WEBVTT 00:00:34.090 --> 00:00:36.630 let me just take a moment to uh talk to these 00:00:36.630 --> 00:00:38.770 men who are doing the quote -unquote women jobs 00:00:38.770 --> 00:00:42.149 like flight attendants nurses and full -time 00:00:42.149 --> 00:00:45.909 dads you are the manliest men in the world because 00:00:45.909 --> 00:00:48.850 you don't buy into this bullshit that limits 00:00:48.850 --> 00:00:51.810 a man's potential but you do what you can do 00:00:51.810 --> 00:00:54.929 to give you know your family your community what 00:00:54.929 --> 00:00:58.090 it is that they need you are the shit I have 00:00:58.090 --> 00:01:00.450 a friend who's a full -time dad and I have the 00:01:00.450 --> 00:01:02.630 highest respect for what he does. I have a kid 00:01:02.630 --> 00:01:05.069 and I can tell you, it's just one kid, right? 00:01:05.150 --> 00:01:07.129 I can't stand more than two hours of engagement 00:01:07.129 --> 00:01:09.109 at a time before I start feeling like I'm going 00:01:09.109 --> 00:01:12.769 to lose my mind, right? My mind also tends to 00:01:12.769 --> 00:01:14.829 be fairly scattered without imposing structure 00:01:14.829 --> 00:01:17.349 on myself. So when you're dealing with, you know, 00:01:17.349 --> 00:01:20.049 parenting duties and you have a kid that just 00:01:20.049 --> 00:01:22.010 feels however they want and does whatever they 00:01:22.010 --> 00:01:24.719 want when they feel it. You can imagine what 00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:28.599 that does to my brain, right? It's constantly 00:01:28.599 --> 00:01:30.319 getting interrupted. I feel like I'm going to 00:01:30.319 --> 00:01:33.200 go insane, right? So I would be miserable as 00:01:33.200 --> 00:01:36.540 a full -time dad, right? Especially in those 00:01:36.540 --> 00:01:38.260 younger years when they're home all the time, 00:01:38.280 --> 00:01:40.719 right? But my friend thrives in that role. Like, 00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:43.180 he's on top of the kids' schedule. He can understand 00:01:43.180 --> 00:01:45.540 exactly what the kids need, how they're feeling, 00:01:45.780 --> 00:01:48.859 can address them, or really helping them develop 00:01:48.859 --> 00:01:51.500 and learn how to cope physically, emotionally, 00:01:51.739 --> 00:01:54.140 cognitively as they go through the life stages. 00:01:54.680 --> 00:01:57.319 It's a hard job. It's a hard job. He's trying 00:01:57.319 --> 00:01:59.480 to be everything for them, right? All I know 00:01:59.480 --> 00:02:01.480 is that if someone gave me that job, like, you 00:02:01.480 --> 00:02:03.599 couldn't pay me enough to take on that job. I 00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:06.299 would suck at it. I would hate it with a passion, 00:02:06.420 --> 00:02:10.520 like, without a doubt. And I thought I was going 00:02:10.520 --> 00:02:12.520 to be a good dad and I was going to love it. 00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:15.400 Turns out, no, no, no. I can't stand it. I'm 00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:17.460 already waiting for my kid to grow up and be 00:02:17.460 --> 00:02:22.840 an adult. Unfortunately, even with some of these 00:02:22.840 --> 00:02:25.979 cultural shifts and the idea of what a man's 00:02:25.979 --> 00:02:29.379 job is, what a manly job is, I'm afraid that 00:02:29.379 --> 00:02:32.000 too many men still buy into this idea that they 00:02:32.000 --> 00:02:34.340 should do certain types of jobs or that their 00:02:34.340 --> 00:02:37.819 paycheck defines their worth. Actually, I'm not 00:02:37.819 --> 00:02:40.240 completely sure what the diagnosis is. Look, 00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:43.280 again, I'm sure experts who probably research 00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:45.060 this stuff more are going to have something to 00:02:45.060 --> 00:02:47.419 say about it, about why there are these gender 00:02:47.419 --> 00:02:50.759 gaps in certain fields, how much of it is coming 00:02:50.759 --> 00:02:54.259 from the way that some of these jobs tend to 00:02:54.259 --> 00:02:58.379 be gendered in the sense that society creates 00:02:58.379 --> 00:03:00.960 a certain kind of image of this is a man's job 00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:06.000 and this is a more woman's job. What I do know... 00:03:06.620 --> 00:03:09.580 is that right now in the United States, we have 00:03:09.580 --> 00:03:13.580 a shortage specifically of men in the following 00:03:13.580 --> 00:03:15.280 professions. I'm just going to name some. This 00:03:15.280 --> 00:03:16.879 is not the complete list, but I do know that 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:20.419 at least with these professions, there is a very 00:03:20.419 --> 00:03:23.740 small percentage of men in these fields. Nursing. 00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:26.900 Therapy. I'm talking like mental health, like 00:03:26.900 --> 00:03:30.439 specifically like, you know, talk therapy, right? 00:03:30.680 --> 00:03:35.240 Psychologists. Skincare. Hairdresser. Manicurist. 00:03:36.090 --> 00:03:39.330 early childhood education, and just child care 00:03:39.330 --> 00:03:43.150 generally, administrative assistant, and social 00:03:43.150 --> 00:03:47.770 work. Again, this is not an extensive list. This 00:03:47.770 --> 00:03:49.810 is just some of the jobs where I think over like 00:03:49.810 --> 00:03:52.229 80 % of the workers are women, and in some cases 00:03:52.229 --> 00:03:56.270 like 90 plus percent of the people in these fields 00:03:56.270 --> 00:03:59.960 are women. In contrast, men tend to dominate 00:03:59.960 --> 00:04:03.759 plumbing, construction, and so on. When you see 00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:06.680 the disparity, you can't help but get the idea 00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:09.919 that some work is men's work and others are women's 00:04:09.919 --> 00:04:13.639 work. You just see the percentage of people in 00:04:13.639 --> 00:04:16.560 these different fields and you think, oh, men 00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:18.620 gravitate towards this kind of work, women gravitate 00:04:18.620 --> 00:04:21.649 towards that kind of work. But I think pigeonholing 00:04:21.649 --> 00:04:24.490 men in this way degrades them and limits them 00:04:24.490 --> 00:04:27.329 from doing what's best for them. When we gender 00:04:27.329 --> 00:04:30.870 these roles that any gender can actually do, 00:04:31.009 --> 00:04:34.189 you're kind of restricting options for people, 00:04:34.350 --> 00:04:37.629 men, women alike. Women complained for centuries 00:04:37.629 --> 00:04:39.709 about being kept out of jobs that they had the 00:04:39.709 --> 00:04:43.329 ability to do. So why are we then now putting 00:04:43.329 --> 00:04:46.819 restrictions like that on men? There's, of course, 00:04:46.860 --> 00:04:49.480 one key difference. Women were kept out of certain 00:04:49.480 --> 00:04:52.120 fields and positions primarily through discriminatory 00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:59.120 practices, through laws that allowed the discrimination 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:02.060 of women in this way. That's why we have laws 00:05:02.060 --> 00:05:04.160 to protect women from not being discriminated. 