WEBVTT 00:00:00.720 --> 00:00:05.179 Hi. Do you find yourself yelling about bathrooms 00:00:05.179 --> 00:00:09.119 like they're a forbidden portal? Do rainbow flags 00:00:09.119 --> 00:00:12.800 make you foam at the mouth? Does someone else's 00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:15.859 fashionable expression feel like a personal attack? 00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:20.820 Oh my gosh, you're wearing that? No wonder nobody 00:00:20.820 --> 00:00:23.640 respects you. Uh, yeah, I just pulled you from 00:00:23.640 --> 00:00:25.980 a burning building and I'm actually a US military 00:00:25.980 --> 00:00:30.179 sergeant. If you find yourself experiencing these 00:00:30.179 --> 00:00:33.280 symptoms, you may be suffering from strategic 00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:36.460 fear amplified by religious talk and scapegoating, 00:00:36.820 --> 00:00:42.600 also known as SFARTS. SFARTS. A condition triggered whenever 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:45.859 politicians distract you with culture war soundbites 00:00:45.859 --> 00:00:48.740 instead of releasing their encyclopedia of criminal 00:00:48.740 --> 00:00:53.140 records. Luckily, there's a revolutionary mouthwash 00:00:53.140 --> 00:00:58.280 called Ther-A-Facts. A treatment that detoxifies 00:00:58.280 --> 00:01:01.439 your brain from fear - mongering soundbites. Unlike 00:01:01.439 --> 00:01:03.719 picketing outside donut shops over pronouns, 00:01:04.120 --> 00:01:06.640 Ther-A-Facts, actually helps and has been shown 00:01:06.640 --> 00:01:08.980 to increase your quality of life by not taking 00:01:08.980 --> 00:01:12.700 yourself so seriously. Side effects may include 00:01:12.700 --> 00:01:15.799 realizing that some politicians exploit the same 00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:18.480 psychological dynamics of abusive relationships 00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:21.359 like manipulation and gaslighting, shifting blame 00:01:21.359 --> 00:01:23.500 and scapegoating to distract you from their crimes. 00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:26.280 instilling fear with fun words like factory, 00:01:26.659 --> 00:01:29.540 religion, immigrants, and us versus them. Love 00:01:29.540 --> 00:01:32.359 bombing and threats like you're the chosen one, 00:01:32.560 --> 00:01:36.340 the real Americans, real people. Isolating you. 00:01:36.620 --> 00:01:38.920 The media and everyone else is lying to you. 00:01:39.019 --> 00:01:42.420 Only I tell you the truth. Using the word left 00:01:42.420 --> 00:01:44.459 and right like they just discovered directions. 00:01:45.280 --> 00:01:48.540 In clinical trials, patients reported whistling 00:01:48.540 --> 00:01:51.760 while grocery shopping, drinking more water because 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:54.629 apparently that's a thing. the immense regret 00:01:54.629 --> 00:01:57.370 of joining or supporting an ISIS -like group 00:01:57.370 --> 00:02:00.290 called ICE that kidnaps U .S. citizens and people 00:02:00.290 --> 00:02:03.769 of color while calling it patriotic. Uncontrollable 00:02:03.769 --> 00:02:06.010 toe tapping while playing air guitar and belting 00:02:06.010 --> 00:02:09.189 I will survive, using the word fabulous, setting 00:02:09.189 --> 00:02:12.419 boundaries without apologizing first. the epiphany 00:02:12.419 --> 00:02:15.139 of using critical thinking skills and realizing 00:02:15.139 --> 00:02:17.919 potholes don't get fixed by yelling at rat queens 00:02:17.919 --> 00:02:20.979 apologizing to grandma for using mustard to write 00:02:20.979 --> 00:02:23.379 the word radical on her kitchen table when she 00:02:23.379 --> 00:02:26.199 asked if you wanted milk with your coffee you 00:02:26.199 --> 00:02:29.500 may also experience accidental washboard apps 00:02:29.500 --> 00:02:32.659 from a thing called laughter the shocking realization 00:02:32.659 --> 00:02:35.580 that the use of a toilet is not a national crisis 00:02:35.580 --> 00:02:38.960 no longer shouting radical at squirrels for planting 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:41.849 you a tree The worst side effect that has been 00:02:41.849 --> 00:02:44.150 reported is knowing things will take time to 00:02:44.150 --> 00:02:46.889 solve. But it starts with voting with your dollars. 00:02:47.990 --> 00:02:50.349 Talk to your doctor today about breaking free 00:02:50.349 --> 00:02:54.270 from sparts. Because joy isn't dangerous, but 00:02:54.270 --> 00:02:57.310 politicians using trans lives and people of color 00:02:57.310 --> 00:03:01.669 as props definitely is. This message is brought 00:03:01.669 --> 00:03:04.449 to you by the Society of Grandma's Kitchen Tables, 00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:07.409 reminding you it knows all your secrets.