYN] Yeah, as if she even knows me? Like, she's been in the same room as me for five minutes tops at this point. So I just lay there while she took my blood pressure and said nothing, even though I was so mad. Afterwards, my mom said that was pretty inappropriate for her to say that. Oh, I wanted to ask you about... Oh my gosh, a dragonfly. Where? [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Carolyn stands up and moves slowly off to one side looking around. [CAROLYN] I see it. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Carolyn reaches towards an invisible branch. She extends one finger and then her face lights up with delight and surprise. [CAROLYN] Hi, dragonfly. [RECORDING FROM FAMILY, singing] Singing "Hard times. Ain't gonna rule my mind. Hard times. Ain't going to rule my mind, Bessie. Hard times. Ain't gonna rule my mind no more." [ADAM] One of the things that feels particularly, and I think unexpectedly, at least for me it was unexpectedly powerful and central, is music in this work and specifically singing. Can you say a little bit about why that landed for you? [FRANKIE] Yeah, I think one piece of it is sort of a general theme of Frankie… I won't say finding, but more returning to their voice. And I think singing is kind of a powerful way of coming into one's voice. And then also just in general, I feel very connected to singing in that it's something I do with my family and in other contexts sometimes. But I live quite far from my family. So, you know, harmony singing is not something that is easy to do from a distance. [ADAM] Right. [FRANKIE] So in this show where Frankie is like feeling isolated and going through a really difficult thing, singing is sort of a companion that helps them feel connected and feel connected to their family and supported. [Slow, soft music fades in.] [FRANCIS, singing] Mourn not for us, our trials are o'er. And why weep for us who will weep no more? For sweet is our slumber though cold and hard. Our pillows may be in the old churchyard. [Music fades out.] [ADAM] What about this next one? [FRANKIE] Yeah, we return here to Frankie in another conversation with their cousin. And it's sort of touching on some of the longing for connection and like connection to queer and trans ancestors and elders specifically. And also just kind of explores some of the internal world of Frankie feeling disconnected. [FRANKIE] Hey Junie, can I ask, are there ever things you miss about who you were as a kid? Yeah, same. Like, I don't miss being a kid at all. But I feel like there are parts of myself I could access then that I can't access now. Totally. Like, I feel so disconnected from my body and so disconnected from my voice and like… feeling things deeply without automatically self-soothing, actually letting myself feel things. And I don't think it was like that as a kid, at least not in the same way. Like, I remember getting really angry and actually expressing it. Or getting so sad and really feeling it. And just being in myself, in my body, in a way that doesn't seem possible for me anymore. And, like, I get why parts of myself have kept me from feeling those things fully. And in the right headspace, I can be grateful for those parts of myself. For how they've protected me. But sometimes it's just exhausting and frustrating. I wish there was an easy way to reconnect with myself. A little reset button? Some small ritual? Yeah, if only it worked that way. You know, sometimes I wish I had a trans elder I could call up. Nothing against you or anyone else. Sometimes I just wish I could call someone when I feel disconnected. Someone who gets navigating healthcare as a trans person with the perspective of having done it for decades. Or people who know intimately how wearing it is to fight for care when sick. Yeah. I feel like there are so few spaces where queer and trans people can connect across generations. So if you want those relationships, you really need to seek them out. [ADAM] In the fullness of the script, you talk a lot about queer and trans elders and ancestors. What was it that made that feel important for you to speak to? [FRANKIE] Yeah, I think my own longing for connection to queer and trans elders and ancestors. I felt sort of disconnected from previous generations of queer and trans people and just started thinking about not just queer and trans people in my own personal lineages. But people I am connected to by virtue of being queer and trans, like kind of community ancestors, and wanting to feel more connected. So that was... how the piece came into being in the first place, and then now it's sort of taken on other themes and stories as well. [ADAM] What about this last excerpt, Frankie? [FRANKIE] I think the main sort of context piece before this last excerpt is that Frankie has just collapsed, and we find Francis. [FRANCIS] Oh, Frankie. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] They move with their rollator to the other side of where Frankie lays. Francis kneels on the ground and cradles Frankie's face in their hands. They pull a handkerchief from their shirt pocket and gently motion wiping Frankie's forehead, then shake their head. [FRANCIS] What have we done here? [STAGE DIRECTIONS] They get up from the ground slowly, to be easier on their knees. [FRANCIS] Time to intervene. Time to intervene... [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Francis wheels the rollator around quickly and scans the room. Francis opens the drawer of the side table and takes out a couple N95 masks and a phone charger. [FRANCIS] Ah dear. I'll finish slicing this for you. [Knife on cutting board.] [FRANCIS] Frankie, there is more of our life left to live. You and I both need you to hold on. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Francis stands up, realizes they don't have a place to put the things, and places them on the seat of the rollator, then looks around. They find a backpack and place the masks and snack in it. [FRANCIS] Dear Frankie, I call on every ancestor who protects and guides you now. And who still guides me, now, far into your future after death. Who might carry you forward into the next breath. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Francis picks up a drawstring bag filled with pill bottles. They open it, pull out a pill bottle, look at it, and put it back in the bag, then place the bag of meds in the backpack. [FRANCIS] I ask for their intercession. That they strengthen your ability to be steadfast, stubborn, and self-advocating in institutions that dehumanize you and reject the fullness of you. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Francis finds Frankie's water bottle and thermometer and puts them in the backpack. They reach down and place their hand above the pillow as though they are placing a hand on Frankie's head. [FRANCIS] Dear Frankie, I ask you to call back the power that lives in your voice. And channel every ounce of rage, resoluteness, and relentless care towards your own survival, just as you would channel towards a beloved's. [STAGE DIRECTIONS] Francis stands up and places the backpack next to where Frankie lays. [FRANCIS] Frankie, pull that rage from wherever it hides from you. Get what you need. [ADAM] There's a setup in these excerpts that suggest that the end of the play comes when Frankie is finally able to make themself heard in the realm of the medical system. And that happens, but there's so much play after the moment. When I say play, I mean, there's so much material. There's so much text left after that happens. Can you speak a little bit about, you know, what the intention of the second act or the second half of the work is more speaking to? [FRANKIE] Yeah, it felt important to me to continue the show after the point where Frankie is heard and they get the medical care they need because I feel like it's not just surviving. Like, I really wanted to keep exploring, like, yes. Frankie needs to survive this medical crisis. But they also have this longing for a deeper spiritual connection to their queer and trans ancestors. And I think the piece would feel incomplete if it was just about Frankie being heard and kind of getting the care they need within the medical system. Because there's so much care they need beyond that. [Bright staccato synth music.] [ADAM] Thanks for listening to Waveforms. For a full list of our cast and crew, check out the episode description. [NATASHA] Waveforms was produced by Realwheels Theatre with the cooperation of the Union of BC performers. A special thank you to our funders, the Canada Council for the Arts, the Province of British Columbia, the City of Vancouver, and the Hamber Foundation. [ADAM] If you like what you heard, please drop us a rating and a review on the podcast platform of your choice. It really helps new listeners to find us. And that's a wrap on this season of Waveforms. But stay tuned, because we'll be back soon with something new. [Music fades out.]