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:07.259 Historically, that's just how it's been. Men 00:05:07.259 --> 00:05:11.620 are kept out of these fields. Not because anybody's 00:05:11.620 --> 00:05:13.879 imposing any sort of restriction on them. Like, 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:16.259 look, men can go into nursing whenever they want. 00:05:16.339 --> 00:05:17.939 They just need to apply to be a nurse, right? 00:05:18.620 --> 00:05:22.079 But it seems like this is a much more self -imposed 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:24.540 restriction that men are putting on themselves 00:05:24.540 --> 00:05:27.819 because of some dumb notion going around that 00:05:27.819 --> 00:05:30.939 certain things, certain jobs are like men's jobs, 00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:33.220 right? And certain jobs are not really men's 00:05:33.220 --> 00:05:36.300 jobs. And it's not even about the money either, 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:38.680 right? Which I'll get to later. There's a huge 00:05:38.680 --> 00:05:41.819 demand for nurses and therapists. And, you know, 00:05:41.860 --> 00:05:43.759 if you ever tried to find a therapist, forget 00:05:43.759 --> 00:05:45.819 dealing with insurance, right? You know that 00:05:45.819 --> 00:05:48.519 it's a nightmare to find a therapist at all, 00:05:48.519 --> 00:05:51.319 one that's available. But let's say now you're 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:53.300 searching for specifically a male therapist. 00:05:54.480 --> 00:05:56.879 I had to do this when I, you know, came back 00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:00.160 to California and I was like, oh, you know, I've 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:02.899 seen a therapist and I kind of want to make sure 00:06:02.899 --> 00:06:06.000 that I see a male therapist now because I feel 00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:07.040 like there are certain things that I feel more 00:06:07.040 --> 00:06:10.800 comfortable talking to a man about. And if you 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.519 try to do that, like if you try to limit your 00:06:12.519 --> 00:06:15.639 search to male therapists, like the number dwindles 00:06:15.639 --> 00:06:18.240 down so much. It's like everybody needs to go 00:06:18.240 --> 00:06:20.420 to the exact same male therapist if they're looking 00:06:20.420 --> 00:06:23.000 for a male therapist. Like they're just so far. 00:06:23.740 --> 00:06:26.600 few and far between that like it's just almost 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:30.399 impossible to find one right but men are not 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:32.000 going into these fields in large numbers even 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:36.519 though the job security the pay is actually quite 00:06:36.519 --> 00:06:41.379 good compared to a lot of other jobs right part 00:06:41.379 --> 00:06:43.639 of this is a reflection of some larger issues 00:06:43.639 --> 00:06:46.180 maybe in education we could save that for talk 00:06:46.180 --> 00:06:49.019 another time but another part is that men don't 00:06:49.019 --> 00:06:51.040 seem to see themselves in these roles because 00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:54.439 they aren't for men That's supposed to be the 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:57.639 idea that I think is floating around. I don't 00:06:57.639 --> 00:07:00.060 think men think this explicitly necessarily. 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:03.100 I think most of them just have a certain ick 00:07:03.100 --> 00:07:05.379 factor or it's just not even under consideration 00:07:05.379 --> 00:07:10.439 because they don't see men in those fields. Nursing 00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:14.220 is a good example of this. I don't see a lot 00:07:14.220 --> 00:07:17.220 of men imagining themselves in a nursing role. 00:07:17.300 --> 00:07:18.819 They can imagine themselves being a doctor and 00:07:18.819 --> 00:07:20.939 they might pursue that, but they don't see themselves 00:07:20.939 --> 00:07:23.300 in a nursing role when, in fact, Nurses make 00:07:23.300 --> 00:07:25.660 a good amount of money, have a great job security, 00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:31.420 have great hours. It's a good job. Maybe we just 00:07:31.420 --> 00:07:33.360 need more men to be represented in these fields 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:35.420 so that we can see ourselves in them. I don't 00:07:35.420 --> 00:07:37.779 know what the reason is. Again, let the experts 00:07:37.779 --> 00:07:39.699 figure that out. But clearly, there's something 00:07:39.699 --> 00:07:42.100 that is keeping men away from these fields. And 00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:44.060 it's not because there's some explicit restriction 00:07:44.060 --> 00:07:46.939 against men. There's no quota that says we can't 00:07:46.939 --> 00:07:49.439 allow men to be nurses. That just doesn't exist. 00:07:51.359 --> 00:07:54.439 Something I also hear a lot is that these gender 00:07:54.439 --> 00:07:56.759 disparities are somehow natural. The thought 00:07:56.759 --> 00:07:58.699 is that men and women are just different in some 00:07:58.699 --> 00:08:01.259 respects, at least collectively, and it starts 00:08:01.259 --> 00:08:04.639 in early childhood. Boys, for instance, I mean, 00:08:04.639 --> 00:08:07.399 a lot of this biological stuff is actually pretty 00:08:07.399 --> 00:08:09.459 well established. Boys, for instance, develop 00:08:09.459 --> 00:08:12.519 gross motor skills generally faster, while girls 00:08:12.519 --> 00:08:15.639 develop those fine motor skills faster. Maybe 00:08:15.639 --> 00:08:18.360 for this reason or other, boys tend to gravitate 00:08:18.360 --> 00:08:20.600 towards building stuff and doing things actively. 00:08:20.939 --> 00:08:23.079 their hands they also have a harder time sitting 00:08:23.079 --> 00:08:26.139 still at an early age it's not because adhd is 00:08:26.139 --> 00:08:28.620 just because their bodies are kind of wired a 00:08:28.620 --> 00:08:30.899 little bit differently in those early years girls 00:08:30.899 --> 00:08:34.039 more towards like other kinds of activities and 00:08:34.039 --> 00:08:36.860 as a result they become better in different areas 00:08:36.860 --> 00:08:39.600 and they're encouraged to move into certain fields 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:42.889 that fall along these lines Look, I'm not an 00:08:42.889 --> 00:08:45.029 expert in this area, so whether or not there's 00:08:45.029 --> 00:08:47.570 some truth to it, I don't know. But what I will 00:08:47.570 --> 00:08:52.269 say is, even if this is all true, we cannot just 00:08:52.269 --> 00:08:55.769 let this disparity be what it is. This is something 00:08:55.769 --> 00:08:58.009 I can't emphasize enough, right? Like, it doesn't 00:08:58.009 --> 00:09:01.129 matter why the disparity exists. The disparity 00:09:01.129 --> 00:09:03.929 itself, at least this kind of gross disparity 00:09:03.929 --> 00:09:06.929 where it's like 90 % one gender, this is going 00:09:06.929 --> 00:09:08.690 to be a serious problem, especially in some of 00:09:08.690 --> 00:09:10.429 these fields. I'm going to talk about this in 00:09:10.429 --> 00:09:12.750 some detail, right? We can't simply just sit 00:09:12.750 --> 00:09:14.870 back and say that this is natural and there's 00:09:14.870 --> 00:09:17.169 nothing we can do about it. It's not an option 00:09:17.169 --> 00:09:19.169 because at least for some of these fields, there's 00:09:19.169 --> 00:09:23.210 a lot at stake. Let me just point out two particular 00:09:23.210 --> 00:09:26.409 fields to kind of unpack the kind of significance 00:09:26.409 --> 00:09:29.289 there is in the gender disparity as a serious 00:09:29.289 --> 00:09:31.110 problem. And that's going to be early childhood 00:09:31.110 --> 00:09:33.730 education and in therapy. So I'm going to use 00:09:33.730 --> 00:09:36.029 these two as just simply examples to highlight 00:09:36.029 --> 00:09:39.789 how gender disparity itself is a problem in these 00:09:39.789 --> 00:09:43.750 fields. It's a problem not just for men, but 00:09:43.750 --> 00:09:46.110 it's going to be a problem for everybody, as 00:09:46.110 --> 00:09:50.250 I'll try to explain. Now, other fields might 00:09:50.250 --> 00:09:53.350 not have the same significance, and that could 00:09:53.350 --> 00:09:56.690 be true. It's going to be a case -by -case basis 00:09:56.690 --> 00:09:58.809 with some of these fields. But at least with 00:09:58.809 --> 00:10:00.490 these two, I'm fairly confident that we're going 00:10:00.490 --> 00:10:02.940 to have... We're already seeing, actually, significant 00:10:02.940 --> 00:10:05.500 problems with there not being enough men in these 00:10:05.500 --> 00:10:07.559 fields. Let's start with early childhood education. 00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:10.899 Men are actually quite prevalent in education 00:10:10.899 --> 00:10:14.659 generally, but not in early education. Not in 00:10:14.659 --> 00:10:16.879 preschool, kindergarten, elementary school. These 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:18.879 are spaces where men, if you see them at all, 00:10:19.059 --> 00:10:22.200 are also often not teachers. They're in the administrative 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:24.259 role, principals, or work in the grounds, or 00:10:24.259 --> 00:10:27.000 doing something else. I'm not an expert on why 00:10:27.000 --> 00:10:29.990 that is. Again, talk to an expert about exactly 00:10:29.990 --> 00:10:32.610 why that is. I'll let them figure out if they 00:10:32.610 --> 00:10:35.210 haven't done so already. What I do know is this, 00:10:35.330 --> 00:10:39.509 that a lack of men in these early years are leaving 00:10:39.509 --> 00:10:44.389 boys without good role models. It's probably 00:10:44.389 --> 00:10:46.870 also leaving the early education system biased 00:10:46.870 --> 00:10:50.179 in favor of girls. I don't know for sure, but 00:10:50.179 --> 00:10:52.639 I have some suspicions that there's a reason 00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:55.799 that girls tend to perform better in schools. 00:10:55.860 --> 00:10:58.220 The school structure seems to be structured in 00:10:58.220 --> 00:11:01.580 a way that favors one gender over the other. 00:11:01.659 --> 00:11:03.279 Like I said, there's some probably early developmental 00:11:03.279 --> 00:11:08.000 stuff involved here. And again, each specific 00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:11.320 case might vary, but overall, I think there are 00:11:11.320 --> 00:11:14.220 some of these differences, right? Okay, I don't 00:11:14.220 --> 00:11:16.100 expect women to understand what it's like being 00:11:16.100 --> 00:11:19.059 a boy. That would make no sense. If we expect 00:11:19.059 --> 00:11:20.759 women to somehow understand what it's like to 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:23.679 be a boy, that's insane because they don't know 00:11:23.679 --> 00:11:25.460 what it's like being a boy. They don't have that 00:11:25.460 --> 00:11:27.919 kind of experience, right? Look, if you ask me 00:11:27.919 --> 00:11:30.039 what it's like to be Latino growing up in California, 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:32.039 I would look at you and be like, how the hell 00:11:32.039 --> 00:11:34.840 would I know? I grew up in neighborhoods that 00:11:34.840 --> 00:11:37.899 were overwhelmingly Latino. We're talking like 00:11:37.899 --> 00:11:41.539 60%, 70%, 80 % depending on the time of my life, 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:45.720 right? But even there, even being surrounded 00:11:45.720 --> 00:11:48.379 by it, I still wouldn't know. what it's like 00:11:48.379 --> 00:11:51.620 being Latino. And it would be stupid of me to 00:11:51.620 --> 00:11:53.860 go ahead and try to act like I did somehow understand. 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:58.000 I don't. So how do you expect boys to be understood 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:00.820 if you don't have men around that connect with 00:12:00.820 --> 00:12:03.360 them and really understand what their experience 00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:07.120 might be like, right? If you don't have men in 00:12:07.120 --> 00:12:11.700 these positions to guide the younger boys into 00:12:11.700 --> 00:12:15.340 becoming more and more of a man. And these early 00:12:15.340 --> 00:12:18.029 years are particularly important. It's really 00:12:18.029 --> 00:12:20.490 the early years that shape how we make sense 00:12:20.490 --> 00:12:23.649 of the world, right? How we make sense of the 00:12:23.649 --> 00:12:25.669 narratives we start to build about ourselves, 00:12:26.009 --> 00:12:28.710 about who we are within the educational space. 00:12:29.389 --> 00:12:31.190 And it's going to have lasting impact, right? 00:12:31.250 --> 00:12:33.379 Like a lot of people have... There's plenty of 00:12:33.379 --> 00:12:35.799 research already on this. Those early years of 00:12:35.799 --> 00:12:38.039 development are so critical that it takes so 00:12:38.039 --> 00:12:40.840 much more work to undo the harm that's done in 00:12:40.840 --> 00:12:42.899 those early years than it is to undo some of 00:12:42.899 --> 00:12:45.480 the harms that are done later in your life. Those 00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:47.159 early years are critical. And in those early 00:12:47.159 --> 00:12:49.639 years, if you don't have men as role models, 00:12:49.759 --> 00:12:54.100 every day showing up to classrooms and showing 00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:57.659 them what it's like to be a man, to resolve disputes 00:12:57.659 --> 00:13:01.509 among boys, to show them a better way, you're 00:13:01.509 --> 00:13:04.590 setting up entire generations of boys to become 00:13:04.590 --> 00:13:06.529 bitches. That's really what you're doing. You're 00:13:06.529 --> 00:13:08.990 not giving them an opportunity to grow in the 00:13:08.990 --> 00:13:13.769 right way, right? What's crazy to me is that 00:13:13.769 --> 00:13:17.070 it's not as if men don't want to teach. Like 00:13:17.070 --> 00:13:20.350 I said, we have men teaching all over. We have 00:13:20.350 --> 00:13:23.210 men teaching in high school, in colleges. Hell, 00:13:23.269 --> 00:13:28.000 they dominate certain fields in colleges. So 00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:30.120 it's not that men are not wanting to teach. It's 00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:31.659 not something specific about teaching. It's not 00:13:31.659 --> 00:13:36.799 as if men can't teach. That's insane, okay? But 00:13:36.799 --> 00:13:40.120 for some reason, men are not going specifically 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:43.100 into early education or they're not going there 00:13:43.100 --> 00:13:46.480 and staying there. Why is that? What's the deal? 00:13:46.600 --> 00:13:49.340 I don't know. Someone tell me. But what I do 00:13:49.340 --> 00:13:50.759 know is that we need to get this fixed and we 00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:54.860 need to get this fixed ASAP. If we don't... We're 00:13:54.860 --> 00:13:57.059 going to fuck over an entire generation of boys 00:13:57.059 --> 00:13:59.480 if we haven't already. I'm guessing we already 00:13:59.480 --> 00:14:04.340 have. I've spoken about this many a times. It 00:14:04.340 --> 00:14:07.600 takes an entire community to build up boys into 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:10.539 men. You're not going to do it with just the 00:14:10.539 --> 00:14:12.159 parents. Parents are the most important figures 00:14:12.159 --> 00:14:14.980 in a child's life, but it's not going to be just 00:14:14.980 --> 00:14:17.669 the child that gets them there. And this is especially 00:14:17.669 --> 00:14:20.570 true when we already know that, especially boys, 00:14:20.750 --> 00:14:22.669 they stop listening to their parents at a certain 00:14:22.669 --> 00:14:25.230 point. You're going to need other role models 00:14:25.230 --> 00:14:28.269 in these kids' lives to help guide them to being 00:14:28.269 --> 00:14:33.610 better men. And we're not going to do that if 00:14:33.610 --> 00:14:35.950 we don't have men being put in positions where 00:14:35.950 --> 00:14:39.730 they can be that kind of an influence. So, yeah. 00:14:40.889 --> 00:14:43.570 gender disparity exists there might be good reason 00:14:43.570 --> 00:14:46.730 for why that is that again nobody needs to be 00:14:46.730 --> 00:14:49.029 doing anything malicious but the gender disparity 00:14:49.029 --> 00:14:51.389 itself i think is a is a real problem it's a 00:14:51.389 --> 00:14:53.230 real problem it's not something that we can just 00:14:53.230 --> 00:14:55.529 sit by and say like oh you know this is just 00:14:55.529 --> 00:14:57.490 how it is like men just don't want to get into 00:14:57.490 --> 00:14:59.710 these fields and you know this for their own 00:14:59.710 --> 00:15:02.970 reasons and whatever okay then figure out a way 00:15:02.970 --> 00:15:05.330 to incentivize it so that men will want to enter 00:15:05.330 --> 00:15:09.009 into these fields we do that for we do that for 00:15:09.009 --> 00:15:11.580 women When we realize in places like engineering, 00:15:11.820 --> 00:15:13.179 it's like, look, there's not a lot of women going 00:15:13.179 --> 00:15:15.320 into engineering. It's not because they're not 00:15:15.320 --> 00:15:18.580 capable. Clearly, there's reasons why it's not 00:15:18.580 --> 00:15:20.279 attractive to women. We can make it more attractive 00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:22.220 to women. We could do the same thing with early 00:15:22.220 --> 00:15:26.039 education for men. But what I do know is that 00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:27.820 we need men in these positions. We need them 00:15:27.820 --> 00:15:32.539 because it is such a critical space, especially 00:15:32.539 --> 00:15:35.559 for the boys that are in need of good role models. 00:15:36.350 --> 00:15:38.549 to have men in their lives that can guide and 00:15:38.549 --> 00:15:43.190 direct them in the right sorts of ways. The other 00:15:43.190 --> 00:15:45.789 area where I want to give some attention is therapy. 00:15:46.389 --> 00:15:48.289 I'm not talking psychiatrists. I'm not talking 00:15:48.289 --> 00:15:49.610 about the ones that prescribe pills. I'm talking 00:15:49.610 --> 00:15:51.889 about psychologists, counselors, therapists, 00:15:52.210 --> 00:15:54.409 mental health professionals that sit down and 00:15:54.409 --> 00:15:57.110 talk about your feelings and so on. It doesn't 00:15:57.110 --> 00:15:59.210 matter what the title is. I don't even know what 00:15:59.210 --> 00:16:01.690 the distinction is between all these. What I 00:16:01.690 --> 00:16:04.970 think is missing is... men in this field train 00:16:04.970 --> 00:16:09.009 properly that other men can talk to. So I have 00:16:09.009 --> 00:16:11.210 some personal experience with this because I 00:16:11.210 --> 00:16:13.450 was looking for a therapist. I initially saw 00:16:13.450 --> 00:16:16.049 a woman, I think it was for a good year and a 00:16:16.049 --> 00:16:19.850 half, very helpful. A good therapist is a good 00:16:19.850 --> 00:16:21.570 therapist. One that you can connect to is one 00:16:21.570 --> 00:16:23.610 that you can connect to. But this was back in 00:16:23.610 --> 00:16:26.149 Pennsylvania. When I was moving back to California 00:16:26.149 --> 00:16:30.710 because of work situation, I knew that there 00:16:30.710 --> 00:16:32.370 was something missing in my relationship with 00:16:32.370 --> 00:16:34.639 my therapist. I thought it would be helpful to 00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:36.879 talk to somebody that was maybe a different... 00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:39.379 I mean, I had to find somebody new. Back then, 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:42.100 the whole online teletherapist thing wasn't a 00:16:42.100 --> 00:16:45.460 real thing. But I also wanted to see somebody 00:16:45.460 --> 00:16:48.259 in person. And I knew that I wanted to find a 00:16:48.259 --> 00:16:49.940 male therapist because I knew that there were 00:16:49.940 --> 00:16:51.779 some things that I think I would have felt a 00:16:51.779 --> 00:16:56.700 little bit more comfortable sharing that doesn't 00:16:56.700 --> 00:16:59.600 necessarily have to do with being a man, but... 00:17:00.059 --> 00:17:02.059 I did wonder whether it would feel different 00:17:02.059 --> 00:17:04.839 because somebody who's gone through something 00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:07.539 similar, at least in the developmental stages 00:17:07.539 --> 00:17:10.960 and so on, or at least understand male culture 00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:13.619 and what I'm dealing with, might be able to better 00:17:13.619 --> 00:17:16.460 understand what it is I'm going through. And 00:17:16.460 --> 00:17:18.700 like I said, if you ever try to find a therapist, 00:17:18.839 --> 00:17:20.599 it's hard enough to find somebody that takes 00:17:20.599 --> 00:17:23.440 your insurance, is available, and that you can 00:17:23.440 --> 00:17:25.200 actually vibe with, that you can connect with, 00:17:25.240 --> 00:17:27.299 right? Add to that, you're looking for a male 00:17:27.299 --> 00:17:29.599 therapist, and you've narrowed down potential 00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:35.039 therapists by 90 % instantly. 90%, right? In 00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:36.920 other words, 90 % of the therapists out there 00:17:36.920 --> 00:17:40.099 that are available are women. Only 10 % men. 00:17:40.740 --> 00:17:43.940 That's insane to me. That's insane to me. Might 00:17:43.940 --> 00:17:47.220 as well just give up before you start. If men 00:17:47.220 --> 00:17:49.039 are having a hard time connecting with other 00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:51.519 men because no one ever taught them how to explore 00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:54.059 their feelings and so on, Therapy would be the 00:17:54.059 --> 00:17:57.319 place to do it, but if you don't have that space 00:17:57.319 --> 00:18:00.539 with a male therapist to work on it, what other 00:18:00.539 --> 00:18:05.400 options are we leaving men, right? I have friends, 00:18:05.559 --> 00:18:07.500 men, who have been trying to find a male therapist 00:18:07.500 --> 00:18:10.680 for years. I wouldn't be surprised if they all 00:18:10.680 --> 00:18:12.839 went to the same therapist because there's so 00:18:12.839 --> 00:18:15.980 few available. This is absolutely unsustainable. 00:18:17.720 --> 00:18:20.230 Look, I don't want... people bitching about men 00:18:20.230 --> 00:18:22.609 needing to work on their feelings if we don't 00:18:22.609 --> 00:18:24.609 also give them a place to work on their feelings. 00:18:24.730 --> 00:18:26.450 And we're not giving them a place to work on 00:18:26.450 --> 00:18:29.170 their feelings if we don't have more men in the 00:18:29.170 --> 00:18:32.730 mental health profession. Again, not as psychiatrists, 00:18:32.750 --> 00:18:34.250 not some people that are just prescribing pills, 00:18:34.369 --> 00:18:37.210 but actually talking through feelings to model 00:18:37.210 --> 00:18:40.769 what it looks like to have real, connected, deep, 00:18:40.849 --> 00:18:46.589 vulnerable exchanges to actually mimic it in 00:18:46.589 --> 00:18:49.339 the therapy session where it's safe. If we don't 00:18:49.339 --> 00:18:51.859 do this for men, you're basically saying, hey, 00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:54.759 men, work on your feelings. Be better about expressing 00:18:54.759 --> 00:18:56.640 your feelings, right? Be comfortable with feelings. 00:18:56.980 --> 00:18:58.900 We're telling men to do all these things, but 00:18:58.900 --> 00:19:01.440 we're also not giving them the tools that will 00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:04.000 be most helpful for them to get there. And we 00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:06.000 don't have the tools because we don't have enough 00:19:06.000 --> 00:19:09.039 men in this field, okay? Again, I don't know 00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:12.039 exactly why the disparity exists. I do remember 00:19:12.039 --> 00:19:14.380 when I was an undergrad and I was a psych major. 00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:17.039 And I remember going to psych classes and I was 00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:18.519 like, oh, looking around, I was like, geez, it's 00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:23.099 like 80 % women. Right? That was pretty common. 00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:28.019 So I don't know what the deal is. I don't know 00:19:28.019 --> 00:19:31.579 why this is the case, but what I do know is that 00:19:31.579 --> 00:19:34.400 this disparity is doing a great deal of harm. 00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:37.319 Why? I've talked about this already, right? Like 00:19:37.319 --> 00:19:40.859 there's so much for men to work on with regards 00:19:40.859 --> 00:19:44.049 to... working through insecurities and all the 00:19:44.049 --> 00:19:46.970 bitch -ass shit that they need to work through, 00:19:47.109 --> 00:19:52.130 but you can't do it necessarily with just random 00:19:52.130 --> 00:19:54.730 people that you meet or with your friends if 00:19:54.730 --> 00:19:56.529 they're not equipped to deal with this kind of 00:19:56.529 --> 00:19:58.789 stuff. You're going to need a professional at 00:19:58.789 --> 00:20:01.589 some point. Well, if you can't find a professional, 00:20:01.730 --> 00:20:03.630 that's a problem, and it's not your fault if 00:20:03.630 --> 00:20:05.569 there are just not enough professionals available. 00:20:06.269 --> 00:20:08.509 This is a community issue. This is a collective 00:20:08.509 --> 00:20:11.440 issue. We need to figure out a way to... provide 00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:14.660 more of these spaces for men. By that, what I 00:20:14.660 --> 00:20:16.299 mean is we need more male therapists. Like, we 00:20:16.299 --> 00:20:19.019 need a lot more. It doesn't have to be 50 -50. 00:20:19.420 --> 00:20:21.799 We just need more options. We just need more 00:20:21.799 --> 00:20:23.940 of them so that it's not impossible for men to 00:20:23.940 --> 00:20:26.940 go ahead and seek out therapy. Right? I mean, 00:20:26.980 --> 00:20:29.519 I always tell, you know, guys, like, look, it's 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:31.799 a godsend to have a therapist you could turn 00:20:31.799 --> 00:20:34.720 to. But I also know that they're going to have 00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:37.420 a hard time finding a therapist because there's 00:20:37.420 --> 00:20:42.150 not a lot of men that are in this field. unfortunately. 00:20:42.150 --> 00:20:45.670 And again, these are not individual issues. I 00:20:45.670 --> 00:20:48.970 know good men who want to do what they can to 00:20:48.970 --> 00:20:51.109 help other men. There's something systemic going 00:20:51.109 --> 00:20:54.250 on. When there's this kind of disparity, it's 00:20:54.250 --> 00:20:56.750 a societal issue. It's not going to be fixed 00:20:56.750 --> 00:20:59.650 by a few people trying to do good work. It's 00:20:59.650 --> 00:21:02.190 going to have to be fixed collectively as a community. 00:21:03.029 --> 00:21:05.349 What I want to say is that if there are any men 00:21:05.349 --> 00:21:07.369 who are saying anything discouraging to other 00:21:07.369 --> 00:21:10.809 men who are entering into these fields, You need 00:21:10.809 --> 00:21:14.309 to shut the fuck up. At this point, we need to 00:21:14.309 --> 00:21:16.029 support each other. We need to encourage each 00:21:16.029 --> 00:21:18.890 other to get into these fields. And especially 00:21:18.890 --> 00:21:21.730 when they're trying to help other men, that's 00:21:21.730 --> 00:21:24.450 when we need to not get in their way. We need 00:21:24.450 --> 00:21:27.630 to not tease them about it. We need to admire, 00:21:27.950 --> 00:21:32.130 respect, push, encourage them to continue on 00:21:32.130 --> 00:21:34.970 and get into these fields. These fields are in 00:21:34.970 --> 00:21:38.089 dire need of men. For the sake of men. This is 00:21:38.089 --> 00:21:41.230 not for anybody else. This is for men. For boys 00:21:41.230 --> 00:21:44.890 and for men, we need people, we need men in these 00:21:44.890 --> 00:21:47.549 fields. We need to stand by them and find ways 00:21:47.549 --> 00:21:50.230 to encourage them to step up into these areas. 00:21:50.829 --> 00:21:56.210 I want to quickly return to this whole breadwinner 00:21:56.210 --> 00:22:00.329 issue. So men, again, not all men, but many men 00:22:00.329 --> 00:22:04.980 seem to take pride in being a provider. I personally 00:22:04.980 --> 00:22:08.279 have no problem with that in general. Nothing 00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:10.660 wrong with wanting to be a provider. Look, wanting 00:22:10.660 --> 00:22:12.420 to take care of the people that matter to you 00:22:12.420 --> 00:22:15.500 is not a bad thing. If anything, we should actually 00:22:15.500 --> 00:22:17.259 encourage it. We should praise it. We should, 00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:19.920 you know, people should take some, I think to 00:22:19.920 --> 00:22:24.200 some degree, some pride in it. That said, I do 00:22:24.200 --> 00:22:26.480 find that this idea of providing for those you 00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:29.700 care about becomes something more harmful to 00:22:29.700 --> 00:22:32.740 men when they make it some central part of their 00:22:32.740 --> 00:22:36.289 identity. Or they tie their being a provider 00:22:36.289 --> 00:22:40.630 strictly with their paycheck, right? There are 00:22:40.630 --> 00:22:43.950 many ways to be there for the people you love. 00:22:44.069 --> 00:22:48.049 And the people you love will want something from 00:22:48.049 --> 00:22:51.470 you and need something from you. And my guess 00:22:51.470 --> 00:22:54.630 is that it's not solely your finances, right? 00:22:54.710 --> 00:22:56.789 It's not strictly what you could provide in terms 00:22:56.789 --> 00:23:01.599 of your financial abilities. I'll admit, this 00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:05.359 is one way that I went awry myself and became 00:23:05.359 --> 00:23:08.619 more of a bitch. Let me just take my kid as an 00:23:08.619 --> 00:23:12.140 example, right? My kid could care less whether 00:23:12.140 --> 00:23:14.559 or not I'm able to buy her all the nicest things 00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:17.500 in the world. She might be sad if she doesn't 00:23:17.500 --> 00:23:20.319 get something that she wants, but her disappointment 00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:22.859 is something that she needs to learn to deal 00:23:22.859 --> 00:23:25.220 with. That's just part of growing up, learning 00:23:25.220 --> 00:23:27.519 how to deal with disappointments, right? It's 00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:30.480 not an indictment on me as a father or as a man 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:34.400 that I do not get her everything that she wants. 00:23:34.440 --> 00:23:36.339 In fact, that would make me a horrible father 00:23:36.339 --> 00:23:38.579 if I just gave her whatever it is that she wanted. 00:23:38.920 --> 00:23:42.779 See, what I didn't realize early and had to really 00:23:42.779 --> 00:23:46.220 reflect on to understand is that my kid cares 00:23:46.220 --> 00:23:50.160 not that I get her stuff, but rather that I'm 00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:53.140 present with her. Not physically, but I mean 00:23:53.140 --> 00:23:57.130 cognitively and emotionally. like there and present 00:23:57.130 --> 00:23:59.809 with her. When I spent time with her, what mattered 00:23:59.809 --> 00:24:02.809 was that I saw her and I listened to her. You 00:24:02.809 --> 00:24:06.230 know, I was there and entered into the world 00:24:06.230 --> 00:24:09.329 that she was in and took the effort to really 00:24:09.329 --> 00:24:11.190 understand what it is that she was going through 00:24:11.190 --> 00:24:13.349 and knowing that she's still a child, right? 00:24:13.710 --> 00:24:16.630 I remember focusing so much on work and making 00:24:16.630 --> 00:24:19.390 a living and making sure that I didn't get fired 00:24:19.390 --> 00:24:24.119 that mentally... My mind was on work when I was 00:24:24.119 --> 00:24:26.099 spending time with her, right? So, like, physically 00:24:26.099 --> 00:24:29.119 I might be there with her, but my mind was elsewhere. 00:24:29.180 --> 00:24:31.460 And she definitely picks up on it, right? She 00:24:31.460 --> 00:24:34.220 could tell when I wasn't engaged and when I wasn't 00:24:34.220 --> 00:24:36.220 listening. You know, she would say something, 00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:38.140 and then I would respond in a way that clearly 00:24:38.140 --> 00:24:41.079 told her, like, I did not understand. I didn't 00:24:41.079 --> 00:24:42.960 listen. I didn't attend to what it is that she 00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:46.799 was actually saying, right? My mind was on finances, 00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:49.960 on health insurance, on taxes, and all this other 00:24:49.960 --> 00:24:52.490 stuff. Does that mean that it doesn't matter 00:24:52.490 --> 00:24:55.289 whether or not I do a good job at work or bring 00:24:55.289 --> 00:24:58.009 home a steady paycheck? No, of course that matters, 00:24:58.170 --> 00:25:00.950 right? But my point is that it didn't matter 00:25:00.950 --> 00:25:04.829 to my kid. It didn't matter to my then wife. 00:25:05.250 --> 00:25:08.630 It didn't matter because money was just a means 00:25:08.630 --> 00:25:11.630 to ensure that we can do the things that we actually 00:25:11.630 --> 00:25:13.950 wanted to, right? And for them, what mattered 00:25:13.950 --> 00:25:15.890 was that we spent quality time together, that 00:25:15.890 --> 00:25:18.750 when we were spending time together, that... 00:25:19.180 --> 00:25:21.700 You know, we were actually engaged with one another, 00:25:21.799 --> 00:25:24.380 connecting with one another, forming just wonderful 00:25:24.380 --> 00:25:26.579 memories together. Right. That's what mattered. 00:25:26.740 --> 00:25:28.640 Right. The relational side of it. That's what 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:31.299 mattered. Right. No one was expecting me to buy, 00:25:31.500 --> 00:25:33.980 you know, really nice, expensive stuff or to 00:25:33.980 --> 00:25:36.839 ensure that we got like a big giant house. Right. 00:25:36.940 --> 00:25:39.220 Or to go on some fancy vacations like that didn't 00:25:39.220 --> 00:25:41.019 matter. We could have worked around all of that, 00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:43.519 given how much, you know, means we had. What 00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:45.940 mattered was that when we did spend time together. 00:25:46.650 --> 00:25:49.710 in our day -to -day lives that I was present 00:25:49.710 --> 00:25:54.369 and there for them for whatever else it is that 00:25:54.369 --> 00:25:57.130 they needed, like emotional support or to form 00:25:57.130 --> 00:25:59.289 these memories or to just enjoy life together, 00:25:59.529 --> 00:26:02.789 right? And what I think men often lose sight 00:26:02.789 --> 00:26:05.789 of is the fact that work, money, earning potential, 00:26:06.009 --> 00:26:09.549 all this can serve some good in your ability 00:26:09.549 --> 00:26:13.109 to care for others. But we need to look hard 00:26:13.109 --> 00:26:16.170 in the mirror and start asking, Who this is all 00:26:16.170 --> 00:26:19.910 really for. If you really have your priorities 00:26:19.910 --> 00:26:23.130 straight and work and money is just a means to 00:26:23.130 --> 00:26:25.450 an end, right, with the primary goal that you 00:26:25.450 --> 00:26:28.509 be there for the ones you love, if you are really 00:26:28.509 --> 00:26:31.289 aiming to be a provider in the fullest sense, 00:26:31.450 --> 00:26:35.910 right, I have news for you. The people you love 00:26:35.910 --> 00:26:38.950 want you, not your money, right? If you have 00:26:38.950 --> 00:26:40.390 a genuine relationship, if you have people who 00:26:40.390 --> 00:26:42.920 actually care about you, What they want is you. 00:26:43.059 --> 00:26:45.039 They don't want your money. They don't want your 00:26:45.039 --> 00:26:48.599 job title. They like all those things because 00:26:48.599 --> 00:26:52.180 it helps for them to develop something with you, 00:26:52.240 --> 00:26:53.759 right? When you're not under financial strain, 00:26:53.980 --> 00:26:56.619 it allows you to free your mind so that you could 00:26:56.619 --> 00:26:59.180 actually focus on your relationships and experience 00:26:59.180 --> 00:27:01.660 with each other and so on, right? But at the 00:27:01.660 --> 00:27:04.059 end of the day, the final goal that they have, 00:27:04.220 --> 00:27:07.259 they truly love you, is that they want you, the 00:27:07.259 --> 00:27:10.769 person, right? If your pursuit of money or job 00:27:10.769 --> 00:27:13.769 title doesn't align with what the people who 00:27:13.769 --> 00:27:16.529 love you want from you, then you're going to 00:27:16.529 --> 00:27:18.369 have to ask yourself whether you're actually 00:27:18.369 --> 00:27:21.630 doing this for them or for yourself. Because 00:27:21.630 --> 00:27:24.089 I'll tell you this, it's probably not for them. 00:27:24.329 --> 00:27:27.609 If they're not asking for it, then it's not really 00:27:27.609 --> 00:27:30.950 for them. It seems like it has more to do with 00:27:30.950 --> 00:27:34.019 you, right? I don't know what it is, right? Maybe 00:27:34.019 --> 00:27:36.339 you're insecure about your job status and maybe 00:27:36.339 --> 00:27:37.500 you have good reason for it. Like maybe you've 00:27:37.500 --> 00:27:39.779 gotten fired in the past. And so that, you know, 00:27:39.779 --> 00:27:42.279 was a traumatic experience. It was really stressful 00:27:42.279 --> 00:27:44.660 and you didn't want to ever experience that again. 00:27:44.740 --> 00:27:47.119 So you poured yourself into work or maybe you 00:27:47.119 --> 00:27:49.859 want power or recognition, right? Maybe you didn't 00:27:49.859 --> 00:27:51.880 get enough of that at some point. And then, so 00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:54.180 you want to feel like you're the shit. I don't 00:27:54.180 --> 00:27:56.839 know. Or maybe you're like me and grew up without 00:27:56.839 --> 00:27:58.819 money. So money represents for you security, 00:27:59.099 --> 00:28:01.740 right? So for me, it was a lot of anxiety when 00:28:01.740 --> 00:28:03.539 I didn't have what I thought was enough money. 00:28:03.980 --> 00:28:06.000 So maybe it's something like that for you. But 00:28:06.000 --> 00:28:08.960 notice that all of this, all of this is then 00:28:08.960 --> 00:28:11.000 for you, right? It's to address your own anxiety. 00:28:11.200 --> 00:28:13.099 It's to address your own insecurities. It's to 00:28:13.099 --> 00:28:15.539 address something that you feel missing in your 00:28:15.539 --> 00:28:19.019 life. And now you're using money and work as 00:28:19.019 --> 00:28:21.299 a way to not address the deeper issues that are 00:28:21.299 --> 00:28:26.250 plaguing you. but rather you're doing it to avoid 00:28:26.250 --> 00:28:32.049 the core issues and instead you twist it into 00:28:32.049 --> 00:28:35.890 something about you needing to do this for other 00:28:35.890 --> 00:28:39.650 people when in reality it's you not addressing 00:28:39.650 --> 00:28:43.529 whatever is going on with you, right? And again, 00:28:43.569 --> 00:28:45.589 because you're avoiding addressing the core issues 00:28:45.589 --> 00:28:48.509 like your insecurities and your anxieties, you're 00:28:48.509 --> 00:28:52.210 being a bitch, right? All I'm saying is this. 00:28:53.160 --> 00:28:55.740 If you claim that you work hard and want to be 00:28:55.740 --> 00:28:57.940 a breadwinner, to be a provider for your friends 00:28:57.940 --> 00:29:00.599 and family, for your loved ones, then you better 00:29:00.599 --> 00:29:02.900 make damn sure that it's actually about them 00:29:02.900 --> 00:29:07.000 and not about you. The truth is, if you cared 00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:09.279 about just being there for the ones you love, 00:29:09.359 --> 00:29:11.779 if you care about being a provider, of being 00:29:11.779 --> 00:29:14.680 a good caretaker, of being somebody who's reliable, 00:29:14.980 --> 00:29:19.380 being somebody who others can lean on, If it's 00:29:19.380 --> 00:29:21.400 really about them and being the kind of person 00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:23.900 that could support the people around you, right, 00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:26.480 then whether or not you're the breadwinner, that 00:29:26.480 --> 00:29:29.440 shouldn't be your primary concern. It could be 00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:32.099 a part of your concern, right, to want to contribute 00:29:32.099 --> 00:29:35.900 in some way possible. But if your partner is 00:29:35.900 --> 00:29:38.680 able to earn more and it doesn't affect the relationship 00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:40.680 because you're not being a bitch about it, right, 00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:44.700 then you can find ways to contribute to your 00:29:44.700 --> 00:29:47.799 loved ones, right? that doesn't necessarily involve 00:29:47.799 --> 00:29:51.359 being the breadwinner, right? It's like you lost 00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:54.880 focus of what actually mattered. If what mattered 00:29:54.880 --> 00:29:58.039 to you was caring for the people you love, there 00:29:58.039 --> 00:30:00.500 are a lot of ways of doing it. It doesn't necessarily 00:30:00.500 --> 00:30:04.160 have to be by being the main income earner, right? 00:30:04.359 --> 00:30:06.480 I mentioned my friend who was a stay -at -home 00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:10.319 dad. That man is no bitch, right? He is doing 00:30:10.319 --> 00:30:13.339 his part in caring for the people he loves. The 00:30:13.339 --> 00:30:15.920 situation that he happens to be in is just one 00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:18.460 in which it makes more financial sense for his 00:30:18.460 --> 00:30:21.180 partner to, you know, go ahead and work, to earn 00:30:21.180 --> 00:30:23.680 the large portion of the income, and for him 00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:25.680 to spend the rest of the time, because especially 00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:27.140 given, you know, if you live in California, you 00:30:27.140 --> 00:30:28.920 know this, right? Given how expensive childcare 00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:32.519 costs are, right? Given how young their kids 00:30:32.519 --> 00:30:35.200 are, right? It makes much more sense for him 00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:38.950 to go ahead and be the primary childcare. Right. 00:30:38.970 --> 00:30:40.869 Provider. Right. Like to be the one to take care 00:30:40.869 --> 00:30:43.410 of the kids, to send them off to daycare, to 00:30:43.410 --> 00:30:45.829 go ahead and make sure that they, you know, are 00:30:45.829 --> 00:30:48.710 getting all the things they need in order and 00:30:48.710 --> 00:30:51.089 preparing for the next stage, getting them registered 00:30:51.089 --> 00:30:52.970 in schools, yada, yada, like all the things that 00:30:52.970 --> 00:30:55.549 come with taking care of kids. It just made more 00:30:55.549 --> 00:30:58.009 sense in his situation to provide in that way. 00:30:58.269 --> 00:31:02.009 Right. He isn't he isn't insecure about it. No 00:31:02.009 --> 00:31:04.660 one gives him shit about it. Right. In fact, 00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:06.700 it's weird because none of the other men in his 00:31:06.700 --> 00:31:09.960 life seem to look down on him at all, right? 00:31:10.259 --> 00:31:14.160 And he doesn't seem to feel less of a man. And 00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:16.460 he doesn't need to feel that way because he finds 00:31:16.460 --> 00:31:19.480 joy in doing the thing that he loves and being 00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:21.680 there for the people that are really depending 00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:25.079 on him. That's what a real man looks like. At 00:31:25.079 --> 00:31:28.700 the end of the day, I think that men want more 00:31:28.700 --> 00:31:31.500 than anything to be useful, productive, valued 00:31:31.500 --> 00:31:35.450 members of society. We collectively need to fight 00:31:35.450 --> 00:31:38.289 to put men in positions where they can be just 00:31:38.289 --> 00:31:41.549 that. The last thing we want to do is to discourage 00:31:41.549 --> 00:31:44.309 men from entering into these professions because 00:31:44.309 --> 00:31:46.569 by calling them or giving them the impression 00:31:46.569 --> 00:31:49.730 that it's not man's work. There's no gender role 00:31:49.730 --> 00:31:52.730 when it comes to profession. It's either you 00:31:52.730 --> 00:31:55.569 can do the job or you can't do the job. It's 00:31:55.569 --> 00:31:58.779 one or the other, right? And I hope you agree 00:31:58.779 --> 00:32:01.140 with me that there are a lot of professions that 00:32:01.140 --> 00:32:04.359 are seen as women's jobs that we need to encourage 00:32:04.359 --> 00:32:08.599 men to enter. It's not for themselves. It's for 00:32:08.599 --> 00:32:10.759 the sake of the entire community. It's for the 00:32:10.759 --> 00:32:14.160 sake of all the boys and men who are in need 00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:17.819 of these sorts of services from other men. It 00:32:17.819 --> 00:32:20.299 makes a difference. I don't know what it'll take, 00:32:20.440 --> 00:32:23.579 okay? What kind of incentive or social awareness 00:32:23.579 --> 00:32:26.519 or whatever else we need to promote. If somebody 00:32:26.519 --> 00:32:28.980 comes up with some good ideas, I know I've heard 00:32:28.980 --> 00:32:31.940 some floating around, I will support it. I will 00:32:31.940 --> 00:32:34.799 push for it. But what should be clear is that 00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:37.099 we in the least should be encouraging men into 00:32:37.099 --> 00:32:40.400 entering into these fields. So this is an open 00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:42.740 invitation. Please, men, consider these fields. 00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:46.140 You are sorely needed to make a real difference 00:32:46.140 --> 00:32:48.619 in the world. You are not a bitch for taking 00:32:48.619 --> 00:32:51.880 on these jobs. It's the exact opposite. The people 00:32:51.880 --> 00:32:53.740 discouraging you from going into these fields, 00:32:53.819 --> 00:32:56.730 they're the bitches. You're rather someone who 00:32:56.730 --> 00:32:59.170 should be respected and looked up to for taking 00:32:59.170 --> 00:33:02.049 on this burdensome task of supporting boys and 00:33:02.049 --> 00:33:05.009 men in these ways. You're doing something that 00:33:05.009 --> 00:33:07.470 few other men are doing, but something that men 00:33:07.470 --> 00:33:10.150 truly, truly need. And I can't think of anything 00:33:10.150 --> 00:33:12.430 nobler. So much respect to you.